TDC2: Total Drama Battlegrounds
by The Kobold Necromancer
Summary: Sequel to "Total Drama Comeback." Back from the dead, with 33% more pony! With forty-four contestants this season, veterans and originals, it makes for one crowded, wild ride! As the contestants are stuck on an RV road trip, the drama comes to a fervent pitch, as well as the conclusion to the love triangle of Anita-Cody-Eva.
1. Ch 1, Pt 1: The Forty Four Contestants

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. Not even the walking, and don't talk like they do. And quit smiling, I see you smiling.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Warning** - Don't let your expectations get too high, please! I'll do my best! \salutes\ Also, updates on my profile and new poll!

**Pairings** - **Trent**/**Gwen**, **Bridgette**/**Geoff**, **Harold**/**Leshawna**, **Courtney**/**Duncan**, **Tyler**/**Lindsay**, **Katie**/**Noah**, and **Justin**/**Beth**. More upcoming, but they are surprises.

A Love Triangle involves **Eva**/**Cody**/**Anita** (OC). Love Square, as I call it, put the following at odds: **Owen**/**Izzy**/**Ezekiel**/**Heather**.

As far as the original characters, their love interests will be revealed eventually.

**Rating** - This is seriously rated T. It contains violence, all cartoonish and some harsh. There will be bad language, though nothing too serious. Romance, sexual innuendoes, and other yicky stuff like that will be rampant. Sad moments, over-the-top happiness, love and strife, and an abundance of cultist jokes.

**Time Setting** - Six months after Total Drama Comeback ended.

And now for something completely different... the beginning!

* * *

**Chapter 1** - Name Memorization Is Gonna Hurt

* * *

Chris Maclean stood on a platform, one that was in the middle of a very large, oval stadium. He was grinning happily, despite the fact that there were no people in the hundreds of thousands of stands; one would think that Chris would not be happy with no attention.

"Welcome to Total Drama Battlegrounds," he said to the camera. "Our third season promises to have more action, laughs, and gut-bustingly funny, painful moments! We have forty-four young people who are going to anxiously compete!

"But what exactly are they competing for, since I so cruelly and wonderfully left you hanging last season?" the host clapped his hands, as if congratulating himself on this. "Well, I'm happy to tell you that this time around, it's a lot more than Izzy and Bridgette earned last time!

"This time around, two of the contestants will win, individually, _five million dollars_! That's right, what an incredible amount! We figured with such a huge amount of money, we'll see more back stabbings, breakups, and betrayal; those are three B's of good TV, you know!"

Chris Maclean looked over at an entrance on the left side of the stadium wall. "Our contestants will be arriving shortly, and soon, we'll start up the festivities! We have virtual reality battles, long races, and loads of interesting and dangerous challenges for our contestants!"

Chef Hatchet walked onto the platform. The large man was still dressed in his apron and little chef's hat, exactly like he had been six months ago and throughout the first two seasons; one has to wonder if that's all he ever wears.

"Chris, the fresh meat is not ready," he said to the host.

"You actually prepared fresh meat for our contestants? Chef my man, are you going soft?"

"No, pretty boy! I mean the new contestants! The crew over where they are said they're having technical difficulties!"

Chris quirked an eyebrow. "But they have Joel. Aw man, they were supposed to come first..."

He popped open a cell phone, and speed-dialed a number. "Yeah, Maclean here. Send in the old school kids first, the newbies are having trouble. I know they have Joel there, but that's just what Chef told me. Blame him."

"Hey! Why blame me?" Chef shouted indignantly as Chris hung up the phone.

"While we're waiting for our original contestants to show up," the host continued, ignoring the fuming cook, "I'd like to point out again that we have forty-four contestants! We have prepared rooms of four, and this time," he clicked his tongue as his grin grew, "they are going to be coed."

"Is that legal?" Chef Hatchet asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"In some places, I think it is. Hey, if I'm allowed to torture them, I'm allowed to make them sleep together."

"What a way to put it."

"I know, that'll get censored for sure when this broadcasts in America," Chris said, then muttered under his breath, "What dickweeds."

Chef Hatchet chuckled, then looked over at the left entrance. "So, that where they coming from?"

"No, that's where the newbies are coming from. The oldies come in the right side."

And sure enough, a large truck came from the right entrance. The truck was mostly large because it was jacked up rather high. This made the door level with the platform when the vehicle turned around and pulled up next to it passenger-side.

"And our first contestant of the old schoolers is...," Chris announced, holding up his hand. The person in mention tripped on his seat belt and landed face first on the platform. "Tyler!"

"Ow," the jock grumbled as he picked himself up. "I was trying to jump out and pose, and the stupid seat belt got tangled with my foot..."

"Don't disgrace the seat belt, it might save your life one day," the host chastised him. "Well, Tyler, good to have you back, and great to see you are gonna be in your slick, red duds!"

"Glad to be back too, and this time, I'm going all the way," Tyler roared, pumping his fists in the air.

The next truck pulled up, and the passenger door hit Tyler in the back, sending him sprawling. Sadie jumped out, giggling to herself.

"Sadie! Um," Chris stammered as he looked around for someone who was supposed to be attached to Sadie's hip. "Where's Katie?"

"Oh, I let her and Noah ride together in the next truck," she replied, still giggling. "Give 'em a couple minutes of peace before the cameras are on them."

"How nice of you," Tyler remarked as he stood up and quickly headed for the right side of the platform.

Sure enough, Katie and Noah both came out of the next truck. Both were trying to look sophisticated, but her hair was disheveled and both of their clothes were a mess.

"You got a hickey on your neck there, Noah," Tyler said. When Noah's hands flew to the spot he pointed at, he burst out laughing. "You fell for it!"

"Oh ha ha, very funny," Noah grumbled as Tyler continued to laugh. "Sheesh. Jocks."

As Katie began to tell Sadie everyone that happened on the ride, a fourth truck pulled up. Geoff leapt out of the window, bounced off his hands, and landed on his feet next to Chris Maclean. "What's happening, dudes?"

"There's my favorite party man," Chris declared as he exchanged a high-five with Geoff. "Excited?"

"You bet," he exclaimed, and let out a 'woohoo' that made most of those around him cover their ears.

"What overwhelming preposterousness," Noah remarked. When Katie looked at him confused, he translated, "Loud weirdo."

The next truck that pulled up left Courtney on the platform. The CIT was ignoring Chris and the contestants, and looking at the departing truck, which was swaying unnaturally.

"Chris, I think my driver was drunk," she said, frowning at the host.

"Now c'mon, Courtney, we hire people who are very dedicated to their work," Chris said, shrugging his shoulders. "You were probably imagining things."

"I'm sure he had a few, he didn't smell good..."

Courtney walked over to the others. Tyler frowned in disgust and stepped away from her, while Geoff waved cheerfully. She was looking for someone, and she saw he wasn't there, she sighed and waited.

Next came Gwen, who was straightening out her hair with a few licks of spit. The goth girl chose to ignore Chris Maclean completely. Instead, she exchanged a fist bump with Geoff.

"Back for another round of hell," she remarked, secretly pleased with how upset Chris looked over being ignored. "I just hope things aren't as dramatic when we get near the end."

"You speak as if you know you're going to make it all the way to the end," Courtney remarked, narrowing her eyes at her. "What, you think because you always do well, you're going to be in the finals again?"

Gwen glared at Courtney, then smirked unfriendly-like. "Whatever, CIT girl. I wouldn't act superior if I were you."

"Yeah," Tyler spoke up, "you made a lot of enemies last season."

Before Courtney could reply, one of said enemies came out of the next truck.

"Leshawna's in the da house, baby," the loud sister declared as she hopped out.

She and Gwen high-fived, then hugged. "Always cool to have the cool sister around," Gwen said, grinning at her friend.

"You know it, baby!"

"Okay okay okay," Chris Maclean shouted, standing in-between the teenagers and the camera. "You have officially taken too much of my camera time! If you don't mind, I'm gonna go back to announcing."

"Whatever, white boy," Leshawna and Gwen said in unison, then burst out laughing. Noah gave them a little golf clap for their performance.

The next truck pulled up a little too close to the platform, and the horrible screeching noise made everyone wince. A very concerned Justin stepped out, glancing back at the driver before shutting the door.

"Chris, I think that guy had one too many," Justin said as the truck drove off.

"See? See?!" Courtney shouted, waving her hands around.

"Maybe those guys had a rough day," the host guessed, then he smiled at the male model. "Glad to see your handsome face back here, Justin my man!"

"I know you are," he replied. He grinned at the crowd of the teenagers, which caused all the girls, even those taken, to swoon.

Justin would have kept it up, because he loved having that effect on girls, but Noah was taking an invisible arrow from an invisible quiver, and notching it, pointing the invisible bow at Justin's chest.

"Keep it up, Anti-Me," Noah growled, "I dare ya."

"Um well," he stammered, "when is Beth going to get here?"

"They'll all come in due time," the host assured him.

As Justin joined the others, trying to be casual now, the next truck arrived with the next contestant. Eva come out, looking as unhappy as ever.

"Eva, good to have you here again," the host said. "Missed your smiling face."

"That supposed to be funny?" she grumbled before heading over to the others.

"Aren't you excited, Eva?" Katie squealed as she grabbed Eva's left shoulder, surprising the fitness buff. "We have a chance to win five million dollars!"

"Katie and I could open our own clothing line with that kind of money," Sadie exclaimed as she grabbed Eva's other shoulder. "Wouldn't that be awesome?"

"Would you buy something from our clothing line, Eva?"

"Would you? Huh huh huh?"

Eva, at a loss for words, looked over at Noah for help. He shrugged and gave her a "you're on your own" smile.

Owen was the next to arrive. The big guy looked all around the stadium with wide eyes, looking like a kid in a candy store (or just him in a candy store, it'd have the same effect).

"Chris," he asked after a few seconds of studying, "why are all the stands empty?"

"I was about to ask the same thing," Tyler remarked. "Shouldn't we have a crowd or something?"

"This an abandoned stadium or something?" Leshawna asked.

"It's actually a brand-new stadium," the host said, grinning widely, "and the producers were more than happy to name it after a very special someone."

"Oh boy," Gwen groaned, "why do I think I know who that 'very special someone' is?"

"That's right, you are all in the Maclean Stadium," Chris proudly declared, "and don't worry about the crowd. We'll do something about that."

"Woohoo, the brand-new Maclean Stadium," Owen shouted happily. "How awesome is that, it's like I'm part of history!"

"Don't encourage him," Leshawna said to the large boy, "you'll over-inflate his already over-inflated ego."

Beth was the next to arrive. She had to jump from her truck, as the driver hadn't pulled up close enough. Justin was there to help balance her, making sure she didn't topple over the side.

"Hello, Beth," Chris called out to her.

"Hi, Chris," she replied, grinning. Her pearly white teeth sparkled in the light.

"Glad to see that pair of teeth that somehow has more shine than mine," Justin joked, hugging Beth.

"Oh, is that all you missed?" she teased.

As the reunited couple continued to talk, some of the others dating someone else were starting to feel a bit lonely. Geoff looked the most anxious, and Gwen noticed he was puckering his lips, as if in anticipation.

"Miss Bridgette much?" she asked him, chuckling.

"How can you tell?" he asked as he smacked his lips.

As Gwen continued to laugh, the next truck pulled up. Most people were a little surprised when _both_ Trent and Bridgette came out, but Geoff and Gwen were quite startled.

"Hi, guys," Bridgette called out, then glomp-hugged her boyfriend. "Hi, Geoff!"

She kissed his face, but he was a little too surprised to kiss back at first. When Trent approached Gwen, he noticed her apprehension.

"Um, I know that you two are just friends and all," Gwen started, nervously stroking her arm. "But why were you two in the same truck?"

"Yeah, do they not have enough trucks?" Geoff asked.

"Oh, um," Bridgette stammered, her face becoming slightly pink. "You all know how my mom was starting to date an accountant back in last season?"

"Yeah?" Geoff, Gwen, and several of the other contestants asked; Bridgette had talked about that a lot.

"Well," the surfer girl looked over at Trent, then chuckled nervously.

"That man turned out to be my dad," he said, shrugging nonchalantly.

The others exploded in a plethora of questions, laughs, and congratulations. Gwen shouted at Trent, "Why didn't you tell me, you big jerk?" though she was smiling happily as she said it.

As the chaos of questions and laughter continued, the next truck pulled up, and a green-and-orange blur sprang out. The human blur stopped to observe all the chatter and fake punching, and she grinned.

"I arrived at the right party," Izzy cheered, pumping her fists in the air. "Looks like my last family reunion!"

She began a series of glomps, tackling Bridgette, Leshawna, Noah, and finally Owen. She perched on top of him, and giggled. "Hiyas, honey."

"Hello, my redheaded beauty," he purred right back.

"Now, where is my Zeke?" she asked, looking around. "Is he here yet?"

"No, not yet," Chris said, who was still a little surprised by Izzy's sudden appearance during the frantic talking.

Another truck pulled up, and Izzy held her breath. It came out a seething hiss when the new contestant turned out to be Heather.

"And here's our reformed puppet master," Chris declared, clapping.

Heather glared at him, then looked over at the contestants. Not able to see anyone that she liked (and there really only was one), she sighed in frustration and walked over towards them, avoiding Gwen, Leshawna, and Bridgette.

"Looking for Ezekiel, eh?" Tyler asked her teasingly.

"Oh, get bent," she replied, but her face became slightly pink at the thought of her boyfriend.

"Oh man, you two are still together?" Gwen said, frowning. "I was hoping he would grow some sense in-between seasons."

"Shut up, weird goth girl," Heather grumbled, looking away uncharacteristically.

Before anyone else could taunt the queen bee, the next truck pulled up. DJ hopped out, holding Bunny in his hands.

"It's our gentle giant DJ and his little pal Bunny," Chris announced, throwing his hands up in celebration. "Great to see the both of you."

"You sure it's a good idea to bring him into the competition?" Sadie asked.

"Oh, he'll be fine, he'll be in my room most of the time," he answered her, patting the little creature's (Bunny's) head.

"When are you going to put him in a pot and eat him?" Eva asked, rolling her eyes.

Bunny squeaked in terror and pressed against DJ's chest. DJ himself cringed and held the furry being close to him, starting to shake. "Jeez, I was just kidding," the fitness buff said, rolling her eyes.

DJ chose to hide behind Owen, away from Eva. The fitness buff could feel people scowling at her, and she mentally sighed. This was not a good start for her.

The next truck pulled up, and out popped Cody. He strutted over to Chris and high-fived the host.

"Well Cody," Chris said, "do you think you'll get a girlfriend this time?"

"You can put money on that, Chris my man!"

As Cody walked over to the others, the host said under his breath, "I already have." Cody didn't hear this, as he said hello to his friends, including Beth and Gwen.

He stopped in front of Eva, and winked at her. "Looking good, Eva. I can see you've been training for this season."

"Huh?" was Eva's startled reply. When the tech-geek walked away, she turned her face away, in the hope no one could see the faint blush on her face.

Duncan was the next to arrive. He slammed the door shut, and furiously stomped over to the others, a dark scowl on his face.

"Something wrong, Duncan?" Chris asked him.

"Your stupid driver had one too many, and we played pinball throughout the tunnel," he snarled.

"You too?" Courtney exclaimed, then she scowled at Chris. "Where did you hire these drivers, Chris, at a bar?"

Chris shook his head and shrugged. Courtney groaned at the lack of communication, when she was suddenly seized by a pair of strong arms. "I know what could cheer me up, though," Duncan whispered in her ear.

"Duncan, eww," she declared, feebly trying to push him away. "Not in front of our friends, and not on the first day!"

"Making out makes for great TV, Princess," Duncan purred, wiggling his unibrow.

"My man Duncan, you are so right," Geoff shouted happily. "Here, Courtney, let's show you!"

The party animal swept Bridgette into his arms and started kissing her passionately. Bridgette was startled for about one second before she started kissing back.

"Aww, love," Chris cooed. "Or, more specifically, hormones."

The next contestant to arrive was someone who definitely did get boys' hormones going. Lindsay, glammed up like always, stepped off the truck, waving good-bye to her truck driver chauffeur.

"Good-bye, mister," she called back, "try to drink some coffee, that helps my sister when she's had a little too much to drink!"

"Lindsay," Chris called out to her, waving.

"Clip, hi," she said happily, running up and hugging the host.

"Nice to see you too. But it's _Chris_, Lindsay."

" 'Criss Lindsay'? That's a really cool name!"

She walked over to the contestants, smiling and waving, leaving behind a frustrated host. Though after a couple seconds of thinking, he rubbed his chin and mused, "Criss Maclean? Hmm, not bad..."

Lindsay and Tyler snuggled up while the next truck came driving up. Everyone was shocked to see Harold was standing in the back of the truck! He was pumping a fist into the air, shouting out in exhilaration.

"Harold," Leshawna shouted at him when the truck pulled up to the platform. "What were you thinking? Don't you know how dangerous that is?"

"Well, it was safer to ride back here than in the passenger seat, my chocolate Goddess," Harold said as he hopped out of the back. "That drunken idiot was puking all over the seats. And that was before the ride even started, gosh!"

Leshawna glared back at Chris. "You have a real morale problem, Maclean, if these drivers of yours are all getting sloshed!"

"Look, it was only a couple," the host declared, holding up his hands. "C'mon, Harold, surely you're exaggerating."

"The guy had three cup holders," Harold mimed out the size of the cup holders, "and he had a shot glass, a mug, and a liter-sized cup full of booze. Gosh, it stank in there!"

"You all exaggerate," Chris remarked, waving his hand. "I'm sure it's not that bad, I do actually pay these people."

"Feh. Not much," Chef scoffed, earning a glare from Chris. "Well, let's just ask the last, stinkin' contestant what his driver was like."

"I believe we will!"

The last truck came swerving out of the entrance tunnel, almost hitting the stadium walls. The vehicle then crashed passenger-side into the platform, and the door swung open. A screaming Ezekiel was thrown out, slamming into the platform.

"Zekey," Izzy screamed, and rushed over to help her friend. She and Heather reached him at the same time, and when both tried to help him up, they started slap-fighting over who had the right to pick him up.

As they fought, Bridgette helped Ezekiel to his feet. "Oh, it was horrible," he cried, clinging to her for support, as his legs were practically jelly. "He was drunk 'oot of his mind, and he kept saying how he wanted to wrap the truck around a pole to end his miserable life, and every time he reached for his drink, he took his eyes off the road!"

Most of the campers and Chef were staring at Chris now, and the host scratched the back of his head. "Um, well, maybe I'll give them a bit of a raise or something."

Heather stood near Bridgette and Ezekiel, glaring at the surfer girl. "Could you please let go of my boyfriend now?" she requested.

Bridgette almost cringed when she called him her 'boyfriend.' "All right, but you're going to have to hold onto him."

"I can do that," she snapped, and pulled Ezekiel to her. However, she misjudged how heavy the terrified prairie boy was, and they fell over. He landed on her, and this seemed to snap him out of his state of terror.

"Oh hi, Heather," he said, smiling happily. "Did you miss me, eh?"

She groaned. "I'd miss you more if you'd get off me, Ezekiel."

Geoff laughed. "No way, Heather, that's some of the most fun you as a couple can have!"

"Well, it seems we have all twenty-two of our original contestants," Chris said as Heather and Ezekiel stood up. The host pulled out a cell phone and speed-dialed another number. "Hello? Yeah, you ready? Good, glad to know you all got the trucks fixed.

"... Wait, what do you mean Joel had to do all the work? What about the mechanics, why didn't they help?" he asked, then slapped his forehead. "Ugh, maybe I really should pay these people more. Anyway, make sure most of the drivers are sober, or tipsy if you can manage that."

"How comforting," Leshawna muttered.

"Well folks," Chris cheerfully said as he closed his cell phone, "it's time to meet your new competitors! Excited? They could be your future friends, enemies, maybe even lovers or blood rivals!"

"I'll stick to tolerable," Gwen said.

The first truck to come out of the left tunnel was fast but steady, so it was a safe bet this driver was actually sober. Out stepped Hannah, the religious girl from the audition tapes.

"Here's our first of the rookies to Total Drama, it's Hannah," Chris announced. He walked over to her and patted her shoulder. "Doing all right, our Christian gal?"

The blond girl was trying to straighten herself out, rearranging her white blouse and blue skirt. When she pulled up her skirt slightly to arrange her socks, Tyler and a few others noticed she was wearing sports shoes.

"They kind of jostled me into the truck," Hannah admitted as she threw her hair back, soothing out the stray strands. "Something about getting everyone out here before the commercial break?"

"Yep, that was very professional of them," Chris said. He tapped the golden cross she had around her neck and added, "Now, remember what we told you, our producer's request?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, I haven't forgotten."

"Good. Now then, just remember to be tolerant of others' beliefs, and I'm sure we'll all get along fine."

Hannah smiled at this, especially when she saw all of the original contestants looking at her. Waving at them, she cheerfully said, "I have no worries about that. I'm sure everyone will be perfectly fine, Chris."

The next truck came barreling out of the tunnel, tires squealing and startling everyone. The vehicle rammed the platform, jarring everyone and knocking a few off their feet. Someone came shooting through the windshield, crashing onto the platform with a blizzard of windshield shards flying around.

"Dear God in Heaven," Hannah exclaimed, something strong for her to say but fitting the occasion. She and Beth were at the fallen teenager's side. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

Both girls were startled when the boy sat up, whooping in joy and pumping his fists. "Did you see that?" he shouted. "That was awesome! Oh man, can I do it again?"

"This must be Alfred," Chris remarked, raising an eyebrow. "As if his shirt wasn't obvious enough?"

The USA flag icon on Alfred's white shirt was a little dirty from the crash, as well as his red jacket, blue pants, and even his blue baseball cap. The gonzo boy giggled and stood up, still a little wobbly.

"Did anyone see how far I flew?" he asked, looking between Hannah and Beth. "It was so groovy, and... and... man, am I excited to be here! Aren't you guys?

"I mean, I never watched the show beforehand, but I heard it was wild! I was so excited to be here, I couldn't sleep last night, so I had about eight energy drinks to keep myself awake for now..."

The American teenager locked up, as if paralyzed. "Oh no," he whimpered, "caffeine crash."

He fell down, and, sprawled out on the floor of the platform, started to snore immediately after lying down. People stared at him in amazement.

"Is this what most 'Americinans' are like?" Lindsay asked aloud.

"Yes," said Courtney.

"No," said Tyler at the same time.

The third truck to come from the left side came pulling up as Chef Hatchet swept away the glass shards. The next contestant jumped out of the truck, black headband strands whipping behind her.

"Woohoo," the girl shouted, pumping her fists in the air. "I'm here! I'm here at long last!"

"Is this another 'Americinan'?" Lindsay asked Tyler, looking very confused.

"Everyone, this is Carol," Chris Maclean said, gesturing to the new contestant. "Our police officer in training!"

"Oh _joy_," Duncan grumbled.

"That's right, jail bird!"

Carol was up in Duncan's face in about two seconds, startling him. "I am the cop around here, and I really plan to clean up this town!"

She thumped her chest, patting a fake police badge. Duncan looked up and down her, noting how she was dressed all in navy blue. "You think you can handle me?"

"You know it, criminal boy!"

"Oh yeah?!"

"YEAH!"

Geoff laughed. "Oh, those two are going to be fast friends, aren't they?"

"If they don't kill each other first," Gwen remarked, then raised an eyebrow. "Isn't this how he and Courtney started off?"

The next truck pulled up, and the door swung open. A child no older than eight years leapt out of the vehicle, looking around with wide eyes.

"Lil' Rodney joins the big leagues," Chris exclaimed. He knocked on the army helmet the boy was wearing. "Looks like you came prepared."

"Mom wouldn't let me join without it," he said, as he straightened out his school uniform and backpack. Then he noticed all of the original cast mates, and let out a scream of delight.

"Oh WOW," Rodney shouted, running over to them (almost tripping over the unconscious Alfred in the process). "This is too cool! Oh wow wow wow!"

Emotion got the better of him, and he hugged Duncan around the waist. "I love you guys! I cannot believe I'm getting to meet you all in person."

"You shouldn't be hugging criminals, kid," Carol said, then she turned to Chris. "Hey, why is a kid here? Isn't this show a little too rough?"

"Well, Rodney here is in high school, he's a prodigy child," Duncan said, patting Rodney's helmet. "I remember his audition tape."

"Oh, this is too grand," said prodigy exclaimed. He began shuffling through his pockets, and then pulled out a couple markers, one gold and one silver. "Can I, um..."

He blushed and began stammering as he looked up at Duncan. "Could, ehehe... could you autograph my helmet?"

Duncan couldn't help but grin. "No problem, little dude."

"Oh, and leave room, please," Rodney requested as Duncan began to sign the army helmet. "I want everyone else to sign it."

As Rodney scurried about to get autographs, the next truck pulled up. Out jumped an African-Canadian gal, wearing all different shades of yellow, and wielding a lacrosse stick.

"Hi, everyone," she shouted, grinning ear to ear.

"Hi, Daisy," Chris said, waving. "Shall we call you princess?"

"Naw, I'm good," she said, straightening out her dark yellow vest. As she fiddled her ponytail and the daisy hairpin, she excitedly scanned the original contestants. When she saw Bridgette, her eyes lit up.

"Ohhhh my God," she whispered, then shouted it. "Oh my God! Bridgette!"

She bolted over to the very startled surfer, and said, very quickly, "I'm such a big fan! All my teammates on my lacrosse team love you too! It's so awesome to meet you in person, I hope we're on the same team!"

"Um, thanks," Bridgette said, a bit overwhelmed.

"So cool," Daisy repeated. "Oh, could you autograph my lacrosse stick? I needs a pen, anyone got a pen?"

"I do," Rodney exclaimed, holding one of his pens up. Daisy looked confused about a child being there, so Ezekiel decided to explain.

"He's a prodigy child, eh," Ezekiel said. "Real smart!"

Daisy looked at him, and her eyes narrowed. "Hey, wait a minute, aren't you that sexist who got voted off first?"

Ezekiel whimpered when he saw her flex her hands, still holding the potentially lethal lacrosse stick. "Wait wait," Bridgette declared, grabbing Daisy's wrists. "Ezekiel's reformed, he's a really good friend of mine now!"

"Really?" Daisy looked between her and Ezekiel, then smiled. "Well, if he's okay with you. I have to admit, I missed most of the second season."

The next truck pulled up as Daisy finished getting her autograph from her favorite contestants. The newest contestant looked around with keen blue eyes, her well-styled, blond hair gently whispering around her face.

"Hello, Belinda," Chris said, his grin almost challenging now. "Well, Miss Clairvoyant, have you got a prediction for us?"

The new blond had her hands tucked in the stomach pockets of her sweater, and barely moved her head to look around. "Watch your head, Maclean."

" 'Watch my head'?" Chris repeated as Belinda headed over to the other teenagers. "What kind of crappy prediction is tha-"

Chef's push broom handle hit Chris in the temple as the cook walked backwards, sweeping up the remains of the glass shards. The host wailed in pain, and Belinda merely shrugged as she stood near Leshawna and Harold.

"So, what, you some kind of psychic or something, white girl?" Leshawna asked her.

"I prefer 'clairvoyant,' though I'm not really either," she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear casually. "Though I must confess, I'm rather good at predictions."

"Aw, you mean you're not psychic?" Harold said, looking downcast. "Gosh, that would have been awesome."

"Sorry, Harold," Belinda said, looking up at the sky as if it fascinated her. "I know you've been dying to meet a real psychic ever since second edition D&D made psionics rather powerful."

Harold's jaw dropped. "Dang, you _are_ good," he declared.

As Belinda continued to make small talk with Harold and Leshawna, mostly about D&D, someone that looked like she came from a fantasy game was next to arrive. Mandy, the cultist from the audition tapes, stepped out of her truck ride, her platinum white-dyed hair bobbing as she looked around.

Mandy noticed those eyeing her, either suspicious, weirded out, or nervous. She drank it all in and began to laugh. "Yeah, you'd better get a good look at me, you foolish mortals," she hissed, her red eyes narrowing and her smirk widening.

"Including you, Fancy Hair," she declared, pointing at Chris; the host, who was about to say hello, was silent and staring at her awkwardly. "Because you, all of you, are going to suffer the wrath, of C'th-_WAH_!!"

Before she could finish her sentence, she tripped over sleeping Alfred, falling flat on her face. As some of the others couldn't help but laugh, Hannah was quick to come to her aid.

"Are you okay?" she asked as she helped the cultist girl back to her feet.

"Yeah, yeah, I think so," Mandy mumbled, rubbing her nose. She then noticed Hannah's golden cross, and looked down at the skull-iconed choker she herself was wearing. "Oh dear," she hummed, "we're not going to get along, are we?

"And who," she shouted, whirling around and pointing angrily down at Alfred, "has been sacrificing victims when I wasn't here?"

Mandy began poking Alfred's side with the toes of her boot as the next truck arrived. A blond-haired guy hopped out, and his eyes widened when he looked at the crowd, especially the girls.

"Oh boy," he shouted, throwing his arms in the air, the wind fluttering his loose-fitting, tiger-stripped shirt. "GIRLS!"

"Howard, calm down," Chris started to say, but the boy was already in a rush.

"You, baby," he said to Hannah, startling her when he was suddenly approaching her, "look to be one of God's greatest creations!

"And you," he was suddenly in Carol's face, startling her too, "can put me in handcuffs any day!"

"And you," he was then next to Mandy, and the cultist girl cried out, "you, cutie, not even the Old Gods could keep me away from you!"

When Howard approached Belinda, he opened his mouth, only to be smacked across the face. Stunned momentarily, he rubbed the red mark on his cheek as he muttered, "But I didn't even say anything to you yet!"

"Didn't matter, I knew what you were going to say," she said. Her hands were back in her sweater's pockets, and the clairvoyant girl rocked back and forth on her feet.

"Well, this hasn't started off as good as I wanted to," Howard said with a sigh, still rubbing his sore cheek.

The next truck arrived. A tall teenager with chocolate-colored skin stepped out, waving back at the driver before the vehicle pulled away.

"Sebastian," Chris shouted, desperate to get back to announcing and actually doing his job, "thank goodness you're here, there's a lot of crazy teenagers running around right now."

"You reap the rewards of your own choice for interesting views," the young man said, correcting his green glasses. He tucked one of his locks behind his ear, as his dreadlocks, which were clean and handsome, were fluttering in the wind.

He too almost tripped over the unconscious Alfred. "What have we here?"

"Unconscious from energy drink crash," Hannah explained.

"Well, we cannot have him asleep on the most exciting day of his life, now can we?" Sebastian said, pulling back the sleeves of his green jacket back a bit. "Here, I know a little something about waking someone via pressure points..."

He began pinching at Alfred's neck. After a couple seconds, the gonzo teenager woke up with a start. "What'd I miss?" he asked, then looked up at Sebastian. "And can I try on your hair?"

Alfred and Sebastian began talking, and were so involved that they missed the next contestant arrive. Sandra, looking like she did in her audition tape, walked right past Chris.

"Sandra, nice to see you," the host said. The girl blew a bubble from her gum, and popped it loudly in response.

"Man, she's got the latest pants in fashion," Heather whispered to Ezekiel. "They're called bubble gum pants, just to let you know."

"Why are they called that, eh?" he asked, looking rather confused. "They look like vinyl, like a vinyl chair skinned and made into pants, eh."

"I'm afraid you just don't get fashion, Zeke," she said, patting his shoulder.

"Hubba hubba," Howard chanted, looking at Sandra. His eyes scanned her from her red hair done up in a bun, down to the bright red high heels she was wearing.

As he started to head over, Belinda called to him, "You'll regret it."

About three seconds later... _SMACK!_

Howard came back with a fresh hand print on his face. "You know," he muttered, rubbing the sore cheek, "I should listen to you more, methinks."

The next contestant could be heard before seen, as Jasmine was letting out loud cheers before the truck had even pulled up all the way. The actress leapt out, holding onto her beret with one hand so as not to lose it.

"I'm here," she cried out. "I'm actually here on Total Drama! This is a dream come true!"

"Yes, Jasmine, and we're glad to have you," Chris said, as Jasmine hugged him in her excitement. "Leshawna told us a lot about you."

"It wasn't all that flattering," Leshawna grumbled under her breath, right before Jasmine practically tackled her.

"We're gonna rock this contest, Leshawna babe," Jasmine cheered, then she noticed Harold nearby. "Oh," she grumbled, "he's here?"

"Yes, he's here," Leshawna cried out as she pushed Jasmine away, "and I expect you to be nice."

"I wouldn't count on that," Jasmine said, lifting her nose up at the lanky nerd.

Before a serious argument broke out, another one of the trucks arrived, and the passenger door was kicked open. What looked like a teenaged boy dressed as a samurai stepped out.

"Yoshi," Chris said, bowing in Oriental fashion, "hello and nice to meet you!"

"Greetings," he replied. His hand was holding the handle to his sword and the scabbard it was inside. His eyes wandered over the others.

"Dude," Izzy exclaimed, "is that a real sword? I haven't seen a real one since the last ninja I had to fight off."

"Yes, of course it's real," Yoshi remarked, then pulled the sword out of the scabbard to show it to everyone. Several people, including Harold, Cody, and Daisy, were fascinated.

"You let him bring something that dangerous?" Heather asked Chris, looking at the blade like if it was a snake ready to strike.

"Yep! It's cool, it's a katana blade," Chris explained. "Besides, he wouldn't come without it."

"But what if he threatens someone with it?"

"That'll make for good TV."

"Hey, what if he kills someone with it?" Heather said, stepping away from Yoshi. Ezekiel patted her shoulder in comfort.

"Then we will be sure to disqualify him," Chris assured her. "Also, sadly, we'll have to kick off the person he decapitated too."

"Rather handsome weapon," Daisy was saying to Yoshi, grinning at the sword then at him. "You're rather handsome too, sugar."

"Thank you," Yoshi said nonchalantly as he slid the sword back into his scabbard. Then his eyes widened and he looked over at Daisy. "Wait, what about me?"

Before Daisy could repeat herself, the next truck pulled up, and the next contestant jumped out. An African-Canadian, his long, black hair whipped around him from the jump. He pushed it back, and several of the contestants marveled at the tiger-stripped tattoos he had on his arms; several others were disgusted by how his pants were so far down, his boxers were exposed to the world.

"Okay then, Zachary," Chris said, walking over and patting his shoulder, "nice to see you! Plan to win it big?"

"Oh, why even bother?" Zachary grumbled. "Everyone knows minorities never win these shows. Only white people ever win, it's all favoritism."

He continued to rant as he walked past the others, and several of the others were starting to look uncomfortable. Owen and Bridgette exchanged guilty looks, and Izzy raised a dubious eyebrow. Yoshi's eye was starting to twitch at Zachary's remarks, and Sebastian shook his head.

"I mean, we all know what's going to happen during this show," Zachary griped. "We all know the big man is going to keep the little man down-"

He was interrupted when Rodney came running back in a happy rush ("I just got _all_ their autographs," he was shouting happily), and Zachary tripped right over him. As the whiner groaned and picked himself up, Rodney stumbled and bumped into someone new.

"What do we have here?"

The new person picked up Rodney by his backpack, and a very unnerving smirk met him. The smirk belonged to Colin, the bully with hair spikes and spiked bracelets.

"Did they give me a little punching bag for starting?" Colin asked, his grin becoming even more cruel than Chris Maclean's. "How nice."

Rodney whimpered, and Colin laughed. "You'd best be prepared, twerp," he whispered, "because this contest is going to be hell for you, I'll make sure of that."

"_HEY!_"

Colin's arm was slapped away, Rodney falling down to the ground. The bully was startled, but even more so when someone pushed him back and away from the child.

"You leave the kid alone, Spiny Norman," Alfred shouted at him, jabbing a finger in Colin's chest.

Most people watched with rapt attention, wondering if a fight was going to break out this early. Colin scowled at Alfred, and it was a rather intimidating look, but Alfred wasn't backing down.

"Oh, who's going to stop me?" Colin asked. "You?"

"No, actually," Alfred admitted with a shrug. "But he will."

Before Colin could ask, someone pinched his neck, and after a second of pressure to the right nerve, he let out a, "Hey, wha... grk," and fell to the ground unconscious. Sebastian retracted his fingers, and smiled.

"Way to go, my brother," Alfred said, him and Sebastian exchanging a high-five.

"Oh, must you people knock out your fellow contestants so quickly?" Chris exclaimed, throwing his hands up. "Honestly, the first batch of contestants weren't this bad."

"You mean," Noah tapped his temple as he began to list, "besides Leshawna trying to fight Harold, Tyler crash-landing into the luggage, Izzy banging her chin in on the dock, or Duncan threatening to give me a lip piercing?"

"Good times, huh?" Duncan said, clapping his hands. "Gods, there are times I really love this show, you know?"

"So," Zachary spoke up again, "are we gonna continue or something? And is anyone going to wake up Spiny Norman, or whatever the heck that guy's name is?"

"I think it's Semicolon," said Lindsay.

As the people started to debate what the unconscious bully's name was, the next truck pulled up. The next person to step out caught the attention of most of the guys, and even some of the girls.

"Anita," Chris shouted, clapping. "Hoorah, we needed some more good-looking people on the show by now."

The girl let out a scoffing laugh, throwing her long, ebony hair back. "Thank you so much, Chris. I know, however, you're going to be trying to make me look my worst for the next few weeks."

"You know me too well, dear."

A lot of the guys weren't really paying attention to the conversation. Howard was staring at her legs, covered in fishnet leggings and a short black shirt; drool was starting to form in his mouth. Duncan couldn't help but look at her heart-shaped belly button piercing. Alfred was fascinated with her emerald eyes, and Cody was having a very, _very _hard time not staring at her large chest, covered only by a purple tube top.

"_Don't stare, don't stare, don't stare,_" he was chanting in thought, pounding his head. He didn't realize how ridiculous he looked.

When he braved looking up, the gorgeous ravenhair was staring right at him. She waved, shyly, at _him_! Cody, feeling his face get bright red, waved back at him.

"Do you know Cody?" Jasmine asked, looking quickly between Anita and Cody.

"No, I just...," Anita said, digging her toes into the ground, "you could say I'm one of Cody's fans."

The large chorus of "aww's" made both Anita and Cody blush very red. One contestant who was not enjoying this at all was Eva, who was grinding her teeth and seething in air through her teeth.

The teasing was cut short when the roar of a motorcycle came close. Coming up the ramp of the platform, a motorcyclist clad in dark leather from shoulder to toe parked the ride on the platform.

"Xander buddy," Chris exclaimed as the new contestant removed his helmet, "fitting entrance for you, biker boy, but where's the truck?"

"Driver was way too drunk," Xander said, pushing his black hair away from his face; most could see a long scar traced from above his left eye down to under his right eye. "In fact, he was so drunk, he couldn't get into the truck."

"You really _do_ have a morale problem," Justin said to Chris.

"I knew that just by watching Chef," Tyler whispered to his friends, jerking his thumb at the large cook. Luckily for him, Chef was too fascinated by the ride Xander had brought.

"Wanna take the bike off the platform, Chef?" Chris said to his co-host.

"Hell yeah, been a long time since I got to ride a bike," Chef said, happily getting on the ride as Xander tossed him the keys. As Hatchet took it away, Xander began to look at his new contestants.

"Hmm, not bad," he mused to himself, "you all seem like a good bunch... oh, guys?" he spoke up now.

"Yes?" a good deal of people, fascinated by the rebel teenager, asked in unison.

"Is the guy with spiky hair I'm standing on of any consequence?"

"No!"

"Oh good."

"Get the hell off me," Colin shouted.

As the bully struggled to get to his feet, the next contestant arrived in a truck like most of the others; however, unlike most of the others, this one was not quick to get out of the ride.

Very nervous and shaking slightly, the short, asian girl exited the vehicle and looked around cautiously. She was practically hiding behind the door.

"Hey everyone," Chris shouted, "it's Sakaki! Let's give her a big welcome!"

The random cheers and claps startled the very shy girl, and she cried out in terror, squatting down and hiding her head. This was probably the reaction Chris was hoping for, because his suppressed laughter wasn't very suppressed.

"What a weakling," Colin laughed at the shaking girl. "Man, short and moe and a 'fraidy-cat! Are all asian girls this lame?"

The sharp sound of a sword being unsheathed echoed across the stadium, and Colin saw the tip of Yoshi's katana blade in front of his face.

"Hey now," Sebastian was at Sakaki's side, patting her shoulder in comfort, "it's okay to be nervous. You all right, not feeling sick or anything, are you?"

"N-no," she stammered, looking at him with quivering eyes. "S-sorry, I g-guess I over-r-reacted."

"All of us are nervous, you know," Sebastian assured her, "but there it could be worse. Chris could have not been too cheap to afford a crowd here at the stadium."

"Hey," the cheapskate host protested; however, this seemed to momentarily cure Sakaki of her shyness. She smiled at Sebastian, and the two headed over to the others.

"H-hi, guys," she said to the others and her favorite contestants, like Katie and Sadie. As she greeted more of the others, Colin was trying desperately to apologize to Yoshi.

"And I love manga and animé, and I think you guys make the best video games, and sushi is the best damn tasting food in the world, and oh dear God, please stop pointing that at my face-"

His ranting apology was cut off short when the next truck slammed into the side of the platform, startling everyone. A very angry teenaged boy struggled to get out, cursing angrily.

"You stupid, drunken hobo," he spat out. Whirling around, he kicked the side of the truck in a fury.

"Whoa whoa whoa, Arthur," Chris exclaimed, waving his hands. "Don't damage the trucks, man!"

"Your stinking, boozed-up driver already has done enough to it to be considered collateral damage," Arthur snapped back. "The moron almost got me killed! Damn it all..."

He sighed and started massaging his temples. "Dear God, I've got a headache... being near him, I could practically feel the hangover he'll be having."

"Man, he was that drunk?" Izzy asked, looking into the truck. "I've heard of people being so drunk, they give people secondhand slur!"

Arthur raised an eyebrow at her. By now, people could actually get a good look at the angry teen. He was wearing a rugged leather jacket, matching leather pants, and his brown hair was slicked back into two deadly-looking points. Everything about the boy seemed to be rugged or pointy.

"Still, you can put this down as a positive experience," Tyler said, slapping the new guy on the back. "You lived, and you kicked the crap out of that truck."

"Yeah, real positive," Arthur groaned as he tapped his forehead.

The busted trucked was hauled away, just in time for the next one to arrive. Out stepped a girl who, like Arthur, had a similar dress pattern to her. Only for she, it was a bright pink look.

"Valerie, darling," Chris exclaimed, clapping his hands. "So glad you could come."

"I'm sure you are," Valerie said, batting her eyes at Chris. She observed all of the contestants, new and old, and something caught her eye: Arthur was staring at her with a very obscure look.

"What's your problem, pal?" she hissed at him.

"You're... pink," he stammered, pointing at her accusingly.

Valerie looked down at herself. True, she was wearing a pink tank top, a dark fuschia skirt, pink nylons, and pink heels, but she didn't really notice it until now. "Yeah, and what of it?" she asked, glaring at him.

"Just... ugh."

"Oh, so you have a problem with a girl wearing pink, huh?" she snapped, storming up to his face.

"You're so pink, you're practically cotton candy," Arthur gagged.

"I'll have you know, I'm student president at my school," she hollered, "and I got there because of how I lead, not how I dress! You wanna make something of it?"

"Ugh, don't stand so close, the pinkness is making me nauseous."

"That does it! I'm gonna-"

She was interrupted by some coy giggling. Both she and Arthur looked over to see the next contestant had already arrived, and she was watching the two argue.

"So, Crystal," Chris said, also observing the two fight, "what do you think, since you're our matchmaker? The start of a new couple?"

"Oh, I dunno," she said, batting at her cravat in thought. "A good argument sometimes really starts a good couple, don't you think, eh what?"

Arthur and Valerie reacted as most teenagers do when accused of liking someone they don't: they turned up their noses, turned away from the other, crossed their arms and said, "Hmmph!" This only made Crystal giggle more.

"Well, Crystal, go meet the others," Chris said, pointing to the others, "go help with couples, hook people up, do what we recruited you for!"

"Cripes, I was hoping that I was here to win the money too, but there you go," she joked, "Bob's your uncle, and all that."

"What's she saying?" Sadie whispered to Katie, who shrugged.

"She's British," Noah said.

"Oh," Katie replied with a smile and a nod, "does that mean she's really smart too, which is why we cannot understand her?"

The next contestant arrived, and was very slow to open the door of the truck, even slower to jump out. When the contestants saw who it was, most winced.

"Oh yuck," Sandra remarked, speaking for the first time. "An emo? Ultra-yuck." The emo kid looked at Sandra with sad, heavily shadowed eyes. They looked baggy, just like his black, heavy clothing. He stroked his black headband as he looked around the stadium.

"Aw c'mon, everyone loves an emo kid," Chris said, walking over to Clive and thumping him on the back. "Everyone, this is Clive. Clive, what do you have to say to everyone?"

Clive looked at the empty seats of the stadium, and groaned. "A colossal stadium with absolutely no fans? Rather like life, empty and meaningless."

"Isn't he great?" Chris cheered, thumping him on the back again. Clive sighed and joined the lineup.

"Yuck," Sandra said again, then snapped her gum. "So, that's everyone, right? We done?"

"I think we're missing one person," Chris said, looking around.

"Where's Joel?" Chef Hatchet asked. "Wrench boy is showing up, right? He wasn't just a flash in the pan in the second season, was he?"

As if it was the secret word, there was a flash of green light in the middle of the platform. A metallic disc started to form on the ground, unfolding and glowing bright green. Another flash of green light, and Joel, dressed exactly as he was during the second season, materialized on top of the disc.

"Joel?" Chris exclaimed, astonished.

"That's me," the young inventor said, stepping off the disc. The metallic objected folded up, and sprung up in the air, to which Joel caught it and tossed it behind his back off the platform. "And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the third successful teleportation I've ever done!"

A small explosion rocked the stadium, coming from where Joel threw the device. He didn't seem phased by it, until the smoke blew over him.

"You made a teleporter?" Cody shouted in nerd-crazed excitement. "Oh, too cool, tell me how you made it!"

"I *_cough cough_* kind of made it on the fly, since *_cough_* my driver was really drunk. I made it out of the truck's engine, a couple things I found out of the glove compartment, and the last beer that guy had."

"You made a teleporter out of beer?" Cody said, taking notes on a little notepad.

"It was kind of like the fuel, but made it rather explosive," Joel explained, observing Cody's notes. "It's actually the first time I have an excuse for someone of mine blowing up."

"Now we have everyone," Chris Maclean said, standing on the edge of the platform as he threw up his hands in celebration. "From Alfred to Zachary, from Beth to Tyler, we have all forty-four contestants! Chef Hatchet and myself, we have one heck of a cast!"

"In other words, this season is going to take frickin' forever to end," Gwen bemoaned, rubbing her forehead. "It might take three seasons to vote off forty-two people!"

"At the least, it'll take forty-two days," Harold pointed out.

"Forty-two," Cody repeated. Harold and Joel laughed.

"Forty-two!" the three cheered.

Chris blinked, then said, "Whatever, nerds. Well, you know how you're all upset that Maclean Stadium is empty?"

"I don't mind," Sakaki admitted.

"Cheapskate," Duncan groaned.

The host chuckled, then pulled a small remote from his head. "I kind of lied."

Pushing one of the buttons on the remote, a highly-advanced, soundproof and holographic barrier retracted from around the stands, and all of a sudden, the empty seats were full of shouting, roaring, cheering fans.

All of the contestants were startled. Sakaki screamed and hid behind Sebastian. Izzy immediately began appealing to the audience by waving and blowing kisses. Chef Hatchet nervously straightened out his apron, muttering about how much of a mess he was right now.

"Live, to a sold-out crowd of thousands and thousands of fans," Chris announced, "we really hoodwinked you all, didn't we?

"And now we bring to you a member of Total Drama, almost as important as the contestants: the Confessional Can!"

A helicopter hovered down, with the special outhouse dangling from steel cables. The smelly box was placed in the middle of the platform, where most of the contestants, even the new ones, groaned in disgust.

"It smells like sewage, even from the outside," Valerie gagged.

"The wood's starting to turn green," Beth whined.

"Ugh, there are flies buzzing around the outside of it too," Courtney remarked.

"This is unsuitable even for puny mortals," Mandy grumbled.

"Bloody hell, I'm not going in that," Crystal muttered.

"Is it even sanitary inside?" Lindsay asked, slightly opening the door. She screamed when it swung open, and Fuzzy Wuzzums the Bear fell out.

With an airsick groan, the bear hurried off to find the nearest toilet to throw up in. After his departure, Groucho the Duck and the Raccoon fell out too. Quacking and chattering in disgust, the two scurried towards the crowd. The duck perched on Cody's shoulder, and the raccoon curled around Izzy's neck.

"It's got things growing in it," Xander shouted after an observation. "There's no way in hell I'm doing any confessions in here."

Chris tut-tutted. "Now now, beggars can't be choosers."

"Except we aren't beggars," Heather snapped.

"Remarkable how it made the trip," Joel said casually, then he looked at his watch. "Chris, is it 10:15 AM?"

"What?" Chris looked at his watch. "No dude, it's 9: 27!"

"Oh really? Let me correct my watch..."

The inventor pressed a button on his watch, and flames shot out. The outhouse was consumed in flames, and burnt down to ash in a couple seconds. "Oops," Joel said, raising an eyebrow.

A moment of silence, then loud cheering from the stadium audience and the contestants. Several of the competitors gave Joel hugs, thanking him repeatedly. Chris was left fuming over the ashes of the smelly Confessional Can.

"Well, now we're gonna have to get something new, darn it all," he shouted. "You picky teens!"

He sighed then pulled a camera from his pocket. "Okay then people! Since this is the start of a new season, let's get a picture before we let you unpack in your new rooms, and then start the first challenge!"

Most contestants exchanged glances. "I'm no dummy," Jasmine said, shaking her finger at Chris. "I know what you're planning."

"What are you talking about?" Rodney asked innocently, looking down at the platform. "We're not on a dock."

"The kid's right," DJ declared, patting the prodigy on the head. "Chris wouldn't try to pull the same prank twice!"

So the forty-four teenagers posed for the camera, with Chef Hatchet, Groucho, and the raccoon joining them. Chris stood at the very edge of the platform, holding up the camera. "Smile," he instructed, "smile! Clive, smile for one second, c'mon!"

"No."

"How about you, Eva?"

"No!"

"Jeez, you teenagers today with your emotions and your moods."

"That's describes everyone, Chris!"

"Noah, quiet down. Okay, on three, smile if you can! One... two... three!"

On three, Chris pushed a button on the camera, which actually wasn't a camera at all. It was a trigger for the platform they were standing on. Only one contestant realized the trap, and jumped off before the trapdoor opened. Forty-three contestants, Chef Hatchet, and the raccoon were all dunked in the pool underneath the platform.

Chris burst out laughing, slapping his knee. He pointed at the blubbering, thrashing teenagers and his co-host, as Groucho fluttered down next to the host. "You all fell for it! I owned you all! Who's the master owner, huh? Who?"

A forceful push from behind knocked Chris off the side and into the pool. The host spat out water as all those he owned cackled and laughed at him; even Groucho was quacking in laughter at the soaked host.

"You got owned," Alfred shouted, standing on the platform where Chris had been. "I saw that prank coming a mile away, too bad you don't have the foresight, dude!"

"I cannot believe _I_ didn't see that," Belinda admitted, brushing her wet bangs away from her face. "Guess I was a little distracted or something."

"I'm drowning, and I'm wet too," Beth wailed, clinging to Justin for support.

Alfred chuckled, then turned to face the audience. "All right then, people, I may not be the most knowledgeable on this show, but I guess since everyone is soaked, you gotta leave it up to me...

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Canadians and Americans, and all those not mentioned specifically, it's time to get things started on the most insane, crazy in the membrane, untamed, the campaign of pain and strain...

"This! Is TOTAL... DRAMA... BATTLEGROUNDS!!"

He then jumped into the pool for the hell of it.

* * *

**So what are the room arrangements among our new and old contestants?**

**What is the first challenge, and what will the teams be?**

**What are they going to use as a confessional now that the outhouse is burnt down to ashes?**

**And how are we ever going to memorize all these names?! Jeepers, this is hard.

* * *

**

And there you have it! In case you need more reference to the new contestants, my Deviant Art profile (name is ComedyMagmar) has biographies on all of them; just look up Total Drama Comeback for the best results.

Here's a quick cheat sheet:

**Hannah** the **Religious Girl;** **Alfred** the **Gonzo;** **Carol** the **Enthusiast;** **Rodney** the **Prodigy Child**...

**Daisy** the **Tomboy;** **Belinda** the **Clairvoyant;** **Mandy** the **Cultist;** **Howard** the **Ladies' Man**...

**Sebastian** the **Philosopher;** **Sandra** the **Popular One;** **Jasmine** the **Actress;** **Yoshi** the **Warrior**...

**Zachary** the **Whiner;** **Colin** the **Bully;** **Anita** the **Bombshell;** **Xander** the **Rebel**...

**Sakaki** the **Moe;** **Arthur** the **Schemer;** **Valerie** the **Politician;** **Crystal** the **Romantic**...

**Clive** the **Emo;** and **Joel** the **Inventor**.

* * *

**Next Up:** The contestants meet their new roommates, and the first challenge begins!


	2. Ch 1, Pt 2: Roommate Hate

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. Not even the walking, and don't talk like they do. And quit smiling, I see you smiling.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Warning** - Just keep reading, people, and thank you SO much for the reviews! Big reviews are great, but all reviews are cool!

* * *

**Chapter 2** - Can I See the Landlord?

* * *

Most of those who were drenched by the opening ceremony took a few minutes to get dried off and/or changed. Chris Maclean also took this time, which left Chef Hatchet the one who had to find a replacement confessional.

* * *

**(??? - ???)**

**Chef Hatchet** - \dripping wet\ "I looked all over this stupid stadium, and I didn't want to have another bathroom stall as my confessional! Some of these kids are so dumb or crude, they'd actually use the confessional stall as a stall! So I discovered another disgusting, hidden away place in this stadium, nearby the rooms...

"The Janitor's Closet!"

**Daisy** - "Um, okay... so far this ROCKS!"

**Sebastian** - \He looks around the janitor's closet, and then stares deadpan at the camera.\ "So the producers of this show built an entire stadium up from the ground specifically for this show, and they didn't build a confessional room or something like it?"

**Geoff** - "Never been in a janitor's closet before. Pretty boring, I thought there would be dirty magazines and chips!"

**Rodney** - \He is leaping up and down, trying to be seen by the camera.\ "Hey! Hey I'm down here! I don't... *_leap_* know if I'm... *_leap_* allowed to... *_leap_* touch the cam... *_leap_* ...era! Hi... *_leap_* mom! Hi... *_leap_* dad!"

**Chris Maclean** - \completely dry and well-groomed\ "The room arrangements were made by groups of four, which is perfect since there are only eleven rooms. They had to be coed, since twenty-two isn't divisible by four. So we just did this alphabetical, and I think the results will be awesome."

\He cackles.\ "Let's watch the fun, shall we?"

* * *

**(Room 1 - Alfred, Anita, Arthur, Belinda)**

Everyone's luggage had been piled in front of their new rooms. Arthur was the first one there, and he looked into the room. Two bunk-beds, a few desks and a cabinet, and a small table in the middle were all the furniture. He flipped the switch, and noted the fluorescent lights on the ceiling.

"_Gonna be a real pain if anyone needs to do something at night, since I doubt anyone brought a lamp,_" he thought, then dropped his suitcase in front of one of the beds.

"Already calling dibs, Arthur?"

He turned around to see Belinda and Anita enter the room, also looking around. The blond girl's blue eyes were glancing all over the room, while Anita was watching Arthur.

"Meh, I don't care which bed I get, to be honest," he said, "but I'm pretty sure you'd both prefer the guys on one side, girls on the other."

"Yes, and you'd better stay on your side," Anita said, though she was grinning playfully as she spoke.

"We can always keep a taser next to our bed just in case," Belinda casually suggested.

"Gee, real friendly," Arthur remarked, chuckling. "Well, ladies, so long as you aren't hanging up posters of boy bands and kittens up, I'm okay."

"I don't have anything girly like that with me," Belinda said, climbing up on the top bunk to test it out.

"I keep everyone on my phone," Anita admitted, holding up her phone. "I hate myself for it, but I'm really dependent on this thing. Well, I still don't need it for one feature."

"The phone feature?"

"Yep."

The three shared a laugh. Someone knocked at the door, and Anita raised an eyebrow. "Um, come in?"

"Can't, really," Alfred called from the other side. He opened the door and waved at them; the gonzo boy was still dripping wet, a little stream running down the rim of his hat.

"I couldn't find the stupid shower room," he admitted, shrugging. "Or the changing room, or whatever we use around here."

"I'll show you the way, hon," Anita said, smiling politely.

"Groovitude," Alfred replied, grinning.

As the two left, Belinda chuckled. Arthur looked at her questionably, and she replied, "Even if he didn't plan that, that was pretty smooth, huh?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - No changing done in here.)**

**Arthur** - "Well, I guess my roommates aren't bad. Belinda is rather perceptive, though, that'll be a big threat competition-wise. Alfred... a real weirdo, I don't like him. Anita though, oh ho ho..." \he grins and chuckles\ "She's really hot. I don't want to sound like a pervert so soon into the game, but I hope she wears a nightie at night."

**Anita** - "Belinda's a sweetheart, and I have to admit, Arthur's rather handsome and Alfred's a cutie-pie. Though I'd still rather have Cody as my roommate." \She giggles and blushes.\ "Yeah, I'm a bit of a fan girl... well, actually, a _big_ fan girl. I got loads of photos of him on my phone."

* * *

**(Room 2 - Beth, Bridgette, Carol, Clive)**

Beth and Bridgette were checking their luggage outside of their room. The surfer girl was earnestly checking her surf board, making sure whoever handled it didn't scratch it.

"Why'd you bring that, may I ask?" Beth asked the surfer girl. "I mean, we're nowhere near the ocean."

"Good luck charm," she admitted. "I just think that I should bring my surf board wherever I go, because otherwise," she couldn't help but giggle, "I lose my surfer girl mojo."

Beth laughed and snorted. "Oh, is that a new one? You buy it with your prize money?"

"One of the two, yes, this one's cheaper. My more expensive one is at home, it's incredible to surf on!"

"Did you really spend half of your ten thousand dollars on charity?"

Bridgette nodded, and then was suddenly glomped from behind. "Hiyas, girls," shouted her attacker.

"Oooof," was Bridgette's response as she fell to the ground, pinned down for a few seconds. Beth covered her mouth in astonishment.

"It's so cool that we're roommates," Carol, the attacker, shouted as she rolled off Bridgette. "You can tell me about the farm, and the ocean! Ooo, we can stay up late, swapping womanly stories, and in the morning, I can make waffles!"

"Just don't ever tackle me like that again, please."

Carol nodded, and then noticed Clive walking up. The emo boy saw his luggage outside the room, shrugged, and started to walk away.

"Hey, Clive," Beth called out. "Aren't you going to put your stuff in the room?"

"Oh why bother?" he said back. "I know I'm going to be the first one voted off, might as well save me some time."

The three girls exchanged looks as Clive walked off. Bridgette sighed, and then began to bring Clive's luggage into the room as well as her own.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Brand-spanking new!)**

**Bridgette** - "There are a couple emo kids at my school. Every time I see them, I just wanna hug them and cheer them up! I feel so sorry for them, life must have been really hard on them! I think if we show Clive some friendliness, he'll be a happier guy eventually."

**Clive** - "There's no way I'm going to enjoy this contest. Chris just dropped us in a pool, and we're doing our confessions in the janitor's closet. And don't think I'm so 'lucky' because I'm roomed with three girls; not only am I not going to last that long, but I wouldn't have a chance with any of them anyway."

* * *

**(Room 3 - Cody, Colin, Courtney, Crystal)**

Crystal and Courtney were also inspecting their luggage, and making small talk. Crystal's questions about Duncan would have been intrusive, but since Courtney knew the blond girl was a matchmaker, she felt more comfortable talking about it.

"Is it weird that Duncan sneaks over to my house?" Courtney said as she refolded her clothing. "Even though, you know, my parents approve of him now."

"I'm sure he does it just as a thrill," Crystal assured him. "He likes having excitement in the relationship, and I know you do too."

Courtney smiled shyly, then she noticed who was approaching them. "Oh hello, Cody," she said, trying to keep her voice neutral so as not to encourage him too much.

"Hello, ladies," he said, winking playfully. "We're roommates, I guess."

"Indeed we are," Crystal said, smirking at him. "Now behave, or we'll lock you out at night."

"I'll behave," Cody said, standing up straight and proud. "I'll be the perfect gentleman!"

"Good," Courtney remarked, then she couldn't help but smirk. "Looks like one of your major fan girls is in the contest, huh Cody? And you thought you didn't have any."

Cody blushed a little, scratching the back of his head. "You really think that Anita gal likes me?"

"If she doesn't, Eva might," Crystal pointed out.

"Uh, Eva?" Courtney sounded very unsure about this. "I don't know about her and Cody. I mean, she's still way too temperamental."

"It's okay, she's kind of hot when she's mad," Cody said.

"But Cody, you really need to think about how she hasn't..."

The CIT would have continued, but their fourth roommate approached. Colin practically knocked Cody over with his shoulder as he walked over to the room.

"So this is where I'm staying, huh," he remarked, looking at the door, then at the two girls. His lips curled into a wicked grin, and he added, "I hope either of you babes sleeps in the nude, 'cause you both got great asses."

As if to prove this, he smacked Crystal's butt. The British girl cried out, so horrified and astonished that she couldn't react. Colin laughed and walked into the room, calling out, "Don't wait up for me, ladies! Oh, and Cody? Don't come in if you know what's good for you."

Cody and Courtney exchanged repulsed looks. Crystal stood there, one hand protectively over her lower backside.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - He's not very polite, is he?)**

**Courtney** - \She is bright red with anger.\ "How _dare_ that creep! That perverted, evil, disgusting, revolting... gah! I cannot possibly use every word I'm thinking of, I'm just so mad! I'm supposed to sleep in the same room as him?! And poor Crystal, I cannot imagine how violated she feels! Colin is like Duncan without any charm and even less sophistication!"

\She pauses, then sighs.\ "Yes, Duncan has charms. I'll admit it. Don't bother cutting that confession, Chris... though you never did cut any of the ones I demanded you cut anyway..."

**Colin** - \shrugging\ "Hey, it's all fine. Girls like a bad guy, right? And even if those two chicks don't, well, it's fun to watch 'em squirm. That British chick has the funniest cry when you smack her behind, I gotta remember that."

* * *

**(Room 4 - Daisy, DJ, Duncan, Eva)**

"This is so awesome," Daisy exclaimed after she was done setting her stuff down. "I'm with tough people and fellow athletes! We're gonna get along so cool!"

Duncan looked over at Eva dubiously. "Yeah, um, whatever you say, sister."

DJ was busy putting up pictures of Bunny and his mother up on the the wall. "Yeah, I'm sure things will be all right," he assured the others. "I'd hate to think of how things would be if we didn't get along."

"Yeah, you guys are okay, but don't you _dare_ try anything at night," Eva growled at the two men. DJ whimpered and dove under the sheets of his bed. Duncan flinched slightly, then shrugged.

"All right, way to scare the punks, my sister," Daisy shouted as she raised her hand to signal a high-five, but Eva didn't give it to her. The tomboy shrugged this rejection off, and smiled over at the guys. "So, how did things go? You still with Courtney, Duncan?"

"Of course I am," he said. "Princess really digs me still."

"How about you, DJ?"

"DJ's got himself a girlfriend back home," Duncan explained.

"Oh um, actually," DJ said as he crawled out from under the covers. "She and I have gone our separate ways."

"What? What happened, man?"

"Nothing really happened, to be honest, dude," he replied with a nonchalant shrug. "Alexandra and I just realized that since I'm stuck on this show, and for who knows how long, it's only fair to her that she be free to date other people."

"That sucks, dude," Duncan groaned. "At least, you know, it ended on good terms, right?"

"Oh, yeah, we're still friends!"

As the guys talked, Daisy elbowed Eva and pointed at DJ suggestively. The fitness buff growled and threw her hands up in frustration.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Single too.)**

**Duncan** - "Sucks that DJ lost a girl, she sounded pretty cool from what he told me last season. This damn show really has put a damper on a lot of peoples' lives. Not mine though, keeps me out of prison, and boy, do I love that!"

**Eva** - "Ever since TDC, people have been asking me, 'So who do you, like, _like_?' I'm pretty damn sick of it! I don't want to be dating DJ or Noah or Cody... or... or Cody..."

\She looks at the camera for a few seconds, then lets out a heavy sigh.\ "Oh, whatever."

* * *

**(Room 5 - Ezekiel, Geoff, Gwen, Hannah)**

"So, how are things with you and Trent?" Geoff asked Gwen as they unpacked.

"It's doing all right," she admitted. "Bit of a long distance, but we're keeping it up. My mother finally got free texting on our phone plan, so that I can communicate with him whenever I want..."

She stopped when she noticed her cell phone light up. Looking at the screen, a faint blush came across her face when Geoff look over to see what it was. "And he just texted me now."

"That's so awesome," the party animal said, clapping. "I call Bridgette all the time, because I'm just not good at texting, you know. Caught way too many times in class. My parents are, like, so pissed about the phone bill."

As the two continued to talk about their relationships, Ezekiel walked into the room. His toque was still a little damp, but at least it wasn't dripping water down his face.

"Hey, Home School," Geoff said, waving at him. "How are things?"

"It's a little too early into the contest to tell, eh," he said, setting his backpack nearby a bed. "Ask me a'geen when I'm cursing the fact that I signed up fur this."

Geoff laughed, but Gwen looked rather humorless. "You still seeing Heather?" she asked, rather dry.

"Um, yes," he said, looking nervous at her deadpan stare. "Look, Gwen, I've bin talking to her, I was hoping you two could get on better terms-"

"No. Way." Geoff and Ezekiel exchanged awkward glances. The prairie boy nervously tapped his fingers together, and added, "Um, well, are you gonna try to vote us off?"

"You, no, not unless you give good reason," she said, "but her, yes."

"Gwen-"

"You're Bridgette's friend, Zeke," she continued, setting her sketch pad next to her bed. "That's right now the only reason I think you're not completely mental."

Ezekiel was confused by this, because he didn't know what exactly she meant by mental. As he thought about this, Hannah entered the room, holding her suitcase in one hand and a Bible in the other.

"Oh hey, church girl," Geoff exclaimed, waving. "You're our fourth roommate? That's cool! We got Home School, Party Cool, Goth Girl, and God's Girl!"

Hannah giggled at this, but the other two looked at Geoff awkwardly. She set her stuff down on the girls' side of the room, and flipped open her Bible.

"Oh good, you brought one, eh," Ezekiel said, looking at her holy book. "I would've brought mine, but I was afraid that it might get damaged among the chaos and such, eh."

"I don't mind you borrowing mine, if you ever need to read a passage," Hannah said with a smile, then looked at the other two. "And you two can too, if you want."

Gwen muttered, "Nah, I'm good."

Geoff scratched his head. "Um, it's got lots of pages and small print..."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Holy Confessional!)**

**Gwen** - "Yeah, maybe I'm a little snappy, but I just don't like the idea of my new roommates. Geoff is okay, I guess, but Ezekiel is dating Heather! Heather! What is he thinking? And if that religious girl starts trying to convert me, I can see a lot of frustration in my future.

"Then again, it could be worse. I could be with Heather again. Or that bully guy."

**Ezekiel** - "Hannah seems like a really nice girl, eh. Geoff's nice too, but Gwen... she really is bitter a'boot something, eh? I doo'nt knoo' what to make of her, is she still really mad at Heather?

"Though Heather did read her diary 'oot loud on TV... and rip her skirt off... and made it look like Trent was cheating on her... and made her think Cody back stabbed her..." \He swallows, then looks desperately at the camera.\ "But Heather's changing, she really is! I really wish people could see that, eh!"

* * *

**(Room 6 - Harold, Heather, Howard, Izzy)**

"And I don't want one part of your nerdy stuff touching my side, got that?"

"Okay okay okay! Gosh!"

Harold angrily leaned his keyboard on the wall. He glared at Heather, and asked, "What _else_ do you want?"

"Just for you to stay away from me at all times, don't get near my stuff, don't even look at me too long."

Harold seethed, and sat down on his bed, crossing his arms in a huff. His eyes stared at the ground in frustration, then he looked over as Howard came in.

"Oh God, you're my roommate too?" Heather shouted. "Look, you horn dog, you don't talk to me, okay?"

Howard did something that surprised both Heather and Harold: he nodded and walked by her without a second glance. The queen bee blinked, then shrugged away her surprise. "And your stuff doesn't get near my stuff!"

"Yep."

"And don't even look at me, you creepy boy!"

"Sure thing."

Heather gaped, trying to remember if this was same guy who relentlessly flirted with girls at the very beginning. She sighed, then added, "At least you two weirdos don't have that much stuff with you."

Then Izzy burst in, hauling in a very large duffel bag. "Hey guys," she chirped, grinning happily. "I've got a lot of stuff, and I gotta have room to put it all! Now, to find my lucky coin..."

Izzy dug into the duffel bag, and began to throw stuff out: a bottle rocket, fortune cookies, a fake katana blade, a torn and burnt dress, a metal soccer ball, Fuzzy Wuzzum's leash, a horror movie mask, a toy guitar, a nics block, and a jar of macadamia nuts.

"Gosh," Harold declared. "Did you buy all this stuff with your prize money?"

"Naw, this is just stuff I collected. Now I gotta make room for all of it! Heather, I might need to burn some of your stuff to make room."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - A little messy in here too.)**

**Heather** - \She has a disgusted look on her face.\ "So what is it that Ezekiel sees in her? She's demented! And Harold and Howard... especially Howard! He blew me off! Can you believe that? How dare he..."

\She stops and slaps her forehead.\ "Ugh, no. Ezekiel made me promise to try and be nicer... um, well, Izzy does have nice hair. It's amazing she keeps curly hair that controlled... despite her being completely out of control..."

**Howard** - "Yeah, I don't hit on taken girls. And even if Heather wasn't taken, I've seen enough of her, bleah!" \He fake-gags then laughs.\ "Man, Ezekiel's got his hands full. He's a braver man than I am for dating that hot witch."

* * *

**(Room 7 - Jasmine, Joel, Justin, Katie)**

In room seven, there was a great deal of photos being taped and pinned to the wall. A pattern could be seen, and it was actually a little disturbing.

Jasmine's photos were all mainly of herself, posing and in many different outfits. Only a few of them included someone else, Leshawna in a couple.

Justin's photos were all mainly of himself, posing and usually with his shirt off. Only a few of them included someone else, Beth being that someone else.

Katie's photos were all mainly of Sadie, posing and always in the same outfit. Katie was actually in a few, always with Sadie.

Joel felt more than a bit awkward when he saw the walls practically covered with photos. "Um, guys," he said, holding a small poster tube, "how much more room do you need?"

"I've got a few more of Beth that I'd really like to put up," Justin admitted. "Also, I've got a pinup of myself I think would be okay."

"I know I'd be okay with it," Jasmine cooed, batting her eyes at the male model. "I don't have a pinup of me, but there's the collection of photos of me in _Hamlet_, and I refuse not to pin those up."

"I've actually got a few blown-up photos of Sadie that are way too good to pass on," Katie said, looking sympathetically at Joel. "Did you need the room?"

Joel sighed and looked at his poster tube, then at the walls. "You really didn't leave enough room for my favorite TV show poster. I guess I'll have to find some place else to hang it up, or I'll have to invent a 'wall-stretcher'."

The other three stared at him in confusion.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Now with a poster of Mystery Science Theater 3000 hanging up in it.)**

**Joel** - "Wow, I wonder if those three have ever heard of a photo album. But hey, I guess I can live with it, despite all those _eyes_ staring at me from dozens of photos! It's actually... a little unnerving. But I swear by Deathstalker and the Warriors From Hell, I won't let them keep me up at night!"

**Katie** - "We should get Joel a girlfriend, or a BMFF, during this season. That way, he can decorate the wall with his own photos! He's a pretty cool guy, not as cool as Noah, but cool..." \she takes a second to look at the poster\ "... though I've never heard of this TV show before. Sounds kind of weird."

* * *

**(Room 8 - Leshawna, Lindsay, Mandy, Noah)**

"Lindsay, you're my girlfriend, and you know I love you, but you are NOT hogging two desks, the table, _and_ three drawers of the cabinet."

"But I really need to make sure my make-up is separate from my other personal belongings, or people might start using them."

"I don't need fake tanner, Lindsay!"

"Neither do I, and what is this crap?"

Mandy was fiddling with the blond's make-up, holding up a tube of gold lipstick. As Lindsay snatched it away, the cultist muttered, "There a reason why you need so many different colored lipsticks?"

"It's style, Panda."

"Mandy," she hissed back. "Anyway, I'm with Leshawna on this, you don't need a second desk. Where else can I put my rat cage?"

"Your what?" Leshawna gaped. "Um, that some kind of cultist slang?"

"No, you silly mortal, my rat cage," Mandy said, then she brought in a fairly large cage that had four large rats inside, three black and one white.

Lindsay and Leshawna, who prided themselves on being mature, strong-willed, breaking-the-norm women who would never fall into typical stereotypes, let out high-pitched screams of terror. The rats panicked in the cage, and Mandy held it close to her to protect them.

"You're not keeping those plague bearers into this room," Leshawna shouted, balancing with Lindsay on a chair.

"I am too, they're my babies," Mandy hollered back. "This one's Death, this one's Famine, this one is War, and the white one is Snowflake."

" 'Snowflake'?" Lindsay repeated, clinging to Leshawna.

"I got him on a snowy day, seemed fitting."

"You ain't gonna have rats in this room, I repeat myself," Leshawna repeated herself.

"Mortal woman, do not tempt me to break out my voodoo dolls," Mandy growled. "If I don't get a desk, I want one of the cabinet drawers!"

"No no no," Lindsay chanted, "I need the third one for my bikinis!"

"You don't need a bikini drawer, we're in a stadium," Leshawna exclaimed.

"I do too, what if there's a modeling competition?"

"You wear little enough, big boobied mortal," Mandy chided her.

"Hey hey, you're not one to talk," Leshawna snapped at the cultist, pointing at her skimpy gray tank top and her aoi cache pants.

"I need temptation to lure stupid males into my cult's clutches! Now let me have a desk, because Snowflake doesn't like the cage being on the ground!"

As the three girls continued to argue, Noah entered the room. He took in about three seconds of the shouting, then turned around and walked out the room.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - No rats in here.)**

**Noah** - "I think I should sleep out in the hallway. Or in here, maybe. Set up a little cot, turn off the camera at night. I don't even mind that poster, that show's okay. I can always invite Katie over, just to make sure Justin doesn't try anything."

**Mandy** - "I didn't budge an inch on my rats, and eventually they gave me a desk I could keep them on. My rats are my babies, more precious to me than my pendant of demon blood. I have to admit, I once dreamt of sacrificing small animals to the Old Gods, but..." \She cannot help but giggle.\ "Rats are just so darn cute, you know?"

* * *

**(Room 9 - Owen, Rodney, Sadie, Sakaki)**

Sadie, like Katie, had pinned a bunch of photos of her BFFFL up on the wall. Sakaki and Owen didn't have much, but photos of their family sparked a conversation.

"So you got siblings too?" Owen asked. His big structure intimidated Sakaki, but she managed to speak because of the manner of the conversation.

"Y-yes, two sisters and a brother," she said. "I'm the third."

"Oh, I'm the youngest of three boys," Owen said, then patted his stomach, "and yet, the biggest."

"Same here, kind of," Sadie told them, joining the conversation. "I'm the youngest of three, but it's two older sisters I got!"

"Hey, Rodney," Owen said, heading over to where the kid was unpacking. "You got family?"

Sadie giggled. "What a question, Owen! Of course he's got family."

"I would hope so," Sakaki giggled, blushing just from speaking up among the others.

Rodney nodded as he placed some textbooks on his desk. "I'm the youngest of five, if that answers your question?"

"It does, it does," Owen chuckled, then looked at the books Rodney was unpacking. He picked one up and said, "Wow, these books are huge! Are they picture books for kids... wait, what's this story about?"

"That's my trigonometry book," Rodney said. "It does have some pictures, but a lot of them are graphs."

"Trigonometry?" Sadie repeated. "Wait, isn't that something seniors study?"

Sakaki was also looking at some of the other books Rodney had brought. "You have the works of Shakespeare? Isn't that a bit much?"

"It's a lot smaller than my complete works of him, but unfortunately, I didn't have enough room for the complete works. Alas, that means I miss out on one of my favorite comedies," Rodney said with a little sigh. "Oh well."

" 'Advanced Physics'?" Sadie read the title of another textbook. "Why do you need an advanced version of physics?"

Owen was looking through some of the smaller books, getting more and more surprised. "Economics, college vocabulary, history of USA and Canada... little dude, why do you have so many educational books?"

"I promised my mom I'd keep up with my studies," Rodney admitted. "If it takes up too much room, I'll keep some of them in my bags and under my bed."

"Wait, aren't you going to be on the top?" Sadie asked him, looking at Owen and then at the top bunk of the boys' side. "Seems a little..."

"No, Owen loves the top bunk, and I told him it was okay."

Owen let out a cheer, and scooped up Sadie, Rodney, and Sakaki in a major hug. "I love you guys! We're going to be awesome roommates!"

And then he farted. The three winced, and he put them down, chuckling nervously. "Sorry. That one kind of slipped out. It usually does when I'm excited..."

He farted again. "Sorry! I'm just so excited to be here in the contest..."

The smell was getting unbearably thick, and the gas was starting to be hard to see through. Rodney put on the goggles of his helmet, and led Sadie and Sakaki towards the door; Sakaki clung to the young boy for safety, her eyes watering.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Possibly Noah's room.)**

**Owen** - "That prodigy child is something of a genius, you know? I mean, he brought homework with him during a TV contest! I wouldn't bring homework with me, just snacks." \He takes a candy bar out of his pocket and scarfs it down.\ "See?"

**Sadie** - "I... don't know how to say this without sounding rude, but I don't like the idea of being Owen's roommate. Like, oh my God, I know guys live in dirty rooms and such, but Owen... it's, like, so smelly already in there! Would he be offended if I had a few cans of air freshener in our room?"

* * *

**(Room 10 - Sandra, Sebastian, Trent, Tyler)**

"You boys are never to touch anything of mine, got it?" Sandra said the three guys standing outside of their new room. After they nodded, Sandra snapped her gum at them.

"Good. You try anything, I'll call security, and you and your families will be penniless. Dad's a lawyer, so he take your house right under you."

She grinned, because the thought of swiping someone's house right out from under them was entertaining to her. "Now, I'm going to go arrange my stuff in my room. None of you are allowed in until I'm done."

Sandra walked in and slammed the door behind her. Tyler went for the handle, but she had locked it. He looked back at Trent and Sebastian, both of whom looked quite irked.

"This may actually," Sebastian said as he leaned against a wall, "take quite a while."

"She did have a lot of luggage," Tyler remarked.

"Not only that, but I believe she will deliberately take her time. Just to annoy us further," he said as he tapped the side of his glasses in thought. "She's the type of person who enjoys angering people, from years of finding it enjoyable."

"Man," Trent muttered, rearranging the shoulder strap for his guitar case.

"The one thing we can do to make sure she doesn't get any pleasure from this is act happy when she comes out."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Not locked.)**

**Trent** - "And thus we chatted, and acted like we were becoming best of friends. Sandra actually looked really upset about that, so Sebastian was right. I'm starting to like that guy, good head on his shoulders, and cool locks too."

**Tyler** - "The guys I'm rooming with, they're both pretty cool. But Sandra... yuck, it's like a rerun of Heather. With bubbles. And red hair. And a tattoo. She's got a freaking tattoo of bubble gum on her arm, is that messed up or what?"

\He ponders this for a moment, then smirks.\ "If I get a tattoo, I'm getting a metal baseball bat on my arm, because that's how strong it is!" \He flexes.\ "Rrrr!"

* * *

**(Room 11 - Valerie, Xander, Yoshi, Zachary)**

"You two better not be taking up too much room," Zachary grumbled as he started unloading his suitcases. "I don't want either of you to think just because you're white boys, you can take over this room."

Xander rolled his eyes and gave this little thought. Yoshi growled and muttered, "I'm asian, for crying out loud."

"Whatever, white boy," Zachary muttered. Yoshi's eye was starting to twitch, and he grabbed the table for some kind of comfort.

"Look guys, there's absolutely no reason we cannot get along, at least for the first day," Xander said as he hung up a poster of a motorcycle (with a girl barely wearing anything leaning against it).

"You gonna hang up posters like that, I think we can," Zachary said with a grin. His eyes glanced Yoshi's scabbard, and he added, "Oh, and no swords."

"I am not parting with my sword," Yoshi said, narrowing his eyes at his roommate.

"You ain't gonna keep that giant butter knife in my room, white boy."

"You ain't gonna tell me what to do," he replied, using Zachary's tone of voice back at him, "and so the sword stays with me, black boy."

Zachary's eyes widened. "Was that a racist statement You a racist?"

"Hey guys, come on," Xander shouted, throwing his hands up. "This is looking more and more like a bar fight waiting to happen."

"Don't call me racist, you're the one calling me 'white boy'," Yoshi shouted at Zachary, ignoring Xander.

"You is a racist, white boy!"

"We're all the same race, human," Xander tried to say, but Yoshi and Zachary began shoving each other. Then Yoshi started to throttle him, shouting things in Japanese that are best suited not translated.

Xander had to pull Yoshi off and keep him in a nelson lock. The warrior and the whiner continued to shout at each other, until someone entered their room unannounced.

"Oh joy," Valerie grumbled. "You three are already fighting? This is not going to fun at all."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Where venting after fighting happens.)**

**Valerie** - "Great. Just great. I'm stuck in a room with three guys. Can you believe my luck?"

\She frowns bitterly at the camera for a few seconds, then the idea sinks in. Her eyes widen, then she grins.\ "Stuck in a room with three guys... and no cameras in the room! Oh wow, this is a dream come true! Oh, I hope that biker boy doesn't have a girl back home, he's so fine!"

**Zachary** - "So racist sword boy thinks he can push me around? Well then, it's ON! It's so on, it's like... like, um... that... it's on like... um, well, it's ON, that's what it is! It's so on!"

* * *

**(Stadium)**

The forty-four contestants were all shocked when they walked back into the stadium. The whole place had changed, as if they had entered a new stadium. Pools of water scattered about, steel cages, a quiz show stage, and a race track were adorned around the stadium floor. The only thing the same about it was the large platform, which Chris was currently standing on.

"The Maclean Stadium has many compartments underground, trapdoors opening up to expand our challenge possibilities," he explained after all forty-four were on the platform. "Later in the show, we'll be using the virtual reality machine, which will take you places that you people are really gonna love or hate."

"Nerds and Izzy by love, sane people by hate," Heather grumbled to herself.

Ezekiel gave her a nudge with his elbow, and she frowned at him. "You doo'nt knoo', it might be great," he whispered to her. "After all, you cannot get really hurt in a virtual reality game, eh."

"How do you know that?"

"I read up on it. It's really fascinating, and I think you might like it, depending on the challenges."

"Well, he'll probably leave us in the jungle or a war zone." She scoffed and looked away. "I cannot wait for that."

"If either happens, I'll be there to help you, eh," he said. Ezekiel slid his arm around her back and pulled her close to her. She resisted slightly at first, then gave.

"You know I don't like cuddling in front of the others," she whispered as she leaned against his shoulders. "Gwen and Leshawna might try to break us up in revenge."

"No, they woo'nt. I woo'nt let them, and you can trust me, ba-"

"HEY YOU TWO!"

Heather and Ezekiel jumped, and she clung to him in her startle. Chris was glaring at the two, and he snapped, "Are you two paying any attention to the challenge at all? You're not listening, too busy making eyes and cuddling!"

The stadium audience laughed, as did several of the contestants. Heather sighed, embarrassed, but Ezekiel was rather confused. "Um, pay attention to what, eh?" he asked. "You didn't say anything after you mentioned the virtual reality simulator."

"That's right, man," Xander agreed. "And besides, not as bad as those two."

He jerked his thumb at Bridgette and Geoff, who were making out. Chris tapped his foot, then cleared his throat loudly.

"Okay people, time for your first challenge! I call it, The Battle of the Schools! Because the two teams should be obvious: Old School verses New School!"

The crowd went wild, it was what most of them wanted. The contestants looked at each other, then at their new opponents.

"Yes, in case that isn't descriptive enough for you, it's the new contestants verses the old contestants," Chris continued. "This'll be a huge challenge, with multiple parts. First off will be one-on-one, or possibly more, and we'll see once and for all...

"Who is the most crazy, who is the most wild, and who is the strongest? In the Battle of the Schools, we'll see who deserves to be here: the rookies or the experts?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Vs. Confessional Can maybe?)**

**Harold** - "I've seen a lot of the new contestants, and after a calculated estimation, even considering my skills as well as the others, I have come to the conclusion that... we're kind of screwed."

**Carol** - "I watched the show, and I've seen some of these new people. Even though some of them are kind of awesome, we are gonna be whipped, spanked, and tossed in the bin. It's gonna hurt, people, it's really gonna hurt."

* * *

"Okay, I think the first competition should be obvious," Chris said as Chef Hatchet hauled a table onto the platform.

"You, Canadian pride," he shouted, pointing at Owen, "and you, American pride," he said as he pointed to Alfred.

The two boys looked down at the respected, national symbols on their shirts, then grinned. Exchanging glances, the two shoot hands good-naturedly.

"So what's the challenge, Chris my man?" they shouted at the same time.

"Whoa, it's like they cloned Owen, slimmed him down, and raised him in another nation," Duncan whispered to Courtney, who couldn't help but giggle.

"We've got a couple four-liter bottles of soda here," Chris said, as Chef put those awfully large bottles down. "We're going to have a chug-a-thon to see which of you two is really the most daring!

"Keep chugging until of you spits out or stops chugging. Doesn't matter if you puke, pee, belch, or cry your eyes out afterwards, the goal is to beat the other!"

"You call this a challenge?" Tyler exclaimed with a laugh. "This is what Owen does in his free time!"

"Owen's gonna ace this, you rookies are so going down," Geoff declared.

Alfred was grinning wickedly at Owen, wiggling his fingers. The big guy was cracking his knuckles, his wrists, his neck, and his jaw; Alfred wasn't really sure how to crack his jaw, but it looked wicked.

"Okay, gentlemen, ready?" Chris asked them.

Alfred and Owen, with earnest grins on their faces, growled in reply. Their hands were on the table, ready to grab those rather tall bottles.

"Ready... steady... and... CHUG!"

Owen and Alfred grabbed their four-liter bottles, and started to chug hard. The two teams were cheering and rooting, chanting, "Go go go," or their teammate's name.

It took about a minute, both of the boys' eyes watering and groaning hard as they swallowed. Coming down to the last few swallows, it was awfully close. Looking way too close to call, the two muttered a couple words to each other.

"Mmr mmrghy mmmg, 'mug mmy mnn mggnng mnnth mmy mmas mmyr," Owen shouted. **[1]**

"Mmmh? Mmml, mmy mms moo mmrnk mmm mh mrrmen mmss," Alfred replied. **[2]**

Despite the taunting, the two managed to finish and slammed their liter bottles down; however, there was a slight time difference in who planted his first.

"Our winner is...," Chris shouted, "Alfred!"

"Oh ho ho wow," Alfred slurred, collapsing on his knees. "That was so totally awesome."

"Fellow chugger, I salute you," Owen said, and then did salute you.

The rookies were all cheering loudly, while the veterans looked demoralized. If Owen couldn't win a competition involving food, what could they do?

Owen laughed and licked the top of his soda liter, looking happy despite having lost. His stomach gurgled, and he clutched it. "Uh-oh," he muttered, "this might be a big one."

"Oh dear," Alfred squeaked, then dove under the table.

Owen let loose a belch that blew the empty bottles away, almost knocked the lighter contestants off their feet, could be felt by the stadium audience, and heard in the neighboring provinces.

And of course, the guys in the audience (and some of the gals) went wild with applause.

Owen waved to the clapping audience, as Alfred stood up. "Whoa, good one, dude," the American gonzo said.

"Thanks, dude! You got one coming?"

"I think I do! I got..."

His belly gurgled, and Alfred let a sick hiccup. Repeating, "Oh dear," he ran for the side of the platform, fell to his knees, and puked hard.

"Oh man, the first puking happened way sooner than I thought it would," Chris said. He grinned at Chef. "And you're cleaning it up, mister."

As Hatchet snarled at the host, Owen was patting Alfred on the back. "Hey dude, it's actually pretty cool you heaved."

"Oh yeah? *_cough, hack_* How so, dude?"

"Because anyone who's anyone on Total Drama pukes at least once! Welcome to the show!"

He lifted the smaller guy up in a loving hug. Alfred was startled at first, then he cheered and pumped his fists in the air.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Plenty of sawdust here.)**

**Alfred** - "I think I'm gonna like this show! Woohoo!"

**Sandra** - \rolls her eyes and snaps her gum\ "What an American idiot."

* * *

**(New School - 1, Old School - 0.)**

Yoshi and Eva were next. The fitness buff was punching her palm repeatedly, and the warrior was staring her down with a fierce look. Most people were way too scared to say anything, lest the contained wrath shoot out and hit them.

Chris wasn't one of those people. "Okay, tough guy and gal! It's time we see which of you can really fight! Eva, Yoshi, you two are going to arm wrestle! Now I assume you're both right-handed?"

"Yes," said Eva.

"No," said Yoshi.

"What what what?" Chris stammered, gawking at him.

"It matters not, my right hand is just as good at such things," he said, his gaze never leaving Eva. "I can win this."

"Your confidence is rather... refreshing," Eva growled, a smirk starting to form on her face.

"Whatever, you left-handed freaks are always so strange," Chris said, shrugging and walking away.

"だけに、小さな男待つ、私はあなたの靴ひもを結ぶよ," Yoshi snapped at him. **[3]**

Ezekiel, Anita, and Sakaki gasped. "Oh, he's really mad, eh," Ezekiel whispered to Heather.

"I hope he doesn't snap Eva's wrist, he's angry now," Anita said to Belinda. Sakaki merely whimpered.

Eva and Yoshi sat down in front of a barrel, and clasped hands. "Ready?" Chris shouted. "Then... GO!"

There was no movement at first, just Eva and Yoshi shaking slightly. Sweat began to form on their foreheads, and they ground their teeth.

Slowly, hardly noticeable, the arm wrestled tilted in Eva's favor. Yoshi snarled and struggled more, but the tilt was all Eva needed. After a half minute of struggling, she planted his wrist down on the barrel top.

"Eva wins," Chris shouted over the cheers, "like there was any doubt!"

"私はどうしても、嫌いなあなたの車を壊すとあられ石したい," Yoshi muttered as he massaged his wrist. **[4]**

Eva pumped her fists into the air at her teammates, and was almost knocked over by a glomping Izzy, then Bridgette hugged her muscular friend.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - What the heck was Yoshi saying?)**

**Izzy** - "Eva's my type of gal. I believe if I was born as a guy, I'd be all over her like ketchup on my breakfast! Then again, if I was born as a guy, I'd be called Rizzo. Rizzo and Eva, not bad!"

**Jasmine** - "Oh, the horrors! Our warrior is down, defeated by that beast of a woman! Whatever shall become of us?! We need a hero!"

* * *

**(New School - 1, Old School - 1.)**

The contestants were all gathered around a large, steel bar cage. Inside, sitting in the corners, were Duncan and Colin. Both were bare-chested, and wearing boxing gloves.

"Okay honey, you know what you're gonna do, right?" Courtney said. "Remember, you just need to knock him down for five seconds, but don't be a hero!"

"Can I be Mick and cut you, if need be?" Izzy asked Duncan.

"Girls girls, I'll be just fine," Duncan exclaimed, patting his gloved hands together. "I've seen more intimidating creatures on the street, and some of them had four legs."

"I've seen more intimidating fourth-graders," Colin was telling his teammates, "and I'm sure he's going to scream louder when I hit him."

"How wonderful," Daisy grumbled, rolling her eyes.

"Look dude, just knock him down for five seconds," Arthur instructed the bully. "You don't need to beat him to a-"

"I can do both, Chef said it'd be great TV," Colin said, grinning wickedly. "I'd love to see Courtney try to make out with him when his face is one big bruise."

"See if you can pull on his mohawk, make him mad," Zachary suggested, "show that white boy's who's the real master of the cage match!"

"I live for this kind of violence!"

"Okay then! Duncan, Colin," Chris, also standing outside the cage, "we aren't opening this cage until one of you goes down for five seconds. You can punch all you want, keep it clean, please."

"Like hell," Colin whispered.

Duncan cackled as he stood up. Colin also got to his feet, and the two slowly advanced on each other.

"Get ready to rumble," Chris called out, "and... GO!"

**POW! BIFF! SMACK! WHAM! ZOCK! SMASH! BANG! BAM!**

"Oh, the horrors!"

"It's too terrible to watch, and yet I cannot look away!"

"Yay, hooray!"

**SMACKEROO! RONK! SLAM! TIFF! SPLAT! BONK! WHAM-O!**

"Stop stop, enough! He's had enough! You animal!"

"Oh God, he's a mess! We're gonna need a lot of band-aids!"

"I feel woozy..."

"Man, I've seen pictures of those mutilated by the Old Gods and their minions, but nothing compares to that!"

"I," Chris muttered, "think we know who's won."

Duncan stood over a very banged-up Colin. He had his foot triumphantly on Colin's chest, and the bully was whimpering.

"That was fun," he said, wiping his mouth. "But next time, I want more of a challenge, like maybe that little asian chick."

"Yay, hooray! Way to go, Duncan! Bloody good show! I love you, I love you!"

Crystal's teammates were staring at her oddly, and she realized that after a few seconds. "If you all knew what that wanker did to me earlier, you'd all be cheering too!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Need a mop for the blood?)**

\It's impossible to see who it is at first, because the room is empty, then Sakaki finally comes up and waves nervously at the camera.\

**Sakaki** - "Um, hi. Well, I don't think I want to be locked in the same cage or room as Duncan." \She whimpers.\ "That's all I have to say, bye!" \She bolts.\

**Crystal** - "Sure, I am a very romantic person and I think about it all the time. Like say, I think Yoshi and Eva might be cute together, and did you see how worried Courtney looked for Duncan?"

\She swoons and bats her eyes.\ "Every girl's dream, to see their man beat a guy to a bloody pulp for her. He won't be bothering Courtney in our room, that's bloody well certain!"

* * *

**(New School - 1, Old School - 2.)**

"Gwen, Belinda, you two have the eyes of someone who could stare at something for hours on end," Chris said to the two girls. "So trust me when I say we have to start your staring contest now. Chef will be watching you to see if either of you looks away."

"A staring contest," Gwen repeated as she stood in position. "This is the lamest idea I've ever heard come out of your head, Chris."

"You should know about the other ideas he had for us," Belinda said, raising an eyebrow. "Heard one of them was a kissing contest."

Gwen's eyes widened, and she almost closed them. She couldn't help but grin. "If that was a trick, you're good."

"I try, I try."

"Yeah, you go, Belinda," Howard was shouting, leaping up and down. "Stare the heck out of that girl Though Gwen, you're hot too, but Belinda, you rock!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - We rock too, don't we?)**

**Belinda** - \smiling matter-of-factly at the camera\ "He'll be all over me until I show interest in another boy, or if another girl shows interest in him. Methinks it'll be the former, or, of course, there is the chance I could fall for him." \She laughs.\

* * *

The two girls continued to stare at each other, and the host walked away.

"Okay then, the rest of you," he exclaimed. "We need Justin, Lindsay, Xander, and Anita to all stand over here in front of these big, intimidating machines that look like snow blowers."

The four stood in front of the big, intimidating machines that looked liked snow blowers. "So," Justin was the first to speak up, "why are we standing in front of these big, intimidating machines that look like snow blowers?"

"There is a good reason for that," Chris said, grinning wickedly as he approached console nearby the machines. "And the reason for you standing in front of these big-"

"Get on with it, old man," Xander muttered. The other three laughed when Chris visibly flinched.

"Hey, I'm in my late twenties, dude," Chris retorted. "Anyway, you four are known for being ridiculously good-looking."

Justin nodded and looked in a hand mirror, grinning at his reflection. Lindsay nodded, and quickly reapplied her golden lipstick. Xander chuckled and brushed a bang away from his face. Anita sighed and crossed her arms.

"That's not the stereotype I wanted to be for this contest," she started, but Chris cut her off.

"And as a fellow beautiful person, I know how much you'd hate to have your name dragged through the mud, just because people hate you for being beautiful."

Lindsay nodded wistfully. Justin and Xander exchanged a look and chuckled over the thought. Anita rolled her eyes, then she suddenly looked like an idea struck her. She turned away from the machines, and waved at the crowd.

"And so, it's only fair we just give you some practice with said mud," Chris finished his statement, and mud began to shoot from the big, intimidating machines that looked a lot like snow blowers.

One of the four let out a high-pitched shriek, but it wasn't the girls. Lindsay shielded her face, Anita ground her teeth as the mud pelted her back, and Xander actually started running towards the mud shots.

"Yeah, you think this is heavy?" Xander shouted. "Try the unofficial race track in my home town, we've got mud on a warm day!"

The machines stopped after a minute more of shooting mud. Justin looked unrecognizable, and very unhappy. Lindsay was wailing, complaining brown mud clashed with her blond hair. Xander was dripping mud and grinning like a madman.

Anita turned around, almost completely clean down her front. Mud caked around her sides, and her semi-cleanness annoyed Chris. He flipped the switch and another blast of mud hit her in the face.

"Yuck, what a poor sport," she groaned as she wiped the mud away from her eyes.

"You still look hot," Xander assured her, clicking his tongue.

She smiled at him, and shrugged. "Oh, I'm actually used to it. I used to go down to the race track in our town, was a flag girl for a few months. It was fun, and motorcycle races are actually quite fun to watch."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Need a rag for the mud?)**

**Xander** - \with a wide grin\ "Sa-aaaaaaay, I like this Anita girl!"

**Cody** - "That Anita girl said she was a fan of mine... I just wish we were on the same team this time around... least with Gwen and Beth, I was on their team! ... Though I did lose both of them. Hmmm... maybe this'll work out better! Like Harold and Leshawna, and Tyler and Lindsay..."

* * *

"Well, Xander and Anita, you two look much better when drenched in mud," Chris observed, "so that means you two win! Sorry, Lindsay and Justin."

Justin was still wiping mud off of his face, and he wasn't very successful until Beth came with a whole bunch of rags. He began to clean himself, then he gave her a little kiss of appreciation. The one kiss escalated to many, Beth popping her little foot and getting completely smeared with mud too.

"Eww," Lindsay commented on her friend's actions.

"What?" Beth asked, looking at Lindsay for a couple seconds. "I grew up with pigs, I love mud!"

The two continued to make out. Anita, hoping to catch Cody's eye, looked around for him, but he was too distracted helping Tyler get rags for Lindsay. She sighed in defeat, but Xander patted her shoulder.

"You got your eye on Cody, huh? Well, you'll get his attention another time, babe."

"I look like I'm getting a spa treatment right now."

"And still, like I said before, quite hot. Mud's drying on your face, 'cuz you're that hot."

She couldn't help but laugh, and slugged his shoulder playfully. On the side, Howard was making notes.

Chris watched all this, and then turned to the camera. "We might have to clean up, because TV won't let the beautiful people look bad. Makes bad TV for only the ugly people here to be the stars."

An four-liter bottle of soda was thrown from off-screen, hitting the host in the head and knocking him down before it cut to commercial.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet -** **Are we hot? We're just a closet.)**

**Leshawna** - \with a not-so-innocent grin on her face\ "I like throwing things at Chris. Can ya blame me?"

**Hannah** - "Rather interesting challenges so far. But... kind of tame, as far as Chris goes. Oh wait, I shouldn't jinx it, I don't want them to get too rough."

**DJ** - "Oh, I just want to say this before I forget... HI, MOM!"

**Lindsay** - \still stained with mud\ "Aww, this is so awful! I look like one of the football players on a rainy day! Mud is terrible, it doesn't do any good, why do we need mud?"

**Beth** and **Justin** - \They are both covered in mud and still making out.\

* * *

...

...

...

**So, how will the competition between new and old go? Which side will win?**

**When one team wins, will Chris have anything else in surprise for the losers?**

**And is Anita going to get Cody's attention? How will Eva react?

* * *

**

**[1]** - Owen to Alfred during the chugging contest, "You're going down, 'cuz I was chugging when I was four!"

**[2]** - Alfred to Owen in response, "Yeah? Well, I used to drink from the garden hose!"

**[3]** - Yoshi's first Japanese statement to Chris Maclean, "Just you wait, little man, I'll tie your shoelaces together."

**[4]** - Yoshi's second Japanese statement to Chris, "I fervently hate you, and want hail stones to ruin your car."

* * *

**Next Up:** More of the first challenge!


	3. Ch 1, Pt 3: There Will Be Cake, and Pie

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. Not even the walking, and don't talk like they do. And quit smiling, I see you smiling.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Warning** - I'd like to just clear up rumors here. I am not a robot or android, like some people have asked. I am a master of the living dead, can't you tell by my name?

* * *

**Chapter 3** - The Three C's: Competition, Contest, Challenges.

* * *

**(New School - 3, Old School - 2.)**

"Are you two doing okay up there?" Chris shouted through a megaphone.

Ezekiel peered over the edge, gripping the side of the platform way up high in the air. Turning green and white at the same time from the incredible height, he managed to shout back, "Y-yes."

Clive sat nearby him, shaking as well. This far up was freezing, and the emo boy's hair blew in the frigid wind. Luckily, both boys were dressed in thick clothing, so they weren't too uncomfortable

"Remember, you two are up three thousand feet," Chris reminded them. "That's almost a mile high!"

"Gee, thanks," Clive muttered under his breath. "I was wondering why I was rehearsing what I'll say to the reaper."

"Your challenge," the host continued, "is that one of you jump off that platform. There is a pool down here, a rather big one, but I'd sure to hate to be you if you miss it. First one to find the courage to jump wins!"

Ezekiel swallowed hard. He had been surprised enough when Clive and he were on this platform. The two had just stood where Chris had told them, and then they were suddenly being raised into the air.

"_How did they build a three thousand foot platform underneath the stadium_," he had thought, "_and why? For this one challenge?_"

Down on the ground, Heather was close to freaking out. The queen bee was in danger of cutting her palms open with her nails, her hands were clenched so tight. Bridgette, Izzy, and Tyler were also worried sick; Izzy had gone to Hannah and asked her to make sure God was watching her Zeke.

"Jump over the side?" Ezekiel whimpered as he looked over said side. "Oh boy..."

The prairie boy had actually been excited for the thousand foot cliff on the first day of TDI, but three times that height was a whole other ball game.

"Okay, I think I can do this, eh," he assured himself, though his voice was cracking. "Just... psyche myself up a little... okay, a lot. Oh man, I doo'nt think anyone could do this-"

"Good bye, cruel world!"

Clive went over the side. He didn't even jump, he just fell over the edge. Ezekiel screamed in fear and jumped after him.

The two boys plummeted, two different thought processes going on.

"_I hope I hit the water. Oh, I really doo'nt want to break every bone in my body, eh. If I die, tell my mom and dad I loved them! Tell Heather I... wait, who's gonna tell them, I'm all alone up here, eh! Oh man, why'd I jump, he already leapt, there was no need to!_"

"_If I don't miss the ground and hit the water, I hope Ezekiel falls on me and kills me._"

About halfway down, Ezekiel hit the side of the raised platform. Pinwheeling out of control, the prairie boy hit the water hard a few seconds after the emo boy. Both boys surfaced gasping for air, but only Clive said, "Oh drat," in disgust; Ezekiel didn't know what he meant by that.

"I cannot believe you both jumped," Chris shouted, laughing. "Though Clive does win, because he jumped first."

Clive rolled his eyes as he teammates cheered, and was slow to pull himself out of the pool. Ezekiel also pulled himself out, and was immediately besieged by Heather.

"What were you thinking?" Heather shouted, pounding on Ezekiel's chest. "He jumped already, you didn't have to."

"Um, I panicked," he admitted. "Soo'ry."

"Don't do that to me, I don't want you in the hospital this entire contest. So don't do it again!"

"Doo'nt jump off a three-thousand foot platform a'geen? I think I can resist that urge, eh."

He hugged his girlfriend, and she slowly came around to returning it. He gave her a kiss on the cheek that some watching thought was romantic. Some of the others weren't thinking romantic thoughts at all though.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Too far away to watch.)**

**Gwen** - "... What-"

**Bridgette** - "... does-"

**Lindsay** - "... he-"

**Tyler** - "... see-"

**Leshawna** - "... in-"

**Beth** - "... her?!"

**Harold** - "GOSH!"

**Clive** - "Oh why can't I plummet to my death like any normal person?"

* * *

**(New School - 4, Old School - 2.)**

"All right then ladies," Chris went back to announcing, "we have next our two techno-nerds! Give it up for Cody..."

The audience began to cheer, and most everyone was almost deafened from the high-pitched shrieks of fan girls. Cody turned bright red with an incorrigible grin on his face, especially when he saw Anita pumping her fists and shouting out to him too.

"... and Joel," Chris concluded.

The inventor waved to the crowd, who cheered as well, but there was a lot of booing intertwined in the applause.

"Dude, they shouldn't be booing," Cody said, appalled. "Why are they booing ya?"

"Well, I was the deciding factor in getting you voted off last season," Joel remarked, calm as ever. "It's fine, I accept that."

"I don't man, you're my friend."

"Not for this challenge, you ain't," Chris said. "On this challenge, you two are going to be walking a balance beam over a pool of water."

Cody and Joel immediately thought, "_That doesn't sound too bad,_" but didn't dare say it out loud.

"... On stilts!"

"_Yep_," they both thought. "_Probably would have been best to not even think it._"

"And to show you how it's done, we're going to have Chef Hatchet take a break from watching the stare-down to give a demonstration!"

Chef Hatchet, wobble-walking on stilts, started to walk across the balance beam. He got about five steps before he missed, and slammed face first on the balance beam.

"That'll leave a scar," Chris said gleefully. "Okay, Cody and Joel, you two techno-nerds, get on your stilts!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Poor Chef.)**

**Joel** - "It doesn't really bother me that people boo me. I know I have my fans hidden away somewhere. I'm more of a 'silent popularity' type of guy, you know?"

**Cody** - "My friends weren't kidding when they said I had fan girls! Man, you wouldn't know it by my school." \He chuckles.\ "Boy, sure made me want to win that challenge, you know? Didn't wanna let them down."

* * *

"Okay, are you two set?" Chris asked the two boys after they were up on their stilts.

"Ready to face plant, sir," Joel replied. Cody, trembling hard, merely nodded.

"All righty then! On your mark, get set... GO!"

Joel and Cody nervously put a stilt leg on the balance beam. Both started at a very slow pace walking on the narrow board, and everyone was holding their breath.

Then Cody stumbled. Pinwheeling his arms and wobbling, he looked ready to fall over.

"No no no no no no no," Anita and Eva began to chant. The fitness buff was clenching her fists and the bombshell was shaking her hands; both looked like they were about to lose it.

Cody screamed as he felt himself go forward. He stumbled across the balance beam, somehow miraculously staying on it as he moved forward. After he reached the other side, he fell down and landed on his chest.

"Well," Joel, not even halfway across the beam yet, said to himself, "that's one way to do it."

"The winner is Cody," Chris announced, though most could not hear him over the loud shrieking of fan girls in the audience. Guys in the audience and the contestants kept their hands over their ears.

Anita and Eva were by Cody's side in a matter of seconds, both trying to help him to his feet and remove the stilts. Neither seemed to be very happy with the other trying to help, and it almost became a push-fight.

"Girls girls," Cody exclaimed when the two began to exchange glares at each other. "Don't worry, I can get them off on my-"

His protest was cut off when he heard Joel cry out. The inventor was trying to walk the rest of the way for the heck of it, and found himself stumbling. One stilt leg fell down on one side of the balance beam, causing the other to fall the other way, and Joel hit the balance beam with his crotch.

"Oh," he whimpered, his voice extremely high-pitched. Every male and even some females viewing winced, hunching up their shoulders. Joel fell down on the balance beam, groaning in pain. "By the master ninja, I think I just lost any chance of having Joel Jr.!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Poor Joel.)**

**Howard** - "Yeesh. I know how he feels."

**Colin** - \nursing a black eye\ "Hehe, it's great to see others in pain, isn't it?"

* * *

**(New School - 4, Old School - 3.)**

Noah and Rodney sat next to each other on the quiz show set. The teenaged bookworm kept glancing at the child, who had to sit on a couple phone books to be the right height for the desk in front of him.

"Okay everyone, let's see who's smarter here," Chris declared, holding up a few note cards. "I'm gonna read off some really hard questions, and the first of you to get five of them right wins! Hit the buzzer if you know the answer!"

Rodney nodded a great many times, his helmet rocking on his head because it was a couple sizes too big. Noah didn't bother nodding, he simply rolled his eyes.

The crowd cheered, then silenced down as the game show music placed. Chris, standing at the host's pedestal, began reading from one of the cards.

"_What is the capital of Califor-_"

**DING!**

"Sacramento," Rodney shouted, a hopeful smile on his face.

Chris blinked, then double-checked his card. "Um, right."

Rodney, the New School team, and a good deal of the audience cheered. Noah stared at the child, slack-jawed.

"Next question," Chris declared, bringing Noah and Rodney back to the game. "_What is titanium's number on the periodic-_"

**DING!**

"Number 22," exclaimed Rodney.

"Um... right again!"

"Yey," the kid cheered, pumping his fists in the air. Noah was startled again, and he growled under his breath.

"Boy, he's making you look bad, Noah," Chris commented.

This did not strike a good note in the bookworm.

"Okay then, third question! _What is the expression used to describe a counter-argument that is basically an insult or personal attack?_"

The two were quiet, with Noah rubbing his forehead. "I should know this one," he muttered, "I really should... wait... wait wait wait!"

**DING!**

"Ad hominem," Noah shouted, both of his hands on the buzzer.

"Correct! Glad to see you got one right, Noah."

Breathing a sigh of relief, Noah smiled at all the cheering for him, especially from Katie. What surprised him, though, was Rodney was earnestly clapping too.

"Why do you look so happy?" he asked the kid, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I think it was great that you knew the answer. Now I know what it means too," the kid said with a laugh.

Before a flabbergasted Noah could reply, Chris continued. "Quit being nice to each other and get to answering the questions! _Now, what is the action of removing the pollen-producing tassel from a corn or maize plant and putting it in the ground?_"

**DING!**

"Detasseling?" asked Rodney.

"Correct!"

"Doh," Noah groaned as he pounded his desk. "It was one of those stupid questions that had the answer in it!"

The quiz went on, the questions hard and very random. Noah scored two more points and Rodney one more, leaving the score at 4-3 Rodney. People were biting their nails and their knuckles, holding their breath, rocking on their feet, or making eyes with their boyfriend/girlfriend.

"All right, let's see if you two know this one," Chris said with a sly smirk. "_Who won the World Series in '92?_"

Silence erupted from both Noah and Rodney. The teenaged brainiac leaned over and whispered, "Is the World Series baseball, football, or soccer?"

"I was thinking it was hockey or lacrosse..."

"NERDS," Chef Hatchet, Tyler, Duncan, Colin, Zachary, Chris, and a lot of the guys in the audience shouted.

"Sport dorks," Noah shouted back. Rodney whimpered and began to fasten his chin strap, expecting a fight to start.

"Moving along, since neither of you know-it-alls know anything about sports," Chris grumbled, "next question! _Who is the most handsome game show host ever?_"

Noah just stared as Rodney rang his buzzer. "Ummm... you?" the kid asked, pointing at Chris.

"Yes, of course! You win, Rodney!"

The New School team burst out in wild cheers, as did the audience. Noah stared with one of the most disbelieving looks on his face, then banged said face against the desk.

Anita and Sebastian hosted Rodney up, and the little kid cheered wildly. "Hey, Noah," he called out. "You were awesome, I hope we can compete again soon!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Poor Noah.)**

**Noah** - "I was just too stunned that Chris would make such an arrogant question that I didn't react. Man, so embarrassing..."

\He clears his throat then scowls at the camera.\ "That Rodney kid sure is smart, though. Little boy, you just got yourself a rival."

* * *

**(New School - 5, Old School - 3.)**

"For this next one, I'm going to need three from each team," Chris said, standing next to what looked like two giant microphones. "Zachary, Sandra, and Valerie, you are on one side. Leshawna, Heather, and Courtney, you're on the other side."

The three girls on Old School were eyeing each other cautiously. None of them trusted the other two, and Leshawna had a strong vendetta against the other two.

"These devices will record what you say into them, and the amount of 'hot air,' as one could put it, that you generate from jabbering will rack up points. I'll let you know when one side has babbled enough to win.

"Guess we're putting what you loudmouths are known best for, eh?" he asked and chuckled. "Okay, I can give you all a few choice topics if you need help-"

He didn't need to, because the six were already angrily shouting, shooting off their mouths.

"You calling me a loudmouth?" Leshawna shouted at the host. "Oh no no no no no! You do _not_ talk about blabbering when you're around, Chris!"

"I so do not fall into that category," Heather snapped. "I only talk when it's necessary!"

"You stereotyping me, white boy?" Zachary growled. "Saying we all talk a lot?"

"That's, like, so typical of you to pick a bunch of girls," Sandra said. "So twenty minutes ago to act, like, like all girls do is, like, talk!"

"I cannot help it if I get a little chatty, I do a lot of speeches and talking with the little people," Valerie argued.

"And don't even get me started on how difficult it is to get Duncan's attention when I try to talk," Courtney exclaimed. "I mean, I have to repeat things over and over for him to get them, because he just won't listen! So excuse me if I happen to go over the top, because people don't listen, and..."

This carried on for some time, and eventually the six drifted off into their own original subjects. Chris saw that a winning team had been chosen, but he couldn't speak over the six angry teens, even with his megaphone. Finally, he had to call on a couple people who could pierce through the talking.

The happy squeals of Katie and Sadie combined were able to finally silence the six blabbermouths. Chris, standing next to the twins, sighed and shouted into his megaphone.

"The contest ended four minutes ago," he declared. "The Old School team wins!"

"Yay," Ezekiel shouted, running over to Heather. "That's my girl!"

He hugged her, then gave her a kiss on the lips. The queen bee froze up for a second, quite aware that everyone would see them kissing. At first, she started to freak, realizing this could ruin her image, but as the kiss deepened, she soon disregarded that.

"Oh, is it okay fur me to kiss you in front of the others?" he asked after he pulled away.

Heather blinked, then smirked at him. "Did I ask you to stop, Zekey?"

Ezekiel grinned, blushing at the implication, and kissed her again.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Poor Chris. ... Well, actually, no.)**

**Zachary** - \_still_ going on about discrimination\

**Sandra** - \_still_ going on about gender profiling\

**Courtney** - \_still_ going on about Duncan and him not listening\

**Heather** - \blushing slightly\ "Oh, Ezekiel. You're ruining my image, the one thing I used to hold at the highest priority... and for some reason, I don't seem to care right now."

* * *

**(New School - 5, Old School - 6.)**

"Izzy. Mandy."

"Yes?"

"Yes?"

Chris looked at the two girls staring at him anxiously, both of them eyeing the other evilly, as if planning some kind of diabolical pain on the other. The host loved this.

"You two are officially the strangest, most peculiar girls I've ever seen. Therefore, we've got something to match your bizarre life styles." Mandy and Izzy frowned, and the two exchanged infuriated looks. Whatever malice the two had built up against the other, it was now directed at Chris. He had no idea of it now, but he had started something big.

"In this pit right here," Chris Maclean continued, pointing down into said pit, "are a bunch of wild, bloodthirsty animals!"

As if to accent this point, there were roars and snarls and vicious barks. The animals began leaping up, startling all the other contestants. There were hyenas, anacondas, komodo dragons, the carnivore beavers, razorbacks, lions, tigers, bears, and more, oh my!

Several contestants screamed in terror, grabbing each other in fear. Izzy and Mandy didn't seem phased in the least.

"The one who can spend the most time down there wins," Chris said, still grinning sadistically. "Either of you even want to try-"

The two girls let out battle cries and jumped right in. Many people, including Chris and Chef, and especially Owen, cried out in terror; however, in a few seconds, they weren't the only ones.

The animals were panicking, trying desperately to get out of the pit. They whined and yipped, even the animals that didn't normally make those sounds. A mane-less lion managed to jump out and flee, as well as a skinned bear (not Fuzzy Wuzzums), and more animals missing fur and scales.

Once all the animals had escaped, Izzy and Mandy pulled themselves out. Both were wearing an unconscious snake around their shoulders, hyena fur on their hands and feet, and a carnivore beaver fur coat each. With Katie and Sadie gusto, the crazy girl and cultist squealed in joy and hugged.

"Um, wow," Chris said. "You two really made a mess out of those animals."

"You're, like, my best friend now," Mandy cheered, hugging Izzy tight.

"Yay! With you and Zeke and Owen and my imaginary friends, I has the bestest acquaintances," Izzy gushed.

Chris shook his head; now he really had seen it all. "Well, since there is really no way to judge who won of you two, I guess we have no choice but declare both of you the winners!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Poor animals.)**

**Izzy** - "Izzy likes Mandy! She is cool and fun and good with her hands, you should have seen her handle those razorbacks!"

**Mandy** - "Izzy's an awesome gal. I'll have to remember asking the Old Gods to spare her when they rise up."

**Groucho the Duck** - \quacking with English subtitles\ "Boy, I'm glad I didn't sign up to assist in that challenge."

* * *

**(New School - 6, Old School - 7.)**

Tyler and Daisy were standing on top of raised foam platforms, one that made it hard to balance on. Both were holding foam joust sticks, and eyeing the other.

"Okay, you two athletes," Chris said. "You two should know how to do foam jousting! Just knock the other off, and-"

He had to stop, because Tyler had fallen off. The host waited for the athlete to try and get back up, but he fell off a couple times.

"Tyler, will you get serious?" Courtney shouted.

"I am serious," he snapped back at her.

"You're falling down more than a drunk at the bar," Duncan groaned. "She's going to own you."

"You're getting owned, jock," Noah exclaimed.

Sakaki swallowed and looked over at Sebastian. "Um," she stammered, "sh-shouldn't _we_ be the ones taunting him?"

"No, they're doing a good enough job at reverse psychology," he replied. "At least, that's what I'm hoping they're doing."

Tyler finally managed to stand onto the foam platform, and now both teams were chanting taunts at him. The audience was also jeering, and the athlete looked rather disheartened. Daisy was watching, and started to feel bad for him.

"Okay, this'll be a short fight," Chris groaned. "Just go, and Daisy, please make it quick."

Daisy scowled, and swung at Tyler. The jock barely managed to dodge it, and almost fell off in the process.

"Just fall," Eva exclaimed.

Then Daisy did something she never thought she would do. She waited until Tyler swiped at her, hitting her lightly; however, she reacted like if it was a strong blow, pinwheeled her arms, and fell off her platform.

Chris blanched. "Tyler won?"

"He _won_?!" Duncan blurted out.

"I won?!" Tyler, the most astonished of them all, exclaimed. "I actually did it?"

A wild grin spread across his face as he pumped his fists in the air. This caused him to fall down, but he didn't care, especially when a very happy Lindsay climbed into the foam rink to hug him in celebration.

As Daisy pulled herself out, she noticed Yoshi was scowling at her. "What is it?" she asked.

"Don't think I didn't notice what you did there," he said, crossing his arms. "You really shouldn't have thrown it."

"I couldn't help but feel sorry for him, his own team was putting him down," she admitted. "Always did have a little crush on Tyler, but...

"Guess it's time to move on," she added when she saw that Lindsay and Tyler were making out now.

Yoshi groaned. "Biggest competition you've probably ever been in, and you threw your first challenge. Why?"

"Some things are cooler than victory, sugar babe," she said with a wink before walking away. Yoshi stared at her, now stunned.

" 'Sugar babe'?" he repeated.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Poor Yoshi.)**

**Yoshi** - "Daisy's a strange girl, to say the least. All enthusiasm, then she throws a challenge for a boy that's taken. How does that mind work?

**Daisy** - \chuckles\ "Oh, that Yoshi. He should know now how unpredictable we girls are."

**Chris Maclean** - "Okay people, we're going to do a little fast-forwarding, because the next few challenges just weren't as interesting. We'll just give you the highlights!"

* * *

DJ and Sakaki were competing against each other next. Their challenge was to hold wild animals without freaking out. Both of them did rather well with a tarantula, a leopard, and Mandy's rats. However, when Chris placed a giant snake in both their arms, DJ freaked and ran away; his unfortunate panic was bad for Sakaki, as he had accidentally thrown his snake into her arms.

Katie and Sadie competed against Jasmine and Hannah in a piggyback race through an obstacle course. The one walking was blindfolded, so the rider had to shout instructions. Katie, the rider, was able to give Sadie good instructions. Jasmine, the rider, kept forgetting to give directions because she kept digressing to talk about her acting history. When she started making jokes about Hannah's current "blind faith," Katie and Sadie had long since past the finish line.

Trent and Arthur were to compete in a guitar smashing contest. While Arthur was ready to do some damage, Trent pointblank refused to smash anything. The musician held musical instruments dear to his heart, and to the protest of his team, he refused to win. Though Arthur had won by default, he still smashed a guitar for fun.

Bridgette and Sebastian had to balance on top of a flat disc that rotated around over a pool of water. The two stumbled and slid on the flat surfaces, trying to stay on. Bridgette toppled first, which made Sebastian the winner; however, after he fell in the water, he scrambled out before his dreadlocks frizzed out. When they did a little, several people couldn't help but laugh at the frizzy locks; Bridgette helped to smooth them out.

Geoff and Howard were in a dance contest. Both were quite good at busting a move, breaking down, boogying out, and whatever it is you kids call it today. In the end, the judge (Chris, of course) declared Geoff the winner.

Howard's wail of defeat distracted Belinda, who was still in a stare-down with Gwen. The blond clairvoyant burst out in a fit of giggles, closing her eyes, and this left Gwen the winner of the staring contest.

* * *

**(New School - 9, Old School - 12.)**

"My, those were some exciting challenges, eh folks?" Chris declared. "Wish you were here to see it all."

"We _have_ been seeing it all," Noah said.

"Yeah, who are you talking about?" Owen asked, looking around and hoping to find these people Chris was addressing.

"Never you mind," Chris said. "Now, we have Beth and Crystal competing next. Girls?"

The two stepped forward. Beth nervously adjusted her ponytail, and Crystal straightened out her cravat.

"You two are very open, warm, and nice people," Chris said. "Sweet and all, and now it's time to see just how friendly you are. Because you two are going to have to hug the person you like the least here!"

Beth's eyes widened, and she immediately looked over at Heather. The queen bee shuddered, then looked nervously at Ezekiel.

"Do I have to do this?" she muttered, then she thought of something. "Hey Chris," she called out to the host, "Crystal just got here! She cannot possibly have any enemies..."

Heather stopped talking when she saw that Crystal was staring at Colin, nervously wiggling her fingers. The romantic looked like she'd rather hug a cactus than him at the moment.

"Beth, you are to hug Heather, Crystal, you are to hug Colin. And you two couples must continue to hug each other, as the first couple to part loses! Now hug!"

Beth groaned, stopped over to Heather, and wrapped her arms around the queen bee. Heather sighed in disgust, and brought herself to hug her back.

"Just be nice, eh," Ezekiel said to his girlfriend, looking between her and Beth. "It's just a contest right now."

"How are the other two doing?" Beth grumbled.

"Colin has this sadistic grin on his face, he's really enjoying it," Heather observed. "You know, I really don't like that guy."

"Finally, something we agree on."

Chef Hatchet watched the four hug, and he sighed in frustration. "Hey Chris man," he grumbled to the host, "don't you think this could go on, for, like, forever or something?"

"Naw man, they're teenagers," Chris said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "They cannot stand doing this, so give it a couple more minutes and-"

An indignant cry interrupted the host. He looked around to see Crystal shoving Colin away, her hands protectively over her left breast.

"He... he was touching me there," she shouted, her face wrapped up in horror and fury.

Colin cackled, wiggling his fingers suggestively at Crystal. "What's the matter, babe? Can't take a little-"

He stopped when Xander grabbed him by his shirt collar, lifting the bully up off his feet. Daisy and Carol were standing right by, cracking their fingers.

"After you're done with him, I want a turn," Daisy growled, Carol nodded and punching her palm.

"Beth wins," Chris declared, clapping his hands.

The farm girl sighed in relief, then let go of Heather. Both of the girls looked fairly calm despite having hugged their least favorite member of the cast.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Poor Crystal.)**

**Crystal** - \She is shaking her fist at the camera.\ "First that slime ball touches my butt, then my boobs! That does it, I'm not going to help him pair up with anyone! No romance for that creep!"

**Xander** - "That creep thinks that groping girls is the bad boy way to go. He gives a bad name to bad boys, and I hope something unpleasant happens to him."

**Sebastian** - "Something tells me that I may have to keep pinching that guy's neck. Be on him more than a vampire. Like some people say, 'Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer, because that way your swinging fists hit your enemies'."

* * *

**(New School - 9, Old School - 13.)**

Belinda brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "So, this leaves Harold and Carol," she said to her teammates. "Might be interesting to see this one."

"Don't you know who's going to win this, with your foresight," Howard asked her. She simply smiled in reply, and he grinned right back at her.

"So, Howard. So, Carol. You two are the final competitors," Chris said to the final contestants. He didn't get near them, because both were striking all kinds of different battle poses. "And you two are in the right mood for your competition!"

Chef Hatchet approached them, holding a box of foam armor. The two were soon wearing foam gloves, boots, helmet, and breastplate. Harold's was green, and Carol's was yellow.

"Now get into that steel cage," Chris instructed them, "don't worry, we cleaned up all of the blood from the last competition. You two are going under the same rules as the last two, fight until one of you is down for five seconds.

"And since you're wearing foam armor, I expect you two to be wild! Tear each other apart!"

"You," Harold shouted at Carol, grinning wickedly, "will feel the wrath of my awesome ninja skills!"

"No ninja could beat a real street cop," Carol retorted, cracking her neck. "I'm gonna beat you down like an ugly drug dealer trying to hand out his inventory to grade school children!"

"Hey! Ninjas don't deserve to be classified in the same category as those guys."

"Yeah, I guess I went a little overboard."

"Ready?"

"Yeah! Let's go, handsome!"

"Hey wait," Chris exclaimed, "I'm supposed to-"

He didn't get to finish, as Harold and Carol came out swinging. Harold got a punch across her chin, she kicked his shin, he chopped her shoulder, she head butted him in the stomach. The foam armor prevented any serious injuries, but it was still brutal to watch.

"Holy cow," Duncan exclaimed as he watched the fight. "Nerd boy is actually really good at fist fighting!"

"Wow, would you look at Carol go?" Alfred marveled. He grinned wickedly at Colin and said, "You'd better watch your back."

The exchange of foam blows continued, until Carol fell on her back. Harold stood over her, hunched over from the amount of stress and exhaustion. Three seconds when lying down, Carol kicked her foot up and nailed him in the chest. She stood up and knocked him down. Pinning him, she grabbed his wrists as if to handcuff him, holding him in place.

"Okay, it's been five seconds," Chris declared. "Carol, you win, now get off of Harold before you break something."

"She might have already," Harold groaned. "Oh wow... best fight I've ever had."

"Me too," Carol said, wiping saliva away from her mouth. "You ninjas are awesome, glad street scum aren't as trained as you."

As Carol limped out of the steel cage, Leshawna came in to help her boyfriend up. "Hey baby," she said, rubbing his shoulders tenderly. "Don't worry, you're still the best fighter I've ever seen. She's just spas-tastic."

"I should learn how to be that too," he said, coughing and then grinning. "You gonna nurse me back to health, my chocolate goddess?"

"Love to, hon, but I think I may be busy mopping up the rest of the newbies."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Poor Harold.)**

**Eva** - "Watching Harold, he's actually quite impressive. Very quick, can take a few hits, doesn't mind wrestling it with a girl. Hehe, I could see me dating a guy like that."

\She blinks.\ "Wait, did I just say that out loud? Damn it! What the hell's wrong with me? Ever since this contest has started, I've been blushing and staring at boys and talking about them fondly... ugh! I feel feminine, yuck yuck yuck!"

**Carol** - \holding an ice pack to the side of her head\ "Woo, that Harold boy picks a mean fight! Leshawna's lucky, ain't she?"

**Jasmine** - "Ugh. Harold and Leshawna, I just don't like it. You know when your friend dates someone you don't approve of? Well, that's what I feel now, and I swear, by the moon and stars above, if there is hope, if there is a chance...

\She goes like this for quite a while, not really getting to the point any time soon.\

* * *

**(New School - 10, Old School - 13.)**

"So we have ten new schoolers and thirteen old schoolers making it to the next round, huh?" Chris said with a laugh. "Boy, the rookies are getting owned!"

"Are not," Mandy shouted. "We are such separating the weak from the strong, and that leads us to where we are now!"

Along with Mandy were Alfred, Carol, Rodney, Sebastian, Anita, Xander, Sakaki, Arthur, and Clive. The ten looked at each other, trying to size each other up; though to be honest, Xander and Arthur were looking at Anita for other reasons.

"I think we can do well if we concentrate all our efforts," Rodney suggested. "After all, we are the underdogs now."

"Yeah, the kid's right," Carol declared, slapping the boy's helmet and rattling his brain a little. "We're the dogs now, the K9 squad! Shall we rip them to shreds?"

"That's a little too far," Sakaki whimpered.

"Not from my hood, it ain't!"

Carol gave Sakaki a bear hug, and the moe girl cringed from the massive amount of attention. The Old School team watched this from afar.

"Please tell me how those weirdos managed to get into this show," Heather grumbled.

Heather stood with Tyler, Sadie, Katie, Geoff, Courtney, Gwen, Leshawna, Eva, Beth, Izzy, Cody, and Duncan. Only the queen bee seemed to be regarding the new people with such disregard, so most of them scowled at her.

"You're so much nicer when Zeke's around," Leshawna snapped at her. "Now I wish prairie boy was here, you'd be much more tolerable."

"Ezekiel doesn't control me!"

"Control shamole, I'm talking about manners, girl!"

Before a classic argument between Heather and Leshawna could ensue, Chris was back. "Okay people, if all the winners would head over to our battlefield here..."

He led them to a oval-shaped arena, which had a smooth stone floor and sandbag walls stacked up inside. On both sides were large water guns, enough to supply a small squadron.

"In this part of the challenge, the two teams are going to arm yourselves with our water blasters, which today," Chris said as he proudly held up one of the water guns, "are filled with disappearing ink! The ink dries up and vanishes after about twenty minutes, so we are going to have you two teams shoot at each other for ten minutes!"

"And the point of all this is?" Courtney asked.

"Simply that the three members of your team that have the least amount of ink on them are going to move on to the final round!"

The two teams took this into consideration as they headed over to their side of the small area. Most inspected their weapons, noting the barrels of ink nearby for refills.

"I don't know about you guys," Beth said to her teammates, "but I don't think I really want to be part of the final three."

"Why not, girlfriend?" Leshawna asked her.

"Well, a lot of the new contestants are really tough, and I'm sure I won't stand up to them in physical contests."

"Then we need you to be a rusher," Duncan said, patting her shoulder.

"What's that?"

"That's when you go barreling towards the enemy, taking all of their shots in stride, and blast them in the face as much as you can," the punk explained to her. "It's kamikaze, but it really gets the job done."

"You sure that's a good idea?" Gwen asked him.

"Trust me, if I don't miss my guess, I'd predict they have three kamikaze people on their team."

"But the Japanese guy didn't win," Sadie pointed out.

They stared at her for a few seconds, and she turned bright red. "Oh, that was inappropriate, wasn't it?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Poor Sadie.)**

**Katie & Sadie** \both covered in ink\ - **Katie** - "I actually found that to be a little funny, but I couldn't really laugh out loud in front of the others."

**Sadie** - "Couldn't you have anyway, in case more people were holding in laughter?"

**Katie** - "I'm pretty sure none of them were, Sadie."

**Sadie** - "Phooey."

**Geoff** - \also soaked in ink\ "Japanese kamikaze kid!" \He bursts out laughing.\

* * *

"Are the two squads ready?" Chris asked, holding up an ink-stained flag.

"Ready," Duncan shouted back.

"Ready," Arthur called out.

"Then... GO!!"

What happened next was hard for the naked eye to follow. Beth and Izzy, the kamikaze troops for Old School, came rushing forward, screaming. From New School came Alfred, also screaming, though no one on the New School team had suggested any type of ballistic tactics.

Izzy and Beth opened fire on Alfred, as he leapt onto a sandbag barricade. He leapt through the air, somersaulting over them. When he landed, he pointed his weapon behind him and shot Izzy square in the back.

Both girls turned around and blasted him with ink, soaking him. As he fought back, Carol watched with wide eyes.

"Holy crap, they planned to bolt?" she asked aloud, then growled. "No one out-tactics our team! C'mon, let's go!"

She grabbed the wrist of her nearest teammate, which happened to be a very scared Sakaki, and bolted into the battlefield, screaming out a war cry.

Pretty soon, both sides were on the battlefield, shooting inky water and dodges shots. Izzy and Mandy found themselves in a friendly face-off, and continuously blasted each other. Rodney was hiding behind a sandbag barricade, praying he'd survive this. Arthur was desperately trying to score a shot on Leshawna, but the big girl was quicker than she looked.

"Hi, Cody," Anita called out to her crush guy. "You're doing great!"

She ducked behind a sand barricade just in time, almost shot by a furious Eva. Cody blushed a little, and decided to return the favor.

"You're doing awesome too," Cody shouted back as he stood up behind a sand barricade. He wasn't as fast on his feet, and a blast of inky water from Sebastian knocked him off his face.

"Quit being distracted by pretty girls and fight, man," Duncan shouted at Cody, helping him back up.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Poor Cody.)**

**Duncan** - \soaked with ink\ "Cody really needs to get his head in the game. Just because he's got a fan girl waving at him doesn't mean he can't keep his eye on the birdie! Although..."

\He grins wickedly and chuckles.\ "That Anita chick is really hot, but don't tell Courtney I said that."

**Sakaki** - \soaked in ink and trembling\ "I... I don't think I like Carol that much..."

**Alfred** - \soaked in ink\ "Most fun I ever had in a long time! I love this show! WOOHOO!"

**Valerie** - "I'm glad I wasn't in that competition. It looked awful."

* * *

"Okay, Chef Hatchet and I did an evaluation of the lot of you," Chris said after ten minutes had elapsed and the water gun competition was done. "Some of you were rather easy to tell, some of you a little close."

"From Old School, we have Leshawna, Gwen, and, surprisingly enough, Tyler," the host said, pointing at the three.

Arthur fumed as he stared at the proud Leshawna, furious with himself for not being able to score a hit on her. Tyler was beaming and thumping his chest, but he really should have known the only reason he had such little ink is because he kept falling over right before someone shot him.

"How do you know weird goth girl wasn't splashed with ink?" Heather protested. "All she wears is black, you can't tell."

"Because I'm not wet, weird popular girl," Gwen retorted, rolling her eyes.

"As awesome as your fights are, I need to carry on this contest," Chris interrupted them. "Now, on the New School team, our three winners are Xander, Anita, and Rodney!"

While there was a lot of cheering, some were startled and looked at the child. "How did Rodney manage to win that contest?" Sandra asked. "All he did was, like, hide."

"That's how he got no ink on him, genius," Carol snapped at her.

"If you all will keep your arguments to a minimum, I'd like the six winners to follow me over here," Chris said through his megaphone.

He led them to a large pool of water that had a narrow board balanced high above it. This metal board was a lot wider than the balance beams used beforehand, wide enough for someone to stand on both feet in a comfortable stance.

"Your job is going to be simple, considering it to be the last part of our first TDB challenge," Chris carried on. "The six of you are going up there, and then the two teams of three are going to try and push the other team down into the water."

"That's it?" Leshawna asked, looking at the three members of New School. "This is gonna be over before it even starts."

"Yeah, don't count on it, sister," Xander retorted, grinning wickedly at her. "I've been in bar brawls with people who are much tougher than you."

"But those people would have had a few, right?" Gwen asked, quirking an eyebrow at him.

"Ah touché, my lady goth."

"I'm going to die, aren't I?" Rodney whimpered, hugging Anita around the waist. "Mom always told me never go up high because it's always possible to fall down and break your head open. I'm going to fricking die now; oh, don't tell my mom I said that, please!"

"Don't worry, honey," Anita said, patting his back. "There's a pool of water underneath us, we'll be safe."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Poor Rodney.)**

**Arthur** - "Oh please, oh please, let Anita fall in the water. Her completely soaked..." \he grins, then suddenly snaps out of it\ "Whoa, man. I'm usually not this perverted. This confessional really makes say things you don't normally say, doesn't it?"

**Owen** - "I like to eat nachos with Jell-O."

**Justin** - "Ever wonder where socks go when they disappear in the drier?"

**DJ** - "Sometimes I want to hold an assault rifle, just to see what holding one feels like, you know?"

**Belinda** - "Well, our team has lost this challenge, sad to say."

**DJ** - "... Ha! I was kidding!"

* * *

"Okay, are you all set up there?" Chris called up to the six on the metal walkway.

Tyler stood in front of the two girls of his team, wiggling his fingers anxiously. Leshawna and Gwen exchanged a fist bump as they psyched themselves up. Xander stood strong, grinning and cracking his fingers. Anita was trying to calm Rodney, who was still clinging to her and whimpering pathetically.

"We're ready," Xander shouted down.

"Then, for the final part of the first challenge of Total Drama Battlegrounds," Chris exclaimed, "CHARGE!"

Tyler did indeed charge, roaring out a battle cry as he ran towards to the opposing team. Then he tripped over his own feet, hit his chin on the walkway, and fell over the side.

The Old School team all winced as Tyler splashed. Several face palmed, and most groaned. Lindsay sighed and said, "He got a little too excited, poor Ty."

Tyler surfaced, splashing and a little blue in the face. "Th-th-the," he stammered, teeth chattering hard, "the water's fricking cold!"

Above, Xander chuckled and started for the two girls of the Old School team. Gwen stood in his way first. "You're going down," he said.

"Sorry, biker boy, but I think you're taking the next dip."

The two grappled, Xander almost overpowering her; however, the goth girl acted fast. She swept her leg and hooked his, knocking him off-balance. Using momentum, she was able to shove him over the side.

Xander hit the water, then surfaced with a hacking cough. "Oh man, that's one tough chick," he said, then ground his teeth. "Damn it, you weren't lying, Tyler! The water's freezing!!"

"I know, right?" the jock said as he helped pull Xander out of the water.

Above, Rodney was standing in front next, looking up at Gwen with huge, frightened eyes. The goth girl smiled down at him, and patted his helm."

"Am I gonna die now?" he asked, trembling.

"No, you're not gonna die now, just get wet and cold."

She picked up the kid and tossed him over the side. Rodney hit the water, and came up thrashing. "Oh wow," he exclaimed, "this is as cold as the pool at school! They never heat that thing up either!"

Gwen chuckled when she heard the prodigy child's comment. She started to look back up and as she said, "Okay, only one more left, ri-"

The goth girl was cut off when Anita grabbed her around the shoulders, lifting her off her feet. Gwen thrashed, but she wasn't able to overpower Anita, and the New School girl tossed her over the side.

"Now then," Anita shouted, turning towards Leshawna as Gwen hit the water, "it's just you and me, Leshawna!"

"You think you stand a chance against me?" the sister asked, grinning at her.

Anita cracked her knuckles, returning the grin. "Oh I do," she replied. "I don't back down from any challenge, Leshawna."

"I like your spirit, white girl. But when it comes to a grappling contest, me and my bootylicious body have got the cushion for the pushin'."

"Oh I know that," Anita said, throwing her hair back, "but I'm the best at wrestling in gym, and I've thrown down sisters bigger than you. Still, I'm sure you're going to be my hardest challenge."

With that, the two girls charged. First they rammed each other, but it wasn't enough to knock either back. Anita was able to hold back Leshawna, but she wasn't winning the grappling by strength. The two pulled, pushed, swept at the legs, pounced, and tackled, but neither was giving an inch.

"Wow, look at her go," Rodney exclaimed, watching Anita. "She's awesome, isn't she?"

"Yeah," Cody said, an incorrigible grin on his face. Eva heard this and was so resentful that she couldn't be up there fighting, that she had to push someone over; Harold was that unfortunate someone, and it really startled him.

"C'mon, Leshawna, I know you can do this," Gwen shouted.

"You can take her 'oot," Ezekiel cheered. "Take her 'oot, eh, take her 'oot!"

"Um, Zekey," Heather nudged Ezekiel, "you sound like you want Leshawna to ask Anita on a date."

"But doesn't it mean it differently during," he started to say, then sighed. "All right then. Hey Leshawna, take her down, eh!"

Anita and Leshawna were standing a small distance from each other, panting hard. The large sister growled when she caught her breath and rushed forward, shoving Anita hard. She was sent sprawling back, lost her footing, and went over the edge. Luckily, she managed to grab the side with both hands, dangling from there.

"Oh, that's it for Anita," Chris declared. "No way can she pull herself up from there!"

But he was wrong. Anita strained hard and lifted herself, managing to get her elbows onto the walkway. She managed to pull herself halfway up when Leshawna stood in front of her, putting a foot on her shoulder to stop her progress.

"Damn, girl," she said, "you got some crazy upper body strength to pull yourself up like that!"

"Well," Anita said, smiling despite the pressure and sweat dripping down her forehead, "when you're an early developer like me, you get some upper body strength so that your girls don't snap your spine."

"I hear that. But I'm afraid I cannot let you back up here. Sorry, but you're gonna have to take a swim."

"YAY!"

Leshawna and Anita were both surprised to hear the cheers, because they didn't seem to be from Leshawna's team. It was actually from some of the boys, including Colin and Howard and Duncan, all of them leering at Anita.

"Oh God," Anita groaned, face palming. "Cold water and in this stupid top, I'm gonna look like a real trollop. Wish I had my jacket."

"Well, why'd you wear that skinny top if you didn't want the attention, girl?"

"Wasn't my choice, the producers said I had to if I was to be in the show." Leshawna considered this, then looked down at Chris. "Hey Maclean! Is it possible for her to just surrender so that I don't have to dunk her in the water?"

"Um, well," Chris pondered this, trying to ignore the protesting boys, "sure, if it's okay with both of you."

"That okay with you, sugar?" Leshawna asked Anita.

"Yeah yeah, just please get me up before one of the cameras looks up my skirt!"

Leshawna chuckled and helped pull Anita up. The bombshell sighed in relief, and then gave her a big hug. "You're a beautiful person, Leshawna. A beautiful, gorgeous, wonderful person."

"Aw, you flatter me."

Chris chuckled as he watched the two girls hug, and then held up his megaphone. "I guess this means that the winners for the first challenge are... THE OLD SCHOOL KIDS!"

The audience went absolutely wild, cheering and clapping. The Old School team also broke out in celebration and embraced each other. Couples kissed, friends high-fived, even those that didn't get along well were celebrating together.

Yoshi sighed, then shrugged. "Guess it couldn't be helped."

"Maybe it's a good sign," Sebastian suggested. When the warrior looked him strangely, he continued, "Some people who love to compete don't like a good start because their luck runs out at the end."

"Oh, I never believed in that certain amount of luck theory."

Chef Hatchet was fuming next to the ladder that led up to the metal walkway. "Damn it all," he exclaimed, "now I owe Chris fifty bucks!" He angrily kicked the support beam.

This caused a rather hard tremor up to the metal walkway. It knocked both Leshawna and Anita off, and the two girls screamed as they plummeted into the water.

"Damn it," Leshawna exclaimed as she surfaced. "This water is freaking cold!" Her hair fluffed up into a giant afro, and she sighed. "And another reason I hate the water."

Anita helped pull the distraught Leshawna to the side, and was about to pull herself up when she saw several guys leering at her. She sighed, and contemplated staying in the water.

Colin, who was openly looking down her top, was chuckling wickedly when he was violently shoved into the pool. Cody stood there, looking proud and scared to death at the same time. He was holding a couple towels in his hand.

"Hey ladies," he said, wiggling his eyebrows as foxy-like as he could. "I brought towels!"

"You are my savior, short stuff," Leshawna said as she pulled herself out and wrapped the towel around herself.

Anita was blushing furiously as she pulled herself out, her eyes on Cody the entire time. Cody's eyes were trying desperately not to wander, but he couldn't help but look at her chest; her nipples were hardened and poking through her top. Blood spurted out of Cody's nose, and he desperately tried to hide it: using the other towel, and he only noticed this mistake after he wiped the blood from his face.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Poor Cody. Again.)**

**Anita** - \still soaking wet and no towel\ "Well, what an embarrassing ending to the first challenge. I'll be lucky if I'm not voted off first after that major upset. And I never really got to meet Cody..."

**Trent** - "Leshawna did pretty good, didn't she? Poor Gwen felt a little down over her loss, but she cheered up after she dried off."

**Rodney & Hannah** - \Hannah tilts the camera down to the child genius.\ **Rodney** - "I... I feel really bad about losing that last part. I guess if it's not an intelligence contest, I'm not gonna be much help."

**Hannah** - \leaning into the shot\ "No hon, you cannot doubt yourself so soon. You can be an excellent help, just have faith."

**Rodney** - \brightening up\ "O... okay! I will!"

**Ezekiel** - "Winning the first challenge gives me a major confidence boost, considering I lost my first contest, eh. But hey, I made it all the way to the finals in TDC, I have faith that I can go all the way a'geen, eh! Um, woot, and all that!"

* * *

"You all did awesome jobs," Chris Maclean said to the contestants as he counted out the fresh bills he had in his hand, "even the ones of you that sucked big-time, you all rocked!"

"Whatever," Valerie grumbled, very upset. She hated losing more than anything, and losing the first challenge was always a moral-destroying moment for her. "So what, is there a back-up challenge or something?"

"Maybe we just vote out of the twenty-two of us?" Daisy asked.

Some exchanges were made. Crystal and Alfred were glaring at Colin, Zachary and Yoshi were staring each other down, and Sandra was giving Anita the stink eye.

"Actually, we aren't going to have the voting just yet," Chris said. "See, let me explain something real quick. First off, the winner team are getting their reward in the cafeteria! And the reward is... cake and pie!"

Major cheers from the Old School team, especially Harold. "The cake is not a lie," he shouted, and then added, "And pie! I like pie, it's awesome!"

"Now those picked out of the losers are also going to be joining the winners in pie and cake," the host said. "The losing losers will have to be punished before they vote among each other."

"So how do we decide who gets immunity of the losers?" Hannah asked.

Chris grinned. "Anita! Please step forward." Still dripping wet, with her arms crossed over her chest, Anita was startled as forty-three pairs of eyes swept over towards her. She walked up to Chris and muttered, "Whatever it is, could I get a towel or something first?"

* * *

--

--

--

**What does Anita have to do with immunity out of the losers?**

**Who is going to be the first voted off among the new contestants?**

**And whoever it is, are you all gonna complain?**

--

**Next Up:** The first voting ceremony, and the first voted off!


	4. Ch 1, Pt 4: First Gone, First Loser

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. Not even the walking, and don't talk like they do. And quit smiling, I see you smiling.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Shout-Out** - _Attention_! I'd like to exclaim that Drago-Flame at Deviant Art has done a request drawing for me. Drago-Flame has been a major source of inspiration for me in my stories, especially during TDC. I urge you all to go check out his gallery at DA, and tell him what a cool frood he is.

* * *

**Chapter 4** - Like a Horror Movie's First Victim

* * *

"Anita, you were the last one standing on the New School team," Chris explained to her, and the viewing audience. "That means you are making the selections for immunity!"

"Say what?" Anita asked, blinking. She shivered, and started to wring out her wet hair.

"That's not entirely fair, is it?" Courtney remarked. "I mean, if I'm interpreting this right, Anita gets to pick which of the losers have immunity?"

"She sure does, since she did the best out of all the losers," the host explained. He handed Anita a small, electronic voting pad. "Anita, you are going to choose ten of the losers on your team. They, along with you, are going to enjoy immunity with the winning team."

Anita looked at the small, electronic pad. "I dunno about this," she admitted. "I mean, it's a little early for me to pick favorites, right?"

"Well, then it could be completely random choices, if you'd prefer that."

The bombshell considered this for a moment, and her eyes set on Colin. She shivered, half from cold and half from the thought of him randomly getting immunity. "No, I'll pick my choices."

"Alrighty then," Chris declared. He grinned at the losing team and said, "Let's hope you all made a good impression on her!"

Scanning through the list of contestants on the pad, and the real people in front of her, Anita made a few selections quickly. After about half her choices were made, she slowed down and the tension became much more thick.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - And the winners are...)**

**Cody** - "I wonder if I were among the losers, would Anita pick me? I did wipe the towel I was supposed to give her with my bloody nose... holy cow, that sounds so much worse when I say it out loud."

**Courtney** - "Still not exactly what I'd call fair, but Anita has a good point about how it's not really fair for her either. She's forced to make enemies and friends too soon into the game. Hate to be her right now."

**Belinda** - "I'm pretty sure I knew who she was going to pick. They weren't bad choices, and I'm sure she wished she could have more votes."

* * *

Anita sighed as she pressed one more button on the voting pad. "Okay, that's ten people," she said as she handed it back to Chris. As her eyes drifted among her fellow losers, she flinched and reached for the voting pad. "Wait wait wait, I forgot someone! Can I change it-"

"Nope, too late, Anita," Chris cackled, then he shook the electronic pad. "Okay, mixing up the votes here, now I'll begin calling out Anita's picks at random! The first one is...

...

...

...

"Sebastian!"

He blinked when his name was called, then smiled. "Thanks, Anita," he said, giving her a small salute in respect.

"Hey, I figured you were a pretty cool guy."

"Moving on," Chris announced, "we have...

"Crystal!" The blond Brit clapped her hands and hugged Anita, getting her a little wet too.

"Xander!" He clicked his tongue and winked at her, which she returned.

"Hannah!" The religious girl was startled, then she smiled and shook Anita's hand.

"Jasmine!" Leshawna's friend pumped her fists into the air and cheered.

"Arthur!" He didn't look too surprised, but nevertheless thanked the winning loser.

"Sakaki!" She gasped and looked very disbelieving, and it took a few seconds before she could accept the immunity, and thank Anita too.

"Rodney!" The prodigy child cried out in joy, and hugged Anita around the waist. She patted his helmet affectionately.

"Joel!" The inventor exhaled in relief, having held his breath for a good deal of time. He looked a little pale as he thanked Anita.

"And the last person to win immunity is...

...

...

...

...

...

"Belinda!"

The clairvoyant didn't look surprised, but very pleased. She hugged Anita in thanks, and whispered to her, "Did you forget to put our other roommate on?"

"I cannot believe I didn't pick Alfred," she groaned. She waved apologetically at him, to which he shrugged and smiled back at her.

"Okay then, folks, we have our eleven losers set for tonight! While the thirty-three winners of immunity will enjoy pie and cake, the losers are going to suffer a terrible punishment.

Sandra, who was glaring at Anita, looked at Chris with a doubtful look. "Whatever," she muttered.

"I can take any bad food or exercise you dish out," Yoshi exclaimed.

"Yeah, bring it," Carol shouted, shadow boxing.

Chris tut-tutted them. "Your punishment is far worse than you could expect! Because tonight, before you discuss who you vote for and then actually do it, you are going to watch the film...

"_Disaster Movie_!"

The stadium was filled with screams of sheer terror. Alfred and Howard clung to each other, whimpering in terror. Daisy fell on her knees and screamed, "WHY?" Clive burst into tears, real ones that came complete with loud sobbing. Mandy, with a horrified expression, looked at her dagger and considered gouging her eyes out.

"Oh stop whining, off to the theater with you," Chris shouted. "Chef, show them the way!"

The losers followed Chef, the sobbing and terrified whimpering continued. Carol had to help lead Clive, and Daisy clung to Yoshi in a hysterical fit.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - And the losers were...)**

**Harold** - "I saw that movie once. I think my throat got burns from the amount of time bile came up it."

**Duncan** - "Those that weren't crying or hysterical in fear would be. They showed the other movies those idiots made when I was in juvie, and I'd rather have been in solitary confinement."

**Izzy** - "Izzy feels so bad for Mandy. I hope she doesn't kill anyone during that movie. I know I would, I'd beat someone to death with my popcorn. And don't think I couldn't do that, I'd be THAT angry."

* * *

The thirty-three winners were eating and talking in the cafeteria later that day. Friends and couples were chatting, and most of all, the old contestants were getting to know the new ones.

"While you two do enjoy each other's company," Crystal was saying to Geoff and Bridgette, "you also need to focus on improving the areas that you might have differences, like the three hard topics."

"What are those?"

"Politics, religion, and Pepsi verses Coke."

"Well, the last one is no problem, Bridge and I love Pepsi!"

With that, the two started making out. Crystal giggled and watched them for a few seconds before looking over at Cody and Anita, enjoying the sight of them sitting next to each other.

"That's how you get your iPhone to play sounds by shaking it," Cody said, handing the device back to her. "It's a little tricky if you don't have the manual, I know."

"Cool. I can probably program light saber sounds on it, or maybe something from Left 4 Dead! Yeah, screaming zombie sounds or an assault rifle."

"You... you play video games?" Cody stammered, staring at her with wide eyes.

"Oh, yeah, I'm a real video gamer gal," she said with a laugh. "I like the Wii the most, mostly because I'm a Mario girl."

"Wow," Cody said, flushing slightly.

From down the table, Eva was bending her fork around. The tines were still pointing upward, but only because she bent into a full circle.

"You should go sit next to Cody, if you want him to notice you too," Belinda remarked.

Eva glared at her. "What do you know?"

"That you're seriously considering seeing Cody, since he's a better guy than you thought he'd be, and," the clairvoyant added when Eva flared up, "that you were watching him the entire time this challenge."

The fitness buff blanched, then sighed. "Yeah well, I know how competition goes. And I know boys don't like tough girls over girls like... like her."

"There is one thing you should take into consideration," Sebastian, who was sitting across from them. "Cody likes _all_ girls. So of course you have a chance."

"Is everyone going to get involved in my love life?" Eva grumbled.

At another table was someone else discussing love life. Heather and Ezekiel were talking as they ate, and Ezekiel even offered some of the cake he was trying to her on his fork. She was still aware that others were watching and judging, but she couldn't resist when Ezekiel was being generous to her.

"You doo'nt have to be shy, Heather," he said to her.

"I am not shy, not one bit," she said with a sigh. "I just don't like how people who don't like us together are watching us."

"Why? What are they going to do, they can only think?"

"They can try to break us up to hurt us," she replied. "I don't know, I still think I will. I mean, I tried that..."

"That's in the past, and how many times do I have to tell you? I won't break up with you over what others think, eh; I promise."

He leaned in to kiss her cheek, but something slammed on his back. The something was Izzy, with cake smeared all over her face and a chunk of it in her hand.

"Hey, my Zeke," the redhead shouted, "you gotta try this dark chocolate-cherry cake! It's better than sex!"

"Izzy, get off my boyfriend," Heather hissed at her.

Izzy cackled as she climbed down. "Boy, that's an expression you don't hear often! Well, I gotta go, gotta make sure Owen doesn't steal another of Sakaki's slices! Bye for now, my Zeke!"

She kissed him on the cheek, leaving a dark chocolate smudge on his cheek, then dashed off. Ezekiel was startled at first, then he reached for a napkin. "Soo'ry, Heather," he said as he wiped away the chocolate away, "I guess one shouldn't give Izzy sugar, eh."

"I really don't like her kissing you," Heather said, crossing her arms. "I know she's your friend, but she has to learn some things, like not to be all over you like if you're still single!"

Ezekiel sighed mentally. He'd have to talk to Izzy about her glomping.

"Sho," Jasmine said with a mouthful of cake, "think that they're going to vote off that Colin boy?"

"I certainly hope so," Leshawna agreed.

"Same here," Harold piped in.

Jasmine frowned at Harold, then swallowed and shrugged. "Well, something we agree on. That's cool, I guess."

"I really hope it's him," Rodney, sitting nearby them, said aloud. "He's not very nice."

"That's putting it mildly, my boy," Crystal said, her arms protectively crossing over her chest. "I will bloody beg the new people to vote off his bum. Could you think of anything less tolerable that sleeping in the same room as that creep, eh wot?"

The main door to the cafeteria swung open with such force, it slammed against the wall; the doorknob was imbedded into the drywall. Everyone jumped, and a collection of heads swung over to see who had done the deed.

Yoshi stood there, red-faced and heaving mad. The warrior teen panted for a few seconds, then burst out with, "I have _never_ had my intelligence insulted so often and so much in so short of time! GOD!"

He stomped over to the loser's table, which was empty, and slammed his fists on it, making little dents in the metal surface. No one dared speak a word, no one even dared to breathe.

Daisy came in next, guiding a brainwashed Carol. The officer girl was staring blankly with a blissful smile on her face, lightly repeating, "Not a funny joke, not a funny joke," like someone who's sanity had been completely snapped.

Alfred and Howard came in with their eyes and fingers twitching. Howard slammed his face down on the loser's table, sobbing loudly; Alfred rubbed his back to try and comfort him as best he could.

Valerie, Mandy, and Sandra all came in looking especially irked and jaded. Zachary and Colin were actually laughing and quoting the movie, and behind them was Clive, who looked he wanted to die more so than usual.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - So how'd you like the movie?)**

**Tyler** - "It was like seeing torture victims being freed into the world."

**Lindsay** - "I don't get it. If _Disaster Movie_ is so bad, why'd the creators name it that way? To warn people?"

**DJ** - "They looked so bad, I wanted to start a charity fund for their recovery."

**Owen** - "Boy, they must not have had popcorn or soda. That would really suck."

**Jasmine** - "Just one of those movies you couldn't pay me to even be an extra in. I have friends who told me they'd rather be late on the rent than get that kind of payment?"

* * *

"I cannot believe I just wasted an hour and a half of my life watching that crap," Valerie snarled. "Utter piece of sh-"

"There was no worse punishment than that," Clive wailed, and then buried his face in his dinner. "Just let me suffocate in my food, it'll be merciful," he added.

"Aw, c'mon, you people cannot tell good humor?" Zachary said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, Zach's right," Colin chimed in. "I mean, wasn't it funny when that Hancock guy flew up and hit his head?"

"That wasn't a spoof of Hancock, it wasn't even close," Alfred shouted. "Hancock wasn't even out when that damn movie was being made, they just took items from the trailer!"

"And you all wonder why I want the Old Gods to wipe out the weak and drown them in their own blood," Mandy grumbled.

"I'm joining your cult if it'll ensure those two morons never make another film," Howard whimpered.

"Not a funny joke, not a funny joke," Carol chanted emotionlessly.

"The whole movie was just them showing someone in a cheap-ass costume and saying it was them," Yoshi snarled, his hand on his sword handle. "It was like they needed to describe unfunny jokes! It was one and a half hours of bad jokes being explained to me!"

Daisy moaned, pounding the table. "The only way I could ever watch that again is if I'm ensured the five million dollars, a place in a professional lacrosse team, and a night of passion with Justin or another handsome man."

"Mmm, Justin," Sandra mused. "Yummy."

Silence set over the losers for a few minutes, the only sounds being Carol's quiet chanting and Clive murmuring in his food. Then Howard broke the silence with an important question.

"So, who are we voting off?"

The losers, save for droning Carol and depressed Clive, were all at full attention now. Alfred and Colin began to glare each other down, as did Yoshi and Zachary. Daisy poked Clive, and then looked at the others.

"Maybe emo kid here should go?" she suggested. "I mean, he doesn't even want to be here."

"Naw, I'd rather vote off someone whines more than an emo," Yoshi snarled, glaring at Zachary.

Mandy sighed as she twirled her dagger in one hand, stabbing her inedible dinner from time to time. "We should think to vote off someone who's weak, in case we get paired up with them."

"No, that's wrong," Valerie said, earning a glare from Mandy. "You want to eliminate someone who's going to do really well, to ensure that they cannot beat you."

"What, you mean like someone who competes well?" Sandra asked, blowing a bubble.

"Yes, someone who could win this whole thing."

Alfred looked nervously at Yoshi. "Hey wait, you know, Yoshi is an awesome swordsman, but we shouldn't vote him off on the first day! That's not... right!"

"I wasn't thinking of him," Valerie said.

"Well, not Carol! I mean, she's still in a brainwashed daze! Or did you mean Daisy? C'mon, she may have thrown that challenge with Tyler, but she meant well-"

"Not either of them," Valerie snapped, then pointed at Alfred. "I meant you!!"

"Me?"

"Him?" Mandy asked, looking confused. "Why him?"

"Didn't any of you watch the last the last two seasons? Who won the first season? A wild and daring guy. Who won the second season? A crazy and energetic girl.

"So who here, fitting the pattern, would be the biggest danger to us?" Valerie smiled unpleasantly at Alfred. "You. You need to go first."

"W-w-w-wait," he stammered.

"Didn't you ever see those polls they held before the show started?" she asked, rolling her eyes. "I mean, out of all those that we got a preview of at the end of the last season, you did rather pitiful; last place, I think. No one cares about you." **[1]**

"I agree with her," Zachary said. "You're already annoying, with all that unwanted energy and loud voice. All Americans are like that, so I've heard."

"Yeah, who wants a loud daredevil on their team?" Colin agreed. "You could get us all killed."

"Wait one Goddamn minute," Daisy shouted, glaring at Colin. "I'm not voting for a nice guy like Alfred when a jerk like you is still in this game."

"You guys are going to need Colin," Zachary said. "He's tough enough to out last a lot of these challenges."

"He wasn't that tough against Duncan," Clive whimpered into his food.

"Shut up, emo boy," Colin snarled.

Sandra snapped her gum loud enough to catch everyone's attention. "Look, Valerie is right. We should vote off Alfred because he's the biggest threat. Plus, the less stupid boys in the game, the less likely that immunity-winning whore can win."

Silence spread across the loser's table. Yoshi was the first to speak. "Am I to assume," he said through clenched teeth, making it hard to understand him, "that the 'whore' you are referring to is Anita?"

"Heck yeah, she's a big-time whore," Sandra said, snapping her gum again. "Just look at her."

Daisy's eye was beginning to twitch. "Why you insufferable, evil little-"

"Look, there's no debating this," the redheaded popular girl continued. "You either vote for Alfred, or you're doomed. We have some of the most powerful members here because that slut picked the wrong people.

"Though I can certainly see why she didn't pick some of you," she continued, looking directly at Mandy, "it'll be her downfall. We take her out as soon as possible, and that way, she cannot win this just because she has a couple watermelons."

"But I like watermelons," Howard muttered.

"Save it," Sandra remarked, rolling her eyes. "You wouldn't have a chance with her anyway. But you'd better vote for Alfred, Howard, if you know what's good for you."

"Are you threatening him?" Yoshi snarled.

"Indeed I am. In case none of you know, I'm incredibly good at gossip. One step out of Valerie and my plan, and you, Howard, won't have a chance even with the most pitiful girl in this contest.

"You, Yoshi, your life can be quite miserable too if you don't do as we say," Sandra continued. "Goes for the rest of you, really. Carol, Daisy, Mandy, and even you, Clive!"

"How can you threaten an emo kid with popularity?" Zachary asked.

"I know he doesn't care," Sandra said with a shrug, "but one thing we can offer him is protection. He helps us vote Alfred off, we ensure he doesn't get booted off too soon."

"Or first," Colin said with a laugh. "He would so go first if Alfred wasn't going to go."

Alfred was stunned, and starting to hyperventilate. Daisy rubbed his back to try and calm him down, and she glared at Sandra. "You can't control us," she snarled.

"Oh, but I can," she replied with a very condescending grin. "This challenge's results are in the bag, seeing that Valerie, Colin, Zachary, and myself all agree on this. And if you dummies know what is good for you, you'll vote Alfred off.

"Or else," she added, and snapped her gum.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - This looks bad.)**

**Anita** - "I overheard what Sandra called me at dinner that night. It's no big deal, I've heard people call me that since I was fourteen." \She shrugs, then glares at the camera.\ "What really makes me mad is that she's threatening the others."

**Katie & Sadie** - **Sadie** - "That was scary, right?"

**Katie** - "Oh, _totally_ scary."

**Sadie** - "Still, I guess it's too bad. No hope for Alfred at this rate."

**Katie** - "Yep, none at all."

**Gwen** - \Her eyes have dangerously narrowed.\ "Revolting. That Sandra girl is absolutely revolting."

**Justin** - "Harsh, but I cannot say I completely disagree. Americans are a little... annoying, you know? At least some of them can be, don't want to profile too much!"

**Joel** - \with a deadpan stare at the camera\ "Does this mean Colin's not getting voted off? Oh, son of a bi-"

* * *

**(The Voting Ceremony)**

The crowd was still jam-packed, roaring in anticipation. Forty-four folding chairs had been set out on the platform, with every one filled with a contestant's seat. Chris stood at a pedestal in front of them all, wearing a very expensive looking white suit. Chef Hatchet stood next to him, wearing his very inexpensive apron.

"Welcome to tonight, the first Trophy Ceremony ever!" Chris exclaimed, and the audience burst into cheers again.

"How do," he said, continuing to hype it up, "the contestants feel?"

Most of the contestants let out wild cheers and roaring battle cries, but one in particular looked devastated. "You... you mean," Owen stammered, "you're not holding out marshmallows anymore?"

"Nope, Owen! We got trophies!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO-HO-HO-HOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"You just had pie and cake, tubbo," Chef shouted. "Man, you are hard to please!"

"He kept stealing Sakaki's too," Izzy chimed in, patting Sakaki on the back. "Don't worry, Izzy likes Sakaki, she'll make sure he won't do it again!"

"That's nice," Chris said, with a shrug. "Now, see this unique trophy here?"

He held up a glistening, small gold trophy. It was shaped like a cup, and with a large number one on the front of it.

"This trophy is unique, symbolizing that you survived the first challenge," Chris said, twiddling the small cup in his fingers. "That's what the number one stands for!"

"So you're handing out a trophy that has number one on it to symbolize that we didn't come in last place?" Noah asked, and he rolled his eyes. "Oh boy, that's just so wrong, I cannot think of a proper comparison for its patheticness."

"Be nice," Katie told him, elbowing him playfully.

"No, I agree with Noah there," Gwen remarked. "Chris needs to have an imagination upgrade, because if it doesn't involve hurting people, he has no enthusiasm."

"There are only forty-three of these trophies made," the host carried on, unabashed. "That means only forty-three of you are staying in this contest tonight. Only forty-three of you get one of these unique trophies, and carry on to win more of the unique trophies, but also have a shot at winning the five million dollars!

"And if you don't win this trophy of safety, you're taking the Bus of Defeat!"

He pointed to the opening in the stadium wall, where a very beat-up bus came trudging through. Smoke billowed from its tailpipe, and the sides were covered in rust and scratches. The door opened up next to the platform, and the driver was none other than Groucho the Duck at the wheel, and the Raccoon at the pedals.

"_That's_ the best we can do for our driver?" Chris asked Chef.

"They were the only ones sober tonight, boss."

"Okay then! Let's hand out the trophy to today's winners of the contest and the winners of immunity!"

He started calling out the names of said contestants. Every one had a large amount of people cheering for them, and they all, even Noah and Gwen, looked very happy about receiving one. Soon, it was down to the eleven who neither won or were granted immunity.

Anita was looking at Alfred in desperation. The gonzo boy wasn't looking very enthusiastic right now; in fact, he looked pale and frightened. Daisy was holding his hand as if it was the last thing to keep him from losing it.

Colin sat nearby Alfred, grinning cruelly at him. Sandra lazily snapped her gum. Carol was impatiently tapping her foot, while Mandy nervously twiddled her thumbs. The rest of the losers didn't seem that much concerned, but were all staring anxiously at Chris.

"Okay then, let's see which of you eleven losers is the biggest loser of them all," Chris said. "Now the first trophy goes to..."

He stopped, then looked among those seated. "Wait, where's Clive? Where'd he go?" he asked.

Chef tugged on Chris's sleeve and pointed at the Bus of Defeat. Clive was currently boarding the vehicle with his head hanging miserably.

"No! No no no, emo boy! Get back here," Chris called out, running over and pulling the pale faced kid off of the bus's steps.

"What? Do you want to humiliate me too?" Clive snapped bitterly. "Go ahead, I actually was trying to avoid that, but misery, I guess, is inevitable-"

"You're safe for tonight," the host said as he forced the gold trophy into Clive's hands. The emo stared at it like if he had never seen anything like it.

"R-really?"

"Yes, you weren't voted off first! Now go stand with the winners!"

He rudely shoved Clive towards said winners, and the startled emo was caught by Trent and Belinda. "I knew you wouldn't be first," Belinda said to him, noting his very surprised expression.

"You gotta believe, dude," Trent added.

"Okay, for the rest of you," Chris said to the other ten, "who don't automatically think you've lost it all, come up here and get your trophy! Next is...

...

...

...

"Yoshi." The warrior teen sighed in relief, and took his trophy in stride.

"Howard." He cheered loudly before claiming his prize. Belinda offered him a high-five and smile, but nothing more.

"Valerie." She smiles and calmly takes her reward.

"Zachary." He shrugs nonchalantly, then swipes the trophy with gusto.

"Colin." He grins wickedly, and ignores the boos from many of the other contestants.

"Daisy." She smiles, then gives Alfred a kiss on the cheek for reassurance before going to claim her golden prize.

"Mandy." The cultist girl grins wickedly, then holds her trophy high in the air in celebration.

"Carol." She lets out a big 'woot' of joy and dances a little after grabbing her trophy.

Chris grinned sadistically. "Okay then! That leaves you two! Sandra, Alfred, do you know who has been voted off Total Drama Battlegrounds first?"

Sandra's reply was to glance at Alfred, and snap her gum mockingly. Alfred flinched, and nervously twiddled her fingers as he stared at Chris hopefully.

"Well, as much as I'd like to tell you, I think there's someone else who can tell you better who deserves to be voted off! And that is... _the people who voted for you_!"

A gigantic TV box rose up from underneath the stadium ground, with four wide sides so that everyone in the audience could see it. The four screens crackled for a second, then the recordings of the votings for the first ceremony were broadcasted.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - We're on TV!)**

**Valerie** - "Regardless of Sandra's rather... tasteless way of driving the point through, she's very right; mostly because she's agreeing with me, but I digress. I vote for Alfred."

**Carol** - \still brainwashed-drone like\ "Vote for Alfred... vote for Alfred..." \She shakes her head suddenly and looks around.\ "Hey, how'd I get here? What's going on?"

**Alfred** - "Be voted off first? No no no, I couldn't stand that! Watching everyone have a ton of fun and do wild challenges, not get to meet the cute girls and cool guys here! I don't want to go first!" \He almost loses it, but manages to calm down.\ "I, um, vote for that Sandra girl, because she's really mean."

**Daisy** - \furious\ "I didn't come here to be bossed around by some skinny-ass, gum-snapping, rumor-spreading, hot pants-wearing, Paris Hilton-wannabe! I'm voting for Sandra!"

**Yoshi** - "I like Alfred, to be honest. And while I detest Zachary and Colin, I think it would be poetic justice to vote off Sandra after what she said. I don't like her."

**Sandra** - \She stares at the camera, then snaps her gum.\ "Alfred."

**Colin** - "Of course I'm voting for Alfred. And if he doesn't get voted off..." \he cracks his knuckles\ "I'll make him wish he had been."

**Zachary** - "Alfred needs to go. Who wants another hyperactive white boy?"

**Howard** - "As much as it kills me to vote off a hot chick, I think I gotta vote for Sandra. I mean, Alfred is a potential wing man for me!"

**Mandy** - "Sandra's such scum, she isn't even worthy of being a sacrifice to the Old Gods; she is, however, worthy of my vote, so I vote her off! I hope this works, that Alfred guy is kind of cute."

**Clive** - "...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

\He sighs regretfully.\

...

...

...

...

...

--

The screens went to static again, and then the focus was back on Chris, who shrugged at the apprehension.

"It took Clive forty-five minutes to actually say something," Chris said, "and that was about how he knew he'd be voted off first. After about another ten minutes, he finally cast his vote."

"But who did he vote for?!" Sandra shouted, now looking worried herself.

"Oh, I'll tell you," the host said, holding the last trophy in his hand. "And boy oh boy, is it ever a doozy!

"Because tonight, the final trophy goes to..."

He looked in-between Sandra and Alfred. She was chewing her gum like a mad woman, and he was gripping his hat, trembling fervently in anticipation.

When she snapped her gum, he let out a startled yelp. Alfred's anticipation was so great, he looked ready to throw up. She began to blow a large bubble out of her gum, a bead of sweat running down her forehead.

"The last winner of tonight, and the one to continue participation in Total Drama Battlegrounds, is...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"Alfred."

The gonzo boy was so sick with anticipation, he didn't react at first. Only the snapping of Sandra's gum bubble, that coated her startled face in it, brought him to his senses.

"I... I won?" he whispered. Then a wild grin spread across his face, and he shouted, "I WON! WAHOO!"

Leaping through the air, he glomp-tackled Chris, knocking the host down on the floor. "Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"Argh, get off me, man," the host shouted. "This is a three thousand dollar suit, c'mon!!"

Alfred was so excited he didn't hear. He scooped up his trophy and leapt to his feet, continuing to leap in ecstatic glee. It was only when Daisy seized him in a tight hug that he stopped jumping. Soon after her hug, Howard, Carol, and Owen hugged him too.

"And that's the final call," Chris said as he stood up, his suit dirty and his hair ruined. "Sandra, please get on the Bus of Defeat now. Toodles."

Sandra was frozen, her gum still splattered all over her face. She finally broke out of it when her face curled into a vicious snarl, and her eyes locked first on Alfred, then Anita, then all those that voted for her, and finally on Chris Maclean.

"I'm gonna sue you," she hissed. "All of you! You regret the day you crossed me, I swear it!"

"Yeah yeah, heard it before," Chris muttered, then looked at Chef. The big guy silently went over to Sandra, and started pushing her towards the bus. The popular girl was shrieking like a banshee, her threats barely muffled when the bus doors shut after her. The bus drove off, Sandra's screaming face in the back window.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Awesome.)**

**Leshawna** - "Well. That ended well, didn't it?"

* * *

**(Room 1 - Alfred, Anita, Arthur, Belinda)**

Alfred was lying down in his bed, wide-awake. He looked like he'd never go to sleep, at least not tonight.

"That was rather rough on you, wasn't it?" Anita asked him, looking apologetic. "I am so sorry, I completely forgot you were my roommate, and-"

"It's all good," he said, smiling at her. "I'm still here, aren't I?"

"Yep," Anita said, straightening out her nightgown. "Well, you get some sleep, hon. Something tells me we're in for a lot more trouble in times ahead."

"You can count on that," Belinda said, flipping through the pages of a book she was reading in the top bunk. "And I would have told you that you were going to make it, Alfred. I just didn't want to get your hopes too far up, because there was one person I didn't fully trust to make the right call... but now I do."

Arthur came into the room, wearing an undershirt and boxers. He took a look at Anita in her black nightgown, and Belinda in her yellow nightgown, and excused himself very quickly.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Something more to say?)**

**Arthur** - \darting into the closet for a quick confession\ "Oh ho ho, score, they're _both_ wearing nighties! I am such a lucky guy, I love this contest! Still, competition-wise, I think it would have been better if Alfred had gone... but ah well."

* * *

**(Room 2 - Beth, Bridgette, Carol, Clive)**

"Well, aside from that movie, I had an awesome first day," Carol cheered. "I knew I'd love it here!"

She exchanged a high-five with Beth, hurting the farm girl's hand. Bridgette tried to avoid high-fiving her too, just smiling at the energetic officer. As Beth shook off the pain, Clive approached their room.

"Hey, you made it through the first day, Clive," Carol shouted, thumping him on the back and almost knocking him over. "Guess you were wrong huh?"

Clive sighed and shrugged. "Always tomorrow. Just because I'm not the first doesn't mean I'll endure for the next few challenges."

He sulked into the room. Beth and Carol exchanged glances. "How about I hold him down," Carol suggested, "and you tickle him?"

Beth couldn't help but grin, and the two girls bolted into their room after Clive. Bridgette shook her head and decided to wait until this blew over before she entered.

Before she could head over to the cafeteria, she saw Ezekiel and Heather outside her room. The two shared a kiss, then Heather went into her room, him waving good-bye. The rush of emotions and conflicts all came back to her, seeing him with _her_. She sighed mentally, knowing this was a battle that she shouldn't get involved in.

Ezekiel was walking by her as she was lost in thought, and she almost didn't catch him saying hello. She snapped out of her daze and headed towards him.

"Hey Zeke, where are you going?" she asked. "Isn't your room back there?"

"Well, I'm gonna get something to drink, eh. I'm a little too energized to go to sleep right now, eh."

"May I join you? I was thinking of getting some tea."

"Sure, eh."

As they walked to the cafeteria, Bridgette said to him, "I just want to spend time with all of my friends before this contest really picks up, you know? Get to talk to them before anything bad happens."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Geoff was voted off very early in during TDC. I don't want something like that to happen again," Bridgette admitted. "I want to spend time with Geoff, Gwen, Harold, you, all my friends, before, I dunno, I get voted off or something."

"People vote you off? C'mon Bridgette, people love you, eh."

"I still won last season, Zeke. Most people don't believe in someone winning two seasons in a row."

"I think it's okay. I mean, if you win, you'll be donating 2.5 million dollars to charity, eh. That's enough to save a rain forest!"

She laughed. "The Bridgette Rain Forest. That doesn't sound too bad."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Something more to say?)**

**Ezekiel** - "Bridgette's the sweetest girl I knoo', eh. I mean, I'm in love with Heather, I doo'nt deny that, and Izzy is a close friend. But neither of them can match how nice Bridgette is. I'm so glad we became friends after the disaster that was Total Dray'ma Island, eh."

**Bridgette** - \sipping from a tea mug\ "I've always been close to my friends, close to my mom. So I want to spend as much time with them as I can, in case the tournament goes haywire fast. Ezekiel's one of my closest friends after TDC, and I want to catch up on things since we haven't seen each other in half a year."

**Geoff** - "Duncan once asked me if I was comfortable with how the Zeke spent a lot of time with Bridgette. I am, actually, because they're friends. Guys and gals can be friends, and I know who Bridgi loves making out with." \He winks at the camera.\

* * *

**(Room 3 - Cody, Colin, Courtney, Crystal)**

"So, looks like both Anita and Eva are after your heart, Cody," Crystal said after she was dressed for bed. "You lucky boy, you."

Cody chuckled and scratched the back of his head. "Well, I dunno."

"You should spend time with both of them, if you're lucky enough to be on the same team as them," Courtney suggested. "Don't jump into either too soon, and you don't have to pick either. There are more fish in the sea."

"Hey, I'm the matchmaker," Crystal remarked, chuckling. Then she sighed and leaned against the wall her bed was set against. "This is nice and all, guys, but do any of you have a taser or something?"

"What? Why?" Cody asked, then he remembered who their fourth roommate was. "Oh."

The door opened, and they held their breath. All three were surprised to see it was Duncan.

"What are you doing here?" Courtney exclaimed.

"Well, princess, I wanted to let you know that I didn't like the idea of that creep Colin being in the same room as you," Duncan said, looking at his fingers and then smirked proudly. "So I locked him in a janitor's closet."

"Whoa, in the confessional?" Crystal asked.

"No, another one. I hope that's okay," Duncan replied. "Hope he enjoys using a mop as a pillow. "So, since you have a bed over Courtney available, can I use it?"

The CIT had to shove Duncan out, blushing hard especially since Crystal was roaring with laughter.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - We're very glad Colin isn't in this one either.)**

**Crystal** - "Wow, I have much more respect for Duncan now. Regardless of that little bit of sexual innuendo at the end." \She giggles.\ "I have to admit, bad boys are really cool, you know?"

* * *

**(Room 4 - Daisy, DJ, Duncan, Eva)**

Duncan walked into his room with a disappointed look on his face. "Didn't work out as well as I hoped."

"Dork," Eva grumbled.

"Hey, if you want someone, you gotta seize the moment," the punk said, grinning mischievously. "That's why you, Eva, should go after Cody as quick as you can."

"I am seriously not talking to you about my dating life."

"Then you are interested in dating him!"

He had to duck to avoid being hit by a thrown suitcase. Daisy laughed from the top bunk.

"Tough girls do do the courting," she said, leaning over to look at Eva. "Take it from me. It's best to ask the guy out!"

"Guys, don't pressure Eva or anything," DJ spoke up, waving his hands. "I mean, she can take this at any pace she wants."

"_Thank_ you, DJ," Eva exclaimed. She didn't like how she was only getting support from someone who was cuddling a teddy bear. Still, him supporting her in that way gave her some solace.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - No teddy bears here. Darn.)**

**Eva** - "Look, I'm in this contest to win! Do you hear me? WIN! I'm not here to suck face on TV, or hold hands and smile, or cradle someone in their arms and tell them that they're the most wonderful person on this planet..."

\She stops, then scowls.\ "Don't judge me."

* * *

**(Room 5 - Ezekiel, Geoff, Gwen, Hannah)**

Hannah was at the side of her bed, silently praying. Geoff was lying in bed, starting up at the ceiling. Gwen, in her black nightgown, walked in and looked around.

"Where's Home School?" she asked.

"Oh, he's out to get something to drink. Told us not to wait up for him," Geoff said.

Gwen shrugged, then walked over to the girls' side bed. She watched Hannah for a few seconds, then smirked. "Praying to God for help in this contest."

"Oh, I wouldn't ask him for something like that, it must be earned on my own," Hannah said, looking up at Gwen with a smile. "I am praying for the safety of all those participating in the contest, especially Rodney, since he is so little."

"Ah well, that's nice," Gwen, a little ashamed now, muttered. "I'm sure we'll all be fine, though; the challenges have been nothing, but it's the other people I'm worried about."

"Show is called Total _Drama_ for a reason, Gwen," Geoff said with a laugh. "Who knows? Maybe some couples will break up, that'd be tragic, wouldn't it?"

Gwen sighed as she climbed up her side of the bunk bed. "Well, that better not happen. Heather might try something between Trent and I, maybe even Chris will. But it won't work."

"You should try to forgive Heather over time," Hannah suggested. "After all, one of mankind's greatest characteristics is forgiving."

"I'll try being nice to her when she stops addressing me as Weird Goth Girl, and apologizes for all the crap she put me through. And to Trent, and Cody, and Lindsay."

"Cha, Heather needs to be nice back," Geoff said. "Shame that a hot girl like her has so much rage in her cage."

The silence that followed weirded him out, and he noticed both Gwen and Hannah were staring at him. "You think she's hot?" Gwen asked.

"Eww," added Hannah.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - To err is closet?)**

**Hannah** - "Heather does deserve a second chance, I mean that. When we heard Sandra talk, I hope that she got a good, long listen to Sandra's choice of words. Because that kind of malice is why we like to keep Heather at arm's length. Though I am willing for her to redeem herself.

"And it's mostly because Ezekiel is such a sweetheart. You ever wonder why nice guys fall for bitter girls? That's something I'll have to ask God when I finally meet Him." \She giggles and smiles at the camera.\

* * *

**(Room 6 - Harold, Heather, Howard, Izzy)**

Heather was checking her bed rather thoroughly, so much that it caught Harold's attention. "Did you lose something?" he asked.

"I'm checking for traps that Crazy Girl might have planted," she replied. "I'm sure she'd do that too. Or you."

"I'm above petty traps," Harold scoffed.

Heather scoffed right back, and then when she was done inspecting her bed, she sat in it. Izzy and Howard, wearing the night clothing, entered then, and Heather glared right at the redhead.

"You'd better not try to do anything to me at night," she snapped at her.

"Oh, thanks for the idea! I'll have to get some honey."

"I'm serious! If I wake up with anything on me, I'll make you regret it, Crazy Girl!"

Izzy blew one of her orange locks away from her face. "So tell me again why my Zeke is dating you."

"Don't call him that. You stay away from him."

"Oh, now I'm to take your orders on not even getting near my friend?" Izzy was starting to smirk wickedly now. "I don't obey restraining orders, why would I obey you?"

"Hey you two," Harold snapped, glaring at both girls, "I want to sleep, gosh! Can you fight tomorrow morning?"

The two girls exchanged a look and shrugged. "Whatever," Heather mumbled.

"She's just jealous I already have a good friend," Izzy said. "Oh that reminds me, if someone here gets voted off, can Mandy sleep over here?"

"I don't mind at all," Howard said, an incorrigible grin on his face.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - I wonder why Howard doesn't mind more girls in his room?)**

**Heather** - \She sighs and shakes her head.\ "Look, I know anyone who watches me thinks I'm not trying, but I really am. You see, it's just how I am: if you don't start the fight, people will begin it and they will win because you were weak. Izzy pushes my wrong buttons, so I snap at her.

"I really don't think she'd try to steal Ezekiel from me... but who can tell with her?!"

* * *

**(Room 7 - Jasmine, Joel, Justin, Katie)**

"It's actually a bit upsetting to me that Sandra is gone," Jasmine was saying to Katie, "because she might have been really good."

"Oh, I don't," Katie said. "She was really mean. And the less mean people we have, the better."

"I, like, so agree there. I guess it's just hindsight, wondering how the person voted off first would have been."

"No one wants to be first, but she, ugh, yuck and bleah, you know?"

"Ugh, yuck, and bleah," Jasmine repeated, giggling. Then she posed and said each word again with gusto. "Sounds like something Elizabeth would say in a modern day _Pride and Prejudice_."

"Oh, that'd be, like, so cool!"

The two girls had been going on for some time. Joel and Justin were both praying the girls would run out of banter, but they hadn't. The inventor offered earplugs to the model, who had to lift one of the cucumbers from his ears.

"Thanks, man," he said as he took the earplugs. "Was about ready to shove these cucumbers in my ears."

"Hey," both Jasmine and Katie whined.

Justin flinched, and then muttered, "Um... sorry, girls." He offered a grin, which made both of them giggle.

"Justin, you have an agent, right?" Jasmine asked.

"Yes."

"Do you think he can hook me up? Please please, pretty pretty please!"

"I'll see what I can do."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Mmmm, cucumbers.)**

**Beth** - "Justin has to be nice if he wants to be my boyfriend. We visited each other a few times during the break between the seasons, and boy, he's not a country person, I'll tell you that! He did not like working on my family's farm at first! Still, he's working on it."

* * *

**(Room 8 - Leshawna, Lindsay, Mandy, Noah)**

"No, Lindsay, we don't have any running water in the room."

"Aw c'mon, it's really been helping me sleep! It relaxes me."

"Well, it makes me have to pee, so no running water!"

"Please? Please please please please!"

Leshawna tried to ignore Lindsay, but now the blond was clinging to her leg. She had to pull her across the ground as she continued to chant, "Please!"

"Will you keep it down?" Mandy demanded, sitting up in bed. "I wanna sleep."

"Oh, do cultists sleep?" Leshawna remarked.

"We do, of course, because if the Old Gods slumber, so should we."

Leshawna started to reply, then she heard a squeaking sound from Mandy's sheets. One of the cultist girl's rats climbed out and up Mandy's chest, hiding behind her neck.

"Oh no no no no no," Leshawna shouted as Lindsay screamed and jumped into her arms, "you ain't gonna sleep with rats in your bed!"

"It's only Famine! He was acting kind of funny, and it calms him down if he sleeps in the same bed as me!"

"But what if he decides to sleep with one of us while we sleep? You keep those rats in their cage!"

"Eww, I think it's looking at me," Lindsay wailed.

Leshawna and Mandy continued to shout at each other, as Lindsay wailed and shivered in Leshawna's arms. Noah, wearing his night clothes, walked into the room. He listened to about five seconds of the argument about rats, and quickly left the room.

* * *

**(Room 9 - Owen, Rodney, Sadie, Sakaki)**

Sadie, missing Katie something fierce, tried to talk to Sakaki; however, the shy girl was hard to talk to, because she kept her answers very short and stammered a lot. Owen was pacing back and forth anxiously, as if waiting for something, while Rodney was sitting in his bed; his army helmet hung nearby his bed.

"God bless mommy, and daddy," Rodney was saying, "and watch over Sandra, wherever she went; Lord, please be nice to her, even though she isn't very nice back to us."

Sadie and Sakaki were preparing for bed when finally, Owen's pacing got to them. "Why do you keep walking around?" Sadie asked, frowning at the big guy.

"I... was kind of wondering that too," Sakaki said quietly.

"I just cannot go to sleep," Owen whined. "I mean, I was voted off first last season, but I really don't want to happen again! Now I'm not the first, but I could be second! And if that happens, I won't get pie and cake!"

"You shouldn't worry too much," Sadie said. "I mean, a lot of people like you."

"But I want to keep eating pie! And cake! Oh, and sorry for taking most of yours, Sakaki."

Sakaki didn't answer, she just blushed and curled up in her bed. Rodney, done with his prayers, got up and walked over to Owen. "I'll help you go to sleep, if you want."

"You?" Owen asked, then laughed. "Shouldn't I be the one tucking you in?"

"I usually put myself to bed, and I really thought I'd be nervous here, but I'm okay," he admitted. "Owen, you really seem tense, like my siblings before a big test. Here..."

Rodney took Owen's hand, and led the big guy up to his bed. As the child pulled the covers over Owen, he held up a book and said, "This is one of my favorite stories. I really hope it'll help put you to sleep; works on Dad when he cannot."

Reading Shakespeare to Owen, Rodney put the big guy to sleep in ten minutes. Smiling at the snoring teenager, the kid slid down the ladder and crawled into his own bunk. He sat up, continuing to read the book to himself.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Get thee to a janitor's closet!)**

**Rodney** - "Dad and my brother say that Shakespeare writes good lullabies." \He chuckles.\ "I don't know what they mean by that, maybe they're referring to the sonnets. Or the comedies, I dunno."

**Sakaki** - "Isn't Rodney just the cutest thing? And he tucks in his siblings? Wow. I guess he is a prodigy!"

* * *

**(Room 10 - Sebastian, Trent, Tyler)**

"To Sandra being voted off!"

"Yay!"

"Hear hear!"

The three boys clinked their glasses and cheered wildly. They were scarfing down pizza (Trent had ordered) and drinking soda. Exchanging jokes and laughs, the three were in a great, collective mood.

"Well, time to turn this place into a bachelor pad," Sebastian said.

"Yeah, we're going to have to trash this place good," Tyler agreed, cheering.

"Now guys," Trent said, "just because we're three guys living alone doesn't mean we have to live like pigs."

"Sorry, but it's inevitable," Sebastian apologized, taking a swig of his soda. "If I live in a room for a couple days, it will be a mess. I don't know how it happens either."

"I'm worse than you, I'll bet," Tyler shouted, grinning madly. "My room's such a mess, I cannot walk through it!"

Trent sighed, then shrugged and smiled. "Well, here's to being able to walk in our room while we can!"

"To walking," Sebastian and Trent declared.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - To confessions!)**

**Trent** - "I keep my room rather clean, and I am proud of that. I don't believe that stereotype that men are unable to keep a room clean. I'm sure if we try, we can keep the room neat."

**Sebastian** - \with a deadpan smile\ "After about a week in the same room as me, I wouldn't be surprised if Chef's barely sentient food would crawl in our room and die from the smell. Tyler's betting on four days, but I'm optimistic."

* * *

**(Room 11 - Valerie, Xander, Yoshi, Zachary)**

"I called the top bunk before the challenge, if you recall," Yoshi said to Zachary, glaring at him. "I don't see why you're putting up a fuss over thi-"

"I don't want you thinking you are above me," Zachary shouted. "That's the kind of crap I hate from white people like you!"

"For the last time, I'm not white!"

"You as white as sour cream!"

Yoshi's eye squinted in rage, and he lunged at Zachary. Knocking them both to the ground, they wrestled and argued more. Xander and Valerie sighed as they watched.

"Let's just hope they don't break any furniture," Valerie grumbled.

"Just their necks, that'd be fine," the biker joked. He chuckled and turned to her. "So, which bunk do you want?"

"Oh, I don't mind you being on top," she said, coyly batting at her bangs.

He chuckled. "Tempting," he said, speaking over the fighting of Yoshi and Zachary, "but I never sleep with a girl on the first challenge."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Good dating philosophy.)**

**Xander** - "I didn't think Valerie was the flirty type. Maybe she's just feeling rebellious since she's away from family, peers, and those she has to govern. Sweet. Though she wears a little too much pink, and she tried to get Alfred voted off. He's a cool frood, him and Anita. I'd like to..."

\He stops, hearing something nearby. He turns around and cries out in shock as Noah sits up in a cot in the corner of the Janitor's Closest.\

**Noah** - "Look, do you mind? I'm trying to sleep here for tonight, do you have to make confessions this late? Talk about your dating prospects another night, jeez!"

**Xander** - \He blinks, then turns to the camera and whispers.\ "He's got a room with three chicks, and he wants to sleep in here? Man, maybe my sister's right about his sexual preferences."

**Noah** - "I heard that!"

* * *

--

--

--

**Votes**:

**Valerie** - Alfred

**Carol** - Alfred (accident)

**Alfred** - Sandra

**Daisy** - Sandra

**Yoshi** - Sandra

**Sandra** - Alfred

**Colin** - Alfred

**Zachary** - Alfred

**Howard** - Sandra

**Mandy** - Sandra

**Clive** - Sandra

--

Sandra - 6

Alfred - 5

--

**Voted Off List** - Sandra.

--

**[1]** - Alfred had the least amount of votes in the poll I had a couple months back, asking people who they were most interested out of of the rookies. Right before I stopped the poll, he got a couple more votes and pulled ahead of Colin.

I'd also like to point out that I won't be opening and closing every challenge with a look into every room; I'll limit myself from now on.

Also also, I make NO apologies to Disaster Movie. You want to know how bad it is? As Korey from Spill says, "They have the nerve, they have the _audacity_, to sit up there, and put 'Written By' in the credits." In my own words, a movie that explains every bad joke to you as if you cannot get it yourself is pure torture.

* * *

**Next Up:** Divided into numerous teams, it's time for a drive!


	5. Ch 2, Pt 1: Maybe Not Fast but Furious

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. And if my OCs wander into your story, give them a bop on the nose and send them back here.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Warning** - New poll. Go vote after you read this chapter. The winners of the first poll were Noah in first place, Ezekiel in second place, and Cody and Clive tie for third. Guess you all love your nerdy guys.

* * *

**Chapter 5** - The Car Goes Vroom-Vroom!

* * *

A loudspeaker that could be heard in every room let out a sharp whine, jarring all the teenagers from sleep; even those hardest to jar were jarred.

"_Good morning, campers_," Chris's annoyingly cheerful voice came in full-blare mode. "_It is 7:30 AM, and it's time to eat breakfast, read the paper, and then get starting on your second challenge!_"

"The second challenge already?" Gwen cried out. "We just _did_ the first challenge!"

"_In case you're wondering why so soon, well, we really do need to hurry the challenges along, because we have over forty to do! Too many of you whippersnappers in this challenge!_"

"Then you shouldn't have had forty-four contestants, dork," Eva snarled.

"_So every one of you, report to the cafeteria for breakfast! I think Chef Hatchet has something surprising for all of you!_"

Duncan rolled his eyes. "Alrighty then, if he says so. Better get Colin out of the closet I locked him in."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - To clean up after breakfast.)**

**Tyler** - "Surprise? Yeah, right. He just says that to bug us. It'd be surprising if Chef Hatchet could make toast right. Toast that _isn't_ soggy or green or is still on fire, or somehow all three at once."

**Justin** - "Chef could burn water."

**Valerie** - "I want to know just why we have to eat what he makes. I'd starve myself in protest, but I'm not entirely sure Chris would budge even if I was near death."

* * *

The breakfast was a surprise: purple eggs and green sausage. "How'd you get it that color?" Rodney asked, very intrigued. "Did you dye them?"

"What do you mean, 'dye'?" Chef asked.

Something popped out of one of the sausages on Rodney's plate. It was probably a worm, but too mutated to be natural. The kid let out a scream, dropped his plate, and ran from the cafeteria in a panic.

"You kids are finicky eaters," Chef Hatchet shouted at the retreating child. He noticed the next contestant was Crystal, and he glared something fierce at her. "You ain't one of those anorexic girls, are ya?"

"No no, of course not," she declared. "I eat healthy-"

"Good, then feast on this!"

Chef scooped a large amount of purple eggs and splattered them on her plate. Some caught on her face, and she gagged.

"I... oh God, I can taste it in my mouth already," she whimpered. Her eyes watered, and then bile rose up in her throat. "Oh bloody hell!"

She ran out of the cafeteria, both hands over her mouth. The forty-one contestants in the line for breakfast all looked very discouraged, especially when Chef started laughing.

"The British are fleeing, the British are fleeing," he joked, then glared at the line. "Which one of you maggots is ne-"

The next "maggot" slammed his tray down in front of Chef, startling the big man. Xander was glaring something fierce at him, drumming his fingers on the empty tray.

"If you think I'm going to eat any of this crap," he growled at the bigger man, "you're out of your tiny little mind."

Chef snarled and slammed his instrument on the tray, bending it into an arch with one blow; the interesting thing was that the instrument was a ladle. Xander withdrew his fingers fast enough, and now he was really mad; his brow was furrowed, and his facial scar seemed to tighten in apprehension.

"I don't think you understand me, Chef," Xander snapped. "When I refuse to do something, that's it. I may be tortured for the sake of winning of the show, but I ain't gonna eat your crap because you have no skills in cooking."

Everyone in the line took several steps back; Hannah began praying for Xander.

Chef, his face contorted in fury, reached over the counter to grab Xander's jacket collar. The biker was faster, and grabbed the large man's arm. Dragging him across the counter, smearing his own revolting all over him, Xander slammed Chef Hatchet on the ground on the opposite side.

"Let's see if you can take it as well as dish it out," the rebel remarked, then looked at the others. "Can someone hand me some of the food?"

Most of the others backed away, but Eva was never one to stand down. She scooped a bowl of purple eggs and presented it to Xander. "I made sure to get the extra chunky parts!"

Chef Hatchet's eyes widened in fear. "No! The extra chunky parts are made of lar-"

He didn't finish, as Xander had grabbed a handful and forced it into Chef's mouth. He went to reach for another handful, but Eva was already grabbing more and proceeding the process of force-feeding Chef his own cooking.

After about three handfuls, a desperate Chef Hatchet shoved both Xander and Eva away. He ran out the cafeteria, his hands over his mouth and gagging wretchedly.

"Yay, we defeated the cafeteria monster," Xander exclaimed, and high-fived Eva; as he turned away to cradle his now very sore hand, he let out a soft chuckle. "Thanks for the help, Eva."

"No problem. I've been wanting to do that since day one of Total Drama Island," Eva said, and laughed. "Oh, I have a _good_ feeling about this season!"

"So then," Harold spoke up from the line of hungry contestants, "what are we going to do about breakfast?"

"Well," Xander tapped his chin, "who here knows how to cook? How to _actually_ cook?" Ezekiel, Sakaki, Katie, and Sadie raised their hands. "All right then! You four, go to the kitchen and prepare something edible!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - To clean up after Crystal and Chef Hatchet.)**

**Eva** - \chuckles\ "That Xander guy, I think I like him. I hope I'm on his team this time."

**Sakaki** - \very quietly\ "It... it was nice to work with Katie and Sadie. Those two sure can talk a lot... I wish I had the ability to talk like that."

**Leshawna** - "Chef Hatchet defeated, a good breakfast, and Eva smiling?! I think I've seen it all in the first two days I've been here." \She grins.\ "And that's fine by me, yo."

**Chris Maclean** - \laughing\ "I loved that. And if you think I'm gonna protest them doing that, well, Chef did cost me a lot of money last season, and it's time for pay back!"

* * *

**(After breakfast, which was edible for once.)**

The forty-three contestants, after breakfast, were back in the stadium's center. Some of them were still holding their glasses, drinking as they walked to the raised platform. The roaring crowd greeted them, which caused a good deal of them to wave back and roar out enthusiastically.

"Did these people stay here overnight?!" Gwen grumbled. "Honestly, where did they sleep?"

"Why so bitter, girlfriend?" Leshawna asked her. "Breakfast was actually good for once! I need to find out which of those girls made the pancakes-"

"I made those, eh," Ezekiel called out.

"Oh, sorry, Zeke. But yeah, breakfast was good! Why you bitter?"

"I like sleeping in," Gwen said with a heavy sigh. "I actually got to sleep in after the second season, and now that I'm being forced to wake up to a _screaming_ crowd, I'm not going to be Miss Congeniality!"

"Boy," Daisy whispered to Sebastian, "I'd hate to be on her team!"

Once all forty-three contestants were on the raised platform, Chris and a very irked Chef Hatchet walked on. "Welcome, contestants, to the second challenge of Total! Drama! Battlegrounds!"

He raised his arms to the crowd, and they roared and cheered in approval.

"Are you going to do that," Valerie snapped at him, "_every_ day we're here?"

"Yes," the host said, "yes, I am!"

"No," said Belinda, "no, you won't."

A lot of the contestants and Chris himself stared at her. She merely bobbed on her heels and stared up at the morning sky. The host scratched his head, then realized it was right where he was hit in the head with a broom on the first day.

"I must remember to do that every day we have a challenge then," he said to himself, "just to prove you wrong."

"My money's on Foresight," Howard cheered.

"Oh, is that my nickname now?" she asked, batting her eyes at him.

"If that's okay with you?"

"Fine, fine," she said, continuing to bob on her feet.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Think she'll be right?)**

**Howard** - \winking at the camera\ "Oh yeah, she likes me! And who wouldn't want a girl like Belinda, huh? Calm, beautiful, intelligent, and she could help you win the lottery!"

**Belinda** - \smiling calmly at the camera\ "Nope, still not into him. But... Foresight? Hehe, rather cute."

**DJ** - "Me and some of the guys have started a bet, but we're trying to see who'll bet against Belinda. So far, most seem to think she's gonna win this."

* * *

"Okay campers," Chris shouted, "or... contestants. Or players. Gee, I don't know what to call you all anymore, since we're not at camp anymore."

"How about 'gladiators'?" Harold suggested, miming out sword motions.

"How about 'warriors'?" Joel suggested, gesturing to the arena.

"How about 'the doomed'?" Clive grumbled.

The emo was sitting on the side of the platform, staring over the side as if it was an abyss. Daisy yanked him up to his feet and pulled him over to the group.

"No need to be sulky, white boy," she said, then giggled. "You actually are the only person I would call that, 'cause you truly are white."

"If we're done with suggestions and pulling the emo around," Chris said, tapping his foot, "I think we have a challenge to get to! Now who here loves to drive?"

Several contestants raised their hands, and Chris grinned. "Well, we did a bit of checking, just to make sure every team has at least two people who can drive. Because today's challenge is... a road trip!"

A good deal of the contestants let out loud cheers, pumping their fists into the air. Carol and Geoff were leaping up and down in their excitement. Some, like Courtney and Heather, didn't look as thrilled.

"So, it's basically a car race?" Courtney asked. "One that'll take several days?"

"Two days, actually, and that's counting today," the host explained.

He pressed a button on a remote, and a large screen rose up from the stadium ground. A projector also popped up, and soon a large map of their surrounding area was on the screen.

"We are here," Chris used a laser pointer to display a certain area on the map. "You all will be given maps and directions that will lead you to here," he laser-pointer'ed his way over a series of freeways to another location, "where you will find a rest stop for the night. It's called the Gloomy Gulch Rest Stop."

"Oh, that sounds relaxing," Arthur grumbled.

"You all will need to check in there to confirm you hit the stop before continuing back over this route," he said, laser pointer guiding across the map, "which will lead you back here. And to let you all know, the Gloomy Gulch Rest Stop has been instructed by us to only let the first five teams into their hotel."

"What?" Katie exclaimed, exchanging nervous glances with Sadie and Noah. "Does that mean we have to sleep in your car if you're late?"

"Yes," the host said, his sadistic grin in full form now, "yes it does."

"How many teams are there?" Noah asked.

"All in due time, Noah."

"It's one number, Chris," he shouted, startling some people. "One number, how hard is it to say one number? How much time could it possibly kill to say-"

"All right, all right! Nine! There, you happy?!"

"Yes," Noah said, with Chris's sadistic grin on his face, "yes I am."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Noah slept here.)**

**Chris Maclean** - "I had forgotten how much I didn't like Noah from the last season."

**Katie & Sadie** - **Sadie** - "OhmiGod, Katie! Your boyfriend is, like, so clever!"

**Katie** - \giggling\ "Yes! Yes, he is!"

\Both girls burst out laughing.\

* * *

"Moving along," Chris said firmly, "I'd like to let you all know that each team will be given a small share of money to start off with. This can be used for food, gas, or whatever your heart desires; spend wisely! Each team will get more when they reach Gloomy Gulch Rest Stop, receiving more depending on the place they arrive there.

"As for heading back here to Maclean Stadium, the first seven teams to arrive back here will win immunity! The last two teams... one of you will be boarding the Bus of Defeat forever!"

Daisy looked over at Alfred in remembrance of that day. The American gonzo was busy talking to Howard, but how he looked concerned Daisy; Alfred looked liked he hadn't got a wink of sleep. "_Maybe_," she thought, "_he was up all night because of stress?_"

Chris clicked his tongue as he looked over the forty-three contestants. "We have the nine teams set already, since we needed to make sure we had at least two people who could drive on each team. Once I have announced the teams, be prepared for a pre-start challenge, because it'll decide what of the nine vehicles you get!"

Chris held his hand out towards Chef Hatchet, and the big man rolled his eyes as he handed a clipboard to him. The handsome host put on some fake reading glasses, and began to read from the list.

"Okay! On team one, we have Duncan, Eva, Yoshi, and Xander," he read off, "mostly because we wanted four of the toughest people on one team!"

The four contestants looked at each other, and they all seemed to approve, though Duncan was wondering how safe it was to be with a guy with a real sword, and with Eva. She was exchanging a soft high-five with Xander, both of them still basking in their conquer over Chef.

"On team two, we have Gwen, Trent, Bridgette, Crystal, DJ, and Alfred!"

Trent and Gwen cheered and hugged, and Bridgette joined in. Crystal clapped her hands excitedly and looked over at Alfred, who yawned and rubbed his eyes. DJ pat him on the back.

"Yo, you okay, buddy?" the gentle giant asked Alfred.

"Um, kind of."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Where "kind of" is explained in detail.)**

**Alfred** - \with baggy eyes\ "I think I slept three minutes. Really, I'm not doing so well, mostly because I couldn't sleep the day before the contest, and I couldn't the first night of the contest. I mean, dudes, how could I? I was almost voted off, I must have done something really bad to deserve that."

\He sighs, then shrugs.\ "Hopefully they'll let me sleep on the trip, because I'm..." \he yawns\ "... really not focused."

**Howard** - "Alfred may be exhausted, but the guy's still interested in learning all he can about the TDI girls since he didn't watch the show at all. What a trooper! I'm so proud of him! But when he asked the name of the really hot blond girl from TDI, I told him that Lindsay was taken."

**Trent** - "Well, a road trip with Gwen, huh? And my possible future stepsister! This might be an interesting challenge, and when I say 'interesting,' I finally mean 'fun'!"

* * *

"Moving on," Chris said over the chatter of the contestants and the crowd, "we have team three! This will consist of Heather, Zachary, Valerie, and Ezekiel!"

The two girls and Zachary did not look happy about their teammates, but Ezekiel did. He let out a cheer, and hugged his girlfriend. "Hooray, we're on the same team, Heather," he said cheerfully. "Isn't that great, we don't have to compete a'geenst each other, eh!"

"Wonderful," she said, though unenthusiastically since she and Valerie were glaring daggers at each other; why Valerie was glaring at her was still unknown to her, but she never backed down from a threat.

"Team four," Chris blurted out, "will be Katie, Sadie, Noah, and Clive!"

Katie and Sadie squealed in joy, sending shivers up most peoples' spines; Katie did stop after a few seconds, and covered her mouth. She looked apologetically at Noah, who smiled and shrugged at her.

"Well, aren't you the lucky girl," he said to her. "Boyfriend and BFFFL? I think Chris is being generous to you."

"That's why I threw in the emo," Chris said, "to make things difficult for you all."

"I knew it," Clive grumbled as he stared at the floor. "I knew I'd be classified as a 'burden' teammate. At least you're honest enough to be open about it, Chris."

"Thank you."

"Like a noble savage who says a prayer for his victim before cutting his heart out and eating it raw, that's what you are, Chris Maclean," he continued, must to the disgust of those around him. "With blood and entrails hanging from your mouth as you happily swallow a large portion of my once-beating organ, you enjoy my agony but make sure I am safe in the afterlife."

"I don't want to sit next to him," Sadie whimpered to Katie.

"Um, thanks," the host looked a little off-put by that comparison. "Anyway! Team five will consist of Leshawna, Colin, Beth, Sakaki, and Sebastian!"

Sebastian looked for Sakaki, smiling comfortingly, but couldn't see her. It was only after a couple trembling hands clenched his shoulders from behind that he knew where she was, and the person she was hiding from.

"What the heck is she doing, hiding behind you?" Colin grumbled, then glared at Sakaki. "You shouldn't have joined the contest if you cannot handle attention, you fool."

"You ain't pulling any of that on my team, white boy," Leshawna growled. "Keep up the attitude, your seat will be tied to the roof of the car!"

Colin looked over at her, and shrugged. "How bold of you. If only your teammates felt as brave."

He pointed behind Leshawna, where a trembling Beth was hiding.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - People hide in here too.)**

**Beth** - "Colin... is really scary. I don't want to be in the same car as him!"

**Colin** - "What a bunch of wimpy girls! Why'd they join the show if they have no backbone?"

**Sebastian** - \pressing the bridge of his glasses up with a serious look on his face\ "If he tries anything, I'll have to apply some pressure to him. Or more specifically, the area of his neck that causes him to lose consciousness. I hope Chris has no problems with that."

**Harold** - "It's like seeing a D&D party with a Lawful Good character and a Chaotic Evil character. That's actually possible in the game, and you wonder how they can cope with each other. Simple: they party just has to knock out one of them whenever it comes to a moral decision.

"Luckily, Sebastian's already proved he can K.O. that Colin creep. That's an awesome skill, he really needs to teach me it. That way, I can knock out my sister whenever she starts rambling." \He chuckles and rubs his hands deviously.\

* * *

"If you all are done fighting," Chris said, "I'd like to continue!"

"Isn't fighting half the drama?" Noah asked, quirking an eyebrow at the host.

"Not when I'm trying to talk! Now, team six will be one of two largest teams, so you might want to be considerate when it comes to the car you win. The team members are Lindsay, Hannah, Mandy, Tyler, Howard, and Jasmine!"

While Tyler and Lindsay embraced in joy of being on the same team, another member was very excited. Howard looked in-between the girls.

"_Okay, she loves the theater_," he thought as he looked at Jasmine. "_I'll tell her she's Juliet..._

"_I... already hit on her, but I'll tell her I love rats,_" he thought as he looked at Mandy, then looked over at Hannah. "_Oh, she'll probably starting screaming how much of a sinner I am if I hit on her. Better leave her alone, but that's such a shame, she's so darn cute!_

_And her,_" Howard finalized as he looked at Lindsay. "_Well, she's taken, and her boyfriend's here. No flirting... but I sure can look_."

He did continue to look because Tyler and Lindsay weren't looking at him. And his staring endured until Belinda nudged him.

"Her D-cups are not her eyes, Howard," she told him, "even if she's not looking at you."

"Hehe, sorry," he chuckled nervously, then added, "I just love gorgeous blonds, you know? And you're one too."

"Flattering, considering you were just gawking her chestical region."

As Howard mentally cursing himself for blowing that big-time, Chris was continuing the teams. "Team seven is five members too. The members are Owen, Carol, Justin, Arthur, and Izzy."

Arthur took a look at his teammates. Owen was scratching his butt inside his undershorts, Justin was busy correcting his bangs using a hand mirror, Carol was clapping and jumping from foot to foot, and Izzy was... grinning like Izzy did.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - So which is the worst?)**

**Arthur** - "So I'm going to be stuck in a car with two psychotic girls, a living fart machine, and a narcissist who might use the rearview mirror?" \He sighs heavily, then shrugs.\ "Oh well, I knew when I signed up for this show, it wasn't going to be a picnic."

**Owen** - \grinning\ "All right! I'm on the same team as my girlfriend! I hope she doesn't want to drive, because I want her in the back with me!"

\He grins, then looks nervous.\ "Um, back seat means just first base, right? I mean, we do have people on the team I don't know, don't really want them to see anything." \He giggles nervously.\

**Carol** - "I got my driver's license as soon as I could. I want to be an awesome driver when I am a cop, and can chase down those grand theft autos!"

\She grins, then grips the camera and pulls her face up to it.\ "You hear that, all you punks who are playing that evil little game as practice? If you try anything like that when I'm an officer, I won't hesitant to break out the riot shotgun and blow your ass off! Ha ha ha haaaaaa!"

**Duncan** - "For some reason, I'm getting this _really_ strong feeling of relief that I'm not on that psycho girl's team. And I actually don't mean Izzy."

* * *

"I'm sure you all will have a good time together," Chris said, grinning at them. "Moving on, since this is taking way too long, we have team eight, another team with five members. The members are Geoff, Courtney, Joel, Belinda, and Daisy."

The five members all looked at each other, but none of them looked concerned or happy. The host, who wanted drama, looked rather annoyed by the lack of emotions. "Aw c'mon," he angrily protested, "don't any of you have anything to say?"

"I'm happy to have Joel on my team," Belinda said. "He can fix the car if it breaks."

"I want more protesting than that! How about how Courtney stabbed Geoff in the back last season in her quest for revenge against Harold?"

"Chris...," Courtney growled, clenching her hands. "You didn't need to say that-"

"Moving on," the host continued gleefully now that someone was angry, "we have our final team! Team nine consists of Anita, Rodney, Harold, and Cody!"

Most everyone was startled when there was a high-pitched scream of delight, that was quickly replaced with embarrassed giggling. The contestants looked at a red-faced Anita, who was trying to hide her face in her shame.

"Glad someone's happy," Chris remarked, smirking.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - We're happy too, doesn't that count?)**

**Anita** - \singing\ "I'm on the same team as Co-dee, I'm on the same team as Co-dee! Oh, I could be voted off after this challenge, and my life would still be complete! Oh thank you, God! Woohoo!"

**Courtney** - \angry, crossing her arms\ "Did... he... HAVE to bring that up? I mean seriously, he's hurting not only my chances if that... rather... bad... okay, I don't want to downplay it that much, but c'mon! I'm not the only person who'll be hurt by bringing that up, it'll hurt Duncan's chances too!"

* * *

"Now that we have all nine teams prepared," Chris said, "it's time to decide which of the nine vehicles you'll get! Chef, you want to show them the nine vehicles they can get?"

Chef Hatchet was at the left side of the stage now, dressed like a game show lady. Most of the teenagers reacted with disgust at this.

"Eww," Lindsay wailed, "that dress is so not his color."

"And way too skimpy for a man like him," Beth added.

"It's too skimpy for men, period," Valerie groaned.

"These are the cars that you might get," Chris announced as Chef walked from curtain to curtain, revealing the vehicles.

"The first is a sleek, shiny hybrid car," the host announced as the dressing-wearing cook patted the purple car. "Takes gas and electricity, excellent mileage, and an awesome ride. Five seats."

Bridgette clapped, her eyes sparkling. Valerie rolled her eyes and looked away.

"The second is a common six-seater," Chris said as Chef Hatchet patted the second car, which was a pleasant, cherry red. "Good mileage, six seats, and it has loads of space."

"That might be good for our team," Hannah said to Tyler and Lindsay. When she realized the two were still staring at the hybrid, she added, "That first one doesn't have enough seats."

"Can't someone ride on the roof or something?" Lindsay asked.

"The third vehicle," Chris was continuing, "is a small bus!"

The small bus was rusty and dented, but still in decent shape. The cross dressing co-host leaned against it, an elegant sweep of his arm gesturing to the length of the large vehicle.

"A little hard to drive, but we pulled strings so those who can drive can drive it on the open road," Chris explained. "There's ten seats, not including the driver, but no CD or tape player, so you'll have to make your own entertainment."

"Sounds like a boring ride," Crystal said, "unless you have good teammates to ride with and chat with."

"You planning on helping Gwen and Trent with their relationship?" DJ asked with a smile as he shook Alfred's shoulder to keep him awake.

"The bus and six-seater may be the 'biggest' as far as seats go," Chris said, "but what I know all you guys and some of you gals want is the monster truck!"

Chef Hatchet wasn't even as big as one of the wheels for the very large vehicle. A lot of the guys did indeed cheer and start declaring how much they wanted it.

"This ride is huge, mean, and can crush most of the other cars under it," Chris said proudly. "It has five seats, poor mileage, and a booming stereo in it."

"Want," Colin chanted.

"Need," Tyler moaned.

"Men," Courtney muttered with a roll of her eyes. She looked at the nearest girl, Daisy, who was drooling at the sight of the monster truck.

"Next car might be just what you need to win this contest," Chris said. "It's a race car, barely been used!"

The sparkling white race car made many more guys and tomboys cheer wildly. The crowd went wild, and it was like being at a racing car contest all of a sudden.

"Four seats, and no CD player, sorry; no rearview mirrors either. Though it consumes loads of gas if you make it go really fast," the host continued, "that's what you need if you want to win this challenge! Oh, and on a side note, if you total your vehicle, your team is automatically disqualified!"

"What if more than one crash their car?" Justin asked.

"Then the first two who crashed their cars are going to vote for someone. And if you cause someone else to crash, they are not eliminated, but neither are you."

"Oh great," Noah said, slapping his forehead. "Encouraged road rage."

"Moving on, our next car is not a car, but good if you want to dominate the road," Chris said. "It's a semi!"

The largest of the vehicles was revealed, and some of the guys let out approving 'ooo's.' Belinda looked dubious.

"How can one drive one of these things properly if you don't have experience?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Chef will give the drivers of the team who gets it a little crash course, and like the bus, they are licensed for this challenge."

"There's also the issue of space," Anita said. "I mean, aren't there only three seats in front?"

"That's what the back is for," Chris said, his grin wide.

"The back? You mean the storage compartment?"

"Yep! Now, the next car is something simple, but small," the host continued. "We have us a jeep!"

The olive green jeep was small, as Chris commented, but still rather nifty. The two most excited were Rodney and Carol, both cheering loudly. The host noticed their excitement, and smiled at them.

"I see we have some off-road lovers," he commented. "The jeep does have four-wheel drive, okay mileage, four seats, and the open top provides cool breeze for everyone! Hope no one on your team has a hat they want to lose!"

Rodney nodded and snapped his chin strap on.

"Now the next one is the complete opposite," Chris said. "We have the hum-vee!"

The large, silver Hummer that was revealed had the biggest reaction: either violent boos or wild cheers. Geoff was cheering until he saw the look of disgust on Bridgette's face, and his enthusiasm died.

"Yeah, you nature lovers hate this vehicle, I know," the host declared, "but we here at Total Drama Battlegrounds don't care what you hippies think!"

"Way to tell 'em, Chris," Chef Hatchet shouted.

"Darn right! Now, the hum-vee has off-road driving, smooth driving, seven seats, and king of the road feeling, as well as an awesome stereo!"

"And poor mileage," Sebastian pointed out.

"Don't give a crap," Eva said, pounding her palm. "I want that beauty!"

"Me too, me too," Daisy exclaimed, wiping her mouth.

"And last is the car that I'm sure a lot of you would be thrilled to ride," Chris said, grinning sadistically. "We have the sleek, beautiful, convertible, brand-new...

"... bright pink Volkswagen Beetle!!"

Shining brighter than any of the other cars, the pink beetle caused an even greater reaction from everyone. A few of the girls, namely Lindsay and the BFFFLs, were squealing in joy and leaping up and down. Most of the guys looked downright horrified.

"NO," Noah was shouting at his girlfriend and her friend, but neither was listening.

"I'm getting tunnel vision just looking at that nightmare," Duncan snarled.

Arthur took one look at it and acted like a vampire being shown a cross. He backed away, and then an even greater horror came to his mind: Owen was on his team. "_I think I'll quit the contest if we get that car,_" he thought bitterly.

"That one's only a four-seater, so be careful about picking it, no matter how much you want it," Chris recommended. "Good mileage too."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - The girliest car ever!)**

**Yoshi** - "I'd rather commit hari-kari on my sword than be in _that_ car."

**Gwen** - "They'd have to keep the back window open for me, because I'd puke until nothing was left in my stomach."

**Zachary** - "That bright of pink should not be allowed on cars, period!"

**Mandy** - "The Old Gods would never forgive me if I rode in that abomination!"

**Geoff** - "Oh, I don't mind pink so much." \He straightens out his pink vest.\

**Cody** - "Wow, I wonder if Anita would like that car, and if I can convince the other two guys to let us pick it. Maybe she and I..." \he blushes and pokes his fingers together\ "Maybe she and I could sit in the back seat together..."

\He blushes more, then stares at the camera.\ "Um, just sit, is all. I mean, Rodney's on our team, I don't want to be a bad influence... but then again, if she really likes me, I'll show the kid how to court a girl!" \He giggles a whole lot.\

* * *

"Now we decide who gets to pick the vehicle first, and what better way to prepare for the pedal action than... Dance Dance Rebellion!"

A small part of the large platform they were on opened up, and a DDR stage rose up from underneath. A lot of contestants cheered in response, but Harold was rather confused.

"Wasn't there water underneath?" he asked, but no one answered him.

"Now you all are going to do a hard song, so pick a DDR expert," Chris instructed. "One try, cheering and interjection is allowed, your scores will be added up and you'll pick in the order highest to lowest."

"Wait Chris," Hannah called out, "don't you mean it's Dance Dance Rev-"

"No, shush, we still don't have the rights," Chris protested. "Now then, Team 1, who do you want?"

The four tough teammates looked at each other. Duncan and Xander shook their heads, they had never played DDR. Eva and Yoshi exchanged glances.

"I've played it some, how about you?" Eva asked.

"Rather a lot, I must admit," the warrior admitted. "Long story how, don't care to go into details."

"I hope you dance better than you arm wrestle," she said, then slapped him on the back. "You're up."

"Hold this for me," he said, handing his katana blade to the fitness buff.

As he walked onto the stage, Colin watched closely. The song started up, and as the warrior started to dance, the bully held up his plastic glass from breakfast.

"Hey, asian boy," he shouted, "this is for pointing your sword at me the first day!"

He chucked the glass at Yoshi's feet, and the warrior accidentally stepped on it. Tripping, he fell on his face with a cry of pain. The song finished without him scoring another point.

"What the hell was that?!" Xander was shouting, glaring at Colin. "He fricking interfered!"

"You can't allow that one," Daisy cried out as she helped Yoshi up. Blood leaked from a wound on his forehead.

Colin smirked at all the fervent protesting. "Chris said 'interjection' was allowed," he stated, proudly.

"I actually meant that in the sense of booing and jeering," the host said, then smirked exactly like Colin. "But I like this more! Interference will be allowed, and that one does count for team one!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Doesn't seem fair...)**

**Yoshi** - \with a bandage wrapped around his forehead, glaring at the camera\ "He is so lucky that Eva was holding my sword then. I am gonna beat the living crap out of that guy next time I see him!! RRRRRGH!"

**Hannah** - \frowning\ "Chris and Colin's sins will not go unpunished, because cruelty is it's own reward. When you show no mercy or compassion, neither shall He. And of course, neither will we."

\She smirks at the camera now.\ "With Sebastian and Leshawna on his team, Colin is gonna wish he had behaved. Only wish I could see it; guess I'll have to watch the reruns."

* * *

As Chef Hatchet treated Yoshi's wound, Chris turned to the now very upset teens. "Okay, team two, you're up."

The six looked at each other. Bridgette, Trent, and Crystal had barely played it, and Alfred was practically dead on his feet with exhaustion. Gwen and DJ debated it, and finally, he took to the DDR stage.

Though interference was allowed, most of the teens had the respect to not attack DJ on his turn, or Zachary for team three. Colin tried, but Sebastian pinched the nerve in the back of his neck to knock him out.

"Team four, who are you sending up?" Chris asked after Zachary stepped down. "So far, team one was abysmal, but teams two and three weren't bad!"

Katie and Sadie looked each other, excited. "Oh, you go," Sadie gushed. "You're, like, the best DDR player I know, and you can win us the pink bug!"

"Now wait," Noah started, but the girl was already rushing to the DDR stage. He didn't think it was possible, but as he watched Katie dance, he felt his hopes sink. She was doing magnificently, and the bookworm kept glancing at the pink beetle.

"This is gonna be hell," he groaned.

"Welcome to my world," Clive, his teammate muttered.

"Your family owns one of those pink nightmares?"

"No, my life is hell, that's all."

Katie left off the DDR stage when she was done, having won a near-perfect score. Team five was next, but when Chris called for a dancer, Colin had revived.

"Me," he shouted, aggressively pushing Sebastian out of the way. "I'm gonna get me one of those big cars for sure."

"What the hell," Leshawna barked as Colin made his way to the DDR stage. "Someone throw something at him, I implore you!"

But the remaining cups people had weren't enough to stop the determined Colin, even as they bonked him on the head and back. He stomped his way to a high score, though it wasn't as high as Katie's.

"Yeah, we gonna be driving a Hummer or a monster truck for sure," he cheered.

"I think we outvote you, four to one, jackass," Leshawna snarled.

"Actually," Chris spoke up, that one word sending a shiver down Leshawna's spine, "the dancer gets to pick the car."

"Oh man," she growled as Colin danced around, chanting proudly how he was the best.

Team six took a little while to debate it, since most of the members insisted they were excellent DDR players. They finally decided on Hannah, who promised that she did it often and to be fair on her car choice. When she danced on the stage, she did rather well, except for a slip-up near the end.

"Sorry guys," she apologized as she headed back. "I tripped up a little."

"Aw, that's okay," Lindsay cooed, hugging her teammate.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Dance to the music!)**

**Mandy** - \She rolls her eyes.\ "Typical. Those Christians just aren't cut out for hard stuff like DDR. Us cultists, we would sacrifice our neighbor for that skill! She's gonna bring down our team, I know it."

**Howard** - "I love it when girls do DDR, but Hannah was wearing a modest blouse. If only Lindsay or Mandy had gone..." \he snaps his fingers in regret\

**Jasmine** - "Oh, the horrors of the heavens above, our religious girl didn't do that well! And she'll pick something awful! Would Jesus drive a Hummer? I don't like riding in big cars!"

* * *

"Team seven," Chris called out, "who are you going to have-"

There was a blur of orange and green, and Izzy was very suddenly on the stage. She began to dance like a real maniac, a maniac on the floor, and she was dancing like no one had seen her dance before.

"I really wanted to do that challenge," Carol whined.

"Me too," Owen groaned.

"Perspiration makes my face look wrinkled," Justin stated.

"Oh stop whining," Arthur snapped at his teammates, "Izzy did well, and we should be grateful for that."

"She also gets to pick the vehicle," Justin pointed out.

"Son of a fricking bi-"

"Team eight," Chris called out, "it's time for you guys! Which of you will step up?"

The five members exchanged glances, Courtney taking charge. "I'm guessing Geoff or Daisy would be good choices," she said, "so... Geoff, you want to?"

"You mean it?" Geoff shouted. "Hot-diggity-dog, I'd love to!"

"But I've played loads of DDR," Daisy protested. "I can beat songs on Heavy."

"So can Geoff, so he tells me," Courtney said. "C'mon, Daisy, it's for the good of the team." Neither Joel nor Belinda protested. Daisy narrowed her eyes angrily at the CIT.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Dancing queen!)**

**Courtney** - "It's nothing personal against her, I know Daisy could be very good at DDR. But I saw the way she was looking at that Hummer. It'd hurt my political career if I was seen in one of those."

**Daisy** - \her arms crossed\ "I know what this is about. Courtney's trying to get Geoff to forgive her for voting him off so early last season. This ain't about alliances and reputation... okay, I guess it is, but still! How dare she deny me my tomboyish desires!"

* * *

Geoff did really well on DDR, even Daisy had to admit. She was still a little sulky when her team celebrated.

"Okay, last but not least," Chris announced over the cheering, "it's team nine's turn! Who's going?"

The four teammates looked at each other. Anita cleared her throat and said, "Well guys, I could if need be, but actually, I'd really not like to."

"Why not?" Cody asked her.

"Because this stupid tube top I have to wear for the show," Anita said, stretching said top on the side before snapping it back, "is not right for playing DDR!"

"Why?" Rodney asked, cocking his head to the side in confusion.

Anita blushed slightly and turned away. "Um, it's just not right, sweetheart. So which of you boys are good at it?"

"I do have mad skills in DDR," Harold said, cracking his knuckles. "Last season, I proved I was really good-"

"I wanna do it," Rodney exclaimed, leaping up. "Please oh please oh please!"

"I was gonna do it, gosh," Harold exclaimed. "Have you even played DDR?"

"Yes, yes I have! I'm really, really good at it! I swear!"

"How good?"

Rodney and Harold continued to discuss it, but the other two weren't listening much. Anita was embarrassed and trying to avoid the hopeful leers of some of the boys; Cody was distracted by her being distracted.

"Is it normally this bad?" he asked her.

"No, not really. I have my favorite jacket and I dress not like a hooker at school," she said, "but I guess it isn't that bad."

"Well, you are pretty hot," Cody said with a sly (or what he was trying to aim for as sly) grin. "And it's a shame to not show off that cute belly button piercing you got."

Anita giggled, flushing a little at the attention. Eva overheard it and snarled, looking at Anita furiously and trying to resist the urge to use Yoshi's sword, which she was still holding.

Harold cleared his throat, catching the attention of his two teammates. "After careful consideration," he said, "I have decided to let Rodney do this."

"You sure?" Cody asked.

"Yes, I believe he has mad skills in this too, and deserves a chance to show them."

Rodney cheered in delight, and ran to the DDR stage. Fastening his chin strap again, he licked his lips and waited.

"Try to not get hurt, kid," Chris suggested. "You did sign a waiver, but I'm sure your mom would kill me nonetheless."

The song started, and Rodney's little feet became a blur. The young boy spun around as he danced, throwing his hands around. He laughed and hopped from foot to foot.

And he was hitting every step with a Perfect.

Everyone's jaw dropped as they watched, and the prodigy child continued to amaze. Though he got a few Marvelous and Great points, it was mostly Perfects. Soon the song was over, and the kid posed.

"Oh, I think I beat my old score for this song," he cheered as he watched the numbers go up in the final tally. "Yay!"

There was stunned silence, and then wild applause. He was so surprised, he grabbed his helmet and let out a frightened yip, then realized it was positive. Rodney blushed and scratched the back of his head.

"He's got mad dancing skills, and he's adorable," Harold cheered. "And he's on my team! Booyah, suckers!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Dance to the music!)**

**Rodney** - \still scratching the back of his head, giggling nervously\ "Well, I took up DDR as part of my exercise routine, and it kind of branched off from that. If there is a score, I get a little carried away. I hope I didn't embarrass anyone."

**Heather** - "Now why can't my little brother be like that!?"

**Bridgette** - "Isn't he just the cutest! Oh, I just want to pick him up and hug him tight! His parents must be so proud!"

**Noah** - \unamused frown\ "Well then. Little Rodney decided to show off a little? This rivalry can only get worse, my small friend. I might step up a notch too."

* * *

"Okay, here are the results," Chris said as he scribbled on a clipboard. "From first to last, team nine, seven, four, eight, five, six, three, two, and one. Rodney, you pick first."

"Oh, I know what I want," Rodney shouted in delight. I want the jeep!"

"Then it's yours!"

"Yey," he squealed, and ran over to the jeep and gave it a hug. "I love jeeps."

"I was hoping he'd pick the race car," Cody said to his teammates, "but I doubt we could handle that."

"Next is team seven, and Izzy?"

"I want the semi," the redhead roared, pumping her fists into the air.

Arthur and Justin face palmed. Carol looked at the giant vehicle and shrugged. "Maybe we can fit Owen back there?"

"Team four, you're next," said Chris.

Katie opened her mouth, then something seized her ankles. It was her boyfriend, Noah. "Please oh please oh please," he shouted pleadingly. "Not the beetle! Not the beetle!"

"But Noah," she whined, "it's so to my liking, and Sadie's!"

"We're not here for personality or your own car, this is a contest!"

Katie tapped her lips. "You know, you have a point! You are really smart, I should know. Chris, I want the race car!"

"You sure?" Chris asked over the groan of the other contestants. "Okay then!"

"Oh thank you," Noah scrambled to his feet and hugged his girlfriend. Then another harsh reality hit him, and he gripped her shoulders. "Wait, can you drive that thing?"

"No problem!"

"Oh, she so can," Sadie said, clapping her hands, "her grandma taught her how to drive, and she drives like a NASCAR driver!"

"How comforting," Noah grumbled.

"Team eight, and Geoff," Chris said. "Your turn!"

"Dude," Geoff exclaimed, "I want the Hummer!"

Courtney gasped, then face palmed, cursing under her breath. Joel patted her shoulder and said, "Don't worry, I can fix it if it has troubles."

"Mechanical issues weren't my worry," the CIT growled.

"Booyah," Daisy cheered, hugging Geoff. Belinda giggled at her teammates reactions.

"Team five," Chris said, "and that means Colin. What do you pick?"

"Well, since Geoff took the hum-vee," Colin said, "I have no choice but to take the monster truck!"

Sakaki whimpered and hid behind Sebastian, as if she feared the truck itself. Leshawna face palmed, and Sebastian let out a heavy sigh. Beth looked at the mammoth truck and asked, "Where do you keep the spare for one of those things?"

"Next is team six. Hannah, which of the remaining vehicles do you want?"

The religious girl tapped her chin as she looked at the four vehicles. "I'm going to have to say that bus, Chris."

"Aww, why?" Lindsay whined. "It might smell bad like my school bus did."

"Because that way, there is more room for everyone," Hannah said with a smile. "I want you all to be comfortable, and not have to sit on anyone's lap."

"But I wouldn't mind sitting in Tyler's lap..."

"What's this about sitting on each other's laps?" Howard asked, looking excited.

Hannah sighed and shook her head. Mandy narrowed her eyes at the blond girl and scoffed. "You're really not scoring any points, blonde," she muttered.

"Team three, your choice," Chris said, "or more specifically, Zachary."

"There's no way I'm taking that pink freak, and the six seater seems overdoing it," he remarked, "so I'll take the hybrid."

"I cannot believe it took that long for that one to be picked," Bridgette muttered to herself. "People should be more open to hybrids!"

"I hate that shade of purple," Valerie whispered to Zachary.

"I don't mind. It's kind of pimp," he said with a chuckle.

"Team two, which of the two cars left do you want?" Chris said. "Your choice, DJ."

"Well, we obviously need the room, so I want the six-seater," he said with a casual shrug.

"Good point," Chris said. He looked at team one, and grinned sadistically at them. "Well then, since you guys came in last, you are stuck with the last car! Which is..."

* * *

**(Team 1 - Duncan, Eva, Xander, Yoshi)**

The four stared at the bright pink Volkswagen Beetle. The brightest of pink except for the black, collapsible top (which would not be coming down, of course), it seemed to mock them with its pinkness.

"Sucks to be you," Colin shouted from afar, cackling wickedly.

Xander flipped him off, then looked back at the others. Yoshi was rubbing his forehead, his eye twitching. Duncan was grinding his teeth. Eva was shaking with indignant rage.

"I ask you guys," Yoshi said, "to kill me so that I do not have to ride in this thing, nor drive it."

"I want you guys to kill me," Eva snapped, "so that I'm not even _seen_ in this thing!"

"I will _pay_ you guys to kill me," Duncan offered, "so that I am not seen inside this thing."

"I guess this means," Xander spoke up, "that I am driving?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Have some fun, fun, fun!)**

**Xander** - "I may have a license, but I don't think I want to be driving that thing! Oh, Colin, I'll make you pay!"

**Crystal** - "This six-seater won't be too bad. I wonder if I can talk to Gwen and Trent about their relationship, or Bridgette about hers, or to Alfred and DJ about who they might like! Wow, this is going to be fun, yay!"

**Ezekiel** - "Heather tells me a hybrid is a car that takes electricity and gas. That's rather interesting, but how can we get an extension cord that long fur whenever we stop fur gas, eh? Will the gas station allow us to use a spare socket, eh?"

**Clive** - "Driving in a race car with Katie or Sadie behind the wheel? Oh man, those two are so scatterbrained, I'm gonna have my brains scattered. Not the way I wanted to go, but then again, I didn't really want to be picky..."

**Leshawna** - "What makes Colin think he can get away with this? If we lose this contest, I don't care if someone else crashes the truck, he's history!"

**Lindsay** - "I know Montana meant well, but I really didn't mind be snuggled up with Tyler and the other girls. Plus, Howie seems nice and keen to help out. Dad warned me that Christian girls were bad, should I be concerned?"

**Izzy** - "Who da queen of da road? Izzy! Go Izzy-Racer, go Izzy-Racer go!"

**Joel** - "I don't mind saying how I like the Hummer. It's a mechanical dream come true, all those gadgets and power and such an awesome design! Maybe if they make a hybrid hum-vee, people wouldn't complain." \His eyes go wide, and he writes this idea down on a pad of paper."

**Rodney** - \singing\ "_Jeeps, jeeps, jeeps!_

_They ain't for creeps, they're for us peeps!_

_We drive all day, across pavement and clay,_

_for we own a jeep, we go beep-beep,_

_and when people ask us why we're so deep,_

_we'll tell them that we drive a jee-eeeeeeeeep!_"

\He giggles and blushes as he looks back at the camera.\ "I made that up just now."

* * *

--

--

--

**So which of the nine teams will get to the rest stop tomorrow first? Who will be forced to sleep in their car?**

**What will happen along the way? New friends and romances, maybe? Bitter rivalries?**

**And are the members of team one going to kill each other before being seen in that car?

* * *

**

(The Teams)

**Team 1** - Duncan, Eva, Yoshi, Xander (**Pink Bug**)

**Team 2** - Trent, Gwen, Bridgette, DJ, Crystal, Alfred (**Six Seater**)

**Team 3** - Heather, Ezekiel, Valerie, Zachary (**Hybrid**)

**Team 4** - Katie, Sadie, Noah, Clive (**Race Car**)

**Team 5** - Leshawna, Sebastian, Sakaki, Colin, Beth (**Monster Truck**)

**Team 6** - Lindsay, Jasmine, Hannah, Mandy, Howard, Tyler (**Small Bus**)

**Team 7** - Owen, Izzy, Arthur, Carol, Justin (**Semi-Truck**)

**Team 8** - Geoff, Courtney, Joel, Belinda, Daisy (**Hummer**)

**Team 9** - Cody, Anita, Rodney, Harold (**Jeep**)

During scene changes, you will be informed who's on the team so you don't have to keep double-checking.

* * *

**Next** - The first half of the drive, complete with peril!


	6. Ch 2, Pt 2: The Cars Shake It Up

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. And if my OCs wander into your story, give them a bop on the nose and send them back here.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Warning** - Seems you all like jeeps as much as Rodney, and hybrids as much as Bridgette. Vote for your favorite vehicle if you haven't already.

Also, I'd like to add that, if I'm not updating every other day, you people won't stop asking me! I do have a life! (Well, not really, but if I say so, I might convince myself one day too.)

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**Chapter 6** - Death (or Close To It) Race

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Right Off the Bat!)**

**Chris Maclean** - "After some instructions from Chef to the teams driving the big vehicles, the crowd cheered as our contestants drove out of the stadium. They headed off on their way to the rest stop, in hopes of being there before they were forced to sleep out in their cars.

"Originally, we thought of filming this from the outside, like a real race. But we figured most people want to see inside the cars, where the real action and drama is! So with the help of several hidden cameras inside every vehicle, we are able to see what goes on inside the cars, even the trunks! You never know..."

* * *

**(Team 1 - Eva, Yoshi, Duncan, Xander; pink bug)**

The four tough teenagers were all sitting quietly inside the small car. The car itself was not quiet, because Duncan put on some metal rock to try and help them all feel better about their current predicament. Yoshi had ended up driving due to losing the rock-paper-scissors games beforehand. Thus, the other three had sunk deep into their chairs, trying to hide themselves from view of the outside world.

If they had known cameras were inside the car, they wouldn't have bothered to shrink up. Still, either way, the four knew they'd never live down this humiliation.

"We're lucky the way there is mostly mountain range," Yoshi said to them, the first words in over an hour. "We could be stuck in rush hour in a city."

"And the air conditioning is good," Eva said with a shrug. "We could be sweltering in here."

"Good stereo," Duncan commented over the music, "better than my dad's car!"

"Not to mention we're making good time," Xander pointed out. "The mileage on this thing is a lot better than normal."

"And it's not pink inside!"

"Right!"

There was silence for a few seconds, then Eva groaned. "Oh, who are we kidding? This car sucks!"

The other three moaned in agreement. Yoshi hit the steering wheel in frustration. "Why don't we blow some of that money we were all given to give this thing a paint job?"

Xander, in the back, began to look through the map. Duncan shook his head, and commented, "I don't care what color it is, part of my manhood died just riding in this thing."

"Look, we can't just stop and get a paint job," Eva snapped. "As much as I loathe this thing, we want to get to that rest stop first."

"Why?" Xander asked as he looked at the map. "Everyone has to get there, it's not like it's a race there."

"Have you forgotten that only the first five teams get to sleep in the hotel there?"

"Oh. I had forgotten."

"I ain't sleeping in this pink piece of crap, especially with three guys," Eva snarled. "You three would probably try something when I sleep."

"Only if wanted every bone in our body broken," Duncan said with a chuckle. "Eva, you should know by now that no guy would ever try to do anything inappropriate to you."

"Well, I've seen a lot of inappropriate touching in this season, and I don't want any part of it."

"That's just Colin," Xander remarked as he struggled to fold the map; he never understood how refolding one could take so long. "And he's a dickweed."

The four shared a laugh, and continued on a subject they all could easily talk about: people they hated.

"You wouldn't believe how lousy of a roommate Zachary is," Yoshi exclaimed. "He whines about everything, but what I could say about him! He left his underwear from last night on the floor; second day here, and he's already making the room filthy!"

"Chef Hatchet's a giant jerk too," Xander remarked. "He thinks he's so tough, but he's mostly bark. I've fought against tougher guys in a bar, ones who've had a few."

"You go to bars?" Duncan asked. "You drink underage, dude?"

"Naw man, I hate booze. I just go there for the atmosphere."

"That how you got," Eva said, smirking at the biker guy, "that scar of yours?"

Xander traced said facial scar. "This? Nope, not from a bar fight, glad to say."

"I still loved how you two gave that asshole the what-for at breakfast today," Duncan said, bringing the conversation back to the original topic. "I really hate that loud, drill sergeant-wannabe."

"Speaking of wannabes, did you guys have the misfortune of talking to Jasmine?" Yoshi grumbled. "She wouldn't not repeating lines from plays she's in, and I'm sure she gets Shakespeare wrong too."

Xander chuckled. "How about Carol? I love blonds, but she's a human blur, bouncing off the walls like a pinball."

"And how about Courtney?" Eva said with a grin. "Boy, talk about an over inflated ego with a mouth to boot."

Silence took over the inside of the car, leaving Eva temporarily confused. "Oh yeah," she finally said, "you're still dating her, right Duncan?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Yoshi** - "That one comment really killed the mood we had going. Pretty much a boring ride the way there."

**Eva** - "Okay, so I forgot that Duncan was dating Courtney. Kind of put my foot in my mouth there, but hell, I'm sure it won't come to bite me on the butt later."

**Duncan** - "Eva better watch her ass."

**Xander** - \He is stroking his facial scar, which appears to be a thinking tick.\ "I'm kind of surprised Chris didn't make it public how I got this, since everyone at school back home knows how. But hey, if he likes a mystery, I guess I can roll with that.

"Hey, they can't vote me off until they find out how I got it, right?" \He laughs, then shrugs.\ "Or not. Oh well."

* * *

**(Team 9 - Anita, Harold, Cody, Rodney; jeep)**

Harold was driving the jeep, being one of the only two with a license. Anita was the other one, and Rodney had a permit.

"So how'd you drive the car if your legs cannot reach the pedals, dude?" Harold was asking the young contestant.

"They gave me these really long platform shoes when I was in driving class at school, and I had to sit on a couple telephone books," he explained. "Said I was a really good driver, but until I was sixteen, I couldn't officially get a license. So I got a permit until then."

"Wish I had thought of that," Harold said. "If I had started driving at eight, I'd be an expert by now. Gosh, what an idiot I am."

"Don't be too hard on yourself, I only took it because of school regulations," Rodney said with a shrug. "So, um, can I drive next?"

"Nope."

"Aw, c'mon, I got my permit with me."

"But no platform shoes."

"Ah, touché," Rodney said with a chuckle. "So Harold, what do you plan to do if you win this season?"

"I think I'll get myself a real katana blade. Like a ninja's katana blade, that would be awesome!"

"Oh, because I think a samurai's katana blade would be cooler. Aren't those bigger?"

"Yes, but ninja katanas are sleeker, and you usually carry two."

As the two continued to talk about swords and how much they like them, Anita and Cody were talking in the back. Well actually, they weren't talking, because both were doing what most teenagers do when seated next to something they're attracted to: looking away from each other with a faint blush and desperately trying to think of something clever to say.

After about a half-hour of thinking out what to say to the other, Cody broke the ice with, "So, Anita... do you, um... like things?"

"Um, kind of," she replied, looking around and trying to wonder if 'things' had taken a new definition since last she checked slang. "Do you like... um, oranges?" Inside, Anita was screaming at herself.

"Um, kind of," Cody, replied, wondering if 'oranges' had taken a new definition since he last checked slang.

Harold took looked back at them with a quirked eyebrow. Rodney was busy contemplating other weapons he could buy if he won the prize money.

"So, you know some of the new contestants pretty well now," Cody said, trying to bring back the conversation. "What are they like?"

"Well, Belinda is really neat, and some of the other contestants, the, um," she poked her fingers together, "ones that I didn't pick, some of them are really cool. You know Yoshi and Daisy?"

"The samurai guy and the gung-ho girl?" Harold asked.

"There's actually a lot of gung-ho girls this time around," Anita said with a chuckle. "But Daisy's the black girl with the flower pin in her hair; she's been flirting with Yoshi."

"Oh, yeah, there's a fun couple," Cody said. "Just like Krillin and Android 18."

Silence. Anita blinked at Cody and said, "Um, who and who?"

"From Dragonball Z. See, Krillin's this strong but short guy, and Android 18 is a cyborg created with incredible fighting potential."

"And they date?"

"Yeah, they get married and have a kid," Harold cut in. "But they never really showed when the two hooked up..."

"They have a kid?" Anita said. "A human with a robot?"

"No, she's not a robot," Cody tried to explain, but Rodney cut in.

"How do a human and cyborg have a kid?" he asked, looking confused.

Cody blanched. "Um..."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Cody** - "Great one, Cody! Bring up something that will make Anita think you're one of those perverted nerds AND confuse the poor kid! I'm really blowing it with her, and I thought I could do better." \He gives a feeble air guitar, as if to signify his failure.\

**Anita** - "I really blew it there with Cody. I made him feel like a dork over something that wasn't that big a deal. I know animés can be crazy, I _love_ them! And yet I had to make him feel bad." \She sighs and knocks on her forehead.\

**Harold** - "Most DBZ fans make fun of Krillin, but I think they're just jealous that he married the hottest gal in the Dragonball series. Yeah, 18 could kick Bulma's ass any day." \He crosses his arms and smiles smugly.\ "I love a woman who can kick butt and has attitude. Why do you think I love Leshawna?"

**Rodney** - \tilting his head to the side, looking confused\ "So... where _do_ cyborg babies come from?"

* * *

**(Team 5 - Leshawna, Beth, Sakaki, Sebastian, Colin; monster truck)**

"This is bull. I picked the car, I demand that I get to drive."

"No! You don't have a license, you don't get to drive! That's final, white boy!"

"At least don't let the scrawny asian girl drive! She's going almost half the speed limit!"

Leshawna and Sebastian, both in the back, flexed their fingers to keep their desire to punch Colin down. Sakaki whimpered as she clung to the driver's wheel, and Beth, next to her, looked at her sympathetically.

Neither of the short girls wanted to be in the front of the monster truck, but both were too scared of Colin sit in the back with him. Beth had changed her mind when she found out sitting in the front seat of the very large vehicle was a lot of fun!

"Pay him no heed," Leshawna said to Sakaki. "Just keep driving, you're doing fine."

"We're gonna lose at this rate," Colin grumbled. "And while I'm at it, why do I have to sit in-between you two?"

"Because we don't like you being behind a seat, in case you kick the back of it during the whole trip," Sebastian muttered. He was staring out the window, trying to ignore the bully and enjoy the scenery.

"It's crowded, especially with fat ass here," Colin growled, jerking his thumb at Leshawna.

Beth and Sakaki both flinched, and prayed silently they wouldn't be hit by any flying fists. Leshawna was already starting to hiss air through her teeth in fury.

"I got it," Sebastian said. He reached over to Colin's neck, and pinched one of his neck's nerves. The bully let out a "grkgg" and collapsed in his seat.

"You gotta teach me how to do that, my brother," Leshawna said, grinning at him.

"I never wanted to use it," he replied. "I vowed not to, because then I'd be tempted to use it in serious competition, and that wouldn't be fair."

"Seems reasonable for him," Beth spat out, then she gasped. "Was that too mean of me to say? I'm not really that bitter."

"Girlfriend, you don't have to apologize or anything," Leshawna said, then she elbowed the unconscious boy. "This creep here is an unreasonable creep."

"He's in his own world, that's for certain," Sebastian said casually.

The remaining conscious passengers of the monster truck were a mite confused by this comment, and Sakaki, oddly enough, was the first person to ask. "Wh-wh-what does that mean?" she asked, very soft.

"It's a philosophy of mine," he said. "See, everyone has their own opinion on the view of the world, what's right and what is wrong."

"Some more strongly than others," Leshawna remarked.

"Exactly. Though a lot of people, and most of the time subconsciously, judge people by their own point of view. You know how some people call you crazy for what type of music or movie you like?"

"Oh yeah," Beth said, nodding her head. "A lot of people at school say I'm weird for liking pigs, you know?"

"See, that's the type of judgment people cast on you. They don't like pigs, and since _they_ don't like them, they cannot understand why _you_ like them. Therefore, they think something must be wrong with you or your opinion."

"Rather harsh, brother," Leshawna commented.

"It goes with everything people feel about, mostly what they are passionate about," Sebastian continued. "Politics, religion, video game consoles, their favorite TV shows or music, right down to how they feel about other people. Like you and Heather, Leshawna."

"What's that mean?"

"You and Heather don't see eye to eye because you both have strong feelings about issues. How you feel about the morals of competition, about clothing and authority, about Gwen. She cannot understand why you like Gwen, and thus thinks you're wrong because of it."

Beth raised her hand timidly, though it was hard for Sebastian to see since the farm girl was really short in the giant chair of the monster truck. "But... but Heather doesn't like Gwen because she's so different from her. Or is it something else?"

"That's another part about being in her own world. Heather cannot understand why Gwen looks how she does, why she acts, and well, pretty much everything about her," Sebastian added. "Gwen cannot understand how Heather acts the way she does, and thus both react angrily towards each other because their beliefs conflict."

"Gwen has the right to be mad at her," Leshawna countered, "because of the crap Heather puts her through."

"Debatable, and heck, I have to agree from my point of view," he said with a chuckle. "But see, that's how Heather's in a world of her own, and she doesn't believe what she is doing is wrong."

"But she does a lot of mean things, how can she not think they're wrong?" Beth declared. "She read Gwen's diary, she insults her, she tried to make it look like Trent was cheating on her."

"No one believes they're wrong, Beth," Sebastian said. "Not Heather, not Colin, not you or me. If they knew what they were doing was wrong, there would be guilt and denial, like whenever you've ever done something wrong."

"I don't see how," Beth said, drumming her fingers together. "Those are just some things I cannot see how anyone could find acceptable."

"And that's how you are in a world of your own, Beth my dear," he said. "It's not a bad thing, it's just my take on the world."

Colin moaned in his unconscious state, slowly rising his head. Leshawna smacked him on the back of his noggin, keeping him down. Sebastian smiled at her appreciatively.

"Sakaki hon," the sister said, "I know it's a big vehicle and all, but you really should speed it up. We don't want to have to sleep in the same car as this creep."

The moe nodded, but very slightly. She was deep in thought, which was why their car was going so slow, butterflies were cutting them off.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Sakaki** - \tapping her chin, then smiling at the camera\ "Sebastian is... really smart. I mean, I know a lot of people might not agree with that philosophy, but my dad always said that's philosophy for you!" \She blushes and digs her toe into the ground.\

**Colin** - "I want to drive that monster truck, damn it! I wanted to drive over small cars like speed bumps!"

**Leshawna** - "Sebastian's a pretty cool brother. Wonder if he was trying to impress a certain asian sister..." \She chuckles, and wiggles her eyebrows.\

**Beth** - "I never thought I was being subconsciously close-minded! Philosophy is scary, my mum said that when she took philosophy in college, she at one point was convinced she didn't exist! I don't wanna think that... but Sebastian probably does believe he exists."

**Sebastian** - "The funny thing about my 'world of your own' philosophy is that people can debate whether it's true or not. And that actually proves everyone does have their own center of beliefs!" \He pushes his glasses up, and smiles.\ "Think about it, won't you? Thank you."

* * *

**(Team 8 - Belinda, Geoff, Joel, Courtney, Daisy; hummer)**

"_Yeah you,_" Geoff and Daisy were scream-singing, "_shook me a-aaaaall ni-iiiiiiight lo-oooooong_!"

Courtney had her hands over her ears, pushing so hard she hurt herself. "Turn it down," she was shrieking.

Joel was oblivious to the singing and yelling, as he was having too much fun driving the giant car. Belinda, sitting alone in the back seat, looked as calm and mellow as someone attending a jazz concert.

When Courtney reached over and turned off the radio, both Geoff and Daisy protested. "C'mon, Court," Geoff whined. "This thing has such a killer stereo!"

"It's much better than the pitiful sound system in my mom's car," Daisy agreed. "She's got one that if you turn the volume all the way up, even metal songs sound like they're being whispered."

"Just because you two like damaging your ear drums doesn't mean the rest of us do," Courtney snapped.

"WHAT?!" Joel asked, shouting rather loudly.

"Can't hear you back here," Belinda called out.

Courtney groaned and shook her head. "Look, we should all stay calm and just either talk, or enjoy the road trip. It's not every day you get a good view of the mountain road."

Talking didn't do so well. Daisy wanted to talk about sports, but only Geoff had any interest in them. Joel tried to discuss how he planned to make the car go faster, and no one could understand what he was saying. Courtney tried to discuss her career choices after high school, and Daisy fake-snored loudly.

"Boring," the tomboy shouted, much to Courtney's chagrin. "Tell us about how things are going between you and Duncan!"

Courtney flushed and turned away. "Nothing's going on between us."

"I bet you got a picture of him in your roo-oooooom," Daisy continued, crooning out the words.

"You were all over him last season," Geoff added with a chuckle.

"I had to fix a couple chairs at Playa des Losers," Joel piped in, "because you two would get so into making out that you'd lean back and break the back of them."

"You blush and stammer whenever anyone mentions your relationship," Belinda said.

"Okay, okay, okay," Courtney shouted, covering her cheeks and shaking her head. "I get your point. Can we please change the subject?"

"Naw, I like talking about your love life," Daisy said with a sly grin.

"Well, to change the subject," Geoff said, smiling at Courtney, "what do you guys think? Will we win this challenge?"

"Undoubtedly," said Belinda in the back.

The three other passengers looked back at her, Joel viewing her through the mirror. "You know already?" he asked her.

" 'Know'? No, I cannot say a hundred percent sure, but I have a good feeling."

"You really think we'll be first place?" Courtney asked, sounding a bit dubious.

"Not first place, no. But we have a seven in nine chance of winning, and I believe our team will do well enough to be in this margin."

The other continued to stare at Belinda, who merely smiled back at them. "Want to know how well your boyfriend might do, Courtney?"

The CIT groaned, and turned the radio back on. Geoff and Daisy cheered, pumping their fists in the air and singing along with the next song.

"_I'm wanted, wa-aaaaaaaanted! Dead or ali-iiiiiiiiive!_"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Courtney** - \indignantly\ "Why is everyone always wants to talk about my relationship with Duncan? Isn't there anything else about me that they want to know?" \She sighs, then shrugs.\ "Well, guess it's better than them holding a grudge against me."

**Daisy** - "Miss CIT is fun to tease, but when she begins to open her mouth more, she gets on my nerves. Still, I can think of worse people than her. Like Eva; I'd hate to have her on my lacrosse team. She's mean as hell, a terrible sport, and she hates Bridgette. Or did that change during the second season?"

**Belinda** - \She is casually staring at the camera, her hands in her jacket pocket.\ "I actually didn't want to make predictions until the second half of the race. But still, the odds are in our favor. Also in favor of someone whom I want to win too."

**Geoff** - "A lot of people asked me if I hated Courtney for what she did to me last season. Dudes, life is too short to hate people. I mean, if she hurt one of my brothers or Bridgette, then I'd really be mad, but I think it's all cool between her and me. Just so long as I don't get voted off third again, 'cha know?" \He laughs.\

**Joel** - "The first half seemed to go well, and I loved driving that baby. But we had to stop for gas several times, making detours. Man, that really lost us some time..."

\He pulls out a calculator, which is stained with oil and soot as well. He pushes a few buttons, then sighs.\ "Shame an awesome car has such poor mileage. My carts get more per gallon."

* * *

**(Team 2 - Alfred, Bridgette, DJ, Crystal, Gwen, Trent; six seater)**

Alfred was fast asleep in the back seat, leaning against the window. DJ and Crystal were also in the back. The blond Brit was talking to him about possible dates he could have among the contestants. She was talking passionately and excitedly, hyping DJ up; if he didn't have better will power, he might have accidentally asked her out.

Bridgette overheard parts of the conversation. She also overheard the names Daisy, Sadie, Eva, and Jasmine. She actually was interested in hearing more, because DJ was her friend and she was also interested in pairing the gentle giant up.

But Gwen and Trent's argument was too loud for her to join in.

"I told you we should have stopped at that last gas station," Gwen shouted at her boyfriend, "but no, you had to insist we keep going! We're under one-fourth a tank, genius, what do you propose we do if we run out on the mountain pass?"

"Gwen, stop it," Trent shouted right back. "You've made that point several times now, and I told you to tell me if there were any gas stations after that one!"

"I did, and I said we'd have to detour! You do know what 'detour' means, right Trent?"

"Don't patronize me. We're doing just fine, I don't need you to be criticizing my every turn."

"You guys, _c'mon_," Bridgette moaned, something she had repeated a lot of times. "Can we please not fight? I was so glad we had this team, because we're all friends."

"Well, except the male Izzy back there," Gwen said, jerking her thumb at said male.

"What's wrong with Alfred?" Trent snapped, still continuing an argument.

"Nothing, if you like suicidal maniacs!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Trent** - "For the first half of that trip, Gwen was a total sourpuss. I don't know what her problem was, still don't. Maybe I'm failing as a boyfriend?" \He nervously drums his fingers together.\

**Gwen** - "Yeah, I'm a real bad side-seat driver. Mom usually has me sit in the back and have my brother in the side seat; she says I would be the strictest driver instructor. That's all that was bothering me, really."

**DJ** - "Crystal was really cool, telling me what girls would be nice as possibly girlfriends. Truth be told, I don't really need to hook up with someone, right? 'Cause then I'd be too busy thinking of if momma would approve, and not on the competition!

"Well, actually, it was pretty hard to think of the competition on the car ride there either way."

* * *

"Guys-"

"Why are you talking bad about Alfred? He isn't even awake to defend himself!"

"He's in the same damn car as me! What, does someone always need to be awake and in my face? Are those the rules of engagement?!"

"You don't have to be so sarcastic about it!"

"I want to be sarcastic, damn it!"

"Guys, guys, guys-"

"Bridgette, stay out of this, please!"

"Don't tell Bridgette what to do!"

"Why, because she's going to be your sister soon? And why didn't you _tell_ me about that?"

"It slipped my mind!"

"I'm your freaking girlfriend! If your father's engaged and you're getting a sister, who else do you tell first?"

"I didn't tell anyone, I was too excited overall and-"

"Trent, _watch out for that EDGE!!_"

The driving musician finally began to pay attention to the road, and turned right in time. The car scrapped against the railing of the mountain side, causing Bridgette, Crystal, and DJ to scream high-pitched, the surfer girl clinging to Gwen and vice versa.

Trent pulled hard on the wheel, still scrapping against the metal railing that really wouldn't help much if the car hit it. They plowed against the side of a dirt hill, then scrapped to a halt. The metal railing their car was against toppled over the side, falling a very great distance before hitting the ground; their vehicle was right on the side of the cliff.

Inside their vehicle, the only sound was terrified breathing. Trent clutched the steering wheel like a vice. Bridgette and Gwen were hugging each other tight, as were Crystal and DJ.

Alfred woke up with a snort. He smacked his lips, and noticed the car wasn't moving. "Oh, are we there now?" he asked. "Goody. Well, I'll get out and stretch my legs..."

He opened the door, only to see the ground was a couple thousand feet from his feet. With a whimper, he slammed the door shut and looked at the others in astonishment. "We're parked on the side of a cliff," he exclaimed.

Then he grinned. "We're parked on the side of a cliff," he repeated, this time happy. He opened the door again and leaned out. "HELLO, CANADA," he shouted into the mountain range. "I love you!"

Crystal and DJ yanked Alfred back into the car as the gonzo continued to shout, "Ricola! RIII-COLA!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Alfred** - \laughing\ "Hehe, I always wanted to do that!"

**Crystal** - "Golly... shame Izzy's taken, eh what?" \She chuckles, then taps her chin.\ "Then again, I always thought it would be darling if she and Ezekiel were a couple. I like to call that couple 'Ezzy'! Hehe!"

**Bridgette** - "Next time... _I_ drive!"

* * *

**(Team 4 - Sadie, Katie, Clive, Noah; race car)**

"This is so much fun to drive," Katie squealed happily. "I love how smooth the acceleration is!"

"Yeah, it's a shame we're up in these tall mountains, or we could seriously try how fast this baby can go," Sadie agreed.

"Oh, I think we should give her a name! That'd be, like, so cute!"

"Oh, totally cute! I say we name her Katie!"

"Aww, you'd name our race car after me!"

"Yeah! Or we could call her the Katie-Sadie Car! Or the Sadie-Katie Car, if that's okay?"

"Well, we can't leave Noah out. Noah, what do you want to call it?"

Katie had the bad sense to _look back_ at Noah when she asked. Noah and Clive screamed, in higher pitch than Katie and Sadie ever got to, and pointed at the road desperately. Luckily, the sweet girl got the point, and casually looked forward again.

"Did you get that, Sadie?" she asked her best friend.

"No, I don't think it was an appropriate name either," Sadie said, tapping her chin in thought. "Unless of course, they want to name it the Squeal!"

"Ooo, I like that! Because of the wheels and such, it should be called the Squealer!"

Both girls squealed in joy, but Katie stopped and put her hand over her mouth. "I promised Noah not to do that around him," she explained to Sadie, "because it hurts his ears. Sorry, Noah!"

She said this while _looking back_ at Noah to apologize, and both boys let out terrified shrieks and pointed at the road. Katie looked back at the road, then at Sadie questioningly. "What's up with them?" she asked.

"Oh, they're probably just so stoked to be in a real race car, and are admiring how fast we're going!"

"Death cannot come soon enough," Clive whimpered, his head in-between his knees, clutching his black hair. "I pray when we go sailing over the edge, defying gravity for a brief second, and when we hit the ground at high velocity, that my brains and internal organs don't ruin my clothes too much."

"I agree with you, emo boy," Noah cried out. "Katie, where did you learn to drive? And NO, don't look back at me when you answer that!!"

"I told you, my grandma taught me! Also, I took driver's ed at school."

"So you had professional help doing it as well," Noah grumbled. "Good, because you need professional help in fixing it."

"Oh, you're so funny," Katie said with a giggle.

"Say, Katie," Sadie said as her best friend continued to laugh. "Wasn't your grandma the driver's ed teacher at your school?"

"Oh yeah! So I did kind of repeat myself there, didn't I?"

"You so did!"

As the girls burst into a fit of giggles, Noah and Clive exchanged horrified looks. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Noah asked him.

"You mean somewhere in Canada, there is an entire district of people who drive like your girlfriend?"

"Yep. And then they'll breed, and eventually we'll all be killed by this generation."

"God save us all."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Katie & Sadie** - **Sadie** - "Wasn't it cute how Noah and Clive were starting to bond there?"

**Katie** - "Oh, totally! Noah doesn't have a lot of friends, it'd be great if he could make some while in this competition!"

**Sadie** - "Even if it is the emo."

**Katie** - "Well, maybe that'll cure his emo-ness!"

**Katie & Sadie** - "Yeah!"

**Clive** - "And people call me the suicidal one? She took her hands off the steering wheel to clap! Twice! I don't want my death to be that noisy, thank you!"

**Noah** - \tapping his chin\ "Maybe I should have let her pick the beetle."

* * *

**(Team 7 - Carol, Owen, Justin, Arthur, Izzy; semi-truck)**

Izzy giggled as she bobbed up and down in her seat. "_I'm driving a truck_," she sang, "_driving a big ol' truck_-"

"No, you're not," Carol said defiantly, "I'm driving!"

"Ah, touché! You win this battle, Carol, but the war is just beginning!"

"Well said, my active rival," the blond girl replied, grinning at her new friend. "But let me tell you, as an officer and a lady, I plan on winning this with honor and respect."

"I'll spit in your eye!"

"I tickle your armpits!"

"I'll tie your shoelaces together!"

"I'll sic' Groucho on you!"

"Oh no, you wouldn't!"

"Oh yes, I would!"

Both girls cackled, while Justin in the far seat rolled his eyes. He spent the time using the large rearview mirror to make corrections in his appearance; if Carol noticed he had moved it to that angle, she hadn't said anything yet.

"Don't forget to go slow around the mountain range," he said, looking over at Carol. "We don't need to get ourselves killed over a bed in the hotel."

"Says you," Izzy said, sticking her tongue out at Justin. "I prefer a bed, because the amount of time I've spent sleeping in trees and on concrete has taught me to appreciate a good pillow and mattress."

"We can always use some of the money to buy sleeping bags and camp out in the back," Carol suggested. "Though I don't approve of such an illegal action, that would be fun!"

"You're like an impossible mix of Courtney and Izzy, you know that?" Justin said with a chuckle. "No wonder a lot of people think you have a crush on Duncan."

"I do not," Carol shouted, going very red in the face.

"Don't tease her, that's my job," Izzy chided Justin. "Anyway, I have to agree with Carol's plan. We'll do that, and then we don't have to even stop at the rest stop."

"We have to. The rules, remember?" he said. "We have to check in at the rest stop, and are not allowed to leave until seven AM."

"Darn," Izzy said with a snap of her fingers. "So why do you think they call it Gloomy Gulch? Think it's a real bright and cheery place?"

"No, I think it's going to be gloomy," Justin muttered.

"That title sounds like something from a video game," Carol remarked. "Oh, speaking of video games, how are Donkey and Diddy?"

As Justin tried to make sense of this, Izzy picked up the radio and speaker. "How are you doing back there, Donkey and Diddy?"

"We're doing just fine," Owen's voice came back, very clear and happy.

"I never agreed to be nicknamed after a monkey," Arthur's angry voice could be heard in the back.

"Oh, just take it, you know you love it," Izzy chirped. "Owen, you're not having gas back there, are you?"

"No, Izzy!"

"Yeah, thank God for that," Arthur grumbled. "I think I'd suffocate if he let one."

"The pancakes we had for breakfast were perfect, and pancakes don't give me gas," Owen explained.

"Lucky you, Arthur," Izzy sang. "Sorry you had to lose that rock-paper-scissors game on who sat back there, but hey, no one can deny the power of nuclear explosion in rock-paper-scissors."

"That shouldn't have counted, and you know it, dam-"

Izzy cut off the radio, and chuckled. "Sounds like someone's bitter."

"Why didn't you want to be back there with your boyfriend, Izzy?" Justin asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"Hey, I love the big guy, but I know more than anyone how much he can smell."

"Maybe he should see a doctor?" Carol suggested.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Justin** - "Heh, 'doctor.' The only one who needs a doctor is Izzy, and by doctor, I mean psychotherapist. At least she's not on my case about me allegedly dating her, because I never did."

**Arthur** - "Being locked in the back of a semi with a gas-less Owen actually... wasn't that bad. The guy can talk your ear off, but at least he has some interesting stories. He also knows a few good jokes. Anyway, way better than being up front with those two crazy girls."

**Izzy** - "It's really true about Owen, the guy has a really bad smell habit. I think he should try swallowing an Odor-Eater, or maybe just some anti-gas pills. Maybe I'll make him swallow balloons, and he'll fart them inflated." \She cackles.\

**Owen** - "People complain about my smell, but I don't think it's so bad. Here, let me show you, I can stand it." \He begins to fart...\

**Carol** - \wearing a gas mask\ "I don't know what convinced Owen to stink up this room more than tear gas ever could, but all I know is I'm not doing any confessions without this on. I got it in case I ever join the marines or something, but I brought it in case I had to team up with Owen."

* * *

**(Team 3 - Valerie, Ezekiel, Heather, Zachary; hybrid)**

The competition headed well into the night. Whether this was part of Chris's master plan or not, it didn't matter, but many teams had several people nodding off.

In the hybrid team, two of those people were Ezekiel and Heather. The prairie boy had been driving the majority of the time, and now was asleep in the back. Heather was lying on his chest, gently hugging him in his slumber.

Zachary was watching out the window in boredom, Valerie at the wheel. He was tempted to talk, anything to deprive him of the quiet situation. She finally broke the ice.

"You know, this car doesn't suck as much as much as I thought it would," she admitted. "It runs really smooth. Still, nowhere near as good as my car."

"What's your car?" Zachary asked.

"Let's just say there are are houses that don't count as much," she said, rather proudly.

"Oh joy, you're a rich girl," he replied, rolling his eyes. "Why did you enter this competition if the cash prize is what daddy gives you on a whim?"

"Hey, my father doesn't give me money, I do my own work," she snapped. "Don't think of me as a rich witch like Sandra or Heather back there."

Zachary quickly glanced back at said rich girl, and grunted. "She didn't react. Guess she really is asleep."

"Okay."

"Can you believe she's seeing that white boy?" he continued. "I mean, seriously, I cannot think of a weirder couple."

"Both are pretty low in my point of view," she said with a shrug. "But Heather... man. Zachary, I have a little proposition."

"This going to be one of those alliance things I've heard about?" Zachary asked. "Why should I trust you? How do I know you ain't no racist?"

Valerie's educated mind screamed in agony over the double-negative. She mentally sighed, then continued. "Look, I'm a politician. My thoughts are always on the people."

"Even the little people, like us mistreated minorities?"

"That's why some people like me become politicians! Now c'mon, you don't like Heather, right?"

"Right."

"So all I'm saying is that if we lose this challenge, the two of us will vote for her, and we'll convince whoever lost this challenge too to help us."

"Think we can convince them?" he asked, curious now.

"Sure! No one likes Heather except for Ezekiel, and so we have it made."

"Do we really have to throw the challenge?"

"You really want to be victorious in this kind of car?"

"Better than the pink beetle."

Valerie sighed physically this time. "I like pink," she said defensively.

"Yeah, well, you're a white girl. You like this stuff instinctively."

She let out a strained grunt, something she tried to hold back. "Look, Zachary, let's just stay quiet for the rest of the trip, in case we accidentally wake up Heather."

"Fine."

Zachary went back to staring outside, pondering the new alliance, if it was that. Valerie drummed her fingers on the steering wheel, mentally debating working with the whiner. And in the back, Heather opened one eye and scowled.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Heather** - "I knew that Valerie was bad news. But if she thinks she can outsmart and outplay me, she has another thing coming. I'll make her pay for trying to mess with me, and Ezekiel; don't think I missed that comment about our relationship."

**Zachary** - "Crazy white girls fighting over who gets to be the lead..." \he laughs, then grins\ "I hope they wrestle for it!"

**Ezekiel** - "I'm worried a'boot Heather, eh. We've talked a'boot popularity and such, and I think it would be best if she avoids trying to one-up other girls."

**Valerie** - "Heather's time is up. Like a villain in a show only to be replaced with another, she has no power."

\She smirks, then that thought sinks in.\ "Wait, did I just give off the image that I'm the next villain in this show? Wait no, I didn't mean that! I'm good, really!"

* * *

**(Team 6 - Howard, Jasmine, Hannah, Tyler, Lindsay, Mandy; small bus)**

"So how many school plays have you been in?" Howard asked Jasmine.

"I think I lost count, since I started since first grade," she admitted. "But considering time and grades, I'd say about thirty."

"Rather impressive. You must love the stage."

"I'd like to do film much more," she admitted. "I mean, now that Leshawna is a full-fledged celebrity, I think I got my contacts made."

"Has Leshawna been approached by any agents?"

"No, not yet. At least, she hasn't been told me-"

"ENOUGH! Both of you," Mandy screeched. "I've _had_ it with this bus ride! You two have been making shameless chitchat the whole way, while Lindsay and Tyler have been making shameless make out!"

"Still?" Howard asked, craning his neck over to the couple. When he saw they were kissing (or had been, Mandy's outburst startled them), he pumped his fists in the air. "Yes! I win! Jasmine, pay up!"

"Damn it all," she said with a sigh, fishing out her wallet. Giving him a dollar, she added, "Well, at least we didn't do five dollars like I suggested."

"Thank you, my dear," Howard said with a sly grin.

"Oh shut up," Mandy grumbled, "you don't have a prayer."

"What?" Howard asked, confused, as Mandy stomped up to the front.

"Yo, Jesus girl," the cultist girl snapped. "How much longer?"

Hannah, who was driving the bus, glanced back at her. "Not much further, if the directions Howard gave me are right."

"Why are you driving so slow?" Mandy continued to grumble. "I swear, I think a box turtle passed us a few minutes ago."

"It's a bus, hon, it doesn't go fast."

"You just _had_ to pick this one, then!"

"We don't mind," Tyler shouted from the back, a very big smile on his lips (as well as a good deal of Lindsay's lipstick). "Even if we come in last place going there, we haven't lost."

"We might as well have," Mandy snapped. "Oh, I knew I should have made a sacrifice to Cthulhu before we started off. Or Yog-Sothoth, or Hastur, or Harvey the Wonder Hamster."

"Harvey the Wonder Hamster's not an Old God," Jasmine spoke up.

Mandy glared at her with fierce intensity. "You're lucky he slumbers in a split-level cave twenty miles below the surface of the Earth, or he'd come up and wreck a terrible vengeance on you!"

Jasmine, intimidated by Mandy's look, grabbed hold of Howard. When Mandy walked past them, she sighed in relief and let go of him. "Why must we have such a vicious creature on our team?" she asked him. "A fervent maw of hate and violence, a devil with platinum hair and a dagger by her side! Oh horrors above!"

She threw her hands up above her. "Save us from the demoness that threatens our sanity and our bodies!"

Howard grinned at her. "Not bad. You make that up all just now."

"Oh yeah, I did. Leshawna usually just tells me to quit being a drama queen, but I keep telling her, I can do more than drama."

"I believe that."

"Thank you! So, seriously though, why did we get the religious fanatics with us? Mandy and that other blond girl, um, what's her name again?"

"Hannah. Beats me, maybe Chris was hoping for religious fights."

"Why is she driving again? Can't you drive?"

"I'm pretty sure it'll be the same at the arena..."

* * *

_"Okay, I'm sorry, I'm not getting a hold on this," Howard fretted as he stepped off the bus. "Sorry ladies, but I can't drive this bus! It's just too complicated!"_

_"Oh horrors," Jasmine exclaimed, clasping her hands on her cheeks. "What shall we do? Woe is us, fated with a vehicle we cannot drive!"_

_"Bunch of wimps," Chef Hatchet grumbled as he stepped out of the bus too. "So if Striped Shirt cannot drive, who will?"_

_"I don't have my license yet," Tyler said with a shrug. Mandy admitted to the same thing._

_"I really don't want to drive that," Lindsay whimpered, clinging to her boyfriend. "I might break a nail with those big levers and wheels!"_

_"One of you has to drive," Chef Hatchet barked. "I ain't going with you and holding your damn hand like momma taking her little boy to the prom!"_

_"Your mom had to hold your hand to the prom?" Mandy asked._

_"SHUT UP!"_

_The remark was made, and now Mandy was on her back, kicking her feet up and laughing hysterically. The others were also laughing at the increasingly mad Chef._

_"Excuse me, but what about me?"_

_The only non-laughing member of the group, Hannah, spoke up. They all looked at her as she rested a hand on her hip. "I have my license, and I'm sure I could drive this. May I?"_

_The other five and Chef exchanged glances, all looking worried or concerned. Hannah stood there blinking, wondering what on Earth could the hesitation be coming from._

_

* * *

_

"Guess we're stuck with Jesus girl," Jasmine said. "Um, I mean, Hannah."

"Yeah, well, it could be worse. I mean, I actually like sitting here, talking to you."

"Aw thanks, but I know you fancy that mysterious girl Belinda," Jasmine remarked. She bat her eyes and adopted a swooning pose. "You gots the hots for the psychic!"

"I gots the hots," Howard said. "What do you think, do I stand a chance?"

"I say, keep going at her! Girls like a guy who shows determination and interest! Make her swoon, make her want you!"

Jasmine's heated talk could be heard all over the bus, and it got both Tyler and Lindsay hot and bothered; they were making out again soon. "I'll do it," Howard exclaimed. "Watch out, Belinda, here comes your future boyfriend!"

"Yay," Jasmine cheered.

"NOT A PRAYER," Mandy roared, popping up in the seat behind the two.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Howard** - "Heh, I don't care what Mandy says, I have a prayer. Belinda just needs to get to know me, like how I've been talking to Jasmine and listening to her! Jasmine's pretty hot too, love that acting. I'm lucky, I've got so many hot girls on my team! ... Wait, I was talking about Belinda!" \ahem\ "I vow to impress Belinda by the fifth challenge!"

**Tyler** - "So... what was that bet that Jasmine and Howard made, huh?"

**Lindsay** - "Dad says Christians are really haughty, if that's the right word. I'm sure he didn't say naughty... but, um, back to my point. Hannah doesn't seem like that, but Mandy does. Is Dad thinking of the wrong religion? Or this 'Cthulhu' person just another name of God? I'm so confused... I hope I don't start losing my hair over all this, that'd be awful!"

* * *

**(At Gloomy Gulch Rest Stop)**

"Yay, we're here first," Rodney cheered as he leapt out of the jeep. "Harold, that shortcut you suggested worked beautifully! Great job!"

"Told ya. Never doubt me, my young friend!"

"Good thing too," Anita said, crossing her arms and shivering. "It's getting cold out here."

"Let's get one of those rooms then," Cody suggested, seeing the goose bumps forming on Anita's skin. He grinned at the sight, then quickly shook it off before she noticed. "I'm sure they are heated."

"They'd better be," Harold said as they walked to the hotel. "And I hope there are enough beds."

"You mean we might have to sleep with each other?" Anita asked. She looked over and smirked at Cody. "Care to?"

Cody always prided himself on keeping cool, being like one of the cool kids. In about two seconds, he was a stammering mess. Rodney watched him in confusion, trying to figure out what was so troublesome.

As they walked into the hotel, a bright pink eyesore (to some) pulled up. "Damn it," Eva shouted as she jumped out of the beetle. "She's here with Cody! I was hoping they'd lose!"

"Why?" Duncan asked. "Then she'd have to sleep in the car with him."

"Oh. Yeah, that is kind of worse," she admitted. "Anyway, we made good time. Excellent driving, Xander."

"Thank you, thank you," he said with a polite bow. "Now let's get a room."

"What a fine choice of words," Yoshi said with a chuckle.

It was about an hour before the next team showed up: the hybrid team. Valerie opened up the door and took a deep breath. "Ah, the air is wonderful here."

"It makes me sick," Zachary groaned as he stepped out of the car. "I prefer the city air."

"Ah, smoke and booze and puke. Yes, very relaxing," she commented as she walked over to the passenger door. She knocked until Heather and Ezekiel stirred. "Wake up, you two, we made it to the hotel."

"We get a room?" Heather asked as she rubbed her eyes; she was faking, she had been awake the whole time.

"We're third place, from the look of it."

"Good driving, eh," Ezekiel complimented as the couple stepped out.

"Yes, excellent work," Heather said, staring at Valerie with a sly smirk.

"I do my best to accomplish much," the pink-wearing politician replied, looking back at Heather with an equally sly smirk.

"Shall we head to the hotel then?" Heather asked, crossing her arms and never losing that smirk.

"Sure. Will we need only need three beds?"

"Oh, funny."

"I try."

As the two girls laughed very tight, forced laughs, Zachary and Ezekiel exchanged nervous looks; it was like watching a chemical reaction, just waiting for it to blow up.

The fourth team to arrive was the race car. Clive and Noah stepped out, looking like the Grim Reaper had chased them the whole way. Katie and Sadie skipped off to the hotel, completely oblivious to the boys' horror.

The fifth team to arrive and get a room in the hotel was...

...

...

...

...

...

... the monster truck.

"Thank God," Leshawna exclaimed as she climbed out. "I couldn't imagine sleeping in that truck for the night!"

"Like a bunk bed from hell," Sebastian agreed.

"I don't know if I'm going to get much sleep," Colin grumbled, cracking his neck. "For some reason, I feel like I already rested.

"Probably just how smooth the ride was?" Beth suggested, giggling nervously. Sakaki, as if sensing some rage, hid behind Sebastian.

* * *

The next teams to pull up were less than happy about the news, but some took the news better than others.

"We have to sleep in our car?" Courtney shouted.

"Awesome," Geoff cheered. "It's like a sleep-over party! I haven't had one of those in years."

* * *

"Looks like we were right to detour to get those sleeping bags," Carol said to her team. "Okay boys and girls, prepare to camp out in our semi! And boys, don't try anything dirty, because I know martial arts!"

Justin and Arthur were thinking nothing of the like, staring at her and Izzy as they wondered if the girls slept-walked or, worse, slept-attacked. Owen looked at his girlfriend with a naughty smile, and she coiled one of her orange bangs around her finger seductively.

* * *

"Now we can have you two talk about what is bothering you," Crystal said to Gwen and Trent. "And I won't let you sleep until you're satisfied, because going to bed angry at each other hurts a relationship."

The two exchanged glances, and sighed. "Fine," Gwen muttered.

"If you insist."

"Alfred dude," DJ was calling out to his American teammate, "are you serious? You going to sleep in the trunk?"

"Yeah! Always wanted to try it! Besides, not enough room in the trunk," he said as he took off his jacket and formed it into a pillow.

"It gets really cold in Canada, you know," Bridgette said to him. "You sure you going to be okay?"

"Sure! It's nice out! Gloomy Gulch is such a peaceful, cool place."

* * *

As Alfred crawled into the trunk, making jokes about being a "mob hit victim," the small bus pulled up last. "Oh man," Jasmine wailed, "we're here _last_!"

"Oh hells below," Mandy shouted, kicking the side of the bus. "That's pathetic! We have to sleep out here! In the bus!"

Hannah stepped out of the bus too. "I don't understand," she muttered. "I followed the directions. How did it take us so long?"

"You just _had_ to pick the bus, didn't you?" Mandy snapped at Hannah, startling her. "This is all your fault!"

"You could have driven a little faster," Howard grumbled, looking at the hotel longfully.

"Oh the horrors," Jasmine exclaimed, grabbing her beret. "We're going to be sleeping in the bus, possibly molested in our sleep by savage men!"

"Tyler's too busy with Lindsay in there, and I'm no savage," he said, wiggling his eyebrows. "Unless that's what you want."

"Sorry hon, I'm too bitter to laugh now," she said, shooting Hannah a glare.

"We've so lost this contest, if this is how the challenge is going to go," Mandy grumbled, also glaring at Hannah. "By Ithaqua and Harvey, I hate this!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - The hotel's janitor closet!)**

**Jasmine** - "Oh, the shock of it all! We are going to lose our second challenge! This'll be my second loss, and that is bad luck for me! This is all Hannah's fault! She's going down! ... Well, I mean, she's gonna lose, not literally go down. I'm not that mad at her."

**Mandy** - "I knew it! I knew that Christian girl would be our downfall! The only good Gods are the Old Gods! We are only halfway there, and we're in last place! We're doomed, doomed like the heretics who don't pray to Azathoth!"

**Hannah** - \exasperated\ "What am I doing wrong? I don't understand why they're so mad at me!" \She sighs and shakes her head.\ "Maybe I shouldn't have taken the bus."

* * *

--

--

--

**Now that the race is half over, what will the second half be like? Who will win first, which two teams will be last place?**

**Will Gwen and Trent kiss and make up? Will Hannah's teammates forgive her for whatever it is she did? Will Noah and Clive be able to survive another ride?**

**And most importantly, are we getting paid for advertising these cars?**

--

**Next Up:** Defying death, bad driving, and car work!


	7. Ch 2, Pt 3: Road Rage and Normal Rage

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. And if my OCs wander into your story, give them a bop on the nose and send them back here.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Warning** - By the sixth chapter of this story, I have more reviews than my "Love Ain't Easy, It's Ezzy" story has. That story was sixteen chapters. I'm not sure how I feel about that. \insert rim-shot here\

Yeah, this came out much sooner. I felt guilty for making you all wait so long, but I'm leaving this one with a cliff-hanger! (Almost literally.)

--

--

--

* * *

**Chapter 7** - We Find This Car Alarming

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - At the hotel!)**

**Chris Maclean** - "As fun as it would be to see all our racers waking up, some of our racers covered up the cameras in the hotel rooms. Oh well, should have hid them better. Still, we got some shots of those waking up in their cars and their hotel rooms! And they're awesome! Hate and love, and more love!"

* * *

**(Team 2 - Alfred, Bridgette, Crystal, DJ, Gwen, Trent; six seater)**

DJ woke first of the six seater group. He yawned and stretched, then looked around at his sleeping teammates.

Crystal was curled up in the back against the other side from him, letting out fluttering sighs as she slept. Bridgette was against the passenger door, using her blue hoodie as a pillow. Trent was asleep at the wheel, with Gwen resting on his side; DJ couldn't help but smile at this.

Taking a quick look at his cell phone, he clapped his hands loudly. "Hey guys, it's 7:02! We can get going any time now!"

Grumbles and sighs came from the rising teenagers. Bridgette put her hoodie back on and stepped outside to stretch. Gwen gave her fingers a wet lick, then put her hair back.

"Ugh, I hate mornings," she grumbled, arching her back. Shaking her head, she looked over at Trent, who was also waking up slowly. A feeling of guilt hit her, and she bit her lip.

"Um, Trent?" she said, slowly. "I'm... really sorry I was so crabby yesterday."

"Aw, that's okay," he said, patting her shoulder.

"I'm just... a really, really bad side seat driver. I'll sit in the back this time."

"Hmm, maybe I'll join you then."

Gwen blushed, and that cute, pink tint to her pale face turned on Trent. He held her in his arms and kissed her, and she kissed back; in the back, Crystal and DJ were silently cheering.

Bridgette walked over to the trunk and poked Alfred a couple times. "Hey, wake up, American man," she teased as he stirred. She rested her arm on the trunk lid. "It's time for us to start going!"

He opened his eyes to see Bridgette looking down at him. "Ah, I do like waking up to a nice sight," he said.

Bridgette quirked an eyebrow, and quickly changed the subject; she never understood it when guys flirted with her. "So, did you sleep well?"

"I'll let you know when I wake up."

He started to sit up, and Bridgette started to move out of his way. In the process, she accidentally lowered the trunk and hit him on the head with it.

"Oh God! I'm so sorry," she exclaimed as he rubbed his head.

"Wow... that felt good," he said as he got out, a big smile on his face. "I'm awake now!"

As Bridgette wrung her hands and continued to apologize, Alfred walked over to the front of the car. He waved at Gwen and Trent, who were still kissing. "Pop the hood, I just wanna check some things."

Trent acknowledged, and Alfred immediately started looking around. Bridgette walked over and asked, "You know about cars?"

"Dad taught me quite a bit, he's a mechanic," Alfred said as he checked the oil. "So I can actually look in here and know what would be bad."

"Is something bad?"

"Nah, it's all good, I just wanted to make sure, since we don't know this car that much," he admitted, "but we are low on wiper fluid."

"Can't have that, now can we?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

He smirked at her as he closed the hood. "You're a funny dudette, Lindsay."

Bridgette blinked, and started to say, "Wait, what did you call m-"

"Are we good?" Trent asked, coming out of car. The others did too, stretching their legs.

"I'm pretty sure we are," Alfred said. "We'll just have to stop somewhere for breakfast, since the hotel won't let us in."

"Sounds good," Crystal said, smacking her lips. "Who's driving?"

"Oh me, me, me," Alfred chanted, jumping up and raising his arm. He looked around, and noticed Bridgette was looking at him funny. "What?"

"You called me 'Lindsay'."

"What? Isn't that your name?"

"Nope."

"But," Alfred, who knew how bad it was to get a girl's name wrong, was tapping his fingers together nervously, "Howard said your name was Lindsay."

"Well, he probably doesn't know the contestants that well yet," she said, then smirked and extended her hand. "I'm Bridgette, nice to meet you."

He shook her hand, then scratched the back of his head. "I'm... sorry for the mix-up. I don't know how it happened."

"I think I do," Gwen said with a roll of her eyes. "No offense though, Bridgette. Alfred, did you ask Howard who the 'really hot blond' is?"

"Not in those exact words, but yeah."

Gwen sighed. "Typical boy, Howard. Distracted by boobs."

"Which one is Lindsay?" Alfred asked. Crystal, standing in the back, pantomimed having large breasts. "Oh."

"Well, we probably shouldn't be standing around," DJ said. "Let's get some breakfast, and gas for the car, and be on our way."

"Sounds fine," Trent said. "DJ, Gwen, and I will be in the back this time. Alfred's driving. You do know how to drive, right Alfred?"

The wicked grin on Alfred's face did not comfort any of them.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Trent** - "Turns out he can drive, and rather sensibly too. Guess having a mechanic for a dad teaches you proper driving skills."

**Gwen** - "I personally think Bridgette is a lot better looking than Lindsay. And it's mostly because Lindsay's eyes radiate 'dumbness'."

**Bridgette** - "I always find it a bit weird when guys flirt with me. With Lindsay, yes, but not me. Alfred's an okay guy, but am I really his type?"

**Alfred** - "I'm from California, baby. I knew a lot of gals like Lindsay and Bridgette, and between model lookalikes and surfer girls, the latter is so much more fun to hang out with. Plus, they like to go to the beach to hang out, not the mall. That's a tip, boys, write it down."

**DJ** - "One would think sitting in the back with a couple would be annoying, but Gwen and Trent are much more modest. And still as fun to watch." \He chuckles, then suddenly looks guilty.\ "Um, not that I do watch! Honest!"

**Crystal** - \tapping her lips in thought\ "Alfridgette... no, just Alfridge." \She giggles.\ "Thinking of fanon names is bloody fun. And the wonderful thing about Bridgette is that she's a compatible lady. 'Course, I'm just an over-the-top romantic, I'm sure I don't want to bore you with love." \She mimes swooning and giggles.\

* * *

**(Team 8 - Belinda, Courtney, Daisy, Geoff, Joel; Hummer)**

Courtney woke up when the six seater started up. She bat her eyes, and stretched. Despite how much she didn't like this car, she was still able to get a good sleep in it. She looked around at her teammates, and froze when she saw two of them.

Daisy was curled up on Joel, who had a protective hand on her shoulder, and the two looked quite comfortable. Courtney reacted in the way a responsible, mature, educated, and sophisticated, yet still teenaged girl, person would: she let out a scream of "EWWWW!"

Her teammates woke with starts, Geoff muttering, "Did I fall asleep in the pizza again?" as he got up. Soon he and Belinda were looking at Daisy and Joel.

"What?" Daisy grumbled as she looked at their accusing stares. "He was comfy, and I don't sleep in cars very well."

"You were cuddling him," Courtney shouted accusingly.

"I didn't mind in the least," Joel said, grinning.

"It was just basic snuggling for a good night sleep, it didn't mean anything," Daisy said simply. "He's nice."

"Except that you could say you slept with him," Geoff said, chuckling. Glares from Courtney and Daisy made him stop.

"I wouldn't worry about this," Belinda said as she cracked her neck. "Joel and Daisy might be friends, but I don't see them dating just because of a little cuddling."

"Thank you, Belinda," Daisy exclaimed.

"Plus, I know you two are interested in different people."

Daisy and Joel exchanged glances.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Joel** - "By the fire maidens of Outer Space, _how_ does she know that? I never told anyone!"

**Daisy** - \crossing her arms\ "Look, I'm normally a flirty girl! How does she know which guy I like here most?"

**Belinda** - "I'm just good, is all." \She winks at the camera.\

* * *

"Well, enough talk about sleeping together," Courtney said, then blushed. "I mean, sleeping on each other. I mean! Sleep with each other! No! I mean-"

"We get the point," Daisy grumbled. "The question is, who's driving this time? Because I nominate me!"

"Actually," Joel rose his hand, "I was wondering if I could tinker with the insides of this baby."

"Joel, we don't have time for you to play around with the car," Courtney said. "If you haven't noticed, we're not doing so hot! The jeep's team got here before we did!"

"Hey, as long as he doesn't make it blow up, I'm cool with it, bra," Geoff said.

"Will we time-travel if we get up to eighty-eight miles an hour?" Belinda joked.

Joel simply grinned, and twirled a wrench in his hand. "Trust me on this one."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Courtney** - "It was a long shot, but in the end, I decided to trust Joel. Sure he blows up stuff and doesn't wear clean clothes which looks very unprofessional, but the guy is brilliant. He _teleported_ in the first day here! I'm no science geek, but I'm pretty sure that's hard to do."

**Geoff** - "So um... who _do_ Joel and Daisy like?"

* * *

**(Team 3 - Ezekiel, Heather, Valerie, Zachary; hybrid)**

Heather woke up, snug tight in Ezekiel's arms. She couldn't help but smile, and nuzzle his chest. It hadn't been the first time she had woken up in his arms, but every time felt special to her. **[1]**

The queen bee and the prairie boy had to share a bed, since the hotel had given them a room with only three beds. Despite the comments from Valerie and Zachary, she really didn't mind. Even though she had the funny feeling they were being watched elsewhere...

After he and the other two woke up, they ate breakfast in the hotel's cafeteria. Not much was said, except for Zachary's inappropriate comment of, "So, how far did you get, Zeke?"

Ezekiel, still with a bad concept of slang, didn't get this at all. The two girls did, and both shot him angry glares.

When they got to the car, it came time to debate who would drive. "Look, I'll be honest," Valerie said, "it is a really nice car to drive, I just don't like driving it."

"We were lucky this hotel had an electric charger for hybrids and electric cars, eh," Ezekiel said with a chuckle. "Cars running on electricity, never thought I'd see that."

"I just know I did my share of driving for the first half of yesterday," Zachary muttered. "And I don't want to do any more."

"Okay, Zachary," Valerie said, "then I think-"

"And don't try to talk me into doing more," he added. "I ain't no damn chauffeur."

"Okay, Zachary," she repeated, getting irked now. "So then-"

"So typical of you white people, wanting the black man to drive! I ain't no Morgan Freeman, and you ain't Miss-"

"_Okay_, Zachary," Valerie and Heather shouted. The pink-wearing politician rubbed her temples, then looked at Ezekiel, who seemed rather confused by this argument.

"Do you want to drive, Ezekiel?" she asked.

"My best experience is the tractor back home, eh..."

"Perfect. You drive."

"Actually," Heather said, stepping forward, "I was planning to drive."

"You?"

"Have a problem with that?"

Valerie looked to the side, then shrugged. "Sure, whatever. If you want to take a cruise in this purple machine, fine."

Ezekiel watched the exchange between his girlfriend and Valerie, getting more nervous. Zachary was also getting a little worried, because where he came from, girls getting worked out usually led up to violent fights.

When they were all in the car, and Heather was backing it up, Valerie called to the queen bee from the back. "Be sure to drive carefully," she said haughtily, "though this car is good on turns-"

She was cut off when Heather stomped on the gas pedal, and the hybrid rocketed forward. The three passengers screamed and gripped their seats.

"I've _always_ wanted to do this," Heather shouted as the car shot forward like a bullet.

"Slow down," Valerie shrieked. "Slow down, slowdown slowdown slowdown-damnit-slowdown!!"

Zachary screamed as well. "Are we going mach one? Ahhhh!"

Ezekiel said nothing, he looked over at his girlfriend as he gripped his seat. She had the most determined grin on her face that he had ever seen.

A police car was watching the road that the hybrid was on. The two police officers, Officer Realbox and Officer Christmas, were rather bored with their daily watch of the road. When the hybrid raced by, a purple blur, it practically woke them up.

"What the hell was that?" Realbox exclaimed, straightening his hat.

"I dunno, but it was going over eighty," Christmas shouted. "Quick, after it!"

The police car went after the purple hybrid, but they were so far behind them, they soon lost them. Christmas sighed, and shook her head. "People these days, outrunning the cops. What's the world coming to?"

"Beats me."

"So, what was the license number?" Christmas asked as she pulled out her notepad. She was surprised when Realbox glared at her.

"I thought _you_ were going to get the license number," he grumbled.

"No, _you_ were supposed to get the license number!"

"No I wasn't, you hoser!"

"You were! You were, you were, you were!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Heather** - "I figured Valerie would ask Zachary to throw the challenge, or ask Ezekiel, who's only experience is driving one of the slowest vehicles on the planet. So I took matters into my own hands."

**Valerie** - "Heather drives like a maniac! Who'd've thunk?" \She shrugs, and sighs.\ "Bad planning, on my part."

**Zachary** - "Damn. I hate to say it, but if I knew I could drive like that, I'd love to be riding dirty." \He starts grunting out a certain song.\

**Ezekiel** - "I wonder what was wrong with Heather back there, eh. She was so calm that morning, so calm when talking..."

\He nervously taps his fingers together.\ "Are girls supposed to be this big a mystery to me still?"

* * *

**(Team 4 - Clive, Katie, Noah, Sadie; race car)**

The racing car team had four beds in their room, so there wasn't anything fun to film when they woke up. Breakfast was also normal, except that Clive was eating a lot of bacon and cinnamon buns.

"Any reason you're packing it away like Owen?" Noah asked him.

"If I'm going to die during the second part of this death race," he muttered with his mouth half full, "I'm going to enjoy the best of breakfast first!"

"You aren't going to die, silly," Sadie giggled.

"Fine, before I'm scarred for life!"

When they finished, they headed out to their car. Clive's body locked up, a paralyzing fear to not enter that car again. Sadie had to push him towards it, while Katie and Noah debated who would drive.

"C'mon, Noah, you know you don't have the killer urge for fast driving," Katie teased. "Besides, this isn't mountain range, it's wide open and mostly straight forward! It'll be perfect for racing!"

"No offense, my dear, but I really just want to arrive in one piece. If we need to... um, floor it," he said with a small shiver, fearing the idea, "I believe I can do it."

"Well okay, but I get to sit up with you," Katie said, grinning. "That way," she dropped her voice so only Noah could hear her, "Sadie can sit with Clive in the back."

"I know you're eager to hook her up this season," Noah remarked, "but with the emo?"

"You were doing all right with him on the way here."

"We were bonding out of fear, Katie."

"Details. Let's just let them have fun back there."

Noah rolled his eyes, then the four boarded up in the car. Sadie was holding Clive's hand, because the emo was trembling hard upon entering the car. Noah took off, slow and steady, obeying the speed limit.

"See, Katie?" he said. "Perfectly fine. We can just obey the limit, and we'll be fi-"

A police siren began to wail, and Noah locked up. He immediately panicked. "Oh no no no," he muttered. "I cannot get a ticket this soon in my life!"

"I thought you were obeying the speed limit?" Katie asked, also fretting.

"I was! Oh crap, damn, hell," he cursed, then looked around. "Katie, Sadie, emo boy, hold onto something."

"Okay," Sadie said cheerfully, wrapping her arms around Clive.

"Wait, what?" Clive asked. "What are you planning on doin-"

Noah stomped on the gas pedal, and the car barreled forward. Katie and Sadie let out squeals of excitement. "Yes yes yes," Katie shouted, pumping her fists in the air. "That's the way to do it, Noah!"

"I take back driving under the speed limit," Noah yelled, an insatiable grin on his face, "this is the _best_! YEEEEHAW!"

"Mommeeeeeeee," Clive screamed, clinging to Sadie; the larger BFFFL smiled and held him close, but it did very little to comfort him.

The police siren actually was ahead of them, chasing after a purple hybrid. The race car rocketed past it, and the two officers were astonished. After that, a jeep barreled past, as did a pink beetle, and a silver Hummer.

"Damn it all," Officer Christmas exclaimed. "Everyone's gone mad! There must be a chase going on right now! Didn't you say you knew where the chase scene was?

"What?!" Realbox snapped at her. "No, you said _you_ knew where the chase scene was!"

"I never! I never!"

"You said it!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Noah** - "Total Drama may be a big pain in my neck at times, what with all those rumors that I'm gay, the early vote off first season, and the painful electrocuting last season, but hell, it does let me have a little fun too." \He grins wickedly.\ "When I buy my own car, I'm gonna get me one with the highest top speed available."

**Katie & Sadie** - **Katie** - "Oh that was _so_ much fun, wasn't it?"

**Sadie** - "_Totally_ fun!"

**Katie** - "Say, how did things go with you and Clive back there? Did you two do anything after the race?"

**Sadie** - "Actually, I didn't see him after he ran off..."

**Clive** - \He is as pale as humanly possible. He opens his mouth to speak, then whimpers and faints.\

* * *

**(Team 9 - Anita, Cody, Harold, Rodney; jeep)**

Anita woke up before the boys did. Rodney, right next to her, was sleeping peacefully. She gently smoothed out his brown hair, a rare glimpse at it since he didn't sleep with his helmet on.

The jeep team's room only had three beds, and despite all teenage urges, Anita suggested that the only boy without hormones (Rodney) would share a bed with her. It was either that, or Cody and Harold share a bed.

"Oh no no no," Cody had begged. "I get enough teasing about Noah cuddling me when I was asleep, I don't need Harold smooching my ear at night."

"Idiot! I wouldn't do that, GOSH!"

When they woke up, had breakfast, and had climbed into the jeep (with Anita driving), Rodney stretched out in the back. "I really like this car, don't you?" he asked Cody, who was sitting next to him.

"Hmm?" Cody wasn't listening. He was too busy watching Anita from behind, watching her ebony hair whipping in the wind. She was making small talk with Harold, talking about things one could consider nerdy (video games, electronics, fantasy novels). Strange as it was, even listening to her talk about such things with another guy was turning Cody on.

"Cody?" Rodney called out, louder this time. "Are you okay?"

"What? Yeah, I'm fine, kid."

"You've been staring at the back of Anita's head for some time now," he said, then looked at said head. "Is there something caught in her hair?"

"No."

"Then why are you staring at-"

Cody clapped his hand over Rodney's mouth. "Um, dude," he whispered, "do me a favor. Don't broadcast how I'm looking at her."

"Why?" the prodigy child asked.

"Because I don't want her to know."

"Why?"

"Because... she might find it creepy that I'm looking at her."

"My mom says proper eye contact makes for a good conversationalist."

"Well, I don't want her to know I'm looking at her when she's not looking at me."

Rodney cocked his head to the side, puzzlement in his eyes. You could almost hear his advanced brain working hard to decipher this, and he soon came upon on an idea. "Oh! Is this what my sister calls a 'crush'?"

Cody blushes. "Um, kind of."

"But don't you like Eva?"

The techno-geek tapped his fingers together. "Well, um... that is, I-"

"You should really spend time with both of them," Rodney suggested, smiling politely. "See, my sister had two guys she really liked. She had to think about it for a couple months before she picked one of them."

"But I'm in the middle of a major competition! I might not have months, or they might not!"

"Then you should spend as much time with them as possible," Rodney exclaimed, clapping his hands in excitement. "And I know how to help!"

He turned to look at Anita, and called out, "Hey, Anita, can you pull over?"

* * *

Rodney sat on Harold's lap, the child's hands on the wheel and the nerd's feet on the pedals. Anita was now sitting where Rodney was, next to Cody. They weren't going that fast now, but none of the teammates were complaining.

"Now I can add driver's ed to my list of skills," Harold said happily. "Thank you, Rodney, you're preparing me for my children!"

"You're gonna have children soon?"

"Well, not soon, but I'm sure when Leshawna and I get married, we could have Harold Jr. and Leshawna Jr.!"

"Aren't you going to name them something else?"

"I was hoping Aragorn and Leia, but I have to run those by Leshawna first."

As he and Rodney exchanged name ideas, Cody and Anita continued their awkward small talk. "I really," he said, "do like the _Lord of the Rings_ trilogy!"

"Oh me too," Anita gushed, clasping her hands. "But you know, it's really six books, not three. Now what do you call six books?"

Her eyes looked up in thought. Cody took a quick second to admire how she looks, his hormones screaming. "Yeah, I'm not sure what you call that amount of boobs. ... BOOKS! I meant books!"

"Hmm?" Anita hummed, snapping out of her train of thought. "Yeah, books, were you thinking about the movies?"

"Errr... no... um... maybe."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Cody** - \pounding his head\ "No no no! Stupid, stupid, stupid! If she heard that, it would have been over! Damn it, I need to pull myself together! I'm Cody, the Codester! The Code-Miester!"

\He sucks in his gut and pounds his chest.\ "I can handle a hot girl with a great body and a wonderful personality who likes geeky things..." \He swoons and gets lost in la-la land.\

**Rodney** - "Mom and dad explained to me what a crush was. I really liked Lindsay when I watched her on TV, because she has such nice eyes and a sweet voice. My brother Louis said I probably liked her for something else, but I didn't get that."

**Anita** - "So Rodney switched places with me so that I could sit next to Cody?" \She laughs happily.\ "Oh, he's such a little sweetheart! Can I adopt him, please?"

**Harold** - "I'm also considering naming our kids MacGyver, Neo, and Samus. I don't know how Leshawna will be with those, but hey, I'll let her pick a few names! I predict we'll have a big family, I can sense she'd be like that! She'd be the tough mom, and I'd be the cool dad who has the maddest skills in the neighborhood!

"I don't care what my sister says, I'd be an awesome father, and the world could stand my offspring!"

* * *

**(Team 5 - Beth, Colin, Leshawna, Sakaki, Sebastian; monster truck)**

"You drive like an old woman! Why don't you pick up the pace?!"

Colin was hollering from the back seat of the monster truck. Leshawna and Beth were looking rather fed up with his complaining, and Sakaki was shriveling up in the passenger seat up front. Sebastian, driving, was doing a rather good job at ignoring him.

"How about I start yanking those dreadlocks of yours to make you go faster?" Colin shouted, then he cackled. "Yeah, like a horse! I'll put a saddle on you, and yank your dreads to make you go faster! I could so make you my bi-grhgurk."

He collapsed in his seat, and snored. Leshawna flexed her fingers, and said, "What do you know? Knocked him out first try."

"Excellent job, Leshawna," said Sebastian, sticking a hand back for Leshawna to high-five him.

"Thank you, my brother, for teaching me how to do that this morning," she said, leaning back happily. "This'll be useful when my siblings get unruly."

"Don't abuse it now," he suggested. "With great powers comes great responsibility."

"Oh, now that's an original philosophy," Beth snickered, then giggled out, "Sebastian, the spectacular spider man?"

The conscious teammates shared a laugh, even Sakaki. The shy girl had been twiddling her fingers in thought, and finally managed to say, "Um... uh... umm... Sebastian?"

"Yes?"

"You know how you said yesterday that no one thinks they're wrong?"

"Hmm? You disagree?"

"Well," she nervously twiddled her fingers, "I just don't know how Colin cannot know what he's doing is wrong. When you and Leshawna were busy practicing that nerve pinch, he was yelling at the staff of the hotel."

"Oh yeah, he was shouting at everyone over everything," Beth said. "He found out that the staff had to tolerate us no matter what, because Total Drama's production was paying them. He insulted everyone, he bothered the waitress, and he was using the foulest language I've heard."

Beth and Sakaki shivered at the thought of the memory. Sebastian took a deep breath, drumming his fingers on the wheel. "Never met anyone as crude as him," he admitted. "I always thought they existed only in bad B-movies."

"He is a piece of work, ain't he?" Leshawna added, looking at her unconscious piece of work. "Though there are more like him back home where I live." Sebastian smiled at Sakaki. "Well, why do you think he does the wrong thing but doesn't seem bothered by it?"

She blushed and covered her mouth with her fists. After fretting a few more seconds, she stammered out, "N-n-n-no conscience?"

"He isn't conscious now, yes," Beth said, poking Colin. She found this to be fun, and poked him more.

"W-w-well," Sakaki stammered more, "I j-just think th-that Colin is mean because he doesn't realize he's hurting people. And since he doesn't perceive that, he goes about hurting people."

"Hmm, I think that's a good theory," Sebastian said. "You'd make a good philosopher."

Sakaki's cheeks were on fire, and she quickly pointed all available fans at her, and turned the air conditioning up.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Beth** - \giggling and snorting\ "I sense a new couple forming up! Yay!"

**Sebastian** - "Sakaki is what I like to call a quiet intellect. You can tell she's smart and creative, but she's so shy, most people cannot tell. I'd love to be able to talk to her more openly.... plus, she's pretty cute." \He grins as he taps the bridge of his glasses.\ "I hope she likes Chinese food, even though I think she's Japanese."

**Leshawna** - \flecking her fingers that she uses for the nerve pinch\ "I cannot wait to try this out more! So I gave Sebastian a little treat, and had Sakaki sit up there with them." \She grins at the camera.\ "It might be time for little ol' Leshawna to become a matchmaker!"

**Colin** - "Man, monster trucks are a lot less exciting than I thought they would be. I kept falling asleep in that ride! How the heck does that happen?"

**Sakaki** - \She taps her fingers together, and opens her mouth. Her face flushes bright pink, and then flees from the confessional.\ "Yeeek!"

* * *

**(Team 7 - Arthur, Carol, Izzy, Justin, Owen; semi-truck)**

Most people right off the bat would say it was a bad idea. A good deal of people would compare it to a 'disaster' or a 'death trap.' Some would rather drive with a rabid wolverine in their pants. Whatever the way to perceive it, it was better to watch than to be there.

Izzy was driving the semi.

"Fear the 'Semizzy,' foolish mortals," she shrieked, bouncing up and down in her seat. "The Semizzy will crush cars, small and large! This is Grand Izzy Auto!"

"Woohoo," Carol shouted right next to her, "this is awesome! Don't go too fast though, we don't want to alert the police."

Justin sat next to them, pushing himself against the door. More than once, he considered jumping out of the moving vehicle. To pass the time, he grabbed the radio and pressed the button.

"Arthur, Owen," he said, keeping his voice steady as he kept his distance from Carol and Izzy, "how are you two doing back there?"

"Oh, fine," Arthur could be heard saying, his voice full of sarcasm. "Just _fine_!"

"Why are you so upset, Arthur?" Owen asked. "I mean, it's fun back here."

"This semi is shaking and rocking," Arthur hollered. "Worse than last night! I don't even want to know what the hell you and Izzy were doing then!"

Izzy and Owen both laughed, and the others looked at them suspiciously. Carol rubbed her chin and asked, "Second base?"

"Maybe," Izzy said with cackle.

"Third base?"

"Possibly."

"Home plate?"

"What astonishes me is why we have to guess," Arthur grumbled. "C'mon, we were in the same truck as them! How could they possibly get that far without us noticing?"

"Well, it was dark," Justin muttered. "Thank God for that."

Arthur groaned in the cargo hold of the semi. "So," he said, using the word that usually meant a change in subject, "how goes our progress?"

"Well," Carol said as he pulled out a map, "we might want to consider taking a shortcut, since a lot of people cut us off earlier."

"Why don't we take this line here," Izzy asked, taking her eyes off the road for a few seconds. "It's almost right where we are, and judging from the path it takes, it leads us to where we want in a fraction of the time the roads would take us!"

"Excellent idea," Carol cheered.

"Wait a damn minute," Arthur could be heard. "What do you mean 'the roads'?"

"Um, Izzy?" Owen nervously laughed. "Aren't we staying on the road?"

Justin's eyes were widening as Izzy made a turn. He gripped his seat and muttered, "Girls, this is really a bad idea-"

"Can it, Mr. Model," Izzy shouted. "We're going in!"

"Carol," Arthur shouted over the radio again. "What color is that line Izzy wanted to go on?"

"Blue!"

"No! Don't tell me we're going into a ri-"

The semi-truck splashed as it plunged into the river. Roaring normally, it drove down the stream, a menace to the river's society.

"_Drive drive drive the semi gently down the stream_," Izzy and Carol sang, "_run over the crocodiles, listen to them scream!_"

Owen was crying in the back, hugging Arthur tight. "I'm not a good swimmer," he wailed to his captive. "If we sink, I might not be able to swim to the surface!"

"Mrrfffmmmrr," Arthur groaned, unable to speak with Owen's arm around his mouth.

Then Owen farted. He chuckled nervously when he saw Arthur's eyes go wide, and said, "Sorry! Fear of death makes me a little gassy."

He farted again. Arthur was slowly starting to pray that the river would be deep enough to sink them.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Arthur** - \His hair is completely ruffled, and he looks a little green.\ "That was about as much fun as a bath in a septic tank. Why the hell did I have to be in back again? I used nuclear explosion in rock-paper-scissors, but Izzy said her Chuck Norris beats that. So damn unfair..."

\He shakes his right hand.\ "My hand is still throbbing when she roundhouse kicked it. I still cannot believe she did that."

**Izzy** - \singing happily\ "_Driving a truck, driving a big ol' truck!_

_Wallowing down the riverbed, wheels driving through the muck!_"

**Justin** - "All I could think of when Izzy went to drive into the river is that I might not see Beth or my family again! And if I did, I'd probably have worry lines so big, they'd cover my face and travel under my hair!" \He shivers.\

**Owen** - "Arthur seemed pretty miserable back there. Maybe I should have held him tighter for comfort."

**Carol** - "Hey, if anyone tries to put 'driving on a river' in my record, I can safely say that Izzy was driving that vehicle. I was just the passenger. Plus, we didn't sink, so how bad was it, huh?"

* * *

**(Team 1 - Duncan, Eva, Xander, Yoshi; pink beetle)**

The four were silent on the trip there. Though they had rested comfortably and eaten well, they still weren't very happy with their choice of vehicle.

Duncan was now driving, sitting as low as possible so he couldn't see the pink hood of his car. Yoshi sat in the passenger seat, working on a sudoku book. Eva and Xander were seated in the back, with her making quick glances at him; he was handsome in her eyes, and anything handsome to distract her from being in a pink shell hell of a car was good enough.

"I'm actually a little amazed," Yoshi said to Duncan after a long period of silence, "that you have a license, seeing that you were in juvie before the show, Duncan."

"Aw, it was before TDI. I finished it shortly after TDC," the punk said, smirking proudly.

"Still, amazing you had time to get your license."

Duncan chuckled, but said nothing. Yoshi immediately stopped doing his sudoku and looked up. "You do have your license, right Duncan?"

More silence ensued. Yoshi was starting to get worried now. "I repeat," he said, louder now, "you do have your license, don't y-"

"Hey Duncan," Xander interrupted the warrior in mid-interrogation, "you might want to consider pulling over."

"Why?"

"Engine's making funny noises."

"It's a funny car," Duncan muttered. "We don't need to pull over, we got enough troubles, what with the other teams driving race cars and Hummers!"

"Is your masculinity threatened by that?" Eva asked, chuckling darkly. "Frankly, I think the pink beetle suits you, Duncan, because you probably have a really un-masculine p-"

She was cut off when a loud explosion came from the hood, and smoke drifted out. All four jumped, and Duncan immediately pulled over.

"Now which of us jinxed us there?" Xander asked as they all stepped out.

"Ah, son of a bitch," Duncan snarled. "The engine is probably cooked."

"Should have seen that coming," Yoshi said with a sigh. "I mean, how long could this pitiful car drive without a break?"

"I hate this little piece of pink crap," Eva shouted, kicking the side and putting deep dents in the metal. "Now we've lost for certain."

"I wouldn't say that," Xander said. "We're about a hour drive from the nearest station. We just gotta push the car there, and pay for repairs."

"Are you crazy?" Duncan spat. "An hour drive distance? That'll take forever pushing!"

Yoshi glared at him. "Are you forgetting who's on your team, baka?"

"First, no, I didn't. And second, what the hell is 'baka'?"

Eva growled and shook her head. "Look, morons, put your manhoods to the side, and let's just get going. Xander and I will push. Duncan, you steer."

"Steer? The engine is blown," Duncan pointed out.

"Someone has to keep it in neutral, and steer turns, you dumbass!"

Duncan seethed, then got into the car with Yoshi. Eva and Xander began to push, and the progress went a lot faster than any of them could think of.

"Finally, the one good thing about this pink piece of crap," Eva said to her fellow pusher, "it's light, so this break down is a lot easier than if the Hummer broke down."

He didn't reply. Eva then noticed he was straining a lot, his right leg fumbling to push. He was already sweating.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked.

"Oh nothing. Just easier to do this when my bike breaks down," he grunted. When he tried push the car with his right leg with support, he hissed in pain and squatted down to grab it.

"Now I know you're lying," Eva snapped. "What's wrong with your leg?"

"It's normally not this bad," he grunted. "Damn it, I never had this much of a problem."

"Okay handsome, no need to prove yourself," Eva said as she pulled him up. "I know you're tough, but let's have Yoshi push instead of you."

"O... okay."

"Man. Your facial scar, your bad leg, you're a mystery," Eva said, quirking her eyebrow. "Did Chris pick you just because you're an enigma?"

"That, and I'm so damn handsome," he joked, grinning at her before heading over to the passenger door.

Eva chuckled, then tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Yes. Yes, you are."

"Pardon?" Yoshi asked, looking confused as he headed over.

"Nothing! Just push the pink piece of crap with me, noodle arm." Yoshi growled at her as he began to push. "You know, one day, I'll prove that I'm stronger than you there! If I had used my left hand-"

"I'm not left-handed, and you cannot arm wrestle with opposite arms!"

"I know that, I'm not stupid!"

"Really? You could have fooled me!"

"At least I'm not stupid to keep denying I like someone!"

The pushing was getting much more difficult, but their frustration kept up their efforts. Neither noticed Duncan and Xander frantically waving and shouting for them to stop, because they were heading for a steep dip. Duncan had the break all the way down, but it wasn't stopping Eva and Yoshi.

"Why is everyone on my case about Cody and me?" Eva growled as she shoved the pink beetle. "It's my own damn business!"

"Because you keep denying it, and then you avoid him when he's around! At this rate, Anita's going to get with him in no time!"

"Oh, what could he possibly see in that big-breasted bimbo?"

"A lot more than that, and pardon me for asking, but aren't you a D-cup too?"

"You looking to get your ass beat?"

"Oh, think you can take me? I know martial arts!"

"That's it! Time to put up or shut up, you-"

They stopped when the pink beetle suddenly swooped down from their hands. Yoshi and Eva winced as the car shot down the hill, Duncan and Xander still in it. They heard the two boys scream as the vehicle raced down, out of control.

"... Oops," Eva muttered, wringing her hands nervously. To her surprise, Yoshi was laughing.

"Did you hear the way Duncan screamed?" Yoshi laughed.

The two cackled, and high-fived.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Duncan** - "First those jerks insult me, then they almost kill me! I was thrilled that I was with tough people, but after the pink beetle was our car, everything went downhill. I wish Princess was on our team."

**Yoshi** - "Oddly enough, this is how I see my relationship with Eva for the entire show. We will fight and threaten each other, then someone else will get injured, and we'll laugh. She'll make a very competitive rival, right next to that Daisy girl."

**Xander** - "Hehe, that Yoshi and Eva, what a sense of humor. Luckily, Duncan got a hold on the steering wheel after he got a hold of his screaming." \He cackles.\

**Eva** - \She frowns angrily, drumming her fingers on her arm.\ "I guess I cannot avoid the interrogations any more, so I might as well go after Cody after today. It will be hard, but I know I can be more interesting than that Anita girl! And yes, I have D-cups too!"

\Eva looks around then sighs.\ "Oh, why the hell am I admitting that?"

* * *

**(Team 6 - Jasmine, Hannah, Howard, Lindsay, Mandy, Tyler; small bus)**

"We are so far behind," Jasmine wailed, gripping her beret. "I think they all passed us!"

"We slept in too late," Howard said with a sigh. He pat Jasmine on the shoulder. "Don't worry, we'll be fine."

"No, we won't," Mandy shouted, leaping up from her feet and startling the two. "We are behind, we're driving a slow vehicle, and Shub-Niggurath will send her dark minions after us as punishment!"

"Shub-_what_?" Jasmine repeated. **[2]**

"This is all _your_ fault, Jesus girl," Mandy continued to rant, storming towards the front.

Hannah was busy driving, humming to herself. Without a CD player, she had to make her own music. "_Would He wear a pinky ring / would He drive a fancy car? / Would His wife wear furs and diamonds, / would His dressing room have a star?_"

"Stop singing church songs, you noob," the cultist girl hollered, startling Hannah. "Why don't you drive faster?"

"I can't, but I am taking a shortcut," Hannah said, smiling politely. "See, most of the others went on the straight freeway, but we're taking more of the mountain road."

"Why the hells are we doing that?"

"Because it's actually a lot shorter, but most of them want to drive on a straight freeway with their vehicles. We should be there-"

"Oh, I suppose God told you to take this path," Mandy snapped. "Well, Yig the lizard Old God told me that you're nuts! We so lost this contest!"

She spun around and threw her hands up, grumbling angrily to herself. She past by Lindsay and Tyler, who were making out again. "And you two," she shouted, "stop sucking face!"

"This team stinks," Jasmine grumbled. "What with the kissing couple, that religious fanatic, and Mandy. Not to mention the bus smells."

"What about me?" Howard asked, pretending to sound upset.

"Naw, you're cute," Jasmine said. "But you're pining for another girl. I wonder if she predicted how bad we'd do."

There was a wet slurping sound as Tyler released his lips from Lindsay. "We should stop for a while, dudes! Give the motor a break!"

"Good idea, face sucking infidel," Mandy exclaimed. She headed back up to the front and hollered, "Hey, Jesus Girl, stop the bus!"

"Is something wrong-"

"STOP THE BUS!"

Hannah pulled over to the side and stopped. Mandy yanked the door handle open, and stormed outside. "You stupid mortals are getting on my last nerve. Wish I had my rats with me."

"What... what is wrong?" Hannah asked, looking back at the others.

"Nothing," Jasmine snapped as she walked out. "Don't worry your head about it, you'll be out of the contest soon enough."

"Sorry, but yeah," Howard added as he stepped out.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Jasmine** - "I think everyone was bitter on that bus because it brings back bad memories. The terrible smells, sitting next to the unpleasant creeps, the time Johnny threw up and they didn't clean that up for _a whole week_! Argh! Why? Why must the students suffer so? Wasn't anyone thinking of the teenagers?!"

**Howard** - "You know, maybe I was a little too harsh. I'm sure I could get Belinda's attention by the fourth challenge! Maybe even the third if we're on the same team"

**Tyler** - "That was an _awesome_ challenge! I want more challenges like that!"

**Lindsay** - \She is tapping her lips.\ "I think Tyler and I kissed for too long, my lips feel fat. Now I know how that Tangerina Jumpy feels."

* * *

Hannah sighed heavily, then looked back at her only remaining teammates. Lindsay and Tyler had gone back to making out right away, petting each other. She decided though those outside were hostile, she might as well step outside to get some air.

They had parked on a cliff rest stop, one that had a railing around the edge. Howard had popped the lid to the bus, and was looking inside. Jasmine was watching him.

"Do you know what you're doing?" she asked him.

"Sure I do," he said, actually just looking around and unable to tell if anything was wrong, but trying to look impressive. "And I know that we have plenty of wiper fluid."

Hannah crossed her arms and looked over the cliff. It was a beautiful view, but the height was intimidating; she wondered if it was almost a kilometer.

"This place sucks," Mandy, close by, grumbled. She was standing right on the edge, looking over at the horizon. "Why do they call this 'God's country'? It looks like something Ithaqua would live in."

"Who?" Hannah asked.

"What, you disapprove of my Gods?" she snapped immediately. "I knew you wouldn't understand! Or tolerate!"

"I didn't say anything-"

"You stand there with your conservative blouse and your yellow hair," Mandy continued on. "You think you're better than me?"

"No, no I don't-"

"Liar! I know how it is with you heathen mortals! Always think you're better! Well, I've had it!"

She stormed over to the side of the cliff and kicked the railing. "I am so sick of being judged! I've been judged more than a kleptomaniac's life span."

"Mandy, wait," Hannah said, stepping forward, "you really shouldn't stand so close to the edge-"

"Now you're telling me what to do," the cultist shouted, then pointed a sign nearby. "That says it's a stable cliff viewing site!"

"But that sign says the last time the site was checked was ten years ago-"

"Quit telling me what to do!"

Mandy stomped her foot angrily. Hannah took a step back, intimidated by the angry stare (the cultist's red eyes, though artificial, were off-putting).

Time seemed to freeze when the ground cracked. Mandy looked down to see the ground breaking away where she had stomped. She could feel the side of the cliff collapsing underneath her.

She didn't even have time to curse or cry out when the cliff broke off under her, and Mandy felt herself plummet...

* * *

--

--

--

**So what will happen to Mandy? Will one of her Old Gods save her? Will Harvey the Wonder Hamster save her?**

**Which team is going to win first place? Which two will come in last?**

**And the case that will cause the most frustration among all of you: who is getting voted off?**

--

**[1]** - A very unsubtle way of hinting about a side story I'll write sometime soon. \wink wink\

**[2]** - Yes, Shub-Niggurath is the name of an Old God. Blame H.P. Lovecraft for the name, not me.

--

**Next Up:** The end of the race, and the second trophy ceremony!


	8. Ch 2, Pt 4: Make Your Own Dumb Car Pun

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. And if my OCs wander into your story, give them a bop on the nose and send them back here.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Warning** - I know most of you wonder why people voted for someone or another, so I'm included that. Sorry for the delay.

And also, my country is another year older. Hooray!

--

--

--

* * *

**Chapter 8** - The Bus of Defeat's New Driver.

* * *

**(Team 6 - Mandy, Tyler, Hannah, Howard, Jasmine, Lindsay; small bus)**

Mandy saw her life flash before her eyes when that cliff started to break: drawing pentagrams on the wall, her first prayer to the Old Gods, getting an 'F' in English for her essay on Cthulhu, yelling at the teacher who gave her that 'F', buying her sacrificial dagger on the internet.

When she began to fall, something grasped her wrist. Mandy dangled there, looking down at what was probably thousands of feet. She wondered why she had stopped falling; maybe some higher power was making her death take exceptional long?

"Give...," a voice from above strained to say, "give me your other hand!"

"But," she whimpered, her eyes fixated on the long way down, "I'm not ready to cut those off in the name of the Old Go-"

"Mandy," the voice shouted, snapping her out of it, "hurry!"

The platinum-haired girl swallowed, and reached up with her other hand. When that hand was grasped to, Mandy struggled with her feet to climb up the side of the cliff. Sweat ran down her forehead, and she cursed underneath her breath.

The person who was pulling up Mandy was strong, and the cultist wasn't a large girl to begin with. Soon, she was up on the cliff, her feet touching solid ground.

Mandy put a little too much effort in her struggle, and her feet continued to move when she was on the ground. This caused her to knock over her savior, falling down on top of her. Panting, she lay on that person, still not sure who it was.

Through long breaths, she managed to mutter, "Thank... you."

"No problem," came the voice of the last person Mandy suspected.

"Y... you?!" she gasped, staring down at Hannah.

"Me."

"But... but..."

"HEY! You two!"

The two looked around to see Jasmine frowning at them, hands on her hips. "We need to get going! Not... oh man, are you two actually... I thought you were against that kind of stuff, with your weird religion and all!"

"Cthulhu doesn't care what you prefer," Mandy snarled, "because in the end, we're all-"

"Not you, her," Jasmine shouted, pointing at Hannah. "Do I have to put with two couples who cannot keep off each other now?"

"What are you talking about?" Howard asked, then looked to the two recovering girls. He gasped, then gushed, "Oh WOW!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Jasmine** - "Leshawna said a lot of weird people get hooked up in this show. But the cultist and the religious one? Both girls? Boy, that'll get the gossip magazines going."

**Howard** - "I love ying-yang couples!" \giggles like a little dork\

**Mandy** - \She is staring at the camera, tapping the flat side of her dagger against the back of her hand. With a heavy sigh, she continues to think.\

**Hannah** - "Mandy's really lucky that she's a small girl; she was really easy to pull up. Well, she's not small in the sense of her... but I mean..." \she flushes a little\ "I mean, she's small-set! No, I mean, she's little! No! I mean..."

* * *

**(Team 8 - Joel, Daisy, Geoff, Belinda, Courtney; Hummer)**

Daisy was at driving the Hummer, humming to herself. As she drove, the others sat, lost in their own thoughts. Geoff twiddled his thumbs, and finally broke the ice.

"So, are we there yet?" he asked.

"No, but close," Courtney said, looking at the map. "Could you please drive a little slower though, Daisy? We're not in a rush."

"But we want to be first, right?"

"We're fine, I'm pretty sure we're ahead of them."

Just after she said this, a race car raced by their car. Daisy blinked, then shouted, "H-hey! That race car just passed us!"

"Nothing we can do about it," Courtney muttered, crossing her arms and sighing. "They have the really fast car, we don't. Just this huge gas guzzler."

"Actually," Joel said, grinning wickedly, "I have made adjustments to the car. Daisy, do you see the button nearby the cigarette lighter?"

"Hmm?" the lacrosse player looked to where Joel pointed. "Oh, there's a little red button. I don't remember that..."

"Push the little red button," he advised, "and you all might want to buckle up. And hang on tight. And please keep your arms and legs inside the car at all times!"

"I really don't like the sound of this," Courtney whimpered as she tightened her seat belt.

"I really _do_ like the sound of this," Geoff cheered as he actually buckled up.

"I really hope," Belinda said as she leaned back and put her hands in her jacket pocket, "that the adjustments don't explode when she pushes the red button."

"WHAT?!" Geoff and Courtney shouted right before Daisy cheerfully pushed the red button.

There was a rumble, then a roar, then the Hummer rocketed forward with an incredible burst of speed. Daisy let out a wild scream, Joel cheered and clapped, chanting, "It worked, I knew it would work!"

The speedometer was soon at the very edge of the right side, which Daisy noted with glee. "I've always wanted to do that," she exclaimed. "Woohoo!"

"Woohoo indeed," Geoff shouted, pumping his fists up. "This is one awesome ride!"

"I'm gonna be sick," Courtney wailed.

Belinda smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Impressive."

The silver Hummer shot past the race car. The four members of the team, even Clive, were startled by this, especially since the gust of wind almost turned their car over.

"Was that the Hummer?" Noah asked.

"Sure was," Katie said, then clenched her fists. "We cannot let them win, we are too close to the finish! Noah, pump it!"

"Oh, I always wanted to die under a twisted pile of metal and burned rubber," Noah grumbled.

"Do it, do it, do it," Katie chanted, bouncing up and down in her chair. Noah noticed this, and the very serious and practical bookworm suddenly found his hormones winning over his mind.

"Damn it all," Noah cursed, "this is what I get for having a girlfriend. Never thought it would result in me driving like a NASCAR-wannabe."

He strapped himself in so tight that he almost cut off circulation, and then stamped down on the pedal. The car roared, then bolted forward, a purple blur. Noah screamed in terror, and Katie squealed happily. She unwisely grabbed his arm in merriment, which he tried desperately to shake off. With this action, the car was going top speed and weaving all over the place.

Clive was screaming in-sync with the weaving, Sadie giggling happily. The race car raced past the silver Hummer, which surprised Daisy, especially since the purple race car bounced off the side of their vehicle.

"Whoa, look out," Daisy shouted. "Someone wants to play!"

"It's the race car," Geoff pointed out. "They're ahead of us!"

"Not for long!"

Daisy stomped on the gas pedal, and their big vehicle caught up with the race car. Soon, the race was on. Daisy shouted taunts as she drove, Katie yelling back at her.

Further down the road was a police car that had got ahead of them when the teams had all stopped for lunch earlier that day. Officer Christmas and Officer Realbox were having lunch themselves, though Christmas wasn't eating much.

"You want another donut?" Realbox asked her.

"No," she replied, focusing on the speedometer she had in her hands. "I want keep a better watch on this so that we can catch anyone who goes by."

"If you insist, but I'll help you out," he said. "Mmm, I do love glazed donuts, but the glaze gets everywhere-"

He was cut off when two extremely fast cars roared by them. The speedometer's gage shot up, then stopped at "HOLY CRAP, EH." The gust of wind from the cars blew the officers' hats off, Realbox's donut right from his hand, and all three objects straight out the opposite window.

They both blinked, then exchanged nervous glances. "Did a plane take off near us?"

"My donut," Realbox whimpered. "That was terrible."

"I don't even want to know how fast they were going," Christmas said. "We couldn't get the license plates, but at least you saw what color those two vehicles were."

"Me?" he shouted, getting angry now. "You were watching the road, why didn't you see?"

"I wasn't watching the road, you were!"

"No, you were!"

"You were, you were, you were!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Courtney** - "As a C.I.T, and a law-abiding citizen of Canada, I do not condone the act of illegally modifying a vehicle to make it go faster, nor do I approve of going more than twice the speed limit." \She sighs.\ "I knew being in that car could damage my political career."

**Katie & Sadie** - **Sadie** - "I never knew you would resort to calling them such harsh names, Katie."

**Katie** - "It was in the thrill of the race, is all."

**Sadie** - "You called them 'gas-guzzling pee-pee heads'!"

**Katie** - \blushing a little, nervously fiddles with her hair\ "Oh, I am such a naughty girl, aren't I?"

* * *

**(Team 2 - DJ, Gwen, Trent, Alfred, Crystal, Bridgette; six seater)**

Most people would think that Alfred wasn't the best choice for the driver. His teammates were thinking the same thing when he drove with his feet.

"Look, it's on cruise control," he explained to his very nervous teammates. "I drive like this all the time during long drives back home."

"I dunno if I am too comfortable with this," Bridgette admitted.

"Oh, all right then," he said, putting his feet back where they belonged (on the floor), and put his hands on the wheel. "If it makes you comfortable to see me drive normally."

"It does, thank you. We already almost went over a cliff, I'd prefer less peril."

"But peril is fun," Alfred said gleefully. "C'mon, you're a surfer, you like thrills, don't you?"

"Kind of," she admitted. "But I prefer thrills that don't risk other peoples' lives."

"Touché," he said. "Boy, you're a thoughtful person, Bridgette." He grinned at her, and she couldn't help but smile back.

"She's taken, Alfred," Gwen said from the back.

"Huh?" he honked. "But Howard said Lindsay was taken, and since I know this isn't Lindsay now-"

"Bridgette's taken too," DJ explained.

"Aw, fudge-sicle," he cursed. "You know, I really should have watched the show before I came on it."

Crystal couldn't help but giggle. "I think it's kind of cute. Sorry, but I'm a big fan of fanon pairings."

"What's that?" Trent asked.

"See, there are canon and fanon pairings," she explained. "Canon are the official pairings, like Trent and Gwen. Fanon pairings are a couple who aren't official but you think they would go rather well together.

"See, as a romantic, of course I believe there is someone for everyone out there," she explained, then rolled her eyes as she added, "well, except for Colin, that bloody jerk. But see, I don't believe there's only _one_ person for you. There's way too many people on God's green Earth for you to only have one true soulmate.

"Ergo, I like to think of who else someone would be happy with," she said, tapping her lips. "Like, Bridgette and... oh say... Harold."

"HAROLD?" the other five exclaimed (Alfred added, "Wait, which one is Harold? Is he the one who takes his shirt off?")

"Yes, Harold," she repeated. "I think he and Bridgette actually have more in common than you'd think."

Bridgette stared at the British girl, then managed to ask, "Really?"

Crystal nodded and smiled. "Aye. Works for everyone here: Alfred, DJ, Trent, and Gwen."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Gwen** - "Crystal may think of fantasy pairings for people like Bridgette, but hell if she could think of anything for me. I'm still surprised at times that Trent wants me... but bah, I'm not going to talk about that."

**DJ** - "I know a few romantics like that back at home. Get all 'squealy' when couples hug and kiss, get sappy over romantic moments in movies. It's a little weird but cute..."

\He pauses then taps his chin.\ "Wait, did Crystal forget to mention someone in our group?"

**Crystal** - \She laughs and clasps her hands.\ "I know a lot of people are against fanon, some against canon, but that's love. Strange how love spikes such emotions in people, eh what?"

* * *

Alfred continued to think about which one was Harold. "Is he the one with the green mohawk? I don't see how he and Bridgette could be a coup-"

There was a terrible gust of wind from their left, and then one from their right. A monster truck and a purple hybrid roared past them. The six in the car bounced against each other, Trent and Gwen clinging to each other. Alfred blinked, as if this was normal (well, he is from California).

"Oh, it's a race," he said joyfully. "Well, it's time to put this red beauty of a car to the test."

"Um, dude?" DJ whimpered. "One of those other cars is a monster truck, you know-"

"That makes it more fun," he shouted as he stomped on the gas pedal. DJ screamed like a little girl, Bridgette screamed like a big girl, and the wheels just plain screamed.

Alfred managed to race ahead of the monster truck, and then was neck to neck with the hybrid. The driver of the hybrid, Heather, snarled as she noticed her new competition. "Ezekiel, shout insults at them for me!"

Ezekiel whimpered as he rolled down his window. "Um, hello," he called out. "You guys... don't drive very well!"

"We know that," Gwen, who had rolled down her passenger window. "Alfred's the one driving!"

"Oh, hi, Gwen," Ezekiel called out, waving friendly-like. "I hope you doo'nt mind, but I made all the beds this morning, eh!"

"Well, that does explain why the room was so organized," Gwen called back. "Thank you!"

"That's not trash talking," Heather snapped at him.

"Will you get your boyfriend back all the way in the car?" Valerie shouted. "Before he, you know, falls out and..."

She looked back and her eyes widened in terror. It is a rather intimidating sight when a monster truck is chasing your car.

"Waaaaaah-ha-ha-ha," Leshawna cackled from the driver's seat of the monster truck. "Yes, drive faster, you puny cars! Leshawna will run you over if you don't!"

"You really get into this, d-d-don't you?" Sakaki stammered, clinging onto Sebastian. She wasn't the only one, as Beth was also clinging to him in terror.

"Yeah baby, I've gotta get me one of these," the loud sister continued to shout, weaving the car as a form of intimidation. In the passenger seat next to her was an unconscious Colin, courtesy of Sebastian.

"Drive slower," Sakaki begged Leshawna.

"Drive faster," Crystal encouraged Alfred.

"For the love of everything holy," Valerie shrieked to Heather, "just keep driving!!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Valerie** - \Her hair is tousled and she looked winded.\ "I was such an idiot for letting Heather drive. She drives like an absolute maniac, like Daddy's girl away from his watchful eye. Oh Lord, and Zachary probably thinks I like him, with the amount of clinging I did to him. ... Yuck."

**Alfred** - "I am so glad I got to stay in this competition! The racing was awesome! Vroom-vroom... just like being back home in California, where people don't have an ounce of respect for the road!"

**Heather** - "I knew if I kept driving fast, I could beat those two. A monster truck and a fat, red car. Those losers were handicapped by their poor choices, and thus, I took the lead. I'm really quite proud of myself!"

**Leshawna** - "Okay, so I got a little overly excited. But hey, can you blame me? That monster truck is loud and proud, its bulk is its pride! Just like someone I know."

\She gives her own rear end a proud slap.\ "Hehe, if I win, I might buy me one of those monster truck babies."

* * *

**(Team 9 - Cody, Anita, Harold, Rodney; jeep)**

"But if we run out of oil before 2100, we should already have an alternative source of energy," Rodney said to Harold.

"Oh, I'm not debating that, gosh," Harold said, looking from the road for a short while to talk to the little boy in the passenger seat. "I just don't think we should rely on the alternates we have now. They're not good enough."

"What would you suggest, then?"

"Elephant wheels."

This attracted the attention of even Anita and Cody in the back; it wasn't much to distract, since they were too shy to say much.

"You know how there are wheels for mice and hamsters?" Harold continued. "Well, if made giant wheels, and we put elephants in them, that would be an awesome source of power!"

"Yeah, and the elephants would love it, since they would lose some weight," Rodney said with a clap.

"See? That would all be awesome."

"Hey guys," Cody said, tapping the shoulder of Harold's seat, "I don't mean to interrupt, but are we close?"

"Fairly," Rodney said as he unfolded the map. "It is just a little further-"

He stopped when a raccoon bolted out in front of the jeep, and Harold swerved sharply to avoid it. The map was yanked from his hands by the wind, and he was jostled in his seat.

"Yeeep," he cried out. "Harold, you're driving like my sister-"

He didn't get a chance to finish that sentence either, as the jeep hit a small pothole in the road, and did a flip. Four screams later, another flip, four more screams, then the jeep hit a large tree.

Hot air hissed out of the hood, which was smashed upward. Harold groaned as he rubbed his forehead. "Idiot raccoon," he cursed, then looked at the others. "Is everyone all right?"

"I'm fine," Anita said, then she looked at Cody, who was clutching his arm and straining in pain. "Cody! Are you okay?"

"Kind of banged my arm against something there," he muttered through clenched teeth. "Hurts a lot, but I'm fine."

"Damn it, I'm so sorry," Harold exclaimed. "Rodney, are you okay?"

"Fine!"

Harold sighed as he shook his head more. "Well, I'll go take a look. I learned something about engines in Possum Scouts."

He tried to pop the hood, but it wouldn't budge. "Dang, freaking idiot," he shouted, kicking the side. He sighed heavily, then he looked over at Rodney. "Oh wait! We have the genius kid who knows everything! If I don't know how, then he does!"

"Good thing too," Anita said as she made a sling for Cody's arm, using materials from the first-aid kit.

"Um... actually," Rodney muttered, looking down at his feet, poking his fingers together, "I... I don't know anything about cars."

"What?" Harold gasped.

"It's true, nothing," the child genius repeated, his shoulders beginning to shake. "I... I really let the team down, didn't I?"

"Don't blame yourself, little dude," said Cody.

"No, it's all my fault now," he continued to whimper. The other three saw a tear leak down his face. Then Anita realized it wasn't coming from his eyes; it was coming from a wound on his forehead.

"Oh honey," she exclaimed and ran over to him. "You're injured!"

"It's nothing," he tried to say as he feebly swatted at her hands away, but stopped soon after. "I... I didn't mean for this to happen."

"Hon, do not blame yourself," Anita said as she took off his helmet and started treating his wound. "Don't, okay? It's not your fault."

"Yeah, little dude, you take too much responsibility," Cody said, grinning at the child.

Harold sighed and patted his shoulder. "Either way, the jeep's more crushed than my first Hot Wheels experiment."

"Means we're gonna have to wait for Chris to send someone to pick us up," Anita said as she wrapped a bandage around Rodney's noggin. "If he does, that is."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Harold** - "The little dude takes things too much to heart. Probably feels responsible over things like that. I know how he feels, because I raised rabbits and iguanas and other kinds of animals. You feel responsibility for all those little fellows; probably that's how he feels about his siblings."

**Cody** - "Luckily, Chris did come pick us up; he sent a helicopter to get us, and a tow truck for the jeep. Don't know why he wants to keep that smashed jeep. Anyway, like that jeep, my hopes are pretty much smashed, eh? Wait... no! I gotta have faith!"

**Rodney** - \He fidgets with his helmet, occasionally letting his head bandage be shown.\ "Those three told me not to shoulder so much responsibility, and I guess they're right. But still, I cannot help but feel a tinge of shame."

\He sighs and shakes his head, and the helmet slides off and clatters on the floor; he frowns at it.\ "You were no help today. See this?" \He points at his head bandage.\ "Aren't you supposed to protect me from these... oh, I'm sorry, I shouldn't yell at you." \He hugs his army helmet and then kisses it.\

**Raccoon** - \talking in his language with English subtitles\ "o noes! i go on vakashun fur wun day, an luk wat hapins! i had the moneh on dat team to!"

* * *

**(In the Maclean Stadium)**

"They're coming up on us," Chris Maclean announced to the anxious crowd. "They have been instructed to drive into here, and cross the red line."

The crowd roared, interlaced with a few, "We know, dammit!"

Two cars came roaring into the stadium: the silver Hummer and the purple race car. Daisy and Katie were still shouting at each other, but by now, the creativity of the insults was lacking.

"That flower in your hair is dumb!"

"Your face is dorky!"

"I wanna poke you until you ask me to stop doing that!"

"You're nothing but a big boo-boo!"

Eventually, the two cars raced across the finish line, and came to squealing stops. There was silence, as many wondered which of the two had won. The quiet ice was broken when Clive ran out of the race car, screaming and blubbering.

"Wow, looks like he had fun," Chris exclaimed. He clapped, and then walked over to the two cars. "Well, I think Chef Hatchet has a photo finish for who gets first place. And the winners of this contest gets a year's supply of gasoline!"

"Oh wow, that'd be great," Courtney said, clapping her hands. "I hope Joel's tinkering and Daisy's driving were the stuff that got us a win!" Joel twirled a wrench as Daisy gave her teammates a thumbs-up.

"No way, my boyfriend was the bestest driver ever," Katie shouted, sticking her tongue out at the Hummer team. "Noah rocks!"

Rocking Noah looked rather punch-drunk, having just driven a race car at top speed for the past hour. "I make vroom-vroom, wheee," he said, rather stupid sounding but still containing a trace of his usual cynicism.

"Well, I'll let you know which team won," Chris Maclean announced as Chef Hatchet handed him a photo. "The winning team is...

...

...

...

...

...

"... Oh thank goodness, it's the team with less teammates! Less money for us to give! Team 4, the race car team!"

Katie and Sadie cheered, hugging Noah between them. Team 8 sighed tragically; Daisy rolled her eyes. "Man, if only we had a race car for a racing competition."

"Oh well, cannot complain now," Geoff said, patting her shoulder. "We did okay, dudes."

"Well, you know," Chris said, "the first seven teams do get cake and pie."

"Woohoo! Cake and pie!"

"I'm good now," Daisy said, grinning and scratching the back of her head.

Belinda chuckled, and her teammates looked around to her. "Didn't I tell you we'd win?"

"We didn't come in first place, though," Courtney pointed out.

"I never said that. If you remember, I said we would just win, not to be first place. Close, though."

The conversation was cut short when more squealing tires could be heard. Everyone present looked over as three vehicles came rocketing into the stadium. The way was quickly cleared as they came racing across the finish line.

"Well, that was fun," Chris said as the new cars came to a halt. "Loved the way Joel screamed when he ran out of the way."

"Hey, can you blame me?" the inventor muttered. "That red car came right at me."

"Ehehe, sorry," Alfred chuckled nervously. "I really didn't mean to do that."

"Because of that action, your team got fourth place," Chris said to the gonzo boy. "And the hybrid came in third."

"Is there any down side to coming in at fourth instead of third?" Alfred asked as Ezekiel hugged Heather in celebration.

"None at all."

"So... why the hell should I be ashamed that I didn't kill Joel to get third?"

"Because that's competition, boy! That's why the monster truck should be very ashamed that they came in fifth."

"Hey, Maclean," Leshawna said, smirking evilly, "I would have had no problem running over you to get a higher score."

"Me too," shouted a few of the other contestants (for those who really want to know: Gwen, Heather, Ezekiel, Noah, Colin, Courtney, and Daisy).

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Noah** - "Well, I get a year's supply of gas for free. That'll be sweet. Everyone on the race car team ends up happy."

**Clive** - \He is a whimpering mess.\ "Why'd my sister sign me up for this show? Why oh why oh why?"

**Geoff** - "Well, we may have got second place, but we all had a jolly good time! We're gonna throw a party tonight before the trophy ceremony! Booyah!"

**Zachary** - "So, I've got an alliance with Valerie, but we cannot vote off Heather this time? Wonder what good this'll do me... well, least we got pie. I do like pie."

**Trent** - "Apart from nearly driving off a cliff and having a small fight with Gwen, I'd say it was a pretty cool drive. I love cuddling with Gwen."

**Colin** - "What a lame challenge, I literally slept through most of it. Still...," \he stretches and yawns\ "... it was nice to get that kind of sleep. I feel refreshed!"

**Beth** - "I'm so proud of my team! The way Sebastian encouraged us all, the excellent driving by Sakaki and Leshawna, the generous sleeping by Colin!" \She giggles and ends up snorting.\

**Ezekiel** - "I'm never seen Heather so determined befur', eh. I wonder what was driving her... err, well, she was driving, but what was... oh never mind, eh."

\He nervously pokes his fingers together.\ "I really, really hope that she's not getting back into her 'queen bee' routine. I really want Heather to change, to be a better person, eh."

* * *

**(Team 6 - Mandy, Tyler, Hannah, Howard, Jasmine, Lindsay; small bus)**

"Are we there yet?" Jasmine moaned.

"Shut up, foolish mortal," Mandy grumbled. "We'll get there soon."

"How are we doing?" Lindsay asked, finally coming up for air. "How is Miley doing?"

"Who the hell is Miley?" the cultist spat out. "I'm not Miley! I am _so_ not a Miley!"

"I mean the Christian girl who's driving," the blond girl said, pointing at the front. "Hey, why is she still driving?"

"Because no one else can," Mandy grumbled. "Quit giving her such a hard time, for Yig's sake!"

"Yeah, seriously," Howard muttered. "It's getting kind of old."

"Oh really now?" Jasmine snapped. "You two are just interested in getting to first base with that girl!"

"What?" Howard honked.

"What?" Mandy asked.

"Now I'm really confused," Lindsay whimpered.

"You ain't the only one, babe," Tyler groaned. "Things made more sense when we were making out."

Strangely enough, he didn't continue to make out with Lindsay (and she began puckering up too), but headed up to Hannah. "How we doing, girl?"

"Oh, okay I guess," she said. "I haven't seen anybody pass by us yet-"

She was cut off when something really big, wet, and mud-stained barreled past them. It was Izzy's semi, and boy was it moving fast.

"Holy cow," Hannah exclaimed.

"Oh man, now she's using religious profanity," Jasmine exclaimed. "We are so screwed."

"Then we're unscrewing it," Howard shouted. "Hannah, full power!"

"Yeah, girl," Tyler exclaimed, "let's head them off!"

"Whatever god is watching over us now," Mandy declared, "it's time for us to race!"

Hannah swallowed hard, and stamped on the pedal. That bus moved faster then than it ever did in its entire life.

As the yellow bus managed to pass the semi, Carol let out an indignant scream. "That other team is passing us!"

"How dare they! Don't they know I'm the king of the road?" Izzy roared.

"Don't you mean 'queen'?" Justin grumbled.

"All the queens in the past were pansies," Izzy shouted. "Hang on to your bras and panties, little girls, because I'm kicking this into overdrive! That means you especially, Justin."

"Bite me, Iz-zaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"

The semi-truck bounced once before racing forward, almost bucking Justin and Carol out of their seats. Owen and Arthur bounced around in the back, with the larger teen eventually landing on top of the smaller one.

"Oh," Arthur groaned from underneath, "just my luck. You just _had_ to land on me."

"Ehehe, sorry," Owen chuckled nervously.

"But you know what really makes me mad, Owen?"

"What's that, Arthur?"

"_THAT YOU WON'T GET OFF ME AFTER YOU ACKNOWLEDGE YOU'RE ON ME!!!_"

"Quiet back there," Izzy shouted on the radio. "Owen, Arthur, don't bounce around back there, or I'll be thrown off-balance!"

"They're gaining on us again," Tyler shouted to Hannah, watching the semi approach from the side.

"Speed forward," Howard cheered.

"God, forgive me for this one," Hannah said, as she pressed down on the gas pedal.

Further up the road, Officers Realbox and Christmas were sulking as she drove. They wouldn't look at each other, and it was finally he who broke the silence.

"Tell you what," Realbox said, "let's not fight, let's just shoot out the tires of any car we see."

"Okay," Christmas said with a relieved sigh. "All right."

They drove for a few seconds, the grudge finally gone, before they were almost knocked to the side. A semi-truck and a small bus rocketed past them, insults being screamed wildly.

Both police officers watched, wide-eyed and jaws gaping, the departing vehicles roar off. Officer Christmas swallowed and whimpered, "This is why I wanted to be a mountie at times."

"Man," Officer Realbox grumbled, "why can't people who speed go a little slower, for the police's sake?!"

* * *

"Drive faster, foolish girl," Mandy was hollering. "If you don't drive faster, I'm gonna yell louder!"

"Pedal to the metal," Tyler shouted. "I'm not sure what that means, but pedal to metal!"

"Drive the bus faster, rah rah rah," Lindsay was cheering, breaking out the pompoms and leaping all around. "Because we ain't, um, 'lasters', rah rah rah!"

"Can't you run over them?" Carol was asking Izzy.

"No, sadly, we had the unfortunate luck of racing one of the bigger cars, one I cannot run over," Izzy exclaimed. "Oh, how I wish I could do that! Unless my Zeke was in it."

"But isn't Heather on his team?" Justin grumbled, holding onto his seat tight.

"Good point. I'll try to run over her side only!"

The wild driving continued, bus banging against semi, semi slamming against bus. Carol and Izzy were casting insults, and Jasmine and Tyler were jousting threats. Only Howard remained calm, leaning back and propping his arms behind his head.

The race's pace carried on to the finishing place: Maclean Stadium. Everyone could hear them approaching long before they were close.

"Damn," Leshawna muttered. "Who'd be crazy enough to drive one of those babies that fast?"

"Well, Izzy _is_ on one of those teams," Gwen pointed out.

"You ever wonder what goes through her head when she does crazy stuff like that?" Katie asked aloud.

"No," Noah said. "I prefer not to delve into what causes insanity."

"I wonder if she does it for the attention?" Crystal asks.

"I'm sure there are better ways," Courtney scoffed, "of getting attention than driving a semi like a nut case."

"One of the more effective ways, though," Belinda said with a soft chuckle.

As if on cue, the two gigantic vehicles came barging in, slamming the side of the stadium. After passing the finish line, the bus came to a full and complete stop; well, so did the bus, just against the stadium wall.

"That was awesome," Alfred shouted, pumping his fists in the air as most others gasped in horror. "Izzy flew through the windshield further than I did! What a lucky girl!"

"IZZY," Ezekiel shouted, heading over to where the redhead had landed. She lay crumpled in a heap, limbs and hair splayed in a messy manner. "Izzy, are you okay?"

"Wow!"

She leapt on the prairie boy, knocking him down and keeping him pinned on the ground. "Did you see that?" she asked, snuggling him. "I flew so far, did you get it all on film? I should buy me a car that doesn't have a windshield so that I get more distance and less cuts!"

"Izzy," Heather shouted, storming up to their side. "Get off of my boyfriend!"

"Boy, there's a phrase no one wants to hear," the redhead said cheerfully, rolling off of Ezekiel. "So, did I win?"

Chef Hatchet, who was pressed against the wall so tightly that he almost became two dimensional, managed to peel himself off. He walked over to Chris, shaking a little, and handed him a photograph.

"Yep," Chris said, joyfully. "The semi was ahead of the bus!"

"Oh rats," Hannah said with a sigh. "That's my fault, I guess."

"You did your best, church girl," Tyler said, patting her back. "No one can find fault in that."

"I can," Jasmine grumbled.

"We won," Owen shouted, jumping out the back with a very disgruntled Arthur. "We did it! Oh, Izzy, you're the best!"

In the process of running to celebrate with Izzy, he stepped right on Ezekiel. Having a 294 pound teenager (he lost three pounds since Total Drama Island) step on you is not a good thing, and even Izzy recognized that. She ran past her boyfriend to look at her injured friend.

"I think he crushed my intestines into a paste, eh," Ezekiel whimpered.

"Owen, you insensitive trampler," Izzy hollered at her boyfriend, "you turned his spleen into paste!"

"Err, sorry."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Tyler** - "Man. You know, I know it's no business of mine, but I don't know why he's dating her."

\He pauses for a second.\ "Wait, which couple was I just thinking about again?"

**Justin** - "You know, I don't know why we let Izzy drive. We should have known a long time ago to never, ever, _ever_ let Izzy drive! I mean, I knew that since the first day I saw her!"

**Owen** - "Being big has its advantages... like when you're trying to make someone's intestines into paste. Well, truth be told, I don't know how that'd be useful. And... hmm, yum... paste."

**Izzy** - "Okay, Owen is, like, my boyfriend and everything, but he's getting to be a little too insensitive. I'm, like, totally sensitive; I managed to hit that wall so that only I was sent flying, right? But he's, like, stampeding over my poor Zeke! I'll have to talk to him about that."

* * *

"You know, I don't understand why all this drama, though it is awesome," Chris Maclean said with a wicked grin. "The bus team didn't place last or second to last."

"What?" all the members of the bus team asked in unison.

"It was reported that Team 9 crashed along the way, and they're being brought in by helicopter," the host explained. "And here comes Team 1 now!"

Sure enough, the pink beetle slowly came into the stadium. It was slow, due to the fact that it wasn't running, but two people were pushing it.

"Damn thing had to break on us again," Yoshi grumbled in frustration, "and right before the finish line too!"

"It looked brand-new," Eva muttered as she helped him push, "why the hell is it so defective?"

"Maybe we hated it too much, appliance karma," he muttered. "Same thing happens with my dad's computer."

"Push harder," Duncan shouted from inside the beetle. "There's a lot of teams here, damn it!"

"Why don't you help us, then?!" Yoshi hollered.

Xander was doing a quick count, and he sighed. "No need. We lost."

"What?" Duncan exclaimed. "What makes you say tha-"

"There are seven vehicles here, I recognize the seven of them too," he said. "We've lost."

Before more questions could be asked, a helicopter flew into the stadium. When it landed, Harold and Rodney happily jumped out. "Well, we lost," Harold said, "but what an awesome ride."

"I never got to ride in a helicopter before," Rodney chirped. "That was fun!"

Cody and Anita were right behind them, but both were distracted when they saw the beetle team. More specifically, the ragged Eva and Yoshi behind it, and Duncan on the side, kicking the crap out of it.

"What's the matter?" Cody asked them as the two approached. "Didja lose?"

"Yep," Eva snarled through clenched teeth. "I cannot believe we pushed it all this way just to..."

She stopped when she saw that Cody's arm was in a sling. "Oh, were you hurt?"

"Yeah, but Anita patched me up. I should be fine."

Eva let out an exasperated sigh. To her, it was a feeling of ultimate loss, both the car contest and the Cody contest. To Cody, he thought she was exhausted, and it sparked care in him for the fitness buff.

"You look really haggard, Eva," he said. "I mean! You still look good, just exhausted! You want a towel or water or something?"

"Please," she said with a raspy voice.

Cody hurried off. Anita watched him depart, then looked at Eva. The muscular girl was staring at Anita, frowning but not glaring.

"You know first-aid?" she asked.

Anita nodded, scowling right back. "You pushed that car the whole way."

"With a little help from Yoshi."

"Oh well, excuse me," said helper grumbled, turning away. The two girls continued to stare at each other, not saying a word, and it suited Yoshi just fine.

"Man, another loss," he said to himself as he leaned against the car, scowling down at his feet. "At this rate, I might as well vote myself off. Duncan, quit kicking the car."

As the punk sulked off, someone held up a water bottle in front of Yoshi's face. He was startled at first, then really surprised when he saw Daisy grinning at him.

"Thirsty?" she asked cheerfully. The warrior teenager nodded slightly before taking it, chugging it down greedily.

"You must really be thirsty," she said, "because wow, you must have been pushing that pink eyesore for some time, because you're really sweaty."

As if this was a trigger, her eyes went wide, she licked her lips, then she looked at him really slyly. "Ooo, you're _really_ sweaty."

Yoshi blinked a couple times.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet, Post Race Recordings)**

**Yoshi** - "What is up with that Daisy girl?"

**Duncan** - "Stupid piece of pink crap."

**Anita** - "I think it was then that I realized that Eva was going to be much more of a threat than I thought. She's strong, she's got confidence, she pushed a car she hated several miles; Cody went and helped her out when he saw she was tired. Therefore, I guess it's time to have a real love triangle here."

**Eva** - "Anita's more than a pretty face and a couple large boobs, I see that now. She knows first-aid, she actually helps people. She's smart and caring, and darn it, she's got the lead on me! But I won't let that discourage me. This is to be an honorable competition between two girls who like one boy. One scrawny, awkward, hormonal boy... who just happens to be real cute too."

\She smiles a little, then lets out an exasperated sigh.\ "Man, am I glad these things are private. If anyone heard me saying them, I'd never live it down."

* * *

The trophy ceremony came in a few hours, after a small party hosted by Geoff. The crowd roared in approval as Chris Maclean stepped up to his podium, a table covered with gold trophies next to him.

"Well done, racers! Well, most of you," he added slyly. "Today's racing challenge is over, and I have forty-two gold trophies next to me!"

Each trophy had the icon of a Volkswagen Beetle on it, so most of the contestants weren't too keen on getting one.

"I'll be handing out these to all the winning teams," the host continued, "then we'll see the top three moments of this show."

Called out one by one, the contestants of the winning teams received their trophies. Some angrily scratched at the beetle car on the trophy, as if to remove the eyesore.

"And now," Chris said as the large plasma screens rose up from the trapdoor on the stadium floor, "we present the top three moments of that race, now shown to the viewing world for the first time."

Number three was Yoshi and Eva accidentally pushing the pink bug (with Duncan and Xander still in it) over the dip. Number two was Clive and Noah screaming hysterically in the back seat of the race car.

The number one clip had some fancy editing done by Chris. It was when Hannah saved Mandy from falling off the cliff; however, the clip didn't contain any of the Christian girl saving the cultist. It just contained Mandy falling on her and lying on her.

The audience and several cast members were soon churning out the catcalls, wolf-whistles, and other jeers. Hannah turned bright red and hid her face behind her trophy. Mandy quivered with rage.

"Haha, now there's an interesting sight," Chris cackled. "Well, Hannah, guess you were able to actually do something good this challenge; didn't have any faith in you to begin with. Ha! Get it? Faith, you, hehehe-"

A flash of gold whizzed by some of the contestants, and clobbered the host right in the head. Mandy clenched her throwing hand as the host fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

"_You stupid, foolish, heretic fool,_" she roared, "she saved my life! How dare you mock her?!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Post Race Record... wait, still?)**

**Daisy** - "Hey. Hannah, Mandy, if you are that way, I think it's cool. Got a few girls on my lacrosse team like that... you know what they say about lacrosse gals." \She cackles, then looks at the camera nervously.\ "Um, not me, though."

**Lindsay** - "Wait, when did that happen? I don't remember any cuddling between Panda and Banana... I thought only myself and Tyler were."

**Sebastian** - "You know, I quite enjoy it when Chris Maclean gets hurt."

**Arthur** - "More people should throw things at Chris' head."

* * *

"Okay then," Chris said with an unsteady voice, pulling himself up and shaking his head, "it's time to see which of you eight lost the game for good!"

Rodney gripped his helmet and pulled it down, whimpering. Duncan cracked his knuckles. Anita and Eva exchanged serious glances. Harold sighed and drummed his fingers together.

"The first trophies," Chris said, slowly as to build tension, "go to...

...

...

...

...

...

"Xander, Yoshi, and Rodney!"

The three boys claimed their trophies happily, and Yoshi immediately snapped off the beetle icon on his trophy. "Take that, you pink piece of crap," he grumbled as he tossed it away (accidentally hitting Owen on the head with it).

"That takes care of those who didn't get any votes," Chris said. "Now onto our next saved contestants...

...

...

...

...

...

"Cody, Anita, and Eva!"

The three caught the trophies thrown to them. Glances were exchanged among them, and they all looked rather off-put; all three of them were pretty sure that Chris planned these three to be given at once.

"So that leaves you two," Chris exclaimed, pointing to Duncan and Harold. "Ah yes, the punk and the nerd!"

"Yep, nerd is right," Duncan remarked. Harold stuck his fingers up his nose at him, Duncan gave him a rude hand gesture, the nerd wiggled his fingers under his chin, and the punk mouthed a few bad words.

"Now now, settle down," Chris said. "One of you in this longtime rivalry is gonna be leaving."

"I thought it was going all right between them," DJ asked his nearby friends.

"Well, after that business with Harold and Courtney, he and Duncan never really made up," Geoff explained.

"I see. Too bad. But now..."

They all looked over to Harold and Duncan. The nerd swallowed hard and straightened his shirt collar. The punk snarled and wrung his hands, cracking the last of his knuckles.

"And so, the final marshmallow... I mean trophy... goes to...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"Harold."

The nerd gasped, then laughed as he caught the last trophy. He let out a happy sigh, which was cut off by angry shouting.

"Oh, come _on_," Duncan shouted, clenching his fists. "I'm going now? This soon into the game?"

"Yep," Chris Maclean said, with all the joy and sadism that made Duncan want to punch him in the face. The punk snarled, almost feral-like, and kicked at the ground.

"God damn it all to \**whoa, censored**\ hell," he shouted. "Fine then, I'm off. Courtney, love ya, babe."

He gave her a wave over his shoulder, too pissed to show any affection. The CIT, who had been clutching her face, let out a devastated sigh, and waved back. Duncan waited for the bus to come up, and winced when he saw the rusty, dented bus.

"Hell, I'd prefer the pink beetle at this point," he muttered. Then the doors opened, and he actually meant what he said: Chef Hatchet was sitting in the driver's seat, dressed like a sexy _female_ bus driver.

"All aboard," he growled, tipping his hat to Duncan.

"Oh _hell_ no," Duncan shouted. "It's bad enough I'm being the second one voted off this show, but I'm not going to have him be my driver!"

"What do you," Chef started, but he screamed as Duncan barreled into the bus (a rather girly scream too). The bus rocked as two of the toughest members fought for domination. And in the end, a bruised and bloody Hatchet was thrown from the bus.

"That's right people," Duncan shouted, wearing a wide grin and Hatchet's hat, "this is Duncan's Punk Bus now! And I'm gonna drive it here at the end of every competition to pick up the next loser!

"Courtney babe," he called out, "I'd better not see you coming on this bus anytime soon!"

"Duncan, you ape," she exclaimed, looking furious, "don't go back to being a criminal, you-"

She was cut off when the doors slid shut, and the engine revved. Someone was shouting in the back, and the perceptive ones recognized the voice as Sandra. "You are not driving this bus, you creep," she was shrieking.

"Stuff it, gum girl," he shouted back, then let out a wild shouted and gunned the bus. Sandra's wailing banshee-like shriek bounced and weaved as the bus did.

"Later, bitches," was Duncan's last shout-out.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - The bus has a new driver now!)**

**Carol** - "Yes! With that criminal gone, I don't have to be like a parole officer! And no more people joking about that I have a crush on him! Ha! Time for the officer to dominate this competition!"

**Sakaki** - "If he's driving the bus..." \She very nervously pokes her fingers together.\ "I really don't want to be voted off now."

**Xander** - "That's an awful shame. I really think Duncan staying would have been better... but man, now whenever that bus comes rolling in, we know who'll be rocking it.

"Seems a lot safer than the duck and raccoon driving too."

* * *

**(Room 4 - Daisy, DJ, Eva)**

"Well, there seems to be a lack of punk in our room now," Daisy said as she sat down on her bed. "What a shame."

"Whatever," Eva grumbled. "I haven't liked that guy since he and his girlfriend went around voting people off last season."

"I hope Courtney will be okay," DJ said softly as he stroked Bunny's fur.

"Oh, she'll be fine. As long as she has a chance of winning, she's good," Eva muttered. "She'll only be really upset when she gets voted off."

"What a wonderfully cruel thing to say," Daisy said, chuckling. "Say, you guys? You think Yoshi likes me?"

"I'm not staying up late playing 'does he like me' game?" Eva grumbled.

"Fair enough, sweetheart," Daisy said, batting at her bangs. "But you know, I hope you get to be on Cody's team next."

Eva sighed. "Oh God. Please go to sleep."

"Make me!"

"I'll make you eat those words!"

"Bring it on!"

* * *

Outside of the room, it sounded like World War 2 to the passing Joel. There were explosions (pillows bursting on impact), roars (Eva), screams of terror (DJ), and hysterical laughter (Daisy). He sighed and shook his head as he continued to the restrooms.

He stopped walking when he noticed Hannah talking to Belinda. The clairvoyant girl was saying good-bye, as she walked off, she passed Mandy. The cultist girl was staring at Hannah, wringing her hands and nervously stroking her tattoo.

"_Must be a thinking habit,_" he thought to himself as he watched her trace the outline of the star.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Who cares about them? Where's Duncan?!)**

**Mandy** - "Look, I'm gonna come right out and say it: I was a real witch to Hannah, witch with a capital 'W'. I wanted her to take the blame when we lost, and get voted off, because I've been told that Christians are mean and condescending and they don't tolerate anything different than how they think..."

\She scratches her head.\ "But she was like... the most patient person there! She's the only one who isn't any of those things! So... I decided to leave my pride behind, though showing weakness isn't a good thing, because Azathoth is always watching... but he's a jerk of an Old God! I don't like him, bleah!"

* * *

"Oh, hello, Mandy," Hannah said, waving at the cultist girl. "Hope you have a good night sleep."

"Wait wait wait," Mandy exclaimed. She ran over to Hannah, paused for a second, then hugged her.

"I'm sorry," she said, halfway to tears, "I'm sorry I was such a mean, wicked, sinister cultist girl on the bus ride today!"

"Hey hey, it's all good," Hannah said, patting her back.

"But I'm evil and mean and unforgiving," she continued. "And you saved my life... so... thank you and all that."

"It's fine."

After blubbering a few more words, including a promise to put in a good word to Cthulhu, Mandy walked off to her room. Hannah smiled at her as she departed, then felt like someone was watching her. She turned to see Joel was beaming at her.

"Awfully nice of you," he said. "She probably thinks of you as her savior now, but she wouldn't like to use that word."

" 'Savior'?" Hannah asked. She tried to think of how Chris's edited clip could give off that image.

Joel pulled out an iPhone from his jumpsuit's breast pocket. He pushed a few buttons and brought up a video, showing it to Hannah. She was surprised to see footage of herself pulling Mandy up from the cliff.

"How'd you get this?"

"Hacked into the unedited footage, and pulled this out. Kind of mean to him to censor out the part where you saved her life."

"Well, that doesn't make news," Hannah said, shyly tucking her hair. "You know how the news is. Gossip and scandals make news, nice stuff doesn't."

"Ah, so true," Joel said, spinning his phone on the corner, from the tip of his finger. As he pocketed it, he added, "Well, good night, Hannah."

"Good night, and God bless. That is, if you don't mind me saying so?"

"No mind at all. In fact, I think it's silly you have to ask that."

She shrugged and said, "Well, you never know."

Joel walked off, hands in his pockets. He sang a little song under his breath, "_Can't you see I love my pancreas / golly gee, I love my pancreas-_"

"Not bad, Joel."

He stopped when saw the owner of the voice, Belinda, was looking right at him. "Well, if I had been nicer, I would have made sure everyone knew."

"One step at a time, my inventing friend," she said, battering her bangs with a stray finger. "You've made a good impression so far. Just remember no guy ever got the girl unless he was a little forward.

"Even if God may be watching over her," she teased. "And her parents are watching too, that's the actual all-powerful wrath you'll have to watch out for."

"Oh yeah."

As the two continued to chat, Bridgette left her room to get a drink of water, when she Harold practically running out of his room. "Harold, everything okay?" she asked after he ran into the opposite wall.

"Well, last night, Izzy and Heather were arguing, and they used pillows," he explained, "tonight, they're using chairs. Gosh, I'm lucky I got of there without being seriously hurt."

"I'll say. They've been arguing a lot, haven't they?" Bridgette said, looking at the door to Harold's room (it sounded like World War 3 in there, because the noise was unreal).

"Mostly about Ezekiel," Harold said. "What a lucky guy, he's got girls fighting over him. Hard to imagine during TDI, he was voted off first."

"You were his only friend, if I recall," Bridgette said, smiling at him. "You are a real sweetheart, Harold."

He blushed very slightly, and shrugged. "Aw well, niceness is something we were taught in Possum Scouts. There's no badge for it, but I could make one."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - We want more Duncan!)**

**Bridgette** - "It's not like I'm considering being in love with Harold, he's just a sweet guy. A little arrogant about his mad skills," \she giggles at using those words\ "but a nice guy overall. Crystal is funny with her fanon pairing couples."

**Hannah** - "This show is full of interesting people, and I think most of them are really good folk. Sure, a few of them are giving me a hard time, Chris Maclean included, but I think I will enjoy myself. Just gotta keep the faith." \She laughs, then imitates the host.\ "Faith, you, get it. Hehe."

**Belinda** - "How did I know Joel liked Hannah? Three simple clues. One, he was looking at her when the cameras weren't looking at him. Two, she's pure as snow, and he's dirty as soot; just on the outside, I kid. Third, I watched enough of the second season to know what type of gal he would like."

**Joel** - "Yep, I like Hannah. Think that's weird? Hey, sometimes one doesn't even know why your heart goes the way it does. But you know, pairing was something I thought I would avoid. I mean, I'm the inventor guy; I learned a long time ago I'm not the kind of guy girls dream about."

\He shrugs, then takes out his iPhone.\ "Maybe I'm just a dork... but I'd like to make this my wallpaper, of her being someone's guardian angel."

* * *

**(Meanwhile, at a car shop, somewhere near Maclean Stadium)**

Duncan shook a can of spray paint, and began to design. "My mark's gonna be all over this baby. See, I painted the sides black and the roof green to fit my hair. What do you think, gum girl?"

The sounds of puking could be heard nearby, and he rolled his eyes. "Oh c'mon, I wasn't driving that fast."

"Stupid... criminal," she moaned between vomits, "did you learn to... hurk... drive when fleeing from the cops?"

"My parents were cops, so I drove like them," he replied, then he thought to himself, "_Weird. That's the first time I bragged about my parents' job. Huh, maybe I'm losing my touch._"

He spray painted more skulls on the bus: ones with D+C in them, ones with blood splatters, snakes coming out of their eyes, one wearing a straw hat, and one big one on the front with the letters 'Run faster' on the forehead.

Duncan stepped back and grinned. "Yeah, baby. This is what I'm talking about. Maybe getting voted off isn't so bad if I get to keep this killer bus."

* * *

**(Voting Confessionals)**

**Duncan** - "I'm voting for Harold. That nerd and I may have a moment or two, but he's still not my favorite guy. Sure, I'm mad at Eva and all, but I want her on my team in case I have to lift a house or something."

**Eva** - \arms crossed\ "I vote for Anita."

**Anita** - \hands on her hips\ "I vote for Eva."

**Xander** - "I mean no offense, but I'm gonna vote for Cody. I like the guy, so this is more of a throwaway vote. Just cannot think of who I would vote off."

**Cody** - "I'm voting for Duncan, mostly because of TDC and all. That wasn't a fun season for me... except for near the end, when I got to see Izzy's boobs..." \He gets a little nosebleed, and wipes it away real fast.\

**Rodney** - \poking his fingers together nervously\ "Um, I'm going to vote for Harold. I know it's not really his fault, but he was driving when we crashed. Though it was kind of my fault... or not... or maybe, I dunno."

**Harold** - "I'm voting for Duncan, because I'd like to get rid of him before he starts putting peanut butter in my clothing... and my shoes... and my bed... and on my glasses... and other places." \He groans.\ "Thinking about it makes me wanna vote for that idiot more."

**Yoshi** - "I'm voting for Duncan, because he _didn't_ have a license. And he didn't help push... and he kicked the crap out of the car during and after the challenge. Yeeesh.

"Speaking of which..." \he taps his chin\ "I've heard they're scrapping both the jeep and the pink beetle, making them into one car. Pink jeep... bleah."

* * *

**(Couple days later.)**

Yoshi picked up a newspaper and read the article on the front as he ate breakfast. "So some girl named Lauren won the pink jeep? Eww." **[1]**

**

* * *

**

--

--

--

**Votes**:

**Duncan** - Harold

**Eva** - Anita

**Yoshi** - Duncan

**Xander** - Cody

**Cody** - Duncan

**Anita** - Eva

**Rodney** - Harold

**Harold** - Duncan

--

Duncan - 3

Harold - 2

Cody - 1

Anita - 1

Eva - 1

--

**Voted Off List** - Sandra, Duncan.

* * *

**[1]** - A girl named Lauren owning a pink jeep only if are watching _Stoked_, and also paying close attention. Booyah, I made a reference to it before anyone else did!

* * *

**Next Up:** Metal Gear Solid 5: Well Not Really, But It Should Be Fun.


	9. Ch 3, Pt 1: There Will Be Paint

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. Anyone trying to steal my characters will be used by Mandy as sacrifices to Cthulhu, buahaha.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - So the hybrid wins the vote for the most desired vehicle. My brother would appreciate you all.

I'm glad you all loved the incompetent police officers. It's been asked numerous times if they're based off someone. Truthfully, some of the jokes were "lifted" from MST3K; their names are also puns. The pun behind Officer Christmas will be revealed soon, and Officer Realbox is a word pun if pronounced in a certain way. ("Off-a-cereal-box.")

And also, I know it took a long time, but you all ask way too much when the next chapter is up. Sorry, but I don't have a set time for chapters these days.

And also also, there is a new poll!

* * *

**Chapter 9** - Laughing Octopus-Izzy

* * *

--

--

--

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - To clean up after breakfast.)**

**Chris Maclean** - "We thought you all may want to look into the lives of the contestants, see how they're getting along. Or, hopefully for the sake of ratings and awesomeness, how they're not getting along!"

* * *

**(Room 1 - Alfred, Anita, Arthur, Belinda)**

The four weren't in their room, but in one of the massive bathrooms. They had it all to themselves currently, and were preparing for the new day.

Anita was busy brushing her teeth. Arthur was gargling mouthwash. Belinda was brushing her hair. Alfred was doing some form of morning exercise that looked more like an epileptic fit.

"Another challenge today, hoorah," the hyper teenager cheered. "This one is gonna be awesome, I can tell."

"Wish I had your gusto," Arthur grumbled. "Last challenge, I sat in the back of a semi and was crushed by Owen."

"Least you didn't make any enemies," Anita said, smiling at him.

"No, but I still got the taste in my mouth," he said as he worked on his fourth mouthful of mouthwash. When he sat it out, he added, "Damn it, doesn't that guy know how noxious his own fumes are?"

"I think even if he did," Belinda said as she continued to brush her hair, "he wouldn't be in a position to change."

"Is this another prediction of yours, Belinda?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"No, but I can give you a few, should you want."

"Ooo, that sounds exciting," Anita said, grinning anxiously. "What are they, hon?"

"I predict that half of us will be on one team, the other two on the other," Belinda said as she put down the brush and picked up a comb. "I also predict that today, Chris will bring back an old rivalry."

Arthur blinked at this, looking more interested now. "Gwen and Heather?"

"Courtney and Harold?" Anita asked.

Alfred, who was studying some notes he had written down, looked up and asked, "Lindsay and DJ? If I'm thinking of the right two?"

"No, something else," Belinda said as she combed her hair. "Also, I think it's time for someone to unleash a lot of potential."

"Really, who?" Alfred asked. "Ooo, me, maybe?"

"If you want, but I'm thinking of someone else." 

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Me, maybe?)**

**Arthur** - "So how exactly does she do that, I wonder? Be nice to have someone like that for when you want to win the lottery. Plus, she's cute; wonder why she wears a sweater jacket, it'd be much nicer if she wore something with a low neckline, like Jean Gray."

\He grins, then blinks.\ "N-Not that I read the X-Men. Not that I know which one is the psychic... I'm not into that kind of nerdy stuff."

* * *

**(Room 2 - Beth, Bridgette, Carol, Clive)**

"Wake up, it's a bright new shiny day!"

"The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and the crowd is cheering!"

"We're gonna have fun! Loads of fun!"

The three girls had linked arms and started dancing, while Clive grabbed his pillow and covered his head with it.

"Just kill me," he groaned. "I'd rather do that than face three morning people. Or just morning."

"Morning depresses you?" Beth asked.

"It's a sign of a whole 'nother day just waiting to bring bad news and let you down."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Depressing, maybe?)**

**Beth** - "He should really be a bit more happy. Mornings are when the sun come out, and shine love and beauty over everything! Mornings don't have a mean bone in their body!"

* * *

**(Room 3 - Cody, Colin, Courtney, Crystal)**

"Well, this isn't a bad morning," Crystal said as she rearranged her cravat. "I managed to get some real decent sleep for once, eh wot?"

"Yes, um, what eh? Eh... yes," Cody tried to reply, and nervously looked away.

"Today could be a big day for you, young chap," she continued, grinning at him. "If you are on the same team as Eva or Anita, be sure to be a gentleman!"

"Just don't let them distract you from the challenge," Courtney instructed him. "If you blow the challenge when I'm on your team, I won't forgive you."

Cody swallowed and nodded. Desperate to change the conversation, he asked, "So um, where is Colin?"

"Locked in another closet."

"Who did that?"

Courtney's smug smirk and a flip of her hair as she left the room spoke volumes to Cody and Crystal.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - She did it, maybe?)**

**Cody** - "Wow. She suddenly became extremely dangerous." \He grins.\ "That's hot."

* * *

**(Room 4 - Daisy, DJ, Eva)**

DJ awoke under a mass of feathers and torn fabric. The pillow fight that Daisy and Eva had left the room looking as if several, very feathery birds had exploded there last night. DJ coughed, a few feathers fluttering from his mouth.

He surveyed the carnage, estimating how long it would take them to clean this up. Eva and Daisy were asleep in their beds, worn out but with smiles on their snoozing faces. The two had fought a good fight, and were now sleeping off the adrenaline surges.

"Those poor birds," DJ found himself saying aloud as he twirled a feather in his hand.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Fowl play, maybe?)**

**DJ** - "I sometimes wonder what causes girls like those two be so aggressive. Or anyone to be aggressive. Why can't we all just be non-aggressive, it would make the world a far more nicer place to live in!"

**Duncan** - \wearing a bus driver's hat\ "They seem to be getting along just fine without me. I wonder when Eva will get off the pot and go after Cody."

**Chris Maclean** - \knocking on the door\ "Duncan? Are you in there? We voted you off, you escape artist you!"

**Duncan** - "Uh-oh, been caught! Gotta run!"

* * *

**(Room 5 - Ezekiel, Geoff, Gwen, Hannah)**

Gwen woke up and licked her hand, using it to smooth out the stray hairs. With a snort and a smack of her lips, she stood up and stretched.

"Well, time to go make an utter fool of myself," she uttered as she scratched her stomach. "Why did I ever sign up for this show?"

"It's not so bad, eh," Ezekiel, from across the room, said with a smile. "You got a boyfriend 'oot of it, didn't you?"

Gwen raised an eyebrow. "And the most venomous rival I've ever encountered in my life. Oh yeah, you're dating her."

Grabbing her gothic clothes, she left the room and slammed the room rather harshly. Geoff, who had been lying down but not asleep, sat up after the door slam. "Whoa," he commented, "harshness."

"Gwen just needs a little time, is all," Hannah said as she put on her necklace. "To err is human, to forgive is divine."

"That's deep, dudette," Geoff mused. "Who said that?"

"I did, just now."

Hannah and Ezekiel shared a laugh, while Geoff scratched his head. "No seriously," he asked, "who said that?" 

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Fowl play, maybe?)**

**Gwen** - \smoothes out her hair again with a lick of spit\ "What can I say? I'm not a morning person."

**Geoff** - "Gwen needs to chill a little. Maybe I should do some sprucing up of the room, make it more like a party!"

* * *

**(Room 6 - Harold, Heather, Howard, Izzy)**

"I think I'm going to call you Angel Drawers," Izzy said to Heather. "It would make it easier to see you in a positive light."

"Don't call me that!"

"Pussycat?"

"No!"

"Heather Feather?"

"Hell no!"

Heather, carrying her expensive clothing in her arms, stormed out of the room and slammed the door. Izzy blinked, then looked at the two boys. "Was it something I said?"

"I dunno, Baby Cakes," Howard said with a grin.

"Don't call me Baby Cakes," the redhead exclaimed, grabbing some random clothes and walking out of the room with her nose turned up.

"I thought she would be okay with that," Howard said to Harold.

"Beats me, Tiger."

"Don't call me Tiger," Howard shouted, storming out of the room as well.

Harold adjusted his glasses, and smirked to himself. "Can dish it out, but cannot take it, huh?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Sugar Booger, maybe?)**

**Harold** - "As someone who has mastered the art of romantic talk, I can tell what types of girls like to be told what. Leshawna loves to hear how big her booty looks in dresses, Gwen would love it if you said she looked like ivory, and Izzy would probably appreciate you saying she was especially eccentric today."

* * *

**(Room 7 - Jasmine, Joel, Justin, Katie)**

"Guys, we really need to discuss the photos," Joel said to his roommates. "They are not only all over the place, but they are multiplying."

"What do you mean?" Katie asked.

"You used to only have Sadie up there, Katie. Now you have Noah all over the place."

"That's distressing me too," Justin says. "I can see his judgmental eyes following me."

"He does have a stern look," Jasmine said. "Noah would make a big villain, a diabolical one too. He certainly has that Igor look."

Joel mentally debated if Jasmine actually meant Shakespeare's villain, or Dr. Frankenstein's assistant. Katie chuckled good-naturedly and waved her hand. "Oh, you two are so silly," she cooed. "I just don't want Noah to get jealous, but it's so hard to get good photos of him, because he hates the camera."

"That explains why he's frowning in most of them," Justin said, poking one of the photos. "He should smile more, considering how close you're clinging to him."

Jasmine chuckled. "Yeah, and in some of these, he's got Sadie hugging him too. Noah sandwich, eh?"

Justin laughed, then flipped his hair. "I think he should smile more, like this, see?" he said as he beamed. Katie and Jasmine swooned, the actress falling to the floor.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Smile, maybe?)**

**Katie** - "Noah hates the camera, so I didn't have many photos of him when I started off. So now I have a ton more, and ones with Sadie too! Though Justin is right, he should smile more often."

**Justin** - "My photo collection grows every episode. My agent makes sure to get more from every episode, so I'm aiming for quite a lot. I also got some of Beth, she looks darling on the walls."

**Jasmine** - "The publicity on this show rocks! I mean, I'm on TV and am showing off my talents! Even if I lose this show, I'll go really far now; those fifty audition tapes were worth it!"

* * *

**(Room 8 - Leshawna, Lindsay, Mandy, Noah)**

"What did I say about painting, white girl?"

"It's only a little!"

"Eww, is that blood?"

"It's blood-red, if you will. It's hard to find real blood, blonde; you go into any store and ask for blood, they think you're a real weirdo!"

Leshawna stood there, her hands on her hips. "Don't change the subject, you voodoo girl!"

"I don't do that," Mandy shouted. "But Hue does."

"Hue what?" Lindsay asked.

"Voodoo."

"Who do?"

"Hue do voodoo!"

"Will you not do that?" Leshawna shouted.

"But who's Hue?" Lindsay asked.

"Hue from school back hoo'm."

"What's Hue got to do with voodoo."

"Voodoo, you boob!"

Noah walked into the room during this conversation. He listened to a couple more sentences, then walked out.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Voodoo, maybe?)**

**Leshawna** - "That girl ain't right in the head. She paints on the walls, she keeps rats, she keeps her hair in a strange way; it's like she's a homeless person who rants about nonsense."

* * *

**(Room 9 - Owen, Rodney, Sadie, Sakaki)**

"Are you going to eat that?" Owen asked Rodney.

"But Owen, this is my toothpaste," the prodigy child pointed out.

"I'm not picky!"

With those words, he took the tube of toothpaste from Rodney and downed half of it. He walked of the room with foam dripping from his mouth, saying, "Hmmm, minty!"

Rodney made a face while Sadie shook her head. "I suppose he'll want to slurp down your floss too," she remarked.

"You have floss?" Sakaki asked, looking at Rodney.

"Yeah, but it's cinnamon-flavored. I wonder if that'll be okay for Owen."

"I think he's into spicy stuff," Sadie said.

"I think he's into everything edible," Sakaki remarked, giggling.

The three shared a laugh, then Sakaki realized she talking to other people. She blushed bright red, and ran from the room. Sadie and Rodney noticed this, and the young boy gasped.

"She's still in her pajamas," he shouted, then grabbed the change of clothes that Sakaki had prepared. "Wait, Sakaki, you forgot your clothes!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Morning fuss, maybe?)**

**Sadie** - "Rodney's wonderful. If I had done that, I know my siblings would have locked the door to prevent me from coming in. That's why Katie and I usually stay at her house, because she doesn't have any siblings around."

**Sakaki** - \normally dressed now\ "I... I really... I really don't do well when with other people. Though... today was the first day I actually did joke around with other people. But still... I just don't know."

* * *

**(Room 10 - Sebastian, Trent, Tyler)**

Tyler yawned and stepped out of his bed. His foot landed in something squishy, but he paid it no mind. He waded through ankle-high, discarded clothing, and headed for his dresser. "Morning, dudes," he said, throwing clothing on the ground, a few Hawaiian shirts on the floor.

"Morning, comrades," Sebastian said as he got out of bed, kicking a pizza box out of the way. "Might want to hurry up and get dressed, get to the cafeteria before Chef makes it there."

"Right, just one thing," Trent started to ask, rubbing his sleepy eyes. "Which wall has the door?'

"I can't remember," Tyler said, looking around the room. "Stuff is stacked so high. How'd it get so high?"

"I'm living in it, remember?" Sebastian reminded him, then his toe stubbed on something and hissed in pain. "Ack! Oh, Trent? I found your second trophy."

"Oh good, I was looking for that."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Clean your room, maybe?)**

**Trent** - "Ever since Sandra moved out of the room, the place has been steadily getting worse. And yet, I seem to be perfectly okay with that. I guess since I'd love to work in a garage, fixing motorcycles in my spare time, I am okay with a mess."

**Tyler** - \looking down at his feet\ "Man, that stuff I stepped in isn't coming off my feet that well. I wonder what the hell it was?"

* * *

**(Room 11 - Valerie, Xander, Yoshi, Zachary)**

"I am not going to tell you again, white boy! Don't leave your whetting stone next to my stuff!"

"And I'm going to tell you for the last time! Do not call me 'white boy', you hear?"

Zachary was wearing shorts and an undershirt, but he almost naked with how flimsy it was. Yoshi was just wearing boxers, ones that were polka-dotted with swords. This is only being mentioned because the argument looked rather ridiculous, despite them being so furious.

Xander, who was also only in his boxers, stepped in-between the two. He put his hands on their shoulders and pushed them apart. "Look dudes, I've been woken up the past couple days with your bickering. Can you let up?"

"Not until he stops putting his whetting stone near my bed!"

"It seems fitting, since you probably wet the bed!"

"That tears it, white boy!"

The warrior and the whiner swung at each other, but with Xander was holding them back. Limbs smacked against their chests as Yoshi and Zachary tried to strike each other. The rebel was enduring their flailing hands.

This continued for a few seconds until they heard a pained whimper. The three half-naked boys looked up at the source, which was Valerie. The political girl, wearing a bright pink nightie, was watching the three boys struggle. She had her hands over her nose, and blood leaked out in-between her finger, dripping down from her nostrils.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Nosebleed, maybe?)**

**Valerie** - \dabbing her nose with a bloodstained kleenex\ "Thank you, God, for putting me in that room."

**Zachary** - "I really want to smack Yoshi one hard. I could probably knock him out too! But the problem is that he carries that sword around; plus, Valerie spills enough blood on her own part. Maybe she should get the bottom bunk, if being on the top gives her a nosebleed."

* * *

**(In the arena of the Maclean Stadium)**

"Welcome everyone," Chris shouted towards the large audience, "to Total! Drama! Battlegrounds!"

As the people inside the stadium cheered, the host looked over at Belinda and grinned triumphantly. She merely shrugged and looked away, at something (actually, some_one_) more interesting.

"It has come to my attention," Chris Maclean said to the forty-two contestants, while the full audience of the stadium watched, "that you all have been making your own meals, not allowing Chef to cook."

"He doesn't cook," Eva shouted, "he ruins!"

"He burns," Sebastian remarked.

"He blows," Carol cackled.

"That doesn't fit the theme," Izzy whispered to her friend. "You need to play the word-association game better."

"We need you all to be eating disgusting food," Chris continued. "It fits the theme of the show."

"What theme is that?" Gwen asked, scowling at the host. "We're in a stadium. If you want to keep up with that, you need to feed us hot dogs, pizza, soda, and beer every day."

"I think the beer part we can do without," Courtney said, earning an angry glance from Gwen.

Chris tapped his chin, then sighed. "Well, no matter. Guess you're out of a job, Chef Baby."

"Don't call me Chef Baby," Hatchet shouted, then stormed off, grumbling angrily to himself.

"Well campers," Chris Maclean said, "you all might remember how we mentioned a virtual reality system in this competition?"

"Yeah," Cody cheered. "Are we going to do it?"

"That sounds really exciting," Anita gushed. "What will the first VR challenge?"

"Is it gonna be ninjas?" Howard asked, clapping his hands. "Race cars? Spies?"

"How about if we all have mutant powers and fight?" Arthur asked, punching his palm. "Like something from X-Men, we all have unique powers!"

A few contestants looked at him in confusion. He swallowed and added, "Not... that I watch those movies, or read the books. I'm no nerd."

"There is a little nerd in all of us," Belinda said, batting her bangs.

"Nope, we're not doing any of that," Chris Maclean said. "Because the virtual reality machine... is on the fritz."

A very large machine was raised from underneath the arena floor. It was an enormous contraption, complete with fifty chairs around it. A large computer console was on the corner, and four large television screens were on every side at the top. White smoke was lightly billowing from various parts of the machine.

"Vera," Joel screamed, gripping his hair. "In the name of Colossus and the Headhunters, what did you do to her?!"

"I don't know," Chris said with a casual shrug.

"You were playing around with it, weren't you?" the young inventor wailed.

"Um, no I wasn't."

"Yes, you were," Belinda said.

"No, I wasn't!"

"Yeah, you were," Chef Hatchet grumbled.

"Okay, fine, maybe a little."

"I think his ego overloaded the computer system," Harold whispered to Bridgette and Leshawna.

"No matter, no matter," Chris said. "We have a back-up challenge ready for this. If you all will give us a round of applause for the challenge we call, Total Drama Gear: Paintballs of the Popular!"

The audience went wild. Harold cheered loudly and began leaping up and down. Cody clicked his tongue and pointed at Chris approvingly. Xander nodded and cracked his knuckles.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Major rip-off, maybe?)**

**Xander** - "I like this. Everyone knows that Snake is the man."

\He pantomimes taking a drag from a cigarette.\ "Anyone who can be that badass when the majority of the time he crawls on the ground is an inspiration."

* * *

"Let me explain the rules," Chris said, while holding up a bright blue paintball gun, "to Total Drama Gear: Paintballs of the Popular. You may call it TD Gear for short. The forty-two of you will be divided into two large groups, twenty-one on each. The object of the game is to eliminate all the members of the opposing team.

"Joel, can you stand up here for a bit?"

The young inventor grumbled as he moved through the teenagers. "First you break Vera, then you make me the demonstration?" he muttered under his breath, then asked aloud, "Shouldn't I be fixing her?"

"Later, later," Chris said, waving his hand. "Now, Joel and Chef Hatchet are gonna be wearing special suits. Gentlemen?"

The two of them were quick to put on the suits, which looked like body armor that covered their bodies, except their heads and palms. Joel's was bright blue, as were the goggles he put on. Chef's were dark green.

"In TD Gear, your objective is to shoot your opponent's with paintballs. Be sure to hit their armor, like this," Chris instructed the teammates.

He proceeded to shoot Joel multiple times, the inventor crying out with each shot. "Ow! Ow, what the hey?!"

"Now, eventually," the host said, "if a suit takes too much paint on it, it will activate the 'defeated' mode. Basically, your suit will become too heavy, and you'll have to sit or lie down. Also, your paintball gun will deactivate, so you cannot shoot people any more."

Chef Hatchet looked over at the teens. "Don't think that you tough ones there are strong enough to endure the weight. Each suit will make on the approximate weight to keep you down. Joel took all the precautions to make sure none of you were hurt, which I think is playing it too nice."

"Well, I am participating in this challenge," Joel said. "Didn't want to crush myself."

"Now, the game is over when all the members from one team have been defeated or knocked out. Yes, you can knock someone out to win this contest, but we don't recommend it."

"Because of possible concussions?" Rodney asked.

"Because of possible abuse?" Hannah asked.

"Because of possible aggression?" DJ asked.

"No," Chris remarked, shaking his head. "Because of people possibly waking up during the middle of the competition, and complicating things."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Lack of compassion, maybe?)**

**Hannah** - \sarcastic\ "My, how humane."

**Sebastian** - \deadpan\ "Wow, how compassionate."

**Clive** - \brooding\ "What a dickweed."

* * *

"So the trick is to knock out and/or defeat all of your opponents before the time is over," Chris instructed them, "like this!"

He shot Joel several more times, until the suit let out a few beeps. The young inventor grunted as the suit weighted him down, and he fell to his knees. He groaned as landed on his side.

"Oh dear," Hannah declared, and hurried over to his side. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he grunted. "These are the fruits of my labor, after all."

"I guess it's true then," Anita said, startling to giggle, "your children do weigh you down."

"I'd laugh if I wasn't so humiliated," the inventor remarked.

"Now, first, let us raise the Crazed Maze," Chris said, holding up a small remote and pushing a couple buttons on it.

The ground rumbled as the arena floor shifted open, and a large maze of high walls rose up. They couldn't see how complex it was from the outside, but a foreboding sense made all of the competitors quiver a little. In the middle was a raised platform, a pole in the center with wires connecting it to the two sides of the stadium top, one of them the announcer's booth (how that happened since the labyrinth was under the arena floor is beyond everyone's guess).

"You all are going to snoop through here, and you're going to wipe out the opponent's team," Chris Maclean declared. "Now, we're going to announce the teams! And it's gonna be reprisal of one of my favorite competitions from last season!

"That's right, ladies and gentlemen and those who aren't either, we are bringing back nerds versus popular kids!"

The audience went wild (they seem really easy to please) as a lot of the competitors looked at each other. The new contestants all began to wonder who they'd be part of.

"Okay, the freaks and geeks are going to be in bright blue, and the popular kids are in dark green," Chris said, "nerds to the left, popular kids to the right. Old cast members from last season, you remember what side you were on, right? So go to the side you were!"

The twenty-one veterans divided up, with Ezekiel and Heather, and Gwen and Trent having to part ways. The only one confused was Owen, who looked between the two teams.

"Err, I wasn't on the show anymore when it came down to that," he admitted. "Which side am I on, Chris?"

"You're on the freaks and geeks, of course, my good Owen!"

"Yahoo," Owen pumped his fist into the air, and headed over to the nerd team. He picked up Noah and Eva, squeezing them in a tight hug. "Hello, fellow freaks."

"Don't call me that," Noah growled.

"Never call me that," Eva added.

"And now for the new people," Chris said, pulling a couple note cards from his pocket. "Some of these are really obvious. Anita and Arthur, you're both on the popular team. Clive and Alfred, you're on the nerds."

Anita and Clive went to their respective sides, but Arthur and Alfred didn't; both seemed really confused.

"What are you talking about?" Arthur asked, crossing his arms. "I'm not popular."

"I am," Alfred said, raising his hand as if in class. "I'm one of popular kids at school!"

Chris laughed and waved his hand. "Yeah right, Alfred. C'mon you two, get to your sides."

Arthur grumbled and headed over to his side. Alfred blinked a couple times, then bounded over to the nerds with a big smile on his face; he had no complaints.

"Next for the popular kids are Hannah, Rodney, Valerie, and Daisy. The nerds get Belinda, Mandy, Howard, and Sakaki. Next is..."

He would have continued, but his cell phone started to ring. After he answered it, saying a few short answers, he sighed and hung up. "Okay, a quick change has to be made. Howard, you're with the popular kids, and Hannah is with the freaks."

A few people let out protests, the loudest of them Mandy's. "You evil rotten has-been and nameless person over the phone," she shouted. "How dare you put Hannah with a bunch of freaks like us?!"

"Hey now," Noah protested.

"I'm okay with it," Hannah said, patting the cultist's shoulder.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Sign of protest, maybe?)**

**Mandy** - \furious\ "What in the hells was that? Did someone higher up in the Total Drama company protest to Hannah being with the popular kids? How dare they! Her God will smite them, I hope!"

**Howard** - "Awesome! I get to be with the popular people! Maybe if Belinda had been on my team, I could have made my move. Guess my only way of approaching her will be shooting her.

**Daisy** - \upset\ "Man, that Chris. What a dickweed."

* * *

"Continuing on our teams," Chris said, looking down at his card, "we are going to put Colin, Joel, and Carol on the nerds team. On the popular team will be Crystal, Jasmine, Sebastian, and Xander."

"Yeehaw," Jasmine cheered as she glomped Leshawna. "We're teammates, at long last."

"Oh joy," her friend replied, not as enthused.

Only two members remained: Zachary and Yoshi. Both noted that each team only needed one more member. Chris noticed the two staring each other down as well, and grinned; this would be excellent drama.

"Well then, it's time to announce which of you two will be a nerd, and which will be a popular one," the host said. "And the nerd will be... Yoshi!"

"What?!" the warrior exclaimed.

"Ha! Take that, white boy," Zachary said as he walked over to the popular kids.

Yoshi stood where he was, gnashing his teeth and clenching his fists, trembling with fury.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Anger issues, maybe?)**

**Noah** - "I wish people would stop acting like being a nerd is a bad thing. We invent stuff! If it wasn't for us, you wouldn't have your fancy phones or cars... you wouldn't even have this!" \He taps the camera lens, leaving a smudge on the glass.\

**Bridgette** - "I wish Chris wouldn't cause this kind of strife. I know I'm on the popular team, but I don't like that kind of labeling. I think everyone is cool in their own way, and you know, a good deal of my friends are on the nerdy team."

**Yoshi** - "What the hell was up with that? Zachary with the popular kids and I'm a nerd? He's a punk, with tattoos and long hair, and enough whine to deserve a block of aged cheese. Is this some kind of affirmative action crap or something? Jeez!"

\He sighs, then scoffs.\ "What a dickweed."

* * *

"Now that we have the two teams decided, we're going to pick a leader for each side," Chris said. His grin became even more sadistic, and he added, "For the nerds, why not have Yoshi be the leader? Since he hates being on the team so much!"

Yoshi groaned, then shook his head. "Ugh, fine. Whatever."

"You sure you're up for this?" Beth asked him. "Leadership is a hard thing."

"If I can be a warrior, I can be a warlord," he said, now grinning wickedly. "I'll lead this team, and we'll crush that collection of wannabe popular brats!"

The nerds all burst into loud cheers, pumping their fists into the air and shouting taunts at the other team.

"So who's gonna lead the popular kids?" Mandy asked, punching her palm. "We'll carve his or her heart out, and burn it in honor of the Old Gods!"

"As leader, I forbid any heart carving," Yoshi muttered.

"Well, of the twenty-one people in the popular team, consisting of Tyler, DJ, Geoff, Rodney, Xander, Howard, Bridgette, Courtney, Justin, Valerie, Daisy, Jasmine, Trent, Heather, Lindsay, Crystal, Anita, Zachary, Leshawna, Sebastian, and Arthur, I can only think of one person who should lead..."

"It's got to be me," Courtney said, crossing her arms. "I'm a CIT, the most capable of leading."

"Oh no you don't," Leshawna declared, shaking a finger at Courtney. "You ain't leading, I should!"

"Yeah right," Heather spat out. "You lead? I don't trust that. I'm the one with strategy!"

"You've got to be kidding me, you?" Valerie exclaimed. "You're about as trustful as an injured snake. If anyone's got leading experience, it's me!"

"This is all very pointless to debate," Lindsay said, waving her hand. "Because I've obviously got the brains to lead this, right Trevor?" she asked her boyfriend.

"Like hell," Jasmine said. "You two are just gonna make out! I'm the best for leader around here!"

"Will you all stop pointlessly debating over this?" Chris Maclean exclaimed. "I already have your leader picked! And it is going to be...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"Rodney!"

"What?" Leshawna and Heather asked.

"What?" Courtney and Valerie exclaimed.

"Me?" Rodney squeaked.

"Yes, you," Chris said, clapping his hands. "This is gonna be awesome!"

Rodney let out a nervous chuckle that sounded like someone desperately trying not to scream.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Pressure, maybe?)**

**Lindsay** - "Well, that was unexpected. Little Rocky got to be leader."

**Courtney** - "The... kid? I don't approve that much, but how can I stay mad? It wasn't even his choice. Besides, maybe with this kind of experience, he might become a CIT at his age! After all, he's a high school student!"

**Rodney** - \nervously fretting\ "Well, I am the president of a couple clubs at my school, but I don't know if I have enough experience to lead troops into battle! What do I do if someone gets hurt? Do I have to write home if someone becomes M.I.A?"

**Heather** - "He let us argue when he already had a decision made? What a dickweed."

* * *

"You all will have to go change into your new suits, and I'm sure you'll want your privacy," Chris Maclean said. "Head on over to the changing rooms, and no peeking in on the other gender?"

"We can peek?" Howard asked, earning a slap on the back of his head from Courtney.

"Wow, is it really that easy?" Daisy asked, earning a slap on the back of her head from Leshawna.

The forty-one contestants did as Chris instructed (Joel was still lying on the ground). Some contestants had to change into different clothing, so that the battle armor would not chaff or scratch them.

"So do you think the armor recognizes friendly fire?" Trent asked aloud as he put on his armor.

"Probably not," Geoff said. "Guess that means you just gotta be more careful when shooting, eh?"

"Like hell," Colin said, cracking his knuckles. "There are a few wimpy teammates that I wouldn't mind shooting in the back of the head. And since there is no armor there, there are no consequences, right?"

"Not unless you want to be shot in the face as a restitution," Noah grumbled.

"A 'prostitution'?" Colin repeated wrongly, then scoffed. "What the hell is that word you just used?"

"Retaliation," said Cody.

"Retribution," said Justin.

"Revenge," said Rodney.

Colin snarled at the little kid. "Remind me to shoot you in the face when this competition starts."

Rodney let out a whimper and hid behind Xander, who was putting on his gloves. The rebel cracked his knuckles threateningly at Colin.

"You just try that, buster," he said with a snarl. "I just might break every bone in your body."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Dangerous, maybe?)**

**Colin** - "Sheesh, what is it with people always defending the kid? He's not their kid, he's practically our enemy since this is a contest! People here are stupid."

**Alfred** - "I actually am quite popular at my high school. Guess they love a gonzo American more there than here. Still, I like people of all kinds, and the people here rock. Especially some really cute girls!"

**Owen** - \He proudly thumps his armor.\ "I am now an official member of the nerds! I regretted not being able to participate except to be an intern! Now, I'm giving it my all as a participant!" \He farts.\

* * *

The girls were getting prepared as well. Anita seemed to be anxious to wear the armor.

"Finally, something to cover me up besides this skimpy top," she said to Crystal, as the romantic helped her lace up the armor from behind.

"I still cannot believe they made you wear that tiny top for the sake of ratings," the British girl said.

"Probably the same people who swapped Hannah with Howard," Mandy grumbled. "I wonder if it's some producer's doing."

"Without a doubt," Eva grumbled. "Those morons act like they know everything."

"You know one or two then?" Carol asked as she slipped on her gloves.

"My mom dated one at one point," Eva said. "What an arrogant ass he was. He left with a broken arm at the end of the relationship."

"Was that your mom's doing, or yours?" Katie asked.

"Mine."

"Yay," she and Sadie cheered, hugging Eva. "We love you being on our team! You're going to crush them!"

"Errr, thanks," the fitness buff muttered, squashed between the two excited girls.

As the girls continued to chat, Mandy struggled with her suit. "I cannot get this damned thing on!"

"Here, let me help, hon," Hannah said. "Here, let me lace you from behind."

Mandy let out a sigh, then waited as Hannah did as she suggested. "Aren't you angry," the cultist girl asked her friend, "that they swapped you so abruptly?"

"I don't consider being with the nerds to be an insult," she said. "Also, it gives me a chance to be your teammates again."

"Well... gee, don't you want your God to smite them or something?"

"God doesn't smite His children, Mandy. He loves them, despite their faults."

"He should smite the dickweeds, though." "He stays neutral, because if He stepped in and interfered with our lives, we would not be free."

Mandy sighed. This went against everything she believed in with her religion, but she couldn't get upset at her friend, for this wasn't offensive, just different.

"Here hon, you gotta... oop," Hannah said as she tried to tie up the armor, but her hands slipped and she found herself hugging Mandy around the stomach for support. "Doh, here, I..."

"Ow, ow, my hair's caught in your armor," Mandy whimpered. "Don't pull back!"

"It's okay, it's okay, I can easily free it-"

"Oh. My. God. What are you two doing?"

Hannah and Mandy froze when they saw Jasmine and most of the other girls staring at them. The Christian girl had her arms around the cultist's stomach, and Mandy's head was leaning back against Hannah's shoulder. Both girls realized how awkward it must have looked, and their faces turned pink.

"Um, hello," Hannah said, grinning sheepishly, unable to think of anything else to say.

"This totally isn't what it looks like," Mandy muttered. "Although she is kind of comfortable, minus the fact that my hair is caught."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Awkward, maybe? ... No, no it is.)**

**Daisy** - \She chuckles a couple times before talking.\ "Just like a couple of my lacrosse teammates back home. Man, those two are cute together."

**Carol** - "What on Earth are those two up to? Did they forget we were there? Hehe, what hormone machines!"

**Anita** - "Rather unusual place to start a relationship, but still, if that's what they prefer."

**Crystal** - "Hmm... Religionshipping? Saviorshipping?"

**All Four** - "Umm, wait? Aren't we reading too much into this? Probably."

* * *

**(Back at the the Arena)**

"Okay, you all can discuss battle strategies now," Chris said, once all of the contestants came out changed and ready. "Just be sure to be on your best, because one team is already down a member."

"Wait, what?" Hannah said, trying to brush off her embarrassment. "Which team?"

"The nerds," the host said matter-of-factly, pointing at Joel. "He's already been downed."

"But... but... you shot him, eh," Ezekiel shouted.

"You're the one who weighted him down," Eva roared.

"Isn't it illegal for the host to interfere with the game?" Izzy remarked.

"Rules? What are those?" Chris said, grinning happily. "It's all good."

"No, it's not," the Nerd team roared.

"He'll be happy. He gets to fix Vera now!"

"Why do you call it Vera anyway?" Chef Hatchet asked Joel as the the cook helped unlace and remove Joel's weighted armor.

"Virtual Reality, VR," Joel said as he stood up and shrugged his shoulders. "Anyway, I'll be off fixing it. Good luck, guys!"

As Chef Hatchet watched Joel walk away, something clicked. "Hey, wait just a damn minute, Chris," he hollered. "We had a bet going on! I put money on the nerds, and you took one out before the competition started?"

"Yeah, sorry about that," Chris said, his grin becoming more and more desirable to punch. "I guess since nerds are the underdogs, they'll come up and win like last time.

"Oh no, wait! They didn't," the host cackled, slapping his knee.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Unfair, maybe?)**

**Chef Hatchet** - "A month and a half's pay went into that bet, and now he's disqualifying people on my team before it even starts?"

**Eva** - "I know Chris loves to bend the rules to his will, but this! This is worse than cheating, and I HATE cheaters!"

**Izzy** - "Okay, like, I know my skills from my days of sniping and spying like a professional will come in real handy here, but seriously. Taking out a member of our team like that?"

**Joel** - "So you're telling me that the host can not only bet on the teams participating in the game, but also can tilt the odds in favor of who he put money on?"

**All Four** - "What a dickweed!!"

* * *

**(The Popular Kids)**

"I really don't belong here," Arthur grumbled as he sat down in one of the chairs. "But whatever. What's the plan, fearless leader?"

"Huh? Me?" Rodney asked, looking surprised.

"You were picked, so fire away."

Rodney whimpered, then cleared his throat. "Um... well, hello everyone. My name is Rodney, and... and I'll be your leader today."

"Hi, Rodney," a good deal of the contestants said.

"Do we have a strategy, Rodney?" DJ asked. "Like, how we're going to flank them and such?"

"Could I go with Tyler, please?" Lindsay requested. "He and I work very well together, Robby."

"You just make out together," Leshawna pointed out.

"No, that's what Bertha and Greg do. See?"

She pointed at Geoff and Bridgette, who were indeed making out. Some of the contestants winced, while Crystal cheered and clapped a little.

"We can't have people dating each other go together," Heather snapped. "You people can't get sentimental during a competition like this?"

"I don't recall," Tyler snarled at her, "asking for your opinion!"

"I'm the only one here who can see what needs to be done!" "You're not our leader, though," Sebastian said, correcting his glasses. "Rodney is."

"Are you all seriously going to let a child lead us into combat?" Heather spat out. "Look, he may be smart and all, but he's not a strategist!"

"You don't know that, Heather," said Courtney. "Why don't you let him at least try?"

"What?" the queen bee said, surprised at Courtney lecturing her. "You really have faith in the kid?"

"Why not?" Courtney said, patting Rodney's head. "He could do fine."

"Yeah, little buddy," Geoff exclaimed, breaking his wet kissing from Bridgette. "We got spirit, say it!"

"... Spirit," Rodney whimpered, pumping his little fist in the air like Geoff was.

"Say we got drive!"

"Actually, you should say, 'we have to drive'!"

"Say it, dude!"

"Eep! Um... drive?"

"Yeah, baby," Geoff exclaimed, leaping in the air in excitement. "This little dude's gonna lead us to victory!"

After another whimper, Rodney fastened the chin strap to his helmet (which he was wearing under his equipment helmet). "Well, we need to split people into teams. I think we should have a couple of three-man teams, and one individual on his or her own."

"If we're calling teams," Daisy said, "I want to be with Bridgette!"

The lacrosse player grabbed said surfer's arm and pulled her close. Bridgette was startled at first, as was Geoff. "Well, can I go with those two?" the party animal asked.

"No, Geoff, we cannot have couples go together," Courtney scolded him.

"Aw, c'mon, Courtney," he whined. "I'm sure that Bridgette and I can focus on the game instead of each other."

"No, I said no, and I meant no," she snapped. Bridgette was looking between her and Rodney, and the CIT remembered her place. "Um, if that's okay with you, Rodney?"

"Um, sure," he stammered. "So one team will be Daisy and Bridgette. I think Geoff should be Trent. Heather, you can be with Sebastian."

Heather looked over at Sebastian, hesitant at being with the newcomer. The philosopher noted her with a glance, and shrugged.

"Arthur and Valerie, I think you two should be together," Rodney said.

"Oh God, not the pink one," Arthur grumbled. "You are a cruel sergeant, Rodney."

"Shut up," Valerie growled. "Rodney, I'd rather be with Zachary-"

"I'd rather be with a real brother or a sister," Zachary snapped.

Rodney looked around. "Um, I didn't know you had a sibling."

"No, kid, I want to be with someone like me. Not a white boy or someone else who'll push me into the line of fire."

"Um," Rodney did a quick visual of the remaining contestants. "Would DJ be okay?"

"Fine, whatever. Though he is a chicken."

"I'm not sure I want him as my partner," DJ muttered to Geoff, who nodded in agreement.

Rodney scanned the remaining members of his team. "Leshawna, you and Jasmine know each other, right?"

"Sadly, yes," she said, while Jasmine clapped happily.

"Why don't you two work together? Oh, and take Tyler with you," the prodigy child suggested. "I'm sure he will be good at paintballing!"

"That's right," Tyler cocked his paintball gun. "I've gone paintballing before, and I have excellent sniper skills! I rock at this sport!"

He accidentally pulled the trigger of his gun, and shot himself under his chin. As he groaned in pain, Lindsay tried to comfort him.

"Um, Lindsay," Rodney said over the noise that was Tyler cursing, "would Crystal be an okay partner?"

"Sure, but which one is she?" Lindsay asked, looking at some of the girls. She asked, "Her?" while pointing at Courtney, Bridgette, Jasmine, and Arthur (the last one shouted, "Hey!" in reply).

"No, that's me," Crystal said, waving at Lindsay.

"Oh, the Australian girl."

"I'm British actually, but there you are," she replied with a chuckle. "Bob's your uncle and all that."

"No, my uncle's name is Bill, I'm pretty sure."

Rodney let the two discuss family matters as he faced the others. "Xander, Anita, you two seem to do well together. Would that be okay?"

"Sure thing, hon," Anita said to him, putting a hand on Xander's shoulder. "We're just fine together."

Xander grinned at Rodney and pointing at him approvingly. The boy was confused by this, but carried on. "Courtney, Justin, can you two guard me, please?"

"Sure thing, sweetheart," Courtney said, patting his shoulder. Justin grinned, flipping his hair.

"If any mean girl tries to shoot you, I'll wow them with my looks," the male model assured him.

"How does that work?" Rodney asked, concerned.

To avoid what would probably be a very awkward conversation, Howard spoke up. "Wait, does that mean I'm alone?"

"Yes, is that okay?"

"Well, I kind of wanted to be with a couple girls, ya know?"

"Why?"

"Um," Howard stammered when Rodney cocked his head in confusion, "n-never mind. I'll just snipe people, shoot them in a corner! Yeah, I'll get 'em all good that way!"

"You're going to camp?" Tyler asked, scoffing. "What a noob."

"IT'S A LEGITIMATE STRATEGY," Howard, Zachary, Daisy, and Arthur hollered indignantly.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Enough, maybe?)**

**Chris Maclean** - "I'm sure you all would like to see what the nerds are planning, but we're running out of time here. Next up, we'll show you all what the nerds have planned, and the start TD Gear!"

**Belinda** - "See that? All my predictions came true. And since I'm the nerd team, I'm going to say that..." \she pulls her paintball out from behind her and points it at the camera\ "... that I predict that the popular kids are going down, for the sake of having Chris Maclean lose his bet."

**Ezekiel** - "My friends on the nerd team tell me this is based off a spy video game, something with loads of shooting and explosives, eh. Guess that's why a certain bird was listening in on us."

**Groucho the Duck** - \quacking with English subtitles, holding a large paintball gun\ "My nickname in my regiment was Solid Duck. I eat snakes for breakfast!"

* * *

--

--

--

**So what are the nerds planning, and what groups will they form? Can they overcome such an early loss?**

**How will Rodney and Yoshi measure up as leaders? Which campers will be fair shots?**

**And is camping a legitimate strategy?

* * *

**

**Nerds** - Alfred, Clive, Belinda, Ezekiel, Harold, Katie, Mandy, Hannah, Sakaki, Sadie, Eva, Cody, Colin, Yoshi, Noah, Owen, Izzy, Gwen, Beth, Joel, Carol.

**Popular Kids** - Tyler, DJ, Geoff, Rodney, Xander, Howard, Bridgette, Courtney, Justin, Valerie, Daisy, Jasmine, Trent, Heather, Lindsay, Crystal, Anita, Zachary, Leshawna, Sebastian, Arthur.

--

**Next** - The nerds plan, and the shooting begins! Time to get your gear on!


	10. Ch 3, Pt 2: A Shot in the Back

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. Anyone trying to steal my characters will be used by Mandy as sacrifices to Cthulhu, buahaha.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - Seems like people really want me to continue this story. Well fine, I'll throw away all my other desires and dreams so that I can continue this.

A lot of people have been asking if they could use my characters. You could ask, but for the most part, it's rather soon. You all have barely met these weird people; cameos are fine.

* * *

**Chapter 10** - Raging Raven-Eva

* * *

--

--

--

**(The Nerds)**

"Right, let me get something straight with you all," Yoshi said, unsheathing his sword. He swung it around and pointed it for dramatic effect as he made the following speech.

"I really don't care to lose to the popular kids. I know the nerds last season, but that was a different level of fighting. Bottle rockets, dress-up, insults, and prom night? Baka, I say, baka!

"This is gonna be war, you hear me?" He clenched his fist, and pointed his sword tip at their faces. "I want you all to feel the fire in your hearts, the bloodlust on your mind! I want nineteen warriors by my side in this paintball war, and I want..."

Yoshi stopped when he saw how some of his teammates were acting. He let out a heavy sigh, and muttered, "I want some of you to stop hiding behind others from me."

Sakaki shivered behind Alfred. Beth nervously stepped out from behind Eva, and both Katie and Sadie peeped out from behind Noah (not really hiding that well, just trying). Yoshi shook his head, then pulled something out from his pocket.

"I have here an iPod full of songs by music artists that can all be used in combat, including some video games. If this kind of music cannot get you guys fired up, then do me a favor and shoot yourselves now."

"That's harsh," Noah remarked.

"That's war, bookworm," Yoshi hissed. "If you cannot bring yourself to shoot your opponent, even and especially one that is your friend, then you're just a quick meat shield.

"So that's why I want to pair up people with the killer edge with those who don't have it," Yoshi said, pulling out a small piece of paper which he had scribbled some notes on. "Beth, you're with me for the sheer purpose of balance."

"But I have the killer edge, I do," Beth complained. "I shot Heather so many times in TDI!"

"I doubt you could bring yourself to shoot your popular friends, or your boyfriend, so stick with me! Now then. Katie, Sadie, I want you two together."

"Can Noah be with us?" Katie asked, hopeful.

"Of course not. I don't want couples together, they cannot focus."

"Those two together don't exactly have a killer urge between them," Gwen said, pointing to Katie and Sadie.

"True, but they'll be useless if separated, so it's too bad," Yoshi replied with a shrug. "And Gwen, you're going to be with Ezekiel. Sakaki, you're with Alfred. Cody, you're-"

"He's with me," Eva shouted, grabbing Cody's arm and yanking him to her. Several people giggled until Eva glared at them.

"Yes, that's what I had planned from the start," Yoshi remarked.

"Well, screw your plans, we're doing it because I said so!"

"You're the sorest winner I know," he grumbled. "Okay. Mandy, Hannah, Izzy, I want you three to be together."

Mandy and Izzy both grabbed Hannah's shoulders and cheered. Yoshi gave them a stern look and said, "I don't care if you're Christian, Jewish, cultist, atheist, or if you worship some guy whose name is Greg. I want you three to get along and shoot those heathens."

"Can do," Hannah assured him.

"With pleasure," Izzy said with a wicked grin.

"They'll pay, oh how they'll pay," Mandy cackled.

"Yes, lovely," Yoshi added. "Now, Colin and Owen together. You two will be together."

"Why?" Gwen whispered to him as Colin looked at the bigger teen with disgust.

"Because he's the only person Colin cannot intimidate, and it's likely Owen will get scared and push him towards the enemy. The goth girl couldn't help but grin. "I like that thinking."

"Now then," the warrior continued, "Noah, Clive, and Belinda, you three are together. I want you two to make sure Clive doesn't shoot himself."

"How morbid," Belinda said while Noah nodded. The bookworm seemed to take this very seriously.

"Right. Should we even give him a gun?" he asked Yoshi.

"Of course we're giving him a gun, how else can he fight?"

"Meat shield."

"No, that'd be Owen's blubber," Colin remarked, pointing at his partner.

"Possibly," the larger teen stated happily. "But I get a gun, right? I won't shoot myself like the emo would."

"I think we should just shoot the emo! He'd be sulking in a corner like the emo he is."

"Don't be ridiculous," Noah chastised Colin. "If we shoot him now, I cannot have him keep watch behind me."

"You have the psychic on your team," Mandy pointed out. "If you have her, you don't really need the emo."

"I'm standing right here," Clive grumbled, startling them, "listening to everything you're saying."

"You all are being rather insensitive," Belinda said, holding up her paintball gun. "How about I shoot the next person who makes a rude comment?"

She was looking directly at Colin, who hid behind Owen, using him as a meat shield for the first time this day. Yoshi rolled his eyes, and shook his head.

"Does that mean Harold and I are together?" Carol asked. "We're the last two."

"Actually, can you two be lone snipers?" the warrior requested. "I think you two would be suited for that job."

"I am best at being a lone wolf, an assassin alone across the enemy line," Harold said, grinning. Carol nodded eagerly, and punched her palm.

"A lone cop, sweeping the streets of the scum of society," she said, leaping slightly in excitement.

"A lone samurai, cutting down hordes of snipers and ninjas!"

"A lone agent, tracking down the mafia and criminal elements in the city."

"We get how lone you two are," Colin shouted. "It's really no surprise, seeing how you're both dumbasses."

"You want this shoved down your throat?" Belinda asked the bully, waving her paintball gun at his face.

"I can think of a better place to shove it," Eva remarked.

Colin hid behind Owen for the second time this day.

"We have all the teams set," Yoshi said, trying to hide a smile over Colin's cowardice. "We need to be good shots and quick reactors, as we are already down a man. Joel is out, and his unfair elimination shall be avenged."

"Damn right," Alfred raged. "I liked Joel, and he must feel so upset he cannot participate!"

"Right, let's pop a cap in their ass," Mandy roared.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Those are paintballs, actually, not caps.)**

**Colin** - "Yeah, it's a pain to be partnered with that farting fatso, but hey, the guy's like an elephant. You cannot get a better meat shield than that."

**Zachary** - "That Yoshi boy had better get ready to lose. I refuse to let that creep try and defeat people who are better than him, namely the popular people."

**Geoff** - "Man, I really wish that I could be with Bridgette. Being lost in a maze together, dangerous shooters coming at us... oh man... my hormones are acting up! Wonder how I can get Gwen, Ezekiel, and Hannah to not sleep in our room tonight..."

* * *

"Alright people," Chris Maclean announced, shouting through his megaphone to the audience, "we have the popular kids on the west side, and the nerdy freaks on the east side. Are you ready, kids?"

"Aye aye, Chris Maclean," the audience cheered.

"I can't hear you!"

"AYE AYE, CHRIS MACLEAN!!"

"Ohhhhhhhhh-kay then," the host said, pumping his fist in the air. "Here... we... go with Total Drama Gear: Paintballs of the Popular! The awesome pops and freaky geeks, move out!!"

The forty-two contestants ran in screaming, some with war cries and some in pure terror (poor Sakaki had to be dragged in by Alfred).

Yoshi was going rather slow, because Beth was rather scared. She was taking itty-bitty steps, and the pace was driving the warrior crazy.

"C'mon, Beth, you're slowing me down," he exclaimed. "We need to find the enemy now!"

"I don't really want to do this," she admitted.

"Listen, Beth, a paintball war is a fight between warriors and fighters. It's what separates the human beings from the worms!"

"Do... do people really get into this kind of thing?"

"Only real men and women, Beth. Only we can be this fierce!"

A sudden roar startled them both, and Fuzzy Wuzzums the Bear ran past them down another corridor; he looked terrified and paint was splattered all over him. Groucho the Duck was chasing after him, shooting wildly with a paintball gun.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - When Animals Attack... Other Animals)**

**Yoshi** - \He groans and shakes his head.\ "I want a repeat of that, because I don't think I believed it the first time I saw it."

**Fuzzy Wuzzums the Bear** - \grunting in Bear, English subtitles appear\ "dat duck cud hav kilt me; we need mur paintball gun contrul"

**Groucho the Duck** - \He is reading a "Duck to English" dictionary.\ "Ahem. ... Paintball guns don't kill people. I DO!!"

* * *

Courtney was trying to lecture Rodney on the "etiquette of war." The young man was patient and listening thoroughly, but he had trouble understanding Courtney.

"And don't shoot girls... um, there," the IT said, waving her hand dismissively and in no particular direction. Justin even looked to see where she was waving, but there was nothing except the maze.

"Don't shoot their wall?" the male model asked, confused.

"Okay," Rodney said, nodding and not getting it at all.

"Also, you should always be polite," Courtney said. "They may be your enemies now, but they could be your allies next challenge."

"So," the boy tried to interpret this, "should I... not shoot them?"

"No! Heavens no, shoot to kill!"

"Killing's always nice," Justin said, earning a glare from Courtney. "C'mon, Courtney, you should just tell him to shoot and stay calm. I could tell you the same thing!"

"I AM CALM," Courtney hollered. Rodney squeaked in terror and hid behind Justin's legs.

Coming down another corridor were Hannah, Mandy, and Izzy. The redhead was walking in-between the two girls, and giddily sharing a story.

"I was once on the wrestling team at school," she told them. "I was really good at it too! I could make my opponents lose consciousness in about five seconds."

"I didn't know you were supposed to do that," Hannah said. "Though I'm not on the wrestling team."

"I'm not anymore either," Izzy admitted. "Turns out squeezing your opponent's boobs in a grapple hold is frowned upon."

"Foolish wimps," Mandy remarked. "A girl's boobs should be tough. I used to keep a couple of my rats in my shirt, and they scurry like crazy; I'm stronger now."

Hannah couldn't help but giggle. "This is, quite possibly, the silliest conversation I've ever had."

Izzy grinned. "I know! Should we... oh!"

The three turned a corner, right in front of Courtney, Justin, and a very scared Rodney. A short stare-down between the six was awkward and terrifying, until Izzy let out a mad cackle.

"It's my evil ex and the CIT," she shouted, lifting up her paintball gun. "The Consoler In Thickheadedness!"

"That was completely uncalled for," Courtney shouted, snarling at Izzy. "Why are you three traveling together? Is it really strategic for the three fanatics to be traveling together? Are you nerds really that off-"

BLAT! BLAT! BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT!

Rodney shivered behind Justin's leg, and the male model was intimidated at the sight of Courtney, coated entirely in paint, lying on the floor in a daze.

"How brutal," Justin muttered, looking at the three girls. Mandy grinned and twirled her gun in her hands.

"The world has no place for weaklings," the cultist said, clicking her tongue. "Ithaqua doesn't like eating pitiful people."

"Well then," Justin said, reaching up to his hair, "I think I could make a decent sacrifice to Itha-whatever."

"I doubt you could...," Izzy started, but then Justin flipped his hair dramatically. The male model swung his head, accenting his gorgeous neck muscles and shining his gleaming grin.

"You like that?" he asked, wiggling his perfectly groomed eyebrows.

"Oh no...," Izzy whimpered, lowering her paintball gun. "It's... so majestic. I... want to never stop staring..."

"He's so beautiful," Hannah gushed, wobbling on her feet. "God must have spent more time on him... so beautiful."

Justin grinned happily, and turned to the final girl; he was shocked to see a repulsed look on her face.

"Ewwww-yuck," Mandy shouted, and shot her paintball gun fervently. Justin took a great many shots to his chest and hair before the armor became too heavy and he fell to the ground.

"Rodney, run," Courtney shouted, managing to roll over onto her stomach to face her leader. "Get out of here, these three are insane!"

Rodney didn't need to be told twice, and bolted as fast as his little legs could carry him. The third girls on the nerd team fired at him, but missed due to his small size. Mandy sighed in frustration, then shrugged her shoulders.

"Well, we bagged two today," she said, grinning at the two fallen opponents. "Yog-Sothoth will be very pleased."

"Who the hell's that?" Justin groaned.

"Never you mind, pretty boy," Izzy snapped as she hugged Mandy from behind. "We found someone who's immune to your evil charms."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Nerds 2, Pops 0.)**

**Courtney** - \still with some paintball stains in her hair\ "I am rather irked that I was the first to be eliminated in this challenge. Why does Chris have to get some crazy hose-beasts into this game like those three? What's wrong with sensible girls like me?"

**Justin** - "Mandy looks at _me_ and says, 'Yuck'? Man, maybe she is lusting over Hannah." \He pauses to look at the camera, then sighs.\ "Wait, that was uncalled for, wasn't it? Darn it, Beth forcing manners into me affects me even when I'm not here."

**Mandy** - "I hate pretty boys, they just don't do it for me. I like someone rough and cool, someone who's fun! After all, my cultist life gets rather drab every now and then, I need some kind of entertainment, and there is no Old God of Humor!"

**Hannah** - \praying\ "Oh Lord, forgive me for lusting over Justin. I let my young hormones get the best of me." \She looks up at the camera.\ "Well, this _is_ a confessional, isn't it?"

**Izzy** - "I love my new girlfriends! We're like Charlie's Angels, only more interesting! They sure beat all the invisible friends I've ever had!"

* * *

Carol sighed as she sat alone in a corner. The anxious girl had positioned herself in a perfect place for sniping those coming down the corridor, but no one was coming. And now she was getting rather bored.

"Why can't people come and get shot properly?" she muttered. Bored as hell, she dug a finger in her nose, and then ate what had come from the nostril.

The audience of Maclean Stadium let out some really loud and disgusted cries. Carol, unable to see most of them because of the labyrinth, looked around in confusion. She shrugged and dug her finger in her nose again. The appalled cries came back.

"The hell?" she asked herself. She brought her finger, complete with booger, to her mouth. The indignant cries of the audience got louder and she retracted the finger. Waiting, she tried to eat her nose discovery again, and the cries got louder.

"Oh shut the hell up," she grumbled as she flicked the booger away. "Like none of you have ever done this when you thought no one was looking."

She then heard some noise coming from the other side of the wall she was leaning against. Using some incredible upper body strength, she climbed up the wall and dangled herself on the top. Carol grinned malevolently when she saw Leshawna, Tyler, and Jasmine walking by.

"And that's when I was the lead in 'Fannie, Get Your Gun,' or whatever that play was," Jasmine gushed to a very annoyed Tyler. "I disapprove of a play involving guns, don't you? Don't you think it could do without guns?"

"It's a western play," Tyler grumbled. "Taking the guns out of it is like removing the ghost from a supernatural movie."

"Now that'd be an interesting movie," Jasmine said, tapping her chin. "I think we should do a play like that, about a man and a ghost but there is no ghost."

"Then it's just some guy losing his mind," Leshawna grumbled.

"No, because there is a ghost there, but there isn't," the actress said. "See, as an actress, I know how these things work. You two wouldn't know, you're not actresses."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Not for the actresses.)**

**Leshawna** - "This is exactly what Jasmine is like, almost all the time. People call me the loudmouth, Jasmine is the motor mouth. Don't get me wrong, I love her like I love all my girl friends, but give her an opening, and she'll never stop."

**Carol** - "Man, that Jasmine chick wouldn't shut up! I was aiming for her big mouth, but unfortunately, something else big got in the way."

* * *

Carol's first shot hit Leshawna's side. The three popular kids looked around to see who was shooting, and it wasn't until four shots later that Tyler spotted Carol up on the wall.

"I'm in your maze," Carol shouted excitedly, "shooting you with the paintballs!"

"Coward," Tyler shouted, as he and the other two began shooting at Carol; however, due to the very small amount of her body being shown (and that a couple of them were really bad shots), Carol didn't get hit once. She kept aiming for Jasmine, but Leshawna was getting in the way.

"Move it! Retreat, girls," Tyler shouted, and attempted to climb the wall Carol was on. He kept slipping and falling, landing on his back repeatedly.

Carol was cackling as she continued you to shoot, but eventually the vibrations of Tyler hitting the wall (and floor) were too much, and she fall back down the other side. Grinning victoriously, she scurried off.

"Damn it," Tyler shouted, "I let that crazy girl get away!"

"We've got bigger problems than that, jock boy," Jasmine hollered.

She was holding Leshawna's hand, as the bigger girl was lying on the ground. Leshawna had been hit too many times, and her armor weighed her down. She was out of the competition, and Jasmine was taking it hard.

"Oh, my beloved Leshawna," she cried out, hugging Leshawna tightly. "You were sniped by the cruel Viet Moms, and you-"

"Viet Cong," Leshawna corrected her.

"Whatever," Jasmine sobbed. "They took you away from me! Oh, why does life insist on taking my loved ones from me? No, why did you go to war and leave me back at home?"

"But you... you're not... she's...," Tyler stammered, until Leshawna reached up and grabbed his sports jacket.

"Tyler boy, you ain't gonna ever make sense out of her," Leshawna grumbled, "so get your asses in gear and hunt down the nerds."

"Dang those Viet Nerds," Jasmine roared. "Let's go, Tyler! Leave Leshawna where she is, it's too dangerous to retrieve corpses on the battlefield. That reminds me, did I ever tell you about that war play I was in?"

Leshawna watched as Tyler and a very chatty Jasmine walked off. The large sister managed to lift her arm again to slap her forehead. "They're going to end up shooting each other!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Friendly fire casualties.)**

**Tyler** - "Yeah, I wanted to shoot her. I don't mean to stereotype, but when people say girls can talk, Jasmine WON'T stop talking! I mean, I didn't know anything about plays beforehand, and I don't think I learned anything after hours of her chatting! All she did was go on and on about her roles and what she thought about her fellow performers, unable to actually _name_ the plays she was in!"

**Jasmine** - "... and then there was this play I was in where I was an old woman, in a house that was so poor that they ate rats. I served rat cake, rat tart, rat sourbée, and a strawberry tart without so much rat in it. The sketch went on with religious fanatics like that Hannah girl..."

\She continues to go on, but we really don't have that much time.\

* * *

Bridgette and Daisy were walking side-by-side, keeping an eye out for attacking nerds. Daisy was a little more interested in chatting with her favorite member of Total Drama rather than pay attention.

"How are things going between you and Geoff?" she asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

Bridgette's face was dusted with a pink blush. "Um, fine, I guess. He's been really happy to be together again."

"He must love being with you again. How about Ezekiel? You two hanging out again?"

"Yeah. I didn't get to visit him during the break, but at least he got a cell phone so we can talk."

"Awesome! He is a cutie, isn't he?"

Bridgette couldn't help but laugh. "He does look a lot better when you get to know him, that's true. Guess it's true what they say, that people become better looking when you get to like them."

"I've always believed that! But I still think starting off cute is great too. Like Yoshi, or Alfred," Daisy said, twirling her paintball gun. "Those two are really hot. Think I got a chance with either?"

"You are going to try to date, Daisy?" she smiled at her friend. "Well, that should give you motivation to stay in the contest as long as possible."

"Oh heck yeah. So, who do you think is better for me: Alfred or Yoshi?"

As they continued to chat, Owen and Colin past by them from behind. The bully was trying to ignore the big guy, but it wasn't easy.

"So when it came time for me to check out, I was in this really long line. And so I was reading this magazine that said it had fifty-seven ways to drive a guy crazy in bed. Do you think there are that many ways to drive us crazy in bed? I don't know if I want to be crazy in bed. I just like to sleep in bed, and sometimes make a little fort or two. You ever make a fort in bed, Colin?"

"Owen, shut up."

"Right, that's what a fort is for, shutting up. Though it takes a lot of pillows for me to make a fort, and for there to be room. If I have gas, it really gets caught it there. It really does smell when trapped in an area. Do you think my farts stink?"

"Yes, I do, Owen. Now shu-"

"Really? Let me see."

He farted, and Colin covered his nose. As the two walked past with Owen trying to smell his own creation, Sebastian and Heather past by. He thought he smelt something foul, but dismissed it.

Heather was unusually quiet, which didn't bother Sebastian any; however, after a few minutes of silence, she couldn't take it anymore.

"So," she said, using the word everyone uses to start a conversation, "why did you join this show? You don't seem like much of a competitor."

"I joined for the reason you don't like," he said with a smile. "I wanted to meet people, enjoy myself, and for the ultimate reason anyone joins this show."

"The money?"

"Nope. I wanna be famous."

Heather couldn't help but chuckle. "Yeah, that is why I joined, I guess. Ezekiel joined for the opposite reason, to make friends."

She stopped when she realized she was talking about her boyfriend to a stranger. She sighed and said, "Don't take this personal, but I don't really want to talk about it."

"About what?"

"About Ezekiel. I don't really want to talk about my relationship with him. I just know someone is going to try and break us up."

Sebastian shrugged, and continued to walk silently. They walked on, unaware of Eva and Cody passing by. Cody was trying to make small talk, but he really didn't know what to say.

"So," he said to her, "you have a computer at home?"

"No," she answered, keeping an eye out for attackers.

"No? Really? Jeez, how do you survive?"

"I don't need a computer," she replied, a bit more harsh than she meant to.

"I thought everyone did these days."

Eva was about to snap, then she realized he wasn't trying to annoy her intentionally. She sighed and said, as patiently as possibly, "Cody, I know you're trying to talk with me, but when I compete, I focus entirely on competing."

"Oh," Cody said, sounding let down. "Okay then, I'll focus." Eva felt like she had just kicked something cute and defenseless. She sighed heavily, and continued on, unable to entirely focus now.

Then someone came running down the corridor in front of them, and Eva had to pull Cody back. She normally would have grabbed his shirt and yanked him back, but emotion made her do things a little bit more differently. She wrapped her arms around his chest and yanked him back, pulling him close for the least amount of chance for the enemy to see.

Neither of them noticed it was just Rodney, still running for his life. Cody was distracted Eva was doing something suspiciously like a hug and holding him against her chest, and Eva was quite distracted by the fact that she was _doing_ this!

They were quiet for a few seconds, until Cody whispered, "Say, um, Eva?"

"Um, yes?"

"Should... should we be going?"

"I... actually don't know," she admitted. Her hugging grip was becoming a little bit closer, and both their faces were turning red. "Maybe we should just stay still for a couple more minutes, for safety's sake."

"I'm cool with that," he said, smiling slyly and looking back at her. "I'll keep a watch up front."

"Thanks."

Gwen and Ezekiel happened to see this as they walked down the other side of the corridor. "Look at those two," Gwen said in-between laughs. "Snuggling up when they're supposed to be competing!"

"They really should be moo'r focused, but who can blame them, eh?" Ezekiel said.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Snugs, not guns?)**

**Chris Maclean** - "How can you miss someone passing by you _that_ many times?"

* * *

Trent and Geoff were walking on the other side of the labyrinth, and the party animal was anxious to start a conversation with him.

"So," Geoff began (told ya) to ask Trent, "what's it like, having Bridgette as a sister?"

"Well, we aren't really sister and brother yet," the musician pointed out. "And we've only been together a couple days at dad's house."

"I still think this is so awesome," the party animal said, grinning happily. "I mean, when Bridgette and I get married, you and I will be brothers, and when you and Gwen get married, she'll be my distant sister-in-law!"

"Um, dude?" Trent said, looking around nervously. "Don't you think that's thinking a little too far ahead?"

"Why not think that, dude? I mean, let's be positive and believe we'll get married to our girls! When we're in-laws, you and I can host an awesome party!"

"My place isn't big enough for a party."

"My place is! Bring Gwen and her brother around! I wanna rock the whole neighborhood!"

"Won't your neighbors call the police?"

"We usually invite the police. They love it."

As they were continuing to chat and plan, Alfred and Sakaki were hiding down one of the corridors, gripping their paintball guns; well, Alfred was, because Sakaki was busy gripping and hiding behind him.

"Please don't let them shoot me," she whimpered. "I promise I'll be good."

"Why, have you been bad?" Alfred asked her.

"N-no."

"Well then, you don't have to promise to be good," he said matter-of-factly. "You don't have to promise anything when you've been a good girl. That's what mom said to me about Santa Claus."

Sakaki blinked, and continued to huddle up behind him, frightened and shivering. Alfred thought for a brief moment that he was in a horror movie with a scared girl next to him, then he remembered he was holding a paintball gun; most people in horror movies were woefully unharmed.

"Listen Sakaki," he whispered to her. "I am gonna ambush them before they come around. If you want, stay here."

"I wouldn't recommend that, Alfred."

Alfred flinched from the start, as the voice came from seemingly nowhere. He looked around, and Sakaki followed suit.

"Who said that?" the gonzo asked aloud. "C'mon, are you on our side?"

"I should say so," the voice said again. Alfred looked around more, then he stopped when something came to his mind.

"Wait a wild minute," Alfred exclaimed. "I know that voice! Joel?"

"That's me, not too different than you, my good friend Alfred," Joel's voice said.

"Where are you? I thought Chris disqualified you!"

"I'm in your head, giving your voices personality."

"You mean a communication device is in my head?" Alfred asked, tapping his helmet. "Hey, there is a little mic and speaker on the rim."

Sakaki felt the inside of her helmet, and gasped. "You're right! But... Joel? I thought you were disqualified! Where are you?"

"I'm next to Vera, did a little tinkering with the controls for communication devices. Chris didn't mean for those to be used, because he wanted the challenge to take longer."

"And you're using them to help us?" Alfred smirked as he realized what was going on. "Awesome."

"But isn't this cheating?" Sakaki asked, nervously tapping her fingers together. "I mean, you were eliminated-"

"Sakaki, Chris put money on the other team and shot me out before the contest started. This is quite personal," Joel said, "and besides, the rules have always been bent.

"Now stay against the wall," he instructed them. "Sakaki, stay behind him. Your small stature will make it harder for them to shoot you."

"But...," she whimpered, "I don't want him to be shot out because of me."

"I can take that risk," Alfred said. "Anything for a cute girl."

"C-c-c-cute?" Sakaki stammered, then fell on her back, covering her bright-red face with her hands. "N-n-no, I'm not cute! Don't call me that..."

"Play nice, Al," Joel instructed his friend. "Alright, they're coming up on you. Keep quiet, stay against the wall, and don't shoot until they have their backs to you."

Alfred and a still-blushing Sakaki leaned against the wall, him grinning wickedly and her shivering behind him. They patiently waited until Geoff and Trent walked by them, not noticing, until Alfred started to unleash the fury.

"Paintball Blitz," Alfred shouted out in a totally animé-like way of announcing the name of his attacks, which makes it really really cool (if you don't think so, well I'm the one describing the story, so deal with it).

Geoff was standing in the line of fire, so he took the majority of the attack. As he fell to the ground defeated, Trent was starting to get hit as well. "Forget about me, Trent dude," the party animal shouted as he hit the floor. "Run! Save yourself, future distant in-law!"

"Geoff, you probably shouldn't say that," Trent started, but ran nevertheless. Alfred ran after him, but the party animal grabbed his ankle and caused him to fall.

"Oh, geosiphat," Alfred exclaimed, punching the ground.

"Maybe next time," Joel said over the headset.

"Whoa, is that Joel?" Geoff asked. "Hi, Joel! Nice to see you're part of the competition."

"But he is against you," Sakaki pointed out, hiding behind Alfred again.

"Nah man, I hate unfair treatment, and it's all cool," Geoff said, grinning. "Say Joel, how are the teams going?"

"Well, the nerds have defeated four of the pops," Joel said, the sound of clacking keys. "I have everyone on a monitor, so I can tell who's where. And... and... oh-no!"

"What is it?" Alfred asked.

"The nerds," Joel shouted, sounding very horrified. "In the time I was busy helping you, we've lost several people!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Lost? Sounds bad.)**

**Trent** - "Look, I don't want to sound like a pessimist, but Geoff is taking a little too much for granted. Still, it would be awesome, wouldn't it?"

**Alfred** - "Having a big gun, a cute girl, and vanquishing my opponents, it's like I'm star of my own animé! Hell yeah, this show has made my dreams come true!"

**Sakaki** - \shivering\ "Th-this... sh-show... s-s-scares me. I know Alfred means well, but... why couldn't I have been with someone I'm more comfortable with? Like my teddy bear, or Sebastian, or my cats."

* * *

**(Earlier, when Joel was distracted)**

Katie and Sadie were discussing something that was so important to them that they couldn't afford to pay attention to the show: Sadie's love life.

"Look, I know you had a thing for Cody, but he's really tied up at the time," Katie told her. "I know you'd like to, but he's distracted enough."

"Poopie," Sadie cursed. "Well, who would you suggest? I trust your opinion over others."

"Well, firstly, Clive and you got on really well in that car race. DJ's a sweetheart, and I think Alfred would be nice for you too!"

"Alfred? The American guy with the hat?"

"Yeah, he is rather wild, but he's really cute, and I think there's great potential in him."

"Well, I'll think about that," Sadie tapped her chin. "Anyone else?"

"I think that Xander is really hot, Howard's not bad, and-"

She never got to say her third suggestion, as a flurry of paintballs hit them both. Katie had the unfortunate luck of Sadie falling on her when the two collapsed, knocking the wind out of her.

"Ow," the sweet girl groaned, trying to cope with the pressure of the suit and her best friend.

"Excellent shooting, Arthur," Valerie said as they stepped out from behind a corridor. He grinned and blew on the nozzle of the paintball gun.

"I thought I would be cracked up for this kind of thing," Arthur said, then looked over the BFFFs. "Excellent shooting on your part too."

"Thanks, dude," Xander said. "Anita, you rocked too."

"Aww, you're sweet to say, but who's to say I managed to shoot either of them?" she said, being modest about the shoot-out.

"They flanked us?" Katie cried out. "Aw man, what an indignant way to go."

Sadie started to giggle, and just before her friend could ask what was so funny, she said, "You're starting to sound like Noah."

"Ugh, that's terrible," Valerie groaned.

"I heard that!" Katie shouted, thrashing underneath Sadie. "Why if my armor wasn't weighing me down and Sadie wasn't on top of me and my paintball gun was deactivated, I'd show you!"

* * *

Another flurry of paintball shot out at Yoshi and Beth. The two managed to duck behind a wall just in time, and the shots whizzed passed the corner of the wall, a threatening sight.

"Damn it, that's the third time we've been ambushed," Yoshi cursed as he reloaded his paintball gun. "How the hell do they keep finding us?"

"Maybe they're just following us closely?" Beth asked. She was trembling slightly, and he placed a hand on her shoulder to calm her down.

"No no, it's been three different groups. They keep coming out of nowhere-"

Another flurry of paintballs came at them from the other side, and Beth was struck, mostly in the face. Yoshi, being hit a couple times but not taken out, leapt away and leaned against another wall. He fired at the direction the paintballs came from, which calmed down the storm.

Taking deep breaths, he looked over at Beth, who was covering her face and whimpering in pain. Risking it, he crawled over and pulled her to where he was hiding. She had dropped her paintball gun, but he could get that next.

"Hey soldier, how are you feeling?" he asked, holding her hand for comfort.

"Ugh, my face," she moaned. "They got me in the face... I'm gonna have a swollen welt for my face tonight."

"Easy, easy," Yoshi said. "Now c'mon, let's get you to your feet-"

"I can't," Beth whimpered. "The armor... it's too heavy. I think I'm out."

Yoshi let out a sigh of defeat, then he heard laughing coming from where the last flurry of paintballs came from. "Did you see that?" he heard the voice of the person he hated most here, Zachary, cackle. "I shot her right in the face!"

"That really wasn't appropriate, dude," DJ chastised him.

"You kidding? I got that white girl's ugly face, like, three times! Wouldn't it be funny if I shot her when she was down?"

Yoshi's fury came so fast that he didn't hear DJ's reply. All he knew was that he wanted revenge.

"Beth, there's something about war that you should know," he said as he wiped some of the paint from her forehead. "When you put your hand on a splatter of goo that is all over your friend's face... you know what to do."

He picked up his paintball gun, let out a cry of, "私はあなたに3つのコートを適用するんだ," and charged towards DJ and Zachary. **[1]**

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - What did he say, eh?)**

**Katie & Sadie** - **Katie** - "Wonder how we lost that one?"

**Sadie** - "Yeah, that was rather mysterious how they flanked us. Oh, and sorry I was lying on you."

**Katie** - "It's okay. You ain't heavy, you're my BFFFL!" \They squeal happily and hug.\

**Beth** - \Her face has a few welts on it, and she sighs miserably.\ "I look like a freak or something with a terrible disease with these things on my face. Some people keep asking why is Justin seeing such an 'ugly girl,' and now it really feels like it." \She rubs one of the welts and whimpers.\

* * *

"This doesn't make any sense," Joel said, studying his electronic map. "They keep heading towards our members, like some kind of weird magnetism. Hang on, let me check to see if someone else is using Vera!"

"Okay, dude," Alfred said, giving a nod to his non-present friend. He turned to Sakaki, and said, "You holding out okay there, Sakaki?"

"N-not really," she admitted.

He walked over and patted her shoulder. "Hey, I know this isn't quite your thing, but think of it this way. It's the only point in your life when you get to do something like this, so try to enjoy yourself to the fullest."

She acknowledged him with a tiny nod. They were quiet for a few seconds before a little smile formed on her face. "Is that how you go through life, Alfred?"

"Exactly! And thus, you should try to be a little like me. After all, I know someone would love it if you-"

He never got to finish his insinuation, as several paintballs hit him from behind. Grunting and cringing in pain, Alfred gave Sakaki a heavy shove and managed to shout, "Run, Sakaki, run!"

Several more paintballs hit his back, and he fell to the ground. Sakaki saw Trent, Tyler, and Jasmine approaching, the actress shrieking battle cries. Tyler was not actually shooting, he was covering his ears because of Jasmine.

Sakaki let out a scream of terror and bolted. Jasmine hollered, "Get her, boy... s...," as the small Asian girl made such a quick retreat, that she was out of sight before Jasmine's order could come out of her mouth.

"Wow, she's fast," Alfred commented from the floor. "That's awesome."

"Dang," Jasmine cursed, snapping her fingers. "Well, I'll get her eventually."

"She's not really your type, Jasmine."

"Eww, yuck, freak," she shrieked, shooting him in the back. "I'm not like Hannah and Mandy!"

She continued to shoot the poor guy until Trent pulled her back. "I think he was teasing you, Jasmine," he said to her.

"Oh? Oh! Oh okay."

Tyler slapped his forehead in frustration.

* * *

"Okay, people," Noah said to Belinda and Clive. "We have Daisy and Bridgette in this corridor, just standing there. I'm gonna go around and flank them, I want you two to come out when I come out shooting."

"Such a shame," Belinda said. "I rather like both of them."

"That's life," Clive grumbled. "Good people getting taken down when they don't deserve it."

"How insightful," Noah said. "Belinda, make sure he doesn't shoot himself."

"Waste of paint for someone like me," Clive muttered as the bookworm headed off. Belinda smirked and slugged his shoulder playfully.

As they waited, Clive noticed Belinda was rubbing her fingers together, as if waiting for something. Finally, he couldn't take it any more, and asked, "Is something wrong, Belinda? I mean, more so than usual."

"I have this terrible feeling," she said, "that we're walking right into a trap."

"Yeah, that's life," he groaned. "We all walk into traps, some we set up ourselves."

He was confused when she smirked at him. "You're rather poetic," she commented. "I'd love to hear you talk about something besides misery."

"Misery is all I know."

"I think there's a way to change that."

"How?"

Clive suddenly noticed how close Belinda's face was to him. His pale face became pink when she grinned even more.

The sound of paintball shots alerted them, and they scrambled to leap out from behind the wall and start shooting. Noah was already trying to peg Bridgette and Daisy, and the two were doing a good job to avoid being shot.

"Keep trying, book boy," Daisy taunted. "I'm a real athlete here!"

"That's what's giving me the motivation," Noah shouted, firing paintball and paintball, avoiding the girls' shots. "Down with athletes! Nerds ro-AWK!"

He was pelted from behind, startled badly. He had no time to recover, just was only able to turn around before his armor became heavy and he fell on his back.

"Y-you," he stammered as he looked up at Crystal and Lindsay. "How'd you sneak up on me?"

"Called strategy," Crystal said, grinning victoriously. "Sorry about that, nerd bloke." Noah snarled, and rolled onto his stomach, though it took some great effort. "Belinda," he called out, "Emo Boy! Get out of here!"

His eyes widened in terror when he saw Clive fall to the ground, covered in paint. Belinda, also splattered with paint, fall to her knees and then collapse.

"Wh-what?" Noah gasped. "H-how... how did-"

Heather and Sebastian stepped out from behind the two defeated nerds, looking very pleased. Noah cursed and pounded the ground with his fist. "No no no, damn it! I'm the video game expert, how could a bunch of popular jerks beat us?"

"Hey, I'm not stupid, you know?" Lindsay pouted. "You're being mean, Noah."

"I am mean! Live with it!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - What a meanie.)**

**Noah** - "Great. Just great. Outsmarted by a bunch of popular people. I hate that! What do they have that I don't?"

**Lindsay** - \She's looking down at her armor, which she has covered her chest.\ "My daddy says that I was showing too much cleavage when I was on TV." \She pulls down her armor to show off a good deal of cleavage.\ "Is this too much?"

**Belinda** - "Teasing Clive is kind of fun, because when he blushes, his pale face starts to get red. Of course, it's cute when Gwen does it too, but I doubt I'd have as much luck with her."

**Clive** - "Well, this shooting contest went exactly the way I thought it was and exactly how I didn't think it would. I got eliminated right off the bat, but I didn't expect Belinda to talk to me the entire time after we were shot down."

* * *

"So, Clive," Belinda said to the emo as they lay on the ground, "think the nerds can still win this contest?"

"I actually hope they do," Clive muttered. "I mean, I want the people who shot us to lose, but I don't have much hope."

"You really shouldn't, emo kid," Heather said, haughtily. "We're going to be closing in on all your friends, and they have no chance to survive our attacks."

"What?" Noah gasped. He snarled and shouted, "You have outside help?"

"Unfortunately," Daisy grumbled, crossing her arms.

"I don't really like it either," Lindsay admitted. "I mean, it doesn't seem fair."

"Stupid popular kids, don't patronize me," Noah snarled.

Lindsay grimaced at the harsh words. "But Noah, it's not like we asked for her help."

"Who's 'her'?"

Belinda groaned and slapped her forehead. "Oh no, not her. You've got to be kidding."

* * *

Up in the announcer's booth, Sandra sat in front of the computer screens. They showed large maps of the labyrinth, blue dots representing the nerds and green dots showing where the popular kids were. She had a headset on, and an electronic panel for communications with certain members of the competition.

Sandra heard the camera in the announcer's booth move a little, and saw it was pointed at her. She turned her chair to face it, and said, "What? You didn't think I was just going to let the _nerds_ win this contest, did you?"

She burst a bubble of her gum at the camera.

* * *

--

--

--

**Will the nerds be able to overcome this type of cheating with their own cheating and/or skills?**

**Can Eva protect Cody? Will Heather ever open up to anyone? Will Rodney be able to survive on his own?**

**If the game was everyone vs. Groucho the Duck, would he win? We'd put money on that bird.**

--

**[1]** - Yoshi's Japanese war cry. "I am going to apply three coats to you!"

**Remaining Nerds** - Ezekiel, Harold, Mandy, Hannah, Sakaki, Eva, Cody, Colin, Yoshi, Owen, Izzy, Gwen, Carol.

**Remaining Pops** - Tyler, DJ, Rodney, Xander, Howard, Bridgette, Valerie, Daisy, Jasmine, Trent, Heather, Lindsay, Crystal, Anita, Zachary, Sebastian, Arthur.

--

**Next** - More cheating and shooting!


	11. Ch 3, Pt 3: Encounters!

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. Anyone trying to steal my characters will be used by Mandy as sacrifices to Cthulhu, buahaha.

Lyrics from "Indestructible" are from Disturbed and their recording company; it's such an awesome song too.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - There's male humor abound here, so I apologize if you are female; and boy, does that sound wrong!

Also, I should warn you all of a couple things. One, I'll be writing another short, mature story like "Love Ain't Easy, It's Ezzy," only a different girl with our lucky Ezekiel. Two, the updates will be slower, as the terrible ordeal known as "real life" is getting very busy for me.

* * *

**Chapter 11** - Crying Wolf-Courtney

* * *

--

--

--

**(The Nerds)**

Carol sighed and reached up with her finger to her nose, then stopped when the crowd groaned loudly. "Will you boogers stop watching me pick my boogers?"

She stopped when she heard footsteps in the wall behind her, and she grinned. "More chickens for the plucking," she said to herself, "and I love bringing popular creeps down."

The enthusiast scaled the wall, and looked over. She was puzzled when she didn't see anyone there. "Where the chickens go?"

Xander, Anita, Valerie, and Arthur all appeared from behind corners and halls. They fired up at her violently, hitting her shoulders, helmet, and face. The goggles protected her eyes, but nothing protected her when the armor weighed her down and she crashed on the floor.

Groaning in pain, she stared up at the sky. "Damn it all to hell and back," she cursed. "How... how did they know I was here?"

* * *

Owen and Colin were heading down a corridor, talking. Actually, Owen was talking, Colin was ignoring.

"And that's when I knew Izzy was right for me," the big guy said. "It was her red hair, her fiery attitude, her awesome legs, her green panties-"

"She wears green?" Colin asked, looking interested now.

"Yeah! I think it's a pretty color."

"All right, baby," he said with a cackle. "That's hot. Do you know what colors the other girls wear?"

"Oh heck yeah," Owen said, glad to have someone to talk to about dirty subjects. "Lindsay wears pink..."

"Hot damn."

"Gwen wears black and purple."

"Sexy as hell."

"I think Sadie wears black too."

Colin scoffed. "Oh, who cares about a fat, ugly Asian chick? Who else? Oh, the skinny Asian chick, Heather! What's she got?"

Owen was thrown by this rather rude comment. He was even more thrown when paintballs whizzed by his head. "Gah! It's the enemy!"

"Shit, where?" Colin asked, turning around. A paintball "blatted" in his face, and he was knocked to the floor.

"Pounding pandas, they're coming at us," the larger teen shouted as Colin struggled to get to his feet.

"Ooo, I like pandas," Lindsay declared as she and Crystal, Sebastian, and Heather rushed forward.

Owen shrieked and shoved Colin towards them. "Shoot him, not me, he's asking about your underwear!"

The bully stumbled, then was hit with a barrage of paintballs. He collapsed to the ground like a paint-soaked sack of potatoes, while Owen managed to get away.

"Man, Oscar sure is fast when scared," Lindsay remarked.

"Heroes die but once," Sebastian said as he corrected his glasses. "Cowards die many times. He should take that to heart."

"Him too," Heather said, pointing her paintball gun at the collapsed Colin. "You been creeping around our underwear drawer, pervert?"

"Shut up," the bully grumbled. He looked up at Crystal, and sighed in frustration. "Man, why couldn't you have been wearing a skirt so I could see your-"

The British girl shot him right in the groin, pointblank.

* * *

Izzy, Hannah, and Mandy were ambushed from three sides. Mandy was screeching and thrashing around, firing and almost falling down, as the other two girls almost gave in to panic.

Tyler, Trent, and a rather loud Jasmine come from one corridor, shouting and firing paintballs. Daisy and Bridgette came barreling down another corridor, letting out amazon-like war cries. Rodney came fleeing down a third corridor, just shooting in front of him (he was the only one who didn't hit anyone).

Mandy took a great deal of shots, and fell down on the floor, shouting furious threats like, "May Hastur curse you with plagues! May Yig feast on your flesh! May Nyarlathotep... do whatever it is he does, I'm not quite sure, but I hope it hurts!"

Hannah took several shots from both behind and in front, and she felt her armor get heavy. She tried to keep her balance, but collapsed on her stomach; unfortunately for her, Mandy's back was right where her stomach was, and the wind was knocked out of her.

"Oh my God," Daisy exclaimed, hurrying over to them. "I am so sorry, Hannah! You hurt?"

"YOU'LL NEVER GET ME ALIVE," Izzy shrieked as she bolted passed the others, pushing Trent to the side and almost tripping over Rodney. The popular teammates fired at her, but she was too fast and out of there.

"Damn, we lost her," Tyler cursed.

"We got these two," Jasmine said, pointing at the two fallen girls. She then grimaced and groaned, "Oh. My. God. They're on each other again."

"What was that?! What's that mean?!" Mandy spat out from underneath Hannah, whom Daisy was trying to help pull off. "You wanna come down here and say that?"

"It ain't worth it, crazy cult girl," Daisy remarked, casting a glare at Jasmine.

" 'Crazy'? That does it, you come here too! All of you!"

Mandy snapped her teeth at them, scaring Rodney; he fled behind Bridgette's leg as the cultist girl growled and tried to crawl on her belly towards them.

"I'll chew your legs off," she threatened.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Running away, eh?)**

**Carol** - \bitter\ "Well, that freaking sucked. I cannot believe they cheated with Sandra's cheating guidance to eliminate me like that."

**Colin** - \holding an ice pack to his groin\ "Worst challenge ever... dear God, the swelling isn't going down!"

**Mandy** - \furious\ "Oh, in the name of Cthulhu, that was the most pitiful, unfair... Old Gods below."

**Hannah** - \patiently\ "God, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to... oh man, I cannot stand it, that stunk!!"

* * *

"Guys, guys, guys," Joel was shouting, trying to get the nerds via the headset, but he couldn't get anyone on his team, or any other contestant. "Oh bloody She Creatures, where are the survivors? Gotta check for frequency..."

"You'll never find 'em," a voice came from his speakers. He barely recognized it, but he still managed to.

"Sandra?"

"Right, you oily, robot nerd, I know you're trying to cheat," Sandra said over the microphone. "So I used the technology up here in the announcer's booth to scramble your own transmissions."

"You... you... you... girl, you," Joel exclaimed.

She cackled. "Upset? Well, here's another shocker for you, _nerd_. That Christian nut you're crushing on? She just got blasted. Ha!"

Joel cursed ("Puking Puma Man!") and punched one of the steel support beams on Vera. "You won't get away with this," he shouted. "I'm not only a robot and invention expert, but I'm good with electronics! I'll hack into your hack and out hack you!"

"Go ahead and try, but the electronics up here have got to be better than your pitiful machines," she muttered. "You nerds will be wiped out."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Where both nerd and pop confess.)**

**Sandra** - "I ditched Duncan when he was doing more stupid stuff to his trashy bus. It's like a metal rock wannabe bus now, what a loser. Anyway, I ditched him and came here to watch the show, and then Chris Maclean put me up in the announcer's booth to do this. Something about winning a month and a half of Chef's pay..."

\She shrugs, and then snaps a bubble of her gum at the camera.\ "Whatev's. This is perfect revenge for those stupid losers who voted me off."

**Joel** - "Sandra thought she was better than me because she had better technology at her hands. Well, it was a single laptop could bring down the alien mothership in _Independence Day_, a guy like me can defeat that bubble-blowing... bad girl! She's a Racket Girl, that one."

* * *

Ezekiel and Gwen, completely unaware of their situation, were walking down a corridor together silently. The prairie boy really wanted to strike up a conversation, but Gwen's mannerisms towards him ever since TDB began to put him off.

Finally, Ezekiel managed to gather up enough courage to say something to her since their brief exchange after seeing Eva and Cody. "So," he said (boy, everyone _does_ use that to start a conversation), "Gwen."

"Yes, what?" she said, a little snappish.

"How... how are things, eh?"

"Whatever," the goth girl replied with a shrug. "I'm in a show I hate that I never should have signed up for a third time, probably until I miss out on college and a real career."

"Well um," he stammered, "at least you meant Trent."

"Bridgette said that to me too," Gwen muttered, looking down a nearby corridor. "I know, I love Trent and all, but still, this show is humiliating."

"There are some good sides to it too. I mean, I really like the friends I've made here, eh."

"And your girlfriend," she snapped, shooting him a glare.

He flinched, and then drummed his fingers on his paintball fun. "Um, Gwen, look. I really would like to say that-"

"Look, Ezekiel," she exclaimed. She had stopped walking and wheeled on him, startling him. "Let me get a couple things straight. I don't hate you, I actually like you, mostly because I know you're not a stupid redneck, and Bridgette's very fond of you; anyone okay with her is okay with me.

"But I will never, ever be friends with Heather. That bi... I mean, well you know how I feel about her. She's everything I hate, and I'm everything she hates. And even if I wanted things to be nice and happy with you, Zeke, she'd never allow it; she wouldn't allow you to be friends with me, and it'd damage your relationship.

"So just forget about being friends with me, because if you try, you'll just end up ruining things with your... girlfriend."

Ezekiel stood there, thunderstruck. When someone spoke up behind him, "Gee, that's harsh," he let out a horrified shout and leapt in the air, dropping his gun and gripping his toque.

"Jeepers, Gwen," Izzy said, smirking at her, "what's going on with your noggin, goth girl?"

"Izzy, it's none of your business," said goth replied.

"But it involves my Zeke," the redhead exclaimed, hugging Ezekiel around the shoulders. "He's my friend!"

"You and I aren't exactly soul sisters," Gwen grumbled, looking away.

Before Izzy could reply, the ground and air rumbled with thundering footsteps and horrified screaming. The three turned to see Owen running towards them.

"Run for your lives," Owen screamed, holding his paintball gun over his head. "They've got guns, and lots of them!"

"But we've got guns," Izzy shouted to her boyfriend. "All of God's children have guns!"

"Run for your lives," he repeated, looking at his girlfriend frantically.

In his panic, he ran past them. He was careful not to bump Izzy; however, he not only bumped Ezekiel, but he shoved him as well. The prairie boy was slammed against the wall, headfirst, and let out a whimper before falling to the ground.

"Eeek, my Zeke," Izzy shouted and ran over to her fallen friend as her boyfriend hurried off.

"That was the worst hit-and-run I've ever seen," Gwen remarked, as Izzy tried to make her unconscious, prairie friend.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - He got Ow'ned!)**

**Ezekiel** - \He has a bandage around his head, right under his toque.\ "Man, Owen needs to stop shoving people when he's afraid, eh. That makes to be a really nasty habit."

**Izzy** - "I am gonna smack Owen after this is all done! You know, I think I can get it when he pushes me towards danger, but my Zeke? My gentle Zekey? What, is he jealous? He hasn't been jealous of any of my invisible friends, though I let them go!"

**Owen** - "Oops. About Ezekiel and the wall and the push... did I do that?"

* * *

Izzy and Gwen were crouching next to Ezekiel, seeing if he was okay. Izzy was rubbing his head in what she thought was a soothing manner. Gwen had to bat her hands away, and get Ezekiel to the side of the corridor.

"He should be safe here," the goth girl said to Izzy.

"Yeah, in case Owen comes running back and accidentally tramples him," Izzy remarked. "That Owen, more dangerous than a crash of rhinos. And I would know, I've run with one."

Before Gwen could reply, the intercom in her helmet spat out some static. She looked frantically around until Joel's voice come from it. "Hello? Hello? Gwen?"

"Gwen, the voices in your head are so loud, I can hear them," Izzy said, gaping at her. "Wow, I thought I was the only one who had them-"

"Can you hear me?" Joel asked, his voice now in Izzy's helmet. "I'm trying to reach all of you! Getting me?"

"Got you good, Joel," Izzy said cheerfully. "Look, we're a bit busy, Ezekiel is out cold thanks to Owen! Oh, when I get my hands on that boyfriend of mine, I'm gonna-"

"Owen's been taken out, Izzy."

"... and then I'm gonna pelt him with... wait, what?"

"Quite a distance from you, Anita and Xander took him out."

"Damn it," Gwen cursed. "Well, let us know who is near us."

"No one right now, Gwen. One minute, I'm gonna try to get this to everyone, and give you the ability to talk to each other."

"That could take hours," Izzy remarked. "I mean, I tried hacking into my school's intercom, took a couple days of work, and they gave me detention when they heard me singing during last period-"

Static filled the headsets of all the remaining nerds. Eva and Cody, who were back to back, grabbed each other in their startle (then blushed and let go, Cody whistling innocently). Harold leaned up against the wall and tapped his headset, as if all was normal. Sakaki hit the ground, her hands over her head and whimpering.

Yoshi panted as he stuffed more paintballs into his gun, wiping his forehead. He had lost track of DJ and Zachary, who had managed to outrun him. "Bastards," he cursed in frustration.

"Oh, that's nice," Gwen remarked sarcastically, startling Yoshi, who was not expecting voices from his previously quiet headset.

"What what?" Yoshi exclaimed, tapping his headset. "What is going on?"

"Way to go, Joel," Izzy cheered, now all the nerds able to hear her. "I thought it would be impossible to do that, but you did it! You must teach me!"

"Maybe after the challenge, Izzy," Joel said. "Look, everyone, our team is in serious trouble. The popular kids are huddling around Rodney, I think they're planning something-"

"Joel, I appreciate this, but," Yoshi snapped, "I don't think this is legal, and I don't approve of cheating."

"The popular kids have Sandra spying on you all," the inventor cut him off. "She's pointing all the popular kids towards the nerds, surrounding them and eliminating most of us."

"What?!" Harold exclaimed. "Gosh, what idiot cheaters!"

"H-h-how many of us are left?" Sakaki stammered, getting to her feet. "Are... are many of them left?"

"There are seventeen of popular kids left," Joel said, taking a quick count on his electronic map, "and there... seven of you guys left."

Yoshi cursed in Japanese, Sakaki whimpered, and Harold slapped his forehead. Eva growled and said, "So does that mean we're more than twice outnumbered?"

"Yep," Cody said, doing the math in his head. "This is really bad."

"Y-y-yoshi," Sakaki whimpered. "Wh-what do we do?"

Yoshi sighed, and tapped his forehead. "Guys, I'm not going to lie. Things look really, really bad for us. If we don't make a serious comeback, we're really screwed."

"Oh, you guys give up too quickly," another voice said over the headsets.

"Wait, I know that voice," Harold gasped. "Duncan?"

"Yo, Harold," Duncan said, sitting down near Joel and the screen. "Looks like the nerd team is helpless without me. Guess I'm going to help you out."

"What are we gonna do?" Cody asked. "I mean, what can we do?"

"I... I don't think I can move," Sakaki whimpered.

Yoshi cleared his throat. "Okay, I know there are only seven of us left, but we are going to do this! With us grossly outnumbered, that makes us the underdogs! And I'll be damned if I let the popular kids run all over us!"

"I'm with you, for once," Harold said, adding the second part quickly. "They cheated, and they are shooting us down! They think we'll lose to them again? Heck no!"

"Damn right," Eva snarled. She grabbed Cody and pulled him close. "Cody and I are gonna mow down every one of those bastards if it's the last thing we do!"

"Heck yeah," Cody cheered, high-fiving the fitness buff.

"Joel, Duncan, please guide us to victory," Yoshi said. "Duncan, thank you for helping us out. Joel, if things go bad, do no worry; as leader, I'll take full responsibility."

"Why?" Gwen asked. "This isn't your fault. Besides, I think most of us hate that Colin jerk."

"No, I insist. But for now," Yoshi hissed, "Joel, I want you to point me in the way of Zachary.

"He. Is. MINE!!"

"And me?" Duncan asked nonchalantly.

"Get Sakaki psyched."

Eva and Cody high-fived and dashed off. Harold chanted something under his breath and hurried off. Gwen started to head off, then stopped; Izzy was not following her.

"Aren't you coming?" Gwen asked. "I thought you lived for this kind of thing. Pulverizing the enemy, shooting like a maniac-"

"All in good time," Izzy said. She was still sitting next to the collapsed Ezekiel, and she brushed his bangs away from the nasty bump he had. "I want to stay by Ezekiel a little longer, make sure he's all right. I know you don't care, but I do."

Gwen blinked a couple times, then sighed. A small smile spread across her face. "You know what? I think I will too."

She sat down nearby Ezekiel and Izzy, holding up her paintball gun and watching down the corridors.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - I care too!)**

**Gwen** - "The truth is, I do care about Ezekiel. I saw how much he changed, and it really shocked me. I want to be his friend, but I hate Heather. I've never detested anyone as much as her, and if I start to be his friend, she'll get mad. Ezekiel helped reveal how I was tricked into hurting Cody, and I don't want to hurt him."

**Yoshi** - "I want Zachary, even if he's the only one I get. But I want to take down every one of those popular creeps if I can. I'm indestructible, with determination that is incorruptible." **[1]**

**Anita** - "I really didn't want to take Sandra, especially since the last time I saw her, she was calling me a whore and trying to get nice ol' Alfred kicked off. So... what happened next was really cool for me."

* * *

Xander tapped his headset. "Kind of breaking up there, Sandra."

"Well, it's this crappy equipment, I have to actually wear one of these dorky suits in order to activate one of these headsets. They won't work unless you're a genius."

"Which you aren't," Anita grumbled, crossing her arms.

"What was that?" Sandra snapped. "I'm sorry, I cannot hear you, Anita. I don't speak to whores who use their boobs to win this game."

Anita snarled and turned away from the announcer's booth. Xander rolled his eyes, then said, "Sandra, you're breaking up. Not loud enough."

"What's that, handsome?" Sandra asked, the snap of her gum heard over the headset. "Should I speak up?"

"No need, I'll just adjust my sound input."

Xander reached up and turned down his volume until it was completely off. He walked over to Anita, reached up to her headset, and turned her volume down to off; his hand brushed her cheek, and she blushed.

"Thank you very much," she said, grinning. "But you do realize this means we won't have any outside help."

"I don't want help like that."

"But aren't you the rebel, the one eager to break the rules."

"And I'm rebelling by not taking her help."

Anita grinned, and then a paintball hit her in the ribs. She and Xander turned towards the source of the paintballs, and were hit all over. Both fell to the ground, defeated.

"Fooling around with him," Eva spat as she walked up to the two fallen, popular teenagers. "Cody, you saw that, right?"

"He was switching off my headset," Anita groaned, her face bright red at the thought of Cody thinking she was tramping herself (it was also red from a little paint).

"Aw, c'mon, I'm sure she wasn't doing anything silly like that and such," Cody said, his voice riddled with nervous laughter.

"You kidding? Look how handsome that guy is," Eva remarked, pointing at Xander before walking off.

The rebel shrugged slightly as he lay on the floor. "This isn't exactly my shining moment. Hope my home town can't see me now."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - I can see you!)**

**Xander** - "Look, I'm not trying to steal Anita from Cody or anything, that sure as hell wasn't planned; Sandra was just being a real \**censored**\. But you never know, if Cody goes for Eva..." \he laughs\ "And if he does, boy, that Eva will either make him miserable or really happy. I've learned from experience physical girls are like that."

**Eva** - "I learned my lesson from the first season, when I made a serious enemy of Bridgette, not to threaten anyone like that again. But I'm not going easy on Anita, because Cody is... well, he's rather special. Any guy who looks at me without fear and smiles so genuinely..." \an uncharacteristic, happy smile forms on her face\ "... I don't want to lose that."

**Cody** - "Eva has a real take-charge attitude, and I really like that about her. If Anita is going to be happy with Xander, he is really good looking, a rebel with a leather jacket, chicks really dig that, you know?"

\He taps his chin and hums.\ "Maybe if I get one myself... I can get her attention back? And what would Eva think? Hmmm."

* * *

"Run! He's crazy," DJ shrieked as he and Zachary barreled past Valerie and Arthur. "He's a maniac, he's insane, he's loco!"

"Who's all that?" Arthur asked, looking where the two boys had come from.

A paintball whizzed by his face, and he was so badly startled that he lurched backwards and hit the ground. Valerie turned, and several paintballs hit her all over. She shrieked, slammed against the wall, and slid down. A red paint smear ran down the wall where she slid, and she moaned.

Arthur was rather unnerved by this, and couldn't move when he saw Yoshi running past fury in his eyes. Sweat and paint dripped from his face, and his uniform had a few shots on it. He was heaving, panting, and then a wicked grin formed on his face.

"_From the other side, a terror to behold_," he sung under his breath. "_Annihilation will be unavoidable_..." **[2]**

He dashed off, leaving Arthur stunned on the floor. He was snapped out of his daze when he heard DJ let out a high-pitched scream, warbling from the impacts of paintballs. Valerie whimpered against the wall.

"Damn," Arthur cursed under his breath. "And I love that song too!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Rampage!)**

**Valerie** - "I could sum that experience up in one word: traumatizing."

**Arthur** - "Rather disturbing. But also... really cool. Hehe, like something out of a comic book! ... Not that I read any of those!"

**DJ** - "I'll have to ask Eva and Daisy if I can sleep with the lights on tonight..."

* * *

Heather and Sebastian had been warned by Sandra about Yoshi's rampage, but neither of them were prepared. Both of them were blasted by Yoshi's barrage of paintballs, and hit the floor hard. Sebastian put a hand in his hair to check for paint, and sighed in relief; he pulled himself up against the wall and leaned against it.

"Well," he said as he corrected his glasses and wiped the paint of the frames, "that could have gone better."

"I feel so humiliated," Heather remarked, lying on her stomach with red paint splashed underneath her. "He made me look like a little fool."

"Silly blunder on our part," Sebastian remarked. "We turned off our microphones, simply because we didn't like Sandra."

"I cannot stand her. She chain-texts, and I fought to the nail for my social group at school to never do that," she muttered. "That's how it started for me when I was in junior high, and I was lucky to escape that hell."

"I've been the victim of that too," Sebastian said. "Someone tried to spread around the rumor that was high on drugs at school."

"Rather negative racial stereotyping."

"And I'm not even part Jamaican."

They both shared a laugh, then Heather groaned loudly. "Why am I telling you this?" she groaned. "Why? I don't even know you."

"Most people have to get something off their chests to somebody, anybody," he said, smiling calmly. "Why does James Bond's villains always give away their plans to him? They want to tell _somebody_ who would understand and appreciate the genius behind it."

"But how do I know you'd be smart or decent enough to understand?" she asked.

"How do I know you're not a James Bond villain?"

She let out another chuckle, one she tried to hide but couldn't. Looking away, she sighed heavily.

"Why do you dislike Sandra?" he asked, tapping his glasses frame.

Heather let out another sigh. "She reminds me of what I used to be," she admitted, "and I'm trying to never go there again."

"Why?"

She took several breaths, and then whispered, "Ezekiel."

"What was that?" "Ezekiel. He... he means a great deal to me," she rubbed her forehead as she talked. "He's helped me realize more than most of you will ever know. I... I did some things back at my home town to break away from my old life, my life where I was a spoiled rich girl and the evil queen bee.

"Sandra is the kind of person I used to be. She's what I want never to become again, and although I know I'm exactly a saint yet, I... I just want to be a better person for him."

Sebastian smiled, and said, "Seems very decent of you." Heather groaned again.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Why couldn't she confess in here?)**

**Heather** - "I don't know if I should have admitted that to Sebastian... but I don't think the philosopher stereotype they picked would be a blabbermouth, right?"

**Sebastian** - \cracks his knuckles, then stares at the camera\ "Wait until the season comes out on DVD, folks. Or You Tube, illegally."

* * *

Harold was hiding in a corner, the shadows of the lights shining down opposite his cover wall. Joel was instructing him.

"They are waiting for you right now, Harold," the inventor said to him. "If you scale the wall at the current time, you'll be shot down like a pigeon in the worst part of a big town."

"That metaphor didn't make any sense."

"Yeah, I realized that halfway through."

"Gosh. Well, what do you suggest?"

"Let's until they backtrack or go on ahead. Either way, you can shoot at them departing."

"Is my fair Leshawna with them?"

"No, but Lindsay and Crystal are."

"Yes, excellent."

Harold waited, tapping his fingers against his paintball gun in anticipation. When Joel gave him the okay, the lanky nerd scaled the wall.

"You're going down, cheaters," he hollered, his raspy voice sounding intimidating for a moment there as he fired wildly.

Crystal took a couple hits, but Lindsay took more. Harold was firing so many times, it escaped him at first. Then it hit him what he was hitting.

Lindsay's breasts, though decently covered, had been a large target, and several paintballs hit her there. Before she fell, Harold had made her breasts jiggle a whole lot with his shots.

"Oh, I hope that doesn't leave a bruise," she whimpered when she hit the floor.

Harold slid down the wall on his side, and covered his very red face. He was quiet for a couple minutes, then a single word slipped out of his mouth:

"Boobies..."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - This is such male humor. \slaps author\)**

**Harold** - "I'll apologize to Lindsay afterwards. And Leshawna. And Crystal, just because I think I shot her a couple times. I hated to have to do that... but... _boobies_!"

**Lindsay** - \She is cupping her breasts and looking down her cleavage.\ "I think I may have been bruised in there. Harry sure was 'electric' out there, wasn't he? I might want to check to make sure I wasn't bruised..."

\She begins to take off her top, and the screen turns to static, then to the host.\

**Chris Maclean** - "I think someone needs to remind her that that isn't a changing room. Got a lot of footage from the last two seasons, but we have to throw that all out since we don't want lawsuits. Bet some of you teenage boys are upset by this."

**Tyler** - \He is looking up, as if deep in thought, tapping his fingers against crossed arms.\ "Boyfriend senses are tingling..."

* * *

Sakaki whimpered as she hid behind a wall, nearly chewing her fingernails off. She could barely hear Duncan talking to her, until he shouted her name.

"Don't hit," she yelped.

"I'm over the intercom, Sakaki, I cannot hit you, nor would I ever," Duncan said with a sigh. "Look, you got two people sneaking up on you: Malibu Barbie and the Flower Girl."

"Who and who?"

"Bridgette and Daisy."

"Oh, I like them..."

"Well, that's too bad," Duncan snapped, causing her to flinch. "Sakaki, they're gonna paint you like a fresh wall in a bad neighborhood!"

"Wh-what?"

Duncan groaned, then drummed his fingers against his forehead. "Look, Sakaki, you gotta get psyched. The only way you can survive this is if you become feral, like one of those animé chicks."

"I'm... I'm not into violence."

"Look, you cannot get through this by being cute," the criminal continued. "You gotta find your inner strength and-"

"C-c-cute?" Sakaki stammered. She dropped her paintball gun, lay down on the floor, and covered her head. "No no no, don't call me that, I'm not cute!"

"Um, Sakaki?"

"I cannot take this," she wailed. "People calling me cute, violent shooting, running for my life-"

"Sakaki," he shouted. "Snap out of it! Get pumped, get psyched! You're going to shoot them down!"

"I cannot do this! I'm not violent."

"You can! You're a wild cat! You're a vicious animé girl! Like one of those backward comic books you Japanese people read..."

"Manga?"

"Yes, you are! You're vicious, you're mean! Roar with me!"

Duncan bellowed, and Sakaki shrieked at the same time, though in fear. Bridgette and Daisy, who had been following Sandra's instructions on sneaking up on her. Her scream startled them both, and easily-spooked Bridgette screamed as well. Sakaki raised her paintball and fired wildly.

The surfer girl was hit multiple times, unable to react in panic. Daisy tried to shoot Sakaki back, but the moe girl was squirming too much to be targeted. Soon Bridgette hit the wall with her suit weighing her down, and Sakaki ran off, squealing in terror.

Bridgette groaned in pain, and seconds after Daisy grabbed her shoulders. "No no no, I'm so sorry," she sobbed. "I let you down! I couldn't even defend you, my favorite member of the show."

"Hey, it's okay," she said weakly. "It couldn't have been helped. I was never good at these shooting games."

"Yeah, you're better when Harold convinces you," Daisy said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna make sushi out of that cute lil' Asian girl!"

"I'M NOT CUTE," Sakaki's shriek could be heard down the corridor.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - We think she is cute.)**

**Sakaki** - "I really don't think I'm cute! I mean, my mom and dad say I'm cute, but I don't want people calling me that! Oh God, I never should have signed up for this show!" \She clenches her fists and covers her face, shaking her head.\

**Bridgette** - "After the challenge was over, I found out Duncan was giving them advice. If he's trying to make her mean like he's made Courtney mean-"

**Chef Hatchet** - "-er!"

**Bridgette** - "Well then, I'm glad he got kicked off so soon!"

* * *

Rodney was a very smart and self-reliant child. Being a prodigy child, he had learned to take care of himself, and how to prepare for his own future. Though he would never brag or flaunt it, he was very clever and an excellent problem solver.

However, being eight years old, he still had the age-old problem that every young child gets the moment they are alone in a big place: he was hopelessly lost.

"Where am I?" he wailed, waving his paintball gun in the air. "Have I been here? Oh, I should have gone with Bridgette, she's nice!"

He looked around desperately, then ran down another corridor, whimpering, "I wonder how much it hurts to get shot by a paintball. Would it leave a bruise? I hope it doesn't hurt much, because I don't tolerate pain well... I hope the others are okay."

"Rodney?" Sandra was saying through his headset. "Look, you need to focus! Stop ranting and-"

"Courtney got shot a lot, I hope she wasn't in much pain," he continued, his worry too much for him to overhear her. "That Anita gal, I hope she's okay too, she's the nicest girl I know. Bridgette and Geoff and Xander, oh God, I fail as a leader! I was so sure that I could lead since my animé club voted me leader, but I'm not sure Chris was considering that when he made me leader..."

He continued, heading down an unusual corridor that led into a tunnel.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - No one gets lost in here.)**

**Rodney** - "During the challenge, I was trying to find my way around. But all the corridors all looked alike..."

\He taps his fingers together nervously.\ "Oh, was that a mean thing to say? Sorry! My brother Francis says profiling is wrong..."

* * *

"And so I consider my role as 'Opeelyeea' to be my finest performance," Jasmine was concluding her speech with Trent and Tyler. "Certainly, it really has made my acting career all the better!"

Tyler was putting his paintball gun in his mouth to pretend committing suicide, but Trent wisely pushed it away before he hurt himself. The musician was plenty upset too, his hair was even beginning to stick out in places, and he hated that.

"I truly believe that 'Spearshake' needed to make stronger heroines, even though I love the drama," she continued. "And thus, I was going to... ack!"

She had rounded the corner when a paintball whizzed by her forehead. Cody and Eva were unloading shots at her, and when Trent walked around the corner a second after Jasmine did, he was pelted. The musician screamed out and hit the ground, tried to get back up, and fell back down again.

"It's the psycho girl," Jasmine shouted as she ducked behind the corner again.

"Izzy?" Tyler asked.

"No, the other one! Now go out there and shoot them!"

"Mandy? Carol? Do you mean Gwe-aaaaaaaah!"

He screamed as Jasmine grabbed his sports jacket and threw him past the corner. The athlete tripped over Trent, and hit the floor.

"What kind of dramatic leap out was that?" Eva scoffed, looking at Cody. "You think he meant to do that, the dork?"

"No, I don't," Cody said. He stepped out and began shooting at the fallen athlete. Taking a few hits, Tyler scrambled to his feet.

"Care to help me?" the jock shouted at Jasmine.

"Nah, you're doing fine! You're being a real man!"

Cody and Eva fired at him, and he suffered a lot of hits. Sandra was squawking on the headsets to Daisy, who came running out behind Jasmine.

"What's going on?" she asked Jasmine, looking around. "That rich, bubble gum popping bitch is yelling and hollering-"

"You go out there and be a real woman with that real man," Jasmine shouted, pushing her out there too. Daisy let out a shriek and tripped over Trent.

"What's going on over there?" Eva asked.

She didn't get an answer. Daisy had recovered quickly and began shooting at Cody, and soon he was down on the ground. Eva shrieked in utter rage, and began firing back. Tyler and Daisy couldn't take much more, and hit the floor.

"You two pigs," Eva shouted. "How dare you do that to Cody, ganging up on him?"

"Wasn't really our fault," Tyler moaned. "It was her," he said as he pointed towards the corner, "that Jasmine chick!"

"I never liked her! C'mere, you prima donna!"

Eva started to run around the corner, then turned around and ran back to Cody. "Um, are you okay and stuff?"

"Y-yeah, I'm fine."

"Okay, good. Um, I'll be back and stuff."

She affectionately, but gingerly, patted his head, then bolted off. Jasmine had taken off the moment she heard Eva yell, thinking that though she believed herself to be a real woman, only a real stupid woman would hang around when Eva was mad.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - All's fair in love and war, or something like that.)**

**Jasmine** - "That Eva girl sure is everything Leshawna made her out to be. I'm afraid to be in the same contest as her! Maybe I should get some allies, and have her voted off."

**Trent** - "Okay, I'm a patient guy, but I don't like being pushed into harm's way. And I don't like being the reason for causing harm."

**Daisy** - \She is miming out strangling someone, her right eye twitching slightly.\ "God _damn_ it, I cannot believe she did that! First that Sandra, now Jasmine! Why couldn't I have been with the nerds, these popular kids are driving me insane; plus, the cute guys are there!"

* * *

Jasmine stopped to take a breather, certain she lost Eva. After she caught her breath, Sandra's voice came over the headset.

"Hey Jasmine," Sandra said, alerting the actress's attention, "don't worry, you lost Eva. And there's someone you don't like just around the corner."

"Harold?" she asked.

"Yep. He hasn't moved since he eliminated Lindsay, dunno why. Shoot him a few times in the crotch for me, will you? I hate nerds."

"Don't got to tell me twice," the actress exclaimed, her face lighting up. She zipped around the corner, gun up and ready, and spotted Harold. The nerd was sitting down, covering his face.

"Eat paint, you glasses-wearing freak," she shouted, shooting at him. "That's from 'Spearshake,' you know!"

Harold didn't even notice he was being attacked until the paintballs actually started hitting him (Jasmine wasn't the best of shots). When he was hit enough times, only able to get two shots on Jasmine when he reacted, he slumped down the wall. She sauntered over, grinning like a cat ready to kill.

"I'm gonna make sure you never do anything bad to Leshawna," Jasmine said, pointing her paintball gun right at his crotch.

"Oh boy," Harold whimpered. "It's gym all over again!"

Jasmine's grin became wider, but before she could fire, she heard a familiar voice call out, "Isn't he down? Don't shoot him there, not many men deserve that!"

Howard came walking up, looking casual and bored. Jasmine blinked in surprise, and said, "Howard? What are you doing here? I thought you were camping somewhere."

"No one was coming around," he grumbled, rolling his eyes. "I sat there for what felt like hours, and no one, not even a teammate of ours, came by."

"So you're moving around? Finding a new spot?"

"No, I ain't camping, I am on the hunt. Sandra was giving me guff about that, but I turned my headset off."

Sandra nodded, then she looked up in the air. "Oh, she's saying something to me right now, she's asking me to tell you to get back where you were."

"No!"

"He said no, Sandra," Jasmine said cheerfully. Then her eyes went wide, and she said quietly, "Um, Howard? She's requesting it again, but not very nicely."

"Man, let's just go."

As they walked forward (Harold letting out a very relieved sigh behind them), Jasmine elbowed Howard playfully. "Any luck with that Belinda girl yet?"

"Sandra said she got eliminated. I'll have to talk to her after the contest."

"She's a smart girl, I can tell," she said with a crafty smile. "Want some advice on how to charm a smart girl?"

"Oh, you have some knowledge?"

"Well, I'm a smart girl, so I can tell you what I like!"

Before she could reply, Sakaki came stumbling from behind a corner, in a desperate sprint away from her last encounter. Jasmine and Howard opened fire, and she fell down.

"Owtch," she whimpered, sprawling out on the ground. "That... really... hurt."

"Sorry, cutie," Howard remarked.

"I'm... not... cute."

"Some girls are just insecure about their looks," Jasmine said with a shrug. "Shame really, she does has potential."

"Let's carry on," Howard said casually. "I'm so happy, I'm actually doing stuff!"

When they rounded the corner, paintballs started whizzing by them. Gwen and Izzy, still watching over the unconscious Ezekiel, had been alerted by Duncan and Joel. Howard cried out in horror, and began firing.

"Why am I forced to keep shooting at cute girls?" he asked as he fell on his back, firing more paintballs.

"Damn it, it's the pervert," Gwen hollered.

"Boy, we sure get a lot of those, don't we?" Izzy cackled, grinning in the process.

The redhead laughed, and then saw from the corner of her eye Gwen fall onto her back. Snarling indignantly, she charged forward, shooting Howard multiple times.

"And stay down, you funny pervert you," she roared, and then looked over at Jasmine.

"Mercy?" Jasmine asked.

"YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY ALIVE!!!"

Jasmine tried to run, but Izzy tackled her. When she had the actress, she pinned her down and fired at her back pointblank range. She didn't stop until her gun clinked empty.

"Yeah, my armor's really heavy now," Jasmine grumbled. "Happy, crazy girl?"

"Yes, very much so."

"Man, Leshawna wasn't exaggerating when she described you," Jasmine grumbled. "You make the insane characters in musicals look sane."

"I've heard that one before," Izzy said as she walked around the corner, then stopped when she was out of Jasmine's line-of-sight. "Actually, I haven't. I'll have to remember that."

She hurried over to Gwen, who was still lying down. "Hey goth girl, you okay?"

"Izzy, I'm out," she groaned. "I cannot get up."

"Damn. Well, that means I have to watch over both of you now."

"Like hell you will. I know you, Izzy, you'd be very unhappy about just sitting around."

"What about my Zeke?"

"I'll look after him, I promise. Now get out there and shoot their asses off."

"I did that once, it was really messy! Time to blow away some butts!"

Izzy bounded off, waving her paintball gun in the air. Gwen weakly chuckled and said, "I'm sure you will."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Uh-oh, Izzy's on the prowl!)**

**Howard** - \grinning happily\ "It was so worth leaving my post. Got to travel with a cute girl. Wish I had got that advice, though."

**Crystal** - "The nerds really started to make a comeback around there, eh wot. It seemed to be shortly after Sandra got on the headsets. Boy, she's a mean trollop, ain't she?"

**Zachary** - "Yoshi was freaking _nuts_! He continued to chase me after he blew away DJ! Man, I cannot stand that freak; I really wish we weren't roommates, or I'd torch the place. He sleeps on my side too."

* * *

Joel nervously drummed his fingers on the keyboard. "We're still in trouble here, Duncan."

"You think so? We got the most dangerous people there. I'd hate to be against them."

"True. Still outnumbered, and Sandra's up there in the announcer's booth."

Duncan drummed on his forehead in thought. "Anything we can do to help?"

"It's up to our fellow freaks and geeks now. Let's hope the other side doesn't know what they're doing."

* * *

Arthur snarled as he caught a glimpse of Eva going down another corridor. "You're mine, fitness gorilla," he grumbled to himself. "It's time for you to finally become the prey!"

* * *

Crystal and Izzy exchanged shots, and darted behind corners. "You're an excellent shot," Izzy called back. "Didn't know the British were so good at shooting!"

"Why thank you, lady Izzy!"

"Shall we continue, ya wee lassie?"

"Oh rather! I got a bloody good feeling!"

"Are you overdoing yur accent, me heartie?"

"I've been told it's not possible to overdo a British accent, eh wot."

"Aye, 'tis a shame when ye are eh'cused uf overdoin' yore ech'cent."

"Um, Izzy? What accent are you using now?"

"... I'm nut soo're, ya knoo'?"

* * *

Zachary ran screaming down the hallways, shouting, "Stop chasing me, you singing swordsman freak!"

"_Every broken enemy will know_," Yoshi was shout-singing as he chased after Zachary, shooting paintballs at him, "_that their opponent had to be invincible!_" **[3]**

**

* * *

**

"Oh no," Rodney wailed. "_How_ did I get up _here_?"

He looked out the window of the announcer's booth. "Oh man, that tunnel, those stairs! I really should have stopped and asked for directions, but there was no one to ask... oh man, I need an adult."

"Will you shut up?" someone sitting in a swivel chair snapped. "I'm trying to help people down there, and-"

Sandra spun around in a chair, with a bubble forming outside her mouth. Her bubble burst in surprise when she saw who it was.

He gaped at her. "Sandra?"

"Rodney? What are you doing up here?"

"I don't know... hey, wait. Weren't you voted off? Are you announcing? Um, are you on my team, or the nerds?"

"_How_ did you get up _here_?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - How indeed.)**

**Chris Maclean** - \He laughs, then pauses and taps his chin.\ "Wait, how did he get up there? That labyrinth sure is complex."

**Groucho the Duck** - \still reading his "Duck to English dictionary\ "Just so you know, I'd be proud to go out into battle with any of you men. Or women."

* * *

--

--

--

**So who will win? The outnumbered nerds or the discomposed populars?**

**Which losers will be immune? Who will be the next to board Duncan's Bus?**

**And do you all think the third question is ridiculous, but the only one you normally answer?**

--

**[1]** - These are lyrics from Disturbed's song "Indestructible," which is perfect for a violent competition like this.

**[2]** - More lyrics, same band, same song.

**[3]** - Still the same song and band. Catch your ear yet?

**Remaining Nerds (3)** - Eva,Izzy, and Yoshi. (Joel and Duncan helping on sidelines.)

**Remaining Pops (4)** - Arthur, Crystal, Rodney, and Zachary. (Sandra helping on sidelines.)

--

**Next** - The paint dries, and thus the third trophy ceremony.


	12. Ch 3, Pt 4: Smeared Good

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. Anyone trying to steal my characters will be used by Mandy as sacrifices to Cthulhu, buahaha.

Lyrics from "Indestructible" are from Disturbed and their recording company; it's such an awesome song too.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - Seems most of you want me to continue TDB. And of course I'll be doing that, so don't worry about it.

And yeah, I managed to get this one out a lot more quickly. Consider it a present for all the frustration we put up with when the site wasn't working properly. And I had a lot of free time for a couple days.

* * *

**Chapter 12** - Screaming Mantis-Heather

* * *

--

--

--

Yoshi leaned up against a wall, grinding his teeth in determination. He peeped around the corner, and then his vision exploded with pain and stars.

Falling back, his helmet was knocked off as he hit the floor, blood streaming down from his forehead. The warrior groaned in pain, but still had his paintball gun ready. When the attacker came around the corner, he opened fire and drove him away, but his bad vision kept him from shooting his opponent.

"Damn it," Yoshi growled, putting his hand to his wound. It came back wet with blood. "You son of a..."

He heard Zachary's laughter as the offender ran off. "How do you like that, you psychotic bastard?"

"I'm gonna," Yoshi stopped to groan as he stood up, blood still lightly cascading down his face. He put his helmet back on, and glared fiercely. "Gonna make you pay for that!!"

* * *

**(The Pops)**

Rodney blinked at Sandra several times, trying to think of every possible situation of why the gum-snapping girl would be in the announcer's booth, and not have given one announcement the entire day. When she snapped a bubble, he flinched.

"Um, so," he said nervously, scratching the back of his head, "what are you doing here?"

"Helping your team," she said casually. "Or I should say 'my team.' I've been leading these people while you've been running around like a child."

Rodney didn't follow that smilie, since he was a child. Before he could ask, she spun around on her chair and faced the screens.

"Arthur, Eva's coming up from behind you," she exclaimed. "Crystal, will you get that psycho already? Zachary, grow a pair and face that samurai-wannabe head on!"

"I... I don't get this," Rodney asked, looking around. "Why are you-"

He stopped when he heard Sandra's voice from the headset in his helmet under his army helmet . "What are you doing?"

"Oh, what does it look like I'm doing?" she snapped, then snapped her gum. "For a prodigy child, you sure are dumb."

* * *

Eva spun around and opened fire. Arthur cried out when a paintball hit him in the gut. He snarled and fired back, but the fitness buff hit the ground. They continued to fire until Arthur dropped his paintball gun.

"D-damn," he groaned, falling to his knees. "I... I really thought I got the drop on you."

"Well, you freaking cheaters were using Sandra as a watchtower spy," Eva grumbled. "Seems fair that Joel and Duncan could help us out."

"Crap. Turnabout is fair play, is it not?"

"It is," she replied with a victorious grin. "Now Joel, where's the next victim?"

"I think Izzy and Crystal are exchanging gunfire nearby," Joel said. "You're on Crystal's side, so if you... oh no... no no no!"

"What are the no's for? Ix-nay on the no's!"

"Izzy was hit, and she went down! I think she's out! Eva, quick, you gotta-"

Static cut him off, so sharp that it made Eva wince in pain. She gripped the headset piece, and winced. "What the hell?" she snapped. "Joel, I thought you were better at electronics than that! Will you clear it up?"

"There is no more Joel, you fat gorilla."

The message was broadcast to several people, both nerd and popular. Eva's eyes bulged in fury at the realization of that voice. "Sandra? What the hell are you doing?!"

"I've taken over the headsets for both teams," Sandra spat. "Luckily for me, the equipment here is better than what Joel and Duncan are using. Now you aren't going to cheat any more."

"What? _You're_ the one who's cheating! Now you're cheating on our cheating!"

"And that's fine by me, you gym-dwelling ugly."

"Wow," Arthur muttered from the floor, "she's mean."

"Now you're going to all lose," Sandra continued. "And the nerds will all down, mostly because of ugly skanks like you."

Eva tore the headset from her helmet, and stomped it to pieces. Spitting on it before heading off, leaving a slightly shocked Arthur behind her.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - That was mean.)**

**Arthur** - "Wow. That was kind of hot, no wonder Cody likes her. She's like a really tough heroine from X-Men, like Emma Frost or Storm or..."

\He stops, and stammers.\ "Not that I... I never... oh what the hell. Everyone watching the confessional knows by now. Whatever. I like the art and the action. So sue me; I had a crush on Rogue when I was young and... well, now I'm actually her age. And her boobs get bigger every generation!"

* * *

Zachary lay on the ground, covered in paint. Yoshi was standing, heaving and panting, with blood and paint staining him. The warrior was not defeated, but his rival sure was. He had one foot on Zachary's chest, grinning happily.

"Hope you took one last look around while you were alive," Yoshi cackled, "because I'm an indestructible master of war."

"Get off me," Zachary groaned, writhing a little on the ground.

"Hell no. I'm gonna make you for trying to bash my face in."

"Methinks it improves your looks."

"You cannot make me upset, I'm in way too good of a mood. Today, I bested your whiny, little ass."

Zachary let out a hacking cough that sounded like laughter. "Oh, you really think so? Well you may have got me, but there's no way you can win this contest."

"You think that your advantage with Sandra is enough? I'll hunt down the rest of you, and-"

"Sandra has control over all your headsets, and," he added with a victorious laugh, "she has Rodney up in the announcer's booth with her."

Yoshi blinked a couple times, then scoffed. "So? Even if Rodney stays unharmed, it doesn't matter. This isn't a video game with a time limit."

"I don't think so, white boy. You see, Chris ain't gonna let this competition drag out for much longer. And when he calls the time limit, who do you think he is gonna declare the winner? You guys, or the team he's put money on?"

The warrior blinked a few times in realization, then his face scrunched up in fury. He raised his fists in the air, let out a furious cry in Japanese, and ran off. "Where is that announcer's booth? I'll rip that gum right out from her mouth."

Zachary lay on the ground defeated, chuckling to himself. He stopped laughing when from around the corner, he heard this exchange:

"Get out of my way, Crystal!"

"Eeeeeek!"

**BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT! ... BLAT!**

"Oh buggar, that hurt..."

"I don't have time to waste on you, I've got a gum-snapping skank to shoot down!"

"I won't stop you then... oh, Yoshi? How are things going between you and Daisy?"

"What? Um, I dunno!"

"Because she really seems to like you, and... hey, get back here! Bloody hell, I wanna talk to you!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - The British go down.)**

**Crystal** - "Even after shooting me down so harshly, I think Yoshi's love life is something I'd like to help him with. That old chap really needs a girlfriend, or he'll lose it, eh wot?" \She chuckles to herself.\

**Zachary** - "I'm a guy who likes specific types of movies. Crime, action, bloody horror, and the occasional western with lots of gun play. I only watched one detective movie, and I didn't like at first, but when I saw the detective make a very strong claim on the case, I thought that was awesome. And that's how it felt when I laid it on that white freak."

\He laughs and slaps his hands together.\ "Boy, it was worth being shot multiple times and knocked to the ground by that guy! ... Well, almost, but it was pretty much worth it!"

* * *

Rodney watched Sandra, and listened to what she was saying. Watching her pound the computer in frustration, he was rapidly coming to a conclusion; he was just really nervous to confront her when she was like this.

"Stupid asian psycho," she shrieked. "He's running around like a wild animal! I'm just glad he cannot get us up here."

"What's going on?" Rodney asked her. "Who are you talking to?"

"Not sure, I'm having a hard time reading this stuff," Sandra remarked. "You might be the last one standing."

Rodney swallowed hard, then he asked what had been on his mind. "Wait, what are you doing here, Sandra? Weren't you voted off?"

"I am here to make sure the nerds lose," she spat out. "Something you couldn't do, you snot-nosed brat."

Rodney could take insults, and he was more confused than anything. "What do you mean? What have you been doing?"

"If you must know, I've been telling everyone where to go, and we've been ambushing those nerds. We were doing fine until Joel butted in. Luckily, I scrambled the channels with these instruments, so now he cannot help them any more."

"Wait wait wait," Rodney said, waving his free hand desperately. "You were organizing us from above? But that's cheating!"

"So the hell what?" she spat, snapping her gum. "They're nerds."

"But there's a lot of good people on that team! Like Hannah and Ezekiel and Alfred and Beth, and-"

"Shut up," Sandra growled at him. "I really don't want to deal with a spoiled, rotten little brat like you."

"This isn't right, Sandra! You cannot help the other team, it was supposed to be a fair competition!"

"Whatever. You would've ruined it, because you suck at this game. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna keep the nerds busy. Soon Chris'll declare us the victors by default, so sit tight up here, and we win."

She snapped her gum and focused her attention on the computer screens. That attention was broken when she heard the click of a paintball gun, one now ready to fire. She slowly turned to see Rodney pointing one at her.

"Get away from those computers," he said, seriously but with a shaking voice. "I'm not letting you cheat anymore." She scoffed. "You don't have the guts, kid."

**BLAT!**

Sandra's eyes widened when the paintball shot past her face, and splattered on the wall behind her. Her jaw dropped, and her gum nearly fell out.

"Oh no," Rodney whimpered. "I got paint on the wall! I might have to pay for that..."

"You little twerp," she exploded. "How dare you! I was the one leading this team, not you! If it wasn't for me, we could have lost!"

"I'm not having you cheat," Rodney exclaimed. "It's not right, and I don't care if we win or lose, I want to play fairly."

"Give me that gun, you runt!"

Sandra lunged at him, and he leapt away. She almost hit the door he came in, and she turned towards him. "Oh, it doesn't even matter now," she said. "You're staying in here, and I'm not letting you out."

"I'll go through that door," Rodney exclaimed, pointing at the door at the back.

"That leads to the roof, stupid," she grumbled. "It really doesn't matter. You're staying in here, and no one will be able to get you; therefore, we win."

The door flung open right when she began to blow a bubble. Yoshi stood there, a frightening sight with blood and paint on him, and his paintball gun pointed directly at Sandra.

"YOU," he bellowed when his eyes were set on her, the gum bubble still on her lips.

**BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT! ... BLAT BLAT BLAT!**

Sandra wasn't even wearing armor, but she fell to the floor harder than anyone else. Looking at her face, some would think her gum bubble has burst on her face, but it was just a blast of paint that had hit her on the lips; they were already starting to swell up.

Rodney let out a terrified cry, and ran for the other door. Yoshi chased after him, firing but missing a lot because the prodigy child was a small target. They both ran up the stairs, and found themselves on the roof.

The prodigy child looked around, trying to find cover. There was a large statue of Chris Maclean posing like Atlas, with a large globe on his back. Rodney also noticed two wires attached to the side of the rooftop, the ones goes down to connect to a pole in the middle of the labyrinth; he wasn't sure what they were for, maybe decor.

Rodney knew that some people would be brave enough to slide down the wires down to the labyrinth (Izzy, Alfred, Harold, Carol), but not him. So he stood there, shaking nervously, until Yoshi burst onto the roof. Paintballs were shot at Rodney as he leapt behind the Chris Maclean-Atlas statue.

"You cannot hide forever," Yoshi shouted at him.

"I can try," Rodney whimpered.

"It's a battle between us leaders now, Rodney. What an awesome battle this shall be."

"Well, I'm not that good. I kind of let everyone on my team down," he said with a heavy sigh.

"You did fine. I overheard Sandra, and she hasn't a clue how to play the game. Your teams were well-paired, and you're one of the few remaining."

"I honestly didn't know that Sandra was cheating."

"Never believed for a second that you asked her to do that."

Rodney sighed, leaning against the foot of the Maclean statue. "I wish the game had gone fair. I didn't like how Chris shot one of your teammates at the beginning."

"Eh, I guess it's all fair, Joel and Duncan helped broadcast."

He lazily shot the foot of the statue several times. Rodney flinched once, then shrugged. "Guess it was all fair then," the prodigy child remarked.

"Now it comes down to us."

"Yeah. I guess it is."

The kid turned around and gave the heel of the state a small kick. A horrible cracking sound reverberated around them, and the foot, starting with the heel, broke apart. The statue quivered, the arms cracking and breaking, and then finally snapping. The globe fell down, snapping the head right off, and sending the large orb rolling towards the side.

"Oh no," Rodney cried out. "I broke it!"

"Right at the heel too," Yoshi remarked, watching the rolling ball. "I actually never thought that would work."

They watched it roll in fascination. Rodney swallowed hard. "I broke a statue, I got lost, I shot paint on the wall in the announcer's booth. If my mom finds out I did any of this, she'll kill me."

"We're on live TV."

"Maybe they'll edit some parts out."

"We all hope for that at some points."

"Hey, um, do you think we should stop it?" Rodney asked, pointing at the rolling globe.

"Yeah, it's probably expensive."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - The revolving world!)**

**Chris Maclean** - \scowling, his arms crossed\ "It was, actually. Very much, and I doubt I could get it fixed after what happened!"

**Chef Hatchet** - \cackling and slapping his knee\ "Oh man, that was priceless! I am so happy those two kids wrecked it! I was gonna do it myself, but I knew Chris would take it out of my paycheck. I was ready to pay that duck to do it."

**Groucho the Duck** - \holding his language dictionary in one wing, and a SAM launcher under the other\ "Oh, I so would've done it too."

**Raccoon** - \holding a bundle of TNT in his paws\ "lolz, me too! id bee up on ur arena, boom-booming up ur stachews!"

* * *

Yoshi and Rodney raced over to the globe, pulling down against the revolving to try and stop it; however, the momentum was too strong. Both of them were pulled up onto the top, and began running to avoid being thrown over the other side and flattened.

The globe rolled down onto the wires, and continued to roll down them towards the middle of the labyrinth; however, the weight of globe soon became too much, and it fell in-between the two wires.

Eva, who was searching the maze for any remaining popular people, heard some screaming from above. She looked up, and her eyes widened in horror as she saw a very large orb coming down towards her. While leaping away, the impact of the globe against one of the labyrinth's walls caused a shock wave that blew her into wall.

The entire arena echoed with the sound of the large globe hitting the ground, and dust was kicked up all around. Nearby the globe, it was impossible to see.

Rodney, who had landed only a few feet from the globe, rubbed his forehead and moaned. "I think I hurt my head," he said as he rubbed the paintball armor's helmet that covered his helmet. "Thank you, mom, for giving this to me."

He heard a moan, and what he saw made him shake with fright. Eva was standing up, but very slowly. "Oh man," she groaned, "the sky didn't fall on me, the world did."

Rodney squeaked in terror, and Eva noticed him. Snarling, she held up her hands in order to shoot him; it was only when there was no trigger to pull that she realized her gun wasn't in her hands.

"Damn it," she shouted, looking around. "Where the hell is it?"

Rodney swallowed hard, and began shooting. Eva was hit several times as she scrambled to find her paintball gun. When she did find it and turned around, her armor became heavy and her gun refused to work. Dropping the gun, she strained to grab Rodney, reaching out towards him, and then finally falling down.

"Beaten by a kid," she groaned. "A child! I'll never be able to show my face in public again."

"Don't feel like that now," Rodney said, looking down at her sympathetically. "I mean, look at it this way: I had to throw the whole world at you in order to beat you."

She couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, I guess. Still, you popular kids really irked me today."

Before Rodney could reply, he heard more groaning nearby. The dust had cleared up enough for the prodigy to see Yoshi sitting up, rubbing his head. His injury had reopened, and blood come from it again. Wincing, he looked around for his paintball gun.

Rodney hurried over to him, and Yoshi saw the child approaching. He managed to snatch his gun, but could not lift it up before Rodney had his own paintball gun pointed pointblank at his chest. The kid was taking deep breaths, unable to hold the gun in a tight-enough grip.

"I... I never wanted it to come out like this," he said.

Yoshi sighed, his gun still pointed at the ground, not daring to lift it. "Hey kid., don't show sympathy for the enemy, okay? It's a kind of weakness that cost you the game in the future."

"But I don't want the game to be unfair!"

"Yeah, same here, Rodney-san. But the way I see it, if someone cheats, that makes it all the more satisfying when you defeat them."

Rodney managed to smile, then swallowed hard. He readied his paintball gun at Yoshi's chest. "I'm really sorry about having to do this to you."

Yoshi blinked, trying to keep the slight stream of blood out of his eyes. Then he grinned and said, "My words to you too."

Rodney didn't understand this until he heard the click of a paintball gun behind him, and the barrel pushing against his head. The prodigy child whimpered.

"Oh froofie."

**BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT BLAT!!**

When he was on the ground, Rodney looked up to see Izzy grinning down at him. "I didn't know you were still in the game," he said.

"Me too," Eva called out. "Joel said you were shot!"

"I was feigning death, I wasn't out yet," Izzy said simply, giggling. "I think I got the last shot on the kid."

"No, I did," Yoshi said, grinning happily. "He went down when you were reloading."

"Should've shot back, kid," Izzy said, squatting down and patting Rodney's shoulder. "You cannot let fear control you."

Rodney sighed, then he rubbed his sore head. He was surprised that his armor wasn't heavy like it was a few seconds ago, and then he sat up. "Hey, did I get really strong all of a sudden?"

"Ooo, he's like a mini-Hercules," Izzy cheered. "Look out, ladies! Hey, my little sister's your age, maybe I could introduce you to her-"

"_AND THE CHALLENGE IS OVER_," Chef Hatchet's voice boomed on the overhead system. "_The winners are, with Izzy and Yoshi the last ones standing, the Nerds!!!_"

The audience went wild, and Chef laughing and cheering into the microphone could also be heard. Izzy let out a happy cry, and glomp-hugged Yoshi. The walls of the labyrinth lowered, and the contestants from both sides were standing up now.

"We did it," Eva said as she stood up, a victorious grin on her face, "at last, after long long last, we freaks and geeks beat those stupid popular jerks!"

"Izzy is so happy! I gotta go find Ezekiel and Owen! Yay!"

The redhead bounded off happily, waving her paintball gun in the air. Eva also walked off, looking for Cody. Yoshi stood where he was, basking in the loud cheers from the audience; he then looked down at Rodney, who was still sitting down and looking glum.

"I think I really failed," he said with a sigh. He looked up at the sky and said, "First time I lead, and we lose."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," Yoshi said to him. "You only had two opponents standing at the end, and you yourself took down Eva."

He extended his hand to Rodney and helped him up, then shook his head. "A good battle, young one. You make a fine leader."

Rodney blushed. "D'awww, shucks," he giggled, rubbing the back of his head.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Where all the great leaders ponder.)**

**Rodney** - "Looking back, I think I did okay. Wasn't really my fault that no one came my way when I was hunting... but I take the criticism and loss, and I vow to make myself stronger! I will continue to get better at this, and be a worthy opponent of Yoshi!"

**Yoshi** - \smiling\ "Well, that was very satisfying. That Rodney kid does need more guts, and to develop a little more brawn when it comes to dealing with unfair tactics, but his heart is in the right place."

**Noah** - \scowling and crossing his arms\ "Aren't _I_ supposed to be Rodney's rival? I have the brains, not that sword-using samurai!"

**Sandra** - \coated in paint, welts on her skin\ "... I'm getting a lawyer."

* * *

The forty-two contestants were gathered up on the podium, with Chris Maclean and Chef Hatchet standing in front of them. Everyone had discarded their armor, but there was still a good deal of paint, bruises, and welts on everyone. Friends and couples were helping each other by scratching and rubbing off paint, and applying ice packs to the injuries.

"Well, that was all very good and fun," Chris Maclean, with an upset frown on his face, said to the collection of teenagers.

"Yeah, we all had a jolly good laugh," Crystal remarked as she rubbed her forehead, a nasty welt on her temple.

"Though there is a great deal of cheating going on," the host continued. "So I don't know if we can declare the nerds the winners.

Immediately, all the members of the nerd team and several of the popular kids began to protest.

"You can't do that, after all we went through," Mandy shouted.

"They won the game, it's only fair," Bridgette cried out.

"Idiot," Harold cursed. "You were the first one to cheat!"

"Look at it this way," Noah said, stepping up to Chris. "You and Sandra cheated for the popular kids, Duncan and Joel cheated for the nerds. Two people on each side, therefore it's even."

"Fine! Fine," Chris shouted, throwing his hands up in defeat. "Nerds win! There, you happy?"

The nerds were indeed happy, and hugged other in celebration. The crowd cheered, and a good deal of the popular kids clapped for them. Chris sulkingly turned away, as Chef grinned and held out his hand. The host grudgingly took a hundred dollars from his wallet, and handed it to Chef.

"And what do the nerds win, as well as immunity?" Chef asked the host, loud enough for the contestants to hear.

"They get to keep the paintball guns."

More cheers and laughter ensued. Some of the nerds pumped their paintball guns up in the air.

"Well, that's nice," Hannah said, looking at her paintball gun. "Not exactly something I'll do occasionally, but it's nice."

"Sweet, I always wanted one of these, but they're so expensive," Carol gushed.

Chris scoffed. "I guess it's a fitting reward for the _nerds_!"

"Hey, Chris?"

The host turned to see Harold, Yoshi, and Joel pointing their new paintball guns at him. Three BLATS later, the host was on the ground with three fresh paint marks on his chest, leg, and in his hair.

"Don't ever try to throw the competition again," Yoshi barked.

"That felt so good," Joel said, grinning.

Chef laughed and clapped his hands. "Well done, team! Now, popular kids, you all lost! You stand there with paint on your face, you big disgrace, somebody just you all into your place!"

"Whatever," Sandra grumbled.

"And don't _you_ start," Chef roared, blowing her hair back with the force of his voice. "You're in big trouble for coming back here, you and the punk!"

"What punk?" Beth asked.

Chef looked around, but could not see Duncan anywhere. "Aw crap, he's already flown the coop," he snarled. "Never mind, you'll just do his punishment too!"

He grabbed the back of Sandra's shirt collar and dragged her off, saying, "You're cleaning up the dishes and getting dinner ready for tonight!"

Sandra wailed and moaned, but it did her no good. Chris Maclean stood up, and brushed himself off. "Well then," the host said, "time I think to pick the immunity winners for the losing team!"

"Is there a follow-up challenge?" Arthur asked.

"Nope!"

"That's so lame," he growled.

"Oh deal with it, we haven't got the budget."

"You built an entire stadium!"

"Moving on," the host said, quickly changing the subject, "it's time for the winners of the losers to be picked. Rodney, please come up here."

The prodigy child, who was busy scratching paint of his helmet, stepped forward. "Yes?" he asked politely.

"As the last one standing on the popular team," Chris said as he handed the same electronic device he gave Anita on the first challenge, "you need to pick nine people out of your team to share immunity."

"Do the ones I don't pick have to watch that bad movie?"

"No, that has been deemed too cruel and unusual, even by this show's standards."

Arthur let out a very relieved sigh. "Oh thank you, sweet merciful God."

Rodney looked down at the console, up at his teammates, then pressed a few buttons. "I hope people won't hate me if I pick them," he said sadly.

"Just for a few years, not too long, little dude," Geoff said, winking.

Chris took the console and shook it. "After scrambling the results, here they are at random. Rodney, you picked for immunity...

...

...

...

"Anita."

"Aww, thank you," the raven haired beauty said, picking Rodney up and hugging him.

"I think it's only fair, since you gave me immunity last time," he said. "And you're really nice."

"Stop being mushy," the host snapped, "that doesn't make for good TV, when people are nice to each other!"

"Shut up," Anita said sweetly as she put Rodney down.

"Next up for immunity is...," Chris paused for more dramatic effect.

"Xander!" The rebel smiled and high-fived (well, low-fived for with Rodney) the prodigy child.

"Bridgette!" The surfer girl hugged Rodney as well.

"Sebastian!" The philosopher corrected his glasses and smiled.

"Geoff!" The party animal not only hugged Rodney, but his girlfriend too.

"Crystal!" The romantic spun herself in a circle in celebration.

"Courtney!" The CIT looked surprised at first, then shook Rodney's hand in thanks.

"Lindsay!" The blond squealed happily and hugged Rodney as well. At this point, the guys were getting rather jealous of the prodigy.

"And finally, the last pick for immunity is...

...

...

...

...

...

"Heather!"

"Heather?!" many of the contestants repeated incredulously.

"Me?" Heather asked, looking just as astonished. "Seriously."

"Yeah," Rodney said, tapping his fingers together nervously, since everyone looked shocked and he interpreted this as bad. "I didn't want Ezekiel to worry."

"But he's unconscious," Leshawna remarked, pointing as said unconscious prairie boy.

"I know, but if Heather was voted off before he could recover, he'd be really sad. I just wanted to be nice to both of them."

There was silence for a little bit, broken by Heather. "Um, well," she said, rubbing her arm, "thanks, kid."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - No one picked us again. Sigh.)**

**Heather** - "No one except Ezekiel has done something like that for me." \She sighs and shakes her head.\ "That kid... now why couldn't I have someone like him as a little brother instead of the monster I got?"

**Bridgette** - "Boy, if the kid can be nice to Heather, maybe I can too, huh?"

**Courtney** - "I think maybe Rodney picked me despite my poor job during the competition, but because he realizes that I am intelligent and dutiful like him, and that he wants positive role models around him."

**Rodney** - "Courtney reminds me of one of my teachers in high school. She was really nice, and then she ran off with a criminal who was on parole." \He shrugs.\ "Maybe the same thing'll happen here, I dunno."

**Anita** - "I still wonder if it is possible to adopt that kid." \She laughs.\

* * *

"Okay, time for the remaining losers to go vote for who they want while the winners and immunity people go have dinner," Chris Maclean said. "That means the losers are Tyler, DJ, Howard, Justin, Valerie, Daisy, Jasmine, Trent, Zachary, Leshawna, and Arthur."

"This so could have gone better," Justin complained as he looked in a hand mirror.

"I'll say," DJ remarked.

"I dunno, I had fun," Daisy said, cracking her fingers. "Next time, I hope to be on the other team. I'm much more of a freak than a popular girl."

"Why does that not surprise me?" Valerie remarked, grabbing Zachary's arm and pulling him to the side.

Tyler kicked at the ground. "Man, just once, I'd love to dominate a sports game, you know?"

"Oh, this woeful life we lead," Jasmine exclaimed, her hands over her heart. "Where the nerds and ugly people win over us! It's like What's-His-Name said, 'To be or not the other.' We did not be, and therefore we're not."

"Jasmine," Tyler growled, gripping his headband. "Shut. Up."

"Don't talk to me like that!"

"I'll talk however I want! You want to talk about not being? You failed today!"

"I failed?! You're the one who trips over his own feet!"

"Please stop yelling," Trent said. "It's getting on my nerves."

"Tell the over actor here that!"

"I'm the over actor? You're the one who's the actress, if I'm not mistaken!"

"Jasmine, girlfriend, knock it off," Leshawna groaned.

"You white people, trying to shut her up," Zachary shouted back at them. "I'm gonna report this racism!"

"Someone's going to be reporting my foot up their butt if you all keep this up," Arthur growled.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Where do you report that too?)**

**DJ** - "Can't we all just get along?"

* * *

The winners all were enjoying dinner, mostly because Katie and Sadie had shoved Chef out of the kitchen (he didn't mind too much, since they gave him an extra-large portion of ice cream with sugar and a cherry on top).

Joel was chatting with Hannah, explaining how Vera worked. Despite only half-understanding him, she was a good listener. When he was done, she talked to him about her home and community, which seemed more fair, because Joel could understand all of it.

Leshawna was trying to keep Harold's attention, but he kept glancing at Lindsay. After a slap upside the head, he paid full attention to his girlfriend.

Mandy, seated next to Hannah, noticed several people looking at her strangely, and not the normal strange type of looks she was used to. She also noticed people kept looking at Hannah too, though the religious girl didn't notice because she was talking happily with Joel.

The straw that broke her back was when Colin walked by, and he snickered when he saw her. "I heard you were disgusted when Justin turned on the charm," he remarked.

She flipped him off and continued to eat. He scoffed, and added, "Guess that means you really do want to hump the Bible thumper."

Silence broke out at this remark, as if time stood still. Mandy clutched her plastic spork so tightly, she snapped it in half.

"I'm not gay," she shouted. "Now get out of my face before I carve yours off and hang it up in my room as a souvenir!"

"And believe me, she'll do it too," Noah remarked.

Colin rolled his eyes and walked off to get seconds on his dinner, passing Yoshi and Alfred along the way. The two were seated, Alfred wrapping a bandage around the warrior's head. Yoshi glared at the bully as he went by them.

"What an asshole," he grumbled, and not too quietly.

"Amen," Alfred agreed. "He cannot possibly stay in this competition much longer, the way he's going."

"I don't understand why Chris picked him. He cannot possibly endure with his antisocial attitude, all he'll do is aggravate people."

"You just answered your own question, dude."

"Hmm, guess I did."

Alfred finished wrapping the bandage around his head, and patted his back. "There you are, all good."

"Thank you very much."

"No problem! Though if Daisy were here, she probably would have done it instead of me."

Yoshi flushed ever-so-slightly and looked away. Alfred wiggled his eyebrows, and said, "Do you _like_ her?"

"I didn't join this competition to start dating."

"Suit yourself, dude. Then is it okay if I try to ask her out?"

"Do what you want. I'm here to compete, and I want to win."

"And you sure proved you could do that today. You really rocked."

The other one who rocked, Izzy, was seated next to Owen and Ezekiel, though she was ignoring Owen for the most part. Ezekiel noticed this, and cleared his throat.

"I have to got get some ice cream, eh," he said. As he walked behind Owen, he elbowed the big guy slightly.

"Oh, um," Owen stammered as he turned to his girlfriend, "Izzy? I'm sorry about knocking Ezekiel around."

"I don't think I'm the one you should be apologizing too," she said, keeping her eyes closed and her nose upturned. "That person should be Ezekiel, and any of his imaginary friends."

"I don't know about his friends, but I did apologize to him," Owen explained. "He said it was okay, but he wanted me to apologize to you too."

"Really?" Izzy asked, then she smiled. "Well, if he forgives you for the mild concussion, I guess I can too!"

She hugged him and planted a kiss on his cheek. "Izzy just wants to remind you that it's all good and fun until you knock someone out."

"Right, sorry! So you do forgive me?"

"Yep yep!"

"Can we aim for second base tonight?"

"Don't push it."

"Sorry!"

Ezekiel walked back, saw Izzy and Owen making up, and smiled to himself. He went and sat next to his girlfriend, who was sitting alone at the time. "Ice cream?" he offered as he sat down next to him.

"I... don't think so," she remarked. "Way too sweet."

"Aw, come on, eh," he protested. "You only live once, and I think doo'ring these tough challenges, you should relax a little."

Heather took a deep breath, and had a spoonful. She leaned against Ezekiel, and asked, "I still don't know why Rodney gave me an immunity pass. Kids usually hate me."

"He doesn't, eh. Doo'nt woo'ry a'boot it."

He kissed her cheek, and she couldn't help but smile. She loved it when his accent really stood out.

Geoff and Bridgette were making out nearby, and Xander walked by. "You two look happy, kissing away the welts."

Bridgette broke away long enough to say, "Yep! Sure does keep the mind off the swelling."

"Sure is," Geoff exclaimed, flashing a thumbs-up at Xander. "Someday in the future, if we get married, we could go paintballing just as an excuse to make out!"

Xander chuckled and walked off. Geoff grinned at Bridgette, but she didn't seem as enthusiastic; she actually looked a little nervous and awkward now.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Lesolc S'rotinag)**

**Geoff** - "Isn't Bridgette just the best?"

**Izzy** - "Isn't Ezekiel just the best? And Owen, Owen's the best too!"

**Owen** - "Isn't Izzy the best?"

**Alfred** - "Isn't Yoshi the best?"

**Mandy** - "The next time Colin makes a remark like that, I'm going to-"

\_We apologize for this, but for the sake of our younger audiences, we have the censor out Mandy's words._\

**Mandy** - \You cannot hear what she says, but she making breaking, hooking, and gouging movements. Then she pulls out her sacrificial dagger and makes slashing movements around her wrists, neck, and groin. The camera cuts to static when she picks up a large scythe and starts swinging that around, still shouting threats.\

* * *

The eleven losers were all seated apart from the thirty-one immune contestants. The crowd was cheering as Chris Maclean took to his podium on the platform. He waved to the roaring fans.

"Welcome to our third trophy ceremony," Chris Maclean exclaimed, pumping his fists. "This one should be rather startling! Let's give a cheer for the ones you hope to stay for another challenge, at the least!"

The crowd began chanting names, really hard to hear specific ones except by those who were _really_ loud. Some of the losers reacted to this, fidgeting and looking around.

Tyler was glaring at Jasmine, who sneered right back. Valerie was boring holes into the back of the jock's head, but she was grinning viciously. DJ was glancing over at Zachary, who didn't seem to look too worried. Trent was twiddling his thumbs, humming "Love Potion #9." Justin's handsome face was tightened in a furious scowl at Zachary as well, his beautiful hands clenching.

"Well, we have eleven contestants, and only ten survivors," Chris Maclean said. "Forty-one beautiful gold trophies here, one short of the total contestants."

"Thanks," Clive grumbled. "We're just completely incapable of understanding this after every time we've seen this."

"He does it to annoy you," Belinda said softly.

"No," Chris exclaimed. "Well, yes."

Belinda licked her finger and stroked an imaginary "point" in the air. The clairvoyant sat back and relaxed, looking at the trophies. These had the icon of a paintball gun was imprinted on all of them.

"Let me hand out the trophies to each of the winners and those immune," the host said. He and Chef Hatchet started to pass out the trophies to said people, while the losers were exchanging glares, worried glances, and frustrated sighs. Only Trent seemed unfazed, humming "9 to 5" as he watched Chris.

The host noticed this, and he turned to Trent. "Nervous?"

"Slightly. But I know I played well, and no one has any reason to blame me."

"Same here," Leshawna said. "Still, you never know on this show."

"Yeah, you're right," Trent remarked, shrugging. "Well, I still am sure."

"Well then, it's time to announce those who have immunity," Chris announced. "And the first one goes to...

...

...

...

...

...

"Trent!"

"Told ya," the musician said, smiling satisfactory. He caught it when it was thrown at him, then hugged Gwen in victory.

"Next is Leshawna!"

"Knew it," the sister said. Jasmine reached over to hug her, which she returned, and almost missed the trophy when it was thrown at her.

"Trophies go next to... DJ! Howard! Daisy! Justin! And Valerie!"

The five losers caught their trophies, all smiling triumphantly. The host juggled one more of the trophies in his hands.

"The next one goes to... Arthur!"

Arthur let out a sigh of relief and caught his trophy. He looked back at the remaining three to see their reaction.

Tyler clenched his fists hard. Jasmine chewed on her upper lip. Zachary ground his teeth.

"Who's not getting a trophy?" Chris sang as he held up a trophy in both hands.

Lindsay whimpered, looking close to tears as she looked at Tyler; Ezekiel was almost as close to losing it as well. Leshawna drummed her fingers together nervously, and Howard bit his fist. No one was worried over Zachary.

"The loser of you three... the one going home... is...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"Jasmine!"

The two remaining trophies were caught by Tyler and Zachary. They both exhaled in relief, while Jasmine gasped in horror.

"Damn it," Valerie cursed under her breath.

"Damn it all," Justin grumbled.

"Damn it, no," Jasmine wailed, standing up and throwing her fists into the air. "This cannot be! This soon, this dramatic, this heartless? Must you, could you, should you?"

"Oh God, she's _still_ going at it," Tyler cried out, covering his ears.

"You mustn't, you uncultured assholes! I will never stand for such an outrage."

"Jasmine, girl, get a grip," Leshawna shouted, grabbing her friend's shoulder. "It's not the end of the world!"

"Yes it is! The world, the galaxy, the universe! The world will never know my talent, my charm! The horrors, the tragedy, the _drama_! Oh, _the horrors_!!"

"Get her on the God damn bus already," Daisy growled. "Where is that bus?"

"I hope Duncan got to it on time," Arthur remarked. "Otherwise, we're stuck with..."

"The mitigated gall of the audacity of the nerve," Jasmine continued to wail. "I shot several people, including Leshawna's deadbeat boyfriend."

"Oh! Oh no, you didn't," Leshawna shouted, glaring at her friend. "You did not just insult my man!"

"Gosh," Harold said. "And I was just starting to feel sorry for her."

"She can really rant, can't she?" Katie said to Noah.

"I know people like that on MMORPGs," he replied. "They're why the mute button was created."

"And the horrible, terrible, almost-murderous destruction of my dignity and honor," Jasmine carried on. "You evil, washed-up has-been!"

"Hey, I didn't vote for you," Chris declared. He began to look around frantically. "Jeez, where is that bus?!"

The bus came up at those words, Duncan at the wheel. Sandra, stained with paint and soggy from washing dishes for hours, looked miserable in the back. She had just been saying to Duncan how the day couldn't get any worse.

"Who lost?" Duncan asked as he opened up the bus door.

"It's like that Shake Spears said," Jasmine screamed, " 'Give me liberty or give me rest'!"

"Her, right?"

"Jeepers," Joel said, "she must be upset, she's saying utter nonsense."

"No, she always talks like that," Leshawna remarked. "Why do you think back home, we call her Jasmine 'Dramine' Queen?

"Now c'mon, Jasmine, on the bus," she added as she shoved her friend.

"Wait," Howard shouted, getting up at last. "Can't I say good-bye?"

"Nope, got to get her on the bus," Chris remarked quickly.

"But... but...," Howard stammered as Jasmine was pushed onto the bus, "but who's going to help me hook up with Belinda?!"

Belinda raised an eyebrow at this, while Howard tried to get on the bus. Leshawna was busy trying to get Jasmine all the way onto the bus. "Where can I put my basket case on this bus?"

"Next to bubble gum girl," Duncan suggested, grinning wickedly.

"What? NO," Sandra screamed from the back.

"Oh, my sister in agony," Jasmine screamed, gripping her arm and hugging her fully. "You know my torment, you know my grief! The injustice of it all makes me want to throw up, how about you?"

"Leave."

"Yes, actually! Alone, wanting to be apart from the world," she cried, gripping Sandra tighter.

Leshawna dusted off her hands and stepped off the bus, pulling Howard off too. "C'mon, white boy, let's go."

"Wait, Jasmine," Howard called out.

"Trust me, you don't want to-"

"Jasmine," Howard pounded on the side of the bus. "I'll miss you! If I can, I'd love to see one of your plays one day!"

"Would you?" Jasmine asked, climbing over Sandra and peeking out the window. "That's so sweet of you! I'll miss, and best of luck with her!"

"Thank you!"

The bus roared off, with Jasmine going back to wailing and clinging to a very upset Sandra.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Total Drama Jasmine, eh?)**

**Leshawna** - "Am I upset Jasmine got voted off? Somewhat. Though annoying and she does brag a lot, she's one of my girlfriends, and I've known her since childhood. But I knew she wouldn't last long."

**Howard** - "Man, Jasmine was hot. And funny. And tough. I really wish she could have stayed. I would love her help in courting Belinda."

**Belinda** - \smirking, rolling her eyes\ "Naughty man, that guy."

**Tyler** - "Oh thank you, sweet merciful God. My ears are starting to stop ringing. That girl has nothing on jets taking off, or entire stadiums roaring!"

* * *

**(Room 7 - Joel, Justin, Katie)**

Joel looked around the room, and was quite startled to see all of Jasmine's belongings, including the photos on the wall, were gone. "How wonderful! A third of all those eyes staring at me when I sleep are gone!"

"I suppose that means Justin and I are your next targets?" Katie asked, smiling jokingly.

"Nah, I think I can stand this many eyes," Joel remarked. "So, where's Justin?"

Katie began to giggle, and when it lasted for about a minute, Joel had an idea.

* * *

**(Room 2 - Beth, Bridgette, Carol, Clive)**

Justin was helping apply ice packs to Beth's face, on her the painful welts. "I'll get that Zachary guy for doing this to you."

"No, please don't. I don't want you to be hurt," Beth pleaded. "I'd hate for him to hurt your beautiful face."

"I think, even if it could bring damage to my face, I'd risk it to avenge you."

Carol let out a loud, "AWWWW," and Clive gave a little golf clap. Justin shrugged, and helped apply the ice to another welt on Beth's face.

"Just please, don't fight him. I'd hate for you to get hurt," Beth said.

"I'll be careful," Justin promised her, kissing the place he had been applying the ice to.

"Oh, don't do that," Beth requested, giggling and blushing like crazy. "The cold part's now really hot."

Carol let out another loud swoon, kicking her feet up in the air. Clive merely raised and eyebrow and turned away.

"Do they remember there are other people in this room?" he grumbled.

"I don't mind," Carol gushed, giggling impishly. She was laying down on her bed, watching directly.

"How about Bridgette? Bridgette might... wait, where is Bridgette?"

* * *

**(Stadium Cafeteria)**

Bridgette was wearing her night clothing, sitting down, and sipping tea from a coffee mug. She looked deeply concerned about something, and anyone with half a brain would be able to understand by looking at her.

Luckily, the person to enter the cafeteria next was Ezekiel, who had a full brain. He didn't even see Bridgette, he could sense her worry, and turned towards her. "Bridgette? What's wrong, eh?"

"Oh, it's nothing, really."

All that was said beforehand would implicate that there was no way Ezekiel believed that.

He sat down across from her. "You want to talk a'boot it?"

"Wouldn't your roommates worry about you?"

"Geoff was trying to get us all 'oot for some reason, but it's no good, eh. Gwen was gonna be in Trent's room, but the guys' room is such a mess that she cannot stand it. And Hannah was thinking of being in Katie and Joel's room, but the amount of eyes from the pictures on the walls freak her 'oot a little."

Bridgette chuckled, but halfheartedly. "Oh, Geoff," she said softly. "Bet he wanted to spend some time with me."

Ezekiel nodded, then his eyes widened. His jaw dropped, and he tried desperately to shut it. Before he could shake away the wide eyes, Bridgette noticed. "No, we're not having sex, Zekey," she said, laughing a little again.

"Oh, phew. Erk! I mean-"

"It's okay, I know what you meant by all that," she said, giggling. "But Ezekiel... he was talking about marriage."

"Really? Were things going... um... big between you in-between seasons?"

"I think you mean 'heavy,' Zekey. And not that much... I just... it's so sudden," she said. "He's talking about marriage, and we're only seventeen, and we haven't argued that much, and we-"

"Whoa whoa whoa, Bridgette," Ezekiel waved his hands. "You're starting to s'hoot, eh."

"Sorry. I just," she leaned against the table. "I don't think we're anywhere near that kind of level in our relationship."

Ezekiel nodded, and the two began to talk more. As they continued to talk about her problem, Heather approached the doorway. She saw them talk, heard a few things, and then walked away in a huff. She almost felt like tears were coming to her eyes, but shook them away.

"You know he loves you."

Heather froze when she saw Crystal nearby the entrance. "What do you want?" she snarled.

"Ezekiel and Bridgette are just friends," Crystal continued. "You should not worry about them."

"Oh please," Heather threw her hands up, walking around in a circle. "We all know he had a crush on her, eh!"

Crystal giggled. "You even talk like him at times."

"I cannot help it. But anyway! You know he had a crush on her, maybe still has!"

"It's true, possibly. But he's seeing you, she's seeing someone else, and they're both responsible and moral. They're just friends and will stay that way."

"Oh really now?" Heather spat. "Boys and girls just friends? Even with attraction between them?"

"I have three guy friends back home," Crystal said, holding up three fingers to accent the point. "I love them, attracted to them a good deal of the time, and there's no way any of them could be my friends. Doesn't stop me from having a crush on them."

"Why don't you hook up with them? They taken?"

"Nope. One has completely different opinions on current events, one loves Mexican food (which I hate), and one's gay."

Heather blinked, then sighed. "I really don't know. I mean, I don't want-"

"Do you really think Bridgette would try to steal your boyfriend?"

"What? Well, you never know-"

"Bridgette," Crystal repeated. "You know what she's like, you know what he's like. Think about it long and hard, Heather."

Colin peeped out of his room. "They're so gonna be banging each other, Ms. Insecure!"

Crystal, without looking behind her, slammed the door on his face. Putting her hand on Heather's shoulder, she led her away.

"Heather," she said, smiling pleasantly despite having rammed a door in a guy's face less than a minute ago, "I really support you and Ezekiel. You both have changed, evolved, and I know you two care about each other a lot. Bridgette and he are just friends, and you should accept that friendship."

"Why?"

"Because everyone needs friends. If you restrict yourself to one person, you would have too much pent-up frustration after a while. Ezekiel needs to talk to someone about you."

"To bad mouth me?"

"To discuss how to make your relationship work better, and many other things."

Heather sighed. "Fine. I guess I can accept Bridgette."

"Good, and Izzy too."

"Izzy?" Heather asked, her eyes widening. "I have to accept her too?!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Seems like an ezzy proposition to me.)**

**Izzy** - \listening to the conversation through the door\ "Hehe. She damn well better."

**Groucho the Duck** - "That was a great fight. I need a cigar."

* * *

--

**(Voting Confessions)**

**Tyler** - "Jasmine! I cannot stand her! She's been shouting and wailing and bragging about being in plays that even _I_ know she's getting wrong! And I used to think Shakespeare was famous for writing tragedies, comedies, and errors!"

**DJ** - "Zachary's not cool. I don't like cruelty, at all, and he's very cruel. And whiny. My mom would pelt him with a cabbage if she heard him speak."

**Howard** - "Man, I'm just gonna vote for Arthur. I like the girls, and most of the guys are okay. I think that Arthur has something to hide."

**Justin** - "No one, NO ONE, hurts my Beth! I don't care if he's black or white, strong or weak, rich or poor, hot or not, I want him out of here! Or I might just get one of those paintball guns and get him in the face a few times in revenge."

**Valerie** - "Time for me to make my first big move. We're going to vote off Tyler, because that creep is not talented and he'll get in the way. How many people would miss him?"

**Daisy** - "Man, I like Leshawna, but her friend is a pain in my butt. I gotta vote for Jasmine before I throttle a fellow sister."

**Jasmine** - "Tyler's a creep. He's got to go! He doesn't even know any of Shakespeare's tragedies, comedies, or his errors!"

**Trent** - "I am good friends with Leshawna, but... her friend is really annoying. I never knew anyone could brag that much and be so wrong at the same time."

**Zachary** - "Valerie says Tyler has got to go. One more white boy gone ain't gonna matter anyway."

**Leshawna** - "That Zachary creep is whining and complaining too much! And then he attacks my poor Beth? No no no, he did'ant!!"

**Arthur** - "I have a feeling that either Tyler, Jasmine, or Zachary will go, depending on the hostilities built up. I'm gonna vote for Jasmine, because..." \he shudders\ "... her voice makes me want to maul something. Like Juggernaut tearing up a building... no, better yet, the Hulk!!"

\He stops, then sighs. \ "You know, if I keep making these comments in here, I might accidentally let them slip when I come out of the closet."

\He stops again, then slaps his forehead.\ "I cannot believe I just said that."

* * *

--

--

--

Elimination (those who gained the last shot):

**Alfred** - Geoff. (**1**)

**Anita** - Sadie, Owen. (**2**)

**Arthur** - Katie, Carol. (**2**)

**Carol** - Leshawna. (**1**)

**Chris Maclean** - Joel. (**1**)

**Cody** - Trent. (**1**)

**Daisy** - Hannah. (**1**)

**Eva** - Anita, Xander, Tyler, Daisy, Arthur. (**5**)

**Harold** - Lindsay. (**1**)

**Heather** - Clive. (**1**)

**Howard** - Sakaki, Gwen. (**2**)

**Izzy** - Courtney, Howard, Jasmine. (**3**)

**Jasmine** - Alfred, Mandy, Harold. (**3**)

**Joel** - Chris Maclean. (**1**)

**Lindsay** - Noah, Colin. (**2**)

**Mandy** - Justin. (**1**)

**Owen** - Ezekiel. (**1**)

**Rodney** - Eva. (**1**)

**Sakaki** - Bridgette. (**1**)

**Sebastian** - Belinda. (**1**)

**Yoshi** - Valerie, DJ, Heather, Sebastian, Zachary, Sandra, Rodney. (**7**)

**Zachary** - Beth. (**1**)

--

**Votes**:

**Tyler** - Jasmine

**DJ** - Zachary

**Howard** - Arthur

**Justin** - Zachary

**Valerie** - Tyler

**Daisy** - Jasmine

**Jasmine** - Tyler

**Trent** - Jasmine

**Zachary** - Tyler

**Leshawna** - Zachary

**Arthur** - Jasmine

--

Jasmine - 4

Zachary - 3

Tyler - 3

Arthur - 1

--

**Voted Off** - Sandra, Duncan, Jasmine.

* * *

**Next Up:** Frequent Flyer Wiles!


	13. Ch 4, Pt 1: PreFlight Checklist

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. Also, do not try any of the jokes with airport security, I'd hate for any of my loyal readers to be held up and cavity searched.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - To warn everyone, especially my friends Winter-Rae and PsychoZeke, this chapter starts a terrible feud between Colin and Hannah, mostly on his side. Starting from now, he's going to insult Hannah and her Christian beliefs as much as he can. This is just to make him a more vile villain.

I'd like to apologize if you are not religious, and I guarantee you that Colin is not supposed to represent the agnostic and atheists out there in the world. He's just supposed to be a jerk, and the only way to be a jerk to a devout Christian is to insult their belief. That being said, I want you all to know that no matter how much you hate him, I get to be the one to slap him because I'm the writer, and will have much fun writing it. \wicked grin\

Oh, and new poll. Time to name the raccoon!

* * *

**Chapter 13** - Crash Course 'n Flight

* * *

--

--

--

Yoshi was looking at every participating member in the cafeteria. The triumphant leader of the last challenge was expecting glares, determined glances, even one or two of the popular kids threatening him on the way.

He was not expecting love in the air. It was downright insensitive to make out the day after his grueling victory. A competition didn't feel much like one when people were making out.

Geoff and Bridgette, Lindsay and Tyler, Izzy and Owen, Beth and Justin, and Courtney and Duncan were all kissing as if it were their last day together. Noah was feeding a giggling Katie, Gwen was snuggling up to Trent, and Harold was hugging Leshawna around the waist. Even Ezekiel and Heather looked comfy, him wrapping an arm around her shoulders; she looked hesitant at first, but when he kissed her neck, she slid against him happily.

Yoshi growled as he sat down at a table, upset by the amount of love. He wanted action and hatred, people threatening him that he'd be next to go. It really didn't help to see a lot of the new members, like Xander, Howard, Carol, and Alfred and Daisy flirting too. What would it take to make people mad at...

He almost froze when he realized that. Sitting right across from him were Alfred and Daisy, both of them with sly smiles and shameful words on their lips.

"You too?" he grumbled, rubbing his temple.

"Hey, he's cute," Daisy said with a giggle.

Alfred grinned impishly. "I never met a girl who could reply so well to my bad flirting."

"It's because I'm a bad flirt, and thus it's easy to work with," she said as she wiggled her eyebrows at him.

Yoshi made a gagging noise, and Daisy glanced over at him. He scoffed and looked away, muttering, "This is supposed to be a competition."

"Does that mean you and I are going to compete or Daisy?" Alfred asked, clasping his hands excitedly. "Oh wow, I've never done that before!"

Daisy gasped joyously. "Two boys fighting over _me_? Oh Alfred, you shouldn't have!"

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close to kiss his cheek. She giggled and looked at Yoshi, saying, "Well, my fine samurai, what's your first move?"

Yoshi growled and shoved a mouthful of eggs into his mouth, then looked away. He saw both Anita and Eva talking to Cody, trying to get his attention. Snarling, he slammed his forehead against the table top.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Might as well be Lover's Lane Closet...)**

**Lindsay and Tyler** - \kissing fervently, her hands under his jacket\

**Owen and Izzy** - \kissing wetly, her arms around his head\

**Bridgette and Geoff** - \kissing passionately, his hands all over her sides\

**Yoshi** - "I'm sick of all this love and kissing! You know why? It makes everyone who wants to compete seriously, like me, look like a jerk. And it's not fair, because no one wants to separate them, not even me. I mean, I'm a master strategist, but I wouldn't want to break up anyone..."

\He groans and slaps his forehead, then shakes his head.\ "Why am I _jealous_ of Alfred? Why do I feel like I should compete? Do I want to be seeing Daisy?"

\He looks at the camera in-between his eyes.\ "Where the hell did _that_ come from?"

* * *

The forty-one contestants all enjoyed breakfast, except for a disgruntled Yoshi. They walked out into the stadium, and were very surprised to see no one was in the stadium audience.

"That's weird," Lindsay remarked. "I would think this place would be full again."

"Budget ran out a little," Chef Hatchet, who was walking nearby them, said nonchalantly. "Seems that having a full crowd for just the send off isn't that good for our budget."

"I loved having a lot of people cheering us on," Beth complained.

"I didn't," Arthur said. "Seemed kind of frivolous, like someone holding a million dollar birthday party."

"Oh, I do that," Lindsay said, grinning happily. "Last birthday party I had cost more than all the cars my family owns!"

Most of the others weren't actually thrilled to hear this. Noah rolled his eyes and said, "Great. Guess that means if you win, you can afford five more birthday parties, or one five times bigger."

Lindsay's eyes widened at the thought, and she clapped excitedly. "Oh, I never thought of that! I cannot wait! What's the next competition, huh?"

As if a switch was thrown (actually, a button was pressed), the holographic cover was lifted around the stadium, and a full audience was there, screaming and cheering and clapping.

Several of the contestants were startled, and clung to other people. Some were bothered by this, but some, like Tyler who had Lindsay clinging to him, didn't mind so much. The blond girl gasped and looked around.

"Are these the people for my birthday party?" Lindsay asked, then cheered and clapped her hands. "You all shouldn't have! This is so cool, there's a few more people than last year!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Were we invited?)**

**Trent** - "Just how many people were at her last birthday party?"

**Valerie** - "What a trivial waste of money. If she's spending that much, she should at least be campaigning."

**Beth** - "Wow! I want to be invited to that next party!"

**Mandy** - "Foolish mortals always trying to make their little lives so much bigger. Well, that big girl isn't gonna win after this, how many people are gonna let a girl win when her mortal 'rents got more dough than the show?"

* * *

Chris Maclean was standing on the platform, grinning as he flipped a remote in his hand. "Well then, contestants of the Maclean Stadium, how are you all?"

"We're doing just fine," Gwen remarked with a roll of her eyes. "We are actually having a really good time at breakfast in the morning."

"You ungrateful punks," Chef Hatchet grumbled.

"You don't have any right to complain," Katie shouted at him, startling Noah and Sadie. "The pans were never washed, the utensils were never washed, and you know that mixing bowl, the one with the green brim?"

"What about it?"

"You never washed it," she shouted. "I recognized the meal from the fourth challenge of Total Drama Island!"

"How did you remember that?" Sadie asked him.

"Bridgette puked it all over me, remember? Well, that and chips."

As the surfer girl nervously wrung her hands, Chris chuckled. "So, you finally manage to clean that bowl?"

"No, and I've used everything I could, including an ice pick, a carving knife, and I broke two iron wool scrubs," she remarked. "I was thinking of using dynamite next, but I wouldn't know where to get it."

Izzy lifted her hand, and Noah slapped it down. "Why," he growled, "am I not surprised?!"

"Never mind our dirty bowls," Chris said. "Our next challenge is going to be rather fun and unique! It's a flying contest!"

Owen and Izzy screamed and clung to each other. Sakaki squeaked in fear and hid behind Sebastian. Heather balked at the sound.

"There is _no_ way," she shouted, "that you can trust half of these people to fly a plane! In fact, I don't think _any_ of us are allowed to fly a plane."

"No no, these will be standard, commercial plane flights," Chris explained. "You all are gonna fly on commercial airlines."

Izzy and Owen clenched each other tighter. Anita drummed her fingers together and said, "Wait, Chris. If we're riding commercial planes, how is it a race?"

"Ah, good question, beautiful," the host said. "You see, we've arranged for planes to take off to a certain destination at noon, 12:10, 12:20, 12:30, 12:40, 12:50, one o' clock, and one every hour afterwards."

"That still doesn't make any sense," Hannah spoke up. "How are we going to get there in different intervals?"

Colin chuckled, confusing some people. He looked over at Hannah, and said, "What are you going to do, Jesus girl? Pray for God to teleport you?"

"No, that would be cheating," she remarked, smiling politely. As she took this in stride, Joel was taking deep breaths and crossing her arms. Belinda nudged him gently.

"If she can take it, so can you," the clairvoyant said. He exhaled, then nodded. Clive nearby scoffed.

"It's all hopeless," the emo muttered. "You should turn your back on hope and love, it'll only hurt you."

Belinda turned towards the emo, batting her observant eyes. "Don't be so negative about others' possible love lives, Clive, just because your last girlfriend cheated on you."

Clive's jaw nearly hit the floor.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Was she right?)**

**Clive** - \He still looks thunderstruck.\ "How did she KNOW?!!"

**Colin** - "That Hannah girl has already got on my nerves. She flaunts around, acting like she's better than us. I bet she's in the confessional every time, saying how we're all gonna rot in hell; all Christians are like that, you know."

**Hannah** - \tapping her chin with her finger\ "If Data from Star Trek was an android, did he have his own power source? I don't remember him ever charging up."

* * *

Chris tapped his foot. "Are you all done? Look, you all are doing a pre-challenge before the contest. That'll determine when you all can take off, and the sooner you get to the airport, the better."

"We just getting to the airport?" Courtney asked. "Do we have tickets ready?"

"Nope! You see, you all are getting tickets and car rentals via your own provided money! You guys get an all-use cash card, the amount determined by how well you did last couple challenges."

"Who judged us?" Yoshi asked suspiciously.

"I did, of course."

"Are the nerds going to be judged fairly?" Harold demanded to know.

"Of course, you pack of cheaters," Chris said cheerfully. "Now look, you all are going to pick one member from your team to run an obstacle course, and then once your member passes, you can go pick your car. We have nine cars that all look the same, but they have been modified for different speeds.

"Once you get to the airport, get through airport security. It may be hard, depending on what you carry."

Yoshi dubiously eyed his katana blade. Izzy discarded a stick of dynamite. Noah looked at Mandy.

"Now you all buy your tickets and fly to the designated area. There, you purchase your rental car, and the more money you have, the faster it could be. You all race back here, and that's your flight challenge."

Heather let out a relieved sigh. "Thank goodness."

"Yeah, especially since fat ass there," Colin said as he jerked his thumb at Leshawna, "would prevent one of those smaller planes from getting up, huh Heather?"

It's hard to say what happened next, but the result was that Gwen, Harold, Mandy, Crystal, and of course Leshawna all had to be pulled away from Colin after quite a few smackings. The bully didn't look too good afterwards, but most of the people didn't mind.

"Nice job," Chris observed. "Now see, the cash card is allowed at all the places, just please spend it wisely."

"How are we going to know how to get from here to the airport, and from where we land to get back to here?" Rodney asked.

"You can buy maps or a GPS system. Your call. Any more questions?"

"Yeah dude," Geoff asked before Chris could say, "_No? Good_." "How did you get the cars to have modified speed?"

"It wasn't easy," Chris said with a grin, "but we managed."

Hannah cleared her throat loudly. "Excuse me, but give Joel his due credit."

"Why thank you," Joel said as Chris frowned. Belinda and Hannah offered a high-five when the host and the beaming inventor weren't looking.

"If you all are done talking about Joel's good mechanics," the host grumbled over the giggling contestants, "I'd like to announce the teams."

Belinda raised her hand. "Excuse me, but that's everything you have to say otherwise?"

"Yes, why?"

"HA," Belinda shouted, startling everyone; no one expected her, of all people, to shout. "You forgot to say 'Welcome, contestants, to the next challenge of Total! Drama! Battlegrounds!' I win!"

The audience went wild, but not as wild as the contestants. They all cheered and congratulated as Chris Maclean sulked. Howard threw confetti into the air.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Break out the champaigne!)**

**Chris Maclean** - "Man. How _does_ she do that?"

**Belinda** - \brushing a strand of hair behind her ear\ "I'm just good, Mr. Maclean."

**Howard** - "Oh be still, my heart. I must have that blond beauty, she is so very smart and wonderful and pretty! And how could she resist me, I love her talents! I'm not standing in here going, 'How does she do that'?"

**Belinda** - \coming back in after Howard leaves\ "I'm still not that interested in him. Still, human beings can surprise you."

* * *

"If you're done," Chris snarled as he pulled confetti streams off of his hair, "can I finally announce the teams?"

"Sure," came the scattered reply from the celebrating teenagers.

"Team 1 will be familiar to all, as I thought it would be fun to bring the former champions of last season back! The team is only four members, consisting of Bridgette, Izzy, Cody, and Ezekiel!"

Izzy let out a happy squeal and jumped on Ezekiel's back, startling him and Heather. "Oh boy, we're working together again! Aren't you excited, my Zeke?"

"Will you please get off my boyfriend?" Heather snapped.

"Jeepers, you say that to me a lot," Izzy remarked. "It sounds kind of dirty, don't you know?"

Cody and Bridgette joined them as Izzy eventually climbed down and let go of Ezekiel. Though Bridgette exchanged a few words with Ezekiel, Heather was still glaring at the redhead.

"Team 2 is rather simple," Chris continued. "Emo boy, prediction girl, American kid, wise guy, and Geoff."

"Who's the wise guy?" Geoff asked curiously as he, Clive, Belinda, and Alfred grouped up.

"Noah."

"Oh," said Noah, Arthur, Xander, Sebastian, and Harold all said in unison. The bookworm patted Katie's shoulder before joining his team. "I'm with you again, emo boy?"

"I'm about as happy as you are about it," Clive said.

"No, I don't think I'm _that_ depressed."

Chris waited until Noah joined his team before continuing. "Okay, then. Team 3 will consist of Yoshi, Tyler, Justin, Beth, and Daisy."

"Oh YAY," Beth cheered as she glomped her boyfriend. Justin hugged her back after he recovered, as Daisy approached Yoshi.

"Looks like it's time for you to make your moves on me," Daisy said, grinning slyly at him.

"I'm here to win the competition," he said, crossing his arms. "Not to flirt."

"Not much you can do on the plane, unless you count the mile-high club."

Yoshi turned pink in the face and looked away. Daisy laughed and slapped him on the back.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Which team am I on?)**

**Daisy** - "It's really funny to tease Yoshi. He's got that warrior complex that makes him almost impervious to emotion except for combat, and when someone flirts with him, he doesn't know what to do. He's so cute though, gorgeous eyes, yummy chest, and he actually makes a guy in a kilt look good! Mrwar."

**Cody** - "I remember how the four of us took on the ocean! It was fun, we swapped stories, fought monsters, Izzy... wow." \He blushes red.\ "Hehe, best part of the challenge ever."

* * *

"Team 4 will consist of Sebastian, Arthur, Sakaki, Valerie, and Howard."

As soon as Chris said this, Sakaki let out a relieved sigh and walked over to Sebastian; she hid behind Sebastian just a little. Arthur rolled his eyes at this, then saw Valerie, and hid behind Sebastian a little too. Valerie glared at him, then saw Howard wiggling his eyebrows at her, and hid behind Sebastian a little too.

"You look like a bodyguard, Sebastian," Leshawna remarked. "Hope you're carrying a gun."

"No, but I do have a strong kick."

"Good enough."

"Team 5 was going to be the quarterfinalists from Total Drama Island," Chris said. "So we're just going to have the semifinalists and two others. Owen, Gwen, Heather, then Mandy and Carol!"

Owen looked stoked, mostly because he was on a team with four girls. Heather looked like she'd rather be in a lion cage; Gwen was thinking the same thing, actually.

"_Try to be nice,_" Heather thought to herself as she approached her new teammates, looking back at Ezekiel briefly. "_Try to be nice, he's counting on you to be nicer. Just don't insult them, and they shouldn't be too yucky._"

Mandy glanced in-between her teammates when they bunched up. She twirled a sacrificial dagger in her hand and said, "So, we gonna sacrifice the fat one for good luck?"

"_Screw that_!"

Gwen rolled her eyes, and ended up looking right into Heather's frustrated glare. The two locked, stared at each other for a little bit, then looked away. Heather heard Ezekiel sigh, and the queen bee wondered if this was going to be a really bad challenge.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - They're not gonna get along, are they?)**

**Heather** - "Look, I know that Weird Goth Gi... I mean, Gwen. Gwen and I don't see eye to eye, and I doubt we ever will. I just don't know if sticking us in a car, and on a plane is going to help."

**Gwen** - "This'll go over like a lead balloon."

**Ezekiel** - \nervously tapping his fingers together\ "Heather's my girlfriend, and Gwen is my roommate. I really hoo'p that they will just try to get along, eh!"

**Carol** - \scowling\ "I wasn't the one Mandy was calling 'fat one,' was I? I know my butt's big..."

* * *

"Team 6 is going to be fun," Chris Maclean said with that sadistic grin. "It'll be Hannah, Trent, Lindsay, Joel, and Colin!"

Joel tried to hide his happy grin, and it was a lot easier to do Colin bumped him on his way over. "Hey church girl," the bully said with a big grin and not an ounce of pleasantness in his voice, "you'd better not preach to me, because I'm not gonna stand for _that._"

Hannah shrugged. Joel admired how calm she was, because right now, he wanted to hit Colin with his wrench. And hammer. And power sander. And-

"What is that?" Colin continued, point at the Bible Hannah was holding.

"Well, I want something to read on the plane ride."

"You'd better not thump it at me." Lindsay, who was talking to Trent, looked confused by this. "Why would she hit her Bible?" she asked the musician. "Is it some kind of music or something?"

Hannah continued to smile politely and shake her head at Colin, who wasn't letting up. Joel's eye was starting to twitch, and Trent gripped his shoulder gently. "Just let the jerk vent a little," Trent suggested. "Hannah can take care of herself."

"Yeah, Pamela told me she plays soccer," Lindsay chimed in. "She could kick him where it really hurts men: in the stomach!"

Joel and Trent stared at her as she proudly smiled, then she asked, "Well, it does hurt a man to kick him in the stomach, right?"

"Team 7 would be another four-person team," Chris said, "which will consist of Katie, Courtney, Harold, and Rodney."

The three teenagers looked at each other, wondering how awkward this would be, then Rodney came running up to them. "Aren't you all excited?" he asked. "I love flying, don't you?"

"I get nosebleeds," Harold muttered.

"Oh, here," Rodney dug into his pocket and pulled out a pack of pocket kleenex. "You can use these."

"That's very kind of you, Rodney," Courtney said, beaming at him. She remained unaware that Katie was looking not-so-friendly at the back of her head.

Rodney giggled nervously, rubbing the back of his head. "It's nothing, really!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Never gets to fly.)**

**Courtney** - "I love that little kid. I think things will go by just soothingly."

**Katie** - "I know Harold has forgiven Courtney, but I'm still really mad, and I think it got a little worse over time. I had to vote myself off on account of what she did. I'm just glad I hooked up with Noah first, because that made it all worth it."

**Noah** - \He is standing there thinking, smiling slightly.\ "I don't know why, but I just feel... really good all of a sudden. And I normally don't."

* * *

"Team 8 will be yet another four-man team," Chris Maclean said, "consisting of Xander, Crystal, Leshawna, and Eva."

The four teammates looked unsure, except for Eva and Xander, who high-fived. Crystal immediately approached Eva, and the two started talking about a certain tech-geek. Leshawna noted this, and smirked.

"She really is a romantic, isn't she?" she asked Xander. "Trying to hook up everyone."

"Yeah," the rebel said, stroking his chin in thought. "You know, I always did like blonds."

"You getting romantic on me too, handsome?"

"There's been a lot of love today," he said, chuckling. "Might as well try to keep up that pattern."

"And last but not least," Chris said, clapping his hands, "we have Team 9, which has our remaining contestants: Sadie, DJ, Anita, and Zachary."

The four teenagers looked at each other. Anita and DJ started to talk, but were cut off by a horrified gasp from Sadie. "I just realized," she screamed, "I'm not with Katie for the first time this season! KATIE!"

The other BFFFL stopped glaring at the back of Courtney's head to look at her friend. She waved sadly, and then started to shake. Trying not to cry, she looked for someone to hug. She made a revolted sound when she looked at Courtney, shuddered when she saw Harold and thought of Leshawna, so she instead picked up Rodney and hugged him close to her chest as she sobbed.

This did not go over well with Noah.

"You getting close to my girlfriend?!" he shouted at Rodney, startling everyone who wouldn't expect Noah to yell furiously (which was everyone). "This rivalry has just gone up a little, you little scalawag!"

"Um, Noah?" Alfred said, poking the bookworm's shoulder.

"Dude," Geoff remarked. "You're getting jealous of an eight year-old."

"I highly doubt," Belinda said, "that you're going to lose Katie to him."

"You never know," Clive grumbled. "Always who you least expect."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Noah vs. Rodney continues!)**

**Sadie** - "How am I supposed to live without Katie? She means more to me than anything in the world! We're not even confessing together now!" \She begins to scream.\

**Zachary** - \He is looking around, looking disgusted.\ "It feels like 'hysterics' in here."

**Alfred** - "Dude, Noah was getting jealous of Katie hugging Rodney! Can you believe that?" \He laughs, then goes quiet.\ "Though he does get hugged a lot by girls. I should wear a helmet."

**Leshawna** - \She's singing, but she's not exactly the best singer.\ "So can you fee-eeeeeel the lu-uuuuuuv too-ni-yiiiiiight?"

**Zachary** - "Now it smells like bad singing in here!"

* * *

"Now, this'll be rather simple, but complex," Chris said. "You see, your pre-challenge is going to be an obstacle course."

He pressed a few buttons, and a large rumbling shook the arena floor. On the northern side, a gigantic obstacle course that stretched from one end to the other rose up. The course consisted of six large parts.

The first part consisted of logs of varying height, made of wiggly nerf kind, and the entrance to the next part raised high. The second part had several, swaying seesaws that someone would have to jump to and from; if the person fell, they would have to climb back up, but the ground wasn't entirely too soft. The third part, the ground was made entirely of flame jets, going off in a certain pattern.

The fourth part was a long conveyer belt with a variation hurdles, flame jets, greased portions, and water sprays. The fifth part was like a ball pit in a kid's fun house, but of varying size and mass; water was spraying in several areas, shooting balls all over. The sixth and final part was many blocks on the floor, being risen in several patterns, some really slow and some really fast, most up very high.

"Well, _someone's_ playing a lot of Mario," Noah snapped, while several people gasped in horror.

"Wow," Izzy gushed, holding Ezekiel close in excitement. "This is like something out of a dream I had! Or when I went jumping rooftops in France!"

"Sometimes I think the reason the USA is in a recession," Gwen muttered, "is because Chris Maclean is blowing enough money to make both countries go broke."

"Now this is what you want, isn't it, Yoshi?" Daisy asked, nudging him playfully. "Challenge, race, danger, excitement?"

"All of that, but less fire," Yoshi said. "I don't want my clothes burned up."

"Now there'd be a sight to see," she said, batting her eyes playfully.

"Stop discussing about how awesome the obstacle course is for a moment," Chris instructed them. "Now here's how we're going to do this: everyone on your team is going through this, but one at a time. You wait until someone goes all the way through, then the next one goes. Once you all go through, you get to pick your car."

Chris motioned to the west side of the arena, where nine cars were parked. They all were a normal kind, fairly brand new, but the one thing that made them special was different numbers painted on the hoods, from sixty to one hundred.

"The number on the car's hood is your maximum KPH," the host explained. "Please take that into careful consideration when you pick."

"Why?" Sebastian asked. "Wouldn't we take the one with the maximum KPH if we finished first?"

"Uh, yeah."

"That's not exactly fair," Justin said. "Several of the teams have only four members, they'll complete sooner than us five-man teams."

"Those teams have less money, considering they only have four peoples' amount on the cash card," Chris said, "which makes the road trips and the rental cars at the second destination harder for them. Now any more questions?"

"Is there any chance someone could go twice through the obstacle course for someone else?" Valerie asked; she was looking at Howard, who was grinning obediently. "I really don't want to go through your playground from Hell."

"Nope! You all go!"

"Damn," Valerie snarled.

"Damn," Izzy cursed.

"Now, all nine teams," Chris exclaimed, "pick your first member, and then we'll start it up. Just to let you all know, in our obstacle course, pushing and shoving and roughhousing are highly encouraged!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Can I go first?)**

**DJ** - "That obstacle course was the most frightening...

**Sakaki** - "... terrifying..."

**Justin** - "... dangerous..."

**Harold** - "... incredible and wicked..."

**Eva** - "... challenging..."

**Xander** - "... exhilarating..."

**Joel** - "And if that dickweed continues to rag on Hannah, I swear by the Prince of Space, I'll take my longest screwdriver, and shove it right up his-"

**Sebastian** - "... quite intimidating..."

**Arthur** - "... video game inspired madness I've ever seen in my life!"

**Joel** - "... until he needs a doctor to pull it out again! And wow, do I get violent when I get in this Confessional. I think I spent too much time with Chef last season."

* * *

"Okay, people," Chris declared (he sure is getting a lot of lines after every confessional, isn't he?). "Are you ready to start the obstacle course?"

Lined up were Izzy, Alfred, Daisy, Howard, Carol, Hannah, Harold, Eva, and Anita. The nine of them all looked anxious, which was why most of them were first: not many wanted to go.

"On your mark...," the host declared, "get set... GO!"

The race took off with all of the nine contestants taking off, a couple elbows and pushes, and they were on their way through the first part. There were many tumbles and crashes, including one where Alfred almost fell on Hannah.

"Sorry about that," he said to her as she dusted herself off.

"No problem, you did miss." "Say, Hannah? If Colin tries anything, let me know. I want an excuse to hit him."

"You shouldn't be so quick to violence, hon," she said. "Besides, I can take care of myself. And Joel is with me."

"Ah, Joel, he's a good guy," he said, grinning cheerfully. "But then I can hold him and he can hit him!"

The nine charged through the first half with relative ease, only getting slightly singed by the flame jets (Izzy had run right through, giving her the lead and a little trail of smoke coming from her hair). The conveyer belt turned out to be a hassle, and the ball chamber was actually rather fun.

"Take this," Carol shouted, throwing a beach ball at Howard. It bonked off his head, and he chased after him, pelting her with plastic balls.

Eva threw a soccer ball at Hannah, but the religious girl kicked it away; it hit Anita in the side of the head, knocking her over. Daisy tackled Harold, but was unable to keep the lanky nerd pinned down for long.

The last part was a breeze for Izzy, hurrying faster than the blocks could raise. Leaping around like a wild monkey, she was whooping and cheering as the others started on the obstacle course. Howard was thrown into the air and landed on Eva.

"Oh hi-" he started to say before Eva threw him away, higher than the obstacle course threw him. He landed on top of Anita, who groaned in pain.

"Why do I keep getting clobbered?" she asked.

"Man, I wish I had my lacrosse stick," Daisy exclaimed. She had a rather unusual way of racing through the obstacle course: on Alfred's back.

"I cannot believe I'm doing this," he shouted as he continued to run.

"You know you li-iiiiiiike it," she sang, giggling. "Besides, this'll make Yoshi jealous, and you want to get him into this contest, huh?"

"Stop carrying her!! You filthy pervert, I thought better of you!"

"Noah, lay off," Yoshi said, flicking the bookworm's ear.

As Ezekiel took off through the obstacle course after Izzy, the others finally finished too, though Howard was rather bruised. Valerie saw this, and hid behind Arthur.

"I'm so not going through there," she shouted. "He's got bruises all over!"

"Oh yeah, wanna see the ones under my shirt?" he asked, unbuttoning his shirt. Sebastian patted his shoulder, and cleared his throat.

"Keep it on, my friend," he said. "I'll go next."

Anita was putting an ice pack to her head as Zachary took off next. "I'll bet my face is pretty bruised," she muttered.

"Your voice is pretty," Sadie offered, smiling at her teammate.

"Aww, shucks. Thank you, but I know I look bad."

Hannah, gasping for air after the long run, hurried to her teammates. Colin was scoffing as the religious girl stopped to take a breath. "You sure took your sweet time, last out of all of them," he snapped. "I guess God doesn't answer prayers."

"If he did," Joel grumbled, "your mouth would've been sewn shut in your sleep."

"Why don't _you_ go next, Colbert?" Lindsay suggested to Colin.

"Are you kidding? I'm not going!"

"But you have to, eventually! Chris said-"

"I don't care what he said, I ain't going through there!"

His four teammates exchanged frustrated glances, and Trent shrugged his shoulders as he headed for the obstacle, far behind everyone else.

The second members of the teams hurried, but the results were quite a bit more different. Some, like Katie and Owen, were falling all over the place, even in the parts where there wasn't much falling down to do. Some, like Yoshi and Geoff, were doing great jobs.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Helping with cuts in the progress.)**

**Eva** - "That thing was a piece of cake! I wish more of our contests were like that! Instead of lame things like driving or flying!"

**Anita** - \still holding an ice pack to the bruise on her forehead\ "Well, I _did_ sign up for this show, knowing what was in stock for me."

**Chris Maclean** - "Because of the inordinate amount of time it takes to show everyone going through the obstacle course, I'm going to give you all a quick summary of how it went:

First Place - Team 8.

Second Place - Team 1.

Third Place - Team 3.

Fourth Place - Team 4.

Fifth Place - Team 7.

Sixth Place - Team 9.

Seventh Place - Team 2.

Eighth Place - Team 5.

Last Place - Team 6, mainly because they haven't all _gone_ yet, still!"

* * *

**(Team 6 - Colin, Joel, Hannah, Lindsay, Trent.)**

"Dude, now I'm begging you," Chris Maclean implored Colin. "Everyone else left the stadium. You have to go."

"No, and you know why?" the bully said. "Because since everyone has gone, I don't technically have to go."

"Those were the rules!"

"Rules were made to be broken," Colin said, cracking his knuckles. "You yourself agree to that philosophy."

While Chris contemplated what sounded to him like very reasonable logic (but not very reasonable to anyone else, Colin's teammates were getting very impatient."

"We have, like, the slowest car," Lindsay wailed. "And I hate that shade of green, it makes me nauseous just looking at it."

"Dude, you've taken this way too far," Trent said, crossing his arms.

"What makes you think you'll get away with this?" Joel snapped. "I mean, seriously, if we lose, you think we won't vote you off?"

"I implore to your good nature, Colin," Hannah said, her voice steady and calm. "Please just go through the obstacle course so that we may continue-"

"See that? See that?!" Colin shouted, interrupting Hannah and pointing accusingly at her. "She's preaching at me! That's religious prosecution! Just like the Spanish Inquisition."

"Gee, I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition," Joel remarked sarcastically.

Lindsay blinked, and asked, "Wait, Hannah's Spanish?"

"Chris, do something about her," Colin demanded of the host. "She's pushing her religion on me, and I shouldn't have to tolerate that."

Trent, Lindsay, and Joel all were rather annoyed by Colin's behavior, and it only increased when Colin shot Hannah a sadistic grin while he complained to Chris Maclean. What worried them was that Chris was tapping his chin in thought, as if to contemplate this. He started calling someone on a cell phone.

"Ha, take that, church girl," Colin shouted at Hannah, grinning victoriously. "I won't have you forcing your ideals on me. You guys are just as bad as the Spanish Inquisition, you know that?"

"The Spanish Inquisition," Joel declared, feeling his temper ebb away, "ended over five hundred and thirty years ago."

"Doesn't mean I can't be bitter about it."

"Dude," Trent said, his normally calm voice seething with frustration, "you're being a jerk. Please, just will you-"

"Okay then, people," Chris said, getting off his cell phone. "Hannah, I have been told by our fair, open-minded, and kindhearted producer that you are not allowed to harass Colin any further."

"Yeah, Ms. Mosquito Bite Chest," Colin said to her, smirking.

"This is bull," Joel shouted, throwing his hands up. "Unsaturated, unadulterated bullsh-"

Hannah patted his shoulder, offering him a smile. She turned to Chris, and merely shrugged and nodded. "I believe I can refrain from that."

"Oh, and also," the host said, glancing at his cell phone as if it was watching him; he held out his hand to Hannah. "Our producer would like for you not to bring your Bible on the trip."

"What?!" Hannah exclaimed, clenching her holy book to her chest.

"I don't want to hear her reading it out loud," Colin said, then struck an "overwhelmed" pose that really didn't suit him. "It might prove to be distressing."

Joel was taking deep, hissing breaths in fury as Hannah sighed and handed her Bible to Chris. "This is the most insensitive thing I have ever seen in my life," he spat. "Are you trying to bring back the Spanish Inquisition, in reverse?"

Trent slapped his forehead as Chris tucked Hannah's Bible under his arm. "This is ridiculous, Chris," he muttered. "Can Colin just please go through the obstacle course now?"

"Actually," the host said, "I think I have to agree with him. Since you're in last place, he doesn't need to go."

"Man," Chef Hatchet grumbled. "Even _I'm_ starting to get upset by this."

"And I'm driving, you bunch of dorks," Colin shouted, his triumphant grin as wide as possible.

They walked to their car, Joel fuming and Trent trying to pat his shoulder in comfort. Hannah walked with her arms behind her back, and Lindsay was starting to worry about her; the blond may have heard a lot of negative things about Christians from her father, but was getting to really like Hannah.

Lindsay tapped Hannah's shoulder to get her to face her. "Hey um, Tamara," she said nervously, "I know it doesn't seem fair and all, but I want you to know that I'll keep you company. I really like Spanish people, my favorite maid is Spanish at home! So..."

She hugged Hannah, and said cheerfully, "Olé, and Feliz Navidad, Tamara!"

"Thank you," she said, smiling back at Lindsay. Joel watched all this, and couldn't help but smile.

"_Oh, she's so cute,_" he thought, drumming his fingers against his knuckles. "_It makes me forget about my unnatural bloodlust_!"

* * *

**(Team 9 - Anita, DJ, Sadie, Zachary)**

"You all okay with flying?" Anita asked the others as she drove.

"I'm good," Sadie said, "but I don't think DJ is."

She was right now holding DJ's hand, and he was holding it back. Him nervous about flying coupled with her nervous about being Katie-less was making them almost cling to each other. Zachary was looking back at them with disgust.

"Brother, why are you clinging to that white woman?" he asked DJ.

"What's wrong with white women, huh?" Anita asked. It was meant to be playful teasing, but Zachary didn't take it as such.

"Oh, so you white women think you're the best, huh? Is that how it is?"

Anita hit her forehead against his steering wheel, sighing as a dull throb of pain from hitting the bruise shook her skull. "_I'm stuck in a car_," she thought bitterly, "_with two terrified cowards and an easily offended whiner. We're never gonna get through airport security._"

* * *

**(Team 8 - Crystal, Eva, Leshawna, Xander)**

"Man, I _love_ this car," Eva gushed for the fifth time. "I could drive it all day! Forget the plane!"

"Naw, girl, I love flying," Leshawna remarked. "Please don't take that from me."

Xander and Crystal chuckled from the back. The rebel rubbed his facial scar as he looked at her, then cleared his throat. "I've heard," he said, "that you're a big-time romantic."

"And I've heard," she said, smiling at him, "that you prefer blondes."

"Guilty as charged. But how'd you know?"

"I read your profile. I actually read everyone's, just for fun and matchmaking," she explained. She turned towards him, her grin getting wider. "You're rather interesting and mysterious, Mr. Xander."

"Why thank you," he replied, grinning right back. "Actually, the scar's no mystery, everyone back home knows how I got it, they just didn't put it up on the profile."

Crystal laughed. "Wow, a secret that everyone knows. You know what I think?"

"No, what, babe?"

"I think you and Carol would be a great couple!"

As Crystal started to fantasize over this, Xander blinked and lost his grin. He stared at her confused and said, "Um, what?"

"Carol, the gal who wants to be a police officer! She's blond too, and she adventurous," Crystal explained. "Oh, she's rather cute too, and she's kind of a rebel! The more I think of it, the more I bloody love it!"

As she gushed on, Xander stared at her. "_Now that's a first,_" he thought to himself. "_I flirt with her and she immediately tries to set me up... with someone else._"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Happens to the best of us, Mr. Xander.)**

**Crystal** - "Xanrol.... no no no, Carder... no, that's no good either. Man, if I cannot think of a good nickname for that couple, what hope do they have?!"

* * *

**(Team 7 - Courtney, Harold, Katie, Rodney)**

The drive was going okay, yet there was a terrible tension in the air, provided by Katie and Courtney. The two girls were sitting in front, Katie at the wheel, and Courtney studying the map. Every so often, their eyes would meet, scowls would form, and invisible sparks, flames, and daggers would shoot out.

Harold and Rodney weren't exactly enjoying it, because even though those sparks, flames, and daggers were nonexistent, they could feel themselves almost getting hit by the wide shoots and ricochets.

"I'm very scared," Rodney whimpered, clinging to Harold's shirt. The nerd patted his helmet in comfort, though he was hugging it in terror as well.

"So am I, little bro," he whispered, "so am I."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - We're scared too, and we're not even in the car!)**

**Rodney** - "Harold was telling me a little thing about 'girl whispering' in the back, though I didn't really get that. All I know is that when girls get mad, they're the most frightening thing in the world; strange how that fact is never brought up in biology, beginner or advanced."

* * *

**(Team 1 - Bridgette, Cody, Ezekiel, Izzy.)**

"Okay, we're here," Cody said as he hopped out of the car. "The airport! We've parked in the right area, right?"

"I think so," Bridgette said as she stepped out. "The big sign out in front of the airport that said, 'Contestants of TDB, please park in Lot 27' was clear enough."

"I would think there would be paparazzi here, or something," Cody remarked, looking around and also seemingly disappointed. Bridgette arched an eyebrow at him.

"Oh, don't you have enough screaming fans?" she joked.

"Anita and Eva are hardly 'screaming' fans."

"Touché. Now we just need to find out how much is on our cash card," she said as she pulled said item from her jacket pocket, "and get us a couple seats. It's almost noon, we might get the first flight out of here!"

"Right, are we forgetting anything?"

"I don't think so... Ezekiel?"

"We've got a problem here, eh!"

Bridgette and Cody looked back at the car to see Ezekiel trying desperately to pull Izzy out of it. Her nails had lodged into the back seat, causing big punctures and tears.

"I'm not going on a flying death trap," Izzy screamed. "It's the last thing Izzy will do! Izzy would rather die! Why does Ezekiel want Izzy to die?!"

"Izzy, c'mon," Ezekiel grunted, pulling harder. Eventually, the car seat couldn't be held onto from the long rips, and Izzy and Ezekiel fell backwards. The redhead struggled and ran back to the car, but Ezekiel grabbed her again to stop her.

"We're gonna miss 'oor flight, eh," he strained to say. "Please Izzy, I promise you won't get hurt on the flight..."

He stopped when he realized Izzy had stopped struggling. Letting out a sigh of relief, he said, "Okay, Izzy, just be calm. It's okay, eh, I'm here."

"You just can't keep your hands off me, can you, my Zeke?"

Ezekiel was puzzled when Izzy looked around at him, a faint blush on her face and an impish grin on her lips. He looked down to see that in his attempt to grab hold of Izzy, his hands were gripping her breasts.

"Zekey," Izzy said in fake scolding as Ezekiel let go as if her breasts were on fire. "You naughty boy you, I know I'm hard to resist, but... well, actually, maybe I cannot blame you."

Ezekiel was bright red as Izzy cupped her own breasts and examined them, so proud of her "girls." Bridgette had her hands over her mouth in shock, and Cody was grinning at Ezekiel proudly.

"It was an accident?" the prairie boy whimpered.

"Don't say that," Izzy teased him. "I might think I'm not that hot, and you don't want it on your conscious that I think I'm ugly because of you, do you, my Zeke?"

* * *

--

--

--

**So how will the teams react on the planes? How will they fare with security? Can some of them even get past security?**

**Will love continue to be in the air? Will any new romances form during this challenge, and at thirty thousand feet?**

**Is Izzy hot? And just how bad do you want to sock Colin, huh? C'mon, you know you want to! Hell, we want to!**

--

**Challenge 4, Frequent Flyer's Wiles, The Teams:**

**Team 1** - Bridgette, Izzy, Ezekiel, Cody

**Team 2** - Clive, Belinda, Alfred, Noah, Geoff

**Team 3** - Yoshi, Daisy, Tyler, Justin, Beth

**Team 4** - Sebastian, Arthur, Sakaki, Valerie, Howard

**Team 5** - Owen, Gwen, Heather, Mandy, Carol

**Team 6** - Hannah, Colin, Trent, Lindsay, Joel

**Team 7** - Katie, Courtney, Harold, Rodney

**Team 8** - Xander, Crystal, Leshawna, Eva

**Team 9** - Sadie, DJ, Anita, Zachary

--

**Next** - Airport security, and boarding the plane!


	14. Ch 4, Pt 2: Insecure Security

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. Also, do not try any of the jokes with airport security, I'd hate for any of my loyal readers to be held up and cavity searched.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - I'm sorry this is so late, but that is life. Oh, and for the record, all of this is impossible. And I offer no apology to airport security, they're dim. I'd also like to ask that you all stop asking me when the next chapter will be out, because asking doesn't help! And by saying that, I am lying, because it's a huge guilt trip. But be careful, or I'll vote your favorite character off. \evil grin\

* * *

**Chapter 14** - Surely You Cannot Be Serious

* * *

--

--

--

**(Back at Maclean Stadium)**

Duncan sipped at his drink as Chef Hatchet walked around the cafeteria, sweeping up the mess. The big, large, huge, giant, heavy, brute of huge density mumbled as he cleaned up.

"I used to cook good meals for these runts," he grumbled and fussed. "Now I'm cleaning up. I shouldn't be sweeping, that's a woman's job!"

"Real nice, Chef," Duncan said. "Are you related to Ezekiel?"

"Are you kidding? Have you noticed the difference between him and me?"

"Nope. Cannot see a single difference between you and Ezekiel."

"None of your sass-mouth, whippersnapper, I... hey! Wait a minute! What are you doing here, criminal? You were voted off!

"And come to think of it, you were here at breakfast! What is the matter with you, showing up where you don't belong?"

Duncan scoffed, rolled his eyes, waved his hand, shook his head, and sipped his drink again. After that exhausting bit of sarcastic body language, he added, "You want to be stuck on a bus with that snobby Sandra and over-the-top drama queen Jasmine? Those two will drive a guy like me insane."

"So you're just here-"

"Correct! I'm just here for the food. Oh, and to swap spit with my girlfriend, that's fun. Wonder how she's doing now in the challenge?"

* * *

**(Team 7 - Courtney, Harold, Katie, Rodney.)**

"Now I want you all to know," Courtney said as her team stood in front of her, "that airport security has no sense of humor, and they are overly paranoid. Heaven knows, Chris probably told them to be even more paranoid. So I need you guys to please put everything that could possibly be considered a threat in here."

Courtney opened up a suitcase she had purchased in front of them. Rodney pulled out a calculator and put it in. "Could hide a bomb," he said.

"I... seriously doubt that," the CIT remarked, then smiled and pat his head, "but hey, you know, now that you brought it up, I think it's possible. Last thing I want to see is me saying that's ridiculous, and then security holding up the calculator, saying it might have a bom-"

Courtney startled as a pair of nunchucks fell into the suitcase with a loud clank. Then a couple ninja stars, then a short sword.

"For God's sake, Harold," Courtney declared as the lanky nerd then put in a couple yo-yos, a squirt gun, and more devious items in too. "You carry all this around with you?"

"Where were you keeping it?" Katie asked in marvel.

"Gosh! I always have to be prepared," Harold said.

"With that kind of weaponry?" Courtney exclaimed.

"Well, we are on Total Drama," Rodney pointed out, marveling the weapons. "Ooo, is that a real blowgun?"

"Harold," she groaned, then shook his head and looked up at Katie. "What about you?"

"I don't have a sword or a bo staff, Courtney."

"No, but you could have something."

Katie rolled her eyes. "Look, I only have my wallet, my lip gloss, my nail file-"

"Nail file?" Courtney repeated. "For God's sake, Katie, airport security treats those like shivs! Throw it in there now!"

Katie grudgingly, then held up her lip gloss. "Want me to throw this in too?" she asked sarcastically.

"Don't be a whiner, Katie."

The two girls glared at each other, and Rodney hid behind Harold. The nerd cleared his throat loudly, catching the girls' attention. "Now before this gets ugly, remember that we only have a few minutes before noon, and if we don't get on that plane, we're going to have to get the next one. And I would really like to make it in time."

"Yeah," Rodney squeaked from behind Harold's leg. "Besides, we got everything in that suitcase, right?"

"Right," Courtney said as she slammed said suitcase shut. "Now I want all of you to be very passive, very reasonable. If they ask you to strip down to your underwear, then do it."

Katie looked down herself, then swallowed. "Um, can they do that?"

"Yes, they can. So be careful."

"I'm actually okay with nudity in public," Harold said proudly. "After the first season with that prank the guys pulled on me, I'm okay. Now that all the girls I know and love have seen me naked, there's nothing for me to ever fear again."

Courtney looked at Harold oddly, then sighed and picked up the suitcase. "Anyway, let's get this over with."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - We're naked too, in a way.)**

**Courtney** - " 'All the girls I know and love have seen me naked.' Man, Harold gets more and more weird... wait. I was there when he was naked. Does that mean he..."

**Harold** - "To make the best out the worst and most embarrassing position I've ever been in, I now know that all the girls I like have seen me naked. True, some haven't, but it's their loss."

* * *

**(Team 1 - Bridgette, Cody, Ezekiel, Izzy)**

"Guys, I have some really bad news," Cody said as he headed back to his teammates. "We don't have enough money for four tickets on our card."

"What?!" the other three exclaimed, all of them gaping in horror.

"In fact, we barely have enough money for three. If we pay for three, we're not gonna have enough for a rental car."

"This sucks," Bridgette complained, then looked confused. "Wait a minute, why? You three were on the winning paintball team! Izzy was one of the two people left standing!"

"That explains it, eh," Ezekiel grumbled. When Bridgette looked at him confused, he explained, "He bet on the popular kids, and one of the people responsible for making him lose his bet is on our team."

"Oh, I'm sure it's more dastardly than that," Izzy said, a cheerful smile on her face. "See, we're the four semifinalists of last season? I bet he cut our funding so seriously to almost ensure our team lost, and one of us could be voted off."

"Why would he do that, eh?"

"Simple, he's one of those people who thinks that since we did well one season, we don't deserve more time on the show."

"That sucks! If I'm using the right word, eh?"

"Yes, you are," Bridgette said, patting his back; it was more for her balance than his comfort, because she was rather off-put by this news. "So, we are royally screwed."

"Bridgette, I haven't heard you call defeat so quickly like this befur, eh."

"I told you this would happen, didn't I?" She sighed and leaned against the wall. "Getting rid of the people who won last season. I really wanted to stay longer."

"Bridgette, c'mon, people love you."

"Yeah, and I'd chime in," Cody said, grinning, "but Ezekiel can do the sweet talking."

Bridgette smiled at her friends, then noticed Izzy wasn't there. When she looked around for their redheaded friend, a loud thump startled her.

"Look what I managed to rent at such a reasonable price," Izzy chimed, grinning excitedly. What she had thumped in front of them was a very large suitcase, about four feet tall, three feet wide, and two feet thick.

"That's really big, eh," Ezekiel said. "But Izzy, we didn't even have luggage to begin with!"

"Yeah, but you can ship me in this," she explained, grinning even wider now. "I'll be your baggage."

Cody, Ezekiel, and Bridgette stared at her. She stared back, that Izzy-grin unwavering. "Well, you all know I hate flying."

"How will being in a box help?" Cody asked.

"It's better than being on the plane, at least riding it."

"You still will be, but Izzy," Bridgette sighed and shook her head, "this doesn't help anything. We barely have enough money for three people, so we still have a probably with the rental car afterwards."

"Izzy thought of that too, so she got one big enough for two people," she pointed out, opening up the large suitcase.

This stunned the three teens, and Izzy simply giggled. "Who wants to ride with Izzy in the suitcase?" **[1]**

**

* * *

**

**(Team 6 - Colin, Joel, Hannah, Lindsay, Trent)**

"Finally, we're here," Colin shouted as he stormed out of the car and kicked the door, denting it. "Stupid, slow car."

"It's your own fault," Trent pointed out. "If you had just gone through the obstacle course-"

"Shut up, Hannah!"

The other four were slightly stumped by this (especially Lindsay, who was trying desperately to remember who Hannah was).

"She didn't say anything, that was me," Trent remarked.

"I know, but I'm sure she's thinking judgmental things and is gonna chastise me soon! And I don't want to hear it!"

Colin stormed ahead, leaving the others rather off-put. Lindsay looked over at Hannah, and smiled. "Oh, you're Hannah," she said, then frowned. "You're not gonna chastise me too, are you?"

"N-no."

"Good, because I don't think I'd like that. What's chastise mean, Trevor?"

The ticket purchase went smoothly, all things considered, and then it was time to go through airport security. They rented one suitcase for their possessions, but it was quickly filled up by one of the contestants.

"Wow, Noel," Lindsay remarked as Joel tossed in a third screwdriver. "You sure do have a lot of stuff on you!"

"They didn't invite me on this show because I'm an unprepared inventor," he said with a smile, then took off his shoe and fished out a small screwdriver from here.

"Nah, they probably asked you on to fix the coffee machine," Colin remarked with a mean grin, "if you can even do that."

Joel shrugged, uncaring as he shook out his boot over the suitcase, in which a ball-point hammer and several gears and nuts fell out. "You sure you gave over everything you have on you, Colin?"

"Don't look at me, I don't have any weapons. Why not ask church girl?"

Now the inventor was mad, and he glared at the bully. "Why don't you watch what you say?"

"She's got dangerous items on her, like that necklace!"

Hannah looked down and touched said necklace. "My cross?" she asked.

"Yeah, most dangerous thing on the planet, since Christians are ruining it."

Colin walked off to security, laughing. Trent had to coax Joel to put a hammer (a rather big one, too) back in the suitcase. Lindsay looked at Hannah, confused.

"What's he mean by that?" she asked. "Do Christians not recycle?"

"I do. He's just being mean, Lindsay."

"Oh, I hate mean!"

The five went to security, and it seemed most of the teams were already going through it. Hannah assumed that the creators of the show (and/or Chris) had called ahead, because it seemed almost everyone was there.

As the religious girl took off her shoes and put all her belongings in a tray, a rather mean-looking security guard approached her. "What's that on your neck, girl?"

"Um, my cross?"

The security guard grabbed it with his fingers and inspected it closely. Hannah looked around nervously, and noticed that a lot of the security there was glaring at her suspiciously.

"It's one of those Christians," one of them whispered.

"You gotta watch out for them," another agreed. "There's been no reports of Christians trying anything on planes, which means we have to be extra-careful with them."

"Be careful, or she'll chastise us!"

Hannah sighed as the guard continued to closely inspect her one-inch cross with the type of scrutiny he should show on something actually threatening. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Colin grinning wickedly at her.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Duncan was here!)**

**Colin** - "Stupid Hannah got us delayed to the last plane possible back there. I think we can all agree it was her fault."

**Joel** - \angry stare\ "So what would happen if those people actually found someone carrying something really dangerous? Would they not recognize it?!"

**Trent** - "I don't know what was worse, the fact they looked at Hannah's cross like it was a serious threat, or the security lady who asked me if I kept my hair with me at all times and that no one had put something in it against my knowledge?"

**Hannah** - \smiling\ "Hey, I can laugh about it now. And boy, my mom was right, they did hire the guards from Paranoids 4 All!"

* * *

**(Team 5 - Carol, Gwen, Heather, Mandy, Owen.)**

Carol glared at the security guard looking her over. The guard took it for as long as he could, then asked, "What's up with you?"

"Oh nothing, I just don't like fake cops," Carol said with a roll of her eyes. "Shame you couldn't be a real cop, huh fatso?"

"Carol," Gwen shouted, slapping a hand over the young officer's mouth. "Sorry officer, she's rude."

"But I'm right," Carol managed to say through Gwen's fingers, making the security guard scowl more.

Two security guards watching this shook their heads, and one said, "What a head case."

"Maybe it's her religion?" the other asked. "We've been told to never, ever profile. We could get in real trouble if we searched someone because they were suspicious."

"Right, make sure we don't offend someone over their religion."

Mandy walked through the metal detector, and it went off. The guard held out a tray for her to put her belongings in, and said, "Did you miss something?" The cultist snarled, and removed a five-inch blade from the side of her pants.

"Um, wow," the guard whimpered. "Why'd you have this?"

"I'm a C'thulhuist," Mandy growled. "I need a dagger on me at all times."

"Oh, religious?"

"Yes. You dare mock me?"

"N-no!"

"I'll sacrifice you and drown your family in your blood."

"It's fine, fine, don't get mad. Anything else you got on you?"

Mandy shrugged, and pulled another knife from her back pocket, pulling it out of the scabbard to show how shiny it was (to scare the guard). She then reached into the band that held up her terra twist ponytail, and pulled out a long, steel, cylinder blade.

The security guard gasped in horror. Owen, nearby, laughed out loud, which caused him to fart and knock out two guards. Mandy snarled at him and said, "You pass gas one more time, I'll shank you on the plane, you hear me?"

"Hey now," the guard searching her said, but another guard patted his shoulder.

"Be respectful of peoples' religions," he said to him.

"Right, I will. Don't want trouble."

Mandy eyed them suspiciously. "Lax crumb cops, Carol was right. You're not even worthy to be sacrifices."

"Just be polite," the other security guard said. He suddenly tensed up and looked to the side, where Hannah was walking away from a very long search. "Hey! You! Christian girl!"

"Me?" Hannah asked, looking around.

"Yes, you! You look dangerous! Get over here, I'm gonna search you! Can't trust you Christians!"

Hannah held back a sigh as the second security guard began inspecting her cross. Mandy shook her head, and fiddled with the vial of poison around her neck, and a slender dagger she had been hiding in her glove with her other hand. "Look, can I go now? I have to kill people in the name of C'thulhu!"

"In a minute, hon, we're sorry for the inconvenience," the first security guard said.

"You crafty Christians will try anything," the second security guard grumbled as he stared hard at Hannah's cross. "God knows what you'll do for God."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Don't sacrifice us!)**

**Mandy** - "Man, the airport security was as bad as my school, where they take my daggers, and my vial of poison, and my lighter, and my scalpel, and my whip, and my taser, and my pepper spray, and my razors, and my gum!"

**Owen** - "I'm way too scared to eat airline food. Or use the bathroom. I guess that way, things work out."

**Carol** - "Airport security guards are all creeps who abuse the tiny amount of power they have. Crumb cops, little authority and paranoid thoughts. All that compensation and lack of security is probably because they all have small-"

**Heather** - "I thought Gwen would be the most suspicious at the airport because she looks like a terrorist, but no, the other three did a pretty good job of making themselves look terrible!" \She slaps her forehead.\

**Gwen** - "I was sure Heather would be pulled over because of how evil and conniving she looks but the others... ugh." \She facepalms.\

* * *

**(Team 9 - Anita, DJ, Sadie, Zachary)**

"You searching me because I'm black?!"

"No sir, we just-"

"It's because I'm black! You're profiling! And profiling is wrong!"

As security, Sadie, and DJ all tried desperately to calm down Zachary, Anita watched and shook her head. She had practically begged him to not put up a fuss at security, but he seemed determined to start one. Sighing, she carried on through.

Anita walked through the metal detector, and looked at the security guard who had stopped her. His name tag read "Watney," he was staring at Anita's boobs, and he wasn't even bothering to hide it.

"Can I help you?" she asked, a little off-put by the unwavering staring. If she wasn't so used to this...

"Strip."

"_Excuse_ me?!"

"Strip search, I mean," Watney explained, shaking his head but continuing to stare at her breasts. Anita put her hands on her hips, frowning darkly.

"Why?"

"I don't need a reason, now go strip behind the panel. Wait a minute! You," Watney shouted, pointing at Lindsay. The blond beauty needed a couple more calls before she realized she was being called to.

"Yes?" she asked.

"You strip too. In fact, you two get behind the panel, and undress each other."

Lindsay's eyes bulged, and Anita clenched her fists until her knuckles popped. "We're not doing that."

"Oh yes you are, or you're not getting on your plane. Now strip, because I am the God of airport security over you! I am authority, and you will respect-"

He was suddenly grabbed by the ear by a lady officer who looked like it was his mom. He was whimpering and crying as his mother dragged him off by the ear; she turned around and said, "Go ahead, ladies."

Lindsay turned to Anita and asked, "Why on earth would he want us to do something like that?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Watney ain't coming here.)**

**Lindsay** - "I don't get it. Did he want me to change into something more fitting for the plane? Is there plane clothing? A plane bikini?"

**Anita** - /angrily crossing her arms/ "Okay, that Watney guy, I cannot believe he tried that! It was like he knew we had a lot to lose if we didn't do whatever he said! Did he know we were in a contest, did Chris tell the security?"

**Chris Maclean** - \snaps his fingers\ "Aw man, that footage would've been incredible."

* * *

**(Team 3 - Beth, Daisy, Justin, Tyler, Yoshi)**

Beth and Daisy were dealing with security just fine. The others were having a bit of trouble, of all different kinds.

"Man, I don't see why I gotta take off my shoes," Tyler grumbled as he unlaced his sneakers. "It's making a mountain out of a molehill."

"Take off your shoes, son," the security guard snapped.

Tyler did as he was asked, grudgingly, and then the officer got a whiff of the jock's feet.

"Put your shoes back on, son!"

Justin was unloading his belongings into a tray when he noticed a couple of the lady security guards were staring at him, lustfully.

"Um," one of them started to ask, blushing, "you don't look suspicious, but can we search you anyway?"

Justin grinned, then he noticed Beth nearby, looking crestfallen. He immediately abandoned the grin, and frowned. "Um, sure, if you insist."

Both grown women squealed at the chance to physically inspect Justin, making Beth sulk more. Nearby her, Yoshi was sulking as well.

"I hate going places with my sword," he whispered to Daisy.

"You know there's no way we could have brought that," she said to him, patting his shoulder. "Now man up, it'll be there when we arrive."

"I can only hope."

A security guard was looking at them funny, mostly at Yoshi. He leaned over to another officer, and whispered, still loud enough to be heard by the teenagers, "Is that kid Japanese?"

"Yeah, keep an eye on him," the other one whispered back. "You know how they like to fly planes into stuff, the kamikaze fools."

"He might be Christian too."

Yoshi's hands were clenching, and his eye began to twitch. He wanted so bad for his sword to be in his hand right now, he could almost feel it. What he did feel was a lot softer, warmer, and much, much more unexpected: Daisy's hand.

"Don't let them get you down," she whispered to him, smiling as she gave his hand a squeeze. "They're just mad because they're stuck in a really crappy job."

"Okay. But why are you holding my hand?"

" 'Cuz I want to."

Yoshi blinked, then shrugged. "_There are much worse things_," he thought.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Much much worse things...)**

**Justin** - "I'm used to this, getting inspected on security. And on buses. And school at gym class by the girls who sneak into the girls' locker room. But now that I have a girlfriend, I guess that I'm not supposed to enjoy it anymore, huh?"

**Beth** - \sad sigh\ "My boyfriend's so hot, girls and women are all over him. They even do it in front of me. I wish I was more attractive, maybe then I'd be worthy of his glorious attention?"

**Yoshi** - "You know, when I think about it, Daisy is a rather fine woman. I bet she could give me a run in an arm-wrestling match."

**Daisy** - \pounding on door to janitor's closet and shouting in at Yoshi\ - "Damn straight, handsome."

**Tyler** - "You know, I think I should watch my socks after I've worn them for two weeks. They're kind of crunchy, and brown... and flaking."

* * *

**(Teams 2, 4, 7, and 8)**

"Did you ever have your bags handled by someone when you weren't around it?" the security guard asked Geoff.

This confused the party animal greatly. "But dude, if I wasn't with them, how would I know if someone was with them?"

"YES OR NO!?"

"N-no!"

"Now, have you ever leave your bags unattended?"

"But dude, I don't have any bags."

"YES OR NO?!"

"N-no!"

"Are you carrying any of the items not allowed in your bag?"

"Dude, I don't have any ba-"

"YES OR NO!?!"

As this rather pathetic interrogation continued, Sakaki was getting interrogated too. The very big and imposing glared at the shy girl, causing her to shiver in fear.

"You're Japanese, right?" he growled. "That's rather suspicious."

She whimpered in reply, then began to remove her shoes as directed. He watched her every movement, then growled. "You've got spacious shoes. That's very suspicious."

The asian girl whimpered again. "You're whimpering. That's extremely suspicious," he snarled. He walked up to her, and leaned down to look her right in the eye. "Are you a terrorist, young lady?"

"N-n-n-n-n-n-no!"

"Stammering like that is suspicious indeed."

Sakaki let out a choking sob and fainted. The security guard scoffed and said, "You're not fooling anyone, anyone can act shy. Now have you ever had your bags handled by someone else when you weren't around?

"... Not answering, huh? That's suspicious!"

Katie was clinging to Noah, crying about how the security guard was asking her to undress. The bookworm was using a stream of insults at the offending man, saying degradations that were too advanced for a dunderhead like a security officer ("Your IQ matches your age," and "Are you dense?").

Rodney was having trouble too, as a security guard was giving him an evil, suspicious look. Of all the people the security guard had stopped to inspect and ask tough questions, the man believed that the eight year-old boy wearing a school uniform was most likely to be a terrorist.

The prodigy nervously looked over at Courtney, who winked at him. So Rodney dug his toes into the ground, cocked his head, and looked up at the man with misty eyes and a trembling lip.

"Um... did I do something wrong?" he asked in a quivering voice. "I really didn't mean to do anything bad."

The evil in the man's heart melted, and he let out a very un-evil coo. He patted Rodney on the head, and sent him on his way; he had been completely charmed by The Look.

Courtney clapped for her teammate as he walked over to him. "Way to use The Look then, hon," she congratulated him. "I told you if you practiced, you'd be able to charm anyone with it!"

"Hee hee hee, thank you," Rodney giggled. He scratched the back of his cocking head, nervously wiggling side to side, and blushed. Courtney took it all in, swooned, and fell down. Rodney cried out in terror and tried to help revive his teammate.

After Rodney had past through, the security guard stopped Eva next. She was the second-most suspicious person he had seen that day, and if Rodney hadn't been first, this might have been reasonable.

"You look very peculiar," he growled at her. "I think we to inspect you closer."

And Eva gave him The Other Look. The security guard felt fear dominate his body, he let out a high-pitched whimper of fright, and hid behind the metal detector. "N-never mind," he cried out.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - No security guards for here.)**

**Eva** - "You know, everyone's pretty lucky that I wasn't a terrorist, because those stupid, moronic fools just let me through without question! I could take a plane if I wanted! ... Not that I'd ever try... and not that I think about it."

**Geoff** - "Dude, and people say _I'm_ slow?"

**Rodney** - "Why did they try to stop me? Are there a lot of eight year old terrorists? I would think I would've heard about those somewhere."

**Sakaki** - "I... I don't look dangerous, do I? I couldn't see myself being mean... or hurtful... or hurtfully mean... please don't judge me by my looks!"

**Noah and Katie** - **Katie** - "OhmiGod, I _so_ cannot do naked in public."

**Noah** - "Don't worry, we stopped that guy when we threatened to sue."

**Katie** - "Yeah, but I still don't like the thought of suing. Makes me feel guilty."

**Noah** - "True. Makes one feel like Courtney, and we don't want you to feel like her."

**Katie** - "Oh, I _know_, right? You say the nicest things to me." \She kisses him.\

* * *

**(Team 1 - Bridgette, Cody, Ezekiel, Izzy)**

"Is there anything unusual in your bags?" the security guard asked Cody.

The tech geek chuckled nervously, then quickly removed that look from his face. "No! Nothing unusual in our suitcase at all."

"Wait, do you even have one?"

Bridgette elbowed Cody, and cleared her throat. "No, he doesn't."

Meanwhile, the unusual luggage inside the suitcase was going through the conveyor belts of luggage. Inside were two squirming, uncomfortable, and yet still very happy (on Izzy's side) teenagers.

Ezekiel had quit trying to get comfortable, as their shins, knees, elbows, and heads somehow seemed to grow bigger when in the suitcase, and were bumping against each other. The prairie boy was also trying not to touch Izzy in any place that could be considered forward, inappropriate, or awkward, but the more he tried, the more he succeeded in doing it.

"You're groping my boob again," Izzy said, giggling. Ezekiel retracted his hand as if it was burned by the touch, banging his funny bone against the wall of the suitcase. He winced and seethed in pain, only to feel Izzy touch his chest.

"Did you hurt yourself again?"

"Y-yes." "That's a shame. You know, Ezekiel, we could have a lot of fun in here."

"Izzy, I have a girlfriend."

"And I have a boyfriend, so you'd better stop grabbing my gazoomazooms!"

Ezekiel blushed rather red, then sighed. "You tease me a lot, Izzy."

"I know, and it's fun!"

"Heather's very special to me, eh."

"Don't worry, I swear I won't tell her about this."

Izzy actually felt a little guilty, as she had been the one who insisted on Ezekiel joining her, because she wouldn't feel safe otherwise. Truth be told, that was completely honest of her, but she also wanted him for the selfish reason of wanting him with her.

"So," Ezekiel hummed, trying to change the subject, "hoo' are you and Owen?"

"Just fine."

"That's good to hear, eh."

"Owen's a big teddy bear. Smelly and such, like one never washed, but nice. I just hope he never pushes me towards danger again."

"I'm sure he woo'nt, eh."

"You'd never do that, would you?"

"Of course not! Besides, you save me from danger, remember the serial killer?"

"Good times, good times."

"Fur you, maybe," he was saying as she pulled him to her in a hug. He tried to embrace it, but being inside a suitcase made it so much harder for him...

"My Zeke," she said cheerfully, "your hand is on my boob again."

"I... I cannot move it."

"Too irresistible, huh?"

"No, I just cannot move my arm, eh! It's stuck!"

"Oh well, least your hand is on something soft, huh? Hey, what would happen if they opened the suitcase and caught us like this?"

Ezekiel flinched in terror at the thought, which made him do something that he really, really didn't mean to do.

"You're squeezing it now," she said, happy as ever. "Owen's gonna kill you."

"Please doo'nt tell him, please o' please o' please o' ple-"

"I tease you again. But then, so are you, you groper."

Ezekiel was seriously hoping this flight would start soon, or he might faint.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Bigger than a suitcase.)**

**Bridgette** - "I really would have gone in the suitcase with Izzy, but she was insisting on Ezekiel. Besides, guess the two of us in the same box together would get the boys' imaginations going, huh?" \She chuckles and shrugs.\ "Oh, boys."

**Cody** - "You know, I wouldn't have minded being with Izzy. But they pointed out to me that Eva and Anita would be upset by this. It's not their wrath I fear, but Owen's."

* * *

**(The First Plane Out)**

"Cheers, mates," Crystal said after the plane was finished lifting off into the air. "I seriously thought that we weren't gonna make it, that we'd be called back, eh wot."

"That happen to you once?" Xander asked her.

"Sure did, right before the plane took off, it was called back to the runway. Real bloody disappointment. Go, Team 8!"

The British girl leaned back and sighed happily, tossing her hair to the side. She looked at Xander, and grinned. He grinned back, and said, "So-"

"So I think it's time to start getting you hooked up with a girl," Crystal interrupted before his first line came out. "Now what other teams are here? Four, nine, and two, right?"

"R-right," he stammered. He was touching his face, trying to see if something was stuck on it.

"The single girls then are Belinda, Sadie, Sakaki, and Valerie. Now what type of girl do you think is best suited for you?"

"I like all kinds, really."

"Now now, a broad range is something a lot of people think they have, but truth be told, there is a more narrow sense for true compatibility."

"Well, what kind of boys do you like?"

Crystal looked like she had been asked a very tough question. "Wh-what?" she stammered. Her face flushed, and she tapped her fingers together. "Me? W-well, well... I... I feel that... me? No, that's... bloody... never mind!"

She threw her hands up in the air, and exclaimed, "So what do you think of Belinda? You like blonds, as we've deduced, chap?" Xander blinked at Crystal's reaction, and looked around, trying to find an answer.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - No preference on boys.)**

**Xander** - "A romantic that's afraid of pairing herself up? That's rather interesting. Still, as long as she's offering romantic interest, there are some ladies she mentioned I wouldn't mind seeing. I'm lucky, loads of cute girls available."

**Crystal** - "Xander, being a rebel, is good mostly for someone who's also rebellious, but has a set of rules. I see Carol and him, or maybe Belinda. He likes blondes, and I think that's a cute place to start." \She fiddles with her blond hair absent-mindedly.\

* * *

"Wheeee," Alfred cheered as he ran up and down the corridor. "I'm up in the air! I'm flying! Woohoo!"

"Miss, no soda for him," Belinda said calmly to the flight attendant, pointing at the wild guy. She smiled politely and said, "His adrenaline will keep him going."

"He'll be able to keep us all awake, too," the stewardess said as she walked off. Belinda chuckled and leaned back in her seat.

Howard saw her seated there, and quickly left his teammates (Arthur groaned and face-palmed, grumbling, "Horn dog"). He sit next to Belinda, grinning at her.

"Make one remark about the mile-high club," she said without looking, "and you'll blow all your chances."

Howard went wide-eyed for a second, then grinned. "I wasn't gonna say anything like that. Losing your touch, Foresight?"

"Not a prediction, an honest-to-goodness suggestion," she said, now looking at him. "So, what did you want to say?" "Well, um... hmm," he pondered a good pickup line.

"Why don't you try being casual? Asking something small chat-wise?"

"Oh, um... hmmm..."

Belinda chuckled, waited a few minutes, then said, "No, I've never flown before."

"Wh... whoa. I didn't... think you'd guess that."

She gave him a coy look, then looked forward again. Another bit of silence, and she said, "No, I'm not dating anyone, and yes, I have."

"Oh? Did that work out well? You know how it would end?"

"Not really. The emotions and history of people are rather hard to guess, you cannot always tell what someone you like is going to do, because people are more than one dimension, regardless of how movies try to personify us."

"And reality TV?"

"Yes, very much so," she replied, smirking at him. "Rather clever."

"Thanks. So, if you didn't predict it, does that mean your first boyfriend was all right?"

"I actually did predict him, just not how, when and if we'd break up."

"How'd it happen?"

"He cheated on me with another girl because we weren't going physically fast enough for him."

"Ugh. Unfaithful guys suck."

"Yes. Yes they do. I'm guessing that you believe this strongly?"

"Last guy who cheated on my little sister got a swift kick in the groin."

"I approve."

Both were surprised when Alfred jumped on top of their chairs, looking down at them. "Hey guys, do you know we're up really high?" he asked with a wide grin. "I think it's made me a little silly, because I've been contemplating asking to be tied to the tail of the plane and whip behind like a kite, woo!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - I approve too!)**

**Howard** - "Actually, um, I _was_ gonna start with a joke about the mile-high club."

\He leaves the closet, saying hello to Belinda as she enters.\

**Belinda** - "I knew it." \She chuckles victoriously.\

**Alfred** - \calm again\ "Don't ask me why I'm overly hyper when on a plane, I dunno either. You should have seen me on the plane ride from America when we moved up here, dude! They gave me a seat in first-class just to make me shut up, and I loved the leg room!"

* * *

Sadie was seated next to Clive, her watching him and him watching out the window. "What are you thinking about, Clive?" she asked him.

"How far I'd plummet before I blacked out if I jumped from here."

Sadie blinked, then giggled nervously. "Um, this because of Alfred? I hear he wanted to try that too."

"No, I just want to think about if I'd feel the impact before I die, or if I technically die on the way down."

"Why so morbid?"

Clive gave her an unsteady look. "Have you looked at me recently? I'm not known for my cheeriness, Sadie."

"Life's too short to go through morbid."

"Life's cruel. I'm just one of the few to realize that it's not worth trying to be happy about."

She sighed, trying to think of how to deal with this. In the aisle across from them, Arthur sat next to a woman carrying a baby. He was rather annoyed, because the baby had been crying almost nonstop; he was now the third boy who wanted to jump out of the plane.

Finally, there was a lull in the baby's squalling. Arthur turned and looked at the innocent baby, and couldn't help but smile a little. "Hey there, little one," he said, but that was all managed to say before the baby projected spit-up and got it all over his jacket.

As he cried out in disgust and tried to wipe it off, the mother glared at him. "What did you do to my baby?" she demanded of him.

"I didn't do squat, he puked on me," Arthur shouted.

"You obviously scared him, he doesn't puke on just anyone," she snapped, then turned her baby to herself. "I'm sorry, he's just a big jerk, sweetheart, don't feel sorry." Arthur growled and tried to wipe more spit-up off his jacket. The woman continued to baby-talk her baby until it spat up on her too. Arthur burst out laughing, and continued to laugh until she got frustrated enough to leave to find another seat.

Valerie walked over to Zachary, and tapped his shoulder. "We need to meet," she whispered.

"Here's fine, isn't it?"

"No, anyone could overhear us. Meet me in the bathroom, act casual."

Zachary stared at her, peculiar, then sighed and went to the bathroom. Valerie was already in it, and the politician straightened out her clothes as Zachary locked the door.

"Look, I already have a lot of enemies," she said, "and it's not getting any easier. They keep voting off girls who are outspoken."

"So you white girls get ahead of your mouths," Zachary said with a shrug. "That's normal."

She sighed, then shook her head. "Zachary, if anyone's to worry, it's you."

"Why, because I'm black?" "No, because you keep running your mouth off! I've heard a lot of people getting really sick of you already."

"Crap, seriously? Racist freaks."

Valerie had to resist rolling her violet eyes again. "Look, the point is that you cannot be so nasty towards people anymore, but don't worry, I have a plan. If your team loses, there's someone on it that really needs to go to make things easier for us."

"Sounds good. But what if my team wins?"

"There's also someone on my team that needs to go. Also, I think there's someone who wouldn't mind joining up with us."

"That's cool. You got this all planned out, don't you?"

"Of course, I'm a politician."

"And yet you're in a bathroom with a brother."

"Well," Valerie played with a strand of her hair, wrapping it around her finger as she looked coyly at him, "that's kind of the fun part about secret meeting places, they also make good make out spaces."

Zachary stared at her for a few seconds, then burst out laughing, leaving the bathroom in the process. Valerie stood there, her hair still coiled around a finger, her eyes wide in shock.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Mile-high dud.)**

**Valerie** - \frustrated stare\ "What the heck? Was I not forward enough? Damn it, I'm bunking with three handsome men, do I have to dress like Lindsay to get some attention?"

**Zachary** - "Valerie's one clever girl, but she acts weird when there are no cameras around. Kind of like... I dunno, like she wants to be someone else."

**Clive** - "Actually, I don't want to plummet to my death. I want my clothes to be fine so I can be buried with them, but splattering myself will just get them thrown away and I'll be buried in ugly clothes."

**Sadie** - "Okay, I wanted to say this without Katie, but I don't really think I want to follow her suggestion of pursuing Clive. His constant mentioning of death is way too dark, and it's getting me down. If only Noah had a brother... oh wait, he does, I wonder if he can spare any of them for me."

**Arthur** - \not wearing his jacket, sighing heavily\ "I hate babies. Yeah, I'll say it, I don't care. Noisy, screaming, smelly, squalling, crying, wailing, puking, pooping, and loud. I'll never have kids, I don't want to put up with that."

* * *

"Hey brother," Leshawna said as she sat next to Sebastian. The philosopher tipped his glasses and smiled at her in reply. "How's it going?"

"Just watching over a fainted maiden," he said, gesturing to Sakaki. The asian girl, still fainted, was resting in the chair next to him.

"Poor thing, the security guards really scared her, didn't they?"

"Indeed."

Leshawna leaned back in the chair and sighed. "I tell you, Sebastian, it's nice to have another brother on the show. DJ's fine, but really, I get kind of tired of him being freaked out by everything."

As she said this, a young boy was playing with a toy snake to entertain himself. He had a fun time having it "slither" around the chairs, but he accidentally startled his sister, who slapped it away. And it landed in DJ's lap.

He kept his cool for about 0.00014 seconds before he lost it. "SNAKE," he screamed, leaping five feet in the air, hitting his head on the summoning button. The flight attendants saw bright red lights flashing, someone screaming, and then the chaos exploded.

"SNAKES," Alfred screamed as the passengers started to panic. "Snakes on a plane! Snakes on the plan!"

"Call Samuel L. Jackson," Howard shouted, also running around. The passengers were now all over, breaking things and each other. Belinda sat quietly as people ran past her multiple times, and DJ hid under her seat.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - I've had it with these snakes.)**

**Leshawna** - "See, that's the kind of panic that DJ can easily cause. I love my friends in Total Drama: Gwen, Harold, Beth, and Lindsay. But sometimes, you just want to be with your ethnic group, you know?"

**Sebastian** - "I wouldn't be the best brother for Leshawna to hang out with, because I'm actually enjoy hanging out with everyone. That's just me, Mr. Multicultural. I'm probably the only black guy at my school who wants to go to Japan after graduation."

**DJ** - "I've had it with those meany-faced snakes on that mile-high plane!"

* * *

**(Second Plane)**

Bridgette was twiddling her fingers nervously, something that caught the attention of Harold. The nerd left his seat to sit next to her (Cody had left to talk to Courtney for a little advice on his predicament).

"What's wrong, Bridgette?" he asked her.

"I'm worried about Ezekiel and Izzy."

"What's the matter? Did they get held up by airport security?"

"No, they're in a suitcase together in the luggage compartment underneath us."

Harold laughed, clapping his hands, and it slowly died as he looked at Bridgette's serious look. "Ehehe... heh... oh gosh, surely you cannot be serious."

"Yep. And don't call me Shirley."

"I think I would be surprised, but there is Izzy down there."

Down there, Izzy and Ezekiel were trying to pass the time. The redhead was clinging to him slightly, her phobia of flying acting up.

"I've got a game," she whispered. Ezekiel was slightly startled, as it had only been their breathing for the past few minutes."

"What is it, Izzy?"

"Let's play the game of Guess Which of My Body Parts is Touching Your Face!"

Something like this might have frightened and weirded out Ezekiel normally, but he was cramped, trapped, and distracted with her body pressing against him. "Oh okay, eh."

"Alright then."

Something soft yet tough pushed against his cheek. "Finger?"

"Yep."

"... Elbow."

"Yep yep!"

"... Toe?"

"Ooo, you're good."

"... Finger again."

"Ayup-yep."

"... AUGH! IZZY!"

"Hee hee hee!"

"Don't lick me!"

"It's what Owen does for affection. I like it, it's fun!"

"I know but... Izzy?"

"Yes?"

"My... my hand's on your breast again. Can you move-"

"Aww, you spoiled it, I was gonna guess what body part was on my badonkadonk!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Left foot red, right hand blue.)**

**Ezekiel** - "Owen's gonna kill me, eh! And then Heather'll kill me! And then my mom and dad will kill me! They're all gonna kill me over and over, when Izzy tells them what I did, and I didn't mean to... oh, I'm so dead."

**Izzy** - \smiling happily\ "Ezekiel was a perfect gentleman."

* * *

**(One of the later planes.)**

Team 6 was sitting on their plane, two hours behind the second-to-last time. All of them were rather distraught.

"You know," Colin started to say, something Joel and Hannah were getting really tired of, "we would've been on this plane sooner if Hannah wasn't called back so often."

"That wasn't her fault," Joel grumbled.

"Oh really? She sure seemed suspicious," the bully said, then made an overhead speaker sound effect and repeated the announcement that was played earlier at the airport. "_Will the Christian girl please report back to airport security? We want to inspect you once more, you're very suspicious._"

"They inspected my cross about five more times," Hannah whispered to Joel, a faint smile on her face but exhaustion on her expression.

"_Would the Christian girl get back here again?_" Colin remarked, repeating the second message. "_Don't think you can get anything by us, we're very serious now._"

Trent, from behind them, grumbled aloud, "Colin, knock it off. We're on the plane, we'll be fine."

The overhead speaker cracked with life on the plane, and soon the pilot's voice filled the plane. "_Attention passengers,_" he said, "_we are expecting some slight turbulence. This is probably an act of God, so you can blame the Christian girl who is on this flight. Thank you, and we hope you enjoy the rest of your flight._"

Hannah looked away as random passengers glared at her, and Colin burst out laughing. "Oh man, that's priceless," he exclaimed. "Hannah, you're so much trouble, you should be glad you're not a terrorist!"

"Will you shut up?" Joel snapped, patting Hannah's hand.

"Hey maybe if you had jugs like the other blond," Colin continued, jerking his thumb back at Lindsay, "you could actually smuggle something onto the plane. Instead, you got those small-"

"All right, that does it!"

Joel stood to his feet, glaring at Colin. The bully looked up at him, and cracked his knuckles. "You wanna fight, robot boy?" he asked, grinning hopefully.

"I sure do," Joel exclaimed, pointing at the emergency exit door. "Step outside, Colin!"

"Alright then!"

* * *

Joel was unable to stop laughing as he watched Colin whip like a kite outside the plane, holding onto the emergency door. "He fell for it," Joel cackled, "he actually fell for it!" **[2]**

"My, he has a strong grip," Hannah observed.

"Should we bring him in?" Lindsay asked.

"Well, I'm sure he can hang on a little longer," Trent said, smiling.

"But what if he falls?"

"Hey, I survived it, he can too." "True," she replied, then went back to reading the outdated magazine that had been in front of her seat.

After about five minutes (the flight attendants were saying the other passengers were complaining how much colder it was), Joel eventually pulled Colin back in and shut the door. The bully sat shivering in his chair, his eyes wide and whimpering like a little baby. Joel smiled triumphantly, then looked over at Hannah.

"I guess that was a bad thing to do?" he asked.

"I dunno, you didn't push him or anything," Hannah said, smiling. She looked out the window, and shivered a little.

"Yeah, it's cold in here, isn't it?"

"No, I'm... actually afraid of flying, a little."

Joel sympathized for her, and put his hand on hers. She smiled at him, and turned hers around so that they could hold hands.

"_I'll have to confess of my little lie after the challenge,_" she thought to herself, "_but you know, that worked a lot better than I thought it would_."

* * *

**(At the arriving airport.)**

Bridgette and Cody were releasing Ezekiel and Izzy from the suitcase as Tyler ran around the airport. "Where the hell is Yoshi?" he shouted.

"We're looking for the suitcase his sword is in," Daisy informed him. "We cannot find it, and we cannot leave without it."

"Why not? We can come back and get it!"

"You really don't know Yoshi, do you?"

It took a half-hour for Team 3 to find the suitcase, which Yoshi had found by going suitcase-diving into a pile of luggage (startling a small child when a victorious Yoshi popped out of the pile holding a sword up, cackling happily).

They hurried to the car rental area, and were disappointed to find only the worst ones were available.

"Well, that's not good," Justin grumbled, sending Yoshi a side glare. "We cannot win at this rate."

"I say we go for it," Daisy cheered, leaping into the air with enthusiasm. "I can make this car go so fast, the tires won't last!"

"That sounds dangerous," Beth whimpered.

"I like it," Yoshi said, grinning.

Tyler wanted to drive, but Daisy threw him from the driver's seat (literally, she was quite enthused), and Yoshi sat in the passenger seat. They drove ahead, and Beth studied a map in the back. "I think we're heading in the right direction," she called up.

Daisy did something most people would be terrified to see their driver be doing: she looked back at Beth to answer. "Are there any shortcuts?"

"Watch the road," the three back seat passengers yelled.

Daisy shrugged and turned around. "Aw c'mon, I've been driving for a year now, I'm perfectly fine-"

A very un-perfectly fine bump shook the car, then the car drove off the road and hit a rock. The airbags popped out, and Yoshi popped his with his sword.

"Damn railing wasn't strong enough," he remarked as he looked back up at the road.

"For the record," Daisy said as she hammered the air bag down, "I was looking at the road when we crashed."

"That makes it worse!" Tyler exclaimed.

* * *

--

--

--

**[1]** - Do not try to ship people in your luggage. This will not work.

**[2]** - Do not ask people to step outside an airplane. This will not work. Well, they may be stupid enough to do it, but everything else about it will not work.

* * *

**Will Team 3 be able to recover, drag the car back up and get back in the race? Will Team 6, who haven't even landed yet?**

**Who is going to win and lose this challenge? Who will get voted off?**

**Have you had enough with these snakes on this plane? How about these Izzys and Ezekiels in this suitcase?**

--

**Next Up:** Stuff will happen.


	15. Ch 4, Pt 3: Grounded Plights

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. Also, do not try any of the jokes with airport security, I'd hate for any of my loyal readers to be held up and cavity searched.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - Let me state for the record what I've told some of my readers. This story is not meant to make fun of Christians, or non-Christians. It's just to make fun of those who are so thick that they just attack people over issues because they're mean and/or paranoid.

Also, I apologize for the very slow speed this story is being updated. It's called life, and it's a very distracting thing, unfortunately.

* * *

**Chapter 15** - Tragic Crash and Burn

* * *

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**(Back at the Maclean Stadium)**

Groucho the Duck and the raccoon were on the very top of the stadium, looking at the road that the contestants were supposed to come down. The duck had binoculars, which he generously shared with his partner.

"u kin c dem yet?" the raccoon asked.

"No, not yet," Groucho replied. "They said the first team to leave the airport was a few hours agao, so they should be due any minute."

"y we watchin?"

"I have a bet with the bear."

"fuzy wuzums?"

"Loathsome creature. But I have some money down, and I want to make sure I win."

"how?"

Groucho held up an ATM launcher (Antitank Missile Launcher). The duck added, "I'll just take out the tires, they've experienced worse."

"vury clevah uf u"

"Thank you... um... say, what's your name?" "wat?"

"Your name, your title. I've known you for a long time now, and I don't think I've ever learned your name."

"peepul call me Raccoon!"

"Yes, but what's your name?"

"... i dun think i haf wun"

"Of course you do. What do people say when they see you?"

The raccoon tapped his chin, then perked up. " 'Hey, get out of our trash can'!"

Groucho slapped his little forehead with his wing. "Oy."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - For animals.)**

**Groucho the Duck** - "Okay, my newest mission is to get that raccoon a name. I'll think of one, have one ready for next challenge."

**Raccoon** - "im in ur janitor closet, keepin mai valubuls in here"

* * *

**(Team 1 - Bridgette, Izzy, Ezekiel, Cody)**

Cody was in charge of driving, Izzy studying a map and suggesting shortcuts (making her own regardless of barriers). In the back, Bridgette was massaging Ezekiel.

"I've never seen such horrible cramps and knots in the skin," Bridgette mused as she dug her knuckles into Ezekiel's back, provoking another moan from him. "You're lucky I'm studying physical therapy, or you might be stiff until tomorrow."

"How did you avoid being so cramped, Izzy?" Cody asked, trying to avoid getting mental pictures from his head.

"Izzy's very good at squeezing herself into boxes," she replied, grinning impishly. "It's the best way to scare the bejeebers out of people."

Ezekiel let out another strained groan, sighing happily. "Thank you, Bridgette. I thought all my muscles were going to lock up and never bend a'geen, eh."

Izzy only had one thing to say over that: "That'd suck."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - For humans.)**

**Ezekiel** - "I'm so lucky to have friends like Bridgette and Izzy, eh I really appreciate how they helped me adjusted to the real wurld. They're so nice, and I doo'nt care that they won last season, I'd like to help them win this time too..."

\He stops, then sniffs the air. He looks around, then sees something curious and looks at the camera awkwardly.\ "There's a ripped-up trash bag in here, eh. What's that a'boot?"

* * *

**(Team 3 - Yoshi, Daisy, Tyler, Justin, Beth)**

Yoshi looked at the car, crumpled up down the hillside. His teammates were all also looking at it, all thinking the same thing: "_We so lost. Who here do I like the least so that I know who to vote off?_"

Daisy shook off this thought first. "Well, what are we going to do then? Pull it out ourselves, or call a tow truck?"

"Are you serious?" Beth exclaimed. "You think we still have a chance?"

"Beth, she's being overly hopeful," Justin said to his girlfriend. "There's no way we can win this."

"We don't know how many of the other teams have gone, we only saw a couple of them at the airport," Daisy remarked.

"We wouldn't be in this mess if you had been watching the road," Tyler grumbled. "Seriously, where'd you learn to drive?"

" 'Learn'?" she repeated, sounding confused. She walked away from Tyler, leaving the jock to seriously wonder if she was joking or not, to talk to Yoshi.

"I think if you pushed," she said to him, "and I pulled, you and I could get it back on the road, and we quickly take it to a nearby shop."

"We don't have a lot of money on our all-around gift card," Yoshi pointed out. "You know how we barely had enough to get all five tickets."

"Yah, mostly because we had to convince them that Beth was Tyler's daughter," Daisy mused. "And then Justin made eyes at the register girl."

"That really did upset Tyler's daughter for some reason," Yoshi said with a small chuckle. Then he grew serious again and said, "But now then, you really want to try pushing this car back onto the road?"

"Hon, I've done much more dangerous things in my life, and I think you have too."

"Right."

"So how can we convince them that this isn't the most dangerous thing they've ever done?"

"I doubt Beth and Justin would, but Tyler might."

Yoshi looked at Tyler, who was sulking a slight distance from the car. He kicked at a pebble, missed, and fell down on his back. The samurai looked over at Daisy with a deadpan stare.

"You want the car even further down the flag?"

"Look, handsome, we're gonna get this car back on the road if it's the last thing we do," she said, walking in front of the car. "So get Tyler to help you push it back up!"

"I cannot help but feel you've done this before."

"Well, you've seen my driving skills, I had to get mom's car out," she said as she put her foot on a large rock as she positioned herself. "C'mon, go get the other muscular man to help us out!"

Yoshi sighed and hurried over to Tyler. The gung-ho athlete was all too glad to show off how strong he could be, and flexed his arms to prove it. Sighing, the samurai walked over to the back of the car, grabbing the bumper and digging into the ground with his feet; Yoshi felt his feet dig into the ground as he prepared to push the vehicle.

"The parking brake is off, right?" Tyler asked casually as he also positioned himself.

"Of course the parking brake is off," Yoshi grumbled. "You think we're that big of idiots, leaving on the parking brake... Daisy, is the parking brake off?"

"I don't think so! Now heave!"

Tyler and Yoshi both began to push, the athlete already straining. Daisy ground her teeth as she pulled, and the vehicle moved slowly up the hill.

"Wow, this is actually working quite well," Tyler noted. "And it's moving a little faster than when it drove! We should remember that."

"We're not pushing it all the way," Yoshi started to say when the car dipped sharply.

None of the three know how it happened, all they knew was that the car seemed to duck into the earth, hitting some kind of hole. They lost their grip, Tyler falling down next to the car. Yoshi slammed against the back of the vehicle, hitting his shoulder in a rather painful way.

Yoshi ground his teeth to suppress the pain, gripping his injured arm. Then, from in front of the car, he heard Daisy hit the ground. There was the sound of something snapping, and then she screamed.

The agonized scream alerted the attention of Beth and Justin, who hurried over. Yoshi was at her side first, and Daisy was now cursing as she clutched her foot. The tomboy swore so fervently, that it actually startled Yoshi; he had never heard anyone curse so hard, and he had seen men cussing because of severed limbs in sword fights (none done by him, for the record).

Daisy hissed a couple times, then looked up at her teammates. "The **\bad word\** rock slid out from under my **\bad word\** foot! God **\more bad words\**, this is the worst sprain I've ever had! **\Rather dirty word\**, that **\rude word\** car tried to **\wow, she crammed four bad words in before continuing\** kill me!"

Yoshi's eyes bulged, not only because of her furious mouth, but the sight of her leg. Blood had soaked her sock, and it was starting to seep into her shoe. He swore in Japanese (and we're not putting that up because then we just have to censor it).

Beth clenched her fists in worry. "I haven't heard those words since Lindsay lost her temper at Heather," she whimpered.

"You're bleeding," Justin observed, something he was prone to doing.

"It's just a sprain," Daisy muttered, looking up at her teammates.

"Like hell it is," Yoshi spat out, kneeling down next to her.

She managed to grin at him, despite being in such pain that sweat dripped down her forehead. "Don't worry, I just cut myself a little. I've had worse."

"Yeah, me too," Tyler said, respecting a fellow athlete's desires. "Just a sprain."

"Thanks, Tyler baby," Daisy said, then looked at Yoshi. "Look, I can walk this off, it's not so bad."

"Daisy, don't you dare try to hide a serious injury like this," he said to her. "I heard it."

"Heard what?" Beth asked as Daisy's eyes widened. "I didn't know you can hear injuries? Did hers talk to you?"

The conversation was cut short when Yoshi picked Daisy up, careful with her foot. "Guys, do me a favor," he said to the others as they all stared at him in shock. "Push that car all the way back up and then push it to the nearest garage. I'm taking Daisy back to the hospital we passed."

"We passed that one several miles ago," Justin exclaimed.

"And you hurt your arm, didn't you dude?" Tyler asked.

"It's just a sprain," Yoshi grumbled.

Daisy stared at him as if she hadn't seen him before. Then she shook her head and snapped, "Hey wait a minute! I just sprained myself too-"

"You're bleeding, I'm not."

"But dude," Tyler said. "Shouldn't we just push the car with Daisy inside, fix it, then drive back to the hospital?"

"No, that'd take too long! And plus, that just makes the car heavier."

"HEY!"

"Oh come on," Yoshi said to the protesting Daisy. "If you're tough enough to endure a broken ankle, you can be tough enough to acknowledge you weigh something."

Daisy sighed in defeat, then groaned. "You sure you can carry me the whole way?"

The swordsman nodded and started to walk off in the opposite direction. Daisy grinned and wrapped her arms around his neck. "What are you doing?" he asked, flushing slightly.

"Can't I enjoy myself, my big strong hero carrying me off into the sunset?"

"This is hardly something to joke about. Your ankle could be seriously hurt, Daisy."

"I've had worse. I've endured three broken arms, two broken legs, broken eye socket, several fingers and toes, and a couple surgeries."

"My God. You look pretty good regardless."

"Mmm, thanks, handsome."

* * *

**(Much later on.)**

Groucho the Duck sat on top of the stadium, grumbling in disgust as he placed the rocket launcher aside. "I didn't even get to use this," he bitterly remarked.

"its juz as wel," the raccoon said as he threw popcorn into his mouth, "teh ammo on dose things cost eh forchun, right?"

"Right," Groucho said, then he suddenly snapped his wing tips (don't ask). "I've got it! I've got a name for you, my partner in crime!"

"wot that?"

"Chico! I'm Groucho, you're Chico!"

"Chico? Allryt, dat sounds fine, but shoosh. it looks like da last team showed up"

Groucho the Duck and Chico the Raccoon watched as one of the remaining cars drove into the stadium, albeit slowly.

"This is all your fault," Colin shouted as he stomped out of the car, pointing at Hannah. "We missed all the good cars because of you."

"That's it," Joel shouted, running to the trunk and pulling a monkey wrench as long and thick as his arm. "You've blamed her for the last time."

"How are you going to use that to hurt him?" Lindsay asked, very confused. "Are you gonna tighten his loose bolts?"

As Hannah kept Joel from bludgeoning Colin with the giant tool, Chris approached them. "Well, good that you guys showed up. We've already got most of the teams here."

Trent looked at all the other teams, and groaned. "It looks like most of them are here. Are we last place?"

"No, not quite."

"Second to last is fine," Joel said, eying Colin. "We can all vote for this guy then."

"That depends on the second team," Chris said in a scolding voice, shaking his finger at Joel. The inventor raised an eyebrow, and shrugged.

"Whatever. Are they coming or what, because I has me some votings to do, lolz."

He grinned wickedly at Colin, who snarled right back. Hannah patted Joel's arm to calm him down some more, and Chico the Raccoon asked, "hey y he talkin liek me?"

"Probably because he needs to simplify his speech so that spiky-haired goon knows what he's saying."

"dat makes cense"

It took another hour of waiting before another car pulled out. Everyone was shocked to see Daisy pull herself out of the car on a crutch and a cast around her foot. Alfred was the first to react.

"Daisy," he exclaimed, running over to her. "What happened? Yoshi, what'd you do?!"

"What makes you think I did something?" Yoshi replied defensively.

"It's all cool," Daisy said, patting Alfred's shoulder. "Yoshi didn't do this to me, a car did."

"A car ran over your foot?!" Alfred shrieked. "How horrible!"

As Daisy and Yoshi explained what really happened to their friend, Beth ran over to Lindsay. "You should have seen it," the farm girl said to her friend. "We crashed on the way, into a ditch, and we all had to push it out!"

Lindsay looked extremely confused, tapping her chin. "Your plane?" she finally asked.

Chris Maclean watched the teenagers talking, then cut in. "Yes, very nice," he said, smiling at them all sadistically, "but we have a show to continue on. And this evening, we'll have to vote someone off."

A few people looked at Colin, who scowled right back. "What? I didn't do anything to slow down my team," he snapped. "Blame the church girl, she got held up by security."

"What are you talking about, Colin?" Chris asked. "Your team is safe."

"We are?" Hannah asked. "But I thought we came in second-to-last after Yoshi's team."

"Yes, but they were the last to arrive. We have one team that were disqualified, because they never got on a plane!"

"What? Who?" several people asked.

Chris pointed to the edge of the platform, where Team 5 was standing. Gwen looked extremely annoyed, sitting on the edge and sulkingly glaring. The others stood nearby, Owen nervously twiddling his fingers, Heather and Carol frustrated, and Mandy bored.

"What happened?" Trent asked his girlfriend.

"We didn't get on the damn plane because we were held in custody by those paranoid freaks at airport security," Gwen grumbled in annoyance. "Though with some of these idiots, I almost cannot blame them."

Some were surprised by Gwen's sharp tongue, especially Trent. He managed to put it aside and ask, "How'd that happen?"

"Oh, the usual," she replied. "Mandy had seven _knives_ on her and was threatening to sacrifice the guards to her Old God; Carol was calling them names and that they were compensating since they were too dumb to be real cops...

"Owen had a major gas attack and they thought he was smuggling a bio weapon onto the plane, and Heather, well, the security guards thought she was Christian."

With a roll of her eyes, Gwen shook her head in disbelief. Heather crossed her arms and said, "Well, I am dating Ezekiel, so people could make that mistake. I'm surprised they didn't think you were a terrorist, Weird Goth Girl."

"Shut up," Gwen hissed back at her. "You were no help at the airport, saying I was the leader of the team."

"You acted like you were."

"They were calling me the 'head terrorist'! I was under a bright light for six hours being asked if I had any nail files or unchecked luggage, or crosses or calculators with bombs in them!"

"And while I'd love to see you two argue more, because this anger is awesome," Chris interrupted, "it's time to decide who to vote for. Everyone, go off and make yourselves dinner. Members of Team 3, the team that arrived last, and Team 5, the team that didn't take a plane ride, you all will have to go vote for someone."

As the teams shuffled towards the cafeteria, Joel snapped his fingers. "Darn," he cursed. "No luck on getting Colin voted off."

"In due time," Hannah said, patting his arm. "Just curb your anger a little, he's mostly harmless."

"Mostly harmless? He's a bully, and a violent one at that."

"He'll get what's coming to him, for a bully will always eventually pick a fight with a bully stronger than him, and get his face rearranged."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Where the brooms are at.)**

**Joel** - \smitten\ "How can you not love a girl who's as clever as that?"

**Hannah** - "I appreciate Joel being so protective, but it's startling. Watching the last season, I didn't get the sense he was a violent person when provoked. Wonder what causes that, because it's hard to think of something or someone so detestable that it could spark such hatred."

**Colin** - \grinning nastily\ "Hey, you guys want to hear jokes about dead babies?"

* * *

"I hear you guys had trouble with security because of your religion?" Sebastian asked Ezekiel. The two were sitting next to each other by coincidence, but making the best of it.

"Oh, not me, I was," Ezekiel started, then stopped. "Um, just... not me, eh."

"I see. Shame that they would sink to some petty reason like that."

"Aren't you Christian, Sebastian?"

"Nope, sorry. You know us philosophers," he said with a chuckle, correcting his glasses. "We're just not convinced of a supreme being because we need logic."

"There's logic behind a supreme being, eh."

"True, but I'm more of the type who needs to see something to believe it."

"MY ZEKE!"

Izzy glomp-hugged Ezekiel from behind, squeezing him in a tight hug. As Ezekiel struggled to get free, she said to him, "I enjoyed our ride in a suitcase together. Thank you for being so nice and not groping my boobs on purpose, just on accident."

Sebastian blinked, then looked away and pressed the bridge of his glasses in thought. "Hmm. I didn't see that, but it is Izzy we're talking about..."

"Izzy," said an upset voice nearby, who turned out to be Heather. "I'm only going to ask you one more time to stop grabbing my boyfriend in a vice-lock."

"Maybe if you hugged him more, I wouldn't need to give him back-up hugs," Izzy replied with an impish smile before trotting off. She ended up sitting next to Bridgette, who had been watching the exchange from afar.

"Izzy," the blond surfer said once Izzy had taken a seat, "you should really consider not touching Ezekiel so much."

"Why? It's all in fun, he knows that." "Heather doesn't. And you are really upsetting her when you do that."

"I thought you hated her like the rest of us."

"I don't hate people, I just...," Bridgette mused over it, then sighed. "Look, you know Ezekiel and her have something they share, right?"

"I guess so."

"Well, I think it would hurt Ezekiel if you made Heather mad all the time." Izzy looked stunned, then slumped in her seat, chin on the table. "Dang, I didn't think of that. Making someone's girlfriend cranky doesn't make for a happy boyfriend."

"Exactly. So please, try to make a bit of peace with Heather? You are roommates."

"I just don't want her to abuse my Zeke."

"I don't want it either, but we have to trust that he knows what he's doing. And I personally think he's smart enough."

"He's also comfy enough."

"Don't tell Heather you two were in the same suitcase together."

"I don't think she'd believe that. But Sebastian would, from what I gathered."

"Izzy," Bridgette stirred her food a little, then said, "You are Ezekiel's friend, right?"

"Of course!"

"Then give him a little space, because if we keep crowding him, we're going to aggravate him, and Heather."

Izzy sighed, then nodded. "Fine, I let Ezekiel have some fun time with girlfriend. I guess I have been neglecting Owen, but I saw a lot of him during the break between seasons. Now, to go find Owen!"

She bolted off, passing Anita, Cody, and Eva. The two girls were competing to get Cody's attention, and both looked ready to engage in mortal combat; Cody was shrinking down in-between them, scared that that might happen (and yet still turned on).

The redhead sat beside Owen, and snuggled up to her big boyfriend. He didn't react, because he was too busy eating something delicious. Izzy didn't take too big offense to that, because something delicious could distract Owen from imminent death.

Daisy and Yoshi were seated nearby, him looking over her foot in a cast. "It'll take surgery to completely fix it," she explained to him, "which I can have after I'm gone."

"What do you mean by that?" Yoshi asked, staring at her concerned. "You can just have it before the next challenge, I'm sure Chris will allow you to get serious medical help."

"Hon, don't try to deny it," she said, patting his shoulder. "I'm out."

"You're not out just yet."

"But I will be. C'mon, I'm in the next elimination, and I've got a broken ankle. It's the sickly gazelle mentality, my dear Yoshi."

"I won't stand for that," he shouted, punching the table (which happened to be the end of it, sending Sakaki's meal on the other side flying through the air and hitting Noah in the side of the face). "There is no reason to vote you off."

"Hello, broken ankle?"

"The challenges are all vehicle races and virtual reality battles in the future, that's what we've been told! You can compete in both, no problem!"

"There's side challenges, though."

"Oh please, Trent survived falling from a plane and was walking around a couple days later, you can endure a little foot injury."

"You're preaching to my choir, babe. But no one else is going to have your mentality, especially since the virtual reality machine was broken."

"One minute, then."

Yoshi walked over to Joel, who was chatting happily with Hannah. The inventor had his very large socket wrench nearby in case Colin walked past (Rodney really wanted to borrow it, but he could barely lift it).

"Excuse me, Joel?" Yoshi said as he approached the two. "Is the virtual reality machine fixed?"

"Yes, it is."

"Good, that's all I need to know for Daisy's sake."

He turned to walk away when Hannah said, "Are you trying to save her from being eliminated?"

"Yes," he said, turning to the side and speaking over his shoulder. "This isn't too serious, she just needs a little time."

"This isn't just because you fancy her as a rival, is it?" Yoshi looked away, scoffing. Hannah smiled and said, "That's great, Yoshi. But you'll be hard-pressed to convince people to vote for someone else."

"I already know who they can vote off instead of her," Yoshi said. "Someone who's far less useful, and..."

He was scanning the area as he talked, realizing something rather urgent. "Wait, where are all of them?" he exclaimed.

"Where are all of who?" Joel asked.

"All the people who have to vote this time! I don't see them anywhere!"

"They probably have all gone to vote then."

Yoshi swore in Japanese, then looked at Hannah again. "I may not be Christian, but can I ask you for a quick prayer? For Daisy's sake?"

Hannah smiled and nodded, then Yoshi bolted out the door. She and Joel exchanged glances before someone over the table asked, "You really gonna do that?"

Harold was musing as he ate, watching the two of them. "Isn't it, I dunno, kind of trivial?"

"Yes, but he is asking for someone else's sake, and I believe it is a noble thing to request," Hannah said, then giggled. "Especially since he _likes_ her."

"Really? Awesome," Harold said with a grin. "She kicks butt, he's got a sword, they'd be an great couple."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Swords and butt kicking is all you need.)**

**Harold** - "Daisy has a lot in common with my lovely Leshawna, which is why I hope she stays. Leshawna always does like to have her girlfriends with her."

**Izzy** - "Izzy vows not to crowd Ezekiel anymore! After all, I could be preventing him from possible make-out times! How horrible would that be, to miss out on that!"

**Bridgette** - "Sometimes I wonder if Izzy and Owen are doing okay. She's not with him as much as she used to be. I wish I could help out, but I have problems of my own, and I'm sure they can reason them out maturely."

**Owen** - \eating something that doesn't really resemble food, laughing to himself\ "Ha! I squished everyone's leftovers together for myself! It's kind of delicious... uh-oh, gag reflex!" \He hurls all over the camera.\

* * *

**(At the Voting Ceremony)**

The crowd roared and cheered as the forty-one contestants made their way onto the large stage, all taking their seats. Teams 3 and 5 had to sit separate from the others, and Daisy had to take an aisle seat because of her cast and crutch. Yoshi sat down next to her, looking exhausted.

"What's the matter, hon?" Daisy asked him. "You look like a boy scrambling to get a date on the last day before the prom."

"Really now?"

"No, but I always wanted to use that metaphor, it sounds funny," she said with a giggle. "C'mon, why you so ragged?"

"I was trying to find people to vote off someone else."

"You still defending me? I've accepted my fate, why can't you?"

"I'm not going to let you go that easily. You're a good teammate, and a potential rival in this contest."

"Is that all?"

He looked over at her, and was surprised that she looked rather vulnerable. The warrior sighed and shook his head. "No. No, you and I are friends, or at least I think we are. Right?"

"Of course, handsome," she said, beaming at him.

"Why do you keep calling me that?"

"Because you are."

They were interrupted when Chris used an air horn. His excuse to use it was to quiet down the audience, but the contestants were all pretty sure it was to annoy them. The host almost got hit by a spoon that had been thrown at him by Gwen.

"Now it's time for the fourth trophy ceremony," the host exclaimed, and the crowd went wild again. Eva groaned at this.

"They'll cheer at anything he says," she grumbled.

"Yeah. He must love that," Sadie remarked.

"Love it? It's his little fantasy come true," Leshawna said.

"There's nothing little, at all, about Chris Maclean's ego," Gwen spat out. "He's probably thinking that's not enough.

"I'm sure he's not that bad," Cody said, watching the host scribble something down on a clipboard.

"Now then," Chris said out loud as soon as he was done with his note ("_Get more people to be in audience, cheering isn't loud enough for me_.") "We have ten contestants on the chopping block, and one of them is having that execution of shame tonight! For someone's getting on the Bus of Losers."

"Duncan's Bus of Losers," Courtney called out.

"He didn't copyright it yet," Chris snapped back at her. "Anyway, who's it gonna be? Ponder that as I throw out the trophies to the others."

"Whoever it is, I feel really sorry for them," Arthur remarked as he caught his. "They gotta share a bus with Jasmine and Sandra."

"I wonder if Sandra's going through gum withdrawal yet," Geoff joked. "She was always chewing the stuff."

"I just hope Duncan's doing okay," Rodney said. "Those two girls can be kind of loud."

"Kind of?" Xander repeated. "Kid, they could drown out motorcycles starting up."

"Stop making witty remarks," Chris shouted at the winners, startling them. "If you didn't get a chance to talk to the camera, that's your fault."

"How's that fair?" Zachary shouted. "You get the camera pointed at you all the time."

"I know," the host said, flashing a grin at said camera, "rocks to be me, doesn't it?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Camera's never on me, it's in me.)**

**Clive** - "Jerk."

**Leshawna** - "Narcissist."

**Sadie** - "Evil man."

**Katie** - "Creep."

**Arthur** - "Attention hog."

**Sebastian** - "Ignoramus."

**DJ** - "Meanie."

**Courtney** - "Upstart."

**Howard** - "Limelight stealer."

**Noah** - "Chris Maclean can delude himself all he wants, but he's not the main character of this reality show. And seriously, anyone who wants to defend him, the sad part is, you probably already know that he'd never defend you over anything except him."

**Alfred** - \pounding on the door, shouting from outside\ "Dude, just make a quick insult and get out, that's what we're all doing!"

**Noah** - "There are no short insults with me!"

**Alfred** - \still outside\ "Blabbermouth!"

* * *

"Now that we've all had a fresh, healthy dose of me," Chris said, heading back to his podium, "it's time to announce who of the losers is safe for tonight! I know this is a hard time for all of you, but it is the moment most people are waiting for..."

As he went on, Daisy noticed Yoshi was twiddling his fingers intrepidly. "Worried, hon?"

"I only managed to see a couple people on who to vote for, but I think I managed to convince them."

"Now don't going saying things like that, Yoshi," she said, smiling at him. "You might get my hopes up. Say, who did you vote for?"

Yoshi opened his mouth to answer, then slapped his forehead. "Oh, baka! I forgot to tell you!"

Chris seemed to be winding down his little speech. "And so, it upsets us all when someone has been voted off, because everyone has someone that cares about them, and we don't want to be insulted during one of the worst moments in our life, so we must give those who are in worry the best amount of respect we can.

"Now then, the people that are going to be voted off are," the host said as he pointed at each of the contestants, "the cripple (Daisy), the weirdo (Mandy), the fatso (Owen), shortie (Carol), the ghost on a permanent rag (Gwen), he who does sports as well as the cripple would now (Tyler), Ugly Betty (Beth), her boyfriend (Justin), violent Japan (Yoshi), and the one who no one likes (Heather)."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Where da venting is at.)**

**Xander** - "What a butthole."

**Ezekiel** - "Dickweed!"

**Cody** - "Cretin!"

**Geoff** - "Dude! Not cool, uncool!"

**Trent** - "How I'd like to hit him..."

**Eva** - "Dick!"

**Crystal** - "Twat!"

**Anita** - "He's no gentleman."

**Sakaki** - "He's not very nice..."

**Noah** - " 'The best amount of respect we can,' huh? Yeah, that _is_ the most respect Chris could give anyone. Seriously, why is he host? Shouldn't the host actually have some kind of connection with the contestants, minus Colin? I've never seen a show before where the host wanted to heap such trauma on people-"

**Alfred** - \pounding on the door, shouting from outside\ "Noah, will you keep the monologues down? Some of us want to make confessions this year, dude!"

**Noah** - "Don't make me vent about you next, American man!"

**Alfred** - \still outside\ "Chatterbox!"

* * *

"And now," Chris said over the angry growls and whispered insults of the contestants furious at his words, "it is time to announce who here is getting a trophy."

Yoshi clenched his fist so hard that he was close to drawing blood. Daisy had to pat his shoulder to calm him down. Mandy groaned and tapped the flat side of her dagger against her knee, muttering, "C'mon, c'mon, stop the suspense."

"Aren't you worried, Mandy?" Chris asked. "You did freak out the security so much that they kept your team at the airport."

"Cthulhu watches over me, mortal."

"Well, he probably does a better job at that than God does for Hannah," the host said with a delighted cackle, "because those security guards were all over her to see what she was up to-"

He had to duck to avoid being brained with a flying monkey wrench. The host looked around to see who had thrown that, but all the usual suspects were whistling innocently. He shrugged off this burst of rage and continued.

"And so, those who are getting this trophy," he said, holding up a trophy with an airplane-shaped emblem on it, "the lucky ones to approach the next challenge... are...

...

...

...

"Tyler!" The athlete cheered and leapt in the air.

"Beth!" She clapped and hugged her trophy.

"Gwen!" The goth girl sighed and caught her trophy halfheartedly.

"Mandy!" Cultist girl whispered a thanks to her Old Gods.

"Heather!" While she received her trophy, she saw Ezekiel cheer and smiled at him.

"Carol!" She jumped in the air and caught it, giggling happily.

"Yoshi!" He managed to unclench his fist long enough to catch it by the base, but his clenching bent it.

"Owen!" The large teenager cheered loudly, and forgot to catch it, which resulted in him catching it with his mouth.

"And that leaves our two last contestants," Chris announced, looking at Daisy and Justin.

Beth whimpered and crossed her fingers. Yoshi snarled, his bent trophy finally giving out to the pressure and snapping in half at the base.

"So, the last one to get a trophy of Justin... and Daisy..."

Daisy shrugged and leaned back, smiling contentedly. Justin crossed his arms and drummed his fingers in worry.

"The final trophy goes to..."

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"Justin!"

The male model let out a major sigh of relief and caught his trophy, which left him vulnerable to the projectile tackle attack known as his girlfriend hugging him in glee. Both smiled for a few seconds before an angry cry startled them.

Yoshi hurled his broken trophy on the ground and collapsed in his chair, shaking his head in disbelief. "This sucks so bad."

"Don't blame yourself, Yoshi," Daisy said, patting his shoulder, then lifting herself up on her crutch. "Just bad luck on my part, nothing that can be done."

Colin, nearby them with a wicked grin on his face, cackled. "See you later then, cripple." He really shouldn't have picked an aisle seat, because it left his feet vulnerable for stomping. Thus, Daisy's crutch came down right on his toes.

As the bully shouted in pain, Duncan's Bus of Losers came rolling up to the platform. Daisy sighed and walked towards it.

"Well, I may be out now," she said, smiling at the others, "but I loved every minute of it. Bridgette, Alfred, Tyler, Geoff, Joel, and especially you, Yoshi, you all are awesome. Don't worry, this injury's only a setback; I'll be up and walking before you know it."

"Oh, actually," Chris said, crossing his arms and looking official, "we may or may not cover your medical bills, as your injury could be considered superficial and technically-"

Daisy reached over and grabbed his collar, pulling him face to face with her. She gave him The Other Look, pointblank.

"You and your producers are covering it," she snarled. "I read my contract, so if you don't cover it, I'll get my lacrosse staff and shove it up your butt!"

"Yes, ma'am," Chris Maclean whimpered. "Will cover, cover like a thick blanket of snow!"

"Good!"

She pushed him away, then smiled at the others. "See you around! Oh, and Yoshi?" Yoshi had stood up the instant Chris started to refuse Daisy's health coverage. Now he was staring at her with a look of utmost attraction ever since she intimidated Chris.

"Wh... what?" he stammered.

She hobbled over to him and kissed his cheek. "You keep fight the good fight, like I know you can. Kick some butt!" She walked onto Duncan's Bus of Losers, and the punk whistled at her injury. "Dang, that sucks," he observed.

"Aww, this is nothing. I'm tough enough to endure it."

"Cool. Now you go sit in the back with Sandra and Jasmine."

"Ugh, I don't think I'm that tough."

Yoshi watched the bus drive off, and sighed, shaking his head. A comforting hand patted his shoulder, and he looked over to see Alfred smiling at him. "Seems you already made good friends with her," he observed.

"And she's already gone," Yoshi replied. "It's like some people say, you cannot get attached to people in war time, because it's too likely you'll lose them."

"They say the same thing in zombie invasions, but I say it's the attachment that makes you human," Alfred assured him. "And that's why you're no demon swordsman, but human like the rest of us."

"Thanks, I think."

* * *

**(Later...)**

Joel was escorting Hannah to her room, a steady conversation going on as they walked. "No, I agree with you there," he was saying, "I'm getting a little tired of them trying to use holy titles for villains. Priests, paladins, angels."

"I know, I may seem a little overly sensitive about it-"

"You? You're like the most reasonable person I know."

She smiled and brushed her hair away from her forehead. "Thanks, I try to be, since... well..."

"You don't really have to apologize, I know what morons like Colin think," Joel said.

"Well, it's not their mentality, it's my grandmother's. See, when I was young, my grandmother was that kind of Christian that people think I am. She was judgmental, loud, and not very polite; I loved her, but still..."

She sighed and leaned against the wall. "She died a few years ago, and though I miss, I really don't want to follow in her footsteps. Seems like everyone here thinks I am, though."

"I can give you a list of people who disagree, and I'm on the top of the list," Joel said, smiling at her. "Trust me, if your worst critics are Chris Maclean, Colin, and airport security, you are all right in my book."

"Thanks, you're so sweet."

"Oh, and I gave the airport security a little surprise in response to the way they treated you," Joel said, grinning wickedly, almost resembling Izzy. "I programmed their list of most likely suspects."

"To whom?"

* * *

**(At the airport.)**

"Watney," one of the security guards at the airport shouted. "You're on our list of most dangerous suspects?!"

"What?" the perverted guard replied, before he was tackled by a couple guards.

"You two get off him," another security guard exclaimed, pulling them both off. "Marley, Orsen, you two are terrorists too!"

"Marley's with the Taliban!"

"Orsen's with the KKK!"

"Oh yeah, well, Olivia is with the Nazi party!"

Olivia gasped in protest as a couple officers started to escort her away, but they were pounced by more security guards, who pulled out their handheld metal detectors and starting beating each other.

"Rock is with communists!"

"Erik is a cofounder of Genghis Khan's army!"

"Iris is a member of the Horde, whichever terrorist party they are!"

"Hey, Susan said 'terrorist,' that's like saying 'bomb'!"

"Watney said 'bomb'!"

A free-for-all ensued, pounding each other into metal detectors, shoving them through the x-ray machine to expose empty skulls, beating each other with shoes the passengers had to take off.

"Rachel owes me money, I think she's a terrorist!"

"Otis doesn't have any baggage with him, he must be trying to smuggle a bomb on a plane with it!"

"I read on the computers that Nick keeps nuclear weapons in his shoes, make him take them off!"

"The computers say Greggory brushes his teeth with 'TerrorCrest', the toothpaste for terrorists!"

The passengers were all watching as the security guards beat each other silly. Though some knew this would make them late for their plane, it was so totally worth it.

* * *

**(Back at Maclean Stadium)**

Hannah giggled. "Oh, I wonder if they enjoy it, with their rampant suspicion."

"If so, then I did my good deed for today."

"You know, Joel, I cannot say that I fully approve of how aggressive you get when you get mad, but so long as you keep it under control, I feel good with you."

"Well, God gave us all faults, right?" he said, scratching the back of his head. "I promise to work on that."

"Thanks, and I promise to help you."

She walked over to him and kissed his cheek. "You sleep well, see you tomorrow."

"Y-yeah, see you tomorrow."

She smiled at him one more time before going into her room. Joel rubbed his cheek where she kissed him, then heard a giggle from afar. He looked to see Belinda and Crystal staring at him with smiles on their faces.

"I knew that fault part was the right thing to say," Belinda noted as Crystal clapped her hands victoriously. Joel sighed happily, and high-fived the two girls.

* * *

**(Room 4 - DJ and Eva)**

"Wow, can you believe we got this room to ourselves?" DJ mused. Eva shrugged in response, so he continued. "You think we're jinxed, that we got a room that's bad luck?"

"I don't believe in that," Eva remarked. "Those two just weren't good enough."

"I thought you liked Daisy?" Eva opened her mouth, closed it, then sighed. "Yeah, kind of. Now that it's just you and me, I'll suspect that you'll want to sleep with the light on."

"No, I ain't that big of a coward, Eva," he said, smiling sheepishly.

"If you insist, Deej," she muttered, glancing over at Daisy's former bed. She sighed again, and muttered, "Damn shame."

"You seem rather upset by this."

"It's only because when a fellow athlete gets injured, you get worried about your own mortality, so to speak."

* * *

**(Room 8 - Leshawna, Lindsay, Mandy, Noah)**

Lindsay was nosily snacking on peanuts, driving Leshawna and Mandy insane. "I cannot help it," the blond whimpered. "Whenever I eat peanuts, I cannot help but want to eat more! And since I got some on the plane-"

"Yeah yeah, but must you be so noisy?" Leshawna griped. "C'mon, girlfriend, at least share some!"

"Daddy says I shouldn't eat peanuts. He said if I gain weight, boys won't like me and I won't be good for anything."

"Oh no no no, I do not believe what he said!"

"I do," Mandy grumbled, "and frankly, it matters very little how pudgy you are. Because when Cthulhu comes to dominate this world, you're just a more ample sacrifice."

"Really?" Lindsay asked, then looked at Leshawna, as if studying her. "Leshawna, what's it like being big?"

"Hey, are you two calling me pudgy?!"

"I just want to know what it's like to be big like you. You're so proud of it-"

"I'm not pudgy! I'm quite comfortable with my size, it's you two who should be concerned!"

"I'm fine," Mandy snapped. "You're just jealous that your butt size is as big as your bust."

"Oh NO you didn't!"

"Is my butt as big as my bust?" Lindsay asked, trying to take a look at her butt. When she couldn't see it, she started spinning around, trying to get a proper look at her butt.

"You ain't got nothing on me, cultist girl," Leshawna shouted, jabbing Mandy's chest with her finger. "You're a straw pole with white hair!"

"Don't poke my boobs! How would you like if I," she exclaimed, poking Leshawna's chest, "poked your boobs?!"

Noah walked in the room right then, with Leshawna and Mandy poking each other's boobs, and Lindsay spinning in circles trying to look at her own butt. He watched for about five before beating a hasty retreat.

* * *

**(Room 11 - Valerie, Xander, Yoshi, Zachary)**

"Where are the white boys at?" Zachary asked Valerie, noticing the almost-empty room.

"Xander decided to take Yoshi, to cheer him up, and a few of the other boys for a 'guys night out' kind of thing, only they're just chugging soda."

"And they didn't invite me? Racists."

Valerie thought that since the party was for Yoshi, who disliked Zachary and vice versa, it wasn't because of race. And also because Sebastian and DJ were invited, but it didn't really seem worthwhile to debate this with Zachary.

"Listen, Zach," she said, crossing her arms. "We need to plan our strategy out more carefully."

"What do you mean?"

"We cannot vote off Yoshi as fast as you'd like to, because now people sympathize for him."

"That's bull, he's off, she's off, it should be nice to vote him off."

"No, you need to look at this from an emotional point of view, that's what humans see it as."

"What? 'Humans'? What are you then?" he asked, chuckling.

She continued as if no joke was said. "What we want to do not break up any couples, when I think of it. Therefore, we need to eliminate everyone single. Therefore, we don't get anyone vengeful after us if they catch on."

"What about people starting to hook up?"

"We get rid of them before they can pair up. That means that that pointless love triangle between Anita, Eva, and Cody, we gotta get rid of him first."

"Cruel. I like that, though."

"Cool, so next time we can, let's get rid of someone single and possibly going to hook up. Now then..."

Valerie sat on her bed, and smiled at Zachary, a rather sly smile. "Why don't you and I act like partners?"

"Um, what?"

"Well, we have this room all to ourselves," she said, her voice slowly becoming purr. "The other two won't be back for a long time. And I want to make sure you're willing to go all the way with me with this partnership, if you catch my drift..."

Zachary stared at her for a few seconds, then cleared his throat. "Um, I gotta go see someone about a, um... potential ally. Don't worry, I got your back, Valerie."

He left the room, leaving Valerie fuming. "Man, whoever said direct is the best approach with guys," she grumbled to herself.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - The final words to be said.)**

**Valerie** - "Look, I joined this show for the publicity and popularity! I intend to win, and show how masterful of a politician I can be. But I also because there are no cameras in some places, and I want to kiss boys and make out when the camera's not on me! You have no idea how stressful having to be proper all the time is, I want action, damn it!"

**Zachary** - "Dang, Valerie gets freaky when she's alone, like if she's a whole new person. Still, she is a good teammate, I believe I can trust her; also, our new potential ally? I had a good talk with, so I think our number has increased to three. We're gonna be unstoppable."

**Belinda** - "I think Joel and Hannah are ready to build their relationship on their own now. So who's next to build up a relationship with? I predict... hmm, actually I have no idea yet. We'll see."

**Lindsay** - \still trying to look at her butt\ "I don't get it, why would God make it so we cannot see our own butt? We cannot know if we sat in something!"

**Rodney** - "Okay, so, Owen went off to the guys' party, but they didn't invite me! I don't understand, I'm a boy too! Am I not boyish enough?" \He sadly hangs his head and sighs.\ "I just really want to be one of the boys, because everyone keeps treating me like a little kid."

**Noah** - \popping up from his makeshift bed in the back\ "You _are_ a kid, Rodney!"

**Rodney** - \leaping in shock\ "Aieeee!"

**Noah** - "You also watch it around my girlfriend, buddy! Because if you want to be treated like one of the guys, I'll accuse you like one of the guys! And another thing, the reason why the guys didn't invite you to the party is because you're too you-"

**Alfred** - \pounding on the door, shouting from outside, startling Rodney\ "Noah, I waited until now to finally make a confession, you cannot hog the closet!"

**Noah** - "I'm not the one confessing, Rodney is!"

**Alfred** - \still outside\ "Man, I'm gonna find me an outhouse or something, I never get a crack at this thing... Canada has the busiest closets I've seen."

* * *

--

--

--

**(Voting Confessions)**

**Yoshi** - "Justin is the person I need to vote off. Sure, some would say it's mean because of Beth, but it's him or Daisy. And a male model who can charm the girls, look good, and not much else, that's not a good teammate. Plus, it was easy to convince a few people to vote for him so that'll make this easier..."

**Tyler** - "Yoshi wants me to vote for Justin? No problem! Whenever he's around, Lindsay forgets I exist! I know she loves hot guys, and hey, I love hot girls, but still! I don't like him!"

**Mandy** - "Why don't I find Justin handsome? Because 'hot men' are not my thing! They're... yucky. I prefer a boy who's cute, funny, and makes this doomed world seem so bearable. Someone like-" \Oddly enough, she is cut off here.\

**Owen** - "Yoshi asked me to vote for Justin, but I really cannot do that... I like Justin, he's hot. So hot I could..." \he pauses, realizes what he is almost gonna say\ "So... hot I could tell him he's hot! Yeah! So I'm gonna vote for Daisy, since she's got a broken leg."

**Beth** - "I know it's mean, especially since Yoshi likes her, but Daisy is kind of useless now. I just hope he won't break out that sword..."

**Carol** - "Man, I feel for Daisy, I really do. But what are you gonna do, vote for someone else when you got an injured gazelle?"

**Gwen** - "Ever since Cody got mauled by a bear, I've felt bad voting off other people because someone was injured. I'd much rather see Heather go."

**Heather** - "No one's gonna blame me for voting off someone seriously injured, right? Hello, she cannot walk!"

**Justin** - "There's really nothing to say. Daisy needs to go, she's got a busted ankle. And I was there, I saw how serious it was. She cannot deny how serious that was."

**Daisy** - "I dunno if Yoshi's plan will work. Personally, I'm just gonna vote for Owen, because well, the guy smells. I'd like to get him voted off before he winds up in the same vehicle as me."

* * *

**Votes:**

**Beth** - Daisy

**Carol** - Daisy

**Daisy** - Owen

**Gwen** - Daisy

**Heather** - Daisy

**Justin** - Daisy

**Mandy** - Justin

**Owen** - Daisy

**Tyler** - Justin

**Yoshi** - Justin

--

_Daisy_ - 6

_Justin_ - 3

_Owen_ - 1

--

**Voted Off** - Sandra, Duncan, Jasmine, Daisy.

--

**Next Up** - Virtual Reality Fight: Total Drama of the Dead!


	16. Ch 5, Pt 1: No Mercy from Zombies

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. Also, no playing with zombies, they do not play well with other children.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - This challenge is so much to my liking. It'll give you a small taste of what I may one day publish. Yes, you may see my OCs in a published novel one day.

--

--

--

* * *

**Chapter 16** - This Ain't Halloween Town

* * *

Carol was nom-nom-noming away at her food. Her eyes were darting all over the room, as if she expected an attack from somewhere. Truth was, she was just spying on all the couples, watching them hug and kiss and feed each other at times. The reason she did this was because she had no shame.

She watched Ezekiel hugging Heather, Duncan (who had snuck into the stadium again) nibbling Courtney's ear, Tyler and Lindsay in hot make-out session, Izzy feeding Owen, and Noah talking to Katie enthusiastically (for Noah, that is).

Upon seeing the last couple, she wondered where Sadie was. Her answer was given to her quickly, as the larger girl sat down next to her.

"Hey, whacha up to?" Carol asked her.

"I'm just a little starved for conversation while I eat," Sadie admitted. "Katie and Noah are talking up a storm, and, like, I'm kind of an extra wheel or however that expression goes."

"Yeah, but at least they get to spend time together at long last."

"Oh, don't get me wrong, I am like _so_ happy for Katie!"

"Having a boyfriend is wonderful, but being single like us has its perks."

"I know, right?" Sadie agreed emphatically. "I mean, a boyfriend of mine would tease me about my weight."

"And guys always love to make fun of my height, don't need that all the time," Carol added. "We enjoy single life, and normal friends like you."

Sadie giggled and nodded. "Don't have to worry about looking especially good."

"Don't have a guy's hands all over you like Duncan is doing to Courtney."

"Don't have a guy whispering sweet nothings in your ear like Ezekiel's doing."

"Don't have a guy kissing you like Tyler's doing to Lindsay... oh wow, tongue."

"Don't have a guy to hold you and tell you how special you are..."

Carol and Sadie stared at each other for a few seconds, then burst into loud tears. They hugged each other and sobbed until someone came around. That someone was Crystal, and she looked surprised.

"What's wrong?" she asked them.

"We want a boyfriend," the two sobbed.

Crystal smiled and sat across from them. "Look, I know the urge to hook up is high, but you have to remember that not everyone here may be right for you."

"It'd still be nice to have someone," Carol muttered. "Experience, you know?"

"Some say dating is dipping your feet in the water, but I think it should always be a bit more meaningful," Crystal said.

Sadie wiped her eyes and said, "So who would be good for us, Crystal?"

"Well Sadie, I don't know too much about you two, but I figured since Katie is dating Noah, you'd like someone like him."

"Yeah, just maybe... a little nicer? Not so cynical?"

"That'd be someone like Sebastian or Joel, but I think you'd have too much competition there," she explained. "You two do need to know that no matter how many couples there are this season, there will, at the least, be two of us ladies left single no matter what."

"Why?" Sadie asked.

"Well, for starters, none of the girls are gonna hook up with Colin."

"Oh yeah! Heck yeah," she added as an afterthought. "No one would pair up with him! But I cannot think of anyone else who's completely disagreeable."

"The other one would be Rodney."

"What? Rodney's not disagreeable? He's sweet and cute and so nice!"

"He's eight years old, Sadie."

"Oh. Forgot that."

Crystal shook her head, then continued to talk to the two girls about compatibility and dating. Nearby, Lindsay and Tyler were playing tonsil hockey (which Tyler was better at than real hockey). They took a break to breathe, then Lindsay brought up an unusual subject.

"Tyler, you ever feel sorry for Noel?"

"What? Him?" Tyler pointed at the Noah. "Why him? He's not alone or anything."

"Well, he's always sleeping in the janitor's closet. That cannot be good for your back."

"Are you and the other girls keeping him out?"

"No, he peeps into our room for a few seconds, then leaves."

Tyler rubbed his chin in thought. "He didn't walk in on you girls changing, did he?"

"I don't think so. Maybe he's worried Kathie will be upset that he's sleeping in a room with two beautiful girls like Lefonda and I, and Melinda too."

"Melinda... I mean Mandy is good looking too."

"You think so?" Lindsay, not jealous but confused, scratched the back of her head. "Because, like, her hair is the color of an old woman."

Mandy right now was drumming her fingers on the table top. She sighed as she looked over at Hannah, sitting next to her and talking to Joel. The cultist girl looked like she had something on her mind as she stared at someone, and Zachary noticed this as he walked by; however, he thought she was staring at Izzy, who's underpants were slightly visible.

"Staring at crazy girl's underwear?" he asked her, smirking at her. "Kind of hot, if you ask me."

"I'm not a lesbian," Mandy shouted, startling several people and having them look over at her. "Here, look, I'll prove it..."

The platnium-haired cultist tapped Hannah's shoulder, and when she turned to look at her, Mandy grabbed her shoulders and planted a kiss right on the blond girl's lips.

A very startled Hannah and Joel (and everyone else watching) all stared at Mandy, who wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Now see," Mandy said to Zachary, "if I was a lesbian, I would have enjoyed that."

A few seconds past by, then Mandy realized how ridiculous that was, and slammed her forehead against the table top. "Oh, Old Gods," she cursed. "No one's gonna take me serious at this rate."

"No one ever does," Zachary remarked as he started to walk away, "or ever will."

He was struck in the head by a thrown spoon. Looking around to see who threw it, he couldn't see anyone, and then sulked off. The guilty party, Izzy, dusted off her hands. "Teach him to insult my friend."

"Why'd you use my spoon?" Owen asked.

"Because you used mine to dual-wield for your cereal," she explained. She then cleared her throat, and said, "Now Owen, about what we were talking about?"

"Spoons?"

"No, I meant about our relationship. Now, if we need this to work out better, you really need to work on some habits."

"Okay. Like?"

"Like how you-"

Owen then let out a loud belch right in her face, whipping her red hair back. Her eyes widened in shock, then watered from being exposed to the noxious gas. Owen noticed this and gasped.

"Oh no! Izzy, I didn't mean to upset you, don't cry," he said, then wrapped his big arms around her and pulled her in for a hug.

Izzy rolled her eyes as he kissed her cheek over and over. She sighed and allowed him to do this, because she rather enjoyed it. She wasn't aware that she was being watched by someone (and it wasn't Carol).

Heather was staring at Izzy being romanticized by Owen (if one could dare call it that, in her opinion). She was so transfixed that eventually Ezekiel noticed and couldn't help but ask, "Is something wrong, Heather?"

"I'm wondering what Izzy is up to," she said. "She's bin acting a bit weird, eh." The ravenhaired girl groaned and looked at Ezekiel with a small smile. "I'm really starting to sound like you, e... right?"

"Izzy? What's wrong with what she's doing?" he asked, looking at her. Ezekiel personally was concerned that Izzy didn't look too thrilled as Owen kissed her face, and wondered if the couple was having trouble.

"It's just... she's acting weird. For Izzy, that is, but I don't know how to describe that."

"Didn't you want her to stop paying so much attention to me? She's with Owen right noo', isn't that what you want?"

"It's not just that, she did something really weird this morning, in our room?"

"Did she prank you? Say something to you?" Ezekiel guessed, desperate to see how his friend was upsetting his girlfriend. "She didn't threaten you, did she?"

"She did something worse than any of that."

"Oh my God, what?"

"She... she made my bed!"

Ezekiel stared at Heather, very confused.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - We are family.)**

**Ezekiel** - "I doo'nt understand! Izzy is being nice to Heather, why does that concern her?"

**Heather** - "Ezekiel doesn't understand this. Izzy being nice to me can only mean that she may be planning something big, and that concerns me."

**Carol** - "I'd really like to have a boyfriend at one point, seeing so many of the guys here are adorable. Who wouldn't want a girl like me, I can be so happy to see someone that I tackle then, sliding us across the floor and crashing into the wall? Isn't that affectionate or what?"

**Lindsay** - "Norm is never in our room, and I'm worried about that. I mean, Amanda is kind of scary, with her rats and white hair and dagger and constantly threatening to sacrifice us to 'Kabooboo,' but surely a bed is better than a closet, right?"

**Sadie** - "I really am happy for Katie, and I know this isn't, like, because she's spent too much time with me, it's just that she doesn't get a lot of time to be with Noah."

**Katie** - "I wish I could have Sadie and Noah with me at all times, but sadly, you really do want some alone time with your boyfriend eventually. Sadie is wonderful, but it's hard to kiss your guy when your BFF is asking you how good his kisses are."

\She looks around the janitor's closet in thought, then notices something.\ "Why is there a bed in here? Hey, this book... this is what Noah's sleeping? Why's he sleeping in here?"

**Hannah** - "Poor Mandy. She's trying too hard to prove she's not something, and well, trying to prove you're not something is rather difficult. I just hope she doesn't try to prove too hard again." \She chuckles.\

**Owen** - "Izzy and I share a great bond. We both love to do things other people would hate to do, we both like odd foods, and love dares and wild stunts. That's why we're the perfect couple, because we have so much in common."

**Izzy** - "Okay, being nice to Heather might be making me a little edgy, but Owen is not helping. He used to let me talk a lot, but now he dominates the conversations and such. I think he and I really need to talk about where this relationship is going, and I think if we focus on good things like extreme bungee-jumping and porcupine tossing (a great tossing game, the challenge being to catch in the one area there aren't spines), we will be okay.

"He just needs to learn not to take me for granted." \She crosses her arms and smiles, then looks to the side and frowns.\ "Or burp on me. Or fart on me. Or puke on me. Or do all three and consider it some kind of achievement."

* * *

Gwen was stirring her cereal, a dark scowl on her face. She didn't look so good this morning, her eye shadow and lipstick were a bit off.

"Hey Gwen," Trent said as he sat down next to her. She grunted at him, and he looked up from his breakfast. "Something wrong?"

"No," she said, sounding annoyed and frustrated, a definite sign something was wrong.

"Are you sure? You look up-"

"I'm. Fine," she growled, not looking up from her cereal. "Just don't bother me right now, I'm not having the best of mornings."

Trent stared at her, then sighed as he looked back at his breakfast. Right next to him, Geoff was having similar troubles.

"Good morning, uber-babe," he said to Bridgette, who was eating her breakfast quietly. He leaned in to kiss her, but she turned her head so that he only got to kiss her cheek.

"Um, hi Geoff," she muttered, focusing her stare on her breakfast.

"You okay this morning, beautiful?"

"Yeah, fine, I guess."

"Then how about a kiss?"

He tried again, reaching around her shoulders with his arm, but she writhed out of his grasp. "Maybe later, Geoff," she said. "Please, I'm just... a bit lost in thought."

"Okay," he replied, not getting it at all. He looked away from her, and came eye-to-eye with an equally perplexed Trent. The two boys shrugged helplessly at each other.

Nearby them, Alfred was engrossed in a conversation with Rodney. The prodigy child was nodding and taking notes. When Courtney walked by with her tray (she had managed to push Duncan away long enough to get her breakfast), she overheard part of the conversation.

"... And that's why the crowbar tops in the blunt weapons category," Alfred said to the child.

As Rodney and wrote this down, Courtney approached them. "What are you teaching him?" she asked Alfred sternly.

"Oh hi," the American gonzo said, waving at Courtney, beaming at her with that grin that made her think of Cody, but something cheesier.

"Alfred is teaching me about zombie survival," Rodney said.

"You're teaching him what?" Courtney exclaimed. "Alfred, you can't do that."

"It's important he learns now," Alfred said, matter-of-factly. "Best also to learn about proper weapons."

"He's way too young, there's no such thing as zombies, and you're going to make him one of those mean little boys who likes hurting people!"

"I'd never swing a katana blade at a real person, Courtney," Rodney said, looking at Courtney with pleading eyes. "Please just let me learn something new? I'm so bored between challenges because I am ahead of my textbooks and need a break."

"My old girlfriend said that it's always good to have fun skills, because it makes you more creative," Alfred added.

Courtney looked at Alfred like if she didn't believe a word he said, but sighed and pat Rodney on the shoulder. "All right, just make sure you don't take anything too seriously."

"Yay!"

Nearby them was another quarrel. Anita was sitting on Cody's right, Eva on his left. Both were trying to offer him condiments, and becoming infuriated with the other.

"Ketchup, Cody?" Eva asked, trying to offer it as casually as possible, inasmuch as she shoved it into his face without looking at him.

"Mustard is better for you," Anita suggested, holding the bottle like if she was advertising it. Realizing how silly she looked, she put it down and picked up a salt shaker. "How about some salt?"

"Pepper's tougher stuff," Eva growled, picking up the tougher shaker.

"Well, how about tabasco sauce?" Anita retaliated, waving the hot sauce around in her hand.

Eva thought, "_Damn, she's good_," before snatching up some wasabi. "No, _this_ is what's tough! Wasabi! Here you go, Cody!"

She squeezed the tube into Cody's food, which startled him and Anita. The techgeek blinked, then looked at Eva. "Um, that was my cereal."

"Oops," the fitness buff muttered. "Well, um, enjoy!"

Joel took the wasabi and put some on his hot dog, munching it down. Beth and Justin had been talking to him, and were amazed with this. "How are earth do you do that?" Justin asked him. "My eyes are watering just watching you."

"Get it from my mom," the inventor said. He chewed some more, swallowed, then asked, "So, how are you getting along with your roommates, Beth?"

"Bridgette's wonderful, she keeps everything so clean," Beth gushed. "Clive... he's depressing, and that's contagious. It's like meanness, colds, and a bad attitude, it just seems to seethe into you."

"Oh, don't say 'seethe,' hon," Justin muttered, wringing his hands. "It's such an awful word, makes me feel like my pores are failing me or something."

"Not your beautiful pores," Beth sympathized, stroking his arm. She looked over at Joel, who raised an eyebrow at this. "Think it's odd?"

"Naw, I've seen couples fretting over weirder things."

"Speaking of couples," Justin said, raising his gorgeous eyebrow at the inventor, "how are things going with Hannah?"

"Good. She's just spending time with her friends here. Isn't it amazing how quickly she can make friends here?"

"You made friends quickly," Beth pointed out.

"Yeah, but I was here during the second season. Still yeah, I do have friends."

"Who do you get along with?"

"Hmm. Cody, Ezekiel, Bridgette, you two, Izzy, Heather-"

"Heather?" Beth repeated. "Really?"

"Yeah, I've always liked her, despite her faults," Joel admitted. "I just thought she had to change a bit, especially when she and Ezekiel were slowly hooking up."

"I still don't believe that happened," Justin muttered. "I'm still mad at Heather for the way she treated Beth, still not polite this day."

Beth cooed and hugged your boyfriend. "You're so nice to me! I love you!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - I've got brooms and mops inside me!)**

**Trent** - "Gwen's a really incredible gal, but she does have a temper. When she's mad, she stays mad, and she won't let anyone in. I really wish she could more open, like Bridgette is."

**Geoff** - "Man, Bridgette's been kind of a downer these days. I don't know, some of the guys have said she's off-put by my mentioning marriage. I just wish she would let me know if something's truly wrong, like how Gwen is, very expressive."

**Rodney** - "Alfred is a really nice guy. He's taught me how to survive attacks from evil monsters, like zombies, vampires, werewolves, succubi, mimes, fanboys... he said I couldn't trust the internet for these kinds of things, because people are into embracing these monsters. I like Courtney, but I wish she was more fun like Alfred is."

**Cody** - "It's so odd having two girls giving me so much attention. Normally, I'm chasing after them... now they're dumping stuff in my food, and they're doing it to be nice!"

**Eva** - \facepalming\ "Wasabi in his cereal. I really should have studied courting a boy before I started this. I can only hope he likes wasabi that much..."

**Beth** - "I have to help Justin maintain his gorgeous image, because he's on TV all the time, and if it fades, he might lose his career! And if that happens, he'll have to work..." \she shudders\ "... retail! I shudder to think what would happen if he had to work with the general public!"

**Justin** - "Beth's overly worried about me at times, but I think I have enough smarts to survive on my own."

\He steps back to pose then, and trips on Noah's bed.\

* * *

**(In Maclean Stadium)**

Chris Maclean stood in front of the forty contestants, waiting for the crowd to die down. Once it became quiet enough, he started up the show. "Hello, remaining contestants of TOTAL! DRAMA! BATTLEGROUNDS!"

"I already won the bet, remember?" Belinda asked.

Chris froze in his stylist pose, then snapped his fingers. "I suppose," he grumbled, kicking the ground with his toes. "So, who wants to know what's going to show today?"

"Is it going to be a virtual reality battle?" Cody asked, excited.

"No! It's going to be a virtual reality battle," Chris announced, and the crowd cheered. The contestants, those not overjoyed by this, rolled their eyes.

"So the virtual reality machine is fixed and ready to go?" Howard asked, looking over at the enormous computer machine with over fifty seats.

"I had Joel working on it all night," the host assured them. "Ask him."

Several people turned to ask them, and saw the inventor had fallen asleep standing up. DJ nudged him, and he woke with a start, "Gah, football practice!"

"Is Vera ready, Joel?"

"Um, yeah."

"You sure?"

"Quit stalling for excitement, Chris."

"Right! Now everyone, this will be the first virtual reality battle to take place on Total Drama Battlegrounds! Needless to say, we're thrilled, and we have divided you all up into two teams, in a very complex and strategic manner!"

"Assortment of leadership skills and intellect?" asked Courtney.

"Combat, trickery, and crafty skills?" asked Harold.

"People very compatible with each other?" asked Xander.

"Wrong," Chris declared. "Alphabetical!"

Wails and protests shot up among the contests, but Chris managed to shush them all in due time. "Now now now, we took a lot of thought into this, and we figured it would be best. So Team A is going to be Alfred all the way to Heather, which is twenty of you."

Howard was quickly doing a letter check, and he flinched when he came to the results. "Aw man," he wailed. "You mean?"

"Yes, Team B is going to be Howard to Zachary!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Full of squeegees!)**

**Howard** - "I had really hoped I would be on Belinda's team, because courting her has been rather tough since I haven't had any time yet to! I was hoping that we would even be at second base by now! Guess I'll have to just survive this challenge, and then I'll make my move on the most gorgeous, smartest psychic I know!"

**Belinda** - \smirking\ "I'm clairvoyant, Howard, clairvoyant!"

**Crystal** - "Ever notice how when Chris has to think of something that isn't painful or mean, his imagination plummets? It's like some bloody gauge in him drops, and he's like, _Creative Skills crashed, reboot brain_.

"Then again, every time he goes alphabetical, I end up on the same team as Colin..."

* * *

"Now that you are in your respective teams," Chris said, "I think it's time we unveil the theme of today's challenge, the first challenge! Now, what's the most popular form of undead these days?"

"Zombies," Alfred cheered.

"Vampires," Mandy shouted at the same time.

The two looked at each other, and adopted battle positions. Alfred had a cocky grin on his face as he crossed his arms, and she hunkered down and growled menacingly at him.

"Vampires are the ultimate fright, the epitome of horror," Mandy snarled. "They are what the Old Gods would command, the stuff that nightmares are made of!"

"Zombies are what horror and violence is about," Alfred countered, grinning still. "Vampires have a ton of weaknesses and they're usually alone, not to mention they've been 'wimp-afied' as time goes on."

"Just because little school girls fantasize about glitter-faced vampires doesn't mean vampires aren't badass," Mandy roared, stomping up to him. She got her face right into his smirking face, and added, "They could rip your throat out for blood!"

"Zombies do that too, just that their friends are ripping your organs out, munching on your digits, and snacking on your brains."

"Vampires are the most horrifying undead beings there are, you dead head," she shouted. "You zombie fanatics think that a shotgun and a chain saw are so cool, well they would do squat against a vampire?"

"You could soak a chain saw in holy water."

Mandy growled more, Alfred unmoving to her threatening stance with a light-hearted smile. He even leaned down to whisper, "But vampires literally suck."

"Hey, that's such an old joke!"

Chris cleared his throat loudly. "If you two are done with your nerd-fight, I think it's time to break the hard news to Mandy. The best undead are zombies!"

Alfred cheered and pumped his fists into the air as the cultist girl sulked back to her team, an angry stare at the ground. "Stupid zombie-loving creeps, vampire would so own you guys."

"Your challenge is going to be slightly different for both of you," Chris said. He pointed a remote at the large, virtual reality machine, and the screen lit up.

"Team A, your name will be The Dawn! Your job is to get to the top of Maclean Hospital, signal for a helicopter rescue, and escape!"

The screen showed a towering hospital with Chris's face on all four sides of the building.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Sponges too!)**

**Joel** - "Um, climbing up to the top of a towering hospital to signal a helicopter? Chris, you're really teetering on copyright issues here." **[1]**

**Tyler** - "Chris Maclean's face on a hospital? Yeah right! Only if all the patients there were people he ended up sending there!"

* * *

"Team B, your name will be The Dusk! Your survival mission is get to the Hatchet Docks in your harbor city," Chris said, pointing to the screen; it had changed to a sweeping view of some rather gloomy docks. "Once there, summon a rescue, and take the last boat to safety."

"That sounds rather easy," Sakaki said, relieved.

"Each team is divided up into groups of two, and the ten groups must all make it to their destination, fighting off zombies the entire way, using whatever weapons you manage to get!"

"That doesn't sound easy," she whimpered.

"And may I mention that the only way to signal a rescue is to set off a bright flare, which will attract all the zombies in the city to your rescue point!"

"No, I jinxed it," Sakaki wailed, clenching her hair. "I don't want to die!"

"In this zombie VR game," Chris said, grinning and enjoying the shy asian's misery, "if you die, you come back as a zombie. Also, there will be zombies of the other team and those you voted off, for shock value!"

"Wait, the other team's zombies will be there?" Gwen asked, raising an eyebrow. "You mean we're not fighting each other?"

"Nope, the only way to win this contest is to have the most survivors at the end of the competition," Chris exclaimed. "The team with the most survivors wins immunity and a prize!"

"Is there friendly-fire?" Noah asked.

"Yep! Wouldn't want to miss out on those precious team kill moments!"

"Why is he smiling?" Rodney asked the others. "Isn't it bad when team members accidentally take each other out?"

"Not when it's hilarious," the host said cheerfully.

"The sad thing is," Noah muttered, "he's kind of right."

"One thing to note is that we're going with video game standards rather than movie standards. You will not be infected by zombie bites, you will only be zombified if you die."

Ezekiel tapped his chin. "So we are separated at the beginning, all head for the same destination, light up the flare, and hold 'oot until the rescue arrives?"

"Yes, yes exactly," Chris said. "And doo'nt woo'ry... I mean, I don't worry if the team's tie, we'll decapitate that zombie when we come to it. Now, are there any questions?"

"Is this going to be really violent and scary?" Sakaki whimpered.

"Is there pain in the virtual reality system?" DJ whimpered.

"Can I get my Bible back now?" Hannah asked.

"No questions?" Chris asked back gleefully, cupping his ear. "No questions at all?"

Howard was whispering something into Alfred's ear, and the American boy giggled. "Hey Chris," he said between snickers, "I have a question! How long have you been a virgin?"

Snickers and laughs broke out among the teenagers as Chris frowned and crossed his arms. "Just get into groups and discuss your groups of two. And keep in mind, a few of you might start off with weapons, but I won't say who."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - A cleaning machine.)**

**Chris Maclean** - "Man, that was lame. 'How long have you been a virgin'? It doesn't even make sense, who finds that kind of humor funny?"

**Chef Hatchet** - \laughing hysterically, slapping his knee\

**Duncan** - \cackling, pounding the side of the wall\

**Groucho the Duck** - \quack-laughing\

**Chico the Raccoon** - "lol lol lol lolz, epic lolz!"

* * *

**(The Dawn)**

" 'How long have you been a virgin'?" Courtney repeated at Alfred. "And you wonder why I don't want you 'educating' Rodney."

"C'mon, I didn't say it in front of him," the gonzo replied with an impish grin.

"And I suppose when you turn him into one of those brats you Americans find so funny on TV, you'll say how you were nowhere near him," the CIT replied, turning away from him.

"Hey, I don't like those kinds of kids funny-"

"All right, people," she exclaimed, interrupting Alfred and pumping her fist. "We have to decide ten groups of two, so let me get started. I think that DJ, you should be with-"

"Hey, wait a minute," Gwen cried out, stepping forward. "Why are _you_ the leader of us, Courtney?"

"Have you forgotten who has leadership skills?" Courtney said, eying the goth girl angrily. "I have CIT experience."

"Unless the C in that stands for Cannibal, I don't think you have any experience in zombie survivals!"

"Gwen, I don't want to debate this. You're not exactly a leader-"

"Only I've watched every zombie movie ever made, including the crappy ones," Gwen declared, glaring Courtney down. "I know how to survive a zombie invasion!"

"I've played all the games," Alfred said, raising his hand. "You're looking at someone who knows over a hundred ways to kill a zombie!"

"I know how to fight the undead," Harold said, huffing out his chest. "And I take it upon myself to be an expert in hand-to-hand-"

"Shut up, everyone just shut up," Courtney hollered, waving her hands around. "We don't have time to hear everyone's ghoulish stories, we're in a virtual reality game controlled by Chris Maclean, not one of your stupid B-movies, little online games, or any physical training you think you have for a virtual reality game!"

"Actually," Harold spoke up again, raising his finger, "Joel and I talked about it. Your physical potential is equal to any normal VR game."

"That's nice, Harold, thanks," she groaned, rubbing her forehead in frustration. "Look people, I know how to work people together, so I'll make the calls."

"I trust you as far as that CIT experience goes in a zombie apocalypse," Gwen remarked.

"If this is about last season," Courtney snapped, "that's done and over with! Over, it doesn't matter now!"

"Mattered pretty damn much when it did happen."

"E-_nough_," Courtney shrieked, let out a frustrated shout, then turned to the others. "Okay, DJ, you're a big teddy bear, so you be with Eva."

DJ looked delighted, but Eva, who was looking at Cody, did not. "Hey wait a minute," the fitness buff shouted. "I want to be with Cod-"

"No," Courtney snapped. "I'm not having your love triangle issues ruining our chances. You're with DJ! And Anita," the CIT turned to the other girl, who looked hopeful for a moment, "you be with Crystal." Anita sighed, then shrugged. "Alright, fine."

"And as for you, Cody," Courtney continued, "you can be with... um, Bridgette."

"Me?" the surfer girl asked, looking surprised.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Sawdust included in here!)**

**Bridgette** - "I don't mind Cody, I really don't. But him and me alone together in a zombie-infested place? How could one conceive such an unlikely situation?"

**Anita** - "Yeah, I had my hopes up I could be alone with Cody. Though that would be distracting... but!" \She grins wickedly.\ "Most wouldn't guess I'm a video gamer gal, and you're talking to a gal who zombies have nightmares about!"

**DJ** - "Phew, I'm with Eva! I'm safe forever!"

* * *

Courtney cleared her throat, then continued. "Alfred, you be with, um, Hannah."

Alfred nodded, and nudged the religious girl. "Know anything about zombies?"

"Shoot them in the head, right?"

"Yep! We'll be getting along just fine!"

Courtney rolled her eyes, then said, "Moving on! Beth, you're with Carol. Clive, you with Belinda. Belinda, make sure he doesn't throw himself at the zombies."

"I doubt he'd do that," Belinda said, smiling at the emo. "Wouldn't want to get gore on those nice clothes, huh?"

"It's a virtual reality game, I could care less," Clive muttered. "In fact, this is the best opportunity to see how my death would be."

Belinda's eyes widened, then she rubbed her chin. "I didn't count on that. Better keep a good eye on him."

Courtney looked at the others, noticing Arthur, who was face-palming. She shrugged and said, "New guy, you in the leather?"

"Arthur," he grumbled.

"Yeah, you can be with me. Now then, Gwen..." Courtney immediately frowned, sensing the goth girl was glaring at her. Sure enough, Gwen was daring Courtney with her eyes to tick her off even more. The CIT looked at the remaining contestants: Ezekiel, Harold, Geoff, Colin, and Heather.

"Gwen, you be with Harold."

The goth girl face palmed while Harold beamed with pride.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Extra paper towels stored here!)**

**Courtney** - "There was strategy to my picks. Arthur seems like someone I could ally with, so I pretended to be indifferent. Gwen I hate, so I put her with someone she hates, and it's not offensive to Harold because he likes her. I was tempted to say she'd be with Colin... but I don't think any girl deserves to be alone with that creep."

**Gwen** - "I used to hate Heather, but, and this is still relatively unbelievable, she's mellowed out since she started dating Ezekiel. Ever since Courtney's little alliance caused me to hurt Cody over something he didn't do, she's now my least favorite person in this stupid contest."

**Clive** - "So many ways to die, only so many virtual reality games to die in before I'm voted off. Might as well make this one the best."

**Alfred** - \singing\ "And ca-aaaaaaan I e-eeeeeeat your bra-aaaaaaains tonight? Woo-ooo!"

* * *

"Now, Ezekiel," Courtney said, looking at him and the remaining three contestants. "Um, you can be with Heather, but only if you promise to concentrate on the game."

"Sure thing, eh," he said, then wrapped his arms around Heather's waist and pulled her close. "Protecting her will be my job!"

"Don't," Heather started to protest, then sighed and leaned against him. "Yeah, I feel safe with him," she said to Courtney. "Let me stick with my boyfriend."

"Alright then," the CIT said, ignoring Gwen sticking her finger in her mouth. "So that leaves Geoff and... oh, Colin."

Most of the remaining teenagers looked at Geoff sympathetically, but the party boy shrugged. "Nah dudes, it's okay," he said, smiling. "I'm sure Colin and I can just chill together. Right, dude?"

"Right, dude," Colin replied, grinning right back.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - But people mostly just use the camera.)**

**Colin** - \snickering\ "Yeah, I can chill with him. After all, I want to see the look on Bridgette's face when I shove her boyfriend into zombies. Because that's funny."

* * *

**(The Dusk)**

"Okay then," Noah said loudly, clapping his hands and interrupting all the little conversations among his new teammates. "We need to organize for this challenge, groups of two, or as I like to say for a zombie scenario, a snack break.

"So I'm taking control of this team of twenty, or it's going to become an episode of How to Serve Twenty People."

"Why you?" Justin asked.

Noah scoffed and waved his hand. "Anyone who has any idea how to survive a zombie invasion, please raise your hand."

One person quickly did.

"Okay, all those who are _not_ Izzy and know how to survive a zombie apocalypse, please raise your hand."

No one else did for a while, but then Rodney started to slowly raise his hand. Noah shook his finger at him, and said, "No no no, my little rival. You had your chance to lead, in the paintball challenge, and that was a failure. Let someone else lead."

"Okay," Rodney said cheerfully, nodding his head. "What are the teams?"

"That's what I'm getting to, my dear little bite-sized rival."

"Oh no no no," Leshawna protested. "I know you ain't gonna give the kid a hard time in this challenge because of your petty rivalry."

"Not at all, my dear Leshawna," Noah remarked, crossing his arms and keeping his voice as neutral as possible. He managed to give her a smile and said, "That's why I've decided to let you be his teammate."

"Me?"

"Yes, you're tough, strong, and you look out for others. Therefore, you'd be the best person to have with the kid."

Leshawna looked flattered for a few seconds, then glared at Noah. "This better not be because you think they'll try to eat me first."

"No, if I wanted to do that, he'd be with Owen."

The large teenager in mention grinned and pulled some indistinguishable food from his pocket. "I think I may be part zombie," he said as he scarfed it down, "because I'm always hungry!"

He cackled and bits of the food splattered Noah's face. The bookworm blinked, and said in a monotone voice, "You're with your girlfriend, Owen."

"Yay," he cheered, picking Izzy up and hugging her, more of the food being spat from his mouth on her face. "Izzy, want to get lunch before the challenge?"

"Maybe, but I'm really looking forward to this challenge, Owen," Izzy said, grinning wickedly. "I'm gonna get me a chain saw, and never put it down!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - No chain saws in here.)**

**Noah** - \staring at the camera in frustration\ "Those two really deserve each other. Fatty McStuffmyface and that little weirdo who acts like everyone is not as smart or experienced when no one could ever take that head case seriously..."

\He pauses, then blinks.\ "Yes, I'm talking about Owen and Izzy. Leshawna and Rodney are fine, I'm sure they'll do okay on this challenge."

**Leshawna** - "I know Noah's not a bad guy, but I wouldn't put it past that guy to insult me when he's in here. If he really didn't mind me, why's he avoiding our room?!"

* * *

"Okay, we need to balance out some people, but first off," Noah said, then smiled and pat his girlfriend on her shoulder. "Katie, you're with me."

She cheered, then asked, "And Sadie too, right?"

"What? No, they're teams of two only, remember?"

Katie looked horrified. "But, but... Sadie won't be with me! In a zombie-infested city! I've never been out of town without her, I can't leave her in a place with yucky undead!"

"But Katie," Noah nudged her and leaned in to whisper, "I want you to be with me, because I have the most chance of surviving this."

"I really, really don't want to leave Sadie," Katie whimpered. "Don't you care about her at all?"

"Katie, of course I care about your BFFFL. And that's why," Noah scanned his teammates for a way out of this, "that's... why... aha! I'm going to pair Sadie up with the person who is as likely to survive this as we are!"

"Really?" she whimpered, rubbing her eyes as tears had become to form. "Who?"

"Yoshi! Mr. Samurai," Noah ran over to the warrior teenager, and said, half-begging and half-demanding, "you're going to be with Sadie, right?"

"What?" Yoshi asked at first, then noticed the desperate look in his eyes, and the enormous relief in Katie's. "Oh! Oh yeah, that's fine."

"Yay," Katie and Sadie cheered, hugging each other.

"Thank goodness," Noah remarked, wiping his forehead. "Now that that's over, let's start pairing everyone else up."

"I have a request," Valerie said. She and Zachary had just been talking. "I'd like to be with Trent, if that's okay?" Trent looked surprised, then shrugged. "That's fine."

"And I'd like to be with Justin," Zachary said. "C'mon, white boy, help a brother out."

"I'm not white," Noah grumbled.

"And I don't want to be with him," Justin remarked. This made Noah grin.

"You know what, Mr. Anti-Me? I think you should be with Zachary. Be nice, boys, or I'll have to write down that you don't play well with other children."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Children play well in here.)**

**Noah** - \grinning proudly\ "And that's how you efficiently manage people you like, and people you don't."

**Valerie** - "Heather was a fool to try and split up couples in the first season, what you need to do is harness that power of them wanting to protect each other. So I'm going to persuade Trent to have him and Gwen to join our alliance, and Zachary will work with Justin and Beth. I'd do Justin... but he's _so_ handsome I might be too distracted."

**Zachary** - "I... probably should have mentioned to Valerie that Justin hates my guts ever since I shot his girlfriend multiple times in the paintball challenge. Doh."

**Yoshi** - "Sadie could get on my nerves rather quickly... I miss Daisy."

* * *

"Moving on," Noah said, loving the angry looks Justin and Howard were giving each other, "we have... jock! Cheerleader! Together as normal, just don't make out."

Tyler huffed and crossed his arms, but Lindsay was nodding obediently. "We'll be extra careful, Nosey."

"Be sure you d... 'Nosey'?" Noah repeated, then shook it off. "Never mind."

"Something wrong?"

"For some reason, I just felt there was more meaning to that word, but as I said, forget it. Sakaki, you be with..."

He paused when he saw she was hiding behind Sebastian. "... Him."

"Thank you," she squeaked.

"Don't mention it. Now vampire cultist girl-"

"I worship Cthulhu," Mandy barked. "Maybe if you were actually in the room for once rather than sleeping in the closet, you'd know these things!"

Xander began guffawing, and Noah furrowed his brow. "You know what, biker boy? You think that's so pithy, you be her partner."

"Fine by me, dude, she's cute," Xander said with a shrug, walking over to Mandy with a sly grin on his face.

"She's also armed with a knife."

"Merely means she knows how to defend herself."

Mandy glared at Xander as he approached. "I hate pretty boys," she snapped.

"I've been called a lot of things, but pretty isn't one of them. Do pretty boys have scars?"

"Err, no. You got more than that handsome one on your face?"

"If you two are done flirting," Noah commented, "we still have to... oh, it's just Joel and Howard left. Play nice, you two."

"It is my toy," Joel remarked. "Of course I'm going to be gentle."

"That reminds me! You created this zombie campaign, right?"

"Yes, but trust me, I didn't want to give my team an unfair advantage, _and_ I went a little nuts with the possibilities."

"Meaning?"

Joel whistled and scratched the back of his head. "In each campaign city, there are at least fifty different starting locations, weapons and ammo spawn in completely random places, shortcuts can even be there or not, and there's no safe spots or exploits or hacks; this is all mostly due to the fact that, say our dock city, changes in structure, obstructions and pathways, and even possible extra dangers."

"Extra dangers?" Tyler asked, looking concerned. "You mean besides the zombies? What's worse than that?"

"Fires, zombie sharks in the water, gasoline trucks crashing and exploding, and then there's whatever extra dangers the possible starting locations can have."

"It gets worse?" Lindsay whimpered. "How?"

"If there's a carnival, we got zombie clowns. Gasoline station, possibility of explosion. Military outpost, zombies wearing Kevlar. Asylum, psycho killers along with zombies."

"Why would a dock city have an asylum?" Sebastian asked.

"They've gotta be somewhere, San Francisco had Alcatraz," Joel noted. "The point is, that I'm trying to make, the zombie campaign, like all other campaigns I created, has way too many possibilities and variables mixed in to make it predictable in any way, even the creator."

"It's just as well," Xander said with a shrug. "I'd refuse to listen to any cheats you could have had."

"Why?" Leshawna asked him. "Ain't you the rebel, sugar?"

"And thus, I rebel against the team should you all decide to cheat," he said, batting one of his raven bangs around his facial scar. "Looks like we're all going to be struggling through the zombie apocalypse as much as the other team."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Obeys rules too.)**

**Sakaki** - "Wow, that Xander guy is really cool... I'd almost like to be partners with him, but I don't do well around handsome guys."

\She freezes then starts waving her hands desperately.\ "Wait no no no! I'm not saying Sebastian isn't handsome! He's very handsome! No, wait, I mean he's-" \She continues to stammer, not getting anywhere.\

**Xander** - "Most guys would be put off by a girl like Mandy. But she's very cute, fierce, hot body, and best of all, would definitely make it through a zombie invasion. Plus, she hangs out with Hannah, the Christian girl, so I'm guessing she's not an evil little succubus."

* * *

"Are you all set?" Chris Maclean asked the contestants.

The forty contestants were all sitting down in the chairs surrounding Vera, domes lowered over their heads, visors in front of their eyes. All of them looked anxious, whether it be from being nervous, excited, and/or very unsure about such technology.

"I repeat," the host said, drumming his fingers against the control panel, "are you ready?" Chef Hatchet stood next to him, looking anxious as well.

"Well, I'm not sure about this," Sakaki whimpered.

"Are you sure this is safe?" Bridgette asked.

"This won't cause brain tumors like cell phones do, will it?" Cody asked.

"Seems you are all ready," the host exclaimed. He pushed a few buttons, and shouted, "And now, ladies and gentlemen, the first virtual reality of Total Drama Battlegrounds: _Drama of the Dead_!!"

Vera the Virtual Reality Machine hummed pleasantly as it started up. The humming almost out the soothing music around the contestants' ears, which slowly brought them all into the virtual reality world. As their minds left the real world, the virtual world was brought to life on the four screens of Vera, the major TV screens of the stadium, and everyone viewing the show on TV (but not here, because you're reading it, haha).

Surrounding Maclean Hospital in the city of Chrisville, the members of Dawn began to appear. In various parts of Chef's City, far from the Hatchet Docks, the teammates of Dusk began to spawn. As they opened their eyes in the virtual world, they tried to discover where they were...

* * *

**(The Dawn, Arthur and Courtney)**

"Where are we?" Courtney asked Arthur, not ready to discover where she was on her own.

"I think we came to our favorite place to dine."

"Ugh, where would zombies want to dine? Science lab? Morgue?"

"No, us, Courtney. We're at a restaurant."

Courtney looked around, and noted the tables and setting. "Oh, okay. Well then, let's get... ewww!"

Arthur looked around to see a couple zombies eating brains at a table. He burst out laughing as Courtney continued to make disgusted noises.

"That is greatest thing I've ever seen," Arthur cackled.

"You're revolting," Courtney remarked. "C'mon, let's get out of here and..."

She trailed off when Arthur trailed off physically, heading into the kitchen. Coming out with a large cleaver, he took to severing the zombie heads.

"Go get a weapon," he instructed Courtney as he wiped off the blade on the table mat. "There's loads of knives and cleavers, but you might find a frying pan to your liking."

"Why, because girls cook in the kitchen?" she asked defensively.

"No, because I doubt you're the blade type, you prefer blunt weapons."

She sighed, then shrugged. "Fine, you're right," she said before smiling. "And you're not so revolting, but very clever. Have you considered-"

"Not interested in an alliance, let's go."

* * *

**(The Dusk, Katie and Noah)**

"No... no... no," Katie shrieked in horror. "It's terrible! Not here, not this place! I cannot take this! Noah! Oh the horrors! I WANT SADIE!"

She gripped Noah and screamed in terror. He quickly clamped his hand over her mouth and hissed, "Quiet, you'll lead the zombies to us!"

"But... but... the horror! The horror!"

"Katie, calm down."

Zombies started coming towards them. Noah opened a locker and slammed against the door against the nearest one, then pulled his girlfriend into the nearest room.

"There's nothing terrible about where we are," Noah whispered to her. "It's just high school."

"That's easy for you to say, you love school."

"Yes, it'd be perfect without all the students."

The zombies banged on the door, trying to get in. Noah sighed and handed Katie a nearby text book. "Here, slam some knowledge into their heads."

"Eww, chemistry," she said, then blinked. Smiling, she hugged Noah from behind. "Chemistry!"

"Later with the chemistry, dear, later!"

* * *

**(The Dawn, Anita and Crystal)**

"Oh bloody hell," Crystal whispered when she looked down at what she was holding, then lifted it up. "Ah, cheers, mate. I started off with a cricket bat."

"Really? That's great," Anita gushed, then looked around. "It's really dark in here, I cannot tell where we are."

"Me neither. Smells funny in here too, kind of smokey."

"Smells a little like a gym," Crystal remarked, wandering around. "Maybe we're in a gym? I see workout bars."

"Oh, I see bars too, hon."

Crystal looked over at Anita, who looked rather unamused. She was jerking her thumb at a pole in the middle of a circular stage.

"Is that a... oh bugger," Crystal muttered and slapped her forehead.

The two then saw a zombie approaching them, and both blanched. "Oh Lord," Crystal remarked, her wide eyes blinking. "She doesn't have much kit on, does she?"

"No, she really doesn't. I hope we're not being broadcasted now."

* * *

**(The Dusk, Izzy and Owen)**

"Community hall, baby," Owen cheered. "I'm at the front door of community hall! Not really sure what they do in here, but it's a really big building, and I love big buildings!"

"WOOHOO! Owen! Owen baby! Look! Look look look!"

Owen looked around to see his girlfriend holding a chain saw up in her hands. "Chris Maclean gave me a chain saw to start off with! Oh I love that man so much."

The large teenager cheered again, and then looked around. "Well, let's find you some zombies, and... oh look, there's some down the stairs!"

Izzy cackled, then yanked on the cord of her chain saw. "Hang on, let me start this sweet baby up. Dang, it's a feisty one. Hey, those zombies look familiar."

Owen looked down and noticed the same thing. There was a zombie Sandra, zombie Duncan, zombie Jasmine, zombie...

"Oh no," Owen exclaimed, his eyes widening in terror. "No! NOOOOOO! Daisy's coming for revenge!"

"Huh?" Izzy asked, looking over at her boyfriend.

"She's coming to eat me for voting her off! I'm sorry, Daisy!"

Losing all control of his emotions except terror, Owen shoved Izzy towards them, shouting, "Kill 'em, Izzy, for the love of cheesecake!"

The very harsh push knocked Izzy off her feet, sending her spilling down the stairs. The chain saw bounced away from her, and Owen ran screaming into the community hall building.

Izzy landed in a heap at the bottom of the stairs, and the zombies did not hesitate in ripping her apart. Inside, Owen whimpered, "Izzy? Are they dead yet?"

* * *

**(The Dawn, overall)**

Ezekiel notched an arrow and shot the zombie approaching Heather. The ghoul was pinned against the movie screen, and Heather collapsed in one of the theater seats in exasperation.

DJ cowered behind a totaled car as Eva beat down several zombies with a tire iron, a busted refrigerator, and a chipped kitchen sink.

Geoff and Colin tried to find weapons, anything that could be used for hitting zombies, but nightclubs weren't known for keeping such handy items around.

Harold, armed with nunchucks, was bragging to Gwen about his kung-fu skills would help them if they were disarmed, while she considered ringing the bell inside the bell tower, just to call all the zombies to them and end her misery.

Bridgette used a hammer to knock a zombie off a beam, while Cody put on a hardhat, though it seemed pointless. At ten stories high on building currently being constructed, with zombies wandering around it, a hardhat didn't seem much help, even as protection to his valuable brains.

Alfred was singing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" as he clobbered zombie after zombie with a baseball bat. Hannah waited for him to finish, enjoying the VIP seats and a hot dog.

Belinda used a trash can lid to shove a zombie away from her, then slammed it against another zombie's head. Clive sat in the alleyway, sulking and thinking of a good way to end himself.

Carol was swatting at zombies in the park with a police baton. Beth had tried to use a tree branch, but panicked and hid behind a tree when it broke.

* * *

**(The Dusk, overall)**

Sadie and Yoshi explored the warehouse they started off in, Yoshi holding a katana blade and Sadie a sledgehammer. One massive swing from Sadie and a decapitated zombie later, the warrior knew he had been mistaken about the larger BFFFL.

Tyler tried desperately to turn off the light in the building he and Lindsay had started off in. This was because the very large beacon the lighthouse gave off was attracting zombies from all over, as Lindsay could see coming from up top.

Xander sat on a gravestone and watched as Mandy mutilated a zombie with her sacrificial dagger. He figured this was her way of venting that it wasn't vampires, and so long as she wasn't trying to raise the dead in this cemetery with dark arts, she could do what she wanted.

Joel said a quick prayer, fitting for the church he was in, then bashed a zombie's head in with a crowbar, which wasn't fitting at all. Howard also prayed for safety, protection, and for guidance on getting Belinda hot for him.

Sebastian corrected his glasses as he looked at the length of the mall from the second floor, Sakaki hiding behind him. "So many stores," he observed, "so few necessities to what we really need. Of course, the same thing could be said about the mall in general."

Leshawna knocked another zombie into the pool, leaving the dead creature to thrash about, completely unable to swim. Another zombie was sneaking up behind her, but Rodney hooked a life preserver around it's leg and tripped it to save his partner.

Valerie grimaced at the sight of the zombie clown, hating the amusement park more than ever now. With a rather musical but violent note, Trent smashed the guitar down on its head, honking the red nose as its head caved in.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - No one started in here.)**

**Chris Maclean **- "We'll be taking a short break for now, leaving you to wonder which of your favorite participants is going to make it through this zombie VR! Already there has been one casualty, who is next?"

**Chef Hatchet** - \fuming angrily\ "Chris and I bet on five contestants we'd think make it, five that'd die for sure; twenty bucks on each right prediction. With Izzy dead, I already lost one of my bets!"

**Arthur** - \rolling his eyes\ "Courtney keeps trying to encourage me to join an alliance with her. That's suicide, no one trusts her since last season."

**Harold** - "What Gwen doesn't know is that a zombie is just like a human but with no reaction skills. I could break it's neck so easily! ... Not that I know how to break necks, I use kung-fu in defense, not offense."

**Mandy** - "You know, when I started off with Xander, I thought he'd be another arrogant pretty boy. Well, he's a little arrogant, but he's really, really cool. Cute too, almost as cute as someone else... but meh."

**Sebastian** - "I wonder why there hasn't been a TV on zombies. You think it'd be an area people would like to see explored, rather than shows on violent, sexual predators. ... Oh, I'm sorry, I mean vampires."

**Izzy** - \She is _quite_ angry.\ "First dead. I am first dead. I had a chain saw and a city full of zombies, and here I am, sitting outside the virtual reality machine, waiting for the challenge to be over. I have to watch everyone else having fun, splattering zombies, cleaving heads, bashing skulls, getting love nips, and using anything they want to fight!"

\She snarls and glares more at the camera.\ "When this challenge is over, Owen and I are going to have a _long_ talk! I dare say he should be glad I don't have that chain saw in real life!"

* * *

--

--

--

**Who will win this zombie invasion? A through H, The Dawn, or H through Z, The Dusk?**

**Who will live, who will die? What weapons are they going to use for zombie carnage?**

**And when Izzy gets her hands on Owen, is he going to find the zombies to be safer?**

--

**[1]** - Joel is referring to Left 4 Dead's campaign, where the survivors must get to the top of a towering hospital to signal for help. Only they don't let off a signal flare, which makes the hundreds of zombies swarming to the roof make little sense. Still, one way or another, I'm giving them tribute here, not ripping them off. I swear. \innocent grin\

* * *

**The Dawn**

Arthur and Courtney - **Restaurant.**

Ezekiel and Heather - **Movie theater.**

DJ and Eva - **Dump.**

Geoff and Colin - **Nightclub.**

Crystal and Anita - **Strip joint.**

Harold and Gwen - **Bell tower.**

Bridgette and Cody - **Construction site.**

Alfred and Hannah - **Baseball field.**

Clive and Belinda - **Alleyway.**

Beth and Carol - **Park.**

--

**The Dusk**

Katie and Noah - **High s****chool.**

Sadie and Yoshi - **Warehouse.**

Tyler and Lindsay - **Lighthouse.**

_Izzy_ (_dead_) and Owen - **Community hall.**

Xander and Mandy - **Graveyard.**

Joel and Howard - **Church.**

Justin and Zachary - **Hairdressers.**

Sebastian and Sakaki - **Mall.**

Leshawna and Rodney - **Public pool.**

Valerie and Trent - **Amusement park.**

**

* * *

**

Chris Maclean's Picks:

**Live** - Joel, Yoshi, Noah, Cody, Gwen.

**Die** - Rodney, Lindsay, DJ, Sakaki, Bridgette.

--

Chef Hatchet's Picks:

**Live** - Izzy, Eva, Xander, Ezekiel, Leshawna.

**Die** - Trent, Clive, Heather, Owen, Tyler.

* * *

**Next** - Zombies vs. Survivors.


	17. Ch 5, Pt 2: The Death Toll Rises

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - The zombie violence here is seriously diminished, so this story will still be rated Teen. I still find it ironic how overly sensitive people are these days with kid cartoons. When I was growing up, Daffy Duck would literally have his face blown off, dynamite and laser guns were played with, and Disney characters were getting drunk off their butts.

* * *

**Chapter 17** - Won't You Take Me To \music notes\ ZOMBIE TOWN?

* * *

--

--

--

**(Maclean Stadium)**

"You mean I have to watch them the entire time?" Izzy exclaimed at the host of the show. "You can't put me back in there as a zombie or something?"

"Nope, sorry!"

Chris Maclean didn't sound or look sorry. In fact, with a big grin on his face, he looked the opposite of sorry. He continued to beam into her face as he said, "Very sorry, but you have to wait here until the game is over."

Izzy was hunched over, fists clenched, teeth bared. Chris was concerned she might actually pounce, but she managed to keep her temper. "Well, how about," she managed to ask, "if I just go in there to control my zombie?"

"Nope, it's already been destroyed."

Chris pressed a couple buttons on the console, and on a small screen nearby, Izzy saw a repeat of her zombie's demise. Owen, when leaving community hall, had seen the zombies come up after him, including his dead girlfriend's zombie. He screamed, and shoved her away, knocking her down the stairs again; the impact at the bottom destroyed Zombie Izzy's head.

Chris burst out laughing as Izzy growled, and the host managed to whimper out amid his cackles, "I'm... hehehehehe... sorry!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Opposite of sorry is yrros.)**

** Izzy** -\fuming and furious\ "Sitting out the entire game. I really, really am getting more mad with every passing moment. This is worse that the time I found out I couldn't be the Easter Bunny, or when I was banned from the sophomore dance, or when 4Kids got their hands on, well, any animé they ever butchered!

"Owen is so going to get it from me... if I don't take it out on Chris first."

**Chris Maclean** - \cackling\ "Did you see the look on her face? That's the kind of look I love, frustration and devastation! I'll tell you, I don't care how many complaints I get, just the look on her face was enough, and I am gonna film every minute of her agony!"

\There is a knock on the door, which confuses Chris. He opens the door to the Janitor's Closet, and a fist plows into his face, knocking him down. A flip of red hair can be seen before the film stops.\

* * *

**(The Dawn, Bridgette and Cody)**

Cody whimpered as he walked on a balance beam, trying his best not to fall. Panting hard, he looked down. "Still five stories to go," he said to himself, then paused and tapped his chin. "Or do you count the bottom floor?"

"What I don't get," Bridgette muttered as she walked in front of him, "is why the stairway or ladder down to the next floor is always at the opposite side? And there's no secure way to walk across any of these most of the time."

"Of course it doesn't make sense," Cody said with a shrug. "In video games, buildings are always built in ways that are very bizarre. Like the Resident Evil series."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, in Resident Evil, you need to place gems or coins into slots to open a door at a place like a police station or a lab room. Doesn't make much sense, does it... oh look out!"

A zombie was stumbling towards them on their beam. Bridgette bared her teeth and clenched the mallet she had picked up a few stories up. One heavy blow to its chest, and the ghoulish being stumbled back. That's all it need to do to fall off the beam and five stories down, hitting several beams along the way.

"Wicked hit, babe," Cody remarked, grinning in approval.

"Thanks. So, any idea which of those two girls you're going to date yet?"

Cody sighed. He didn't say anything until they started to climb down the ladder to the fourth floor. "I haven't made up my mind. And it's weird."

"That two girls are fighting over you?"

"Nah, I always knew that was possible," he boasted, puffing out his chest. Bridgette rolled her eyes but couldn't help smile at his behavior. "I just don't know exactly if I should choose just yet."

"Are you giving Eva any thought?"

"Of course I am. I just... I didn't think that she would be interested in me."

"Yeah, I was pretty surprised by that too," she said with a chuckle, then realized how rude that could sound. "Um, what I mean is that, I didn't know she was interested in you either."

They continued down the floors, the occasional zombie almost hitting them on the way down. At the bottom, zombies feasted on the remains of dead construction workers, including a Zombie Joel.

"Poor guy, died as he lived," Cody said. "Building stuff."

Bridgette and Cody dispatched the zombies with her mallet and his large wrench. Zombie Joel managed to grab Cody's shoulders, but the techgeek head butted him. With his hardhat on, the impact was enough to knock the zombie inventor away and for Cody to finish the job with his melee weapon.

"I hope the girls will see that," he said to Bridgette, tipping the brim of his hardhat, "because that was awesome."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Are you yrros?)**

** Bridgette** - "Cody's a little arrogant, full of himself. He has all the confidence of someone who thinks he's a major player, but he's a softy deep down. Sweet and cool, but still with a few issues. Then again, he does have Eva and Anita fighting for him, so he's doing something right."

**Cody** - "Did you see that zombie kill I did with Joel's walking corpse? That was awesome! I head butted him like this!"

\He pulls his head butt and smashes it against the camera. It crashes to the ground and before it goes completely black, you hear:\ "Whoops!"

* * *

**(The Dusk, Sakaki and Sebastian)**

Sebastian was staring down a zombie as it slowly approached him. The philosopher made no notion to retreat, he just watched as it came closer and closer to him. Eventually, at its slow pace, it stepped on a silver 'X' made of duct tape on the floor. Right when it did, a TV fell from the second floor and splattered its head.

"Good shot, Sakaki," Sebastian called up to her.

"Thank you," she said from above, blushing slightly. "Are we going to leave this mall soon, Sebastian?"

"I'd rather take the precautions method of eliminating all those outside the main doors," he replied. Correcting his glasses, he said, "Interesting that they're the only ones not barricaded."

"Probably has to do with the game or something like that," she replied. "I mean, it would be too easy if we could just walk out of here."

"Good point. Say, you're rather communicative today."

"It's," she stammered slightly, but managed to say, "it's much easier to talk to people when you're a floor away from them."

Sebastian hummed in thought, then walked outside again. Some nearby zombies, including Zombie Heather and Zombie Carol, were alerted, and started shamble after him.

"Got about ten of them," he called out as he walked back into the mall, "including a mall-dweller and a mall cop!"

"I'm out of televisions up here!"

"Improvise, my dear Sakaki!"

Sebastian waited for the zombies to come after him, patiently watching them stumble towards him. One was taken out by a potted plant dropped from above, another by a CD rack. Sebastian raised an eyebrow as the following fell onto the zombie heads, some killing them and some not: a trash bin, a dictionary, a Hawaiian shirt, a pet carrier case, a coffee mug, a two-liter bottle of soda, a chair, binoculars, a soccer ball, and a kitchen sink.

The philosopher blinked at the last one, but before he could say anything, Zombie Heather approached him. With a swift, sweeping kick, he took her out. Zombie Carol was destroyed with a computer from Sakaki.

"Good job there, Sakaki! Where'd you find the kitchen sink?"

"Actually, there's a Kitchen Sink 'R Us store up here!"

Sebastian quirked an eyebrow, then shrugged. "It is a mall, after all."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - We're yrros if you don't like the joke.)**

** Sakaki** - "I really do like being Sebastian's partner. He fills me a confidence that I rarely ever get, and I guess I really would need during a zombie apocalypse. He was the one who suggested I stay on the second floor, and dropping things on the zombies was a little fun!"

**Sebastian** - "Sakaki still lacks a lot of self-confidence, but she's slowly but surely getting it. I wouldn't recommend a reality show for curing shyness, and probably not going to a mall either. Sometimes I think the mall is dangerous with or without zombies."

* * *

**(The Dawn, Beth and Carol)**

Beth bashed at a zombie with her branch, but since it was mostly leaves, she wasn't doing any damage. Nevertheless, she continued to pound at it with futility, much like the flogging of a dead horse (only difference it was a dead human). Carol, who had picked up a gun from a dead police officer, rolled her eyes and blew the zombie away.

"See Beth, you have to go for some strong force there," she said, grinning excitedly. "Zombies cannot be swatted."

"I'm just not good with guns," Beth admitted. "Is there anything else I can use?"

Carol looked around, then saw a zombie hobo lying against a wall in the park. With a couple bullets, she dispatched the homeless ghoul, then picked up the bottle of booze it had been clutching in undeath. She also snatched up the newspapers he had been sleeping under.

"Now this is a molotov," Carol pointed out to Beth. "You stuff the newspaper halfway in the flammable liquid, light it on fire, then throw it."

"Is it safe?"

"Oh hell no, one of the most dangerous weapons one can use."

Beth's horrified reaction was not noticed by the enthusiastic girl, who juggled the bottle in one hand. "Yes, this is a popular weapon for rioters. Rioters are scum bags, you know, they vandalize and loot, and then blame problems on society. If they didn't trash society, maybe it would be better."

As she talked, she noticed a small group of zombies coming at them. She recognized zombies of Sakaki and Daisy, and raised her eyebrow. "Well then, let's put this new weapon to good use."

She stuck the end of the newspaper in the trash can fire the hobo had been keeping warm by. "Now you need to be careful, Beth," she lectured as she turned to her. "Molotovs will burn this park down, so we must wait until they're on concrete. In about a few seconds, they'll be here on the sidewalk with us.

"You should also know," she continued, in full police-lecture now, "that a molotov splashes, so we should put ourselves at a good distance from the zombies in case some of the burning liquid hits us."

She noticed that Beth was sprinting away as fast her little legs could take her. Carol scowled in annoyance, and said, "Not _that_ far, Beth!"

Carol noticed Beth was also screaming in terror, and she shrugged and said, "Well, might as well throw this no-"

That was as far as she got, because the burning newspaper made inside the bottle. Beth had noticed this, and, unable to alert Carol by waving her hands frantically and shaking her head, took off running. A violent burst of fire and glass ended Carol's time in the game.

She was lucky enough that the fire caught all the approaching zombies on fire and finished them off.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - What a dangerous drink.)**

** Carol** - \deadpan stare at the camera, then face palms\ "Doh!"

**Beth** - "Carol's cool and all, but she really needs to remember how dangerous fire is, and it is, you know, really dangerous and hot and such. But if you want to look at it a positive way, she did take out the zombies, and prevented herself from being a zombie!" \She giggles and snorts.\

* * *

**(The Dusk, Howard and Joel)**

"So how are you and Hannah getting along?" Howard asked Joel. He swung at a zombie with a hockey stick, knocking it aside. He proceeded to smash its head in as he waited for an answer.

"Fine, I guess," Joel replied casually, jamming his crowbar into the eye of another zombie. Yanking his tool out from the ghoul, he asked, "Why you wanna know?"

"Well, it just seems like you might want some advice from someone who knows the ladies."

"You know dude, I don't mean to be rude," the inventor said as Howard hooked another zombie's foot to trip it, "but you haven't been exactly making the best impressions on the ladies here."

"Aw c'mon, Belinda likes me," he protested, bashing another zombie's head in.

"You and her barely talk," Joel commented, hurling a wrench at an approaching ghoul's head.

"Well, when we do start talking, I guarantee that things will pick up very quickly," Howard said, wiggling his eyebrows. Three zombies approached him, and he knocked them away with a wide cleave. "You wanna bet that she and I will be making out by, oh, the end of next-"

"I don't make bets like that, dude," the inventor replied, sounding a little irked as he shone a flashlight down a dark alleyway. He saw a zombie that would have caught him off guard in the dark, but Joel used his crowbar to cave in its head. "You should know Belinda's more respectable than that."

"Dude, I have all the respect for women in the world," Howard replied. He lifted his hockey stick and crushed a lady zombie's skull. "Belinda is special, and I would be honored if she wanted to make out with me."

"Then why are you placing bets?"

"Because I believe if you don't plan yourself, you run the risk of her thinking you're not truly interested in you. You should plan yourself with your girl, especially since she's religious."

"What's that mean?" Joel asked, scowling. Howard would have answered, but the inventor was approached by two zombies. Cleaves and strikes from hockey stick and crowbar left a bloody, brain-splattered mess.

"It means that she probably believes in abstinence, you know? She cannot kiss until she's married."

"That's not what abstinence means, dude."

"Really?"

"Yeah, that's ridiculous."

"I'm guessing Christian girls don't wear chain link chastity belts too?"

Joel lightly bonked his crowbar against Howard's forehead. "Dude, no. Where on earth did you hear that?"

"Wikipedia."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Wikipedia, where people make yrroses.)**

** Joel** - "Howard's a little annoying, since he thinks he knows it all but really doesn't. I'll take my pace with Hannah how I want, but even as irritating as his advice is, at least he's a good wing man for a zombie apocalypse."

**Howard** - "Joel was really cool, he wired a car up to be a bomb and blew away a large group of zombies that were coming at us! It was actually really weird, discussing our love lives during a zombie apocalypse. Bashing in zombie heads and discussing first base with girls, I never thought I would be doing both at the same time!"

* * *

**(The Dawn, Arthur and Courtney)**

The two hadn't said much to each other since they had left the restaurant. Armed with a frying pan and a cleaver, the two were leaving a trail of zombies with mutilated heads. The loner could practically sense Courtney saving up a speech, and about halfway to the hospital, she launched it.

"Look, I've noticed that you've always been sitting alone," she remarked, and he rolled his eyes. "You cannot win this by being alone, you'll be picked off as an extra."

"I haven't offended anyone yet," Arthur said casually, shrugging his shoulders.

"You're not listening to me, I said 'extra.' You'll be regarded as a throwaway contestant, and people won't think twice about disregarding you."

Arthur rolled his eyes again, then noticed Zombie Owen approaching them. Raising an eyebrow, he muttered, "Hey fat boy, eat this!"

He pulled the cleaver behind his head, then flung it tomahawk style. Imbedding into Zombie Owen's skull, the very big zombie hit the ground and caused a mini-tremor. Car alarms set off over, almost drowning out Arthur's laughing.

"Did you see that?" he asked Courtney, laughing. "That was, like, the greatest kill I've ever seen!"

Now it was Courtney's turn to roll her eyes, not amused and annoyed by all the alarms going off. "Yes, very funny, Arthur. Now c'mon, stop fooling around so we-"

She stopped when she saw several zombies coming towards them, then a semi-large swarm of them. Courtney turned around to start retreating, then saw zombies were approaching from behind.

"Damn it, we're surrounded," she shouted, her fingers tightening on the handle of her frying pan. Her voice cracked with hysteria. "You called them here, you set off the car alarms."

"Dang, I guess I did, didn't I?" Arthur commented. He looked around, then noticed some buildings nearby. Grabbing her wrist, he pulled her towards the closet one. Just barely missing the grasping hands of the zombies, they ducked into the building. Still the zombies came, and Arthur slammed the door on them. Several bashes from the door knocked most of them away, but one peeked its head in to snap its teeth at the two.

Courtney screamed and kicked the door, pushing it with all her strength. The door wedged on the zombie's head, and it burst like a moldy cantaloupe, smelling worse. As Courtney closed the door all the way, Arthur chuckled.

"Now _that_ was one of the greatest kills I've ever seen."

"We're trapped in here now," she snapped at him.

"No we ain't. We head for the roof, then we travel by rooftop until we're close to the hospital."

"What makes you sure that'll work?"

"It's a VR campaign, they probably have every building be a pathway of some kind. They wouldn't spend the time to make buildings with no point to them."

Courtney sighed, then shrugged. "Fine, whatever. Let's just go. And you need to get a new weapon fast, mister."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Part of a very important building indeed.)**

** Courtney - **"Arthur is a little annoying, but not so much as, well, Duncan can be. He's calm, he's collected, and he'd be an excellent addition to an alliance. I am sure he could help me out, with his strong attitude and astute observations."

**Arthur** - \rolling his eyes\ "Man, Courtney is so much more annoying than I thought she would be."

* * *

**(The Dusk, Katie and Noah)**

"We're almost out of here, Katie," Noah remarked. "According to this map, we are here, and the front entrance of the school, which is closest to the docks, is only a few more classrooms away."

"That's great, but there's one thing I want to know."

"What's that?"

"How's the map know where we are?"

She giggled, looking at him for a reaction. All she got was a raised eyebrow. "Clever," he said, then motioned for her to follow. She sighed in defeat.

"Noah, how come you don't laugh at my jokes?"

"I'm just a little short on patience, Katie, because we haven't found a decent weapon. We've ruined three textbooks, six chairs, a yardstick, several paperweights, a potted plant, a desk, and a few test tubes. We're wreckign this place making a weapon out of everything."

"Yeah, and they're worried about us bringing nail files to school," she commented, giggling. When he didn't reply, she added, "Maybe we could beat them to death with our lunch boxes."

"If you'll notice, Katie, I'm still not laughing."

"Right, right," she said with a sigh.

They continued to walk until, in front of a classroom, Katie spoke up again. "With the drinking fountains?"

Noah couldn't help but laugh. "Oh man, you win."

"I try," she said, twirling a strand of hair around her finger.

The window to the classroom shattered, and zombies, including undead Cody and Harold, reached out and grabbed her. She didn't even get a chance to scream as they pulled her into the classroom.

Noah screamed too, and desperately looked around for a weapon. A fire hydrant behind a glass case was the only thing available. He kicked the glass, shattering it, and claimed his weapon. Rushing back to the classroom, he swung the red cylinder down on the zombies' heads. Zombie Cody's teeth were all knocked out, and Zombie Harold's neck was broken along with his glasses.

Panting heavily, Noah shoved the dead bodies off his girlfriend. Katie's body was mauled, her eyes staring up lifelessly. The bookworm was frozen in horror, unable to believe that she was dead. Only the moan from her corpse snapped him from his shock, and a heavy blow from the hydrant kept her from ever rising up again.

"No," Noah cried, gripping his hair. "No no no... I couldn't keep her alive! And worse, I was betrayed by my fellow nerds!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Brain food.)**

** Noah** - "At that part, I felt like I had ultimately failed. I let my girlfriend die, I was poorly armed, and I was still a good distance from the docks. If only it was a game, I could reset, but no."

**Katie** - "Noah won't admit it, but he really feels awkward around others. So without me, he must have been nervous that the others would gang up on him. It must be, like, so lousy being the youngest of nine; I cannot even begin to imagine how crowded that bathroom must have felt."

* * *

**(The Dawn, Colin and Geoff)**

The two young men walked down the street, getting the hungriest looks from zombies that wanted to eat. Colin had equipped a sledgehammer, and was pulping zombie heads. Geoff had taken the more subtle approach of equipping two pistols and shooting zombie brains out.

"Why can't I have one of those, man?" Colin growled.

"Well dude, you are holding a sledgehammer, that takes two hands," Geoff commented. "Unless you want one, we share the guns?"

"No way, I love this," Colin remarked, lifting it over his head. "I love this challenge."

"It's a lot of fun, isn't it?" the party animal agreed. He looked up and added, "Hey dude, the hospital is nearby."

"Do we really need to go there now?" he griped. "I'm having a lot of fun pasting zombies."

"Well dude, it's where we need to go."

"And I suppose you're a goody two-shoes who does everything asked of him?"

"No way, man! You're right, let's have some fun!"

They spent some time killing more zombies. Geoff found that sniping zombies was incredibly fun, and Colin was on a hunt for several of the special zombies. In the time they wasted killing zombies, Colin wiped out the zombie versions of Xander, Izzy, Tyler, and Jasmine.

"Where are all of them?" Colin grumbled after a while. "We've spent about a half-hour here, and I haven't seen any more dead contestants."

"Maybe there are no more around here," Geoff commented, reloading his guns.

"Then let's go hunting for some more!"

"Dude, we really should head to the hospital."

"I see," Colin snapped, "chickening out?"

"No way, dude! I just think that if we head there, we'll find more."

"You just want to end this challenge so you can go back to making out with your girlfriend. Not that I blame you, she's hot and all."

"She sure is," Geoff boasted.

The party animal started to babble about how great she was, mentioning a few things that he really shouldn't ("She has the softest boobs," "She whimpers when I lick in her ear," "There's the cutest birthmark just above her butt"). Colin got sick of hearing it pretty quickly, but then he saw a mob of zombies coming at them from behind Geoff. Looking to the side, he saw a flicker of someone with blond hair; this was too good to miss.

"Hey, Geoff," he said, pointing at the person with the blond ponytail approaching, "is that Bridgette?"

"Where where?" Geoff exclaimed, looking where Colin was pointing. While distracted, Colin stood in position...

"Hey, Bridgette," Colin called out, and then shoved Geoff with one hand at the zombies. As the party animal was violently mauled to virtual death, Colin grinned wickedly at the blond girl. Then his face fell.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - That wasn't very nice, was it?)**

** Colin** - "Turned out not to be Bridgette, but a zombie of Lindsay. What a waste of a good joke, because if she had seen her boyfriend be shoved into zombies, that would've been hilarious."

**Geoff** - "I'm sure Colin accidentally bumped me, is all. I'm sure he isn't as cruel as some of the others make him out to be, just a little harsh. We're all cool deep down, that's my way of looking at things."

**Colin** - "So I crushed the Lindsay zombie's head, and then I played soccer with Geoff's head to keep him from coming back. Then I drew on his face with a magic marker, and snicker-snagged on it, and..."

* * *

**(The Dusk, Sadie and Yoshi)**

"There's too many of them," Sadie screamed. Having lost her hammer, she had armed herself with a shovel, but that wasn't enough to fend off all the zombies.

"Damn cannibal monsters," Yoshi snarled as he hacked at the ghouls, decapitating and scalping as best he could.

They had not been able to advance in the warehouse, as the zombies kept coming. The closer they got to the door, the more zombies came pouring through it. Retreating back only brought the swarm hunting after them.

"Are they all here for us?" he asked.

"That's rather mean of them, selecting us-"

"That was rhetoric, Sadie!"

"Oh sorry!"

Yoshi growled and wiped the blood away from his face. "There has to be some kind of trick to this!"

Sadie slammed her shovel against a zombie, and the blade of it stuck in the monster's head. Sighing, she grabbed the nearest weapon, a two by four, and broke it over another zombie's head. "I'm getting really tired, Yoshi. We'll never make it to the docks at this rate."

Yoshi nodded, taking a deep breath. As he tried to calm himself down, he heard something that he had managed to miss until now: the sound of the ocean.

"Wait a minute," he muttered to himself. He and Sadie, her slightly confused, headed back into the warehouse. Yoshi was searching frantically for something, and Sadie's curiosity threshold (about half a minute) was breached for when she needed an answer.

"What are we looking for?" she asked as she picked up the nearest weapon, a chopping ax, that she could find. She silently blessed their luck for being in a warehouse full of construction supplies.

"The ladder up to the roof."

"Why?"

"I think we're already at the docks, but the VR campaign is keeping us from walking out the front door. Aha," he exclaimed as he opened a door. "Here it is! Climb on up, Sadie-san."

"Okay! You're really smart."

"I'm more," he said, "of a strategist."

"Um, Yoshi?"

"Yes?"

"Maybe I should have gone first."

"Why?"

"I can see up your skirt!"

"It's not a skirt," he protested. "It's a..."

Yoshi had arrived at the top of the ladder, onto the roof, and saw all the zombies up there. They looked at him in one collective sweep of their rotten heads, and he let slip a very bad word. Under him, Sadie gasped, and said, "Well, that's actually a really bad word in English..."

"Zombies," Yoshi growled as he pulled himself up and unsheathed his sword. The zombies approached, and he cleaved at them without mercy. When Sadie arrived on top of the roof too, she swung her ax around and getting almost as many as them.

"It doesn't even make sense how this many zombies could be on a roof," Sadie exclaimed.

"Stop trying to find logic in this," Yoshi barked, "and keep on fighting-"

His sword broke when he tried to slice one of the zombie's brains out. Repeating that word that's very bad in English, he found himself being surrounded by zombies. Jamming his broken blade into one, he went after them, fists and feet flying.

Sadie saw him sinking under the attacks, and she panicked. She came charging at them, cleaving and hacking with her ax. Her determination gave her blind fury, and she ignored her own injuries and the gore of zombies. She even missed, "Ow! You hit me with that thing, Sadie!"

After a couple minutes of violence, Sadie had managed to kill all the zombies on the roof. Heaving, she looked down at Yoshi, who was laying down. Bloody and badly injured, the young warrior was unable to even stand.

"Are you gonna be okay?" Sadie asked, studying his wounds.

"Not likely."

"You in much pain?"

"No, this VR stuff just gives me numbness. Guess Joel planned that so this couldn't torture us," he groaned. "Just give me a couple minutes, then I should be able to-"

He was cut off when he heard moaning coming up from the warehouse. Zombies were climbing the ladder, filing onto the roof. Yoshi snarled, and said, "Oh, for \_the bad word that apparently means skirt in Japanese_\ sake!"

"They're still coming?" Sadie whimpered. "D-don't worry, Yoshi! I'll take care of them."

"No," he snapped. Wiping blood away from his eyes, he growled, "You get down to the docks, and get ready to prepare the evacuation."

"But you... you-"

"Am covered in wounds and cannot even stand," he finished for her. "Just go, I'll hold them off as long as I can."

Sadie swallowed, then handed him her ax. "Use this as a crutch if you survive."

He smirked. "I was wrong about you, you know. You're tougher than I thought, and I know you can make this."

"Eeeeeee, thank you! Wouldn't I be a good girlfriend?"

"Possibly. I am the wrong person to ask, I'm interested in someone else."

"Eeeeeeeeee! It's Daisy, right?"

"Just go already!"

Yoshi sighed as she ran away, heading for the stairway on the side of the building. Yoshi got to his knees and stared down the zombies lumbering towards him.

"Bring it on."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Well, WAS it Daisy?)**

** Sadie** - "Ever since Carol and Crystal and I talked about it, I've been anxious to see what guys here would like me. I'm a little scared, because so many are taken. But I do like tough, dangerous guys, and there seem to be a few of those left."

**Yoshi** - \holding his katana blade, looking at it emotionally\ "Don't ever break on me." \He starts swinging it around for a few practice swings, and accidentally slices the camera. Before it dies, you hear him say, "Oops."\

* * *

**(The Dawn, Gwen and Harold)**

"And then," Harold said to Gwen, "there was this one time, at magic camp-"

"Harold," Gwen shouted, having lost her patience a couple floors ago, "I! Do! Not! Care!"

"Gosh," he replied, then shrugged. "So, Gwen, how are you doing?"

"I'd be doing better if you'd keep your mouth shut," she growled. "Honestly, Harold, you have to talk to me _every_ time we are grouped together. Just for once, can't you leave me alone?"

"Gosh, Gwen! It's a zombie survival game, we have to communicate."

"No, we don't!"

She kicked at a nearby door, breaking the lock. When it swung open, both were startled to see what was in there: a large armory of guns. Gwen's eyes bulged when she saw the shotguns.

"I don't believe this," she said. "We've found the mother load!"

"Wonder what all these guns are here for," Harold mused. "You don't need guns for a bell tower... oh."

"What is oh?"

Harold held up a tommy gun. "Looks like the mafia hid out here."

The moan of a zombie alerted them, and a zombie dressed in a thick trench coat and an Italian hat came after them. Gwen lifted a shotgun and blew it away completely.

"Lousy stereotypes," Harold remarked. "Joel's a smart guy, but must he make the undead mob former Italians? Stereotyping is wrong."

He looked at the collection of guns, and looked back at Gwen with a smile. "Shotgun for me too? I've had experience firing them in Possum Scouts and use them all the time when I play video games."

"Take whatever you want, I don't care."

Gwen grabbed two sawed-off shotguns, then stuffed her pockets and her bra with shells. When Harold noticed how lumpy her chest looked and couldn't stop staring, she glared at him.

"Interesting place to put ammo," he commented, chuckling.

"Keep looking and you join the zombies."

"Gosh, I'm only kidding!"

They were quiet for a few minutes, at least as far as words go. Both were using shotguns to kill the zombies of the mob that had used the bell tower as a base, and Harold was very much enjoying destroying the mafia. Gwen didn't look amused, even when holding two shotguns and reducing zombie heads to red mist (and who wouldn't enjoy doing that, huh?).

"Gwen," he finally said, making her groan in frustration at having to listen to him again, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, except that you won't stop talking to me."

"Well, it's just that you've been really, like, cranky ever since this contest started."

"I don't want to be here, you know that."

"But you're with friends. Leshawna says you've been cranky, even around her."

Gwen sighed and looked away from him, continuing to walk forward with her eyes focused on the ground. Harold, though he half-felt it was wrong, continued. "You know, I know you and I aren't really friends and all, but we do have a connection because of Leshawna, and I know how to talk to girls. So while we blast zombies together, why don't you tell me what's bothering you?"

Gwen bristled, then turned around. "Listen Harold," she snapped, her dark eyes narrowing, "I want you to get something straight. I'm nobody's friend here, okay? I may get along with some people, but that would never last in the real world.

"As far as I'm concerned, I should have never signed up for this show. My problems have only got worse, and the last thing I'm going to do is share them with you, or anyone else here. Because no one here can help, and I don't want them to! So please, just leave me be, okay Harold?"

She glared at him as he stared her in startled surprise. Before she could add anything more, he pointed behind her back and mouthed a few words in warning, his voice catching in his throat. Gwen turned to see a zombie hitman coming at her, rather close.

She lifted one of her shotguns, but the zombie lunged first. When it knocked her down, the shot went over her head. Receiving a couple bites from the monster, she managed to shove it off, then blew its head off. Sighing and rubbing her shoulder, bleeding but feeling no pain, she muttered, "Damn. Good thing it's not like a normal zombie invasion, right Harold?"

There was no answer. "Harold?" she repeated, then looked around. Her eyes widened in shock.

When she had been knocked down by the zombie, her wild shot had taken out Harold. She face palmed and let out a familiar bad word (which is weird, because she doesn't know Japanese).

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Why's it called "friendly" fire?)**

** Harold** - "I know Gwen didn't mean to do that, but still, if she wasn't so mad at me, I would've still been in the game, most likely. I am used to putting up with crabby girls, I have a sister."

**Gwen** - \sighing\ "I may have been too strong when I was in that game, but frankly, I hate being on this show very much right now. I think the only thing keeping me going is that I want to win, just to rub it in Chris Maclean's face. And Heather's. And Courtney's.

"Boy, I've made myself a little enemies' list, haven't I?" \She chuckles, then sighs miserably.\ "I guess Harold's now part of that list, he must be really irked at me. Not that I can blame him."

* * *

**(The Dusk - Trent and Valerie)**

"Look, I'm not one to judge," Valerie said as the two walked down the street, "but Gwen isn't being really open this season."

"What do you mean?" Trent asked, raising his eyebrows in concern.

"Please, you have to have noticed," she scoffed. "I saw her at breakfast today. Oh, and every day she's been here."

Trent bristled a little, but thinking back, he realized she could be right. Her snapping at him during the first car race, especially grumpy in the mornings and at the start of challenges...

"Oh, and I've gone back and watched the show, to see who's doing what and such," Valerie continued. "Gwen is snapping at all her teammates, and she's really ticking off her roommates."

Valerie knew it was a grand exaggeration, but Trent didn't know that. He replied, "Wait, you mean, Geoff, Hannah, and Ezekiel?"

"Yeah, she's offending Hannah, and she's really nasty towards Ezekiel. Which is easy to see, since he's dating the girl she hates most."

Trent sighed, taking a pause in the conversation to bash in a zombie's head with a tire iron. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Why else? I want to help you out, you were one of my favorite contestants to watch."

"_Though I've deny that, since I cannot_," she thought, "_for the life of me understand why you want to date that ugly goth._"

"Thank you, I guess," Trent said, wiping the blood off his weapon with a rag. "But still, what are you going to do?"

"Easy. You and Gwen should work together with me."

Trent looked at her unsteadily. "Gee, Valerie, I don't know. 'Alliances' have been cast in a really ugly shadow since Heather betrayed Beth and Lindsay in TDI."

"I know that, and I know the risk offering it to you is," she said. "But the problem here is with you and Gwen, especially her. You see, slowly but surely, she's pissing off everyone. And she's done well both seasons, people are getting sick of her.

"So Trent, if you two work with me," she said, smiling at him as she propped her fireman's ax on her shoulder, "I will do everything I can to make sure you two make it as long as I can."

Trent scratched the back of his head. "I'll... I'll think about it. And... and um..."

He looked distracted, looking around the street as if trying to find something. Valerie looked around too, and asked, "Do you hear something?"

"No, that's the problem."

"What? What do you mean?"

"I don't hear... anything."

Valerie slowly realized what he meant. No sound came from the city around them, no moans of zombies, no screams or all the trimmings that a good zombie-infested city has. She opened her mouth to say something, and was cut off by the bay of hundreds of zombies.

Creeping out of alleyways, bursting down through doors, climbing up from the sewers, and coming from both sides of the street, Trent and Valerie were suddenly surrounded by the shambling ghouls.

"Damn it all, a planned ambush," Trent exclaimed, gripping his tire iron.

"Zombies cannot plan," Valerie shrieked. "These monsters were programmed to ambush here!"

The two were frozen as the undead swarmed around them, closing in. Valerie saw the last available opening in front of her, and bolted for it. "Run, Trent," she exclaimed. "Run! Zombies can't run!"

She charged forward, swinging at the zombies around the opening with incredible force. Her ax decapitated, cleaved, sliced, diced, and made ghoulish fries.

Trent wasn't so lucky, and was grabbed by several zombies. Valerie turned around to see him being wrestled to the ground, blood spurting everywhere. She winced horribly, then cupped her hands around her mouth.

"Sorry, Trent," she called out, "but think about that alliance, will you? For Gwen, think about Gwen!"

She ran off, unaware that Zombie Gwen was helping tearing Trent apart.

* * *

**(Zombie Janitor's Closet)**

** Valerie** - "Not the best way to recruit new members, I'll have to admit. Still, it was a zombie apocalypse, what was I supposed to do? You cannot have city meetings or campaigns, zombies don't organize and they don't donate."

**Trent** - "Okay, Valerie may not be very trustworthy... but she is right. Gwen's been more and more snappish, as much as I want to help her, I don't think I get through to her until the others vote her off without giving her a chance. What is bothering her..."

* * *

**(The Dawn, Anita and Crystal)**

"A few people have been telling me that Eva is no competition, including a few of my friends back home via texting," Anita said to Crystal, talking as she checked the ammunition for her pistol, "but I really don't think that's true."

"Why?"

"Eva is... rather stunning in a sense, I don't have a good word for it right now," she said, pushing the magazine back in. "She's confident, she's strong and self-assured. She definitely has her career and future set out for her, and she is beautiful."

"Oh, I don't know about that, she's way too cranky and rude for me to think that, eh wot."

"I actually meant physically. At least I think she is, though I know some people disagree," Anita holstered her gun and fiddled with her broom handle. "Eva is, when she isn't clenching her fists or growling, rather attractive."

"You think so?" Crystal scratched the back of her head, looking around for any peculiar movement. She was fiddling with her cricket bat at the same time Anita was, and was trying to wipe the smeared brains and blood with a rag, but it wasn't working.

"I personally think," the romantic continued, "that her attitude and rather antisocial attitude are what cause me to think she's not up to snuff for Cody. You're much better, you appreciate electronics and listen to him."

"Oh, she listens to him, trust me on that," Anita replied. "I'm just worried that I'm coming across as the crazed fan girl. You know, the most dangerous being on the planet?"

"Nah, that's British soccer hooligans," Crystal joked. "Seriously, why do you think you're coming off poorly? Surely you haven't said anything to offend him."

"I don't know, I really don't. I mean, I can flirt and tease, but I've never really shown true affection for a guy I wanted," Anita said, then sighed. "Serves me right."

"Oh, you're seventeen, you've got time to practice."

"When do you think I don't have time anymore?"

"When you're dead."

Crystal laughed and propped her bat behind her head. "You see, Anita love, young love has a lot of complications, since we're still growing up and not sure how the world or even we work. So if things are awkward, it's normal."

The beauty nodded as the romantic looked up at the starry sky and said, "And that's why even during the most crappy of situations to an match seemingly made in heaven, you always have to put your best effort forward. Because you're aiming for the most important thing, and that is someone's heart."

Anita sniffed, wiping a tear in her eye away. "You're so poetic. How do you do it?"

"Beats me, I don't even know how I work yet, eh wot."

They laughed, and when Anita's louder laughter echoed across the street, Crystal noted the silence. "Oh, rapture, the moans have stopped," Crystal said. "Now Anita, you're a smart girl. You're the one who suggested we explore that strip joint, and found you a gun and a weapon."

"Just the janitor's closet and the owner's office was all," Anita said, modestly shrugging. "Though it was satisfying to bash that dead creep's head in with a broom handle."

"Bloody satisfying, that was. Now... oh buggar."

Crystal and Anita froze when they noticed zombies were approaching them in a huge swarm from in front. They turned around and saw the zombies approaching from the behind, and the sides too. They were trapped, and with no opening.

"Blimey," Crystal whispered, "we've got some hard lines, eh wot."

"I don't know what that means," Anita whimpered as she pointed her gun at the zombies desperately, "but if it means we're screwed, I agree."

"Get the broom ready, Anita. We're thrashing these sods."

Crystal's accent was getting thicker, as she hunched over and tightened her grip on her cricket bat.

* * *

**(Zombie Janitor's Closest wants brains!)**

** Crystal** - "I vowed never to be one of those useless women in movies who aren't there for anything but a shag for the male character. So I took karate, and my instructor gave me a few lessons on weapon combat."

**Anita** - "Crystal's slang does get a little confusing at times, but she's such a wonderful person, you overlook that. That, and her..." \she chuckles\ "rather violent side. Whatever combat training she took, I want a couple lessons in that."

* * *

Crystal let out a combat cry, and charged forward. Cricket bat cleaved and smashed zombie heads, as did a broom handle. Anita cocked her gun and shot a couple zombies in the head.

"Smashing good job at smashing zombies," Crystal boomed. A zombie grabbed her from behind, but she managed to elbow it off. Several more gripped her, and she fought aggressively.

"Oh shoot man, no no no," Anita shrieked in terror, stopping to shoot the zombies off of Crystal. The shorter gal was lashing out with her fists and feet, batting the zombies away from her but not killing any.

Anita's gun clicked empty, but her fear caused her to pull the trigger repeatedly without realizing this. Crystal sustained bites to her neck and shoulders, and though blood was coming out, the romantic wasn't letting it get her down.

"Get out of here," she shouted to her friend, jamming her cricket bat into a zombie's mouth.

"No, I'm not leaving you," Anita replied, quickly loading another magazine into her gun. She tried to prod one zombie off Crystal with her broom handle, but it snapped and a zombie gripped her shoulder.

Crystal shoved herself off a zombie and used the momentum to knock Anita away from the swarm of undead. Anita was knocked off her feet after stumbling backwards, and all she could hear was her friend sinking under the attacks of the zombies, screaming obscene British insults ("wankers," "sods," "stupid gits," "oh, you're a lady zombie, you slapper").

Anita winced when she heard bones snapping, though she started to realize after hearing enough of them that it was probably Crystal (especially since a zombie head twisted off bounced by her); however, her friend's violent stand did not last long, and soon she couldn't hear anyone fighting back.

Sobbing silently, Anita couldn't bring herself to stand up. Only when saliva dripped onto her head was she able to shake her grief, and looked up to see a zombie drooling over her. Glaring at the monster, she pointed her fully loaded gun up at the zombie's chin and blew it's brains out via there.

Anita pulled herself up to her feet and ran off, silently mourning her friend's death (and a little envious, since Crystal had taken out more zombies back there than Anita had up until now in the game).

* * *

**(The Dusk - Lindsay and Tyler)**

After escaping from the lighthouse, Lindsay and Tyler went from really bad to really worse, really quickly. Poor Lindsay didn't know the physics of zombies, so she didn't know bisected zombies were still living.

The zombie, crawling up from behind her when she casually passed it, snatched her foot and bit into her ankle. As it was a virtual reality world, Lindsay felt no pain, but the numbness in her foot crippled her all the same. Kicking at the zombie's head with her free foot, she desperately tried to free herself. A very strong punt from her boyfriend knocked the zombie cranium away; it soared and hit the side of a building, splattering into a gooey mess.

Lindsay looked at her chewed-up ankle and whimpered. "Eww," she remarked, "I am going to have to get a new pair of boots, because blood will never come out of this leather!"

"Can you walk, babe?" Tyler asked her.

"Yes," she said as she stood up, and then promptly fall back down as her leg refused to stand. Tyler caught her, and she whimpered. "Um, the game's not letting me use my ankle."

"Probably because of the damage," Tyler said, unable to think of another explanation. He wasn't very knowledgeable with technology, but a mutilated ankle was clear enough to him that his girlfriend wasn't walking. He handed her the hockey stick he had using as a weapon, and picked her up.

"Why are you carrying me like a bride, Tyler?" she asked him. "And shouldn't I be carrying flowers, not a hockey stick?"

"It's just until we get to the docks, beautiful," he told her. "Once there, I'll keep you safe until our rescue comes."

"You're so sweet," she cooed. "I always did want to go on a cruise for my wedding."

Tyler chuckled, then when he turned a corner, he froze in his tracks. A large gathering of zombies were collected in the street, picking away at some corpses. Some of them had already turned to see Tyler and Lindsay. Muttering a bad word, Tyler darted down an alleyway.

"It might take us longer to get there if we have to go around," he told Lindsay, "but we cannot fight all of those undead freaks, especially with you in your condition."

"It's just a wedding dress," Lindsay commented, "It's not that uncomfortable... oh, wait, I'm not wearing it yet."

Tyler skidded on the pavement when he reached a dead-end. The chain link fence with barbed wire at the top would be impossible to get through. He cursed again, and Lindsay tsk-tsked him. "You shouldn't swear on our wedding so much, Tyler."

"Not getting married, Lindsay babe, we're trapped."

* * *

**(Zombie Janitor's Closet settles for chicken nuggets.)**

** Tyler** - "Lindsay is wonderful, how she can stay calm during dangerous situations. Still, I've never known her to get quite confused, thinking I was taking her to our wedding... maybe the game simulates shock when damage is taken."

**Lindsay** - \doing her nails\ "If Tyler and I were to get married, Bertha would have to be our best lady, and he can have my dad as the best man! Or is my dad supposed to give me away? I don't think so, because my dad once said if any guy tried to marry me, he'd only be giving him a concussion, whatever that is."

* * *

He set Lindsay down behind some trash cans and hid behind them too. Zombie moans and footsteps could be heard down the alleyways, but if they were getting closer was too hard to tell. Lindsay swallowed nervously, and asked Tyler, "If they find us, what do we do?"

"We kill every last one of them," he replied with a scowl. A couple zombies had just walked into view, and they headed right down their alleyway. "Damn it, they somehow followed us."

"Zombies have GPS navigators?!" Lindsay asked, gasping in surprise. "Oh no, my dad has one of those, and he can find anything with it!"

Tyler would have replied, but then several more zombies rounded the corner, then a whole crowd of them. The jock blanched, losing all color in his face. Lindsay saw this too, but her make-up kept her from going completely colorless.

"Are we dead?" she whimpered.

"Just stay there, and if any get too close," Tyler instructed as he lifted a trash can lid up as a shield, "hit them in the head."

Lindsay nodded, and the two watched as the zombies approached, slowly and moaning hungrily. The two teens shivered, armed only with a hockey stick and a trash can lid.

* * *

**(The Dawn, DJ and Eva)**

"I cannot believe someone threw away a perfectly good spear," Eva remarked, grinning at her weapon. She impaled her twenty-seventh zombie through the head that day, and beamed at it again. "Who knew the dump would be full of such awesome weapons."

"Like contraband city," DJ muttered, holding a chipped machete in his hands. He hadn't used the weapon once, he had only used it as a shield for when zombies came near him, and then Eva would kill them.

"Say DJ, you're single now, right?" she asked him.

"Y-yeah. Why?"

"I want to ask you something," she said as she looked away, trying to be as casual about this as possible. "When you asked out that girl back home, how did you do it?"

"Well, it really wasn't a case of my asking her out," DJ admitted. "We were just talking one day, then she brought up going to get something to eat, and I agreed, and while we were eating out, we discovered we had a lot in common..."

Eva looked at him, incredulous. "_She_ asked _you_ out?"

"Y-yeah. It's all cool."

"Never considered that," Eva remarked, tapping her lips in thought.

"Really? I always thought you would be the type of girl to do that."

"What?" she barked, glaring at him. "What does that mean, huh?"

DJ squeaked in terror, holding up his arms in defense. "It... it... it just meant that I always figured you would be the kind of girl who would ask a guy out. You're tough and all, so I thought if you liked a guy, you would be asking him out!"

Eva blinked, then scratched the back of her head. "Hmmm. Wait... wait, you're right! I thought for a minute you were implying I wasn't woman enough to let a guy ask me out."

"Th-that's okay too, do whatever you want!"

"Thank you. Um, you can stop shielding yourself from me now."

* * *

**(Zombie Janitor's Closest has no teeth for eating brains...)**

** Eva** - "Look, I know I have a temper. But maybe if people stopped from pissing me off..." \she blinks then sighs\ "I've heard people I'm too masculine, and it's ironic when you threaten to beat them up if they won't say you're feminine. At least Cody acknowledges a girl."

**DJ** - "I think there is a good side to Eva, maybe even sweet and tender like a rabbit, like Bunny! It's just really, really deep in there. Like, I'm talking really really really really really _really_ deep in there!"

* * *

DJ relaxed, and breathed a sigh of relief. "You're scary when you're mad, Eva."

"Been told that many times."

"So, were you planning to ask Cody out?"

Eva flushed slightly, something rare to see and DJ couldn't help but smile at the sight. Before she could answer, her face was lit up by a bright flare in the sky. DJ and Eva looked up to see the flare glowing over the hospital a couple blocks away from them.

"What... what...," DJ stammered.

"They lit the flare already?!" Eva shouted in horror. "Damn it! We're not even in the hospital yet! The zombies are gonna come swarming-"

She was cut off when zombies came swarming from the shops around them. Several grabbed Eva, but she wrestled them out with no problem. As she skewered several through the head, one zombie grabbed her ponytail. Yanking her back as Eva's vision was slightly blurred, teeth dug into her throat.

DJ shrieked and started hitting zombies with his machete, but he wasn't using the right side. Eva's desperate struggles, despite a mauled neck, was the main force against the zombies.

The large teen looked around desperately for help, and screamed when he saw more zombies approaching. He could see zombies far away heading to the hospital, but all nearby them were closing in.

Eva collapsed as the zombies continued to attack her, tearing at her skin. She reached up and broke the closest one's neck, then smashed its face into another's. DJ reached down to help pull her away, but snapping zombie teeth made him retract.

"DJ," she called out to him. Blood was caking her face as she looked over at him desperately. "Get... the hell... out of here!"

"But... but Eva-"

"RUN," she screamed, driving her fist into another zombie's face. "Run, damn it, ru-"

Zombies collapsed on her, a dog pile of undead bodies. DJ froze for a few seconds as he lost sight of Eva, struggling to her last, and then took off screaming. Waving his hands in the air, he beelined for the hospital.

His screaming attracted zombies towards him, but any zombies foolish enough to stand in front of the panicking football player was knocked to the side. In his panic-stricken mind, DJ only thought about getting to the hospital.

How ironic that his idea of sanctuary was where every zombie in the city was going now.

* * *

**(The Dusk, Mandy and Xander)**

The two had not said much as they walked towards the docks. Xander had armed himself with a shovel, and had made some rather impressive-looking kills with it. Mandy had discarded her dagger when it broke inside a zombie's brain, and had picked up a pickax.

"Not really fitting to me," she admitted when she had equipped it, then burrowed the spite into a zombie's head, "but get enough blood on it, it'll appear cultish."

Xander had let her lead, something she insisted on doing. As she walked, the rebel couldn't help but admire her butt. Only zombies could distract him from looking, and any zombie foolish enough to do that was beaten, bashed, and/or sliced down with his shovel.

"So Mandy," the rebel finally said, getting a little bored of just staring at her butt, "you are a vampire person, right?"

"That's right! Vampires are the most awesome undead people there are! If only that Alfred guy hadn't said anything," she started to grumble. "He thinks he's so cool, with how zombies are the theme for the challenge..."

"Well he didn't pick it, Chris did."

"Yeah, but I expect Chris to be a jerk."

"But you don't think Alfred should be?"

"He's no jerk. He's...," Mandy trailed off, looking down at the ground and stopping. She sighed heavily and said, "Look, he's a zombie guy, I'm a vampire gal. It'll never work, not even as friends. We'll want to kill each other, and even each other's methods would be different."

Xander chuckled, earning a glare from her. "Listen bra," he said, "if you're worried about one difference, you're never gonna..."

He stopped when Mandy pointed behind him, and he saw a zombie police officer heading for him. Scowling in determination, Xander decapitated the zombie with a powerful underhand swing. As the head went soaring away, the rebel saw the gun still in the officer's holster, and grinned. Plucking it out, he cocked the hammer, and said to Mandy, "Duck."

Spinning around, he pointed the gun at the zombie approaching Mandy. The cultist had done as she was asked, and the zombie was blown away. As she stood up, she couldn't help but feel inspired, and something else as well. She felt it more when he blew the smoke away from the barrel of his gun.

"Wow, you _are_ hot," she replied, grinning wickedly. "You wanna make out after the challenge is over?"

"Never on the first apocalypse, sweetheart," he replied, smiling at her.

* * *

**(Zombie Janitor's Closest is not a very good zombie.)**

** Mandy** - "A little forward for me? No, actually, I believe if you really want a guy, you go right after him. You be forward, and if they don't like that, find a new guy. Some girls call me a skank, but I know the world is ending soon, so why not enjoy first base while you still can, huh?"

**Xander** - "I don't mean to brag, but I have had girls be that forward with me. I have declined, mostly because I know if I have a daughter one day, I want karma to look fondly on me when boys hit on her. Or..." \he grins and punches his palm\ "when I start hitting them!

"Naw, I kid. But still, back to the first conversation, I think Mandy's swell and all, but just not my type. Great butt, though."

* * *

"Besides," Xander continued to say to Mandy as he equipped the belt holster for the gun, "wouldn't someone out there be upset if you were caught making out with me?"

Mandy frowned, then growled at him. "If you're referring to Hannah," she spat, "how many times do I have to say that I'm not-"

The roar of jets cut her off, and both watched them race off. Mandy looked at Xander and said, "I thought boats were saving us?"

"Must be one of the random things Joel told us about," Xander replied, unable to think of a better explanation.

"Look at 'em go," Mandy remarked. "They're almost out of sight alr... oh crap."

The direction of the jets led them to look at an approaching zombie horde. Both swallowed hard, as it was the direction they needed to go. Xander did a quick head count, and summed it up to about one hundred and fifty.

"Think we can take 'em?" he asked Mandy.

She grinned wickedly at him. "Sure. How many should I leave for you?"

He smiled back, but before he could reply, the roar of the jets came back. Missiles launched at the zombie horde blew them away in a cluster of flames, debris, and body parts. Mandy and Xander were close, and the explosion sent them flying off their feet.

Mandy slammed against a building, and covered her ears, which were ringing uncomfortably. She scurried to pick up her pickax when she heard the jets coming back. Taking shelter behind a bench, she huddled as more missiles were launched, erraticating the zombies and most of the neighborhood.

When the noise stopped, she stood up and looked around at the ruined street. The bloody remains of zombies, fires, and obliterated streets and buildings. It looked like the end of the world.

"Cool," Mandy gushed. "Man, Cthuhlu would be proud. You catch any of that, Xander?"

She looked around for her partner. All she could see was fire, zombie corpses, and ruination. "Xander?" she called out, her worry growing. "Xander? Xander!"

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium)**

Izzy watched the screens, her arms crossed in a huff. She saw zombies being mutilated and killed, contestants about the same. The more she watched, the more annoyed she grew.

"I've seen about one hundred and fifty-one ways to kill a zombie here," she snapped. "I'm missing out on _all_ of it."

"How on earth did you get eliminated so quickly?" Carol asked as she chewed on a mouthful of popcorn.

"Owen."

Carol nodded, then pointed at the screen. "Could be worse. You could have been on The Dawn. Someone set off the flare too early, and now zombies are swamping them."

"I could have killed a swamp of zombies," Izzy snarled. "This contest is pissing me off more and more."

She watched as the giant screens switched between contestants. The crowd was really into the challenge, and their cheering just agitated Izzy more. She watched as Hannah beat down a zombie with an oxygen tank.

Alfred and Hannah were in the hospital when the flare went off, and zombies were coming out of all the rooms. The two were taking damage and advancing very slowly, but when they managed to get into the elevator, they were safe. Alfred tore one of his sleeves off and tied it around Hannah's arm where a bite wound was hurting her. She thanked him as she put the oxygen tank down and tightened the laces on her sneakers.

Clive and Belinda were trying to get into the hospital, fighting off the gathering zombies. Clive's 2x4 plank broke after he hit a few zombies, then he had to furiously kick the zombies away. Belinda, with strength that surprises everyone, yanked him from behind and plowed her way to the front door of the hospital. When inside, she slammed the door on their faces, causing some bloody impacts.

Leshawna and Rodney of The Dusk were trudging through the streets, both soaked to the bone. Leshawna had wrestled with a zombie at the pool, and accidentally fell in the pool. The zombie sank but she could swim; Rodney, who feared she couldn't had jumped in to save her. The two were getting rather tired of being in wet clothing, and Leshawna was mercilessly beating zombies with a hammer (which was making little Rodney very scared).

Justin and Zachary were arguing, but what about was anyone's guess; the screens were showing off the contestants and not broadcasting much of what they said. The crowd gasped when the model and the whiner were suddenly surrounded by zombies. Justin, panicking but trying to remain calm, ripped off his shirt and posed. The zombies stopped long enough to stare at that gorgeous body, and Zachary bolted for it, leaving the horrified model alone.

He thought he had won, but the zombies were all heavily drooling now. When they advanced on the model with hungry grins, he was soon eliminated.

"Aw man," Justin grumbled as he was disconnected from the virtual reality game and walked over to the other eliminated contestants. "I thought for sure that would work."

"Man meat just makes them more hungry, doofus," Izzy grumbled.

"You looked great when spearing them with a pitchfork, Justin," Katie gushed.

"Thanks," he said with a dazzling grin. "I don't mind admitting that that game was a lot of fun."

"What?!" Izzy shrieked. "You mean you, my evil ex, enjoyed it too? Even you liked it?"

"I still wonder if you two ever dated," Geoff mused.

As Justin protested and claimed they didn't, Izzy was crossing her arms and seething. The screens were now focused on Owen, who was beating down a small horde of zombies with a metal pipe. As zombie heads went flying, or splattered in a gory mess, Izzy's anger grew.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Not a zombie anymore, got better.)**

** Izzy** - "I am just so mad at Owen right now! He kills me off right away, and now everyone is having more fun than me! I didn't get to kill one zombie, not a single one! When this competition is done, Izzy is _so_ gonna give it to him!"

**Owen** - "I have to say, as far as the zombie challenge went, if there ever was a zombie invasion, I'm sure I'd survive."

**Hannah** - "Some people say when there is no room in hell, the dead shall walk the earth. I think that's rather morbid, since that implies hell is overflowing with evil souls."

**Rodney** - "Leshawna is a very cool lady, and she's lots of fun to be with... until she gets mad. Then she's really intimidating, and would be awesome to have a big sister or something."

**Justin** - "Zachary was, the entire time, trying to convince me that I needed to join this alliance he's in. I don't know who he thinks he is, but his implication that Beth would be in trouble if I didn't join was stepping _way_ out of bounds!"

**Zachary** - "Justin's overly sensitive, all I was saying was that Beth needs looking out as much as he does, and that an alliance could save him. Is he still angry that I shot his girlfriend in the face with a paintball gun multiple times? That's a petty reason to be mad, now isn't it?"

**Belinda** - "Clive was a little difficult, because he tried to throw himself at the zombies a couple times. He claimed that he was trying to protect me, but honestly, do you need to protect a girl, armed with a screwdriver, from one zombie?"

**Clive** - "Why won't Belinda just let me die? It's not even a real death, just a very bloody simulation. But..." \he taps his chin and then sighs\ "Looking back, trying to kill myself so soon was rude, because then she'd be alone and in more danger, huh?"

**Alfred** - "I love this virtual reality campaign! Makes me feel like I'm living in the fourth wall! 'Haha, evil zombies, you cannot kill me, because I will respawn when they reset the game'!"

**Leshawna** - "Zombies kept chasing after me the entire challenge. Maybe the kid was short or something, or maybe my luscious booty is too hard for them to resist." \She chuckles and gives her butt a slap.\ "See that? This gets all the zombies and the boys chasing me!"

* * *

**(The Dawn, Ezekiel and Heather)**

Heather pulled herself up the ladder, thoroughly exhausted. Ezekiel helped pull her up, and caught her when she slumped against him.

"So... many... zombies," she moaned, weakly holding a blood-coated hatchet in her hand. "I swear, they more than doubled when that flare went off."

"All I want to knoo' is," Ezekiel said, holding her tight to him, "how could so many zombies appear in the hospital as we were halfway through it?"

"That's not what I want to know," she admitted. "I want to know who set off the damn flare!"

The two explored the hospital roof, and found that the flare launcher was behind a small room. Inside the small room was the control panel for the lights for the roof, and Colin playing with them.

"What the hell are you doing here, home school?" he barked at Ezekiel when he had entered the room.

"We managed to fight throo' the zombies to get up here, eh," Ezekiel explained. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to see what these gizmos do," Colin pointed at the light switches, ignoring the sticker labels next to them that said exactly what they did.

"Was it you who set off the flare?"

Colin gave him a sarcastic stare, then groaned. "Just let me know when the zombies get up here. I got a sledgehammer, two pistols, and enough bullets to take out every dead head in this city."

"Okay, eh," Ezekiel left the small room, and approached his girlfriend. "Well, Heather, it was him."

"Doesn't surprise me," she remarked, crossing her arms. "We just have to wait for the inevitable swarm of zombies now. They gonna come up that ladder we just came up?"

"I see a couple more ladders, and a couple stairs on the sides. Also, the elevator, if it finally decides to come up to the roof."

"Didn't when we tried it," Heather groaned, then asked, "How many arrows you got left, Zeke?"

"Only a few, better make them all count."

Heather nodded, then rubbed her head more. "This is a nightmare, but ironically, I'd rather put up with these zombies than Chris!"

Ezekiel giggled, and Heather added, "Just wish we didn't have to put up with Colin. I cannot believe he started up the flare before anyone else was here... hey wait! Where's his partner?"

Heather looked around, but couldn't see Geoff anywhere. Ezekiel went back into the light box room, and asked Colin, "Hey, where's Geoff?"

"Him? He's dead. Idiot stumbled into a horde of zombies when he was gushing about his stupid girlfriend."

Ezekiel bristled at the name-calling of his friend. Colin noticed it, and grinned. "Geoff said she has soft boobs, but I think she's got absolutely nothing there, huh? Probably why she wears that hoodie, to cover up the fact she doesn't have any."

Heather had to pull Ezekiel away, as her boyfriend was starting to notch an arrow as Colin cackled and went back to pounding the light switch.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Couldn't believe it was a zombie for a minute there.)**

** Ezekiel** - \angry\ "The challenge wasn't so much of a pain as Colin was. That dickweed, those hoo'rible things he said a'boot Bridgette! Hoo' could someone be so cruel, so insensitive, and enjoy it?"

**Heather** - "I... um, listened in on Ezekiel's vent. I sometimes wonder how he could like me so much because... well, I was like that before we hooked up. I'm trying to leave that life behind me now, but how can I when people like Colin keep bringing it back up like if... well, like if it were a zombie."

\She sighs, then rubs her forehead.\ "I cannot believe I just used a nerdy metaphor to describe my feelings. I've been on this show too long, eh."

**Chris Maclean** - "As The Dawn and The Dusk close in on the hospital roof and the docks, it's time to see who lives and who dies! Right after this break!"

* * *

--

--

--

**Who in The Dawn is going to survive the premature swarm of zombies? Will Ezekiel kill Colin himself?**

** Who of The Dusk are going to make it to the docks? Will they have the same problems with the flare, or will they have more luck?**

** And how many ways can YOU think of to kill a zombie?

* * *

**

**The Dawn**

_Alive_ - Arthur, Courtney, Ezekiel, Heather, DJ, Colin, Anita, Gwen, Bridgette, Cody, Alfred, Hannah, Clive, Belinda, Beth.

_Dead_ - Eva, Geoff, Crystal, Harold, Carol.

--

**The Dusk**

_Alive_ - Noah, Sadie, Owen, Mandy, Joel, Howard, Zachary, Sebastian, Sakaki, Leshawna, Rodney, Valerie.

_Dead_ - Izzy, Katie, Justin, Trent.

_Unknown Current State_ - Yoshi, Tyler, Lindsay, Xander.

* * *

**Next** - Surviving the Zombie Onslaught.


	18. Ch 5, Pt 3: A Blood Harvest Escape

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - Please note that I have toned down the violence again, but it is hard. If you think it's still too violent, let me know and I'll go... \whimpers\... and... \swallows hard\... censor it! \cries and gnashes teeth at having to use the word\

* * *

**Chapter 18** - Dawn and Dusk, Escape or Bust

* * *

--

--

--

**(McClean Stadium)**

"I still don't get it," Katie admitted.

"Well, see," Harold said, "there are two campaigns going on. The Dawn's, at the hospital, and The Dusk's at the docks. Members of The Dawn appear as zombies in The Dusk's campaign, and vice versa."

"So," Katie tapped her lips, her brow furrowed with confusion, "so that's why a zombie of you killed me?"

"Yes. I apologize."

"Was that because Gwen killed you?"

"No, the zombie of me was already there."

"I get it all now," Katie said happily. "I sometimes worry that when I'm not near Sadie or Noah, I'm not so perceptive."

"It's quite all right, I was confused at first... too..."

Katie was staring intensively at Harold's face, squinting. She finally asked, "Are your eyes green, or is that just your glasses?"

Izzy, near them, was growling and making other random unhappy noises. Eva lost her patience and snapped, "For God's sake, you don't need to whine the entire time."

"Hey, at least you got a fitting death," Izzy snapped right back. "I saw you, you were awesome! DJ might live because of you, but no! I have to sit here, watching everyone else be cooler."

"You've been complaining about that for some time," said Trent. "Aren't you afraid you might build up a lot of negative energy when the game is finally over?"

"I plan to, lest I forget what my boyfriend did to me!"

"Dudette, you cannot hate Owen that much," Geoff remarked. "Look, the dude's trying his hardest, see?"

He pointed to the virtual reality screen, where Owen was beating zombies down with an oar. Izzy was proud of him until someone rounded the corner towards him, and her boyfriend brought the oar down on his head without looking. The large teenager was rather stunned to see Howard lying on the ground, and Joel crying, "Great gravy, what did you do?!"

"Ouch," Carol remarked, eating popcorn still. "That was a particularly nasty blow, wasn't it?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Nasty blows cared for here.)**

** Izzy** - "Am I building up too much anger over this? Well, put yourself in my shoes! If you were previously wanted by the RCMP over a napalm incident and had to hide with bears, and needed some excitement in your life because your doctor recommends you get excitement for your heart (or just to stop playing with the tongue depressors), you wouldn't want your boyfriend to keep you out of the zombie-killing mayhem!"

**Trent** - \wringing his hands\ "Gwen accidentally blew away Harold before she chewed him out. More and more, I'm thinking I might take that safety alliance with Valerie, or she might be voted off."

**Katie** - "I wish Sadie or Noah could be with me, but they're both doing so well! Carrying on after their partner died? I couldn't do that, that's why I love those two so much."

* * *

**(The Dawn, In The Hospital)**

"Zombies," DJ shrieked as he charged through the corridors of the hospital. He bolted upstairs, charged through hallways, ran in circles as he rode the elevator up, and dashed all the way up to the top.

Along the way, he almost bowled Clive down, without either boy knowing who it was. Zombies had been knocked down like bowling pins, and the emo was almost certain he heard that crash of pins along the way. Belinda helped him up and pulled him back into the room.

"What hit me?" Clive muttered as he rubbed his head.

"DJ, in a panic," Belinda replied simply, handing him his weapon (an IV stand) back to him. "Looks like he got a major scare, I'm guessing Eva was killed."

"If she couldn't survive this, what chance do we have?"

"Have some faith, bad luck can take anyone down," she commented, twirling her scissors around her finger. "Now c'mon, we'd better get-"

She stopped, her body tensing up. This had been their alarm for a zombie attack, something she seemed to easily sense. Sure enough, a zombie came stomping into the room.

Clive rushed up and bashed the zombie's head with his IV stand, huffing indignantly at the zombie. He turned around, only to see a zombie right outside the window, pulling its rotting hand back to punch through the glass at Belinda.

"Crap," he shouted. "Belinda, look-"

The shattering of glass cut him off, not to mention a few of the zombie's fingers. It still managed to hook onto her jacket's hood and pull back. She seemed almost prepared, as she stabbed at its hand with her scissors.

Clive panicked, and ran up to shove the zombie away. The ghoul, one that seemed rather determined since it had climbed up five floors on the outside, gripped Clive with its other, better hand; however, this caused it to lose its balance. It fell backwards, pulling Clive with it.

Belinda reached for him, and her grasp met air. The emo was pulled out the window, dropping his IV stand inside the building before leaving it, and plummeting five stories.

She stood there, taking deep breaths as she tried to piece together what happened. Crying out in frustration, she threw her scissors down and picked up the IV stand to head out.

She almost bashed in the first head she saw, but it turned out to be Bridgette. The surfer girl screamed and fell back, and Cody almost bashed in Belinda's head. An awkward silence followed, then Belinda sighed in relief and helped Bridgette up.

"Couldn't you have predicted it was us?" Cody asked, chuckling nervously.

"I'm not focused anymore," Belinda muttered, looking down at the ground. "Clive just died saving me."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - What a noble emo.)**

** Belinda** - "Clive can be such a great guy, I've always suspected there is so much more to him besides the emo shell he tries to bring up. I just wish it'd take a little less than a zombie apocalypse to bring the best out of him." \She sighs, then smiles at the camera.\ "I'm predicting it won't."

**Clive** - "Look, I knew I was going to die, but to be pulled from the fifth floor window? How the heck did the zombie know we were there, how'd it climb the building?!"

**Chris Maclean** - "Joel told me that a random feature for common zombies would be climbing up the sides of buildings. So that's how the emo got pulled out to his death, which was the second funniest thing in this challenge yet. First, of course, is Izzy being knocked down the stairs by Owen! I cannot get enough of the hose beast being knocked down like Raggedy Ann!"

\There is a knock on the door. Chris walks over and opens it, only for a jar of macadamia nuts to hit his head and knock him out.\

* * *

**(The Dawn's Hospital)**

Alfred and Hannah met up with Beth, who was near death with bites and scrapes. The short farm girl pleaded with them to go on without her, but they took some time out to find her first aid. Alfred was more than happy to bash more zombie heads in, defending the room that Hannah and Beth were in, the former bandaging the latter's wounds.

Gwen blasted zombies away with her shotguns as she headed upstairs, running into a fair amount of the dead heads along the way. She was rather repulsed by the zombies in hospital gowns. "I really," she muttered to herself, "did not ever need to see that!"

Anita stumbled up to the top of the hospital, where Ezekiel and Heather were guarding. Colin was staring over the side, enjoying the view, and anything that kept him away from her was fine.

"Did you see anyone else?" Heather asked Anita as the taller girl reloaded her gun.

"No, but," she muttered as she tapped her lips, "I think I saw Courtney, but I cannot be sure."

Courtney was in the hospital, only a few floors down. Arthur was very winded, because the CIT had insisted they take the stairs.

"Not only do you never take the elevator in an emergency," she had lectured him, very much annoying him, "but you don't know all the horrible things that might happen if you take the elevator. Zombies falling in, the elevator getting stuck, or worst of all, it plummets to the basement and we both die."

"It's a zombie invasion, not Final Destination where every stupid way of dying is gonna happen!"

"It's Chris Maclean's campaign, anything is possible," Courtney said. She shook her frying pan at him and said, "Don't ever put anything behind that man."

"But he didn't design this campaign, the designers did."

"Yes, and thus..."

She never finished that sentence, because there was someone standing in a room nearby. Courtney recognized the green mohawk and black clothing, and she gasped. "Duncan?"

"What?" Arthur exclaimed, looking at the person too. "How's that possible?"

"I don't know! Duncan, what are you doing here?" Courtney shouted at her boyfriend. When he didn't answer, she got mad. "Hey, don't you dare ignore me!"

She stormed up to her boyfriend, and repeated, "What... are you doing here? Did you sneak into the game too? Is sneaking into the stadium not good enough?"

Arthur watched this, scratching the side of his head. "Hey Courtney, didn't Chris say that those voted off were..."

"Duncan, I'm talking to you," Courtney shouted, and spun her boyfriend around. The zombie that was her boyfriend moaned and lurched for her neck...

Arthur's eyes widened in horror, then looked away as his partner had her throat ripped out.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - What a way to go.)**

** Courtney** - \face-palming\ "I cannot believe I chewed out a zombie... then it chewed me out."

**Arthur** - "Yeah, I did look away when it happened, because, well, even a gore fan like me cannot always bear to see it right in his face. But still... the way she bit it..." \he bursts out laughing\ "... now_ that_ was the greatest death I have ever seen!"

* * *

**(The Dusk's Docks)**

"How many fingers am I holding up?" Joel asked Howard, holding three fingers (they weren't his own, they were from a zombie).

"Fifty-three thousand, five hundred and ninety five," Howard babbled.

Joel groaned, then frowned at Owen. "This concussion simulation will take a while to wear off. Could be from five minutes to an hour."

"I didn't hit him that hard," Owen feebly protested.

"Owen, I wasn't even hear, but I heard you hit him," Sadie remarked.

The three conscious survivors looked at each other, and then the larger BFFF sighed. "Well, what do we do?" she asked.

"Should we light the flare?" Owen asked.

"No, we should wait until a few more of our people get here, at least half of the teams," Joel said. "If we light it too soon, the zombies will coming swarming, and the chances of those in the city still will diminish."

"Why?"

"Imagine every house having zombies coming out of it, every existing zombie heading towards the flare. If you're out there, the zombies will be heading out, and you'll be in the middle of their parade."

Owen nodded, getting that. His attention wandered, and he saw something that looked like a bazooka. "What's that?" he asked, pointing at it.

"Bazooka," Joel commented. "Or grenade launcher, whichever you want to call it."

"Wow," Sadie marveled it. "That's rather unusual for a harbor to have."

"It's one of the random gifts the game could give us. Imagine the last survivors left it here for us, or the evacuation team left it here so that survivors would have a good way of fighting off the zombies."

The three survivors (and one loopy Howard) waited for others to come, picking off any zombies that wandered their way. Sebastian and Sakaki both made it, covered with zombie blood but still alive. Valerie made it next, panting and desperately needing to catch her breath. Zachary came a couple minutes after her, looking zonked and frustrated.

"Damn racist zombies," he complained. "They're all hunting the black man!"

"Zombies are kind of, well, dead," Sadie remarked. "I don't think they care what your skin color is."

"Well then, if it's really about appetite, it's a wonder why you haven't been eaten," Zachary said, looking at Sadie's hips and stomach. "You'd make quite the white meat buffet."

Sadie winced and walked away, hurt. Some of the others glared at Zachary, but Owen was busy gripping his stomach. "I'd make a really big feast, wouldn't I?" he said, proudly.

"Yeah, you would," Zachary said, high-fiving the larger teen. "I have to admit, I am impressed you made it this far."

The two looked around, trying to decide what to do next. Joel was talking to Sadie, Sebastian and Sakaki were studying the docks, and Valerie was sitting down, gasping for air.

"Should we launch the flare?" Zachary asked Owen.

"Joel said we should wait until half the teams make it here."

"Half the teams? That's," Zachary started counting on his fingers, then signed. "Crap, man, math ain't my thing. What's half of whatever we started off with?"

"I think we had twenty people, so half of that would be... half-twenty?"

Zachary nodded, then looked around at the others. "Sebastian, Valerie, Sakaki, you, me, Sadie, Howard, Joel... is that ten?"

Owen scratched his head. "How many is ten?"

"Hell if I know, math ain't my thing, I told you that. Let's just start it up!"

The two approached the flare box, and pushed the red button labeled, "PRESS BUTTON TO LAUNCH FLARE!" The red rocket shot up into the air, leaving off a particular glare, then blasted with a bright-crimson flair. The others all looked up in horror at this.

"What... what... what...," Joel stammered.

"Oh that's nice," Valerie growled. "You just set off the..."

"YOU FOOLS," all the others shouted at Zachary and Owen at the same time.

Zachary and Owen stared back like moose in the headlights (moose, because Owen is certainly not a deer). There was silence for a few seconds, then the world seemed to shatter as the moans of every zombie pierced the sound barrier.

The two responsible exchanged looks, then Zachary smiled. "Hey dude, want to join an alliance?"

Owen laughed. "Sure, dude!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Can we join too?)**

**Zachary** - "For the record, we used an intelligent decision that included math, thought, and planning. Wasn't our fault that eight wasn't half of twenty."

**Joel** - \staring at the camera with a slightly irked look\ "One thing my friends and I thought of when we made the zombie campaign is that we wanted to put safety features to prevent morons from doing things that'd doom the other players. Sadly, it seems no matter how hard you try, like life and water and junk mail, idioticy finds a way."

* * *

**(The Dusk, Mandy)**

The cultist girl looked around for the biker, searching around the rubble. She had to stab a few zombies with her pickax in her search, as some had miraculously survived the onslaught. When she felt her arms grow heavy from swinging, she sighed heavily. "Sorry, Xander," she said. "Old Gods watch over you... or just see you after the challenge is over."

The sky turned bright red, and she thought for a moment that Shub-Niggurath had heard her prayer. Then she realized it was the flare, and she remembered the instructions from the beginning of the game.

"Oh, Gods damn it all, I'm not even there yet," she cursed. "Couldn't they have waited a little longer? Jerks!"

The air was filled with the wails of excited zombies, and they were soon coming out of the buildings. Mandy's eyes widened in fear as four of them already were heading for her. Baring her teeth, she snarled at them and said, "You all are blocking my way to the dock, and I'm not letting you inferior undead get in my way!"

One of the zombies stopped walking. Mandy thought she had impressed even the ghoul, but then blood leaked out of its forehead and it fell down dead (again, if you count its zombification). Behind the zombies were Leshawna, holding her hammer, and Rodney, holding a smoking pistol. The kid cocked it, and blew away another zombie from behind.

"Nice job, sugar," Leshawna complimented him before walking forward and hammering the third zombie's head. Mandy made fast work of the final zombie.

"Nice job, you two," she complimented.

"Little tyke turned out to be a sharpshooter," Leshawna said, grinning and patting Rodney's helmet. The kid, who had his helmet's goggles down over his eyes, blushed.

"It's just practice from using the Wii," he modestly said. "Plus, I think this gun uses really big bullets."

"Now's not the time to discuss weapons and video games, we gotta get out of this zombie invasion simulation," Mandy remarked. "I'm sure you saw that they set off the flare?"

"All we gotta do is follow it to the dock," Leshawna pointed out.

Rodney nodded, then looked around. "Where's Xander, Mandy?"

The cultist girl shook her head sadly. Rodney hung his head in sorrow, but when he looked up, his eyes widened in fear. He pointed behind Mandy, and she turned to see a zombie with a gaping mouth lunging for her neck...

There was a spray of blood, a crunching noise, and a scream.

Rodney and Leshawna clung to each other as the zombie sank to the ground with a crushed head. Xander stood over it, holding a bloody chunk of debris that used to be part of the street. Mandy stared at her savior for a second before she asked a very important question.

"Where's your shirt?"

Xander looked down at his bare chest. Missing his jacket and shirt, he brushed off some of the grit from the scratches he had mysteriously gained. "Zombies tore it off," he remarked.

"Right," she replied with humorous sarcasm. "Zombies reached forward, tore off your shirt to reveal your masculine chest to the world. That kind of stuff only happens in crappy B-movies."

"If you don't believe me, that's fine," Xander said, smirking right back at her. "Shall we head towards the docks before the zombies overwhelm us?"

"Lead the way, handsome," Leshawna said. Rodney nodded enthusiastically, and the biker pat his head too. As he walked off, the three noticed a large amount of scars on his back.

"How'd zombies do that to do you?" Mandy asked.

"Those weren't by zombies, Mandy, let's go."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - We didn't give him those, we swear.)**

** Mandy** - "Xander's a bizarre mystery, handsome and quiet. I wonder where he got all those injuries... my, he'd be a fine cultist if I could convert him. He's one of the few who I would put money on to survive the Old Gods' coming to this world, and help repopulate the world when They leave to ruin another world."

**Xander** - \wearing his jacket and shirt\ "Zombies really did tear my jacket and shirt off in that game. You all actually think I would throw away my leather jacket just to look tough?" \sarcastic\ "Yeah, because you don't want anything thick and leathery on you when zombies are trying to bite your arms off!"

* * *

**(The Dawn, Hospital Roof)**

"Did you see anyone else on your way up?" Bridgette asked Arthur.

He shook his head. "Nope. After I dispatched Duncan, and Courtney after she became a zombie, I made a beeline for the elevator. Made it most of the way up, then onto the roof."

"Okay, as long as you made it, that's fine," she replied with a sigh. "Poor Courtney, I was really hoping she'd make it."

"Well, no sense in mourning her, since she's not really dead," Arthur said, then he looked around. "Is this everyone?"

"So far, it's you, me, Ezekiel, Heather, DJ, Colin, Anita, Cody, Belinda, and Gwen made it up here just before you did," Bridgette listed. "It's been okay so far, very few zombies apart from the small pack that followed DJ up."

Arthur nodded, and lifted the frying pan he had taken from his dead teammate. "So, how long has it been since the flare went up?"

"I don't know, Colin set it off some time ago. I wonder what's taking the helicopter pilot."

"Isn't there a radio around here?"

"Yah dude, but no luck in contacting the pilot," Cody said as he walked by them, holding his wrench on his shoulder, blood still dripping from it. "Looks like we just have to hold out for as long as it takes."

"Great," Arthur muttered. "Probably a random event where the helicopter pilot lost his keys."

Bridgette couldn't help but smile at the joke, then she was distracted by Gwen pacing around. She walked over to her friend and put a hand on her shoulder. "Gwen," she said, "you're making me nervous."

"I hate waiting," the goth grumbled.

"You need to relax a bit, we have all the ways up here covered," Bridgette whispered to her, lowering her voice and looking over at Alfred and Arthur. "Ezekiel and Heather are at one corner, DJ and Anita are guarding the second, and Belinda has her eye on the third; thanks for letting her use one of your shotguns, by the way."

"Bridgette," Gwen started to say, then took a deep breath, "I should be guarding one of those ways up."

"You need to relax before you accidentally squeeze the trigger and blow one of us away."

Bridgette had meant it as a joke, and Gwen's furious glare startled her. "That's not funny, it was an accident," she snapped.

"What... what?" her surfer friend stammered.

Gwen remembered that Bridgette could not have known, and she let out a deep sigh. "I accidentally killed Harold on the way here. Zombie knocked me over and my shot went wild."

"Oh," Bridgette replied, biting her knuckles. She nervously shifted her mallet from hand to hand, then asked, "But it was an accident, so no harm done, right?"

"I'm sure Harold will see it that way," she replied with bitter sarcasm, "or Leshawna. Hell, I know Chris will enjoy showing that clip."

She sighed and sat down. "Bridgette, I'll sit down and relax, but leave me be for now. I just want to-"

"Incoming," Belinda shouted from her corner, and started walking backwards to her teammates. For a few seconds, no zombies started coming up, and the others wondered if she was mistaken, but sure enough, zombies began shuffling up onto the roof. Belinda raised her shotgun and blew two away with the spray.

Cody, Gwen, Bridgette, and Arthur were the only ones available, so they headed over to help. As the zombies continued to walk up onto the roof, the Dawn members noticed some of the special zombies.

"Sorry, Katie," Cody cried out as he bashed the BFFF zombie with his wrench.

"Ugh, he's not so pretty when undead," Arthur remarked as he smashed Zombie Justin.

Bridgette hammered the Sebastian Zombie with her mallet, and whimpered, "Oh no, I really made a mess of his dreadlocks, he'd be so upset."

Belinda narrowed her eyes as Zombie Howard came towards her, and blew his head off with a single blast. The body still carried forward, hands extending. She took a step back, and the undead fingers came inches from touching her breasts.

"Fresh even in death," she remarked, sighing. "Shame, he had so much potential."

Gwen grimaced as she held up her shotgun at Zombie Leshawna. She couldn't look as she blew away the zombie of her closest friend. Then she saw her boyfriend as a zombie coming after her, and she let out a scream of frustration.

"Why," she snarled as she hit the zombie in the forehead with her shotgun's hand. "Why?! WHY?!"

She blew it away, closer than she meant to, and blood splattered on her face and chest. The others looked at her, and saw tears streaming down her face. Bridgette walked over her and put her hand on the goth's shoulder, but she pushed it away.

"How's it going, Cody?" Anita called from her corner. "Need help?"

"No, we got them all," Cody called to her. "Keep watch in case another wave comes up there."

"Roger!"

"So how many did you guys kill?" Some of the survivors winced as Colin approached them. The bully noted the headless corpses of Leshawna and Trent, and Gwen's condition, and burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Belinda asked, though she knew pretty much what.

"Goth girl had to waste her friend and her boyfriend," Colin cackled. "That's priceless."

"Really now," Cody grumbled, looking away.

"It's not funny," Bridgette snapped, glaring at Colin.

"Nah, I beg to differ, it's very funny," Colin said with a mean-spirited grin. "It's very..."

He drifted off when a very small moan lifted up from the stairway. Zombie Rodney, still wearing his helmet, was climbing up the stairs, looking at them with hungry eyes. Colin aimed his pistol and fired. The shot hit the zombie child in the helmet and bounced off, but caused Zombie Rodney to lose balance.

Bouncing down the stairs, Zombie Rodney tumbled until he eventually rolled off the side of the hospital. Colin burst out laughing, and clutched his sides. Most of the others looked at him disapprovingly, while Cody walked away, looking sick to his stomach.

"That wasn't funny either," Bridgette growled.

"No, that was funny! Man, where's your sense of humor, you-"

He stopped when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. Seeing three more zombies heading up the stairs, he aimed and fired his pistol at one of them, getting it square in the forehead.

Only these three weren't zombies at all.

"Hannah," Alfred shrieked as he watched his teammate fall back. Blood streamed from her wound, and she was dead before she hit the ground. That didn't stop Alfred from kneeling over her and shaking her shoulders. "Oh no no no, this is not happening!"

"What... what...," Beth gasped, looking down at her dead teammate and up at the five standing up at the top of the stair way. "You killed her!"

"You," Gwen snarled at Colin. Bridgette covered her mouth in horror, Belinda stared in disbelief, and Arthur looked shocked with his jaw hanging open. "You son of a-"

"Hey wait a minute," Colin shouted, glaring right back at Gwen. "That was an accident! They ran up here without any warning!"

"You were just shooting wildly, and you killed Hannah!"

"So what, she's Christian, that means she wants to die," Colin remarked as he put his hands on his hips. "I didn't do it on purpose, it was an accident."

"Oh, you probably did, you thought it would be so funny," Gwen snarled.

"No, it wasn't funny."

Colin pointed his gun at Beth and fired. The bullet hit home and the short farm girl fell down dead next to Hannah.

Alfred and Bridgette screamed. Arthur and Belinda just stared in disbelief as Colin looked back at Gwen.

"Now that was intentional," Colin stated, "and that was funny."

He burst out laughing. Colin was clutching his sides and cackling when he heard a shotgun cock. Opening his eyes, he saw Gwen pointing the deadly firearm at him.

Colin's body was blown off the roof of the hospital by the blast of the shotgun. Gwen made no wise crack, just blew the smoke away from her shotgun and walked away.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Team killing is no laughing matter.)**

** Colin** - "Oh c'mon! It was funny! It was very, very funny! I killed the religious girl by accident, then to prove it wasn't intention, I killed someone else intentionally! That's irony, and irony is funny!"

**Gwen** - "I wish Harold was still here. He would know the right term for justifiable homicide in a video game would be called."

**Hannah and Beth** - **Beth** - "When people do things like that to you, what do you do, Hannah?"

**Hannah** - "I pray for God to watch over them and help them through troubles that are beyond our mortal help."

**Beth** - "But what if they're hurting other people?"

**Hannah** - \smiling and clasping her hands\ "You friendly-fire team kill them until they leave the game."

**Beth** - "Wow, that's deep! I wish I was more religious like you, then I'd know awesome quotes like that from the Bible!"

**Hannah** - "Well, um... it's not exactly from the Bible, sweetheart..."

* * *

**(The Dawn, Hospital Rooftop)**

"What happened, what happened?" DJ was asking all the survivors grouped up in the center of the hospital. "We heard shooting and screaming!"

"Trigger happy Colin killed both Hannah and Beth," Belinda said, "then Gwen killed him."

Anita and DJ gasped in horror. Cody bit his knuckles, and Ezekiel sank to his knees. Only Heather didn't look that shocked, and she looked over at Gwen. "Why'd you kill him?" she asked. "We still could have used the points for him surviving."

"He was freaking killing people as a joke," Gwen shrieked, startling Heather. "Did you think I was going to let him live after he blew away Beth for a punch line? Is winning all you care about, damn it?"

"Okay okay okay, forget I asked, sheesh," Heather exclaimed, holding up her hands in defense. "No reason to bite my head off!"

"Oh please don't use that metaphor," DJ whimpered. "We're all gonna die!"

"Don't lose faith yet, DJ," Arthur said. "We still have half our team, and since we now what what happened to the others, we just have to wait and shoot at anything that isn't us."

"Good plan," Alfred said. He was still white in the face, and the others could hear the tremble in his voice. Anita placed her hand on his shoulder and gave it a light squeeze.

"You gonna be okay, hon?" she asked.

"I just have to tell myself this is a game," he replied, shrugging lightly. "That they're really not dead."

"It must have been horrible, but-"

A loud burst of static came from the small room. "Hello?" a static-filled voice called out. "Survivors of Chrisville, Maclean Hospital, do you copy?"

Ezekiel ran into the room, and picked up the microphone. "Hello! Hello, we're here, eh!"

"That's incredible news! This is the evacuation helicopter pilot speaking!"

"Boy, are we glad to hear from you, eh! When can you get here?"

"I estimate about fifteen minutes, so keep tight! Arm yourselves, and take care of any zombies that might be on that rooftop! We don't want to get swamped."

"Yessir," Ezekiel replied, saluting as well. "You just get your helicopter here, we got half 'oor team alive, and we'd like to keep it that way, eh!"

"Gotcha! Be there soon!"

Ezekiel sighed happily as he put down the microphone and walked back to the other survivors. "Oo'kay guys, the copter pilot said it'd be a'boot fifteen minutes until he gets h-"

Moans from all over the city and in the hospital erupted, rising up to the skies and into the eardrums of the ten survivors up high too. They all shook in fear, though DJ was hiding behind Gwen and shaking.

"What the heck was that?" he cried out.

"Sounds like every zombie in Chrisville realized the only brains left to eat," Arthur said, grimly looking out at the city, "are up here."

"Rather perceptive of them," Belinda said, raising an eyebrow. "Only in a video game could the undead be that knowledgeable."

"We're in for a hell of a fight," Gwen remarked, cocking her shotgun. "Let's not get left for dead up here, fellow survivors."

"This is one evil residence," Alfred noted.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Are we being left for dead too?)**

** DJ** - "Is it... wrong that I really like girls like Gwen and Eva when they get aggressive? It makes me feel secure, because I have the security that they want to kill someone else, and not me."

**Heather** - "Gwen's been really crabby ever since this season started, and I know about being crabby because I'm a little crabby. ... Okay, maybe more than a little, but still! What's her problem? Just because she doesn't want to be on the show doesn't mean she can be Little Miss Grouchy Goth!"

* * *

**(The Dusk, The Docks)**

"I still cannot believe you did that," Valerie hissed at Zachary. Her secret alliance member shrugged.

"Meh, we'll be fine. Don't worry your head over it."

Valerie sighed and headed over to Joel. "What are we going to do?" she asked him.

"We have the left side, which is the widest," Joel pointed. "The far right side, and the two gaps in-between the large warehouses."

"We only have eight people. Who's defending what?"

"You and Sadie on the right, Sebastian and Sakaki and myself on the left. Zachary and Owen can watch Howard."

Valerie nodded, and went to stand nearby Sadie. The girl had found a crowbar, and was holding it in a shaky grasp.

"I hope Yoshi makes it," Sadie whimpered.

"You said he was injured and surrounded, he's most likely dead," Valerie grumbled, holding up her fireman's ax. "Focus, Sadie, focus. Kill anything that moves?"

"Including them?" Sadie asked, pointing at some approaching figures.

Valerie looked to see Mandy, Leshawna, Rodney, and a bare-chested Xander approaching. One look at the last one, and she got a serious nosebleed. Sadie didn't notice this, because she was too busy hugging Leshawna.

"Thank goodness you're alright, all of you!"

"Good to see you all made it, but no time for celebration. We got all of this stupid city's undead population on our asses," Leshawna remarked. "So focus."

"Right, Valerie just told me to do that."

"Why's she got blood coming from her nose?" Mandy asked as she looked at the girl. "She get hit or something?"

As the four arriving survivors talked with Sadie and Valerie to get details, Owen and Zachary were getting rather bored with watching a dazed Howard. Both of them kept looking at the bazooka.

"You think we should use it?" Zachary asked.

"I think we want to, but we shouldn't," Owen admitted.

"But if we use it right, those zombies won't stand a chance."

"True."

"Also, when are you gonna get to use a bazooka again?"

"Also true," Owen clapped his hands together. "Oh man, now I know how Izzy feels."

"Now I know why you'd date her, she'd let you get away with fun stuff like this."

"But we need a good excuse."

"Right, dude."

They looked around, and saw a fair amount of zombies approaching from the right, the ones who followed the four survivors who had just arrived. Owen and Zachary exchanged a glance.

"You first?" Owen offered.

"You're too kind," Zachary said, beaming at the big teenager. He approached the bazooka, loaded it up, and fired at the zombie horde approaching, shouting, "Incoming explosive!"

Everyone looked around to see the explosive flying through the air, and they all noticed how bad Zachary's aim had been for his first time using a grenade launcher. As it arched in the air, it started to come down over the survivors on the right.

Screaming and panicking, they ran off in separate directions. Leshawna wasn't fast enough, and the grenade exploded on her, utterly obliterating her.

Zachary blinked and muttered, "Whoops."

"Doh," Owen added.

"You stupid," Xander shouted at them from afar, using words that cannot be repeated here. "Watch where you're shooting, you wiped out Leshawna!"

"Let me try, dude," Owen said, taking the bazooka from Zachary. He looked at the approaching horde on the right, then noticed some zombies coming up on the left. "Here, I'll try shooting at the left."

He fired, but his shot was not high and arching like it should have been. An almost horizontal shot rocketed right at Sebastian, and erraticated the philosopher.

"Whoopsie-daisy," Owen whimpered. He watched as Sakaki ran away, shrieking in terror.

"You're killing all the black people," Zachary shouted. "Give me that!"

He yanked the bazooka from Owen, firing it in the process. The grenade exploded right in front of Sakaki, who turned and fled in the opposite direction.

"You're the one who killed Leshawna," Owen remarked, trying to pull the bazooka back and firing another shot. It exploded right where Sakaki was trying to head, and she turned around again, screaming and covering her head.

"Look buddy, I only got one shot, and there's more zombies on the right!"

"C'mon, I didn't even get a good shot!"

"Give!"

"No, you give!"

They struggled until one more shot was fired, and Sakaki saw it coming down on her. She only had time to let out a little whimper before she was wiped out in a violent explosion.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - It's the team killing moment of the story.)**

** Leshawna** - "Why those stupid, moronic..."

**Sebastian** - "... incompetent, childish-"

**Sakaki** - "... not very nice..."

** Leshawna** - "... idiotic, brain dead..."

**Sebastian** - "... buffoonish, irresponsible..."

**Sakaki** - "... well, it wasn't like I was doing that well..."

** Leshawna** - "... I'm gonna give them a kick in the pants!"

**Sebastian** - "... I'm gonna give them a piece of my mind!"

**Sakaki** - "... I'm just glad I'm not in the zombie world anymore."

* * *

**(The Dusk, The Docks)**

Mandy ripped the grenade launcher away from Zachary and Owen, and threw it into the water. "Morons," she shouted at them, glaring in particular at Owen. "You know, Izzy's my friend, I expect better from her boyfriend, mister!"

Owen looked down with shame as Zachary shrugged. "Well, let's just defend until that boat gets here."

"Three teammates wiped out in only a few seconds," Mandy continued to rant, shaking her head. "You two really have made things difficult."

"I'll say," Joel exclaimed, as he ran over there. "You should have let me use it, I've used those things before!"

"You've used a grenade launcher?" Mandy asked, sounding impressed.

"Beta testing," Joel admitted. "But you two were supposed to be watching Howard! Where is he?"

Owen and Zachary looked at where they left Howard. Zombies had climbed up onto the dock, and the soaking wet ghouls were tearing him apart.

"Hey, no," Owen cried out, smacking at the zombies with his oar. "No, bad zombies, don't eat him!"

The damage was done, and Howard was dead and coming back from it. Joel had to finish off his dead teammate and the other zombies. He glared at the two guys and spat, "In the name of high school big shots, you just let him die!"

"Accident," Owen whimpered.

"You were supposed to watch over him! How was it a-"

"No, I, um, I think I just had an accident."

Joel seethed, then heard screaming from the others. Sadie, Valerie, and Rodney were running away from zombies screaming, and Xander was starting to get swarmed. The biker managed to push away and run, and now the zombies were closing in on their dock.

The sound of a fog horn echoed off in the distance. Joel looked out across the ocean, and said, "That's the sound of the boat, it's close to coming. I'm guessing we have about ten more minutes!"

"Should I pray to Nyarlathotep to help us?" Mandy asked him.

"We're gonna need a lot of help," he replied. "Girl, it's time to chop until you drop. And if any of us drop, chop us up a lot."

Joel charged forward, and started beating the zombies with his wrench. Mandy shrieked as she charged forward, slicing and stabbing with her pickax. Xander picked up an anchor that was resting on the dock shore and tossed it at zombies, knocking them over.

Rodney swallowed hard and was taking extra-special aim with his gun. This hesitation caused the zombies to swarm up on him, and one fell down on top of him.

"No! Get him off me, help," Rodney screamed, feebly trying to push the zombie away. The creature was gnawing on his helmet, trying to get to his little brain.

Sadie screamed and tried to get to him, but zombies blocked her path. Her chopping ax was cleaving zombies, but she wasn't going to get there in time. Eventually, the zombie knocked the helmet off the boy.

"Rodney," Sadie screamed, shoving more zombies away. She watched as the zombie leaned down...

Something came slamming down on the zombie's head, banging its forehead against Rodney's. Dazed, the kid crawled away as the zombie suffered more bashes to the head.

Sadie finally made her way to the kid, dropping her ax and picking him up. "Are you okay?"

"Oh wow, my life flashed before my life, and I haven't lived long enough to see much," Rodney whimpered. "Who saved me, was it you?"

"No, it was...," Sadie looked around to see who the savior was.

Tyler stood there, bloodstained and heaving. The jock looked at them, taking deep, ragged breaths. "Damn zombies," he cursed. "You two okay?"

"You're alive," Sadie cried out. "Oh thank goodness, we thought everyone who wasn't here was dead."

"Well, I'm alive too, if you care."

Noah walked out from behind Tyler, and bashed another zombie's head in with a stepladder. Sadie and Rodney looked at the two, and noticed how tired, bloody, and injured the two were.

"What happened?" Rodney asked them.

"We ran into every damn zombie along the way," Tyler spluttered as he pushed a zombie away with the handle of his hockey stick. "They were coming out from every building, even the sewers."

"I failed miserably," Noah muttered.

Sadie looked between the two boys. "Wait... where's Lindsay? Where's Katie?!"

Tyler heaved a very heavy sigh as he kicked a zombie. "She... she didn't make it. I fought off zombies forever, I still don't know how I made it, but she... didn't."

"Katie died," Noah muttered, shoving a zombie away with his stepladder. "I failed to protect her, and-"

Sadie let out a horrible scream, hugging Rodney so tight that the prodigy child turned slightly blue. She fell to her knees, sobbing hysterically.

This continued until Noah snapped out of his own funk. He walked over and tugged on Sadie's pigtail slightly. "Sadie! It's a game! You'll see her afterwards!"

Sadie hiccuped, then looked up at Noah. "But... but what can we do?"

Noah placed the stepladder on the ground. "Rodney, stand up on this and shoot at them from a better angle! Tyler, you go help the left side! Sadie, pick your ax up."

She stood up.

"No, no, no! Your _chopping_ ax!"

"Oh! Oh, of course," she replied, blushing slightly. She started for her weapon, but Xander had already picked it up and was cleaving away.

"Go find another weapon," Noah ordered her. "In fact, I gotta find one too!"

Noah and Sadie hurried across the dock, trying to find anything that could be used for bludgeoning or stabbing or cleaving. Another of their teammates was overwhelmed by zombies, throat ripped out and torn apart slowly.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - The boys are back on the dock!)**

** Rodney** - "Noah's an awesome leader! He really can take control, and I thought he'd be too upset over losing his girlfriend!"

**Noah** - "Score one for me, Rodney couldn't lead but I could! Still... I guess since I lost my girlfriend when I was with her, I mentally feel that I've lost. But don't tell anyone who's taking score."

**Howard** - "Man, eaten when in a daze, what a way to go!"

**Lindsay and Tyler** - \making out heavily\

**Tyler** - \taking a breather\ "Sorry I couldn't save, babe!"

**Lindsay** - "It's okay! It was just a swarm of hungry monsters, just like being at high school!" \They go back to making out again.\

* * *

**(The Dawn, Hospital Roof)**

The survivors of the Dawn were being attacked from all sides. Gwen and Belinda ran out of ammo soon, and were using their shotguns for beating zombies back. Arthur was using Colin's gun, the second one lost when Gwen shot him off the roof.

"They're swarming," Cody shouted, swinging desperately. One zombie reached out and struck him in the chest with its arm, knocking the boyish geek back. He collided with Anita, and fell on top of her.

Belinda looked down at the two, and noted how Cody had fallen into Anita's cleavage. She couldn't help but smirk, and decided to leave the two be for now. She went back to bashing zombies.

DJ was snapped at by zombies, and when it was too close for comfort, he turned and ran. He plowed through zombies on the other side, like a bulldozer through a field. Bridgette raised an eyebrow at this, and, for a few seconds, wondered just how good of a football player he really was when he wasn't scared.

Arthur was being backed up to the edge of the roof, pistol whipping zombies away. He took to grabbing zombies and throwing them over the side. Heather was behind Ezekiel, hacking at zombies who dared get too close to her boyfriend. The prairie boy himself was shooting the ghouls and sometimes stabbing them with the arrows.

"Yeah, ever since I saw that in Lord of the Rings," he was saying to Heather, "I've always wanted to do that, eh!"

"Hon, not now," Heather barked. "Less talking, more hacking!"

She hacked down the Zombie Yoshi, who had his katana blade still its scabbard. She pulled it out and dual-wielded the hatchet and the katana blade.

Ezekiel saw this, and had to calm down his excitement; nerd arousal was hard to overcome, even during dangerous situations. The queen bee carved a small path through the undead with both her bladed weapons.

Alfred also saw this and wolf-whistled. "I love this game," he shouted as he swung underhand and decapitated another zombie.

As the zombies continued, Arthur was grabbed by the zombies. He was strong enough to keep them from biting him, but their force tipped him over. Arthur fell over the side of the building, bringing three zombies down all those stories with him.

"Damn, no no no," Bridgette shouted when she saw this. "Oh, when's that helicopter going to get here?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Maybe it stopped at a drive-thru?)**

** Cody** - \a little red in the face\ "Wow... Anita's boobs are really soft, even in the virtual reality challenge... but no! No, I won't think about that, I need to think about her, as a person! And she's very nice, she didn't slap me or knee me in the groin for accidentally falling on her."

**Anita** - \blushing a little too\ "I really like Cody, and he was a gentleman when he accidentally fell on me. He apologized and helped me up, unlike the last few guys who pushed themselves up by putting their hands on my boobs." \She rolls her eyes.\

**Carol** - "Watching the show was fun, but watching Arthur plummet all those stories with zombies clinging to him? That was, like, the best death ever!"

* * *

**(The Dusk, Docks)**

Noah growled as he picked up a crate and smashed it over a zombie's head. He picked up one of the broken planks and beat another zombie with it. "When's that damn boat going to get here?" he hollered.

"If it's not here soon, we're sunk," Tyler exclaimed as he beat down more zombies with his hockey stick. "Gosh dang, these zombies are everywhere!"

Sadie suffered a bit to her shoulder, but she managed to shove the zombie away. "I cannot take much more," she wailed as she bashed the zombie with a metal pipe. "I'm gonna die if this keeps up."

Rodney's gun clicked empty. He whimpered as he ran away from the zombies approaching. He tripped over a crowbar that had been left near the warehouse, and he suddenly remembered what Alfred had taught him. Picking up the crowbar, he dashed into the swarm of zombies and hooked the weapon around one of their ankles.

The zombies were tripped and fell down, their heads being smashed on impact. Rodney weaved in-between zombie legs and tripped more.

Owen was being attacked by zombies, but they kept bouncing off his stomach. When he turned, he knocked them around. Some of them were knocked off the dock, into the water. Though he and Zachary couldn't see it, something was churning in the water, shredding some of the zombies that had fallen in.

Zachary swung a plank of wood, knocking more zombies back. "Damn, these freaks aren't stopping," he cried out. "Owen man, keep using that stomach of yours!"

"Sure thing, Zach! I'll throw my weight around, and... whoa! Ahh!"

Owen's own weight was used against him when he stepped too near the end of the dock. Falling off and splashing water all over the place, drenching Zachary and zombies around, he surfaced to the top.

"I'm okay," he called out. "I'm fine, I'm dandy, just pull me up!"

"Dude," Zachary looked down at Owen, "there's no way I can pull you up."

"It's all baby fat, dude. Now please...," he suddenly froze. "Something brushed against my leg!"

"What? Dude, is it a zombie?"

"I dunno, but the water is getting warmer!"

Zachary blinked, then groaned. "Dude, please tell me you didn't wet yourself."

"Ehehe... I think I did."

He continued to laugh nervously, then the water churned around him. A giant, rotting shark surfaced right under him, catching the large teen in its large mouth. Owen could only call out, "Holy bigger boats-" before the shark fell back into the water, prey in its mouth.

"Holy crap," Zachary shouted, then he let out a nervous laugh. He looked over the side and down into the water. "Did anyone else see that?"

"What?" Mandy called out, wiping blood away from her forehead.

"Some killer zombie shark just snatched Owen," Zachary called out. "That was the greatest death I've ever seen-"

A second zombie shark leapt out of the water, snatching Zachary by his torso, and pulled him back into the water.

Mandy stared at the dock, now empty except for zombies. The cultist girl was greatly started when something wet splashed on her face, and she quickly recognized it as blood. Someone had been killed next to her, and blood had sprayed all over her.

"Old Gods damn it all," she shrieked as she back away from the zombies and her dead teammate. "Is there any end to this? Where's the damn boat?!"

A blare of a foghorn alerted all of the living, and the Dusk members looked to see a boat pulling up at the end of the dock. Mandy gaped, then screamed, "Get to the boat! Hurry, hurry, hurry, RUN!"

She bolted for the boat, swinging at any zombie foolish enough to get near her. Noah was nearby, swatting at the zombies too. Both climbed into the boat, where Noah threw his plank at the closest zombie, knocking it off the dock.

"Run your stinking legs off," Mandy shrieked.

The other teammates hurried over, the zombies closing in. Mandy and Noah couldn't tell who was making it, for the zombies were getting so close that the struggling survivors in the horde were almost invisible. Someone short ran in-between leg and leapt onto the boat, where Noah caught him.

"Take my hand, but not in marriage, you know," the cultist girl said, trying to clear up any loopholes. She yanked another survivor onto the boat, another survivor climbing in shortly afterwards.

Tyler came barreling through the zombies, several feet from the boat when a zombie grabbed his headband. His legs went forward but his body didn't, and they were attached, he fell right on his back. The zombies descended, mouths gaping for flesh and brains.

Noah acted fast, grabbing the harpoon gun. He fired it at the zombies, the force so powerful that it knocked several zombies away from Tyler. The bookworm leapt from the boat with another harpoon in his hands, and drove it into the nearest zombie's head. Grabbing the jock, he pulled him towards the boat.

"I am not gonna carry you, Tyler, now get up," he shouted.

"Oh wow," Tyler muttered, still dazed from his fall, "saved by a bookworm!"

"Yeah, my fellow nerds will never forgive me for rescuing a jock, now hurry!"

Tyler kicked at the zombies grasping at his feet, and manage to help pull himself into the boat. Noah gripped him, adrenaline surging through him.

"Is that everyone?" he asked the others.

"I'm pretty sure, Old Gods watch their souls or something like that," Mandy remarked, impaling a zombie that tried to get on the boat. "Let's head off!

The boat pulled away from the dock, zombies falling off and into the water to get to it. Zombie sharks jumped along the side, but couldn't snatch any more survivors. Noah took a deep breath, and let out a cry of victory.

The survivors of The Dusk had escaped.

* * *

**(The Dawn, Hospital Roof)**

"There it is," Ezekiel shouted, pointing to the west. "There's the helicopter!"

"Run," Alfred exclaimed in-between head bashings. "Get to da choppa'!"

The survivors headed to the side, fighting off zombies in the process. As they made their way, Bridgette looked around. "Is this everyone? Did we lose anyone?"

"I think we did, but keep going, eh," Ezekiel exclaimed. "We cannot stop noo'!"

The helicopter hovered on the side of the building, and the survivors started to climb in. Bridgette and Alfred helped the others on, but Ezekiel hesitated.

"Heather?" he called out, notching his last arrow. "Heather, where are you?"

He looked, and finally saw his girlfriend being surrounded by zombies. He fired his last arrow, managing to kill a zombie behind her; however, another took her place and grabbed her hair.

Heather could barely hear him screaming her name, she was too busy wildly swinging her katana and hatchet. Teeth sank into her arms, neck, head, and torso. Still she fought, and it was only when she couldn't feel her body anymore, that nothing would move, that she realized it was too late. Ezekiel was shoving zombies away from her, and the last thing she saw was him trying to pull her away.

"You're gonna be oo'kay," he repeated over and over. "You're gonna be oo'kay, Heather! You're gonna... gonna... Heather?"

She wasn't moving anymore. Ezekiel saw her mauled body, and let out a cry of anguish. Sorrow dominated his mind for a few seconds before anger settled in. He reached down and pried the katana blade from the death grip, and stared down the approaching zombies.

"Helloo'," he hissed at the zombies. "My name is Ezekiel Miller. You killed my girlfriend. Prepare to die, eh!"

He cleaved into the zombies, decapitating the ghouls or giving them very deep scalpings. He heard Bridgette calling him, but he didn't stop.

"Go a'heed with'oot me, eh," he shouted back to them. "I'm gonna kill every last one of these monsters for Heather!"

He continued to slice and dice the undead legion until he heard Bridgette's voice getting closer. She gripped his hood and pulled him back, startling him. The surfer girl spun him around and gripped his shoulders.

"Ezekiel," she shouted into his face. "It's a game, remember? Game! She's not dead!"

The prairie boy stared at her for a few seconds, then reality sank in about the virtual reality. His face went dark red with embarrassment, and he muttered, "Oh."

"Care to escape now?"

"Yeah. Thanks," he muttered as they ran for the helicopter. "Thanks for coming back to for me, eh!"

"Hey, that's what friends are for," she replied, smiling back at him.

They both climbed into the helicopter, Alfred helping pull them both in. The American gonzo stuck his tongue out at the zombies that unsuccessfully tried to grasp the flying ride.

"That's right, baby," he exclaimed, raising his fists in the air as the helicopter did the same. "We survived the zombie apocalypse! Thank you, Max Brooks!"

The helicopter rose up, far away from the helicopter as the doors on the side closed and kept the teenagers inside from falling out (mostly Alfred). It flew away from the hospital, and out of the infected city.

The survivors of The Dawn had escaped.

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium)**

"Now those were two epic finishers," Chris Maclean declared as all of the contestants were released from the game and brought back into reality. "Congratulations to those who survived the zombie apocalypse!"

The teenagers all stood and stretched as their teammates approached them. Chef Hatchet was mumbling, "Sorry it took so long to bring the poor fools who died before the rescues arrived, I was kind of busy watching."

"That was so much fun," Alfred exclaimed, and he hugged the nearest person.

"It sure was, what a wild challenge," Mandy agreed.

The two hugged each other tight, then realized who they were embracing. They exchanged looks, blushed, and parted. "Well then," he said, smiling at her and arching an eyebrow, "what you think about zombies now, vampire girl?"

"They're fine, they're fine," she muttered, crossing her arms. "Though I'd have more fun with a pickax soaked in holy water against vampires."

"That sounds like fun! I'll have to try it," he gleefully said, patting her shoulder. She smiled despite herself.

Owen high-fived Zachary. "We did pretty well, didn't we?" Owen asked his new friend.

"Sure was! You're one badass dude!"

"Thanks! After that, I feel like I could take on anything!"

"OWEN!!!"

The large teenager turned to see Izzy stomp towards him. She had her hands on her hips, and The Other Look on her face, more powerful that he'd ever seen.

"Oh crap," he whimpered, then took off running. She charged after him, hands extended with fingers curled.

"Get back here," she screamed, chasing him all over the stadium. "You made me miss out on the most awesome challenge I had to _watch_!"

Anita and Cody were high-fiving in victory when Eva approached. She didn't look happy, but she seemed to be containing it. She nodded at Anita, then smiled (her best attempt at a smile when irked) at Cody. "You weren't bad out there."

"Guess I have a knack for zombie killing," Cody said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "All those movies really pays off."

"A regular Ash Williams," Anita said, beaming at him.

Chris tapped his foot as he waited for the talk to die down. He realized that he'd never get Izzy to stop chasing Owen, so he cleared his throat and pulled out his bullhorn.

"Okay, survivors and zombie food," he announced. "Time to see which team had the most survivors. And I gotta say, the amount of casualties at the end happened so fast, we missed some of them, but the computer got them all!

"Let's see how many of the Dawn survived!"

The screens lit up, and pictures of the surviving Dawn members holding their main weapon throughout the campaign appeared: Ezekiel, DJ, Anita, Gwen, Bridgette, Cody, Alfred, and Belinda.

"Eight survivors, not bad at all," Chris declared, clapping his hands. "So on the Dusk, we have the following survivors..."

The screens lit up, and pictures of the surviving Dusk members appeared one by one: Noah, Sadie, Mandy, Rodney, Tyler, and Xander.

"Only six survivors," the host remarked, raising an eyebrow. "Not bad, but not good enough. So I have to announce that the winning team is... THE DAWN!"

The Dawn members let out wild cheers and hugged, high-fived, and jumped for joy. The Dusk all groaned and shook their heads, the survivors looking the most disappointed.

"Damn it," Noah grumbled. "I failed this team. Looks like Rodney and I are officially tied."

"In what?" Rodney asked, looking confused.

Before Noah could reply, Chris cleared his throat again. "So before we get to immunity and voting, I want to show everyone here, and all the contestants who were too busy being somewhere else in the VR campaign, some of my favorite bits, then the top three best bits!"

The screens came to life again, and a collage of events took place. All of them were really embarrassing and/or revealing: Colin shoving Geoff into zombies, Cody falling into Anita's cleavage, Carol blowing herself up, Sakaki and Leshawna and Sebastian being obliterated by grenades, Zachary snatched by a zombie shark, Gwen shooting Harold accidentally, and Courtney being killed by Zombie Duncan.

Third best moment was Ezekiel at the end, being pulled away by Bridgette from killing zombies to avenge his girlfriend. The second moment surprised everyone:

* * *

**(The Dusk, Xander)**

_The bombardment of missiles from the jets had knocked Xander and Mandy apart, and he slammed against the ground. When there was a lapse in the explosions, he woozily stood up._

_ "Of all the streets they had to bomb," he started to say, then he was grabbed from behind. A zombie tried to bite his neck, but got a mouthful of leather jacket. Xander bashed the zombie's head with the back of his, and elbowed the ghoul frantically. The zombie fell back, but at the price of a major rip in the jacket._

_ Xander looked at his ruined jacket, and snarled at the zombie. He tried to put the jacket back on him, but it was far too ruined. Angry beyond words, he took it off and wrapped it around the zombie's head, then bashed it against the floor until the zombie stopped fighting._

_ "Jerk," he exclaimed. "That was my favorite-"_

_ He was interrupted when the jets rocketed back, and shot more missiles at the street. Xander shielded his eyes from flying pebbles, then noticed something flying right at him. The flying object struck him in the chest and knocked him down._

_ The biker looked up in a daze and saw that it was a zombie's upper body. He cried out in horror, and the zombie moaned back, tightening its grip on Xander's shirt, cutting through the fabric and scratching his chest._

_ Xander pushed up on its jaw, trying to keep those fatal teeth away from his body. Eventually, the zombie lost the struggle, but its grip on Xander's shirt tore it off as he pushed it away_

_ "Damn it all to freaking," Xander swore as he stood up and stomped on the zombie's head, crushing its skull. Sighing heavily, he traced his facial scar._

_ "Well, they're never going to believe me when I say zombies tore my clothes off," he muttered. "Worse than fan girls."_

_ Shots rang out down the street. Movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention, and he saw a zombie sneaking up on Mandy. He picked up a chunk of street and ran over, holding the rock up as a weapon..._

_

* * *

_

"See?" Xander said to Mandy, smirking and straightening his jacket. "Told you they tore my clothes off."

"That's kind of hot," Sadie said with a giggle.

"Wow, you looked good without your shirt," Carol gushed. "Can you take it off now?"

"Nope."

"Take it off," she began to chant. "Take it off, woo woo woo"

Chris chuckled, then said, "There will be plenty of time for male strippers later! But for our number one hilarious clip..."

It was Owen pushing Izzy down the stairs in fright. The redhead in real life watched this, and it made her all the more furious. With a fierce cry, she chased after him, going into the stadium.

"Someone let them know the results of this, since they were both on the losing team," Chris remarked. "Now we discuss, out of the twenty of you, which ten are getting immunity...

"Right after this break!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - See you soon!)**

** Harold** - "Um... what are we breaking for?"

**Alfred** - \grinning happily\ "I love this show!"

**Bridgette** - \scowling\ "Colin pushed Geoff into the zombies! What a cretin! If only our team had lost, we could have voted him off!"

**Owen** - "Maybe I'm safe in here-"

\There is loud pounding at the door, then it is broken down and Izzy comes in.\

**Izzy** - "You cannot hide from the wrath that is Izzy Connelly! Get your butt out here!"

\Owen runs screaming out of the janitor's closest, trampling Izzy in the process. The redhead, disheveled and dirty, picks herself off, dusts herself off, and starts the chase over again.\

**Geoff** - "Whoa... dude! Who broke the door off of the confessional?!"

**Joel** - "Was kind of embarrassing that I was eaten in my own VR campaign, but hey, I'm an inventor. Still, we might have done better if those two morons didn't obliterate part of the team!"

**Justin** - "If that jerk Zachary doesn't get immunity, he is going down!"

**Yoshi** - "I hated that I died from those zombies on top of the warehouse, but there was little I could do. And I know who is to blame for our epic failure..."

**Sadie** - "I hope Katie saw me, I was awesome! I really stood up for myself, and fought the zombies! But even after all that, we, like, so crashed and burned!"

**Valerie** - "Yeah, it was embarrassing that right before the boat pulled up, I got torn to pieces by the zombies. But I am a politician, I don't fight the shambling public, I just tell them what's best for them."

\She clears her throat and continues, more quietly since the door is gone.\ "If I am unfortunate not to get immunity, I have a plan on who to vote off. And Zachary's new accomplice, though I really don't like Owen, will be more than glad to help, I'm sure."

* * *

--

--

--

**Who is going to get immunity for the Dusk? Who will be voted off? Find out soon!

* * *

**

**The Final Results:**

**The Dawn**

_Alive_ - Ezekiel, DJ, Anita, Gwen, Bridgette, Cody, Alfred, Belinda.

_Dead_ - Eva, Geoff, Crystal, Harold, Carol, Clive, Courtney, Hannah, Beth, Colin, Arthur, Heather.

**The Dusk**

_Alive_ - Noah, Sadie, Mandy, Rodney, Tyler, Xander.

_Dead_ - Izzy, Katie, Justin, Trent, Yoshi, Lindsay, Leshawna, Sebastian, Sakaki, Howard, Joel, Owen, Zachary, Valerie.

* * *

**Next Time** - Sorrow, letdowns, and the fifth elimination. Fun!


	19. Ch 5, Pt 4: Dead Air and Little Chance

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - I'd like to say to everyone that I don't hate any of the TDI characters. If you think I'm being hard on them, it's not because of revenge of the show, I had this planned when TDA was just starting. So keep that in mind, and remember that nothing is permanent at this stage of the story, especially since I haven't sealed the deal on anything serious yet!

* * *

**Chapter 19** - Alliances and the Women Who Love Them

* * *

--

--

--

**(Maclean Stadium)**

A small explosion inside the stadium surprised everyone. Chris Maclean blinked, and said, "Dang, I sure hate to be Owen right now."

"Yeah, it's such a darn shame," Noah remarked, "seeing that you fueled her anger."

Chris chuckled proudly, making some of the contestants roll their eyes. The host continued on to say, "Now it's time to give a reward to the winning team! You get to play a brand new zombie game!"

He held up a video game box, and tossed it to an eager Alfred. "What is it?" he asked. "The latest Resident Evil? Left 4 Dead 2? Some new game? It's..."

Alfred grew silent, and Harold peeked over his shoulder to read the box title. " 'Zombie Jr. Learns the Alphabet'?" the lanky nerd balked.

Chris burst out in laughter. "That's right! I figure some of you teenagers still need to learn it!"

Colin was also laughing, until Alfred shoved the game box into his hands. "He's the only one I can think of that'd still need it," the gonzo replied, smirking.

"Ooo, diss," Mandy cheered.

"Enough of this," Valerie grumbled as Colin threw the box down and stamped on it. "Who received immunity on our team?"

"Good question, and I'll be happy to actually answer it," Chris said, clapping his hands. "See, we had six survivors, but we need ten people to have immunity. So first off, the six who made it out of the zombie apocalypse, which would be Tyler, Mandy, Noah, Sadie, Xander, and Rodney, all receive immunity."

The six cheered in celebration, Tyler and Rodney high-fiving, and Xander nudging Mandy with a victorious smile. She smirked right back and replied, "I still did better, I didn't lose any of my clothing."

"Touché."

"Now the one who's going to pick the other four to get immunity," Chris said, clapping his hands and rubbing them mischievously, "is Noah!"

"What?" several people exclaimed.

"Yep, time for you to make enemies, you wise-ass," the host remarked, chuckling to himself.

"Why does he get to pick?" Valerie exclaimed.

"You guys picked for him to be the leader."

"Um, no we didn't!"

"Yes, you did. Here's the proof!"

Chris pulled out a remote and pressed a button, and the screens on Vera the Virtual Reality machine played back to a recording that day.

* * *

_ "Okay then," Noah was announcing to his team, clapping his hands to interrupt all the little conversations. "We need to organize for this challenge, groups of two, or as I like to say for a zombie scenario, a snack break._

_ "So I'm taking control of this team of twenty, or it's going to become an episode of How to Serve Twenty People."_

_

* * *

_

"See? You allowed Noah to be declared leader, so he gets say in who gets immunity," Chris said gleefully.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Noah, undisputed leader until someone disputes.)**

** Noah** - \tapping his chin\ "If I didn't know any better, I'd say Chris was out to get me."

**Chris Maclean** - "I'm tired of that cynical guy, always making remarks when I'm trying to do announcements! No one cuts into my screen time, but since he's immune, I'll be out to get him some other way."

**Noah** - \He is scowling at the camera, and holds up a glass cup.\ "Yep, knew it."

* * *

"Now you got several choices," Chris said to Noah as he handed him an electronic device with the faces of the fourteen remaining teammates. "You have to pick things out fairly, but you'll still make enemies. Enemies who will surely hate you for this, so you might want to be considerate in-"

"Done," Noah interrupted him, handing the voting device back to the host.

Blinking a few times, Chris looked at it then said, very irritated, "Katie, Lindsay, Leshawna, and Joel."

"Yes. My girlfriend, my roommates, and the inventor of this awesome, virtual reality machine. What's the big shock?"

"That's favoritism, Noah."

"That's my choice, Mr. Maclean."

"Well, thanks for not making this show interesting," the host snapped. "Fine! Fine fine."

As he stomped off, Katie tackled Noah, and the bookworm hit the ground. "Ow," he exclaimed. "Katie, watch it!"

"Yay, you picked me!"

"Did you think I wouldn't?"

"No, but you also picked our friends, Lindsay and Leshawna! You're so sweet!"

"They're just my roommates, I want to be able to one day sleep in a b-"

He was cut off as Katie kissed him, wrapping her arms around him, and he no longer had any protests. Lindsay, Leshawna, and Sadie were involved in a group hug, and Joel was high-fiving Tyler.

"Well, guess it's time for dinner," Joel said, flexing his back. "The award ceremony is afterwards."

"Right, so I guess the ten who didn't get voted for are going to be talking about that," Tyler said, then counted off. "Valerie, Zachary, Trent, Yoshi, Justin, Sakaki, Sebastian, Howard, Izzy, and Owen."

Mandy, nearby them, looked around and said, "Hey, where are Izzy and Owen anyway?"

* * *

Owen ducked into an empty room, slamming the door shut. He ran to a corner as something slammed against the door, pieces of it breaking off and flying into the room. As Owen huddled up, the door was obliterated and a very angry redhead stomped in.

"Now it's time for my revenge," Izzy bellowed, cracking her knuckles, then her wrists, then her neck. "You should be very happy I don't have that chain saw in real life!"

Owen whimpered and huddled up in the corner, shaking. Izzy walked up to him, flexing her fingers. When she was standing over him, she stopped and stared at him. "Um, Owen? Quit huddling up in fetal position."

"No," he blubbered.

"Owen, I'm not able to beat someone in fetal position. It's not fun when you hit someone in fetal position, you feel like a jerk no matter how much they deserve it."

"Well, if that's the case, I'm huddling up here."

Izzy groaned. Her fervent desire for revenge was not gone, but the violence was. She took a deep breath, then decided to follow up with the second part of her plan.

"Look Owen," she snapped, leaning over him, "I think this is it between us!"

"Wh-what?"

"This isn't going to work out! You keep pushing me in front of danger that I _don't_ like, you knock my friends into danger, and you're rude!"

"I'm not rude."

He farted, and soon the room was full of the smell. Izzy coughed and waved her hand in front of her face. "See? See, this is what I mean!"

"But I'm not rude," he exclaimed as he stood up, facing her at last. "I just cannot help it!"

He then belched right in her face. With a sickened gag, she fell down on the ground. "Gack," she groaned. "My eyeballs are watering, Owen!"

"But it shouldn't be that bad, it's just breakfast! And that thing I found in the janitor's closet that I still don't know what it was..."

Izzy coughed as she stood up. "Owen, this is exactly what I've been trying to tell you. How many times have you belched and farted on me? And this challenge, you killed me before I could even use the chain saw!"

"But... but there were zombies!"

"And I didn't even get to kill any of them," she shrieked, waving her hands in the air. "Zombies to the left of me, zombies to the right, stuck in the middle with a chain saw, and I didn't get to kill a single one!"

Owen shuddered, then said, "Well, at least you were spared the horror of-"

"I like horror! Horror and gore and violence, and fighting alongside other survivors! It's like my high school, but less casualties and more interesting weapons!"

She paced back and forth, fuming. "Owen," she continued, "I've had it, I really have."

"But... I don't understand. You're Izzy! You're okay with everything!"

"I'm still a girl, and I still have standards!"

"You do?"

She face-palmed, and he quickly stammered, "No no, I know you're a girl! You have boobs and such! But... standards?"

"Yes, I have those!"

"I never did, I figured if it's edible, I can eat it."

"Owen," Izzy turned to him with her arms crossed, "it's over, okay? We're not going to date anymore. I'm sick of getting hit by your gas attacks, I'm sick of being knocked into danger, and I'm sick of your insensitivity."

"What?" he exclaimed, sweeping his arms and accidentally hitting her in the side, knocking her down. "I'm totally sensitive! C'mon, Izzy, I... hey, where'd you go?"

Izzy, on the floor, snarled as she pulled herself up again. "You're making this rather easy for me."

"W-wait," Owen stammered, getting misty-eyed. "Are... are you breaking up with me?"

"That's exactly what I'm doing. Just be glad you're not near an open manhole like my last ex-"

The large teenager burst into tears, falling on his hands and knees. He continued to cry, and while Izzy felt a little guilty, she stood firm in place. When he was finally doing sobbing, he looked up at Izzy.

"Does this mean you hate me?"

"No, of course not," she said, softening her voice a little. "We can still be friends, that's fine."

"Really?"

"Of course, if I ever need a partner in something fun-"

"Can we still make out?"

"No."

He slumped and sighed. "So... it's over, then?"

"Yes, we're not dating anymore."

"You're... you're not going to vote me off, are you?" he asked desperately. "We didn't stick around for who got it, and I don't think we made the cut!"

"Of course not," she exclaimed, then sighed and relaxed her look. She pat him on the shoulder and added, "You're still my friend, Owen, and I still find you to be very close to me as a friend. I won't vote for you, I promise."

"Thank you. Um, are you going to be dating Ezekiel now?"

"No, he's seeing Heather."

"Then who?"

Izzy shrugged, then smiled at him. "Well, it looks like since we're both single, we can start hunting for a new mate, huh? I love mate hunting, it's so much fun!"

"Ooo, how about you hook up with my friend Alfred? He's wild, you'd like him!"

"And I'll introduce you better to my new friend, Mandy! You two might get along really well!"

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium - Cafeteria)**

"Heyas, Mandy?"

The cultist girl looked up to see the American gonzo standing over her. She blinked and said, "Yes, mortal?"

"Are we cool? Just curious."

She sighed, then shrugged. "Meh, it's fine. You can like zombies, makes little difference in the long run."

He grinned and sat down next to her. She stared at him in surprise, her face becoming slightly pink. Alfred noticed this and said, "What, what's wrong?"

"I... no one ever sits next to me at school."

"Aw, we can't have that," he exclaimed as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. "We're all friends here!"

"AWK," she cried out as she was yanked to him. "Hey, mortal man, what the hells? Why are you so happy? Don't you know we're all doomed?"

"Amen," Clive, sitting on Alfred's other side, mumbled to himself. "Mandy, you and I are the only sensible ones."

"Not you too, hug for you as well," the gonzo cried out, grabbing the emo and pulling him close. Squeezing both Mandy and Clive in a happy embrace, he said, "Feel the love, people, we're all safe today."

"I'm being hugged," Mandy cried out, her face bright red.

"Help, I don't do well with happy feelings," Clive pleaded.

Nearby them, Courtney was talking to Rodney. Like a good student, the prodigy child was taking notes in a small journal as Courtney lectured.

"Now one thing you need to know," she was saying to him, "is that school is for building self-esteem."

"What about education?"

"Of course they can learn, but you need people to have confidence. Otherwise, they wind up depressed and sad, like Gwen and that emo boy."

Rodney looked over at Gwen, who was still sulking with a concerned Trent nearby her. The prodigy child looked back at Courtney and said, "Does this help grades?"

"Did you know that some schools don't even have grades?" she said.

"What? But how do they know they're doing good?"

"Because of encouragement from the teachers."

Rodney blinked, not exactly buying this. He scratched the back of his head, then said, "Well, if the students are doing a bad job, can't the teachers help them?"

"That, or they can have a tutor from the exceptionally smart, and trained students. A student has to have some idea how to teach before helping someone."

"Okay, like you and Alfred?"

"Yes, like me... wait, like who?"

"Alfred. He's trained to help other students where he goes to school."

Courtney looked over at Alfred, who was still dual-hugging Mandy and Clive. She could scarcely believe it.

As Courtney overcame this shock and continue to enlighten Rodney, Howard was scooting closer to Belinda. The clairvoyant was aware of every scoot he made, and when he was fairly close, she said, "Hello."

"Oh, I thought I was quiet enough," Howard admitted, scratching the back of his head. "Congratulations on surviving the zombie apocalypse, by the way."

"Thank you."

"Say, after the voting ceremony, there's something I want to show you."

She stopped eating to look at him, raising one of her slender eyebrows. "Not your room, is it?"

"C'mon, Foresight, I have more tact than that. Besides, you think I could convince Izzy and Heather to sleep in another room?"

Belinda shrugged, and smiled at him. "Well, if you make it through this ceremony, I'll take you up on your offer."

"Think I'll make it, Foresight?"

She blew at her bangs. "That, even I don't know."

Valerie overheard their whole conversation, frowning in concern. She drummed her fingers as she stared at Belinda. "_I wish it was possible we could vote her off,_" she thought to herself. "_That ability to know what people are going to say is unnerving-_"

"You were trying to steal some of my food, white boy!"

"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me 'white boy'?"

Valerie face-palmed as Yoshi and Zachary started up another argument. Before it could continue, she walked over and pulled Zachary away, gentle but firm with her actions. "Look," she whispered to him when they were far enough away, "I know you hate him, but you cannot keep up this animosity."

"Why can't we vote him off? I hate his guts."

"He's still darn good at this game, and if he's on our team, he really helps out. So be a team player for now."

"_Also_," she thought to herself, "_I don't want to miss out on three hot guys being shirtless in my room. Better than a _Twilight_ movie, it is._"

Zachary shrugged and said, "So tell me why we're voting off-"

"I told you, because he's useless, I don't like him, and no one will miss him," she snapped. "Your new... addition to our team will be of help, but I've already used my diplomacy skills to talk to some people on voting off our choice."

"Great. And hey, I cannot believe you don't like Owen, he's pretty cool for a white guy."

Valerie groaned, and saw that Owen was approaching them. "What?" she asked him.

"Hey guys, I'm single now," the large teenager confessed. "Izzy and I broke up."

"Damn man, that sucks," Zachary said.

Owen nodded, then turned to Valerie. "So," he purred, "you seeing anyone? Because you look delicious like cotton candy!"

Valerie seethed as Zachary cackled with laughter.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Nuuuuuuu! We liked Owen/Izzy!)**

** Izzy** - "So yeah, it's officially over between Owen and I. He did get off pretty well, I didn't hurt him at all and such, not even a noogie. I guess I could never be that mad at him, he's a real sweetheart; he just needs to control his fear, and realize not many of us want to smell his gas."

**Owen** - "I... I really wish I hadn't blown it with Izzy. I guess this is it... but at least I have my new alliance to fall back on. I think Valerie likes me."

**Valerie** - "I'd rather wear a G-string for the rest of this contest than date Owen; both are equally damaging to my image. The only thing he's good for is his vote for who we want to kick off!"

**Courtney** - "I never thought Alfred, of all people, would be a tutor. I guess he isn't too bad, but I still worry every time he talks to Rodney. You never know what's on a guy like that's mind; kind of reminds me of Duncan, who is dead when I get my hands on him next time I see him. YOU HEAR THAT, DUNCAN? DEAD!!"

**Clive** - "Alfred reminds me of myself before I lost my faith in life, the universe, and everything."

**Mandy** - "That mortal boy Alfred... he's lucky he's so cute, or I wouldn't tolerate his mirth. Cthulhu does not approve of mirth! Or playful noogies! Or..." \She looks away from the camera, turning pink in the face.\ "Or honest apologies, or hugs... being hugged..."

**Alfred** - "Man, that zombie challenge was awesome! It reminds me of the time my friend Keith and I were hanging out at the mall, and we were planning out a strategy for escape if zombies started invading. Then he compared this really ugly lady to a zombie, but she heard, and started chasing after him with her purse shrieking insults. Luckily, his escape plan involved going out the fire escape, and he lost her in the crowd coming out."

\He laughs, then scratches the back of his head.\ "Though he was trampled by the panicking crowd heading out, and wound up in the hospital with a few broken bones, so that makes the story not as funny; probably should leave that part out, like my old girlfriend suggests."

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium - Voting Ceremony)**

Chris Maclean, in his fancy suit, waved to the roaring audience. When they quieted down, he said, "Well, we're down to forty contestants, time to enter the thirties! We have ten contestants who didn't survive the zombie apocalypse, and couldn't make it to invincibility either!"

He chuckled, then shook the trophy at them tauntingly. "See the zombie on this one? That's what you all are! Dead zombies, unable to deal with any kind of danger! Haha, boy do you suck!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Also unable to survive.)**

** Harold** - "What makes Chris so mean? Seriously, he acts like being able to survive a whole town of cannibal monsters is something the average Joe could do!"

**Leshawna** - "Like _he_ could survive it, pretty boy host would be dead, and I hope zombie interns tear him apart!"

**Anita** - "I'd like to see him just try to live on his own, without the show's budget to leech off, or hair gel!"

**Eva** - "Chris Maclean is the kind of person who'd shove you into zombies, only to run right into zombies right around the corner, and get his intestines ripped out."

**Xander** - "Zombies wouldn't eat Chris, because he's brainless."

**Carol** - "... and he's heartless!"

**Arthur** - "... and he's gutless!"

**Beth** - "... and he's spineless too! But then again, zombies don't eat spines, do they?"

* * *

"We have here thirty-nine trophies, but forty contestants! Whoever isn't getting a trophy is getting on Bus of Losers, and is never, ever coming back here again!"

"You mean Duncan's Punk Bus of Losers!"

"Fine, yes, it's his for now and... Duncan?"

The punk chuckled and waved, sitting next to Courtney with his arm around her back. "Hey, Chris!"

"Will you quit sneaking onto the show?" the host snapped. "And hey, if you're here, who's driving the bus?"

"Jasmine."

"Does she have a license?"

Duncan shrugged, and Chris swallowed nervously. "Uh-oh, if she wrecks it-"

"What are you complaining about, pretty boy?" Chef Hatchet snapped. "The bus cost about fifty bucks, and you spent the rest of the money intended for the bus on hair gel!"

"I'm sure we can find another bus for fifty bucks," Chris said, smiling again. "Still, do you know how much hair gel I could get for the fifty bucks we'd have to spend on a second bus?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Never needs hair gel.)**

** Geoff** - "Jeepers man, how could you need that much hair gel?"

** Hannah** - "Fifty dollars for a bus? Man, I didn't know they could come that cheap!"

**Tyler** - "How come Chris is able to siphon so much money from the show's budget? Isn't that illegal somehow?"

**DJ** - "Fifty dollars for hair gel, and he complains that _we're_ picky teenagers?"

* * *

"Enough chatter about the budget and my fantastic hair," Chris declared. "First off, the trophies to the thirty contestants who were good enough to make it to immunity tonight!"

He and Chef Hatchet tossed the trophies to all those with immunity, until it was down to the ten contestants who weren't: Howard, Izzy, Justin, Owen, Sakaki, Sebastian, Trent, Valerie, Yoshi, and Zachary.

"Now it comes down to you poor, unfortunate piles of human flesh consumed by zombies," the host said, chuckling. He looked down at some of his papers at her podium, then grinned at Yoshi. "Hey, samurai boy, of the five challenges in this show so far, you have been up for voting four times? Man, what has you doing so poorly? Maybe we should have picked a ninja boy to join instead, or a pirate!"

Yoshi drummed his fingers on his crossed arms, and said, very calmly, "Chris Maclean, did anyone vote for me?"

"Huh? No."

"_THEN GIVE ME MY DAMN TROPHY!_"

Chris flinched, then threw the zombie trophy at Yoshi. With a quick unsheathing of his sword, Yoshi sliced the trophy in half and stormed off. "Should have called a pirate boy instead of me," he repeated Chris' lines furiously, under his breath. "What do rum-swilling sailors have on disciplined warriors?"

Blinking in shock of Yoshi's fury, Chris stared for a few seconds before continuing. "Okay, the others not to get any votes were...

"Valerie, Izzy, Sakaki, Sebastian, and Trent!"

Chris then smirked at the remaining four contestants. "And two who aren't getting going home just yet as well are...

"Zachary and Justin!"

The remaining two, Owen and Howard, looked at each other nervously. Izzy gasped and bit her bottom lip as Owen clenched his shirt in horror.

"No no no," he whimpered. "I can't go yet! Now that I'm single, Izzy and I are going to help each other pair up!"

"I can't go yet, I have plans with Belinda," Howard exclaimed.

He looked at the accusing glares and replied, "Um, completely honorable plans, I meant. You know, nothing dastardly."

Valerie scoffed and brushed her brunette hair behind her ears. "Your plans are foiled, you simpleton," she said to herself. "You should know when a good alliance is formed, you stand no chance."

"Okay then, Howard and Owen, one of you blond boys is going home," Chris said, waving the last trophy tauntingly at them.

"Come on, Owen," Alfred chanted. "Come on, dude!"

"Don't send Howard home just yet," Crystal whimpered. "That is, if he _is_ planning on being honorable!"

"And the final trophy for the zombie virtual reality challenge is..."

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"Howard!"

The thinner blond gasped, then his trophy hit him in the forehead. After crying out in pain, he stood to his feet and pumped his fists into the air with a triumphant cheer.

"What?" Izzy gasped.

"What?!" Alfred exclaimed.

"_What?!_" Valerie shrieked. "No, this can't be! This can't... it's not possible."

"Oh Valerie," Owen said, going over to the politician teenager, "I didn't know you cared so much about me already! I'm gonna miss you too!"

He hugged her and kissed her cheek, and she squirmed in his grasp, crying out in disgust. "Eww, yuck! Stop kissing me, you smelly... bleah!"

Owen then put her down to hug Izzy. "Sorry I don't get to help hook you up."

"I'll miss you, buddy," she said, patting his back. "But hey, there's a couple single girls on that bus, go work some of that charm I know you do have, just watch your manners!"

"Will do!"

Owen then hugged his other friends, including Alfred, Cody, and Zachary. The last one surprised everyone when he exchanged a fist bump as well.

"You weren't too bad, big white guy," Zachary said, a little emotion in his voice. "Take care, my brother."

"You too, brother!"

Alfred was openly crying, but that was cut off when Duncan's Punk Bus of Losers scraped alongside the platform, causing Duncan to scream in terror.

"You just ruined all my spray paint decals," he screamed at Jasmine when she opened the door. "Where'd you learn to drive?"

"Sorry!"

"Well dude, if she couldn't drive," Owen asked him, "why you'd ask her to do it?"

"Dude, I managed to get to Courtney with second base tonight, it beats driving the bus any d-"

"DUNCAN," Courtney shrieked, crossing her arms over her chest. "Shut up!"

"Aww," Crystal crooned, beaming at her. "Is that why you wanted Cody and I to leave the room for a couple hours? How romantic, a love affair!"

"Miss Courtney," Rodney asked, looking up innocently at Courtney, "what's second base?"

As Courtney stammered in humiliation, Duncan and Owen exchanged a fist bump before getting on the bus. "Woohoo," Owen exclaimed from inside the bus. "I could get to second base on this bus!"

"Owen," Izzy shouted after him. "Manners!"

But her cries were unheard as the bus doors closed, and they could hear Sandra's protests as Owen approached her. Jasmine and Daisy's laughter could be heard as well as Duncan tore out of the stadium.

"I really didn't want him to get voted off," Izzy admitted to Bridgette and Geoff. "Man, what an awful day for him!"

"I cannot _believe_ he kissed me," Valerie shouted, rubbing her cheek. "Get some hot water, get some disinfectant, get some iodine!"

"I'm gonna miss that big guy," Tyler said.

"Hey," Howard protested. "Isn't anyone happy _I'm_ staying?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Bye bye, big guy!)**

** Crystal** - \dreamy\ "Hmm, romantic interlude with your boyfriend in your room. I cannot think of anything more sweet... except for the fact that he announced to everyone what they had done. Duncan can be a bit of a wanker at times."

**Rodney** - "So... what is second base? Were Courtney and Duncan playing baseball?"

**Sadie** - "Um, I really, really, like _really_ don't want to sound mean, but I'm quite glad Owen went. Because I can, you know, actually breathe in our room! Sakaki and Rodney are both able to inhale deeply in our room! You don't respect air until you've shared a room with Owen, no wonder Izzy dumped him!"

**Ezekiel** - "Wait, Izzy and Owen broke up? That's terrible, eh! I feel so soo'ry fur both of them!"

**Heather** - "When I saw that Ezekiel was going to kill every zombie in the VR campaign to avenge me, I was actually quite... moved." \She smiles and puts a hand over her heart.\ "This may be the geekiest, nerdiest, weirdest, and strangest thing I've ever admitted, but the fact that he wanted to avenge me was really, really romantic!"

**Colin** - "Man, they voted off the big fat guy who doesn't mind so much when you call him a big fat guy. I prefer people who don't get agitated when you insult them as personally as possible; seriously, why can't people take a joke?"

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium)**

"So that's how it happened, really," Izzy summed it up to Bridgette and Ezekiel. "Though probably not as many grenades as I mentioned before-"

"Where'd you get _any_ grenades, eh?" Ezekiel asked.

"I'm really sorry, Izzy," Bridgette said, patting her shoulder. "But maybe it was for the best? Owen was really nice, but I could tell you weren't so happy these days with him."

"Hey, you're not so happy with Geoff," the redhead pointed out cheerfully. "Maybe you should break up with him and go on the prowl together!"

Bridgette gaped, then looked away. "Well, Geoff and I are just having a disagreement right now. He wants to move our relationship ahead more, but I think we really don't need to."

Ezekiel swallowed nervously. "Is... is he asking fur... fur..."

"No, not that," Bridgette said. "But lately, with him talking about marriage, I'm worried, is all."

"Well, whether or not you break up with him, I'm enlisting you two in helping get me paired up," Izzy gleefully declared, patting both of them on the back. "So don't let me down!"

"Excuse me, ladies."

The three looked to see Heather standing nearby, eyeing Izzy suspiciously. "Um, if it's all right, may I borrow Ezekiel for a minute?"

"Sure," Izzy shouted, pushing Ezekiel towards his girlfriend. "Say, Heather? I made your bed again!"

"Um, thanks, but wasn't it made this morning?"

"I trashed it a little in my outrage of being eliminated from the challenge so soon."

Heather shuddered at what Izzy considered "a little," but decided to let it go. Hooking her arm around Ezekiel's, the two headed off.

Bridgette and Izzy stood there in silence for a few seconds, then noticed Belinda and Howard walk by. Then Gwen walked by, casually waving at the two. Then Joel and Hannah walked by together, the latter with a Bible in her hands. Then Katie, shoving Noah forward, waved at them as she pushed by.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Look at all the interaction!)**

** Gwen** - "I figured that I owed Harold a bit of an apology. I know I'm kind of harsh when mad, and most people know that... but I'm not normally this mad. Or I guess most think I am, being the angry, goth girl." \She bitterly rolls her eyes.\

**Hannah** - \holding the Holy Bible in her hands\ "Ezekiel let me borrow his Bible since Chris won't give me mine back! Isn't he the sweetest thing?"

**Joel** - "I always did like Ezekiel and Heather, even though the latter needed a bit of an attitude adjustment. She got that with Ezekiel, and now the two are really sweet together. Heather is great, but it's hard to focus on her when I've got Hannah to talk to!" \He chuckles and sheepishly scratches the back of his head.\

**Belinda** - "Trust me when I say that I know Howard's intentions were honorable, but _hopeful_. Any boy that hormonal has plans, but hopes attached to them; he'd be perfectly cool with any positive reaction, but he'd be most happy with second base with me."

**Katie** - "It's now or never to get Noah in that room. He cannot be comfortable in that closet, and I don't like a crabby boyfriend!"

**Bridgette** - \smiling\ "Even though there was a sad breakup and lots of horrible violence, I could sense that today ended really well."

* * *

"So what do you think?"

Belinda and Howard were on a balcony, high up at the top of Maclean Stadium. The view encompassed all of the stands, and a great view of the arena in the middle. Vera the Virtual Reality machine was resting down there, and Belinda could vaguely make out two figures using it, but couldn't tell who they were.

"Gorgeous view," she said simply, brushing her blond bangs away.

"Yes, yes it is."

He was staring at her as the wind fluttered her hair, something she didn't miss. She offered him a smile in thanks, and looked back down at the stadium. "You wonder how much longer we'll last in this competition?"

"You going to tell me, Foresight?"

"No, all I know is that I won't win. Maybe come close, but not win."

"Aw, c'mon, you so can win! Why wouldn't you?"

"Because when this competition becomes a free-for-all, eventually the others will think that the girl who's perceptive will be a major threat, and get me kicked out on my butt."

"A very cute butt to kick off, they should be ashamed."

"Not really the best compliment to pay a girl there, smooth."

Howard shrugged, chuckling. "Hey, I only pay compliments that are true, because the truth isn't supposed to be flattering, just truthful."

"Is that so?"

"It's quite truthful that you have gorgeous eyes, beautiful hair, a sexy smile, good boobs, cute butt, and a darn fine personality to match it all."

Belinda raised an eyebrow. " 'Good boobs'?"

"I couldn't think of a fitting adjective without sounding too forward."

"I think complimenting my boobs is forward enough."

She leaned on the side of the balcony, looking out over the stadium again. Howard saw the wistful look in her eyes, and asked, "Something wrong?"

"Nothing really wrong, just that I am hopeful this show won't be too painful. Owen and Izzy broke up, and I have to admit, I didn't see that coming."

"You seem depressed, I didn't think you cared much about them."

"It's more the sense that a couple has broken up, and it makes me worry about other relationships, lovers and friends. I don't like being around arguments and fights, they upset me."

Howard watched her as she spoke, then said, "You're a little like my sister, Jessica. She freezes up when people fight around her, she cannot stand it."

"In addition to being very political and opinionated, I am also someone who would prefer to never see a fight. I still don't know why I signed up for this show at times."

"Your uncertainty makes me a little nervous, Foresight."

She managed to smile at him as she said, "Keep the faith, Howard. After all, you need it when courting a girl."

* * *

The knocking on Room 6 was answered by Harold, the only member of the room currently in there. Gwen was a little startled to see him so quickly, and stammered a little.

"Harold, um... hi! How are you?"

"Good, thank you, m'lady."

She raised an eyebrow at this; she always found it a little weird when he called women that. "Um, okay. Is... wait, are you alone in there?"

"Howard, Izzy, and Heather are all doing something, and none made it clear if they'd even come back to this room tonight. Suits me fine, but why," he asked, raising an eyebrow back at her, "are you asking me if I'm alone?"

"Um, it's because-"

"I have to warn you, my heart is with Leshawna, and Leshawna alone."

She scoffed, then shook a finger at him. "And if you hurt her, I'll be hurting you, got that?"

"You have my word that I'll never hurt my Chocolate Goddess," he said, smiling and giving the Possum Scout salute.

"Good. Now I wanted to apologize to you about today's challenge."

Harold stared at her as she rubbed her arm, trying to think of what to say; she had forgotten to plan out any speeches. "Yeah, about the zombie challenge," she continued, "I wanted to say-"

"Oh, it's no problem, I didn't take it personal."

She gawked at him. "R-really?"

"Yes. It wasn't your fault you blew me away with a shotgun. I'm not petty, and going to hold someone's accident against them. You were hit by a zombie, and the shot went awry."

"Well, that wasn't exactly what I was going to apologize for-"

"It's fine, Gwen, it really is," he said, smiling at her. "An accident is an accident, and I especially don't want to make Leshawna's closest friend upset."

"You... you didn't do anything."

"Cool. Well, I have an excellent fantasy novel to continue, and I need to clean this room before I get to, so I bid thee good night, m'lady."

"Um, good night to you too."

Harold closed his door, and Gwen walked away, astonished at how easy that had been. "_He sure does talk funny,_" she thought, then smiled, "_but I can see why Leshawna is interested in him, because that's one guy who treats his girlfriend like royalty, like she's the best girl in the world._

"_Wonder if Trent will forgive me if I apologize for being so distant,_" she thought grimly. "_Oh, better not, I don't know if I can get off this bad mood anytime soon... stupid show._"

* * *

"So are you crushing on that Alfred boy?" Leshawna asked Mandy.

"No! Of course not! Crushing is pointless, as we'll all be the mortal meals of Ithaqua," Mandy hissed. "He's just a friend."

"But I thought you were dating Miley?" **[1]** Lindsay said, cocking her head to the side.

"Who the hells is Miley? Is that one of the girls? How many times do I have to say it, I'm not interested in girls!"

Leshawna raised a dubious eyebrow at her, which made Mandy seethe more. "Look, I'll prove it!"

Mandy stomped over to Lindsay and gripped the blond's breasts. Squeaking in surprise, Lindsay watched in shock as Mandy squeezed her.

"See? See if I was enjoying this," Mandy shouted at a very surprised Leshawna, "I would be gay! But I'm not!"

"So why ain't you stopping?" Leshawna asked.

"Well, um," Mandy stammered, "I... say, Lindsay, what kind of bra do you use? This one feels really comfy!"

"Oh, you know that one they made recently called Rounded Support? It's supposed to be for big girls, but I really like it because it's more comfortable than bras for girls like me who just have big chests."

"You use that to? So do I," Leshawna said, proudly cupping her breasts. "No back pains, and it's soft on the skin. Dang, maybe we can go shopping together next time we get a break-"

The door opened, and Katie pushed Noah into the room. The two looked and saw that Mandy was squeezing Lindsay's breasts, and Leshawna was cupping her own. Noah took one look at this and started to head out.

"No," Katie protested, grabbing his vest and pulling him back; the girls all stopped their fondling as she kept him in the room. "No, you aren't sleeping in the closet any more!"

"Katie, I am not going to be in here! Did you see what they were doing?"

"Just checking out bra kinds," Lindsay said innocently. "C'mon, Nathan, please stay here? I feel guilty that you are sleeping in the closet."

"Me too. You should feel comfortable with us," Leshawna added. "We aren't bad girls."

"Well, they ain't, but I swear by Yog-Sothoth that I'll be nice," Mandy said with a cheerful smile.

"You see?" Katie said to Noah, "these are nice girls, they're also my friends!"

"Katie-"

"I don't wanna hear protests! You're going to sleep with these three, and that's final!"

Noah blinked. "Um, yeah, interesting way of putting it, Katie."

"I want to hear tomorrow that you slept with all three of them, or I'm gonna be, like, so mad at you!"

"Do I have to get a review from them each?" he asked sarcastically.

"Now be nice and stay here," Katie said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "I mean it, I'll come breaking down the closet door if I catch you in there!"

She left, and Noah waited a minute before chuckling to himself. "Yeah, her break down the door. She has trouble opening these doors on their own... and sometimes her bottled water."

Leshawna chuckled, then half-pushed Noah towards his bed, which he had not slept in once. "Now you get in that bed and you sleep, mister."

"Fine, fine."

"And tomorrow morning," Lindsay said cheerfully, "you can help us compare bras for comfort!"

Noah wasn't sure if he was extremely lucky or very unfortunate. All he knew was that he couldn't escape to the janitor's closet to confess his feelings, because Mandy was at the door, holding her dagger and cleaning her nails with it.

* * *

Ezekiel looked in the room Heather had led him to. It seemed like all the other rooms, just no luggage or personal belongings like all the others. "What's this all a'boot, eh?" he asked his girlfriend.

"Well see, they had more rooms than just the eleven we are all living in," Heather explained. "I found them when I was looking for a way to escape living with Izzy, but I don't think she's after my head, what with making my bed and all."

"Told you she could be really nice," Ezekiel said. "Shame a'boot her breakup, eh."

"Well, I'm sorry, but I never really thought Owen was a good catch. I spent way too much time with him during Total Drama Island, some of which I'll never forget no matter how hard I try."

Ezekiel nodded, then noticed Heather was closing and locking the door. "Um, Heather? What are you do-"

She cut him off by wrapping her arms around his waist and pulling him close. "You know, Ezekiel, I just loved how you were so dedicated to avenging me against those zombies."

"Um, well, you knoo' I woo'dent stand by after such a horrible tragedy."

Heather chuckled, then pulled him closer. "You know, Ezekiel, I love it when you stand up for me. You have no idea how much I appreciate it, since I doubt anyone else would ever do that."

She kissed him, then yanked him over to one of the beds, startling him with her forwardness and strength. When she pinned him down, she continued to kiss him and nuzzle his neck.

"It's been a long time since we did this, and we had to keep it quiet so that your parents wouldn't hear us making out," she purred, staring into this brown eyes of his. Stroking his face, she added, "You are just the sweetest thing ever."

"Thank you, eh."

"Best thing that ever happened to me. Don't ever change, Ezekiel Miller."

"I promise I won't, Heather Kasuga."

Wrapping their arms around each other, they began to kiss passionately. It carried on until they fell asleep, snuggled in each other's arms.

Izzy lay on her bed, wondering if she had done the right thing with Owen. She tossed and turned, trying to reenact the scenario (sometimes getting ninjas, the RCMP, tear gas, donuts, and/or leprechauns involved).

Owen was on Duncan's Punk Bus of Losers, hitting on Sandra. She was trying to get him to get away from her, throwing sticks of gum and shouting, "Get it, boy, go get it,"; however, Owen would eat them, wrapper and all, and go right back to her. Daisy, Jasmine, and Duncan found this to be rather humorous, and wondered if Owen had a thing for redheads.

* * *

**(Voting Confessions)**

** Howard** - "So far in this show, three hot chicks have been voted off, and that's just wrong. So I'll be a gentleman for the hot chicks and vote off Owen, because dude, seriously, so uncool pushing Izzy down the stairs! How could you treat a woman like that?"

**Justin** - "I am not being sidetracked! I'm voting for Zachary, because he's a jerk to my girlfriend, and I don't believe for a second he's going to try and help us!"

**Sakaki** - "Um, I really don't want to be mean and all, but Owen is..." \she nervously pokes her fingers together\ "... he's very, very hard to live with. He's nice and all, but every time I go into our room, it smells... unbelievably awful. I've been trying all kinds of room fresheners, but they actually wither up or fail when they get in our room!"

**Valerie** - "Howard is useless, a flirt and a so-called player. So he'll be the first target of my new alliance. How can it fail, we have three people voting for him?"

** Yoshi** - \glaring at the camera\ "Zachary."

**Zachary** - "With Owen on our side, we are gonna rule the votings! I vote for Howard, which is fine and all, didn't really like him to begin with!"

**Trent** - \scratching the back of his head\ "You know, it's hard for me to pick one of the new people, it's rather soon to judge. So if I just go by the old contestants, I gotta say Owen. His personal smell reeks, and seriously, Izzy didn't deserve that treatment."

**Sebastian** - "I've seen Sakaki and Sadie borrowing Carol's gas mask at times. I think it's time for me to vote for Owen, because seriously, if he cannot control such bodily outputs, he needs to see a doctor."

**Owen** - "Woohoo, an alliance! I remember the guys' alliance during TDI, that was fun! Like when we voted off Geoff's girlfriend, and..." \he starts to trail off\ "... and when we kicked off Geoff for being nice... you know, on second thought, that wasn't so much fun. Maybe this one will be better, and we're voting for Howard!"

**Izzy** - "Like I said, I'm not voting for Owen, he's still my friend. I'll vote for Justin, because my evil ex should still be watching his back. Like, he should get eyes surgically attached on his back so he can watch from behind at all times, cut out eye holes in his shirt. That's the only way to stay safe from Izzy!"

* * *

**Votes**:

**Howard** - Owen.

**Justin** - Zachary.

**Sakaki** - Owen.

**Valerie** - Howard.

**Yoshi** - Zachary.

**Zachary** - Howard.

**Trent** - Owen.

**Sebastian** - Owen.

**Owen** - Howard.

**Izzy** - Justin.

--

Owen - 4

Howard - 3

Zachary - 2

Justin - 1

--

**Voted Off** - Sandra, Duncan, Jasmine, Daisy, Owen.

* * *

**[1]** - Lindsay is calling Hannah "Miley" because she cannot remember which one she's supposed to be when she's blond. \wink, wink\

For all the Owen/Izzy fans out there, do not lose faith! This story is far from over, and nothing is final; I will at least give you the benefit of the doubt here, in saying that this may not be permanent.

--

**Next Up -** Two lucky fans interview the losers of TDB!


	20. Bus of Losers 1: CoHosts of Chaos

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. Interviewing losers should also be done by professionals, as you're likely to be smacked.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - Hope you all had some good holidays. Just remember that Christmas comes just once a year, so for a few more days, for crying out loud, can we all just get along?

New poll in my profile, and such. There will be a new poll starting the next challenge. And the winners for weapons against the zombie horde are Chain Saw, Anything I Can Get My Hands On, and Katana Blade! Awesomeness.

* * *

**Chapter 20** - First Five Failures

* * *

--

--

--

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - The setup for the buildup!)**

** Chris Maclean** - "Welcome, faithful viewers of Total Drama Battlegrounds! We have a special for you all, something that you all love! I don't know why, personally, but this is what some people like: interviews with those voted off these show! Seriously, why do you want to know what the losers think?

"Well, either way, we have two people to conduct these interviews, and boy, are these two fans the most lucky beings on the planet, because we picked them out of thousands of choices! You see, we had a raffle, because we couldn't get someone else to do it."

**Chef Hatchet** - "_I_ wanted to do it!!"

**Groucho the Duck** - \cocking his magnum revolver\ "Discrimination against ducks, I'm telling you!"

** Chris Maclean** - "So now it's time to announce our first interviews with the losers, not worthy of a title because it's just the losers." \He laughs.\ "Our handsome friend and hyper fan-girl who will be asking the questions are ready on the Bus of Losers!"

* * *

**(Duncan's Bus of Losers)**

The young man was straightening his red shirt and hair, with the kind of precision one would expect from Justin. Muttering a couple words in Spanish under his breath, trying to keep himself calm, he was almost knocked over by the other host and her fluttering, purple ponytail.

"Um, hello there," he said as he addressed the camera. "Welcome to the first interview with the losers of Total Drama Battlegrounds. My name is Alejandro, and-"

A happy squeal cut him off, and he was attacked from behind by the overly excited girl. "I'm on TV," she squealed in joy. "I made it on TDB, and I'm on TV!"

"Yes yes, I'm very happy for you," Alejandro grumbled. "Everyone, I'm your host, and this is my co-host, Kathie."

"Um, it's Sierra, actually," the girl said as she climbed down off of Alejandro.

The handsome boy blinked in surprise, then looked at a note card in his hand. Grumbling to himself, he pulled a pen from his pocket and made a quick correction. "Sorry, Sierra, I don't know how such a mistake could have happened."

"Kind of silly that I'd be called Kathie, that's one letter away from another Total Drama contestant," Sierra said with a happy giggle.

"Indeed, that would cause some confusion. Now then, about our show-"

"People would mistake me for Sadie," she exclaimed, continuing to giggle.

Alejandro stood there, perplexed by this. Sierra continued to giggle nonstop, clutching her bare sides under her yellow halter top. The male host sighed, and corrected his undershirt to get the attention back to him.

"Well anyway, we're here because we won the TDB Host Raffle contest," he explained to the camera. "I myself actually have a connection in TDB, as Justin and I have been doing many model jobs in the past beforehand."

Sierra cheered. "Can you get me an autograph?"

"Later, honey," he said, poking her nose in playfulness; she giggled and leapt in the air. Her breasts jiggled from the motion, and Alejandro found himself slightly distracted; no matter the attitude, he was still a teenaged boy.

"Um, well," he stammered as he looked back at the camera. "It's time for us to interview the losers on Duncan's Boobs of Losers. GAH! I mean Duncan's Bus of Boobers! ACK!"

Sierra tapped her finger on her lips, squinting in confusion. "Is that Spanish you're speaking? You said you were Spanish, and I took a little Spanish last year in high school."

"Come this way, Sierra," Alejandro said suddenly, yanking Sierra to the back of the bus.

* * *

**(Bus's Bathroom - Our first appearance, woohoo!)**

** Alejandro** - "Here on Duncan's Bus of Losers, we have our own confessional: the bus's bathroom! Here, us two hosts and any ex-contestants who need to vent some hatred can do here! This will be a lot of fun, I can feel it!"

\He laughs proudly, and gives a very handsome smile to the camera. All women with hormones should consider looking away for a minute, lest you fall in and loose yourself.\

**Sierra** - "Woohoo! I am so happy to be here!" \She's leaping up and down in joy.\ "I love Total Drama, and I tried so hard to get in! They didn't let me in Total Drama Battlegrounds, which is actually cool, because this way, I can meet all the people of TD and not have to compete!"

**Groucho and Chico the Animals** - **Groucho** - "Now remember, we're here for recon, not to get in any trouble!"

**Chico** - "haha! im en ur buss bathrum, wastin al teh teepee"

**Groucho** - \He face-palms with his wing.\

* * *

"So, Alejandro," Sierra turned to her co-host, "who will be our first interviewee?"

"I think, my fine friend, that we should interview the one who runs the bus," he said, approaching the front. "Duncan!"

The punk, at the wheel, barely looked at Alejandro, but when his eyes fell on Sierra, more specifically her purple hair, he was distracted from the road. "Whoa, hello there," he said, grinning slyly now. "Didn't get a good look at you when you came on, but I recognized the purple!"

Sierra burst into giggles, as Alejandro rolled his eyes. "So Duncan," he said, smiling for the camera first, "do you enjoy this bus gig more than being on the show?"

"I don't know, to be honest," Duncan admitted, shrugging his shoulders. "Sure, it's cool having a section of the show to myself and constant appearances, but this show isn't like the last two! It's half-virtual reality, half-races!"

"They had to fight zombies last time," Sierra pointed out. "That didn't look like much fun."

"Are you kidding? I'm a bit of a zombie movie fan, I love gore," the punk exclaimed. "My princess is out there, kicking cans left and right, and I'm stuck driving a bus!"

"You have three girls on this bus too," said Alejandro.

"True, dude, and it looks like one more."

Duncan winked at Sierra, and her tan face became a dark red in a second. She started to quiver, then let out a happy scream that startled everyone on the bus. "DUNCAN WINKED AT ME! ME!!!"

She ran down the middle of the bus, leaping and whooping in delight, cackling like a fan ready to burst with joy. Alejandro straightened out his hair, trying to make sure he looked his best, then turned to Duncan.

"So how do you feel that Harold gets to stay while you go?" he asked.

Duncan almost flinched. Alejandro's voice had become very sly and serious, like if he really wanted to know, and wanted to encourage Duncan to do something. It unnerved the punk, not to mention the question...

"Well," Duncan grumbled, gripping the steering wheel tighter, "I don't like being voted off, I don't like how people act like I'm responsible for what happened last season, and I certainly don't like him!"

He punched the steering well, and sighed. "At least Courtney is fine."

"Is she?"

Duncan looked at Alejandro again, thrown off by this comment. "What the hell does that mean?"

"Well, you got voted off because of what happened last season, so she might too. But that might be best for you."

"And what does _that_ comment mean, pretty boy?"

"Well, as you know, Izzy and Owen have broken up. Aren't you worried more couples might break up this season too?"

"Courtney wouldn't break up with me!"

"Except that she barely recognizes your relationship, true?"

Duncan seethed and gripped the steering wheel hard.

* * *

**(Bus's Bathroom - Hi, mom! Hi, dad!)**

** Alejandro** - \with a sly smirk\ "It's simple, ready. Chris wanted me to ask the hard questions, the ones that would really get emotions going. Make Duncan question Courtney's faithfulness, that kind of stuff. So long as that purple haired ditz isn't around, or if she's just as vapid as I know she is, I can really get this bus rocking, and earn a big fat paycheck!"

**Sierra** - \panting in excitement\ "Oh man... he winked at me! I think I'm gonna faint..." \She waves her hand in front of her face.\ "I hope someone out there has a brown paper bag or something, I'm breathing kind of fast!"

**Groucho and Chico the Animals** - **Groucho** - "Hmm, that Sierra girl seems to have fighting rage."

**Chico** - "wut? she iz nut fyting"

**Groucho** - "Well then, it's more like a 'fangas'-"

**Chico** - \cutting him off suddenly\ "did u see Alejandro's butt? boy, that iz tyght en hiz jeanz, must dryv da gurls crayzee!"

**Groucho** - "I'm a duck, why would I look at a human's butt!?"

* * *

Sandra was looking at it, because she had the hormones of the right species. Alejandro's jeans were tight, showing off his features very well. The popular girl licked her lips as she studied Alejandro from behind, batting her eyes. She had picked a target.

Currently, Alejandro and Duncan were still talking, and now on lighter terms. Duncan laughed at a joke the host told, and smirked in delight. "Haven't heard a good PG-13 rated joke since we had to drop off Daisy at the hospital, dude."

"We are going to swing by there to interview her last, right?"

"Of course, even if I have to use the emergency lane," Duncan said, grinning wickedly. "Then again, I don't know if they'd believe there is a bus full of emergencies."

"Well, Owen is on board, we could all be dying of inhaling toxic fumes."

As they chuckled, a buzzing noise caught their attention. The buzzing became louder until the two couldn't ignore it anymore, and looked back into the bus to see what it was.

Sierra and Jasmine were talking, and by talking we mean words were coming out so fast that we'd need Matrix-styled slow-motion in order to understand them. It was getting to the point that the others' ears were starting to hurt.

"Hey Kathie," Alejandro exclaimed, hurrying over to his co-host.

"Sierra, hon," she corrected him, giving him a smile before turning back to Jasmine. "You wouldn't believe how much Jasmine has learned about the contestants!"

"Well, I knew Leshawna practically all my life, and I'm really good at reading people," Jasmine bragged. "See, as an actress, I've developed a good sense of character study."

Alejandro raised an eyebrow at this when Sierra nodded a great many times. The actress continued to say, "I also talked to Katie a lot when we were in the same room, and thus I learned all about Sadie and Noah."

"There was also you and Howard hanging out a lot," Sierra mentioned, nudging her.

Jasmine waved her hand, smiling lightheartedly. "Oh, we're just friends, he just wanted some advice on courting Belinda."

"You think it'll work out between them?"

"Hard to say, I wasn't there long enough to give a lot of advice, but I bet he can do well. He's handsome and smooth, just needs to know not to put on an act, be completely himself."

Alejandro listened to all this, drumming his fingers on his arms. "Really? You support relationships and such?"

"Of course!"

"I thought you hated Harold dating Leshawna?"

Jasmine looked like someone had struck her, then snarled. "I hate that boy! What nerve does he have to think he's good enough for Leshawna?"

She threw her hands up in frustration, and Sierra inched away from her fury. "C'mon, back me up here! Is Harold right for Leshawna? What do they have in common?"

"I think you're right, chica," Alejandro commented, smiling at her. "I always thought they were a mismatched pair."

"Thank you, handsome man!"

"Alejandro."

"Yeah, it'll take forever for me to memorize that," Jasmine admitted. "My point is, I hope they break up like Owen and Izzy!"

Loud crying came from the back, as one of those in the broken relationship overheard this. Sierra looked between the sobbing Owen and the outspoken Jasmine, and swallowed her fears to speak up. "You know, when watching the show, I always thought Harold and Leshawna were kind of cute-"

"WHAT?!" Jasmine and Alejandro exclaimed, startling Sierra so bad that she fell out of her chair.

* * *

**(Bus's Bathroom - Three cameos already! Hollywood, here we come!)**

** Sierra** - \nervously poking her fingers together\ "Okay, I am a huge supporter of all the official pairings, I think they're all so cute. Though I have written fanfiction of fanon couples, you know, the ones who aren't hooked up. I think that's why they picked me for this job, because I'm such an obsessed fan..." \She grins and sticks out her chest proudly.\ "And I am _not_ ashamed to admit it!"

**Alejandro** - "Sierra is making this job too easy. She's not going to get the ratings if she's nice and chatty, but I will. Sure, I don't always need to be wicked, but it's almost a force of habit. My good looks have given me a permanent pass to people being slightly irked with me, so I can really stir the drama up!

"You know, Justin used to be like this, until he got himself a girlfriend. Shame, really."

**Duncan** - "I really don't get that Alejandro guy. It's almost like he's provoking me, but he is right. Princess, you'd better not fool around with any other guys while I'm gone, because next time I come back, I want you to recognize our relationship!"

**Jasmine** - \reading a Shakespeare play\ "I'm doing a little reviewing, because it turns out my Shakespeare was a little rusty. Now I feel so stupid, I was quoting him all wrong! Even _Harold_ gets 'To be or not to be,' and if it were up to me, he wouldn't be being."

* * *

"So Owen," Sierra said as she sat down next to the large teenager, "I know you're very upset and all-"

Owen was downing a bag of chips, flecks of them spraying all over the place. Sierra tried to ignore the ones landing on her, but soon she was inching away from him. "Um," she said, giggling nervously, "can you give us your words on the breakup, please?"

"Izzy," Owen wailed. "Oh why? Why did you break up with me-eeeeeee?"

"Well honey," Sierra said, putting a hand on his shoulder, "you see, Izzy was concerned about your manners and such. You're a nice guy, you just really have to watch what you do around a girl-"

"Could be she likes another guy," Alejandro, standing nearby, added.

Owen gasped, saliva-coated chips falling from his open mouth. "She... she does?"

"Did break up with you very soon into the game, maybe she has a thing for one of the new guys," he explained, shrugging his shoulders. "Could also be that one guy she's friends with."

"Ezekiel?"

"Oh c'mon on now," Sierra said to Alejandro in a gently chastising manner, "Ezekiel and Izzy are friends, and what's more, he's taken-"

Owen let out a heartbroken howl, gripping a startled Sierra's hands in his grief. "Izzy wants Ezekiel and not me-eeeeeeee!"

He blubbered some more, whimpering, then brought his hand in and started sucking on a thumb. Only it wasn't his own.

"Um, Owen sweetie?" Sierra asked, her voice a little shaky with how weird it felt for the blubbering Owen to be sucking on her thumb. "Can I have my... um... please... oh dear."

As she tried to handle the very odd situation, Alejandro approached Sandra, who immediately when into her "hello, baby" attitude she had perfected in high school.

"So handsome, nice to see a real man around here," she said, coyly playing with one of her red bangs. "Between the wailing fat boy back there and the criminal driving a bus, I've been starved, you know?"

"Must have been hell for you," Alejandro said, taking the seat next to her and adopting his sly smile for her. She grinned right back to show her appreciation.

"I suppose you're going to ask me how I feel about being voted off first?"

"If that's okay with you."

"It's obvious, they were intimidated by me, and not just those losers who voted me off," she explained. "See, I figured some of the others, like that skank Anita, encouraged the others to vote for me. Why would an emo vote for a popular girl unless he was asked to?"

"I'm afraid I don't know much about emos."

"They're like the opposite of popularity, so they would look upon their opposites with jealousy and respect," Sandra said as she stuck some gum in her mouth. "See, that's what popularity is about, and girls like Heather have forgotten that."

"So you think Heather has forgotten who she is?"

"She, like, so has. If I was still there, I'd get her off that dork Ezekiel, get her back into that incredible schemer that she was, and we would have rocked this contest."

Alejandro nodded, stroking his chin. "You're quite the clever girl, Sandra."

"Thank you, handsome. But don't worry, you haven't seen the last of me in that contest."

"What do you mean?"

"Duncan and I have snuck back on, remember? So I'm gonna go back the next time I can, and then I'm going to have a talk with some of the contestants. Even if I cannot win, this show will still be mine."

She grinned a grin of pure evil, and Alejandro gave her an approving smile. "Well, I cannot wait to see you work your magic, Sandra."

"Will someone help me get Owen off my thumb?" Sierra wailed in desperation.

* * *

**(Bus's Bathroom - And we already got hot gossip!)**

** Alejandro** - "Too easy, way too easy. Duncan's suspicious of his woman, Sandra's scheming again, Jasmine is furious over Harold, and Owen is crying like a baby. Can I get this drama flowing or what?"

**Sierra** - \wiping off her thumb with paper towels\ "Eww, that Owen. I don't mean to sound mean, but it's not wonder Izzy broke up with him! ... Wait, that was mean, I'm sorry Owen! See, if he were a guy I liked, I wouldn't mind him sucking on my thumb. Like if it were..." \She blushes and grins shyly.\ "Hee hee... Cody."

**Sandra** - \snapping her gum\ "Some say the real show is run behind the camera. If so, then I'm going to be making this show all mine."

**Owen** - "Whenever I get upset, I eat. Or suck my thumb. Or eat while sucking my thumb, and then injure my thumb and get upset over that. Misery is a vicious cycle.

"But man, that Sierra girl is really nice, and I love that purple hair that reminds me of taffy! Do you think she's seeing anyone?"

* * *

The Duncan Bus of Losers arrived at the hospital, though it took a little while for them to find a parking space. When they arrived, no one noticed Groucho the Duck or Chico the Raccoon scurry in undetected.

Upon arriving in Daisy's room, the lacrosse player was busy watching TV. Her leg was suspended slightly, a few signatures already on it. She looked around at her guests, and raised a curious eyebrow.

"Hello, and...," she said, looking between Alejandro and Sierra in the small crowd, "who are you?"

"Hi, I'm Alejandro, and this is Kathie," the handsome teenager introduced them.

Sierra was too excited to care about the wrong introduction, and had already hurried over to Daisy's bed. "OMG," she exclaimed each letter. "I've been waiting to meet you for, like, forever, Daisy! I'm so excited, I'm gonna puke... or scream!"

Luckily, she chose the latter, and let a shriek of joy that rattled Daisy's eardrums. As she covered her ears, Duncan approached her injured leg. He pulled out his switchblade, and said, "Hey Daisy, doing okay here?"

"Yeah, I am," she replied, looking at Alejandro, who was now flirting with her nurse. "People here are nice, and all, but I... um..."

Duncan was now studying her cast, and started carving into it lightly. "Um, what are you doing, crazy boy?" she asked, getting nervous.

"Just carving my name in your cast for good luck."

"Can't you just sign it?!"

"Nah, this way is more special. Don't worry, I haven't hurt anyone doing this yet. Well, once, but..."

As he continued to carve his name into her cast, making her shrink up in fear, she heard the TV changing channels. Sandra had nabbed the remote and was flipping through channels. "You don't mind if I watch one of my shows? No? Thanks," she requested, all of it in one breath. "I've missed so many of them, and I need to see what's been happening in my absence."

Daisy face-palmed, then heard the sound of someone eating nearby. She peered between two fingers to see Owen was eating her dinner. He saw her looking at him, and muttered between bites, "Sorry, I eat when I'm upset! Izzy broke up with me, you know."

She had no way of replying, because she'd have to shout over Jasmine's nonstop talking. The actress was gabbing on about the show Sandra had settled on, commenting on all the gossip she'd heard about the performers, and herself. "See, if I were Brittany in that show, I'd try to add a little more joy in being her, because you see, although she's sad, there are good sides to this kind of misery, and since I'm normally a happy person too, it'd be easy for me..."

Groucho and Chico came running into the room, the duck chasing the raccoon. Chico had his little arms full of band-aids and gauze. "lolz, im in yur hospitalz," he exclaimed proudly, "steelin yur healy tings!"

"You cannot steal from medical buildings, you dishonorable raccoon," Groucho quacked furiously. "Didn't you ever watch MASH?"

Daisy's eye began to twitch. In about two minutes, her room was full with a screaming fangirl, a gabbing actress, a young man distracting her nurse, a criminal carving his name and now a skull into her leg cast, a loud duck and a raccoon in a chase, a guy eating her dinner, and a show she hated being watched by a girl she couldn't stand. Her fingers curled, wanting her lacrosse stick with her very much right now.

Alejandro, leaving the blushing and giggling nurse, walked over to Daisy. "Hello, Daisy," he said. "So, can we interview you now-"

"GET OUT OF MY HOSPITAL ROOM!!!"

* * *

** Thus concludes our first interviews with the losers! Wait until the next five losers are voted off for our second episode!**

**

* * *

**

**Next Up -** Race (?) #3: Train of Brain Pain.


	21. Ch 6, Pt 1: Railway to Heaven

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. Also, do not spray cheese whiz into your shoes, you'll never get the smell out.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - Seems the majority of you miss Daisy, which is awesome. Duncan also got a large amount of votes, which makes me wonder just how much more of that punk I'm going to have to add to saturate your incredible demands.

New poll up, thank you all for your continuous votes.

* * *

**Chapter 21** - The Subconscious Train of Fraught

* * *

--

--

--

**(Maclean Stadium, Cafeteria)**

"Seems we're not allowed to watch the show anymore," Sebastian said to DJ and Geoff. "People are gaining 'unfair' insight on their opponents."

"Does make the confessional seem kind of pointless if everyone here can see it," DJ added.

"Sha, dude, makes me wonder if making out with Bridgette in there was a bad idea," Geoff muttered.

As Sebastian and DJ gave him awkward stares, Bridgette flushed pink at another table. Trent, sitting next to her, looked at her curiously. "Did you really do that?"

"It was a spur of the moment," she admitted, turning brighter pink.

Ezekiel, also seated nearby, cocked his head in confusion. "I'm soo'ry, but I thought you two were having an argument a'boot the relationship."

"We're not fighting or anything, mostly because," she said, looking ashamed, "I haven't told him what's bothering me."

Trent patted her shoulder. "You just need to spend some time alone with him, let your feelings be known."

"With'oot making 'oot, eh," Ezekiel added, grinning at his friend.

She giggled, which alerted Geoff's attention. Seeing Trent's hand on his girlfriend's shoulder made him feel rather down.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Anyone miss us?)**

** Geoff** - "Look, I know Trent and Bridgette are legally siblings or something, but I'm still, kind of, well, maybe, just a, a tiny bit jealous of him. She hasn't spent a lot of time with me, aside from the super-hot make out session in here. Did kind of have a rude interruption..."

**Noah** - "And another thing! This is the confessional, not the 'make-out-ional'! I spend a lot of time in here ranting when I'm mad, and-"

**Alfred** - \knocking on door\ "Yeah, too much time, if you ask me!"

**Noah** - "Stop listening in on my semiprivate confessions, Alfred!"

* * *

As Bridgette, Trent, and Ezekiel continued to talk, Geoff headed over to sit next to Bridgette and wrap his arm around her waist. "Hey babe," he said, smiling at her. "Did you sleep well?"

"Oh, hi Geoff," she replied, rather awkwardly since she was just talking to Trent. "I was fine."

"That's good, good," he said, waving a little at Trent. "How about you, dude?"

"Kind of fine, yes," he replied, a little off-put by Geoff's forwardness.

Ezekiel waited for Geoff to ask him, but it never came; he watched the party animal nibble on Bridgette's ear, then politely looked away. Thus, he came to face-to-face with a grinning Tyler.

"Hey, buddy," the jock said, holding up his hand for a high-five. When Ezekiel gave it to him, he sat down next to the prairie boy. "Haven't seen much of my close friend during this season. How you doing?"

"Oh, fine, eh," Ezekiel replied. "Soo'ry I haven't bin in contact with you much so far, just bin a little frantic."

"Among other things," Tyler replied, wiggling his eyebrows at Ezekiel. When the prairie boy was confused, he continued, "I saw you sneaking off with a certain ravenhaired girl last night."

Immediately, the attention of all the other members of the table was on Ezekiel, who turned bright red and stared intensively at his breakfast. "Um, well," was his excuse.

"Come to think of it," Geoff said, rubbing his chin, "you never came back to our room last night, Home School."

Ezekiel swallowed and chewed on his bottom lip. "Err, that is," he explained to them.

"Out with Heather, no coming back to your room last night," Tyler said, beaming at his friend. "Our little Ezekiel has grown up!"

Bridgette drummed her fingers together, the conversation making her feel a little awkward; however, she knew she was nowhere near how embarrassed Ezekiel was.

"So c'mon dude," Geoff asked the prairie boy, "how far did you two go?"

"Geoff," Bridgette snapped, elbowing her boyfriend. "Don't ask that."

"Hey, Ezekiel man, it's okay, you're among the guys," Tyler said. "Oh, and Bridgette too, no offense."

"Well, if you must know," someone behind Tyler said, "we made out all night, and I paid special close attention to his neck, which is actually quite sensitive; he makes some really cute noises when turned on by nipping those parts."

Heather stood there, grinning slyly at the astonished table-mates. Ezekiel had slammed his forehead against the table, trying to cover his beet-red face. His girlfriend sat down next to him and said, "Well, if your friends are going to insist, I might as well throw the shock right back in their face."

Ezekiel only groaned in reply, as Geoff laughed. "Well, that answers that," he said. "Say, where'd you two do it?"

"That's our secret, so you can continue sucking face in the confessional," Heather instructed him.

Now Bridgette was blushing red as Geoff continued to laugh. She looked at Ezekiel, who had managed to look up again at Heather, and smile at her. The two were whispering something that she couldn't hear.

"Um, excuse me," Trent said, standing up. "I'm going to, uh, go find Gwen."

His glances at Heather spoke otherwise, but she didn't notice. Bridgette did, and waved her stepbrother good-bye as he left without saying anything else.

"Say, guys," Geoff said, "why don't we all head out tonight, do a double-date or something? Bridge and me, Heather and Zeke, it'll be fun."

Tyler scratched his head. "I think there's a challenge today."

"What? But we've been having them nonstop! Is Chris going to be so unrelenting as to not let us have a social life this time around?"

"Duh," Heather replied. "He's really been pushing challenges and trying to bring up tension, eh."

Tyler chuckled, and said, "You know, I never thought I'd say this, but it's pretty cool how you've got some of his accent now, Heather."

"I know, and I'll never forgive him for that," she said, beaming at her boyfriend.

She leaned in to kiss Ezekiel's cheek, and he sighed happily, wrapping an arm around her waist. Bridgette took this in with amazement.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - We weren't gone that long.)**

** Bridgette** - "Was that Heather? Heather, the conniving witch who tried to break people up, who schemes to hurt the vulnerable, who's been rude and insulting since day one, being all social and snuggly with Ezekiel?"

\She then grins.\ "Oh wow, he's really made her a better person. I don't know how, but he's influenced her with so much... manners, if that's how you say it! I gotta ask him to do some of that to Geoff."

**Trent** - "Okay, I'm not comfortable with Heather yet. She framed Cody after voting me off in TDC. Some could say that was Courtney's fault, but I still don't like her, at all."

**Tyler** - "My man, Ezekiel! You know, I still remember the first day of TDC, where we bonded on the Dock of Shame, and were talking to each other about the bummers of life and the show. He's my best friend here, so I'm really hoping we're on the same team!"

**Heather** - "I'm not normally revealing or that happy, you people got that? You think I'm out of character this morning, I'm sure some of those people at the table did, but I just had a night of passionate making out with my boyfriend. And... and..."

\She gets bright red in the face, and swallows, drumming her fingers together.\ "Okay, don't know where that came from. Damn it all, this show is getting the best of me. Ezekiel too, that nicey-nice boy, making me not myself."

* * *

Izzy was busy stirring her eggs and pancakes up in the sea of ketchup she had pored onto her plate. She looked bored, lost in thought, and a little upset. Mandy could sense her friend's angst, and headed over to her.

"Heyas, redheaded mortal," she said, plopping down next to Izzy. "Why so glum?"

"Was wondering about where things go from here," Izzy admitted. "I mean, I don't even have the urge to go snooping through clothing drawers."

"That's a shame, seems like you're really down."

"Yeah, especially since I gotta finish my collect of underwear thefts, which I just started."

She held up a pair of yellow panties. She grinned triumphantly until Belinda walked by and snatched them away, humming 'nah-ah-ah' as she past by with her reclaimed underwear. Izzy snapped her fingers and cursed, "Aw damn, forgot the psychic girl would be one of the first to reclaim her underwear."

"You got any of mine, Izzy?"

"No, just Lindsay and Noah."

"Oh good! And I know what you need to cheer you up! A boyfriend!"

"I don't know if I'm ready to start the dating game again, ever since I had to call it off with Owen," Izzy admitted. "He was sweet, and I miss that."

"Let me know when, mortal friend. Remember that the Old Gods will crush life on the planet any day now, might as well live each moment while you can."

Izzy grinned. "Very well, Mandy! Wanna go out?"

"Look, I'm having enough problems proving I'm not gay; if I start dating you, people are going to think the wrong thing."

"But it'll feel so right," she purred.

Mandy face-palmed, then peeked through her fingers when someone sat at their table. Hannah, sipping some tea, was eyeing the two girls.

"Izzy, I was wondering if I could help you out with your breakup," she said, smiling at the redhead.

"You're gonna ask God to conjure me a boy who understands me perfectly?"

"If it were that easy, we wouldn't need to be dating in the first place," Hannah said with a polite chuckle. As Izzy snapped her fingers in regret, she continued, "I think we just need to set you up with another one of the guys, one of the well-mannered ones."

As the three girls talked, Lindsay looked around for a place to sit. Seeing Noah, Katie, and Sadie, she smiled and sat down with them, right next to Noah. "Hey, Kathy," Lindsay called out to Katie, who was snuggled against Noah, "he slept with us all last night."

"Hooray," Katie cheered and hugged her boyfriend, as Sadie clapped and cheered. Lindsay, getting in the spirit, hugged Noah, but his height compared to his led her breasts to mush against the side of his face. Katie noticed this, and let go as if Noah was on fire. "Oh my!"

Noah lightly pushed Lindsay away, who stared back at him with a sad expression. "What?" Lindsay asked, whimpering. "Can't I hug too?"

"Not with your space cushions getting up in my face," Noah grumbled, trying to shake off his heavy blush.

Lindsay cocked her head to the side, frowning in confusion. "I am, like, so confused."

Sadie seemed to see how she felt. "I don't get the problem, Katie," she admitted. "Lindsay's our friend!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Bus bathrooms are okay, but we're better!)**

** Katie** - "Look, I know this is mean and, like, so predictable, but Lindsay paying special attention to Noah makes me nervous. It's no surprise that she's _gorgeous_, and no matter how hard I try, I couldn't reach that level of attractiveness. Sadie's lucky, she can, she's almost as pretty as Lindsay; however, me, it's, like, so hard not to get upset when Lindsay's giving Noah a big hug and all."

**Lindsay** - \looking upset\ "This happens a lot. I hug a guy, his girlfriend gets mad. It's just a hug, am I doing something wrong?"

**Sadie** - "Lindsay's a close friend of mine, I know she wouldn't try anything with Noah. 'Cuz, like, I've been with Noah by myself, and Katie's perfectly fine with it! Noah's so all about Katie, there's no way to tear him away!"

**Chris Maclean** - \rubbing his chin deviously\ "Oh, we'll see, dear Sadie, we'll see."

* * *

The thirty-nine contestants were escorted to the arena after breakfast was over. Some were surprised that there was no crowd in the stands this time, some were relieved. One was very confused.

"I don't get it," Lindsay mused aloud as she looked up at the seats. "Where are the people? Aren't they home?"

"This isn't their home, Lindsay," Noah grumbled.

"But, they're always, like, here," she pointed out. "Did they step out to get those things that sometimes the servants at home have to get?"

"Groceries?" Courtney asked, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, those things."

"Seriously," Valerie whispered to Zachary, "she's so dumb, it's a wonder she hasn't suffocated on a pillow yet sleeping face-down."

"Good thing she's hot," he replied, "or she'd only be good for the first victim in horror films."

Lindsay didn't overhear this, she was too busy massaging her temples in trying to get her brain to work overtime and come up with an answer. As she and the others approached the large platform Chris was standing on, she was crossing her eyes and sticking her tongue out in thought.

"Same to you, Lindsay," the host commented to her host. "Okay teenagers, are you ready for another race?"

"Oh great, more psychotic driving," Gwen mumbled.

"Not another car of death," Clive wailed.

"What is it this time?" Xander asked. "Boats? Go-carts? Bikes?"

Chris raised his hands and proudly exclaimed, "Trains!"

A moment of silence failed to get across, as the teenagers were already making interrogative noises.

"How do you race trains?" Yoshi shouted. "Are we playing with toy trains or something?"

"This is the lamest thing I've ever heard," Carol remarked.

"Does anyone even use trains anymore?" Beth asked.

"My my Chris, losing imagination?" Noah commented, raising an eyebrow. "I guess when you haven't thought of something original, your creativity drops like your long-since-peaked popularity."

Chris laughed, then poked Noah's chest. "You'll regret those words, nerd. It's time for me to get a little revenge."

The bookworm held his ground, then heard vehicles approaching. Seven limousines pulled into the arena, numbered one to seven. Several contestants looked at them in awe, cheering and already excited.

"Finally, some cars I like," Howard exclaimed.

"Not bad, but what's this have to do with trains?" Anita asked.

Chris waved a finger at the contestants to quiet them down. "Now, here are the rules. You all are getting into your limo, the number matching your team."

"And those teams are?" Noah asked.

"I was getting to that, Noah."

"No, you weren't, you were facing the camera and grinning at it, posing for whatever hopeful airline attendant might want you," he replied, smirking wickedly at the host.

"Oh no, he didn't," Leshawna said in amazement.

Sakaki scratched her head. "Um, I don't get it."

"Will you all shut up?" Chris shouted, throwing his hands into the air. "Stop hogging my talking time on this show! And Noah, I don't know what rumors you heard, but quite frankly, she was hot."

"Ooo, what a comeback. I have been outwitted again by you."

"Right, that's it, revenge time! I'm announcing my revenge now! See those limos?" he snapped as he pointed his finger at the vehicles. "They're taking you all to the train station, and you're boarding a train, all of you, and you're going to be in one compartment each, all marked with your team's name.

"How you all will win this game will be instructed when you're all in your train compartments, and the choo-choo train choo-choo'es your young butts out of here. As for the teams, we have seven, a few of them I designed specifically!

"Katie!"

The sweet girl almost jumped at being called out. She looked between Sadie and Noah, then stammered, "Um, y-yes, Chris?"

"It's your lucky day, because your team was made specifically for you! You're going to be with Justin, Ezekiel, Rodney, Colin, and Crystal!"

"What what _what_?!" Noah exclaimed, looking horrified. Rodney, nearby, was hiding behind Justin, because Colin was grinning evilly at him.

"And Noah," Chris Maclean continued, "you are going to be Lindsay, Sadie, Eva, Anita, and Cody! You enjoy!"

Lindsay cheered and hugged Noah, and he struggled to get out of the glomping grasp. Sadie was looking between them and a very crestfallen Katie, then at Anita and Eva, who were already glaring at each other.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - You're a monster, Mr. Maclean!)**

** Chris Maclean** - "It was rather brilliant, on my part. And I doubt Noah really gets how serious each teammate his girlfriend and he got. Each one was picked for a reason! Katie is paired with Justin, hottest guy in the show, Ezekiel who was a suspected crush for her in TDC, Crystal who's a match maker..."

**Noah** - "... Rodney who is my intellectual rival, and Colin who is the meanest jerk in this show! Of course I see what he's doing there, and with my team! He's putting Lindsay, who's physical attributes are all that really get her through, Katie's best friend Sadie, and there's that love triangle..."

**Chris** - "... of Anita, Eva, and Cody, sure to drive him bonkers! Genius, huh? Revenge is sweet!"

**Colin** - "I got a bunch of pansies on my team, I doubt we can win this. Oh well, I think I know my job on this challenge, and that's to annoy Noah's skinny-ass girlfriend." \He laughs wickedly.\

**Cody** - \grinning impishly\ "Oh wow, I get to be teamed with four girls. I love this show."

**Eva** - "Now's the time to show Cody just how much better I am than Anita! I'll show him that I know him better than she does!"

**Anita** - \smiling with her arms crossed\ "Well, this is my chance to impress Cody. Of course, knowing him, he's probably more stoked that he gets to be with four girls." \She giggles, covering her mouth politely.\ "Oh, he's such a cute horn dog, isn't he?"

* * *

As Katie and Noah tried to say good-byes before Chef Hatchet pulled him and towards his limo, Chris turned to the contestants not chosen yet. "And that leaves four teams to go. I was just so proud of those two teams and the next one that I forgot to put any effort into the other teams."

"That's about as surprising," Gwen remarked, "as anything you've ever done."

"Careful now, Gwen, I might shove you in a limo with some of Trent's worst enemies."

"I don't have enemies," Trent said, smiling politely.

"None that you're aware of," Chris Maclean said deviously, "or might have soon."

Trent and Gwen exchanged confused looks. "What did he mean by that?" she whispered to him, receiving a shrug in reply.

"Team number three," the host continued, "will be Operation Get the Crazy Girls Matched Up!"

"That sounds exciting," Izzy said. "Who are the crazy girls?"

Chris blinked. He had expected Izzy to know that. "Um, you for one, Izzy. And your equally psychotic friend Mandy."

"Yay," she exclaimed, hugging Mandy. "We're gonna be bachelorettes, baby!"

"And your bachelors are DJ, Xander, Sebastian, and Alfred!"

Izzy cheered again and jumped on DJ, startling him that he tried to run away, but she was riding on his back. Xander ran after them, trying to calm DJ down, while Sebastian fiddled with his dreadlocks, watching Alfred approaching Mandy already.

"Looks like we're together this time," he said gleefully. "You like trains?"

"Never been on one."

"You'll love it then!"

"I haven't had my eyeballs removed with a corkscrew, but I know I won't love that."

"You have the most romantic things to say in this dating game Chris has set up."

Sebastian chuckled. "Fitting for his show, yes."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - And just who are we dating?)**

** Mandy** - \reading message displayed on the camera's side-screen\ " 'Do I like Alfred?' Yes, I don't mind admitting I like him, but I've got three other handsome men on this trip, including my partner in crime, Xander."

**DJ** - "Izzy scares me. Mandy scares me. I think this is going to result in me becoming scared of trains."

**Sebastian** - "How nice of Chris Maclean to try to and hook me up; however, he should know that the best possible chance of finding true love is not having someone hook you up."

**Xander** - "Many people would be intimidated by the fact that they'd be teamed up with Mandy and Izzy. But not me, I say, 'bring 'em on, I love wild girls'! Even if neither is blond, unlike a certain cute match maker."

* * *

"Now here comes the boring teams, teams I have no interest in, so you'll more than likely fail, and fail miserably," the host said with a cheeky grin. "Who wants to be a failure?"

"You're meaner than usual today," Valerie observed. "Any particular reason?"

"Our Aftermath show turned out to be a failure."

"But I heard that the ratings there were spectacular," Justin remarked.

"That's the problem, because I wasn't on it! It was supposed to be bad as a result!"

Many eyes rolled; only Valerie didn't, and she was giggling to herself. The host sighed, trying to put this behind him. "Next team, Team 4 of Failures, consists of Geoff, Trent, Heather, Valerie, and Sakaki."

This didn't fly well with most of them. Geoff was eyeing Trent suspiciously, Heather and Valerie exchanged eye-daggers, and Sakaki was looking desperate to hide behind someone. Sebastian was already gone, in his limousine, and now she didn't have anyone to hide behind. Coming close to fainting and/or freaking, she hid behind the largest person she could find.

"Get away from me, little girl," Chef Hatchet muttered, rolling his eyes. "I'm not a blast shield or whatever's going on in that mind of yours."

"The next team is another group of boring bunch," Chris continued as Chef pushed Sakaki to her limo. "The members are Clive, Arthur, Carol, Joel, and Bridgette."

"I'm not boring," Carol hollered, throwing her fists up in the air.

"I'm so not boring," Bridgette pouted.

"I am boring," Clive said. "Life is boring, when it's not cruel and horrible."

Chris clapped his hands. "Well said, Clive. Now, team five will be Hannah, Courtney, Gwen, Leshawna, and Tyler."

A very upset vocal cry come out from the one most trained in being a consoler. "Hey, wait a minute," Courtney exclaimed. "These people hate me!"

"Yeah, about that, I lied. I actually planned this team out too," Chris admitted. "I paired you up with people who seriously hate you from last season. Oh, and Hannah, because you might want to ask her for God's help to have you survive this."

Courtney winced, feeling three angry people glaring at her. She looked over at Hannah, who shrugged and said, "I don't hate you, relax."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Maybe we'll ask the Bus's Bathroom?)**

** Courtney** - "This is ridiculous! It's almost as if he wants me to be voted off! Why else would he put me on a team with people who'd love to see me booted off the show, and way too early, I may add?"

**Chris Maclean** - "Because of the DRAMA!" \He cackles.\ "Besdies, it's not like the others are gonna kill her or anything."

**Leshawna** - "I hate that freckled-faced witch." \She cracks her knuckles.\

**Gwen** - "Maybe we can tie Courtney up on the train tracks, that would be fun."

* * *

"And our last team, a team of the most failing failures to fail at failing, we have-"

"Wait a minute," Harold interrupted. "If we fail at failing, that means we succeed. That would be the definition provided by the English language, with the process of words and verbs-"

"Oh shut your failing mouth, failure," Chris snapped. "Harold, you and Belinda, Howard, Zachary, Yoshi, and Beth are on the same team!"

Harold shrugged, and was startled when Howard let out a cry of joy. "I'm finally paired up with Belinda! What do you say about that, Foresight?"

"I say, you'll have all the time in the world to try and court me," Belinda replied, looking at Chris. When the host blinked in confusion, she simply chuckled and headed towards the limo.

"What did she mean by that?" Beth asked the others.

Harold tapped his temple in thought. "My guess is, she knows what we'll have to do in this challenge."

Beth grinned. "Oh wow, you're very smart, Harold!" She turned to the others, and started to ask, "What do you guys thi-"

Howard was already following Belinda, opening the limo door for her, with a giddy grin on his face. Zachary and Yoshi were glaring furiously at each other, and Beth almost feel the hatred coming from them; she had a strange urge to kick someone in the knee.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Okay, enough with our inanimate love life.)**

** Beth** - "My team is... okay, I guess. The angry feud and the possible new couple, it's going to be quite interesting to be there."

**Chris Maclean** - "Oh, that's what we're hoping for!"

**Harold** - "But if you're failing at failing, maybe it's when you're trying to lose something but you cannot. Like if you try to let someone win a video game, but they're still losing, because gosh, she's sucks, and she's complaining to mom that you never give her a chance, but you really _are_ trying to let your sister win..."

**Howard** - "Yeah, baby! This is going to be the train of love! Is there a train of love? Well, this will be, after I'm done! See, Belinda has already shown interest in me, and I'm gonna go on that!"

**Belinda** - \She looks up at the ceiling in thought, then smirks at the camera.\ "What, you think I'm going to predict what Howard is saying in his confession? C'mon, if you couldn't guess, then you haven't been paying much attention."

* * *

Seven limo rides later, with nothing terribly interesting happening in them (something that seriously let Chris down), the contestants found themselves at a train station. Waiting patiently, or impatiently for about half of the cast, their train arrived. Chef Hatchet stood nearby, dressed as a sexy female train attendant.

"Oh, for the love of crap," Carol exclaimed when she saw him, "do you have to dress like that?"

"You need professional help," Yoshi spat at Chef.

Belinda looked him over and said, "You should consider wearing nylons with that skirt, would make yourself look better."

"I'm sick of you kids," Chef Hatchet grumbled, "making fun of me all the time."

"Don't take it so hard, man," Joel said to him as he boarded. "We're like this with everybody."

"Indeed," said Sebastian. "We're teenagers."

"You still look like a freak," Eva remarked.

The teens, after making enough fun out of the Chef, looked around the train until they found their cabins. When they looked around their surroundings, which would have been spacious if not for the fact that there were five or six of them, the doors all closed.

Several attempts were made to open them, but none, not even Eva, could do it. Before any of them could seriously panic (though some came close to it), speakers in the rooms whined as they came to life.

"Attention! Attention, annoying teenagers," the voice of Chris Maclean came booming in. "It is time for you all to participate in the sixth challenge of Total... Drama... Battlegrounds! We call this the Train Brain Pain, as you'll have to do something that'll strain your noggins."

"Who says 'noggins' anymore?" Katie whispered to Crystal.

"This train is now starting off," Chris said. "And thus, our challenge has begun! In this challenge, you have something really simple to do: have something exceptionally interesting happen among you all!

"I'm talking show changing! Mind warping! Bring in the ratings! We got seven web cameras in each cabin, observing your moves, and we have anxious viewers wanting to see something interesting!"

Izzy snapped her fingers. "Aw curses, I had to break up with Owen last challenge, not this one."

"You are all stuck in your cabins until the train comes back to the station it originally left from. Once you have completed a major brain strain for our viewers, your team wins immunity! The last two teams to not receive immunity... do not receive immunity."

"Maybe we should have scripted that," Anita said to herself.

"So get to being interesting, and none of that stupid mushy stuff! Unless, of course, we get some officially new couples, or teens cheating on each other. Be wild!"

Izzy and Mandy exchanged devious looks.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Sounds like he wants them to kill each other.)**

** Izzy** - "I seriously wanted to know what Chris was thinking. He puts me and my good friend Mandy in a room together, along with some nice guys, and he asks us to do something interesting? Why not just hand me explosives to clear a path for a new bypass?"

**Justin** - "Look, I'm not one to be critical, but Chris puts Izzy and that cultist freak in a room together, and he tells them to do something wild? Why not just hand them explosives to clear a path for a new road?"

**Joel** - "Hannah and I have been getting along so well these days, she's such an angel." \He chuckles, scratching the back of his head.\ "Well, she and I agreed to a little something in case we end up on different racing teams."

**Yoshi** - "Stuck with Zachary in the same room, and they made me leave my sword back at the arena because of..." \He makes air quotes.\ " 'Safety protocols' on the train! What about MY safety, he's going to drive me crazy!"

* * *

**(Team 1 - Colin, Crystal, Ezekiel, Justin, Katie, Rodney)**

Katie was trying the door again, but had no luck, of course. "Now I really wish I had grabbed something from the snack bar," she muttered.

"So, what do we do?" Justin asked.

Some of the others shrugged. "Hard to say, really," Crystal said. "Chris wants us to do something interesting, and bloody heck if I know how to make a crowded train car fun to watch, eh wot?"

"Oh, I know what I could do to make things interesting."

Crystal felt her body lock up in terror when Colin said those words. Soon his hands were crawling all over her, and she let out a cry of disgust. The others all stood up to come to her aid, but it wasn't necessary.

The British romantic slugged Colin in the stomach with a quick blow, and while he was stunned, she pinched at a nerve on his neck. He gurgled and collapsed.

"Whoa," Rodney marveled, looking at the unconscious bully. "Did you learn that from Sebastian?"

"No, sweetheart, he isn't the only chap who knows martial arts," she replied, grinning and flexing her fingers.

Ezekiel chuckled. "Well then, we're at your mercy, Miss Crystal."

"Oh good heavens, don't start saying that, you'll make me feel old."

Katie giggled, then looked around the compartment. "So, what are we going to do for the camera?"

"Pound me, eh," Ezekiel muttered.

"It's 'beats me,' dude," Justin corrected. "You still don't know your slang?"

"Guess not."

Katie scratched her head. "Well, teaching you won't be that interesting. We're gonna have to struggle to find something interesting."

Justin grinned and shed his shirt. "Here's a way to start it!"

Katie and Crystal swooned, and so did Ezekiel. When the others looked at him in particular, he blushed and looked away.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Colin don't learn fast, do he?)**

** Ezekiel** - "I'd like to remember to that train ride as one from hell, eh. Seriously, it all snowballed after I let 'oot that little swoon. I didn't mean to, and please doo'nt let Heather knoo' I did that, eh!"

**Crystal** - \tapping her lips, gigging\ "You know, if Justin wasn't taken, and I wasn't positive Ezekiel is straight, I'd work on my first yaoi pairing!"

* * *

**(Team 2 - Anita, Cody, Eva, Lindsay, Noah, Sadie)**

Noah had wedged himself deep into the corner of the room, arms crossed and brow furrowed. His eyes kept darting down, forgetting that he didn't have a book with him, and breathed through his nose.

Cody had sat between Anita and Eva, both of the girls trying to think of what to say. The awkward silence wasn't exactly bringing a victory anywhere closer. Sadie was watching them, anxious to see if someone was going to start a fight or a flirt.

Lindsay sat down next to Noah, smiling at him. "Hey, Boa."

"Noah."

"I was just curious, is your last name Feather?"

"... What?"

"Because then your name would be Boa Feather, and you'd have to sign things 'Feather, Boa'!"

She burst into giggles, and when she opened her eyes, she saw Noah wasn't laughing. Crestfallen, she slumped in her seat.

"Aww," she moaned, "I was thinking of a good joke, and that one took the whole limo ride and wait at the station."

"Shame."

"Was it at least funny?"

Before Noah could reply, there was a snarl from the other side of the room. "Stop looking at him, you," Eva snapped at Sadie, who had been doing just that.

With a squeak of terror, Sadie bolted over to Lindsay and clung to her. "That triangle of love is, like, so scary," she said to her friends.

"Yes, love is oh-so-frightening," Noah remarked. "I cannot wait until Anita and Eva break out the bo staff and punching gloves to fight over that handsome rebel, huh?" **[1]**

Sadie stared at her best friend's boyfriend. "Is dating Katie scary?"

"In the sense that I'm starting to like pink, that I'm, like, actually talking to other people now, and...," he paused, then face-palmed, "I just used 'like' like that."

Sadie and Lindsay giggled. "That's so-oooooooo cu-yuuuuuuuute," they crooned in unison.

* * *

**(Team 3 - Alfred, DJ, Izzy, Mandy, Sebastian, Xander)**

"Let's take over the train," Izzy hollered.

"Nah, let's commit a murder on it, one that no one could solve," Mandy suggested. She pulled her dagger from her back pocket, slowly sliding it from the scabbard. "I got the weapon."

"You're a genius," Izzy exclaimed. "But who can we kill?"

DJ was hiding behind Xander, the rebel laughing at the antics of the girls. Sebastian simply watched them, idly fiddling with one of his dreadlocks' strands. Alfred was grinning and nodding.

"Let's kill Colin," Alfred suggested. "No one likes him."

"Brilliant," Izzy declared. "Let's go kill us a sacrifice for Mandy's Old God."

"By the King in the Yellow Robe," Mandy vowed, giggling, "this is going to be good."

Alfred walked over to the window and opened it after a little struggle. The wind roared outside, and he started to climb out. When his foot slipped, he fell out. Xander reacted quickest, and managed to grab his legs.

"Wow," Alfred howled in delight as he was being held upside-down out of the moving train. "I never did this before! It's so cool!"

"Someone want to help me?" Xander called out to the others in desperation.

"But he's having fun," Izzy said matter-of-factly as Mandy, Sebastian, and DJ went to help pull Alfred back in. "Why don't you let him hang out a little more?"

"My, what a whole new meaning to the phrase," Sebastian observed as they all pulled Alfred back in.

Winded and a little dizzy, Alfred stumbled and fell down on Izzy, knocking them to the floor. "Can I do that again?" he asked, grinning happily.

"Falling on Izzy?" Xander asked. "Sure, if she doesn't mind."

"Jeez, Alfred almost fell out of the train," DJ exclaimed. "Isn't that interesting enough?"

"Naw, he'd have to fall out in order for it to be interesting for Chris," Izzy said from the floor, looking up at the gonzo.

Mandy patted DJ's shoulder, and said, "Lighten up, Deej. If you relax and stop being a big sissy mortal, you might get one of his girls to curl up around you."

"That's what I'm afraid of," he muttered.

* * *

**(Team 4 - Geoff, Heather, Sakaki, Trent, Valerie)**

"Well, any ideas?" Heather asked the others.

"Why not tell us all about your time with your boyfriend last night?" Valerie suggested. She grinned at the queen bee, crossing her arms as she leaned back.

"Why not tell us why you dress like a bubble gum wrapper?" Heather shot back, intwining her fingers and covering her mouth with them.

"Why not tell us how fast you're going to be booted off this show?"

"Why not tell us why you bothered to even sign up for this show?"

Sakaki was hiding behind Trent as she watched the exchange between the two girls. "I thought Heather was in a good mood," she whimpered.

"Guess that's what happens when two popular powerhouses butt heads," Trent remarked. "Gwen was sure that'd happen with Heather, and Bridgette agrees too."

Geoff's attention was perked. He looked away from the girls to Trent. "Wait, what? Bridgette doesn't like popular people?"

"Well, I wouldn't say that, but she doesn't really care about popularity. Everyone's the same in her eyes, no matter how cool you are at school."

The party animal looked distraught by this. "Hey, um, how'd you know that?"

"Well, we've had a lot of time to talk during the break between seasons," Trent explained. "Bridgette and her mom can really chat up a storm when they get started."

"You've met her mom too?" Geoff exclaimed.

"Um, yeah, dude. She's gonna be my step mom."

Geoff blinked a great many times, wringing his fingers nervously. In the back, Valerie and Heather were now exchanging suggestions like "Why don't you stop dressing like a trollop?" and "Why don't you stop dressing like you're six years old?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - This'll be a fun trip, eh?)**

** Valerie** - "I hate Heather so much! If I ever get the chance, I'll really sock it to her! And this challenge is perfect, since I have Trent on my side. Last challenge, I asked him to vote for Howard, and he's now part of our group! Zachary and that one person he asked to join us, whom I don't yet and would actually like to, the four of us are unstoppable!"

**Sakaki** - "Geoff didn't seem too happy during the trip. I wonder if he's jealous of Trent's time with Bridgette." \She taps her fingers together nervously.\ "Why does there always have to be so much drama in these shows?"

* * *

**(Team 5 - Arthur, Bridgette, Carol, Clive, Joel)**

"Desperation, despair, hopelessness, it's all there. Doomed, sealed inside a small room with only a tiny window to give us a false sense of escape, while the world passes by and we perish. It was hopeless, we can't escape and can barely breathe, minds racing and hearts tightening..."

"Um, that's nice, Carol," said Bridgette, shrinking away from the enthusiast, "but I don't think your worst detention will be enough to satisfy Chris."

"And then we all really needed to piss-"

"Okay, fine," Arthur exclaimed, face-palming and leaning up against a corner of the room. "Knock it off, you're going to upset the emo."

Clive blinked, then said, "I was long upset before this train ride."

"More so than usual, then."

"That's not feasible by human means, dude."

Arthur's eyebrow quirked, then shrugged. "Yeah, whatever, dude. Keep griping, I'm sure Chris will find that ratings-worthy."

"Works for the news."

"That's real life, dude."

"And it's as depressing as this situation."

Bridgette let out an exasperated sigh, then turned to Joel, the only non-fretting member of her group. The inventor was pushing some buttons on some kind of rectangular device, very involved in it.

"That one of those video game handhelds?" she asked him.

"Nope, cellphone."

"What? But it's... big!"

"Yep, I hate small cellphones, because it limits the amount of things you can do with them. I say, they should be as big as your wallet."

He flipped it open, then showed her the screen. Her eyes widened as he asked, "Pyramid or klondike for your solitaire enjoyment?"

"Tempting, but we are trying to be very interesting for this train ride."

A startled cry from the others alerted their attention, and they saw Carol was practically climbing on Clive. "C'mon, emo boy, you can't be emo if you're giving someone a piggyback ride!"

"Geddoffufme!"

As the short girl continued to clamor on top of the emo, Arthur leaned over to Joel and asked, "You got poker on that too?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - And chess? We like chess.)**

** Arthur** - "My team was like being trapped in a grade school that had just given all the kids sugar. Never put an emo and a wild girl in the same room, because they don't cancel each other out, their personalities amplify!" \He groans and shakes his head.\ "That emo has a weird influence..."

**Clive** - "Riding a train is like the shadow on the moon at night, filling our dreams to the brink of fright."

**Carol** - \bobbing her head as she talks\ "On that train, did I love it? Wow! I kept waiting for the next surprise!"

* * *

**(Team 6 - Courtney, Gwen, Hannah, Leshawna, Tyler)**

"This has got to be a safety hazard," Courtney remarked bitterly, watching Tyler prying at the door. The jock had a foot up on the wall as he pulled with all his might. He eventually lost his grip and flung himself backwards, accidentally landing in Gwen's lap.

"Hello?" he asked bashfully. Gwen pushed him off and continued to stare out the window.

"So, what are we going to do?" Hannah said, twiddling her thumbs idly.

Leshawna tapped her lips in thought. "Gotta do something wild and crazy to get off the train, right? Well, what's been done in the movies?"

Gwen answered this. "Murder, robberies, being thrown off, one-night stands, hijackings, and running the thing off a cliff."

"Don't think we can do any of that, sugar."

"What the heck kind of movies do you watch, Gwen?" Courtney asked, frowning at the goth.

"Those are all from famous movies, Courtney."

"Well, you seem to make them all horrifying, dark trips."

Gwen hissed air through her teeth. "You know, I thought that this train ride would be the worst thing ever, but now I know it's worse because I'm trapped in here with you!"

"How rude," Courtney spat, sticking her nose up at the goth girl.

Tyler, who had gotten up off the floor by now, scoffed as he sat down. "No, Gwen's right. It's so nice being trapped in here with the girl who organized my girlfriend's vote-off from last season. And Gwen's boyfriend."

"And me," Leshawna added.

"Are you all going to complain about that until the end of time?" Courtney snapped. "You cannot hold it against me forever!"

Gwen undertook a good many facial changes, from upset to thinking to cruelly gleeful. The goth girl centered her eyes on Courtney as a wicked grin spread across her face, and the CIT felt herself quite unnerved.

"That's true," she said, her voice sounding like a demon's all of a sudden. "Not forever..."

"However," Tyler said, also looking as diabolical as Gwen with a sadistic smirk on his face, "there is nothing stopping us from getting our revenge now..."

"After all," Leshawna added, cracking her knuckles in front of her sinister smile, "the door is locked, and we're trapped on a train."

Courtney found herself scooting away from them, until she bumped into the corner. Gwen, Tyler, and Leshawna all stood over her, their evil grins practically glowing.

"Guys," Hannah spoke from the other side of the room, "this really isn't necessary-"

One look from the three of them, all at once, made her voice catch in her voice. Hannah realized then and there that if there was anything scarier than a revenge-driven teenager, it was three. She squeaked, "Right! Um, well then... oh look!"

She fished in her skirt's pocket and pulled out her cellphone. "I've got a call! Fancy that!"

Huddling in the other corner, she pretended not to hear or see anything in the world, especially when Courtney began to shriek...

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - No escape, eh?)**

** Hannah** - "I knew I was a bit of a coward back there, but I knew they weren't going to kill her! Anyway, it wasn't that nightmarish."

**Chico the Raccoon **- "i'm dat raccoon, hidin in yur trash kan, waytin to pounce an mayk u screem!"

**Groucho the Duck** - "You want real torture? I've got it down, interrogation is like puddle paddling! That's my scene, napalm black and camo green!"

**Hannah** - \blinks a couple times, then looks around\ "Gee, I have a song stuck in my head now, where did that come from?" **[2]**

**

* * *

**

**(Team 7 - Belinda, Beth, Harold, Howard, Yoshi, Zachary)**

"So, we're together on a train," Howard said, sitting next to Belinda with a sly grin on his face. "How's this for a first date?"

"You mean besides our friends here?"

She jerked her thumb at Zachary and Yoshi, who were sitting with their arms crossed and eyes focused on the other. Both were growling at each other, daring the other to make the first move.

"It's cool, that can be the show for the evening," Howard said, his arm propping itself on the back of the seat behind Belinda. The blond girl continued to smile at him, and though it was just her neutral look, he was taking it as a sign to advance.

"Wait, what's this about a show?" Harold asked. "I know some awesome magic tricks from Steve's Magic Camp, and I could do that right now! Then we'll have something exciting and surprising for Chris too, I'm brilliant!"

As he fished through his pockets, Beth clapped her hands in excitement. "Oh, this'll be good!"

"Dude," Zachary said, looking away from Yoshi, "I really doubt that is going to work."

"Nonsense! I can perform some very awesome tricks that'll wow anyone. Watch this..."

He had taken a bunch of cards from his hands, and eagerly shuffled them. Then he offered a handful to Zachary, who ruefully took one.

Harold pressed his finger to his forehead. "Is it the... thirteen of diamonds?"

"Are you crazy, white boy?" Zachary snapped. "There ain't no thirteen of diamonds!"

He turned his card over to prove this, only to see thirteen diamonds on the card. Beth cheered loudly and clapped. Harold bowed as Zachary boggled at the card.

"And that's not all," the nerd continued. He produced a colored handkerchief from his pocket, then pushed it up into his right sleeve.

"Hey, I thought those things were supposed to be longer," Yoshi commented.

"Oh, it will be," Harold said as he started reaching up his left sleeve. He then added as he started to pull something out, "Watch this!"

Anyone outside of the room looking in would have had their vision totally obscured by thick gray smoke, as the resulting explosion completely filled the air. Seeping out through the cracks, the smoke refused to leave until Yoshi opened the window. In the room, the other five sat there, eyes wide with shock, soot covering their bodies and the entire room.

"Um, gosh," Harold wheezed. "I have _no_ idea how that happened."

Belinda chuckled, then looked up at Howard. "You can get off my lap now."

The ladies man, who had jumped onto her when the explosion went off, sheepishly went back to his seat. "Sorry. Was startled and all, I'm honestly not that forward."

Beth was squealing in delight, clapping again. "Do it again, Harold, do it again! That was incredible!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - When things go 'poof'!)**

** Zachary** - "That freaky white guy, giving off an explosion like that. Makes ya scream like a banshee, and-"

**Chris Maclean** - "Blah blah blah, won't you make way for a very special guy? Me, who is not getting near enough attention! That's all the time we have for now, so we are going to leave you in cruel suspense. That's my job, but I'm not mean; well, maybe I am, but I'm Chris Maclean!"

\He pauses and looks around, obviously perturbed by something.\ "Okay, seriously, why do I have a song stuck in my head?"

**Rodney** - \He is writing on some papers on a clipboard.\ "I wanted to do a small investigation on this phenomenon of a song being 'stuck' in the janitor's closet. I think it's somehow linked to the challenge, because as some people have guessed, your mind can subconsciously link to a song you know that links to your current mood. Something about horror and hilarity seems to be the theme."

\He grins at the camera.\ "Some might call this the... train of thought!" \He giggles, then looks ashamed, and bows his head.\ "I apologize for that pun."

* * *

**Which teams are actually going to be doing something interesting enough to get Chris's attention? Are they gonna sell their soul to do it, or something even more important for a teenager?**

** Is Courtney going to survive her vengeful train-mates? Is Heather's good mood gone that quickly? Is Noah going to be worse off than both of them?**

** And what is it about getting songs stuck in your head, huh? Is there any way to get them out without fretting for a hour?**

**

* * *

**

--

--

--

**Challenge #6, The Train Brain Pain, The Teams:**

**Team 1** - Katie, Ezekiel, Justin, Rodney, Colin, Crystal

**Team 2** - Noah, Lindsay, Sadie, Eva, Anita, Cody

**Team 3** - Izzy, Mandy, DJ, Xander, Sebastian, Alfred

**Team 4** - Geoff, Trent, Heather, Valerie, Sakaki

**Team 5** - Bridgette, Joel, Clive, Carol, Arthur

**Team 6** - Hannah, Courtney, Gwen, Leshawna, Tyler

**Team 7** - Zachary, Yoshi, Harold, Belinda, Howard, Beth

--

**[1]** - When Noah refers to the two girls wielding a bo staff and punching gloves to duke it out over a handsome guy, he is referring to Final Fantasy 7's Aerith, Tifa, and Cloud. And I'd like to stress that I've never played that game, and I don't care to.

**[2]** - In this town, we call home, you get a song stuck in your head when you're trying to set a mood. And if you're like me, you listen to it over and over, and it somehow effects your writing. All hail the pumpkin throne, whatever that is.

--

**Next Up** - Teams try to be interesting, but Izzy doesn't need to "try."


	22. Ch 6, Pt 2: Feeling Like a Third Rail

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. Also, do not spray cheese whiz into your shoes, you'll never get the smell out.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - For all those wondering why it's taking so long to write, I have some very good excuses. Honest!

One is that my work hours have really picked up (thank goodness). Two is that I'm working on my novel, something that'll actually get published. Three is that, in my favorite manga, one of the really cool characters was just killed; all manga fans can back me up on how devastating this is.

* * *

**Chapter 22** - Train Train Train, Train of Fools

* * *

--

--

--

**(Maclean Stadium, Cafeteria)**

Groucho the Duck was slurping down coffee, driving Chico the Raccoon crazy. After a little while, the mammal finally lost it.

"wud u stawp slurpin ur cawfee?!" he shouted at the duck.

"Sorry, but I cannot help it, I got a bill and all."

"U dun evin haf lips, how r u slurpin?"

Groucho shrugged his wings and slurped down more, finishing his mug. He said to his furry friend, "Well, we sadly missed the train, so what would you like to do today?"

"i has a curious urge 2 be undr da sea, in an octopuses gardun wid u"

The bird raised an eyebrow (which is interesting since ducks don't have them). "That so?"

"or a strahburry feeld, furevah"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - In the shade.)**

** Groucho the Duck** - "Sometimes I wonder about that boy."

**Chico the Raccoon** - "we wuld be so hapy, u an me!"

**Rodney** - *taking notes rapidly* "Upon closer study of this train of musical thought, it seems that you cannot be limited to just one song. I asked Harold to compare notes with me after the challenge, and he had an interesting theory."

**Harold** - "Thanks, Rodney. Well, according to my extensive research which came after, well, a couple hours of looking around, it seems that trains nowadays can cause a chain of events, especially when mixed with music. This phenomenon-"

**Rodney** - *singing* "Doo-DOO-da-doo-doo!"

**Harold** - *repeating himself* "Phenomenon-"

**Rodney** - *singing* "Doo-DOO-da-doo-doo!"

**Harold** - "It seems that if you get a song stuck in your head on a train, it can link to everyone on it. Scientists are still stumped by this, but what's worse is that it's not limited to singles. If you start on a band or music artist that has a wide selection of well-known songs, the results could be quite overpowering!"

**Rodney** - *crossing his arms and looking at the camera suspiciously* "Though the study is rather interesting, Harold and I have decided to let it be."

**Harold** - "Speaking words of wisdom, Rodney and me. Over and out."

**Chef Hatchet** - "I just don't get kids and their music today."

* * *

**(Team 1 - Colin, Katie, Justin, Rodney, Crystal, Ezekiel)**

"It's time to do something interesting," Katie exclaimed. "Quick, do something interesting, all of you!"

Rodney started to drum a tune on his helmet. Justin posed. Crystal made a shadow puppet on the wall. Ezekiel attempted to stick his tongue into his nostril.

"Eww," Katie remarked when looking at Ezekiel.

"Hey, it's interesting," the prairie boy protested. "Plus, I just want to help put Noah's mind at ease, eh."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Chris put you on this team to torment him over the thought that you'd fall fur someone else. So I want you to go to him afterwards and say hoo' gross and disturbing we all are."

Katie waved her hand and smiled. "You don't need to make up reasons, Ezekiel, I can pretend that myself."

"That's good, because he loves you," Crystal noted. "And you know that can't be bad."

"Yes, he loves you," Justin agreed, "and you know you should be glad."

"Oo-ooooooo~," Rodney crooned, getting a few odd stares.

"This train is weird," Ezekiel said to himself, staring out the window. He continued to stare until a tousle of red hair and a wide grin, upside-down, suddenly appeared in front of him, causing him to jump back.

Izzy's mouth was moving, but the members of Team 1 could not hear her due to the closed window. When Justin went to open the window, he almost knocked Izzy off the train.

"Ack! You evil, male model," Izzy shouted as she clung to the window frame. Ezekiel rushed over to grab her wrists and help pull her in. When she was in the safety of the car, she pat her red hair, which now was windswept in a perfectly horizontal position.

"You all having fun?" she asked them. "I just came by to retrieve my Zeke."

"What?" Katie exclaimed. "But we need him for this challenge!"

"Too bad! Ezekiel needs to be with his lovely girlfriend!"

"Heather?" Justin asked, grimacing. "That's your definition of lovely?"

"Shut face, fancy face," the redhead snapped. "Now c'mon, Zeke!"

Ezekiel was a little too surprised to resist, until Izzy started pulling him out the window. Then he was actually resisting, but trying to keep a determined Izzy from her goal was like trying to stop an avalanche by holding your hand up to it.

The redhead carried the prairie boy out of the train, leaving the rest of his team shocked. Crystal recovered first, then said, "Well, what do we do now, chaps?"

Katie, trying to be helpful, fished some chap stick from her pocket and offered it to Crystal, which confused her. The sweet girl tapped her fingers together in thought, then said, "Well, we have to do something... it's just you, me, Rodney, and Justin, really, since Colin's asleep on the floor."

Then her face lit up, and she clasped her hands. "Oh I have an idea! We could have Justin act out some of the scenes from _New Moon_! I'll be Bella, Justin will be Jacob!"

Crystal looked around nervously. "Um, I don't think that-"

"Oh c'mon, Crystal, you're all about love. The Twilight series is one of the most romantic series ever!"

Crystal was now looking all over the small compartment, as if an out-of-control bug had thoroughly caught her attention. Rodney actually started looking around for it too, confused. "What's _Twilight_?" he asked.

"It's a love story of a girl who falls in love with a vampire, but also has a werewolf who likes her," Katie explained.

Rodney grimaced, and replied to how most kids (well, most people) would, "Eww."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Twilight is upon us.)**

** Katie** - *giggling* "Okay, so, like, there's this thing, with, like Twilight, and Sadie is, like, so over that thing too, and it's, like, so, like, cool! I get, like, oh-so-girly whenever Twilight gets mentioned, because I'm, like, so-"

**(She goes on like this for, like, quite a while.)**

**Crystal** - "I didn't want to say anything, because I've learned the hard way what happens when you upset the wrong Twilight fan. Although I don't think Katie would start hitting me with one of the books and shouting about how I was saying hearsay. Bloody heck, those fan girls that are at my school can be mean."

**Justin** - *raising an eyebrow* "Turns out to act like Jacob, you take your shirt off, let a girl rub against you, but don't make any kind of move. I really hope Beth doesn't get into that."

**Colin** - "I was asleep most of that stupid train ride. Why do I have the words 'paperback writer' stuck in my head, and the thought of books? Really dark books, too!"

* * *

**(Team 2 - Eva, Cody, Noah, Anita, Sadie, Lindsay)**

"It's a thousand pages, give or take a few. I'll be writing more in a week."

Anita beamed at Cody. "Wow, you wrote that much about your experiences on Total Drama?"

"I've been asking a lot of people for comments and such. Writing is a pastime of mine, always been helpful when brainstorming."

Eva, trying desperately to jump in on the conversation, added, "So, um, what's it about, this writing stuff?"

"Oh, it's about my experiences, as well as others. Been kind of harrowing, since most people hate talking about this show when they're on it. But I figured if I make some edited version, I could sell it to those gossip magazines, make some money."

"Ooo, like _Star Stalker_? Lindsay gushed, her eyes lighting up. "I love that magazine! Could you mention me?"

"And me, me," Sadie chanted, raising her hand. The two girls were practically bouncing up and down in excitement, movement that was quite distracting to Cody, who had to be fascinated with the window to avoid being too distracted.

"Sounds fair, you all can have your two cents."

"Count me out," Noah, on the opposite side alone, grumbled as he stared at the wall. "I can list a great many things I'd rather do to myself than be published in a gossip magazine."

"Like what?" Lindsay asked, curious.

"They are all too painful and gruesome to mention. The creators of the _Saw_ series would be horrified."

Eva chuckled lightly. "Yeah, me too."

Cody looked over at her, and she nervously looked around, trying to find some way to recover from that slip. As she struggled, Lindsay was scooting over to Noah. "So," she said, cocking her head to the side and looking at him softly, "why don't you want to be in _Star Stalker_ magazine?"

"Because they're not a real magazine," he grumbled. "They basically report on other peoples' lives, people who I have no interest or common ground with. What do I care what an actress who never got through high school says on world events?"

Lindsay tapped her fingers together. "Is this because they wrote an article about how you're most likely gay?"

"_WHAT?!_"

Noah's shout started the others, except Lindsay, who continued. "Yeah, they even had a compatibility table with you and the other TDI guys. They said Duncan and Cody were good matches, but I personally thought that they underscored Tyler."

The egghead was now bashing his head against the side of the wall, grumbling, "Help."

Lindsay bat her eyes as she listened to him chant, and added, "I personally think that you are most cute with Katie, but if you ever break up with her, you should consider asking out Sadie. Or Justin."

"The anti-me?!" Noah exclaimed.

Anita made a negative noise and shook her head. "Naw, I always thought he'd be nice with Gwen. Or Trent."

Noah was slamming his head against the wall harder now, Anita giggling while Eva smirked.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Noah needs somebody, not just anybody.)**

** Anita** - "I know it was kind of mean, but it's so much fun to tease Noah. You try teasing Cody, he just gives you that cute, goofy grin and dismisses it. We all know that adorable horn dog is straight." *She giggles more.* "Oh, I'm so mean."

**Eva** - "I could care less if Noah is straight or gay. Could you ever see me paired up with him? You think I wanna hold his hand?"

**Sadie** - "If Katie did break up with Noah, I think I would like to hold his hand! Katie always tells me how much she wants to hold his hand!"

**Cody** - "I guess it's only fair that the girls get to tease us guys about what other guys we can be paired with. You can take a little yaoi-obsessed fan girl, but just a little, you want them to still want to kiss them more." *He winks and points at the camera, clicking his tongue.*

**Noah** - "Gossip magazines, talking about my love life, watching those two girls try to get more of Cody's attention. I'll tell you something, and I think you'll understand: the nausea makes me wanna hold a barf bag. Or a bucket."

* * *

**(Team 3 - DJ, Izzy, Mandy, Alfred, Xander, Sebastian)**

"Aw, my Izzy, why did you leave me?" Alfred said sadly, staring out the window. "We were having a good time talking to."

"You had to mention Ezekiel, and that seized the idea," Mandy remarked. "And it's really a shame, you guys are getting to be a little boring."

"I is not the boring," he protested before opening the window and dangled out of it again. "Hey guys, did you know," his shouting barely heard from the outside now, "that the sides of this train are filthy?"

"Shameful," Xander said with a roll of his eyes and a smirk. "But I doubt your train criticism is making you more alluring in Izzy's eyes."

Sebastian corrected his glasses. "Really? On my humble opinion, I think most of us guys here wouldn't really stand a chance anyway."

"What do you mean?" DJ asked him.

Sebastian tapped Mandy on her shoulder. "Excuse me, Mandy, but what do you believe to be the highest priority of mankind?"

"Convenient graveyards, because they're all gonna die."

"What guideline should every being try to follow?"

"Try not to be a tempting sacrifice."

"If you were trapped on an island and only one item, what would it be?"

"A book of ancient spells so that I could prevent the Old Gods from consuming me while the rest of the world dies pitifully."

Sebastian smiled and turned back to DJ. "And there you go."

Alfred, who had popped back in to hear all this, looked at Mandy and asked, "What's your favorite color?"

"Dark green."

"Ooo, good choice. Any particular reason?"

"Matches my snake's skin."

She reached down into her top, then pulled out a rather long snake. "Devour here loves to coil around my stomach, and I thought it would be all right to bring him on this ride-"

Mandy's explanation for another of her weird pets was interrupted when DJ let out a high-pitched scream and scrambled back. In his haste to make room between him and the reptile, he knocked Xander over. The rebel fell backwards, his feet flying up in the air and catching Alfred under his chin. The gonzo thus fell right into Mandy, and not comfortably either. Devour was thrown from her hands and hit DJ in the face.

Needless to say, it got worse from there.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - OMG, ohmahGaw, snake was in her BRA!) [1]**

** Mandy** - *reading the message next to the camera* " 'How many pets?' Well, I have my rats, Devour the snake, a ferret, a chameleon, and the raccoon who lives around my house is practically mind, since he sometimes come into my room at night to sleep in my bed."

**DJ** - "She's almost like a lady Dr. Doolittle, except she carries a satanic blade and wants all of Earth to die." *He shivers.* "Very not cool, dude."

**Xander** - "Alfred seems determined to impress those two very wild girls. Well, if he lives, I say kudos to him."

**Alfred** - "I'm gonna get me a girlfriend, and all I gotta do is... act naturally!" *He winks at the camera and pumps his fists in the air.* "I love this show!"

**Sebastian** - "Most people would think it'd be silly to get dizzy with Miss Izzy, or well adore Mandy, but hey dude, don't make it sound bad if he loves her."

*He blinks, then looks around.* "Okay, something really weird is going on, and I blame the train."

* * *

**(Team 4 - Geoff, Trent, Sakaki, Heather, Valerie)**

Sakaki wondered if there was any way to hide under the seat cushions, or up in the luggage rack. Anywhere would be better than here, even the top of the train (which, coincidentally, was where Izzy and Ezekiel were walking)!

But no, she was stuck in the room with an increasingly hostile, verbal disagreement between Heather and Valerie, and a conversation between Geoff and Trent that just seemed to get more and more awkward.

"What do you mean her favorite color is red?" Geoff exclaimed to Trent with surprise. "I always thought it was blue, like the ocean and her hoodie!"

"No, it's because of sunsets. She's watched them since she was a child after a long day of surfing," Trent explained, smiling. "A cherry red is truly her favorite color."

To everyone else, Trent was just telling things about his new sister-in-law, and it seemed perfectly fine. To Geoff, he was bragging that he knew so much more about Bridgette, no matter how much he tried to convince himself. So far, he had been wrong about his girlfriend's birthday, her favorite movie and TV show, what gum flavor she preferred, her favorite music artist, and what her mother's name was.

Even Sakaki was getting a one-up on Geoff unintentionally. "She's terrified to be alone in the woods," she pointed out. "Remember the phobia challenge?"

"I was too busy being chased by a hail cloud," Geoff remarked, glaring at Trent briefly, surprising the musician.

Meanwhile, Valerie and Heather were exchanging rather biting comments.

"You bite."

"You totally eat."

"You munch it big time."

"You chew everything up."

"Pig!"

"Cow!"

Trent clapped his hands loudly. "Well, who's hungry?" he exclaimed nervously.

"Just shut up, Trent," Heather snapped. "This woman," she thrust a finger accusingly at Valerie, "is conspiring to get me voted off."

"Oh, if the kettle ever called the pot black," Valerie hummed, drumming her fingers on her arm, "but I'll have you know, I have many allies already, whilst you have none. Even Trent here would vote for who I want instead of you."

"Trent this, Trent that," Geoff exclaimed, covering his ears. "Dude, all I ever hear these days is Trent!"

Valerie scoffed and waved her hand. "Of course, it's only expected that people hate you, Heather. But I think what would make you really mad is if we voted off your new boyfriend, hu-"

The political girl never finished the threat, as Heather had launched herself at her, wrestling her to the ground. "Don't you dare," she shrieked, "threaten my boyfriend!"

Geoff and Trent shrunk up in their respective corners, and Sakaki hid behind Trent.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Got a good reason for hiding from the fight now.)**

** Geoff** - "All I ever about is Trent from Bridgette, and everyone else. Eight days a week, it's about Trent! Is he trying to make himself better than me, trying to make me love my girl? He's making a point of it..."

**Sakaki** - "How come I never get paired up with nice, calm, quiet people? Like, say..." *she ponders for a second, then sighs* "There really isn't anyone quiet in this show besides me, is there?"

**Heather** - *still slightly ruffled* "I know people hate me, I can really live with that. I've lived with it ever since the day I became popular at school, it comes with the job. But what I won't have is Ezekiel's chances ruined because he's with me!"

**Valerie** - "She is so going down! I'm getting everyone to vote her off next chance I get! I know I have Trent's support at the least, as well as Zachary."

**Trent** - "I really don't want to vote for whoever Valerie wants, because not only are alliances bad things, but she seems, if possible worse than Heather. The ballad of Heather and Valerie, you know that ain't easy, you know how hard this'll be?" *He drums his fingers on his chin.*

* * *

**(Team 5 - Joel, Carol, Clive, Arthur, Bridgette)**

"You know, I love talking to you on the phone," Joel said, "and I usually hate phone conversations."

Hannah giggled on the other side. "Then why do you have such an incredible phone, mister?"

"The gizmos and such that can be on it. Like that iPhone I gave you? I downloaded a ton of games and such on it, you should do it if your roommates there get a little bit too distressing."

A high-pitched yelp from Courtney on Hannah's end made Joel flinch slightly. "What was that?" he asked.

"Oh, um, the others are punishing Courtney. Right now, Leshawna's snapping her bra, and she practically stretched it across the room."

"Yipes. So I guess they're leaving you alone now?"

"Yep, how about you?"

Joel looked up to see Carol, Arthur, Bridgette, and Clive all staring at him and his phone. He could practically see their ears twitching, trying to pick up the entirety of the phone conversation. The inventor sighed and said, "Oh, they're keeping themselves busy too."

Arthur glanced over at Clive and joked, "Do I detect a hint of resentment in his voice?"

"Who wouldn't resent us, and every person on the planet?" Clive grumbled. "Every person on this planet is out to get you, so you should resent other people when they try to infiltrate your personal space?"

Arthur groaned and shook his head. "But you're listening in too."

"I have nothing else better to do."

Bridgette sighed and shook her head. "We should really be more considerate of Joel and Hannah, guys. Maybe we shouldn't listen in on their cell phone conversation-"

"Oh my," Hannah exclaimed from the other end. "Now Gwen's giving Courtney a wet-willie!"

Bridgette almost fell out of her seat with the amount of leaning forward she did to get a better hearing of the conversation. Carol shrugged and sat back in her seat.

"Not exactly a cell phone conversation worth listening in," she muttered. "If any American agents are listening in, they're going to be solely disappointed."

"Dude, America wouldn't be listening in on teenagers in Canada," Arthur replied. "Anyway, we're Canada, what harm could we do to them?"

"That's what makes us so dangerous," Carol said with an impish grin. "We're the ones we least expect. That's why I want to join the Canadian army, because when we take over the world, I want to be on the front-line when we stomp on our enemies!"

The others might have replied before someone knocked on the window. Izzy was hanging upside-down and looking in, giving everyone in the compartment a scare.

"What's going on in there, Joel?" Hannah asked her friend.

"Izzy's knocking at the window, I think she wants to come in," Joel blurted out, gaping at the redhead.

The psycho girl's mouth was moving, but even though it looked that she was shouting, they couldn't hear her. What she was saying was, "Okay, I'm fairly certain Heather is in there! Now go in there and be with your woman, my Zeke!"

The window was yanked open from the outside (don't ask us how she did that), and Ezekiel was thrown in. With a yelp of surprise from the sudden actions, the prairie boy landed on the girl that Izzy aimed at, knocking them to the ground. The redhead had targeted all this from her upside-down, hazy look into the room.

Rather needless to say, this resulted in a very awkward situation.

Ezekiel stared down at Bridgette as he collected his bearings, and quickly realized how intimate this could be perceived. Struggling to get up, he hadn't expected Carol to jump in shouting, "Surprise Canadian Attack on American Infiltrator!"

Clive launched himself at Carol to stop her two-fisted attack, knocking them onto Ezekiel. Bridgette cried out as the weight of three people collapsed on her, pressing her rather closely to her prairie friend.

As the four struggled, Izzy crawled in the room, and took note of the situation. "Oops," she muttered. "Heather must be in the room next to us."

Joel stared at all this with wide eyes, then cleared his throat and said to Hannah, "Just a couple infiltrators starting a twister game, Hannah, nothing really."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Everybody's trying to tackle my baby.)**

**Arthur** - "Yesterday, insanity seemed so far away, now it seems it's here to say!" *He groans and covers his face with one hand.* "Izzy actually climbed onto the train and threw Ezekiel in? Who plans that kind of stuff?"

**Clive** - "Yesterday, all my troubles were right here with me, now it seems they'll fester up and bloom today."

**Carol** - "Yesterday... actually, yesterday was when we were fighting zombies, right? Well, that was fine! All you need is killing zombies and a good train ride!" *She smiles as if that is perfectly understandable.*

**Bridgette** - "A lot of people tease me about my relationship with Ezekiel, even when they know I'm with Geoff. Zeke's a sweetheart, but he doesn't know as much about me as Geoff does." *She giggles innocently.*

**Izzy and Ezekiel** - **Ezekiel** - "So you're not going to tell Heather you threw me on top of Bridgette, eh?"

**Izzy** - "Only if you don't tell everyone what terrible aim I have!" *She tickles at his sides, causing him to flinch.* "Don't you worry, with a little help from your friends, you'll be able to twist and shout with your girlfriend!"

**Ezekiel** - *blushing* "Um, I'm not sure I want to knoo' what you mean when you say that, eh." *He scratches the back of his head as she cackles and grins.*

* * *

**(Team 6 - Gwen, Tyler, Hannah, Courtney, Leshawna)**

"No, don't you dare," Courtney shrieked as she swatted at Gwen's hands. "I'll sue, I'll ruin you! I'll... ahahahahaaaa! Ha ha ha ha! Don't! Wha ha ha ha ha!"

The goth girl's were fiercely tickling the underside of Courtney's feet, and the CIT was thrashing in Leshawna's firm hold. Unable to free herself, she continued to bounce and try to kick her feet, laughing hysterically.

"I wonder if they use this on terrorists too," Tyler said above Courtney's laughter. "Seems effective."

The tickle torture continued as Hannah shrunk up in her corner, trying to communicate with Joel. He was wondering what Courtney was so happy about, and she was trying to explain without directly looking at the scene.

Tears came to Courtney's eyes from the strain, but it wasn't enough for the vengeful trio. Gwen reached up and started tickling Courtney's sides, a very sensitive place for some. Unfortunately for the CIT, her sides were particularly vulnerable to this kind of tickling. She shrieked and thrashed, but Leshawna wasn't letting go.

Hannah tried to talk to Joel during this, but eventually Courtney's garbled combination of hysterical laughter and pleads for a halt made it too hard to concentrate. "Could you please be less noisy as you torture her?" she asked politely. "I'm on the phone here."

"Sorry, sugar," Leshawna apologized, letting go of Courtney. The CIT struggled and stepped away from the two girls.

"You both," she panted, trying to straighten out her clothes and hair, "are so dead. My lawyer will soup your plants! I mean, he'll pants the suit off of you! This suit-law..."

She tried to continue before Gwen waved her hand and asked loudly, "We're done with you, you manipulative witch. What's next?"

"Oh I know," Tyler exclaimed from behind Courtney. "When my sisters and I used to rough house!"

The athlete reached into the back of Courtney's pants, gripped her underwear, and yanked up. The high-pitched shriek from the CIT caused a crack in the train compartment's window.

"Whoa, sounds like someone's got a career as a warning siren," Gwen cackled, pointing and laughing at their victim. Leshawna covered her mouth to stop from laughing.

"I'm gonna...," Courtney tried to say, but was biting her bottom lip too hard to say anything.

Hannah sighed as she looked away from this. "No, someone isn't trying to kill a squeak toy," she explained to Joel, "these three are just giving Courtney a wedgie."

"All at the same time?" Joel asked in shock. "My, that's gotta hurt."

"And I gotta say, lacy black underwear isn't really Courtney's kind," Hannah added. "Heaven knows why she's wearing something like that."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Dizzy Miss Wedgie!)**

** Courtney** - "Not that it's anyone's business about my underwear color, but Duncan and I have a secret date tonight! I cannot believe those three, of all the immature... poopy-heads out there! P.S., I'm suing them!"

**Gwen** - "I truly think Courtney needs a lot more humiliation than what we provided. She's got such a big ego and a sharp mouth, you wanna smack her hard to knock at least some of that attitude out!"

**Leshawna** - "Yeah, maybe we were a little too harsh on Courtney, though I know my girlfriend Gwen disagrees. Truth be told, since I had to raise my siblings, I had to paddle them when they were really wrecking themselves. But I didn't want to do that to Courtney, that'd be all over the internet in minutes!"

**Tyler **- "I think I can forgive Courtney now. She should be flattered, we couldn't keep our hands off of her!" *He laughs, slaps his knee, loses balance and falls onto to the floor.*

**Joel and Hannah** - **Joel** - "I'm glad that you enjoy your new phone, but I'm sorry if I distracted you from your team and your goal to win."

**Hannah** - "Aw, you were much more fun than watching a rather sad torture session."

**Joel** - *He pumps his fists into the air.* "By the Walrus Kookookachoo, score one for me!"

* * *

**(Team 7 - Beth, Yoshi, Harold, Howard, Belinda, Zachary)**

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are they there yet?"

"No."

"Are they there yet?"

"N-... wait, what?"

Yoshi looked at Beth, who had been chanting the usual phrase and suddenly changed it to something else, with questioning eyes. The farm girl pointed at Belinda and Howard, him getting closer millimeter by millimeter.

"I wage 9.69 millimeters more before she has to scoot away from him again," Harold said, tapping his glasses to give himself a cool look. Beth looked at him with marvel, then the sudden shift of body and clothes diverted her attention back to Belinda and Howard. She had shifted, just as Harold had predicted.

"Like clockwork," the nerd said with a grin. "A true guy just how close a girl wants you to be with her after a certain amount of relationship has been pertained."

"Wow," Beth exclaimed, clapping her hands. "I didn't get any of that, but it sounded so cool."

"Maybe the white girl wants a real man?" Zachary asked, tapping his chest with his finger. "She's totally my type."

"How so?" Yoshi grumbled, looking away.

"She's hot."

The warrior rolled his eyes and looked out the window. "Whatever. None of this is helping us win the contest."

Harold snapped his fingers in realization. "That's right! Here, I think I got another magic trick up my sleeve."

"No no no," Yoshi pleaded as Harold began to reach up his sleeve. "Please Harold."

"I'm actually with white boy here," Zachary replied, jerking his thumb back at Yoshi. "No magic tricks, other white boy."

"I swear to God, you call me 'white boy' one more time..."

Yoshi's fists were trembling and, without his sword and losing his temper, he was starting to look seriously dangerous. The warrior didn't have enough time to say more as Harold pulled something that was on fire out of his sleeve.

"This time it worked," Harold exclaimed happily. "I have conjured fire without flint and tinder because I... am an enchanter!"

Beth clapped a great deal, while most of the others gave polite applause. Belinda added, "Oh, and your sleeve is on fire."

Harold looked down to see that, indeed, his clothes had caught fire. Beth and Zachary cried out in fear, but the nerd held up his hands calmly.

"No problem, the best course of action is, naturally, to stop, drop, and roll," he explained. Proceeding to do so, he rolled on the floor to put out his sleeve fire. In the process, the floor of their room caught fire.

"Waugh," Howard exclaimed, jumping up to stamp on the fire. "Stupid, cheap train floors!"

Zachary took to spitting on the fire to put it out. "What?" he said to the odd looks he was getting. "It's cool to put fires out with your spit, you look cool."

"Ewww," Beth groaned.

Yoshi rolled his eyes and stomped on one last fire. This heavy stomp on the weakened floor caused it to cave in, and he fell through. Wedged in the broken floor at the waist, he could almost feel the rush of the rail tracks millimeters from his feet.

Then someone had to ask it.

"You okay, dude?" Howard asked, staring at the suspended teenager in the floor.

Yoshi gave him a very unbalanced stare as Belinda came over to start pulling him up.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Help!)**

** Yoshi** - "And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. A day in the life of being on a reality show, which I was foolish enough to sign up for. I signed up for combat and rivalry and sportsmanship, and instead I'm stuck halfway through a train, quite literally, with people not sensible enough to pull me out!"

**Zachary** - *laughing and slapping his knee* "That stupid swordsman, what a hoser! In spite of all the danger, he still just rolls his eyes whenever anyone says anything to him."

**Beth** - *rolling her eyes* " 'You okay, dude?' Sheesh, Howard, you could have pulled him out of the hole first before asking him his current condition. Silly boys."

**Howard **- "Man, that train ride was awesome! I got to talk to Belinda the entire time, and she was so friendly and direct with me. There's hope, people, there's hope, not like the night before! I wonder what she'd say if she knew I was gonna try asking her out next chance I get."

**Belinda** - *shaking her finger at the camera* "Mean Mr. Mustard." **[2]**

**

* * *

**

**(Maclean Stadium, Camera Room)**

Chris Maclean, doting host he is, was sitting back in a chair, eating popcorn as he watched the screens in front of him. Chef Hatchet seemed to be actually studying them, as Duncan spied from behind.

"That creep Tyler is picking on Courtney," Duncan snarled, pointing at the screen where said picking was going on. "I'll get him for that!"

"Leshawna and Gwen are doing it too," Chris commented with a mouthful of popcorn.

"Man, I don't mind watching other girls getting their hands on my princess,"

"Damn it, Duncan, this is a family show, so shut the hell up with the dirty talk, you douche bag," the host grumbled.

Duncan raised an eyebrow (or at least part of his unibrow) at this, but Chef Hatchet waved as if to fan it away. "He's been bitter ever since one of his better jokes was censored when the joke was sent over to America."

"Shouldn't mail jokes to America then, keep 'em to yourself," Duncan cracked. "So how you deciding who wins?"

"Simple. There are two of us, Chef and myself, we split the amount of choices between us."

"But there's seven teams, and you said there were two losers. You cannot divide five by two."

"You can't?" Chef asked, looking surprised. He started counting on his fingers as Chris shrugged.

"I'm host, I get the larger amount of choices, so four for me."

Chef, still counting on his digits, realized those digits didn't sound fair. He began arguing with Chris, eventually taking the very mature route of grabbing handfuls of the host's popcorn and stuffing his face with it. Mr. Maclean pansy-slapped at him to get him to stop, then eventually dunked the bucket on Chef's head and crossed his arms in a huff.

Duncan rolled his eyes, and took a rolling glance at each team. Team 1 had Justin with his shirt off, reciting Jacob's lines from _New Moon_, with Katie forcing Crystal to be a very nervous and unsteady Bella (which is how most girls who realized a nice guy is a werewolf would be).

Team 2 had Lindsay chatting Noah up about the gossip magazine, with the bookworm pacing up and down the room chatting, "Lalala, I can't hear you," and the blonde wasn't taking that hint. Cody was trying to talk to Eva and Anita, but Noah's loud protest for silence was making it hard.

Team 3 was a natural disaster, consisting of flailing limbs, pained cries and frantic screams, and crashing bodies. Mandy was desperately trying to keep her snake Devour safe (he was actually the calmest of the bunch) as Xander's foot accidentally caught her in the gut, and a panicking DJ jumped on Alfred, who crashed into Sebastian and all three into the wall.

Team 4 had Heather and Valerie still wrestling, both looking rather furious. Sakaki still hid behind Trent, who tried not to look at the cat fight; however, every time he looked away, Geoff's sulky, angry stare met him, and he looked away.

Team 5 had Ezekiel and Izzy struggling to get him off of Bridgette, but Carol was not making it easy with her continued attacks (Anti-Spy Tackle, Sure-Hit Don't-Touch-Me Slap, Get Off the Surfer You're Taken Mr. Prairie Boy). Clive was wailing about how life was just like this, while Joel had to cover his free ear to talk to Hannah ("I don't know why they're still struggling over there, but by the Village of the Giants, I ain't going over there!")

Team 6 was now giving Courtney a vicious noogie. Hannah was trying hard to ignore this, but the continuous threats of lawsuits from the CIT were making it hard to. Every time the religious girl wanted to step in to stop, Courtney would start using some rather coarse language, and Hannah decided to let the punishment continue. After all, maybe getting an Indian rub would teach her not to use those kinds of words. **[3]**

Team 7 was now struggling to pull Yoshi out of the hole, Belinda and Harold using all of their strength. The situation was getting worse as the floor had collapsed around Beth, and the farm girl was now stuck in the middle of the floor too; Howard made sure to ask her if she was all right before helping pull her up from certain death.

Duncan sighed as he watched the teams compete, as Chef Hatchet took the popcorn bucket from his head and starting Chris with it. The host pelted his co-host with his snack food, while the only one interested in the actual contest was someone who had already been kicked off it.

"Man, this is one insane train," Duncan commented. "Makes you wonder which teams could possibly lose when there is this much chaos."

"Oh, I already picked three," Chris muttered, somewhat distracted by his fight with Chef.

"I picked two that deserve to win too," Chef retaliated, jamming the bucket onto Chris's head.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Sgt. Hatchet's Lonely Choice Club Band!)**

** Chris Maclean** - *with the popcorn bucket still on his head* "Tell me why... I still keep that big oaf as my co-host. I should hire someone else, and that, from what I've heard, every former judge of American Idol has quit..."

**Duncan** - "Courtney really should be able to defend herself. If she's so tough, I should ask her if she wants our date tonight to be in the road. No one will be watching..." *He grins and wiggles his fingers mischievously.*

**Chef Hatchet** - *brushing popcorn off him* "We all live in a mellow, sub-par scene, compared to a real combat zone. Rather be onboard a yellow submarine, though I don't know why."

**Lindsay **- *thoroughly confused* "Ever since that silly challenge on the train, I've had this weird desire to say things I wouldn't normally say while here in the confessional... place. Harold and Rodney said they'd explain it to me, but they lost me after..."

*She stops, then looks around, trying to remember where she got lost.* "Um..." *she looks at the camera, then extends her hand and smiles at it* "Lend me your comb, Mr. Camera, I need to look good for TV!"

* * *

--

--

--

**So who did Chris Maclean pick to win? Who did Chef Hatchet pick to win?**

** Which two teams are the losing ones, and who is going to be voted off of them?**

** And I don't know why you say good-bye, I say hello. And I feel fine, do you?**

**

* * *

**

**[1]** - "OMG, ohmahGaw, snake was in her BRA!" is sung to the tune of Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Dah. Whatever that song is supposed to be, either.

**[2]** - "Mean Mr. Mustard" is really the name of a Beatles song. I swear I'm not making that up, and if you're wondering, "_Why would Belinda say that,_" it's because she just wants to mention a song no one else would.

**[3]** - For all the Courtney fans, yes Courtney would swear something awful if provoked. Don't believe me? Look at her audition tape.

--

**Team 1** - Katie, Ezekiel, Justin, Rodney, Colin, Crystal

**Team 2** - Noah, Lindsay, Sadie, Eva, Anita, Cody

**Team 3** - Izzy, Mandy, DJ, Xander, Sebastian, Alfred

**Team 4** - Geoff, Trent, Heather, Valerie, Sakaki

**Team 5** - Bridgette, Joel, Clive, Carol, Arthur

**Team 6** - Hannah, Courtney, Gwen, Leshawna, Tyler

**Team 7** - Belinda, Howard, Zachary, Yoshi, Beth, Harold

--

**Next Up** - With the next voting ceremony comes the beginning of a sinister plan...


	23. Ch 6, Pt 3: Wrong Side of the Tracks

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. Also, do not spray cheese whiz into your shoes, you'll never get the smell out.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - According to Wikipedia, Ezekiel is not officially in the cast of Total Drama Musical. Who the heck writes those things?!

Also, the mysterious TDWT on the TDI blog, I believe it either stands for Total Drama Windup Film (for the TDA special), or Total Drama Where's Tyler?, an entire season in which Lindsay tries to find her boyfriend.

* * *

**Chapter 23** - The Train in Pain Mainly Wanes

* * *

--

--

--

**(Maclean Stadium)**

The train ride ended very shortly after the most recent events you had been informed about. If you want to see more, be sure to keep your eye out for the unedited, director's cut of this scene. **[1]**

Chris Maclean stood in front of the contestants, who had arrived back at the station shortly after all of the crazy encounters and fights they had. He shook his head and his finger at them, irking some of the contestants who hated to be lectured (especially by an egotistical sadist).

"I must say, you people sure don't know how to appease the cameras when told to," the host chastised them. "I told you to do fun things, and some of these teams were boring as heck."

Belinda cleared her throat, then thrust a finger at Chris. "You! Be interesting!"

Chris flinched, then looked around. "Um... what?"

The clairvoyant blond shook her head and her finger at Chris. "See? About 98% of people cannot 'be interesting' on demand."

"Who are the other two percent?" Gwen asked, smirking over Chris being proved wrong.

"People like Alfred and Izzy."

Izzy giggled and thumped her chest in pride. "Izzy does her best," she exclaimed, then looked over at Ezekiel. "I really do, even if I threw you into the wrong compartment. ... Twice."

"You threw him back into your own compartment," Chris snapped. "It's a good thing you hurt a lot of people in the process, or it'd be for nothing."

"We got hurt enough, thank you," Sebastian grumbled as he rubbed at the bandage wrapped around his forehead. As well as that, there were bandages around his arms and chest.

Mandy, sporting a black eye, her leg in a cast, and several bandages and band-aids on her body, was glaring at DJ. "You foolish mortal," she spat at him. "Devour wouldn't have hurt you! He's one of the friendliest snakes on this doomed planet!"

Alfred, with his left arm in a cast and a busted nose, simply giggled and bounced around. "I liked that trip, I got to know everyone a little better, and the girls couldn't keep off me!"

"They didn't have a choice, dude," Xander remarked as he massaged his sprained wrist, absentmindedly touching his other bandages which were all over his body. "The girls kept getting knocked into you by Hurricane Panicked DJ!"

Izzy giggled at this too. "Alfred is soft though, we're very lucky!" She threw her arms around the gonzo and hugged him. "Thank you for being so cushy to fall on!"

"It's all the fun things I've done, it tenderized my body," Alfred said, then winced. "Ouch, you're squeezing a particularly tender part of my back right now, Izzy!"

DJ, also with multiple bandages, including one around his forehead, scratched the back of his head. "Um, I'm sorry, you guys. I really am. Can you all forgive me?"

The other members of Team 3 grumbled and snarled, making the big teddy bear flinch. His shoulders sagged in anguish, and sighed heavily.

Chris had been pointing the camera at all the injured members of Team 3, and was now clapping for attention back to him. "Well, I should let you all know that, because of the hilarious footage of that chaos in your team, I have made you one of my three picks. Your team has immunity!"

"You're forgiven," Alfred, Izzy, Mandy, Xander, and Sebastian all exclaimed, and gave DJ one big, group hug.

"Okay, stop being all nice and sweet, we have to get back to the contest," Chris said. "Now then, we have six other teams, and four more to win immunity. I have two more picks, and Chef Hatchet has two."

The other teams looked rather nervous, exchanging glances and small comments. Most of them thought that since they hadn't beaten each other up and caused chaos in their train ride, they were done for.

"Now for my second pick," Chris said, shrugging his shoulders casually, "is our last team of people who aren't normally interesting but were this time, which is Team 7!"

The members cheered, except for Harold and Yoshi. "Not interesting?" Harold snarled, fingers twitching normally.

"How dare he?" Yoshi hissed.

"What did they do, if they weren't so interesting?" Heather snapped.

"They burnt a hole through their train cabin's floor, and a couple nearly fell through," Chris said with an amused chuckle. "True, it would have been more interesting if one of them _had_ fallen through, but hey, you gotta set some borderline."

"Gee, how thoughtful," Beth grumbled, looking away. "Scariest moment of my life, and it was just good enough for you."

"Stop whining, uninteresting person, you won," Chris snapped, then turned to Chef. "So, what'd you pick, big guy?"

"Team 1, of course," Chef said proudly.

The members of Team 1 cheered and high-fived, which Ezekiel beamed at his team. "Hey, good job, eh," he said to them. "What did you do?"

"They did a masterful portrayal of the _Twilight_ series," Chef Hatchet exclaimed, wiping a tear of remembrance from his eye. Chris was glaring at him, his arms crossed in disgust.

"Are you kidding me?" Arthur shouted, shaking his fists at the co-host. "You let them win because they reenacted that?"

Rodney scratched his head. "I... don't get it. All that happened was Justin took his shirt off a lot."

"A perfect interpretation of _New Moon_," Chef said, his shoulders shaking with emotion. "I was so moved, it reminded me the first time of many I saw it."

"I'm gonna be sick," Arthur groaned, clenching his stomach.

"Me too," Chris grumbled, glaring at the now-sobbing Chef. He sighed and shook his head. "Well then, time to tell you of my final pick, someone who truly deserved it!

"Team 5! You were hilarious!"

The members of the team cheered, but looked confused. "What did we do?" Clive asked.

"Yeah, I don't remember much," Joel remarked, "except for Ezekiel being thrown on Bridgette."

Heather glared at her boyfriend, who nervously held his hands up in defense. Izzy quickly stepped in to explain what happened (well, it wasn't quick when she started talking, because it was hard to get her to stop). Bridgette's face turned pink a little as she asked, "So, what did we do?"

"Actually, it was Carol who saved the day for you boring people," Chris said.

The enthusiast cocked her head to the side. "Wha? I don't remember doing anything really interesting."

"It was more of what you said that was interesting," Chris said. He pulled out a remote for Vera from his pocket, and turned on the screen. After hitting a few buttons, the footage of Team 5 began to play on the giant screen.

* * *

**(Team 5's Train Ride)**

**(Omnipotent Remark - It should be noted that, although Carol was not overly sheltered or ignorant of slang, there was one particular slang word she had somehow never heard before, and thus casually uses one word that is rather old-fashioned.)**

_Bridgette was busy correcting her clothes and hair, still flushed from having Ezekiel landing on her and practically squished against her. Joel was playfully smirking at her as he said, away from his cell phone conversation with Hannah, "You seem to keep getting involved with that guy, huh?"_

_ The surfer girl blushed even more, then shook it off. "He's just my friend, and everyone knows that. It's not our fault that, for some reason, destiny keeps us accidentally crashing into each other."_

_ "Interesting relationship," Arthur remarked, raising one of his sharp eyebrows. "But hey, I'm sure he's not complaining much."_

_ "Unless the only way he gets to meet her is being thrown through a window at her," Clive grumbled._

_ "Oh, I know how that is," Carol said, smiling and waving her hand. "The window is always the place for my pussy to come in."_

_ There was silence among the cabin, and Arthur was the first one to dare to speak. "Um, what now?" he asked, straightening his collar._

_ "She's out every night, such a naughty girl," Carol explained, smiling and shrugging her shoulders. "And always a mess too, heck knows she's been."_

_ Arthur was coughing and hacking uncomfortably. Clive and Joel were exchanging startled looks, and Bridgette was blushing all over again. Carol noted all this and crossed her arms, frowning in confusion._

_ "What?" she snapped. "Don't any of _you_ have a cat?!_"

* * *

Chris turned off the footage, still laughing. "Oh, Carol, you funny girl. You really had them going."

Carol pouted, crossing her arms and trying to ignore how many people were staring at her. "Well, I don't see what's so funny," she replied, turning up her nose at Chris and waving her hand dismissively. "My pussy is none of your business, Chris."

Several of the teenagers burst into wild laughter, which made Carol even more confused.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - It's been a hard train ride.)**

** Carol** - "So what exactly is so funny? Granted, my kitty cat is very funny at times, especially when she chases after the laser pointer! She's a cutie-pie, but if mentioning her gives my team a victory, I won't complain." *She beams in pride.*

**Arthur** - "Someone should tell her what that word means now..." *He strokes his chin, then grins wickedly.* "Nah!"

**Bridgette** - "Heather was pretty mad when the whole affair between Ezekiel and I came up. ... DAH! No no no! Wait, I mean-"

**Clive** - "Oh dear, I survive yet another challenge. How is that possible? Life should be stomping it's giant, cruel feet on me, like a helpless insect being crushed by a mindless human being!

"... Remarkably, the human that comes to mind is Chris Maclean."

**Joel** - "I thought for sure since all I did was talk to Hannah on the phone, that our team would lose. Thought it was all over for me, in the name of the great Earth vs. Spider match! And I must admit..." *he blushes* "She was so worth talking to the entire time. She's the sweetest girl I've ever met!"

* * *

Chris turned to Chef, giving him a sharp frown. "Okay, Twilight fanboy, your turn."

"No," Tyler shouted, covering his ears, "don't say those two words together!"

"Kill me," Arthur wailed.

"Shut up," Chef Hatchet barked. "You creeps are probably Team Jacob!"

"Who?" Rodney asked.

"What?" Eva said.

"Why?" Gwen groaned, miming putting a gun to her head and pulling the trigger.

Chef Hatchet took a few more seconds to glare at the contestants, then cleared his throat. "My other pick is Team 6, for their rather interesting fights."

Chris smiled and nodded. "Ah yes, Courtney torture, very violent and provoked. Makes good TV."

Courtney turned her nose up at Chris and scoffed. "Whatever," she spat. "When I'm elected to public office, my other teammates will be crushed by my powerful... um, power!"

Hannah looked away nervously before Joel stepped in. "Hey," he snapped at Courtney, "Hannah didn't do anything to you!"

"She didn't help me," Courtney snarled, looking over at Gwen, Tyler, and Leshawna. "And thus, she is just as guilty as them."

She would have continued, but Chef Hatchet nudged her. "I know now is not the best time," he whispered to her, "but when can I get in contact with your lawyer?"

"Hey," Gwen shouted, pointing accusingly at Courtney, "did you bribe Chef?"

"You gotta be kidding," Leshawna growled.

"Oh hush, you all got immunity because of it," Courtney snapped at them. "So don't complain! Anyway, it wasn't exactly a bribe."

"Then what is it Chef is getting?" Tyler snapped at her.

"Worker's comp," Courtney whispered to her teammates, "and possibly, he'll get his next paycheck on time."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Please don't stop the music!)**

** Tyler** - "Well, if Chris Maclean is going to suffer over it, I guess I can be okay with it."

**Courtney** - "There! Now will everyone just leave me alone?"

**Gwen** - "Yeah, I guess Courtney has had enough." *She grins darkly, and holds up a can of cayenne pepper.* "Sadly for her, I still have to get the final word."

**Leshawna** - "Kind of a cheap victory, but as long as it gets me one step closer to winning the big prize, I'll take it. I came to this contest to win, and I still intend to, baby!"

**Hannah** - "Joel was really sweet to defend me, but I trust in myself and God to protect me from the wrath of Courtney's political career."

* * *

"So that just leaves the two losing teams," Chris said, grinning at said losers, "teams two and four!"

Noah groaned in exasperation. "This wasn't really fair, you have the bias of a German Olympic judge!"

Chris raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean! I'm surprised you didn't write a book about how glorious the victories of the other teams were while the contest was going in."

"You only have yourself to blame for your team's loss, Noah."

"Why just me?!"

"Because all you all did was discuss gossip magazines and your sexuality, and that was really boring," the host explained. "I really don't care to hear about you and Cody."

"There's nothing between Cody and I," Noah exclaimed. He shoved the technogeek away from him, which resulted in a shove back, and the two started pansy-slap fighting.

"Eee, they're touching each other," Carol cheered. Eva groaned and shook her head at this, and pulled Cody away. Anita tried to wrestle Cody away from Eva in a fit of jealousy, and the two started slap-fighting each other.

"This is wild," Sadie exclaimed, watching the fights. She turned to Lindsay and asked, "Was any of this our fault?"

Lindsay was busy applying blush, but managed to shake her head, misapplying the make-up. "Naw, we were just fine, Sally. We just didn't know Chip was the judge, because if we had normal men judging us, our beauty would have won this."

"What do you mean 'normal men'?" Chris exclaimed, looking quite startled. When all Lindsay did was give him a stare, the host huffed and shoved Chef away from him.

"What was that for?" the cook barked, then started a pansy-slap fight with the host.

"So why did we lose?" Trent asked the host.

He didn't get an answer from the fight going on. Geoff and Valerie tried to call out to them too, but they didn't get an answer. Heather, who was still trying to straighten herself out from the cat fight with Valerie, was busy feeling her face to see how bad she looked. In her frustration, she snatched Lindsay's blush mirror and immediately started applying it.

"Hey," Lindsay exclaimed, but Heather ignored her, trying desperately to cover the slight bruises and scratches on her face.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Come on, feel the noize!)**

** Ezekiel** - "When Heather gets mad, she kind of slips back into her 'popular' self, eh. It's something I really have to help her with." *He scratches the back of his head and sighs.*

**Xander** - "It's obvious why a cat fight didn't work, if Chris had been a 'normal man,' you know?" *He snickers.*

**Harold** - "When you're burning down the train, what's a cat fight? Also, cat fights are not as fun as guys try to make them out to be. Girls like to use their nails, and GOSH, that HURTS!"

**Sebastian** - "Normal philosophy does not compute with Chris Maclean."

**DJ** - "I'm so glad my team won because of senseless violence and accidental injuries. Kind of how some of our football games are won." *He tries to smile, then bursts into tears.* "And I disapprove of it all!"

**Colin** - "I hate these challenges where I don't remember anything. But so long as I get immunity, I ain't complaining. Because when I do start losing, I have to threaten to break fingers if they don't vote for me, and there's only so much time, or fingers, before that won't work anymore."

* * *

The contestants were all standing around, waiting for Chris and Chef Hatchet to stop fighting. It took a lot of pleading from DJ and an impatient Eva to separate them.

"Well then," Chris said as he corrected his hair, giving a side-glare at Chef, "time to vote for the next loser to be booted off Total Drama Battlegrounds! Who's it going to be?"

Lindsay angrily swiped her blush back from Heather. Cody and Noah were glaring furiously at each other as Katie tried to pull her boyfriend away. Valerie was giving Heather a very unfriendly look, and Geoff was scowling at Trent from afar. Sakaki was just hiding behind Sebastian again, with the philosopher and Alfred trying to comfort her.

Bridgette approached Trent and started whispering to him. Geoff saw this and immediately balked. "Do you see that?" he complained to Justin, who was standing nearby him.

"What? Bridgette talking to Trent?" the male model asked.

"Yeah! Why is she talking to him first? I'm her boyfriend, shouldn't she ask who I want to vote off first?"

"Well, maybe that's not what they're talking about?" Justin suggested.

"Dude, you have a girlfriend! How would you feel if she discussed those kind of things with another guy before you?"

"But my girlfriend isn't semi-related to anyone here."

Geoff threw his hands up in frustration and stormed off.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Bring out the dancing queen, young and sweet!)**

** Beth and Justin** - **Justin** - "Geoff seemed really upset that Trent was talking to Bridgette."

**Beth** - "Really? I think it was vice-versa, him being upset she was walking to him."

**Justin** - "Hmm, possibly. I never understand these relationship problems."

**Beth** - "Well, everyone has them, sweetheart. Everyone gets jealous now and then."

**Justin** - *smiling at her* "Well how could I be jealous when I have the world's most perfect girl?"

*Beth squeals in delight, and tackles Justin, knocking them down.*

**Alfred** - "Sakaki sure is a nervous one, hiding behind Sebastian all the time. If it wasn't for the fact that there are two very fun and pretty, wild girls I'm now interested in, I'd pursue her a little..."

*He is distracted by wet kissing noises coming down from the floor. With a quick glance, he yelps and jumps back.* "Hey c'mon, it's my turn to do a confession! What is _with_ closets in Canada?"

* * *

Crystal, during all this drama, was trying to calm down Anita and Eva, but wasn't having any luck. Katie and Sadie had managed to pull Noah away, which the egghead might have appreciated if the two girls didn't start going on about wonderful some _Twilight_ scenes were.

Izzy and Mandy were talking to each other, something hushed and mysterious that most of the others couldn't (and some really didn't want to) hear. Occasionally, they'd look at one of the boys, like Alfred or DJ, and wave while giggle. It could have been interpreted as normal girl behavior, only one was a well-known psycho hose-beast, and the other was a cultist stroking her pet snake.

When Izzy waved at Ezekiel and grinned, Heather oversaw it, and walked off in a huff. Izzy saw that too, and cursed herself out.

"It's not your fault she's overly sensitive," Mandy said.

"Yeah, I know Heather is a bit of a psycho, but so long as she's dating Ezekiel, she can be all right in my book," Izzy said.

"I have a book, though the Necromicon doesn't say much about complicated relationships."

"I suppose not. Anyway, I'm gonna make sure Heather doesn't get voted off! I shall appeal to the others and rally the forces..."

She was distracted by the movement of wings. "... As soon as I catch this bird. BIRD! BIRD! HERE, BIRDY!"

Izzy raced after the bird, chasing and leaping and pouncing at the creature. The redhead crashed into Yoshi, sending him sprawling. Then she used Crystal as a springboard. She carried on, knocking Katie and Sadie aside as she continued to pursue the bird, giving Noah a chance to escape.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Boogie fever, anyone?)**

** Yoshi** - *grumbling angrily to himself* "Someone needs to put a leash on that girl sometimes! And no, I'm not being mean, she scratches behind her ear with her foot sometimes!"

**Crystal** - "Seems like Eva and Anita are really keen on winning Cody over, which means this is the fiercest love triangle I've seen, eh wot. It makes me wonder if I'm going to have to take sides."

**Katie** - "Noah normally does run off when I talk about _Twilight_. Perhaps I should be more considerate, because I usually nod off when he talks about his fantasy games."

**Howard** - "Well, I won immunity, got to talk to Belinda, and we all had a darn good laugh. Best of all, that random music that gets caught in my head is over, so I don't have to worry about that anymore!"

**Belinda** - *humming and snapping her fingers* "It's gonna be a heartache tonight, a heartache tonight I know..."

* * *

**(Inside Maclean Stadium)**

Valerie was heading towards the rooms, which was where she thought Trent would go first off. Along the way, she saw Lindsay talking to a couple people.

"Heather's still a mean witch, so we really gotta vote for me," she was instructing them. "I know it'll hurt Zergling's feelings, but she just doesn't want to cooperate with us. Pass this on, and we'll get her voted off." **[2]**

Lindsay nodded to the two girls, then noticed Valerie, and headed off. The politician rolled her eyes, and almost bumped into Trent at this. Zachary, from a distance, was watching.

"Hello there, Trent," Valerie said, using that perfect combination of flirty and business that she had perfected over the years. "I wanted to talk to you!"

Trent was starting to open the door to his room when she said hello. With a sigh, he closed it. "_I was really hoping to avoid her,_" he thought to himself. "Yes?"

"I was just wanting to talk to you about who we should vote off. And I know you hate Heather as much as I do," Valerie said, putting her hand on her hip.

Trent glanced to the side, and let out another sigh. "Yeah, I'm sorry, Valerie, but I kind of promised someone I wouldn't vote for her."

"What? Who? Ezekiel?"

"No, Bridgette. She wants to give Heather another chance, because of-"

"Look, I know you and Bridgette are close now, but it's not going to hurt her," Valerie coaxed him. "You helped vote with me last challenge, so I thought-"

"No, I'm sorry, Valerie, but I didn't vote for Howard. I voted for Owen."

Valerie stood there, mouth agape. Trent shrugged and said, "I know, you probably don't like it, but I didn't promise you anything. I just don't want to be part of any alliance, especially one that Gwen's not part of. So sorry, but I'm going to vote for someone else."

He walked into his room and closed the door. Valerie was frozen for a few seconds, then Zachary could see her shaking. Her fists curled as she turned around and stomped off, face contorted in incredible rage.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Okay, fine. Stop the music. See if I care.)**

** Zachary** - "Yeah, I'm not hiding from Valerie in here, honest. She's kind of hot when she's mad, now I know why Duncan likes Courtney when she's furious!"

*He chuckles, then quickly covers his mouth.* "Um... okay, maybe I am hiding from her, a little." *He peeps outside of the closet, then hurries out.*

* * *

Heather was storming down the hallways as well when she almost ran into someone else heading down the hallways.

"Oh you," the person she nearly bumped into stammered as they collected themselves. "I've been looking for you!"

"What? You?" Heather exclaimed. "What do _you_ want? I have nothing to say to you!"

"I think you'd better listen to what I have to say. I've heard quite a few people talking about voting you off. You ticked off a lot of people, you know."

"Oh yeah? Like who?"

"Lindsay for one. She's rallying people to vote you off."

Heather cringed and slammed her fists against the wall. "That dumb... stupid... argh! Okay, I lost my temper, with her, with you, but it's too late to apologize! If I wanted to."

"Well, there's something else you can do."

Heather looked at the mysterious person, confused and upset. "What? Look, why are you even helping me? Didn't you..."

"... That doesn't matter anymore," the person said. "Look, I'll be honest, I want to help you because I want your support in the future to vote off anyone else unwanted."

"Oh, right, I see what this'll lead to. Blackmail."

She started to storm off, but the person called out, "What about Ezekiel?" She immediately turned around and glared daggers.

"I'm sick of that! You threatening to vote off Ezekiel-"

"I mean that if you stay in the game, we'll both be able to keep him in the game too. You know he deserves another shot, and truth be told, I like him too."

"What?" Heather blurted out, laughing incredulously. "That's bull! You don't-"

"You can argue with me about this all you want," the person interrupted her, "but that doesn't change the fact that you'll lose the game here and now if you don't vote for who I suggest."

"Well, I'll bite. Who?"

"Trent."

"No," she said, narrowing her eyes. "I refuse to get involved in voting off Gwen's boyfriend again, a third time even! Besides, if he goes, everyone will accuse me."

"Then lie. Say you had nothing to do with it. I have a scapegoat already."

Heather continued to listen to the person's plan, and the more she listened, the better it seemed; however, she felt it was like looking over a cliff, leaning further and further. Sure, the view was getting better, but it was only a matter of time before she went head over heels right over the side.

The queen bee bit her bottom lip as the person finished up the plan, and she sighed. "Look, I'll go along with this, but does it have to be Trent? Can't we vote off someone like Noah, or Eva?"

"No, it has to be him. Remember, Gwen is a great competitor, and the longer she's in, the worse things get for us. She's already been a little miss hissy-fit these days, this'll be enough to make her pushed right over the edge."

Heather sighed, then shook her head. "Yeah, I still don't like her... but this had better work."

The person grinned. "Oh yes, this'll work. I'm much better than you think I am. Now I'm off to finish this up."

Heather watched the person go, and sighed heavily. "I really, really am going to regret this, aren't I?" she muttered to herself.

* * *

**(A few minutes later, elsewhere in the stadium.)**

"Look, you don't have to convince me of anything. I've really had enough of him, and the sooner, the better."

"Excellent, glad to have your vote."

As the two walked, they overheard another conversation. It was Sakaki making a quick confession to someone, someone other than her favorite human shield.

"I was gonna vote for Heather, since she's been really scary today, and I'm worried," the moe girl confessed, rubbing her toes into the ground, "that if she stays in this contest, I'll get paired with her on the same team or something, and she'll scare me into doing what she wants. I was wondering if you could vote for her too?"

The person Sakaki was talking to seemed to ponder this. "I'll think about it, hon."

"_Drat_," someone thought. "_As much as I hate to even think it, Heather has to stay in this game..._"

* * *

**(The Voting Ceremony Platform)**

The large audience was back, which was a big surprise to most of the contestants. "Who'd spend money," Noah was grumbling, "just to see the voting ceremony live?"

"Apparently, this show is a lot more popular than we thought," Xander commented. He grinned and added, "Excellent."

Sakaki was hiding behind Sebastian the whole time, while Alfred walked with his arms around Mandy and Izzy's shoulders, the two girls putting on a fairly good strut. Howard tried to put his arm around Belinda, but she dodged it.

Lindsay looked at Heather, and when their eyes locked, the blonde turned up her nose. Heather sneered and looked away, down at the ground. Her eyes betrayed her for a second when she glanced at Trent, who was sitting next to Gwen.

"_This had better work,_" Heather thought to himself. "_This is going to end badly any way. Oh, why didn't we just vote Eva off? No one would mind, it'd end that stupid love triangle-_"

She was startled when Ezekiel sat down next to her, and took her hand into his. His thumb massaged the back of her hand, and he smiled at her. She looked at him oddly, then continued to stare down at the ground.

"Welcome to the sixth trophy time," Chris Maclean announced, standing at his podium again. The crowd went wild, and he waved the newest trophy up in the air for them. No surprise to anyone, there was the emblem of a train at the front.

"Isn't it wonderful that we have such a sellout crowd?" the host continued. "Well, shall we begin? First off, trophies for all those who won immunity!"

Trophies were flung hard and fast, hitting a couple people. "Ow, what the hell?" Leshawna barked as she nursed her bruise. "What's your problem, you jerk?"

"Not satisfied with the amount of pain we endured on the train?" Beth growled, rubbing her head.

"I outta take a leaflet from Courtney's book," Yoshi grumbled, "and sue your butt."

"Oh, quit complaining, you got one without a hassle this time," Chris remarked. "Now, for the eleven who have a shot at losing the big shot."

"What?" came the confused reply from many people.

"I thought it sounded cool," Chris admitted, grumbling to himself. "Anyway! We have on the chopping block possibility: Noah, Geoff, Lindsay, Trent, Sadie, Heather, Eva, Valerie, Anita, Sakaki, and Cody!"

Katie immediately grabbed one of Noah's hands and one of Sadie's, and squeezed as hard as she could; she actually started to hurt them, but both couldn't bring themselves to ask her to stop. Ezekiel held Heather's hand tighter, and she was screaming mentally, "_Please let this work, please oh please... forgive me, God; forgive me, Zeke. Forgive me, Gwen... yeah, even you._"

Trent and Gwen were holding hands too, while Valerie glared at him from afar. Cody was sitting in-between Anita and Eva, but the dangerous looks the two girls were giving each other were starting to scare him. Lindsay nervously began applying blush, glancing in-between her reflection and Heather.

Sakaki, who didn't have Sebastian, simply squeaked in terror and hid behind Geoff, nearly knocking the party lover over and away from his very concerned girlfriend. He reached back to pat Sakaki's shoulder as she peeped over his to watch Chris.

"And the ones to get the trophy straight up are..."

He paused for dramatic effect, everyone biting nails or fingers (or in Katie's case by accident, Noah's fingers).

"... Sakaki and Lindsay," Chris announced over Noah's cry of "Ouch!" The two girls caught their trophies and hugged them tightly.

"Next up to receive trophies are Valerie, Geoff, and Sadie!"

Chris Maclean threw the trophies out, and the happy cries from Bridgette and Katie almost drowned him out. "Next lucky enough are our favorite love triangle: Cody, Eva, and Anita!"

The two girls caught their trophies when they were thrown over Cody's head. When Cody sat up to catch his, his head banged against their golden trophies, and he slumped back into his chair. His own prize hit him in the stomach when his hands were preoccupied holding his sore head.

"Next up of the remaining three is... Noah!"

The egghead caught his trophy, then all eyes were on Trent and Heather. The queen bee was breathing heavily for a few seconds, then she sat up and stared at the last trophy with determination. Trent was also focused and breathing hard, but Gwen seemed to be even more set on the trophy.

"_I hope that plan worked,_" Heather thought, her nails digging into Ezekiel's assuring hand.

"_You cannot take Trent from me so soon,_" Gwen thought, fists clenching and eyes narrowed. "_He deserves to get further, don't you dare give it to _her!"

"And the final trophy for the interesting train race challenge is..."

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"Heather!"

When the queen bee caught her trophy, a startled look on her face, there was a collection of gasps all around. It was silent otherwise, except for a very hushed conversation nearby.

"It's going to get ugly really quickly, isn't it?" Rodney asked Harold.

"Yes, my young friend, it is."

"Should we run?"

"That's advisable."

As Harold and Rodney took off running (but not screaming, that'd draw too much attention to themselves), Gwen erupted. "What?! NO!! Not again!"

"Them's the rules, Gwen," Chris said, with the most smug of all smug grins that would make any one want to punch him right in the smugness. "Your boyfriend has to-"

He flinched when Gwen pulled her fist back and rushed at him. Trent and Bridgette hold her back until she finally managed to collect herself, though she was hollering, "Why are you stopping me? I'm doing what every one of us wants to do!"

"Gwen sweetheart, please calm down," Trent pleaded with her.

"Why? Why?!" she hissed, her pale face scrunched up with fury. "Aren't you mad? You've been voted off for no good reason!"

"Gwen, of course I'm upset, but punching out the host isn't going to help things."

"Oh, I beg to differ," she grumbled, crackling her knuckles. Trent cupped her face and got her to look at him.

"Gwen, it's a game of chance. I'm just glad that this time, there's not so much drama," he said, shuddering a little when he remembered the events from TDI. With a sigh, he gave her a kiss on the lips, then on her forehead. "Take care, my goth girl."

She sighed, and shook her head. When the bus pulled up, she could barely look up as Trent made his way onto the Bus of Defeat. Duncan looked surprised to see Trent stepping on the bus, but it was the musician who was startled more so when Owen grabbed him in a hug and started to bawl.

As the Bus of Defeat rolled off, Chris cleared his throat. "Um, that's all for tonight, folks," he stammered, looking at Gwen cautiously. "Good-bye!"

He ran off (screaming, because it didn't matter at this point), as Gwen started to breathe in and out faster, hissing in air. Her dark eyes focused on Heather.

"You...," she began, and despite Bridgette nearby her, trying to calm her down, the goth girl began stomping towards the queen bee. "You! You did this! I'm gonna-"

"Hey now, wait a minute," Heather exclaimed, standing up to Gwen. "I didn't vote for your boyfriend."

"Oh, like I'm going to believe that!"

"Well, it's the truth," Heather said, crossing her arms. "I really wanted no part in voting for your boyfriend this time around, so I voted for someone else."

She jerked her thumb at Noah, who scoffed and stomped off. Katie glared at Heather before hurrying after her boyfriend, Sadie after her. Gwen glanced at Noah, then at Heather and Ezekiel, then she stormed off. She had been clenching her fists so hard, she had cut her palms with her nails, and blood leaked down her hands.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - The love shack? No, not really.)**

** Harold and Rodney** - **Rodney** - *hiding behind Harold* "Think it's safe to go out now?"

**Harold** - "Um, possibly. Gosh, who would have thought there would be so much drama so early on?"

**Rodney** - *scratching the back of his head* "Well, I guess that's what you get when you deal with teenagers."

**Harold** - "What are you talking about? You're... oh yeah." *He pat Rodney on his head, then knocked on his helmet.* "You're lucky to have this, little dude."

**Rodney **- "So I've been told, many times." *He giggles a little.*

* * *

Ezekiel was heading to his room when Heather stopped him. "Um, are you sure you want to go in there?" she asked him. "If Gwen is in there-"

"Look, it'll be fine, eh," he replied, winking at her. "She's not the kind to attack me fur what happened toda-"

When he opened the door, a furious cry came from inside the room, and a pillow whizzed by Ezekiel's head. The prairie boy squeaked in terror and shut the door fast. "Okay, maybe not, eh!"

Heather quickly pulled him away from his normal room and to the secret place they had used last night. "I think, for your safety, we should stay here."

"Right, just for my safety," he said quietly, but couldn't help grinning at her. She scoffed and laughed, then looked away.

"Um, Ezekiel?" She started to say. "About the voting? I just wanted to tell you-"

He put a finger to her lips, then pulled her close. "Look, Heather, you don't have to tell me anything, eh. I knoo' it's possible, but I wanted you to stay. And don't tell Gwen or Bridgette this, but I'd much rather have you stay than Trent."

Heather sighed as he kissed her face and held her in his arms. She felt so much safer and relaxed, something she rarely ever felt; it was usually with him that she ever felt this good. "And don't tell anyone I ever said," she whispered, "but I don't deserve you."

* * *

**(Room 5 - Ezekiel, Geoff, Gwen, Hannah)**

Geoff sulked as he brought the pillow he had thrown at the door that had somehow wound up out of the room. As he walked in, Hannah soon entered.

"What happened?" she asked, confused.

"Oh nothing, just throwing pillows in frustration," Geoff said, tossing his pillow back on his bed. "Just not happy."

"That's odd for you, but understandable tonight," Hannah remarked. "After all, your girlfriend's stepbro-"

"I know," he snapped as he pounded the side of his bunk bed. "Dang it, I know who he is! Doesn't make this whole thing any easier."

Hannah was now very confused. "What do you mean by that?" she asked. Then she covered her mouth in astonishment. "Oh my... Geoff... you didn't?"

He didn't say anything, he just collapsed in his bed. Hannah looked down at him, then at Gwen's empty bed.

* * *

**(Shower Room)**

Izzy and Mandy, wrapped in bathrobes, entered the shower room. "It took all the effort in this doomed world to convince Leshawna and Lindsay to let me keep my pet snake in our room," Mandy grumbled, "but I gotta send him home tomorrow, when I get a chance."

"They're so mean, snakes are the greatest pets ever," Izzy said. "I've had a few snake pets, and they love giving me kisses."

"I know, right? For Yig's sake, getting kissed by a snake is not a bad thing. They have clean mouths! Or is that dogs I'm thinking of?"

They shrugged as they entered the showers, and were surprised to see someone already there. Gwen, still fully dressed, was sitting under the hot water spray. She barely noticed the two crazy girls entering the shower, and when she finally acknowledged them, she merely grunted.

"Oh dear, you going to be all night?" Mandy asked.

"If I want to be," Gwen growled at her, not bothering to look up.

"Seems like a weird place to be, you're gonna get pruny," Izzy remarked. "My sister, she, like, was mad and took this hour long shower. Then I wanted to get back at her and took a _two-hour_ shower to get back at her, and I'm telling you, I looked horrible!"

She laughed and added, "I looked ninety years old, the amount I was pruny!"

Mandy chuckled and said, "Sounds like a good way to go, if the Old Gods ever come to wipe us all out. Taking a good, long shower-"

"Okay! Okay fine," Gwen suddenly shouted, standing up in a huff. "I'll leave the damn showers!"

She stormed for the door, grabbing a towel. As she left, Izzy and Mandy exchanged looks.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Splishing and a'splashing!)**

** Izzy and Mandy** - **Mandy** - "Gwen's been really irked since this contest began. I knew she was a cranky, goth girl, but I didn't know she was a _really_ cranky, goth girl!"

**Izzy** - "Izzy suspects something big has happened. Izzy also thinks that her boyfriend being voted off so early, possibly by her long-hated rival, isn't going to help things out!"

**Mandy** - "That's deep, my mortal friend, very deep."

**Izzy** - "Izzy also thinks that Heather may have voted for Trent, but didn't organize it; she has no idea who did, though. All she knows is that Ezekiel's girlfriend should stay a little longer, because Izzy wants Zeke to be happy."

**Mandy** - "That's so nice of you, keep him happy while we're all still alive."

**Izzy** - "That's Izzy life motto!"

**Mandy** - "Can I ask you something?"

**Izzy** - "Shoot."

**Mandy** - "Why do you sometimes talk in third person?"

**Izzy** - *She shrugs and grins impishly.* "I dunno, it just seems like a lot of fun to do every now and then!"

**Mandy** - "Mandy thinks talking in third person is silly!" *They both laugh.*

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium Cafeteria)**

Lindsay sipped her tea as Tyler comforted her, rubbing her back. "I don't understand," she pouted. "I talked to several people about voting Heather off! And yet she stayed! Why?"

"Well, maybe they changed their mind," Tyler suggested. "Who did you ask?"

"I asked that police officer girl, my roommate Lefonda, my best friend, and the nice religious girl!"

"You mean Carol, Leshawna, Beth, and Hannah?"

"Yeah, I think those were their names."

Tyler blinked, then bit his bottom lip as he tried to think of a gentle way to put this. "Um, Lindsay babe? None of them could vote."

"What?"

"You talked to several people, but none of them had the option to vote this time around. They couldn't do anything to kick off Heather."

Lindsay thought about this for a few seconds, then face-palmed. "DOH!"

* * *

**(Bus of Defeat)**

Trent managed to wriggle out of Owen's hug, and sat alone for a while. Jasmine eventually sat down next to him and offered her condolences.

"You think Heather voted you off?" Jasmine asked him.

"I really don't know at this point, but I think it's possible. Shame, really," Trent remarked. "It would have been much nicer if both of us made, less drama and such."

"Aw well. Still, I wonder who could have organized such a thing! Heather doesn't have influence like that parrot guy from that Shakespeare play."

Trent blinked as he tried to find out what exactly she meant by that.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - A grand closing for a grand musical.)**

** ???** - "I'm glad that the plan worked out, though that means I have to keep _Heather_ in this game a little longer." *The mysterious person's eyes roll.*

"But the good thing is, I now have her in my pocket. With things going the way they are now, this contest... is mine." *The person claps his/her hands and chuckles darkly.*

* * *

**(Voting Confessions)**

**Trent** - "Since Bridgette wants me to vote for someone else besides Heather, I'll vote for Noah. He's not a very nice guy, and since Chris has a grudge against him, or on him, or for him..." *He trails off, trying to think of how to say it, and confuses himself.*

**Heather** - *sighs heavily* "I'm voting for Trent. Yeah, I don't really want to, this time, but it really is him or me."

**Valerie** - "How _dare_ Trent betray me like this! And choosing that surfer _bimbo_ over my choice? He's out of here, I've made sure of that!"

**Sakaki** - "I... I vote for Heather. She's a scary person."

**Noah** - "So long as Cody's around, these stupid rumors are going to persist! I don't like those rumors, especially since they almost killed my chances at becoming class president!"

**Lindsay** - "I'm voting for Heather, and I've asked, like, four people to vote for her too! I figured five people out of eleven is about half, so that should be enough, right?"

**Sadie** - "Well, a couple people talked to me about who to vote for, Trent or Heather. I know Heather's really mean, but I think I'll vote for Trent instead. It's not because he's mean or anything, I just got a, like, better argument why him. Though it's all kind of a blur how this happens... I need to have Katie nearby me more."

**Eva** - "I vote for Anita! She's not winning Cody!"

**Anita** - "I vote for Eva! Though it is kind of a throwaway vote, no one else will be voting for her."

**Cody** - "Noah's always been a bit of a jerk, and it's kind of tradition for me to vote for him, so I guess I'll keep up with that."

**Geoff** - "Yeah, I've had quite enough with Trent, and how everyone, including... no, _especially_ Bridgette, are always talking about him! So I'm taking that advice I was given, and I'm voting him off!"

*He crosses his arms and frowns at the camera, but it quickly dissolves into him sobbing and clutching his hat.* "So why does it feel like I'm doing something incredibly _wrong?_"

* * *

Votes

**Geoff** - Trent

**Trent** - Noah

**Heather** - Trent

**Valerie** - Trent

**Sakaki** - Heather

**Noah** - Cody

**Lindsay** - Heather

**Sadie** - Trent

**Eva** - Anita

**Anita** - Eva

**Cody** - Noah

--

Trent - 4

Heather - 2

Noah - 2

Anita - 1

Eva - 1

Cody - 1

--

**Voted Off** - Sandra, Duncan, Jasmine, Daisy, Owen, Trent.

* * *

**[1]** - If you are waiting for the unedited, director's cut of Total Drama Battlegrounds, I'm sorry to say that production has been canceled.

**[2]** - Lindsay called Ezekiel "Zergling," which is really too bad. And no, I'm not anxiously awaiting Starcraft 2... okay, yes I am.

--

**Next Up -** Virtual Reality Fight: Blood Suckers, Glittery or Not!


	24. Ch 7, Pt 1: Vampires, Pain in the Neck

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - According to the polls, there was a tie between the idea of Izzy dating one of the new guys or dating Ezekiel. Pie was a very close third place. Very interesting, and one of the highest amount in polls I've seen.

Not only is there a new poll up, but it's about something we all know and hate (or most of us do). I offer no apologies to the sexual predator stories, aka vampire novels.

Also also, I know there are a lot of vampire stories and pop culture references I can do, but there's only so many references I can fit. And may I say, you guys and gals crack me up; I update my story, and you finish your review with "When's the next one?" I have spoiled you all a little too much, methinks.

* * *

**Chapter 24** - Dracula's Castle Mania

* * *

--

--

--

**(Janitor's Closet - Coming in right off the bat!)**

** Izzy** - *She has apparently taken a shower, as her wet hair is clinging to her head, and she's wrapped in only a towel.* "Gwen was still in the shower when I took my spur-of-the-moment shower at 1 AM. Still upset about her boyfriend, and she snapped at me something fierce, worse than the pet badger I had!"

*She taps her chin in thought.* "I think she suspects Heather of voting off Trent. To me, it doesn't matter, since I'm being super-nice to Heather for Ezekiel's sake. Besides, Trent was one of those people who stared at me oddly whenever I talked. And thus, being nice to Heather continues, and Izzy continues her own search for a boyfriend!"

*Izzy cheers and pumps her fists in the air, loosening the towel...*

**Chris Maclean** - *He is also wet and only in a towel.* "Man, they stopped my daily shower just to inform me that Izzy flashed the camera and it had to be edited. Did they have to call me out of the shower?"

*He mutters angrily as he shakes a bottle of hair gel.* "Honestly, a stadium's shower never runs out of hot water! And thus, my gorgeous hair gets the proper treatment before the hair gel!"

*Chris smears some in his hair and starts to rub it in. The vigorous applying of hair gel makes his body shake, loosening the towel...*

**Groucho the Duck** - *His eyes are wide.* "Oh the things I see in here when I'm on reconnaissance!"

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Cafeteria)**

The teenagers were busy eating and conversing, as per usual; however, unlike a high school cafeteria, there was a raccoon also eating a tray of food next to Beth and Justin. Every now and then, Beth would stroke the creature's gray fur, and he'd chatter approvingly. A duck, with a shocked expression on his face, was also arguing with the chef (Chef) over the case of the bacon being not crispy enough.

Anita was busy looking for Cody, hoping desperately to get some time alone with him. He was, unfortunately for her, with Eva again. Anita sighed, feeling too awkward to join in, stared at them as they conversed.

"Wow, you really do work out a lot," Cody admired her. "Did you take a shower this morning? Your skin looks a little wet."

"That's sweat," Eva said, flicking at a bead of said liquid. "Unfortunately, the showers were a little busy when I tried to use them."

"_Likely story,_" Anita thought bitterly as she sat a short distance from them. "_Now she's got him thinking of her in the shower..._"

Cody's face had indeed lit up, and his grin was a little wider. He shook his head to clear away naughty images and said, "So, think we're doing another virtual reality challenge today?"

"I sure hope so, the last one was fun, and I am not restrained there. I'm usually worried about breaking equipment, the cheap crap Chris Maclean brings around. Think this would break some of his fake sets?"

She lifted her arm and flexed her muscle. Cody eagerly felt the bulge of power in that mighty arm, and whistled approvingly. "You'd tear them apart."

"And how I'd love to do that to," she said with a chuckle.

"_Now he's feeling her up, and she's laughing! Eva! Laughing,_" Anita thought, slamming her forehead against the table, startling the nearby DJ.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Eva laughing? Wow, Cody is good!)**

** Anita** - "I can be as tough as Eva, really I can! I'm engaged in a lot of physical activities back at my school, and... and..." *She stops and then face-palms.* "Man, that sounds so wrong. What I mean to say is that if I have to be tough like Eva in order to impress Cody, then so be it!"

**Eva** - *She chuckles and crosses her arms.* "So Cody likes a strong woman? That makes him all the more alluring, most guys are too intimidated by me. Why, when I snapped at him for trying to snatch my bacon, he just grinned at me fondly." *She sighs happily.*

**Cody** - *munching on some bacon* "So, I've been giving this more thought. I know a lot of people are wondering why I'm interested in Eva, but hey, I have a thing for tough women."

* * *

Lindsay was watching Noah, who was sitting next to Katie and Sadie. He was busy reading them passages from a novel, and the two were giggling. Katie had her arms wrapped around one of his, and she nuzzled his arm with her cheek.

The sight of romance and reading intrigued Lindsay. Tyler was busy, taking a shower despite the slight clamor for them this morning (and Lindsay couldn't help but daydream about the half-naked guys wrestling each other in the showers). Lindsay decided then and there that she should be prepared for romance when Tyler came back, and so she down near Noah.

"Hello, Nick," she said to Noah, putting on her friendliest smile. The bookworm was confused if he was the one being addressed, then he saw Lindsay nearby.

"Oh hi," he said, monotone. Sadie waved at her friend.

"Want to hear what Noah's reading?" Sadie asked her. "It's really, like, nice!"

"Oh, I was hoping I could read it myself," Lindsay said, grinning eagerly. "That way, I could be romantic too!"

Noah blinked a few times. "You want to read a book?"

"Yes."

"A real book?"

"Yes!"

He pursed his lips, then raised an eyebrow. "Do you know how?"

Katie elbowed him. "Oh don't be so rude now," she chastised him. "Let her read the book."

Noah rolled his eyes and sighed. "Fine," he grumbled as he handed the novel over to Lindsay.

"Ohh-ho-ho-ho, yes," Lindsay gushed as she opened it up. She started looking back and forth, eyes eagerly scanning the book. Then after a while, she looked up and asked, confused, "Where's the On button?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - We don't have an On button.)**

** Noah** - "I won't say that Lindsay is stupid. But I will say that if someone offered her headphones, she'd wonder how you install them there.

**Katie** - "Noah's dry wit is sometimes a little too dry, he can be really mean at times. I mean, I am still a little suspicious of why Lindsay wants to be more romantic with his book, but I think he overdid it a little."

**Sadie** - "Lindsay's a real sweetheart, and her boyfriend is such a hunk. Just like Katie and her boyfriend, though while she likes smart guys, I like tough guys. And lucky me, there's a lot of tough guys this season!"

* * *

Valerie sat down next to Zachary, trying to look non discreet as possible. "Zach," she said casually.

"Val," he replied, minding his food. "Breakfast is good today. Was really thinking I'd be up for torture this season, but thank Xander for keeping Chef out of the kitchen; he's a cool cat."

Valerie nodded, sampling her food. "So," she mused, "what do you think about last night's elimination?"

"It was a relief. Thank goodness I took care of business."

Valerie looked at him strangely, then shrugged. "Well, Trent deserved getting voted off. I'm glad things worked out the way I wanted them to."

Zachary looked at her strangely, then shrugged. "There's gonna be more drama, that's for sure. But hey, another white girl whining, who's surprised?"

Valerie sighed and looked away. "Things are becoming very rickety, we'll have to be careful, Zach. Also, we must be more careful with who we recruit."

"Darn right. Don't worry, girl, I'm sure we'll be fine. But I must say, we do have a bad history so far of people who were going to be on our side being voted off right away."

Valerie looked at him strangely again, then shook it off and smiled. "Well, at least we can trust each other. Like I trust you if we were alone in our room together, alone, before the challenge today."

She winked at him and walked off, him giving her a strange look to the back of her head.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Subtle, like Valerie?)**

** Valerie** - *She is crossing her arms and fuming angrily.* "And when he did show up, it was just to get his wallet! Man! Why can't he take a hint? Am I doing it wrong? I've never subtlety told a guy I wanted to do something naughty with him."

**Zachary** - "Valerie weirds me out, how she goes from discussing our strategy in the competition, to being overly friendly and batting her eyes a lot. Does this contest turn her on or something? I don't get white girls."

* * *

Bridgette was walking over to Gwen, holding her tray in one hand. She waved at Ezekiel along the way, who smiled and waved back in the midst of cuddling Heather.

When Bridgette sat down across from the goth girl, she was surprised to see Gwen look away. "What's wrong?" she asked. "Still upset about Trent being voted off?"

"What do you think?"

"I'm really sorry. I miss him too, I cannot imagine why he was voted off. You want to talk about him?"

Gwen shook her head, sipping her drink. Bridgette swallowed nervously, looking around. "Who...," the surfer girl stammered, "who do you think voted him off? I cannot think of anyone who would."

"How about your boyfriend?"

The comment threw Bridgette off, and when she recovered, she frowned. "What does that mean?"

"He was glaring at Trent after that train challenge. He sure seemed to be mad at my boyfriend for some reason."

"And I suppose he gathered everyone up and had them vote him off?" Bridgette snapped, frowning more.

"Why don't you just ask him?"

"I don't have to," the surfer girl said before she stood up, took her tray, and walked off. She passed by Ezekiel again, who was startled by her angry expression.

"What was that a'boot, eh?" he asked his girlfriend.

Heather shrugged. "Goth girl's been snappish since this contest started. But I overheard the name 'Geoff'."

"You heard that? We're all the way over here."

"The queen bee's ears are trained to pick up far away conversations," she bragged.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Hopefully, she cannot hear this.)**

** Bridgette** - "Gwen's temper is really getting irritating. Now she's accusing my boyfriend of voting off Trent? Why would Geoff do such a thing, he knows Trent and I are related now. I wish Gwen wouldn't jump to such conclusions."

**Ezekiel** - "Heather's got really good hearing skills, eh. Though now I'm a little nervous noo', what with Bridgette and Gwen arguing. Oh no, guess the shoo's going back to dray'ma? Man... I guess this is what it's like to be in high school, but with'oot the homework, eh."

* * *

Hannah was seated with Joel and Alfred, all of them casually discussing casual discussions. The religious girl was also fiddling with a hair band she had put in.

"Are you sure it looks good on me?" she asked as she touched the black hair garment again.

"I think so," Alfred said, nodding and smiling.

"It's just that Valerie gave me a look when she saw me wearing it. I'm not sure why."

"She wears one," Joel pointed out, "and I believe she's one of those people who believes if she does it, no one else is allowed, lest they be branded as a copycat."

Hannah nodded, fiddling with it again. "My mother used to wear these when she was young, this is one of hers. I really think it's cute, don't you?"

"Of course," Joel said. "You're close to your mother, aren't you?"

"And my dad, but yes, I am very close to her; I admire her," she said. Her smile was soon replaced with a sad sigh. "Which is why I really hope Chris gives me my Bible back soon, she gave me that."

Joel smiled at her. "Oh, about that, I have a surprise for you."

He reached into one of his larger pockets, and pulled out the good book. Hannah gasped, hugged him, then hugged her Bible. "Oh, you're wonderful," she gushed.

"Nice job dude," Alfred complimented him. "How did you do it?"

"I had to assure Chris a good time for his shower," Joel said. "Seems like he really wanted one, but I could go for one now, haven't had a chance yet."

Hannah, still holding her Bible happily, beamed at him. "I'll go check to see if they're available yet."

She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you again, you're the best."

As she left the table, a flushed-faced Joel let out a swoon. "By the crash of the moons," he gushed, "she gave me a kiss!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - We haven't got a kiss yet.)**

** Joel and Alfred** - **Joel** - *Joel jumps for joy.* "I'm so happy! I got a kiss on the cheek from Hannah, man! You saw it!" *He spins around and then falls back into Alfred's arms, grinning happily.* "This is the best day ever!"

**Alfred** - "Way to go, man! You two are going to make an awesome couple!" *He smiles at his friend, then sniffs the air and coughs.* "But, um, dude? You really do need to take a shower now."

* * *

(Maclean Stadium, Arena)

The handsome host stood in front of the thirty-eight, all doing their usual activities that they did when they were forced to form up in front of him in the jam-packed stadium: talk amongst themselves, glare at him, make out, glance at others suspiciously, and sharpening their blades while plotting on who would be the most generous offering (actually, the last one was just Mandy).

"Welcome, campers," Chris Maclean said. "Or contestants, or players. Whatever you want to be called."

"Victims," Gwen snarled.

"Contract enslaved," muttered Noah.

"Can we call ourselves sexy?" Alfred asked. "I like being called sexy."

"I'm not calling you all sexy every time I greet ya, Alfred," Chris replied, frowning at this. "Now today, we have another virtual reality challenge!"

The crowd and the contestants cheered, Izzy loudest of all. "Maybe this time," she said, "I'll actually get to fight!"

Chris Maclean nodded to acknowledge the cheering. "That's right! We had Joel working nonstop to make sure Vera was fixed."

Hannah looked over at her friend, only to see he had fallen asleep on his feet again. Alfred nudged him, and he woke with a shout, "Gah, band practice!"

"Did he make you fix Vera too?" Hannah asked him. "When was it broken?"

"He busted it last night," Joel explained as he wiped his eyes. "Don't ask me how he breaks it every time he enters the game."

Hannah pat his shoulder in comfort. "There there, Vera will endure Chris' ego one day."

"One can only help. Maybe I should get one of those terabyte memory drives for more room."

"How much do those hold?"

"Let me put this way, my fair lady," Joel said, smiling at him. "If Noah had one of those for his ark, he wouldn't have had to just take two of every animal."

As Hannah giggled and playfully punched Joel's shoulder, Lindsay stared at them in confusion. "But why would Noah," she asked, pointing at our Noah, "need an ark? Or animals?"

"We're digressing," Chris barked. "Back to me! Now today, we'll do what a lot of you wanted to do yesterday: vampires! Your favorite bloodsuckers are your opponents for today!"

The crowd went wild again, and the very high-pitched of fan girls could be heard throughout the stadium.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Vampires could sleep in a closet until dusk, you know.)**

** Mandy** - "Ah yes, vampires! The epitome of horror and loss of control. You cannot stop a vampire from feeding, and the Old Gods love using them as minions. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a vampire. I gave up on that dream when I found out that female vampires have to dress like Halloween skanks, according to all known sources."

**DJ** - "Vampires now?! First zombies, now these monsters? Why? What is with this obsession over scary things with people?"

**Justin** - "Personally, I thought it was always strange how Dracula could be so hypnotic when he's an old man with pale, white skin. The only way that could hypnotize me would be if I was standing there, wondering how much time in the sun he'd need to look like a human being again."

**Harold** - "When I was in Possum Scouts, I did this huge report on how to fend off a vampire attacker. They gave me the Defense Against the Dark Arts badge for that. Or I may have made that one, it's hard to tell."

* * *

"Wait a minute," Arthur exclaimed over all the loud cheering. When the other contestants stopped making noise, he continued to say, "These aren't Twilight vampires, are they?"

"Oh, I sure hope so," gushed Sadie.

"Oh, I sure hope not," Harold grumbled.

Chris tapped his chin. "Well, we set the vampire generator on random. You might get Twilight vampires, or a whole different type of vampire."

"I object to them even being called vampires," Anita huffed. "They resemble nothing like a vampire!"

"Yes they do," protested Katie.

"Vampires," Tyler snapped, "do not sparkle!"

Chris cleared his throat. "Enough with the debate wars. We could go on like this for years. The point is, we need to explain this challenge to you all.

"You will be divided into two teams, half and half. Each team, decided by you guys, will be divided into six separate teams. Both major teams are going to be in their own world, and in that world is Dracula's castle!

"You will be storming inside Dracula's castle, fighting his many vampire minions. Get to his lair, and slay him! The first team to kill Count Dracula wins the contest!"

The host smiled with pride as he looked at the anxious faces of the campers. "I know what you all are thinking."

"No, you don't," Belinda replied.

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't," most of the contestants repeated in unison.

"Now stop that," Chris snapped. "What you are all thinking about, right now, is how you are going to fight the zombies. Now you'll all start with one of the random weapons: wooden stake spear, blessed katana blade, or a super soaker full of holy water."

"Those all sound lame," Eva snorted.

"Except the blessed katana blade," Yoshi remarked. "Wouldn't mind going to vampire town with one of those."

"Personally, I hope I don't get that super soaker," Harold said as he fiddled with his glasses. "That'd run out of ammo fast."

"It's unlimited," Chris said. "Also, hidden in Dracula's Castle is a plethora of really neat weapons: a vampire-slaying whip, a holy sledgehammer, an crossbow with holy bolts, guns with enchanted bullets, a crucifix baseball bat, holy cola of frizzy spraying-"

"A crucifix baseball bat?" Hannah repeated, looking away nervously. "That... doesn't sound really nice."

"Are you going to stir up trouble again?" Chris snapped, rolling his eyes. He headed right for Hannah, surprising her. "You know, the producers told me that you are still being major trouble, especially in the last challenge."

Leshawna snorted. "What trouble? She was on a cellphone conversation."

Colin, however, was much more on Chris's side. "Yeah, she's really being spewing a lot of foul things," he added. "It's getting to be intolerable."

Chris raised an eyebrow. "A witness, eh? Well Hannah, tread carefully."

The religious girl, nervously clutching her Bible, could only find herself nodding and muttering, "Y-yes." As the host walked off, Joel stepped up next to her and rubbed her shoulder.

"Why does he always have to pick on you?" he grumbled.

"I don't know, I just don't want to lose this again," she replied, holding her Bible close to her. She managed to smile at Joel and added, "Not after all the trouble you went through to get it."

"And now, the teams," Chris Maclean announced. "And this time, we put a lot of thought into the teams, didn't just slap them all together."

Noah let out a very loud cough that sounded like a word that wasn't "cough cough." Chris frowned at this, and said, "The first team is the Hunters! It consists of the following people:

"Alfred, Arthur, Carol, Clive, Cody, Colin, Crystal, Eva, Geoff, Hannah, Harold, Howard, Izzy, Joel, Justin, Mandy, Noah, Tyler, and Xander.

"The second team will be the rest of the contestants, but I'll list them for the heck of it:

"Anita, Belinda, Beth, Bridgette, Courtney, DJ, Ezekiel, Gwen, Heather, Katie, Leshawna, Lindsay, Rodney, Sadie, Sakaki, Sebastian, Valerie, Yoshi, and Zachary."

This caused a plethora of reactions. Anita looked glumly as Eva stood next to Cody, grinning at him. Yoshi and Zachary went right to glaring at each other. Katie and Lindsay sadly said good-bye to their boyfriends, while Alfred was with Izzy and Mandy in seconds.

The biggest reaction was Colin towards Hannah. "I'm not being on the same team as that fanatic," he exclaimed, pointing her finger at her. "She won't behave, I know that now!"

"Oh really now?" Arthur snapped. "Last virtual reality challenge, you killed three team members, most of them intentionally."

"Hey c'mon, that was all in fun," Colin said, smiling and shrugging. "It wasn't on purpose, was it Geoff?"

"Huh?" the party animal was busy watching Bridgette, who was joining her teammates and still looking upset at Gwen. Guilt welled up in him, and he muttered, "Y-yeah, whatever man."

"See? Now if church girl promises to behave, I'll be good too," Colin exclaimed.

Crystal scowled at this. "That isn't necessary-"

"Actually," Chris, hanging up his cellphone, said aloud, "according to our fair, unbiased, kindhearted producer, Hannah needs to promise she'll behave."

"And thus," Alfred grumbled as he watched Hannah say what she was instructed to say, "the nice religious girl has to promise to be nice to the bully."

"And you all wonder why I think life is unfair," Clive muttered.

"Naw, I'll only think that if we have to fight Twilight vampires," Howard said, chuckling to himself.

Meanwhile, Noah was thinking of the new teams. After reviewing the names of all the people involved in both teams, he smirked at Chris and called out, "I see what you did there!" **[1]**

**

* * *

**

**(Janitor's Closet - Should we apologize to Colin too?)**

** Crystal** - "As I think I mentioned before, I'm not really into Twilight. Or vampires, for that matter. It's hard for me to think of romance, sex, and love with some bloke who wants to suck your blood through your neck. That always strikes me as rather gross, eh wot."

** Gwen** - "I think I would rather eat my own eyeballs than read the Twilight, and I'm rather sick of people thinking I read it. Is it because I'm a goth, or a teenage girl? Well, I have taste, thank you very much."

**Lindsay** - *She is wearing Noah's book on top of her head.* Kathy and Sally told me Twilight was a book too, and I'm still trying to figure out how to make these things work. Maybe wearing them like this, with the pages open up on top of my noggin, the words soak right in, like a dye-job!"

**Howard** - "Yeah, I kid Twilight, I've read it. What, if you want chicks to like you, you gotta read what they like! I didn't mind it, I've done worse to impress girls."

**Chef Hatchet** - *He is holding up a sign that says, "Team Jacob, or else".*

* * *

**(Team Hunters)**

"So our mission is to attack Dracula's Castle," Noah said, tapping his chin, "and kill Dracula."

"Sounds relatively easy," Tyler said. "We just gotta put ourselves in six teams, and fight to the top."

"Who's leader?" Izzy asked. "If no one calls dibs on leader, I want to be leader!"

"We want to kill Dracula," Justin remarked, "not ourselves."

As Izzy stuck her tongue out at the male model, Arthur cleared his throat. "You know, I haven't had much say in these things," he said, "and I'd like to contribute and be leader."

"That seems fair," Howard said, "a schemer would be really nice to have in Dracula's Castle."

"Excuse me?" Arthur asked, glaring at Howard. "What does that mean, now?"

"Dude, that's your profile on the web site," he replied. "We all have our stereotype, you're the schemer."

Arthur blinked in surprise. Joel, being handy, gave him his iPhone with the show's web site on it. As the spikey-haired teenager surfed through to find his profile, Harold spoke up. "I don't think we really need a leader here," he said, "lest we fall into one of those little traps Chris always sets up."

"Whacha got on your mind then, super nerd?" Xander asked, smirking at Harold.

The super nerd smiled back, proud of his nerdiness. "Well, my good rebel sir, I think we should just set up the teams, and let them decide who leads them."

Joel waved his hand. "I want Hannah and I to be on the same team!"

"That sounds fine-"

"And I want to be on their team," Colin exclaimed, grinning. "Someone needs to keep an eye on Hannah."

"Why you spiked cretin," Joel snarled, "don't make me get my foot long screwdriver-"

"It's okay, Joel," Hannah said, patting his shoulder. "Someone has to be with him, and I think we can keep an eye out on him."

"And if he misbehaves," Tyler said, walking up to the couple, "I'll be right there too."

"Ooo, he's so nice," Izzy crooned as Tyler and Joel high-fived. "No wonder he's Ezekiel's friend. Well, I think the next team should be Izzy, Mandy, and Alfred."

"I approve," Alfred said eagerly.

"Lucky S.O.B.," Howard muttered.

"Cody's with me," Eva exclaimed, loud enough for Anita on the other team to hear, thus slightly deafening her own team. "And we'll take the other ladies' man."

"I think I'll take the emo boy," Carol said proudly, hugging Clive from behind and squeezing him ("Awk, my spleen!"). "And I'll take the schemer too, he's really tough like me!"

"You gotta be freaking kidding me," Arthur exclaimed.

"Hey dude, all you have to do is say no."

The schemer was looking at his profile page on the web site, and he didn't hear what Carol said. He just looked up in a combination of anger and confusion. "Sorry, what?" he asked her.

Geoff looked around the rest, and quickly stood next Justin and Noah. "I'll take these two," he exclaimed. "_Because they don't care so much about the deal with Trent, I can avoid having to talk about it._"

"I'm with Anti-Me?" Noah spat out, glaring at Justin.

"Oh, relax, your girlfriend's not here, no need to be defensive," Justin replied. He was a little off-put when Noah began to mime loading a magnum revolver, pushing in each bullet at once and spinning the cartridge.

Harold looked at the remaining two: Xander and Crystal. "Well, guess that leaves me with you two."

"Couldn't be more pleased," Xander said, winking at Crystal. The romantic blushed and looked away, nervous as ever.

"Really? I thought a tough guy like you would hate being with a super nerd," Harold remarked.

"Nerds are rebels too, at least that's how I see it," he replied. "Anyway, you'll definitely be the best vampire killer, I think."

Harold puffed up his chest and beamed in pride.

"Seriously, what the hell," Arthur spat at the web site.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - We're profiled as The Closeted One.)**

** Arthur** - " 'The Schemer'? That's what they have me down as? I wouldn't have minded the Planner, the Idealist, the Tough Guy, even the Loner would have been fine! I'm not social, fine, but seriously, Schemer!? No wonder I've been getting a few odd looks from the others."

**Beth** - "I overheard Arthur's troubles, and I gotta say, I sympathize for the poor guy. They have me down as the Wannabe! Why? I cannot believe they'd do something so mean..."

**Tyler** - "Arthur thinks he has it rough? I'm the Sporto Who Sucks At Sports! Seriously, how degrading is that?! I would have been _just_ fine with the Jock!"

**Xander** - *He idly flicks at his raven bang.* "Hey don't look at me, I'm just fine with my title."

* * *

**(The Slayers)**

"Okay, I'm not going to hear any objections," Courtney spoke up, crossing her arms and putting on her "official" voice. "I'm going to be leader."

"Right, so you can get immunity if we fail this?" Leshawna snapped.

"Don't get snotty with me, you owe me big time for the abuse I took on the train!"

"It was a wedgie, tickling, and a couple other pranks," Gwen scoffed. "Quit acting so high and mighty."

"I don't have a problem with Courtney leading," Bridgette said, casting a glare at Gwen. The goth girl glared right back, and it seemed to get colder around the Slayers.

Sebastian cleared his throat. "I have to say, how can you be leader?" he asked. "We're being divided into six teams, you cannot monitor all of us."

Courtney tapped her chin, then snapped her fingers. "Well, I'll decide the teams. I think that's within my strengths as a CIT."

"I have faith in Miss Courtney," Rodney exclaimed, jumping up and down in excitement.

"Me too," Lindsay said, clapping cheerfully. "I think she's really nice, despite being a gothic girl."

"That's Gwen, I'm Courtney," Courtney said to Lindsay. "And will you take that book off your head, Lindsay?"

"So what are the teams then, eh?" Ezekiel asked.

"Well," Courtney said, after removing the book from Lindsay's head, "I think the first team should be Gwen, Leshawna, and Tyler, since you three seem to be _so_ capable of doing things together."

"Tyler isn't here," Leshawna said.

"Oh. Fine then, um, Anita! You go with them."

Anita was staring at the other team, watching Eva get close to Cody. She was biting her lip, and it wasn't until someone tapped her on the shoulder that she paid attention. "Sorry," she muttered, "I'm with who now?"

When informed, she brightened up. "Oh, goody! Gwen, Leshawna, and I? We're gonna be a team of butt kickers!"

Courtney nodded with a dismissive wave, and said, "Moving on, I'll be with Ezekiel and Heather."

"What?" Heather said, frowning at the CIT.

"Don't argue, it's all for good reason, I assure you."

"Can Sadie and I be together?" Katie pleaded, getting on her knees and begging Courtney. "I'm so gonna, like, lose it if I have to enter a big, scary castle without her!"

"Fine fine," Courtney grumbled. "You, Sadie, and... Zachary!"

"Huh?" Zachary exclaimed. Amid Valerie's protests, Katie and Sadie went to go stand next to him. They were giggling in seconds.

"I love what you do with your hair," Sadie remarked, feeling Zachary's long hair.

"Now then," Courtney continued, "Bridgette and Yoshi, I want you watch over the kid."

She pointed at Rodney, who looked surprised. Yoshi shrugged and nodded, Bridgette pat Rodney on the head.

"Sebastian, you be with Sakaki and Lindsay," Courtney said, "and make sure she doesn't wear her weapon on her head, or something stupid like that."

Sebastian frowned at her. "I don't think I appreciate that implication."

"Yeah," Lindsay pouted. "Sakaki wouldn't put a weapon in her head! That would hurt!"

"And then there were four," Courtney said, turning to the rest. "Valerie, DJ, Belinda, and Beth. Have fun, and try to stay alive."

"That's always good advice," Belinda said with a chuckle.

Valerie sighed, looking at her teammates. "This is gonna be fun. Two cowards and a dreamy girl as my teammates, I'm gonna be zombie chow. I can only hope it's something sexy like Edward."

"Yuck," Gwen spat.

"Ick," Leshawna added.

"Oh, don't be so judgmental," Courtney replied. "I think they're fine books."

"All Twilight complaints aside," Sebastian said, "are we ready for the challenge?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Never had an Edward or Jacob in here.)**

** Courtney** - "There's a good reason I want Heather and Ezekiel on my side. I think Heather voted Trent off, and I need to make sure she's not up to her usual, devious ways, lest I get blamed for it to. Though I am completely innocent this time around." *She huffs and glares at the camera.* "Seriously, it annoys me when Leshawna and Gwen try to find fault in me still."

**Leshawna** - "Courtney really does get on my nerves at times. I'd have no problem with her being leader if she didn't use that tone that implies she's far better than us. We get enough abuse from Heather, even if hers is not so subtle."

**Rodney** - "Sometimes I really wish we could all just get along. I mean, why can't we all be friends? Courtney, Leshawna, Gwen, they're all smart. They're all nice too." *He pauses, then taps his helmet in thought.* "Well, Gwen's not very nice these days... that's a shame I really like her, she's pretty despite the fact that she looks a little scary."

**Yoshi** - *annoyed* "What annoys me is how some of these people act like they're qualified to lead in combat. How does being a CIT help in slaying vampires, or zombies, or anything else that we'll be fighting? Like werewolves or demons, or maybe, just maybe..." *He clenches his sword handle as he utters the name of his ultimate rival.* "Ninjas!"

**Chico the Raccoon** - *hanging from the ceiling as Yoshi talks* "lolz, i haz leet ninja skillz too!"

**Yoshi** - "I knew you were in here the whole time, raccoon."

* * *

Chris watched as all the members of both teams sat down in the virtual reality chairs. Joel was patting the side of Vera, whispering comforting words. "It's fine," he said, "you'll be able to handle these egos, Chris isn't joining us."

Chef Hatchet was touched by this, and was gentle with the controls this time. The thirty-eight teenagers all relaxed as their minds were taken to a virtual world. A world where, in the middle of frozen peaks, where the sky and air were as cold as death, life itself seemed to be draining. The castle, obsidian and diamond, snow white and night black, was a terrifying sight of spires, gargoyles, and nasty big pointy ends.

This was Dracula's Castle, where the Hunters were hurrying in, and the Slayers were scurrying inside.

* * *

**(Slayers, Team 1 - Anita, Gwen, Leshawna)**

The three girls, armed with wooden spears and katanas, were sneaking into a back door of some kind. Anita gripped her katana blade tightly when she heard a fluttering of wings.

"You have entered our master's lair," an evil voice hissed from above. The three girls looked up, but couldn't see anything on the obsidian ceiling. "Your lives are forfeit, but be glad, as you three are beautiful women, the master will keep you as his slaves."

"Ah, classic Dracula with sexy vampira women," Gwen said, smirking. "Good, I was hoping for something dark."

"Girl, you crazy," Leshawna replied. "I would think you'd be annoyed, you've been in a bad mood these days."

"Yeah, but killing vampires makes me happy," Gwen replied.

"I can see that, but why are you snapping at Bridgette? She's your friend and all."

"It's personal."

"Um, hello?" the hissing voice from nowhere said. "I'm kind of threatening you..."

"Girlfriend, I'm gal pals with Bridgette too," Leshawna said. "You two are the most reasonable people I know, it hurts me to see you two glaring at each other like you just got out of a cat fight."

"Well, I told her I think her boyfriend voted off Trent."

"What? Gwen girl, you gotta be kidding!"

"Hey, you jerks," the voice shouted. "I'm trying to intimidate you! Stop ignoring me, or I'll drain the life out of you right here and-AWK!"

"Geoff vote off Trent? Why do you say that?"

"Why does everyone think he's innocent?" Gwen snapped. "He was glaring and frowning at Trent a lot before he left."

"Isn't Geoff your friend, girl?"

"... Yes, he is. Maybe I'm kind of overreacting..."

"Hey you two!"

Gwen and Leshawna turned to see Anita holding her bloodstained sword up. The corpse of a wiry vampire lay on the ground, slain with three sword swipes. "I killed our first vampire! And they're not Twilight, glitter-faced ones either!"

"Now I'm in a really good mood," Gwen said, holding up her wooden spear. "Let's go kill us some bloodsuckers."

* * *

**(Hunters, Team 1 - Colin, Hannah, Joel, Tyler)**

Tyler motioned for the other three to follow him into the entrance he had found. The four kept their eyes peeled in this hallway, decorated with scary gargoyle statues.

"There's nothing here," Hannah said, clenching her super soaker of holy water, "but I get the feeling we're being watched."

"Then keep your voice down, you stupid woman," Colin growled.

"Why don't you shut up?" Joel snapped.

"Don't tell me what to do! Or I'll tell the producers on Hannah here."

"You cannot get away with that for long."

As they talked, a gargoyle that was posing as a statue came to life and snatched Tyler. Hannah noticed it and started spraying the monster as the jock wrestled with the monster.

Joel joined in the fight, stabbing at the beast with his wooden spear. Colin, however, was not interested in the fight. He just watched, blowing on his knuckles, and watching with a bored expression.

When the fight was over, a very tousled Tyler stepped off the corpse of the gargoyle monster. He panted as he wiped himself off and picked his spear back up, then noticed Colin's inaction. "Hey dude, what the hell?" he snapped. "Why aren't you helping?"

"I'm feeling very oppressed by the church girl, and thus, I'm too intimidated to save the sporto who sucks at sports. Maybe if you all were more conscious of my self-esteem, I could contribute to our efforts better."

Hannah sighed, straightening out her blouse. Tyler made a neck-wringing motion with his hands, and Joel was trying very hard not to curse him out; he bit his lip and blood leaked out, and the vampires of Dracula Castle could smell it from all over...

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - What about our needs?)**

** Hannah** - *She sighs heavily.* "Colin is rather difficult at times. I think he's picking on me since the producers are giving me a hard time too. Maybe after he realizes he doesn't have the kind of power to get me disqualified, he'll leave me be and realize how foolish his actions were."

**Colin** - "Think I get church girl kicked off the show if I say she's oppressing my views? I will if it works, and it really makes me wonder what oppressing means." *He chuckles.* "So what if I don't know what it means, as long as I get to hurt her."

*He grins wickedly, and adds something else.* "After all, with how things are going, hurting people is really making things work my way."

* * *

**(Hunters, Team 5 - Geoff, Justin, Noah)**

Justin snarled as a vampire lunged at him, grabbing the outstretched hands. As he wrestled with the monster, a spear plunged through the vampire's chest. With a gag, the creature hit the ground dead (again, since it's undead).

Geoff pulled his weapon out of the body, and said, "You okay, Justin man?"

"How's my hair?"

"Um, fine."

"Then I'm good," he said with a smile, picking up his katana blade. "Noah... hey, where's Noah?"

"I'm here," the bookworm said, stepping over a small vampire's corpse, half-melted from holy water. "This freak tried to snipe me, but I owned his sorry ass."

"Um, what?" Geoff asked.

"Sorry, my leet speak comes back to me when I start fighting, from my computer game days."

Justin shrugged. "Whatever man, just so long as we understand what you're saying."

He got a splash of holy water in the face for that remark. As Justin glared at Noah, the bookworm added, "Aw dang, your face is still there."

The three continued, and Geoff tried to ignore the silence. For some reason, silence was the most interrogating thing he had. Finally, shaking in frustration, he cried out, "In case you were thinking it, I didn't vote off Trent!"

Noah and Justin stared at him in confusion. "I wasn't thinking that," Justin said.

"Well, if you didn't vote for me, I'm cool," Noah remarked. "Besides, we got an issue here."

"What's that?" Geoff asked.

"Justin's face. It's large and troublesome."

Justin frowned. "My face is not large and troublesome. It was once awarded Best Face by my modeling agency!"

Noah scoffed. "Not going to stop me from making fun of it. I have eight older brothers and sisters, we made face jokes all the time."

Geoff nervously watched the two argue about Justin's face, cursing himself for letting that remark slip. Vampires around were wondering why those strange boys were arguing about faces when they had entered the most dangerous vampire's castle.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Not as closeted as your face.)**

**Geoff** - "Guilt is a really hard pain, man. I hate it now that I voted for Trent, but can I do? I cannot take it back. I can only pray no one finds out about it."

* * *

**(Slayers, Team 5 - Lindsay, Sakaki, Sebastian)**

Sakaki was watching Lindsay, wanting to say something but too shy to say it. Finally, she caved in and asked Sebastian.

"Why is Lindsay carrying her weapon on her head?"

Sebastian shrugged, watching Lindsay trying to balance her super soaker of holy water on her head. He walked over and tapped her shoulder. "You know, we aren't going to make good time with your balancing act."

"Okay," the blonde said happily, taking the weapon off her head. "It really was hard to do too, I don't know why Saki would want to do it."

"What, me?" Sakaki asked, very confused. "But... but I wouldn't want to-"

She was cut off by a loud hissing noise as a vampire swooped down and tackled Sebastian. Both girls shrieked in horror and sprayed holy water all over the vampire. Thrashing around, the undead monster crawled away, hissing.

"Wretched women," it snarled. "You will be slaves of the master, your souls will belong to him!"

"That's...," Lindsay whimpered, "not nice."

"Of course it's not nice! Beautiful women belong to the master, though."

He was silenced when Sebastian cleaved its head off with his holy sword. "Meet your maker first, mister," he replied. "Typical vampire, sexual predator, leering at the women."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Not leering.)**

** Sebastian and Sakaki** - **Sakaki** - "During the challenge, you said something about 'typical vampire'. What did you mean?"

**Sebastian** - "Well, I've always felt that vampires were the horror interpretation of sexual predators. They associate sex with violence, they have an ability to lure people to them, and they were usually men with a haunting but handsome look to them."

**Sakaki** - "Really? They were always creepy, I wouldn't want to date one."

**Sebastian** - "And that's another philosophy to them." *He chuckles.* "Sometimes, there's a lot to be said about looking at it in a simple way."

**Sakaki** - *blushing and giggling* "Yeah, I am direct. Well, that's not how I would describe me."

**Belinda** - *She flicks at her hair, then smiles at the camera.* "Many people think vampires are sexy these days. I find that to be rather disturbing, and unfortunately, even I cannot predict when this craze will be over. Sadly, the overall feel is here to stay, I think.

*She sighs, then shrugs.* "Oh well, at least it makes my own attraction to a certain kind of person more reasonable." *She grins at the camera.* "No, I'm not saying anything."

* * *

**(Slayers, Team 2 - Courtney, Ezekiel, Heather)**

The three young slayers had entered a rather large room, complete with open windows at the top. Heather was studying a book that had been laid open on a table as Ezekiel kept watch. Courtney was more intent on watching Heather.

"What are you doing?" the CIT asked suspiciously.

Heather glared at her. "In these fantasy stories, the weaknesses of mythical creatures is usually explained in some book or another. I was just checking to see if this had one."

"Does it?"

"No, it's gibberish," Heather said with a sigh as she closed it.

"Serves you right for fooling around the decor," Courtney huffed. "And never suspected you for being a fantasy freak."

"I am not! It's just that when we watch movies at home, sometimes my siblings get to choose."

Courtney rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I know you're no freak like that, but I have my eye on you."

"And what does _that_ mean?"

"It means that I think you were behind Trent getting voted off, and I'm not having people associate me with you any more."

Heather glared at Courtney, getting in her face. "That's none of your business, Courtney."

"It is too! I'm not going to do anything like last season, that was a terrible mistake on my part, and I admit it. But you, you do more stuff like that, and people will think I'm part of it."

"Listen you, I could care less about how you feel, you have enough problems with your boyfriend being a criminal."

"Oh, really?" Courtney snarled, right up in Heather's face. "Well, maybe you should consider your own boyfriend! If you go around voting off peoples' boyfriends, they'll go after yours! And then he'll be dead."

Some dark chuckling caught their attention, and they turned to see a vampire dragging off Ezekiel's limp body. Heather, after overcoming her shock, rushed forward and cleaved at the zombie with her holy katana. The vampire tried to fight back, but was no match against the violent slashing. Falling down, a bloody mess of limbs and wings, Heather stomped on the body.

Panting nervously, she hurried over to Ezekiel, and tried to revive him. When he didn't respond, he noticed the bloody bite marks in his neck, and felt no pulse. Cursing under her breath, trying not to sob, she turned away from her dead boyfriend.

"Thanks for jinxing it," she snapped at Courtney, blinking her moist eyes. The CIT swallowed, frowned at Heather, and opened her mouth to reply.

A swish and flutter of wings was the only warning a vampire was approaching, and the demonic creature tackled the CIT. Before Heather could react, the vampire kicked off the ground and flew off, holding the shrieking Courtney in his arms. It flew out the window, eventually out of sight and sound range.

Heather stood there, alone and shaking. She could hear evil laughter echoing throughout the halls, taunting her. Swallowing the heavy lump in her throat, she noticed the holy water super soaker Courtney had dropped. Picking it up with one hand and holding her katana in the other, she glared around the castle room.

"I refuse to go down next," she snarled. "Come bring it on, you haven't seen fury until you've seen a popular girl spited it!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Popular, but not a spited girl.)**

** Heather** - "There's a lot of truth to what Courtney said, I have to admit. It's funny, I dealt with 'guilt with association' all the time when I was a gossiper, and now Ezekiel could be a victim of it... it really doesn't seem fair."

* * *

**(Hunters, Team 4 - Arthur, Carol, Clive)**

Arthur slashed at the vampire with his left katana blade. The creature managed to dodge it, but the second katana cleaved its head off. As more vampires came, Carol sprayed holy water at them, Clive hiding behind her. Arthur was cleaving vampires left and right, and soon, they all lay dead at their feet.

"See?" he said. "Told you blitzing into the castle would work. A quick jog, and the vampires won't know what hit them. Thanks for letting me use your sword, Clive."

"No problem."

Carol giggled as she jumped on a vampire corpse. "Yay, we killed the vampires in one of their most crowded rooms, and we're still fine! Good plan, Mr. Schemer."

Arthur scowled. "Oh come on, don't call me that."

Some gurgling at the floor alerted their attention, and Arthur looked to see one of the vampires was not dead, just hanging in. As it coughed up blood, it said, "F-fools. You've alerted the master with your brazen rush. He... he is coming!"

Arthur snarled, then noticed something nearby that had been displayed in a glass case: a flashlight. Curious, he kicked at the display, shattering the glass. He took out the flashlight and turned it on, and it was incredibly bright. Shining it on the still-living vampire caused it to shriek, burn, and then turn to ash.

"A sunlight flashlight," Arthur admired as he tossed the device to Clive. "Here, emo boy, use it on the vampires. And your skin while you're at it."

"Ha ha, very funny, Mr. Schemer."

Before Arthur could reply, the room became cold, startlingly cold. Clive huddled and shivered, then felt a breeze right by him, where Carol had been standing. The enthusiast girl had been carried off by an unseen force, and slammed violently into the wall. As her body fell to the ground dead, the attacking creature snarled in frustration.

"Curses, this one was a woman," he snarled. "How unfortunate."

"Ack, Dracula," Clive shouted, falling backwards in his fright.

Arthur snarled and charged at the head vampire himself, swords gleaming. Dracula turned to face the teenager, snarling right back. A motion with his hand, too fast for a human to see, knocked one of the swords from Arthur's hand. The tough teen cried out, and then slashed with his other sword.

Dracula caught it by the blade, with his bare hand. Blood seeped from the wound, but you couldn't tell by his face that the monster was in pain. Like the virtual reality world, a vampire was dead, and felt no physical pain.

"It's not easy to kill," Dracula taunted Arthur, "what is already dead."

The head vampire dug its long nails into the boy's chest, and he felt his heart being penetrated; he silently thanked the fact that he couldn't feel pain too. Dracula dropped the dying teen in a heap, and headed for Clive.

"K-kill him," Arthur stammered to Clive, feeling his life force leaving him. "Use... use the sunlight!"

Clive, who had been paralyzed with fear, stared at the approaching Dracula. With a horrified gasp, he held up the sunlight torch and shone it on Dracula's face.

The head vampire covered his face, but the damage was done. And when Arthur saw what it had done, his weakening eyes widened in horror. "No... no," he struggled to say, gagging on blood.

There was glitter all over Dracula's face.

"We had our butts handed to us," Arthur whimpered as Dracula finished off Clive, "by a Twilight vampire!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Ack, Dracule!)**

** Carol** - "Man, that was really degrading. Defeated by a metro!"

**Clive** - "The most offensive thing is that Count Dracula, the most famous and horrifying vampire of them all, was made a Twilight vampire. Bram Stoker is so rolling in his grave, and Stephenie Meyer is dancing on it!"

* * *

--

--

--

**Who will win the virtual reality battle against vampires? The Hunters or the Slayers?**

** What other horrors and monsters will they fight in Dracula's Castle?**

** And are we being too hard on Twilight? Or not hard enough?**

**

* * *

**

**Teams:**

The Hunters

**Team 1** - Hannah, Tyler, Joel, Colin

**Team 2** - Izzy, Mandy, Alfred

**Team 3** - Eva, Cody, Howard

**Team 4** - Arthur, Clive, Carol

**Team 5** - Geoff, Justin, Noah

**Team 6** - Harold, Xander, Crystal

**Dead or Captured** - _Carol, Clive, Arthur._

_--_

The Slayers

**Team 1** - Gwen, Leshawna, Anita

**Team 2** - Heather, Ezekiel, Courtney

**Team 3** - Sadie, Katie, Zachary

**Team 4** - Yoshi, Rodney, Bridgette

**Team 5** - Sebastian, Sakaki, Lindsay

**Team 6** - Valerie, DJ, Belinda, Beth

**Dead or Captured** - _Ezekiel, Courtney._

_

* * *

_

**[1]** - Noah smirked as he made a quick count on his fingers. "I see how Chris divided up the teams this time. If your name has two vowels exactly, you're with the Hunters, which has two vowels. And if you have anything else, counting Y in this case, you're with the Slayers. Simple, just like Chris's evil mind."

--

**Next Up** - Vampire slaying, hunting, poaching, killing, and other fun things to do with vampires! (Besides date them.)


	25. Ch 7, Pt 2: More Vampires at Stake

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - I'm sure most people wonder about why I make Colin so evil. The truth behind that is that you don't make good villains by having them likable, you want your readers to hate them so their downfall is the sweetest. I take Dolores Umbridge from Harry Potter as an example, you _hate_ her, and you have to endure a lot of her.

Colin is also playing the victim card, something I've noticed bullies do a lot. Sure, they slander, insult, beat up, and torment other people, but you do or say anything to _them_, and all of a sudden they're running to authorities and crying for justice. They'll act like they've been personally devastated, even though they're responsible for so much more. Since Hannah is not favorited by the producers and Chris, Colin is taking advantage of that, and playing victim to try and hurt her more.

Now, onto the vampire slaying!

* * *

**Chapter 25** - Fangs for All the Memories

* * *

--

--

--

**(Hunters, Team 3 - Howard, Eva, Cody)**

Eva grabbed the gargoyle that had lunged at Cody. She wrestled the creature down to the ground, and then drove her wooden spear into its neck. The creature thrashed and wriggled, then died. Eva pulled the weapon out, then spun around and impaled another approaching gargoyle.

As the muscular girl kicked the corpse of the monster, which was turning to rubble and crumbling to pieces, Cody stared at her in awe. "Wow," he said, applauding. "That was incredible."

"Thanks. I do love kicking butt," she said, cleaning off her spear with gargoyle rubble-blood. "Most guys are intimidated by it, but I don't care."

"Well, I don't find it intimidating," Cody said, smiling and tapping his katana blade, flat side, against his shoulder. "I believe girls who can take care of themselves are fine."

"Really now?"

"Would I lie to you?"

Eva thought back to the two girls Cody had had a crush on: Beth and Gwen. Beth wasn't exactly a fierce fighter, but Eva was rather fond of her and admired her spunk. Gwen was definitely tough, and considering the other girls on Cody's team when he was all over the goth (busty blond Lindsay, popular hottie Heather, wild and spunky Izzy), it seemed likely that Cody liked tough girls.

"Well, how about Anita?" Eva asked, eyeing Cody.

"She's into sports and such, she's not just a model."

"She has large breasts and good legs," she huffed.

"Well, so do you."

Eva felt her face getting hot, and she looked away, trying to mime looking out for vampires. "Oh stop," she grumbled.

"Hey, you're both hot. You both have lovely black hair, only yours is in a frisky ponytail."

He walked over and flicked said ponytail, then took a deep sniff near her. When she stared at him confused, he scratched the back of his head and admitted, "Was... just trying to see if you smell good, but oddly enough, you don't have a scent here."

"Probably because it's VR, slick," she said with a scoff. A slight smirk almost betrayed her, and then she added, "Look, stop flirting with me, we're trying to kill Dracula, and I'm not feeling romantic."

"Vampires are usually associated with romance."

"You mean like that Twilight crap? That can suck it," Eva growled, clutching her spear rather fiercely. "Do you want to know what some of my schoolmates said?"

"Um, not if it makes you uncomfortable-"

"They said I could be a werewolf, and they wouldn't need to have make-up for my transformation!"

She clutched her spear so tight that it snapped in her hand. Cursing, she threw the broken weapon on the floor. Cody, to her great surprise, handed her katana to her, patting her hand as he slipped the handle in her hand.

"It sucks that people make fun of you like that," he said. "And it's so very stupid, considering you could kick their ass."

"Well, I'm trying to avoid doing that," she admitted, giving him another glint of a smile.

They shared a moment looking at each other before an indignant cry alerted their attention. Howard, coated in vampire blood, stumbled around a corner. His own katana blade was dripping with the ichor, and he was brushing a severed wing from his shoulder.

"You know, I appreciate a guy and gal flirting as much as any guy or gal," he panted, catching himself on his knees, "but the vampires here are kind of mean. Don't leave me alone!"

Before he could say more, another vampire swooped down at him. He was clobbered by the attack, but the vampire was off, and merely knocked him away. Howard stumbled backwards, and fell down an open chute at the corner of the wall. Hollering all the way down, he collapsed on a cold surface.

Looking up, he noticed bodies and bones around him. "Oh man," he groaned as he picked himself up, "this is really bad. I'm in Dracula's basement!"

He looked around and saw that there were withered vampire husks, obviously weak ones thrown down the chutes. Sighing, he picked up his katana and started looking for an exit. Then he saw movement, and noticed movement in the dark basement. Horrible creatures with fangs, wings, and claws were crawling towards him.

Howard didn't know what they were, they looked like vampire monster rats, something from a horror film. And he was in the very middle of it, with them closing in fast.

"Oh poopie," he shouted, his voice reaching Eva and Cody. Eva, who was done decapitating the vampire that had attacked Howard, raised an eyebrow, wondering if that was sign for help or not. 

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Not the basement!)**

** Howard** - "Dracula's basement is like the worst thing you can think of, with horrible vampire rodents. Much more freaky than anything I've seen."

**Eva** - "I'm sure even stuff in Dracula's basement is scarier than anything in Twilight."

**Cody** - "Did you know that Eva is actually pretty cute when she blushes? And she's adorable when she's severing vampire heads? And pretty darn sexy when deciding to let Howard rot in Dracula's basement so she can be alone with me as we venture forth to slay that perverted freak?"

*He grins, then blinks and realizes something.* "Dracula is the perverted freak, not Howard."

* * *

**(Slayers, Team 6 - Valerie, DJ, Beth, Belinda)**

Valerie was glaring at the vampire that bared its fangs at her. She slashed out with her katana, bisecting the monster. Another vampire attacked from behind, but Beth shot a blast of holy water to dissolve it.

From the stairway came a quadruped of horror. Wicked talons on every paw, large fangs jutting from its three heads, and three collars around each neck.

" 'Sparky,' 'Peppy,' and 'Chris,' the dogs," Belinda read the tags. "What interesting dog names." **[1]**

DJ dropped his wooden stake spear, and ran into a corner, screaming like a scaredy-cat. Fittingly, the vampire cerberus chased after the scared kitty. Belinda twirled her spear, and impaled it into the beast's side. Howling in fury, it lunged at her. Valerie swung her sword, decapitating one of the vampire dog heads.

The other two became stuck trying to go after Valerie and Belinda, and Beth unloaded a great deal of holy water on the creature. It snarled, swayed, and then collapsed, horrible hissing noises escaping from its mouths.

DJ turned around to see the dead vampire cerberus, and uttered out a sympathetic word, "Puppy!" He hurried over to its husk and pat the side of it. "Poor thing," he cooed.

"DJ," Valerie snarled, already mad that he didn't help kill the thing, "it was a monster. An undead, vampire freak, and it was going to eat you!"

"Poor thing," he repeated, not hearing her.

"Oh, come on," the politician in pink shouted. "This is ridiculous!"

"No," Beth chimed in, "I get that way around all animals."

"Me too," Belinda added.

The room, as DJ was comforting the giant, vampire, mutilated corpse of the cerberus, was getting much colder. Before any of the four could sense it, another being was in the center of the room. "You killed one of my pets. That makes me mad."

Belinda was the first to react. "Dracula," she replied, glaring at him. "Or should I say, Gary Stu?"

"I don't know what you mean by that-"

Belinda charged at him, thrusting the spear into his chest. Dracula, being a Twilight vampire, didn't care, and swatted Belinda. She wasn't killed, but sent skidding against the floor, and slid right into a chute like Howard.

Seeing Belinda being dispatched so quickly, the other three panicked. Valerie and Beth both ran off screaming, and DJ was frozen in terror. Twilight Dracula turned to him, and raised an eyebrow. The gentle giant quivered in fear.

"So, a victim," Dracula said, "I'll kill you, but let me tell you about how my life is so tragic and emo, but I'm so hot at the same time."

DJ lost it, and ran off screaming, hands waving in the air. Faster than even Dracula could trace, the football player was gone. "Holy Edwards," he sputtered, "that's rather impressive."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Better than a basement.)**

**Beth** - "That was SO scary! It was more scary than, say, walking in on Heather when she's applying all the make-up! I swear, it's like watching an animal being skinned in reverse!"

**Valerie** - *sulking* "Man, if I had known he was a Twilight vampire, I wouldn't have run."

* * *

**(Hunters, Team 6 - Xander, Harold, Crystal)**

The three teammates were walking down a hallway, keeping an eye out for shadows, suspicious statues, and anything else mysterious; however, they were in Dracula's castle, everything was mysterious.

"Damn, man," Xander said, looking at an ugly painting. "This is one hideous woman."

"Well, styles were much more different then," Crystal pointed out. "Hair styles, kit, looks, they're all different when centuries come into play."

"She's really ugly," Harold added.

Crystal couldn't help but laugh. "Yes, she is."

Xander took the painting down and stomped it to pieces. Crystal and Harold laughed, but the British romantic managed to calm down more. "Cor blimey, enough," she said amid chuckles. "We're hunting down Dracula."

Harold puffed his chest out and grinned. "You all should listen to me, I have a lot of experience. If only my fair Leshawna was with me, I'd love to make sure she was safe."

"Oh she's tough enough to take care of herself," Xander said. "How about you, my British bombshell?"

He nudged Crystal, who blushed bright red. She hurried up to Harold, and said, "You know, she's very proud to be that tough, you should respect that."

"Oh I do," Harold said, beaming as they walked forward, Xander looking surprised by her reaction. "I have all respect for Leshawna's strength, she's very tough, but also soft and warm."

"Hmm, yeah," Xander said, nodding as he tried to keep up with Crystal. "Soft and warm, like romance, eh Crystal?"

Her shoulders were almost higher than her head, the way she was huddling up in blushing. "Y-yes, exactly," she said, recovering. "See, Harold, you want to be romantic, but also respect the person's normal feelings. Leshawna's a very fine lady, just wants love as well as respect."

Harold nodded. "So Crystal, what's your type of guy?"

The British girl was almost half her height, still huddled up. "M-me?" she squeaked. "I... I don't have a type of guy I like."

"What?" Harold asked. "But you like romance and such?"

"Yes of course, eh wot!"

"What about the Twilight stuff," Xander asked, "like this vampire stuff?"

"Um, I don't really like it. I don't like the idea of something that sucks blood and glitters trying to get my knickers off."

Before either boy could ask what exactly knickers were, a series of shrieks and squeaks echoed from the ceiling. The three looked up to see a giant swarm of vampire bats coming at them.

"Cor blimey," shouted Crystal.

"Holy crap in a bucket," hollered Xander.

"Gosh, that's not good," added Harold. "RUN!"

The three ran forward, the swarm of vampire bats closing in. All three felt the cold flapping of wings and shrieked, could practically sense their evil fangs bared...

Crystal, who had already sacrificed herself in a virtual reality challenge, was ready to do the same thing right now. Spinning around, pumping her holy water super soaker, she sprayed a stream of the sacred splash on the shrieking suckers.

She could only hold them off for so long, and it seemed that more were coming from where they come from. Harold and Xander were near the end of the hallway, a few large, wooden doors at the end. They turned to see Crystal valiantly holding them off, and Xander reacted fast.

He grabbed Harold's shirt collar, yanked one of the wooden doors open, and shoved him in there. "Don't come out of there, Harold my man," he shouted before slamming the door shut. Turning back to Crystal, who had some of the monster bats biting her all over now, hurried over to her side.

"Hold on, Crystal babe," he shouted. "A true rebel would never let a lady fight alone!"

Harold fell flat on his back, saving his precious glasses from any harm. He heard the hundreds of bats squeaking and shrieking, the shouts from Crystal and Xander, and then the struggles of bats against the door.

The nerd was used to this, actually. "_Exactly how I feel every time my sister is mad at me_," he thought to himself, "_and starts pounding at my door._"

Unlike his sister (thought tempted to at times), Harold used his katana blade to carve a cross in the door. It worked like holy magic, and the bats wailed in pain at trying to dig into the consecrated door. After they fled, leaving a flap of wings behind them, the nerd stared at the door.

"_Might be like my sister,_" he thought to himself. "_Waiting outside with a pitcher of cold water, or a pillow, waiting until I think it's safe to come out and get me..._"

Realizing vampires don't likely carry pitchers of cold water and even less likely to carry pillows, Harold braved venturing out, holding his holy sword in his hand. Xander and Crystal lay in the hallway, and a quick pulse check on both confirmed both had been killed by the vampire bats.

"Oh gosh it all," Harold cursed. "I won't let this injustice carry on!"

He destroyed another painting in his fury, and it never knew what it hit it (mostly because it was a painting).

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Thankfully, no ugly paintings hung up in here.)**

**Crystal** - "Xander and Harold were really sweet to ask me about my own love life, but there's no need. I'm not quite into dating myself, just helping others do it." *She giggles.* "It's so nice, but I'll be helping Harold and Leshawna's relationship, and maybe I'll find someone for Xander."

**Xander** - *smirking slyly* "Now what kind of rebel would not try pursuing a girl who's not acting interested? It's like a siren's call to a guy, to go after a girl who doesn't show that much interest. At first." *He clicks his tongue and grins.*

* * *

**(Slayers, Team 1 - Leshawna, Gwen, Anita)**

"You will become a slave of the master!"

"The only slave I am of," Gwen replied to the hissing vampire, eyeing the others as she gripped her katana blade, "is checking my black nails to make sure they're not chipped!"

The vampire blinked its creepy eyes. "I don't get it-"

Gwen rushed forward and sliced the vampire's head off. A second lunged at her, and she drove the sword into where its heart was, defeating the beast. She cleaved her sword to the side, ducking to avoid the swipe of a vampire's claw-like nails, and bisected it.

With a sweeping turn around, she drove the sword into the last vampire, right in its neck. "How's it feel?" she whispered to the creature before drawing the sword back.

Decapitated, bisected, throat slit, and heart pierced, the four vampires all spurted blood around Gwen, and the goth girl spun around to pose as the undead beasts fell dead around her. She looked back at her teammates for approval on such stylish slaughter.

Anita clapped and cheered. Leshawna stared at Gwen with wide eyes before letting out a laugh and saying, "Frig, Gwen, that was brutal."

"I love this," Gwen replied, wiping off her blade on some vampire cloak. "It's really made me feel alive and happy again."

"Holy frig, you're talking about killing things, girl," Leshawna said, laughing. Anita was looking through tables for information. "How is that making you happy?"

"I like slaughtering evil beings. And what's up with 'frig'?"

"Sibling started using it, I'm stuck saying it now."

"What caused the sudden desire to say it?"

"My little sister likes the Twilight series, sadly."

"Oh," Gwen looked slightly bummed out for reasons only known to her over what Leshawna said, but shrugged it off. "God, I'm having fun. Only thing that could make me feel happier is if they were Twilight vampires."

"No such luck, girl, we haven't seen one, guess we might have normal vampires."

Anita shook her head. "I wouldn't count on that, girls."

"What makes you say that?"

The curvy bombshell had been looking at some black-jacketed books. She held up one that had pale hands holding an apple, and it was titled, "My Autobiography."

"Damn," cursed Gwen.

"Frig," remarked Leshawna.

"Unholy hell," added Anita. "And I never understood the image on the covers of these books. What do apples have to do with vampires?"

"What do glittery faces?" said Gwen.

Leshawna shrugged, and pat both girls on their backs. "Girls, we ain't let some book get in our way, let's find this predator and kill him."

"Frig yeah," Gwen and Anita cheered.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Kind of friggin' confused.)**

** Leshawna** - "Let it be a lesson to all you peeps: if your sibling or a friend starts saying something a lot, you friggin' say it a lot too."

**Gwen** - "So many people think because I'm goth, I love Twilight. Sorry, but there's something I have that keeps me from liking it: a brain."

**Anita** - "I don't care how handsome Edward and Jacob are, I find more animé guys to be more appealing. Heck, some of my favorite video game characters are better, like Mario. He goes through several worlds to find and save you, and he's happy with just getting a kiss on the cheek or the nose."

* * *

**(Slayers, Team 4 - Yoshi, Rodney, Bridgette.)**

"Baka, Bridgette. Ba-ka."

"Baka."

"Ah, very good. Say it with feeling now."

"Baka!"

Rodney clapped. "Very good, you say it like it was meant to be said!"

Bridgette smiled at the enthusiasm. "Thank you both very much. So tell me, what's that mean in Japanese?" Yoshi and Rodney exchanged impish grins, and for a moment, Bridgette thought she had been tricked into saying something dirty.

"It means 'stupid'," Yoshi explained.

"Baka means stupid?"

Yoshi and Rodney both cackled in delight. "Yep," the prodigy child said. "Now you know how to insult in Japanese."

"Oh, I don't really need to know how to insult, guys."

"Naw, of course you do. If you ever come to Japan," Yoshi said, "you can say, 'And Maclean-san, how stupid is he'!"

Bridgette chuckled, then stopped walking suddenly. Both the boys stopped as well when she looked up at the ceiling. "I... thought I heard something."

Yoshi gripped his wooden stake spear; his team had been unfortunate enough not to have a katana blade, and had traded his soaker with Rodney's spear. Both the prodigy and Bridgette were beginning to pump their soakers for action.

"Baka vampires," Yoshi snarled. "See, Bridgette, there's another use of the word-"

He was cut off when a female vampire ambushed from the shadows in the walls, grabbing his vest. Rodney panicked and sprayed holy water all over, soaking mostly Yoshi. This wasn't too unfortunate, as it caused burns on the vampire when she tried to grip him and stopped her from biting his neck.

More vampires attacked from the ceiling and the shadows of the room. One tried to bite into Rodney's helmet, and lost his fangs. As he wailed for his mommy vampire, Bridgette bashed his head with the handle of her soaker and sprayed pointblank. Vampires lunged at her, and continued to spray.

Yoshi was locked in a deadly grapple with the female vampire, as more lady vampires attacked him. He was not used to a spear, and used it more for defense. Rodney was kicked in the back of the head and sent skidding to the side, hitting the wall and just missing a chute to the basement.

The terrible amount of shrieking, mostly because female vampires shriek worse than fangirls, traveled far across the castle, catching the ears of three living mortals. Like invisible hands yanking them by the ears as if they were naughty children (or a certain gym leader who doesn't know when to stop flirting, ha ha let's see how many of you get that reference), another team of the Slayers burst into the hallway.

One of the vampire women looked around and saw Sebastian standing there, staring them down. She blinked in surprise and asked "Laurent?" **[2]**

Sebastian's eye twitched in annoyance, and he carved through the vampires with his katana blade. Sakaki and Lindsay let out mighty battle cries (well, mighty for Sakaki, battle-squeak may be more fitting), and sprayed vampires all over with holy water.

The surviving vampires took off in a flurry of wings, hisses, and "Owtchy owtchy it burns!" When they managed to clear off, the three members scouted the area, finding a bloody Yoshi against one wall and a woozy Rodney against the other.

As Sakaki and Sebastian tried to revive Yoshi, Lindsay went to Rodney's side. "Hey, Rochester? Are you awake?"

She started knocking on his helmet, and continued until he stirred and muttered, "Come in, it's open."

Lindsay helped him stand up, and then he began to look around. "Where's Bridgette?" he asked, starting to panic. "Where is she?"

Sebastian did a quick look around. "She was with you before the attack? Where could she be then?"

"Oh this is all my fault," whimpered Rodney. "I should have done better... all my fault..."

"Hey," Yoshi said, coughing horribly and startling the two tending him, "do not blame yourself, young warrior. There is only one person to blame, and that is the enemy. Go make them pay for what they did."

Rodney swallowed hard, wiped his eyes, then nodded at Yoshi. The warrior teen managed to smile before slumping against the wall. Sakaki scurried away, frightened, as Sebastian tried to bring him back.

"Things have gone from bad to worse," the philosopher said, correcting his glasses quickly. "Salvage what we can."

Rodney nodded, and picked up Bridgette's water gun, the only thing left where she had once been.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Gasp! A vampire mystery!)**

** Sebastian** - "I know a lot of people don't agree with my horror movie philosophy, but I still think it's a dark mix of sexuality and violence. Not a pleasant conversation, like ice cream on pizza. Though I strangely keep hearing people who like ice cream on pizza, so I guess it'll keep on trucking."

**Bridgette** - "I was never much of a fighter, I like sports that don't involve heavy physical contact, like, say, surfing! Some people say I would be good at some of that stuff, but I think I'd be pretty baka to do that."

**Yoshi** - "Although I rather would survive these virtual reality challenges, fighting to a glorious, violent death against numerous opponents is a way to go! My father once said it's more like to die in a car crash than battle, so thus I want to die in a major pileup!"

* * *

**(Hunters, Team 2 - Mandy, Izzy, Alfred)**

The three members of this rather active, wild, and very scary group had been attacked by some vampires just like the previous group; however, the vampires were in for a terrible shock. For one who dares to challenge Izzy is in for a heavy deal, and with her cultist gal-pal and excited gonzo friend, the vampires never knew what hit them.

"What hit us?" one of the ones to escape asked the other.

"I don't know, but it had red hair," the other said, "or was white?"

"Totally didn't know what hit us! We're really crappy vampires."

"Well, what do you expect, when the master is a Twilight vampire?!"

Meanwhile, back in the building, Izzy and Mandy were correcting their hair, which had been ruffled in the fight. Alfred was busy pinning a nervous vampire against the wall, holding his blade to its neck.

"Alrighty then, Mr. Vampire," Alfred hissed, grinning wickedly. "Actually, I don't want to give you the generosity of such a title, I'm gonna call you Grr, because vampires growl a lot."

"Y-yes, if you insist."

"Grr, what's in that room?"

He pointed at a door that his team had come across, one that was an abyss-like black, with lich-purple magic swirling around it. Grr managed to whimper out, "It... it is a magically protected door. Only the undead can go in there."

"And what's in it?"

"T-top secret information about the master."

"Okay then Grr, I have an assignment for you. Go in there, find out something about your master, and then bring it to me."

"Y-yes, mister. Grr be good."

The vampire scurried into the room. As they waited, Izzy looked over at Alfred. "Hey, what is keeping him," she asked, "from just leaving us?"

Grr came back out of the room, holding a piece of paper. Mandy chuckled and said, "Guess he relied on him being really stupid."

"What a crappy vampire," Izzy said with a laugh.

Alfred took the paper from Grr. "What's this?"

"It's a note that the master, Dracula, wrote to himself."

The gonzo studied the note, and his eyes widened. Then his brow furrowed, and he grabbed Grr by his vampire collar. "All this says is, 'Bella is hot'! This isn't information retrieval! _Are you insane?!_"

"I don't know..."

"_YOU'RE LYING!!!_"

Grr squeaked. "Well, I didn't want you using anything that could help you in whatever plans you have."

"You stupid vampire, you couldn't possibly know our plan is to find out Dracula's weakness and then kill him!"

"But... you just told me."

"_YOU'RE LYING!!!_" **[3]

* * *

**

**(Janitor's Closet - We like Grr.)**

** Alfred** - *crossing his arms and huffing* "Stupid vampire Grr, wrecking my plans like that. Curse you, Grr, _CURSE YOOOOOOOU_!"

**Courtney** - *is outside, pounding on the door* "Alfred! If all you're going to do in there is holler like that, get out and give me a turn!"

**Alfred** - *rather startled by this* "Man, you just cannot get a good crack at the closet here in Canada."

* * *

After disposing of Grr, the three continued down the hallway, Izzy studying the note. "I think this means that Dracula is a Twilight vampire," she concluded.

"Oh crap," Mandy muttered. "I hate that stuff."

"Man, I can't stand it either, really," Alfred remarked, walking behind the two. "You know, my friend Keith and I, we were trying to find out the appeal to vampires, and Keith wanted to try nibbling this girl he was seeing's neck..."

"Well, if that's how it works, it's easy," Izzy said. "We have to tear the vampire apart and burn the pieces."

"How do you know how to kill a Twilight vampire?"

"... he got bruises on ninety percent of his body, and that was just from her dad! See, we really should have tried this experimenting at some place than her house, so I asked my old girlfriend if she liked the idea..."

"Well, of course I had to read it, in case some crazy Twilight fans tried to bring them to life! Fans do that, I'm a fan of Stoked, and I tried to make waves in the pool in my community."

"Oh wow, how did that work?"

"..."

"Well see, I churned up the pool until there were waves, but by that time, the lifeguard was telling me not to do it anymore, and I actually like him because he lets me swim unlike the other lifeguards."

"That's a shame, it would be wild to surf in a pool since the ocean isn't safe with C'thulhu's inevitable... wait, why has Alfred stopped talking?"

The two girls turned around to see Alfred standing completely still, looking blankly forward. His body then slumped down and hit the floor, revealing the evil, pale face of a vampire with bloody fangs behind him.

Izzy shouted in fury and charged at him, but this was what the vampires planned. Another swooped out from the challenge and carried her out the window of the room. Mandy was almost snatched too, but she managed to swing her katana blade and kill the one trying to capture her.

As the cultist girl took on the remaining bloodsuckers, Izzy struggled with the vampire trying to capture her. "Let go of me," she ordered.

"No," was the reply.

Izzy would have replied, but then she noticed how high up they were, and her phobia of flying came to her in full-force. Shrieking and squirming like a mad woman (well, like herself, just with real fear), Izzy caused the vampire to lose his ability to fly properly. Losing altitude, he crashed through part of the roof on one side of the castle's keep, wooden shingles flying everywhere.

Izzy landed painfully but in one piece. The vampire had been stabbed through multiple places, including his evil heart cavity, and was dead. The redhead collected her bearings, realized she was still gripping her wooden spear, and brushed wooden shingle dust out of her hair.

"Right then," she said to herself, "where the hell am I? Oh, I'm the hell here."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Now she's the hell here!)**

** Izzy** - "I really thought I had conquered that stupid fear of flying, but it all came back when I was being carried away by a vampire. You know, that's how life catches you off guard. You think you have things set, then a vampire comes and ruins things for you. Don't it all suck?"

**Mandy** - "You know, Valerie was telling me the other day that I was obviously gay because I didn't find Edward Cullen attractive. If that's not a sign that that pink-wearing political (_really bad word here that you can probably guess_) is nothing more than a fangirl in mean-spirited ignorance, I don't know what is!"

* * *

**(Slayers, Team 3 - Zachary, Sadie, Katie)**

Katie and Sadie were being really quiet, which was so unlike them, it was starting to unnerve Zachary. It even unnerved the vampires watching from the shadows, because there was an aura about Katie and Sadie that if they were together, they should be talking so fast that not even the best dictating couldn't keep up.

In fact, they were whispering something between them, Sadie getting a little pink in the face from embarrassment. Katie finally managed to convince her friend of her idea. While Sadie lifted her holy water soaker and kept a close eye on the back. Her sweet friend skipped over to Zachary's side and put on her best "innocent" attitude.

"Hey, Zachary, whacha doing?" she asked innocently.

"I'm in a virtual reality of a vampire castle, keeping an eye out for bloodsucking freaks. Just like you should be doing."

"It's so cool that you're so focused," Katie gushed, giggling innocently.

Zachary rolled his eyes, something she missed, then muttered, "Look, shouldn't you be with Sadie?"

"She's watching the back." Sadie, only a few steps away, waved up at Katie, who innocently waved back. Turning back to Zachary, she kept up the innocent routine. "So, I was wondering, are you seeing anyone, Zach? You don't mind me calling you Zach, do you?"

"No and no, girl."

"Oh good, Zach," Katie said, giggling and touching his shoulder, an innocent pat in the process. "Because you know, there's a lot of really nice girls in this season of Total Drama and all!"

"Don't you have someone?"

Katie laughed innocently. "Oh yes, yes I do!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Innocent in this manner.)**

** Katie** - "See, back at school, I really try to hook up Sadie with guys. She likes 'em big and strong and tough!" *She flexes her own little muscles to emphasize this, but not very well in comparison.* "She has her eye on a few of the available boys, and thus, I'll try to help her with someone! Like Zachary, for instance, who's big and strong and tough!"

* * *

"And so," Katie chirped, innocently twirling one of her pigtails, "I was wondering if you'd like for me to introduce you to a nice girl!"

"That girl would be Sadie, right?"

"Why how _ever_ did you guess?" she asked in innocent surprise.

Zachary scoffed, and faced forward again, keeping an eye out for vampires. "Whatever. I ain't gonna date your friend, Katie. I think that Valerie chick wants me, and I wanna get some from her first, you know?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - That doesn't sound innocent.)**

** Katie** - *glaring at the camera, arms crossed in a huff* "... Or he could just be an asshole!!"

* * *

Katie's glare and seethe was anything but innocent, as were some of the things going through her mind as Zachary tried to ignore her; however, neither could ignore the shriek of horror behind her.

Sadie was being dragged away by a vampire, but this bloodsucker was having a hard time getting off the ground. "Aw, damn it," he growled, "why do I always have to bring the fat ones to Master?"

Katie's patience snapped, and she leapt at the vampire, knocking him and herself to the side. They almost skidded right into a chute to the basement, but stopped right in front of it. "Sadie is not fat," she shrieked, punching the vampire in the face, hammering it with the hilt of her katana blade.

She didn't hear a large fluttering of wings and panicked screaming behind her. One of the vampires, who really didn't want to deal with a girl at that level of fury, called out in encouragement to his vampire comrade, "You got her, Ted, just hang in there."

Katie and Ted the Vampire struggled until he managed to push her off him, and bared his fangs. The sweet girl (really, she is, just not right now) pierced his chest with her blade, and destroyed him. Stumbling back, she came to the edge of the basement chute and started to lose her balance. Before she could fall, a strong hand grabbed her wrist and pulled her back.

She was startled but ready to attack. Luckily, a familiar, girlie scream stopped her. "No stop," was the shriek, "it's me."

Katie managed to stop her swing before striking her savior. "DJ?" she asked, then realized it truly was him. Giving him a hug, she cried out, "What happened? Where's your team?"

"I... I don't know. Where's yours?"

Katie's eyes widened in fear and looked around. Sadie and Zachary were nowhere around. Letting out a wail of anguish, she covered her eyes. "No, I lost her! This is, like, so unfair! I'm starting to not like vampires!"

"It's okay, Katie. Let's go find our friends together."

He pat her shoulder in comfort, and she felt her worries go away. Noting the gentle strength of his hands, and that warm smile, Katie's brain registered these facts rather quickly. Putting on an innocent smile, she asked, "Say, DJ, you're single now, right?"

Before DJ could confirm his single status, there was a screaming blur sliding towards them. Katie only had time to hold her hands up before the blur slammed into her, knocking her backwards and down the chute. The blur shook its head as Katie's scream echoed downward, much to DJ's horror.

"Oh man, those crazy, white-boy vampires," the blur known as Zachary exclaimed. "When they attacked those annoying white girls, I took off running as fast I could, and I found out this is some kind of square hallway! I managed to get away from them, but thank goodness I ran into someone else."

Zachary shook his head and looked up at DJ, grinning. "Oh good, another brother, I feel safer already. Know what happened to the annoying white girls I was with?"

DJ, fuming mad, simply pointed at the chute. Zachary stared at it, confused, before asking him, "Why did you throw them down there, dude?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - This is so not innocent.)**

** Sadie** - "Ever since Katie got a boyfriend, she's really keen on hooking me up. Though I should let her know I'm not desperate, and that I want someone who's a little nice. You think there are vampires out there that are more than a little nice? I don't think so."

**DJ** - "Zachary really annoys me. If he was ever at my house with that attitude and mouth of his, my mother would give him a good slap across the face!"

**Zachary** - "I have no idea why Katie would think I'd be interested in Sadie. She's so not the type you date, she isn't even anything without Katie." *He laughs.* "C'mon, how far do you think either white girl will get in this show?"

**Groucho the Duck** - *popping up next to Zachary* "The polls say better than you, maggot."

**Zachary** - "YIPE! Who let a duck in here?!"

* * *

Katie let out a yelp when she hit the ground. Picking herself up, she surveyed the basement of Dracula's Castle. "Eww," she commented.

"Couldn't agree more."

She spun around, seeing Belinda leaning against the wall. She was covered in scratched, splattered with blood, her clothing mangled but managing to hang on to her body.

"Belinda?" Katie managed to say, noting the bloody sword the blond clairvoyant. "Are you all right?"

"Wouldn't exactly use that to define me, but I'm still kicking."

"Your... your clothes!"

"Yeah, they're a mess, aren't they? Luckily, it seems Joel makes it so that at the least, underwear doesn't come off in this virtual reality world. Bless the man, I must thank him for having that foresight; after all, clothes should get a little ruined when fighting giant vampire rats."

"Fighting what what what?"

Belinda pointed to a corner in the basement nearby. Giant vampire rats were sucking the blood from a corpse that the vampires had not finished off. They noticed the sweet girl and clairvoyant staring at them and hissed.

"Vampire rodents of unusual size don't normally attack until they think they can overwhelm you," Belinda instructed Katie. "Also lucky for us, no pain in the VR world."

"Wh-what do we do?"

"We try to find a way out of here, if we can," Belinda said, patting her shoulder, "and then kill Dracula, who happens to be a Twilight vampire."

Katie cheered at this, clapping enthusiastically. "Ooo, was he handsome? Did he sparkle?"

"_I could tell her that the mere subject of such a thing is making me want to retch,_" Belinda thought to herself, "_but it looks like she's having just as bad of a day as I am._"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Yep, innocence gone completely.)**

** Belinda** - "One of my friends asked me why I thought the vampires in Twilight sparkle. I believe it's because it's like a firefly's mating dance, only it wouldn't be so romantic if a vampire's butt was glittery in sunlight."

*She smirks at the camera.* "Gross? Least it's not as gross as dating a seventeen year-old when you're a century old."

* * *

**(Hunters, Team 1 - Tyler, Joel, Hannah, Colin)**

"So it's pretty much my favorite show, mostly because of how much fact and science there is in it."

"It sounds like a pretty interesting show," Hannah said as she swung her katana blade, cleaving a vampire in two. "Are they scientists?"

"Naw, they don't say they are. They just like to put myths and rumors to the test, and they learn from it too."

"Man, that sounds like a good life," Tyler said, twirling his spear and hitting a vampire with it. It wasn't killing the bloodsucker, just really annoying him. "Blowing stuff up sounds like a lot of fun, in the name of science!"

Joel nodded eagerly. "Oh yeah, who wouldn't want to do half of the stuff they do-"

"Will you all shut up?" Colin snarled. "We're here to kill vampires, not talk about stupid stuff!"

The three turned to Colin, who was poking a slain vampire with his wooden spear. Joel really wanted to shout at him, tell him all he was doing was poking a dead body with a stick, but Hannah was in peril at the time. So long as the girl he liked was in trouble over vampires, he wasn't going to start a fight.

Hannah felt the same. The desire to slap Colin and get his act together was at an all-time high, she felt that way especially when people were unnecessarily rude. "Colin, we need to fight the vampires," she said patiently, "and they're not letting up-"

"Shut up, church girl," Colin snarled as he sat down and poked at the vampire's body more. "Your oppressive attitude is making me feel bad, so I don't feel up to it. I'm gonna complain about your preachy demands when we're done."

"What a jerk," one of the vampires said to the other.

"Not a believable excuse too," another said. "He's just being difficult to avoid killing us."

"Tell me about it," Tyler said to the bloodsuckers, rolling his eyes. "He's a bully, just trying to be mean for the sake of being mean."

"Yeah, and tattling is such a childish thing to do that bullies do," the first vampire added. "It's a way he tries to get power over you."

"Hang on," the second vampire remarked, pointing at Tyler with a wicked-looking nail, "you're a jock, aren't you?"

"No, he's a sporto who sucks at sports," Colin called out, laughing.

The second vampire rolled his evil eyes. "Well, if you're a jock, doesn't that mean you're kind of a jerk too?"

"Yeah, most everyone knows jocks are big, fat jerks," the first vampire remarked. "So you're probably as big of a creep as him."

Tyler frowned in frustration, then the second vampire was cleaved in two by Hannah. The religious girl lashed around and stabbed her sword through the first vampire's chest, and yanked it out.

"I don't like it," she said as the vampires fell over dead, "when people insult my friends."

The rest of the vampires were defeated, and Joel and Tyler were looking at Hannah in amazement. When she saw the attention she was getting, she blushed slightly and said, "Well, that came out a little more aggressive than I meant it to..."

Joel and Tyler were all over her, hugging her and telling her how awesome she was. On the side, Colin rolled his eyes.

Hannah grinned as Tyler gave her one last squeezing hug, then she stammered out, "Okay guys, we need to keep going, and find Dracula."

"Right you are, my lady," Joel said, patting her on the back. He pumped his holy water soaker, then kicked down the door in front of them.

A few vampires were sitting around, drinking Bloody Marys. They were surrounded by bookshelves and some arcane decor. The vampires were startled by the door being busted down, and more surprised to hear the battle cries.

"For football, hockey, and lacrosse," Tyler exclaimed.

"For Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman," Joel roared. **[4]**

"For God and country," Hannah cried out.

"Now that is pushing beliefs on me," Colin, still back in the hallway poking the body, angrily protested, "and I don't have to take it-"

"Shut up," Tyler and Joel shouted back.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - For closets!)**

** Colin** - "I get tired of such harassment. Hannah's breaking some rules, and someone needs to stop her."

**Joel** - "I try to keep my patience around Hannah, I'm not a violent guy. But if Colin continues to harass Hannah like that, he's gonna have his 'myth' busted, if you get my drift ! He's going to have to put up with my patience of seeing how far I can shove a pipe wrench up his-" *He is suddenly cut off.*

**Tyler** - "I know people think jocks are jerks, but if there is a real jerk, it's Colin. I know his game, I've seen it, my sisters have seen it. He's the kind of creep that does something to annoy or hurt people all the time, but the moment someone does something he doesn't like, he runs to authority and acts horribly hurt and disturbed."

*He rolls his eyes.* "It's so pathetic. Makes me want to see how far I can shove a football up his-" *He is suddenly cut off too.*

**Hannah** - *She is praying quietly, her eyes closed. She opens them to look at the camera and smile, mouths, "God be with you," then goes back to praying.* "And please, watch over everyone in this show, and don't let any sparkly vampires bite us in our sleep, oh Lord."

* * *

**(Slayers, Team 5 - Sebastian, Sakaki, Rodney, Lindsay)**

"So do you think zombies are part of this sex and horror thing going on?" Sakaki asked Sebastian.

"No, that's more of an 'end of the world' horror interpretation," Sebastian replied. "I mean, when the dead come back to life, you couldn't have a secure world ever."

"I remember the zombie challenge, that was scary," Rodney said. They all stopped in front of a large wooden door. Sebastian slowly opened it, holy katana ready. Looking up at the ceiling and around the room, he crept in and motioned for the others to follow. When they realized it was clear, Rodney added, "Zombies are not quite as scary, though, because they don't plan things."

"Oh, I totally know how that is," Lindsay said, waving her head and smiling happily. "See, I dated this one guy during my freshman year who had really good hair, and he had large forearms, but he was kind of nice. The other guy I dated had a thing for ice skating, but he hated watermelons."

The other three stared at her in confusion. "Lindsay," Sebastian started to ask, "how's that relate to what we were talking about?"

"I'm not sure, but I really like contributing." She nodded eagerly, beaming at the others. "But you were talking about horror, and there was this one time my friend Blake was at school with me when this one guy starting hitting on her, and I was like 'OhmahGod' and she was all 'OhmahGod' and he was saying with us 'OhmahGod' and my friend Brittany was all 'OhmahGod'..."

Rodney was starting to get really lost, looking between Sebastian and Sakaki. "Do either of you know what she's talking about?"

"No," they replied in unison.

"And when I told my sister Paula what happened, she said 'OhmahGod'-"

The room was filled with unholy wailing. "For the love of the devil," a vampire hissed in agony, "someone shut that girl up!"

The furniture was knocked aside, vampires having hid under tables and chairs and throw pillows. Vampires bared fangs and long nails and clawed wings and throw pillows.

"Run," Lindsay shrieked, "they have soft cushions!"

Sakaki screamed in reply to this, and ran around like her fellow coward, both spraying anything that was daring to come at them. Rodney was hit by several streams of water, usually right in the face; completely soaked and water in his eyes.

"Help me, I can't see," he wailed, running around and spraying water too. A swing from a soft cushion sent him sprawling, but the vampires didn't dare touch the boy when he was soaked in holy water.

Sebastian was fending off vampires with mighty cleaves of his holy katana, and he was doing a rather good job of it ("These stupid cushions aren't working," one of the vampires complained, "whose idea was this?"). Then one of the vampire cerberus smashed through a door, stomping down on vampires foolish enough to get in its way. One head grabbed a throw pillow and shredded it.

"Things just keep getting better," Sebastian said, brushing his dreadlocks out of the way.

"What? What was that?" Rodney called out. All he could hear were vampire hisses and cries, Lindsay and Sakaki shrieking, unholy barking, and the sound of throw pillows hitting random objects.

One throw pillow hit him in the face. Using it to wipe his eyes, he saw the vampire cerberus fall to the ground with a fatal wound in its side. Vampires lay around the room dead, and Sebastian was also on the ground, with rather large bites on him.

"Damn Nosferatu dogs," he cursed.

Rodney hurried to his side, trying to save him, but Sebastian soon faded from this world (well, just the virtual reality world). The prodigy looked around frantically, and noticed that Lindsay and Sakaki were also missing.

"Am I alone again?" Rodney whimpered. "Oh, why does everyone around me have to die from vampires and throw pillows?"

A shriek, sounding a lot like Sakaki, was heard down a hallway. Rodney summoned his courage and ran forward, armed with a holy water squirt gun and a holy water-soaked throw pillow.

He made a wrong turn at one point, chasing after a vampire with the throw pillow. Sakaki was heading down another pathway, and suddenly found a crossbow bolt embedded in her chest.

The moe girl looked down at the fatal wound, and whimpered, "Oh no, not again," before falling over. Zachary, who had found the holy crossbow when traveling with DJ, stared blankly at the accidental team-kill.

DJ face-palmed, muttering a few things his mother would be rather startled to hear him say. Zachary frowned and muttered, "Well, it's not my fault! She was shrieking, I thought she was a vampire!"

"If you cause any more team kills in these virtual reality games," DJ replied, "you're going to be voted off."

"Vote off me? That's racist."

"_I_ would vote for you!"

"That's... not fair!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Now with some throw pillows nicely thrown about.)**

**Rodney** - "I liked the holy throw pillows in the vampire campaign so much, that I placed some around the janitor's closet! Isn't it so much nicer looking?"

**Sakaki** - "I... um, I seem to have really bad luck in these virtual reality games, whether I get blown up or shot by my teammates. Maybe I just am bad at these things, I'd never survive a horror movie. I don't even watch them."

*The moe covers her face and sighs heavily, then peeks through her fingers to look around.* "These throw pillows are really nice, I feel more comfortable in here."

**Lindsay** - "... and then, my friend Kelly said, 'OhmahGod,' and her boyfriend Paul said 'OhmahGod' in reply! It was so, like, ohmahGod, I cannot get over how horrible that whole situation was! I think that's what Sebulba was talking about, when he meant horror, because that was the most horrifying occasion I've ever been through!"

* * *

**(Hunters, Team 5 - Noah, Justin, Geoff)**

The three boys were rather quiet, just listening for vampires. Slight flutter of wings, smacking of lips, quiet hisses, and growls of hunger were all that was needed to tip off the boys.

Noah was used to quiet waiting. Studying for long hours in his room and stealth video games taught him all kinds of patience, and he felt it made the kill sweeter. With a holy crossbow he found earlier, he was ready to snipe vampires.

Justin was used to quiet waiting. As a male model, he could stand for hours and smile for the lights and cameras, only soft requests for different poses from the director. It was easy, and he was paid to do it.

Geoff was the exact opposite of them. He loved things loud and wild, or chilling and groovy. That's how a party animal lived: people talking and interacting, having fun and getting to know each other, dudes trying to charm dudettes, and dudettes hitting on dudes. Silence ate at him, and it was starting to make him lose it.

"I didn't vote for Trent," he cried out defensively.

"We know," Noah snapped at him. "You've said that three times already. Me think he doth protest too much, moron!"

"Leave him alone," Justin remarked. "It's just Dracula's Castle, man, it's making him edgy."

"Edgy."

"Yeah, like my awesome cheekbones."

"Okay, I've really had it with your face."

"What's wrong with my face?"

"It's still there!"

Justin rounded on the glaring Noah. "Okay dude, don't disgrace my face. It's a prize-winning-"

"Don't start, you pompous twit," the bookworm replied. Waving his crossbow around angrily, he continued with, "I'm so sick of hearing about your face, more sick of looking at it!"

"Everyone loves my face, what's the matter with you?" Justin replied, crossing his arms. "You jealous or something?"

"Jealous? Ha! Ha, I say, and I repeat, ha! Who'd want your face?"

Justin smirked unfriendly-like. "Your girlfriend likes it, you know. Try learning to be appealing, book freak."

Noah launched himself at the male model, who held the bookworm back by holding a hand to Noah's forehead. As Noah swung at him, Geoff looked between the two of them. "Dudes? Why are we fighting? You both have perfectly fine girlfriends to be with."

"YOU TALKING ABOUT MY GIRLFRIEND LIKE THAT?" they both bellowed at him.

Geoff squeaked and jumped back, gripping his hat. He feebly protested to the attack, "I didn't vote for Trent-"

"WE KNOW!"

A vampire, who had been watching the fight, pounced on Geoff from behind. He grabbed the party animal's shoulders and flapped his wings, taking off up into the air.

"Oh crap," Justin exclaimed. "Noah, stop him!"

"Why don't you stop him with your face?"

"Just shoot him down, you twerp!"

Noah grumbled angrily as he took aim. The vampire was in his sights, locked on in seconds, and then he let the bolt fly. Holy bolt pierced vampire head, and the creature let go of Geoff. Noah and Justin cheered at the success, then the bookworm noticed something as Geoff fell down to the ground.

"Um, maybe I shouldn't have shot the vampire," Noah stated as he watched the plummet, "when he was so far up from the ground."

A rather disturbing "thud" followed, and Justin winced painfully. "Nice shot, moron," he grumbled at Noah.

"Hey, shut up, and don't call me a moron! You're just a model, you don't have an brain behind that pretty face!"

"Aha! So you admit my face is pretty!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Pretty Face vs. Big Brain, Round 1.)**

** Justin** - "I don't know what made Noah not like me so much, but he's always been a bit of a jerk... no, more than a jerk. How's a sweet girl like Katie like him? Man, the mysteries of life, eh?"

**Noah** - "Where's a guy like Justin come off? He's never had a real job, he's not smart, and his face! C'mon, what's so handsome about that face? It looks like someone pulled down on his chin and it stretched like silly putty!"

**Justin** - "Noah's face looks like someone stuck his head in a box when he was a baby and it grew that way!"

**Geoff** - "You know, voting off Bridgette's stepbrother might have been a really bad move. I can only hope no one suspects I voted for him."

* * *

**(Slayers, Team ??)**

Several lady vampires were poised on a balcony, watching the lone figure walking in the castle plaza. They flew down, fangs and nails bared. The figure merely needed a look over the shoulder to see the attack, and the counterattack was violent.

Katana blades cleaved into the female vampires, bisecting and decapitating. One vampira attacked from the front, and was lashed by a powerful whip. The weapon felled the beast, and more lashed destroyed more vampires.

A vampire cerberus stomped into the plaza, tearing up the bushes and destroying a gazebo. Several whip lashes and an attack with both katanas at the same time slew the beast in moments, making it collapse on the wrecked gazebo.

Heather stared emotionlessly at the large corpse as she sheathed both her katana blades into their scabbards, then coiled her vampire-slaying whip back up. "Dorks," she said as she began to leave the plaza, pushing the large iron door. "You could only dream to beat me."

The door she was pushing to open could only be pulled open, and she slammed her face against it. Grumbling in fury as she rubbed her nose, she yanked it open and walked in.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Heather the Vampire Slayer!)**

** Heather** - "Ezekiel got me on a few shows he started to watch after the first season was over; he really wanted to see just how tough we girls are. And as a result, I had to watch some of said shows when I visited him. And... I got a little addicted."

*She blushes slightly, giving a cute, pink tint to her cheeks.* "He's making me such a freak, and I'm starting to like it more and more. It, at the least, helped me with these weird, VR challenges."

* * *

**(Dracula's Lair, Hunters and Slayers VR worlds.)**

Count Dracula sat on an elaborate throne in both VR worlds. Fingers drummed against each other in dark contemplating, evil thoughts came to mind. He was furious at intruders in his castle, intruders that refused to die or be captured among those that had been nice enough to.

One of his minions approached him. "What are you contemplating, master?"

"The same thing I contemplate every day," he hissed, "try to take over the world."

"You're so crafty, master!"

"Yes, but today, we have people who are going to try to disrupt those plans. Once I have every teenage girl lusting over vampires, I will control the offspring of each generation, making them all Twilight vampires!"

"Devious, master, devious!"

"Stop that, you're drooling blood on my emo pants."

"Sorry!"

"It's time for us to remove this threat from my sight once and for all," Count Dracula said, standing up and walking around his room. He passed by the pentagrams painted on the ground, the movie posters on the wall, and the dart board with a certain werewolf's picture on it near the door. Listening to the bats flying and squeaking around the ceiling, he snapped his fingers.

"Where's Grr?"

"Dead."

"Ted?"

"Destroyed."

"Nossy?"

"Bit it."

"Oh, which of the invaders did he get?"

"No, I meant he's dead too."

Count Dracula's eye twitched, then he dramatically covered half of his face with his cloak. "Very well then. Let's destroy them with..."

He threw the cloak back and hollered, his evil voice echoing down the hallways, summoning vampires and alerting the hunters and slayers, "VAMPIRE SWARM DOWN! CAPTURE THE WOMEN AND SLAY THE MEN!"

Vampires all over the castle hissed, and took to their wings, becoming flocks of death and bloodsucking violence. They swept over some of the invading humans like tidal waves of Nosferatu fury.

Eva and Cody of the Hunters were one of the groups overwhelmed. Eva had tried to protect Cody by hiding him in the corner and swinging at the swarm, but was soon defeated as the vampires were forced to kill her; Cody was quick to follow.

Harold managed to hide in a room and carve the cross into the door to stop the attackers. The first team of Hannah, Tyler, Joel, and the jerk had enough firepower to stop the vampires, even in their numbers. Justin and Noah were easily swarmed and killed, because they were arguing and insulting the others' face.

In the basement, Howard of the Hunters was torn to pieces by the vampire rats when they swarmed with increased numbers; Belinda and Katie of the Slayers managed to survive despite some nasty bites (no pain though, thanks to the VR world).

DJ and Zachary of the Slayers were utterly defeated, the vampires able to catch even the rather fast football player. Gwen, Leshawna, and Anita held fast, took a few hits, and endured the swarm. Heather managed to survive on her own too.

Valerie and Beth of the Slayers were captured by vampires. Of the Hunters, Izzy dashed into the swarm cleaving and hacking, then was promptly captured, cackling all the way; however, Mandy on the same team managed to escape capture, mostly due to the fact that she ran from the swarm, and hid from the swarm. Vampires in a flock, apparently, could not detect humans as well when they were alone.

Rodney, still wet from holy water and holding a drenched throw pillow, was as tempting to the vampires as a smelly werewolf, so they ignored him. The prodigy looked from a distance, more cuddling the pillow than wielding it.

"This really sucks," he whimpered. "Oh, and don't my mom I said that. Even though I have a thousand vampires flying over me, she might not like how I say that."

Dracula frowned. "The witching hour is near. Enough time to hear the world about my tragic life and how living in high school for years to pick up chicks is the best way to go-

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - No, we refuse to listen.)**

** Harold** - "Gosh, that vampire swarm was scary! But I survived, and I'm sure there is a Possum Scout badge in there."

**Ezekiel** - *He has a few marks in his face.* "Whenever Heather was on the screen, fighting vampires and monsters, I was gripping my face. I think I made some marks in there, eh." *He laughs, then blushes slightly.* "She's making me freak 'oot a little, and I'm just fine with that."

**Carol** - *waving a bucket of popcorn around* "Watching people fighting vampires is AWESOME!"

**Clive** - *with popcorn all over him* "Carol's a really messy eater."

**Arthur** - *flicking a kernel out of his hair with a chuckle* "Watching is fun, but it still sucks that I was beaten by a Twilight vampire. Man..."

* * *

--

--

--

**Who will win and slay Count Dracula first: the Hunters or the Slayers?**

** Who will be voted off this challenge?**

** And if you do like Twilight, we actually do apologize to you. We don't hate Twilight fans, except when we have to listen to Team Edward against Team Jacob.

* * *

**

**The Teams:**

--

The Hunters

**Team 1** - Hannah, Tyler, Joel, Colin.

**Alone** - Mandy, Harold.

**Dead or Captured** - Carol, Clive, Arthur, Xander, Crystal, Alfred, Geoff, Eva, Cody, Howard, Justin, Noah, Izzy.

--

The Slayers

**Team 1** - Gwen, Leshawna, Anita.

**Basement** - Belinda, Katie.

**Alone** - Rodney, Heather.

**Dead or Captured** - Ezekiel, Courtney, Bridgette, Yoshi, Sadie, Lindsay, Sebastian, Sakaki, Zachary, DJ, Valerie, Beth.

--

**Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date** - Mystery Science Theater 3000 Poster on the wall, Noah's Cot, Throw Pillows tossed about. **[5]

* * *

**

**[1]** - The cerberus' heads' names were Sparky, Peppy, and Chris. These are the names of dogs killed in Mystery Science Theater 3000 movies, thus were resurrected as vampire beasts here. Sparky comes from _Teenagers from Outer Space_, Chris from _Revenge of the Creature_, and Peppy from the worst movie ever made, _Manos: The Hands of Fate_.

**[2]** - The vampira thought Sebastian was Laurent. Laurent is the black vampire with long dreadlocks from Twilight and New Moon. Yes, I did research on Twilight for this chapter, I hope you all appreciate the suffering I go through to appease you all. Still, Winter-Rae is far braver than me.

**[3]** - Any resemblance to Alfred acting like a certain alien invader named ZIM, while ordering someone named Grr around, to appease Mr. JoeMerl, is all a complete coincidence.

**Alfred** (to me) - "_YOU'RE LYING!!_"

**[4]** - Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman are the hosts of the show _Mythbusters_, a show I have become very addicted to. They test myths and stories to see if they're real, like if you can get caught in an out-of control washing machine, if driving while talking on a cellphone is as dangerous as driving drunk, and if a duck's quack echoes or not.

They also blow up a _lot_ of stuff, create crazy machines, and are darn funny. Needless to say, Joel watches this show religiously.

**[5]** - The decorations to the janitor's closet is a nod to Lord Akiyama's story Total Drama Academy: Year One. He's a great writer and artist, very funny, and his story deserves more attention, much like several of my favorited writers here. Still, he owes me a one-shot, so I hope this shout-out catches his attention. *wink, wink*

--

**Next Up** - Dracula's end (twice), as well as another contestant's hope at TDB.


	26. Ch 7, Pt 3: Vampires Suck Big Time

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - I know a lot of you get upset when bad things happen in the story. I was talking about this with a friend of mine, and he told me something that is a good point: writers have to be brutal when they write a story. Do you think JK Rowling enjoyed killing Dobby? Do you think she even wanted to? No, but it had to happen, there was a war, and evil people like Lestrange have no mercy.

I know you all want humor more than drama, so I try to provide both. If nothing else, enjoy seeing Twilight vampires get their butt kicked.

* * *

**Chapter 26** - Once Bitten, Twice They Die

* * *

--

--

--

**(The Hunters, Team 1 - Hannah, Joel, Colin, Tyler)**

The four brave adventurers, trudging through Count Dracula's Castle, were struggling against the constant vampire attacks. Even Colin, who had been stubbornly refused to help, was actually fighting the bloodsuckers. He found it quite enjoyable, and began wondering why he had protested all this time.

The virtual wounds did not hurt, but it was causing them difficulty in moving and fighting. Injuries to the arms and chest made it harder to swing or shoot their weapons, damages to the legs and feet made it tough to run and dodge.

Hannah was panting from exhaustion, Joel heaving hard. Tyler, who was used to long hours of strenuous exercise, was carrying on the best, and led the group. When they reached a door that had been guarded by some very powerful vampires, they were sure they had reached Dracula's lair.

Inside were no other vampires, or Twilight-wannabes. A large collection of weapons were to be found, all good against vampires. "Why would they keep these?" Tyler asked aloud. "It's like Superman keeping kryptonite."

"I think it's in case another group of vampires attack them or something," Hannah said. "Vampires are probably like gangs, they cannot stand each other."

"Like you would know anything about gangs," Colin scoffed as he lifted up a holy sledgehammer.

Joel shot an angry glare at him as he picked up a couple pistols with blessed bullets. "Yes, I'm sure you would know more about immoral things," he said. "I'm surprised these holy things don't burn you too."

Colin gave him an inappropriate hand gesture, which the inventor ignored. Hannah noted a crucifix baseball bat, held it questioningly, then put it back. She preferred her holy katana, and was hoping no one else she wanted.

Tyler was the one she was most worried about, since he had a love for sports; however, the sporto had found something that interested him a lot more. He had come across a glass case, and was opening it up to claim the prize.

"We have found our salvation," Tyler said as he took the golden orb. "The most destructive weapon known to mankind, blessed and perfect for this job of destroying one major vampire."

"What's that then?" Joel asked.

Tyler held the blessed item high up in the air. The semi-perfect, golden sphere was adorned with a cross-shaped pin, decorated with glorious artwork of Christian faith and history. It was a thing of beauty, it almost brought a tear to Hannah's eye.

"What is it?" she asked with wonder.

"The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch!"

* * *

**(The Slayers, Team 1 - Leshawna, Anita, Gwen)**

Anita was holding the very same weapon in her world, as her teammates stared at it in marvel. The bombshell gal caressed the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, pleased to find such an incredible weapon.

"Kick ass," said Gwen.

"Amen," Leshawna and Anita said in unison.

After a few more seconds of admiration, Leshawna broke the silence. "So, we gonna use this against that vampire?"

"We'll definitely should, try to hit him with it when he isn't looking," Gwen said, holding two katana blades of her own. "One of us will distract him, then we hit him with it. Who wants to throw it?"

"I got a good throwing arm, but you should it, Gwen."

"Me? Why?"

"You're the only one who's beaten a serial killer."

"That's true," Anita added, handing the grenade out to Gwen. "Leshawna and I can distract him, you do your best."

The goth girl blinked, then nodded as she stuck it in a pouch she wore on her side. "Leave it to me."

The three left the weapons room, armed and dangerous. They came across a very grand-looking door that might be where the master of this place would be.

" 'Werewolves stay out, vampires only', it says," Leshawna read the sticker on the door. "Friggin' vampire."

She tore it off, crumpled it up, and tossed it aside. She threw the door open, and stepped boldly inside. Anita and Gwen followed, keeping their eyes peeled.

Movement startled them, and the three held up their weapons: Gwen her dual katana blades, Leshawna a holy shotgun, and Anita a vampire-slaying whip. The three saw steel flash in the pale light of the room, and then recognized the figure.

"Heather?" Leshawna asked, lowering her weapon. "What are you doing here?"

"I was hunting for Count Dracula, duh," the queen bee replied, lowering her katana blades as well. "What are you three doing here?"

"The same thing," Gwen snapped, rolling her eyes. "What, you thought we were picnicking?"

"Oh, shut up," Heather said, glaring at the goth girl. "We just need to find this vampire, and kill hi-"

She didn't get time to finish. A flash of movement, dark in nature so that it was almost impossible to see, collided with her, rocketing her against the wall. Heather cried out and struggled but only for a moment before fangs dug into her neck. She stiffened, went pale, then limp.

Count Dracula dropped Heather's dead body and turned towards the three girls, blood staining his mouth. He licked it away, eyes glowing red. "Welcome, young ladies," he said, smacking his lips. "I've actually been waiting for you."

Leshawna shook with fear, glancing at Heather's dead body. She tried to collect herself, swallowing nervously. Anita almost bit her lip hard enough to draw blood, and Gwen had almost dropped her weapons.

"You three caught my eye when you entered. Brave, beautiful, and quite admirable, all very fine features. The girl I killed, she was a violent warrior, and I have enough slaves."

"Wha-what?" Leshawna stammered. She managed to shake off her fear and held up her shotgun. "What do you mean by that, Dracula?"

The leader of the vampires grinned and snapped his fingers. "I'm glad you asked."

A few seconds after the snap, figures began to step out from the back of Dracula's lair. The three girls tried hard to see what they were, and when it was evident, they gaped and gasped in horror.

* * *

**(The Hunters, Count Dracula's Lair)**

"I could have captured every last one of the women, but unfortunately," Count Dracula said, "your team was full of very violent women. My minions were forced to kill most of them. All but one."

He put his hand on a shoulder of a redhead that the Hunters' team knew very well. Izzy was staring back at them, but she wasn't Izzy. Her eyes were glowing a dull yellow, and her facial expression just wasn't, no expression, no Izzy in it at all. The tiny bite marks on her neck were the sign of this state of mind.

"She is my slave, one for pleasure in my dark, sad, miserable life of being a vampire," Count Dracula said with a sigh, throwing back his well-styled hair and running a pale hand through it. "Such is a cruel life, with no love after all these years."

"So you're mind-controlling her with your powers after biting her?" Hannah shouted, fiercely gripping her sword. "How dare you, you vile, sinful-"

"Dude, that is cool," Colin said, grinning. "Can you show me how to do that?"

Hannah face-palmed as Joel pointed his guns at Dracula. "Whatever you're doing to her, release her. Or I'm gonna go Gunslinger on your pale butt."

"Only my death could release her," the vampire said. "Soon, all young women will be like this. Devoted, obedient, no personality except to entertain me."

"You gotta show me how to do that," Colin gushed. "I want my own harem too!"

Dracula rolled his red-glowing eyes. "Yeah right, I'm not going to let you in on this."

"C'mon!"

"No! And besides, I think you're kind of a jerk."

"Let go of Izzy right now, you freak," Tyler snarled, stepping forward. In his hands, he was holding the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, preparing it.

"Or what?" Count Dracula snarled. "A jock with bad aim doesn't scare me, I know I'm more popular than you. Face it, when it comes to attracting girls, you gotta be a pale, undead monster who wants to kill the girl he's dating in order to be cool."

"I'll show you how wrong you are! Joel, get Izzy out of the way!"

Tyler pulled the holy pin as Joel ran forward, grabbing Izzy around the waist. The inventor yanked her away with no problem, as she was as resistant as a rag doll. Count Dracula didn't even react except for a side glance at this hostage saving, then back at Tyler as the jock threw the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch at him.

He missed Twilight Dracula, and slammed against the opposing wall. Since the weapon was light with holy light powers, it had a lot of bounce to it. Going past the one throwing it, the holy grenade bounced and rolled to the back where Hannah and Colin were standing. Both had time to cry out and move slightly.

There was a terribly ghastly noise. There was a wonderfully beautiful light. Then there was nothing.

Tyler looked behind him, still in throwing pose, looking at where his two teammates had been, only a holy-seared burn where they had been. He quivered, and whimpered out the immortal words, "Oops."

Count Dracula burst out laughing. "I cannot believe you just did that. That's the funniest thing I've seen in almost fifty years!" He cackled a bit more before coughing, then sighed and said, "But alas, an amusement like that barely penetrates my emo but oh-so-hot attitude. Izzy, take care of that boy."

Izzy immediately became violent at her master's words. She began slapping, kicking, and kneeing Joel as much as possible. Not wanting to hurt his friend, because the logic of a virtual reality world and a mind-controlled slave could not enter his mind during such an event, Joel feebly tried to hold her back.

Tyler watched this, then saw Dracula. "Crap," he swore, realizing their odds. "Things couldn't be any worse."

* * *

**(The Slayers, Count Dracula's Lair)**

It was if you were on the Slayers side, and you were Gwen, Leshawna, and Anita. They were staring at not one mind-controlled slave of Count Dracula, but six.

"What did you do to them?" Gwen shrieked in fury. Her eyes rested on her friend amid the others. "Bridgette! Bridgette, what's wrong with you?"

"She cannot reply to you, because she's not Bridgette any more," Dracula said, flashing a smug smirk. "You don't know them any more as Bridgette, Lindsay, Courtney, Sadie, Valerie, or Beth anymore. These women are now mine, and I call them all...

"Bella."

"Ugh, it's a fate worse than death," Anita shouted in disgust. "How dare you! If you're going to make your own fangirls, you should at least let them be drones by their own free will!"

Dracula scoffed. "Merchandise can only do so much. I'm the real deal, baby, the wolf feeding off the lambs."

Leshawna scoffed, then looked at the mind-controlled girls. "So, if my _real_ vampire lore is right, we just have to kill you to free them."

"Yes, but you won't."

"We will," Gwen hissed. "And since this is a virtual reality world, we don't have to worry about hurting our friends."

"Really?" Dracula asked, his smug smirk still there. He tapped Bridgette's shoulder and snapped his fingers. "Bridgette, go attack Gwen."

The blond, mind-controlled surfer nodded slowly, her face contorting into a violent expression. She rushed forward, and Gwen braced herself. Seeing her friend coming at her, the goth girl froze, unable to harm her. The guilt of her rude treatment to her at breakfast came rushing at her at the same time.

Gwen dropped her katana blades and caught her charging friend. Bridgette immediately began striking her, and it was all she could do to hold her back. Seeing the surfer in such a violent state scared all three girls; it was hard to imagine Bridgette being this aggressive, ever.

Count Dracula cackled, pointing at the attacking girl. "See this? I control her completely! And you cannot hurt her, you wouldn't dare! Even if we're breaking the fourth wall, you cannot do it!"

Anita groaned. "You know, hearing him say it makes me think of girls who want to date Edward. This fourth wall in virtual reality is really scary, I hope Joel uses the VR machine for good only."

Leshawna eyed the mind-controlled girls, noticing Courtney. "Well, I wouldn't mind slapping her around a little. "Can you slap Valerie?"

"Yeah, I think I'd have no problem with that. What about the other four?"

"WAIT!"

The three girls, the mind-controlled slaves, and Count Dracula looked back at the door entrance. Rodney was standing there, still wet with holy water, carrying a soft cushion and a flashlight.

"He's still alive?" Dracula mused. "I think my vampires are losing their touch."

Rodney heaved for a couple seconds before holding up the flashlight. "I know vampires die from sunlight, and this replicates it!"

He turned it on and pointed it at Dracula. His face became sparkly and glittery and all kinds of wrongness.

"Why isn't it working?" Rodney whimpered as Dracula merely grinned at him. "Why isn't it working?!"

As the prodigy child began to panic, Leshawna quickly tried to make a bad situation good. She pointed at the glittering Count Dracula and shouted, "Edward! It's Edward! Get him, fangirls!"

The six mind-controlled girls went nuts, shrieking and screaming in joy, glomping him. Count Dracula struggled, but even someone super strong would have trouble with six, excited fangirls.

Rodney stood there shaking in fear as the three girls watched Dracula's slaves attack him. The prodigy didn't get what was going on, he hadn't read or heard about Twilight (lucky him).

* * *

**(The Hunters, Count Dracula's Lair)**

Tyler hit the floor, blood leaking from his wounds. The jock tried to pick himself up, but Dracula beat him to this job. Lifting Tyler up by his neck, the vampire smirked at him. "So pathetic," he hissed. "You stood no chance against me. After I'm done with you, I'll finish off the inventor."

The jock mustered the last of his strength and kicked Count Dracula in the groin; however, undead hellspawn don't feel pain, even there. Tyler misinterpreted Dracula's lack of reaction and scoffed. "I thought so," he spat, sneering at the vampire.

With a disgusted groan, the Twilight Count Dracula used his super strength to hurl Tyler at one of the windows. The jock smashed through and plummeted to, as the lair was at the top of the keep; he was lucky to miss the spires on his way down, even if the fall did kill him and eliminate him from the VR challenge.

Count Dracula shrugged, then turned towards Joel. The inventor was still trying to keep Izzy off him, but he wasn't having any luck. He managed at the least to hold her at arms' length, but he saw the head vampire heading for him.

"Oh, Viking Women and the Sea Serpent," he cursed in his usual way. "How I wish I had some viking women helping me out. Or a sea serpent."

"That's a silly weapon to use against a vampire," Count Dracula replied, raising one of his eyebrows.

A silver dagger pierced through his chest, protruding in a most graphic way. The vampire looked down at the blade sticking out of him, feeling the hilt touching his back. "Now that's a effective weapon against vampires," he commented, then rolled his eyes and reached for the handle behind him.

Mandy, who had been the one to stab him from behind, rushed over to Joel and the controlled Izzy. The cultist pinned her friend down, matching her fierceness. Grappling her, she turned to Joel and said, "Okay, now waste that clown," she instructed him.

"Um, I don't suppose you know how to kill a Twilight vampire?"

"Do I look like someone who reads Twilight?" Mandy growled as she struggled with Izzy.

"No, not really."

Meanwhile, Dracula was getting frustrated with the dagger imbedded in his back. Feebly trying to reach for it, he growled angrily. "You just had to stab me in the one spot I cannot reach!"

When he finally did manage to grab it and pull it out, he pointed it threateningly at Mandy. "I don't know how you've managed to survive on your own," he snarled, "but I'm going to have to a word with my security! To think they let a weird, cultist girl get all the way here."

"Hey pal, I practically pay your salary," she shot back. "Without weirdos like me, where would vampires be?"

"Don't patronize me!"

Joel swallowed nervously, and looked at Mandy as they held Izzy back. "I don't suppose you have any weapons other than that dagger."

"Actually no, that's all I had," Mandy replied, trying to avoid Izzy stomping on her feet. "So why exactly has Izzy gone Marceline the Vampire Queen on us here?!"

"Who?"

"Never mind," Mandy replied as Count Dracula slowly approached them. "We are royally-"

A sharp whistle alerted everyone's attention, and when Count Dracula looked to see who it was, he was struck in the face with a hard projectile. The bloodsucker hissed and felt a small burn on his cheek. "Who did that?" he hissed.

Harold was standing there, a yo-yo dangling from each hand. The nerd rocked the weapons back and forth, grinning at the vampire. "Holy yo-yos for the win, Mr. Count," he said. "Thanks for leaving these around."

"I cannot believe I kept those," Count Dracula snarled.

"I cannot believe they actually made yo-yos into a vampire slaying weapon," Izzy exclaimed.

"I cannot believe it's not actually butter," Joel commented.

Izzy smacked him when she managed to free herself for a moment against Mandy, and the inventor blinked. "Yeah, I kind of deserved that."

Dracula hissed and swiped at Harold, but the lanky nerd dodged this attack. "Yo-Yo," Harold announced as he pulled the yo-yo back, "BULLET!"

The yo-yo hit the vampire in the cheek again, and another burn hissed on Dracula's skin. "What is wrong with this?" the Count snarled. "I am a Twilight vampire! We do not fear holy symbols!"

"You broke your own mold, a combination of both Twilight and actual vampires when you grew fangs," Harold snapped back, spinning a yo-yo around as if revving up.

"What are you talking about? Vampires always have fangs."

"And yet somehow, you Twilight freaks never got into actually having fangs," the nerd shot back. Lashing out with his yo-yo attack, hitting the vampire's side, he shouted, "Yo-Yo Flail!"

Dracula stepped back after the attack, snarling angrily. "Well fool, there's only one way to kill a vampire either way, and that's total obliteration and being burnt down to nothingness! And there's no way you can do with yo-yos, twerp!"

"Au contraire," Harold said, flexing his French skills as he lifted his hands, "never underestimate me, Count Dracula."

"Fool! You know why you could never defeat me," Dracula continued, deciding to taunt him rather than fight him when vulnerable; he was watching Harold bob the yo-yos up and down, picking up speed. "You know why you stand no chance? I'm a pretty boy with emotional issues, hot and dangerous! You're a nerd, a twerp who likes geeky things and no one likes."

Harold said nothing, continuing to move the yo-yos faster and faster. He stared down the red-eyed vampire, his face contorting in more and more rage. Narrowing his eyes behind his green glasses and curling his lips, he positioned his hands behind his back, still powering up his yo-yos' speed.

"What are you going to do now, you nerdy, twerpy, geek freak, dork spas?!"

Harold simply grinned. "Yo-yo," he slowly drawled out, before lashing his hands out and slinging his yo-yos at machine gun speed, "GATLING GUN!!!"

The yo-yos went pew-pew, hammering the startled vampire. Count Dracula was struck over and over by the holy-yos, the machine gun attack of Harold's favorite toy stunning the bloodsucker. His clothes were shredded by the attack, leaving him in a vampire thong, burning his skin and blistering his body.

The attack stopped when the yo-yos lost their propulsion, and the vampire stood there, practically a charred husk of his former self. Even his sparkly face was scarred.

Harold grinned and whipped both his hands back, both yo-yos shooting backwards. Count Dracula stood there, heaving and gasping, then his blood-red eyes widened with terror as he saw Harold preparing his final attack.

"Mother," he whimpered.

"YO-YO," Harold shouted as he thrust his hands forward, "BAZOOKA!" **[1]**

The attack hit Count Dracula square in the chest, and the vampire exploded in a burst of fire, ash, and glitter. The pieces all incinerated from the fury of the holy yo-yos, evaporating into vampire dust and getting up some noses.

Mandy sneezed, then felt Izzy go limp in her arms. The redhead shook her head, then sneezed as well. "Why do I have vampire dust up my nose?" she asked. "I've had a lot of things up my nose, but never that."

"Wow," Joel said. He walked over to Harold and shook his hand. "Dude, as a fellow nerd, I salute you."

"We all did it," Harold said proudly, "as a team. You two kept the hostage safe, I slayed the vampire with my yo-yos."

He dangled one proudly, and Joel chuckled in victory.

* * *

**(Team Slayers, Count Dracula's Lair)**

The girls and Rodney watched as Count Dracula struggled with the fangirls he thought he had enslaved. They were just starting to enjoy it when the vampire got violent. The head bloodsucker struck his followers, sending them flying and knocking them all unconscious.

Gwen reacted first, hurrying to the unconscious Bridgette. Her guilt and fury rose at the same time, and now the goth girl was pissed, at 150 percent vampire hating capability (the extra fifty percent was hate that could fill another human being halfway, really scientific here, has been proved, trust me).

The goth girl forget the plan and rushed at the vampire with both katana blades. Swinging madly, the Twilight vampire dodged them with ease. He ended the attack by grabbing a blade, and though blood dripped from the horrible wound, he felt no pain. Dracula reached with his other hand and grasped Gwen's neck. He leaned forward...

In which Anita launched a flying kick at the vampire, kicking him in his glittery face. Dracula dropped Gwen and stumbled back, and fell back more when Anita lashed out with her whip.

"You revolting man," she shouted as she continued to whip the vampire. "I've always wanted to do this to you!"

The vampire stumbled more, then rushed at Anita. He was stopped when a blast of holy shotgun shell blew him back. Leshawna snarled and pumped her shotgun, then pointed it at the vampire again.

Before she could fire again, Count Dracula rushed forward and knocked both Leshawna and Anita down. He was temporarily blinded by Rodney, who shone the flashlight directly in his eyes. Snarling angrily, the vampire dashed over to the boy, swatting the shining torch away. Rodney squeaked in fear as Dracula lifted him up by the back of his shirt collar.

"I hate kids," he spat, then hurled Rodney at a window. His helmet protected him from the impact of the glass, but sailed through like a bullet. Gwen saw him disappear from sight, reaching out in a feeble attempt to save him.

Count Dracula began to cackle, sputtering out, "Did you see that? Oh man, that was priceless! I should throw more kids out of windows, I'll make it a hobby."

Gwen's rage came rushing back to her. This vampire was a cross of the type of vampire she hated most, Colin, and, in her mind, Heather (at least Heather back in the first season, she admitted to herself). In the culmination of everything she hated more than anything, Gwen wanted this vampire dead.

Reaching into her pouch, she pulled out the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch and approached Dracula, who was still laughing. Without any warning or fancy lines, she pulled the pin and shoved the explosive into the vampire's mouth. He was about to fight when the goth girl smashed it deeper in with the handle of her katana blade, breaking off the vampire's fangs. With a gag, he swallowed the explosive.

Standing there and grasping his stomach, Count Dracula looked at Gwen in horror and astonishment. The goth girl frowned right back at him, turned around and walked away with her katana on her shoulder. After the length of five seconds (not three, actually) past since the pin was pulled, the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch went off.

Count Twilight Dracula was engulfed in a holy explosion. Every part of him was burned into oblivion, even his incinerated remains were erraticated. The ashes were ashed, and the snuff was snuffed.

"Damn right," Gwen said when the noise and the light died down. "And Mr. Cullen is next."

Anita and Leshawna stared in wonder, then cheered and hugged their friend. Gwen let out a happy sigh, as the battle had been won.

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium)**

The remaining team members felt themselves come back to the real world. They were met with wild cheers and applause, and they all took their bows and waves in sync. Some members were not so happy, however.

"You stupid idiot," Colin shouted at Tyler. "You can't throw worth crap!"

"I cannot believe I was overpowered that easily," Heather spat as she threw her fists down in anger.

"You killed a Twilight vampire," Sadie cried out indignantly at Harold. "What did Twilight ever do to you?"

After the frets died down, Harold and Gwen were both looking at Chris. "So who won?" they asked in unison.

Chris rubbed his chin. "Well see, we've been playing back the footage for the Hunters and the Slayers. Try to see if you can see which team killed Count Dracula first, because I sure can't."

The screens all lit up for the contestants and the audience to watch. Harold's finishing Yo-Yo Bazooka move hit the Dracula in his world at the same time Gwen's grenade finisher went off. No matter how many times it was played or how slow the footage got, no one could tell if the nerd or the goth had won the time difference.

Some of the others had some things to say about it, both positive and negative.

"I could watch this footage forever," Arthur said happily as he watched both Twilight vampires get blasted to smithereens over and over.

"You did so well," Hannah said to Harold, patting his shoulder.

"Gwen, you are amazing, you know that?" Geoff cheered, clapping his hands.

"I cannot believe you people like watching a hot guy get blown up," Valerie grumbled.

"Quite so," Justin agreed.

"You two are so my heroes now," Alfred exclaimed.

"Izzy's sorry she missed the final moments," said Izzy, "but I did enjoy the smell of toasted vampire in the morning."

After a couple more minutes, Chris stopped the footage and shook his head. "Shame, really. But I guess what it boils down to how many people you all had living and sentient, thus who was alive after your Dracula bit the final one, and people who weren't mind controlled by him."

The two teams tried to count up the numbers. "But that's a tie in itself," Eva pointed out. "The only ones alive when Dracula was dead on our team was only three: Harold, Mandy, and Joel."

"And we," said Yoshi, "only had Leshawna, Gwen, and Anita."

Chris tapped his chin, then shook his head. "I think you guys missed a few people when the fighting of Dracula started. Because not everyone was dead or had been killed by our favorite bloodsucker."

He pushed a few buttons, and the screens flickered. The basement of Dracula's castle came to vision, much to the disgust of some of the contestants. Though something else caught their eye.

Belinda and Katie were still alive in the basement, hacking and stabbing at vampire rodents. No sooner had this registered in their minds when the screen flickered again, and the scene was one of the grand spires around Dracula's Lair. Rodney, hooked on one of the spikes of the wall by the back of his shirt, dangled a couple feet over the stone ledge.

The prodigy child sighed in frustration as the frigid wind blew him around a little. He spun around to come face-to-face with a stone gargoyle (the artwork kind, not the monster), and screamed in horror.

Chris chuckled as he killed the footage, then put the portraits of the six survivors of the winning team. "Not only did Gwen, Anita, and Leshawna survive the fight against Dracula, but the vampire never finished our little Rodney, and Katie and Belinda were still fighting in his dungeon! Meanwhile, the other team had absolutely no survivors in any part of the castle except in the keep.

"Thus, I must declare the winners of the Vampire VR Challenge to be... the Slayers!!"

The Slayers burst out in loud cheers and cries of joy, hugging and embracing each other. Alfred, though not a member, looked just as pumped as them.

"That was the most awesome experience ever," he exclaimed. "I'm just so stoked and thrilled that Dracula died twice... I gotta kiss someone in my joy! Mandy! Or Izzy! C'mere!"

He reached around and grabbed the nearest person, planting a direct, deep kiss on the mouth. Though it wasn't Mandy, and it wasn't Izzy.

When Alfred finally released the person, his eyes widened, then he giggled nervously. "Oops. Sorry, Howard," he said sheepishly, then let go of him. "Mandy! Izzy," he called out, moving away from the petrified Howard.

Strangely enough, even with members of the Hunters celebrating the end of the challenge, Gwen didn't look happy. The vampire slayer approached Chris and exclaimed, "Wait a minute, did you just make up the challenge as you went along?"

"Yeah, so?" the host challenged her, crossing his arms and grinning smugly.

"That's against the rules, isn't it?"

"Screw the rules, I'm the host!"

Gwen groaned in disgust and turned away. "Man, even after winning this game," she grumbled to herself, "I cannot get any satisfaction with that man running this." **[2]**

Bridgette came up to her, smiling happily. "Gwen, why are you sulking?" she asked, beaming at her friend. Grasping her in a huge hug, startling the goth girl, Bridgette said, "We won, be happy! You did it!"

Gwen felt her anger fade away, and let out a long sigh. She looked at her grinning friend, and nervously scratched the back of her head. "Listen, Bridgette, about breakfast this morning and such... I'm... I'm sorry."

Bridgette shrugged it off. "Aw, that's okay, Gwen."

They hugged, and it caused their teammates to cheer loudly some more. Anita was busy exchanging high-fives with her teammates, then went to find Cody. "Cody," she called out," Cody, did you see that?"

Her hopes of being tough and cool for him were dashed when she saw him patting Eva's shoulder, trying to comfort her over the loss. The fitness buff looked steamed, but was holding in her anger. Anita felt deflated, and walked off. Only a few members saw her in grief, and tried to comfort her.

The Hunters weren't exactly in good spirits either. "Well, where does that leave us?" Xander asked, frowning. "You said we lost, but we have almost twenty

"Yeah, is someone going to pick who gets immunity of us all?" asked Carol.

Chris turned to the losing team. "Exactly. Now according to customs, the winning team and the immunity winners are going to have cake!"

"Woohoo," Beth cheered. "I love cake!"

"And pie too," Chris added.

"Man, there are times when I love this show," said Leshawna. She noticed Heather looking at her and beginning to open her mouth, when she sharply added, "Say what I think you're going to say, and you're dead."

Heather flinched, then muttered, "I was just gonna say that I'm on a diet, cake and pie aren't what I want."

"Aw, c'mon, live a little," Ezekiel said, hugging her. "You ate quite a bit when you were at my hoo's, eh!"

"Zekey, not so loud," Heather hissed, blushing fiercely.

"Now, the ones who already have immunity on the losing loser's team are the ones who survived," Chris said aloud, getting attention back to him. "Those would be Harold, Joel, and Mandy.

"And who gets to pick the six others to get immunity?" he added the hypothetical question. "I think you all can agree it should go to none other than Dracula's killer, Harold!"

The nerd looked surprised at first, then bowed. This caused him to miss the moment when Chris tossed him the electronic voting pad, and it hit him on the head. After his team helped him back up and handed him the device, he rubbed his head.

"You know, most injuries to the head go untraceable for years until they cause serious damage," Harold grumbled, glaring at Chris. "I might forget how to write in twenty years, gosh it, Chris!"

Colin scoffed and muttered, "What's up there for him to worry about being damaged?"

Some of the others scowled at him, and he waved them off. "Oh come off it, he's just another four-eyed nerd, like any of you people like him."

"Well, I can certainly see why you wouldn't like eggheads," Justin said, eyeing Noah.

The bookworm saw this, and rounded on the model. "I guess muscle-headed creeps are what the world needs more of, huh you big ignoramus?!"

"Ooo, I love this," Chris said. "Strife!"

Colin continued on on the host's comment. "Look, everyone knows nerdy twerps like Harold, Noah, and that little kid aren't going to win any popularity contests. No one likes someone who fantasizes about living in space or reads books about elves and midgets in their spare time. They're dorks."

"And you just killed any hope of getting immunity," Harold shot at him from over his shoulder. He turned to his electronic pad and muttered, "Now to examine the rest of these people with a keen and fair mind. I want to be careful, it's like a science."

"How'd'ja mean?" Leshawna asked her boyfriend.

"Well, my chocolate goddess," he said, smiling at her, "I have to consider who'd be most grateful, who'd be a good teammate, who'd be a good friend, and who wouldn't resent being picked. My future in this contest is at much at stake as anyone I might pick long."

Chris Maclean crossed his arms. "Is this going to take a long time, Harold?"

"I sure hope not," Valerie muttered to herself.

"Because if you do take too long," the host said, grinning slyly, "I might just take that pad away from you and pick who gets immunity at random."

Harold's eyes widened in terror, his pupils shrinking. Very suddenly, he became pressing the pad's screen in a flurry of choices. The host balked, exclaiming, "Wait wait, I was kidding, you don't have to rush it-"

"Done," Harold shouted, handing the electronic voting pad to the host. Chris took it, surprised, and looked at it, reading the choices out loud.

"Howard, Izzy, Xander, Crystal, Eva, and Cody."

Harold nodded nervously, looking around to check to see who was mad. "My roommates, my teammates for this challenge who sacrificed themselves to save me, and the members of that rather interesting love triangles who were on my team."

Chris shook his head. "Dude, that was quick, careless, and yet it makes perfect sense. Well, that leaves Alfred, Tyler, Noah, Arthur, Carol, Justin, Clive, Hannah, Geoff, and Colin. You all have until nine PM to decide who you're going to vote for."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - After Dracula's death, we interview some of our hunters and slayers.)**

**Howard** - *still has a horrified look on his face* "Alfred... kissed me!" *He suddenly starts spitting a great many times.*

**Anita** - *looking downcast* "I wanted Cody to recognize me for being really tough. Maybe if I had killed Dracula, but all I could do was survive." *She sighs, then manages a smile.* "Well, I gotta say, seeing Gwen happy again is great, I love that gal."

**Gwen** - "I gotta say, killing a stupid, Twilight vampire really put a good mood in me. I hope Trent saw that."

**Harold** - *He is doing a couple tricks with a yo-yo, then he grins at the camera.* "I predict that many people will want to use these as self-defense weapons, but please, don't try these attacks at home. I'm a professional, as my Possum Scouts training has got me the yo-yo badge."

**Leshawna** - "Gwen and I may have got us a vampire, but my man did pretty damn well himself, huh?" *She fans herself, grinning.* "One hunk of hot nerd!"

**Howard** - *is now furiously brushing his teeth*

**Xander** - "It was rather nice of Harold to give me immunity over that little incident. I gotta say, I like the nerd even more now."

**Crystal** - "Harold and Gwen would make an interesting couple if they were both single. Go out late at night, killing vampires together." *She giggles a lot over this thought.*

**Sebastian** - "It gives me great satisfaction to see a Twilight vampire destroyed twice. How about you all, anyone who agrees?"

**Sadie and Katie** - **Katie** - "Okay, like, I know they didn't like Twilight, but don't you think they all were a little mean?"

**Sadie** - "Well, he did, like, capture me and make me his slave."

**Katie** - "Oh, that's so mean of him, that's right! But the real Edward wouldn't do that, would we?"

**Bridgette** - "I'm so glad Gwen is happy again! It was almost like missing her, her being gloomy makes her so... distant, you know?"

**Beth** - *with cake frosting and pie crush on her face, giggling a great deal* "I _love_ cake and pie! Hee hee hee!"

**Courtney** - "Well, I can now factually state that I was a good deal in the victory, since I made the teams, and one team stood firm and won this for us. Those are CIT skills in the flesh, people." *She grins satisfactory.*

**Heather** - "I really resent how Gwen managed to kill Dracula and I was practically swatted aside. But I guess with Ezekiel and I getting immunity, I cannot complain too much."

**Zachary** - "Valerie asked me if I would be glitter on my face to see how I looked if I were a Twilight vampire. I think some of the language I used upset her, because she looked pretty miffed."

**Izzy** - "Izzy loved this challenge, but she expects to make the final kill next VR! I hope it's something big, like Godzilla, or Jacob!"

**Howard** - *He is gargling on mouthwash, then spits it out all over the janitor's closet.* "Damn it, Belinda's not going to be interested in me if I'm going to become the next Noah!"

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Somewhere Inside the Halls)**

Rodney had finished eating some pie and cake, and was heading for his room to read some of his textbook before the voting ceremony. As he head there, he had the misfortune of coming across Colin.

The bully looked down at the child, and his anger flared up. He thought about the sweet treats the kid had eaten, earning immunity and safety, and he also thought about how the kid had survived the challenge by pure luck. That smile on his face made the narrow-minded Colin think he was mocking him.

"You think you're so special, don't you?" he spat at the kid. "You think you're so cute and people love you, don't you?"

Rodney was thrown off by this, but he tried to shrug it off. Waving his hands, he said, "No no, I don't think anything like that! I'm just another one of the contestants."

"You are just a little crap in a bucket," Colin snarled. "You know what I normally do to kids like you?"

"Wh-what?" Rodney asked, whimpering.

"I usually twist their arm, punch them up, and make them cry. But I think I might get in trouble if I beat up a contestant here. So let me just tell you what I would do to you if I ever got a chance."

He then began to say some things that we're actually quite glad were censored. They were the kind of things that would disgust message board trolls, that would make high school hall talk look like Sunday at church, the kind of things that would be written on bathroom walls in hell. **[3]**

Rodney knew about anatomy, biology, and had some concept of slang and the way things work in the world. So he could understand most of it, and what he did was making him so horrified that he stood there, shivering and petrified.

Someone overheard Colin saying these things to Rodney. The horrible things made the person shiver, and then snap completely. Rushing forward, wanting to stop Colin from spewing more poison that could scar the child. A hand was at first extended to clamp over the offending mouth, but then anger set in about how offending this was.

A sports sneaker lifted up and kicked Colin right in the kisser. The bully was sent flying, hitting against the wall, a tooth sailing away. Rodney squeaked and clung to the other wall, staring at his savior.

It wasn't who he thought it would be. It wasn't who Colin thought it could be. It wasn't even who the person who kicked Colin in the face to stop him from scaring Rodney so badly thought could do it.

"You," Colin sputtered.

Hannah stood there, heaving in fury. She pointed at the bully and shouted, "If I ever, _ever_ hear you say anything like that to Rodney, or anyone, ever again, I swear to God, you'll be spitting more than just that one tooth!"

She walked over to Rodney and took his hand. Whispering, "Come on, sweetheart," she led him to his room and gently escorted him in. Sadie was there, talking to Katie about boys, and Hannah let him stay with them. The two girls were eager to comfort the scared-looking child, and the religious girl made a beeline to her room, and collapsed in her bed.

A few people actually saw the exchange too. Two of them realized the opportunity in this, and hurried off. A couple others decided to keep their mouths shut, it felt like gossiping would be wrong. One was horrified, and hurried to find someone who would want to know about this more than anyone. **[4]**

**

* * *

**

**(Janitor's Closet - Now with mouthwash stains on the wall.)**

** Rodney** - *nervously chewing on his finger* "I... I cannot believe that all just happened. Hannah always seemed so patient... but... she was doing it to protect me. I'm so confused." *He shivers.* "Luckily, Katie and Sadie were really sweet with me, and I had fun painting their nails." *He giggles a little.*

**DJ** - "I saw what happened when I headed over to my room to check on Bunny. I don't know exactly what happened, but I have to say... wow, she's got a nice kick! I'm sure Coach would love that for our football team, or the soccer team!"

**Lindsay** - *nervously tapping her fingers together* "Well, I am kind of scared of Hannah after seeing that, but when I found out Heather tricked me during Total Drama Aslan, I felt like smacking her a little. I would have kicked her if my designer boots weren't so costly."

*She tries to lift one leg up to show off her boots, loses balance, and falls over backwards.*

**Valerie** - *She drums her fingers together, grinning wickedly.* "Oh, this is so perfect! I've been waiting for an opportunity like this! And all it'll take is a few clever words to say..."

**Belinda** - *She looks dead serious.* "I know I should have said something to the others, but when I saw what happened, I could only think of finding Joel. It took a while, since he was fixing some of the kitchen machines when I thought he was looking at Vera."

* * *

**(Room 5 - Ezekiel, Geoff, Gwen, Hannah)**

Joel knocked on the door for room five, but only heard soft sobbing inside. He opened the door slowly, and saw Hannah sitting on her bed, crying. He walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Hannah," he whispered to her. "I heard what happened from Belinda."

She nodded miserably, covering her face. "I've never struck anyone like that before. Not even close to it," she said. "I cannot believe I did that."

Joel sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "You were protecting Rodney."

Hannah wiped the tears away from her eyes. "I... I don't know what came over me. Everyone's going to hear about this. They're going to think I'm a violent nut case."

"No one here likes Colin, Hann-"

"I kicked him in the face," she interrupted. "Who does that?"

"Well, you are a soccer person."

Hannah shook her head. "It all felt like a blur. I wanted to stop him from saying those horrible things to poor Rodney. When I started reaching out to get him to stop, I felt myself thinking, 'That jerk is going to scar him with those words.'

"I felt so mad," she continued, sighing miserably. "Now everyone's going to think of me as the psycho, face-kicking Christian girl."

There was a moment of silence, then the two burst out giggling. "That's the funniest title I've ever heard," Joel said, "and I've heard a lot."

Hannah giggled and nodded. "Well, what do you think? Am I doomed?"

"Even if this gets out, people hate Colin."

"Well, what about hitting him like that?"

"In the course of two seasons, the people here have slapped each other, kicked them in the groin, thrown them off a cliff, stripped them naked for the world to see, almost crippled them, ditched them in peril, and even changed the votes on camera. I don't think you overstepped your boundaries."

Hannah laughed, and leaned against Joel. "You're so sweet."

She kissed his cheek, and he blushed. They stared into each other's eyes for a few seconds, then kissed each other.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Now with stale mouthwash stains on the wall.)**

**Joel** - *with the happiest smile on his face* "Oh wow... I never kissed a girl." *He giggles and grins even more.* "That was... one of the best moments on my life."

**Hannah** - "You know, when watching the show, I didn't think much about Joel at first. But the more I got to know him, the more I really liked him, and I found out what a sweetheart he is." *She giggles and sighs happily.*

**Sakaki** - "I overheard from someone that Hannah kicked Colin... but for the life of me, I cannot see a problem with that." *She blushes as she laughs.*

**Eva** - "So Hannah kicked Colin? Darn it. I wanted to do that first. I kicked Chris Maclean first, I thought I was the official kicker of this show!"

**Cody** - "Man, the craziest things happen when I'm not around. I cannot wait for the DVD of this season... and the slow-motion when Hannah kicks him."

**Yoshi** - *grinning wickedly* "Wow. Who knew she had it in her? The awesome thing about this show is that you see the unseen potential in people, and how much ass that can kick."

*He grins, then sniffs the air and scowls.* "What smells like mouthwash in here?"

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena)**

The crowd roared with enthusiasm as Chris approached the podium where he normally stood. He held in his hand a trophy that had a vampire emblem on the front.

"Now that the victors have all enjoyed their pie and cake, and the losers have apparently been fighting among each other," Chris said happily, "which is so awesome that there's hate and anger and hormones flying!"

Noah and Justin glared at each other, and Katie and Beth tried to keep them apart. Colin was glaring fiercely at Hannah, a band-aid on his cheek. Joel and Tyler were smirking right back at him, while she preferred to ignore him.

The others were a plethora of emotions. Alfred was smiling as normal, tapping his foot. Arthur looked slightly interested, glancing at the others. Carol looked all over the place, Clive down at his shoes. Geoff was chewing on his bottom lip, so intensively that he looked like he was really trying to eat it.

"Now we have ten people up for elimination," Chris said, as he handed out the vampire trophy to everyone with immunity. "And may I point out a little bit of unfairness in this show so far."

"What?" Gwen asked, raising one of her dark eyebrows. "You find something unfair? Now this I gotta hear."

"We have done seven challenges so far," Chris said, returning to his podium, "and so far, the following have never been up for a single elimination: Crystal, Joel, Ezekiel, Bridgette, Katie, Belinda, and Courtney."

Silence. Crickets chirped. Groucho the Duck pulled out a .357 and blew one noisy cricket away.

It was DJ who finally broke this silence. "So how is that unfair?" he asked.

"Well, it means that not one, but seven people have been living a life of luxury on this show," the host said. "And therefore, it feels like they haven't been taking the small lumps we're supposed to be giving."

" 'Luxury'?" repeated Anita.

" '_Small_ lumps'?" repeated Noah.

"Chris, what does this even matter?" Courtney snapped. "So what if I haven't been up for elimination? There's forty-four contestants and only seven challenges, of course a little luck gets mixed in the equation."

"Oh, let him rant," Belinda said, sounding frustrated. "It's his way of stalling for time for the announcement of who goes, and he also wants more face time since he doesn't get any when we're in the virtual reality challenges."

"Yeah, sucks to be him," Xander replied, sticking his thumb on the tip of his nose and wiggling his fingers at Chris.

As Xander, Izzy, Harold, and Carol made faces at Chris Maclean, the host scoffed and waved his hand. "Yeah right, I'm no so petty as to stall for more screen time. Now, before we get to the final part of this trophy ceremony-"

"NOT BEFORE," Yoshi bellowed, startling the host (and most everyone else). "Quick stalling, you overly-gelled hair freak, and get on with it!"

"Yeah, I wanna see Colin get what's coming to him," Sadie exclaimed, Katie cheering right next to her.

"I want him voted off," Noah shouted, pointing at Justin.

"I want him voted off," Justin yelled, pointing at Noah.

"Pear faced dumb head!"

"Square headed chum face!"

"Boys, play nice," Chef Hatchet muttered.

"Okay, the people to not get any votes and come off clean," Chris Maclean started, holding up a trophy, "which, by the way, is rather startling, as over twenty contestants have never received a-

"CHRIS," most of the contestants shouted.

"Alright, fine," he grumbled. "The following to not get any votes are Tyler, Alfred, Geoff, Clive, Arthur, and Carol."

The contestants all caught their trophies, looking rather relieved, though a few still looked anxious. Alfred sat between Izzy and Mandy, and the three toasted their vampire trophies. Noah and Justin continued to glare at each other, fingers curling threateningly.

"And the next are our major feuders, keep it up boys," Chris said approvingly, "Justin and Noah!

"Which just leaves our violent Colin and our even more violent Hannah!"

Hannah hid her face in shame while he glared straightforward. Joel was right next to her, holding her hand in comfort.

"Oh come on," Mandy scoffed. "This is such a no-brainer. Colin's a jerk."

"It's pretty silly that she even had a vote, but I guess that was Colin," Leshawna said to Harold. "Typical Chris."

Valerie watched all of them talk, drumming her fingers on her arm. She was scowling darkly, violet eyes narrowed. Next to her, Zachary was inching her away from her, though strangely attracted to him at the same time.

"This final trophy goes to... the last person, which is...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"Colin!"

The bully caught his trophy with a surprised and wicked grin. There was silence as he slowly turned to Hannah, and shouted, "HA! Take that, you stupid c-"

Someone reached up from behind him and grabbed his ear. "Believe me," Leshawna hissed as she yanked him back, cutting off his sentence, "you do not want to finish that sentence."

The silence lasted for a few more seconds, Valerie quietly celebrating to herself so as not to draw attention, when Joel broke the silence.

"Wait, you're kidding, right?" he said as he approached the host. "C'mon, that's a bad joke, a psyche, right?"

He nervously chuckled, and Chris simply smiled back at him, his smug grin smugger than ever. " 'Fraid not, Joel. Toodles, Hannah."

Duncan's Bus of Losers pulled up to the side, and the door opened. Joel looked at this with wide eyes, and exploded. "Stop joking around already," he shouted at the host, slamming his hands on the podium. "For the love of... of... God, you cannot be serious!"

"When do I ever kid you guys?" Chris said, his smug grin getting unbelievably smug now; he could practically feel the ratings for this. "Hannah's done, kaput. She's bit the big on-nneeeeaaaaaaugh!!!"

Chris was cut off in the most ironic of ways when Mandy pounced on his back and bit the back of his head. Her teeth locking into his well-gelled hair, she flapped like a flag as Chris ran around the platform, screaming, "Get it off, get it off!"

"You can't be serious, man," Tyler said to the host as he ran by in his panic. "C'mon, there's no way people voted for her when Colin was available."

"That's right," Leshawna added as Hannah pried Mandy off of the frantic host. "This is the meanest joke you've ever said, and it's not really that funny."

Chris massaged his head where Mandy had been biting him, glaring at the snarling cultist as Hannah held her back. "I'm not joking, Hannah has been voted off."

Alfred stood up and pointed accusingly at Chris. "_YOU'RE LYING!!_"

"I'm not lying! Seriously, why do you all have to make such a big deal out of this?"

Belinda scoffed at this. "We're teenagers," she said. "We're full of angst and hormones, that's why you picked us."

"C'mon man, get serious, the votes have to be fixed or something," Tyler exclaimed, walking over to the host.

"That's right," Joel shouted. "Or you counted them wrong! You're always making mistakes with your other electronics and numbers!"

Chris was taking several steps away from Mandy, who was snapping at him now. "Look, there's no mistake. Hannah had four votes, Colin had three. She's out, and that's that!"

"_YOU'RE LYING_," Alfred screamed, throwing his head back and his fists up in the air.

"Oh c'mon, you can't be serious," Gwen spoke up as she stood. "Is this about her kicking Colin? We've all done worse than that."

"Yeah, Gwen's right, I know I have," Leshawna protested. "This better not be friggin', politically correct bull crap, Chris!"

"It has nothing at all to do with that!"

"_YOU'RE LYING!!!_"

"Alfred, please," Leshawna pleaded, wincing at his shouting. "C'mon, Chris, stop joking aroun-"

"How many times do I have to say it to you hypersensitive teenagers with nasty, big, pointy teeth?" Chris hollered, now quite the distance from Mandy who was snarling and reaching out, barely restrained by Hannah. "I know you think it sucks, but them's the facts! She has to go!"

Joel, gripping his hair in frustration, came to a quick decision. "Wait, I'll go instead," he cried out desperately. "Just let her stay!"

"No, let me go in her place," said Mandy, stopping her struggling.

"No, me," Clive cried out.

"Whoa, you like her that much?" Carol asked.

"Naw, I just know I won't win, so I might as well go now."

"Sit back down, hon," Belinda said quietly to the emo. "There's no chance of that happening."

Chris was starting to lose his patience, and was applying emergency hair gel to his damaged hair. "Nobody will be taking her place! I won't have this emotional nonsense, and that strange feeling you call 'love' interfering with the contest's rules."

"What rules?" Gwen hollered, her pale face red with frustration. "You make up the rules as you go!"

"You bend the rules, you even frigging cheat to win bets," Leshawna added.

"_AND YOU'RE LYING!!!_"

"STOP! Enough, please!"

Everyone was quiet when the last person to yell was Hannah, who looked ready to cry; however, the tears were for her friends, not for herself. "Don't any of you make this difficult for yourselves," she pleaded. "If I have to go, then I'll go! But if you continue to give Chris a hard time over this, you might get in trouble."

"But this is so unfair," Mandy whined, turning to her friend. Tears were starting to form in her eyes. "I want you to stay, you don't deserve to leave."

"We all knew the odds when we entered this contest, that most of us would be going."

"But you're, like, my guardian angel," Mandy sobbed, hugging Hannah (and nearly knocking her over with the emotional "glompage" of the hug). "You saved my life!"

"Hannah," Joel said, also starting to cry, "I don't want you to go."

Alfred balked at the sight. "You're making Joel and Mandy cry," he shouted at Chris, chasing after the host with his trophy.

"Don't, Alfred," Hannah called out to him. After giving Mandy a hug back, she parted from her friend's arms. "It was fun while it lasted, and I look forward to seeing you all in my future. Most of you are simply wonderful people, and I hope God blesses you as the show carries on."

Colin snorted. "And there you go with influencing your beliefs on us. Just go already, you stupid-"

A rather painful _CONG!!_ reverberated around the stadium, and most people thought it was one strike with a loud echo; however, it was six trophies all being thrown at Colin, knocking him unconscious. The six all had one last thing to say.

"Girl, you're too generous," Leshawna said as she dusted her hands.

"I wish I had tried to get along with you better now," Gwen said with a sigh.

"Good-bye," sobbed Mandy.

"Man, this sucks," Alfred moaned. "Why do you have to go when things were so cool beforehand?"

"Take care of yourself, you hear?" said Tyler.

"We all will miss you," said Belinda.

Joel started to mutter good-bye, then he hugged Hannah. She returned that, then cupped his face gently. "You take care, and don't worry about me," she whispered. "You just carry on, and I'll pray for your safety during this show."

She kissed him, so tenderly that it made even the most dark of souls feel a little touched (Colin was unconscious, so he didn't count). Finishing the kiss, Hannah headed for the bus when one person stopped her with a hug.

"I'll miss you," Rodney blubbered, hugging her around the waist. "You were always so nice to me, I'm so sorry you got voted off because of what happened around me."

"Don't blame yourself, hon, not even a bit," she whispered.

"Will we see you again?"

"Of course you will."

"She's right," Belinda said, nodding and smiling for the first time during the ceremony, "you will."

Hannah led Rodney to Joel and whispered for him to take of the kid. Placing a kiss on her fingertips and placing it on his cheek, she waved good-bye and headed for the Bus of Losers.

Duncan had been watching the whole thing, his bottom lip trembling. "Well, that stinks," he muttered.

"Are you crying?" Hannah asked curiously.

"No, I'm not crying," he exclaimed, looking away from her, "shut up!"

He slammed on the gas pedal and the bus rocketed off. Trent managed to catch Hannah to prevent her from harm, and soon the large vehicle had left the arena.

Joel continued to stare at where the bus had been, breathing heavily and trying to keep himself together. As several people gave him their condolences, Chris scoffed loudly.

"Well, that's drama for you," he said aloud as he finished the touches on his hair. "Honestly, are you all going to put up this much of a fuss every trophy challenge? Maybe I just randomly pick so you won't put up this angst-filled parade?"

He had to run, as most everyone (including a tearful Chef Hatchet, a furious Groucho the Duck, and a miffed Chico the Raccoon) threw trophies, chairs, and trash at him.

* * *

**(Room 5 - Ezekiel, Geoff, Gwen)**

Ezekiel entered his room, and saw Gwen sitting on Hannah's bed. The goth girl was staring at where the religious girl's stuff had been, and was looking rather upset.

"You okay, eh?" he asked.

"I've been a real bitch this season so far," she put forth bluntly. "I was nothing but rude to her, and she didn't do anything to me."

"Gwen, you weren't that bad-"

"I know what I was like," she interrupted. "I just wish I could have apologized to her."

"Well, you did stand up for her back there. That says something, eh."

Gwen nodded, still gloomy as she tried to change the subject. "Where's Geoff?" she asked. "I want to apologize to him for being rude to him, before something else happens."

"No idea, eh."

* * *

**(Room 2 - Beth, Bridgette, Carol, Clive)**

Carol ducked into the room and slammed the door shut, eyes wide. "Dude, you should have seen it," she said to Clive, who was lying down and staring up at the ceiling. "Mandy's chasing after Geoff, yelling at him, asking if he voted for Hannah!"

"She was doing the same thing to Arthur, Justin, and Tyler earlier."

"It's so funny!"

The two were quiet for a few minutes after that before Bridgette stepped in, looking ragged. "Mandy's chasing Geoff, and I cannot keep up with them," she said as she panted.

"Bummer," Carol offered.

Bridgette looked at the two, her mind still racing since the trophy ceremony. "Guys, I know you two voted, and it is kind of rude of me to ask, but I want to know..."

Carol scratched the back of her head. "Well, we kind of did vote for Hannah."

"What?" Bridgette exclaimed, her eyes widening with shock. "Why?!"

"Hey hey, calm down, it wasn't because we didn't like her or anything," Carol shouted, holding up her hands in defense. "We were just told that she had got violent with one of the contestants, and Rodney had been present to see the whole thing, which isn't good for a kid to see."

"Didn't you think Colin was in the wrong, though?"

"Well, I didn't know it was Colin who she kicked, I was just told she was yelling and kicking someone," Carol said. "I know Colin is a jerk, but I was just suggested to vote her off because it would be best."

"Oh come on! Hannah was one of the sweetest girls here, what made you think she was a mental case?"

"I don't know that much about her," Carol said. "I've only known her for about a week, and I never really competed with her! Besides, that's what Clive told me."

"Clive?" Bridgette repeated, then turned to the emo. "Who told you that, Clive?"

"Does it matter?"

"Of course it matters!"

"I don't see why, just blame me," Clive muttered. "Someone is going to be blamed for this overall, and people will hate people they shouldn't, people they trust and care about. Just blame me."

He angrily scoffed and added, "I'm used to it. People usually think it's my fault for these kinds of things, so if you're going to blame anyone for this, Bridgette, blame me."

Bridgette slumped against the wall and fell down into a sitting position. After a few seconds, she muttered, "Do... do either of you know if Geoff voted for her?"

They shook their heads. The surfer girl winced and said, mostly to herself, "He wouldn't vote off such a nice girl, would he?"

* * *

**(Random Location of Maclean Stadium)**

Geoff had managed to lose Mandy, though it took a lot of running and dodging. Gasping for air and fanning himself with his hat, he muttered, "Boy, that girl can run when she's mad. Wonder if all cultists are like that."

The party animal waited a minute to collect his breath, his mind wandering back to what really did trigger this...

--

_Geoff was being cautious when heading to the Janitor's Closet, where the losers were to cast their votes verbally. He was almost there, hoping a certain someone wouldn't see him. If he got there and cast his vote for Colin, he could relieve some of the guilt he was feeling over Trent, Bridgette, and Gwen..._

_"Hey, Geoff."_

_He froze in place, but since he had only one foot on the ground at the time, he face-planted. The speaker winced at this, and waited for Geoff to pick himself up. "Why the sneaky rush?"_

_"C'mon, I know what you want," the party animal muttered as he dusted himself off. "You're going to blackmail me into voting for someone else, since now everyone's mad Trent left!"_

_"Blackmail? Of course not! Just because I convinced you to vote for Trent doesn't mean I plan on holding it as a weapon against you," the person said._

_"Then what do you want?"_

_"I want to give you some advice on who to vote for. Hannah has lost it, she's shouting at people, and she even kicked some guy!"_

_"Whoa, really? Kicked someone? That's harsh."_

_"Indeed. I guess stress is getting to her. People are going to vote for her, I believe Carol and Clive are. You should too."_

_"Dude... you sure?"_

_"Would I lie? Besides, it's one of the new contestants, no one's going to miss another stranger, right?" the person shrugged with a smirk._

_"I wouldn't put it like that," Geoff muttered. "Okay, I'll do it. Just please, don't ask me to vote for someone every time I am in this position."_

_"Wouldn't dream of it."_

--

Geoff groaned and shook his head. "I feel like I'm digging myself a really big hole," he said to himself, "and that shovel is possessed. This is not going to end well, it's so... so uncool!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Now with kind of smelly mouthwash stains.)**

**Ezekiel** - "Gwen's taking this awfully hard. I doo'nt like seeing her like this, she looks so guilty, eh. And I'm really going to miss Hannah too."

**Mandy** - "When I find out who voted off the best friend I ever had, I'm gonna-"

_(She goes on to list some threats and violent acts that come rather close to what Colin was saying, only she's more creative. And she's actually miming some of it with her sacrificial knife, and it's getting really scary, we're slowly going to cut to another scene, and find our happy place...)_

_

* * *

_

**(Another random location of Maclean Stadium.)**

Colin was walking away from the cafeteria, very annoyed by all the angry looks he was getting. The bumps on his head were throbbing too, and it was getting rather irritating.

"Dumb, stupid jerks," he cursed. "I'll show them, I'm gonna kick everyone's butt in this contest!"

"Oh, you think you can do that with your current attitude?"

Colin rounded on the person talking, around the corner of the hallway he was going down. It was the same person who had organized Trent's and Hannah's eliminations, but Colin was not aware of this.

"What?" the bully snapped. "What do you care? Shut up!"

"Are you seriously going to carry on like this?" the person asked. "C'mon, you think you'll survive another trophy ceremony with the way you're insulting people?"

"Aw, they know I'm just joking with them. That religious girl had it coming."

"No one was going to vote for her. They were all going to vote for you."

Colin's jaw dropped. "Wha-what? You're full of crap."

"You're only in this contest still because I convinced some people to vote for her instead of you, the right people to ask. Your stupid behavior was a one-way ticket out of here, but I saved you."

The bully's jaw dropped, and then he growled at the person. "Why? Why did you do that?"

"Because now, you owe me. I saved you, and now, you and I have a certain understanding."

"And that would be?"

"That if you want to go far in this contest, you will listen to me when it comes to voting time, and if you keep your mouth shut with those insults of yours, you'll go far. You might even win this."

"Why you helping me, though?"

"Because I like tough guys, I don't like sappy people like most of these sad-sack sobbers. And you're my kind. I've got a couple other people helping me out, but trust me when I say they're expendable."

"What does that mean?"

The person gave a roll of the eyes, but shook this off. "Never mind. The point is, are you with me?"

"Sure, you managed to vote off that girl and keep me on. I like you already."

As Colin walked off, the mysterious person grinned wickedly. "Oh, this just keeps getting better and better. This contest is so mine."

* * *

**(Voting Confessions)**

**Alfred** - "Who am I going to vote for? Hmmm, I dunno. Maybe the asshole who's pissing everyone off! Colin, of course."

**Arthur** - "With Noah and Justin feuding, I can finally get one of the major threats off. I'm voting for Noah, mostly because I'm sick of his arrogant attitude." *He shrugs.* "Heck at least I know one other person will be voting for him."

**Carol** - "Yeah, I know I shouldn't really do this, but if what they say about Hannah was true, I might as well vote for her." *She looks up and whimpers.* "Um, don't be too angry with me, okay Mister God?"

**Clive** - "I guess I'm going to vote for Hannah. Doesn't seem fair, but such is life, as I have come to grips with."

**Colin** - "I cannot believe that skank kicked me! What did I ever do to her? I'm so voting Hannah off!"

**Geoff** - *He is pulling his hat down in front of his face.* "Um, Hannah."

**Hannah** - "After the incredibly foul and evil things he said to Rodney, I'm going to vote for Colin. May God have mercy on him, because I sure won't if I hear him say stuff like that again." *She takes a few breaths, then makes a quick confession in the closet.*

**Justin** - "I'm voting for that foul egghead, Noah, the sack of crap!"

**Noah** - "I'm voting for that crap head Justin, that sack of foul eggs! That Anti-Me of mine is such a spoony bard!"

**Tyler** - "I'm sure everyone will be voted for Colin. I mean, c'mon, there'd have to be some giant conspiracy for someone else to go!"

* * *

**Votes**:

**Alfred** - Colin.

**Arthur** - Noah.

**Carol** - Hannah.

**Clive** - Hannah.

**Colin** - Hannah.

**Geoff** - Hannah.

**Hannah** - Colin.

**Justin** - Noah.

**Noah** - Justin.

**Tyler** - Colin.

--

Hannah - 4

Colin - 3

Noah - 2

Justin - 1

--

**Voted Off** - Sandra, Duncan, Jasmine, Daisy, Owen, Trent, Hannah.

**Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date** - Mystery Science Theater 3000 Poster on the wall, Noah's Old Cot, Throw Pillows tossed about, mouthwash stains on the left wall.

* * *

**[1]** - Any relation to Harold naming his yo-yo attacks and my love for manga (especially One Piece) is entirely coincidental... or not.

**[2]** - Gwen being mad that Chris is screwing the rules because he's the host is also not coincidental. Drago-Flame, the wicked and talented artist of Deviant Art, made a TDI Abridged, and he actually used dialogue that I suggested for his comic. It was too cool.

**[3]** - No, I will not tell you anything close to what Colin might have been saying to Rodney; this is a T-rated story. If you have no idea what horrible things he might have said that'd make Hannah want to shut him up immediately, then consider yourself lucky you haven't been exposed to that kind of sick hatred.

**[4]** - I know a lot of you Hannah fans may think she's OOC when she kicked Colin. Just remember a few things: Colin was threatening Rodney who's just a child, Hannah is a major soccer player, and it is a comedy story overall. Who would know my character better than me? And you haven't, like Belinda said, seen the last of Hannah.

--

**Next Up** - Race #4: Fan Service Boats!


	27. Ch 8, Pt 1: We Are On A Cruise! We Are!

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. And if you're wondering where the next joke was in the last challenge's chapters, vampires suck the blood from the joke and I couldn't make a new one in time.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - Seems I made more than one reader upset with Hannah's elimination. Just to let you know, she's one of my favorites too; heck, I made her! So yes, I apologize to all her fans. Just please don't hate me, I'm not doing it to be mean.

Seems most of you hate the bad writing of Twilight the most. That's fine by me, though mine's still the glorification of predators being lovers. New poll as well, and this one is really important; you can add your opinion in your comments if you have more to say about it: _what do you think about Total Drama Battlegrounds having fanon couples to replace some or all of the canon couples?_

**Warning** - The following challenge contains lots of hormones in usage here! We will be experiencing kissing, hugging, groping, snogging, and loving. We also expect wardrobe malfunctions, boy-on-boy kissing and girl-on-girl kissing, so if this is the kind of stuff that upsets you, we are sorry to say that that is the kind of fan service is what drives the boat today.

Do not try any of this at home... oh, who are we kidding? Do it, just make sure your parents aren't there.

* * *

**Chapter 27** - Take a Good Hard Look at the FAN SERVICE Boat!

* * *

--

--

--

**(Maclean Stadium, Cafeteria)**

There was silence in the cafeteria. Normally, thirty-seven teenagers in the same room wouldn't be so quiet, but there was a reason for this, and that reason was mystery.

Few people could understand the results of the last trophy ceremony, and those that did didn't want to draw attention to themselves. So there was quiet talking, so quiet it could be considered whispering. The loudest thing was the glaring between Anita and Eva, who were sitting at each end of Cody. Eva's thoughts of ripping off the bombshell's head with her bare hands, and Anita's thoughts of hanging Eva at the gallows were so fervent, that Cody was getting mental images as a result of such; that disturbed him quite so.

He was starting to get worried when the cafeteria exploded with sound and rage.

The door was thrown open with enough force to embed the door handles into the wall, shattering the plaster that had been put up there the first time this happened. And the person responsible for said first time was also the culprit here.

Yoshi stood in the doorway, heaving and his eyes nearly bulging out in fury. The first thing to notice was that his hair was a mess, slick and stuck in ways not natural, and his topknot was missing. Second was that his fists were just fists, no sword in hand.

"ZACHARY CONTEH," he roared, his face red. "Where are you?! Where is my sword?!?"

The warrior searched the cafeteria until he found the culprit, who was snickering uncontrollably. Yoshi was going to grip his collar and shake him, but he couldn't will his fists to unclench. "Where is it?"

Zachary instead burst out laughing, and Yoshi started to make frustrated noises that implied he just might explode. Geoff, sitting nearby, started to giggle, and when the warrior rounded on him, he saw the party animal pointing at his head.

"Your... your hair, dude," he said, guffawing. Soon, several of the other teenagers were laughing. It would have spread more if the warrior didn't start to give people the evil eye.

"If you all are going to laugh at me because my hair, which was _very_ important to me, has been utterly ruined, you'd better pray I don't find my sword!"

That shut everyone up. The warrior took several breaths, trying to contain himself. It was very difficult, when Zachary was still giggling at him. "_Murder's still illegal in Canada_," he repeated it to himself mentally. Walking over to an available place and almost falling down into the seat, he groaned as he slammed his forehead against the tabletop.

He felt someone patting his back, and looked to see it was his roommate Xander. "Dude, I know how you feel. My little brother did that to me once, with peanut butter."

"Did you kill him?"

"No, I just let him know how upset I was, and I also threatened him a little. I still love my brother, and it wasn't such a big deal for me."

"Zachary is not related to me, this is glue and not peanut butter, and my topknot was extremely important to me."

"Oh well, you can kill him."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Now with a sword hidden in here.)**

** Zachary** - *cackling* "Dude, that was hilarious! Did you see the look on his face? Oh man, I love this! Though he'd better not do the same to me, or he'd be a racist jerk."

**Valerie** - "Man, the more bad boy Zachary gets, the more I want him. But if Yoshi does kill him, I guess I can hit on Xander. He's one sexy man, and I'm sure he knows some things with women." *She wiggles her eyebrows and licks her lips.* "Yum."

**Yoshi** - *He has his arms crossed, his eyes narrowed.* "I should have known he'd do this. I really should have. But for the life of me, I don't know what do, except to trash his ass in the game."

*He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, wincing horribly when he traces the place where his topknot used to be.* "Baka, baka, baka! What am I do with this ugly hair? I don't even have time to take a shower or get something to remove the glue..."

*Yoshi notices a box of handkerchiefs, and takes one from them. Shrugging, he ties it around the top of his head, the knot in the back, his eyes shadowed over as a result. Then his eye catches something behind the box, and he realizes it's his sword. With a relieved sigh, he smiles and puts it back on his waistband.*

"So happy now. Well, I'd better get out of here, I think someone else wants a shot at this before the challenge starts soon."

* * *

Joel sat alone at his table, idly tapping at his cereal with his spoon. He didn't have the energy to lift it to his mouth, he didn't have the spirit to eat. All he could think of was Hannah, and the fact that she was gone over the circumstances that it happened kept him still in shock.

He had never felt like this. Even inventions he had the highest expectations for that failed, that didn't upset him as much as this. Even something blowing up in his face wasn't as upsetting, and not even as painful.

As the inventor continued to replay the trophy ceremony in his mind, a few people approached him. He didn't hear when they said his name, he didn't feel when they poked him, but when one shouted in his ear, he flipped. Literally.

"Owtch," he moaned from the other side of the table, heels over head. "What was that for?"

"Sorry," Sadie exclaimed, covering her mouth. "Sorry, sorry! I was trying to get your attention."

"You're so energetic, Sadie," Katie said, shaking her head. "You gotta remember to control the volume of your voice when talking to boys."

Rodney was helping Joel back on his feet, apologizing many times despite not being the cause of this. "Joel, we know you were feeling upset," the prodigy child said, "and last night, Sadie had Katie over, and they and Sakaki taught me how to sew."

"Sew?"

"Sew. So, we sewed something for you."

Joel was surprised when Rodney held up a circular patch with "Joel" in cursive on it. It looked like a name badge, as if he was an employee at a station. He found a velcro patch on the back, and placed it over his right breast.

"Thanks, guys," he said, smiling.

"He likes it," Katie shrieked in joy, and she and Sadie squealed in delight, causing such high-pitched noise that the sneeze guard at the salad bar shattered, scaring the living daylights out of DJ.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Now missing a handkerchief, which is hardly worth noticing.)**

**Katie and Sadie** - **Sadie** - "I so feel sorry for Joel. He and Hannah just started going out, and then she got voted off."

**Katie** - "I know, it's really a shame. But you know what's more of a shame?"

**Sadie** - "What's that, Katie?"

**Katie** - "The fact that you don't have a boyfriend yet! I swear that this season, you're going to have a boyfriend before you leave! Or before I leave!"

**Sadie** - "Aww, you're so sweet!"

**Rodney** - "Sewing is so much fun! My mom said that I should try to learn new things when I was here, so I decided to pick this up! And mom..."

*He holds up a shirt that has "_My son learned how to sew, and all he made was this lousy t-shirt_."* "I made this for you! I'll mail it to you after this challenge!"

**Joel** - *He sighs, idly tapping the patch that the three made for him.* "I really miss Hannah already. I want to see her again, or at least communicate with her. But for some reason, the phones that she and I have aren't connecting! Why? Where the he... heck! Where the heck is that stupid bus?"

* * *

Duncan was actually seated in the cafeteria currently. Gwen noticed this and approached him with her tray in hand. "You're here again?" she asked, raising an amused eyebrow.

"Yeah, I decided to let the others have the keys for a while, hell knows where they are now."

Gwen let out a chuckle. She was trying to be in a better mood ever since yesterday, and realized something. If she was going to get over this horrible mood she had been in since day one of the show, she should try to get over her resentment of some contestants.

Sitting down next to Duncan at the side of the table, she said, "So, I saw you were emotional last trophy ceremony."

"I was not," Duncan snapped, looking away.

"You were so," she teased back, nudging his side with her elbow.

The conversation went uphill from there. Gwen forgot about her grudge against Duncan for his actions in Total Drama Comeback, and soon was talking to him as if he had been a friend for years. Duncan was also enjoying it, and they talked about pets, friends, family, the contest, and the challenges.

Just then, the contestant that was Gwen's second least favorite on the show: Courtney. The CIT saw Gwen talking to her trespassing boyfriend, and tried to keep her professional, well-trained cool. That lasted 0.0248 seconds. **[1]**

"What are you doing?" Courtney asked them with all the hostility of a jail guard finding someone in orange clothing outside the detention center.

"Um, talking," Duncan replied, raising his pierced eyebrow.

"To her?!"

Gwen bristled, but tried to calm this down. "Yeah, I'm talking to him," the goth girl replied, her voice rising and falling as she wrestled her emotions.

"I don't trust you with my boyfriend. Duncan, why are you talking to her?"

Gwen's patience had lasted 4.684 seconds. **[2]** "Okay, what's wrong with you today?" she snapped back. "What did I do to you?"

"I've seen the way you're on the show," the CIT replied. "Seriously, you're snappish and rude, then you're suddenly friendly with people. You're just trying to get your... your... your goth girl hooks into my boyfriend!"

The goth girl clenched her teeth, but kept her position to her sarcastic manner, rather than vulgar like she wanted. "Oh right," she responded, "I'm flirting with your boyfriend, who's already been voted off, to get ahead in this show."

Courtney's patience had gone into the negatives, and she shouted, "Get out of here!"

With a violent shove, the CIT pushed the goth girl off her seat and onto the floor. Gwen lay there for a few seconds, staring up at the ceiling and heaving in anger. Nothing that came to her mind was friendly, and she didn't notice the friendly hand reaching down to help her up.

When she did, she sighed and let the person help her up. "Thanks," she replied, almost emotionless as anger and frustration had drained her.

"No problem."

Gwen's eyes bulged, and turned to face the person she thought was her number one least favorite person. "You?" she asked, staring at Heather.

"Yeah, me," Heather replied. "Whatever."

With this strange exchange, the queen bee walked over to her boyfriend and sat down next to her.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Where cat fights are avoided.)**

** Gwen** - "Look, I know I can be sarcastic and harsh. People even expect it of me, the goth girl." *She sighs and crosses her arms, looking away.* "But getting along with people is much harder than I thought. I be nice to Duncan, his girlfriend knocks me off my seat. I try to be distant and cranky to everyone, and the worst person I've ever known helps me back up."

**Heather** - "Dating Ezekiel has got me starting to become..." *she shivers slightly* "... a nice girl. Yeah right, me? Nice? Even I cannot picture it. But you know, I really want to be nice for Ezekiel, since he does so much for me, and helping up the person who hates me most seems like a nice step, eh?"

**Duncan** - "Courtney's rather overprotective of me. Kind of hot, in the sense that I have to get used to not being able to talk to another girl ever again. That might get annoying... say, what'll happen if I introduce her to my mom?" *He cackles at the idea, then face-faults.* "I think they might kill each other!"

* * *

Chris entered the cafeteria, looking at everyone with a sly grin. "Hello, contestants of Total Drama Battlegrounds!"

"Hi, Chris," came a few scattered replies.

"Hey, what's with the lack of enthusiasm?" the host demanded to know. "Is this the appreciation I get for what is going to be an awesome challenge for all you boys and girls?"

"Oh crap," many of the boys and girls replied.

"If he thinks it's generous, it's probably really, really bad," Katie explained to Rodney, who looked rather confused.

Chris Maclean cleared his throat, then broke out his old pirate accent. "Yarr! Avast, me scurvy dogs! This voyage of Total Drama Battlegrounds be a two part! Thar first challenge will separate real pirates from wannabes who don't know their peg leg from their hook hand!"

Harold looked baffled. "How could anyone make that mistake?"

"How could anyone talk like that?" Heather grumbled, rolling her eyes at the host.

"I wonder why he's not dressed up this time?" Leshawna commented.

"Yarr, my pirate outfit be in the cleaners, sadly, Chef used them for rags, the filthy sea dog," Chris cursed aloud. "I'll be making him walk the plank later on, yarr!"

Yoshi slammed his forehead against the table. "Make him stop," he wailed. "That's such an insult to pirates everywhere, when you talk!"

"I thought you hated pirates," Xander asked, "since people bring up pirates against samurai, or something."

"Just salty dogs like that landlubber," the warrior said, jerking his thumb at Chris. "I have no problem with them otherwise." He fiddled with his makeshift hat as he spoke.

Chris ignored these comments. "In the main part of this contest, you landlubbers are going to be on ships, so get your sea legs ready! Also, keep these two words in mind: fan service!"

As he left the room with an arrogant swagger, murmurs ran among the contestants. Anita was shaking her head, looking very disgusted. Harold was huffing out his chest with proud anticipation, Ezekiel was tapping his chin in confusion, and Crystal was happily clapping her hands.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - A public service explanation.)**

_(Mandy, Izzy, and Alfred are all in the janitor's closet together. They look ready to explain something important, so much that they broke the normal protocol for confession broadcasts.)_

Alfred cleared his throat and smiled at the camera. "Now, this is a public service explanation for all you people who don't fully understand what the wonder is that is called 'fan service.' So who better than us three?"

Izzy nodded. "That's right, Izzy knows loads of fan service!"

Mandy grinned at the camera. "When you're used to appeasing to Old Gods, mortals are much easier to please."

Alfred tipped up his baseball cap and carried on. "See, fan service is the term for appealing directly to fans with three very basic but very efficient methods. First is sexy goodness!"

He gestured to Izzy, who lifted her top to show off her green bra underneath. With a sassy grin, she swayed her hips before lowering it back again.

"The second is violence!"

He gestured to Mandy, who pulled her sacrificial dagger from its scabbard. Grinning malevolently, she licked her lips before she mimed a stabbing motion, then put the dagger back into its holder.

"The third is just being super cool!"

Alfred taps the side of his cap's lid, then he gives it a skillful push. His hat spun around his head twice before stopping where it started. Izzy and Mandy gave him a light round of applause.

"So you see, these three simple but efficient ways to get your audience cheering are what really get the ratings. Now sometimes, well actually, most of the time, TV shows go overboard with this."

"Yeah, like," Izzy rambled, "can you say 'Baywatch'? Honestly, fan service to me would've been a shark eating those women."

"Ooo, me too," Mandy cheered. "Our minds are so much alike, my mortal friend Izzy."

"Heck, I would've dressed up as a shark just to scare them out of their minds. It's always fun to scar someone for life!"

Alfred nodded in agreement. "Now then, we will be on boats, as Mr. Maclean said, and there is a problem. As we are teens with no scripts or martial arts training-"

"Speak for yourself, my American friend," said Izzy with an impish grin.

"Well, how about training to make fights look good for filming without actually hurting anyone?"

"No, where would the fun in that be?"

"Exactly the problem with doing violence fan service live, so we have to do a good combination of sex, love, and coolness!"

Izzy nodded a great many times, while Mandy scoffed and looked away to the side, staring at the mouthwash stains on the wall. Alfred chuckled and continued.

"See, we are expecting a little bit of Love Boat here, with couples or just hormone-driven teenagers going at it, so we want to give an explanation on four basic types of hotness," Alfred explained, wiggling his eyebrows. "Because, you see, some of you people don't know your canon and fanon from your shippings and pairings!

"The first thing to take into consideration is the willing and eager couple, which would be something like this."

He turns to face Izzy, who is giving him a sexy come-hither look. Alfred takes her in his arms and starts making out with her; she wraps her arms and one of her legs around him as they suck face for a few seconds, then part.

"That," Alfred said, his face slightly flushed as he pointed at a grinning Izzy, "is the hot and ready kind, the kind we see in Bridgette and Geoff, so I'm told. We expect at least one couple who haven't kissed yet to go at it like this on this challenge."

"Yarr, the sea does funny things to wenches and scurvy dogs," Izzy said, her pirate accent far better than Chris'. "Just being out in the middle of the big blue gives you the sense of loneliness, and the hot desire to get it on!"

"Exactly! Now, the second kind of couple is the kind in denial, and that's the key word! Now, the couple will probably be something like this."

Alfred turns to Mandy, and taps her shoulder. When she turned around to see him, he took her in his arms and started to kiss her. Mandy struggled at first, hitting his shoulders and letting out protesting sounds, but eventually caved in and started kissing him back, wrapping herself around him.

After a few seconds of this, with Izzy happily watching and clapping approvingly. When they broke apart, Mandy looked a little upset it was over.

"Now that is what we like to call denial denied no longer," Alfred said, now very flushed in the face. "We expect maybe one or two couples to do this, and that makes great fan service!"

"Indeed," Izzy exclaimed, pumping her fists. "Fans love this shipping and romance, it's some of the best service ever! But then we go into the area of homosexuality, but only fleeting!"

"Yes, as most of us are proved heterosexual, we have to get into doing it just for the kicks," Alfred said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "Of course, that doesn't stop our fans from wondering, so why don't we give you yaoi-obsessed fangirls and yuri-crazed fanbois something? It's your day, so to speak!"

Izzy nodded, jumping up and down in excitement. "Izzy is a bit of a yaoi-obsessed fangirl, she must confess! In case you don't speak Japanese, that means boy-boy love! And yuri means girl-girl love!"

Mandy scoffed and looked away. Izzy gave her friend a sympathetic pat on the shoulder, and said, "Now some of us, like Mandy, don't appreciate it, because they deal with people who insist they are what they aren't. Noah would be another case, but Izzy is still wondering about him, to be honest."

"Right," Alfred said. "Me too, actually, still got his place in the closet, he does. But enough on the egghead, we need to get to live demonstrations!"

"For fun," Izzy cheered. "Since there are two girls here, let's start with yuri fan service!"

The redhead walked over to her platinum-topped friend, and turned her around, very similar to what Alfred did. The cultist wasn't even sure what was going on, as she had been tuning this out. Soon, her friend had her in her arms, and was making out with her heavily.

Mandy protested again, with muffled sounds and pounding fists, but eventually she caved in once again and sank into Izzy's smooching. Alfred had the most pleased grin on his face as this carried on, and he applauded when they stopped.

"So you see," Izzy said, just as flushed in the face as Alfred now (Mandy more so), "from our test case Alfred here, boys love this stuff. And girls love the boy-boy service, and said test case is eager to provide!"

"What can I say, I'm a gonzo," he said with an impish grin. "When you love high dives, explosions and other fun things, what's kissing another boy a couple times?"

"But who are we going to get to do this?" Mandy asked.

Izzy grinned wickedly, and opened the door. In stumbled Howard, who fell in ear-first. The redheaded, wild girl cackled and said as she closed the door again, "Our naughty boy here has been listening in on our hot subject for some time, so he volunteers!"

"For... what?" Howard stammered. "Not the last subject you were talking about!?"

"Yaoi it up, boy, we got your newest boyfriend!"

The following was a little too tricky for the camera to follow. Howard became like a cat being forced to take a bath, and was fervently struggling with Izzy, Alfred, and Howard. Arms were flailing, legs were kicking, and protests were screaming. The janitor's closet was full of cries of, "No no no," "C'mon, just one kiss?" and "Why don't you wanna kiss me, that hurts!"

This carried on until something struck the camera, and static was all the camera could pick up, finishing this public service explanation.

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena)**

The host was glaring at the thirty-seven contestants, arms crossed and brow furrowed. "Okay, I'm only going to ask this once more," he said, "who broke the janitor closet camera?"

No one spoke up to take blame, and the stadium audience was all laughs and giggles. Izzy was whistling rather loudly, and it wasn't helping her in the eyes of the host that the song she whistled was "Wanted Dead or Alive."

"Well, since no one is going to fess up," Chris Maclean said, lifting his nose at the contestants, "I have to say I actually know who did it. So, for this challenge, I forbid Izzy, Mandy, Alfred, and Howard from being on the same team."

"Aw, come on," Izzy angrily protested.

"Jerk," Mandy shouted. "Mortal jerk!"

"This stinks," Alfred grumbled.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," Howard praised the host.

"Now that we've killed time," Chris said, all smiles again and in full host mode, "I have to announce that this challenge is called Race #4: The Fan Service Boat Ride! And it's a glorious two part!"

"Haven't had one of those in a long time," Gwen said to Leshawna. "And most of the time, wasn't the first part of the challenge useless and pointless?"

"Yep," Leshawna replied, rolling her eyes. "That man needs a good smack upside the head."

Chris tut-tutted them. "Now ladies, don't be so harsh. I have good reason for the first part this time."

"Yeah," Courtney snapped, frowning at the goth girl. "Why don't you try listening, _Gwen_?"

CIT and Goth Lady glared at each other, and Heather watched from a distance. "Wow," she said to Ezekiel. "It's like watching a flashback or something."

Chris loved the strife, but he wanted screen time more. "Now see, the first part is going to be complete free-for-all among you. And the top seven in this contest will be the leaders of the seven teams in this challenge!"

"So, what good is that?" Noah asked. "Being a leader doesn't change anything except blame in these multiple team challenges?"

"Normally, yes. But what if the leaders get to _choose_ who is on their team?"

"Well. That's different."

"Glad you agree," Chris said. "And it's especially handy here, because the second part of your challenge will be the seven teams on seven boats, and the boats are powered by..."

He took a deep breath, and lifted his hands as he sang out the words, "FAN SERVI-IIIIIICE!"

The audience went more wild than the contestants had ever seen before. Izzy and Alfred exchanged knowing grins as many of the others just looked around. Anita looked upset and away, trying to stand near Cody to relieve her tension.

"Now, we have cameras set on all seven boats, and those cameras are going to be online, not on the TV, except of course when we edit this for select moments. This is an important detail, because this is a live episode online!"

Geoff scratched his head. "So, like, people are gonna watch seven movies online at the same time? That sounds rather hard, man."

"No, no, my dear party animal," Chris said, shaking his finger. "See, they're only allowed to watch one movie at a time. And the more people watching, the faster your boat goes! People viewing equals more knots!"

"Not what?" Lindsay asked.

"Knots, Lindsay."

"Not me?"

"No, knots! As in the way a ship's speed is measured, knots!"

"Their speed is not measured?"

Chris face-palmed. "Remind me why I try to explain this to her. Anyway! Your job is to make interesting your round-trip cruise on your boat, which is a simple round-trip from the dock, a measured distance out to sea, and then back again. And it's going to take a lot of FAN SERVI-IIIIIIIICE to get that boat going!"

Belinda was smiling at this, looking rather amused. "So how are people going to know what's going on the other boats if they're only allowed to watch one boat at a time? I'm guessing you're going to have some chat boxes going on?"

"That's exactly what is going to happen," the host said with a nod.

"Oh wow, you're so clever," Howard gushed as he beamed at Belinda.

"It's like you're psychic," Lindsay added.

Chris cleared his throat; this was getting to be a habit for him. "Now on our web cam web site for this fan service has fifty chat rooms that allow you to communicate with a great many people, and they can watch any of the seven videos. So if something really good is happening, the people can tell you about it, and you can switch videos."

Xander raised an eyebrow. "So, we have to be rather spontaneous for these fifty chat rooms of fans expecting us to practically strip or something?"

"Exactly!"

The rebel grinned. "Well hot damn, this sounds fun! Better than that train ride!"

"That's what we decided to improve on."

"Fifty chat rooms?" Beth said aloud. "That seems like a rather lot."

"You guys have no idea how popular you guys can really be, and we have been amping this up all over. Seven cameras of wild teenagers! Oh, and we picked fifty chat rooms for a reason."

"Why's that?"

"Each chat room is named after one member of our grand show," the host said. "Each one of the forty-four contestants, moi, Chef, the bear, the raccoon, the duck, and our latest intern, Billy."

"Who?" several asked, and the host pointed at someone standing nearby.

A young man stood at a console near the podium, looking rather confused. His blond hair and loose-fitting shirt ruffled in the wind, which carried the sound of his name to his ears. Turning in confusion, he called out, "Did you call me, Mr. Maclean?"

"No, intern, get back to work."

Billy rolled his eyes and looked at the clipboard in his hands, but before he could actually go back to work like requested, a delighted scream startled everyone.

"Oh my God," Carol exclaimed, jumping up and down, then pointing at Billy. "He's so hot!"

"He is pretty cute," Lindsay added, giggling.

"Me?" Billy asked, turning around and blushing slightly. "You girls talking about me?"

"Can he be on my team?" Carol asked Chris Maclean. "Please oh please oh please!"

"No," Chris snapped. "He's just an intern. They normally don't last the first three days they work on this show."

"Excuse me," Billy said, looking a little miffed, "I'm still here."

"Interns don't have feelings," the host said, waving his hand. "Now stop hogging the limelight, and get the first part of the challenge started."

"I'm trying, but I cannot get the pool to rise up."

Chris rolled his eyes. "And interns don't have brains either. Joel! Can you help out?"

The inventor wasn't listening, he had barely been paying attention to any of what the host had said. He stood there, idly tapping the name tag his friends had made, and sighed several times.

"Joel! Joel Joel Joel," Chris chanted, waving his hands. "Hey, Rolly-Joely!" He sang. "Jo'ellllll \ Jo'el!" He shouted. "Joooooooooel!"

"He's been like that for some time," Crystal said, sadly looking at him. "His heart has been wounded so."

"So what?" Colin said, rolling his eyes. "His girlfriend was a boring, preachy jerk."

"If ever there was an example of the kettle calling the pot black," Yoshi grumbled, crossing his arms.

"Now what does _that_ expression mean?" Zachary snapped.

"And why are you wearing that ugly thing on your head?" Chris asked Yoshi, raising an eyebrow at the handkerchief on his head.

The warrior glared at the host, and the effect of the shadow over his eyes gave him a rather menacing look; it made Mr. Maclean back off. "Um, whatever suits you," he stammered. "But seriously, we need Joel to raise the pool for the first challenge."

Crystal had to shake Joel's shoulder gently, then led him over to where the console that Billy was working on. When the inventor started to work on the console, Crystal looked at the intern and smiled. "You know, you don't have to worry about danger, good chap. Every challenge is us having a common ride or being in some virtual reality challenge."

"That's comforting."

"Say, I'm a matchmaker. Do you have a girlfriend, or just going totty?"

"Um," Billy stammered, trying to think of what that last part meant, "I'm single."

Crystal grinned. "Jolly good! Now, how old are you?"

"He's single?!" Carol exclaimed, jumping onto Crystal's back and grinned anxiously right in Billy's face. "Did I hear that right?"

Before this awkward situation became even more awkward, the gears underneath the stadium floor began to turn. Said floor opened up, and a gigantic pool with well-decorated shores rose up. Small islands, lighthouses, a couple large and aquatic creatures floated about, and a treasure chest could be seen on an island.

This huge pool also had an excellent collection of boats, armed with cannons on all sides. They came in all different kinds of colors, sails, and mastiffs.

"The first part of this challenge," Chris Maclean announced, "is what we call the Pirate Wars! Thanks to Joel, we have toy boats armed with very explosive cannons!"

"Wait, he made them?" Valerie asked, frowning. "How is that fair? He knows everything to them!"

"Well, that doesn't stop his ship from being blown sky high," Chris said. "This challenge, every single one of you mans a ship with a remote control. With cannons on each one, plenty of speed, and pirate mischief, your job is to survive and sink, or blow up, your opponents!"

"And the last seven standing become leaders?" Eva asked, looking anxious.

"Yep! And of course, order counts here too! First place gets to pick someone first, second second, and so on to seventh, then repeat back to first. The first and seventh captains will have one extra crew mate, for a little balance."

"Sweet," Xander said, clapping his hands excitedly. "So when do we get to blow some ships up?"

"Right now, pick your remote," Chris said, motioning to the remotes strewn about the sides of the lake. It took a while for each person to find a remote of their choice, or just random picking.

"Ooo, they have such cute names," Beth gushed.

"Very cool," Tyler said with a grin.

* * *

The Swashbucklers and Their Ships **[3]**

--

**Alfred** - Greedy Shark

**Anita** - Lightning Deity

**Arthur** - Cola Cyborg

**Belinda** - Deviled Kick

**Beth** - Bladed Giraffe

**Bridgette** - Royal Duck

**Carol** - Toxin Warden

**Clive** - Glutton King

**Cody** - Robotic Paws

**Colin** - Murderous Lava

**Courtney** - Masked Elephant

**Crystal** - War Shield

**DJ** - Shooting King

**Eva** - Cool Wallbreaker

**Ezekiel** - Swan Sacrifice

**Geoff** - Honking Bignose

**Gwen** - Clouds Chaser

**Harold** - Saltwater Karate

**Heather** - Outlaw Archeologist

**Howard** - Father Earthquake

**Izzy** - Legendary Flames

**Joel** - Miracle Reindeer

**Justin** - Gorgeous Stone

**Katie** - Wandering Ice

**Leshawna** - Golden Weather

**Lindsay** - Forgetful Swamp

**Mandy** - Zombie Shadows

**Noah** - Pigeon Leopard

**Rodney** - Octopus Grill

**Sadie** - Rebel Angel

**Sakaki** - Triple Katana

**Sebastian** - Musical Skeleton

**Tyler** - Strongest Blade

**Valerie** - Darkness Traitor

**Xander** - Rubber Monkey

**Yoshi** - Crimson Inspiration

**Zachary** - Sandy Warlord

--

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - The Salty Sea Locker!)**

**Carol** - "I really didn't care about the boat fight, as interesting as that was. All I wanted was to be on a boat ride alone with that handsome intern!"

**DJ** - *nervously* "No no, no no, a pirate's life's not for me!"

**Eva** - "I really do appreciate Joel's handiness, and his ability to make stuff that's violently cool. Absolute genius, and I'm sure I'm better than Anita when it comes to stuff like this!"

**Anita** - *giggling* "The boat challenge was much like a video game's mini-challenge. It was just so much fun, I really wanted to do it more. Joel should make it a Wii game, I'd buy it!"

**Harold** - "This is so very awesome! And my skills as a cannonier from my days in the Possum Scouts will really come in handy! Yes, we got to fire cannons in the Possum Scouts; sadly, I have yet to have a confirmed enemy ship sinking, but I have..." *he snickers a whole lot* "High-sea hopes!" *He mimes a rim shot.*

**Colin** - "Blowing stuff up is always fun, I could get into this first part of the challenge. The second part sounds boring, to be honest. Why would I want to act like some You Tube moron?"

**Arthur** - "You know, this is the kind of challenge I could really get into. Chance at leadership, explosions, fan service. Yo ho, a pirate's life for me!" *He chuckles, then stops himself.* "You know, I'll bet someone, anyone has made some reference to that. You can cut it, I'd hate to look like a dork."

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena Lake)**

The contestants were given a few minutes to get the "feel" of their boats, with the cannons turned off. Some, like Harold and Cody, were absolute naturals. Lindsay was trying to figure out what the pretty buttons did. Anita went to Rodney to help him out on what was obviously a complex challenge, and ended up getting tips from him.

"Is everybody ready for some pirating carnage?" Chris exclaimed.

The audience sure were, they roared and screamed in delight. A good deal of the contestants were also pumped and cheering. Sakaki and DJ just shivered in fear.

"Then we are releasing the boats, so pillage yar hearts out, scurvy dogs and wenches!"

The thirty-seven boats came barreling out, cannons a'blazing. Two boats were utterly destroyed in the first five seconds.

Harold and Cody looked at the smoldering remains of their ships. They blinked in astonishment, then the truth dawned on them hard.

"Aw, drat it all," Cody exclaimed, slumping in defeat.

"GOSH," Harold shouted as he fell backwards. He stared up at the sky and muttered, "Scurvy idiots!"

Pretty soon after the first two casualties, cannonballs were shooting all over, ships were swerving, and cunning tactics were being held. A couple lighthouses were destroyed, small villages were razed, but the carnage continued.

Chris and Chef were cheering and clapping, Groucho the Duck was excitedly quacking, and Chico the Raccoon was waving a sword around.

Leshawna was trying to shake Noah, but eventually the egghead caught her ship against the shore. A couple well-aimed cannon blasts later, her ship was sunk. "Aw, dang it," she exclaimed, throwing her remote down. "Thanks a lot, Noah!"

"No problem, ma'am," he replied with a cynical smile as he carried on.

Katie and Sadie hadn't joined the fighting yet. They were too busy admiring some details.

"I think your ship is the cutest, Sadie," Katie cooed.

"No way! Your ship is cuter," Sadie replied.

"No, yours is cuter!"

Both of their cute ships were blown into splinters and fire, and the two girls flinched in surprise. Then they both burst into tears and clung to each other as Arthur's boat sped by. "Haha, take that," he cackled. "My ship is far more super than yours!"

Howard and Carol were in a fervent face-off. "You cannot beat me," Howard cried out. "No one is stopping me from having Belinda on my team for this challenge!"

"I want Billy," Carol shrieked back at him.

The two continued to fire cannonballs until they couldn't any more. They both looked at the ruins of their ships, and cried out in unison, "Aw, what the f-"

Colin cackled as he fired his cannons at Clive, annihilating the emo's ship. "Suck on that, cry baby," the bully shouted. Clive sighed and set his remote down, having suspected this.

Lindsay was staring at her remote, staring at the letters near the buttons. "Okay, I think I got it now," she said, looking at the ship close to her. "Now, it's time to sink the, uh, land blubber! Ha ha ha!"

She started pushing buttons and moving the joysticks, but the boat wasn't moving. "Hey, Taylor," she said to her boyfriend, who stood next to her, "my ship won't go!"

Tyler looked at her sadly, and said, "Lindsay love, your ship was sunk about a minute ago."

Lindsay let out an angstful wail, which was very distracting to Tyler. He managed to avoid three attackers, swerving out of lethal cannon fire. Crystal, who had been shooting at him, was blown away by Izzy's attack.

Eva was hunting down Anita, glaring fiercely at her rival. The bombshell glared right back, and then her boat was suddenly destroyed; however, this was not done by Eva.

"Hey," Anita cried out, glaring at Zachary, "this was a personal duel."

"All's fair in love and war, sucker," Zachary shouted, laughing.

A bright red boat spun around to the side of Zachary's boat, and blew the whiner's ship to pieces. He immediately started calling foul and unfair, swearing and cursing. Anita was laughing at her destroyer's downfall, and cheered on her avenger.

Yoshi grinned, his eyes narrowed as he sped his boat across the lake. "How many times have I got to tell you, Zachary?" he said. "Take a last look around while you're alive, I'm an indestructible master of war!"

DJ screamed in terror as his boat was utterly blown away. Bridgette winced when her ship slowly sank into the depths. Mandy let out a loud curse when her vehicle caught fire and burned away.

"These pirate wars are brutal," Leshawna said to her boyfriend, who still lay on the ground in defeat. "Listen to the bloodthirsty cries of these swashbucklers!"

"Eeeeeek," Sakaki screamed. "Stop chasing me, you meanie!"

"Yar, I'm not gonna be nice to you," exclaimed Rodney

"Taste iron, you stupid heads," roared Beth.

"You fight like a dairy farmer," shouted Izzy.

Leshawna shook her head. "It does such terrible things to the soul."

Beth continued her battle cries until her ship was destroyed from the side. Startled, she heard Colin laughing. "Suck that, pig girl!"

Justin was furious, especially when Beth looked saddened by the insult. The male model chased after the bully, but it resulted in his boat being blown up in the pursuit.

"Oh come on, man," he shouted at Noah, who laughed at destroying his Anti-Me's destruction.

Colin was continuing to blow away boats. Rodney and Eva both went down in flames, the former letting out a sad cry and the latter spewing a violent curse. The bully continued to laugh until he heard someone shout, "ONI GIRI!"

Three shots of cannonballs were fired, and Colin's boat was obliterated. Many cries of delight came from the contestants and the audience, and the bully started crying victim too. All of it made Yoshi's grin even more wide.

Xander sunk Belinda's boat during all this chaos. "Sorry, sweetheart," he called out.

"Oh, no problem, it's just a free-for-all."

Izzy was cackling madly as she shot at random, managing to blow up Valerie's ship. The politician threw her remote down and said a very unpolitical word. Alfred managed to blow Ezekiel's ship out of the water, then Courtney finished him off.

"That's what you get for messing with me," Courtney shouted at Alfred as she drove over his ship's remains.

"But, I never messed with you in the first place," a confused Alfred replied.

Geoff snarled as he swerved, avoiding Arthur's shots. The party animal turned his ship around, shared a battle glare with his opponent, and then the two ships sped forward, aggressively shooting cannonballs at each other. The iron balls never hit, but the ships did. A crunch of wood and metal followed, and the two crushed ships sunk. Arthur sighed, but Geoff thought it was the coolest thing he'd ever seen.

Yoshi stared down Noah's boat, the egghead matching him in skill here. Noah was not going down without a fight, but he wasn't a true warrior at heart like the Japanese teenager. With a careful well-aimed shots, Yoshi blew Noah's boat to pieces, but suffered a hit that hindered his ship greatly.

Sebastian swooped in for the kill, but Gwen blew his ship away in a surprise attack. Heather shot at Gwen, but the goth girl was too quick for her. Tyler was trying to avoid major fights, but Joel had recovered from his funk long enough to destroy the jock's ship.

"And we're down to eight pirates," Chris Maclean announced on the overhead. "After one more elimination, we're down to our seven captains.

Eight glances were exchanged: determined Yoshi, scared Sakaki, stubborn Courtney, eager Izzy, grim Gwen, depressed Joel, delighted Xander, and aggressive Heather. They all knew what to do, but with hearts racing and pulses pounding, violent charges weren't on their minds.

Except Izzy, of course. "Die, die, die," she chanted, her boat chasing after Sakaki. The moe girl shrieked and her boat hauled rudder with Izzy racing after her.

Xander and Heather were facing off, Gwen and Courtney were already shooting at each other, Yoshi was in hot pursuit of Joel. The inventor was getting over his funk rather quickly, and noticed the injury in Yoshi's ship.

"Sorry, buddy," he said, making a skillful turn and flanking the warrior. With a couple precise shots, the warrior was sunk.

Yoshi swore in Japanese, then smiled. "Well done, my friend," he said, scratching the back of his head underneath the handkerchief, "well done."

"Now see, that's what I'm talking about," Valerie shouted, glaring at Joel and Chris. "He made these stupid things, so of course he's gonna beat us all-"

A boat was blown out of the water, literally. Joel even caught the husk of his ship as Izzy cackled, still chasing Sakaki. The inventor looked over at Valerie and raised an eyebrow. "You were saying?" he asked, smiling slightly.

"Six people left," Chris announced, "and Joel is captain number seven! Who will be sixth?"

Heather was, Xander was an excellent shot. The queen bee cursed, but let out a relieved sigh. "Making my own team sounds perfect," she said to herself, looking at Ezekiel from afar and smiling.

Izzy was in such hot pursuit of Sakaki, and her wild nature got the best of her. She failed to make a turn properly, and her boat crashed on land, skidded through a village, popped out of the course and hit Anita in the leg. Izzy winced as Anita hobbled around, rubbing her shin and wincing in pain.

"Sorry," she called out.

"This wouldn't happen if this were a video game," Anita said, wincing as she rubbed what was going to be a bruise later on. "Well, maybe with the Wii."

Gwen was in a major fight with Courtney, and the two girls weren't giving an inch; however, one was more willing to fight dirty. The CIT and the goth girl were standing next to each other, and soon Courtney gave Gwen a violent elbowing.

While Gwen tried to pick herself up for the second time this day, Courtney blew her ship to pieces. Leshawna was furious, and was shouting, "That was interference! Isn't that against the rules?"

" 'Rules'?" Chris repeated, grinning.

The sister face-palmed, then helped lift Gwen up, and then hold her back. Courtney looked at the struggling goth girl, and snapped, "That'll teach you. Don't flirt with my boyfriend, Weird Goth Girl!"

"Hey, only I get to call her that," Heather cried out. Shaking her head, she said, "What's her deal?"

Leshawna glanced at Heather, and grumbled, "Oh, like you have the right to talk, Ms. Prim!"

Heather stuck her nose up in the air and walked off. Courtney scoffed and turned back to the like, only to see her boat was a destroyed mess. She sputtered, then saw her destroyer.

"Sorry," Xander replied. "You should have kept your eye on the boat."

He turned to see the last boat standing, which was Sakaki's. "Sorry to you too," he said to her. "I hate to destroy such a cute girl's boat, but you're the only thing in my way."

Sakaki let out a high-pitched squeak, and then panicked. Pressing every button on the remote, she shrieked, "I'm not cute!"

Amid her screams, cannonballs whizzed and roared, explosions rocked the lake, and a ship burned and died. When it was over, she stood there, panting and whimpering.

Xander looked at the charred remains of his boat, his eyes wide. Then he laughed and said, "Now that was one of the most awesome and adorable things I've seen!"

"Not... adorable," Sakaki panted, and then fainted.

As Sebastian helped comfort her and fan air on her face, Chris chuckled before making the announcement. "Well folks, with the most unexpected result I've ever seen, we have our winners:

"Team 1, Sakaki is leader. Team 2, Xander! Team 3, Courtney! Team 4, Gwen! Team 5, Izzy! Team 6, Heather! Team 7, Joel!"

* * *

**(The Salty Sea Locker - Formally a Janitor's Closet.)**

** Izzy** - "Leading soldiers into the field of fan service sounds like so much fun! But even if I cannot have Alfred and Mandy on my team, Izzy has plans!" *She cackles, wiggling her fingers impishly.* "Lots of plans! Plans so good, even Izzy is scared of her own plans. But she is not, because she is Izzy, and Izzy fears nothing! Except flying, but Izzy is on a boat, she on a boat!"

**Xander** - "Leading a group sure is a new experience for me, but it's rather cool. Back home, there's a rumor that I have a motorcycle gang, but that's silly. A true rebel does things on his own." *He grins as he has an afterthought.* "Unless he wants a super cute, British beauty at his side!"

**Sakaki** - "I... I don't know about this. I've never led before at anything... I don't even guide conversations!" *She whimpers, and hides in the closet, though there isn't much room.*

**Courtney** - "Okay, I know some people are thinking I'm being too..." *she makes quotes with her fingers* "... 'harsh' with Gwen. But look at it from my side! She's never shown any interest in Duncan before today, none at all. And now with her boyfriend gone and being so cranky, she's suddenly keen on my boyfriend! You cannot tell me that's just coincidence!"

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena)**

"Okay, so here we go," Chris said, standing in front of the seven captains. "We are going to choose the teams, and it's all up to the captains! Sakaki, you're first! And try not to faint before you make your choice."

Sakaki was shivering already. Everyone's eyes on her was so unnerving, she did feel ready to faint. With a shaking finger, she pointed at Sebastian and muttered his name. The collection of "awws" and "ooos" was her tipping point, and she was on the ground again.

Sebastian walked over to revive her as Chris shook his head. "Maybe a moe wasn't the best choice for such a public show. Oh well. Xander, you're next!"

Xander clicked his tongue. "Crystal, of course."

The contestants and audience were full of "ooos" and "ohhs" all over again, and Crystal was as red as a cherry. The rebel smirked at this attention. "Come on," he said to her. "You knew I'd want to have someone with brains, beauty, and an accent that I cannot get enough of."

She blushed even more, but shook it off. When Crystal was properly by his side, Chris motioned towards Courtney. "Your turn, CIT."

The brunette overachiever looked at all the available choices, and something came to mind. "_I need to know what Heather's up to,_" she thought, rubbing her chin in thought, "_before she hurts my chances in this season. If she is planning something dastardly, like she did with Cody in TDC, then I have to ask someone who would know best._"

"I pick Ezekiel," she said.

"What?" Ezekiel exclaimed, looking more startled than most, but certainly not Heather.

"Hey, wait just one damn minute," was what she had to say-"

"No arguments, we want to hurry to the boat rides," Chris Maclean said. He pointed at Ezekiel, and said, "Go to your new mistress!"

The prairie boy very much resented that choice of words, but he went over to Courtney, albeit grudgingly. "I sure hope yoo'r not trying to do this to aggravate my girlfriend, eh."

"I need to talk to you, away from her, it's nothing but that."

"Next is Gwen," Chris said, snapping his fingers.

The goth girl shrugged, and said, "Leshawna, of course." She high-fived her friend.

"Izzy is next, and remember, no picking Alfred, Mandy, or Howard!"

The redhead snapped her fingers, then scanned the group. Keeping her thoughts on fan service, she got an idea. She grinned and pointed at Cody. "I want him!"

Anita and Eva were both startled, but there was nothing they could do about it. Cody, more confused than them but secretly a little delighted (he remembered what happened last time he was left at sea with her).

"Heather, your turn."

Without her boyfriend to chose, and rather bitter about it, the queen bee scanned the crowd. "_I don't trust most of these people, I cannot see who I want to be with_," she thought, then shook her head. "_Wait, you're trying to be nice for Ezekiel. So the best choice... would be his best friend, and actually get along with him_."

"I choose Tyler."

Tyler looked startled, but not so much as his girlfriend. "Now wait a minute," Lindsay shouted, "I don't trust Helga with Taylor! She's gonna try something mean like she always does-"

"Don't care about feelings, we must move on," Chris exclaimed. "Joel, you're the last captain, go!"

Joel shrugged, looking around, and thought about something similar to Heather's. "Might as well make friends with Hannah's friends," he muttered to himself, then said aloud, "I choose Mandy."

"What?" Chris exclaimed. "Hey wait a minute, you crazy kids, I'm not having any hooliganism on my ships! Cultists and inventors should not mix-"

"Stop acting so emotional, Chris Maclean," Leshawna said to him, grinning and shaking a finger at the host. "Let's carry on and stop chatting."

The host frowned and seethed, then cleared his throat. "Sakaki, your turn again."

"She's still out-cold," Sebastian called out, waving his hand over her face.

"Aw, c'mon! Well then, you pick for her, Seb!"

Sebastian looked surprised for a second, then pulled on one of his dreadlocks in thought. "Well, Sakaki's roommate, Sadie."

Sadie cheered and hurried over. "Aw, thank you, Sakaki."

"She's still unconscious," said Sebastian.

"It's okay, gratitude can still be heard when someone's out of it."

Chris shook his head. "Yeah, really shouldn't have picked a moe. Well then, let's carry on then, shall we?"

Xander nodded. "Yoshi," he said, earning a smile and a high-five from his roommate and friend.

"Rodney," Courtney said pleasantly. The prodigy beamed and hurried over.

"Bridgette," said Gwen.

"Noah," exclaimed Izzy.

"Wait one damn minute," Noah shouted. "You picked Cody and then me? I know what you're thinking-"

"Stop complaining and get over here, uke!" **[4]**

**

* * *

**

**(The Salty Sea Locker - Izzy's devious, ain't she?)**

** Noah** - *furious* "I'm so sick of shots at my sexuality. My siblings haven't given me any break on that, my schoolmates haven't, even when I started dating Katie! Why can't people just get over that lame joke? And I am SO not the uke!"

**Cody** - *chuckling* "Well, everyone knows I'm straight, including a few rather splendid girls. And hey, if people think Noah's the uke, that's just fine." *He cackles.*

* * *

Heather rolled her eyes at Noah walking over to Izzy in the most sulking, pouty manner she'd seen (subconsciously, she knew she had done it many times, but she hadn't really _seen_ herself do it). "I pick Zachary next."

Joel raised an eyebrow at this, then shrugged. "I pick Beth."

Sakaki was still unconscious. "She picks Katie," Sebastian said for her.

"I pick, oh what the heck, Valerie," Xander said with a shrug. When Crystal looked at her curiously, he replied, "She has been acting really strange, I wanna see if I can get to the bottom of it."

"Lindsay," Courtney said, pointing at the blond. "_She may be dumb and careless, but she's practically walking fan service._"

Gwen looked at Bridgette, who had been looking at Geoff anxiously since her own pick. "I want you to promise me," the goth girl said to his friend, "that if I pick him, you two will not make out the entire time." Bridgette nodded, and Gwen shrugged. "Okay then, I pick Geoff."

"I pick my raven haired counterpart, Eva," Izzy said. Eva noticed Cody was on her team and grinned triumphantly. Anita gasped, but kept herself together, telling herself that she could wait until the next time around...

"I pick Anita," Heather said. She had been thinking about fan service, like Courtney, and hadn't been paying much attention to the love triangle. Anita gasped again, and tried to protest, but realized how hopeless it was; she kept a good loser attitude, and wordlessly headed over to Heather's team.

"Well then, I pick Justin to complete the couple," said Joel, patting the anxious Beth on the shoulder.

"And here comes the last cycle," Chris announced. "Be careful with your last choice, as the first and last team get the choice of the last two picks."

Sebastian scanned the remaining people, then decided on who Sakaki would want most: someone quiet and pleasant would be best. "I... well, Sakaki's team picks Belinda."

"Thank you," the clairvoyant said.

"I pick Carol," Xander said, getting a cheer from the enthusiast.

"DJ," Courtney said.

"Alfred, I guess," said Gwen with a shrug.

"Oh, I'll be wild and pick Arthur," Izzy said.

"I'll pick Clive," Heather said, rolling her eyes. "Might as well."

"I'm going to pick Harold, then," Joel said.

Chris nodded in acknowledgment at this. "Well then, we have two last choices. Sakaki's team, who do you want: Howard or Colin?"

"Howard," all the members of Sakaki's team (except their unconscious leader) exclaimed at the same time. Howard wasn't upset about being second-to-last at all, he was on Belinda's team.

"And that means team seven gets Colin," the host said happily.

Joel's knuckles cracked when his fists clenched, but he managed to calm himself down. "Oh well," he muttered. "Least we'll know who to vote off if we lose."

Colin snorted, but said nothing else.

"Now you all have one hour to get whatever you want for this boat ride, as it will be, at the slowest speed, ten hours long," Chris Maclean explained. "More details will be given at the harbor, so prepare your best."

* * *

**(The Salty Sea Locker - Teams are set, let 'er rip!)**

** Belinda** - "I know Howard is excited to be on my team again. Well, I think it's time to decide if I want to try dating him. That enough suspense for you, faithful viewers like you?" *She raises an eyebrow at the camera.*

**Crystal** - *She is humming the theme from "The Love Boat," as she draws something in a journal.* "Soon will be making another run... well, well! I think I got a little bit of effort in front of me. Maybe Carol and Xander will be a good couple, or I could find out more about Carol so her crush on Billy might work!" *She giggles and shows the doodle she's been doing: a heart with an arrow through it.*

**Lindsay** - "I don't like how Helga has my boyfriend on her team. But there's nothing I can do and for the cruise, I got a couple new bikinis I want to try out! They should look great on a ship's deck, huh?"

**Justin** - "I believe I can get my team to win. Want to know why?" *He holds up a pair of trunks.* "Look out ladies, I got me some short shorts! And... wait a minute, I don't think these are mine."

**Tyler** - *He is looking at a pair of "trunks" in his hands.* "Um, I don't think these are mine... but if fan service is what they want, maybe this would be best."

**Bridgette** - "I really want to talk to Geoff more about... things. I'm worried about him, he's been so shaky and nervous around me. Maybe he'll finally talk about what's bothering him."

**Geoff** - *nervously* "Maybe if I make out with Bridgette and such all the way, she won't get around to asking me what's bothering me. Because if she looks at me with those gorgeous, soft, green eyes..." *he whimpers* "... I won't be able to hold any secrets from her!"

* * *

**(Harbor Docks)**

Chris Maclean looked at the thirty-seven contestants in front of him, most of them holding duffle bags and backpacks. "Well, I see you all have some changes of clothes, as well as whatever weird things teenagers may have that I cannot mention in front of young people like you."

This caused a lot of peculiar exchanges of looks. It didn't matter, because Chef Hatchet, dressed as a sailor, walked up front. "Alright, sailors," he shouted. "Get with your teams in front of the boat that's numbered after your team!"

The thirty-six teenagers and one eight-year old hurried to stand in front of their ships. Chris paced back and forth.

"Now, the rules are simple: there are none! If you think about getting naked, there will be that weird, glitchy look over your body edited on before it is broadcasted on the world wide web!"

Zachary snapped his fingers as he glanced at Anita; she glared back at him. "_I really don't like this team_," she thought. "_This creep, deceptive Heather, Clive's so depressing, Eva's with Cody and I'm not... but at least Tyler's really cute._"

"The boats will be on an autopilot, but there will be a man on each boat, in the captain's room, in case of emergency. Please don't bother them, you are to rely on yourselves for fan service. As said before, it'll take ten hours normally for you to get from here and back again. So your fan service attitude is what it takes for you to get back sooner."

"That's right, maggots," Chef added, quite needlessly.

"The first team to get back wins a cruise on that lovely cruise company that was all the rage last season," Chris said. "Every member is allowed to pick any of the contestants, on their team or not, to join them on a sexy cruise ride! How's that for motivation, all you young lovers?"

Joel immediately perked up, but then looked a little bit distraught as he wondered if that was appropriate for his gentle girlfriend. Xander glanced at Crystal, Lindsay jumped up and down and clapped, Noah looked over at Katie and waved at her.

"Stop that, your love is Cody for this ride," Izzy scolded him.

Howard, Harold, and Geoff looked the most anxious. Courtney simply scoffed and waved her hand. "You used that twice last season. Can't you be original?"

"Well, then you won't like this," Chris said. "As per usual, the last two teams are going to have to vote someone off. And the leaders of the two teams do _not_ get immunity."

The seven leaders all gave little nods. Gwen shot a side-glare at Courtney, who returned it. Sakaki shivered, Heather contemplated her teammates, and Izzy simply giggled.

"You are allowed to do anything for fan service, but please, do not leave the boat. We don't have safety crews out there to pull your young butts out of the water."

"Why didn't you hire any?" Harold asked.

"You all can blame Mandy for that."

"Huh? Me?!" the cultist gasped. "WHY?"

"Because you bit me last trophy ceremony, on the hair, and the cost of my stylist and hair gel to make up for it, we couldn't afford an eighth boat. So, needless to say, it's all your fault, Mandy."

Needless to say, not one of the thirty-seven contestants blamed Mandy at all.

"So those are the rules! At ten o'clock, you all depart, and begin your FAN SERVI-IIIIICE! Hope you're all ready to be as shameless!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Tired of being called "Salty Sea Locker" already.)**

** Leshawna** - "Did I mention I get a little sea sick?"

**Sebastian** - "I really do get sea sick if on a boat for a long time."

**Ezekiel** - "I really do _not_ do well with boat rides. I knoo' I was on those floating cabins, but I had Bridgette and Izzy and Cody with me, the cabins were rather stable, and my fear of Cthulhu were dominating my sea sickness."

**Clive** - "I do about as well on a boat as I do on life: miserable and awful." *His pale face is starting to get a little green thinking about it.* "Why did I sign up for this show?"

**Groucho the Duck** - "Hmmm. Boats. Looks like it's time for me to get back to my duck roots and take to the Navy!" *He holds up a depth charge.* "FOR GLORY AND BREAD CRUMBS!"

**Chico the Raccoon** - "yeah, count mee owt on dis won, i iz not beeg-tyme wahter luvr"

**Chris Maclean** - "This challenge is just for you, our noble watchers! Heck, I'd be out there without a shirt for the sake of fan service, but I'm afraid the young ladies couldn't take it." *He chuckles, then shakes his head.* "So, as a way of saying sorry and a little fun to hold you during our short break, here's something I know you all wanted to see!"

**Chef Hatchet** - *He is dressed up as Sailor Moon, pigtailed wig and all, and doesn't look very happy.* "I really hate that man. And my life. And my job. And this skirt, it's riding up my-"

**Billy the Intern** - "I got a bad feeling about this job..."

* * *

--

--

--

**So which of these seven teams is going to appease the web audience the most? Which ones are going to let down their adoring fans?**

** Are these going to be Love Boats? Any going down like the Titanic? Who's most pleased to be on a boat, because they're on a boat?**

** And just how inappropriate are these fame-crazed teenagers going to get? How much sexy stuff, violent stuff, and cool stuff are we going to be seeing?**

**

* * *

**

**Team 1** - Sakaki (L), Sebastian, Sadie, Katie, Belinda, Howard.

**Team 2** - Xander (L), Crystal, Yoshi, Valerie, Carol.

**Team 3** - Courtney (L), Ezekiel, Rodney, Lindsay, DJ.

**Team 4** - Gwen (L), Leshawna, Bridgette, Geoff, Alfred.

**Team 5** - Izzy (L), Cody, Noah, Eva, Arthur.

**Team 6** - Heather (L), Tyler, Zachary, Anita, Clive.

**Team 7** - Joel (L), Mandy, Beth, Justin, Harold, Colin.

* * *

**[1]** - Courtney's patience lasted 0.0248 seconds. Two-four-eight are the buttons you have to press on a cell phone to write out CIT.

**[2]** - Gwen lost her patience in 4.684 seconds. Four-six-eight-four are the buttons you press to write out GOTH.

**[3]** - If you're wondering what the names of the boats in the first part of the challenge mean (as in, who they stand for), check out my Deviant Art profile. I'm known as ComedyMagmar there. And you might be able to guess, the names of the pirate ships have something to do with One Piece, because I. Like. One Piece. Hell, shouldn't Yoshi's new look be any indication? *wink wink*

**[4]** - The "uke" is the passive or submissive guy in a yaoi relationship. Noah would not want to called an uke for two very big, obvious reasons. Unless, of course, he's in a completely different fanfiction than this one.

--

**Next Up** - FAN SERVI-IIIIIIIICE!


	28. Ch 8, Pt 2: Anchors and Hormones Away!

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. And if you're wondering where the next joke was in the last challenge's chapters, vampires suck the blood from the joke and I couldn't make a new one in time.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - The results of the poll were quite clear. An overwhelming amount of you wanted to have a mix of canon and fanon. Some want all fanon, some want all canon couples coming back together. The smallest amount were people who told me not to dare to do it.

So the next part is to see which couples you people want to see permanently break up, and date other people. Just keep in mind that you might want to not vote for couples with people you don't like, because then you have to see me focus on them hooking up with people too.

_Which three couples of the six canon couples do you want to see break up, to date other people?_

--

**Warning** - The following challenge contains lots of hormones in usage here! We will be experiencing kissing, hugging, groping, snogging, and loving. We also expect wardrobe malfunctions, boy-on-boy kissing and girl-on-girl kissing, so if this is the kind of stuff that upsets you, we are sorry to say that that is the kind of fan service is what drives the boat today.

Be sure to try some of this in your lives.

* * *

**Chapter 28** - Fan Service and Man Service!

* * *

--

--

--

**(The Harbor)**

The race was on! The seven boats were starting on their cruise, and everyone seemed to be going at the same speed. Chris, Chef, and Billy were all waving them good-bye. Duncan was also there, standing on the harbor and calling out sly remarks to his girlfriend.

"Odd how they're all going the same speed," Chef noted. "That means there isn't some kind of super popular team already."

"Naw," Chris said with a wave of his hand, "we're gonna need to see some red stuff spilt, skin exposed, and dramatic encounters."

"Blood, sweat, and tears," Billy said, smiling.

Both the host and co-host stared at him. "What?" they asked, confused.

"Never mind," the intern said, shrugging his head.

"Why don't you jump in the water to make sure there's no sharks, dude?" Chris asked.

Billy chuckled, then it dawned on him. "Oh. You're serious, aren't you?"

"Do I look like the kind of guy who jokes around?"

The intern was wise enough to walk a few steps away from the two, in case they threw him in. As he watched the departing boats, he saw Carol waving at him, blowing kisses. Blushing slightly, he waved back at her.

"So, who did you put money on, dude?" Chris asked Chef Hatchet.

"Wait, you guys bet on these challenges?" Billy asked them. "Isn't it immoral for the creators of the show to make bets on the contestants?"

The host and co-host exchanged glances, then burst out laughing. Billy frowned and walked further away from them, as Chris slapped Chef on the back, then the cook slapped the host on the back and accidentally knocked him over.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Reporting LIVE!... after the race is over.)**

** Billy** - "Okay, just where do those two get off being so high and mighty? I don't mean to sound bitter and all, but I think they seriously need to be brought to reality before-"

**Chris Maclean** - "... he won't last a week. Luckily, we got the extra insurance, kind of like with rental cars. Interns are like rental cars, kids: they don't have feelings, they're expendable, and they're useful only for testing dangerous stunts. They aren't good for anything else."

**Billy** - *sniffs and wipes a tear from his eye* "After my last girlfriend, I didn't feel like I could love again. But, you know, I'm willing to give it a try. Like mom says, every human being is unique so there could be someone for me. And I feel I need a little motivation, because after this job, I'm going to college to get my degree in medicine."

**Chef Hatchet** - "And that Billy guy smells too."

**Billy** - *looking at an aerosol can of cologne* "I should stop using Mr. Maclean's cologne. Sure, it's expensive stuff, but I think some small birds drop from the trees near me yesterday."

* * *

**(Team 1 - Sakaki (L), Belinda, Howard, Katie, Sadie, Sebastian.)**

Sakaki watched the shore slowly move away, and waved back at Billy (not knowing the waves were for Carol). She turned to her teammates, who mostly were just enjoying the view. With a shy clearing of her throat, she tried to catch their attention; however, it was probably loud enough for herself to hear it, and only her.

"Um, guys?" she managed to speak up so they could hear her. "What... what shall we do first?"

"Guess it is time to start entertaining the masses, eh?" Howard said, looking at one of the cameras on the boat. "I think you were right, Belinda."

"About how you can't normally be interesting on demand?"

"Yep. So, who wants to try something first?"

The team was silent, then a small moan sounded off. They looked to see Sebastian sitting down and leaning against the cabin, rubbing his stomach. Groaning in agony, he looked the picture of ill health; even his dreadlocks looked sickly.

"Oh Sebby," Sadie exclaimed and hurried over him, as did everyone else. "What's wrong?"

"The sea and I do not get along well, my ladies and gentleman," he admitted. "I think my sea stomach has come back to me right away."

"I'm never heard of such an expression," Howard said as Sakaki massaged Sebastian's shoulder.

"Then I made it up. I can do that, it works all the time."

Belinda smiled and raised an eyebrow. "Really? Like what?"

"Woot, pwn, blogging, leet-"

"You win," she replied with a chuckle. "But seriously, are you going to be like this the whole way?"

"Possibly. I thought I could hold in my sea stomach longer."

"Oh dear," Sakaki said, massaging his shoulder. "Well, I could stay here and keep you company, if... if you don't mind?"

As the Japanese, moe girl blushed and managed to smile at Sebastian, who was smiling at her as well, Belinda faced the camera. "You heard it, folks. Sakaki is going to watch over Sebastian while he feels bad. Sweet, huh?"

The boat began to pick up speed slightly. The romantic appeal was obviously working. "There's so many people online right now," Howard said, "going, 'Awww, that's so sweet'."

"So," Katie said, looking around excited, "what's next?"

Belinda shrugged. "We got romance, next is sex appeal, I guess."

"Oh, how do we do that?"

The clairvoyant shrugged, then headed down into the cabin for reasons yet unknown. Katie and Sadie exchanged glances, and then turned to Sakaki. "Maybe we could do some kind of communication game?" Sadie asked.

"Or we could dance," Katie said enthusiastically. "Sadie and I do a really sexy dance!"

Howard didn't look too excited about this, but he did when Belinda emerged from inside the boat. She was wearing a yellow tank top, a visor, shades, and had exchanged her brown skirt for dark blue shorts. Looking up at the sky, she said, "Such a beautiful day for a cruise. I decided to go for a more casual look."

"Very sexy," Howard said, grinning as he looked at her.

"Well, it is nice," Sadie commented, looking Belinda over. "But why that look?"

"Easier to do this," Belinda said, then lifted her tank top up to expose her white bra to them and the camera. Howard's eyes bulged and he had to look away, blushing red.

"Wow," Katie whispered to her best friend. "She's, like, a really healthy girl."

"Very healthy," Sadie replied.

Howard, recovering from the shock of seeing his crush's bra, cleared his throat. "So, who's next?"

"Ewww," Katie squealed, frowning at Howard. "You don't expect Sadie and I to do that too, do you?"

The fluctuating speed of the boat was only encouraging Howard. "Yes! C'mon, Belinda's tough enough, you two do it!"

"No no no," Sadie said, waving her hands. "Belinda's much braver than I am."

Howard seethed, having hoped to see more bra shots. He shrugged, and said, "Okay, how about you two kiss?"

Both Katie and Sadie looked horrified by the suggestion, which surprised Howard. "What? You two seriously haven't shared a kiss?"

"On the cheek, yes," Katie balked, "but we don't _kiss_! Do you know how many rumors there are at school of us being... you know?"

"Quite a few, I imagine," Belinda mused, looking up into the air to catch a sea breeze. "Does that rule me out of kissing too?"

"Um, I think so."

"Yeah, sorry, but we really don't want to encourage people thinking we're... you know."

Belinda shrugged. "I figured as much. Don't be upset with Howard, girls, he just wants us to win this contest."

"Y-yeah," Howard stammered, looking at Belinda thankfully. "After all, Katie, you got together with Noah during a cruise."

"That's, like, so true!"

The ladies' man nodded, then looked at Sakaki. "Hey, Sakaki! You want to kiss Belinda for some more watchers?"

It took about three seconds of Sakaki thinking of all those people watching her do something like that, and she fainted dead away. Sebastian began fanning her, trying to bring her back.

Katie and Sadie glared at Howard, who stared down at his toes. "Dumb thing to say, huh?" he asked.

"Your heart was in the right place, but your mind was in outer space," Belinda said.

"Yeah," Sadie scoffed, "outer space's gutter!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Does outer space's gutter drain to outer space's ocean?)**

** Katie and Sadie** - **Sadie** - "I know Howard means well, and he likes girls, but I think he's... like, way too forward sometimes."

**Katie** - "True, he's like Cody. But... he's not really as charming. And he kind of went too far asking Sakaki to try kissing for the camera!"

**Belinda** - "Howard is rather clumsy at times, but he does mean well. Just gotta get that hormone gauge set."

**Howard** - "Girls are wonderful beings. Being raised with my sisters, still, doesn't give me all the experience I thought I had. Seems most girls don't like being teased like your sister could tolerate."

**Sebastian and Sakaki** - **Sebastian** - *He is fanning her again, she looks kind of pale.* "You okay, Sakaki?"

**Sakaki** - "My tummy feels ookie."

**Sebastian** - "Darn sea stomach acting up on you too?"

**Sakaki** - "And nerves. Nerves and sea stomach make an ookie combination."

**Sebastian** - "Thus we make up another word: ookie. Well done, Sakaki."

* * *

**(Team 4 - Gwen (L), Alfred, Bridgette, Geoff, Leshawna.)**

"Wait, you're telling me none of you girls brought bathing suits?"

Geoff stared at the three ladies, completely shocked. Gwen shrugged and said, "What can I say? I didn't want to be wearing one just to give guys cheap thrills."

"Sorry sugar, didn't think of that, just sun screen and such," Leshawna said, applying some to herself and Gwen.

Geoff looked at his girlfriend. "Even you, babe?"

"You know I normally wear a wet suit for such things, and I didn't think I'd need that," she replied. "I mean, I'm trying to stay out of the water."

Geoff sighed. "Man, this isn't going to be easy. We'd get much more attention if you babes were in bathing suits, bra!"

Alfred swiped Geoff's hat, and before the party animal could protest, the gonzo placed his own hat on the party animal's head. Putting the cowboy hat on his head, Alfred giggled and pointed at Geoff. "With that, you look like a real pool boy there, dude!"

Geoff tapped the lid of the hat, looked down at his own open vest, blue shorts, and sandals, and shrugged. "Yep, guess I do! But seriously, what do we do for ratings?"

" 'Old on a minute thar, pilgrim," Alfred said, putting on his best John Wayne imitation. "We got lots to do without a bathing suit or two!"

"Oh, you mean like, making out?" Geoff said, getting a large grin on his face. "Alrighty, cowboy! Bridgette, you and me got a date with hot intensity!"

"Um, Geoff," Bridgette looked nervously at Gwen. She wanted to say she promised their leader that she wouldn't make out nonstop with her boyfriend, but Geoff misinterpreted this.

"Oh, I get it, girl-girl kissing," Geoff said, grinning even more. Alfred's face also lit up and nodded a great many times. "Well, Bridgette, you and Gwen go at it."

Bridgette gaped at him, then blushed cherry red. "Um... on live TV?"

"We're always on live TV, babe! Now go for i-"

"No," Gwen said, grumbling and looking to the side. "I don't really feel up to that."

"What? But it's fan service, babe, fan service," Geoff exclaimed. "You have to do some things for the fans!"

"I only like kissing when I'm happy," she explained. "I like to kiss when I'm in a good mood and feeling romantic. I don't like doing that sloppy, wet, slurping kissing that I've seen y... seen some people do before."

Alfred was listening to every dirty word Gwen was saying, and nodding enthusiastically. "Yes, yes go on!"

Leshawna shook her head. "I'm not gonna do it if I can help it. I got little siblings at home, and I don't want to gross them out; no one likes seeing their siblings kissing someone."

Bridgette shrugged. "Well, I guess no kissing, Geoff."

Geoff looked rather disappointed, and the boat almost came to a halt after the news had set in. Noting the dismal speed, he muttered, "Well, what are we gonna do? Throw a party or something?"

The girls all looked around, trying to thinking of something but not coming up with anything. Alfred traced the rim of Geoff's hat on his head. The party animal had enormous patience, but this kind of slack planning was starting to irk him.

"_You cannot have a rocking party without some kind of planning,_" he thought to himself. "_I mean, there's food and music and location! Why couldn't they have-_"

Then his mind wandered back to him voting off Trent, and also Hannah. His eyes looked at Gwen, and he bit his lower lip in guilt. His girlfriend was right next to her, and this in turn made Geoff chewed on his upper lip in enormous guilt. Then he realized Leshawna standing near them, and he thought of all the ways she could perforate him.

"Um, okay ladies," he whimpered, holding up his hands. "Please don't feel guilty or bad, or... or suspicious or anything like that."

The girls looked confused by this speech, and Bridgette was wondering why Geoff seemed so... guilty all of a sudden; however, Alfred wasn't feeling the least bit guilty, and was ready to speak his mind.

"How about boy-boy kissing?" he asked.

The others all looked at him. "The only boys here," Leshawna said, "are you and Geoff."

"I'm okay with that."

"Yeah, why not?" Gwen said, grinning. "Boy-boy kissing, for all the girls out there!"

Bridgette giggled. "Yeah, why not? Geoff honey?"

Geoff had been feeling guilty, but not quite _that_ guilty. "Um, whoa, dudes, whoa, so, whoa!"

"C'mon, dude," Alfred said, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. "I dare ya!"

"You are way too eager," Geoff whimpered, backing up.

"It's just a kiss, I've done it before," Alfred said, pointing at the three gals on the boat. "It's for them, dude! The ladies love a little bit of boy-boy!"

"C'mon, c'mon," Gwen chanted, getting excited for the first time, grinning almost as much as Alfred. "Do it, do it!"

"Oh, it would be so cute, honey," Bridgette said, giggling. "C'mon, please try it!"

"Leshawna wants to see some loving," Leshawna said, clapping her hands. "Kiss him, Geoff, I wanna see this!"

The boat was starting to speed up, as was Geoff's retreat. "No, naw, nope, noooo," the party animal said, waving his hands and backing away from Alfred. "I don't wanna do this!"

"Why don't you wanna kiss me?" Alfred whimpered. "Please?" He extended his arms and approached him. "Kiss me! Just once!"

"No, I'm allergic to men's saliva!"

Geoff jumped back, which was really unwise, considering he was near the edge of the boat. Tripping over the side, he almost plunged into the water. Alfred managed to grab his leg in time, and Leshawna was over fastest (she had siblings, she was used to them almost killing themselves).

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Where's the love?)**

** Geoff** - "Okay, chyah, I'm not exactly into that kind of stuff. I should have, considering the serious hot water I'm boiling in." *He whimpers.* "I hate this! I never should have voted off Trent."

**Gwen** - "Geoff hasn't really been himself these days. I guess that's my fault, since I've been guilting him, and it's not likely he's done anything."

**Leshawna** - "Darn crazy kid. Kind of like when my brother tried jumping off our roof, using a blanket as a parachute! That wasn't a fun day for me, I was darn crazy in trying to catch him when I saw him doing that." *She winces.* "He was fine, I was rather bruised."

* * *

After the girls and Alfred pulled up Geoff, the party animal was gasping for air. "Oh dude," he said, then smiled. "That was a wonderful rush! Want to dangle me some more?"

"No," Bridgette cried out, hugging her boyfriend (and almost knocking them both over). "Please don't put yourself at risk like that."

Alfred was close to tears and trembling. "I'm sorry," he whimpered. "I'm so sorry!"

"Dude, it's okay," Geoff said, patting his friend on the back. "Just don't try to kiss me anymore."

The gonzo sniffed miserably, wiping his eyes and nodding. Leshawna pat him on the shoulder, trying to calm him down. "So, what will we be doing?" she asked them.

"Why not some drama?" Gwen suggested. "I mean, seriously, we can act interesting, can't we? Even if it's not real."

Bridgette cocked her head to the side. "What do you mean? Like, pretend something's wrong?"

"Chris does love the idea of us all breaking up, or fighting," Leshawna said. "We could... fake it, you know?"

Geoff grinned at this. "Yeah! We could, like," he lowered his voice in case the cameras heard him, "pretend that Bridgette and I are fighting or breaking up, and seeing how that works!"

Bridgette didn't look so pleased with this, but Gwen and Leshawna seemed to love it. "We could pretend Geoff is having a fling with one of the girls here," Gwen said. "And it's all fake, but the fans might love it."

The surfer girl still looked nervous, but then sighed and smiled. "You know, if it's all fake, I'm for it! Which girl is going to steal my boyfriend?"

Geoff looked nervous all over again, and his guilt was rising again. The party animal looked to the side and muttered, "Um, I don't want to really do that, now."

"How about me?"

Alfred stood there, grinning and bobbing on his feet. "I could be the one having an affair with Bridgette."

Gwen narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. "Uh-huh. You sure you don't want to be kissing Bridgette there, Alfred?"

The others frowned at Alfred suspiciously too, and the gonzo started to feel uncomfortable. After a few seconds of this, with him nervously tapping his fingers and trying to not notice three upset girls and one party boy, he then thought of something.

"Hey, what's up with this?" he asked. "Two minutes ago, you were all egging Geoff on to kiss me! How come this is so much more different?

Mouths opened, but no answers were given. Gwen was the first to react as she apologetically said, "Yeah, I think I overreacted there. I mean, I guess it's because I know you have a little thing for her, but I was asking for yaoi fan service just a couple minutes ago."

Bridgette giggled too, but was blushing red hot too.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - How about closet-closet kissing?**

** Bridgette** - "I still don't get why some boys really like me like that. I cannot be that interesting, can I? Well, at least it proves Chris wrong with what he said last challenge, that I am boring!" *She laughs, then looks to the side curiously.* "Still... I hope I'm not being mean to Geoff, he's being so sweet to me."

**Alfred** - "Yeah, I kissed a few guys back at school, back home in USA. No big deal, everyone knows I'm straight! My buddy Keith and I wanted to do something for the ladies, because my girlfriend of the time, she loved yaoi. Well, Keith, he wanted to prove he was a great kisser, but when he went for me, he kissed my nose! He totally flipped over that, weirdest experience I've never had." *He cackles, slapping his knee.*

* * *

**(Team 3 - Courtney (L), DJ, Ezekiel, Lindsay, Rodney)**

Rodney was rubbing Ezekiel's back, as the prairie boy was slumped on the side of the boat, moaning in agony. The prodigy was trying to comfort him, but it was doing little to help Ezekiel's queasiness.

"I don't understand how you're like this so quickly," Rodney commented. "You haven't seemed to have this kind of trouble before."

"Those boat rides weren't so bad, eh," Ezekiel muttered. "The trip to Total Dray'ma Island was on very placid water, and that cabin ride was rather... easy... erp!"

He learned over the side, dry heaving and gagging. Rodney continued to massage his back, as DJ and Courtney watched. The CIT shook her head and looked to the side. "This isn't going to bring up ratings," she muttered.

"Soo'ry," Ezekiel said as leaned against the side, groaning in pain and clutching his stomach.

Courtney was going to say something more, but then Lindsay came out from the inside of the boat. "How do I look?" she asked, posing. "I've never tried this bikini before, does it look good?"

To say it was small would be a rather large understatement. The tiny top was barely covering her large breasts, and the bottom was just about enough to cover a couple unmentionables. She swung her hips a couple times, and asked, "It doesn't make me look fat, does it?"

It made her look anything but fat. Ezekiel forgot his seasickness for a few seconds, and he had to look away from her in order for his mind to stay loyal to Heather. DJ was trying to keep it calm, but he was continuously looking at Lindsay when trying to look away.

Courtney was rather agitated. "Lindsay, is that necessary? Is that appropriate for Rodney?"

The bikini-clad blonde looked at Rodney, who was looking at her too. "You know, you're right, Havana," she admitted. "It would look really silly on him."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Would not look as good in a bikini.)**

** Courtney** - "Okay, I know I wanted Lindsay on my team for this reason, but she takes it to the extreme! Seriously, is she desperate or something? You'd never see in such a small article of clothing!"

**Lindsay** - "My dad sometimes tells me that I might as well flaunt it while I can, because my beauty is what will ensure me a good life. I don't really get it, but I like it when boys pay attention to me. I mean, seeing those friendly faces feels nice, you know?"

**DJ** - "If my momma could read my mind when I saw Lindsay in that small thing, I'd be dead." *He pauses and then chuckles.* "Then again, if moms could read minds, none of us would make it past 16."

* * *

"Okay, fine, if you want to flaunt yourself like that," Courtney started, then the boat started to shoot forward. All five members were almost sent sprawling off their feet, and had to grab something to keep from being knocked over.

Ezekiel gripped the side and spewed into the ocean. Gagging, he sobbed and said, "I hate the sea, eh."

Rodney went back to rubbing his shoulders and back. Courtney, impressed by the speed, forgot about her issue with Lindsay. The CIT approached her and said, "Well, good work! At this rate, we'll be home shortly."

"Why are we going home, we want to still be in the contest, right?" Lindsay asked, confused as usual.

Courtney rolled her eyes. "Oh never mind. Now keep standing like that, do some poses or something."

"But I don't want to just stand here. Can't I say something, talk to you guys?"

"It's best if you don't talk. At all."

Lindsay looked startled by this, then miffed. "That's not right! I'm not just pretty, I have a brain."

Courtney rolled her eyes and walked off. Lindsay grew even more insulted and frustrated, and started shouting at her. The two girls started shouting at each other, terrifying DJ and Rodney. Ezekiel just leaned over the side, heaving and moaning in pain.

Eventually, the two girls calmed down. "Fine then," Courtney muttered. "Do what you want, just keep on wearing that thing. What are we going to do next?"

"We need to do more?" DJ asked. "But, the boat's moving really fast."

"We need to keep doing more, or the viewers are going to leave us," she said. "So what are we going to do?"

DJ shrugged. "Well, I don't know. Fan service usually involves, what, kissing?"

"There's no one here for me to kiss," Courtney muttered. "And if you think I'm kissing her," she jerked her thumb at Lindsay, "you're out of your mind!"

"I wasn't going to suggest that-"

"Why don't you kiss her?"

"I can't do that, Tyler's a friend of mine."

Courtney rolled her eyes. "I swear, why won't you people do things to win? Fine then, kiss Ezekiel."

DJ grimaced. "Is that necessary?"

"Do it! For crying out loud, DJ, you brought up kissing, why not you do it?"

The gentle giant swallowed, looking nervously at the angry Courtney and the sulking Lindsay, and decided to be a hero. He turned to approach Ezekiel.

Ezekiel let out a sickly moan, spitting out vomit. Green in the face and with a slight coating of puke on his lips and chin made DJ almost retch. Then he saw Rodney rubbing Ezekiel's back, and the prodigy looked up at the gentle giant.

"Oh hi, DJ," he chirped. "Did you need to ask Ezekiel something? You look like you want to."

DJ swallowed, and then shook his head. "Um, no, not really."

"Wimp," Courtney spat out, crossing her arms.

"Why are you so mean?" Lindsay cried, frowning at the CIT. "Why Duncan likes you, I don't know!"

Before Courtney could reply, Lindsay tapped her lips and then added, "Oh yeah! He's mean too!"

Lindsay laughed as Courtney fumed, stomping her feet and snarling. DJ waved his hands and muttered, "Please girls, can't we all just get along?"

"Yeah, you gotta play nice," Rodney said. "Here, you all want something interesting, right? Here, I got a mystery."

He knocked on his helmet. "I got something under my helmet! What's in my helmet? C'mon, you'll never guess!"

Waiting for suspense, he giggled and lifted his helmet. "It's my head! Hee hee hee!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - What's in my closet? It's my contestants!)**

** Rodney** - "I know, that helmet and head joke was really corny, but my sister loves it. She loves those kinds of puns, though I don't think many other people do. Oh well, that one was for you, sis!"

** Ezekiel** - "I knoo' I was an awful mess during that challenge. Rodney was so nice, comforting me when I was sick as a dog. I wonder if I could adopt him, eh? I always wanted to be a big brother."

* * *

**(Team 6 - Heather (L), Anita, Clive, Tyler, Zachary.)**

Zachary and Tyler were in bathing trunks, enjoying the sun and the waves. Heather had donned her two-piece suit, one that had turned many eyes in the past; she always wore it for that, for attention, and that's what she wanted here. Though there was one boy she would wear it for personally, something she had done during the aftermath of Total Drama Comeback.

That was another time, as sexy and interesting as it may have been, and this was now. And now, the boat was picking up speed, but not as much as she wanted. One major reason why it wasn't speeding like a bullet was coming to her mind, and she wanted to do something about it.

"Anita," the queen bee exclaimed, heading towards her, "why aren't you in a bikini?"

The bombshell had not changed like the other three. She was busy comforting the other person not changed, and was also puking his stomach out. Anita, who knew how to treat this, had soda crackers and ginger ale nearby, and was rubbing his back tenderly. Clive hadn't had anything to treat it yet, he had been heaving ever since the boat sped up.

"Oh kill me," Clive moaned, practically dangling over the side as Anita held his shoulders to prevent him from trying himself to do that.

"No, the course I took," Anita said, "firmly told us not to become angels of mercy."

"I don't care if it's an angel, devil, or an alien with green feelers, I want to be put out of my agony."

"Would a salt cracker help?"

"Mrrrgh," Clive groaned, spitting vomit out. "Maybe in a minute."

"Okay, sweetheart, you let me know when. We have ginger ale too-"

"Anita!"

She looked back to see Heather standing there, imposing and arms crossed, in a bikini. "Could you let Clive writhe in his emo misery for a couple minutes so you could change into a bathing suit?"

"Didn't I tell you I wasn't going to do that?"

Heather scoffed. "Now c'mon, I did! Tyler and Zachary did too."

"And they look nice," Anita said, noting the two men posing for the cameras and smiling at the sight. "But I'd really rather not."

"Why not? It'll help the ratings!"

Anita sighed and looked away. "I really don't want to. When I found out I was going to be on this show, I vowed not to flaunt myself to win."

A scoffing laugh from Zachary surprised the two ladies, as was his smug grin towards Anita. "Oh, so you think you're too good for this show or something, white girl?" he asked. "What, you're so hot that you have to hide it?"

"No, that's not what I meant-"

"Aw, why don't you face it? You're just being vain, so typical. Why don't you liven up like Heather here?"

Anita sulked and looked away, crossing her arms and looking away. Zachary laughed cruelly and faced the camera. "Look at me, ladies, I know how to have fun!"

He began to dance lewdly in front of the camera, much to the others' disgust. Tyler was shaking his head, and grumbling, "Dude, she doesn't need to strip down if she doesn't want to!"

Zachary didn't answer, so the jock walked past him to talk to Anita. "Look, you really don't have to listen to him, he's just being crass-"

The conversation was interrupted when Zachary tripped on the deck. Arms flailing out, he grabbed onto something for some kind of support. That support was Tyler's trunks, and they didn't hold.

Tyler stood there naked, unaware of what happened for a few seconds before he screamed. Anita gasped, eyes going wide and blood trickling down her nose, trying to look away. Then the boat picked up, because though blurred to the online viewers, Tyler was naked. Zachary was struggling with the increased speed, keeping a firm grip on the trunks as he still hadn't grasped (har har) what had happened.

With another lurch of speed, Tyler lost his balance completely, and tipped over the side. Clive, who was alerted by the chaos, managed to grab his leg and hold onto him. Heather was knocked to the side accidentally by Zachary, consequently falling into Anita.

"Hang on, naked jock man," Clive called out, desperately holding Tyler's leg. His trunks were still around his ankles, and the sight was hilarious for the viewers; quite opposite for Tyler, really.

Anita struggled to get Heather off her, eventually managing to come help Tyler; however, Zachary had also recovered, and was finding this hilarious. Cackling, he shouted, "Aw man, he's naked and dangling over the side! What could be better? Ooo, I know! Anita, show us your boobs, c'mon!"

He grabbed the back of Anita's tube top, stretching it out. She screamed and twisted out his grasp, her top being loose around her top but her under wrap staying firm. "Let go of me," she shrieked, swatting at his hands.

"Jeez, I was just kidding," Zachary said, backing off.

Anita helped Clive lift Tyler back up onto the boat. The jock quickly got his shorts back on, then fell onto his hands and knees. "I feel so violated," he whimpered. "Oh kill me, I want to be put out of my agony."

"There there," Clive said, squatting down next to him Tyler and patting his shoulder. "Eventually, you'll get over it. You're lucky, you got high spirits, dude."

"Want a salt cracker?" Anita offered, rubbing his other shoulder. "Or some ginger ale?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Short trunks humiliation.)**

** Tyler** - *fuming and crossing his arms* "I joined this show to show off my awesome, sports skills! Not my..." *He stops, then starts to smirk, but quickly shakes this off.* "Aw man, I'm horrible. And I really hope my sisters weren't watching. Or my dad. Or Father Kuman at church back home." *He groans and shakes his head.*

**Heather** - *trying to look very neutral* "Well... that was an interesting start for the race, wasn't it?"

**Clive** - "I feel sorry for Tyler. He's usually such a high-spirited guy, pumped, and ready. He shouldn't feel the cold grips of reality like this, especially since he's dating someone who's equally positive." *He groans and shakes his head.* "It's depressing, thinking about depression like this."

**Zachary** - "Yeah, I see what Anita's game is." *He scoffs and imitates a girl's voice, waving his hands around.* "Oh, I'm so hot, I dress like this, but I don't want anyone seeing me like that!" *He rolls his eyes.* "Man, where's she come off? If she had any dignity, she'd humiliate herself like the rest of us!"

**Anita** - *crossing her arms and sulking* "I vowed when I got onto this show that I wouldn't be using sex appeal to win, ever. I was forced to wear these clothes, and though the fishnet leggings are cute, I hate it. So if I don't want to wear a tiny bikini, that's my choice!"

*She looks away, then glances back at the camera, looking guilty.* "That's not arrogant, right? I mean, I know it sounds arrogant, I'm not trying to sound vain, but I don't really mean that! I mean... I mean..." *She waves her hands, then looks sad and hangs her head in shame.* "I don't know what I mean."

* * *

**(Team 2 - Xander (L), Carol, Crystal, Valerie, Yoshi.)**

Xander looked over the side at the ocean. Taking a deep breath, he smiled and looked over at Crystal. "Man, I love the ocean."

"Really? You don't seem the kind of bloke, eh wot."

"Well, probably would use a water jet ski, like the water-riding motorcycle."

"Now there we go," she said with a chuckle. "You do like fast rides and high speeds. Have you thought of chatting up Carol?"

Xander looked at her strangely. "Why do you keep trying to hook me up with other girls?"

Before she could answer, Carol and Valerie walked by. "Oh, Xander," Valerie said, "we have something for you and Yoshi." Her grin was a very not like a politician's. "Wait here, we're so gonna boost the ratings!"

As the two girls headed into the boat, Xander looked at Crystal. "Should I be worried?" he asked her.

"I would," Yoshi answered for her, walking by them. "You've seen the way Valerie looks at us, and how much she admires 'hot' guys."

As Yoshi rolled his eyes, Crystal tapped her lips. "And she loves pink."

"You think she's gonna ask us to wear a pink tutu or something?" Xander asked.

"Possibly."

"Yeah, something like that."

"Oh God, hide me."

Carol and Valerie came back, holding things behind their back. "Hello boys," Carol said, giggling. "We've got surprises for you, and... why's Xander behind Crystal?"

"Who's behind me?" Crystal asked, trying to play innocent.

"Silly boy," Valerie said, chuckling. "Look what I got for you to wear."

She held up a pair of trunks that looked more like a pair of Speedos. "That looks like a pair of Speedos," Yoshi said.

"Yep, and you should wear nothing but this, Xander!"

"Cor blimey," Crystal squeaked.

"Bloody hell," Xander muttered.

"Do I have to wear one of those?" Yoshi asked, staring deadpan at the two girls. "I've heard sailors call those 'sea panties,' so I'm not very fond of it."

"Never heard of that," Carol admitted, "but you're getting these!"

She held up a pair of leather pants. Yoshi raised an eyebrow, pursing his lips. "And... I'm going to wear those."

"We'd like you to."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Leather pants chafe, don't they?)**

** Yoshi** - *deadpan stare* "You know, I've heard girls complain about what guys want them to wear. If it's anything like leather pants, then I have to say, I hate fan service as much as they do."

**Valerie** - "Oh man... I just loved seeing Yoshi and Xander like that! It makes me anxious for Zachary, and because of those two, I just might finally get it on with them." *She giggles, then licks her lips.* "And then them afterwards..." *She realizes what she's been saying, and then shakes her head.* "Um, it's the sea air from the trip, it's making me say abnormal things. Chris, cut that, please."

**Xander** - *glaring to the side* "I looked like an Olympic swimmer in those tiny trunks. Well, I don't know how many look like me, and have a bad leg, but I did feel ready to swim." *He pauses, then mimes a rim shot as he adds this.* "... Away from the cameras."

* * *

Carol squealed in delight when Yoshi and Xander came out. Xander took one look at the Japanese warrior in leather pants and a handkerchief scarf on his head, and Yoshi glanced at the biker in those tiny trunks and nothing else, and both burst out laughing at the other.

"You two are such good sports," Crystal said, politely covering her mouth as she giggled. "I couldn't see myself in either of those."

Valerie was openly staring and almost openly drooling, but managed to keep herself from losing total saliva control. As she shook her head and mentally noted she should be a little more gentle at any man who stared at a girl, she said aloud, "Right then! The boat's speeding up, if you cannot tell."

"Bloody well hope so," Xander said, waving at Crystal. "I feel really silly in these."

"I thought you would say you're handsome enough to pull them off," Carol joked.

Xander raised an eyebrow. "Not in front of mixed company, dear."

They all shared a good laugh. As Crystal and Xander tried to have a conversation without her glancing down, Yoshi went back down into the boat to prepare something he wouldn't talk about.

"Say, Xander," Carol asked from behind him, "how'd you get those scars on your back?"

"I've been wondering that too, I see that in the morning," Valerie asked.

Carol gasped and started bouncing around, while the politician seethed. "Not _with_ him," Valerie shouted.

"Aww, you lucky cow," the enthusiast continued, grinning like an imp. "You get to sleep with all three of them!"

"Carol..."

"All I got is an emo boy, a farm girl, and a surfer chick! Why couldn't I be shacked up with three hot men?"

Valerie was now growling in indignant rage as Crystal tried to look away from the spat waiting to happen. "Are you ever," she said quietly to Xander, "going to tell anyone about how you got that facial scar, and the back scrapes?"

"And the limp?" Xander added.

"Is it personal? I'm sorry if it is."

"No no, it's not, but I figured when I tell the story, I get voted off because there's no more surprise."

"Oh, I'm sure there's more to you than just that," Crystal said, giggling. "You see, every human being is a story, alive for years, personality and quirks and all sorts of stuff, eh wot. Every bloke and lady has a story, and that story will click with someone else's."

Xander chuckled. "You have such a cheerful philosophy on life. Say, does that apply for Noah?"

"What, you think he pines for Cody?" she asked, giggling. "I dunno, still haven't done yaoi."

"Oh," Valerie snapped out of her anger for the sake of lust. "Yaoi!"

"Not on your life," Yoshi shouted from inside the boat.

"C'mon, Yoshi-"

"I. HAVE. A. SWORD!"

Valerie sulked. "He uses that threat a lot."

"Might want to be careful," Crystal said with a sly grin, "he might get his point through."

Xander slapped her shoulder playfully, just as Yoshi came back out of the boat's inside again. He was carrying one of the resuscitation dummies, and a few bottles of ketchup.

"What are you doing?" Carol asked.

"I'm going to perform a wicked sword movement on this ketchup-filled dummy," Yoshi said as he opened one of the bottles, and began pouring it into the mouth of the dummy. "I just hope the viewers," he glanced at the camera, "will all want to watch our boat to see this wonderful display."

As Yoshi prepared the dummy, the boat was beginning to pick up speed. What was strange to him was how irked Valerie seemed to be. "Is this more crap from that comic you were mentioning before this trip started?" she asked him. "Is it really necessary to bring some pirate tomfoolery or ninja nonsense?"

Yoshi rolled his eyes. "It's from _One Piece_, and that's a Japanese manga."

"It's nerdy, and I don't want to get into that-"

"Are you leader?"

Valerie's mouth opened and shut like a fish until she looked over at Xander. The biker shrugged, and said, "Have fun, dude."

"Oh come on, Xander," Valerie scoffed. "Do you read that comic?"

"No."

"Carol, do you?"

"Nope."

"Crystal, you?"

"Yes."

"Exactly! So why are we doing something no one... wait, what?"

Crystal smiled and looked around as she fiddled with her cravat. "I have to say, ever since Nico Robin entered the picture, I found my girl-crush."

Valerie stared with a slack jaw and a twitching eye. Xander was rather interested, as were Carol and Yoshi. "You do fancy blokes, right?" the biker asked her.

"Oh you know it, my Olympic swimmer impersonator," she said, chuckling. "But I'm telling you now, if I ever met a bird like Nico Robin, I'd be on the other side in an instant."

She chuckled, and Valerie balked. "She's fictional!"

"Well, there's a couple actresses too," Crystal admitted, shrugging her shoulders. "I really fancy S-"

"This is ridiculous. You're talking about fictional characters and heavily made-up performers."

Xander gave Valerie a upset frown. "Yeah, says the girl who is quite obsessed with Twilight and Edward."

Valerie rolled her eyes and walked off. Carol walked into her place in the conversation and said, "I always had a girl crush on this one asian, substitute teacher we had, she was so cool."

She swooned, and looked over at Yoshi and Xander. "What, don't you boys get man-crushes?"

Xander grinned. "A few more than I care to admit, my good ladies."

"No comment, but I'll allow you all to tease," Yoshi said, giving them a small smile. "Because I know you want to."

"Naw, you have a sword, chap," Crystal admitted. "So do your sword technique now?"

Yoshi nodded, then held his sword, in its scabbard, behind his back. He stared down the resuscitation dummy for a few seconds before saying in a deep voice, "_Shishi_..."

A flash of movement, and before the others realized it, Yoshi was behind the dummy, scabbard at his side and sword ready to be sheathed. The warrior, squatting in a finishing pose, slid the sword back in...

"_Sonson_," he hissed, and the sword clicked fully into the scabbard. **[1]**

At the click, a deep wound opened on the dummy, and blood-like ketchup shot out everywhere. With dramatic effect, the dummy slumped down on the deck in a rather realistic way.

"Ooo, he's dead," Xander commented, applauding.

"Wow," Crystal awed.

"That was awesome, but I gotta say," Carol said, shaking her head, "it did look more comical to me than anything. See, at home, if there's ketchup, my pussy goes ballistic."

The others stared at her before the boat shot forward so fast that it almost pitched them off their feet. Carol clung to the railing and added, "Mind you, she goes for mustard too, she's not picky! She gets it all over herself too!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Blood, love, condiments, and swimsuits, what a ride!)**

******Crystal** - "I never knew Xander could be so much fun in a chin-wag! You'd think he'd be all about trying to get into a woman's trousers kind of rebel, but he's a gentleman too! I'm so impressed, and I have to say..." *She giggles and nibbles on her finger nervously.* "I... I'm thinking of a certain girl I'd like to pair him with... and that's me!"

**Carol** - "It seems like every time I talk about my pussy, people really pay close attention. I guess people love cats!" *She scratches her head underneath her head band.* "I really wonder if I should stop talking about her from now on. The stares are kind of weird."

* * *

**(Team 7 - Joel (L), Beth, Colin, Harold, Justin, Mandy)**

"Oh, Cthulhu! Please grant us safe passage on this trip across your domain!"

Harold and Justin exchanged glances. "I really thought she was going to the front to quote _Titanic_," Justin admitted.

"Gosh. She's even offering a sacrifice!"

"Please accept this humble offering, oh great Cthulhu!"

Beth walked around the deck, looking at the floor. "Guys, have you seen those cookies I brought around?"

"Sorry sweetheart," Justin said to his girlfriend, "they're going to Cthulhu to make sure we make this trip."

"Oh, well, so long as it's for a good cause. They were kind of stale anyway."

Mandy glared at them. "Shush, you fools, you don't want the Old God to hear I'm feeding him stale cookies."

Justin sighed, then looked over at Harold again. "Well buddy, shall we?"

"For the ladies," Harold said, wiggling his eyebrows.

The male model ripped off his shirt and pants, leaving him in swimming trunks; romantic music seemed to play from somewhere. Harold tried to rip his shirt off, but he failed; he fell to the ground, pulling and tugging at his shirt, but he wasn't getting anywhere. Finally just pulling it off as well as his pants to reveal his thong swim wear, he stood up and posed.

"Oh man," Colin gagged as he looked away from Harold. "You gotta be kidding me!"

"You're so handsome," Beth gushed at Justin, grinning at him before giving him a big hug. "You look like a star!"

"Harold, are you sure?" Joel asked, raising an eyebrow and trying not to stare at his thong swim wear.

"Wow," Mandy gushed, openly staring and salivating more than Valerie over Harold. "Now I see why Leshawna wants you, you scrawny string of man wonder you!"

Harold chuckled and flexed his muscles (well, the ones he had). "Thank you, m'lady cultist of Cthulhu."

"I'm sure he'll be pleased with your offering of 'man service'," she continued, clapping. "Now, are we getting yaoi man service?"

Justin and Harold exchanged glances, and grimaced. "Rather have my girlfriend, thank you," the male model said, hugging his girlfriend.

"Isn't the boat going fast enough?" Joel asked with a sigh.

Colin's response had to be censored.

Ignoring the bully's foul mouth, Harold turned to Mandy. "Well, sorry, but I don't think we have anyone willing enough. And it's getting cold, I think I'll put on shorts."

"Aw, Cthulhu's tentacles," Mandy cursed, watching Harold put on the article of clothing. "Well then, what are we going to do? Do I have to kiss another girl?"

Beth looked to the side, nervously tapping her fingers. "Um, oh boy," she whimpered. "I don't know..."

Colin let out a rather mean laugh. "Oh come on, that's something no one wants to see that," he said. "Besides, she's not even a girl, she's got a pig face. Kissing a pig would be like smooching a strip of bacon."

He laughed and hooted until he felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked up to see a beautiful fist plow into his face. The bully went sprawling on the deck, blood coming from his nose, as Justin nursed his now very sore hand.

"Oh honey," Beth hurried over to Justin, tenderly holding his wrist. "You must think of your hand model career!"

"Naw, it was worth it," Justin said through the winces. "But then again, I do regret it now. Are all my knuckles still round and fine?"

"They're fine, Justin. Please don't risk them again like that!"

As Justin and Beth comforted each other, the boat rocketed forward in approval of Colin nursing a bloody nose. Mandy was once again yelling at the bow of the ship. "Oh Blood God, blood has been donated! Blood for you, Blood God, grant us good luck!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - No blood for the Blood God in here.)**

** Colin** - *wearing a bandage on his nose* "You know what really sucks? Heather said stuff all the time like that, and no one ever decked her! Only shaved her stupid head. Don't get why they have to all get violent with me, I ain't hurting anyone."

**Mandy** - *She is cleaning her nails with her dagger.* "Colin isn't really fit to be a sacrifice to the Old Gods. You think someone who acts mean to girls then shrivels up when a _male model_ hits him is a deserving treat to them? HA! I feed stronger types of cheese to my rats."

**Joel** - "I admit, I was kind of depressed all throughout the morning, and the beginning of the boat ride. Sure, I could have done some crazy things to entertain, but the others were beating up Colin, that worked out well enough. Then something wonderful happened..."

* * *

Team seven's boat started to slow down after a short while of riding on Colin's last punch. Mandy was shouting a lot of threats to the cameras, but it wasn't helping.

"The boat does seem to go faster when someone's in pain," Joel commented as he looked at his iPhone, hoping that there was any chance he could get a signal; his super modifications could reach land, even from this far out at sea.

"Really?" Colin asked, rubbing his tender nose. "Okay then!"

He rushed over to Harold, grabbed his arm, and twisted it behind his back. Harold cried out in pain, thrashed feebly, then scowled in determination. "HI-YA," he shouted as he drove his elbow back, hitting Colin right in the side.

"Ow ow ow," the bully wailed, grabbing the place Harold had hit and walking away from him. "His bony elbow is like some kind of spear!"

"Yeah, my elbows are just as dangerous as my hands," the nerd threatened, striking a karate pose.

As Mandy called out to the Bruise God, but then turned it down as she thought that one Old God was kind of a jerk, Joel watched from the corner of his eye. He glanced around at the sulking, sore Colin (which he liked to see), Beth and Justin being lovey-dovey, and Harold striking more poses (which reminded him of some kind of opening, but couldn't keep his finger on it).

Then he was greatly started when his phone went off. "_In the not-too-distant future,_" it sang and rang, "_next Sunday A.D. ..._"

The caller was unknown, but he still answered it. "Hello, Joel of TDB on national television and on the interwebs right now, what can I do you for?"

"My, you sure do have a fancy hello, don't you honey?"

Joel gasped, standing upright. "Hannah?!"

"It's me, sweetheart! I heard you're on a boat?"

"Yeah, I'm on a boat!"

Her giggle was music to his ears. "Well guess what? I'll be at the harbor to meet you!"

"What? Really? How'd you do that?"

"Duncan's Bus!"

"He's taking you?"

"Naw, he let us joy ride, I think he's at the harbor already. All us ex-contestants will be coming by bus!"

"Who's driving?"

"I am, silly, I drove one during the car race," Hannah said. "I'm just using the radio on this thing, which has a phone feature. At least I think it does, I don't really get it."

Joel laughed, and then her heard voices in the background. "Will someone get this slobbering blob away from me?" Sandra was hollering.

"I just wanted to sit down over on this side," Owen muttered.

"Will you quit being such a," Daisy was hollering at Sandra, the rest cut off by a tiny bit of static. "I'm back from the hospital for one day, and all I've heard is you complaining!"

Joel chuckled. "I can hear some of the others in the back."

"Oh yeah, they're quite excited too! And I cannot wait to see you! You seemed to so sad."

"I'll be so much better if I get to see you again, Hannah."

"You're so sweet, my MacGuyver," she cooed. "Look, I'd better hang up so you can focus on the challenge. I'll be at the harbor waiting for you for sure!"

After saying good-byes (which always takes a long time for a couple to do), Joel pocketed his iPhone and pumped his fists into the air. "Incentive! I'm like the Warrior of the Lost World, I've got _motive_!"

"Really?" Mandy, who had only heard the last part, asked. "I did too, but they still said I was overreacting-"

"No no no, I want to get this boat back to the harbor ASAP PDQ," Joel said, punching his palm. "The former contestants are going to be there, including my girlfriend!"

"Hannah?" the cultist exclaimed, smiling too now. "Oh joy, I wanna see her again!"

"I respect your desire to see your lady," Harold said, patting Joel's shoulder, "and will do everything I can to get this boat moving! Magic Steve's Magic Camp's training, every trick will be unleashed!"

"We're with you too, Joel," Beth said, her and Justin smiling at him.

Colin growled. "Oh, that psychotic face kicker?"

Mandy actually giggled at this. "Wow, that's a good name for a punk rock band: The Psychotic Face Kickers."

"Give me one good reason," the bully continued with a snarl, "why I should try to help make this stupid boat move any faster."

Joel tapped the toe of his steel-toed boat on the deck; the clink was not missed by Colin. Neither was Harold cracking his knuckles, nor Mandy twirling her dagger in her hand.

"Yikes," Colin whimpered. "Um, okay!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Incentive and motivation!)**

** Justin** - "Ever since I started dating Beth, I've put my heavily insured body at more risk than ever before. Sure, I knew the perils when I signed up for this show, but your heart makes you do things that your mind doesn't quite follow with first off." *He taps his gorgeous chin and muses.* "Hmmm, they should make a song with those kinds of lyrics."

**Beth** - "People have always picked on me, but I don't let it bother me any more. I mean, I _know_ I'm a good competitor and people do like me! I made fifth place in TDC, and I have a feeling that I could possibly make it to the end of another season! Is it so hard to believe I could go all the way and have a handsome boyfriend by the end?" *She giggles and snorts a little.*

**Harold** - "Most people don't know how dangerous the elbow is as a weapon, and mine is very lethal as a result of practice! Here, let me show you..."

*He positions himself in the closet, clasping his hands for maximum power in a hard elbow ram. When he does so, he misjudges the distance he moves his elbow, and hammers his funny bone right against the wall. There is a moment of silence, a trembling look on his face, then an agonized yell cut short.*

**Leshawna** - *running in* "Harold! Were you practicing martial arts in here again?"

**Harold** - *hissing in air in pain and blubbering* "I know, I promised I wouldn't do that any more! Oh GOSH, that hurt!"

**Leshawna** - "Baby doll, ya gotta remember that this place is rather limited in space."

**Harold** - "I know... oh! Look, my Chocolate Goddess, I made a dent in the wall! All fear the mighty elbow blow!"

* * *

**(Team 5 - Izzy (L), Arthur, Cody, Eva, Noah.)**

"Izzy, I said no, and I meant no!"

"Just one little kiss on his lips, that's all I ask!"

"N. O. See that? Two little letters put together to form the ultimate, negative response, and that is what I give you!"

"What if I gave you a dollar?"

"No!"

"Two dollars?"

"Argh, no!"

"Okay okay okay. _Five_ dollars!"

Noah stomped away from her, crossing his arms and eyes narrowed in frustration. "Not only does she keep insisting I want to kiss Cody," he muttered to Arthur, "but she thinks I'm cheap."

"You'd think someone who won ten thousand dollars would make a better offer," Arthur said.

Izzy sulked as well, looking over at Cody and Eva. The techgeek had made it clear he didn't want to kiss Noah, and Eva was defending him. The wild redhead was feeling rather defeated over not getting the yaoi man service she wanted, but another idea came to her wild head.

"Oh oh oh," she shouted, hurrying over to Cody and Eva. "This is part of the love triangle, right?"

Both Eva and Cody gained a fair blush from that comment, but he managed to speak for the two. "Yeah, it's something like that," he admitted to her.

"So why don't you two kiss or something? Please oh please!"

Cody and Eva exchanged glances, which only increased Cody's blush and Eva's discomfort. The fitness buff crossed her arms and looked away, huffing at Izzy's forwardness. "Look, Izzy, we were just talking. Cody here was telling me he tried doing palates, but they didn't work for him."

Izzy's face just seemed to light up at the word "palates," and the two could see it in her eyes, lips, and fingers, as she was now wriggling over the idea of what that means.

"It's an exercise, Izzy."

That didn't help.

"And it's not sexual."

That did. "Aw crap," Izzy grumbled, "it sounded like fun. Oh well, can't you two make out?"

"Izzy," Cody said, looking around nervously and hoping Eva wasn't going to kill him when he said this, "I haven't chosen if I want to go out with Eva or Anita yet."

"Then what's stopping you from a smooch test?"

"Well, I'm sorry, but I think that wouldn't be right for either of them. You cannot just make out with someone to see if you wanna go out with them."

Izzy gave him a look that clearly said, "I disagree." She shook her head and said, "I disagree."

Eva groaned and said, "Look, can you please go do something else to entertain people? Go... bite someone."

"I haven't done that in a long time," Izzy replied, turning her nose up and heading down into the boat.

As she was gone, the other four just talked among themselves, until Arthur brought up something important. "Hey guys, aren't we supposed to do something interesting to get people to watch us?"

"Yeah, but I couldn't bring heavy weights for power lifting," Eva explained.

"Didn't have a robot or something interesting to bring," Cody admitted.

"I don't do fan service, because I know what some 'fans' want," Noah commented, making air quotes for "fans."

"Alright then, one problem," Arthur said. "If we're not doing anything interesting, what is Izzy going to do?"

There was terrified silence, and then said terror generator came out from inside the boat, holding a bunch of things in her arms.

"Look what I got," she cried out. "A crowbar, a fire ax, a frying pan, and a machete!"

"What the hell are you going to do with those?" Noah asked, backing away. "Swallow them?"

"No, even better! Juggle them!"

And thus, she threw the four items in the air, and began to juggle them. Cody hid behind Eva, Noah walked as far as he could get from her, while Arthur watched, bemused. Izzy also bounced the items back into the juggle with the back of her foot.

"Oh wait, I got something better," she exclaimed, then ran off with all the items in midair. The crowbar and machete impaled into the deck, the fire ax chopped into it, and the frying pan bounced and clanged.

"Should we be worried?" Cody asked Eva.

"No way. What could she have brought with her worse than that that we missed?"

Izzy came out with three chain saws in her arms. Noah screamed in terror as Izzy revved them up, and started juggling them.

"How did she get those on the ship without us noticing?" Eva shouted over the roar of the chain saws

"Who let her bring those on the ships?" Noah hollered.

"If she drops one," Arthur mused, "we're all shark bait, you know that, right?"

"Waaah, life flashing before my eyes here," Cody wailed.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Now with a large dent in the wall.)**

** Cody** - "Maybe I overreacted. I'm sixty-four point one percent sure that Izzy would not intentionally drop a chain saw she was juggling. Wouldn't let it damage her pride." *He chuckles, then swallows nervously.* "Still, seeing my life flash before my eyes has reminded me of how much I want a girlfriend, and I should think more considerably about Eva and Anita."

**Eva** - "As much as I'd like Cody to start going out with me, because well, actually none of your business. But I digress, I meant to say that I respect his decision not to make out with a girl and not ask her out." *She chuckles.* "I'd snap his wrist if he did."

**Izzy** - "The boat was really cruising when I started juggling stuff! Heck, if I knew juggling dangerous items was that exciting, I'd do it at weddings and graduations to entertain the lucky people going onto their new lives!"

* * *

"Yeah, I like being called the king, it's good to be the king," Arthur said in a gruff voice, holding one of the chain saws in one hand. With the other hand, he grabbed Izzy and pulled her close as he lifted the chain saw in the air and shouted, "Hail to the king, baby!"

Izzy cheered as she pumped her fists in the air for Arthur's Ash Williams impression. The others watched, and Noah hummed in amusement. "You know, the more I see of this new guy," he said to the others, "the more I think he's a closet nerd."

Eva let out a barking laugh. "Oh, I wouldn't be talking about closets with you, buddy."

She and Cody both chortled at Noah, who fumed. "Why didn't I bring a book?" he grumbled as he sulked off.

Izzy noticed this, and was after him in a heartbeat. "Now c'mon, Noah! We're trying to have fun! We have to get along, because if the boat crashes and we find ourselves cast always on an island! None of us brought a sports ball, so we'd have to talk to each other, wouldn't we?"

"Not if I could help it."

"Ooo, maybe I'll just talk to your skull if you died in the crash," she said, then mimed holding up a skull to look at. "Alas, poor 'Noahick', I knew him, the uke."

"I am not the uke! I am not," he started to rant, but caught himself. "I really resent all these implications on my sexuality, especially when you all know the truth."

"Oh really?" Izzy asked, dangling her head behind the rail and over the ocean. Then she leaned back, holding firm as she hung over the side, then pulled herself back up. "Well then, prove it."

Noah rolled his eyes. "I'm dating Katie. You know that, everyone knows that! You want a witness? Sadie's been around, she can tell you I kiss her and such-"

"No no no," Izzy interrupted. She grabbed Noah and pulled him up against her. Her breath in his face, she purred in a seductive voice, "Prove it."

The bookworm was stunned silent, not expecting this. Arthur nearby whistled and added, "Wow, first she almost kills us, then she almost kisses us."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Good, bad, she's the one having fun.)**

** Arthur** - "Man, I don't mind admitting that I could seriously get into Izzy. Crazy, hot, and loads of fun. Everyone always acts so weirded out by her, but I say, who cares about a few funny dialogues? She's got it."

*He chuckles, then something catches his eye.* "Whoa, dude, who bashed a dent in the wall? That's bad ass!"

**Noah** - "Izzy is like a wild tornado... no, more unpredictable than any twister. It's like someone created the most neurotic, wild mind possible, then set it on a Random Play for the list of things. There's no way anyone could possibly stand that, I know I don't."

**Izzy** - *She is twirling the crowbar in her hands.* "Did you know that a crowbar is the most perfect weapon against the living dead? It's a bludgeon, it's a stabber, it can help you lift and pry, and it can even amputate or decapitate. Wait, you don't believe me on the last one? Watch!"

*She swings the crowbar with a battle cry, and accidentally hits the camera. The last thing it picks up is Izzy's crowbar, hooked-side, plunging into the wall.*

* * *

**(The Harbor)**

Chris, Chef, Billy, and Duncan were all around the deck, making small talk about sports, girls, and TV shows; you know, the normal, boring, guy stuff.

One being was not just idly standing by. He paced back and forth, holding a combat shotgun over his shoulder. "Alright, maggots," Groucho the Duck growled, "we have a situation here! Seven boats are out there, completing a mission that is all about the morale of our troops!

"Failure is not an option, we don't want one of those boats going under, not one troop out there lost at sea! Therefore, we are going to complete a reconnaissance mission! Captain Chico Stripedrat will be our ground support.

Chico the Raccoon, sporting an army helmet with goggles and binoculars, saluted the new recruits. Groucho gave him a nod before continuing. "We are going to fly out there, make sure every troop is still on the boat, scout for enemy ships, and then report back here when complete. Any questions?"

The new recruits, who were the seagulls around the harbor, stared blankly forward. Some looked around with no clue, some groomed their feathers.

Groucho ground his beak in frustration. "Were you rats even listening?"

The seagulls continued to stare or look around blankly. One spoke out. "Mine?" it asked.

"Mine?" another asked.

"Mine," the seagull recruits squawked. "Mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine!"

Groucho the Duck snarled in outrage, and cocked his shotgun as Chico tried to calm him down. Back further on the dock, the host, co-host, intern, and former contestant were starting a rather interesting conversation.

"So, which team are you betting on again?" Chris asked Chef.

"Team 5, of course," the former cook said. "If anyone's gonna start fan service and wild appeal, it's Crazy Girl."

"You mean Izzy, not Eva, right?" Chris said with a laugh.

The others chuckled too, except Billy, who didn't look so amused by this. "I still cannot believe the host and co-host are betting on the show."

"Aw, liven up, intern," Chris said. "Anyway, I bet on Heather's team. I think just her and Anita there, and with an emo boy to make fun of, they're gonna win for sure!"

Duncan scoffed. "Sure, those two are hot, but my girl's team has her and Lindsay are so much hotter. Those two wearing bikinis, Princess will win in a couple hours, easy."

"It's been a couple hours already," Billy muttered.

"Alright then mister, who are you betting on?" Chris asked, quirking one of his masterfully crafted eyebrows (he is grooming-obsessed, you knows). "I know interns get paid, just do they have enough for a fifty buck ante?"

Billy scowled, reached into his wallet, and pulled out a fifty. "Carol's team."

The other three burst out laughing, and he rolled his eyes. Tossing the fifty in with the rest of the money, he shrugged and looked at the horizon. Squinting, he could very, very vaguely make out a blip way out there.

"Hey guys, is that one of the ships?" he asked.

"Naw, there's no way someone could get here that quickly," Chris said.

Chef, using binoculars, peered out at the blip. It still looked like a blip, but it was definitely a ship-shaped blip. "Well, it ain't no whale, fancy-pants boy."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Now with a crowbar imbedded hook-side in the wall.)**

** Chef Hatchet** - *noticing the crowbar stabbed into the wall* "Holy special sauce! Who did that? Must have been someone with muscles, maybe Muscle Girl. Or Spiky Bully, or Teddy Bear, or the Criminal."

**Seagulls** - "MINE! MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE!"

**Duncan** - *sniffs the air* Smells like bird in here. Anyway, I loved hanging out with the guys, making bets and talking about real guy stuff. Much more fun than being on that bus with whiny girls and sobbing Owen."

* * *

**(Duncan's Bus of Losers)**

"I'm gonna be sick," whined Sandra.

"I'm gonna puke all over," sobbed Owen.

Hannah let out a cheer as the bus got airtime from a bump on the road, pumping a fist in the air. "I love this ride," she cheered. "I never knew a bus could go this fast!"

"This is almost as good as a roller coaster," Jasmine exclaimed, holding her hands up for a more exhilarating feel. "You rock, church girl!"

Trent and Daisy let out whoops and cries of joy, the latter cackling with laughter. Hannah could not remove the grin from her face, and giggled to herself.

"I love this," she cooed. "Oh Joel, I cannot wait to see you again! This skull-emblem bus is better than that old school bus I had to drive! Woohoo!"

* * *

--

--

--

**So who is the ship approaching the dock? Is that ship going to win?**

** Who will win the bet: Chef, Chris, Billy, or Duncan?**

** And is Groucho the Duck going to get any support from his seagull troops? If not, is using a shotgun on those rats with wings okay?**

**

* * *

**

**(Teams and What They Have Going For Them)**

**Team 1** - Sakaki, Sebastian, Sadie, Katie, Belinda, Howard (_Conversations, possible smooching and decisions._)

**Team 2** - Xander, Crystal, Yoshi, Valerie, Carol (_Sword play, cat stories, hot guys._)

**Team 3** - Courtney, Ezekiel, Rodney, Lindsay, DJ (_Lindsay in a bikini, and stunts._)

**Team 4** - Gwen, Leshawna, Bridgette, Geoff, Alfred (_Funny conversations and possible accidents._)

**Team 5** - Izzy, Cody, Noah, Eva, Arthur (_Dangerous juggling, impressions, and Izzy._)

**Team 6** - Heather, Tyler, Zachary, Anita, Clive (_Wardrobe malfunctions, hot guys in trunks, dangerous situations._)

**Team 7** - Joel, Mandy, Beth, Justin, Harold, Colin (_Beating Colin, lovey-dovey couple, and INSPIRATION!_)

--

**Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date** - Mystery Science Theater 3000 Poster on the wall, Noah's Old Cot, Throw Pillows tossed about, mouthwash stains and crowbar imbedded in the left wall, elbow-shaped dent in right wall.

* * *

**[1]** - Shishi Sonson is the name of the attack in which you unsheathe your sword, single slice, then sheathe it back in. It's named after the sound the sword makes being sheathed and unsheathed. Roronoa Zoro used this to focus on being able to slice through steel.

--

**Next Up** - More dastardly planning at the next voting ceremony!


	29. Ch 8, Pt 3: Soon Making Another Pun

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. And if you're wondering where the next joke was in the last challenge's chapters, vampires suck the blood from the joke and I couldn't make a new one in time.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - After much heavy consideration, the choice has been made. I _won't_ be going fanon for Total Drama Battlegrounds; however, the love square (Owen/Izzy/Ezekiel/Heather) and love triangle (Anita/Cody/Eva) are still up to chance on which way they will go. The poll to finalize this questioning challenge is to ask how you all feel about the TDI couples formed, just for kicks.

Also, I, or more specifically, am on Television Tropes! I am been troped like famous (and infamous) fiction before me! It's incredible to me, and I like most of what they have to say; however, if I could just make one correction to their tropes, and I'll do more of that on my Deviant Art journal. Daisy and Jasmine are black, not ambiguously brown like Noah, Katie, and Colin.

**Warning** - The following challenge contains lots of hormones in usage here! We will be experiencing kissing, hugging, groping, snogging, and loving. We also expect wardrobe malfunctions, boy-on-boy kissing and girl-on-girl kissing, so if this is the kind of stuff that upsets you, we are sorry to say that that is the kind of fan service is what drives the boat today.

You all need a kiss at one point of your life.

...

...

...

* * *

**Chapter 29** - Moar Fan Service, KThnxBai.

* * *

**(The Harbor)**

Chris was dubious about a boat approaching the harbor this soon, but binoculars didn't lie. Chef Hatchet was watching it closely via said device, and Duncan was already gloating. "Is it Princess? I know it's Princess!"

"Can't see who's on it, criminal," Chef grumbled.

Billy watched the approaching boat, tapping his foot. "This should be interesting, we'll already know who won."

Groucho the Duck was losing his patience with the seagull recruits. "Damn it, focus! You all are staring at... nothing! There's not even anything generic enough for you to be staring at!"

"Mine," the seagulls cried. "Mine mine mine mine mine mine-"

"Oh shut up, you rats with wings," the duck hollered. "Our brave troops are coming in at breakneck speed, and you aren't doing anything about it!"

Captain Chico Stripedrat squinted at the approaching boat. "um, meestur duk? dat boat iz comin in reelee fast"

Groucho looked too, then his eyes widened. "Holy quack, you're right!" He turned to the seagulls. "Men, I leave you to brave handling this situation as Chico and I retreat to the shore! And while we're up there monitoring the situation, we'll be thinking of what a bunch of suckers you are!"

The duck and raccoon ran off, quacking and chattering in panic. The seagulls stared blankly, and one asked, "Mine?"

The humans had also observed the incredible speed the boat was coming at the harbor. "Um, Chris," Chef Hatchet muttered, "you did take into consideration that the boats would have to slow down when they approached the harbor, didn't you?"

"No, why?" Chris said with a shrug. "The boats are insured."

"What about the people on the boat, you jerk?" Duncan exclaimed.

"Oh, they're insured too, they get medical coverage on this show."

"Crap," Billy whimpered, gripping his head. "They're gonna crash."

"As I said, we're covered over this all over! Why are you people so worried-"

The boat rammed into the harbor, taking out some dumb seagulls in the process ("Minnnaaaawk!" Splat!). The heavy impact through all of the contestants into the air, arms flaying and screams aplenty.

Someone covered in pink clothing slammed into Chef, knocking him off his feet and sending him sprawling. Chris cackled it was until someone wearing leather slammed into him, pummeling him into the ground.

Duncan was also hit by a flying contestant, but it wasn't as harsh when he fell down. A fourth contestant hit the ground, leather pants absorbing the impact of the fall and possible scratches. The last contestant flew towards Billy, but the intern had better reaction skills than Chef, Chris, Duncan, or the ground.

Catching the flying person and stumbling back but not falling over, Billy groaned and shook off the shock of the impact. Then shock of the person he caught came to him as the person grinned at him.

"My hero," gushed Carol, throwing her arms around his neck and nuzzling against him. "I loves you!"

Xander looked down at Chris, who was lying on the ground with the rebel sitting on him as a result of the impact. "My hero," he echoed Carol, and pat Chris on the head. "I loves you too."

Chris only moaned in pain, so Xander shrugged and got off him. He went over to help Valerie off of Chef, as the cook was dazed and mumbling, "But mommy, all the other kids have ponies."

Crystal was apologizing to Duncan, as Yoshi picked himself up. "So, who won?" Yoshi grumbled, rubbing his head.

"I think you guys did," Duncan said as Crystal helped him up. "You guys are the first boat here."

"Hot damn," Carol exclaimed, then hugged Billy again. "We won, we won, first place! We can ask anyone out on that cruise!"

She grinned at Billy, who blushed and smiled right back. Chris managed to recover and muttered, "So what did you people do, anyway?

Crystal shrugged. "I don't know really, it's a mystery to me. We were getting all totty, a chin-wag if you will. I was talking about my crushes on Nico Robin, and the more real but just as hot Sophia Bush. Then Xander let us know about some of his man-crushes."

"Karl Urban and Seth Green," the rebel said with a shrug. "Meh, I'm sure most guys do."

"I don't, but it's all good," Yoshi said, brushing himself off. "Can I take off these stupid, leather pants now?"

"C'mon, that couldn't have been all," Chris exclaimed, throwing his hands up in frustration. "You girls aren't even in bathing suits!"

"The boat was going pretty darn fast the entire time as we talked about this kind of stuff," Valerie said, blushing and looking away. "I'd rather not talk about what I was talking about."

"What makes you think I won't go back and watch it?"

Chef, who had also recovered, let out a barking laugh. "You? You're going to watch the show that you're not on? Yeah, right."

"You're probably right, not worth watching," Chris said, shrugging. "But c'mon, what else?"

"Well, Yoshi did some more wicked sword skills, and then Xander was going to tell us about how he got those scars and injuries," Carol said as she finally got out of Billy's arms but not away from him. "You see, he started telling us, and then we started rocketing so fast that we couldn't even hear him."

"But wouldn't the fact that he wasn't speaking kill the ratings? What kept the ratings going?"

"I said I didn't want to talk about it," Valerie shrieked.

"But I wasn't asking you," Chris started to say, then realized Valerie was subconsciously pulling her shirt and skirt down, as if trying to keep her modesty. The host looked at Carol, who grinned and nodded. "Nice," he added.

"I also talked more about my cat," Carol added. "People really seem to like that."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Now with a few, dried seagull droppings.)**

** Seagulls** - "Mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine-"

**Carol** - *bursting in and flapping her arms, shouting* "Roar! Roar roar roar, rawr! Meow meow, get out! ROAR!"

*The seagulls panic and fly out at Carol's attack, and she stands triumphantly.*

**Carol** - "Well, that was fun! But about winning first place in the race, I am so happy! I can ask Billy out, I can go on a wild cruise, and I'm on one of the first place winning teams! Hot damn, this is awesome! And it's all thanks to Valerie's skirt coming up, Xander staying mysterious, and my pussy! WOOHOO!"

**Valerie** - *straightening her clothing, sighing, then grinning* "Well, I think a brief glimpse of my panties completely on accident is fine for a victory. Now I know I can ask Zachary out and finally get something going with him, and I can also feel at ease with this challenge. I am so dominating this show!"

* * *

**(Team 3 - Courtney (L), Rodney, Lindsay, Ezekiel, DJ.)**

The CIT approached the very sea sick Ezekiel, who was still leaning against the side of the boat, moaning in agony. Courtney took a deep breath, then squat down next to him.

"Ezekiel, what is Heather planning?" she asked him, deciding to throw pleasantries and subtleties.

"Urgh," was his answer.

"C'mon, Ezekiel, I have to know," she exclaimed, shaking his shoulder. "I know she's doing something! Was she responsible for voting off Trent?"

"N-no."

Courtney shook his shoulders more. "I need to know! Be honest, Ezekiel, I know she's your girlfriend, but don't you know how she's ruining my chances? And yours?"

He looked at her, face green with sea sickness and eyes glazed over. "What you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean? Sure, I worked with her last season, but now people will think any time something bad happens, I'm responsible too! I haven't done a thing like that the entire contest!"

"Then what are you woo'ried a'boot, eh?" he asked.

"You don't understand the power of 'guilt by association'? Duncan's been voted off because of this."

Ezekiel would have pointed out something he had on mind, but he was so sick and woozy that he couldn't concentrate. He simply groaned and said, "Heather's not doing anything."

"Seriously? She had _nothing_ to do with Trent being voted off? She didn't even vote for him?"

"She didn't tell me anything, I didn't ask her, eh."

Courtney scowled, then stood up. "Fine, don't tell me. Just why you give her such a pass, and why you're even dating her, I don't get."

"Everyone deserves a second chance," he said, giving her a small, sickly smile. "Heck... you got one too, eh."

The CIT looked away, she hated to be reminded of the wrongs she committed last season. It also reminded her that Ezekiel was the one who saved her from ruining everything, and she had a sudden desire to do something to say "thanks."

She grabbed the passing Lindsay in her skimpy bikini and almost threw her on him. "Here, we need drama and ratings," she said as Lindsay fell on him. "Do something!"

Courtney walked off as Lindsay struggled on top of Ezekiel. "Hey," the blond, almost naked, beauty cried out in protest. "I'm dating someone, he's dating someone..."

She turned to him. "You are dating someone, right?"

"Y-yes."

"Hey, are you okay, you're looking green. Oh! Are you an alien? Is that funny thing on your head your antenna?"

As Ezekiel gulped and leaned over the side again, while Lindsay came to her senses and rubbed his back for comfort, DJ and Rodney were busy keeping themselves busy.

"It's very easy, my little friend," DJ said, holding a hackeysack up. "Just watch."

The football star juggled the hackeysack with one foot, then performed a few tricks for the fascinated prodigy. He managed to juggle it over his shoulder, juggled it on the tip of his foot and the back, and rolled it around his foot as well.

Rodney clapped as he watched, and cheered when DJ posed for the end. "Yay, you're awesome! Can I try?"

"Sure!"

DJ helped steady the boy, telling him the tips of hackeysack. "Not too hard, just like your hand, little friend."

Rodney nodded, then dropped the hackeysack. One attempted juggle, and the ball hit the prodigy in the nose. As he brought his hands up to his bumped nose, he accidentally swatted the hackeysack and knocked it over the side of the boat.

A few seconds passed by, both Rodney and DJ staring in shock. The young boy sniffed, and started to cry. "I'm sorry," he wailed.

"It's okay, little buddy, it's okay! I got more! Some fish are just going to have a new toy, that's all!"

* * *

**(Team 1 - Sakaki (L), Sebastian, Sadie, Katie, Howard, Belinda.)**

"This is a really slow moment," Sebastian said, staring at his knees and holding his stomach. "My ol' sea legs are telling me we're not going fast, but my sea stomach is lurching like the ocean. How fast are we going, Sakaki?"

"Pretty fast, actually. I know we're doing really well," she said, rubbing his shoulder. "I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if we were close to the harbor soon."

"Whoa, what have I been missing?"

"Katie and Sadie dancing a lot, Belinda's been," she blushed and stammered, "she's... she's been flashing her bra a lot, but she got tired of that. Howard's also been dancing and he's really been talking with Belinda."

Sebastian chuckled. "Viewers must be anxious to see if they hook up."

"You... you think they will?"

"It all depends. All I know is that I'm not exactly MVP on this team."

"Aw, don't be so hard on yourself," Sakaki said, rubbing his shoulder and back more. "I'm sure you got people watching for you because of some reason."

Howard and Belinda, watching Sakaki comforting Sebastian, overheard this remark. "Oh, I think there are," Howard said, chuckling.

Belinda giggled, then looked out at the ocean. "I wonder if we'll be at the harbor soon," she mused, tipping her visor.

"We just might, but I so am going to miss seeing you dress like that."

She chuckled, then leaned against the side. "Well, it's just for today, and I feel silly, trying to use sex appeal. Never done that before, don't really like to do."

"But you do it so well!"

Belinda chuckled, stretching her back and continuing to stare at sea. Howard decided now, since everyone else was busy, would be the best bet to get some time with her. He walked up next to her, and hummed as he tried to think of a subject. Something came to his mind, and he went with that, "I saw you were really upset last voting ceremony. Did you know Hannah was going to be voted off?"

"I saw it coming, sadly. I should have known someone would exploit her actions, and I was too concerned with her relationship with Joel," she said, shaking her head. "I can be so foolish at times, I never do well when giving bad news."

He nodded. "It sure does seem hard, Foresight, when you have to break bad news to people, when they probably won't believe you."

Belinda looked at him, then stared down at the water. "Um, speaking of which, I have bad news for you."

Howard blinked. "What, is something going to happen? Or... oh no," he whimpered, gripping his shirt. "You don't mean..."

She nodded, and he grimaced. "W-Wait," he stammered, "are we really talking about the same thing, or is my foresight bad compared to yours, Foresight?"

"You've been asking me if I wanted to go out with you," she said, looking at him in the eye now. "I'm sorry, I've been thinking about it, but I really don't think we'd be a good couple."

"Why not? Am I too forward?"

"No, it's me, I'm not your type. I'm political and narrow-minded, I can really start arguments," she explained. "I know you probably don't believe me, but the way I've been behaving is subdued."

Howard looked at her, a pitiful expression on his face. "But c'mon, I don't mind a girl who's kind of fussy. Surely we could get past that?"

She smiled sympathetically at him. "Hon, trust me, you don't want a girl like me. You want someone who's more wild, someone playful and not as sly, and not someone who's judgmental like I am."

The young ladies' man sighed and looked down at the water. "If you're sure, fine. But we're still friends, right Foresight?"

"Of course we are," she said, smiling at him. "And trust me, I'll help you get a girlfriend on this contest. Maybe that other girl you like?"

Howard looked confused, and was about to ask when Katie and Sadie started squealing in joy. Sadie had been looking through binoculars, and was shrieking in joy, "Land, land!"

Katie clapped excitedly. "We're getting close!"

Belinda smiled and tipped her visor. "Excellent. What shall we do to speed us up a little more? I'm tired of flashing my bra."

"Yeah, you've really done your part. Why not the other girls flash their bra?" Howard asked.

Katie and Sadie balked, then glared at him. Sakaki almost fainted, but Sebastian managed to keep from passing out. Belinda shook her head, then smirked at Howard. "You gotta know when to hold them, and know when to fold them, my friend."

"I wouldn't know, I don't have breasts," he grumbled, looking away. Belinda giggled at her friend.

* * *

**(Team 5 - Izzy (L), Noah, Eva, Cody, Eva.)**

"Okay okay okay, I have an offer you cannot refuse, my Noah... I'll give you _ten_ dollars to kiss Cody!"

Noah glared at her. "You really think I'm that cheap?"

"I could ask Katie, but that would be in bad taste," Izzy admitted. "C'mon, I'm sure he tastes good."

"You're not helping your case, you psycho!"

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Fine, don't be cooperative. Let's just get someone else to kiss."

"I'm not kissing any boy, and that's final."

"And Eva won't let any boy kiss Cody, or me," Izzy said with a sad sigh. "Will you kiss me, Noah?"

"No, your seduction methods don't work on me, Miss Prove-It."

Izzy huffed and crossed her arms. "It would have been so easy to prove it, and it wouldn't have been unfaithful to Katie just to prove your sexuality."

"Yeah, I'm sure it would be easy to explain to my girlfriend why there is footage of me going at it with you in tonsil-hockey afterwards."

"You make it sound so much worse than it is! So you won't kiss anyone, Cody can't, Eva forbids it... that's just Arthur and me!"

Arthur raised one of his pointy eyebrows, then smiled. "Well, of course I have no problem with that, but we have to take into consideration how much fan service that'll generate."

"True, true! Well then," Izzy turned to the camera, "hey peeps! In five minutes, I'll make out with Arthur! Come tune in if you want to see it!"

Five minutes past, and the boat barely picked up speed. Eva and Cody, when asked, swore that they didn't feel any pick up in speed. Izzy sighed, shrugged, then looked at Arthur. "Sorry, my spiky-haired friend, but I think it isn't going to help."

"Hey, no problem," he said, smiling at her. "Maybe another time, Red."

"Sure thing, Spiky."

Izzy walked off to go ask Eva and Cody something, and while she wasn't looking, Arthur glared at the camera and flipped it off.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Sorry, all you Howard x Belinda fans.)**

** Arthur** - "Thanks for NOT helping me get to make out with a hot, wild redhead! Assholes!"

** Howard** - *sighs miserably, then shrugs and manages a smile* "Okay, I'm really bummed Belinda doesn't want to go out with me, but she's more than willing to help me find a girl. She's so sweet... I wonder what kind of boy she does like! Whoever he is, I think he'll be the luckiest guy on the planet."

*He ponders something, then his eyes widen.* "Or maybe the luckiest _girl_ on the planet?" *He grins, then shakes it off.* "Naw, I'm letting my imagination get to me. Stupid fan service challenge makes me more excited than normal, and I'm normally excited."

* * *

Izzy was about to ask the question to Eva and Cody before the boat suddenly rocked both ways. Two boats had passed them, on both sides, and made their both shake left and right.

"Haha, take that, suckers," Zachary shouted in the middle of his naughty dancing. "Team 6 rules, you all blow!"

"Sorry, fellows," Joel, leader of Team 7, called out to the members of Team 5, "but my girlfriend will be at that harbor, and I want to see her as soon as possible."

"How romantic," Izzy gushed. "But how are you two passing us?"

Joel chuckled as he pointed to Justin, who was posing his sexiest and blowing kisses, winking at the camera. Beth was cooing and swooning like crazy, while Colin was instructing him on some more poses.

"Show your butt some more," the bully instructed. "Girls like a man's butt! Good work, you're doing fine!"

"Holy shit," Izzy grabbed her head as she panicked, "you have Colin working with you? Mandy, did you mind control him? I always thought you were capable of that!"

"No. Sadly, I have not achieved that level of cultism," Mandy replied. "It's almost depressing how it wasn't me."

Heather, on her boat, looked rather impressed. "Wow, I never thought that was possible," she mused, then looked at Zachary and muttered, "If only I could tame the dickweed on my team, eh."

Zachary was rocking in his trunks, hitting on Anita, and teasing Clive and Tyler. The jock was getting irritated of it, so he stood near Clive and asked him some questions he thought would be interesting.

"If Lindsay and I weren't dating, would you ask her out?" he asked with a friendly smile.

"No, she could do better."

"But what if she wanted you to go out with her?"

"That'd confuse me."

Izzy watched as both the two boats went by her. "Look, I don't know why these boats are so close to us when they snuck up on us, especially since we haven't seen a boat since we left the harbor, but I refuse to lose a couple hot guys, gossip, and posing! I came too far with all my improper and immoral actions to come in second or third place! We aim for first!"

She turned to the others, and shouted, "Be interesting."

Nothing happened from her four teammates, and Izzy snarled in frustration. "Fine! I'll do it myself then!" Izzy grabbed her top and skirt, and pulled them off, leaving her in just her forest green underwear. "Hey world! Izzy's in her underwear, and look what she's doing now!"

A blur of her tan, green, and red zipped over behind Eva. Most people didn't see what she was doing at first, but Eva sure could feel it.

"Izzy, let go of my breasts," she snarled, but the redhead wasn't letting up.

"Woohoo, girl-girl fan service people," Izzy cheered. "C'mon, don't let Izzy's efforts go in vain!"

Cody turned bright red as he watched, as did Arthur but not Noah, who looked away. Thus he was the only one who truly noticed when their boat went off like a rocket, racing past the other two boats.

"Hey, what on This Island Earth?" Joel exclaimed. "They're getting ahead!"

"I'm posing as fast as I can," Justin cried out. Beth went out and started posing with him, and the couple began to pose like if they were in some kind of romantic ad.

Mandy stomped her foot. "No no no! I wanna see Hannah too! And I wanna be first!"

"Quick, do something interesting, Mandy," Joel cried out.

"I am _not_ flashing my bra!"

"Why not?" Colin snapped.

"It's...," she muttered, blushing and looking to the side. "It's pink. And got kitties on it."

"What?" the bully replied, then began to cackle.

"I had to borrow one from Lindsay, okay?"

"Please just try to do something," Joel pleaded.

The cultist girl tapped her chin, looked at the laughing Colin, then kicked him right in the crotch. The bully cried out in pain and fell down, gripping his tender parts.

"What was that for?" he squeaked as he fell on the deck. "I said I'd help you out!"

Their boat sped up, much to Joel's delight. "You are," the inventor called out to the pained bully.

Justin and Beth cheered, then began making out; this made the viewers even more happy, and they caught up with Team 5. Now Team 6 was now behind, and a couple of them weren't happy.

"What is up with that?" Zachary shouted.

"That's bull," Heather agreed, stomping her foot. "We were leading! Now we need to do more to speed up!"

"Alright, white girl," Zachary walked over to Anita, who looked startled by this. "Show us your boobs!"

He grabbed her tube top and started pulling. She cried out and pushed him away, but he came back. Then Tyler tackled him, but he more so bounced off Zachary.

"Leave her alone, you jerk," he shouted at him, pointing at him from the deck. "How dare you!"

"Hey, you did it, and the people loved it," Zachary pointed out. "Why not show off your man bits again?"

"Yeah, Tyler," Heather said, staring fiercely at the jock. "We shot forward when you lost your trunks."

"Oh, now you're on his side?" Tyler asked. He looked at the other two: Anita shook her head and Clive shrugged.

"Don't do it if you don't want to," Anita suggested.

"Makes no difference in the long run," Clive muttered.

"C'mon, man, unless you think it's not good enough?" Zachary taunted, crossing his arms. "Guess you're not proud enough of what you got."

"Why you," Tyler growled. Something in his mind reasoned with his burning desire to prove him wrong: they weren't going to stop asking him until he dropped him, or they'd blame him for not winning first place.

"Alright fine," he shouted, grabbing his trunks and throwing them down at his ankles. "There, you happy?"

He stood there, naked with shorts at his feet, and with both the girls staring. Tyler put his hands on his hips and was able to ask them to stop staring when he heard what sounded like a very happy whimper nearby.

Team 6 looked around to see Izzy on her boat, looking over the side directly at Tyler. She had the most aroused look on her face, and blood leaked from her nose. "Wow," she gushed.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Man service!)**

** Izzy** - *sighing happily as she looks up at the ceiling, dreamy* "Now there's a good memory for those lonely nights."

* * *

Team 1 never knew what hit them when three boats shot past them, almost tilting the boat. Sakaki screamed and clung to Sebastian, Katie and Sadie to each other, and Belinda had to catch Howard when he almost fell over.

"Hey Noah, check it out," Arthur cried out. "Look at what they're doing on Team 6's boat!"

Noah glanced over, and saw naked Tyler. He groaned and looked away. "Oh I hate you," he spat at Arthur. "I curse you, and I wish something unpleasant upon you!"

The three boats were all gaining and losing speed, so much that it was hard to keep steady. Cody lost his footing and would have fallen over if Eva hadn't caught him.

"Thank you," he said to her, and she simply smiled back at him. After a few seconds, he said, "Don't worry, I can stand now, Eva, you can let go."

"Aw, but I don't want to."

Anita saw this, and her jaw dropped in horror. "Hey... hey," she shouted, grabbing the railing of her boat and shouting, trying to get Eva's attention. "Stop... stop doing that!"

Her feeble protests stopped and she hung her head in despair. Zachary saw how distraught she was, and went over to her. His hand went to her shoulder... and then down.

"C'mon, we're gonna lose," he exclaimed, pulling down on her top. Anita managed to grab her clothing from the front to stop him, but the wrap she wore underneath was starting to get exposed. She tried to push Zachary away, but he wasn't letting go.

Tyler was outraged. "Will you stop that," he started to say before tripping on his trunks and falling over. Heather watched this and gasped, trying to wonder if helping a naked boy up was the best course of action.

Anita was keeping Zachary from lowering her further, but the one to stop him was Clive. He grabbed the whiner's arm and twisted it behind his back. "Let go," he growled.

Zachary did, and Anita corrected herself, looking fondly at Clive. Even Zachary was impressed. "Wow, emo boy, where did that come from?"

"Just because I'm emo doesn't mean I cannot get physical."

"Wild, dude, that's awesome!"

"Save it, you guys want to win a challenge? We need to focus then."

"Wow, now you're motivated to win?"

"Naw, I don't care, but I know you guys do!"

Team 5 was starting to lose again, only having Izzy in her underwear and Eva holding Cody as their power. Noah grabbed his head and cried out in frustration. "_No no no, I want to win this,_" he thought desperately. "_Katie gets to be so cute and friendly on a cruise! To see her like that again... I really want that. I'm so sick of everyone thinking I'm gay..._"

This clicked, and Noah, who used to think he'd rather swallow arsenic (crystalized into needled and with artificial, hazelnut flavor) than his pride decided to finally do it. "_This is for Katie, this is for Katie_," he chanted to himself as he headed for Cody. He pulled him away from Eva, who was too surprised to react.

"Just shut up, and don't fight," he growled, already wincing.

Izzy saw this. Her eyes widened and she scurried over. "Oh boy," she gushed, "oh yes, oh yes, oh yes!"

Noah swallowed nervously, winced, grimaced, and then slowly pulled Cody to him. The techgeek whimpered, but didn't fight as Noah started to pucker up...

"AW GOSH," Harold's voice could be heard on all three boats. He was looking at land with binoculars. "We already lost!"

Everyone froze, then looked over at him. "Really?" Heather called out.

"Yeah! There's a team already there, so someone's got first place," he called out.

"But what about to place?" Arthur asked, calling out to him. "Is it the only boat?"

Harold double-checked through the binoculars. "Yeah, only one, and it's a wreck, wow. So we're all safe."

Noah blinked, then he shoved Cody away from him before any kiss happened. Eva caught the techgeek again, and Izzy let out a pained howl.

"Noooooooooooooo," was her exact howl. "So many upset fans! Again! It's not fair, waaaaaaah!"

"Oh, shut up," Noah grumbled as he sulked off, trying to ignore Arthur's guffawing.

Anita saw Eva holding Cody again, and let out a distraught sigh. She clutched her head and muttered, "Man, she's gonna win him over in no time..."

Zachary saw how distraught she was, and walked over to her, realizing now would be a good time to apologize to her.

"Hey," he said, "we're cool now, yo?"

Anita would have given him the evil eye if she felt up to it, so she managed an evil side glance.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - We're apparently not cool, yo.)**

** Anita** - *crossing her arms, looking annoying but mostly sad* "Man, I wish I could get angry sooner, you know? I'm the kind of girl who just lets her anger build up until it blows, usually at an inappropriate time and someone who doesn't deserve it."

*She sighs and shakes her head.* "Eva's lucky. No one would dare grope her."

**Eva** - *looking a little annoyed* "I cannot believe Izzy groped me on the boat. She even pinched one of my nipples! Seriously, that girl's freaky, but I gotta admire the spirit; I'll let it pass, since I got some good time with Cody."

* * *

Joel sighed, then punched his palm. "First place be danged, I still want to see Hannah as soon as possible!"

"Me too," Mandy exclaimed, then looked down at Colin, who was still lying on the deck. She grabbed the bully by his shirt, and lifted him back up, and started shaking him. "Talk, will you talk?"

"I-yi-yi-yaaaaah," Colin replied in midst of the shaking.

"Ooo," Harold cheered, "that looks like fun! Here, let me try!"

The cultist let the nerd take over, and soon Harold was shaking Colin like crazy. "Who do you work for?" he shouted in his best antiterrorist voice. "Tell me, where did you hide the bomb?"

Meanwhile, Beth and Justin were still smooching, and stopped for a second to exchange sweet nothings. "I think you've got the sweetest kiss in the world," Justin said.

"Aw, you flatter me," Beth said with giggles. "And I think you have the best neck to wrap my little arms around!"

The amount of Colin torment, also coupled with Beth and Justin being lovey-dovey, was enough to speed Team 7 forward, and into the harbor. The people there all screamed, panicked, and ran around to hide from six flying teenagers.

Joel cried out in terror as he flew through the air, and then landed in someone's arms; however, his weight was enough to knock his savior over to the ground, but not so rough.

"Wow, you're a lot heavier than I thought you were," said the catcher.

The inventor's eyes widened, then looked down at who it was. He quickly rolled off her, and gushed, "Hannah!"

"Hello, sweetie," she said as she straightened out her blouse and skirt. "That was one heck of a landing! I hope your shipmates are fine!"

Colin had crash-landed but wasn't too bad. Justin had hit the ground too, but Beth was in his arms. Harold had jumped into the water before the boat crash, so he was fine but wet.

Mandy was a different story. "Someone get me out of this tree," she shouted from above. "I'll get the Old God of Trees destroy you all! ... If there is one!"

As the members of Team 7 recovered, and Joel and Hannah caught up with each other, the other two teams came in slowly. They disembarked much more peacefully.

"Aw, you two look so cute," Anita, getting over her distress, said as she saw Joel and Hannah together. She clasped her hands and added, "He's really been sad ever since you left the show, Hannah!"

Joel blushed and scratched the back of his head as Hannah beamed at him. Izzy was busy getting dressed again, Tyler scrambled to get real clothes, and Clive went to get some more ginger ale. He was still not feeling good, and Heather wasn't feeling good either when Valerie approached her.

"Well well, even a skimpy bikini couldn't help you win?" the politician taunted her. "That's too bad, guess you cannot ask Ezekiel on the cruise. You know, the same one you missed last season because you were a goofy nut?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Still not cool, yo.)**

** Joel and Hannah** - **Joel** - "Hey everyone, look I snuck back in!"

**Hannah** - *blushing slightly and waving* "Hey, everyone! I want to call out to my family and friends, and say I'm doing well! Driving a bus is awesome, it's almost like being on a roller coaster! Maybe my boyfriend here could help me trick it up a little!"

**Joel** - *grinning* "She's getting into mechanics, and hearing her call me boyfriend... oh be still, my heart!"

*There is a small explosion in his jumpsuit, smoking coming from the front. He pulls out what looks like an exploded pencil.* "Awww, my mechno-pencil."

**Hannah** - "Oh, I remember you worked so hard on that after challenges. It'll work one day, don't worry." *He smiles at her thankfully, and they hug.*

**Zachary** - "Haha, Valerie won! And I just _know_ who she's going to ask to come with her! That's just fine, because now that I know she wants me, I'm gonna get me some." *He chuckles.*

**Cody** - "Eva's actually soft, despite those tough muscles. It's only when she tenses up that she's like iron! Hot either way... but I don't think it's fair overall, since I haven't talked to Anita much. I feel like a jerk, this isn't easy..."

*He sighs.* "I thought a love triangle would be more fun, but it's really, really not."

**Harold** - "I'm okay with getting second, really. So long as I have immunity, I feel like I can go all the way. And hey, just getting away from the sea, the cruelest kind of woman there is, is a good enough excuse. Like my friend down here."

*He looks down at the floor of the Janitor's Closet.* "How you doing down there, Clive?"

**Clive** - "Urp... smell of seagulls... brought back... sick stomach... urggh."

**Harold** - "Try to think of something steady, like a balance beam. Completely steady, it's just you rocking back and forth...

**Clive** - "URP!"

**Harold** - "... Oops. That's not good."

* * *

**(Team 4 - Gwen (L), Leshawna, Geoff, Bridgette, Alfred)**

"I think we're getting close," Gwen said, looking at the horizon. "I think I can see land."

"Good, I'm starting to really hate this ride," Leshawna groaned, leaning over the side. "My stomach was not meant to take this kind of waving ride, ya hear?"

Gwen massaged her back as Bridgette came over. "You doing okay, Leshawna?"

"Just fine, upside-down girl."

Bridgette grinned, her face down near the deck as she flexed her fingers. "Over twenty minutes now, I think I'm almost at a half-hour! It's a record!"

"Groovy," Alfred said as he approached. "And say, do you come here often?"

Bridgette looked around to see the gonzo also walking on his hands. "Only when I want to let it all hang out," she joked.

Geoff chuckled as he watched, keeping a distance to avoid any kind of guilt trip happening. Just when he was about to get over this paranoia, a speaker on the boat blasted out some static. Alfred and Bridgette were so surprised that they fell off their hands.

"_Hello, sailors,_" Chris's proud voice blared on all the boats, "_We have an announcement! Three boats are left, and thus, the speed of the boats will be decided on the percentage of the viewers, rather than the amount. Break out your best, and lose your dignity, because you'll need to for this challenge! That is all._"

Gwen cursed. "I didn't know we were that far behind," she said, face palming. "Man, I'm so stupid!"

"Don't blame yourself, girl, you didn't know," Leshawna muttered. "Hey, we know we past a boat earlier, maybe we're not that far off!"

Gwen nodded, then looked at the others. "Any ideas?"

Alfred looked at Bridgette, then at Geoff, then shrugged. "How about I take a rope," he suggested, "and you all let me drag from the back? That sounds like fun!"

"Improv water skiing can be dangerous," Bridgette said.

"Still sounds like fun!"

Geoff opened his mouth to say something, then the roar of another boat approached. They looked over to see Team 3 approaching them, Courtney looking over at them. The CIT was dressed in her gray bikini, and was grinning victoriously.

"Hello," she called out to them, her voice mocking. "Oh, hi Gwen! Decided not to wear a bikini? Shame you don't come prepared, unlike a CIT!"

Gwen snarled, clenching her fists. Bridgette bit her lip in worry, then saw a sickly Ezekiel, leaning over the side, waving at her. She and Alfred waved back.

Lindsay was sitting down, sulkingly looking forward, bitter about something. Whatever it was didn't seem to be bothering Courtney. "You thought you had me beat, didn't you?" the CIT continued to taunt Gwen. "Well, I'm going to win this one! And you'd better stay away from my boyfriend, goth girl!"

"Miss Courtney," Rodney said, poking Courtney's side, "you should really try to be a good sport-"

"Aw, screw that," Courtney exclaimed, laughing victoriously. "Winning is the best, and I hate being on a losing streak! You gotta learn that, kid, because winning is for winners like us, not losers like the goth girl!"

Team 3's boat seemed to speed up at Courtney's gloating, and it started to speed in front of Team 4. Gwen gripped her dyed hair, crying out in frustration. "No," she cried out. "I'm not going to let that... that annoying, condescending girl beat me again! Not after all she did to me for no good reason!"

"What are you going to do, hon?" Leshawna asked, looking between her friend and Team 3's boat.

Gwen looked around at her teammates, breathing heavily as she desperately thought of an idea, when her eyes rested on Bridgette. Taking a deep breath, she walked over to her surfer friend and grabbed her shoulders.

"Hey," Bridgette cried out, "what are you going to d-"

She was silenced as Gwen pressed her lips against hers, then wrapped her arms around the surfer as she kissed her friend more. Bridgette's pale green eyes were wide with shock, but sank into it and held her friend as their make out continued.

Geoff's jaw dropped as he watched. Alfred started giggling and grinning stupidly, while Leshawna just observed in shock. Team 4's boat was starting to seriously pick up speed, and passed by Team 3.

Courtney saw what was going on first. "_What_ are you doing?" she shrieked. "Bridgette! Stop that... stop kissing her!"

DJ covered Rodney's eyes. Ezekiel let out a high-pitched squeak, and he developed an aroused nose bleed; now he was pale as well as green in the face. Lindsay looked over and saw this, then muttered, "I'm not kissing you, Christina."

Before Courtney could rebuke, Team 4 became practically became a speeding bullet. The goth and surfer continued to kiss until Leshawna shouted, "Hey, hey! We're at land, people! Land! We made it!"

Geoff and Alfred muttered in unison, "Who cares?" as they continued to watch Gwen and Bridgette, but the two girls stopped after they realized what Leshawna had said.

"We... we won?" the flushed goth girl stammered, still holding her friend. "We actually did it? That's all it took!"

"Never underestimate the power of yuri," Alfred cheered.

Bridgette, with green lipstick smeared on her mouth, looked just as flushed but even more dazed. "We won?" she asked, dazed. "What'd we win?"

"In about ten seconds," Leshawna whimpered as she saw their approach, "a crash landing!"

The boat smashed into the harbor like two others behind it. Bridgette and Gwen, holding onto each other, were thrown into the air screaming. They were both caught by one person, who was knocked to the ground, but recovered quick enough to chuckle and comment.

"Oh dear, my girlfriend and my sister," said their catcher. "How could you two do this to me?"

The two girls saw who it was, and smiles were all over their faces. "Trent," they exclaimed and hugged him in unison.

"Sorry," Gwen said, her face still flushed, "but Leshawna has a big family, I didn't want any of them seeing me smooching her."

At the same time, Harold was ready to catch his girlfriend. "Um, dude?" Yoshi said, looking at the approaching Leshawna flying through the air. "I don't think that's a good idea-"

"Into my arms, my love," Harold exclaimed, extending his arms. "I, Sir Harold, will catch you as you glide gracefully to my heart!"

There was a rather painful landing, and Leshawna shook herself off. "Good thing I landed on something soft," she said. When she realized that thing was her boyfriend, she immediately got off and tried to revive her boyfriend.

"You warned him," Daisy, who was standing next to Yoshi, said. The warrior nodded, and hurried to help Leshawna. "Hurry up," she called out to him. "We haven't had enough time to talk yet!"

As Yoshi assisted Leshawna in reviving Harold, Zachary approached Daisy. "Hey, sister," he said, looking very serious, "you ain't into that white boy, truly aren't you?"

Daisy frowned at him. "I don't think that's any of your business," she said, hitting him with her crutch. It wasn't hard enough to hurt him, but he still flinched.

"Now c'mon, I'm serious! You don't want to get involved with him-"

"Shove off," she spat, hobbling off to Yoshi and Leshawna.

As Zachary shook his head (but secretly loved her sass), he was alerted by a couple of strange cries. Geoff was whimpering, "Oh snap, it's Trent," as he ran off, trying to avoid being seen.

From up in the trees, he could also hear some kind of weird conversation. "Hi, Mandy," Alfred was saying.

"Hello, Alfred, what are you doing up here?"

"Shipwreck, you?"

"Same. Luckily, Cthulhu blessed us to survive trespassing on his turf!"

As all this was going on, Team 3 pulled up. Courtney was the first one to exit the boat, fuming and snarling. It didn't help when Chris approached her and said, "Sorry, Courtney, but you and your team lost! Team 3 will be one of those voting!"

Courtney let out a furious snarl. "I... hate... losing," she spat out.

Chris backed off, but Duncan approached. "Aww, sorry, Princess," he said with a smile as he put an arm around her shoulder. "At least you got a nice cruise from here to here again, so I don't mind that you and I cannot grope each other on a real one-"

He was cut off when Courtney grabbed his shirt and slammed her knee into his groin. Squeaking in pain, he fell to the ground. Most people winced terribly when they saw this.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - And we're not over that, yo.)**

** Beth and Justin** - **Beth** - "You know, I cannot stand how Courtney does that to Duncan. It's just way too violent."

**Justin** - "Yeah, I prefer a peaceful relationship. The worst you get when you're mad at me is when you slug my arm, and it's not even that hard."

**Beth** - "I don't want to be violent, ever, especially with you!" *They hug.*

**Heather** - "If I ever did that to Ezekiel, and he didn't dump me, I'd lose all respect for him. But I'm pretty sure he would, which is why I'm dating him." *She smiles and throws her hair back.* "Let's see Courtney or Valerie brag about that!"

**Gwen** - "I loathe Courtney, I really do. She has no temperament. I mean, I know I can be grouchy, but to kick my boyfriend in the crotch? And you know what? I'm sure Chris Maclean is going to enjoy showing that footage. Seriously, who finds that funny?"

**Colin** - "Haw haw! He got kicked in the groin! That's always funny! ... Except when it happens to me."

* * *

**(The Harbor)**

Lindsay was helping Ezekiel off the boat. "Aww, poor Estaban," she cooed as she helped him walk. "Here, let me get you on the shore, and you can continue to puke there."

"Urgh," he replied.

As DJ and Rodney walked off, both wincing over Courtney's violent reaction to Duncan, Heather almost elbowed her way past them. She then saw Lindsay, wearing the smallest bikini she'd ever seen, holding her boyfriend close to her lithe body.

"What are you doing?" Heather snapped. "How dare you..."

"Oh don't start," Lindsay snapped back. "I'm trying to be nice, helping your boyfriend back onto land! Don't you see how sick and pale he is?"

Heather could only concentrate on how scantily-clad Lindsay was, and the dried blood on Ezekiel's nose. "Will you just let go of him?"

"Fine," Lindsay shouted, and shoved Ezekiel away from her. This resulted in the very sick and woozy Ezekiel hitting the ground rather painfully. Lindsay cried out in horror of what she just did, she picked him back up. "I'm so sorry, Eric," she wailed. "I didn't mean to drop you against the ground like that! Oh, you've had such a bad trip!"

Heather helped Ezekiel helped up too, and said something that surprised Lindsay very much, "Sorry, Lindsay, and thank you."

Team 1 sailed in last, slow but without a crash, and Chris was very professional about it. Professionally an ass.

"Well, you losers came in last," he exclaimed as the sailors disembarked. "Last, you're late, so late! Late for dinner, late for the race, late and now voting! You're so late."

"Oh dear," Belinda replied, raising an eyebrow. "With how late I am, does that mean I'm pregnant?"

Howard and a few of the others laughed. Sakaki helped Sebastian on the land, as Katie and Sadie exchanged laughs, ignoring Chris. As all the teams talked to their friends (and family, with the case of Trent and Bridgette), the losers of Duncan's Bus were talking to people they had missed.

"Was Zachary bothering you?" Yoshi asked Daisy when he went back to talk to her.

"Naw. Don't worry about me, even with a bad leg, I can fend for myself."

"I'm sure you can," he said with a smile.

Owen was at Izzy's feet, literally. "Please Izzy," he wailed, grabbing her ankles, "you gotta take me back!"

"Have you changed at all?" she asked, looking down at him.

"Of course I have," he exclaimed as he stood up, looking her in the eye. "I completely chang-"

He belched, and the foul air hit her in the face, making her eyes water. He laughed, and said, "Wow, I don't remember eating that!"

"Nope, not at all," Izzy growled, walking away from him.

Jasmine hugged Leshawna, giggling happily. "You wouldn't believe how happy I am to seeing you! I really missed you, girlfriend."

Leshawna hugged her back. "Girl, I'm missing you too! Could have used your big mouth for that challenge!"

"Aww, you flatter me!"

Sandra stayed on the bus, she didn't care to meet anyone.

As the chatter continued, Chris Maclean cleared his throat. "Okay losers and winners! We know who's who now: Sakaki, Courtney, Sebastian, Lindsay, Katie, Sadie, Rodney, Howard, DJ, Belinda, and Ezekiel! But before we go back to the stadium, we need to take one more fan request! Chef, my PDA, please!"

The cook grumbled as he handed the device to the host. "I am not an intern, ask Billy to do it!"

Chris ignored this, and read the poll results. "Looks like most people voted for... love?"

He scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Yeah right, forget that! Love is so stupid for ratings, and so boring too! I'm gonna skip that one!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Not feeling the love here.)**

** Leshawna** - "Chris's anti-love attitude is about as surprising as a sunrise."

**Geoff** - "I predict that we need some kind of party to bring out joy and love in Chris. A really big, rocking party that would make him feel the love! ... It would need to be a really big party, like, say, my entire school. And Bridgette's. And..." *He looks guilty, then sniffs.* "Trent's!"

* * *

Chris ignored all the protests from the teens, and read the next one. "Yaoi fan service?" he read aloud. "Does that mean boy-boy?"

"Yep," Izzy exclaimed happily. "The people want to see a couple boys kissing!"

"Stupid fan girls," Zachary grumbled angrily.

"Says here there was no boy-boy kissing at all," Chris remarked. "So we need to have two boys smooch." He grinned wickedly. "Noah," he sang. "I nominate you! Where are you?"

A brief scan around, with even some contestants looking, turned up nothing. "Okay, seriously where are you?"

Everyone was looking around, including Owen, when he heard a panicked whisper behind him. "Owen, I beg of you for everything good and holy," Noah muttered behind him, "do not let anyone know where I am!"

"I don't know if I could be that sneaky..."

"Do it for donuts!"

"Mmm, can do."

Chris looked around, and stomped his foot. "Okay contestants, we're not leaving until two of you boys suck face!"

Tyler shook his head, then looked over at his friend Ezekiel. The prairie boy noticed the look, and straightened his toque. The jock tossed him a pack of breath mints, and smirked. "Well, dude, shall we?"

Ezekiel sighed and popped a few mints into his mouth, crunching and swallowing them quickly. "Alright, but you lead, I'm still woozy."

Tyler walked over, took his shorter and tired friend in his arms, and kissed him on the lips. Everyone noticed, and the reactions were as far apart as possible.

"Oh, sick," Zachary grumbled as he watched Tyler deepen the kiss.

"Oh, joy," Valerie squealed in joy.

"OH ***censored*** YES," Izzy shouted as she ran over and got close. "My Zekey and that handsome man... oh-ho..."

She swooned and fell down, nose bleeding. Tyler finalized the short kissing spree with his friend, and helped straighten his toque. The woozy prairie boy had much more color in his cheeks now.

"Not bad," Tyler said to his friend amid all the gagging, cheering, whistling, and comments. "You're not a bad kisser, Zeke."

"You too, dude. But my girlfriend is better, I've got to say, eh."

"Yeah, Lindsay's better than you too."

Lindsay gasped, smiling and clasping her hands. "Aww, that's so sweet of you to say!" She looked at Ezekiel and said, "Isn't Tyler sweet? He says I'm a better kisser than his best friend!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - NOW we're feeling the love! And holy cow.)**

** Noah** - *He wipes his forehead.* "Oh thank God I didn't have to kiss Cody. I was afraid with Eva and Izzy on my team, they'd make me. I'm really sick of people asking me to do that... my sisters keep saying it... argh!"

**Bridgette** - "Well, it was so sweet to see Trent again! Gwen was so happy too, that was a treasure too! But what was also a treasure..." *She starts to giggle and blush.* "Was Ezekiel and Tyler! Wow, some gals are going to love that!" *She grins.* "I'm one of them!"

**Tyler** - *He purses his lips.* "Hmmm, you know, I always thought kissing another boy would be really gross, but that was just fine; I guess when you've done as much kissing as Lindsay and I have done, lips are just lips." *He smirks.* "Lindsay and some of the girls seem to like it."

*He chuckles, then hears giggling on the floor.* "What the... Izzy! What are you doing lying there... aw for crying out loud, you have a nose bleed _again_?"

**Izzy** - "Ehhehehehee..."

**Xander and Crystal** - **Xander** - "So, that's our plan for the cruise reward then?"

**Crystal** - *nodding vigorously* "Yes yes! Oh thank you!" *She hugs him.* "What can I do to thank you?"

**Xander** - *grinning at her* "Hehe, you just did."

**Yoshi** - "So I'm allowed to ask anyone I want? Well, it was so nice seeing Daisy again... I wonder if she likes boats." *He taps his chin.* "Hmm, should have asked that when we had a chance back at the harbor."

**Daisy** - *popping up behind him cheerfully* "Ask me now!"

**Yoshi** - "AWK! Wow, you managed to sneak up on me? When you're still using a crutch? In a closet?"

**Daisy** - *She grins at him.* "Good, aren't I?"

**Yoshi** - *He smiles.* "Wow."

**Chef Hatchet** - *wearing a French maid outfit as he cleans up the floor and walls of the closet* "I don't mind that I sometimes have to clean things out for my paycheck to get a little bigger, but the outfit is too much. Why can't I dress like a normal cleaner, like say, a janitor?"

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium)**

The contestants were all running around, trying to get things done and talking to friends they hadn't been with on the boat ride. Some contestants had to vote, some wanted to talk to them who they should vote for. More than one conspirator were running amok.

DJ was walking down the hallway when he was stopped by Katie. "Oh Deej," she said, putting her hand on his chest, "I need to talk to you about who you should vote for!"

"Oh really? I'm not so comfortable with this kind of planning-"

"No no, it's all right! Sadie is going around asking people to vote for who we want!"

"Really? You two are going about separately? That's not like you."

Katie giggled. "Oh I know, right? But we really want to have Howard voted off! He kept wanting to kiss the girls, or get us to smooch! Sadie's probably talking to other people now."

* * *

Belinda walked into her room, sighing and shaking her head. Arthur, who was reading a comic (and quickly threw it at the other end of his bed so she didn't see him read it), noticed her anxiety. "Something wrong, blue eyes?"

She shook her head. "Everything. I have a bad feeling about what's going to happen tonight."

Arthur looked at her, covering up the comic book with his legs so she wouldn't see it. "Well, if you can foresee this, why not do something about it?"

Belinda blinked, then smiled at him. "You know, you're right."

She hurried out of the room, leaving Arthur to wonder a few things. Shrugging, he sat up to get back to what he was doing in secret. "Hope I didn't fold any of the pages," he grumbled to himself.

* * *

Sebastian sat in a chair, twiddling his thumbs. He sighed, then looked down at his feet. "Philosophy does have many sayings," he said to himself, "for what one is supposed to do in these cases. 'Judge not, lest you be judged,' among others."

He sighed again and stood up. "Well, time to make the call. Suck it up, man."

* * *

Valerie slammed Zachary against the wall, looking deep into his dark eyes. "We're finally going to get someone to go," she said to him, "now go out there and get some people to vote for who we want!"

"Righto, girl. Do I get a kiss or someth-"

He was thrown out of the room they were hiding him, blinking in surprise. She also left the room in the opposite direction, leaving him alone. He chuckled and said, "Damn, she gets hot when she's political... whoa, I sound like Duncan."

* * *

Carol stared up at the ceiling. "Billy," she swooned, and added, "Hee hee hee."

* * *

Courtney stomped down the hallways of the inner stadium, keeping her arms crossed behind his back. She ground her teeth as she continued to grumble things under her breath. "I'm gonna get that blond," she spat out. "She could have done so much more. DJ too! And-"

"Ezekiel?"

The CIT spun around to see someone standing nearby, someone she didn't think she'd see addressing her. Little did she know that this was the same person responsible for Trent and Hannah's eliminations.

"What do you want?" she snapped.

"My, everyone's so touchy," the person scoffed, then shrugged it off. "Well never mind that, I've come a little favor to ask you."

"What could you possibly do for me? I know who I'm going to vote for."

"Ezekiel, right?"

"No, I-"

"That would be your best bet."

"I'm not voting him off," Courtney exclaimed, then realized herself, and lowered her voice. "I have no reason to vote for him, and I don't want him off."

"Really? Even if I told you..."

The person continued to speak, and the CIT's eyes went through a mixture of widening and narrowing. When the explanation was done, she had a few words to say.

"Are you _sure_?"

"Positive. You vote for Ezekiel, and everything will be safe. Trust me, I've talked to some people about it."

Courtney sighed. "Alright, fine. But if this doesn't work out, I'm going to be very mad!"

"How's that different than any other time?" the mysterious person replied, leaving Courtney sputtering indignantly.

* * *

Lindsay was also mad, but not sputtering. She was looking more so at the ground when she walked, so when the mysterious person came out to talk to her, they collided. She hit the ground, and was offered a hand to help to her up.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," she apologized, calling the person by the wrong name as well as she was helped up. "Thank you very much."

"It's no problem, it was all my fault. Say, can I ask you who you're going to vote for?"

"Courtney! She was, like, _so_ mean! I cannot stand being around mean people."

"Look, I know about that, but I want your help with something else, if you could hear me out?"

"I can hear you out," she said, beaming proudly. "You have a clear voice, and my ears are picking it up just fine."

"_Oh boy_," the person thought, and quickly explained the plan to Lindsay, hurrying as there was someone nearby waiting for a turn to talk to the blond beauty.

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Trophy Platform)**

Chris Maclean walked out in his expensive suit, basking in the cheers of the audience. HE loved this very much, knowing it was all for him (well, not really, but that's what he thought he knew). "Well well contestants! Watching all of you scampering around the stadium, I have to say, I'm very pleased with all the scheming, treachery, and diabolical planning! I love it!"

Many eyes rolled, Gwen's the hardest. "You would," she remarked. "I'd _kill_ for a drama-free season."

"But where would that leave the show?" Leshawna asked her.

"Totally Stressless Island wouldn't be a bad spin-off. At least for me."

"They'd probably play New Age music."

"Gag me, never mind."

Chris impatiently tapped his foot. "I may have to gag you teenagers to get some damn screen time! Now will you please let me do the announcement?"

"Have your screen time, monkey man," Alfred called out.

Chris glared at him as he grinned impishly, and sighed. "Okay then, I'll be brief. Thirty-seven contestants, thirty-six trophies with this nice boat emblem on it. If you get one, you stay another day. You don't, you get to arrive on Duncan's Bus of Losers!"

"It's not mine today," Duncan remarked.

Chris looked at the criminal, who jerked his thumb at the approaching bus. When the doors opened, Hannah waved from behind the wheel. Joel waved back and blew her a kiss, to which she blushed and smiled at him.

"Gross," Chris remarked to this, earning more eye rolls. "Fine, I'm making this quick, because the votes are a doozy!"

He cleared his throat, and named those who had won immunity as he tossed out trophies. This left those who had not, and most of them looked around nervously. "For you losers who have not lost," he said, throwing out more trophies, "Sebastian, Rodney, Lindsay, Sadie, Katie, Belinda, DJ, and Sakaki!"

This left only Courtney, Howard, and Ezekiel without trophies. The CIT took this for a couple seconds before she began sputtering angrily again. "Someone voted for me?" she shouted. "I should have known! The indignity of-"

"One vote, girl," Chris snapped, shoving a trophy into her hands. "Don't flatter yourself."

"I can do that," Duncan said, grinning at his shocked and relieved girlfriend.

"Yeah, so she can kick you in the nuts again," Gwen remarked. Courtney shot her a death glare while Duncan looked away, pondering that.

Howard and Ezekiel exchanged nervous glances. The prairie boy nervously pulled down on his toque and bit his bottom lip, not daring to peek but just a hint. The ladies man nervously cracked his fingers, then wrung his hands when he ran out of digits to crack.

Heather looked close to a nervous breakdown, while Izzy was inches away from a major freak out. Bridgette and Tyler were both also looking at their friend with worried faces, while Belinda squeezed the sleeve of her shoulder, unable to bring herself to look.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"Okay, Howard or Ezekiel, who's getting the final trophy?" Chris taunted them. "Well, I'll tell you! This final trophy is going to...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"Ezekiel!"

The prairie boy didn't have to time to react after he pulled up his toque, and the trophy hit him in the face. He cried out in pain, then glared at Chris from between his fingers, covering the growing red spot on his forehead. "Gee, thanks," he grumbled.

"If you don't want that trophy, I can always give it to him," Chris replied smugly, pointing at Howard.

Howard had slumped his chair, jaw hanging open in disbelief. "Aw, c'mon," he whined. "This doesn't even fit the romance pattern! Trent gets Gwen, he goes. Hannah gets Joel, she goes. I didn't even get a kiss, and to hook up was exactly what I joined the show for!"

"Sorry dude," Chris said with a shrug, "that's the way it rolls sometimes."

Howard sighed heavily, then stood up. "Guess it's fair. Oh well." He turned towards the others and waved, managing a smile. "Guys and lovely ladies, I had fun! I'll see you all around, and good luck!"

He got a few waves and a couple good-byes back, which made him slump in disbelief again. "Oh come _on_," he cried out. "Hannah got that huge, protesting, tearful good-bye, and that's _all_ I get?"

The ladies man sighed and shook his head as he walked towards the bus. "I must have been a real hoser."

"Don't say that about yourself now."

He turned to see Belinda, who had approached him when he hadn't been looking. She let go of her sleeve, which was creased from the intense squeezing she had done. "I'm... I'm sorry, I tried to get people not to vote for you, but I failed."

"You predicted that too, Foresight?"

She nodded, and he sighed. "Man, I guess I really blew it then, eh? No girlfriend, not even a kiss-"

"Hey, I didn't say either of those," she said, smiling at him now. She approached him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. With a pat on the shoulder, she added, "It may seem like too much, but you have strength to make it through this. And remember what I told you about the girl you liked.

"Now go get 'er, Howard."

Howard stared at her in astonishment. He reached up to feel where she had kissed, then he shook with excitement. "INSPIRATION," he declared, throwing his fists into the air. With a big smile, he practically bounded onto the bus.

"Seriously, what is it about love with you weird teens?" Chris remarked, shaking his head. "Okay then, about the cruise winners, you are going to be riding this bus to the harbor again! So I hope you're ready to pick your lover for the cruise, because you need to now!

"Who did you pick, Carol?"

"I pick Billy," she exclaimed, jumping up and pointing at the intern, who had been watching up at the ceremony from the ground.

Chris scowled. "You cannot take an intern, you nut. Pick a contestant, someone with a soul."

Carol's jaw dropped; she looked like someone who had been told Christmas was denied by a slap in the face. Then she growled and grabbed Clive's sleeve. "C'mon, emo boy," she declared. "You're coming with me on that cruise!"

"What? No-hoooooooooooo," Clive wailed as he was dragged towards the bus. "Not more boats!"

"Okay next," Chris said, looking at a piece of paper for reference; while he wasn't looking, Carol motioned for Billy, and the intern snuck on the bus. "The next person is Valerie."

"I'd like to take Zachary," she said, smiling. "He's the only one in our room who didn't win the prize, I think that's fair."

"How generous," Chris gushed.

"_And from what I've seen, the sea makes him randy; I hope most people bought that excuse,_" Valerie thought, grinning mentally. "Come on, Zachary!"

"Righto," he said, following her. While she got on the bus, he paused to turn around. "Woohoo, I'm gonna be on a boat again! And hey, no thanks to my own teammates, who barely did anything to win the contest."

"Oh, yes, about that," said Anita, who stood up and approached him, "for trying to pull my top off for the world wide web to see..."

She slapped him across the face. "Jerk," she shouted before walking off.

"Damn, what's her problem?" Zachary muttered before getting on the bus.

Chris shrugged. "Women can be so touchy, you know dudes? Alright next, Yoshi."

"Am I allowed to take someone who's been voted off?" the warrior asked as he stood up.

The host rubbed his chin, then shrugged and smiled. "I don't see why not."

"Fine then, I'll take Daisy with me."

As people whistled and catcalled, someone from inside the bus let out a wild cheer. "I told you he'd pick me," the person shouted, then popped her head out the bus window. "Get on here, you!"

Yoshi chuckled to himself as he got on the bus, and Chris cleared his throat for attention. "Okay, next, Xander."

"Actually, Crystal and I came to an agreement," the rebel said as he stood. "We want to do something rather special."

"Well, if you two are going to ask each other," Chris said with a smirk, "that just cancels out the other's choice, eh?"

"Not quite," he said, shaking a finger at the host. "You see, I'm going to ask Leshawna to come with me..."

"Say _what_ now?" Leshawna shouted as she bolted to her feet. "You got a lot of nerve, biker bo-"

"And Crystal here," Xander continued amid the gasps and murmurs of the contestants, "is going to ask Harold to come with her!"

More gasps and murmurs ran about, and Leshawna was stunned silent. Harold was on his feet, and grinning happily. "You'll do that?" he asked.

"Hell yeah, man," Xander said to him, grinning as he spoke. "Crystal thinks you two need a little time together, since you live so far apart."

"Don't that beat all," Leshawna said, smiling. "Sorry I lashed out there, Xandy boy."

"Errrrrgh," the biker winced at the name. "Please never call me that."

"Hey now, wait a minute," Chris's angry protest hushed the murmurs among the contestants. "I see what you're doing there!"

"Cor blimey," Crystal said, looking nervous, "there's not a rule against it, is there?"

"Well no but-"

"And even if there was, too late now," Xander said. He grabbed Leshawna's arm and said, "Come on, my lovely date."

"You too, handsome bloke," Crystal remarked as she pulled Harold's arm.

"You darn rebel," Chris sputtered.

The four were on the bus in a flash, and Duncan quickly followed, exclaiming, "Okay, Hannah, move over!" The doors closed, and the bus took off like a roller coaster ride: slow at first and then rocketing. Duncan never got a chance at the wheel, he just had to sit down and enjoy the ride of his life.

Chris slumped on his podium and grumbled, "I think you teenagers take advantage of my generosity sometimes."

"You have that?" Geoff remarked.

"Could have fooled me," Belinda added, walking off with her hands in her pockets.

"My God, I need a drink now," Chris muttered, rubbing his forehead. "Hey, Mr. Intern! Fetch me a bottled water! Intern! Where is he..."

* * *

**(Room 6 - Harold, Heather, Izzy)**

Heather gripped her head as she sat down on her bed. She got up, paced around the empty room, then headed out. She couldn't think of anything but what she had been told earlier that day, right before the ceremony.

...

_"What do you want?" she asked the mysterious person. "I cannot even vote this time around, why don't you-"_

_ "You might want to take close watch of this ceremony," the person said to her. "It might give you some insight on how the others feel about your boyfriend."_

_ Heather froze up, and then shouted, "You'd better not try anything-"_

_ "I haven't interfered with anything. But what I've heard among all the people running around, you'd be surprised."_

_This came with a cruel chuckle, and Heather felt her blood go cold for a couple seconds. "You... you didn't-"_

_ "As I said, it's all set," the person said, spinning around and walking away. "Don't bother talking to me after the challenge if you know what's good for you or your boyfriend when all is said and done tonight. And tell him nothing."_

...

The cryptic comment at the end had left Heather in worry, but also the belief that the person had not voted off her boyfriend. Seeing the results, she guessed it was all true.

Still, though she wouldn't talk to that person, she wanted to see Ezekiel. Knocking on his door, she hoped for him to answer, but Gwen did.

"Is Ezekiel here?" she asked, hoping for no smart remark. Gwen complied with that unknowingly, merely opening the door more so she could see him seated on the bed. He smiled at her, then stood up and left the room to see her.

"Should I lock the door after you two, or not even bother?" Gwen broke the silence with a not-so-innocent grin. Heather scoffed and waved at her, grabbing Ezekiel's wrist and pulling him with her.

They head to their usual secret room, but when she opened the door, they very suddenly realized it wasn't secret anymore. Noah and Katie were on the bed, him without a shirt and her with just her bra on, looked over at the couple who had just walked in, shocked.

Noah reacted first by glaring. "I suppose you all didn't believe and wanted visual proof?" he spat out, then waved at Heather. "Shoo."

She rolled her eyes and closed the door. Noah sighed and grumbled, "I forgot to lock the damn thing, one moment."

"You know, no one thinks you're gay, since you're seeing me," she said cheerfully as he went to lock the damn thing. "Why does it bother you, you know it's not true."

"That's why it bothers me, that they keep insisting something that's not true."

"That's complex," Katie muttered, biting her lower lip in confusion. She shrugged, gave him one of her sweet smiles and said, "But I knew you were the moment I started crushing on you."

He smiled and returned to her, just as Heather found another of the unused rooms. She led Ezekiel in and locked it.

"Heather," he said to her, holding up his hands as if preparing some kind of attack, "look, I love this as much as anyone, but it's starting to woo'ry me, eh. I mean, this is the third night you've brought me somewhere secret, all flustered and nervous. Is something bothering you?"

"No," she lied, and Ezekiel could tell.

"Is it someone, eh?"

"Ezekiel," she started to say, then let out a long sigh. "Look, you know I wouldn't keep anything major from you, right?"

"Of course, eh."

"Well, the major thing is that I'm worried a'boot... about you," she stammered, trying not to adapt too close to his accent, lest she lose the serious tone in her voice. "You just nearly got voted off!"

"That happens-"

"It doesn't just 'happen,' and I want to know why," she exclaimed. "Did Courtney get mad at you on that boat ride?"

"She got mad at everyone, eh, she's like that."

Heather opened her mouth to reply, and then burst out into giggles. Ezekiel smiled and hugged her girlfriend. "Hey, I'm not going anywhere, eh."

"I sure hope not, my Zeke."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Cleaned up by Chef Hatchet, in non-script format again!)**

Alfred and Mandy were busy making out, as Izzy watched and grinned. She would let out a coo or a cheer when there was something she particularly liked, and she wasn't ashamed to show it.

Mandy's face was flushed when Alfred released their final kiss of the spree, her terra twist hair style bouncing up and down as she panted and corrected her top. "Oh wow, that was hotter than the black flame candles at home," she said, fanning herself.

"What'd I tell you?" Izzy exclaimed with a cheer. "Making out is great, especially when you do it with some dirty girl and a camera watching you! It'd be better if there was a web cam or something nearby! My turn!"

She flung herself on Alfred, almost knocking the flushed, panting gonzo over. Mandy let out a groan and said, "Actually, I think I'm gonna get some sleep. I'm tired, I haven't checked on the rats, and watching isn't as much fun as doing it."

"Sleep well then, Mandy," Alfred said, grinning at her as he tipped his hat. "Hope we're on the same team tomorrow, you're always a good teammate to have!"

"Aw, you're so sweet," Mandy gushed as she went for the door. "Shame that means you'll be the first to die a grisly death when evil comes from up from hell to prey on us mortals."

As she left, Izzy giggled and shook Alfred in her arms. "Didja hear that? Didja? She thinks you're sweet!"

"Radical," Alfred said, blushing just a tint more on his already cherry-red face. "But if I am the first among the many to die, is it worth asking her out?"

"It so is, I told you about that," Izzy said, knocking on his cap's lid. "You see, inside that fiery cultist girl that is my best friend is a sweet candy girl waiting for a wild gonzo like you to make her feel sugary sweet! Every girl wants that, every sane girl!"

Alfred nodded. "That includes you too, right Izzy?"

"Don't be silly, of course it does; I'm sane," she said. "Just really a total genius, which is why I think you need to hook with her. Ask Crystal if you need help."

The gonzo giggled. "Cowabunga!"

"After you make out with me one last time, that is," Izzy instructed him, then she ground her lips into his. They wrapped their arms around each other, and moaned happily as they kissed.

Alfred broke the make out spree to ask one quick question. "Um, why _does_ this need to be in the janitor's closet anyway?"

Izzy rolled her eyes and smiled at him. "Duh."

"That's what I thought."

They went back to making out.

* * *

**(Duncan's/Hannah's Bus of Losers)**

"Woohoo, I'm letting you drive more often, girl," Duncan exclaimed, holding his hands up in the air.

Most of the others let out wild cheers, including those on their way to the harbor for a cruise. Howard was the only one not reacting, just sitting down and staring out the window at the very fast moving scenery.

Jasmine walked over and sat down next to him. "Heyas," she said, alerting his attention. "I cannot get over how they voted you off. That was so wrong!"

"It happens," he said with a shrug.

"And I'm really sorry things didn't work out with Belinda. She so should have gone out with you."

"Oh well, that happens too. At least she's still my friend, maybe it's for the best."

"What makes you say that? I mean, I'd be-"

The bus went off a small hill and everyone got airtime. Jasmine screamed and grabbed the nearest thing, which happened to be Howard's hand. He gave her a comforting squeeze as he said, "Oh, I dunno, I think think of a reason or two."

He winked at her, and for the first time in her life, Jasmine was speechless, just smiling and giggling.

* * *

**(Voting Confessionals)**

**Katie** - "Okay, I talked to several people, and so did Sadie. We think it's time Howard goes, he's really too much!"

**Sadie** - *looks distraught* "I got lost... and I didn't really talk to anyone about voting..." *face palms* "Doh! Well, I'm still voting for Howard, maybe Katie talked to people about it."

**Sakaki** - *nervously poking her fingers together* "Um, I'm going to vote for Howard, because he's so forward, it's overwhelming..."

**Sebastian** - "I think it's time to vote off Howard. I hate being one to cast judgment, but he really needs to learn a lesson about being forward with girls. Sadly, turnabout wouldn't be fair play here with him."

**Howard** - "Okay, I know Belinda asked me to vote for someone else, but truth be told, it'd kill me to see another hot girl go. So I'm going to vote for Ezekiel, on account of another suggestion."

**Courtney** - *She has her arms crossed and eyes narrowed.* "Right, this better work... I vote for Ezekiel. If all goes well though, he won't be going home tonight."

**Ezekiel** - "Katie asked me to vote fur Howard, which I really hadn't planned on doing, but then a'geen, my plan befur'hand was undecided. So, I'll vote fur him, eh."

**Rodney** - "I didn't want to vote for anyone on my team since everyone tried so hard to win, so I had to take a suggestion from someone else. I vote for Howard, I guess."

**Belinda** - *frowning at the camera* "I promised Howard I'd help him out, so I've gone and asked several people to vote for Courtney, as that's who I want to leave tonight. But sadly..." *She sighs and shakes her head.* "I think most people are not going to do it. I don't even think Howard will..."

**DJ** - "Katie asked me to vote for Howard, so I guess I'm gonna do that. She also asked me what I thought about Sadie. I wonder if she's trying to get her friend hooked up this season?"

**Lindsay** - "Alright, like, I knew I said I was going to vote for Cora, but I was told by a couple people that the person I should really vote for is..." *looks at a note* "Ezekiel.

"And if I know that person, he deserves to be! How he acts like he's all that, how he has that obvious crush on that nice blond girl, how he's pretty much a mean sexist little creep!"

*She crosses her arms and sticks her nose up, then she suddenly starts to fret.* "But the name 'Ezekiel' sounds so familiar to someone else I know... am I thinking of the right name? Oh, this voting stuff would be so much easier if I knew who the person behind the name was!"

* * *

**Votes**:

**Katie** - Howard

**Sadie** - Howard

**Sakaki** - Howard

**Sebastian** - Howard

**Howard** - Ezekiel

**Courtney** - Ezekiel

**Ezekiel** - Howard

**Rodney** - Howard

**Belinda** - Courtney

**DJ** - Howard

**Lindsay** - Ezekiel

...

Howard - 7

Ezekiel - 3

Courtney - 1

...

**Voted Off** - Sandra, Duncan, Jasmine, Daisy, Owen, Trent, Hannah, Howard.

** Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date** - Mystery Science Theater 3000 Poster on the wall, Noah's Old Cot, Throw Pillows neatly arranged, crowbar imbedded in the left wall, elbow-shaped dent in right wall.

...

**Next Up** - Virtual Reality Fight: Aliens on a Spaceship!


	30. Ch 9, Pt 1: Gross Encounters

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. If intelligent life does exist out there, do not be offended with this rather unflattering interpretation; heck, you probably have thought it once or twice too.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - Sorry about the wait. Hope you all like evil aliens being wiped out. I know I cannot wait to do that in Starcraft 2 when it comes out. I am such a Protoss person! Oh, and there's a new poll too.

**Warning** - There's violence in this challenge, lots of alien and human deaths. I know that's nothing important to any of you, but since people pitch giant fits over sex whenever I write about it, I am going to act like violence is just as bad. Which it friggin' should be.

* * *

**Chapter 30** - Slimy Creatures from Out-There Space

* * *

...

...

...

**(Maclean Stadium, Head Office)**

Chris Maclean and Chef Hatchet stood in front of the unbiased, fair, kindhearted producer who scared the utter crap out of the Chris; however, Chef wasn't phased much. The hardened cook was much tougher standing up to someone whose only powers were running a TV show and controlling his almost nonexistent paycheck.

"Ratings are good, Chris, but we are having problems," the producer said as she lit a cigarette. Taking a deep drag from it, she exhaled, then commented, "People are saying the contestants are being too 'nice'."

"Heck, I hate that too," Chris said, a little too quickly. "But what can I do?"

"You're the host, you stupid fool. Stir up the hatred."

Chris nodded, while Chef noted his submissive behavior. "_It must be his bigger paycheck at stake,_" he thought.

"Well, you know, maybe it's the contest in itself," Chris said. "I wanted to make these movie-themed challenges."

"You mean like season two was supposed to be?" the producer asked.

"Yeah, yeah! We wanted to rent this abandoned movie lot, and do the movie themes there! But... that went south, bra."

"And all because of that redneck twerp, right?"

"Right," Chris remarked, frowning and crossing his arms. "Stupid hick, I'll never forgive him for what he did..."

* * *

**(Flashback. Playa des Losers, Total Drama Island.)**

_Chris Maclean was grinning at Owen. "The choice is yours, Owen. You can keep your hundred thousand dollars, or compete for one! Million! Dollars!"_

_ Owen looked very tempted, but nervous too. He tapped his fingers together, and muttered, "Aw, gee, I dunno..."_

_ "I woo'dent, eh."_

_ Everyone looked over at Ezekiel, who seemed out of place in his jacket and hat when all the others were wearing their bathing suits. Owen looked over at Ezekiel and asked, "Why not?"_

_ "Well, you have to compete a'geenst all of us, eh," explained the prairie boy. "That means you have a one in twenty-two chance of getting your money back."_

_ "One in twenty-two...," Owen repeated, then he looked confused again. "How bad is that?"_

_ "Let me put it this way," Ezekiel said, patting the big guy's shoulder. "You have twenty-two cupcakes-"_

_ "Mmm, cupcakes."_

_ "And only one tastes of chocolate. The other twenty-one taste of blended cock'rooch."_

_"Blended cockroaches?" Owen exclaimed, grabbing his face. Horrors of the eating competition came back to him, a time where eating wasn't fun, the worst kind of nightmare for Owen. He shook his head, and turned to Chris. "No no no! The odds are too great! I'm keeping my hundred thousand!"_

_ "But...," Chris obviously wasn't ready for that. "But Owen!"_

_ "Mine," Owen shouted, hugging his briefcase to him. "I'm sticking to the party I promised, and maybe a few more donuts."_

_ "You're so smart," Izzy said to her boyfriend, hugging him around the waist. "Izzy didn't like those odds either."_

_ While Izzy and Owen celebrated by sharing a few kisses, some of the other contestants didn't look so happy. And all the angry glares were directed at Ezekiel._

_ "You little creep," Eva snarled at him. Ezekiel broke out in a cold sweat at Eva's fierce look. "We could have had a chance at that money!"_

_ "You didn't have to open your big mouth," Courtney shouted._

_ "Get him," Duncan hollered._

_ Ezekiel ran off, covering his head as several of the contestants chased after him. Chris Maclean, standing there and looking horrified, didn't register whose fault it was until later that day, when he had to send the contestants home.

* * *

_

"Stupid Ezekiel," Chris snarled. "We could have started something called Total Drama Action, and rented that movie lot! But when they all went home, the lot was scheduled for destruction to create something stupid. I think it's a large dog park now."

"That sounded like a much better idea than going back to that stupid island," the producer said, dabbing out her cigarette in an ashtray. She then added in a very blunt, commanding tone, "Get rid of him."

Chris shrugged, then elbowed Chef. "Sorry buddy, but this here is for top personal onl-"

"Not Chef, you dumbass," the producer barked. "Ezekiel!"

The host of the show blinked, then shrugged. "Okay. I mean, you're the fair, unbiased, kindhearted producer we all love, so I can see if you've decided it, it's fair."

"Right, and after you've got rid of him, get rid of that Christian girl Hannah too."

As the producer lit up another cigarette, Chris was blinking in confusion. "What? She's already been voted off."

"She's being brought back on the show, by Mr. Savage," the producer explained. "Joel, to you."

"Oh, well then, I'll have to make sure it's known that all former contestants are banned."

"No, you can't do that, you moron," the producer shouted. "Duncan keeps coming back, and he's one of the people who get us such high ratings. Don't think I've forgiven you for letting him go so early."

Chris whimpered, while Chef shrugged. "Can't control who the kids vote for, can't rig it since they know who voted for who in the outside world."

"Rig it?" the producer repeated, then glared at Chris. "Did you tell him?"

"No, I didn't! Chef, how'd you know?"

"Know what?" the cook asked, looking confused. "There ain't been rigging in this show, has there?"

"No no, of course not," the producer said, shrugging her slender shoulders. "Forget it, we thought you meant something else. So Chris, do what you can to get Hannah out of the stadium, as well as Ezekiel."

"Don't worry, oh fair and generous producer of the world's greatest show," Chris said, almost bowing.

Chef looked between the two. "Is this why Ezekiel wasn't on the Total Drama Battlegrounds digital flyer?"

"Who cares about that?" the producer snapped. "It's not like that flyer makes a big deal in the long run." **[1]**

The large cook just scoffed. "What's wrong with that Hannah girl?" he asked. "Unlike Duncan, she ain't causing any problems. Don't see any problems with her."

The producer rolled her eyes. "Christianity is the religion for losers." **[2]**

Chris glanced to the side, and added, "Well, I'll follow out your orders, sweet and generous miss!"

Chef threw his hands up in frustration as he and Chris left. "But how we gonna get Ezekiel off the show? We don't have any say in this thanks to the rules."

"There are ways," Chris said, rubbing his hands together. "Oh ho, there are ways."

The producer scoffed, dabbing out her second cigarette as she thought about the show. She clicked her nails, and stared at the TV, which was screening the contestants at the cafeteria. Today's challenge was set in mid-afternoon, for the sake of those getting back, and thus breakfast was in the afternoon. She noticed Hannah and Joel sitting together, and seethed.

"I'm not having this," she grumbled. "So long as people act nice to each other, this show is going to lose ratings. Being nice is for losers."

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Cafeteria)**

Hannah and Joel, unaware of who was watching them (and let's face it, do we ever know that?), were talking to each other happily. Everyone seemed to be getting along just fine until Chris Maclean and Chef Hatchet entered. Then he had to go and spoil it in the way only Chris could: opening his mouth.

"Well, contestants, we are at our next virtual reality challenge," he said, grinning and posing. He walked over, patting some of the challengers on the shoulder or the head. "We will enjoy watching you all suffer and die, but remember, no pain in the VR! Aren't we generous!"

"That's mostly because Joel made sure we didn't feel pain," Crystal pointed out.

Chris looked over at the inventor mentioned, and saw Hannah sitting next to him. He scowled at her, and said, "Oh, you're here again."

"Yes," Hannah said.

"Don't you know that since you were voted off, you don't get to come around here no more?" Duncan walked by. "Yo, Chris," he said, high-fiving the host.

"Stay cool, dude," he replied, grinning at the punk. Then he looked back at the sly smiles Joel and Hannah were giving him, then scowled again. "What? He's popular."

"You're not exactly being fair, eh," Ezekiel spoke up.

Chris turned on him, a glare stronger than the prairie boy thought was possible. "Don't get me started on you, dude. You've caused me such anguish and suffering, and I'll make sure you pay!"

He flicked off Ezekiel's toque, and walked off with his handsome nose in the air. The prairie boy shook his head in astonishment, and when he tried to pick up his hat, someone else did and handed it to him.

"Don't let him get to you, Zeke," Bridgette said, as she sat down next to him. "He's just bitter over some reason."

"I wonder what it is, eh?" he mused as he put his toque back on. "And why is he mad at me noo', all of a sudden?"

"Who knows? Maybe he was reminded of something, or maybe he's in a bad mood; some people are like that, they just get mad at people for some unexplained reason. Speaking of which..." She drummed her fingers against the table, and looked at him. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of coo'rse, eh."

Bridgette sighed and shook her head. "Geoff has been more distant than ever. I... I know I shouldn't doubt him, but Trent was there. He's acted guilty about Trent for so long.

"Do you... do you think he voted for Trent?" Ezekiel pondered this for a few seconds, tugging on his toque in thought. He finally fessed up by saying, "Bridgette, I have a lot of respect fur Geoff. I think he may have bin a little jealous of the time you spent with him, but I really, really doo't he'd vote off his girlfriend's brother. He's too cool fur that, eh."

She chuckled, shaking her head. "I know, I'm really being silly. It's just that he doesn't want to make out anymore. And if doesn't want to kiss me, I don't know what we're going to do."

Ezekiel raised an eyebrow. "You could always see what Gwen's doing."

Bridgette gaped at him, then laughed and playfully punched his shoulder. "You sly, prairie dog."

He chuckled, and as the two joked, Heather saw it all happen from afar. She couldn't help but feel jealous right now. The queen been knew she couldn't tell Ezekiel he couldn't talk to Bridgette, but she wanted him to herself.

It didn't help that Valerie was grinning wickedly at her.

"Aww, can't have your boyfriend to yourself?" the politician taunted the queen bee. "What a shame. Maybe you should keep him closer."

She extended her hand to wrap around Zachary's shoulder, and he grinned at Heather too. "Yeah, white girl," he added, "she and I got it going on! I wouldn't look at any other girl after that hotter-than-hot cruise!"

Valerie laughed, and Heather snarled and stormed off. The politician then turned to Zachary and whispered, "It was very hot, wasn't it?"

Extremely, you are one freaky chick when alone."

"Don't you know it, and I like how you said you wouldn't want to be with any other girl."

"No problem, babe."

"Now, we need to talk about who we should seduce next, to get on our side."

Nearby, Yoshi was watching them, suspicious of their actions but unable to hear them. Next to him was Izzy, teasing him about the hickey on his neck that Daisy had left.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - No one seduces a closet.)**

** Ezekiel** - "I didn't want to say this in front of Bridgette, but there is a reason I think he's so cool: _he_ managed to get Bridgette to start dating him." *He chuckles, then looks around nervously.* "Um, doo'nt let Heather knoo' I said that. I love her and all, but I still think Bridgette is very sweet."

**Heather** - *pouting with her arms crossed* "I feel like this is one large soap opera in which I'm playing the character with everyone else flying around me, making me dizzy for how fast things move. I hate it when stuff is out of my control, I miss being the puppet master..."

*She looks guilty when saying this.* "No! No, I promised myself never to do something hideous as hurt someone intentionally for a contest. I owe it to Zekey... don't tell him what I just said, okay?"

**Valerie** - "So Zachary and I had a _very_ good time together on that cruise, but it's time to go back to business. We need to use sex as a weapon here, and both of us are good enough to seduce a couple simpletons. I have my eye on a few hunks... but don't tell Zachary that I might enjoy this."

**Zachary** - "I realize now how stupid I was for not noticing just how hot Valerie could be. She wants me to try seducing a couple girls, like maybe Sadie." *He chuckles and shakes his head.* "That won't be as fun, but maybe Sadie's just desperate enough for a boyfriend that she'll dig a brother. But don't tell her I said that, because I don't want her to know what I'm planning."

**Chef Hatchet** - "Why does everyone who uses this thing ask we don't tell anyone what they said? What's the point of having a confessional if we cannot air the secrets they confessed? Damn it, I have some editing in my close future!"

* * *

Carol was resting at a table, more specifically her forehead. She looked like she had fallen asleep, but Crystal rubbing her shoulder was a sign of something else. Xander sat nearby them quietly, looking nonchalant.

Leshawna walked by them, and noticed the unusual scene. "Hey, kids, I didn't see y'all on the cruise much," she asked, "and it's mostly due to you my man and I got on. How was it?"

"Hmm?" Crystal, obviously distracted with Carol, replied. "Oh, um, fine."

Leshawna knew "fine" meant not good, and she looked over at Xander. The rebel returned her glance with a jerk of the thumb towards Carol. The large sister was confused, then asked, "What's wrong? Was Billy not good to you?"

Carol flinched, then threw her head back and let out a howl that startled every thing in the cafeteria (including the nonliving instruments, it was that powerful). "BILLY," she wailed, then slammed her forehead at breakneck speed at the table, causing an reverberation that sent all tray tables on the table into the air and splattering on others.

Leshawna bit her bottom lip, but unfortunately, couldn't resist saying it. "That bad, eh?"

"Billy met an old friend of his that was kind of like," Crystal tried to explain, looking stressed as she did, torn between a love story and a broken heart, "well, his first girlfriend. She moved away when they were young, and she now works at an airport. Big fan of the show, name is Emily."

"Cute too," Xander noted. "Billy politely excused himself from Carol; plus, as it turns out, there was a bit of an age difference."

"Aww," Leshawna said, looking at the sobbing Carol. "There there, hon, there are other fish in the sea."

"I DON'T WANT TO DATE A FISH," Carol hollered, startling the living and not again. "Why do people keep telling me that I should date a fish not that I lost Billy?"

She continued to sob and pound the table, and Crystal rubbed her back more. Leshawna decided now was the best time to find her boyfriend and sit with him instead.

Nearby, Alfred was cleaning one of the airborne meals off his hat as he sat down next to Mandy. "Hello, cutie," he said, grinning at her.

"C'thulhu's servants are not 'cuties,' mortal," she replied, glaring at him. "What do you want? Don't you want to see Izzy?"

"Nah, I wanted to see you."

"And why would that be? Want to make out again or something?"

"I'd love to talk to you."

Mandy blinked, and stared at him, then laughed. "A guy who just wants to talk? Please."

"C'mon, let's chat a little," Alfred drummed his fingers together, then said, "Tell me about your rats."

No one had ever asked her about her rats. It was rather touching to the cultist, and the pink blush on her face merely made Alfred grin more. From afar, Izzy was silently cheering, but thrashing as if ready to have a seizure. Nearby her, Clive was slumped on the table, trying hard not to think about death that he so wanted.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - A tale of woe, as in 'whoa'!)**

** Carol** - *sobbing* "Ibs nut bair! I wubed B-Billy first... well, I guess I dibn't, but c'mon! Why do the cute, airliner girls get all the hot boys! ARGH!"

**Crystal **- *looking distraught* "Cor blimey... I really hope Carol gets over this. It was a powerful crush she had... getting all totty over him... but I guess that's the way it shall be. I hope she doesn't find out I gave Billy and Emily some guidance after they hooked up; please don't tell her I did that!"

**Chef Hatchet** - *face-palms*

**Xander** - *cleaning his nails with a nail* "Crystal is really upset, almost as much as Carol. So the cruise wasn't so much fun. I mean, I wasn't expecting it to be life-changing or for Crystal to go far with me, she's way too cool of a girl to let some 'bloke' like me do that."

*He chuckles, then bites his nail and spits it out.* "Still, what a letdown. Cannot see how a romantic cruise could be worse."

**Harold and Clive** - **Harold** - "Clive buddy, I know you hated the sea, but how long are you going to be lying on the floor in here?"

**Clive** - "Until the world stops rocking back and forth in a sickening motion."

**Harold** - "Gosh! That was one of the most fun times I've had with my Chocolate Princess, and I wanna gush about that nonstop! Why must you be so emo about this, it's bringing me down!"

**Clive** - "That is life, Harold, make no mistake about it..." *He pauses, then gags.* "There's fingernails all over the floor of this place!"

**Leshawna** - "You all think you've seen romantic? You ain't seen it until you see a boy like Harold buttering you up on a cruise lit by moonlight! That's romance there, boys and girls!"

**Mandy** - *blushing slightly* "Um, I don't know if cultists are allowed to date. And if they do, do they get a second date, because the first date might involve sacrifice... or is that only if it's a bad date? Aw, friggin' pentagrams, why must love be so complicated?"

**Alfred** - "There is something very special about Mandy. She's one of those hardcore tough girls who has a sweet side inside here, just that her hardcore shell is a bit different, and kind of fun too! But if I'm allowed to quote one of my favorite songs..."

*He begins to air guitar, jumping up and down, shouting the lyrics more so than singing them.* "_Every lady's crazy when her daddy's not around... dunh-nuh-NAH-nuh-nuh-nah-nahhh!_"

**Izzy** - *grinning madly* "Spontaneous chaos!"

*She throws a whole armful of ping-pong balls and cackles as they bounce all over the place.* "Behind my madness, there is motive, but it's also just for fun!"

* * *

While flirting was going on in some places, fighting was almost certain to occur in other places. Duncan sat down next to Gwen, as Courtney was busy Rodney. The CIT noticed this right away, and became very grumpy; Rodney hid behind the clipboard he was using when he saw her face.

"Gwen," Courtney snapped, "what did I say about sitting with my boyfriend?" The goth girl scowled right back at her. "For your information, he sat down next to m-"

"I said I didn't want you near him!"

"You know what?" Gwen stood up, grabbing her tray of food, "I don't want to have to argue with you; I'll go sit next to someone else, if only not to hear you BMW'ing!"

As she stomped off, Courtney, satisfied, turned back to Rodney. As she mouthed, "BMW?" in confusion, Rodney peeked out over the clipboard.

"You know, Miss Courtney," he managed to bring himself to say, "don't you think you're being a little too harsh?"

"Rodney, if there's one thing you need to learn during contests like these, you cannot trust anyone, and certainly not girls with your boyfriend."

The prodigy child glanced at Gwen, who was sitting with DJ now, but not saying much. "But she's already seeing someone, and we know she loves Trent and misses him."

"And that's what some girls do when they're lonely, they try to fill the missing space with another boy."

"But Gwen's never shown any sign that she's that kind of girl. I just think she wants someone to talk to."

Courtney was ready to counter this with Bridgette and Leshawna, but she saw both were talking to someone else. Everyone Gwen normally hung out with was busy, even DJ was busy feeding a happy raccoon. The CIT shook her head. "Still, Rodney, why my boyfriend?"

"She and Duncan do have things in common. You don't have to worry, Duncan really likes you, even if," Rodney struggled to say the next part, looking sheepishly at Courtney, "even if you kick him sometimes."

Courtney sighed and collapsed her head in her arms on the table. Pounding the surface in frustration, she grumbled, "I don't believe this. Please tell me I'm not having a moral dilemma!"

"My brother Francis usually has those. Solves them by getting a tattoo on his arm."

"I'm not getting a tattoo, Rodney."

"That's a good thing, Francis doesn't have any room for moral dilemmas any more."

As they talked about this subject, the very same thing was going on at another table, with Katie. She watched as Zachary approached her best female friend forever 'n final (they had added another F recently), and the two were talking now. What exactly she didn't know, and she didn't know whether to just watch, or go over there and shove Zachary away.

"You're going to bore holes into them soon, Cutie-Katie," Noah said, glancing up from his book. He didn't normally glance up from his book, so this showed his concern more than anything.

"I warned her he was a creep," Katie said, not stopping her hole boring. "I told her there are better boys here to go after! But... she's always had a soft spot for bad boys... did it have to be a jerk, though?"

"I'm a jerk, and you're dating me."

"You're not a jerk, you're just blunt," she said, looking away from her BFFFF. "I mean, you wouldn't brag to your friends about what we did in private, would you?"

"No, of course not. No one would believe me anyway, they all think I'm-"

"They're just teasing you, Noah. You let them keep doing it by showing agitation."

"Doesn't it bother you that people say your boyfriend is-"

"No, not really," she interrupted him again, as if trying to prevent a certain word from being said. "I mean..." She cuddled up to him and stroked his chest with her fingertips. "I _know_ you're straight, Noah-Boa."

He chuckled, then added, "We gotta think of a new nickname for me."

"I like it, makes me think of a really large snake."

Noah at first didn't get that, then he thought about it, and his mouth dropped. "Why you," he started, faltering between shock and amusement, "when did you get to be dirty?"

"Still a lot to know about me, Noah," Katie said. "I'm not as simple as you may think."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Now littered with ping-pong balls.)**

** Noah** - *almost tripping on ping-pong balls* "Who put these here? Now then, just when you think you know someone... then again, I never thought I 'knew' Katie completely. Only a fool would believe he knows all there is to know about a woman."

**Katie and Sadie** - **Katie** - "Sadie, trust me, Zachary's not a nice guy!"

**Sadie** - "Can't I just see that for myself? Like, test him?"

**Katie** - "Sadie, he said he wanted to 'get some' from Valerie."

**Sadie** - "Maybe he meant cash? Like get some cash for a soda machine, like the one in the cafeteria?"

**Katie** - *face-palms*

**DJ** - *petting Chico the Raccoon* "Katie's been asking me a lot of questions about what kind of girls I like, what I think of Sadie, all that stuff. I think I know where's she getting at, but I really couldn't date a girl without my momma's approval."

*He lifts up Chico and smiles.* "What do you think, little guy?"

**Chico the Raccoon** - "i wudent no bout datingz, i haz not met a nice ladee raccoon yetz"

**DJ** - *He chuckles and resumes petting him.* "One day, we all will meet a nice lady."

**Chico the Raccoon** - "i lieks to play wid teh ping-pongs fur now"

* * *

Anita and Eva had sat down next to Cody, on both sides. The techgeek felt nervous but rather good about having a couple ladies so eager to sit next to him. Both of the girls were smiling at him but when he wasn't looking, they were glaring at each other.

Eva pointed at Anita behind Cody's back, then dragged her finger across her throat. Anita retaliated by sticking her finger in her mouth and miming gagging. Then both went back to looking sweet to Cody.

Cody wasn't fully aware of this hostility, and was trying to ignore the hostile vibes that seemed to be going on behind his back. He was more content on focusing the pleasantries going on in front of him. Eva was being generous with the syrup on his pancakes, although he had to stop her from draining the whole lot.

Anita was sprinkling salt and pepper on his eggs, and getting a little pepper on Eva's face. As the fitness buff winced and sniffed, Anita took the time to talk to Cody. "So, what do you think the challenge will be?"

"Something to do with the virtual reality system. I'm rather excited, I love the ones we've done, and you know how I love technology."

"Oh, how I know," she replied, as Cody gave her his sausages; he had learned that they hadn't met his own nutritional values, but Anita loved them. She smiled gratefully at him, and thanked him by running her fingers across his shoulder. She braved sneaking closer to him, and whispered, her voice almost shaking from anticipation, "You seem a little tense. I'm sure you'll do well."

Cody giggled, sheepish and nervous from a girl touching him. "Well, I've loved tech-stuff all my life, but I've never had my mind in one. You've done a good job both times, you've survived."

Anita blushed slightly. "I might just be a little lucky. Maybe if we're on the same team, I'll keep you alive."

Eva was done sputtering, and heard the last part. She interpreted the last part as a failure to keep Cody alive in the last VR challenge, and was mad now. The fitness buff also trailed her fingers down Cody's shoulders, skipped over to Anita, and yanked down on her hair. The bombshell didn't even have time to cry out as she fell from the table and hit the floor.

"Ow," Anita groaned, rubbing her head. Eva feigned ignorance and smiled at Cody, who was looking at the fallen girl.

"Anita, are you okay?" he asked.

"Just... fell," she muttered. "Gonna go see the nurse, think I got a bump."

She walked off in a daze, rubbing the back of her head. Cody looked over at Eva, who shrugged nonchalantly. Nearby, some of the others had been watching this little fight. Joel was shaking his head, while Hannah drummed her fingers together nervously.

"Why does love always make people act irrationally?" Joel said with a sigh.

Hannah looked at him. "That's something I still don't understand."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Not wearing leather pants, in case you were wondering.)**

** Cody** - *stumbling around the ping-pong balls* "Whoa, these are an accident waiting to happen. Anyway, I feel kind of bad, I don't want to be egging these two on. Eva's getting really aggressive, and Anita seems to get hurt when she is friendly. Man... I'd ask them for a little space if I didn't love the attention so much."

**Eva** - "I deal with affection the same way I do everything: through muscles! If you want something, you fight for it, don't you? Therefore, that bimbo is not getting to wriggle up next to Cody when I am next to him!"

**Joel** - "Look, I know everyone's not alike, we all have our different personalities, but c'mon there, Eva! You don't win points with someone by hurting someone they like! ... Then again, she's not the only one who does that. Man, I think Hannah should tell them about loving your fellow man."

**Hannah** - "The Lord wants us all to love each other. The creators of a reality TV show want us to hate and rip out each other's eyeballs." *She holds up her Bible.* "Ever since Joel got this back for me, I've been reading it more so. And now, I'm gonna be a rebellious girl and try to make people nicer." *She giggles.*

**Izzy** - "Okay so, I know I'm focused on Alfred and Mandy, but I'm watching from the sidelines on this whole love triangle with Cody. Since he's seen topless and Eva's my lover in another alternate reality as far as my horoscope has told me for today, I'm actually hoping they hook up. Anita has some charm, but what's she really got on a wild woman like Eva?"

**Anita** - *She kicks at the ping-pong balls angrily, rubbing the back of her head.* "I should have just lashed out at Eva there, I really should have. I don't know why I gave her a pass for yanking me by my hair off the table!"

*She sulks and crosses her arms.* "Who told her that only she has the right to court Cody? She didn't even care about him at all in the first two seasons? Did she send Cody a Get-Well-Soon card when he was mauled by a bear like I did? Did she even feel sorry for him when Gwen slapped him over a misunderstanding last season? No, she was laughing, I was crying over the suffering he went through!"

*She points at the camera.* "This is the just beginning, Eva, now the gloves come off. If you ever watch the show, I want you to note this is where your downfall starts!"

**Chef Hatchet** - "Woohoo, I don't have to edit anything! Nothing at all!"

**Yoshi** - *busting into the closet by kicking down the door, startling Chef* "HIKEEBA!"

**Chef Hatchet** - *screams like a little girl*

**Yoshi** - "Oh sorry, I thought you were Zachary." *He waves his hand, then looks down.* "Dude, you wet yourself?" *He walks away disgusted.*

**Chef Hatchet** - *looking down at himself* "Um... I guess I will have to edit something then. Damn it."

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena)**

All of the contestants had gathered in the arena, with Duncan and Hannah mixed in with them. Chris politely addressed Duncan, then turned his nose up at Hannah.

"Now what is up with him?" Gwen asked. "He keeps acting hostile to people he was just fine with yesterday."

"I think it's a delayed reaction caused by some kind of reminder," Hannah said. "Some people are like that."

"Oh, I know what you're talking about," Tyler said, nodding at her. "During the last couple seasons, there were usually a couple interns who came up to us and reminded us of things that happened several days or episodes ago. I think it was to bring back some drama that they wanted resurfaced."

"I don't see why they need to bring back old wounds," Leshawna said. "We're all teenagers, we can make drama out of nothing."

"No, that's women," Chris said, jumping in (literally) their conversation and startling them. "Now get in position, maggots, for today, you're going to really get serious!"

"Isn't this another VR challenge?" Justin asked.

"Yes, but we've decided to ramp up the violence! We're going to see you teens being ripped apart!"

He clicked a button on his remote to Vera, and the screen turned on. Footage of a VR simulation saw a VR Billy walking down a VR corridor. A VR alien with many claws and mandibles pounced, and Billy became a bloody, VR mess.

Sakaki whimpered hid behind Sebastian, and he pat her hand comfortingly. Bridgette was shocked and grabbed Geoff's arm; however, it turned out not to be Geoff.

"Ow, Bridgette," Ezekiel groaned, "I cannot feel the tips of my fingers, you're squeezing too hard, eh."

The surfer girl let go and apologized, while Geoff looked slightly jealous of this small interaction, as did Heather. The queen bee wrapped her arms around Ezekiel's other arm, and when he stroked her arm affectionately, she was content.

Chris scoffed. "So, Ezekiel, hogging all the women? How did a misogynist like you get to be popular anyway? You and your stupid hat."

"Now what's his deal?" Heather asked, scowling. "Is he trying to get people mad at you or something?"

"I'd throw you out of a moving airplane if I could!"

"I'm not exactly sure what he meant by that," DJ said, "but it sounds rather negative."

"Really?" Alfred asked. "Sounds like fun, I'd love to try it once."

"If it wasn't out of a plane, I'd agree," Izzy said, nodding a great many times. Then she glared at Chris and added, "If you continue to threaten my Zeke, I'll be putting something sticky in your hair gel!"

"Is nothing sacred to you teenagers?" Chris muttered, running a hand through his hair. "Now then, about the challenge-"

"Oh, are we actually going to do a challenge?" Noah asked. "I thought you would just continue insulting us so that you could get some screen time for your mug."

Chris fumed as Katie giggled and high-fived her boyfriend. The host glared at the two and said, "You two annoy me almost as much. But now, we are going to discuss the theme for our virtual reality battle...

"VR Battle #3: Aliens on a Spaceship!"

"Alright," Gwen cheered. "I love alien movies!"

"Really?" Courtney said, knuckles on her hips. "That doesn't surprise me, considering you..."

She felt a tapping on her knees, and saw Rodney elbowing her leg gently. Courtney shut her mouth for a second, then sighed and waved her hand. "Nah, never mind."

"Oh, I know what you were going to say," Gwen replied.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet Encounters of the Third Kind)**

** Gwen** - "I've loved alien movies ever since I started to think of how intelligent life may be out there. Might be a change of pace from the so-called 'intelligent' life on this planet."

**Courtney** - "Rodney is insisting I don't speak so harshly. I thought it was just because that he was a kid, but Bridgette agreed with him when I asked! So I guess I should try to be... nice."

*She groans and shakes her head, but then ponders and taps her chin.* "Still... wouldn't hurt to work on my image training. Keeping a straight face when dealing with those of lesser intelligence."

**Heather and Ezekiel** - **Heather** - "I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get on Courtney or Gwen's good side, ever."

**Ezekiel** - "Well, you just got to give them time. Nothing's impossible, eh."

**Heather** - "How can you be so positive? I mean, you know what I was like, and old habits don't die hard-"

**Ezekiel** - "Listen, my parents liked you, eh. If they did, and noticed hoo' you've changed, others can notice too."

**Heather** - "I guess so. But you know, even I have a hard time imagining myself being a 'nice girl.' Heck, I'm sure most of the viewing audience of this show at home doesn't think I could change."

**Ezekiel** - "Does it really matter what a large groo'p of total strangers you'll never meet think, eh?"

**Heather** - "It might on Twitter... if I can ever explain to you how that works."

**Ezekiel** - *He chuckles, then pulls her in for a hug.*

* * *

Chris clapped his hands, getting the contestants' attention. "Now, I will describe the challenge. There will be two teams, half of you on one and half on the other. Each team will be on a large spaceship, and each armed with a plasma gun or laser sword. You'll find more weapons around the spaceship.

"Shortly after the VR starts, an alien pod ship will latch onto the ship, and bore a hole into the side. Once sealed and open, aliens will start spewing out. As time increases, two more pods will latch onto the ship, each carrying a dangerous amount of our aliens!"

He pointed up at the screen, where three aliens were being displayed. One was a quadruped with giant mandibles and long claws on each foot. The second one was a biped with long, jagged claws coming from its wrists, razor mandibles as well. The third had six legs and looked like a centaur, with long scythes as arms and an incredible amount of sharp teeth.

"First one is called a Creetle, second one is Shrasher, and third is the Aytaur," Chris explained. "You'll be fighting a ton of these monsters, and on the third pod, the queen alien is there."

Valerie chuckled and looked over at Heather. "Would that be her?" she asked, jerking her thumb at the queen bee. An assortment of chuckles and scowls at Valerie went around.

"Ahaha, nope, but good guess," Chris said. "Now, there's no way you people could kill the queen, but even if you did, that's not how you win. The only way you'll win is if you kill all the aliens on the ship, or escape it and self-destruct the ship."

"What's to stop us from going to the escape pods," DJ asked, "and just flee at the beginning?"

"Coward," Yoshi muttered, shaking his head. "What kind of man runs at the first sign of danger?"

"The kind that sees those freaks going at him," DJ replied, pointing at the aliens on the screen.

Eva sighed and shook her head. "Look, DJ's right. What's stopping us from making a dash for the escape pods?"

"They won't be activated until the third pod has latched onto the ship," Chris said. "Once that third alien pod is releasing aliens onto the ship, the escape capsules and self-destruct will be activated; you cannot even get in the room with the capsules and console for demolition until that third pod is there.

"You can try to all form up in the corridor that leads to said room, but with aliens coming out and spreading around, it's hard for you to all link together. And if you just try to hide, you'll find that a swarm of these aliens are hungry for human flesh. So fight as much as you can, and try to stay alive, because the team with the most survivors wins!"

"Any other variables?" Sebastian asked.

"Would I do that to you all?" Chris asked innocently.

"YES," most of them replied.

"Well, if all the members of a team dies, the other team wins, of course," the host said. "And, like I said, the most survivors wins. If four survivors kill all the aliens on one team, and six escape and destroy the ship on the other, the one with six members wins.

"Now for the teams! The first team is called The Troopers! Members are Beth, Anita, Noah, Eva, Sadie, Cody, Izzy, Geoff, Tyler, Katie, Clive, Mandy, Yoshi, DJ, Carol, Joel, Colin, and Gwen!"

As those called walked over to the left side where Chris was gesturing, Noah was grumbling and muttering, "Uncreative dipstick." **[3]**

Some of them noticed Chef Hatchet also went and stood with them, though they figured it was because he didn't want to stand near Chris anymore. The host was going on to mention the other team.

"The second team is called The Predators! Members are Leshawna, Valerie, Sakaki, Arthur, Lindsay, Heather, Rodney, Ezekiel, Alfred, Bridgette, Courtney, Justin, Zachary, Harold, Sebastian, Belinda, Crystal, and Xander."

"Oh, I see what you mean," Katie whispered to Noah as she watched the others stand in position. "That was, like, so uncreative."

Now Chris was standing next to the Predators, and he was grinning smugly. "Chef, how is your team going to win this?"

"We're gonna smoke you, pretty boy!"

"Wait a minute," Beth spoke up, waving her hand. "Chef is on our team?"

"Good question! You get a cookie," Chris said, tossing her a cookie. As she ate it (and the audience oddly enough cheered for this), the handsome host continued to say, "You see, in every good alien movie, you have to have a commander, a father to his men! Someone to lead the troops as one or two of you stand out and kick butt!

"Chef Hatchet is going to lead the Troopers, and I, me, Chris Maclean," the host proudly exclaimed with all the modesty he could muster, "me me me, yours truly, am going to lead to Predators!"

This went over the Predators like a balloon made of anvils.

"NO," Leshawna shouted, stomping her foot. "No way, mister!"

"No no no no no no no," Heather chanted, shaking her head.

"That's about as comforting," Sebastian grumbled, "as a car ride with a bear."

Chris acted hurt. "Aw, c'mon, guys. I can be a good captain."

"You make bets on the competition," Courtney shouted.

"You could throw it all to win some cash," Justin said.

"You don't play fair," Bridgette complained, "ever!"

The host rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Look you punks, you have to have a captain, and I'm the only one who can do it!"

"What about Duncan?" Zachary asked, pointing at the punk.

"Or Hannah?" Alfred asked.

"No and no, no ex-contestants," Chris replied, shaking his finger at them. "Face it, I'm your leader."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Take me to your leader!)**

** Colin** - "I don't mind Chef being our leader. He's big, tough, and it'd take a long time for the aliens to eat him before they moved on."

**Beth** - "Chef as our leader is rather scary. I wonder if they did bet something, then they probably wouldn't throw the match."

**Chris Maclean** - "We were going to throw the match. It'd be very easy for me to get everyone else killed, and then frame a certain sequel-ruining, toque-wearing twerp. But no! My plans just had to be ruined by him... again!"

* * *

The Predators were desperately thinking of who could replace Chris Maclean. Then Ezekiel saw some action out of the corner of his eye, and looked around. Groucho the Duck was chasing after Fuzzy Wuzzums the Bear, shooting at him with a paint ball gun.

"Sneak into MY picnic basket, will ya?" the duck was quacking angrily at the bear, who covered the back of his head as he retreated. "I had a nice picnic planned for today, and you ate all my sandwiches! You're lucky you didn't eat the grenades I had in there too!"

As the bear ran away from his fowl attacker, Ezekiel hurried over and pointed at Groucho. "He's perfect!"

"Him?" was the startled reply from others, including Chris.

"Me?" Groucho replied, shouldering his paint ball gun. "Me what?"

Ezekiel picked up the duck and ran over to test his luck with his choice. "He could lead us, eh! He's got combat experience, good with guns-"

"It's a duck," Chris spat, annoyed by this.

"He's perfect," Arthur exclaimed, clapping his hands. He pat the fowl on the head and added, "This duck kicks ass!"

"I agree," Harold said, saluting the confused duck. "I saw his mad combat skills last season, I think he will be a fine leader."

Chris stomped his foot. "I'm not being replaced by some dumb duck I could have for breakfast!"

The fowl pointed his paint ball gun right in the host's face, and Chris grew very aware of how a bruise on his handsome mug would look. "Um, fine, whatever. It's just as well, that duck is an assured way for you to lose."

"So you _were_ planning on losing on purpose," Crystal shouted.

"That's not very nice," Rodney said, shaking his head.

"So the Predators get a duck to help them," Chris announced, not bothering to hide his annoyance, "and the Troopers get Chef Hatchet to help them win! Guess who the victor will be!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Duck captains in the 21st century!)**

** Arthur** - "I have no idea why Chris wanted to throw a match, but that doesn't matter! We have Groucho the Duck on our side, and they just have that big pansy!"

**Belinda** - "Chris Maclean might have been aiming to eliminate someone specifically, but that doesn't mean his plans are foiled completely. We could still lose, that person could still be eliminated. It all depends what our new leader is capable of. What do you think?" *She holds up Groucho the Duck, who salutes the camera and quacks.*

**Groucho the Duck** - "No duck ever won a war by dying for his team, he did it by making cold-blooded, son of the queen alien die for his war!"

* * *

Chef Hatchet paced back and forth in front of the Troopers, barking out orders. "When we get on that ship, we will be in six groups of three, with me alone! Completely random, so we don't get the choice of which maggot is with which worm! We'll meet up, and we'll kill every alien we see. No exceptions, I'm not abandoning the ship!"

"Yes sir," some barked in reply. Others, like Yoshi, Gwen, and Noah, didn't want to bother.

Yoshi was busy straightening the cloth he had over his ruined hair. Gwen was just busy recalling every fight scene from every alien action movie she had seen. Noah was busy reading a book on fighting off aliens (yes, they make books like that).

Groucho the Duck was pacing back and forth as well, but he hadn't given any orders. When asked, he said, "You soldiers trained yourselves to think on your own. Watch your backs, never leave a man or woman behind, and don't die fighting. Live fighting."

The contestants were all given time to talk, but then they were sent over to the giant, virtual reality machine. They all sat down, strapped in, and were dialed up.

* * *

**(The Predators)**

Leshawna, Rodney, and Zachary were patrolling down a corridor on the far west side of the ship. Zachary was already whining, but the other two didn't really listen.

"This is Leshawna, from Team 1," Leshawna said into her walkie-talkie, ones powerful enough to reach all ends of the spaceship. "Predators aboard the Battlecruiser, sound off."

"Team 2 with Valerie, Ezekiel, and Harold reporting in," Valerie said, clenching her plasma gun.

"Team 3 with Sebastian, Sakaki, and Alfred reporting in," Sebastian acknowledged.

"Team 4 with Arthur, Belinda, and Bridgette ready," Arthur reported.

"Team 5 with Courtney, Crystal, and Lindsay are here," Courtney said.

"And Team 6 with Heather, Justin, and Xander at the ready," Heather listed off.

"Excellent," Leshawna said. "We're all ready in case of an attack."

As she spoke to their teammates, Rodney saw a man wearing a red shirt walking by them. "Excuse me, mister," he called out to the man, "but where is the Battlecruiser headed?"

"We're off to the planet of Maclean," the man said to him, seemingly proud.

"Oh boy," Zachary groaned, shaking his head. "Is that the real name... whoever you are?"

"Yes, and my name is Ted."

"Well Ted-"

"Ted Deadman."

The three Predators exchanged nervous glances. "Is that true?" Rodney asked. "Your name is Ted Deadman?"

"Yes. That woman over there," Ted pointed at a passing woman. "That's Leslie Deadman. My cousin Greg Deadman is at the mess hall. I think most of us here are Deadmen."

Leshawna nervously straightened her collar. "My, how comforting. Where's the captain?"

"Oh, Captain Wurdoomed is at the front of the ship, leading us to the haven of planet Maclean-"

"No no, _our_ captain," Leshawna declared. "He didn't use his walkie-talkie."

Meanwhile, Groucho the Duck was busy quacking into a walkie-talkie. "Damn it, work! Work! Oh, I think I broke this damn thing!"

The entire ship shook, and one of the ensigns looked down at the duck in horror. "You broke the whole ship?"

"No no, I didn't do that! It must be..."

From far off, the duck could hear startled cries and questions in confusion. Alarms started to blare, and the duck lifted up his plasma gun. The ensigns ran around in a panic.

Heather's group was closest to where the pod had latched onto the ship. The room the wall was part of sealed off, and she could hear the ensigns inside screaming to be let out. Despite their efforts, Justin and Xander couldn't get the door to open.

"No good, it sealed itself," Xander muttered. "You know, we were just in there."

"That could have been us," Justin mumbled. "Wow, we would have been dead men."

The screaming inside paused as some chilling hisses that weren't like anything the humans had heard, then the screaming intensified. Sounds of unimportant extras being ripped apart could be heard, and Heather winced.

Loud pounding at the door followed, and claws started to rip through the doors. Justin and Xander started shooting through the open holes, and purple, alien blood spilt through.

"That's great," Heather exclaimed. "Just keep shooting, and they'll never get through-"

She had spoke too soon, as the doors were completely demolished. Justin and Heather jumped to one side, Xander to the other. So many of the aliens poured through, they stumbled over each other.

Heather turned on her laser sword, and started cleaving into them, but Justin pulled her back. "Get back, there's too many," the male model exclaimed.

"I'm not scared of them," Heather declared. "I won't back down! Xander, where are you?"

"I'm here," the rebel cried from the other side of the swarm, firing into it. "Look, Heather, let's retreat for now, or we'll be-"

He stopped when an aytaur alien drove its scythe-like arm into Xander's chest. He didn't feel pain, just his body seizing up. "Aw, damn," he coughed. "Looks like I'm first to go."

"No," Heather shouted. "No no, this cannot be! We can't lose someone this early."

"Sorry, sweetheart," Xander called as he stumbled backwards and fell down, losing all his energy. "Just... get out of here!"

Justin managed to pull Heather out of her shock as they ran over, and the aliens swarmed over Xander's body as they continued to hunt for more humans.

...

Pretty soon, they were crawling in almost every corridor. Sakaki hid behind Sebastian as he and Alfred dispatched of them, leaving purple, bloody messes. "That's not natural," she squeaked.

"I know, but it's fun," Alfred cheered, punting an alien's disembodied head.

...

"Ewwwww," Lindsay screamed when purple blood spurted on her when she stabbed an alien with her laser sword. "Ewww ewww ewww!"

Courtney hissed angrily as she shot at an alien sneaking through the vents. "Lindsay, shut up!"

"Stop being so rude, I have icky, alien blood all over me," the blonde whined.

"Now stop complaining," the CIT snapped. "We need to fight and stay alive-"

A creetle alien leapt in the air at here. She screamed and held her hands up as defense, but it wasn't needed as the alien dissolved in a plasma blast. Alien blood splattered all over Courtney.

"Damn right you need to stay alive," Groucho the Duck said as he walked up from behind them. "I appreciate your efforts, Private Courtney, you're a fighting example of our troops."

Courtney blinked as alien blood ran down her face and front. She screamed and wiped it off herself desperately. "Ewww ewww ewwww," she wailed, as Lindsay helped her try to wipe off the blood.

"Or not," Groucho muttered, shaking his head.

Crystal rolled her eyes. "Bloody hell, this war is a gruesome thing. Everyone must be horrified."

...

Arthur was cackling as he blew away aliens. "Yeah, that's right," he shouted, "I cannot get enough make muck of aliens on this muck of a spaceship!"

Bridgette gagged when one of them erupted in front of her, splattering her with purple blood. Belinda handed her a handkerchief, but it wasn't nearly enough.

"This is so gross," Bridgette muttered as she dabbed at her eyes. "So we have to keep doing this until we kill every last one?"

"Afraid so," Belinda said. "And I hate to say it, but I have a bad feeling about this..."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Will boldly go where no closet has gone before.)**

** Chris Maclean** - "When I was denied the chance to lead, I decided to give Team Predators a little surprise: every alien pod has about a million aliens in them! Each!" *He cackles notoriously.*

**Justin** - "Why is it every alien out there in fiction always is... really, really ugly? Can't we get some really good-looking aliens for once? And ones that don't want to eat our brains either."

**Sakaki** - "I prefer friendly, little aliens... like ET."

**Bridgette** - "I... hate to admit it, but sometimes I have a lot of fun shooting at things. Harold taught me how to paint ball in the first season, and it's grown on me... is that wrong?"

**Sebastian** - "If there is intelligent life out there, let us hope they're not bloodthirsty like that. People might make it into a reality TV show."

**Lindsay** - "Those aliens got blood in my hair! It made me want to wear one of those space helmets, but then people couldn't see my face. Did the astronauts who went up ever think about that, that no one would recognize them on the moon?"

* * *

**(The Troopers)**

Anita juggled her walkie-talkie in her hand as she looked around the room. The door had said 'Armory' but there was nothing to be found in here. Katie and Geoff were searching around too, sometimes in places the other had just looked.

After a couple minutes, the walkie-talkie spat out a gob of static, followed by laughter. "Haha, you guys," Mandy's voice could be hear amid her cackles. "The ensigns on this ship are called Cannonfodder!"

"That's... not good," Eva replied.

"But predictable," said Gwen.

"Will you maggots stop playing around?" Chef bellowed, startling all those who were holding a walkie-talkie. "Sound off NOW, worms!"

"Cranky jerk," Mandy grumbled. "This is Team 1 of Mandy, DJ, and Noah."

"Team 2 of Carol, Tyler, and Sadie at the ready," Carol said.

"Team 3 of Eva, Izzy, and Beth, ready to fight," barked Eva.

"Team 4 of Yoshi, Clive, and Cody, reporting in," said Yoshi.

"Team 5 of Anita, Geoff, and Katie, all good," reported Anita.

"Team 6 of Gwen, Joel, and unfortunately Colin," said Gwen.

"Now get cracking, maggots," Chef Hatchet snapped.

Carol's stammer could be heard next. "But there aren't any aliens around yet-"

"I SAID GET CRACKING! SO CRACK SOMETHING!"

"Yes, Master Chief," Carol whimpered, then the others heard her sobbing loudly. "No wonder Billy didn't want me, I don't crack well enough."

Sadie could be heard trying to comfort her as Anita shook her head. "That Chef Hatchet is one bombastic bully," she muttered. "He doesn't really give orders so much as yell at us."

"You think we can still win?" Katie asked her.

"Of course we can. The aliens won't know what hit them when they board this shi-"

The whole ship shook with a terrible impact, but stronger in the room they were in; it threw them right off their feet. Anita struggled to stand up when she saw claws ripping the wall, the wall that protected them from outer space's cruel vacuums.

She froze in mid-stance when those claws ripped apart the metal walls, and then retracted. Aliens poured through, looking around as they exited from the maw of the pod that had secured itself to the side of the ship.

"Run," Katie whimpered, and promptly ran into the door. It had sealed shut, and nothing she could do would open it. "Why won't Mr. Door let us run?" she shrieked, pounding on the door.

"Breach in hull detected," the console for the door (hey, it's sci-fi, everything talks) chirped. "Door will not open until clearance is given."

"That doesn't even make sense," Geoff hollered. "Why would a door not open from the inside if there was a breach? Obviously someone inside wants to escape the breach?"

"Damn sci-fi B-movie flaws," Anita growled, staring down an alien that was staring at her chest. "Well, there's only one thing to do."

"Cry?" Katie whimpered.

"Party?" Geoff asked.

"Both," Anita said, raising her plasma gun at the alien leering at her. "And go down fighting."

When perverted alien became goo, all the aliens charged forward. The three went down screaming, and outside, Team 3 could hear their final cries.

"That's so horrible," Beth whimpered. "I mean, I know they're not feeling pain and they're not really dead and it's all just a game, but-"

"But that's part of what makes it so much fun," Eva said, grinning as she turned on her laser sword. "Let them come, I'll kill every last one of them."

"Excellent choice of words," Izzy cheered, "my muscular momma!"

"I told you to never, ever call me that again."

"And when do I ever listen to anyone?"

"That's not very polite, Izzy," Beth chastised her.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't listening," Izzy chirped, smiling innocently. "What did you say?"

Beth sulked for a second, but it was only a second as the aliens were clawing violently at the door, breaking through it. Eva stabbed one through the hole it made, then began lunging at every alien that dared poke through.

"She'll kill them all before they even get out of the room," Beth cheered.

Of course, everyone knows what happens when you speak too soon in scenarios like this. The door actually started to bulge, and the chatter of the aliens behind it was deafening. Nothing was striking or clawing the door, it just seemed to have a great force pushing against it.

Izzy was grinning like the mad woman she was. "There's too many," she explained to a confused Beth. "There's so many in there, it's like trying to fill a water balloon with too much syrup. Eventually, something's going to burst."

"There's going to be _that_ many aliens?"

"And more. Chris probably spiked the amount that will come forth from each pod as a way to spite us."

"That's... that's really not good."

"You have a way with understatements," Eva said, managing a smile for her friend.

The door burst, flung across the hall and into the wall, and the aliens poured out like water. Eva was on one side, Izzy and Beth on the other, but the aliens were too confused and trying to get untangled.

"Alright, Beth girl, they're sitting ducks," Izzy said to the startled farm girl. "Let loose a mighty battle cry, something like... ahem...

"DEVIANT ART SUCKS!" **[4]**

All three girls took to fighting the aliens that struggled to get organized in their not-at-all organized alien swarm manner. They scrambled around the three girls even, but failed to attack from behind, most likely still disoriented or even afraid of Izzy and Eva.

...

"Die," Mandy shouted, stabbing an alien through the face with her laser sword. "Good! You did as you asked!"

"Do you really need to talk down to them too?" Noah asked, rolling his eyes as he shot at the approaching aliens. "I mean, seriously, they're not that bright to begin with."

"Speaking of not-too-bright, when is the big teddy bear going to realize he's twice your size?"

Noah looked around to see DJ was still hiding behind him. "I'll never understand," the bookworm muttered, "how you got into sports with that attitude."

"I'd very much like my mom now," DJ whimpered.

"Why would you want her here, it's not exactly the place where she'd be safe," Mandy replied, slicing another alien in half.

"Oh, you don't know my mom."

...

Sadie screamed as an alien lunged for her, only to be blasted away by Carol. Tyler let out a cheer, and pumped his fist. "Excellent shot, Carol!"

"Thank you, handsome," she replied, high-fiving the jock. "I'm so killing all of them, for... for BILLY!"

Carol fell down to her knees, sobbing and punching the floor. "Why why why? Why couldn't I have worked at an airport or something?"

Sadie and Tyler exchanged looks, and tried to think of what to do, especially when more aliens started to come at them. Then a bunch of plasma shots came from behind them, and all of the aliens were reduced to goo.

They looked around to see Chef Hatchet holding a _really_ big gun, a gatling plasma gun. Steam came from the barrels as he glared at the teenagers. "How dare you all freeze up? And you, short girl-"

"DON'T CALL ME SHORT!"

"Stop your blubbering, and stand up! We are soldiers, fighting warriors, the deadliest of them all."

Sadie bit her bottom lip, Tyler scratched the back of his head, and Carol wiped tears from her eyes. They did not look like warriors to Chef, so he decided to motivate them.

"What you need is your adrenaline pumping, a near-death experience," Chef roared. He pointed at some more aliens coming at them. "Charge at them!"

"That's really no necessary," Tyler spoke up. "Considering how many there are, and-"

"I SAID," Chef shouted as he picked up Tyler, "charge them!" He threw the jock into the fray.

Tyler, screaming as he flew through the air, crashed into an alien headfirst. He accidentally let go of his laser sword, and in his stunned state, the aliens swarmed him and ripped him apart.

As Sadie and Carol watched in horror, Chef saluted in pride. "That's how you win a war," he exclaimed. "You charge into the fray, and fight the enemy head-on!"

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena)**

Tyler gasped as the VR system released him. Grumbling in frustration, he stomped away from the machine. "That stupid cook, what a bogus way to go."

"I'll say," Xander said, shaking his head and patting him on the back. "But don't worry, your team is gonna win."

"Oh come on, we have that big, stupid fool on our side."

"Yeah, but guess what I found out," the rebel said. "Chris has programmed more aliens for my team."

"Why would he do that?"

"Beats me."

Tyler shook his head and walked off. Nearby, Duncan and Hannah were watching the fights on the large screens. The punk was cackling with laughter over the aliens' deaths. "This is great," he exclaimed. "Better than any other alien movie I've watched! And the coolest part is, I know all the actors!"

Hannah chuckled. "Sure is an exciting spectacle."

"Hey, wanna take bets on who is going to die next?"

"That's not in my nature, sorry."

"I think Lindsay will die next. Girls who are all bod and no brain don't last long."

Something hit him up the back of the head, and that something was Hannah's hand. When the punk looked at her in astonishment, she shook a finger at him and said, "That was not appropriate."

Duncan rubbed the sore spot. "Dang... why are girls insisting on hitting me so often?"

"Maybe if you were a little more polite?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - I'm taking bets!)**

** Duncan** - "Dang... I don't know what's wrong with me, but after that Christian chick slapped me upside the head... I started thinking how hot she really was! Don't let Courtney hear that, please."

**Chef Hatchet** - "ARGH! Why must they keep calling for edits?"

**Tyler** - "Well, our team is dead. Totally screwed because of that stupid cook. Dang man, we could have rocked the challenge! But you know... things still seem worse for the other team."

**Geoff** - "Man... eliminated so quickly! Katie was fine about it, but Anita looked a little upset. All I know is that our team is doomed, the Troopers stand no chance."

**Chris Maclean** - "Man, I'll do everything I can to make sure the Predators lose, and that Ezekiel gets voted off."

**Tyler** - *popping up behind Chris and startling the heck out of him* "I KNEW IT! I won't let you!"

*He tackles Chris, who trips on the ping-pong balls, and the closet is trashed in their struggle.*

**Rodney** - "To any aliens watching us from afar and upset at our callous interpretation of extraterrestrial life, our sincere apologizes." *He chuckles and waves at the camera.* "And if you do exist, you're welcome to land in Canada! We're friendly and a really nice country, just please bunch up because it's a little cold."

* * *

...

...

...

**Which team of space-exploring survivors will make it through this challenge: the Troopers or the Predators?**

** Will Chris' plan work? Will it not? So how much involvement is that host really allowed?**

** And do you believe that aliens exist? If they do, would they be smart enough to contact us, or smarter and avoid the human race?

* * *

**

**The Troopers (Led by Chef):**

_Team 1_ - Mandy, DJ, Noah

_Team 2_ - Sadie, Carol

_Team 3_ - Beth, Eva, Izzy

_Team 4_ - Clive, Cody, Yoshi

_Team 6_ - Gwen, Colin, Joel

_Dead_ - Katie, Anita, Geoff, Tyler.

...

**The Predators (Led by Groucho):**

_Team 1_ - Leshawna, Rodney, Zachary

_Team 2_ - Valerie, Ezekiel, Harold

_Team 3_ - Sakaki, Alfred, Sebastian

_Team 4_ - Arthur, Bridgette, Belinda

_Team 5_ - Lindsay, Courtney, Crystal

_Team 6_ - Heather, Justin.

_Dead_ - Xander.

...

** Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date** - Mystery Science Theater 3000 Poster on the wall, Noah's Old Cot, Throw Pillows tossed about, crowbar imbedded in the left wall, elbow-shaped dent in right wall, ping-pong balls scattered all over the floor.

* * *

**[1]** - So why isn't Ezekiel in the Total Drama World Tour flyer yet, HMMM?

**[2]** - The "Christianity is the religion for losers" was something along the lines of something once said by Ted Turner, who has a large influence in American TV. I figured if that's the kind of person who makes the calls, someone who puts teenagers through torture for entertainment would be just as bad.

**[3]** - Noah rolled his eyes. "Could the teams be more obvious? Everyone on Team Troopers has a name that's five letters or less."

Katie nodded. "Oh yeah, and everyone on Team Predators has a name six letters or longer! Kind of funny how it didn't work when Chris wanted to lead, his name wouldn't fit with five letters, but Groucho does!"

**[4]** - Deviant Art permanently banned my account and a friend of mine for something we did in a few exchanged of posts. I think that kind of tolerance is hypocritical, since Deviant Art allows some of the most horrid things I've ever seen, and I don't mean bad art. Anyone who linked stuff to my DA profile, by the way, will need to see my new profile, which is also named KoboldNecromancer. Sound familiar?

...

**Next Up** - More aliens, more pods, more wonderful carnage!


	31. Ch 9, Pt 2: Star Wreck

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. If intelligent life does exist out there, do not be offended with this rather unflattering interpretation; heck, you probably have thought it once or twice too.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - As the violence against aliens, and violence committed by them, I have to announce that **Izzy** has won the poll on who is the deadliest of the TDI characters, absolutely smoking all others. Now it's time for you to vote on who of the new characters is the most deadly.

**Warning** - There's violence in this challenge, lots of alien and human deaths. I know that's nothing important to any of you, but since people pitch giant fits over sex whenever I write about it, I am going to act like violence is just as bad. Which it friggin' should be.

* * *

**Chapter 31** - Stardate Thursday, Aliens Eat Free

* * *

...

...

...

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena)**

Anita sighed and shook her head. "You know, it's really not as much fun to watch these VR challenges. It's just so much more delightful to be in them."

"I dunno, I think the aliens are scary," Katie admitted. "It's also, like, so less stressful now that we don't have to fight."

"Our team is down four, theirs one. I really hope this setback won't cause us a loss."

"Chill, babe," Geoff said to her, offering a smile. "It's all cool, why do you sound so stressed?"

"I just was never good at sitting on the sidelines," Anita admitted, shrugging.

"I know the feeling," Tyler said, rolling his eyes when he saw Chef on the large screens.

Xander, sitting near them, merely chuckled. "Least you four have it easy for your side. You may be losing now, but I doubt that'll last."

"What makes you say that?" Geoff asked.

"Chris obviously has it in for our team. Trust me, we'll lose this if he amps it up."

Anita pat the rebel's shoulder, smiling at him. "Now don't worry, this is going to be a fair fight. You don't have to worry about anything..."

She was distracted when she saw Cody on the big screens, fighting off aliens. She swooned as she watched him fire his laser gun and destroyed the aliens around him. He almost shot Eva, who had been cut off from her group, and then motioned for her to join them. This did not settle well with Anita.

"Oh come _on_," Anita shouted, rising from her seat and stomping her fist. "Why does she always have to be with him!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Night of the bloody beasts.)**

** Anita** - *sulking and crossing her arms* "It's getting infuriating how often Eva is with Cody. If it keeps up like this, I'm going to lose my chance at dating the sexiest techgeek there is!" *She grabs her head in frustration, then calms down and sighs.* "Maybe I should have been more forward when I had time. Next time, I swear I will be!"

**Geoff** - "All this talk of dating and treachery and what not and so on, it makes me feeling guilty again. Oh why did I vote off Bridgette's stepbrother? It's karma that killed me in the game, dudes, karma!" *He starts crying.*

**Xander** - *He opens his mouth to speak, then sniffs the air.* "Smells like guilt and shame in here. Anyway, maybe I'm overreacting to this whole bias thing. Chris wouldn't tilt the game that much, would he?"

**Chris Maclean** - "Hehe, I'm flattered Xander has faith in me, but rebel boy is wrong. Because Joel had something set for the sci-fi challenges, something that is called the B-Movie Setting. You see, you can program it to make things more amusing, or in some cases..."

* * *

**(The Predators. Team 3 - Alfred, Sakaki, Sebastian)**

The shrasher swung it's arm at Sakaki, hitting her in the stomach. She collapsed to the ground like a sack of potatoes (or something else, if you don't like potatoes). Sebastian and Alfred were quick to kill the alien, and all its little friends. That wasn't enough to save the moe girl, however.

"Sakaki," Sebastian cried out as he held her in his arms, flabbergasted at how she was dead. "How... how did that alien kill her? All it did was hit her!"

Alfred ground his teeth, tilting his hat in honor of the fallen girl. "I think Chris Maclean has activated the B-Movie Settings."

"That sounds... cheap."

"And thus, the clichés of B-grade sci-fi movies applies to our game. Joel told me about it, because we both watch bad movies."

"How do bad sci-fi movies explain why Sakaki's dead?" Sebastian asked, gently lying her body on the floor.

"You see, in quite a few bad movies, the alien or monster just hits someone, like a chop or a whack, and people fall down dead. It's their cheap way of showing how the alien is strong."

"All that alien did was hit her stomach with his arm!"

"And that's how people die in bad movies."

Sebastian seethed, tugging at one of his dreadlocks. "You know what, as a philosopher, I have to say about this?"

"No, what dude?"

"Phooey."

Alfred chuckled, and picked up Sakaki's laser gun. Now dual wielding them, he held them up and grinned. "Let's blow away B-movie aliens, for Sakaki."

Sebastian managed to smile and fist-bump his friend. "For Sakaki."

As they slashed and shot more aliens, the philosopher mused, "Say, what do you think the others are dealing with?"

"Beats me, but it's probably just as bad."

* * *

**(The Troopers. Team 1 - DJ, Mandy, Noah.)**

"Is it just me," DJ asked his teammates, "or does that alien have a zipper down his back?"

Noah took note of that, and face-palmed. "Seriously, it does. We're fighting low-budget aliens now?"

"Hey, you can see the strings on that one," Mandy chirped, pointing at an alien that was thrashing like a puppet. She cackled and slashed it to pieces.

A very large alien came around the corner. As large as a man and claws as long as three feet, it was an imposing sight. Well, it would have been, had it not looked very much like...

"Now we're fighting men in rubber suits?" Noah balked, pointing at the alien. He groaned and shot at it. The alien's chest fizzled, and it fell to the ground with a death rattle. "This is getting more and more pathetic."

"This is getting more and more delightful," Mandy exclaimed, cleaving cheesy alien after fake-looking alien. "It's like the B-movie I've always wanted to see, with a kick-ass heroine cleaving up the badly-made aliens!"

DJ looked between his two teammates, wondering how to add to this conversation. Then an alien leapt at him and started gnawing at his chest. He shrieked and started running around in circles. "Get it off, get it off," he wailed.

Mandy instantly came to his side, and swung her laser sword with great accuracy, slicing the alien and not DJ. She examined the damage, and said, "Wow. A vicious creature with claws and teeth attacks your chest, and all it does is rip your shirt a little."

DJ looked down at his torn shirt, and sighed. "Mama will kill me if she finds out I ruined this shirt."

"Not real, DJ. But speaking of real, have you thought about who you're going to date in this season?"

The gentle giant stared at the cultist, who stared at him with her hands on her hips. Noah, nearby, rolled his eyes as he finished off the rest of the aliens, and checked the nearby rooms for supplies.

"I... I hadn't thought of it," he admitted to her.

"Now come on," Mandy said with a dismissive wave of her hand, "all you mortals need to hook up, and the big teddy bear needs a girl to cuddle. How about Izzy?"

DJ shivered at the thought of going out with Izzy. "Um, I don't think she and I would be very good together-"

"Oh come on, she's my friend! She's a lot like me, and thus I think-"

Mandy stopped when she heard an alien chattering behind her. She turned and roared, then chased after the frightened predator, shrieking, "Get back here, you! I'll rip your intestines out and wear them on my head!"

DJ winced, watching the cultist girl disappear around the corner. He looked around helplessly as Noah emerged from one of the rooms, sighing in disbelief.

"Man, this stupid spaceship is devoid of good supplies," Noah muttered. "We gotta find the armory, because these laser pistols and a sword aren't going to be enough in the long run."

He looked over at DJ, frowning. "And it doesn't help that you haven't so much as fired your gun yet, DJ."

"Sorry man, but I cannot work myself up that kind of aggression-"

"You're going to have to if you want to survive this," Noah snapped. "Now where's Mandy... ah, there you are," he said as she came back around the corner. "Let's hunt for the armory, and... what _is_ that on your head!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Monster A-Going Going.)**

** Sebastian** - "The fight was pretty grisly once the aliens started getting B-movie powers. Sakaki seemed alright after the whole challenge was over, though."

**Sakaki** - *looking down and mumbling softly* "I didn't watch it, it was really gross."

**Mandy** - *impishly sticking out her tongue* "Yeah, I'm happy to call Izzy my friend. She's cool in so many ways, and I'd love to help her hook up. I know people say she 'killed C'thulhu' last season, but that was an octopus, people! An octopus nicknamed after the Old God, and thus, she didn't kill the Old God himself!"

**DJ** - "There's got to be a normal girl somewhere in this contest that's not taken."

**Chris Maclean** - "No, DJ, there really isn't."

**Noah** - "I have to say, the alien challenge, when it started to get B-movie, it felt lame at first. Then it actually got to be quite fun, then it became lame when Mandy started 'torturing' the aliens by cutting the strings, unzipping their backs, and pushing them over and calling them names."

"It's like someone cloned Izzy, removed the color in her hair, and made her slightly more sadistic. Those two deserve matching straight jackets, with BFF on the back: Biggest Freaks Forever."

* * *

**(The Predators. Team 4 - Arthur, Belinda, Bridgette.)**

Arthur dove into a room, avoiding the long claws of a large alien that were lashing out at him. When the creature tried to squeeze in, he shot a couple lasers into its head. Quickly gathering his surroundings, he saw several dead crew mates, one holding a large gun with glowing double-barrels.

Out in the hallway, Bridgette and Belinda were fighting off the incoming swarm. The clairvoyant was making it look easy, because she had a tendency to swing her sword or hold right where an alien would try to attack her.

"How do you do that?" Bridgette asked, watching in awe as Belinda polished off a few more aliens.

"It's easy to predict where the simple-minded are going to attack," Belinda said, smiling at her. "Think of it as to how a teenaged boy tries to court a girl."

"Awkwardly, eyes on the chest, and only one thing on his mind?"

The two shared a laugh, then Belinda held her sword up behind her for a leaping alien to impale itself on. The clairvoyant nodded, and said, "Yes, these aliens seem to attack the same way."

A large growl alerted their attention, and they turned to see a grub-like alien the size of a car crawling towards them. Bridgette shot at it with her laser gun, but the beast merely growled in irritation.

Arthur came out of the room with his plasma shotgun, took aim, and blew a hole in the side of the car-sized alien the size of a car door. The alien thrashed about, and it's head knocked Arthur back in the room.

Belinda rushed over to help him with the giant grub alien, then Bridgette's scream startled her. She turned to see an alien pulling her up into the air duct above. "Oh, not this cliché," she shouted, rushing over to grab her friend and pull down. "Air ducts are not big enough for anything big to fit in them."

Bridgette would have agreed, but was in too much of a panic. She reached up and shot with her laser gun, and scored a grazing hit. This seemed to infuriate the air duct alien, and it grew in strength. With an incredible yank, it pulled Bridgette out of Belinda's arms and into the duct with it. The clairvoyant looked around, trying to think of what to do, as the ceiling was too far up for her to stab up into, even if she jumped.

She could hear Bridgette's death rattle up in the air vent, and saw the injured grub alien lurching at her. Silently cursing her inability to help either of her friends, she retreated with the large alien after her.

* * *

**(Team 2 - Ezekiel, Harold, Valerie.)**

Valerie swallowed at the sight of all the aliens coming down the hallway. "There's too many of them," she said to her partners.

"Yes," Harold said, grinning as he held his laser sword like if it was a katana blade, "which makes it the greatest challenge ever."

"Stop acting like it's a game," Valerie shouted, taking several steps back.

"Technically," Ezekiel mused, "it really is-"

"Oh shut up, Home School! You're the reason they're so aggressive! You saw how they tore up the useless extras!"

"Spraying chocolate sauce everywhere, eh. I didn't get that..."

"In B-movies before color, they used chocolate sauce in place of fake blood," Harold said. "Learned that at film camp-"

"Quit droning on like nerds," Valerie shouted, "and kill those drones!"

She pointed at the approaching horde of aliens, and Harold nodded. The nerd took a combat stance, and when the aliens were close, he leapt into the fray, swinging and cleaving. Ezekiel shot at the aliens with accuracy, while Valerie just shot blindly. She almost hit Harold, but luckily, he deflected it with the laser sword and killed another alien.

The aliens continued to swarm, and Valerie felt panic overtake her. She sprinted off, startling Ezekiel. "Wait, Valerie," he called out. "We have to protect Harold from the-"

He was cut off when a rampaging alien came from the swarm attacking Harold, and picked up the prairie boy in its charge. Running down the hallway, it crashed into a wall. The slobbering alien grinned at its captive, and raised its large claw to impale him.

A loud blast echoed throughout the hallways, and the alien lost most of its head and back. Falling down on Ezekiel, the prairie boy cried out as the corpse hit him. Arthur, after blowing the smoke away from the barrels of his plasma shotgun, removed the corpse and helped Ezekiel up. "Hey, prairie boy, what are you doing on your own?"

"Got separated," he managed to stammer out. "Valerie ran, Harold fighting the aliens."

Ezekiel led Arthur to where Harold was fighting the aliens, only he wasn't there anymore. Just all kinds of alien corpses littering the ground. In their search for Harold, they found Valerie's body, slashed up by the aliens.

"Oh, what a shame," Arthur remarked, rolling his eyes. "Pink girl didn't make through the alien invasion."

"These challenges are a lot moo'r terrifying than they normally are," Ezekiel said as he picked up Valerie's gun near her body. "Some people just doo'nt react well to realistic monsters coming at them."

"You're too generous, but Home School, there's something I wanted to talk to you about."

Aliens started to swarm at them, screaming for blood. Arthur blasted with his plasma shotgun, Ezekiel using two laser guns, and the aliens were becoming one awful mess. As they shot, Arthur picked the conversation up again.

"So listen, we all know that Chris is aiming for you to get eliminated, right?"

"Yeah, he's being a dickweed, but nothing I can do a'boot it, eh."

"Actually, if we lose, why don't you and I make a pact to make sure someone else goes?"

Ezekiel bit his lip as more aliens bit the dust. "Well, about alliances, I really-"

"Dude, I feel the same, only I know it's because of your girlfriend. Myself, it's for perfectly selfish reasons. I want to stay in the game."

Arthur chuckled as he blasted another alien's head off. Ezekiel looked at him and asked, "You really like being in the contest, eh?"

"Are you kidding? I'm fighting aliens on a spaceship with a futuristic shotgun," he exclaimed, cackling. "This is the coolest day of my life! I want to stay in this contest as long as I can!"

* * *

**(The Troopers. Team 4 - Cody, Clive, Eva, Yoshi.)**

Cody was struggling with an aytaur alien that had pinned him down. Eva ripped it off of him, then literally ripped the alien apart. With her bare hands.

"No one tries to kill my friend while I'm around," Eva said, wiping the purple blood off and then helping Cody off.

"Thank you, beautiful," he said as he stood. She blushed slightly, and scratched the back of her head; she forgot she was still holding her laser sword in that hand, and accidentally lopped off her ponytail.

"Argh," she remarked, trying to cover the damage with her free hand. Cody cocked his head to the side and clicked his tongue.

"Say, that doesn't look so bad," he mused, smiling at her.

As they exchanged looks, Yoshi turned to them in mid-swing. "Will you two stop exchanging fond looks? We've got aliens to kill!"

Eva and Cody didn't seem to hear, and Yoshi looked at Clive, who was brooding in a corner, tapping his laser gun against his temple. The warrior snarled and exclaimed, "Do I have to do everything myself?" He charged into the horde of aliens, slashing and slicing and making a real mess. As the carnage continued, Cody and Eva continued their conversation.

"No, I'm not joking, I think it looks good short!"

"I've never had it short in my life. Got enough people making fun of me for being tough, don't want them to call me butch or anything like that."

"That's just guys who don't like a girl who can be tough on their own. Me, I love a girl able to do that."

He grinned, and before things could get better, a warbling growl from the other hallway startled them both. A giant grub alien was inching towards them, hideous maw open. Cody's shots at it didn't slow it down, and Eva wasn't too keen on getting close to it.

Then Clive stood up, and took careful aim. He shot the alien's eyes, then into its mouth. As the blind grub alien with a sizzling epiglottis writhed in pain, the emo boy walked up and placed the barrel of his laser gun to what could have been the grub's forehead, and blew its brains (though not much of them) out.

Clive wiped alien grub brains off his gun, and looked at Eva and Cody. "Well, someone had to do it."

Eva scoffed. "Fine, emo boy. Go help Yoshi."

The emo looked down the other hallway, and what looked like a giant purple blob walked towards them. It wasn't until the blob raised a blobby arm up to its blobby eyes to wipe away its own blobbiness that Clive saw a very angry pair of asian eyes.

"In fighting, or cleaning up?" Clive asked, raising one of his eyebrows.

"If we find the showers, I need it real bad," Yoshi commented as he shook his head to get the blob out of his ears. "And a cold one for the couple in forming there, if they cannot pay attention!"

* * *

**(Team 2 - Carol, Chef Hatchet, Sadie.)**

The three were shooting at aliens that came from the hallways, and also from a ripped-open gap in the air duct. Though Carol was an excellent shot and Sadie wasn't doing bad, they apparently weren't doing good enough for Chef.

"You call that shooting? I know flying geese that crap with better aim!"

"These aliens aren't going to kill themselves, why not just throw yourselves at them?"

"Is that all you two got? You two shoot like girls!"

Carol glared at Chef for that last remark. "We _are_ girls, Chef-"

"Don't talk back to me, soldier!"

Carol "eep"ed and nodded, thinking how she might be thrown at the aliens like Tyler had been. As the aliens continued to swarm, someone ran into Sadie's back, knocking her over. Sadie struggled, but stopped when she realized the one who ran into her was now looking for her glasses.

"Sorry," Beth stammered, retrieving her seeing device and putting it back on her face. "I got lost, and-"

"No excuses, you pathetic excuse of a soldier," Chef barked, right in Beth's face. The farm girl whimpered in fear, then hung her head in shame. "Now where's Crazy Girl?"

"Izzy? Um, we got separated after we were attacked-"

"You let Crazy Girl out of your sight? You truly are useless, you short... useless shortie!"

Beth flinched, continuing to stare down in shame. She sniffed, and Sadie pat her back. "Chef," she said as she comforted Beth, "is it necessary to be so mean?"

"Shut it, fat soldier," Chef barked, then turned to Carol. "And you, shorter than shortie, keep shooting!"

"The aliens are all dead!"

"That's no excuse!"

Sadie groaned and shook her head, which Chef saw. "I saw you groan and shake your head," he shouted. "Now you shape up or shove off! No wonder your tropes and idioms are all about how you three are lazy!"

"Our what?" Beth repeated.

"Well, actually they don't say that, but they should!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Attack of the the Alien Creatures.)**

** Chris Maclean** - "Perhaps I should explain. Television tropes and idioms are the labels we use for things we see a lot in television, or movies, or the like. Like Handsome Host, like this show has." *He grins, and his teeth shine.* "Our show has a lot of them, including for yours truly and all my glorious features. Oh, and the contestants too."

**Belinda** - "Ah, tropes and idioms. The ultimate attempt to make sure nothing is original anymore."

**Sadie** - "What's a trope again?"

*The screen next to the confessional cam's displays a description like Chris had said, and she reads it.* "Ohhhh, that makes sense. Well, that's rather interesting, I wonder what Katie's says."

**Harold** - "Oh, I know all about these kinds of things. See, Leshawna is my Tsundere, how could she resist in the end how my awesome skills are taken Up To Eleven?"

*Superimposed on the screen as he talks is "WTH IS HE SAYING?"*

"See, Leshawna may have been intimidated that this might have been a Harem Story for me, that I might have come off as a Mary Sue, but I have my flaws, my Berserk Button or two. My love for Leshawna is deep and pure, and my lust for her makes me a Chivalrous Pervert." *He grins and wiggles his eyebrows.* "Especially when she's Gainaxing."

**Tyler** - "I haven't heard about this kind of stuff. What tropes am I under?"

*The screen shows what tropes have been labeled. Tyler reads his, and gets mad.*

**Tyler** - "Oh, _that's_ real nice! Jerks!"

**Eva** - *snarling* "I should have expected something that unflattering, and it's still pissing me off..."

**Cody** - *grinning* "Why thank you, I am a Chivalrous Pervert."

**Valerie** - *reads hers, and immediately gets furious* "What? How _DARE_ you!"

**Katie** - "What do they mean, I'm 'Ambiguously Brown'? Don't they know my ethnic group? I'm-" *She is suddenly cut off.*

**Arthur** - *After reading his, he throws his fists into the air and bellows.* "I AM NOT A PREDICTABLE STEREOTYPE!"

**Clive** - "I am."

* * *

**(The Predators. Team 1 - Leshawna, Rodney, Zachary.)**

"Stupid racist aliens," Zachary shouted as he continued to shoot at the aliens. "They keep trying to kill the black people first."

"It's just us and the kid," Leshawna snapped, swinging her sword at the approaching aliens. Even the ones that were powerful chargers were hacked in two by her mighty swings.

"Well, actually," Rodney said, straightening his helmet as he took aim at aliens crawling on the ceiling, "since these aliens are trying to kill all humans, they are racist. They hate the human race."

"Don't try to reason with him, sugar," Leshawna muttered to the prodigy child, "he just wants to complain."

Rodney looked confused by this. "But why? We're in a virtual reality world, and the aliens are barely sentient-"

"It's just his nature. Concentrate on shooting the aliens."

Rodney nodded, and took aim. Then the whole spaceship shook, throwing everyone off their feet, claws, hooves, or whatever alien appendage the aliens had.

Leshawna growled as she picked herself up. "Great, the second pod must have connected to the ship! But where? And how many more aliens are coming from the first one?"

"Are those all rhetorical?" Rodney asked, confused. "Because sometimes, people ask them, but I'm not sure if they want them answered or not-"

"It was rhetorical, kid," Zachary shouted, and punched down on Rodney's head. He hurt his hand on the helmet, and cried out in pain. "Ow! You did that on purpose, you racist kid!"

"Oh no you didn't," Leshawna declared, grabbing Zachary's shirt and yanking him over to look him. "Look, you little twerp, we've got enough problems with the aliens and panicking extras and lack of firepower, we don't need you smacking our teammates around."

She smacked him, and added, "Now get back to fighting."

"Yes, ma'am!"

Zachary went back to shooting the aliens, who had also recovered too. Rodney tried shooting, and then something snatched him from behind. Leshawna and Zachary didn't even have time to react as the creature jumped back into the air duct.

"Waaaaaaaaugh," Rodney wailed. "Where are you taking me? And why are the air ducts so big on this ship?"

The alien continued to drag him, and then posed to strike when it had traveled far enough. Then the ship lurched again, and the alien lost its grasp. Its claw stabbed through the air duct, and accidentally tore through the panel, causing both to fall through. The alien hit its head, and Rodney bounced off it too. "Ow," the prodigy remarked, stumbling to get back on his feet.

The alien shook off its shock, then turned and hissed at the boy. He fumbled for his gun, and realized he had accidentally let go of it up in the duct. Rodney took a couple steps back, and prepared for the inevitable.

It wasn't inevitable, though. A laser blast to the back of the head blew the alien's noggin apart, spraying Rodney with that purple blood. The prodigy blinked, and looked up.

"Hey kid, what happened to you?" Justin asked.

Heather squat down next to Rodney, patting his helmet. "Good thing we came around, you would have been a bite-sized snack."

"Gee, way to comfort him," Justin snapped at Heather, who glared back at him.

"Oh don't fight," Rodney exclaimed, shaking his head. "We need to work together, now that the second pod has attached to the ship!"

Heather nodded. "You're right, kid. I mean, Rodney. Now let's get back to alien killing."

"But... I lost my weapon."

"Then stick close, and warn us if there's any aliens coming at us."

One of those aliens that looked like a man in a big, rubber suit came around the corner, and lumbered towards them, arms raised. Heather leapt at it, slicing off its limbs and then stabbing it through its rubber suit chest.

"Wow," Rodney marveled.

"Wow indeed," Justin remarked. "When did she become a sword master, eh?"

* * *

**(Team 5 - Courtney, Crystal, Groucho, Lindsay)**

"So, I have something I want to ask you, Harpo."

"Groucho. What is it, Admiral Lindsay Herhotness?"

"How did you learn to talk?"

The duck stared at her, puzzled. "What do you mean? You talk, don't you?"

"Oh, you're right," Lindsay replied, giggling. She corrected her naval officer hat and added, "I guess that was a silly question!"

"Why on Earth are you calling her that too?" Courtney snapped at the duck. "All we did was visit the locker room, and she put on that uniform! She's not an admiral, and even if she was, admirals are for the Navy-"

"Blimey, no need for such fury," Crystal said, patting her shoulder. "It's the future, hon, things are just different now."

Courtney seethed, then shook her head. "Okay then, fine. Just be on your guard, with that second pod attached to the ship, we need to pick up the pace-"

An alien dove from the air duct, pouncing the CIT and pinning her to the ground. Lindsay and Groucho were knocked away by the impact, and the creetle snarled, trying to slash her.

"Now how can an alien fit in the air duct?" Courtney complained as she dodged the swipes at her face by squirming around. "Why would they make them that big? That design flaw is just bad-"

"Shut up," the alien barked.

"What? You aliens talk!"

"Why not? The duck talks!"

The alien raised its claw, and then was shot through the head with a laser shot. It crumpled and fell off of Courtney, who scrambled to her feet. Crystal helped her up, and added, "Sorry I didn't blast the git sooner, but his chin wag startled me."

"Me too. I cannot believe they're talking now! This could get troublesome."

Groucho snarled, and reached under his wing. "Better start using these babies," he said as he held a futuristic grenade.

"Hey, you can't use those," Courtney snapped. "You'll blow a hole through the ship and get us all sucked into space!"

"No I won't, these cannot puncture the hull of the ship."

"And how do you know that?"

"I helped design the ship with the captain."

Lindsay ooo'ed in awe as Courtney's jaw dropped in disbelief. "That's so cool," the blonde chirped. "How do you know the captain?"

"He was a duck too. Captain Quacktrap Wurdoomed was leading this ship, and it was going to be an all-duck crew. That's why the air ducts are bigger, so ducks can get through the duct."

Lindsay burst into laughter. "The air duck! I get it!"

She fell down laughing, earning glances from the others. Groucho continued over her laughter. "Anyway, our dear captain didn't get a duck crew, and now he's dead. I fight on in his honor, and thus, I'll bring every one of these aliens down."

"Down," Lindsay exclaimed, grinning ear to ear. "The duck's bringing down! I got that too!"

She laughed again, and Courtney shook her head. "This is the dumbest sci-fi styled movie I've ever heard of."

"There's been dumber," Groucho remarked. "Now, who wants a grenade?"

"I do, I do," Crystal cheered.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - CIT of Space.)**

** Courtney** - *fuming and crossing her arms* "A duck crew? Large air ducts? Admirals in outer space? What could be dumber than any of that? Honestly."

**Admiral Lindsay Herhotness** - "I figured the title was worthy of that adorable outfit I found. Beth told me she thought it was great too."

**Rodney** - "It's kind of sad how no matter how bad things get, people on teams still fight amongst each other. Oh why can't we all just get along?"

**Zachary** - "That Leshawna chick sure was bossy with me! I'll bet she's racist! ... Oh wait, no."

**Leshawna** - "Why exactly do sci-fi movies have to have swarms of aliens that only kill things? There's nothing logical about that." *She pauses when she realizes what she said.* "Yeah, Harold got me on Star Trek, what of it? He's a lovable nerd."

**Justin** - "If there is intelligent life out there, I hope it's not as ugly as the aliens we fought... wait, I feel like I've talked about this. Man, I gotta stop talking about beauty and such, Beth told me I go on about that..." *He stammers and looks around, then picks up a ping-pong ball.* "You know, someone should try to spruce up this closet."

**Bridgette** - *She looks at a large mirror that has been placed on the wall of the closet. She seems puzzled, and straightens her bangs.* "You know, I don't want to jinx it, but this mirror in here is an accident waiting to happen."

* * *

**(The Troopers. Team 5 - Colin, Gwen, Joel.)**

Joel leveled his plasma shotgun, and opened fire at the giant alien grub that was crawling at his team. After a couple shots, the beast was destroyed. The inventor sighed, and shook his head. "Man, that's the third one we've come across."

Gwen chuckled. "We've slaughtered each one. It's like an alien-killing paradise for me, inventor boy."

"Thank you, goth gal."

"Of course, it would be better if Colin would stop _feeding_ crew mates to the giant alien grubs!"

Joel and Gwen both glared at Colin, who whistled innocently. "I was trying to make it so full that it wouldn't want to eat us. Forgive me for trying to save us."

"Least he's not team killing," Gwen whispered to Joel. "Good idea giving him your gun when you found that shotgun, he seems happy to hold as many lethal weapons as possible."

Joel nodded, and then the spaceship shook violently like when the first pod attached to the ship. The inventor managed to catch himself, and Gwen in the process. Colin was thrown off his feet and hit his head against the wall.

"Ow," he remarked.

Joel sighed as he steadied himself, allowing Gwen to steady herself. "That must mean the second pod has attached itself to our ship. And judging from the large amount of aliens we've fought alone, Chris has set the amount of aliens to each pod to an incredible amount."

"There's no way he set it to infinite, is there?" Gwen asked.

"No, I disabled that, that's for experts. But I didn't think of how high he could set it," the inventor admitted. He slapped his forehead and muttered, "For the love of a Wurwulf, I've doomed us."

"Now don't blame yourself. I'd much rather be doing this than something actually dangerous that Chris could think up. You joining the show was one of the best things I could think of."

"Wow, such kind words. I am flattered," he said, bowing slightly. "When did you get to be so nice? Pardon me for saying, but you haven't been too happy this season."

"Yeah, I can't really say why, but I feel the need to be nicer when he's around," she explained, jerking her thumb at the woozy Colin.

The ship echoed with fierce cries and howls of alien monsters. Gwen powered up her laser sword, and Joel cocked his plasma shotgun. "I'm gonna blend up those no-good aliens, and serve them for breakfast," Gwen snarled, then grinned. "Oh, I've always wanted to say that."

"Is that the exact quote?"

"I may have given it my own twist."

"Is anyone going to ask if I'm okay?" Colin asked, rubbing the back of his head.

"No," the two replied.

* * *

**(The Troopers, Izzy.)**

The redhead slowly approached the door of the room where the first pod had attached. She glanced in, seeing aliens mulling about as they guarded the first pod's entrance. Izzy also saw the bodies of Geoff, Katie, and Anita. This made her mad.

"Oh no no no," she snarled, holding up her weapon. "No one rips apart my friends, not even me. That task is only for one of my bear friends, should it be one of my friends I don't like, which would make them not really my friends, but I digress with myself. Time for me to stampede on the alien breed!"

Izzy stepped in the doorway, grinning wickedly. The aliens all glared at her, and bared their fangs, claws, and tails. The redhead didn't back down, not even when a large rubber suit alien stepped from the pod.

"You are too late, human," he snarled with an alien accent. "With the second attachment of our pod, we are adapting. We speak your language now, and soon, we will rip apart you and your little friends."

"My little friends? Well, funny you should mention that," Izzy said, her grin widening, "because I just happened to bring one of my little friends with me."

She pulled the weapon she had been hiding from sight up at her shoulder. It looked like a gataling gun big enough for antiaircraft purposes. The aliens squeaked in horror, and Izzy cackled.

"Well, alien freaks," she said, pointing the giant, plasma gatling gun at them, "you wanted to meet my little friends? Then _say hello to my freaking big, huge friend_!"

She let loose a rapid-fire firing of rapid plasma fires at the aliens. The aliens were torn apart, and the pod started to suffer some serious hits. Izzy cackled like the wild woman she was, and continued her assault. Aliens that tried to come out were chopped up.

"So how long until that pod dies, or detaches, or whatever happens when I shoot it?" Izzy asked rhetorically.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - It Conquered Some of the Ship.)**

** Joel** - "Vera was something I was working on during the break between seasons. After some help, we got the whole thing ready for the season. Maintenance is rather tricky, as there are few people who know how it works besides me. And they'd charge an arm and a leg, since Vera is like the most intricate computer ever made."

**Gwen** - *She sighs and shakes her head.* "I know, I know, _I know_ I've been cranky this season. Hell, I still am, and no I'm not saying why, it's personal. But killing aliens does help my mood."

*She heaves out another sigh, and then looks at the mirror.* "Wow... I do look kind of scary when I'm mad." *She grins.* "Awesome."

**Colin** - "I just like to kill stuff, and this VR stuff really helps me! Why, I can destroy stuff and get away with it!" *He points at the mirror.* "Why I'd get in trouble if I broke stuff like this in real life... wait, no I wouldn't!"

*He picks up the mirror and throws it down on the ground, shattering it.* "And I don't believe in that bad luck crap either."

**Chris Maclean** - *He looks down at the glass shards all over, and shakes his head.* "Now why would anyone want to destroy something that gives you such a beautiful picture? For me, at least."

* * *

**(The Predators. Team 3 - Alfred, Sebastian.)**

The two teenaged boys walked down the hallway, keeping an eye out for any places the aliens might pop out. Alfred was also searching in every room, though he wasn't entirely focused.

"Alfred, we don't need to search the lady's shower room again," Sebastian chided him.

"Well, last time, we found a lot of the extra crew mates!"

The philosopher nodded. "Look, they said the armory was this way, so we need to get armed. That second pod is on the ship, you know."

Alfred stopped, looking around. Sebastian stopped too, looking at his friend. "What's wrong? Do you hear something?"

"No, I was just looking for who we were narrating for," he said, then grinned. "Sorry, I just felt we were acting a little silly."

Sebastian chuckled. "Yes, we do tend to speak out loud a little too often during these things. We should focus on-"

The ship shook again with a thunderous boom. Alfred was pitched into a room, Sebastian against the wall in the hallway. "Oh, are you kidding me?" the philosopher exclaimed. "We just had the second pod attach to the ship! Is the third one already-"

Then he was interrupted again, when the hull of the ship was torn away. He wouldn't be interrupted again, as the vacuum caused by the hole sucked him right out into space. The doors in the hallway sealed, and Alfred pounded on the one in his room.

"Hey, Sebastian," he called out. "Sebastian, what's happening out there? Why did you keep talking and then suddenly stop like if something bad happened?"

Alfred pounded on the door more, then realized it was kind of silly to uselessly pound at an electronically-sealed, futuristic door. He pressed his ear to it and whimpered, "Please answer me."

All he could hear was the rushing of air out the opening, as well as a few extras being sucked out. Then he heard some strange sounds, like an alien pod attaching itself to the hole it had caused in the hull. Alfred bit his bottom lip, and then heard the chattering of aliens.

"So did you hear that the Bardakers are going to win this year?" one asked.

"I just hope I set my LuVi to record _Sex and the Hive_, it's a new episode this week," another said.

"Can someone help me with my iBoard?" a third alien said. "It's not changing screens."

"Say, did you see the way that human with dreadlocks flew out in space? That was hilarious!"

Alfred seethed, and clenched his fists. He looked around the room for supplies, but only saw a door leading out the other way. He exited, and ran into another of the teams.

"Hey, American boy," Heather said, as Rodney ran up and hugged him around the waist. "Where's your team?"

"All dead," Alfred muttered, patting the prodigy's head. "Third pod's attached to the ship, they're in the adjacent hallway."

"Holy crap," Justin muttered. "Man, if even you sound upset, this may be really bad."

"Oh really?" Heather snapped, glaring at the hunk. "Three pods on the ship, and we've already been fighting endless waves."

"Maybe we should abandon ship now?" Rodney asked.

Alfred's face lit up. "He's right! Let's get off this rusty space-bucket! That's why he's the prodigy and we're not."

Heather sighed, shaking her head. "Look guys, we need to find some way to alert the others, let them know we're going to escape. We cannot let anyone behind."

The others all stared at her, and she blinked in surprise. "Um, what?"

"Just who are you, and what have you done with the Heather we all knew?" Justin asked.

"Ezekiel really changed you, wow," Rodney said in admiration.

Before the flustered Heather could protest, the door that Alfred just came through vibrated from a massive blow. The four flinched, and watched in horror as a giant scythe-like claw punctured through the door, and then ripped it apart.

"All for running like the wind?" Alfred motioned, and the others all exclaimed, "AYE!"

They beat a hasty retreat, but not all made it. Once the door was torn down, aliens of all kinds raced through. Justin was tackled by an aytaur alien, and the aliens swarmed and took him apart. Heather managed to seal a hallway door behind them while they were busy with this horrid deed, and this one would take longer to slash through.

* * *

**(The Troopers, all over.)**

Leshawna and Zachary were swarmed by a ton of aliens, all chattering and growling for blood. The large sister was not about to give hers, and they backed off when they realized she, with that sword, was a real killer queen, dynamite with a laser beam (from the laser gun). The reason she had a laser sword and laser gun was that Zachary was too busy whining, like always, and was pounded down by a rubber suit alien.

Giving a moment of silence to her fallen teammate, Leshawna headed off, wondering what to do now that the third pod was obviously on the ship, and the aliens didn't seem any less less.

Ezekiel and Arthur were also fending off a ton of aliens, Arthur enjoying every minute of it. Whenever he asked Ezekiel if he was, the prairie boy would only express his concern for someone who wasn't with them. He had mentioned his girlfriend, Rodney, Bridgette, and Harold. When he wondered aloud if Izzy was alright, Arthur was starting to wonder if he was alright.

"You do know it's all fake, right?" he asked, quirking one of his sharp eyebrows at the prairie boy.

Belinda was alone, fighting off alien swarm after swarm. Scratches and bites covered her body, and she was glad she couldn't feel pain, but it was tiresome and slowing her down. When the third pod attached, she hurried into a nearby room and sealed the door.

The aliens that tore it down immediately wished they hadn't, as a laser whip lashed out and cut aliens into two pieces (or three, if they were struck again when they fell apart). Belinda stepped out, holding the handle of her weapon that acted like a lashing sword of laser.

"You know what I see in your future?" she asked them, grinning wickedly, her blue eyes flashing mischievously. "A whole lotta hurt."

Groucho's team was very quickly divided when the third pod attached. A huge swarm attacked them in an intersection of the hallways, and they accidentally all went different ways. Admiral Lindsay Herhotness ran down the left, Crystal the right, Courtney back the way they came, and Groucho hopped into the air duct.

"Aw damn, I forgot they weren't ducks," the leader cursed. He hurried through the ducts to try and find his teammates, and heard Courtney's death scream. The horrible echo rang in the duck's ears (yes, they have them), and he quietly mourned the loss of a soldier.

"I'm quickly failing as a leader," he said to himself as he opened a panel in the air duct and dropped a grenade in the swarm of aliens that took Courtney's life. "I am sure Chef is doing better, he is more experienced than I." He hurried off to find someone still alive as the aliens were obliterated into alien dust by the grenade.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Less Than 12 To The Moon.)**

** Heather** - "The more I fought in that alien VR, the more I became repulsed. I mean, that spaceship was poorly placed, it's like feather heads designed it!"

**Ezekiel** - "I knoo' no one can get hurt in the VR, but I doo'nt knoo'... so many bad things happen on this shoo', it's almost like it's planned."

*He shifts his feet, and crunches a shard of glass. He looks down, sees the shattered mirror, and gasps.* "Oh God, that explains it!"

**Alfred** - *He lifts his foot to see the glass shards himself.* "Oh, are we supposed to break stuff in here? I thought Canadian closets were strange before, but here goes!"

**Crystal** - *She enters, and sees a rather horrendous sight: smashed plates, broken ugly vase, a crushed coffee machine, and a baseball bat leaning against the side of the wall.* "Oh bloody hell! What are they doing to this poor closet? How can one confess in such a dog's dinner? What shambles, it's all sixes and sevens! Oh, messes really drive me bonkers."

**Groucho the Duck** - "When that third pod attached itself to the ship, I really thought I lost the game. I wonder how Chef was doing, he can be such a fine commander. Really crappy cook, though."

* * *

**(The Troopers. Team 2 - Beth, Carol, Chef Hatchet, Sadie.)**

"You scum! You foolish fool! You lout, you imbecile!"

Beth was on the ground, crying helplessly as Chef Hatchet continued to berate her. Carol and Sadie were both standing, watching, absolutely horrified.

"What exactly did she do?" Sadie asked Carol.

"Um, I dunno," the enthusiast replied. She drummed her fingers against the handle of her gun, looking nervously down the corridor. "I don't think she's actually said anything."

"Maybe he'll throw her at the aliens?"

"What aliens?" Carol grumbled. "We haven't seen any aliens for a while now. How many aliens could there be if we see more panicking extras than aliens?"

Chef Hatchet just continued to shout and spew insults at poor Beth. Carol sighed and tapped her foot against the side of the wall. "Is something actually going to happen?"

The ship lurched horribly, and Carol gripped the side of the wall. "Oh dear," she muttered, "I jinxed it, didn't I?"

"Idiot shortie," Chef exclaimed. "No wonder Billy didn't want you."

Carol fell down to her knees like Beth, sobbing miserably. "Billy," she wailed, punching the floor. "Why? Why why why?"

Sadie winced as the ship shook one more time, and she held her breath. "Aliens are gonna be all over this place soon," she whimpered. "Now that the third pod has attached, and we have no way of winning this, we have to abandon ship."

Chef stomped up to Sadie, and shouted a stream of rather unnecessary insults right in her face. She almost fell down crying, but resisted. Chef completed his tirade by saying, "A Hatchet never abandons his ship! We win this ship back, or we go down fighting!"

Sadie had always been the BFFFF to think with her head, and right now, her head was telling her that Chef was nuts, looney, an overly aggressive cross dresser who had some serious issues. "There's gonna be an unbelievable amount of aliens swarming us!"

"Then we'll kill them!"

"Oh, how? You going to throw us one by one at them and hope they retreat at your human sling attack?"

As the two argued, the third pod started to spew aliens out, finding many of the extras and tearing them apart. The survivors had two pods still spewing aliens, while Izzy was still trying to finish off the first one.

"This is starting to get boring," Izzy complained, as she sat cross-legged in the doorway, her trigger finger cramped on the plasma gatling gun. "Is this thing supposed to be indestructible?"

She yawned, and looked in the pod. Sure enough, aliens were still trying to come out, still getting chopped up by her endless assault. The redhead grumbled more to herself, and said, "You know, I never knew endless slaughter of gooey aliens could get boring. Maybe that's how the viewers are feeling too?"

Izzy looked around for cameras, even though she had never seen one in a VR challenge yet. Then she saw something coming along the corridor: a huge swarm of fresh aliens.

"So that explains the distress call from the first pod," the alien in front said as it looked at Izzy. "Well, time to die, human, you and all your little friends."

The redhead groaned, and pointed the gatling gun at the new swarm, muttering, "Yeah yeah, say hello to my little friend too, whatever and what not."

More aliens were obliterated, and none were getting closer to her. Then the aliens coming from the pod came swarming at her, and she had to point her very big gun at them. Realizing one really big gun wasn't going to be enough now, she started to back up, and forced the ones coming from the pod to come out and get turned to alien goo with the new ones coming down the corridor.

Izzy rolled her eyes, and said, "This is starting to get rather tedious. Can't you get in your pods and leave?"

No answer except angry cries came, and then she heard them from behind her. The three hives were now approaching here, two from the front and one from behind. She grinned and said, "Aha! Now this'll get interesting! I'll just fend off from the front with this plasma gatling gun, and from behind, I'll defend with..."

She reached into her pocket and pulled out her other deadly weapon. "... This spoon!"

The aliens attacking from behind didn't stop, except for one who screamed, "Look out, guys, she's got a spoon!"

"And I know how to use it too!"

Eventually, the aliens managed to scramble towards her, but not without sustaining heavy losses from the plasma gatling gun and the spoon. Izzy went down cackling.

* * *

**(The Troopers, all over.)**

Now that the third pod was on the ship, the contestants of the Troopers were scrambling to find out two things: where the bridge was so they could announce they had to abandon ship, and where the escape pods were. Unfortunately, Chef Hatchet was not for either, and the aliens finally descended upon his team.

Seeing the unbelievably large amount of aliens coming at them, Sadie decided retreat was the best tactic, but she couldn't go alone. Dropping her gun, she hoisted Carol over her shoulder and ran out of there, leaving a roaring, shooting Chef and a sobbing, broken down Beth. Eventually, after killing many aliens single-handedly, Chef retreated to find a better fighting point, ditching Beth. She was decimated by the approaching swarm.

Mandy had found herself a laser dagger, and was now dual-wielding it with her laser sword, making an awful mess. Noah and DJ had to keep a good distance to avoid being slashed themselves. While the bookworm tried to lead them to the bridge to announce the escape plan, DJ was attacked by an ambush squad of aliens, and did not survive the encounter. This unnerved Noah, mostly because it was just him alone with the cultist girl now.

Gwen, Colin, and Joel were actually having an easier time, as Joel knew the layout of the ships. Though the design was always random by a great many factors, the escape pod hanger had to be on the edge of the ship somewhere. Colin was hesitant to run away, but Gwen motivated him in the way you motivate the cranky guy on the lifeboat to shut up ("Shut up, and we won't kick you off.")

Yoshi had his hands full with aliens swarming all over, especially since Eva wasn't doing much. Oh sure, she was killing any that dared got close to her and Cody, but that was it; she seemed far too interested in improving her relationship with the techgeek than defending the ship.

Luckily, Clive had developed a kind of passion for this thing.

"Outta my way, alien dirt bags," Clive shouted, shooting at the approaching dirt bags with pinpoint accuracy. "I'm getting off this lousy ship, and I'm not letting a bunch of drooling, Zerg-wannabes stop me!"

Yoshi raised an eyebrow at this. "Never expected to see you so riled."

"I'm sick of zombies, vampires, and aliens trying to bite my head off," he replied, glancing at the warrior. "I can take humans because it's normal for them, but I've had it with fantasy monsters chewing me out! Life is hard enough without everything fictional trying to eat me!"

Yoshi grinned. "Alright then, Clive. Shall we?"

"We shall."

Both let out furious roars and charged at the alien swarm, shooting and slicing and kicking. The aliens, who were normally collected and fervent in their bloodlust, lost it at this point.

"Run," some of them were shouting. "We pissed off the emo, and he's got a samurai!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Teenagers in Outer Space.)**

** Yoshi** - "I have to hand it to Clive..." *He pauses, then looks down at the floor and groans in disgust at the mess.* "Anyway, about Clive, there's a lot of fury pent up in that guy, I guess that's what happens when you feel the world is against you for a while."

**Carol** - "I took it hard when Chef made fun of me, but not as hard as Beth. She really need some comfort, so I arranged her some."

**Beth and Justin** - *She is clinging to him sniffing, and he's rubbing her back.*

**Justin** - "There, there. That cook is just full of spite."

**Beth** - *sniffs, nodding* "At least he doesn't cook anymore. Maybe that's why he's so mad."

**Izzy** - *She surveys the incredible mess that the closet is in, and then grins.* "Unexpected organization!"

**Chef Hatchet** - *He looks around to see the ping-pong balls, the broken mirror, and all the smashed items placed on the shelves.* "A mess is still a mess, even if it's put up."

**Izzy** - *She springs up from Noah's old coat, brandishing the baseball bat kept in the closet.* "Don't ruin it, or you'll be Chef 'Regret'! I put feng shui into it!"

**Chef Hatchet** - "ACK! Crazy girl's got a baseball bat!"

* * *

...

...

...

**So now who will win: the previous handicapped Troopers, or the all-but-scattered Predators?**

** Who can escape the doomed spaceships? Will any of the extras made it?**

** As we are asking these questions, five more extras bit it. Is that just cruel? Shouldn't all life be sacred, even nameless extras in a virtual reality world? Wait, never mind, that's silly, that's not life, just ignore us, we're having a hard day.**

**

* * *

**

**The Troopers (Led by Chef):**

_Team 1_ - Mandy and Noah.

_Team 2_ - Sadie and Carol.

_Team 3_ - Clive, Cody, Yoshi, and Eva.

_Team 4_ - Gwen, Colin, and Joel.

_Alone_ - Chef Hatchet.

_Dead_ - Katie, Anita, Geoff, Tyler, Izzy, Beth, DJ.

...

**The Predators (Led by Groucho):**

_Team 1_ - Ezekiel and Arthur.

_Team 2_ - Heather, Alfred, and Rodney.

_Alone_ - Harold, Belinda, Leshawna, Lindsay, Crystal, and Groucho T. Duck.

_Dead_ - Xander, Sakaki, Bridgette, Valerie, Sebastian, Justin, Zachary, Courtney.

...

** Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date** - Mystery Science Theater 3000 Poster on the wall, Noah's Old Cot with baseball bat next to it, Throw Pillows tossed about, crowbar imbedded in the left wall, elbow-shaped dent in right wall. On the shelves are ping-pong balls, a broken mirror, smashed plates, a broken ugly vase, a crushed coffee machine.

...

**Next Up** - Escaping the spaceship, and a complex trophy ceremony!


	32. Ch 9, Pt 3: The Last Star Writer

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home. If intelligent life does exist out there, do not be offended with this rather unflattering interpretation; heck, you probably have thought it once or twice too.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - I'm apparently a very naughty boy, and must be treated as a serious threat on Deviant Art. One day, when Mandy rules the world, I might get my account back. Until then, I'll situate myself here. So vote on my poll, review my work, and go read the wonderful works of my friends, like Winter-Rae, Lord Akiyama, Imagi, DeathVelvien, TDI Charlie Brown, and many more.

If you don't, Hannah won't be happy with you. And when Hannah isn't happy, Mandy isn't happy. And when Mandy isn't happy, C'thulhu isn't happy. And when C'thulhu isn't happy, people DIE!

**Warning** - There's violence in this challenge, lots of alien and human deaths. I know that's nothing important to any of you, but since people pitch giant fits over sex whenever I write about it, I am going to act like violence is just as bad. Which it friggin' should be.

* * *

**Chapter 32** - Bizarre Avatar Among the Stars

* * *

...

...

...

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena)**

The battle in space was starting to get desperate on both sides. Three alien pods had attached to the ship, creating waves of aliens in triple the bearable amount. Most of the crew was being shredded, and at the risk of sounding cruel (or hilariously dark), their virtual deaths were temporarily halting the waves of the aliens.

Both the Troopers and Predators remaining were trying to find out where they could make a ship-wide announcement, since they needed to tell everyone they were abandoning the ship. This was especially difficult for the Predators, who had six members running around alone.

"I knew we were screwed," Xander muttered, rubbing his facial scar.

"Must you do that?" Courtney asked him with a glare.

"It's my thinking tic."

"No, not that, that negative attitude. There's still a chance we can win this."

"Even with Chris aiming to have us lose?"

"He's failed before."

"True, but this virtual reality stuff is a whole new game."

Courtney groaned and shook her head. "Just please, keep a little faith, it's hard enough trying to be positive when I keep seeing screens full of aliens coming at our side..."

She stopped when she saw Crystal, her roommate and teammate, realized there were aliens coming towards her from the other side of the corridor. She turned around, only to see aliens approaching her from the other side.

"You're right, she's screwed," Zachary said, and inappropriately laughed.

Xander replied by hooking his hand under Zachary's chair and flipping it on its back, seated included.

* * *

**(The Predators, Crystal.)**

The British girl looked down both sides, seeing aliens swarming at her. Cursing her bad luck, she pulled her gun from its holster and took a deep breath.

"I have but one life to give for my ship-"

She didn't get further, because an alien burst from the air duct, clawing down at her. One of its claws hooked on the steel pipe on the ceiling, yanking it down and clanging on the floor. Steam erupted from the ends, space-age steam to be specific, which is even more generic than steam coming from opened pipes, but it's scientific!

Crystal was knocked down, but managed to wrestle with the alien. As both swarms stopped to wait for what should have been inevitable, the unexpected happened to the space freaks, because Crystal knew karate.

Parrying the attacks by countering at the limb instead of the shrasher's claws, the British girl managed to stop the alien from killing her. When her gun was knocked away, she grabbed the pipe, and bashed the alien's head in. Purple blood splattered her face, and now she was grinning like Izzy.

"I should have told you buggers," she said, picking up her gun and gripping the pipe-club, "that part of my family ancestry can be traced to Celtic warriors.

"So I have but one life to give, and it's to take yours! DIE, YOU PATHETIC VERMIN!"

Crystal tore into one of the swarms, clubbing and shooting. The aliens panicked, not expecting the British to be coming at them. The other swarm came in to help, but they suffered casualties as both sides tried to stop the bloodthirsty girl.

A couple minutes, and Crystal cleared a circle around her. Slashes and cuts deep in her were like decorations, but she didn't seem to notice. Dripping with purple blood and her own, she looked at them through her soaked bangs.

"Yeah, how many more of you ugly wankers are there?" she hissed, heaving deep breaths. "Because I've had tougher fights on the bus school..."

She stopped, and stiffened. "Cor blimey," she whimpered, "there's the effect of blood loss." Crystal fell down, dropping her weapons, and was dead in a couple seconds after lying there.

The aliens around her were startled, especially seeing how many she had taken. So were her teammates, when she was transported back to the real world.

"Did I lose it a little back there?" she asked them, blushing a tad.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Invasion of the Neptune Weirdos.)**

** Xander** - "Is it wrong that when I see Crystal become a combat-thirsty karate expert, I really do get turned on?"

**Zachary** - "Dang, didn't know white girls got that aggressive... besides Valerie, that is."

**Crystal** - *nervously tucking her hair behind her ears* "You see, I took up karate because I vowed never to be useless and unable to help, like so many love interests in bad romance movies. Shame karate isn't much good against monster aliens with claws and teeth."

**Courtney** - "Look, there's hope we can win this! Stay positive, Courtney! Stay positive! We have Harold, Rodney, the duck, Lindsay..." *She stops listing people, and face-palms.* "Aww, why can't I face it, we're dead. ... No! Stay positive!"

* * *

**(The Predators. Team 1 - Arthur, Ezekiel.)**

Ezekiel looked around the corner, and then signaled to Arthur for its safety. Both boys rounded it, keeping an eye on the ceiling in case aliens were in the ducts.

"You never answered my question," Arthur mused as they carried on, "if you want to rely on each other in case we lose this."

"I really doo'nt knoo'," Ezekiel admitted, then blushed slightly when he added, "It's something I'd want to go over with Heather on, eh."

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "I see. Well, dude, I'm not really looking for a team, just someone to watch my back. It's for purely selfish reasons I want to have someone to vote with me for someone else so I don't get voted off."

"Fur selfish reasons, got it."

"Got it," he said as they both chuckled. "So dude, are you sure we are heading for the escape pods?"

"That's the idea I got from that futuristic map, eh," Ezekiel said. He looked up at the ducts when he thought he heard something inside it. "If we get there, we can defend it until the order fur the self-destruct is set."

"Maybe we have to set it there?"

"Possibly," said a voice down the corridor, "but that all depends on the idea of the engineers or corporate reason in ship design."

Arthur almost shot at the voice, from being so startled, but managed to prevent blowing away Harold. The uber-nerd was sitting down, a whole swarm of alien bodies near him. He was breathing heavy.

"You okay, eh?" Ezekiel said.

"I'm fine, just these stupid aliens swarmed me, and I almost got hit. May not feel pain in these simulations, but I do feel tired."

He wiped his bangs, wet from sweat, away from his glasses. "Wish I knew how my Chocolate Princess was doing," he added. "Not knowing is killing me."

"Don't worry about her now, dude," Ezekiel said. "We'll find everyone, and get us all out of here-"

He was interrupted when Arthur cried out. An alien only about four feet tall had grabbed his jacket. With a grunt, the alien threw him against the wall. The schemer didn't get up from this impact.

Harold was quick to stand up and take out his laser sword, and Ezekiel was already shooting. A couple shots didn't stop the alien, and it simply hit the prairie boy in the chest. With a startled cry cut off at the end, Ezekiel collapsed on the ground.

The uber-nerd, overcoming his exhaustion that had him slowed down until now, swung his sword and decapitated the alien. Gasping in air, he checked both Arthur and Ezekiel, and found they were both dead.

"Stupid B-movie clichés," Harold cursed. "I mean, the instant death blow is bad enough, but that alien came up from nowhere, it didn't even make any noise as it approached, gosh! Teleportation is unfair!"

He roared this last word out again. "UNFAIR!" After venting this, he continued to walk to the escape pod bay, alone again.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Harold Against the Moon Men.)**

** Courtney** - *gripping her hair and grinding her teeth, chanting the following* "We... can... do... this... we... can... do... this..."

**Arthur** - "Yeah, I know that I am a loner, and being associated with someone like Ezekiel wouldn't be good. But hey, he was the only one there, and he's not a bad person. Plus, his girlfriend has some bite to her, she's wicked." *He laughs.*

**Ezekiel** - "When I heard we were going to have new contestants this year, I actually really didn't want to associate myself with them, at least fur noo', eh. I mostly wanted to make sure people didn't want to vote off Heather."

**Harold** - "When I was in film camp, I brought up the really stupid error most horror movies make, as well as movies trying to be them. Footfalls."

*He pulls out a notepad that has a great amount of notes on most of the papers.* "You see, every footfall has enough PSI to cause some kind of sound, especially on a hardwood floor or on leaf-covered dirt. We're dealing with the idea that it's completely quiet, not a sound, as a very large man or monster is sneaking up on you. The idea you couldn't hear _anything_ is absurd, gosh!"

*He puts his knuckles on his hips, scowling at the camera.* "And thus, I had many arguments with the idiot instructor there, who kept saying reality is no basis for a good movie."

* * *

**(The Troopers. Team 4 - Colin, Gwen, Joel.)**

Gwen cleaved another alien in two, splattering alien blood on her. As she turned back to look at her teammates, she saw Joel was busy finishing off a small squad of aliens, while Colin was kicking around corpses.

"You got a shotgun," she snapped at the bully, "why don't you actually use it on the aliens?"

"Oh, you mean the freaky-looking monsters?" Colin said, snickering at her. "Does that include you?" He mockingly pointed his plasma shotgun at her. She flinched, then lifted her sword up in a battle stance. "Try me," she snarled right back. "I'd love an excuse to take you out again."

Joel stood in-between the two, holding up his hands. "Guys, gals, calm down," he said to them, keeping his own calm. "We need to keep moving. This ship is slowly be taken over by those-"

An alien burst from the air duct, an attack they were starting to favor. It slashed down at Joel, cutting deep into his side. As the inventor cried out and collapsed, Gwen hacked the alien down while Colin laughed.

"You scream funny," the bully commented as Gwen helped the injured Joel against the wall. The inventor and goth girl both glared at him, but he continued to laugh.

"Can you walk?" Gwen asked Joel, noting the bloody wound.

"Give... give me a minute," he requested. "I can walk it off, just give me one minute."

"Oh, and the whole ship will be taken over by then," Colin scoffed. "Let's just put him out of his misery."

He held his shotgun up, pointed at Joel's chest. The inventor winced, then Gwen stepped in-between them. "Don't you dare," she snarled at the bully.

"You want to save him? It's pointless, he's badly injured."

"I don't care what you think," Gwen shouted, "you're not blowing him away unless you want to deal with me! Now point that shotgun somewhere else-"

She stopped when something that sounded similar to a cell phone ring started to jingle. Both she and Colin looked at Joel, where the ringing seemed to be coming from, and watched as he pulled a circular device from his pocket.

"Joel here," he muttered.

"This is Joel?" came the excited voice of Sadie. "That's awesome! I'm so glad these worked!"

Joel coughed, then grinned as he replied, "They're just walkie-talkies, but in the future."

Gwen looked totally lost. "I am totally lost," she stated.

"We found these round, speaking devices on the wall," Sadie said, "and one was missing. Carol didn't think anyone would reply, but I figured if, like, one was gone, someone took it, right?"

"Well actually, I started off with a couple," Joel said, patting his pocket where he kept a second one. "Guess that comes from being the inventor."

"That's so cool," Sadie gushed, and Carol's clapping could be heard. "So, like, what do we do?"

"Gather half of them and start to head to the back of the ship. That's where the escape pods are, where my team is headed," he said. "If you see anybody else, give them a walkie-talkie. That way, if anything should happen, we still have communication with each other."

"Good idea, Joel," Sadie gushed. "Okay, Carol, what we need to do is..."

There was a horrible shriek, maybe Sadie or Carol, and then the cry of many bloodthirsty aliens. Someone started shooting, then the aliens drew closer. The two girls' cries were drowned out by the aliens, and then the connection was lost when the crunching of their walkie-talkie was cut off, forever ending the communication.

Joel stared at his, and sighed. "The aliens will have destroyed the others too. All we have are these two."

"This is going straight to hell," Gwen muttered, "in outer space."

"Can we get going now?" Colin asked.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - The Eyeful Creatures.**

**Carol** - *sulking, hands in her pockets* "Yeah, well, I could've taken all those aliens if I was at the top of my game, but with the upset over Billy and Chef being a jerk, I wasn't topnotch."

**Sadie** - "I could have taken all those aliens, if Katie had been there. We're quite dangerous together, like how when there was a sale on flip-flops, and the color we both wanted was almost out, we wrestled with this woman who I swear was Eva's twin sister for them! And we won!" *She cheers and claps like if it just happened.*

**Colin** - "Why do people act like I'm a jerk just because I'm trying to employ a sensible tactic like ditching someone too injured to carry on? It's not like I just want to shoot everyone."

*He pauses, then grins.* "Okay, I do. Team killing is hilarious."

*There is a knock in the door, and when he opens it, a kick from someone wearing a bright green skirt connects with his crotch.*

**?** - "Izzy hates team killers!"

* * *

**(The Predators. Team 1 - Alfred, Heather, Rodney.)**

Alfred looked at the walkie-talkies placed on the wall display, then plucked a couple off. "Alright baby, the map said these were set up near the bridge," he said, tossing one to both Heather and Rodney. "Now let's all go to the bridge, and make the announcement that we're abandoning ship."

"Look Alfred, let's just forget it," Heather said, heaving a heavy sign, trying to wipe some of the alien blood off her. "Haven't you seen how many aliens we've fought to get here? We're dead if there is another wave."

"You want to give up now?"

"It's not worth it. Look, the three of us make a good amount enough of survivors, let's hurry to the back and get in an escape pod. We don't have to set the self-destruct button until we're sure everyone else is dead."

The air then seemed to explode around them, with the horrible, high-pitched shriek that had happened several times before. It shook Heather to her core, and she found herself clinging to Alfred; he didn't notice too much, because so was Rodney.

"See?" Heather whispered, then released her grip on him and steadied herself. "See, see there's that noise again! Whatever monster is there means business, and we shouldn't dare attack it."

"I can do it."

The two teenagers looked at Rodney, who was studying an alien's carapace. He removed part of the head's exoskeleton and placed it over his helmet, making it look like some wild, fantasy helm.

"Here, I'll disguise myself," he said as he stripped off more parts and placed them on his shoulders, chest, and back. "They might think I'm one of them, and I'll get the signal sent out."

Alfred bit his bottom lip. "Dude, I couldn't live if anything happened to you because-"

"It's a VR game," Rodney said, smiling at Alfred. "Don't worry, this'll work, I can feel it. I have a walkie-talkie, just speak quietly if you need to."

He started to head off, then Alfred stopped him. Rodney expected another argument, but he was handing him one of his guns. "Use it on any of those not fooled."

Rodney nodded, concealing it in his hand under the large "glove" that used to be an alien's claw. The prodigy walked slowly towards the bridge, the helm of the ship where the ship-wide speaker was. A few aliens saw him, but thought he was another alien and passed by.

When he got to the door, there was a rather sinister alien on the other side. The creature had an enormous mouth, now shut, and its arms crossed tight around its chest, as if in an invisible straight jacket. Quills decorated its back, and drool dripped down from its mouth.

Then Rodney's walkie-talkie whispered to him. "Rodney, all going okay?" Heather's worried voice whispered through.

The creature's eyes widened, and its mouth opened. An impossible amount of teeth were inside that maw, and Rodney panicked. Screaming, he held up his gun.

All Alfred and Heather heard were laser shots and Rodney screaming. Then it suddenly became quiet, and Alfred sobbed out loud. "I killed him," the gonzo wailed. "I never should have let him go alone!"

"No, I killed him," Heather remarked bitterly, shaking her head. "I was too worried, and I blew his cover."

"Yeah, it is your fault."

"Hey!"

As Heather glared at Alfred, her walkie-talkie made a wheezing noise. It took her a moment to realize it was Rodney. "I think I found the source of those screams," the prodigy whispered.

"You're alive," Heather exclaimed, hugging the walkie-talkie to her. "Thank goodness! Err, wait, I mean," she stopped displaying such emotions, her self-defense that being a high school queen bee had taught her not to do, "good work, kid. Now get that communication started."

"Just be quiet, I should do it," Rodney whispered back.

Alfred gave Heather a "yeah, you heard him" look, to which she rolled her eyes. Rodney entered the bridge, and was startled to see how dark it was.

Normally, in a sci-fi movie, the bridge of a spaceship is full of glowing lights and screens, some of them serving no point. This one only had the view screen, with the stars and a large gas planet with its moon in the corner. A few screens were on at a console in the center of the room, to which Rodney sneaked towards.

Looking around, he still saw no sign of movement. He took note of each screen, seeing they were touch-screen, and found one that said, "Ship Address."

He pressed his finger down on it, and whispered, "Hello?"

A shy hello echoed across the entire ship. The aliens all looked around, confused. Those that spoke English perked their ears or ear-like appendages up at the noise.

Groucho was done snapping an alien's neck with his wings when he heard the communication. Harold was slowly walking down a corridor. Lindsay was busy correcting her hair in a bathroom. Belinda was finishing off the last of a swarm with her laser whip, Leshawna her own swarm with her own weapons.

"Hello everyone," Rodney said, louder this time. "The ship is overtaken. Get to the escape pods at the back of the ship, or what is known in ship terms-"

The prodigy stopped when he thought he heard a growl from the corner. Swallowing nervously, he said, "Look, just get to the back of the ship, we're bailing. You can find maps everywhere in the ship, head to where it says Escape Pod Room. Good luck..."

He stopped when he heard the snort of a very large beast. Looking to the corner he thought he heard the growl, he froze in terror as he could see movement in the corner, stepping out into the dim light that the bridge had near the center.

The queen alien was as large as a bus, her lanky body segmented like a giant centipede and almost as many claws for legs. Its hissing maw had large mandibles clicking at the child, and its red eyes narrowed. It arched its back, and let out that high-pitched, howling shriek that had startled him and his teammates.

Everyone in the ship heard the roar of the queen, then Rodney's terrified yells. The transmission carried on because his fake claw had broke off and lay on the touch screen, continuing the communication. Rodney's laser pistol started to fire, and crashing could be heard, things breaking and dohickeys smashing.

"Rodney," Alfred exclaimed in terror, first into the walkie-talkie, then up as a real cry. "Rodney," he repeated, sprinting off in the direction the kid had gone. Heather followed him, crying out for him to stop.

Alfred reached the bridge door first, almost slipping on the blood of the alien the prodigy had killed on the way in. The gonzo looked around, trying to see in the dim light. Then there was movement, and he could see the imposing figure of the queen.

She was turning to him, slowly as if trying to be dramatic. Alfred stiffened in fear at her size and features, and then noticed something far worse than a giant, ugly alien. On one of her long claws, she had impaled Rodney. With an angry snort, she tossed the body of the prodigy child at Alfred's feet.

The gonzo was thunderstruck, seeing the body of his child friend, his carapace disguise bashed and helmet slashed. Alfred took several deep breaths, and then opened fire on the queen alien, shouting, "You alien bi-"

He didn't get further, as Heather grabbed his jacket from behind and yanked him away. The queen bee saw the queen alien, and pressed the button to close the door. As Heather continued to pull Alfred away, powerful impacts were being made on the other side of the door.

"Lemme at her," Alfred cried out fearlessly. "She killed Rodney!"

"And she's going to kill us if we don't run," Heather exclaimed. "We're no match for her!"

"And what makes you think that?"

"She's freaking huge!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Queen Dinosaur.)**

** Heather** - "Okay, the real reason was something I didn't want to say out loud, in fear I'd sound like a geek. But see, in every movie that's science-fiction or fantasy or the like, the kid always makes it. This time he didn't, and thus, this queen has broken the unwritten rule for such movies.

"Even an asian martial artist cliché..." *she points to herself* "... or the American commando cliché cannot defeat someone who is breaking the unwritten rules. But as I said, I didn't want to say this out loud, or I'd look weird."

**Alfred** - *holding a glass in his hand, one that he had been using against the door* "Holy cow, that's the hottest thing I've heard her say. I've gotta go tell Ezekiel!" *He puts the glass on the shelf and heads out.*

**Rodney** - "My brother Francis once said that if horror movies and such were real, kids wouldn't last at all. I guess because I survived the zombie and vampire challenges, I got carried away and thought I could survive this. I hope no one's too mad at me..."

*He sighs, covering his face with his hands. Shaking in disappointment over himself, he then hears a knock on the door. When he opens it, a person wearing bright green clothing and a tousle of red hair practically glomps him.*

**?** - "Surprise, comforting hug from Izzy!"

* * *

**(The Troopers. Team 2 - Clive, Cody, Eva, Yoshi.)**

The aggressive team had managed to make it to the escape pod hanger by themselves. Yoshi was coated in alien blood again, and Clive was trying to wipe it off him so that he wasn't completely sludged.

"I hope you appreciate this," Clive said, using his own jacket to wipe off Yoshi's shoulders and arms. "I'm only really doing this because it's not my real jacket."

"Thanks anyway."

"It's like life, no point, really."

Yoshi rolled his eyes, rubbing the large scratch he had received from a rather feisty alien. Clive ripped off the sleeve and tied it around the wound. "Just to keep it from bleeding."

"Weird having injuries without pain," the warrior mused.

Eva nodded, looking at a glancing slash on her hip. Cody looked concerned, and looked at all the crew members who had somehow managed to make it too. "Anyone here a doctor?" he asked the others.

"I'm a geologist, not a doctor, damn it."

"I'm a communications expert, not a doctor, damn it."

"I'm a nameless extra, not a doctor, damn it."

Cody sighed, but Eva shrugged it off. "I don't need any help, Cody," she said. "It's a small scratch, I'll live."

The techgeek nodded, glancing at her hip again. After staring a little bit, she felt a little bit weird. She replied to this by saying, "Stop staring at my hips."

"Cannot help it, there's nothing to do but wait. Might as well enjoy those curves you worked so hard on." Eva's eyes widened, and then shook her head. "Your compliments are too forward, you geek."

"I figured if-"

He was stopped when they all heard a roar of noises. Yoshi stood up, and growled. "More aliens, just great. Here, I'll take care of it."

While Eva was distracted, the warrior grabbed her sword and held it in his offhand. "Lock the door, and if you hear me die, just get in those pods and get out."

"What about the," Clive started to say, but Yoshi closed the electronic door. The warrior faced the swarm of aliens.

"Oh, it's him again," one of the aliens shouted. "He's nothing without his emo."

"You are so wrong," Yoshi said, grinning wickedly as he turned on both swords. "Because you see, I have a reputation to keep up, and I've died in the previous, virtual games. And I died both times."

"What does that prove?"

"It proves an ancient Japanese proverb..."

He ran at them, laser swords humming and slicing into them, stabbing and slicing and cleaving. "Third time's the charm!"

* * *

**(The Troopers. Team 3 - Colin, Gwen, Joel.)**

The three teammates were walking, Gwen helping Joel walk since he was still unsteady. They had managed to make it halfway, where the spaceship was divided in half. Joel studied the console on the side, and removed the panel.

"What are you doing?" Colin asked, raising his eyebrows.

The inventor chuckled, tweaking with the wires. "I'm gonna hack into some of the computer consoles that would normally be at the bridge. Therefore, I'm gonna do something to seriously slow down these aliens on this spaceship."

"What's that?" Colin asked.

"Go down in the corridor, Colin, Gwen, I'll show you."

Colin did as requested, but Gwen didn't. She stood over him, crossing her arms. "I don't want to sound rude," she said, "but I want you to tell me what the hell you're doing now, wrench boy."

Joel chuckled, cut off at the end when the clattering of claws and footfalls started to come them from down the corridors. Both exchanged glances, then he waited for her to look down the corridor, and pushed her into the hallway, and sealed the door shut.

"Wait," Gwen cried out. "Stop! What are you doing?" She couldn't hear him until a walkie-talkie buzzed with life. She looked down to see Joel had pushed one in with her. Gwen pressed the button, and shouted, "Joel, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to disconnect the two halves of the ship, and self-destruct this side. Get to the other side of that corridor, and seal the door. That bridge will be exposed to space when we disconnect."

She could hear beeps and blips from the console he was fiddling with. Frantically, she cried out, "No, I'm not leaving you behind! Why are you doing this?"

"Because I'm way too weak to make it the rest of the way. I know this is cheating a little, but I know you can do this if you modify some things via console of any kind. I'm just praying everyone else got through..."

Colin came up and bumped Gwen's shoulder. "C'mon, goth girl, we gotta go."

"I'm not leaving him behind," she shouted, glaring at Colin. "I'm not going to let him just stay there!"

"You haven't got a choice, c'mon."

Colin yanked Gwen's arm, and the goth girl cursed in frustration. She looked back at the door as she pulled her arm away from him. When they were on the other side, she sealed the door and spoke quietly into the walkie-talkie.

"Okay Joel, disconnect and blow up," she whispered.

"Gotcha," he said, then chuckled weakly. "Don't worry, Gwen, it's all a game."

"I still don't like it."

"Gives me a chance to pull off a heroic sacrifice. Tell Hannah I loved her."

Gwen heard a hissing noise, and the ship lurched. The first part of the ship drifted off, and rockets attached to the second half turned on and gave it some distance from the other half. Joel, alone on the other side, sighed as he watched the aliens come at him.

"Oh, aliens," he called out to them as he moved to push the trigger. "There's a beef roast in the-"

He pushed it, and the first half of the ship, with two alien pods attached to it blew up. Most everyone knows that in space sound travel in space, but since this is themed off of bad VR movies, it just meant that since there is no air in space, nothing gets in the way of the loud explosion.

Gwen kicked at the door as she heard the far-off explosion of the ship, and cursed again. She looked over at Colin and muttered, "Come on, let's go then."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Fiery Explosions From Outer Space.)**

** Gwen** - "I hate the idea of ditching someone. I don't like it when it happens to me, so I don't like doing it myself."

**Joel and Hannah** - **Hannah** - *blushing slightly* "What a speech you gave at the end, honey."

**Joel** - *is blushing too* "Sorry, it was rather forward."

**Hannah** - "I know, you were kind of clowning around. Still, it was rather touching." *They hug.*

**Yoshi** - *resting his sword on his shoulder* "You think that my proverb doesn't originate from Japan?" *He grins.* "Hehe, prove it. And Wikipedia doesn't count."

**Sebastian** - *taps his glasses, thinking* "Well, maybe that's a Brazilian saying too."

* * *

**(The Predators.)**

Alfred and Heather were running through the corridors, the queen alien in pursuit. They could hear her aggressive shrieks, her many claws scrapping against the side. Any time they ran by a confused extra, the queen alien took a few seconds to shred the poor victim apart.

The loud crashing could be heard by the people who were hiding in the escape pod hanger. Harold, just trying to shake off his exhaustion, gripped his laser sword, but Belinda pushed him down. She opened the door, holding her laser whip at the ready.

Leshawna was running down the corridor, looking terrified. Groucho the Duck was right behind her, quacking, "The queen is upon us! Everyone, get ready!"

"How do you know it's the queen?" Harold asked, hugging Leshawna in his rejoicing that she was okay.

"Because it's freaking huge," Leshawna exclaimed.

Groucho handed a grenade to Belinda, and leveled his gun at the corridor, standing in front of the others. "Okay, when she comes, I'll distract her by trying to run by her. Aim for her head."

"You're seriously going to risk your life, my water fowl friend?" Harold asked.

"I've never played golf before."

Before anyone could get the joke, there was another shriek from the alien queen. Someone came around the corner, and several laser shots missed, mostly because they were aiming for a head that should have been near the roof.

Alfred skidded when the shots were fired at him, slid on the floor, and crashed into the wall. As the others hurried to help him up, he burst out laughing. "That was so fun," he exclaimed. "Can I slide the rest of the way to the pod room?"

"Stop joking around," Heather shouted, coming around the corner too. "The alien queen is right on us, so get ready, and-"

The alien queen shrieked again, but this time there was a human shriek to follow. Most of the Predators recognized it.

"Lindsay," Leshawna exclaimed in horror, and run off, despite the protests of others.

The sister followed the shrieks, loud shots of plasma, and the horribly gory sounds. When Leshawna was finally near, she readied her sword and gun. "I'll teach you, you queen bi-"

She turned the corner to see a very large, dead alien lying on the floor. Lindsay stood near the head, or more specifically what was left of the head, holding a smoking, plasma shotgun in her hands. The blonde looked as surprised as them.

"Um, did I do something really stupid?" she asked, glancing at all the others as she rounded the corner.

"Lindsay... what did you _do_?" Heather exclaimed, gapping at the corpse.

"I did do something really stupid then?" Lindsay was saddened and hung her head in shame. "Was I not supposed to shoot this really loud alien?"

Groucho the Duck walked up to her, and gave her the most respectful salute she had ever received. "Admiral Lindsay Herhotness," he said, "I have never been more proud of any hot troop before in my entire life."

Lindsay perked up, smiling. "You're a nice duck." Alfred let out a loud laugh, picked Lindsay up and spun her around. "She killed the alien queen," he exclaimed as he put her down, both laughing. "That means we win!"

Aliens burst forth from the air duct, drooling and snarling, eyes red with alien fury. They tackled Leshawna and Belinda ripping and shredding. Heather was knocked to the side, and Harold was swatted in the face by a flailing limb; his glasses shattered, and he couldn't see anything except a blur.

Trying to tap into his awesome skills and hear the alien, he let loose a karate chop on one of them, hitting it on the head. The alien's head was smashed by Harold's expert karate, and fell off of its prey. Belinda struggled with the other one and pointed the hilt of her laser whip at its throat, and turned it on, slicing its head off.

Groucho blitzed for the aliens attacking Leshawna, using an ancient martial arts known to ducks (Duck-fendo). The bird managed to beat down one of them, but then was sideswiped by a claw.

Alfred ran over and kicked the other alien off of Leshawna. Lindsay aimed and fired her shotgun, making a mess of the evil alien. She quickly checked on her friend, and saw she had a large slash in her lower hip.

"Oh dear, does that hurt?" she asked.

"We're in a virtual world, hon," Leshawna said. "Just feels numb and tiring."

"Wow, really? I should get my bikini waxes done in this ER stuff."

"VR, Admiral," Groucho corrected her, holding his side. His right wing had almost being cut off by the slicing blow, and Alfred was holding him for comfort. As the duck hissed, he added, "I thought that we were suffering from B-movie aliens with one-hit kills."

"Guess that was pushed aside when they started to berserk," Alfred muttered, stroking the duck's back. "Man, an alien's berserk button is always the death of his queen."

"What are we going to do?" Lindsay whimpered.

Belinda was removing her sweatshirt and tying it around herself, covering a bloody gash. "What we need to do now," she said, "is get back to the escape pod hanger, and get the hell off this ship."

She glanced at Groucho, then Lindsay, and added, "Oh sorry, didn't mean to step up."

"I don't mind at this point, and I agree," Groucho muttered.

"I agree with the duck and Bertha," Lindsay added.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Odd People.)**

** Belinda** - *raising an eyebrow* "Does anyone name their kid Bertha any more?"

**Lindsay** - *posing like if she was an admiral* "Admiral Lindsay Herhotness is a fine title for me, but now I call myself Lindsay the Queenslayer." **[1]**

**Leshawna** - "At that point, they were having to help drag me back to the escape pod hanger. Now I am proud of my tookus, but even I'll admit it's a little hard to carry when you're not lil' Leshawna, baby." *She chuckles and shrugs.*

* * *

**(The Troopers. Escape Pod Hanger.)**

Yoshi had slaughtered all of the aliens without any mercy, and came back, casually handing Eva's sword back to her. "Not going to have much time before the next wave comes," he said as he licked the alien blood off his laser sword's hilt.

Some of the others winced, but Clive curiously asked, "What's that taste like?"

"Thick chicken water."

"Figures."

Eva tapped her foot, looking at the hallway. "Okay, I don't want to sound heartless, but shouldn't we get going? Blow this ship, and get out of here?"

"That'd be cruel, because I just found where they all are," Cody said as he looked at the main console. "There's two people coming in fast, two more a short distance, and someone alone heading alone."

Yoshi nodded. "I'll go out and meet them."

"You don't have to overexert yourself," Clive said to the warrior, sounding concerned.

"They're just aliens, what can they possibly throw at me that I can't handle up to now?"

Cody squinted at the console. "Wait, that one alone is traveling awfully fast... and it's heading right to us..."

"What's so unusual about that?" Clive asked.

"Because it just passed by one of the teams and didn't even slow down... how could they have not seen that person-"

He got his answer when the air duct in the hanger shot out, hitting Eva who held up her arm to defend herself. The queen alien squeezed out of the air duct, then stood at her full height, snarling.

"Blargh," Cody exclaimed, hiding behind the console. "She used the air duct to get here and stay here!"

Yoshi and Clive exchanged glances. "You only live once?" the warrior asked the emo.

"So why not?" the emo answered answered.

Both charged at the alien queen. Yoshi sliced at one of her supporting legs, and she stumbled. Clive shot at her face, and while the lasers burnt her super-tough exoskeleton, it didn't phase her much. She swung at Clive, but he managed to leap back just in time.

Eva fumbled with her sword, but it was obvious her arm was broken, as she couldn't get it to hold onto her sword. Cody tried to pull her back, as she shouted, "Lemme go! I handled the Sasquatchinakwa, I can handle this large bi-"

"They can handle this, don't worry," Cody whispered to her. "We just need some people to stay alive."

Eva snarled, but nodded in agreement. The queen alien thrashed around, trying to stab Yoshi and Clive with her claws, but was failing. Laser sword slashes removed any limbs she thrust at Yoshi, and Clive was too agile.

A plasma shotgun from behind blasted a hole in her exoskeleton. The teammates glanced over to see Gwen holding the gun, giving Colin a furious side glance. "There," she snapped, "was that so hard?"

"They seemed to be doing just fine," Colin replied with a shrug.

Gwen groaned, then her eyes widened in fear as the queen alien turned towards her. A swipe of a limb missing a claw managed to knock Gwen's shotgun from her hands. She leaned down to eat the goth girl, but she kicked the alien queen's face multiple times, and the monster backed off for a few seconds.

Yoshi took the opportunity to stab his blade into her chest, causing her to shriek out in agony. Collapsing forward, she heaved, purple blood coming from her mouth, and watched as Clive approached her head.

"Queen alien, queen bee, same thing," he said as put his laser gun right up against her head. "Popularity, in the long run, means _nothing_."

He blew a laser through her head, and she collapsed dead. Clive blew the smoke away from his gun barrel, then wiped the blood off it.

"Nice job, you two," Gwen said. "But now we have to deal with one infuriated collection of aliens."

"Let's get the hell out of here," Cody remarked, coming out from behind the console. "Those other two should be here by the time we get this started."

"So how do we get out there?" Colin asked.

Cody was pushing buttons on the console as the question was asked. "Says here we just have to solve something before we can start the self-destruct code."

"Like what, a riddle?" Yoshi asked.

"No, three of a..."

The techgeek looked back at the others, and chuckled nervously. "Who knows how to do..."

* * *

**(The Predators. Escape Pod Hanger.)**

"Sudoku?" Heather exclaimed in frustration, looking at the screen. "It says we have to solve three sudoku before we can self-destruct the ship!"

"Man, that's the worst password ever," Harold griped. "I mean, anyone reasonably good could blow up the ship!"

"Is that a kind of poetry?" Lindsay asked. "Maybe it was to prevent the aliens from blowing it up?" Alfred asked.

"They're trying to take the ship, not blow it up! Gosh! This is like those stupid sci-fi movies where the timer always stops at one for no apparent reason! Another stupid thing I got in fights about at film camp-"

"Harold baby," Leshawna called out, sitting against a wall with Groucho, trying to keep herself together as her injury was exhausting her. "Can you do sudoku?"

"Can do, my Chocolate Princess! I'm just going to have to squint really hard!"

* * *

**(The Troopers. Escape Pod Hanger.)**

"Who here knows how to do sudoku?" Cody asked, then looked at Yoshi. "You?"

"Oh, so because I'm Japanese, you automatically think I'm able to do sudoku?"

"Errr, sorry, I-"

"I'm teasing you, move over," Yoshi said, chuckling as he inspected the panel, and started to work on the first sudoku. "Of course I know sudoku puzzles."

"Is that other team here yet?" Gwen asked, looking down the corridor. She received her answer quickly as she saw Noah and Mandy approaching, the cultist supporting the bookworm.

"Can someone help out?" Mandy called out. "Noah got kind of scrapped when we were heading here!"

Eva and Cody headed out to help them, and while Noah argued that he would _not_ be carried by Iron Woman, Chef Hatchet rounded the corner.

"What the hell is this?" the bad cook hollered. "You're trying to escape?"

"Duh," Eva replied, steadying Noah on his feet.

Chef Hatchet snarled and raised his gun. "I said we take back the ship by force, or not at all!"

He shot the door's console panel, which performed typically by closing and locking itself (isn't the future so much better?). Eva, Noah, Cody, and Mandy looked in horror at the sealed door, then Cody glared at Chef.

"You do realize the people in there can still escape, right?" Chef's eyes went wide.

"And that they can still arm the self-destruct sequence," Eva added.

Chef's jaw went drop.

"And now you've pretty much doomed us," Mandy spoke up. "Thanks, Chef, thanks a bunch!"

Chef Hatchet let out a miserable cry, and started pounding at the sealed door. "Lemme in, lemme in," he sobbed and wailed. "I dun wanna die, waaaaah!"

The others trapped outside rolled their eyes, then heard the furious swarms and skitters of an approaching alien wave, one that sounded rather big. "Three at once, I'll bet," Cody muttered, getting his gun ready. "That's what you get when you kill the queen."

"Ooo, impressive," Mandy gushed.

* * *

**(The Predators. Escape Pod Hanger.)**

Harold was busy working on the second sudoku. "Man, these are hard," he admitted. "Gimme a few minutes on this one."

"We really don't have a few more minutes for one more, let alone two," Heather shouted, waving her hands. "Hurry it up!"

"Don't you yell at him," Leshawna shouted at her, glaring through her exhaustion.

Harold, starting to panic, wiped the sweat away from his forehead. Then the spaceship shook with the shrieks and roars of a large wave of aliens.

"Aw damn," Alfred cursed. "We're gonna need to hold them off."

"They've gone berserk, we'll be shredded," Heather cried out, gripping her hair. "What are we going to do?"

Groucho the Duck lifted himself up, waddling towards the door, clutching his gun and a grenade under one wing. "I'll seal myself out there, soldiers," he groaned, staggering. He wiped the sweat away from his forehead, and added, "Just don't open that door."

"We can't do that, Zeppo," Lindsay cried out.

"Yes you can. I'm a dead duck, I'm not going to last that long."

Before anyone could argue, Leshawna scooped him up in her arms. "Don't worry, sugar duck," she said to him, "you're not going alone. I'll camp out there with you."

Harold sprinted over to his girlfriend, and Belinda went to work on the sudoku. "No, my love," he exclaimed, hugging her (and almost squashing Groucho). "You can't!"

"Harold baby, I gotta. We have to keep the aliens at bay, and my booty ain't gonna last long either!"

The nerd burst into tears and hugged her tight. Leshawna also teared up, and hugged him back. Lindsay and Alfred were already bawling, but Heather wasn't as moved.

"You do realize this isn't real," the queen been said, crossing her arms in frustration, "and that she'll be just fine?"

The crying stopped, but Harold still hugged his girlfriend. When the noise of the aliens grew closer, Leshawna finally parted from him, and she and the duck headed out. When Leshawna closed the door behind her, she blasted the door console.

"That usually works in the movies," she said, then faced the corridor. Aliens were starting to gather, and were staring her and Groucho down. The duck pulled the pin on his grenade, and heaved it at them.

* * *

**(The Troopers. Escape Pod Hanger.)**

"Clive, have you got that door yet?" Yoshi asked, still working on the sudokus.

Clive was stabbing at said contraption with the warrior's laser sword, trying to pry open a hole. Gwen was holding a shotgun and gun, ready to start shooting. Colin was simply leaning against the wall, rolling his eyes at the efforts.

"You're going to let in the aliens, and kill us all," he muttered.

"Shut up, we don't leave people behind," Gwen exclaimed.

"Whatever. I'd ditch you guys if I could."

Clive scoffed. "Why does that not surprise me?" He was done cutting through the door, and kicked at the opening. The part of the door fell down to a grisly sight.

Alien bodies were all over, some still twitching. Chef Hatchet's body was facing the wall, his fingers still posed in his scratched message in the wall, "HELP ME MOMM-". Mandy, Cody, and Eva were all dead, spread out around the corridor, all still clutching their weapons.

The only one alive still was Noah, who was clutching his side, which looked worse. "This is really frustrating," he muttered, starting to slump.

Clive stopped him with a firm hand, then lifted the bookworm up. "C'mon, let's get the hell out of here," he said.

"Well said," Gwen remarked.

They climbed through the hole in the door, just as Yoshi finished the last sudoku. The escape pods came to life as the self-destruct came to life. Colin was shoving extras aside for his own personal pod, but this didn't bother the others. Clive, carrying Noah, and Gwen hurried into one, and Yoshi hurried into his own. The warrior looked back at the ship, and smiled when he saw a couple aliens scampering in.

"Hope you like sudoku," he called out to them as he ducked in his pod, which shot off seconds later.

The two aliens exchanged glances. "You know how to do one?"

"Are you kidding? I hate poetry."

It was the last conversation any alien on the ship had before it blew up into a million, billion, trillion, and forty-two pieces.

* * *

**(The Predators. Escape Pod Hanger.)**

Leshawna and Groucho could be heard shooting at the other side of the door, as the others watched Belinda working on the last sudoku. The thing that was driving them crazy was that Belinda was on the third one, and she hadn't put in a single number.

"Do something," Heather exclaimed. "Oh God, we're all screwed!"

Then the clairvoyant snapped her fingers, and immediately began filling in the sudoku from start to finish in one go. The password was accepted, and the pods all opened.

Harold was the last one to get in the pod, looking back to where Leshawna and Groucho were, and let out one more sob before Lindsay pulled him in the pod. The pods all detached and launched off, and the two Predators went down fighting when the ship self-destruct.

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena.)**

The crowd went wild as all of the contestants were disconnected from Vera, and waved to the cheering audience. Teammates ran over to congratulate their victorious, and tell those who went down fighting how well they did.

Chris Maclean was looking at the main console, and then slammed his fist in frustration. "Joel," he called out to the inventor, who was busy talking to Harold. No matter how many times he called, Joel didn't come over, and it was finally Hannah who responded to the call.

"Let him rejoice with his team, what's the trouble?" she asked.

"Oh, I'm trying to access who won that contest."

Hannah was quick to work on the computer console, much to Joel's surprise. "He taught me all about Vera," she said, chuckling, "in exchange that he and I have Bible study together on Sundays." She looked up at Chris and smiled. "You know, if you need someone to help with this when he's still in the game or something, I'd be glad to help."

Chris glanced to the side, wondering what the producer would say about that. Still, he felt that she would be best to have around so he didn't have to work on a confusing computer. When she got the results up, his eyes widened.

Using his megaphone, he broke up the conversations and managed to get thirty-six teenagers quiet (which isn't easy at all). "Okay, everyone, not a bad job. Now here's the final results:

"Team Predators came out with five survivors: Alfred, Belinda, Harold, Lindsay, and Heather. Not bad, not bad at all.

"Team Troopers had five survivors make it to the escape pods as well: Noah, Clive, Yoshi, Colin, and Gwen. Now normally, this kind of tie would be easy, since I could make the call...

"However," the host started to say, fuming as he rolled his eyes, "according to the computer, Noah died at the very last moment from blood loss. And thus, Team Predators wins with five survivors to four."

Team Predators went wild, and Harold pointed at Chris Maclean, shouting, "Yeah! That's what you get for cheating, you idiot!"

Chris fumed some more, and heard Chef chuckling nearby. "Well, what did you expect?" the cook asked. "People fight better when they realize they've been wronged."

"Did you throw that game, Chef?" the host snapped. "Is this about your paycheck being late still?"

Chef Hatchet's eyes went wide, and he looked around for an excuse. When he couldn't see one, he sprinted off. Chris shouted, "Get back here," and took off after him.

"Hey," Yoshi shouted, grabbing the back of Chris' vest and pulling him back, "baka-hair, who gets to choose the other people on our team who get immunity?"

As Chris straightened his clothes and baka-hair, he sighed and pulled the console for choosing contestants out of his contest. "Well, of course you, Colin, Gwen, and Clive get immunity. But since the last person to kill the alien queen was Clive, he gets to choose the five who also get it."

The emo looked more shocked than anyone as he accepted the console, and glanced up at Chris. "Seriously?"

"You put the laser in her brain, the last blow."

Yoshi sulked for a moment, then shrugged. "Hey, I guess that's fair. Go on, Clive, you deserve it."

Clive looked over the list, biting a nail in thought. "Hmm, lemme mull this over a moment," he said, looking at the others. "I'd like this to be fair..."

"Oh, why?" Chris Maclean said, patting Clive on the back. "You're the emo, everyone's always going to think of you as just that. Utterly devoid of emotion and reason, and that'll never change anything, no matter you do."

Clive's jaw dropped, and he whimpered as he held in an anguished sob. Without even looking at the console, he pressed five names and gave it back to Chris. He stomped off, muttering, "I knew it, I knew all my efforts would be for nothing!"

"Wait, Clive," Gwen called out, but the emo was long gone. She glared at the host, and she wasn't the only one.

"Dickweed," Ezekiel shouted, pointing angrily at him.

"Oh shut up, _eh_," Chris muttered. "I'll get you yet, Ezekiel, and your little girlfriend too."

"What did he ever do to you?" Bridgette snapped at the host, crossing her arms.

"He ruined my plans for after TDI," the host explained, then smiled at Bridgette. "Oh, and he also still has a crush on you."

He made sure he was loud enough for Heather to hear, and was greatly startled to see the queen bee shrug. "So?" she replied. "I know he likes her, but they're just friends. Why don't you try minding your own business, Chris, like sticking to the _rules_ of the game?"

Chris sulked when a lot of the teenagers applauded for Heather, something he (and well, most of those applauding) never thought he'd see them doing. Then he looked down at the console. "Oh, and by the way, Clive randomly picked Anita, Beth, Noah, Tyler, and Katie.

"That means the only ones available for voting and will be doing the voting and may get voted off are Carol, Cody, DJ, Eva, Geoff, Izzy, Joel, Mandy, and Sadie. Hope you all have someone you want to vote for, you have to make your choice in the following half-hour! So get cracking!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Alien from Canada.)**

** Beth** - "It was nice of Clive to pick me... though he didn't really. Still, was nice, I'll thank him tonight."

**Anita** - *crossing her fingers* "Oh please vote off Eva! Come on people, she claims she's so tough, but she's died every VR challenge, and she's let Cody too!"

**Noah** - *is busy reading a book, then he looks up at the camera and snarls* "You want to know how many people teased me about being carried by Clive in the game? Now all the rumors are all coming back! I'll never live this down, damn it!"

**Tyler** - "Wait, so Chef threw the challenge? That doesn't seem like him. Is he really that upset about his paycheck, or something else?"

**Chef Hatchet** - *He is scratching out a very bad drawing of a pony on the wall of the closet.* "I was proposed a pony at the end of Total Drama Comeback! Where's mah pony?"

**Clive** - *He shakes his head, grumbling to himself.* "Well, that's the way it's going to be. I mean, if the _host_ is out to get me, what chance do I have in this stupid show anyway?"

**Bridgette** - "Chris was being really rude today, trying to single out Ezekiel. Luckily, we had this fine friend to save us all!"

*She holds up Groucho the Duck, who salutes the camera as she giggles.*

**Groucho the Duck** - "Just to let you all know, I'd be proud to lead you all into battle any day."

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena, Half-Hour Later)**

The crowd was cheering wildly as all the contestants took their seats at the raised platform. The nine who weren't save for that night were lined up at front. Izzy was juggling a few fake skulls (no one knows where she got them), Joel was talking to Hannah, and Mandy was busy making a pentagram on her palm with a felt marker.

Chris Maclean stepped up to the podium, apparently still in a bad mood as he was frowning. "You all know the drill," he shouted to the contestants. "There's thirty-five trophies, this time with the alien icon on it, and thirty-four of you teenagers from outer space. If you don't get one, you get on the bus!"

He pointed at the Bus of Losers, that pulled up to the side of the podium. The doors opened, and Duncan blew a kiss at Courtney.

"You don't get one, you're out, simple as that," Chris added.

"Is Chris cutting his own part short?" Gwen whispered to Leshawna, and both started giggling. "Oh, wow he is pissed about something."

"Shame this doesn't happen often," Leshawna added. "Let's savor it while we can."

The trophies being passed out was not something to savor, as all those with immunity had their trophies chucked at them roughly by Chris and Chef, several contestants being hit in the head or chest. Over the complaining, the host looked at the remaining nine.

"And now it comes down to you nine," he said, crossing his arms, "and this'll just be a pain."

"Just what do you mean by that?" Eva asked. "Which of us got voted off?"

All nine of them looked at each other, trying to get some unspoken answers. Hannah looked confused, and looked at Joel. "Is this about the VR game?"

"No, actually, it's about the voting," Chris said aloud.

He held up the remote for Vera's screens, and turned it on. The screen was static for a few seconds, then it was the inside of the Janitor's Closet...

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - With an empty glass and a scratching of a pony.)**

** Sadie** - *She is fiddling with one of her pigtails.* "Aww, gee, I dunno. Well, Carol pretty much shut down during the challenge, and we can't have that! Sure I know losing a boy is tough, but she's not responding to anything right now."

**DJ** - "I don't know who I really want to vote for, but Mandy sometimes creeps me out. And don't cultists sacrifice animals to the Old Gods?" *He shudders.*

**Cody** - "Well, as a throwaway vote, since I like all the gals and guys here, I'll just vote for Joel, since he randomly voted me for last season. Not his fault, but them's the breaks when there's no one else to vote for."

**Mandy** - "I still suspect Geoff of being suspicious on such things such as being a suspect! The Old Gods can sniff out a traitor, mark my words! ... Whatever the hell that expression means."

**Carol** - "This love triangle thing with Cody is upsetting me! I don't want to see more of it, so I want him to go! He can solve it on the bus, and while he's there..." *She starts to sniff, then sobs.* "Tell him to go say hi to Billy for me when he's off the set! Waaaaah!"

**Geoff** - "I think I'm gonna have to vote for Sadie, because she was all around last voting session, and I think she's being a bit too aggressive." *He looks around, and then whispers to the camera.* "She's fiercer than she looks, dudes!"

**Izzy** - "I'm going to vote for DJ. Seriously, the guy's a real scaredy-cat, he can't even take a few skulls being juggled!" *She starts to juggle the fake skulls.*

**Eva** - "I'm going to vote for Izzy, because I still cannot believe she felt me up during the boating challenge! How am I going to be taking seriously when she's treating me like that, huh?"

**Joel** - "I haven't forgotten how badly Eva treated Anita at breakfast this morning! If she's not going to be civilized with this love deal, then I'd like to wash my hands of her."

* * *

Chris Maclean turned off the screen, and glared at the nine. "See?" he said.

They all looked at each other, confused. Then Cody and Joel both started laughing, having figured it out.

"We all voted for each other," Cody explained.

"We each have exactly one vote," Joel added.

The nine contestants all exchanged glances again, and then burst out laughing. Chris was very irked to see them getting along. Eva and Izzy hugged and apologized, Geoff shook hands with Sadie, Mandy pat DJ on the back and smiled. Cody handed Carol a tissue, and Hannah hugged Joel in relief.

"Stop being so nice, someone still has to go," Chris snapped. "The question is, how do I do this?"

"Why don't you just make the call?" Justin asked.

"I want to, but I've been told I have enough interference by the producer."

As he rolled his eyes, he suddenly stopped and snapped his fingers. "That's it! The fair-minded, unbiased, and caring producer! I'll ask her to choose!"

"Is that fair?" Noah asked.

"Maybe not to the guy who gets carried up to the altar by the emo boy," Zachary cracked, then pointed and laughed at him. Noah responded by standing up and walking off, not looking back at the ceremony as Chris texted the boss. "Now what's his problem?"

"Some people can't take a joke," Valerie suggested, shrugging.

"That wasn't very nice," Sakaki said, but only loud enough for herself to hear.

Chris waited for a few minutes, then his cell phone rang. "_I'm too sexy for my shirt / so sexy it hur-_"

"Figures that'd be your ring tone," Arthur exclaimed, gaining laughs from others.

The host cleared his throat. "Our wonderfully fair and generous producer has made the final vote. Her answer is here, and one of you nine is going to go!"

DJ bit his nails. Mandy clenched her fist, ruining her pentagram drawing. Izzy threw her fake skulls away and swallowed. Eva ground her teeth, Geoff gripped his hat, Carol stomped her foot incessantly. Cody bit his bottom lip, Joel glanced at the phone and Chris, and Sadie whimpered out for Katie.

"The one our nondiscriminatory and sweet producer has decided which of you, and why, has got to go... is...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

" 'As long as we have Joel around, we have to have Hannah around too. Get rid of him, I don't want to see her face'."

There was a few seconds of stunned silence, in which Chef handed the trophies out to the others who had won. Then Chris cleared his throat, and said, "So, there you have it. Now Joel has been voted off by our nice and kind producer. You can go now, without anyone throwing a fit or getting upset over this-"

Fat chance.

"You scum-sucking slime balls," Leshawna shouted, standing up on her feet with most of the other teens. "How dare you!"

"I thought you couldn't get any lower with your prejoo'dice," Ezekiel hollered, "but this really takes the pie, eh!"

"Cake, dear," Heather said to him, then said to Chris, "How could you ask someone who's so biased?"

"Our tender producer is not biased," Chris replied. Then he received another text, and read it. " 'You weren't supposed to read that text out loud, you stupid son of a bi...'... oh. Oops."

"You seriously cannot get rid of Joel," Arthur protested. "He made Vera for this show!"

"You're voting him off because his girlfriend is here?" Gwen exclaimed. "Hey, Courtney's been here, and Duncan's been sneaking back on every cha-"

She and the others calmed down when the inventor stood in front of them, and waved his arms for silence. "Guys, gals, aliens from LA, do not fret."

"Dude, how can you be so calm?" Geoff asked, gaping at the inventor. "You just got booted."

"This sucks so bad," Mandy roared, "I'm about ready to actually sacrifice someone here to reduce the 'suck-age' of this situation! Who here is useless? How about one of the twins, we'll still have one left!"

"Just calm down," Joel said, seating Mandy down as Sadie ran over to Katie in terror. "Look everyone, I've got this handled."

Joel walked over to Chris Maclean, and said, "Well Chris, you've aimed for controversy, shock, and jerk ass. Congratulations, you aimed on all accounts."

"Thank you," Chris said, grinning proud. "You're not going to be a poor sport about being voted off, are you, bra?"

"No, I'm just fine over this, I figured it would happen..."

The inventor then crossed his arms and glared fiercely. "But you drew the line when you aimed to hurt my girlfriend."

"What? But it's just-"

"You're voting me off to upset her, to get rid of her. I've seen petty, but this really takes the pie."

"I think you mean-"

"And thus," Joel continued, interrupting the host, something he really hated, "you know all those special favors I've done for this show? Like fixing every single electronic and appliance?"

"Um, yes."

"That's all off. You can just call an expert to do that, if you can afford it with how much budget you have after your hair gel."

Chris swallowed, and then pointed at Vera. "Okay, what about the virtual reality machine? Surely you don't want your baby to-"

"Nope, that's out too," Joel said, smirking at the host. "You can find someone else to fix her if she breaks down, if there is anyone except a rather expensive computer expert. And the heck of it is, I know how often you break it down whenever you use it."

"Oh mommy," Chef Hatchet muttered, looking at Chris. "You didn't plan on how this season would have gone without Vera working."

"Silence, Paycheck-Less," Chris shouted, but the damage was done.

Joel chuckled, then walked over to Hannah. She hugged him, and the inventor said one more thing before he stepped onto the bus. "Have fun repairing everything in the show on your own, Chris!"

The moment he stepped on the first step, the wheels on the bus went pop-pop-pop... pop. Duncan cursed and pounded on the steering wheel. "Not again," he shouted.

Hannah pulled Joel back on the platform, and they both smirked at Chris. She pointed at the tires, and said, "Anyone you know who can change a bus's tires?"

Chris, panicking, looked over at Chef Hatchet. "Um, dude-"

"I'm still in a paycheck-less-ness state, bub!"

Chef sulked off, and the host nervously wrung his hands. "Oh dear. This isn't going to be easy."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - The second most controversial vote off!)**

** Joel and Hannah** - **Hannah** - "You wonder why they don't like me?"

**Joel** - "It always happens when the show carries on, they always try to be more controversial."

**Chris Maclean** - *banging on the door* "Hey! You just got voted off, you cannot use the confessional."

**Hannah** - *giggling mischievously* "Sorry Chris, but the doorknob broke! We can't get out!"

**Chris Maclean** - "ARGH! Son of a..." *He walks away from the closet.*

**Joel** - *grinning at his girlfriend* "When did you get to be so crafty?"

**Hannah** - "Well, I didn't think I was going to join a large reality show and come out completely spotless." *She pulls him close, dusts off his jumpsuit, and then kisses him.*

**Justin** - *looking at the doorknob* "This thing doesn't look broken... Chris said Joel and Hannah were stuck in here since it was broken after Joel was eliminated..." *It slowly dawns on him.* "Oh! Clever!"

**Sakaki** - "This show is getting kind of mean... why did I sign up?" *She nervously looks around, and looks at the scratching of the horse.* "Wow... that's... um... really... eh... bad."

**Valerie** - *scratching her chin* "Joel being eliminated... I don't know if this is good or bad. All I know is that these virtual challenges might not be a good thing. Hard to convince people to do what you want when aliens or monsters or hunky vampires trying to kill you all."

**Belinda** - "So typical. There's trouble all over: Colin's threatening to beat up people, Duncan coming back to steal stuff, Valerie up to no good, Chris fixing competitions and Chef throwing them. So who do they pick on? The nice girl who only acts in self-defense for others.

"It's like one of those sites that go out of their way to ban people for minor things, and wave on those doing really immoral plans. I know of that kind of thing." *She smirks, cocking her head.* "Oh, and don't worry about our fine couple, it's not the last you've seen of them. And the reason for that should be obvious for you all."

**Katie** - "Noah seemed really down after the challenge. I think he's really sick of being teased. So I decided to do something really nice for him..."

* * *

**(Room 7 - Justin, Katie.)**

Noah was led into Katie's room. The bookworm looked around, and noticed all of Joel's stuff was already gone. "You know, this place really does seem emptier without all his tools and gadgets."

"I know, it's really a shame. And he never put any pictures up on the wall."

"It's really sad, but what did you need, Katie-Kat?"

Katie grinned, and walked over to the door and locked it. The bookworm was startled with this, and asked, "Whoa, wait! What happens when Anti-Me comes back to get his beauty sleep?"

"Oh, I arranged something for him."

* * *

**(Room 8 - Leshawna, Lindsay, Mandy, Noah.)**

"This place has the heaviest perfume I've ever smelt," Justin said, wrinkling his nose. "It's... sorry to say, not so good."

"That's my rat cage's shavings," Mandy said, holding up her cage full of rats.

Justin screamed and jumped in Leshawna's arms. "She's going to sleep with those things in the room?"

"We've tried to stop her, but she doesn't listen to reason," Leshawna muttered, putting him down on his feet.

Lindsay walked in, looking impatient. "Mandy, did you borrow one of my bras again?"

"I wouldn't wear your bras if they were the last support I could get before the well-rounded destruction of the world by the Old Gods!"

"That's it, give over!"

Lindsay struggled to undo Mandy's bra from behind, as the cultist began to yell about how she'd sacrifice the blond's brassiere to the Old Gods if she kept this up. Justin watched this, and said to himself, "Wow. Maybe Noah isn't a nut case for not wanting to stay in here."

* * *

**(Room 7 - Justin, Katie, now Katie and Noah.)**

Noah raised an eyebrow at Katie, and then asked, "Well, Justin's in my room with my crazy roommates. Where does that leave us?"

"Here."

"And how will I focus when there's all these pictures of Justin grinning at me?"

Katie grinned, and then tackled him, knocking them onto the bed. She started to kiss him, and then whispered in-between kisses, "You're all mine tonight, my Noah Boa."

"Only you could get away with calling me that, my Katie-Kat."

* * *

**(Elsewhere in Maclean Stadium.)**

Hannah, Joel, Ezekiel, Heather, and Tyler were all in the cafeteria, having a drink of water and a chat.

"So, you really are not going to repair anything?" Heather asked.

"That's my policy, and I'm sticking to it," Joel said.

"But dude, does that mean you're going to let that bus stay out in the middle of the stadium?" Tyler asked.

Hannah shrugged. "If anything, we could get Owen to push it out."

Ezekiel sighed, sipping his drink. "Well, all I knoo' is that if this shoo' continues to try and stay edgy, they'll eventually be cutting themselves on their 'oon controversial razor, eh."

Izzy popped out from underneath the table next to him, and nodded a great many times. "Ezekiel is rather clever! Can I quote that and put it on my profile online?"

"On what site, eh?"

"All of them. Even the ones I'm banned on, I don't let those little things get in my way."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Does not have a ban list. Yet.)**

** Izzy** - "I can't help myself, I'm a creature of habits. All the bad ones." *She grins, pulling down on one side of her top slightly, then she takes out a pen and draws a mustache on Chef's pony scratching.*

* * *

...

...

...

**Votes**:

**Eva** - Izzy

**Izzy** - Eva

**DJ** - Mandy

**Mandy** - Geoff

**Geoff** - Sadie

**Sadie** - Carol

**Carol** - Cody

**Cody** - Joel

**Joel** - Eva

**Producer's Vote** - Joel.

...

**Joel** - 2

**Eva** - 1

**Izzy** - 1

**DJ** - 1

**Mandy** - 1

**Geoff** - 1

**Sadie** - 1

**Carol** - 1

**Cody** - 1

...

**Voted Off** - Sandra, Duncan, Jasmine, Daisy, Owen, Trent, Hannah, Howard, Joel.

...

** Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date** - Mystery Science Theater 3000 Poster on the wall, Noah's Old Cot with baseball bat next to it, Throw Pillows tossed about, crowbar imbedded in the left wall, elbow-shaped dent and a bad scratching of a mustached pony in right wall. On the shelves are ping-pong balls, an empty glass, a broken mirror, smashed plates, a broken ugly vase, a crushed coffee machine.

**[1]** - When Lindsay says she wants to be titled Lindsay the Queenslayer, that's a little bit of a spoof off of World of Warcraft. When one slays the Lich King, you get the title the Kingslayer.

...

**Next Up** - TDBG goes MMORPG, OMG BBQ!


	33. Ch 10, Pt 1: OMG LTP!

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home, except for the MMORPG part. Just game at a considerable rate, don't let it eat into your homework time, and please, play as a gnome. They're the best.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - I hope you all like this chapter. After all, on July 27th, when Starcraft 2 comes out, I'm gonna be all over there.

Also, I'd _really_ hate to be a jerk here, but would people please stop asking me to read and review their stories? I can only do so much in my spare time, and I don't think I'm qualified to critique other writing either. One of the best critiques I can always offer is to run the spell checker before you start writing.

Also also, new poll. For the results of the past polls, Izzy won the deadliest of the TDI characters, Groucho the Duck won for the TDBG characters, and Izzy won three-fourths of the votes against Groucho in a fight against her and him. Well done, Izzy!

Also also also, could someone please tell what is the best way to upload chapters? I have to go through mine every time to edit them, because for some reason, the sentences have become congealed. I'm getting really, really sick of doing that.

Now, onto the drama!

...

* * *

**Chapter 33** - Alright Chumps, Thumbs Up, Let's Do Dis!

* * *

...

...

...

Chris Maclean - "It's time for another thrilling episode of Total... Drama... Battlegrounds!

(The opening theme starts. Lights spring up on the top of the stadium. A camera pops out of the janitor's closet, throwing Chico the Raccoon out. A door opens and Clive angrily throws a camera out of his room.)

_*Dear mom and dad, I ain't doin' well_

(Clive sulks past Lindsay and Tyler, who are passionately making out. He then has to run as Alfred rides a very fast zamboni down the hall, almost running him over as well as DJ and Sadie.)

_*I've found a brand-new hell._

(The emo has to listen to Anita and Eva argue nearby Cody, and he tried to focus on eating before Zachary is thrown on the table. The whiner jumps off, Clive's breakfast on his back, to get at Yoshi who threw him on.)

_*You asked me what I wanted to see_

(Clive is the back of a car, as Geoff, Leshawna, Harold, and Mandy all singing loudly to a song on the radio. He struggles with the door, but the child locks have been activated.)

_*Well, the answer wasn't for me to be on TV!_

(Colin is trying to feel up Crystal as Xander comes in to throttle the bully. Clive, close enough to almost get hit my the flailing limbs, is almost struck when Justin throws his arms up in indignation. Him and Noah are having a fierce argument as Katie tries to calm them down.)

_*I DON'T wanna be famous_

(On Vera's screen, you see in the VR world that Clive is being grappled by a masked murderer. Rodney is kicking the killer's shins and Sakaki is pounding on his back, but neither is helping at all.)

_..._

_*I wanted to stay away from the crowd_

(Clive tries to ignore Gwen and Courtney shouting at each other as Duncan watches, loving how they're arguing over him.)

_*So pack my bags so I can go home now_

(Carol pounces Clive out of nowhere, knocking him to the ground. She giggles as the emo groans, as Arthur nearby laughs at the scene.)

_*Nothing here to prove, no one even likes me_

(Chef Hatchet snarls and slaps some disgusting food in Clive's face. The emo wipes it off and walks off as Valerie cackles in delight, only to get a face full too.)

_*Just leave me in misery_

(The emo sits in a corner, watching Izzy jump onto Ezekiel's back as he tries to talk to Heather. The queen bee immediately gets angry, but Izzy sees no problem with it.)

_*'Cause I don't wanna be famous_

(Beth chases after Groucho the Duck, who has taken a magazine. They accidentally trip Clive, who falls down on his butt. Sebastian tries to help him up, but then Fuzzy Wuzzums the Bear approaches and chases them off.)

_..._

_*Naw naw naw'no no naw nawnaw no naw!_

(Clive is shown shaking his head and waving his hands, protesting. Behind him is the whole cast of TDBG, but he is trying to ignore them.)

_..._

_*I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be; I don't wanna be famous_

(Chris Maclean comes up to pat the emo on the back, just to put a "Kick me, I'm emo" sign on him. As the host laughs, Bridgette comes up and takes it off, looking at the emo sympathetically.)

_..._

_*I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be famous!_

(The whistling follows, but it fizzes out as Clive hangs his head and sighs in defeat. Bridgette gives him a hug, which startles him, and then Belinda comes up to pat his shoulder. The clairvoyant winks at him, and a slight blush appears on his pale face as he considers the two girls comforting him.)

(The camera pulls back to see Vera in the background, and the icon of Total Drama Battlegrounds on all her screens.)

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena)**

"Neat, huh?"

"So Vera could also make up any introduction you can think of?"

"Yep, maybe I could do one based off you next."

"Naw, that'd be embarrassing. Well, should we go back to helping them?"

"Yeah, our five minutes are up."

Hannah and Joel walked back to the bus down on its luck. Currently, it was jacked up on one side, as Duncan and Trent struggled to change the tires. Hannah and Joel had been doing a lot of work, and the musician told them to take a breather. Now that their short break was over, they went back to helping their friends.

Daisy was sitting down nearby, watching Vera from afar. She wished at first that she had gone with the others to get a late-night snack at the cafeteria, but realized she didn't want to be stuck with Sandra any more than she had to.

"I cannot believe Chef Hatchet stood guard in front of the rooms," Duncan grunted as he wiped his forehead, "to make sure we didn't crash here for the night."

"I cannot believe," Daisy said, smirking, "that you tried three times to sneak into Courtney's room."

"She's the one who threw you out the third time, wasn't she?" Trent asked, also smirking.

"Yeah, but it wasn't my fault. I thought she'd be alone by now."

"What makes you think that? She's still got all her teammates."

"With that Colin creep in her room, I thought for sure she'd crash another room." Hannah sighed as she wiped her hands on a rag. "At least we have our own hotel to go to, just wish there was TV or something."

"They've banned us from watching TV," Trent explained, "because then we might watch the show and learn all the secrets."

Joel shrugged, then glanced over at Vera. "I sure am going to miss her."

"Is she your second girlfriend or what, dude?" Duncan asked.

Hannah giggled. "It's okay, I know their relationship is platonic."

"Is it safe for you to not tend to her?" Trent asked.

"She's a complicated machine, but she's not dangerous," Joel said. "She doesn't break down easily either, it's mostly whenever Chris plays around with her that makes her need some repairs. That ego of his is too much for her, or something."

"But what happens if she breaks down, like, during the game?" Daisy asked.

"That wouldn't damage peoples' brains, now would it?"

"No, see, it's a virtual world that you are experiencing as if it were a dream," Joel explained. "If Vera shut down because of a power failure or a glitch, everyone using her would just be brought back to reality, as if they were woken up."

"So there's no chance of brain damage or your mind being lost?"

"Your mind isn't going anywhere in a virtual simulation, no more than going to sleep can lead you to going insane."

"Man, I could think of a bad joke over that," Duncan said with a smirk, "but not off the top of my head."

"So much for improv," Joel commented.

"Well, Joel, what happens," Trent asked, "if they learn how to control Vera while you're gone?"

"That's exactly what they've been doing, I told them how to run her, just like all the other challenges."

"What if they make challenges that are really bad or something?"

"I had no control over that, and I'm sure for the sake of ratings, they're not going to do anything too violent or immoral. Kids watch this show."

Trent nodded, and glanced over at Vera. "And they can't turn on any setting that makes the players feel pain?"

"Vera doesn't have that. It's like a dream, no pain."

Hannah looked over at Vera, then put her hand on his shoulder. "You're really going to miss her, aren't you sweetheart?"

"Yes, I am."

"You always have me."

"And reality with you is sweeter than a virtual world."

They hugged, and Duncan groaned. "Just when I thought some couples couldn't get dorkier, here comes the one that flirts in scientific manners."

* * *

**(Next Day, Morning, Maclean Stadium's Cafeteria)**

Most everyone was busy eating, as the breakfast of eggs, bacon, toast, waffles, and pancakes provided a wide range for all those who loved the most important meal of the day (unless you sleep in really darn late).

Groucho and Chico were also there, the duck telling the raccoon of the awesome battle that he went through yesterday. The raccoon was impressed, and fired back of how he raided somewhere too. When Chico revealed one of Courtney's pink bras and put it on his head, laughing, Groucho face-winged.

Lindsay was trying to find Tyler, and when she couldn't resist the smell of her breakfast anymore, she sat down next to Gwen. The goth look upset, and when the blonde started to eat, she snapped at her.

Tyler, who had been trying to find his headband in the wreck his room had become, saw Gwen chewing out Lindsay, and then his girlfriend left the table, looking upset and rejected. The sporto was surprised by this, and instead of getting breakfast or going to his girlfriend, who was looking for another seat now, sat down next to Gwen.

"Hey," he said, offering her a friendly smile and a wave.

She returned them with a glare and a angry, "What?"

"Just wanted to talk," Tyler wasn't too phased by Gwen's anger.

"Is this about Lindsay? Look, I'm in no mood to deal with her this morning, I'm not feeling good."

"Is it breakfast?"

"Breakfast is fine, it's just," she started to say, then caught herself. "Look, I just had a very bad morning, alright? Why don't you hang out with Ezekiel, isn't he your friend?"

"It's... been a little hard to look at him since that fan service challenge."

Gwen scoffed. "Whatever. I just am having trouble, and I don't want to talk about it, especially with you?"

"What's wrong with me?" Tyler leaned forward, looking into her dark eyes. "This trouble at home or something?"

She stared at him, and then her eyes narrowed dangerously. "What?"

"If it is, you can talk to me. I know how that is."

Gwen replied by standing up, collecting her tray, and moving off. Tyler sighed in regret, mentally cursing how he played that, and slammed his fist down on the table; however, this was a mistake, as he accidentally hit Gwen's fork. He yelped in pain and nursed the sore spots.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Use the... no, we won't go there.)**

** Gwen** - "Every morning, I'm trying to contact someone. I need to know what's going on, and unfortunately, there's always... problems. But what's going on is no one's business but mine. I cannot talk to Trent, because he's _gone_. Bridgette's got problems of her own and Leshawna..."

*She pauses then sighs.* "... She wouldn't understand."

**Tyler** - "I know it's not really my business. But... you know, if I didn't have help from Lindsay and Ezekiel, I don't know how things would have turned out, but they would've been bad.

"After Total Drama Comeback ended, my father had seen how upset I was, and he promptly told my mother to leave us alone, all of us. Now she's gone, and my sisters and I feel so much more comfortable now. I hope my father starts dating again..." *He taps his chin in thought.* "Say... do any of the other contestants have single moms?"

* * *

Geoff was sitting at a table with a few others sitting at the table, scattered about. Belinda looked at him across the table, looking into his eyes. She could tell he was troubled, possibly a nightmare or a buildup of grief.

As the party animal, who didn't feel like a party animal at all these days, ate or rather picked at his food, Bridgette came over. She saw her boyfriend looking sad, and immediately sat down next to him.

"Hello, handsome," she purred affectionately as she set her tray down and wrapped an arm around his waist. He flinched, looking as if it was a snake and not his girlfriend's arm around him. Belinda raised an eyebrow as she continued watching.

Bridgette sensed her boyfriend's anxiousness, and cuddled up against his side. "Hey Geoff," she said, reaching around and stroking his bare chest, "you know what I've been thinking about?"

"Wh-wh-what?" Geoff stammered, his face going pale. "Thinking about? What are you thinking about? Nothing bad, right babe?"

"No," Bridgette started to say, "well, it's just something I think we should talk about."

"Why?" he blurted out too quickly. "I mean, bad stuff's no fun to talk about, right?" he nervously laughed.

"But Geoff, we haven't made out in so long," she whined, sadly look at him. "We haven't even really kissed. I really miss it, I've been thinking about way back when we first started flirting. Like that time in the forest, when you told me I pitch a tent like a gu-"

"Tent!" Geoff exclaimed, flinching so bad that Bridgette let go, startled. "Tent... tent, that's right! I have to go move a Trent... tent! You know what I Trent... MEANT! Tent tent, gotta go, Bridgette, gotta move a tent!"

She watched him go, gaping in sorrow. Bridgette slumped, holding her face in her hands, whimpering in sorrow. She didn't even notice Belinda leave the table, but she did when the clairvoyant sat down next to her and rubbed her back in comfort.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - No one pitches a tent in here.)**

** Geoff** - "Okay, this is seriously getting uncool, dudes! I can barely sleep, guilt's gnawing at me! I think the person who organized this is going to ask me yet again to do something I don't want to! I've even started to get freaking paranoid, I'm worried that people are spying on me, trying to find out what I did-"

*The cot in the back sneezes. Geoff screams and runs out of the closet.*

**Belinda** - *looking down at the cot and smirking* "You know, you're not exactly ninja material if you cannot stop sneezing."

**Daisy** - *sneezes again from under the cot* "Well, it's dusty down here. Could you dust?"

**Belinda** - "Sure, but I want to ask, what are you spying on?"

**Daisy** - "Just wanted to see if I could get more information on these mysterious vote-offs."

**Belinda** - "Oh, and here I thought you were trying to look up someone's skirt."

**Daisy** - "Huh?"

**Belinda** - "Not mine, hon, Yoshi's."

**Daisy** - "Oh yeah, that too."

* * *

Heather was seated alone, waiting for Ezekiel to come join her. The person who sat down next to her though, was not someone she was expecting. She also didn't expect that person to be pleasant.

"Good morning, Heather," Harold said, smiling at her. "Very nice morning, fit for a good challenge, don't you think?"

Heather stared at him as if what he said was bonkers, and in another language, and had somehow recited it backwards. "Um, what?"

"Don't you think it's a nice day? I do. Sun is shining bright out there."

"Why are you talking to me?"

"Hmm?"

"_Why_ are you talking to me?"

Harold stared at her for a second, then smiled. "Well you know, I've had a change of opinion on you. You're not as bad as a roommate as I thought, allowing me to use the space Howard left for my stuff and such.

"Plus, you've been a lot more patient than I thought. Even when Chris is drilling you, you don't snap."

"I can still snap if I want to," Heather said with a roll of her eyes. "I'm not completely transformed like some people think I am."

"A complete transformation would pretty much be impossible, as far the terms of the human brain and the psyche go," Harold stated, "but so far, we all like what you've become."

Heather glanced at Harold, trying hard not to blush, something that she would _never_ allow herself to do before her partial transformation. She looked to the side and said, "Well, Ezekiel helped me with that, and by the way, what do you think he'll say when he sees me sitting next to you?"

"He'll think that it's great you are opening up to other people, I know how this thought process works," Harold said with the nerdiest grin on his face. "And also, you are the one who changed, so you took part in it." Heather nodded slightly at this, and managed a little smile.

As Harold and Heather continued to talk, two ladies watched them from afar. Leshawna was one, startled at first, but as she heard the words exchanged, she felt relief and even pride for her man. Valerie, also watching, was irked and frustrated.

Leshawna turned to her table mate, DJ, and said, "Now ain't that like Harold, being a peacekeeper. I thought he hated that skinny girl as much as I did, but apparently, he can put grudges behind him."

"He did forgive Courtney over last season," DJ said, nodding. "Funny, I always thought I was a bit of a peacekeeper."

"Sorry, you big cream puff, but if a fight broke out, you would be the first to hide behind someone else." DJ hung his head in shame, but Leshawna was quick to comfort him. "Now don't feel down, you got heart, Deej. You just need something to motivate you... maybe it's time you got a girlfriend again?"

As the two talked about such a possibility, Valerie was still watching Heather and Harold talk, getting more and more agitated. "I can't have Heather start to develop a conscience," she whispered to her table mate, Zachary, "if she starts to become... ugh... _nice_, she might not go ahead with my future plans."

"You sound so hot when you sound scheming," Zachary said, grinning at her.

"Thanks. Seriously though, I wanna smash that nerd in the face for trying to butter her up, it makes me so mad."

"You even sound hot when you're violent," he added, stroking her side.

"Zachary, if you blow the cover on our secret relationship, you don't even want to know what I'll do to you."

"That sounds... very scary but possibly sexy."

"Must you have a one-track mind?"

"I'm a guy."

Valerie groaned and looked over at Heather and Harold again, frowning in upset.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - A one-room mind.)**

** Heather** - "Look, I'm still Heather, okay? I still could dominate this game if I wanted to. But you know... I don't feel like it. Back when I was the mastermind pulling the strings, I didn't feel bad, I really didn't. But I do, is that weird or what? And you know what? Guilt makes me feel... better, in a weird way. Makes me feel human."

**Leshawna** - "If you had told me during Total Drama Island that Heather was human, I would have doubted you. But you know, she sure is changing, and I don't mind that one bit. If Harold can accept her, maybe I can too! But later, my mind's still in the game, and I plan on winning this!"

**Valerie** - "I plan on winning this, and I will not accept Heather's mind not in the game! I need her to manipulate people, and I thought at first if she's connected to Ezekiel, then she could pull his and all his friends! But now nerds and dweebs like Harold are warming up to her, making her become..." *She gags.* "... nice! Nice can kiss my butt, this is a contest, and I intend on keeping it real!"

* * *

Eva was sitting next to Cody, listening to him explain a couple of his favorite shows. The scientific ones didn't interest Eva, but she listened nonetheless; however, she was intrigued by the shows he mentioned where they were scientifically violent.

The fitness buff was also pleased that Anita was not sitting on Cody's opposite end. This was because the teenage bombshell was sitting at a table alone, not even facing Cody and Eva.

Anita picked at her eggs miserably, only eating once in a while. She sprinkled a little pepper on them, accidentally getting some up her nose. She sneezed, wincing as tears came to her eyes from the force of the sneeze, and used her napkin to clean up.

Ezekiel saw this, and thought she was genuinely crying for a moment. Since his girlfriend was busy talking to someone else, he decided to sit down next to Anita. "Hey, new girl," he said, and she looked over at him in surprise as he added, "enjoying breakfast?"

"Um, kind of," she said. "It's good, you did a good job as always."

"Thank you, eh. But you seem to moo'r picking at the eggs than eating them," he observed, looking at her plate. "Something wrong?"

"No, no," she started to say, then she sighed and shook her head. "Yes. Something is."

"Want to talk a'boot it?"

Anita didn't really know if she should, she didn't know Ezekiel that well yet; however, the combination of knowing how helpful he had been to others last season, mixed with him saying "a'boot" made her drop her guard. "It's just... I think I lost Cody to Eva already."

"What? What makes you say that, eh?"

Anita motioned towards Eva and Cody, who were talking nonstop. The bombshell sighed, and muttered, "Maybe it was inevitable. I mean, they started to like each other right before TDC ended."

"I doo'nt knoo' if you should give up just yet, eh," Ezekiel said. "I mean, look, I'll ask Izzy to help, she loves hooking up people-"

"Um, Zeke, look who's nearby them."

Ezekiel looked to see his redhead friend sitting right next to Eva, being her usual chatterbox self, and occasionally nudging Eva towards Cody. Anita sighed when she saw Eva's hip brush against Cody's.

"Team Eva," Anita remarked glumly. "I love Izzy, so I guess that was the final straw, seeing one of my favorite contestants here helping the other girl."

Ezekiel looked at Anita, back at Izzy, then at the bombshell again. He managed to smile, and say, "Look Anita, Izzy may be Team Eva, but personally, I'm Team Anita."

"Really?"

"Yes, and I insist you keep trying. If you need a conversation starter, I happen to remember," he said, lowering his voice, "that he had a pair of hi-tech binoculars when we were adrift in the cabins last season. Why not ask him more about those, and his other fun toys?"

Anita looked rejuvenated, and beamed at him. "Thanks, Zeke!" She picked up her tray and walked over to sit down on Cody's other side. Eva was surprised for a second, then upset. Izzy was startled too, and then she began to stare at Anita's chest, shamefully, then down at her own.

Ezekiel chuckled, then he was startled when Izzy plopped down next to him. Her upset frown made him fear for a few seconds that she'd attack him for being on Anita's side.

"Ezekiel," Izzy said, then cupped her breasts and asked, "do you think I'm not big enough? Be honest."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Honesty is the best policy.)**

** Ezekiel** - *still blushing slightly* "I sometimes wonder why Izzy goes from proud of her looks to being unsatisfied. She's joo'st fine, eh!

"Oh, and a'boot Anita, I knoo' there are a lot of people who are hoping Eva hooks up with Cody, but to be honest, I'm never bin much of a fan of Eva, eh. Plus, Anita helps me 'oot with the dishes after breakfast and dinner; last night, after the alien challenge, she was really quiet and upset, I felt kind of bad fur her."

**Eva** - "I thought for sure Anita had given up. Well fine then, let her keep trying. I've grown fond of Cody, and we work well together in challenges. Always nice to have someone spot for you, ya know?" *She chuckles.*

**Cody** - "Anita is nice and all, but she doesn't seem too interested anymore. I know she asked about the gadgets I had, but she got kind of quiet afterwards. Maybe it's time I make the call, since Eva's been really helpful and a good teammate, while Anita, as hot as she is, doesn't seem really interesting anymore."

**Izzy** - *She appears to be slightly bustier than normal.* "I'm not ashamed of my body. Just that being around my good friend Mandy might make me look a little lacking."

*She begins to sneeze.* " 'Cuze me a minute..." *She pulls a tissue out of her top, and blows her nose, then tucks it back into her top.* "Now where was I?"

* * *

Xander was sitting next to Crystal, trying to get her attention. She seemed to be distracted, looking at Carol. The enthusiast wasn't very enthusiastic right now, staring her breakfast down. Crystal also was glancing at Sadie, who was watching Noah and Katie snuggle.

"I wonder how it feels," the romantic mused, "when there are loving couples around you, and you don't have anyone."

"But aren't you single?" Xander asked.

"Yes, but that doesn't bother me, because I do the matchmaking. That's my romance."

Xander looked a little distraught by this comment, and looked to the side. "Oh. That's all you want?"

"Well, maybe not in my entire life, chap, but I do want to get these crestfallen and lonely people someone! It's most important to me!"

The rebel sighed, then managed to smile and say, "Hey, my British babe, I'll be glad to help you."

"Really?" she asked, blushing slightly. "That's so sweet of you! But... I didn't think a biker rebel would care about romance."

"You kidding? Pairing people up with those others couldn't see them with is one of the greatest forms of rebellion I can think of on a reality show."

Crystal laughed, but was cut off when a howl from Carol startled her and everyone in the cafeteria. "These darn eggs," she hollered. "They mock me so! They are a reminder that chickens are getting more love than I am!"

"How much sleep has she been getting?" Crystal asked Beth, who was sitting nearby.

"Barely any, I think she's punch-drunk and surviving off caffeine now." Carol, growling at the eggs, spotted Noah and Katie eskimo-kissing. She ran towards them, exclaiming, "Stop flaunting your love in the hallways, I am the hall monitor!"

Sadie stepped in front of Carol as the enthusiast dove towards Katie and Noah, knocking over the larger BFFFL. They crashed into a wall, much to Katie's surprise; the tan BFFFL clung to her boyfriend, and whimpered, "Oh man, that looked like it hurt."

"Naw, Sadie's tough, she looks fine."

"Aww, it's so nice how complimentive of my BFFFL you are!"

They kissed, just as Carol and Sadie got to their feet. Sadie was glaring at Carol, and snapping, "What's your problem, huh? Can't you let my best friend and her boyfriend cuddle?"

"It's not right, I've been single too long. You know how I feel!"

Carol sobbed on Sadie's shoulder, and in a few seconds, the BFFFL was sobbing too.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Single, but fine.)**

**Xander** - *sighing as he looks upset* "I thought things were going well between Crystal and I, but ever since the cruise, she's been avoiding my advances. Look, I know she likes me, and she knows I like her, but I guess to her, pairing other people up will always take priority. So if I want her to see me again, I have to help pair up everyone!"

**Carol** - "I know I'm starting to lose it, but I'm still myself! Really!" *She goes to leave the confessional, but walks into the wall and collapses.*

**Sadie** - *comforting Carol, who's lying down on the cot groaning* "There there, you'll be fine."

*She goes up to the camera and whispers.* "I don't want to tell her this, but I'm getting really good vibes from Zachary. I know Katie warned me... but I think she's just being silly!"

* * *

Lindsay, who was trying to find a spot to sit down at ever since Gwen told her off, finally found one. She didn't notice who was nearby her until the person protested.

"What are you doing, sitting next to me?" Courtney snapped.

Lindsay normally had great patience, but she was frustrated over how this morning was starting off. "I'm sitting and eating, thank you," she snapped right back, eating some eggs to prove her point.

"Able to do that all by yourself now, are you?" the CIT replied. "Look, I don't want you staying here, you're a jinx."

"I'm a what?"

"A jinx, an upset. I picked you for the fan service challenge, and you somehow failed it. If you're that bad, I don't want you near me."

"That was two challenges ago, Cora," Lindsay protested. "Can't you just let me eat?"

"No, I was also saving that space for Duncan, and I don't you here. So haul your butt somewhere else.

Lindsay's baby blue eyes went wide, then narrowed angrily. " 'Haul'?" she repeated, growling. "Are you saying my butt's big?"

"Let me just say this, Lindsay," Courtney said with that practiced, politician face of feigning sincerity, "since God gave you big boobs and big feet, he decided to do the same and then same for your butt."

Lindsay seethed, and her patience finally tore. She grabbed her cinnamon bun and smeared the sticky syrup in Courtney's face. The CIT gasped in horror, as Lindsay smirked triumphantly.

"Maybe that'll make you more sweet," Lindsay said, proud of her pun.

Courtney snarled, and threw a handful of eggs at Lindsay's face. The blonde groaned and started to pick it out of her hair, then saw Courtney go for her glass of orange juice. Lindsay dove to the side, and Courtney accidentally splashed Clive.

The emo looked over, startled at this, and muttered, "What'd I do?"

Courtney was stammering for an explanation until a pancake hit her face. She peeled it off to see Lindsay throwing another one, and she ducked. Leshawna was struck in the side of the face, and she wasn't happy.

"Oh no you didn't," she shouted at Courtney.

"No, it wasn't me, it was-"

The CIT's eyes widened as Leshawna lifted up a bowl of cereal and tossed the contents at her. She leapt away, and Clive was soaked again.

"Figures," the emo groaned.

Now Leshawna, Courtney, and Lindsay were throwing, flinging, and splashing food, grabbing other peoples' breakfast for ammo. More people joined in, like Yoshi, Tyler, and Izzy. Some people, like DJ and Rodney, fled.

Elsewhere, Alfred was chatting with Mandy. He leaned his elbow on the table and stared fondly at her as she talked. When she finished telling a story, he asked, "So tell me, what did the teacher do after he found your rats in his desk?"

A syrup-covered pancake flew through the air and slapped on the side of his face. Mandy jumped in surprise as the gonzo calmly rubbed some of the syrup running down his cheek to lick it off. "Well?" he asked politely.

"Oh, he, um, knew it was me, and called me out to stop bringing my pets to school, even if they get lonely at home."

"That's such a funny story, Mandy. Excuse me for a minute."

He leapt into the fray, to her surprise. The cultist watched with wide eyes as the gonzo went ballistic, cackling with laughter, as he fought everyone and smeared them all good with good food.

"Hahahahaaaa! Take that, Courtney! Take that, Lindsay! Eat food, Yoshi! You want a piece of me? Buahahaha! Ooo, those crepes are nice, gimme a piece of that!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Gonna need cleaning utilities from here soon.)**

** Alfred** - *with small patches of food on him* "Hehe, nothing like a good food fight to relieve the tension, huh? Reminds me of the time my buddy Keith and I started a food fight at school, well we didn't really start it, some guy thought Keith was looking at his girl, and he threw a textbook at Keith, but Keith ducked and started pelting him with fries."

**Courtney** - *completely covered with food* "Ohh, I hate that Lindsay! Look at me now! Why is she even in this contest, there's no way someone as dumb as her could win! And honestly, she is a jinx, look at the enormous, unprofessional, food fight she started!"

**Lindsay** - *completely covered with food too* "Coralina really annoys me. She's as bad as Harmony was in the first season... well, maybe not that bad, at least she's honest. But still, she gets so mad so quickly, why is that? All I did was sit down!"

**Clive** - *coated in food, looking devastated* "You know, I really don't wanna be famous."

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena)**

After everyone who was caught in the food fight got changed and cleaned up, they were led to the arena of the stadium. There was no audience there, just Chris on the platform waving at them.

"Hello, campers," he said. "Camping out in a stadium, today is another big day for you! Who's ready for the next challenge?"

"Why are we having a challenge every day?" Sadie asked. "Isn't that rushing things?"

"We have forty-two contestants, we'll be lucky if this doesn't take more than three seasons to finish," Chris explained.

"What about your career?" Gwen snapped, crossing her arms. "You practically need this show to keep your sad existence known still.

Chris was taken aback by the harsh words, as were many others. The host shook it off and said, "Well, I'll still outlast all of you. Now, follow me."

"Wait, we're not having the challenge out here?" Zachary asked as the group of teenagers followed the host back into the stadium.

"Nope! Today, we're having it in a very special room of the stadium!"

They were all led by the arrogant host to a room they had never been to before, and when Chris let them all in, some of them went into total nerd-nirvana when they saw it.

"Computers," Cody shouted in joy.

"Lots of computers," Harold screamed in happiness.

"Lots of really good, up-to-date, powerful computers," Noah cried out in merriment.

"And if there's a lot of computers," Anita exclaimed in bliss, "that can only mean one thing!"

"LAN PARTY," the four cried out in rejoice.

Chris nodded. "Indeed! We will be broadcasting this live as our episode, the TDBG MMORPG! Our sponsors paid big money for these appear on the show, so keep saying how good they are!"

"My, how good these computers are," Belinda said as she leaned against a wall.

"Not yet, Bri."

Belinda raised an eyebrow at the host. "My name's Belinda."

"Is it? I've forgotten, you new contestants aren't as important."

"How rude," Crystal said, glaring at the host. "You had no problem with our names until now."

"Yeah well, after all this time, I tend to push unimportant things out of my head, Winter."

"My name's Crystal."

"Whatever," the host said, shrugging. "Like it all matters, who watches a show for the new characters? All they care about are the best ones, the most handsome faces, like mine."

"You are the definition of arrogant," Katie spat out, "you know that, Chris Maclean?"

"Your words don't bother me, Gabby."

"MY NAME'S KATIE! I've been on this show since the beginning!"

"Yeah well, you and your friend are practically the same, I never really bothered to learn the difference."

Sadie was having trouble holding back her angry BFFFL and Noah at the same time. Mandy was busy twirling her dagger in her hand, watching the chaos, as she said to the host, "Your ignorance will only make you an easier target for the Old Gods, Chris."

"Keep talking crazy, that's all we wanted when we picked you out, Joe."

"I'M MANDY, YOU STUPID, STUPID HUMAN!" **[1]**

**

* * *

**

**(Janitor's Closet - No one forgets our name.)**

** Chris Maclean** - *laughing* "Can you believe those girls getting uptight over something silly as getting their names wrong? You'd think it was something important!"

**Crystal** - "I know I vowed to hook everyone up, but I don't want to go that far! Chris can fend for his own self! Chef, on the other hand..."

**Katie** - *pouting* "Noah once remarked that they brought in some people to be cannon fodder. Well, Sadie and I will show Chris! We can go far, and so can Noah, and then our names won't be forgotten!"

**Mandy** - "Hastur, Nyarlathotep, Yog-Sothoth, gimme strength so that I don't _kill_ that man!"

**Chris Maclean** - "Seriously, they act like they're going to last a long time in this contest, so that it might matter to remember their names. Our polls have told us that it is guys like Duncan and Owen being in the contest that get the ratings, so everyone else is..."

"... Uh-oh."

* * *

"Now, moving on," Chris Maclean said, posing near a camera, "our challenge is all about an MMORPG."

"A what?" Justin asked, baffled.

"It's a Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game," Noah explained. "But I knew you wouldn't get that, Anti-Me."

"Yeah, such a shame I don't speak useless nerd talk."

As Beth and Katie tried to calm down their boyfriends, Chris continued. "In this game, we will have a team of five, standard team for a dungeon. Thus, we will have seven teams altogether."

"What's the game, Chris?" Anita asked, terribly excited.

"I'm glad you asked that, Ms. Fan Service," Chris replied. As Anita sulked over this title, he continued, "We will be doing the majorly famous: Prism of War!"

Loud cheers erupted from several of the contestants, not bothering to hold back their nerdy excitement. Chris smiled and nodded, "Yes, how could we pick something else? Also, this game will have a new dungeon, with four bosses for you to defeat."

"New bosses, a new dungeon?" Noah exclaimed. "Oh man, I think I'm gonna faint! Catch me, Katie!"

She did, and he giggled in her arms. Katie beamed at him and said, "This feels like a complete role reversal here, my sweetie."

"I'm the one giggling and squealing, you're playing it calm. Yes, yes it does."

The host continued to explain the game. "This contest is simple. You can only communicate with your teammates, and you all will wear noise-canceling headphones to prevent you from hearing other teams. To win, you must defeat the boss at the end of the dungeon.

"Now we will have five teams who will be winners, and there is a prize. Time cards for your Prism of War subscription!"

"What kind of freaking lame reward is that?" Colin barked. "I don't play this stupid game, I sure as hell don't want a time card!"

"You can always eBay it," Chris suggested.

Zachary let out a scoff as he glanced at Colin. The bully glared at him and asked, "What?"

"Nothing. Just always seemed to me like you were the griefer kind."

"What's that?"

"Someone who goes around and makes people's lives difficult, and nothing but that."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Making lives easier.)**

** Colin** - "You mean that's allowed? I could spend hours driving nerds crazy by attacking them over and over? Hot damn, now I'm interested!"

**Katie** - "Little known fact about my book-loving cutie, is that if he gets talking about computer games, he'll start to get more excited and hyper than Sadie and I. Some think it's weird, but I find it _so_ cute."

**Sakaki** - "I actually like playing games online, with people who don't get too personal. I mean, it's a lot easier to interact with people when it's not face-to-face."

*She blushes slightly and strokes her arm.* "Although friends in person are nicer, I gotta admit... but I don't do well when there are so many people around."

* * *

"Now we have picked out the leaders for the seven teams," Chris explained. "See, we found out who here plays the game, and thus we did a quick evaluation of your accounts. The people with the top seven accounts became our leaders."

Noah cleared his throat. "If I wasn't one of those top seven, I shall be very, _very_ shocked."

"Me too," Katie agreed. "He has, like, so many endgame characters."

"Oh yeah," Noah whispered to her. "Keep talking nerdy to me."

"I will, my epic boyfriend."

"You sly, sweet girl."

Chris growled in frustration. "Noah, stop flirting with your girlfriend! Yes, you're one of the top seven, the top of the top seven!"

"Darn straight," Noah said, triumphantly bowing.

"Next of the top seven with a character collection almost as impressive as Noah, is Anita."

Most were shocked to hear this, and the bombshell pumped her fists. "Yeah, baby," she cried out. "I knew my addiction to this game would pay off one day!"

"You're into that game?" Cody asked, astonished.

"Heck yeah," Anita said, grinning at him. "Heck I was playing it _before_ it came out, on the beta."

"For third place," Chris cut in, "we have Rodney."

The little kid let out a cheer. "Hooray! I play this game after I get done with my homework, and it's so much fun! I cannot believe I'm top three!"

"For fourth leader, we have Arthur."

The teenaged boy had been trying to look indifferent ever since the challenge was announced, and now all eyes were on him. He huffed and looked away. "It's my sister's account," he quickly said.

"But the account is under your name," Chris pointed out.

"Of course it is, I bought it for my sister, and it goes under the purchaser's name," Arthur pointed out. "I got it for her as a present."

"Your 'sister' has some vicious looking characters."

"Whatever. Am I still leader?"

"Sure sure, I'll buy that story," Chris said mockingly, grinning as Arthur fumed. "The fifth person to lead will be Harold."

"Awesome," the nerd cheered. "Prism of War has been a major influence in my life, as the cultures it bases the fantasy races off of have such amazing history and facts that I've expanded my horizons-"

"No one cares, Harold," Chris cut him off. "However, this next person might surprise some of you: Izzy!"

The redhead grinned, and noticed several people gaping at her. "What?" she asked innocently. "You think I never go online to pwn noobs, score leet gear, and slay in the name of my faction? I mean, it's fun in real life to do, but you can do more online."

"And finally, we have Zachary," Chris said, reading off the bottom of his list. "Everyone else didn't have an account, or one not as good as these seven."

"Alright then," Zachary said, cracking his knuckles. "Time to show everyone just how much I can pwn too."

Valerie scoffed. "You actually play computer games like this?"

"Babe, I'm more of a monster there than in real life."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Pwning germs.)**

** Zachary** - "War of Prism rocks, and the best part of it is, you can be different races. Thus, when you claim someone is racist, it takes on a whole new level!" *He laughs.*

**Arthur** - *glaring at the camera* "I don't think a lot of people bought it when I said the game was for my sister. I hate coming off as a closet nerd on this show, but I guess that's better than being painted as a schemer."

**Izzy** - "Okay, so like, I can take on four guys at once in real life, but in the game, I'll allowed to use lethal weapons and magic! My school said I'm not allowed to bring lethal weapons to school, and if I try to use fire again to fend off an attack, I could face detention."

**Rodney** - "My brother got me on this game. He said I needed a hobby since I didn't like sports. I love the game, but some people I've met take it a _little_ too seriously. I mean, why pitch a fit over some armor, it's not real."

**Noah** - "This is my sole existence for being who I am, the guy who likes to sit down and avoid doing physically trying things, like chores." *He laughs and then starts to talk more excitably.* "No one can defeat me when I'm determined! No player, no boss, no army, no one! I'm crush them all, and dance on their graves!"

*He pumps his fists and bellows fiercely, then remembers the camera is there and calms down.* "Um... yeah. Well, what? Did you think all I did was sit back and make sarcastic remarks? No no, sometimes I need to crush them so I can make better remarks."

**Harold** - *mad* " 'No one cares, Harold'? Why is it people keep saying that to me? I don't interrupt anyone when they're giving little details, like, "You're very tall," and "It's a nice day," or "Could you help me, my hair is on fire"! I swear, some people are so rude, gosh!"

**Anita** - "When I was growing up, I learned that nerds have a great fascination for strong women, and they love a gal who gets into the kind of things they do. So who do I want as a boyfriend? Someone who's sweet, loyal to me, has a great memory to details, and many other great skills! So nerds are the way to go, like Harold and Noah and..." *She giggles and smiles.* "Cody!"

* * *

"Can we pick our teammates now?" Noah asked as the seven leaders lined up against the wall, all placed apart to make room for their yet-to-be-chosen teammates. "I know who I'm going to pick!"

Anita and Harold nodded enthusiastically, but that excitement died when Chris shook his finger at them. "There's one thing you should all remember about these games," the host said. "The idiots you sometimes get paired with!"

"How can we forget those?" Zachary groaned. "I swear, I've been paired with every idiot who ever played the game."

"I had this one guy," Harold said to him, "who wouldn't heal our group unless we paid him gold. He was saying since he was doing the non-damage role, he deserved extra compensation."

Zachary groaned and added, "Man, that reminds me of this-"

"No one cares," Chris interrupted them again. "But you all will care about is that your first member of your team, besides you, will be picked by yours truly!"

All of the leaders groaned at this. This could be worse than any random search.

"Noah, I think I'm gonna pair you up with the worst possible person to be with," Chris started, grinning evilly at the bookworm. "Yes, someone who hasn't played the game, and would take days understanding the game. And even then, that person would do everything wrong and slow, causing all kinds of frustration."

"Boy, that sounds harsh," Lindsay said aloud, looking at her friends. "I wonder who could be that awful at the game."

"Lindsay, get over here."

"Why, Chip? Was I talking out of line again? I'm sorry-"

"Get over here, you're Noah's teammate!"

Lindsay squealed in joy as she hugged the horrified Noah. "I thought he was gonna be mean, but it appears he had a change of heart!"

As Noah groaned in annoyance, Chris turned to Anita. "Well, Ms. Fan Service, I think I know who you need on your team." She sighed, defeated, and then he said, "We're gonna have to have a nerd on your side! Cody, you are on Anita's team!"

Cody looked pleased, and was surprised when Anita hugged the host. "Oh thank you, thank you," she said, and then she hugged Cody. "We're gonna rock this competition together!"

"Okay," Cody said, at a loss for words, overwhelmed by the hug and the fact a girl was so into computer games. His mind spun, while Eva seethed.

"Rodney," Chris was saying to the little guy, "you can have your rival's girlfriend!"

"Not again," Noah groaned as Katie went to go stand next to Rodney.

"Oh, he's not my rival," Rodney said cheerfully, "he's my friend."

Chris chuckled, and pat the prodigy's head. "That's so nice of you, trying to be decent for the rude dork who hates everyone."

"Hey," Katie snapped. Rodney looked saddened by these words, and hung his head. Chris continued his assault.

"Aww, what's the matter? Can't take the truth? Playing with the big boys too hard?" the host asked mockingly. "Maybe you should go back to preschool, where they take care of big babies like you."

"Why are you being so mean?" Katie snapped at the host.

"I'm toughening him up, it's necessary for these kinds of things," he explained. "Now Rodney, you get the dumb, skinny girl on your team, who will probably be a burden. Though a little kid like you cannot take the heat." Rodney was shaking, his little fists clenched. Chris pat his head again and groaned. "What's this? Going to cry? Sulk? Can't take the hea-"

"JERK," Rodney shouted, kicking the host in the shin. Chris cried out in pain, and limped over to Arthur. As he left, Rodney teared up in guilt and hugged Katie. "I shouldn't have done that, it's not like me."

"I approved of it," Katie said, patting his helmet. "You're a good kid."

"Arthur," Chris strained to say, trying to ignore the pain and Arthur snickering at him, "you can have the other one, the other twin that I can't remember."

"Sadie," Arthur said, then was seized by Sadie hugging him. She put too much force into it, and knocked them over, squashing him underneath.

Chris Maclean headed over to Harold. "Nerd needs a bully. Without Duncan, you get Colin."

Harold winced, especially when Colin cracked his knuckles. "Just remember one thing," the nerd spoke up, "we're here to play a computer game."

"I can find time to torment you throughout the game." Harold pulled out one of his yo-yos, just in case he needed it.

"Izzy," Chris exclaimed, "you need someone who's completely opposite of you! Someone who is frustrated with how you're hitting on her boyfriend."

"You're going to have to narrow it down a little," Izzy said. "Most girlfriends get mad if you so much as look at their boyfriends, they're so dang clingy."

"I mean Heather."

"That does narrow it down," Izzy chirped as Heather grudgingly walked over to her. The former queen bee wasn't expecting Izzy to hug her and pull her close. "We're friends now, though! She will make a fine PoW padawan!"

" 'Pow'?" Heather repeated.

"Prism of War's abbreviation," Chris explained as he walked over to Zachary. "And you, Zachary..."

"_Please not Yoshi, please not Yoshi, please not Yoshi_," Zachary thought desperately.

"How about the whitest of the white boys to help a brother out?" Chris said. "You get the emo boy!"

"No, that's even worse than who I was thinking of," Zachary shouted as Clive sulked over to him.

"You should be grateful, I played the game at one point," Clive grumbled. "I quit when I found out life was so pointless, a computer game cannot help me avoid it."

Chris sighed and tapped his forehead. "Okay, leaders, pick one each, starting with Noah."

"I'm not sure who here has played this," Noah admitted, "so I'll just get someone I think will be good at killing. Yoshi."

"Belinda," Anita requested.

"Miss Courtney," Rodney said.

"Xander," Arthur said, trying to keep Sadie from brushing him off after they recovered.

"I want Heather's boyfriend, Zeke," Izzy exclaimed. "The three of us will have a great time together!"

"I actually want a real brother," Zachary exclaimed, "so I'll take Sebastian."

Chris watched people line up, then cleared his throat. "Good, good, my pick again."

Noah groaned and face-palmed. "You just have to make things as complicated as possible, don't you?"

"Yes, yes I do. And you can have your freaky roommate, Mandy, to join you.

"Crystal, go help Anita out. And play the game too."

"Alfred, you're a bad influence on Rodney, go join him."

"Sakaki, you're way too shy for someone harsh like Arthur, you're on his team."

"Carol, you beat the snot out of Harold, be on his team."

"Eva, you just don't get along with anyone. You can be with Izzy, who drives everyone crazy."

"Gwen, you're the whitest of white girls, you can be with Zachary."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - You can copy us, we don't mind.)**

** Beth** - "Sometimes I worry about Chris. Not in the sense that he might break down into tears, but in the sense that he'll just start insulting us and throw heavy things... cackling maniacally..." *She scares herself and hides under the cot.*

**Sebastian** - "There's a philosophy I agree with applies to Chris Maclean: losers always try to prove they're not losers. Trying to belittle people just to make him look 'cooler'."

**Beth** - *under the cot* "I like that saying!"

**Sebastian** - *cries out in alarm* "A talking cot? Oh no, it's just you, Beth. Don't do that."

* * *

"Okay, now scrap from the bottom of the barrel, leaders," Chris said, smirking, "and take whoever you like from the rest of the group."

Noah rolled his eyes and said, "Oh, I'll just take Valerie."

Anita scanned the rest and said, "I'll take Tyler, he's very nice."

"Bridgette for me," Rodney said.

"I'll take Deej," Arthur said passively, pointing at DJ.

"Geoff," Harold said, smiling at his friend.

"Beth, not my ex," Izzy exclaimed, glaring at Justin.

"I never dated you," Justin retorted as he joined Zachary. The whiner was looking at Justin, scratching the back of his head.

"Um dude, don't take this the wrong way," Zachary asked, "but are you black, white, or another race I cannot put my finger on?"

"Dunno, I'm a test tube baby."

"That'll be hard to put down in those panels where they ask for race."

"That's what 'Other' is for."

Chris looked at the seven teams, and grinned. "Okay, you teams all look seriously doomed. Before we begin, let me explain a few more things. You all have a half-hour to discuss the game before we start up the game and you all roll your characters."

"Why are we rolling them?" Tyler asked. **[2]**

As Noah face-palmed, the host laughed. "Oh this'll be good! Now, let me also tell you something. There are ten races to choose from, and ten classes. You can pick any combination you want.

"The ten races are as follows: human, divine elf, rabbitkin, genie, gnome, kobold, grove elf, lizardkin, demon, and dwarf.

"The ten classes are the following: soldier, paladin, samurai, adventurer, inventor, nature magess, assassin, wizard, jester, and necromancer.

"You can ask your leaders who are the healers and tanking classes, something you should really choose before you make your characters. Are there any questions?"

A _lot_ of hands shot up. Chris burst into laughter, and added, "Oh yeah, this'll be really good!"

"My question's different," Alfred spoke up. "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

Chris lost his smile, and groaned. "Whatever, dude. Now remember, you can have any class and race combination you want."

"Excellent," Mandy said. "I like the sound of a necromancer. I think I'll be a kobold too."

"No, you won't," Noah, her leader, said. "None of you should be rolling a kobold necromancer."

"Why not, foolish mortal?"

"They're a cursed class," Harold exclaimed, then waved his hands around and spoke like a ghost, "It's cursed..."

"On Prism of War," Anita explained, "there was one patch that changed a lot of things, but somehow, it made the class/race combination of kobold necromancer way too powerful. So people who wanted to exploit the game used them. Then when it was corrected, they overdid it, and made them so bad, no one wanted to play them."

"Yeah, and thus," Zachary said, "people would roll them not as characters they were going to play, but to do things like harass players, or broadcast illegal advertisements like gold farming."

"Scary, really," Izzy added. "It was like a cesspool for losers, who like to run around and yell obscene things. You couldn't swing a dead gnoll around without hitting a kobold necromancer in the face, and he'd still be spamming mean things."

"Things got so bad, I had to change my kobold to a gnome, just so I could play him," Noah said. "Everyone knows that not only are they jinxed, but the kobold necromancers sucks."

Mandy scoffed, looking angry. "No one tells me what to do, whether it be life, school, computer games, or detention riots. I'm rolling a kobold necromancer, and that's final."

"Fine, whatever," Noah groaned. "You're just going to doom us all."

"THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO SINCE I JOINED THE SHOW, MORTAL FOOL!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Doomed as well?)**

** Mandy** - "No one tells me which way I roll! Therefore, I'm going to go the way that's not straight up at all!"

**Justin** - "The divine elf is the most beautiful of the races, so of course I chose that. And you know, the pointy ears are actually pretty cool. Wonder how I'd look with pointy ears..."

**DJ** - "The rabbitkin are like bunny people, bipedal with arms and legs and faces. Big floppy ears, and carrying large weapons. It's like I'm playing Bunny, so I made a rabbitkin, and named him Bunny! Isn't that fun?"

**Bridgette** - "The grove elf race, and the nature magess class, they both called out to me. Though my girl character is a little taller than me, and has blue skin, I managed to get a ponytail that looks like mine. It's really cute to compose your character, but I don't want to get into the killing part of the game."

**Yoshi** - "Yes, I had to give my choice in character a lot of time and thought. It required a keen eye for the details of class, the abilities that were defined, and the necessity towards the group in order to accomplish our goal in defeating the enemy." *He pauses, then grins.* "If you bought any of that, then I deserve an award for acting. Of course I picked the samurai, no ***Japanese censored*** duh!"

**Mandy** - *blinks a few times, then frowns* "Did I say something that's going to come back and haunt me?"

* * *

**(Team 1 - Noah (L), Lindsay, Mandy, Yoshi, Valerie)**

"Okay, listen up," Noah said to his group. The three girls and the boy listened, eager to learn more about the game they knew nothing about but needed to for the challenge. "We have three roles that need fulfilling for a group in this game."

"The first is the tank. Only select classes can play as the tank. They make sure the boss, and any other monsters, do not attack the other members of the team. They can take hits others cannot, so they will survive longer than others. We only need one tank.

"The second is the healer. The healer is basically our field medic, using spells to heal and cleanse. They not only heal people, but remove bad effects such as poisons or curses. You have to be quick in healing, because while the tank needs to live, the others may require healing. We only need one healer, and only select classes can be a healer.

"The last is damage, or what is known as DPS, which stands for damage per second. Basically, your job is to hurt and kill everything. Don't let the monsters hit you, let the tank focus on them, and kill the monsters while the tank is holding them. Any class can be damage, three of us are going to be damage.

"There. That's simple, right?"

Blank stares. Confused glances. An angry nose pick from Mandy.

Noah groaned, and shook his head. "Okay, let me put it more simply. The tank makes sure the monsters only hit him. The healer heals everyone to make sure they don't die. The damage focuses on dealing damage to the monsters."

More blank stares. More confused glances. A puzzled grunt from Mandy.

"TANK TANKS! HEALER HEALS! DAMAGE DAMAGES! What is so _hard_ to understand about that?"

As Noah gripped his head and cried out, Chris couldn't help but laugh out loud. "I knew this was going to be sweet," the host said to the camera.

He looked at the others, observing their reactions. Izzy, Zachary, and Harold seemed to be losing it like Noah was, with all the blank stares and confused glances they kept getting. Arthur was losing his patience slowly but surely, and it didn't help half of his team looked terrified over the fact they'd be fighting monsters, even if it was just a game.

Only Anita and Rodney were keeping a great deal of patience. The prodigy had lucked out in that his teammates were eager to learn, and the bombshell was so happy to be on the same team as Cody that she didn't mind the confused glances from Tyler and Crystal over how the game worked.

"I predict there's going to be a lot of nerd rage here," Chris said to the camera again. "And boy oh boy, is that going to be funny. It's always funny to see nerds get mad, since they are arguing about things that are so stupid."

He laughed, but it was cut off short when Chef Hatchet startling throttling him. "You callin' Prism of War stupid, pretty boy?" he hollered, shaking the host. "You don't be calling my favorite game stupid, you hear me, boy?"

* * *

...

...

...

**So how much drama can we expect from this challenge, even if it is just a computer game?**

**Will those who have played before go insane trying to explain it to those who haven't? Will they even manage to kill the first boss?**

**And how many in-game jokes are we not going to get? I mean, seriously, when you think about how many normally go over our head with each challenge, this one might be a lot worse in terms of-**

Alright chumps, thumbs up. Let's do this!

**LEEROOOOOOOOOY... JEEEEEEEEEENKIIIIIINS! [3]**

* * *

...

**Team 1** - Noah (L), Lindsay, Yoshi, Mandy, Valerie

**Team 2** - Anita (L), Cody, Belinda, Crystal, Tyler

**Team 3** - Rodney (L), Katie, Courtney, Alfred, Bridgette

**Team 4** - Arthur (L), Sadie, Xander, Sakaki, DJ

**Team 5** - Harold (L), Colin, Leshawna, Carol, Geoff

**Team 6** - Izzy (L), Heather, Ezekiel, Eva, Beth

**Team 7** - Zachary (L), Clive, Sebastian, Gwen, Justin

...

* * *

** Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date** - Mystery Science Theater 3000 Poster on the wall, Noah's Old Cot with baseball bat next to it, Throw Pillows tossed about, crowbar imbedded in the left wall, elbow-shaped dent and a bad scratching of a mustached pony in right wall. On the shelves are ping-pong balls, an empty glass, a broken mirror, smashed plates, a broken ugly vase, a crushed coffee machine.

* * *

**[1]** - Chris calling the Belinda "Bri," like my friend on Deviant Art, may be complete coincidence.

Chris calling the matchmaker Crystal "Winter," like my dear friend and fanon queen Winter, may be complete coincidence.

Chris calling Katie "Gabby," my friend here and on Deviant Art too, might be complete coincidence.

Chris calling our Invader ZIM-like Mandy "Joe" might be... well, that one is more obvious, Merl merit.

**[2]** - The term "rolling" means to create a new character as quickly as possible, like rolling them out ASAP. It's sometimes used in a derogatory way, for telling someone they suck at their current character.

**[3]** - Leeroy Jenkins, the most infamous paladin alive, is known for coming back from an AFK break, and running straight into the fray while bellowing his name. If you know someone who just charges in without checking first, you know a Leeroy Jenkins. At least he's got chicken.

...

**Next Up** - Nerds trying desperately to get non-nerds gaming.


	34. Ch 10, Pt 2: HFGL PWN!

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home, except for the MMORPG part. Just game at a considerable rate, don't let it eat into your homework time, and please, play as a gnome. They're the best.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - Just to let you all know, Prism of War is NOT a real game, I made it up. Ironically, as I write a parody of Blizzard's World of Warcraft, they release Starcraft 2. You all are lucky I still write these days.

The poll on classes is still up. Next chapter, we'll be reviewing who you want to see win TDBG again, to see how much you like the characters up to now. I wonder if Noah will be first place again.

...

...

...

* * *

**Chapter 34** - You No Take Candle!

* * *

...

"Chris," Beth exclaimed, leaping up and down with her hand raised. Many of the contestants stopped talking and watched her, fascinated for some reason.

"Yes, Beth?" the host asked.

"I just really wanted to ask, how do we lose? Is it the last team, or the last two teams?"

"Very good question, Beth. You get a cookie."

Chris tossed her an almond cookie, and the room was suddenly full of cheers and applause. This confused the host, who looked at the celebrating contestants. "It's just a cookie, for crying out loud. And to answer, the last two teams will have to vote someone off."

Beth nodded as she nibbled her cookie. "Uh-huh. And you said that the winners get a time card. Is that only first place?"

"Another good question! You get another cookie."

As he threw another cookie at her, there was more applause and cheers from the contestants. Chris shook his head in confusion, then answered, "It depends on what place you get. Fifth place gets three months free, fourth place six months, third place nine months, second place a year, but first place... gets two years!"

The veterans of the game all cried in excitement for this. The leaders went to instruct their teammates, but it was tricky for some of them.

* * *

**(Team 1 - Noah (L), Lindsay, Yoshi, Mandy, Valerie.)**

"No, Lindsay," Noah snapped, "you are not being the healer."

"But why? No one else wants to do it."

"Because the healer needs fast reaction skills. If you don't heal people fast, they die."

Lindsay looked absolutely horrified, her baby blue eyes shrinking in terror as she covered her mouth. Noah stared at her, then added, "They don't die in real life, Lindsay."

She let out a much-relieved sigh. "Thank goodness," she muttered, patting her heart. "But Noah, I talked to the others, none of them want to heal. Yancy wants to be the tank, Mandy is determined to be that evil class, and Valerie already made her character."

"Well then, I'll be the healer," Noah said. "I don't mind it for... this..."

He mentally cursed when he remembered he already rolled his character, a wizard, which was not a healer class. "Oh damn," he cursed out loud. "Life, what did I do to make you hate me so?"

"Oh please let me be the healer," she begged. She dropped down to her knees and wrapped her arms around his waist, nuzzling her face against his hip. "Please, I wanna heal! It's the nice thing to do!"

Noah groaned in frustration, and said, "Quit QQ'ing, Lindsay, we don't have a choice. You're the healer!"

Lindsay let out a wild cheer, and started kissing his cheek. He frantically pushed her away, saying, "Stop, I have a girlfriend, and she's nearby, and I think she knows karate."

"It's just a kiss on the cheek," Lindsay explained, then sat down in front of her computer. She stared at her computer, and said, "Okay, I use my computer all the time at home, and I play those little games, so I think I'll be okay."

"Great," Valerie, on her other side, "that's like saying you've used scissors so you're ready for surgery."

Lindsay stuck her tongue out at Valerie, then smiled at Noah. "Can you help make my character?"

"Sure, whatever."

This took twenty minutes. The other teams had already started, but Lindsay was determined to make her divine elf look just right. There were only five features for her divine elf: hair style, hair color, skin tone, face, and earrings. Valerie was gripping her hair in frustration, Mandy carving angry symbols in her table with her knife, and Yoshi was impatiently drumming his fingers as he stared at his samurai character.

"No, those earrings don't look good with that hair," Lindsay observed as Noah cycled through the character details.

"That hair would look better with red hair now."

"Ooo, if her skin was a little darker, it'd look perfect!"

"That makes her face look a little chubby, can you change that?"

"Now her hair doesn't match at all. Can you make it longer and more permed looking?"

"Now the earrings don't match! Aren't there more? And what about lipstick colors?"

Valerie pounded her table. "Damn it, we're fighting monsters, not courting boys."

"You're going to see the back of your character the majority of the time anyway," Noah remarked.

Lindsay looked at them both as if they were insane, but she smiled at Noah. "I just want to make sure I look good for when I do this. After all, appearances are important, aren't they?"

Mandy growled and carved a pentagram, while Yoshi studied his abilities. Noah whimpered and clutched his head.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Appearances can be deceiving.)**

** Noah and Katie** - *They are both in the closet together, and Noah is rambling as Katie patiently listens.*

**Noah** - "And then when she finally got her character created, I told her to click on the 'Ready' button, and guess what she asked? 'With what'? She had literally forgotten about how the mouse works! What is it about computer games and people that makes them completely forget how to do even the most basic of-"

*Katie suddenly, but gently, pushes him against the closet wall, interrupting him. He is surprised, even more so by her sly smile. She nuzzles his cheek, then kisses his jaw line.*

**Katie** - "My poor Noah, so frustrated. It makes the veins in your neck stand out. Lemme help you soothe them."

*She kisses his neck and moans in appreciation.*

**Noah** - "Oh... yeah, that does help. I love you, Cutie Katie."

**Katie** - *She simply giggles as she continues to kiss her boyfriend's neck.*

...

**Yoshi** - "During the time it took Lindsay to make up her Fantasy World Barbie, I actually learned how to play my character. As the tank, I felt it was my responsibility to know what I'm doing, not how I am looking. Still, I wish my armor looked more samurai-looking than fantasy world..."

*He stops, then clutches his head.* "Argh! Lindsay's metro ways are spreading!"

* * *

**(Team 2 - Anita (L), Cody, Belinda, Crystal, Tyler.)**

As Noah struggled to get Lindsay's character ready, Anita's team was already ready. She was the tank, while Belinda was the healer.

"Sorry I took the Inventor class, Cody," she apologized as their characters entered the dungeon. "But that's my main character on my account."

"It's fine, really. I wanted to try a nature magess, they look cool, and mom always says I need to get out more," he joked.

She smiled, and looked over at his screen. "Do you know how to play?"  
"Not really, it's a little different than most games I play."

Anita nodded, then leaned over to him. She was pointing out several of the features of his character's class, being very professional. Unbeknownst to her, Cody wasn't paying much attention, as her body was millimeters from touching him. Just that short distance made the geek completely unable to concentrate.

Belinda and Tyler were studying their characters' moves. The jock was in the middle of understanding how the game worked when he started receiving messages from Crystal.

...

_ [Lovegiggle] whispers: Tyler, how are things with you 'n Lindsay? Everything smooth and sweet?_

_ [Hockeykatana] whispers: well things have been a little slow these days_

_ [Lovegiggle] whispers: This isn't about how you had to kiss Ezekiel a couple challenges back, is it?_

_ [Hockeykatana] whispers: ... plz don't suggest what I think you're going to_

_ [Lovegiggle] whispers: Lol, no. I was just going to say you gotta talk to your friend. I may be a romantic, but I still want friends to remain friends._

_ [Hockeykatana] whispers: kk, lolz ill talk to him after the challenge_

_ [Lovegiggle] whispers: It's known that people have complications in their relationships when having trouble with friends. Say, how does Lindsay like Ezekiel?_

_ [Hockeykatana] whispers: i honestly dont know, she never has talked about him, just listened when i talk about him_

_ [Technoblitz] says in Party: Guys, are you ready? I'm done telling Cody about his character, do you need any help?_

_ [Lovegiggle] says in Party: Tyler and I are fine, I think._

_ [Codemeister] says in Party: You two both are? What have you been up to? Lol._

_ [Hockeykatana] says in Party: um..._

_ [Lovegiggle] says in Party: Uh..._

_ [Psychicjustice] says in Party: They're talking about Tyler's relationship with Lindsay, of course._

_ [Hockeykatana] says in Party: lolz, thanks belinda_

_ [Technoblitz] says in Party: Hehe. Well, I think we're all ready then._

_ [Psychicjustice] says in Party: Cody isn't._

_ [Technoblitz] says in Party: Huh, what do you mean?_

_ [Psychicjustice] whispers to [Technoblitz]: You were leaning too close to him when instructing, he doesn't remember a thing._

_ [Technoblitz] whispers to [Psychicjustice]: ... Oops. *is blushing so hard over here* Well don't worry, he's very smart, he'll get it quickly._

_ [Psychicjustice] whispers to [Technoblitz]: Your marvel for smart boys is an inspiration._

_ [Lovegiggle] says in Party: What are you two talking about, hmmmmm? As if I couldn't guess! Heeheehee!_

_ [Hockeykatana] says in Party: lolz, way to go, cody_

_ [Codemeister] says in Party: C'mon, Ty. Anyway, I know how to do this, let's start it up._

_ [Technoblitz] says in Party: Told ya, Belinda. :)_

_ [Hockeykatana] says in Party: wait we have headsets y r we typing?_

_

* * *

_

**(Janitor's Closet - It's like texting in-game.)**

** Chris Maclean** - "I'd just like to apologize for all you non-nerds for having to watch this, but the sponsorship for the game and computers was too much to turn down. I know how annoying it is, nerdy stuff is stupid."

**Anita** - *smiling proudly* "I love this kind of stuff, and it's amazing how fast Cody learned. He's just so smart, I love that about him. See, I love intelligence in boys, and while I like the likes of Tyler and Xander, I really love nerds. Cody, Harold, Noah, Ezekiel, the intelligence and passion is where it's at. Girls, you should really try a smart boy, they'd make a wonderful boyfriend."

**Chris Maclean** - "HA! That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Nerds are lame! Just to show how wrong this is, I'm going to play it for the next few people who enter this closet!"

**Harold** - *blushing, smiling shyly* "_Gosh_. Thanks."

**Cody** - *grinning* "Gee, that's really cool..."

**Ezekiel** - *blushing and flutzing with his toque* "Aww gee, I didn't think I was that smart, eh..."

**Tyler** - *tapping his chin in thought* "Maybe Lindsay would like it if I was smarter?"

**Sakaki** - *watching the video* "Really? Sebastian's pretty smart..."

**Carol** - *writing down notes on a pad* "Uh-huh, uh-huh, yes! Got it! Tell me more, oh wise one!"

**Eva** - *snarling* "Why that... how dare she! I don't need to crush on nerds, they're twigs! Though Cody is the guy I want now..." *She drifts off.* "And Harold's alright too, I guess, I could see me...! Wait no, damn it, what am I saying? I'm here to compete, COMPETE! Not get flustered in romance like if this was some stupid teen romance written by a love struck girl!"

* * *

**(Team 3 - Rodney (L), Katie, Courtney, Alfred, Bridgette)**

"We're gonna be attacking the first boss soon, guys," Rodney informed his team over the headset. "Just take out this last patrol of monsters, and we'll be fine."

They attacked, and something that had become a pattern happened once again. Alfred's character died in the process of attacking the patrol. Courtney groaned in frustration as revived him.

"Can't you stay alive for one pack of monsters?" she snapped at him. "You're slowing us down!"

"Au contraire," Alfred said happily in return, "my uber-DPS is slaying the monsters faster, and though I die, I pwn those mobs with my leet skills."

"What the hell are you saying? Is that some slang associated with the game, some inside joke we're not supposed to get?"

"Courtney," Bridgette spoke up, "that's pretty universal on the internet."

"You too?" the CIT exclaimed in dismay. "I thought you wouldn't be into this kind of stuff."

Bridgette smirked at her friend. "I have rather epic skills that own elites like if they were total noobs."

Courtney stared in astonishment as Alfred fanned himself. Katie cleared her throat and said, "Guys? Shall we attack the boss now?"

The others looked at the first boss of the dungeon, which was an very pale elf dressed in flowing red and black robes. His hair was suspiciously like Billy the intern's.

"Count Villyashun," Rodney said aloud. "Now, we don't know anything about this boss, so when I go in, spread out in case we get some bad effects."

"Roger," Courtney said as professionally as possible.

"Pull, tank and spank," Alfred agreed.

"Stop talking like that!"

"GTG, little man."

"You too, Bridgette!"

"OMG, I'm, like so excited!"

"KATIE! Will you all be professional about this? Just go in there and kill the monster-"

Courtney had been ranting so much that she headed in before Rodney had, and the boss crushed her character. She stared in horror as Alfred and Katie laughed, and Bridgette revived her friend from afar.

"Okay, you all ready?" Rodney asked after Courtney was ready again.

"Yes," the CIT replied, downtrodden.

Count Villyashun attacked Rodney's grove elf soldier with burning fists, but the blue-skinned warrior was standing his ground. The fight went on for a few seconds before Katie received a negative magic effect.

"Now what's that?" she asked aloud, then started to read it out loud. " 'Inner Suffering Bomb. After it expires, it causes massive damage to any nearby allies.' Guys, what's that mean?"

"Katie," Courtney was starting to say before a massive explosion from Katie's character killed Rodney's, Bridgette's, and Alfred's. The boss had no trouble finishing off the other two.

Katie whimpered. "Did I do that?" she asked.

"It's okay, it's our first time," Rodney said cheerfully. "Let's just hurry back and try again."

They did, only it seemed like a repeat of last time. Katie got the debuff again, and, panicking, ran right towards the others, and managed to kill them all with the massive blast.

"Oops," she remarked with a cringe. "Did I do that, too?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Did I do that?)**

** Courtney** - *mocking Katie* " 'Did I do that'? Honestly, who says something as dorky as that?"

**Alfred** - *wiping his mouth clean of drool* "When girls speak leet, it makes me swoon. If Mandy ever says 'Noob got pwned,' I may faint."

**Bridgette** - "Sometimes I wonder why Courtney is so uptight during these contests. I mean, I love to win, I prefer to be the victor, but I could never chew someone out over failing a little." *She blushes and mutters.* "Because... that's usually my fault. I still find it a miracle I won last season."

* * *

**(Team 4 - Arthur (L), Sadie, Xander, Sakaki, DJ)**

"Damn, this guy's hard," Arthur exclaimed as all of his teammates died against Count Villyashun. "That bomb effect is really hard to avoid. Awesome fight, worthy of a good challenger."

"I thought you don't play the game," Xander remarked, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't, but I love a good challenge."

"Ri-iiiiiiight."

"Look man, if you wanna go back to the kind of challenges Chris normally puts forth, like eating rotten food or diving off a cliff or a violent sports game-"

"I got it, I got it. Hey, I don't mind this that much, just kind of feels silly to play a computer game on a reality show."

Sadie tapped Arthur's shoulder, and he looked at her. "Yes, Sadie?"

"I need to, like, ask you something."

"We're wearing headsets, why don't ask me overhead?"

"No, it's something I want to ask you personally."

Arthur sighed, then pointed at the text box on his screen. "Whisper my character, okay?"

"But I don't wanna type it, it's too important! It'd be like texting someone something important!"

"She's right, you know," Sakaki timidly added over the headset. "You don't text people, you gotta tell them personally."

"The girls are right," DJ said, patting Sakaki on the shoulder. The moe squeaked and hid underneath the table, much to the brick house's surprise.

Arthur groaned, and said, "Okay, fine, Sadie. Go ahead and tell me, personally."

Sadie smiled, and leaned in. Arthur leaned in too, and faced his ear to her mouth. She then asked in the softest voice she could possibly pull off.

"Do you think Zachary likes me?"

Arthur face-palmed. "Sadie, this is a challenge! We are trying to win against four evil bosses, not worry about our love lives!"

"But it's important I know! I've seen you hang out with him sometimes-"

"I don't hang out with anyone," he interrupted her, putting his headphones back on. "I'm just a loner, not a socialist in any way."

Sadie actually looked sympathetically towards him. "Is that because you're labeled as a schemer?"

"I'm not that either!"

"Dude, just because you scheme," Xander said as he walked his character up to the boss, "doesn't make you a bad person."

"Being a loner isn't too bad either," Sakaki said from under the desk.

"DJ, will you get her out from under there?" Arthur asked. "We have a boss to kill! We have to slay him, and steal the loot from his corpse and...

"... Xander, will you get DJ out from under the desk as well?"

The so-called schemer face-palmed again, and was surprised when Sadie pat his shoulder. "Don't worry, we all have faith in your leadership today."

"Says the only one who's not under the desk right now."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - All the cleaning solvents for under the desk.)**

** Arthur** - "Sometimes I wonder why people like Sakaki and DJ signed up for the show if they're so easily scared. Maybe the money or hanging out with others is worth it. All I know is that these VR challenges and this computer game, it's so worth it! If only there was some way to play with only experts."

**DJ** - "I've actually played the game a lot, and I enjoy it! I just don't like it when people start talking so violently, because I worry they'll forget it's just a game."

**Xander** - "Personally, I wouldn't mind more violence and strife as far as challenges go. I mean, I would dominate then, because I'll be half of these guys have never even been in a real fight, or seen real danger outside of the show." *He gently traces his facial scar.* "Of course, not every experience is worth bragging about."

**Sadie** - "I still think romance is more important than the challenges! One day, the challenges will be over, but love won't be! Katie found herself a boyfriend, it's high-time I do it too!"

*She takes out a marker and writers above Chef's badly-drawn horse: Sadie WILL get a boyfriend.* "See? That makes it official."

**Clive** - *He reads the positive messages from Sadie, then takes the marker from the shelf and writes next to it: Clive won't get anyone.*

**Colin** - *He reads the messages, then laughs, and writes "lol" all over it, then starts to write some other things...*

**Izzy** - *She has a paint roller and is painting over the wall, and also whacking someone on the floor, who's screaming in pain.* "How dare you question Izzy's natural 'redheadedness'!"

* * *

**(Team 5 - Harold (L), Colin, Leshawna, Carol, Geoff)**

"What happened to you?" Carol asked Colin. The bully was splattered with white paint and sporting a black eye.

"Izzy got mad that I dared people to find out if she was a natural redhead from my janitor closet message," Colin grumbled. "Man, some people can't take a joke."

"How can someone find out what her natural hair color is?" Geoff asked, confused. "You mean, like, look up her medical records?"

"Or her birth certificate?" Carol asked.

Leshawna was looking nervously at the two, then glared at Colin when he added, "Dudes, you think she was born in a hospital? I think she came from an egg. Or outer space."

"Enough of that, rude person," Harold chastised him. "Right now, we have a boss to fight, and since we've lost some time from our frequent breaks-"

"Why don't you make me?" Colin asked, crossing his arms and smirking at Harold.

"Excuse me?"

"Make me, nerd," the bully repeated. "I'll pull your underwear over your head if you make me play a game like this."

"I thought you were excited to play this when you learned what griefers do," Carol asked with an annoyed look on her face.

"And the first step to griefing in one of these MMORPGs is to be difficult for no reason," Colin said, grinning smugly at his teammates. "And I'm loving it, you all look so annoyed."

"Dude c'mon, joke's over," Geoff said, looking pleadingly at Colin. "We want to win this, you don't need to be like this-"

Colin was going to interrupt him, but Leshawna interrupted his interrupt by intercepting his ear with her fingers. Yanking up, she caused the bully to wail in pain and cry out, "Ow ow ow ow!"

"First you insult and threaten my man," she growled, "then you don't want to even try to win this game? What's the matter with you, white boy? Are you _trying_ to get voted off?"

"There's no way I'll get kicked off," he snapped, flailing his arms around as he struggled to get out of Leshawna's painful grasp. "I have my methods."

"So do I. And it's called Leshawna's Little Foot Up Your Stubborn Ass If You Keep Messing With My Man Method!"

She yanked Colin back down in his seat, and then rubbed the paint of her fingers. Harold beamed at her, and she smiled right back. "Thank you," he said appreciatively, "my Chocolate Goddess."

"Any time, my skinny man. Now, let's pwn this noob Count!"

"Oh be still, my palpitating heart!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - That's a long title for a method.)**

**Leshawna** - "Harold visited me again during the gap in-between TDC and TDBG, and I gotta say, I love my sugar baby. But he does tend to make some people rather angry whenever he goes off on nerdy things like this game. I used to think it was lame at first, but then he got me into it, and I say, if anyone messes with the dwarves, I'll show them they're messing with the wrong woman!"

**Geoff** - *scratching his head as he stares at the paint-covered wall* "But where does one check if a girl's hair color is natural? Unless..."

*He stops, then his eyes widen.* "Oh Colin, that's not cool, eh."

**Mandy** - *She is drawing a pentagram on the painted part, cackling wickedly.*

* * *

**(Team 6 - Izzy (L), Heather, Ezekiel, Eva, Beth)**

"Eva, someone sent you up the bomb, move it!"

Izzy's barking command alerted the fitness buff, and she ran her character to the edge of the room. The explosion didn't hit anyone, and thus she rejoined the fight.

"Good job, my Eva girl," Izzy congratulated. "I thought you would be too distracted trying to see Cody from here."

"I'm not distracted," Eva growled. "I got my head in the game!"

"Just remember," Izzy said, closing her eyes and holding one hand up in a lecturing motion. She was now playing blind with one hand, but still was doing just fine. "Cody will eventually fall for you. I have faith in that."

"Tell that to your taken boyfriend."

Everyone on the team seemed startled by this, and Ezekiel started shrinking in his seat. Heather was distracted now, and staring at her boyfriend. "What's that mean, Eva?" she asked harshly.

"Ezekiel was convincing Anita to go after Cody again during breakfast this morning!"

The prairie boy swallowed as he nervously glanced at Heather and Izzy. His girlfriend looked disgusted, while his redhead friend looked concerned.

"You mean my Zeke is trying to get the new girl hooked up with Cody?" Izzy asked.

"Yes," Eva grumbled, "I guess he still resents the way I treated him, or something lame like that."

"Ooo, a rivalry, a contest," Izzy exclaimed. She grinned at Ezekiel and said, "Competition between friends! You're on, my dear Zeke!"

"I cannot believe you're helping Anita, Ezekiel," Heather snapped. "For crying out loud, what is it about boys that makes them helpless to girls like that?"

Ezekiel protested, "There's moo'r to Anita than just her looks-"

Beth cleared her throat. "Guys, we just killed the first boss during your argument."

The four embroiled in an argument realized that they had indeed killed Count Villyashun. After cheering and celebrating, they moved on, killing more guards and monsters before reaching the second boss.

Izzy surveyed the scene. In the middle of a platform were four different creatures: a brown dragon whelp, a demonic looking beast with circles around its eyes, a moose with glowing eyes and flaming hooves and spiked horns, and a gigantic bear.

"Looks like a petting zoo from hell," Eva commented. "So why are we fighting these freaks again?"

"They must be the evil pets of the main boss here," Beth suggested. "But we cannot fight all four at once."

"We're not, I'll bet this is a continuous pull," Izzy explained. "We engage one, and once that one is dead or a certain amount of time has past, the next one engages. Repeat until all are dead."

"You know," Heather said, "despite the fact you're describing a computer game, you actually sound... normal when describing these things."

"Computer games are serious business," Izzy roared, startling her team. "We move in, kill, and carry on! Any questions, maggots?"'

"No," they replied.

"Good! Now then, carry on! For Eva winning over Cody!"

Her team cheered in reply, except for Ezekiel, who looked a little crestfallen at this.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - No maggots in here!)**

** Heather** - "I think there is still some part of Ezekiel that has him think he has to forever be apologetic to girls for what he did first season. I try to tell him that guilt will eat him alive, but he still goes and acts nice around all the girls. Frankly, it does make me a little upset, especially if he's being buddies with that new bombshell girl."

...

**Beth** - "Oh, I'm Team Eva for sure, she's my friend. I just hope everyone turns out happy."

*The door opens and Chris pops in for a moment.*

**Chris Maclean** - "That's lame!"

**Beth** - *She scowls at Chris, and then shouts.* "Confessional time is private time, get out!"

* * *

**(Team 7 - Zachary (L), Clive, Sebastian, Gwen, Justin)**

Zachary snarled as his team went against Count Villyashun for yet another attempt. He was getting annoyed with how many attempts it was taking.

"Justin, seriously," he shouted, "get your white butt away from us if you get the bomb effect!"

"I'm trying, but the countdown time is so short," the male model protested.

"Whatever, white boy."

"I told you, I'm a test tube baby! I'm not sure-"

Justin's character exploded, killing Sebastian's. The philosopher sighed and leaned back. "Carry on," he said to his teammates.

"Thanks a lot, Justin," Zachary shot at his teammate. "If we lose, your white butt is so getting voted off."

Justin swallowed nervously, then he noticed a message was being sent to him from Sebastian's character.

_[Sokraties] whispers: He who speaks loud does not act._

Justin looked over at the philosopher, confused. Sebastian looked back and said, "All hot air and no guts about it."

"Oh, I get it," Justin exclaimed happily.

"Also, you should have been watching your screen, your character's dead."

Justin noticed this too, and face-palmed. Gwen groaned and tried to push to make up for two damage dealers being dead, but it was taking too long. A couple bombs later, and the team was dead again.

"Gee, thanks for distracting him, Sebastian," Zachary remarked. "I was really hoping you'd be the only sense in this sea of white people I was forced to hang out with."

Gwen frowned and crossed her arms. "Why don't you go dunk your head in a bucket of ice water?" she snapped. "With piranhas in it!"

"Feisty much?" Clive said as he guided his character through the dungeon to get back to the first boss.

"Yeah, Gwen, shut up," Zachary shot at her. "You think you can talk to a brother like that because you're friends with Leshawna, white girl?"

Gwen glared at her leader. "I can talk to anyone however the hell I want, jerk. Now just try focusing on the challenge, and stop calling me 'white girl'!"

"Leshawna calls you that all the time, why do I have to?"

"Because she says it, it doesn't sound like an insult."

"I'm not being insulting, you are just really white. You must never see the sun, like Clive here."

"I'm this white because of a skin disease," Clive replied. "It's really rare, so lucky me for having caught it..."

He stopped when Zachary had scooted so far away from him that he bumped into a member of another team. Clive frowned and said, "It's not contagious."

"Get away from me, diseased white boy!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - No skin diseases on us!)**

** Zachary** - "So my teammates are a diseased boy, a dumb model, a snappy goth girl, and Sebastian. Thanks, Chris, thanks a bunch."

**Justin** - "Man, computer games are trickier than I thought. Maybe Noah isn't so lame for playing them... but hey, he still can't get his hair to look this incredible!" *He runs a hand through his silky hair.*

**Sebastian** - "Kind of pathetic how when we're playing a game involving elves, kobolds, demons, and lizard people, Zachary still has to play the race card."

* * *

Chris Maclean walked around the contestants, chuckling when he saw characters dying and giving small rounds of applause when he saw a boss get killed. Chef Hatchet was also watching, and trying to make sense of it.

"I think Count Villyashun is Billy," he said to Noah, who was greatly annoyed at being disturbed, "but who are these animal freaks supposed to be?"

"The duck, raccoon, moose, and bear made famous on the show, I guess," Noah said. "Now quit bothering me!"

He tried to put his noise-canceling headphones back on, but Chef stopped him. "Boy, you crazy if you think you're gonna win," he said with a dark chuckle. "You got Blondie on your side."

Noah groaned and managed to put on his headphones this time. He looked at Lindsay and said into his microphone, "Okay, Lindsay, how are you holding out?"

"I'm doing alright," she said cheerfully. "Those tips you gave me are really helping, Koala!"

Noah nodded. "Right, you just keep healing, I'll eat some eucalyptus leaves."

"Okay!"

The bookworm face-palmed, and muttered to himself, "How'd we even get passed the first boss? All logic says a bad healer should be doom for your group!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Back so soon, eh!)**

** Noah** - "The incredulous thing is that Lindsay actually turned out to be not so bad at healing. Any time she saw someone's life bar going down, she'd cry out in terror and heal them, like some panicky medic. It would have been comical, had I not been so impressed and feeling rather guilty."

**Lindsay** - "I could really get into this kind of stuff, you know? Boys seem to really like when you tell them you like video games, and there's nothing nicer than seeing boys looking at you fondly, and I mean really looking at you, not just at your chest."

*She smiles, then looks confused.* "I still don't get the big deal about chests, you know? I sometimes wonder if a lot of girls drip something on them while they eat, but I'm a clean eater and boys are always looking at my chest! Dad says that's where the money is. Maybe I dropped a dollar down there?"

*She starts fishing in her cleavage.*

* * *

**(Team 1 - Noah (L), Lindsay, Yoshi, Mandy, Valerie)**

"Okay guys, good work," Noah exclaimed as the final monster from the collection of rabid animals fell dead. "Excellent work! We got rid of all of them: Growlcho the Whelp, Cheeko the Trash Beast, Brooce the Felmoose, and Crushy Wushy the Bear!"

"That was fun," Lindsay cheered. "Can we do it again?"

"No, we must press on! We spent enough time doing your character, we're probably way far behind!"

Mandy cackled and said, "And you said my character would be a jinx!"

"Don't jinx it, Mandy!"

"You can't jinx a jinx, you foolish minx!"

Noah blinked and asked, "Okay, I have no idea why you're calling me that. Onward!"

Valerie rolled her violet eyes. "Quit trying to sound like some kind of leader, Noah, you cannot pull it off."

"Sorry, Valerie, cannot hear you over how loud all your pink clothing is. Now onward, damn it!"

* * *

**(Team 2 - Anita (L), Cody, Belinda, Crystal, Tyler)**

Anita glanced over at Noah's team, and winced. "Looks like we took a little longer on these first two bosses than I thought," she said. "Noah's team just killed the second boss, we're about even now."

"Bloody hell, hurry it up then," Crystal exclaimed. "We must strive forward!"

"Tallyho?" Tyler teased. The British romantic giggled, and high-fived the jock.

Cody was about to reply, but then Chef Hatchet tapped his shoulder. The cook whispered something into the geek's ear, to which he nodded. Cody cleared his throat, and then delivered a praising line about the computer company and the headphone makers.

"What's all this then?" Crystal asked.

"Sorry, Chef said we needed some of the teams to pick it up on the advertising for our sponsors."

"You could really sell electronics, Cody," Anita said, beaming at him. "You definitely know all about them, you would make an excellent salesman."

"Thanks, I guess," Cody said with a smile.

As he turned back to his computer, Anita face-palmed. "_Stupid, stupid, stupid,_" she thought.

_ [Psychicjustice] whispers to [Technoblitz]: Not your best compliment, dear._

_ [Technoblitz] whispers to [Psychicjustice]: Yeah, I know, Belinda. I realized that just as I was done. "Be a good salesman," what was I thinking?_

_ [Hockeykatana] whispers to [Technoblitz]: u no, if u want to really compliment my buddy cody, u shuld just tell him he looks really nice. hes a sucker 4 being told hes handsum_

_ [Technoblitz] whispers to [Hockeykatana]: Thanks, Tyler, but I really don't know want to be too... forward, if you know what I mean._

_ [Hockeykatana] whispers to [Technoblitz]: u gotta seeze the day, anita! cmon u cant court a guy by little compliments here an there_

_ [Technoblitz] whispers to [Hockeykatana]: I wish I could be forward, but I don't like being flirtatious when I'm wearing these clothes. I'd do anything to have my jacket and pants, I feel like a roadside hooker wearing this._

_ [Hockeykatana] whispers to [Technoblitz]: gee thats a harsh thing to say, i still think u look great. just remember that its the person and not the clothes!_

_ [Technoblitz] whispers to [Hockeykatana]: Thank you. You're such a sweetheart, Tyler!_

_ [Codemeister] says in Party: Is everyone ready? I think we're at the next boss!_

_ [Hockeykatana] says in Party: sure, were done talking about u_

_ [Technoblitz] says in Party: TYLER!_

_ [Hockeykatana] says in Party: oops! um... lol?_

_

* * *

_

**(Team 3 - Rodney (L), Katie, Courtney, Alfred, Bridgette)**

"Okay, it took us a while to take out that second boss," Rodney was saying, "but I think we're good."

"We only died several times over because of Katie," Courtney snapped.

Katie whimpered. "I'm sorry, I really am! I thought I'd be better at these games because I'm dating Noah!"

"Don't be so harsh, Courtney," Bridgette said. "We've all had our spills-"

"But none as much as Katie!"

The surfer girl groaned and covered her face. "Could you please stop being so... vindictive? We're a team here!"

"Bridgette's right," Alfred cheered. "We're a team, and we can keep pushing forward! Now c'mon, I wanna kill the next boss!"

As they rushed forward, Alfred picked up on his attack, causing a great deal of the monsters to attack his character rather than the tank. They kept having to pick him, and the clumsy Katie, off the ground.

"Boy, these darn things have a crush on me," Alfred said with a chuckle. "They really like me today."

"Why do you people keep saying things like that?" Courtney snapped. "They 'like' me, they have a 'crush' on me... they're trying to kill you! It's the exact opposite of liking!"

"It's gamer speak, Courtney."

"Well, it's stupid! You shouldn't combine love and hate!"

Katie, who was getting frustrated from how difficult this was getting, lost her patience and glared at Courtney. "Yeah, this coming from a girl who kicks her boyfriend in the crotch."

Courtney snapped too, and lunged at Katie; she forgot her headphones were still on, and was thrown back by the whiplash. She crashed into Alfred, knocking them over. On the way down, he accidentally groped her, and she screamed in terror.

Rodney panicked and hid under the desk as Katie and Bridgette tried to pry the furious Courtney away from the flabbergasted Alfred. "You guys," the prodigy whimpered, "PvP is only supposed to be inside the game!"

* * *

**(Team 4 - Arthur (L), Sadie, Xander, Sakaki, DJ)**

"Holy crap, nice job, guys," Arthur said as the last of the animal monsters fell. "We aced that second boss! Darn good healing, Sadie!"

"Aw, thanks," Sadie said with a tinge of a blush.

"Sakaki, DJ, never knew you had it in you two," Arthur continued. "Incredible work guys, I am impressed."

"Oh, I've played this game a lot, praise Sakaki," DJ offered.

This caused the moe girl to blush red, and dive under the desk. As DJ apologized and brought her back up, Xander looked over at Arthur. "Any praise for me?"

"Good work to you too. But we still have another couple bosses to take down!"

"Let's continue to smear them, shall we?"

"And smear them good," Sadie exclaimed with a cheer. "Man, I cannot wait to see what's next."

"You got a real killer edge from this kind of thing," Arthur noted as he watched Sadie crack her knuckles.

"Well, it's mostly because Noah has got Katie onto this kind of thing, and I keep up because I'm Katie's best friend. So I know some things, but I'm sure I'm not as good as she is."

Arthur chuckled. "You're doing fine. Any questions before we go on?"

"Yeah, about Zachar-"

"Besides your dating life."

"Oh. I got nothing then."

"Just like my dating life," Arthur remarked, getting a laugh from his teammates. He smirked, and said, "All self-deprecation aside, let's keep going. We are a right damn good team."

"And we play well too," Sakaki said, smiling sheepishly.

* * *

**(Team 5 - Harold (L), Colin, Leshawna, Carol, Geoff)**

Harold was shaking as they fought the second boss. His apprehension was high, hoping and praying everything would go well. His healing needed to be good for the whelp's area-of-effect attack, and quick. If he could just concentrate...

... and it would be much easier if someone wasn't shoving a saliva-slicked finger into his ear.

"AUGH! Gross," he shouted, swatting at Colin's hand. "Stop it! Focus on the boss!"

"Oh relax, I'm hitting him," Colin said. "What more do you want, nerd?"

"I want you to at least try with these idiots, idiot!"

"Hey now, that's name calling, and I don't have to take it, asshole."

Harold ground his teeth, almost hurting them, as he tried to ignore Colin's continued rant. Carol's eye was twitching, and Geoff was pleading with everyone to get along. Leshawna looked two seconds from berserking.

The boss fight didn't go well, as the other monsters came out before the first ones were finished, and it overwhelmed them. As they ran back for another attempt, Colin scoffed and said, "Way to go, Harold."

"It wasn't my fault."

"Of course it is. You're the healer, so if we die, it's all your fault. That's what I've heard."

"How is it you don't even play this game," Carol grumbled, "but you seem to know all the ways to annoy people?"

"Probably the same way a rat knows where the food is," Harold remarked.

A few of his teammates laughed, and Colin growled. He grabbed the nerd's shirt and pulled him up to his face. "You wanna have every bone in your nerdy body broken? Then don't make fun of me."

Leshawna's untimed two seconds were up. She grabbed Colin's spiky hair and yanked him back to meet her eyes. Ignoring his screams of pain, she said, "You wanna have every bone in _your_ stupid body broken? Then don't threaten my man."

Harold let out a strained cry, and Leshawna looked up to see that when she had yanked Colin back, he was still holding Harold, and the nerd was having his head pulled back by his headphones. She let go of Colin, who let go of Harold, who was slingshot backwards and out of his seat.

His headphones being yanked off, he crash-landed on another contestant, who was greatly startled to see him. "Hi, Harold," Bridgette said awkwardly.

"Oh hi, Bridgette."

"What are you doing here?"

"Would you believe I'm here to spy? Because what really happened is gonna be too hard to explain."

"I'll go with the spy thing then."

Leshawna walked up and promptly pulled Harold up from Bridgette's lap. "Hey Bridgette, I'm gonna need to take this back now."

"You know," Harold was saying as he walked back with Leshawna, "I think studies show 36% of all gamer accidents come from headphones."

"Well, if Colin keeps giving you a bad time, he's gonna get one when I cram his headset up his-"

* * *

**(Team 6 - Izzy (L), Heather, Ezekiel, Eva, Beth)**

"And then," Izzy exclaimed as she fought and killed the guards down the corridor, "I was all 'No way!' and she was all 'Yes way!' until we-"

"Ezekiel," Heather was trying to say over Izzy's rant, "explain to me why you have to be on Anita's side of this love triangle?"

"Do I have to say why when Eva can hear me, eh?"

"I'd like to know how, if possible."

Ezekiel swallowed hard as he looked at Eva, who sure enough was glaring at him. "I... I just think Anita would be nicer to Cody."

Heather and Eva scoffed, and the queen bee added, "She dresses like a trollop."

"Hey now," Beth spoke up, "that's not her fault!"

"Well, she does look like one," Eva remarked, "almost as bad as Heather."

"Hey, what the hell," Heather shouted. "I was on your side!"

"Of course I wasn't gonna tell them why I was interrupting their program," Izzy was saying, "but I was surprised to see they were watching animal po-"

"I never wanted you on my side, Heather," Eva snapped, "mostly because I never trusted you."

"Fine then! I try to be nice to you, and you throw it back in my face. Is this what you wanted me to be nice for, Ezekiel?"

"I want you to be nice for others, but Eva's not nice back! That's why I don't support her!"

Eva snarled. "Do you want me to wring your scrawny neck again, Home School?"

"Don't call him that!"

"Guys, please," Beth pleaded. "We need to focus on the challenge-"

"Your boyfriend's just siding with Anita because she's the pretty one," Eva snapped. "Everyone always sides with the pretty one!"

"Hey, I wanted Beth to be with Cody last season, eh, instead of Justin," Ezekiel protested.

"And I replied, 'I'm feisty,'" Izzy was saying, "to which he wailed, 'Help, they're making me play Hats, I wanna go home'..."

"Justin's a really nice boyfriend," Beth said, looking over at Ezekiel. "I mean, Cody's really nice, so that's why I want my friend to be with him!"

Ezekiel let out a frustrated sigh. "Look, I doo'nt think noo's a good time to discuss this, eh. Shouldn't we focus on the challenge, eh?"

Heather nodded. "I'm with Ezekiel. There's a time and place for everything, and this isn't the place to discuss romance."

"True, computer games are a lousy place for everything," Eva grumbled.

Beth hummed at Eva's statement. "You might want to rethink that, Eva, Cody loves this stuff."

"How do you know that?"

"I'm his friend, remember? He and I were close last season, and we know a lot of stuff."

"At the point, I was close to Greg," Izzy ranted, "and I said, 'I'll let you fluff my Garfield,' and he said, 'Izzy, if you don't stop stalking me, I'm gonna get pissed, grab a frying pan and-'"

"Izzy," Heather snapped. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Izzy blinked and looked over at the queen bee. "You know, I think I forgot a long time ago, I just let the train of thought run until you all stopped arguing. I killed all the guards, let's get the next boss."

* * *

**(Team 7 - Zachary (L), Clive, Sebastian, Gwen, Justin)**

"Wow, I take back everything I said about you guys," Zachary said as they cleared a path towards the third boss. "Guess my playing Devil's Advocate worked well!"

"Sure you were," Gwen scoffed.

Justin rolled his eyes too, but was just relieved that the group was running so smoothly. "Look, thanks, Zachary, but this doesn't change the fact you've mistreated my girlfriend in the past."

"Look dude, I get excited during competition, but let's not talk about this now. We have a third boss to kill."

The group had traveled into a basement that seemed to head down into the catacombs of an inferno. They were on a walkway suspended over a river of lava, jets of flame shooting up from the ground far below. The large platform in front of them was scorched on the bottom.

A large demon with black, scaly skin was standing near the side, minding a badly-charred stove. The demon, twice the size of a normal human, had on a bloodstained apron, green slacks, and a tiny chef's hat. In his hat was a gleaming hatchet.

"Demon Chef Cleaver," Gwen read his name aloud, then smirked. "Does that remind you guys of anyone?"

"Why's he holding a hatchet?" Clive wondered aloud. "Cooks don't use hatchets."

"Probably for hunting his prey," Sebastian mused, "before he cooks and eats it."

"Okay guys, enough idea chitchat," Zachary said. "We have to slay this demonic chef, who bears no resemblance to an older brother of mine...

"Seriously, why is the black guy the villain here? That's racist!"

Gwen face-palmed. "He's based off Chef Hatchet, did you think they'd make him white?"

"No, that'd be racist."

"Well then," the goth girl stated, "there's nothing racist here, they're just making him a villain, like Billy was."

"Nope, it's racist to make a brother a villain, ever. You could be one, white girl, there's no problem with that."

Gwen started to tighten her mouse cord around her hands for a makeshift garrote when Sebastian pat her shoulder to calm her down.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Discrimination against closets is low.)**

** Gwen** - "Seriously, what is with Zachary? Everything to him is racist! Leshawna is never like that; methinks she needs to school that whiner."

**Rodney** - *straightening his helmet* "Our team is having a hard time, what with Katie stumbling and Courtney getting really mad. I wish Miss Courtney wouldn't snap at people so quickly, it's not like anyone wants to lose. Right?"

**Valerie** - "I'm pretty sure if our team loses..." *She grins wickedly.* "... People will want to vote off our mean-spirited leader. Seriously, who except Katie would miss Noah?"

**Lindsay** - *humming to herself* "Noah told me I wasn't nearly as bad as he thought I would devastate the team and ruin our chances of winning. Those were his words. Isn't he so nice?"

**Crystal** - *humming to herself as she tapes a few little papers on the wall* "I thought this place needed some romance, so Harold and I decided that a few of his romantic haikus to Leshawna would be cracking!"

**Leshawna** - *reading some of the haikus* "Aww, this sure brings back memories."

**Belinda** - *tilting her head as she reads one* "Let's see here:

_My choc'late goddess_

_ You are my inspiration._

_ Let us pwn some noobs._

*She chuckles.* "Love the nerdy way is interesting, to say the least. Who wouldn't want to be romanticized by a boy who thinks you're the most wonderful being on the planet?"

**Chris Maclean** - *crossing his arms and looking angry* "There is officially way too much romance and love going around, it's disgusting. So to even the odds, I'm bringing someone in who is against all that crap."

**Duncan** - *shoved into the closet by Chris* "What? Oh... whatever." *He takes out a can of spray paint, and looks at the haikus on the wall, then grins evilly. After reading a couple, he raises an eyebrow.*

"Whoa... okay, I hate to say it, but the nerd put some heart into this. I think I'll add my own touch elsewhere."

**Courtney** - *sees the giant spray paint of D+C inside a heart surrounded by skulls* "DUNCAN!"

**Chris Maclean** - "DUNCAN!"

**Crystal** - "Awwww, Duncan!"

**Harold** - *huffs* "Mine are more romantic."

**Chef Hatchet** - "Why is it that no matter what the stinking competition is about, we always jump back to love and feelings and mushy stuff and..." *He sniffs, then outright bawls.* "POLLY, WHY? Ohhh, why?"

...

**Izzy** - "I sense a serious digression in the train of thought that should be about Prism of War. Let me remind everyone why we're fighting..."

*She holds up a war ax, and imbeds it into the side of the closet wall.*

**Ezekiel** - *marveling at the ax in the wall* "Wow. What I want to knoo' is, where'd she get that ax, eh?"

**Izzy** - *popping up from underneath the cot, startling him* "Garage sale!"

**Ezekiel** - "Yipe!"

* * *

...

...

...

**With the teams mostly fighting the second and third boss, who is closest to winning? Who have you got your money on?**

** Is the romance distracting from the action? Is that a bad thing, or a good thing considering if we tried to describe or joke about the game, most of you wouldn't get it?**

** And what neighborhood did Izzy find a war ax at a garage sale at? We either want to move there now, or move as far away as possible!**

**

* * *

**

**Team 1** - Noah, Lindsay, Yoshi, Mandy, Valerie

**Team 2** - Anita, Cody, Belinda, Crystal, Tyler

**Team 3** - Rodney, Katie, Courtney, Alfred, Bridgette

**Team 4** - Arthur, Sadie, Xander, Sakaki, DJ

**Team 5** - Harold, Colin, Leshawna, Carol, Geoff

**Team 6** - Izzy, Heather, Ezekiel, Eva, Beth

**Team 7** - Zachary, Clive, Sebastian, Gwen, Justin

...

** Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date** - Back wall, Mystery Science Theater 3000 Poster with Harold's love haikus to Leshawna decorated around it. Noah's Old Cot with baseball bat next to it, Throw Pillows tossed about.

Left wall, crowbar and war ax imbedded in, as well as Duncan's spray-painted D+C heart and skulls.

Right wall, elbow-shaped dent and a sloppy paint job over some scratchings and writings, with a pentagram drawn over it.

On the shelves are ping-pong balls, an empty glass, a broken mirror, smashed plates, a broken ugly vase, a crushed coffee machine.

...

**Next Up** - Prism of War: Wrath of the Chris King.


	35. Ch 10, Pt 3: QQ G2G

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Please don't try any of this at home, except for the MMORPG part. Just game at a considerable rate, don't let it eat into your homework time, and please, play as a gnome. They're the best.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - I'm going to avoid spoilers for TDWT, mostly because I'm sure there's a great deal of you who have no idea how it's gone, done, and ended. And frankly, I'm rather sick of talking about it, because I'm. Not. Happy.

The old poll, about which class you'd all like to be, was an incredible roller coaster. Aside from Soldier, every class was high at some point, a good deal at the top at some point. But the one to end up highest at the end was Jester, and I appreciate my fellow comedian warriors! Though I do worry about the great deal of you who picked Assassin...

Now there is a new poll, but PLEASE make sure to read this chapter first. The new poll is about who you think will win TDBG now that ten people have been voted off, and the loser of this challenge isn't in the poll. So as you can see, unless you want to be spoiled, read this chapter first.

...

...

...

* * *

**Chapter 35** - Minus 50 DKP!

* * *

...

**(Janitor's Closet - So soon into the game!)**

** Izzy** - "Now see here, these new recruits in the Prism of War are pretty good, but they don't have the killer instinct!" *She yanks the ax out of the wall.* "If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must _fight_!"

*She swings it, cleaving all of the trash left up there, shattering or breaking it further. She pauses, then looks at the camera again.* "Sun Tzu said that. And I'd say he knows a little more about fighting than _you_ do, pal!"

*She sits down on the cot as she explains.* "Because he invented fighting, and then he patented it, so that no man could fight without him getting royalties from it! Rawr!"

*The redhead stomps on the cot, breaking the frame. Grabbing the baseball bat, she breaks the already-broken stuff on the floor.* "Then he used his royalties money to buy a boat, and then he herded two of every animal onto it, and then he beat the crap out of all of them! Like this!"

*She continues to bash already-bashed items, and destroys the throw pillows, fluff everywhere now. Izzy grins, and then yanks the crowbar out of the wall, scratching the sloppy paint job and ruining Duncan's spray paint. She cackles mercilessly.*

"And from that day on, any time there's a bunch of animals together in one place, it's called a TZU!"

**Joel** - *looking at the carnage Izzy has brought upon the closet* "Oh my. I'd better get my poster out of here, fast!" *He scrambles to get his beloved poster.*

**Chef Hatchet** - "I swear, saying that girl ain't right in the head would imply there's direction up there! Now I gotta clean all this crap up and redo the walls!"

**Beth** - "Sometimes I think Izzy's just really smart, and does things like this because her mind's buzzing for things to do."

**Izzy** - *staring directly at the camera with a couple crashed ping-pong balls in one hand and a dinged baseball bat in the other* "UNLESS IT'S A FARM!"

* * *

**(Team 1 - Noah (L), Lindsay, Yoshi, Mandy, Valerie)**

"Alright troops, way to kill the demon cook," Noah cheered as he had his character laugh at the corpse of Demon Chef Cleaver. "That worked out better than I thought it would. Nice healing, Lindsay."

Lindsay squealed in joy and lunged at Noah to embrace him in a hug; however, as soon as her arms were far enough around him, the cord on her headphones reached its limit. She was pulled back, with Noah in her arms, as she hit the floor.

Yoshi looked down at Lindsay lying on top of a very startled Noah, and he smirked. "Well, if that's not a worthy award for our leader," he joked.

Mandy was madly cackling, as Valerie fumed. The politician girl had tried to throw the fight by "accidentally" dying, but her team had managed to kill the boss anyway. Trying to toss the contest would not work like this, she'd just have to keep trying and hope Lindsay's healing abilities were a fluke until now.

As Noah struggled to get Lindsay off of him, Yoshi wasn't letting up on the snarks. "Now that you and Lindsay have had your own little celebration party," the warrior said, "what is next?"

"What is next is that you all keep moving, keep killing the mobs until we get to the final boss, and don't you dare tell this story to my girlfriend in a way that makes it sound worse than it was."

Mandy grinned. "You mean," she started to ask, "that you were on the floor with Lindsay and she was all over you?"

"That's exactly what I mean, you stupid kobold necromancer!"

The cultist girl stuck out her tongue at the bookworm. "Hmmph, my class and race combo has done just fine, so much for your stupid curse."

"Yeah right, you think you're so hot and popular, but how good of a gamer are you, Miss Kobold Necromancer? You can't even type!"

_[Cthulhusmaiden whispers to Brainizap]: You don't need typing skills when you control the undead, Noa?_

_[Cthulhusmaiden whispers to Brainizap]: *Boah!_

_[Cthulhusmaiden whispers to Brainizap]: **Noah!_

_

* * *

_

**(Janitor's Closet - Now trashed and Chef Hatchet cleaning.)**

**Mandy** - *standing in the wreckage that the closet is now* "Who cares about typing skills and internet leet powers? When Cthulhu rises up and destroys such things, it'll mean the end of annoying things... like Twitter! No more Twitter!"

**Gwen** - *reading a new carving in the wall* " 'No more Twitter'? I'm okay with that."

...

**Yoshi and Chef Hatchet** - **Yoshi** - *He is talking as Chef Hatchet sweeps up behind him.* "Personally, I think video games are a fine way for those not athletically skilled to bring up their reaction skills."

**Chef Hatchet** - "Heh, and then nerds will rise up and beat the crap out of tough guys like you and me, right?"

**Yoshi** - *smirks at Chef* "I think you've got the definition of 'tough' wrong if you're including yourself in it."

*He leaves the Janitor's Closet, leaving Chef grumbling angrily as he continues to sweep.*

* * *

**(Team 2 - Anita (L), Cody, Belinda, Crystal, Tyler)**

"Guys, I just want to say that you're doing so good," Anita gushed as her team carried on from the dead body of Demon Chef Cleaver. "You learn so fast, and you are really clobbering the enemy! I'm proud of all of you!"

"You're making me blush," Crystal said, giggling. "I'm really supposed to be a lover, not a fighter."

"We're just so cool, aren't we?" Tyler exclaimed, pumping his fists in the air. In his absence of control, his character walked off the edge of the platform and plummeted to his death. Tyler moaned and shook his head. "Not again!"

"Gotta keep your eye on the ball, Ty," Cody suggested. "That's how you win the game, because sports aren't so different than video games."

"Listen to Cody, he's very clever about these things," Anita continued to gush, beaming at the geek. He flushed slightly, to which she giggled.

"Right right," Tyler mumbled as he ran his character back through all the corridors to catch up. "This would be so much easier if I could actually do these things, though, you know? Like really swing a sword, not just tell a character to do it."

"You'd give yourself a nasty cut if you swung it improperly," Belinda mused. "Wouldn't want to give yourself an injury that'd caused a lot of physical therapy, would you?"

"I'm a fast healer."

"You should have played that class then."

Tyler smiled and mimed a rim shot for Belinda, to which she bowed. As they goofed around, Anita was busy making an observation.

"Strange how when we're going deeper down," she said, "the walls seem to be... freezing."

"Ice and dark rock, yes," Belinda noted, "Cor blimey, looks a bit nippy, considering we were just fighting over lava."

"Are all video games this climate impossible?" Tyler asked.

"Yes," Cody stated proudly, "yes they are."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Climate's stable.)**

**Cody** - *As he talks, Chef continues to sweep.* "Video games are always a perfect escape from reality! Though going back to reality, I have to think more about Anita now, seeing that she knows all about video games." *He swoons, then grins.* "You think Eva knows about video games too? It's so cool that girls who like gaming like me too!"

*Chef Hatchet bursts out into laughing, causing Cody to get angry and storm out.*

...

**Anita** - "Cody's so cute when he gushes about video games. They're not for everyone, but hey, I love them. Maybe I could get a job in the future as a video game programmer, lot of technical work, but I'm sure I could manage."

*Chef Hatchet bursts out laughing again. Anita fumes, then grabs a glass that managed to stay intact from the shelf and throws it on the ground, shattering it.*

**Anita** - "Missed a spot, Chef." *She walks out, leaving Chef grumbling angrily again.*

...

**Tyler** - "I'm pretty sure if I took up sword fighting, I'd do well! I'm physically fit enough!"

*Chef Hatchet cracks up again, to which Tyler grabs his push broom and breaks the handle over his knee.*

**Tyler** - "Still doubt it, you big jerk?"

*He hobbles out of the closet, with Chef muttering to himself that it might be best he keep his mouth shut around such sensitive teenagers.*

* * *

**(Team 3 - Rodney (L), Katie, Courtney, Alfred, Bridgette)**

Rodney nervously looked at his teammates. Katie and Courtney were glaring at each other from time to time, and Alfred looked apprehensive sitting next to the CIT. Bridgette didn't look very comfortable, and she spoke up.

"Look guys," she said, "let's just try to focus and only speak when need be."

"Fine by me," Courtney snapped, "just so long as you quit trying to anger me!"

"I was only teasing," said Bridgette.

"Me too," Alfred spoke up.

"No, I know you weren't," Courtney snapped at Alfred, glaring at him. "You're just a wild and crazy boy who gets kicks out of annoying people!"

Alfred cocked his head. "No, I don't."

"Yes, you do!"

Rodney whimpered. "Please, let's just go to the next boss-"

"You're a bad influence on Rodney," Courtney hollered. "Stop talking to the kid, you're bringing negative features into his upbringing, damn it!"

Alfred raised an eyebrow. "But I have to talk to him when he's our leader-"

Katie snarled and slapped Courtney's shoulder. "Will you leave Alfred alone?"

Courtney took the slap on the shoulder rather personal, and slapped Katie's back. The two girls started slap-fighting, to which Rodney tightened his helmet strap in case of emergency. Alfred and Bridgette exchanged looks.

"Is she normally like this?" Alfred asked her.

"No, she's normally very sweet," Bridgette assured him.

Alfred looked at Courtney, who was pulling one of Katie's pigtails. He winced, then looked back at the surfer girl. "She seems to take competition very seriously."

Bridgette sighed. "You really have no idea. Maybe if she wasn't in a competition, she'd be nicer to others."

"Ouch! Courtney," Katie shrieked, "not an Indian Rub, ouch!"

Rodney watched the fight, and then said into his headset, "Hey Alfred, Bridgette, we might want to just let them blow off steam. My mom once said you splash somebody fighting with cold water to get them to call it off, but I don't think that's wise around electronics."

Alfred turned to Bridgette and smiled. "Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Am I a bad influence?"

"I don't think so, but my mother has always said American pop culture is a bad influence."

"Well then, I'll have to avoid becoming pop culture."

They continued to chat as Rodney watched Courtney and Katie struggle. He sighed and shook his head. "Usually this just happens in faction wars," he muttered.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Agrees with Bridgette's mom if you mention Jersey Shore.)**

**Alfred and Rodney** - **Alfred** - "I think Courtney's a pretty cool gal, I just think she needs to lighten up. See me, when I wanna lighten up, I hang out with friends. Like this!"

*He lifts up Rodney and puts him on his shoulders.* "Okay, my little buddy, write 'Rodney was here' on the roof!"

**Rodney** - "Are you sure I should? Chef has to clean this whole closet..."

**Alfred** - "Chef is also the man who laughs at people when they fall on their face."

**Rodney** - "Well, I don't like it when people fall on their face."

*The prodigy writes 'Rodney was here!' and 'Be nice to others.' As he does this, someone pounds on the door.*

**Courtney** - "Alfred! Have you got Rodney in there? I don't want you near him, you're a very bad influence!"

**Rodney** - "It's okay, Miss Courtney, I'm just signing the ceiling!"

**Courtney** - "See? See, that's my point! You're teaching him... wait, what?"

* * *

**(Team 4 - Arthur (L), Sadie, Xander, Sakaki, DJ)**

Arthur drummed his fingers on the table as he waited for Sadie to revive the others and himself. "We almost lost there, nice job polishing up, DJ."

"Thanks! I normally am not such an aggressive person, though, I swear."  
"You guys don't have to keep letting me know you aren't violent people deep down," Arthur replied with a chuckle. "I'm pretty sure I'm not on a show with a bunch of secret killers."

"That'd make for an interesting show," Xander remarked. "But I'd rather not be on it."

"Oh yeah, killers are not nice people to be around," Sadie agreed. "But while I'd doing this reviving and healing," she turned to Arthur. "Can I ask you now-"

"For crying out loud, are you never going to drop this subject?" Arthur groaned. "Seriously, if I answer, will you focus on the challenge?"

"Pleeeee-eeeeee-eeeease?" Sadie asked, grabbing his jacket and pulling him close. "I gots to know!"

"Alright, alright, alright," he said, prying her off of him. "You want my honest opinion?" She nodded a great many times, and he sighed. "Look, I don't know your feelings exactly, but if you're interested in Zachary, I would advise against it."

"Why?"

"He's not a nice guy, and you seem like you'd be happier with a nice guy."

Sadie blinked a few times, then asked, "Wait, what makes you think he's not a nice guy?"

"Because I'm not a nice guy, and I can tell he's the same as me."

Xander, who overheard this, let out a little scoff. "At least you don't accuse your roommate of being a racist every five seconds."

"I do with Alfred," Arthur replied, smirking.

Sadie blinked in confusion. "But aren't you both white?"

Arthur face-palmed, and groaned. "Just... just get back to the game, will you please?"

During this exchange, DJ and Sakaki exchanged a glance.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - A very nice closet indeed.)**

*DJ and Sakaki are talking as Chef Hatchet scrubs the walls in the back.*

**DJ** - "It is true that Zachary is not a really nice person, but do you think Sadie's into him?"

**Sakaki** - "I'm... I'm afraid so, she talks about him a lot in our room."

**DJ** - "Gee, that's not good. Maybe we should try to tell Sadie too?"

**Chef Hatchet** - *scrubbing* "Don't you teens ever learn to mind your own business?"

**DJ** - *He nervously chuckles.* "Nope, we're kinda bad like that."

**Sakaki** - *points at the wall* "You missed a spot there, Ch-"

*Chef Hatchet roars in frustration, and Sakaki and DJ cling to each other in terror. When he gives them the evil eye, they both flee the closet.*

...

**Arthur** - "I'm serious when I say I'm not a nice guy. Sadie should avoid a guy like Zachary, because for someone like her, she'd be miserable. Not to mention-"

**Chef Hatchet** - "Hehe, you like her, pointy head?"

**Arthur** - "Like that's any of your business." *He rolls his eyes, then notices the messages on the ceiling.* "Missed a spot up there."

*Chef Hatchet snarls in frustration as Arthur leaves, then he sees the messages on the ceiling.*

**Chef Hatchet** - "How did that pip-squeak manage to reach up there?"

* * *

**(Team 5 - Harold (L), Colin, Leshawna, Carol, Geoff)**

"Keep pressing forward, my brave warriors," Harold cheered as they slayed another pack. "We will not falter, we will not fail, and we will defeat this evil, final boss!"

"And if you talking like a nerd," Colin snarled, "I'm gonna break your glasses."

"You break his glass," Leshawna warned him, "I break your ass."

"Wow, can you break that?" Carol asked, intrigued.

"I have," Geoff exclaimed proudly. "Well, I think I did, it sure felt like I broke my butt once!"

Harold cleared his throat. "Enough about shattered posteriors! We are near the end of the corridor!"

The rime-covered cave opened up into a diabolical lair. A circular platform with blue, glowing runes were circled around, with curved, spiked stones jutting out like a claw trying to rise up from beneath. The center had a glowing mug shot of the boss himself, who was seated upon a risen throne at the back.

He was covered in blackened armor, adorned with skulls and fur. He wore no helmet, and thus they saw his glowing, sinister eyes. When he stood, he pulled a wicked, blue blade from its scabbard, rattling the hair gel bottles tied around his waist.

"The Chris King," Harold snarled as the Chris King walked down to the center of the platform, beckoning them. "Let's show this fool he cannot mess with us!"

"We get to stick it to Chris?" Leshawna asked. "Hot damn, I gotta get me this game!"

"This is the coolest boss fight I've ever seen," Carol exclaimed, "and we haven't even fought him yet!"

Geoff tapped his lips in deep thought. "What kind of attacks would Chris Maclean had if he was an evil king?"

"I know what I'd have," Colin said, chuckling. "I'd have abilities that are about pain, suffering, and agony."

"Leshawna," Harold said, ignoring Colin, "you and I are going to be the core feature for solving this fight. You tank, I heal, and we keep each other alive so we know how this Chris will fight us."

"So long as you don't go flying into Bridgette's arms again, we have a deal, baby."

Harold blushed. "That was an accident, go-"

"Don't care, just fight," Colin shouted, startling all of his teammates.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Experiencing the wrath of the Chris King.)**

*As the contestants talk, Chef is on a stepladder, scrubbing off the messages on the ceiling.*

**Leshawna** - "If there was a being on this planet who enjoyed bringing suffering to others and self-aggrandized himself to become a king, it'd be Chris Maclean!"

...

**Harold** - "I could totally take on Colin if I wanted to, but fighting your teammates would be very bad. Still, a good karate chop to the head would set him straight!"

*He karate chops a shelf, and accidentally knocks off some of the junk. Chef groans at more of a mess.* "Oops! Sorry, Chef!"

**Chef Hatchet** - "Meh. I guess I can let it pass since you're being polite about it."

...

**Colin** - "Hurting a virtual Chris Maclean is cool and all, but I'd rather hurt the rest of these morons. Seriously, how can you look at these people and not want to punch one or two of them? You viewers at home want to, you're no better than me!"

**Chef Hatchet** - "I guess so, but you could get in trouble for punching people like that, kid."

**Colin** - "Is that how you got to scrubbing closets on the most popular show, Chef? You have to be a real loser if you're a janitor on the show!"

*Colin laughs until Chef takes the bucket of water he was using and turns it upside-down on the bully's head. After dusting his hands, he walks out as a soaked Colin tries to remove the bucket from off his head.*

* * *

**(Team 6 - Izzy (L), Heather, Ezekiel, Eva, Beth)**

"The Chris King," Izzy hissed. "Oh, how I've been waiting to dethrone this creep!"

"Haven't we all," Heather agreed. "Okay, let's try this evil man out!"

They charged at the boss, but were killed shortly after engaging. Several attempts all warranted the same result, a quick death for all of them.

"So what's going wrong?" Beth asked, looking confused.

"Obviously," Eva growled, "we don't understand the nature of his abilities. Whatever is killing us is something we've overlooked."

Ezekiel let out a small chuckle. "Boy, that could be said a'boot most things, eh?"

He was startled when Eva glared at him very harshly. "Are you going to rub it in my face, Home School?"

"Wh-what?"

"Don't think I don't know what you're implying."

"I doo'nt think I knoo' what you think I knoo' a'boot what you knoo', eh."

Eva stared at him, very confused, then looked away with a disgusted groan. Ezekiel quietly breathed a sigh of relief.

"We gotta keep trying," Izzy exclaimed. "And you know why we're going to keep trying? Because if we don't keep trying, we fail, and thus, we don't win."

"That is," Heather groaned, "the most obvious thing I've ever had explained to me."

"And I want you maggots to understand that! Now, in the name of the moon, I shall pants them!"

Izzy lifted her mouse up and roared. "Pants the Chris King!"

"Makes it easier to tank and spank someone you've pants," Beth said.

"My little protégée, you're learning quickly!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Ever notice we appear after every team?)**

**Eva** - "Sometimes I wonder if Izzy being my ally is a good thing, especially when it comes to courting Cody. Especially since, for some reason I still am not sure of, he gets this goofy grin whenever Izzy comes into the conversation. Do you think he has a thing for Izzy? What has he seen in her?"

**Chef Hatche**t - *scraping off the bad paint job* "You know, I now realize that these teenagers were brought onto the show for their stereotype, because we never hear them say anything other than what their norm would normally say. How boring is that?"

**Yoshi the Warrior** - *tapping his chin* "You know... I guess flowers aren't such a bad thing, they can be quite scenic."

**Carol the Enthusiast** - *yawns* "Man, I think I'm gonna take a nap after the challenge, I'm getting groggy."

**Geoff the Party Animal** - *slumped over* "Sad... guilty... feeling so down..."

**Heather the Queen Bee** - "I actually have a whole collection of glitter glue at home. The baby blue color looks so cute."

**Hannah the Religious Girl** - "If you have five dollars, and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you."

**Groucho the Duck** - *munching on chicken nuggets, then glances at the camera* "Don't judge me, those chicken beasts are monsters, and it's a kill or be killed scenario for us birds."

* * *

**(Team 7 - Zachary (L), Clive, Sebastian, Gwen, Justin)**

The seventh team was struggling against the boss. Zachary ground his teeth as he glanced at his teammates. "C'mon guys, keep pouring it on!"

"We are," Clive said.

"Shoot that big mother!"

"We are," Sebastian reminded him.

"Don't stop pounding this ugly, son of a-"

"We're doing it," Gwen exclaimed. "Stop being such a cheerleader!"

"You don't get games, do you, white girl?" Zachary replied, quirking an eyebrow.

"I've asked you not to call me that."

"Yeah, but I don't care."

Gwen snarled as she continued to keep pouring, pounding, and shooting. The fight was starting to get close, but then, as the goth girl looked around, she noticed everyone else getting close to. "Oh crap," she mused. "This ain't gonna be good."

"You guys are doing great," Anita shouted as her team attacked the Chris King. "Keep at it!"

"Lindsay, I take back everything I said about you," Noah cheered, "your healing is impeccable!"

"We can do this," Rodney exclaimed. "C'mon, everyone, keep trying!"

"We're gonna be the king slayers," Arthur said. "Slay him, we're gonna do it!"

"Fear our leet skills," Harold declared, watching his teammates kill the ghouls and powerful zombies around the Chris King. "I will drop this noob faster than Gradowtyce the Death Guardian, who was equally just a loot bag!"

Izzy hollered, shaking her fists in the air. "I said for the moon, and I meant for the moon! For the damn moon!"

Zachary snarled and glared at Izzy. "Not so fast, you crazy woman! My team is gonna take this freak down!"

The fireballs flamed, the zombies attacked, throwing daggers were thrown, and swords slashed. We'd go into more, but you get the basic principle of all the power shot at the Chris King. The evil tyrant was using shadow magic, summoning zombies, and destroying the very platform in his attempts to kill the heroes determined to end his evil reign (of what, we're not sure).

This ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny carried on for about a century (minus ninety nine years, eleven months, thirty days, and twenty-three-and-a-half hours). And at the end of that epic half-hour, Zachary let out a victorious cry.

"We killed him," he exclaimed. He pumped his fists in the air and cheered again. "In your face, losers!"

He elbowed the person next to him on the other team, who happened to be Beth. Pointing at his screen, he declared, "In your face! Woot!"

Beth took off her noise canceling headphones, and blinked. "Yes, you killed him."

"What do you think of that?"

"You do know that Demon Chef Cleaver isn't the last boss, do you?"

Zachary blinked, then glanced at Beth's screen. She was currently backing up to avoid a bursting shadow nova from the Chris King. As Zachary's face displayed horror, Gwen's palm met her face. And Beth, being the sweet girl she was, laughed at Zachary.

"In your face," she exclaimed gleefully.

Both were suddenly startled when the most powerful exclamation of joy either had heard. Noah had stood up, fists in the air. "We did it! The Chris King is dead! Short lived the king!"

Lindsay was also jumping up and down, clapping excitedly. "I'm not sure exactly what happened," she admitted, "but we won, right?"

Yoshi cackled as his character spat on the corpse of the Chris King. The handsome host wasn't so handsome as he lay on the floor of his destroyed platform, his throne ruined as well. Valerie chuckled as well, letting out a sigh of relief.

"First place," she said. "Not bad." She typed out an emote for her character to start dancing in celebration, and as she scanned the remains of the platform, she noticed something unusual. "Mandy, why are you sitting up and down on the Chris King's face?"

"Nothing, no reason," Mandy quickly replied. "Don't judge me!"

Lindsay grabbed Noah and embraced him in a strong hug. "Oh thank you for believing in me," she said. "So many people have no faith in me doing something right, but you did!"

Noah would have said that he originally didn't have faith in her either, but was too elated to be sarcastic, so he instead hugged her back. "And thank you for being a tremendous healer. Seriously, I didn't think you would have hand-eye coordination like that."

"Must come from applying eyeliner and mascara," Lindsay said with a giggle.

"Yes, well, do you know what this awesome team has won us? Two years membership," Noah cheered. "Now I have four people to friend on Prism of War who I can actually rely on!"

"Like I'd play this game," Valerie scoffed.

Lindsay grinned, clapping her hands more. "I'm sure to enjoy more healing! I'm gonna... gonna... pwn some noobs!"

Noah raised both eyebrows at this. "Lindsay, keep talking like that, you'll excite Tyler more than any lingerie could."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - It's a world of war crafting out there.)**

**Valerie** - "If Lindsay thinks playing computer games is gonna make her more alluring to boys, she's a lot dumber than I thought that dummy was. No wonder Heather wanted to take advantage of her first season."

**Lindsay** - "Daddy once told me that I should get some hobbies that could be done when sitting around a big house, but I'm not sure what he meant. But a computer game can be done in big house! I wonder if Noah would friend me, I could use more help from an expert like him."

* * *

As if the mention of his name (before the closet confessional), Tyler let out a wild cry of joy. "He's dead! We killed Chris Maclean!"

"Oh, I am going to enjoy hearing that said over and over," Noah said as Lindsay rushed over to her boyfriend.

Tyler had pulled himself away from the computer and lifted his girlfriend up, spinning her around. "We did it," he exclaimed. "We got him!"

"You got him," Anita said, smiling proudly. She turned to Noah and said, "We all died, all of us, except Tyler's character, and he kept fighting and got that sliver of health left."

"Oh come on, we were an awesome team," Tyler said, patting Anita's shoulder. "Couldn't have done it without you being such a great teacher."

"Hear hear," Belinda said.

Crystal was clapping as Cody beamed at Anita. "Second place is nice," the techgeek said. "I guess that means I'll have a year to try this game out."

Chris Maclean did not look as happy. "Team 1 in first place, Team 2 in second," he grumbled. "How unoriginal."

"Yes, we planned it out just to annoy you, Chris," Belinda said, smiling at the host. "We just love boring the audience at home, makes us proud."

Chris scoffed, then looked at her screen; Belinda was still giving an order to her character . "Why," he asked, "is your character dancing on my... err, the Chris King's corpse?"

"If you don't know by now, you sir aren't leet enough to raid with us."

The fighting continued, but unlike what Chris had complained about, Team 3 was not coming up in third place. Their team seemed to be having troubles, and by which we mean Katie and Courtney.

"Katie, stop dying," Courtney shouted.

"I'm not trying to die, do you think I'm trying?"

Bridgette had put her hood on in her embarrassment of her teammates having it out with other, Alfred tilted his hat down, and Rodney tightened the chin strap on his helmet. "Just learn from your mistakes," Rodney squeaked, "and don't kill each other!"

Harold and his team were also struggling. "Formidable opponent," he growled at the Chris King, "I salute you."

Zachary was huffing at his team. "Alright, we're almost at the Chris King," he said to them. "Just stick together, and when we clobber him-"

"WE DID IT!"

Izzy was jumping up and down in her chair, then she broke into dance. "Woohoo, we killed Chris Maclean!"

"I wish," grumbled the real Chris Maclean, "that people would stop saying it like that!"

Izzy cackled and suddenly glomped Ezekiel, knocking him down. "We did it! Third place, not bad! You were wonderful, my Zeke."

"Owtch," was his reply after being slammed on the ground.

"Oh, I'm sorry, here," Izzy picked him up, dusted him off, and pushed him at Heather. "Go celebrate with your girlfriend!"

Heather caught Ezekiel, but didn't look too pleased overall. While Izzy went to go celebrate with Beth and Eva (the latter also upset because Anita and Cody were celebrating together), the other teams scrambled.

"Only two more victors," Arthur muttered. "If we don't pick this up, we're screwed."

"C'mon, people," Zachary shouted. "More dots, more dots!"

Gwen's eye twitched. "I can't think when he's yelling such nonsense!"

The teams were all frantically trying to kill Chris (we do love saying it like that), and sure enough, another victory was claimed.

"Yes," Harold exclaimed, pumping his fists into the air. "Victory goes to the ones with mad skills!"

Colin scoffed. "Sure, whatever, ner-"

His chair was grabbed, and then rolled straight into the wall. Leshawna dusted her hands, then hugged her boyfriend. "You did it, baby! We rocked that competition!"

"My chocolate Goddess, you were all my inspiration," he gushed. "I couldn't have it done it without you!"

"Aww, what were we?" Geoff bemoaned with a grin on his face. "Chopped liver?"

"Who would eat that crap anyway?" Carol gagged as she and Geoff high-fived over their victory.

Harold looked around at the others, and noticed three teams were still fighting the Chris King: Team 3 of Rodney's, Team 4 of Arthur's, and Team 7 of Zachary's. The other teams, still basking in their victory (and the nerdier ones of them cheering over the free time they had won for the game), started to cheer.

"Kill Chris, Beth," Justin hollered.

"Murder him, DJ," Eva exclaimed, pumping her fists. "Get him!"

"C'mon, Bridgette," Geoff declared, "kick his kingly butt!"

"Yeah, Bridgette," Harold added. "Do it, it's fun!"

Chris sulked in a corner. "I'm gonna have a word," he muttered, "with the creators of this game. Fancy me, being a villain."

"Well, gosh," Harold said to Chris as the cheering continued, "you do enjoy hurting people!"

"Then I could be a necromancer," the host said with delightful glee.

"They're too cool for you," Mandy shouted from behind them, startling them both.

"Gah, don't do that, cultist girl," Harold retorted, but recovered as he asked, "but gosh, that was some awesome sneaking. You could be an assassin"

"Many people have said that, I have yet to prove it."

The teams were still battling it out. Rodney was whimpering, his fingers shaking but managing to stay steady enough to press the keys. Arthur had a mental blue streak going on, some of them slipping out; he was very glad the headset wasn't picking them up. Zachary wasn't so generous, and his strong language was scaring Clive.

"You remind me of one of my former guildmates," the emo said, having shrunk so far down in his chair that his back was parallel to the floor.

"Will you sit up straight?" Zachary snapped.

"I'm still pressing the keys, why's it bother you?"

Courtney was biting her lip, almost cutting herself on the edge of her teeth. "C'mon people, we can do this," she exclaimed.

"Stop saying that," Katie whimpered. "I cannot take hearing that right now!"

"Shut up, shut up, shut up," the CIT chanted, dodging a spell from the Chris King. "Just focus! Focus!"

"Focus like a high powered camera," Alfred cheered.

"Shut up!"

Harold scratched the back of his head as he looked at Leshawna. "Wow, she has all the makings of a good raid leader!"

"That's a good leader?" Leshawna asked. "Maybe I won't get into these games, Harold baby."

Then everyone seemed to freeze as five people exclaimed in unison, "WE WON!"

...

...

...

...

...

...

"Team 4, led by Arthur," Chris Maclean shouted, "are the winners!"

"Yes! In your face, Chris," Arthur declared, point at the screen. "We owned you, we curb-stomped you, and now we're gonna farm your loot! Sucker!"

Sadie let out a very loud cheer, and then glomped him. Her enthusiasm made her too anxious, and she knocked him over, slamming him on the ground. "And down I go too," he groaned in pain.

"You were awesome," Sadie exclaimed, hugging him. "Thank you for leading us to victory!"

"We got the last place possible for immunity, it wasn't so good."

"We still made it! We're so pleased, aren't we guys?"

The others nodded when she looked back at them. Xander smiled and said, "Fun game. Nice to stomp on Chris' face." He was doing just that in the game, on the dead king.

"Not... not bad," Sakaki stammered, smiling too.

"Reminds me of my glorious days on the game," DJ said, sighing happily. "I should go back to playing that."

Arthur nodded, smiling back at his victorious teammates. "Thanks, you guys, guess being labeled as a schemer has done me some good. Can I ask you all one more favor?"  
"Sure, what's that?" Sadie asked.

"Could you get me off me now?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - That's said often on this show, isn't it?)**

**Sadie** - "I think I've been on this show too long, I'm tackling people when happy. That's something Izzy would do, not me. ... Normally."

**Xander** - *tracing his facial scar* "You know, I thought I would be doing a lot of physical exercise like in the first two seasons. I didn't expect virtual reality battles or computer games. But you know, if it means stomping on a fake Chris, why not? Damn fun."

**Crystal** - "Boys will always be boys, and boys with their toys make lots of noise, eh wot." *She giggles.*

* * *

Nearby, Rodney moaned and slammed his head against the keyboard. "No," he howled in anguish. "I failed my team again! I'm a horrible leader, I suck, I am bad!"

His keyboard face-slamming got so bad that Katie had to pull him away from the computer; his face had a grid imprint on it. "Sweetheart, so we lost, no big deal."

"You take your loses too hard," Alfred said, walking over. He opened his arms and declared, "Comfort hug!"

The gonzo hugged the prodigy, and eventually Rodney returned it. Alfred then turned to Katie, and offered the same with his question of, "Hug?"

Katie hugged him, and then he approached Bridgette for a hug. After the surfer hugged him, Alfred approached a sulking Courtney.

"Hug?"

"NO HUG!"

As Alfred leapt back from Courtney, tripped on a chair and fell on his back in his surprise, Zachary face-palmed. "Argh," he groaned. "Double argh."

Gwen grabbed her headphones and chucked them away. Glaring at Zachary, she snapped, "Nice leadership, jerk ass!"

She stormed out of the room, with many people staring at her surprised. Zachary looked away, seemingly upset by the comment. He groaned and shook his head. "Darn white girl," he muttered.

"So, those are the results," Chris Maclean declared. "We have ten losers tonight, and they must vote someone off among the following: Rodney, Zachary, Katie, Clive, Courtney, Sebastian, Alfred, Gwen, Bridgette, and Justin."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Hug for me?)**

**Bridgette** - "I worry about Courtney at times. She acts like every loss is the most horrible thing that's ever happened. It's not healthy to be so high-strung."

**Clive** - "Well... that crushing loss reminds me why I left that game. But then again, I did better back then. Everything was better back then..." *He sighs miserably.*

**Justin** - *rolling his eyes* "Playing a computer game for a challenge was lame! But on the bright side, I learned that my hands are perfect at typing... I could do keyboard commercials."

...

**Noah and Katie** - **Noah** - "Well, my delightful girlfriend, it seems I have achieved victory and first place!"

**Katie** - "You were incredible!" *She hugs him, and then kisses him passionately.* "You were wonderful!"

**Noah** - "You beautiful girl, you can be so wonderful for this wizened wizard, Katie. I love you."

**Katie** - *She giggles and kisses him again.*

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium Corridors)**

Anita and Ezekiel were walking around the stadium, making small chat and planning out dinner. The prairie boy was writing a small list as the bombshell suggested things to make. After a couple minutes, Anita changed the subject to something they had talked about earlier.

"So before the votes are done, I want to ask you something," she said, shyly tugging at her hair. "Do you think Cody was impressed by the game?"

"Yes, I think so, eh," Ezekiel said, smiling as he finished up the list. "Just remember, you have to be moo'r aggressive, but not too forward, eh."

"Funny you giving advice. You, the boy who made every girl mad, turned out to be a sweetheart," Anita said. She leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "And you remember, girls are rather unpredictable people."

Ezekiel chuckled and waved as she headed off, to try and find Cody. He didn't notice Heather storming up to him until she shouted.

"So!"

The prairie boy was startled so bad, he dropped his dinner list. As he scrambled to pick it up, Heather glared at him. "You just have to hang out with the girls!"

"Wh... what?" he stammered.

"Why is it every time I see you, you're talking to another girl," Heather continued, stomping her foot. "Izzy, Bridgette, now Anita!"

"We were joo'st discussing dinner, eh!"

"And that kiss on the cheek?"

"She... I doo'nt knoo', she was joo'st being friendly-"

"Seems all your friends have to be girls," Heather snapped. "You know, Ezekiel, just because you had problems with girls the first season, doesn't mean you can go 'schmoozing' them now!"

"I'm not 'schmoozing' them!"

"Then just stop... stop..."

Heather froze up, offered one more glare at her boyfriend, and stomped off. Ezekiel stood there, thunderstruck; somehow, Anita's last words came ringing back to him.

As the prairie boy stood there, Courtney was stomping down the hallway nearby. She almost ran into someone, who stopped her rampage.

"You storm down these halls a lot, you know that?"

"Look, will you get out of my way? I have a vote to cast, and Mr. Hugs has bugged me for the last time!"

"Oh no, there's someone else you want to vote for, much more."

As Courtney discussed business, much to her chagrin, someone else was approaching to a furious girl. Gwen was sulking in a corner, wanting to be alone, as Tyler walked to her.

"Gwen-"

"No."

"But I just-"

"I said, no!"

The jock walked off, sighing heavily, before he was stopped by Sebastian. The philosopher pat his shoulder, and said, "Sometimes it is best to avoid those who don't want help."

"Yeah but," Tyler muttered, crossing his arms behind his back, "what if you're worried that the person is suffering, and you're one of the few people who can help?"

"As a philosopher, I would say that there are things you can say both pro and con. But as a teenaged boy, I have to say..."

He chuckled and shook his head. "That I just got the image of goth jock kids."

Tyler gave him a very strange look.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - What sports would goth jocks play?)**

**Tyler** - *shrugging and chuckling* "Well, I suppose humor is a philosophy too."

**Sebastian** - "What can I say? I love to tease sometimes." *He pulls at one of his dreadlocks and springs it.* "Though I didn't want to say directly to Tyler, I think what he's doing is right, because sometimes, the ones who don't ask for help are the ones who need it most."

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena)**

How many times do we have to say how much the crowd was roaring whenever we cut to the voting ceremony? You all know it, and we're getting tired; we're a cranky narrator right now.

Chris Maclean basked in the roaring crowd, yadda yadda, and what not. The contestants all sat patiently, or impatiently for those on the chopping block and the ones who cared about them.

"Hello, campers," Chris said. "Oh wait, that's right you're not campers. Well, with me, I have..."

He looked at the table with all the trophies, each with the icon of a computer. With a quick count, he concluded, "Thirty-four trophies! But there are thirty-five competitors, so another one of you is gonna have to... log off!"

Silence. The host sulked.

"You know, log off?" he asked. "Computer games, online? Log off? Aw, you people are such noobs."

"QQ more," Noah shouted, his arm around Katie, grinning. "Just please get on with it."

Chris frowned, then smirked at him. "Oh, with pleasure, Noah."

The bookworm scowled right back, and drummed his fingers on Katie's shoulders as the host and Chef handed out trophies to all the winners. Only the ten losers had no trophies.

"Yes, losers, you have no trophies," Chris stated the obvious, like he loved to do at these ceremonies. "YOU AIN'T GO NO TROPHY YET!"

"Dork," Noah grumbled.

"Wiener," Katie added.

"Jerk," Chef added.

"Hey," Chris exclaimed, glaring at his co-host.

"I spent all day cleaning that confessional, and you didn't say anything," Chef Hatchet exclaimed. "You just aren't trying to make things work between us."

He stormed off, leaving Chris flabbergasted. He ignored the snickering from the contestants, and faced the losers. "Alright then, here's who gets a trophy with no objections from the others...

"Sebastian, Justin, Clive, Gwen, Bridgette, and Rodney!"

The six losers becoming winners caught their trophies, and only Rodney seemed distraught. "Why should I get this one?" he muttered, slumped over in a way that reminded several of the contestants of a miserable Charlie Brown. "I keep failing."

Courtney rubbed his back. "Look Rodney, do not take it that hard."

"Says you," Alfred scoffed, glancing at Courtney.

As the CIT snarled at the gonzo, Chris chuckled at the fighting. "Good, good, drama! You two losers are really tense, aren't you?

"Well simmer down, you both get a nice trophy!"

Alfred and Courtney, distracted at looking at each other unfondly, were both hit in the head with their trophies. As Courtney grumbled and Alfred hummed a small tune of victory, Noah visibly flinched.

"Oh no," he said.

"Oh yes," Chris Maclean said, grinning. "Our last two are Katie and Zachary!"

Zachary chuckled and crossed his arms. Katie clung to her boyfriend, and Sadie lunged from behind and hugged her tight.

"Any words, Zachary?" Chris asked.

"I'm not worried!"

Yoshi scoffed. "That's a first."

As Zachary glared at his rival, Chris turned to Katie. "How about you?"

"Grrk," Katie replied with Sadie's arms around her neck and shoulders.

"Nice, nice," the host said. "And the last winner, our last safe contestant and not the one being voted off...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"Zachary!"

The whiner caught his trophy and barked out a laugh. "Finally, justice!"

Katie croaked in Sadie's tight grasp. Noah had not let go of his girlfriend. "No," he groaned. "No!"

"No," Sadie wailed, "say it ain't so!"

"Grrrk," Katie gurgled, Sadie's anguished grasp tightening.

"Well, off you go, Katie," Chris Maclean said, grabbing her arm and tugging her away from Noah and Sadie.

"Wait, I wanna say good-bye," Sadie exclaimed.

"No no no, I've had it with these long and emotional good-byes," Chris said. "The sooner I get you emo teens off when voted, the better."

"That's nice," Clive grumbled.

"Yes, that's right," Noah exclaimed. "You want us for drama, and then you want to chuck us off when we give it!"

Sadie was openly sobbing. "Chris please, can you let us say good-bye?"

"No," the host cried, pushing Katie to the side where the bus had pulled up. "Duncan, as soon as she's in, gun it!"

"You big meanie face," Katie shouted. "Sadie! Don't worry about me, you can go far in this game!"

"Okay, my best female friend forever!"

"Noah," she tried to say, but then Chris tried to shove her on the bus. She reached up and grabbed the side of the door frame, clinging tight.

"Katie," Noah shouted, trying to get around Chris to talk to her. "Katie, I'll get whoever voted you off!"

"Don't go being vindictive," Katie declared. She was pushing Chris back with her foot. "Just do your best, and keep an eye on Sadie! Help her get a boyfriend!"

The bookworm nodded, trying to push Chris out of the way. "Katie! I love you!"

"Oh Noah! I lo-"

Chris suddenly won the struggle, and shoved Katie onto the bus. Duncan, taking orders simply because he wanted to get away from a conflict, sped off. Katie ran for the back of the bus, but by the time she got there, she knew they were too far away for Noah to hear him anymore.

She slumped on her knees, and pounded the back door. "This is so unfair!"

Back at the arena, Noah just stood where he was, looking thunderstruck. Chris Maclean dusted his hands, and smirked at him. "Too bad, you lost your girlfriend, smart aleck," he said, patting his shoulder unfriendly-like.

As the host walked off, Zachary walked by and elbowed Noah. "Tough break, nerd. You win the game and lose the girl; just goes to show you, being a nerd does not pay off, white boy."

With an extra nudge, he walked off, chuckling. Noah balled up his fists, but was silent.

Rodney walked up to Noah, holding his trophy timidly. He looked up at the bookworm, and said, "Noah? I'm so sorry."

Noah didn't respond at first. His teeth clenched, so his words, when they finally came out, they were slightly muffled. "Do you know how long I've been waiting for her to say that to me?"

"Wh-what?" Rodney asked, confused.

He didn't get an answer to that, because Noah's face seized up in anger and he whirled on the boy. "This," he shouted right in Rodney's face, "is _your_ doing, isn't it?"

Rodney flinched, hiding most of his face behind the trophy. Noah didn't stop his assault. "You just had to lose that game, I thought you were a prodigy! Did you vote her off? Is this how you're going to play our rivalry?"

"But... but...," the prodigy tried to say, quite unsuccessfully.

"Or is it because you were mad because you got last place and I got first?" Noah snarled. "You little twerp, why'd you join this contest if you can never win? Is that helmet for when people knock, and see if someone's even there?"

Rodney was shaking, and he dropped the trophy. Noah glanced at it, then back at the prodigy. The little boy was acting up just like when Chris had made fun of him at the beginning of the challenge. "What's this?" Noah asked. "Going to cry? Sulk? Kick me in the shin? Go right ahead, I took a real dagger in the back for this with Katie."

Rodney threw his head back and wailed, "I'M SORRY!" He ran off, crying with his hands on his eyes. Most everyone watched him go, then some glared at Noah.

"That was not cool," Leshawna barked. "How could you-"

"Don't you start with me," Noah snapped right back. "I've had it with this whole contest, and all of you! I've seen more dignified beings in a zoo! I've had more intelligent conversations on a message board!

"But what I'm most sick of is you," he said, pointing at Chris Maclean, who was standing a short distance away. "The personal harassment I could deal with, but the way you treated my girlfriend, if she still wants me, you just drew the line! The gloves are off now, because without her to censor me, you've got one sarcastic, bitter cynic on your hands!"

He flipped Chris off, then stuffed his hands in his pockets, and walked off without looking back. As people murmured quietly, in shock, Belinda shook her head. "When the drama gets rough," she said quietly to herself, "the rough get dramatic."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Dramatically rough.)**

**Ezekiel** - *He sniffs, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.* "S-soo'ry, I'm feeling doo'n, eh. Today has bin really brutal, and Katie was my friend... maybe Heather's right!"

**Belinda** - "Noah's dramatic outburst has a clear reason, if you all recall his troubles with his family that he confessed last season. There's more to it than that, of course. I suspect he gets a lot of not-very-assuring comments from his vast supply of siblings, classmates, and contestants here. Whoever took Katie away from him, has caused him more hurt than he can imagine."

*She crosses her arms.* "And I think I know who."

**Zachary** - *He cackles and claps his hands.* "That was awesome! He sure lashed out, now he's an open target! Dumb white boy's gonna go down hard, just like his girlfriend! At last, the minorities are winning!"

...

**Chef Hatchet** - *He takes a long look around and sighs.* "Finally, finished cleaning and fixing this darn closet! It's just fine now."

**Izzy** - *bursting in with her paint ball gun* "REDECORATING CREW!"

**Chef Hatchet** - "NOOOOOO!"

*A fight breaks out, and paint splatters on the camera, blinding it.*

* * *

**(Room 7 - Justin)**

Justin was sitting down on his bed, reading a magazine, when suddenly the door opened. Noah, holding a fair share of luggage, pulled himself in.

"What are you doing?" Justin snapped, enunciating each word.

"I'm moving in here," Noah grumbled as he threw the suitcase down.

"Are you joking? You in here? No way!"

"Oh, yes way, Anti-Me. You owe me," Noah said as he stood over Justin, fists on his hips. "After all, you voted for Katie."

Justin blanched. "What? How... who told you?"

"You just did."

The male model slapped his model face with his model hand. "Doh! Look dude-"

"Was it because you'd get a room to yourself? Was it to get back at me?"

"Do I have to go through this kind of drama?" Justin said. "I just don't see why I should room with you!"

"Hey, you voted for my girlfriend, but you know, I like Beth. So I'll just make a deal with you: you let me stay here, away from those three women who would skin me alive if I had to be in the same room as them, and I won't vote for Beth if I ever got the chance."

"So you're blackmailing me?"

"That's not the definition of blackmail, you handsome dork," Noah exclaimed. "It's only that I won't vote for your girl if you let me stay here!"

Justin groaned, and said, "Alright fine. You can sleep over there, that's where Katie's bed was. Don't bother looking for anything of Katie's, they took it all."

Noah sighed and lay down on the bed, staring up before something caught his eye. A picture had been accidentally left on the wall behind the top bunk. He pulled it down and looked at it: it was one of him with Katie, her slender arms wrapped around his waist, and Sadie, her arms around his neck. Noah looked short of breath from the headlock Sadie almost had him in.

The bookworm sighed and looked at the photo some more, to which Justin noticed and said, "Dude, why'd you have to yell at Rodney?"

"Do you know how long I've been waiting to hear Katie say that she loved me?" he said, staring at her in the photo. "She was too shy to say it, and I thought I would break the ice by telling her I loved her first. And now, now I'll never get to hear it."

"Cynical much?"

"Yes, and it's worse now with her gone. No one can be as upset as I am right now."

* * *

**(Outside Room 9 - Rodney, Sadie, Sakaki)**

"WAAAAAAAAAAAH-HAH-HAAAAAAAAA!"

Sakaki was trying desperately to calm down Sadie, but the crying was overpowering. Soon the moe girl was hiding behind the girl she had been attempting to pacify. They continued to walk very awkwardly, with a sobbing Sadie making small steps and Sakaki huddled up behind and hands on the larger girls' shoulders, making even smaller steps.

"D-don't worry, Sadie," Sakaki said, sounding very worried.

"Bwaaaaaaaah! *_sob sob sob_*"

"Please don't panic," she begged, close to panicking. Then she added in a fretting tone, "Don't fret now!"

Sadie took several gasping breaths, then wiped her tears away. "It's... it's okay! I managed to survive without Katie last season... I've been okay with her being around Noah a lot... I... I can manage!"

Sakaki would have pat her shoulder, but she was too busy clinging to it. "That's good."

"Yes, I can cope so long as I'm around friendly faces."

She opened the door to her room, only to see Rodney slumped on the side of the bed, crying his little eyes out under his army helmet. Sadie gasped, clasping her hands over her mouth.

"You're... you're sad she's gone too," the large girl said, and rushed over to him. Lifting him up and hugging him tight, she almost squeezed the life out of him as her tears came anew. "Waaaaaaaaah-guh-ha-haaaa! *_sob blubber sob_*"

"I'm so sorry, Miss Sadie," Rodney wailed. "I'm saaaawry-eeeeeee! *_sob sobbing sob_*"

Sakaki lost it too. "Why won't everybody stop crying? Nggghaaaah-hah-haaaaa! *_sob hiccup sob_*"

The amount of sobbing was sonic booming all the way outside the room, and Valerie was almost knocked over. She hurried to her room, but was stopped by Zachary, who almost dragged her to their personal room.

"What's going on?" Valerie demanded. "Look, I'm not interested in getting physical with you just if you're in the mood! I have more self-respect and dignity than that!"

"I arranged Katie's elimination for us."

Valerie was quiet for a couple seconds. "What? Her elimination? For us?"

"You told me to seduce Sadie so that we would have another member of our alliance. And Katie was doing everything she could to keep her away from me. So I got rid of her."

"What? How?"

"Easy, my dear. I convinced Justin he should have the room to himself, Courtney hated her already, and Clive's so easy to guilt."

"But... four votes was too risky, you were second in place for the chopping block!"

"Relax, sugar sweet, I knew who everyone was voting for. Now I am gonna seduce Sadie, and Noah caused such a fuss, everyone's ready to see his white ass kicked off."

"He's Indonesian."

"Who cares? He has no chance of enduring, and meanwhile, our alliance will only grow."

Valerie blinked a few times, then grinned. She grabbed his shirt, and pulled him close for a deep kiss. When she pulled away with a heated gasp, she grinned. "Deviousness turns me on."

"Good, good."

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium Cafeteria)**

Someone else was crying in the Stadium besides the three in Room 9. Tyler had been up and about, restless from the emotional charge the voting ceremony had given him. He walked into the cafeteria to see Ezekiel at the table, clutching a glass of water, sobbing.

"Ezekiel?" he called out.

The prairie boy flinched, looking up with wet, puffy eyes. He tried desperately to hide it, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. "Wha... what... eh, what? Tyler... what?"

"Slow down before you hurt yourself, dude."

He sat down next to his friend, and pat his back. "Are you okay? Did you get a call from home or something?"

"We're not allowed to receive calls from hoo'm, anymoo'r eh," Ezekiel said. "But no... it's a'boot Heather."

Tyler nodded, then listened as Ezekiel explained his fight with Heather before the ceremony. As the prairie boy tried to talk, he kept seizing up and sobbing, and his friend rubbed his back.

"Then I joo'st got to thinking," Ezekiel said, "maybe she's right, eh. Maybe I do keep hanging 'oot with girls too much, to try and assure myself I'm not the sexist I brand myself as."

"But you hang out with the guys too, eh," Tyler said. "I mean, you hang out with me."

"Yeah but... you have kind of bin distant from me since the boating challenge, eh."

Tyler nervously drummed on the table. "I kind of have, haven't I dude? Shame on me, ehehe."

Ezekiel slumped forward, sighing miserably. "The moo'r I look at it, the moo'r upset I get, eh. I think it's joo'st because this is the first major fight Heather and I have had, and I'm crying too much over it."

"Zeke, the first major fight I had with Lindsay left me crying when I was alone, and it was about the darn silliest thing."

"What, eh?"

"Nail polish on toes. I was joking that it's silly to put nail polish on toes when you wear shoes or boots, and she was upset by this. She takes cosmetics so seriously, and the more she defended it, the more joking I got. Was really stupid, when I look back, but after the fight, when I was thinking about how mad and hurt she looked, I started to cry a whole lot."

Tyler sighed, looked at his sad, prairie friend, and gave him a hug. After releasing him, he said, "We made up, as you can obviously tell. I feel so silly, and the make out session we had afterwards was hotter than..."

The sporto stopped talking, and chuckled nervously. "Um, don't tell her I said that, gentlemen aren't supposed to kiss and tell."

Ezekiel nodded, looking a little better now. "So, what should I do? I mean, I want to put Heather's mind to rest, but I doo'nt want to apologize for having friends. Bridgette helped me throo' some of the roughest times... right next to you."

"Well, if you want to do both, just tell her that you have male friends, and your best one helped you out over this little lover's tiff."

Ezekiel nodded, and smiled. "Well, I hope she'll be happier tomorrow. This is one of the hardest things a'boot relationships, joo'st... being away from someone you love, eh."

* * *

**(Duncan's Bus of Losers)**

"This isn't over yet," Katie hollered, stomping her foot. "This has something to do with Courtney!"

"What makes you think my girl had anything to do with it?" Duncan snapped.

"Because she hated me! I'm gonna go back and see my Noah!"

She grabbed the handle on the door and pushed, only succeeding in slamming her shoulder against it. Whimpering her pain, Katie rubbed the sore spot as Duncan tsk-tsk'ed.

"You have to wait for me to throw open the door."

"Can you do that now? I want to go see Noah!"

"Nope, we're heading out to do the next bus of losers interview!"

Katie blanched, and screamed. "Noooooo! I hate that O'Halloran lady!"

"Who?" Duncan asked. "We've got a couple interviewers of our own."

The sweet girl scowled. "This has been one sucky day. Can't you let me sneak off so I can see him?"

"No, that'd be dishonest."

"You're the ex-criminal!"

"Well, I also like these two, I don't want to upset them."

"But I'm upset now! Chris Maclean didn't let me tell Noah that I love him!"

Duncan gave her a bizarre look. "You love Noah?"

"Yes! He makes me so happy, he's loving, we get along so well," she exclaimed, then bit her bottom lip as her eyes teared up. "And he's told me he loves me, but I was too shy... to tell him I loved him too."

The punk bus driver stared at her. "If you love that bookworm, you're crazy."

She bonked him on the head.

* * *

**(Voting Confessionals)**

**Rodney** - *fretting* "Maybe... maybe Miss Courtney's right. Alfred could be a bad influence on me. I like him so much, but I don't know who else to vote for... and everyone tells me not to vote for myself!"

**Katie** - "I'm rather tired of Courtney be so darn haughty! I sacrificed myself last season over what she did! You know, I wouldn't be so bitter towards her if she just... apologized!"

**Courtney** - "I may have been keen on voting for Alfred, but it makes more sense to vote for Katie now! That's fine by me!" *She crosses her arms and scoffs, but then suddenly looks sad.* "Wait... why am I feeling guilty? No! I'm not supposed to feel guilty!"

**Alfred** - "So why would I want to vote for Courtney?" *He pretends to write something down.* " 'Does not play well with other children'! Seriously, how can someone be that high-strung?"

**Bridgette** - "Gwen may have been in a foul mood after the game, and I know why: Zachary. He's been annoying a good deal of my friends, and I've had it!"

**Zachary** - *waving good-bye* "Katie, you've got in my way for the last time. You just had to take it personal when I said your fat friend was a total cow, but I can't have you telling her I said that."

**Clive** - *sighs miserably* "Sometimes I wish I had more back bone, but why bother? So many people are going to be let down by this game, we have to vote for someone. I might as well vote for Katie, as suggested."

**Sebastian** - "I've quite had it with Zachary's attitude, scheming, and his philosophy. I'd really rather he stop accusing of being racist. A one-trick pony can still be recognized in a circus of talented ponies."

**Gwen** - *Her eye is twitching in frustration, but she manages to calm down.* "Funny. I thought no one could annoy more than Heather, then Courtney attacks me in this season, and then along comes Colin and Zachary... but since only one is votable, I'm gonna vote for Zachary!"

**Justin** - *He sighs and kicks the wall.* "Man, this is never fun, and I have to blame Beth for installing guilt into me. But you know, it makes sense to vote off Katie, maybe Beth and I can share a room!" *He grins, then shakes his head.* "No no, too forward, too soon, her family would kill me."

* * *

...

**Rodney** - Alfred.

**Katie** - Courtney.

**Courtney** - Katie.

**Alfred** - Courtney.

**Bridgette** - Zachary.

**Zachary** - Katie.

**Clive** - Katie.

**Sebastian** - Zachary.

**Gwen** - Zachary.

**Justin** - Katie.

...

**Katie** - 4.

**Zachary** - 3.

**Courtney** - 2.

**Alfred** - 1.

...

**Voted Off** - Sandra, Duncan, Jasmine, Daisy, Owen, Trent, Hannah, Howard, Joel, Katie.

...

**Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date** - Back wall has Harold's love haikus to Leshawna decorated around it. All the walls have been redone and painted over to look brand-new.

...

**Next Up** - Alejandro's after angst, Sierra's squealing silly, Katie cannot ke contained.


	36. Bus of Losers 2: Not A Flying Heal Bus

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. Try writing about it instead, that's safest; unless it's in a Death Note.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - Keep voting in the poll, people! I'll release the results come the start of the next challenge. And people, I know you all love your pairings, but please don't take every interaction between females and males as something set in stone. (And for you people who aren't limited to male and female couples, well go nuts, but I cannot promise anything there.)

...

...

...

* * *

**Chapter 36** - Not Quite the Top Ten

* * *

...

The interview was supposed to be starting, but there was a delay. A delay known as teenage hormones.

Sierra was standing impatiently over Jasmine and Howard, in full-blown make-out session. She tapped her foot, drummed her fingers on her arm, clicked her tongue, but her self-improv music standup wasn't enough to get the two to stand up.

She sighed in exasperation, and turned to Alejandro; however, he had been flirting with Sandra nonstop since he had boarded the bus.

"And this one time," Sandra was saying, chewing her gum and smiling seductively at his seductive smiling, "when I was playing Candy Land, I-"

"Ahem," Sierra shouted, not clearing her throat in the process. "Alejandro! We're supposed to be interviewing them!"

The male interviewer rolled his eyes. "Aye, chica, we have plenty of time before the cameras start rolling."

Sierra pouted. "C'mon! I want to say hi to all the original contestants!"

"You've done enough of that, stalking onto this bus and their hotel."

"I'm a super fan, darn it," Sierra exclaimed, stomping her foot. "And it's not stalking if they let you in!"

"You bribed Owen with chocolate!"

"It works, he wins, I win. What's the problem here?" she asked, scowling in frustration.

"I CANNOT BE CONTAINED!"

Sierra watched in horror as Katie ran towards the back door, slammed against it, and slumped on the floor. "Owtch," Katie whimpered.

"Yeesh, you should really calm down," Sierra approached the latest loser. "You cannot bust down that door."

"I have to! They tampered with the emergency lock so I cannot lift it! I'm almost certain that violates some kind of law-"

"But you cannot bust down this door."

"I CANNOT BE CONTAINED! I'll smash it down and go see Noah!"

"You have trouble opening bottled water without help," Sierra said. "I know, Noah said that on the show."

Katie sobbed and punched the tampered back door. "Darn that Alejandro!"

"What's he got to do with it?" Trent, who was seated nearby, asked.

"He showed me footage of the contest, and Noah was so mad! I think it was just to make me mad, because I cannot sneak back!"

"People keep sneaking back all the time," the musician pointed out.

"Chris and the producer have put a stop to that, at least as much as they can," Sierra pointed out. "We're all gonna be a hotel much further away from the stadium. It'd take hours to get there on foot, and we cannot drive."

"We do have the bus," Duncan said, walking up to them with a shrug. "If any of you want to go, I could go earlier than scheduled."

"That's nice, but I don't think they'll buy that," Trent said. "I mean, maybe we could catch a taxi to the stadium."

"Those are expensive," Katie complained. "I need to go see Noah now!"

Duncan scoffed. "Oh come off it, you can wait a few days."

"No, you don't understand! I have to see him before he," Katie had started to say, then she froze. "Wait, Duncan," she looked over at the punk, "if you're back here, who's driving?"

The four teenagers all froze, and then screamed in horror. Duncan was running up and down the bus, waving his hands in the air, before he burst into laughter.

"Relax, twerps," he replied as Sierra and Katie clung to each other, and Trent clutched his hair. "Hannah's driving. Decided to let her do something, to keep her from preaching at us."

As he walked to the front laughing, Katie let go of Sierra, both the girls scowling. "It's official," Sierra grumbled, "I hate bad boys."

"Me too," Katie said, leaning against a seat. "Now I know why Noah hates _Twilight_ so much."

Trent sighed and played with a strand of his hair. "He's kind of shaping up to be bitter himself."

"But I don't want him to be that! I like cynical and sharp, not bitter and cruel!"

Katie kicked at the emergency door, but only succeeded in hurting her foot. "Damn it, damn it... darn it," she cursed. "Look, it's important I head back now! Sierra, don't you have connections?"

"Not really," the super fan admitted. "I mean, sure, I got people who live nearby most of you for fun facts on the blog-"

"There's TMI if ever I heard it," Trent muttered.

"But the fact is," Sierra continued, "I haven't got the pull for such a thing. And if I do anything too risky, I might lose my job here. And seeing you guys in person is too cool for words."

"Oh really?" Daisy snapped, glaring from nearby. "You barely have talked to me every time you've sneaked around!"

"You're not an original contestant," Sierra said, shrugging sympathetically. "Sorry, but all the interest is on the people that are known best."

Daisy groaned, then looked over at Trent. "Well, why don't you talk to Trent? Leave Katie alone while she's contained in here."

"I WILL NOT BE CONTAINED!"

Katie went to try and pry one of the bus windows down, but as most people know, even people with normal strength have trouble with those. And this was a crusty, rusty, crappy bus.

Trent glanced over at Daisy. "Did you plan for her to repeat that?"

"Rule of three, baby," the tomboy said with an impish grin. "A good joke is always best when repeated at least for a third time."

The musician chuckled, and flipped at his hair again, his nervous habit taking over. "I could use a laugh. If I have to be here longer, I might flip out and try to escape too."

"Why's that?" Sierra asked him, leaning forward.

"Because Alejandro showed me," Trent said, looking over at the other interviewer. Alejandro was stroking Sandra's chin, using a mixture of Spanish and English to charm her. The musician rolled his eyes and said, "I'm thinking about Gwen right now."

This seemed to catch Alejandro's ears, and he headed over to Sierra and Trent. "Oh, you talking about Tyler?"

"What about Tyler?" Sierra asked, her face lighting up. "Oh, he's so handsome and nice! I cannot until he's eliminated!"

Moment of awkward silence.

"So I can interview him! And maybe hug him!"

Another moment of awkward silence.

"I'm a single fan girl, I don't mind admitting I wanna hug a hot boy!"

"Amen, sister," Daisy said, holding out her hand to get a high-five from Sierra. "But we've digressed. What does Tyler have to do with Gwen?"

"You've seen the way he's heading at her," Alejandro said. "Heat seeking missile to a heated target, like a lady as attractive as Gwen."

Trent grunted in annoyance. "Must you talk about it like if it was hilarious?"

* * *

**(Bus's Bathroom - Miss us? Woohoo, we're back!)**

** Alejandro** - "I'm here to stir up drama, and lots of it! I got such a huge paycheck from the first one, now it's time to stir up more. Seeing that Duncan came back more often to make sure Courtney still wanted him, I want to see how Trent reacts to Gwen possibly getting frisky with another boy. He seems to flip easily."

...

**Groucho the Duck** - *peeping out from a small compartment* "Treacherous enemy from the outside! Of course, I could say the same about ourselves."

**Chico the Raccoon** - *peeping out of the drawer too* "lolzors! im in ur drawerz, snoopings arund in ur pryvat conversations!"

**Groucho** - "Wish I could report that traitor but... who'd believe a duck?"

**Chico** - "i beleeve u, and i also beleeve it was nice uf them too leeve mints hear in drawer"

**Groucho** - "Those aren't mints, those are little soap bars!"

**Chico** - *He hiccups, and a shiny bubble comes from his mouth.* "OOO, purdy!"

**Groucho** - *He face-wings.*

* * *

"Look, I trust Gwen," Trent said. "And I was roommates with Tyler, he's a good guy. He's crazy about Lindsay. Why would we try anything with Gwen?"

"Dunno, but they're both such fine women," Alejandro said. "And my concern is with you, my friend, since Tyler is the one constantly approaching her."

"He's just worried about her, like I am," Trent said, rubbing his forehead.

Sierra squealed in joy. "I love Gwent!"

Though some were confused, those crafty enough could understand it. Funny enough, Owen was one of the latter. "I miss Ozzy," he exclaimed, sobbing, chewing down chocolate after chocolate. "I miss it so much! Fans demand for it to happen again."

"Not according to the polls," Sierra said with a cackle, jumping up and down (and distracting Alejandro by this action). "The Izzy pairings are going crazy! Ezzy, Nizzy, Alfrizzy-"

Owen's wails grew in pitch, until an impatient Daisy started to force-feed him chocolates. He eventually stopped crying, and looked fondly at the tomboy. "You're my favorite force feeder, Peach."

"I'm Daisy."

"You smell like peaches."

"Body lotion," she said, stepping away. She looked helplessly at Sierra and Trent. "You mean we gotta stay with each other?"

Chico the Raccoon, holding onto the ceiling in an attempt to spy, fell down and landed on the tomboy's head. Daisy groaned, and limped back to her seat.

"Is your leg still tender?" Katie asked as she pried at another window.

"Damn right," the tomboy grumbled. "I got out of the cast, ditched the crutch, and now I'm stuck with no action. I wish I could be with Yoshi."

"Ooo," Sierra squealed. "Daishi! Such a cute name too!"

Alejandro chuckled and pat Sierra's shoulder, and walked past her, knocking her over "accidentally."

* * *

**(Bus's Bathroom - Sierra's squealing, Alejandro's after angst.)**

**Sierra** - *sulking* "I don't like Alejandro, nope nope! Not one bit! He makes fun of my crush on Cody, he keeps insinuating about couples that haven't formed... I mean, I want to see fanon like any other fan, but this is real life! And you cannot pair people up with people they're not paired up! ... Wait, I don't think that made sense!"

**Trent** - "Gwen, hon, if you ever watch this, know that I'm not losing it." *Chico pops out of the drawer, hiccuping bubbles, startling Trent.*

**Katie** - "I WILL NOT BE CONTAINED!" *She tries to pry at the window in the bathroom, but it proves futile, and then falls on the ground. Moaning, she face-palms when on the floor.* "You know, I thought mantras were supposed to help with these problems!"

**Duncan** - *yawns* "Man, this longer trek is going to be murder. I don't know how I can see her more often, but it seems my romancing her does no good. She's still stressed, it would seem..." *He ponders.* "Hmm, maybe I need to convince her to go to next base."

* * *

"And how's our lovely couple?" Alejandro said as he approached Joel and Hannah, the latter driving the bus.

"Just fine," Joel said. "We're chatting."

"Seems you've taken the reins, Hannah."

When the religious girl nodded and smiled in reply, Alejandro leaned forward and grinned at her. "So, tell me, are you still upset about your unfair disqualification?"

Hannah was a young lady, and when an extremely handsome man grins at you pointblank, you cannot help but smile back a little stronger. Joel noticed, felt a surge of jealousy, then caught a reflection of a grease-and-oil stained face in the mirror that was his. He sighed and looked away.

"Well, Joel has really helped me through these times," Hannah said, glancing back at her boyfriend. "He's the only reason I'm glad I actually signed up for this show."

"Now why do you say something like that?" Alejandro asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Because I joined this show to try and fight a stereotype, and all I got the entire time I was there," her hands gripped the steering wheel a little tighter, "was those higher up trying to keep me down, and encouraging the bully."

"That's reality TV for you, chica."

She sighed, and shrugged. "Every time I think about it, I look to God for some guidance on how to control my temper and my emotions. And of course, I turn to Joel now for help."

This perked up Joel, who smiled at his girlfriend. "I doubt you look to me for help as much as I do to you."

Alejandro raised an eyebrow. "Really? You always seemed to be an independent person to me."

"I always thought I was too, but this contest has shown me something," Joel said, scratching the back of his head. "I have a hidden temper, and some people pushed my buttons, buttons I didn't know existed."

The three talked for a short while, trying to drown out the sounds of Daisy arguing with Sandra, Jasmine and Howard making out, and Owen sobbing while munching chocolates with Sierra trying to comfort him.

* * *

**(Bus's Bathroom - Umm... something witty?)**

** Owen** - *continuing to eat and sob* "I've been on and off eating when I'm upset, I really wish Izzy hadn't broken up with me! And she didn't have a chance to hook me up, all the girls are either taken, or hate my guts! I'm so upset, I'm not 296 pounds anymore, I'm 300! And I can't stop eating!"

**Groucho the Duck** - *bursting out of the drawer* "DUCK INTERVENTION!" *He wrestles the chocolates away from Owen, but the big guy puts up a big fight.*

...

**Joel** - "The problem is, I never was an aggressive person, ever. But then when Colin and Chris started ganging up on Hannah, it reminded me of days of past. Days where I was a geeky inventor kid with glasses and a short stature, and people relentlessly bullied me; seeing Hannah get bullied so, brought up my hidden button for enragement. Seems like all inventors have a couple hidden switches in them."

**Hannah** - "I care about Joel very much, and I know how it can be to have a hidden trigger that they're not aware of; I'm evidence of that. But we all can control our own temper, because the only thing to fear is fear itself. And fear itself fears Chuck Norris." *She giggles.*

**Alejandro** - "I was thinking of trying to stir things up between Hannah and Joel, but I don't think my mom would approve. One day, she'll watch this show, and I don't her seeing me making a fool of a Christian like her. So I think I'll have to try and seduce one of the other girls."

*He ponders for a moment, then grins seductively and licks his lips.* "Maybe that chica named Bridgette."

* * *

Sandra snapped her gum, irritated. "How long do I have to sit here?" she grumbled. "I'm important too, I want to be interviewed!"

"You already were," Daisy snapped. "Just like me, so stuff it, turkey girl."

As the popular girl snarled, Sierra bounded past her, over to Daisy. "Actually, we didn't get a chance to interview you last time, so I wanna ask you some questions!"

The tomboy grinned as Sandra sputtered in indignation. Sierra bounced into the seat next to Daisy and got right up in her face. "So," she exclaimed as Daisy leaned back, "what do you think of the contest so far?"

"Sucks, and I'm selfish in saying that because the reason why is I want back in the action."

Sierra nodded. "Wouldn't it be great to hang out with all of them? Hang out in their rooms?"

"Maybe Yoshi's, yes."

"Maybe Cody's!"

"He's not my kind."

"He really is mine."

"Aren't Anita and Eva fighting over him?"

"They can try. But if he doesn't want either, he can try me!"

"A love square seems complicated for the boy."

"They're fun! I mean, you almost got in a love triangle. I thought you were going to go after Alfred."

"He was cute and sweet, but I was into Yoshi since the day I got here," Daisy admitted. Neither noticed Sandra making a voodoo doll out of her gum, and ripping the head off, glaring at the back of Daisy's head.

"Of course, we had another love triangle," Sierra said as she stood up, "but it seems it resolved itself nicely!" She was looking at Howard and Jasmine play tonsil-hockey, and was about to interrupt.

"And there they are," she exclaimed, jumping up to the side of their seat, startling them both. "Jasmine and Howard, the couple that came out of nowhere via eliminations!"

"Don't remind me," Jasmine muttered, wiping her mouth clean of saliva. "I'd rather be back in the competition."

"Ditto," Howard said. "I barely got to compete!"

"Oh well," Sierra replied dismissively. "If either of you had been on the show longer, you might have flirted and fallen for someone else! And then, I'd have to pair you two up in fanon!"

Howard chuckled, then tapped his chin. "Hmm, who would I be paired up with?"

Jasmine elbowed him. Sierra giggled and said, "Well, I'd love to see you with Belinda, like you wished beforehand. Or maybe Lindsay."

Jasmine elbowed her. Sierra groaned and rubbed the sore spot. "Serves you right," the actress muttered. "You know, I really like Howard, and I know he likes girls; it doesn't help that every time people talk about him, they say what girls he should have been with instead of me!"

"Sorry," the super-fan apologized. "But hey, Howard, would you want to be eliminated if you ended up with the girl?"

"Sure! Getting a girlfriend is the only reason I signed up for the show!"

"Any regrets about Belinda?"  
Jasmine groaned and turned away. Howard shrugged, and said, "If I had to worry about every girl I lost, I'd do nothing but worry. I'd rather focus on the one who wanted me instead."

He ruffled Jasmine's hat, and she giggled. Turning back, she spun around and glomped him, knocking him over and into Sierra, knocking her to the ground.

"This is fun," Sierra said with a giggle, pressed against the floor by the couple lying on her and giggling too. "I'm up close to all the action!"

"Why is no one paying attention to me?" Sandra exclaimed. "Damn it, I'm the most popular person on this bus, and-"

She was interrupted when Katie, who was prying at the emergency hatch on the roof, fell down and landed on her. "Sorry," the sweet girl apologized, "but I cannot, like, be contained, you know!"

* * *

**(Bus's Bathroom - Just not as witty as the Janitor's Closet.)**

** Sandra** - "Look, I'm the most popular person on this show, as far as school goes! I'm popular, I'm hot, I'm..." *She snarls and pounds the side of the bathroom.* "I shouldn't have been first!"

**Jasmine** - *looking at the dents in the side* "Wow, that girl has some serious rage in the cage! Sandra's been fussy nonstop, it's getting aggravating. Howard and I make out to drown out the whining, and it doesn't hurt that he's such a good kisser!"

**Howard** - "Jasmine and I have a lot in common. I love plays and movies like she does, she loves bacon in the morning like me! Sure, that's not all, but I think some details are best left unsaid." *He covers the camera and chuckles, trying to be mysterious, but he's giggling too much.*

...

**Daisy** - "I've been getting some guff from a lot of people of who think it's 'wrong' for me to date an asian boy like my Yoshi. And I have to say, it's annoying how people who don't know you telling you what to do. Like living in a game of the Sims, it is! And hey, I make interracial couples when I play that game!"

**Sierra** - *popping in very suddenly* "I love interracial pairings too!"

**Daisy** - "GAH! Will you stop doing that?"

**Sierra** - "See, I _totally_ support you and Yoshi! Just like I support myself with Cody!"

**Daisy** - "That's nice, sweetheart, but how's that interracial?"

**Sierra** - "He's caucasian, and I'm-" *Static cuts them off.*

* * *

"You know, I'm not surprised you paired up with someone of a difference race, Jasmine," Sierra said, "seeing that your friend Leshawna is dating someone different than her too."

"Yeah well, I don't support that," Jasmine said, scoffing and crossing her arms. "I don't like Harold."

"Why's that?" the uber-fan interviewer asked.

"Because he's a nerd! He's so... nerdy, and not right for her!"

Howard looked a little discouraged. "Hey, I'm nerdy," he admitted. "I love computer games."

"Who doesn't love a computer game?" Jasmine said, smiling at her boyfriend. "But Harold isn't just right for her!"

Katie ran by them, and tried the front windshield. Joel had to pull her away, as Hannah said, "Sweetheart, you have to be calm."

"I cannot be calm! How would you feel if your boyfriend was struggling and miserable?"

Hannah looked sympathetically at her. "Trust me, I know how it feels. But you could try to do something to ease your mind."

"Like pray?" Katie asked, wiping her eyes. "Is that what you do?"

"Yes, when I need help."

Katie fell down to her knees and clasped her hands. "Oh please, send an angel to help Noah through these troubling times! Or to me, so I can help him!"

The emergency hatch on the roof burst open, and fell into the bus. Then something else fell into the bus, or more specifically, someone.

"Izzy?" Sierra exclaimed, then squealed in joy. "The real Izzy!"

Alejandro cried out in terror. "Oh no, not her! Dios!"

"It's me," Izzy cackled. "I'm here to help my good friend Katie! She will not be contained!"

Katie gasped and ran over to her. "You are? You can help me get to Noah!"

"Of course, we're such good friends," Izzy said, grabbing her friend's hands. "I haven't forgotten our time together last season! And I know you didn't get a chance to tell Noah you love him!"

"You're such a wonderful friend!"

Alejandro stomped over. "No no no, this will not do! If you take Katie away, we won't get a chance to interview her! Also, Chris and the producers told me to make sure not to let anyone sneak back on, except Duncan and Owen."

"I KNEW IT," Sierra exclaimed, bouncing up and down. "Favoritism! My polls on my blogs didn't lie! Duncan, you and Owen gotta sneak back to appease the fans."

But Owen was busy eating chips from a bag, and Duncan was advancing on Izzy. "Alright, super crazy girl," the punk was saying, "it's time for you to head out before I get in trouble."

"You're afraid of trouble?" Izzy asked, smirking. Nonetheless, she was backing up from Duncan and Alejandro. Sandra approached her from behind, and grabbed her.

"I got her," the popular girl exclaimed. Izzy grabbed Sandra, and pulled her over the shoulder, slamming her painfully on the bus floor.

"I don't got her," Sandra whimpered. The wild redhead made an escape to the back, darting into the bus's bathroom and slamming the door. Duncan and Alejandro pulled on the handle, as Trent raised an eyebrow nearby.

"You know, if Katie does leave," he said, "we'll only have nine people. That's my lucky number."

"No one cares," Duncan snapped.

"I care," Sierra exclaimed, writing down notes on a pad. "Now why is it your favorite? My blogs love details!"

* * *

**(Bus's Bathroom - A stowaway, here in our bathroom! How fun!)**

** Izzy** - *She's keeping the door closed, while grinning at the camera.* "I'll be you wanna know how I managed to get on top of the bus, and open the emergency hatch from outside. Well, haha, I'm not telling!"

**Duncan** - *pounding on the door from outside* "Izzy! You open this door!"

**Izzy** - "No no! I'm not gonna! Be careful, I have dangerous weapons!"

**Duncan** - "Like what, dynamite?"

**Izzy** - "No, not..." *She stops and sees Groucho the Duck peeking out of the drawer, offering her a stick of TNT. She gladly accepts it; the idea of a duck giving her explosives doesn't seem to phase her.* "Yes, I got dynamite!"

**Duncan** - "Crap, I knew it! Run, dudes!"

* * *

Izzy burst out of the bus's bathroom, waving the stick of TNT around, scaring everyone. Alejandro and Duncan hid behind Owen, who had frozen since Izzy had dropped in. The big guy ran up to her and fall down to his knees. "Please, Izzy," he exclaimed. "I've gained weight! You gotta help me!"

"What? Are you in peril?" Izzy asked.

"No, I'm so hungry! And... ooo, carrot!"

He snatched the stick of dynamite from Izzy and bit into it, taking half. Izzy gasped, then there was a rumble in Owen's belly, a muffled boom, and then he burped black smoke.

"Mmm, nitroglycerin," he said happily, rumbling his stomach.

Izzy raised an eyebrow, then noticed Duncan and Alejandro coming at her. Disarmed by her ex, she jumped over him and grabbed Katie's arm, bolting to the door.

"Open up," she asked Hannah. The religious girl smiled and opened it, since they had stopped next to a side walk. "Thank you!"

"Take care, Izzy! Good luck, Katie," she called out to both of them.

"Oh God bless you, you helped bring an angel," Katie called to Hannah before the doors shut, Alejandro running into them.

"Izzy's an angel?" Sierra asked aloud, then laughed. "Well, miracles come in all kinds of packages, great and small! She did save Ezekiel from a serial killer!"

"She just dropped in to help a friend," Trent pointed out.

"She brought me food," Owen cheered. He tried to eat the rest of the dynamite, but Daisy pulled it away.

"Crazy boy," Daisy said, bonking him on the head with it. "Do not eat explosives! Someone do something with this, will you, Joel?"

She handed the explosive to the inventor, who had a special case for storing dangerous explosives (he kept one around because of such occasions on this show).

"Don't you just love Izzy?" Sierra asked, smiling as she bobbed on her heels, then noticed she was standing on someone. "Oh, sorry, Sandra!"

"GET OFF OF ME!"

* * *

**(Streets of somewhere.)**

Izzy and Katie dusted themselves off after such an ordeal. The sweet girl looked around, and said, "Izzy, I love you for doing this, but where are we?"

"Dunno."

When Katie looked startled, the redhead shrugged and giggled. "Well, c'mon, I got off where they let me. I don't know the layout of this city!"

"So you mean we're lost?"

"You're looking at the glass half-empty! The glass should be half-full! Look, we're two good friends on an adventure, with a mission!

"Kind of like when we first bonded," Izzy said, patting her friend on the back. "That forest, handcuffed, aiming to win the contest, discussing your crush..."

"And it came true with that crush," Katie said, smiling again. "Now let's hurry to the stadium, Izzy!"

"Righto! Now we need some travel music! We need a song!"

"Song? But how?"

"Well usually, this is where the travel montage starts, but sadly, I never found out how to get that going. Maybe we need to talk to Harold, he went to film camp!"

* * *

...

...

...

**Thus we conclude our second interview, where we barely interviewed anyone, and don't have the budget for a travel montage! Maybe next time, we'll have more luck!**

...

**Next Up** - Virtual Reality Fight: Very Very BIG Problem!


	37. Ch 11, Pt 1: Atomic Bomb Results

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. If I find out you are trying these stunts at home, I will come over there and kick your butt.

...

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - The results of the poll for who people want to see win TDBG are going to be up on my profile. Most of the poll went up and down, everyone changed at one point or another. The only one to stay in place was Mr. First Place himself, Noah, who was first place in the first poll too. Our cynical, know-it-all bookworm is ever popular. Here are the top ten.

**First Place** - Noah.

**Second Place** - Clive.

**Third Place** - Ezekiel.

**Fourth Place** - Sakaki.

**Fifth Place** - Lindsay.

**Sixth Place** - Harold.

**Seventh Place (three-way tie)** - Belinda, Heather, Yoshi.

**Tenth Place** - Rodney.

The next poll is something rather important, since it might change my pace of writing: _Would you like to see me rewrite Total Drama World Tour_? I'm avoiding spoilers here, but I'm sure the vast majority of you know how unhappy I am with the third season. It had some great moments, but for the most part, I think a good rewrite would be nice.

Now, let's get some rocking and stomping going on!

...

* * *

**Chapter 37** - Not Quite Monster Cash

* * *

...

...

...

Harold was having trouble sleeping the night of the MMORPG challenge. He had wanted to go back to the computers, but they had all been taken for more commercials. The nerd had considered sneaking into Leshawna's room, but he knew he'd be disturbing Lindsay and, worse, Mandy.

Vera had been left unsupervised, and the nerd had been taught a few instructions by Joel before the inventor's departure. He, along with Cody and Hannah, were the only contestants who could program functions into the VR machine.

Although tempting, Harold wasn't aiming for bringing himself into the virtual world. He was more interested in the opening theme, and a theme that had been going on in his head for some time.

Holding a graphic novel in his hand, Harold gleefully started up the movie simulation. "It's me versus the world," he said, grinning ear to ear.

...

(The opening theme music starts, but now there's neon lights shooting around the stadium. Harold stands on a podium with a guitar, and nearby him is blinking text saying, "Loading...")

*_ Dudes and dudettes, it's rocking time_

(Sakaki, Mandy, Sierra, and Sadie are screaming fangirls in the front row of a small crowd. Jasmine's taking photos, and Young Rodney is clapping enthusiastically.)

* _You shall feel our awesome prime!_

(Tyler is at the other guitar, Leshawna on the drums in the back. Harold's about to play when he sees Gwen in the audience, her green hair shining in the light; he's transfixed by her as she clutches her satchel.)

* _Now some say that we're a mite shady_

(Zachary leaps onto the stage to attack Harold, and the nerd beats him, dissolving him into coins. Carol and Geoff jump up from the audience to grab some.)

* _Well, you can go and tell that to the cleaning lady!_

(Lindsay, a famous pop star, warps onto the stage. She shoves Harold to the side as she is flocked by her flashing back-up dancers Beth, Sandra, Valerie, Eva, and Bridgette. As they dance, Harold looks sadly on, but blue-haired Gwen catches his eye again.)

* _I'm prob'ly gonna be... famous!_

(Xander rushes Harold on a skateboard, but Harold defeats him too. Golden glow surrounds the nerd, and he poses for the level up.)

* _I'm gonna purchase the best upgrades..._

(Harold embraces pink-haired Gwen in a passionate kiss as the nerd's roommate Noah glances. Owen and DJ watch from the club's bar, drinking soda and toasting.)

* _And then I'm gonna be saving the day!_

(Brunette Gwen cheers on Harold as he dukes it out with Colin. Sebastian, Cody, and Izzy watch nearby, munching on popcorn and exclaiming with pop-up text, "Combo breaker," "Toasty," and "Final Smash!")

* _Achievements to earn, records I'm gonna beat..._

(Harold brandishes a Katana of Love as he faces off against a furious Courtney, while blonde Gwen has to deal with irate fangirl Heather flinging knives at her. Daisy claps as she watches from the fence, gleefully keeping score.)

* _Winning the affection feat!_

(Alfred, Clive, and Howard watch as Harold fights a robot at a party, while platinum-haired Gwen talks to Crystal and Noah. The goth girl adjusts the goggles on her head, which is curiously glowing. The party continues, despite a nerd having to pummel a mechanical fighting machine.)

* _I'm most likely gonna be... famous!_

(Harold lays the smack-down on both Justin and Alejandro at the same time. Courtney, bored and locked in a cage, shakes her head. Redheaded Gwen smiles sadly at Harold as she disappears before him.)

* _Na-na ba-ba-bi-baaaa! Dah dah dah, come on rock on!_

(Sights of a band named Ace Attorney at Rock are playing for the weird instrumental break. Trent and Hannah are guitarists, Joel is drums, Arthur is the screaming vocalist.)

* _I just might be, quite possibly, don't you believe I could be famous?_

(A huge crowd watches as Duncan and Harold duke it out, the punk using guilt and violent attacks against the nerd, struggling with his feelings. Ezekiel is busy updating their Wikipedia pages as the brawl continues and things are said.)

* _There's probability, hypothetically, I'll pwn when I'm famous!_

(Raven-haired Gwen and an exhausted Harold embrace and kiss once more, while Belinda, Katie, and Anita all get drinks at the bar, all celebrating the demise of the final, evil ex-boyfriend. The rockin' couple walk off into the distance, while Chris Maclean and Chef sit outside the club, holding signs saying, "Need coins, guild-less and hungry!")

* _(*whistling follows up with Harold playing a final part with the guitar, grinning as a achievement frame flashes saying, "Achievement Earned - Create Theme For Thyself!")_ **[1]**

...

Harold watched the created theme, his grin even wider now. Wiping a tear of joy from his eye, he says one word: "Awesome!"

"But," he adds as an afterthought, scratching his head, "Gwen and I? Oh, Leshawna will kill me if she sees this!"

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Cafeteria)**

Things were tense among the contestants that morning. Only Harold was in a very chipper mood, air guitaring with his fork. As he hummed a song softly, he plopped down next to Bridgette, who was sitting alone.

The surfer girl was surprised, she had been busy being tense. She bit her bottom tip, and asked, "Harold? Look, I don't want to sound mean, but what are you doing?"

"Just enjoying this morning," he said, grinning. "Why shouldn't I be happy? I had a great challenge last night, slept well, I've got friends around here, my Chocolate Goddess is doing fine, and Duncan's not here."

Bridgette smiled a tiny bit. "Speaking of Leshawna, where is she? Shouldn't she be here instead of..."

She stopped herself, looking ashamed. Harold continued to beam at her, not offended as she thought he would be if he was thinking what she was thinking of saying but not saying (phew). "Would she be upset if she saw me sitting next to another lovely lady and not her? Nope, she asked me to save a place for her next to you, Bridge."

The slight blush on Bridgette's face was catching, and his smile widened a little. "You're flirty this morning," she said. "Boy, when you're in a good mood, watch out."

Harold clicked his tongue, grinning. "Don't worry about me, I love my Chocolate Goddess, and you're my friend."

"That's assuring. But tell me, why does Leshawna want to make sure she sits next to me?"

"She wanted to sleep in since Chris gave us time to do so today, but she wanted to make sure she wanted to talk to you. Wanted to make sure you weren't attached to Geoff's lips."

"That won't be a problem," Bridgette said with a heavy sigh. "Geoff's been avoiding me."

"I'm gonna have to find that party friend of mine and talk to him," the nerd said, glancing around the cafeteria. "No friend of mine neglects a fair lady like yourself."

"You sure do have a way with words."

"Comes from my heavy love of fantasy novels and poetry."

"Well, if you're so good with words, Sir Harold," she teased, "what words does Leshawna want to have with me?"

"Gwen," said Leshawna, standing behind them. "We have got to talk about Gwen!"

Leshawna pushed Harold to the side and sat down next to Bridgette (he didn't mind, his girlfriend had touched him in the process). "Gwen's been nothing but spitfire since the day she got here, worse since Trent got the boot. Do you know what happened?"

"No, I have no idea," Bridgette insisted. "She was snapping at Geoff some times, even me. I want to help, she's my friend too."

"You three are like a sisterhood," Harold spoke up.

"Harold baby, you really gotta remember that girl talk," Leshawna said, turning to her boyfriend, "is time when only girls talk."

"Can I listen?"

"You're not supposed to hear to girl talk either."

"Can I watch you two talk?"

Leshawna started to roll up her sleeves. He ran off, snickering happily. Bridgette giggled, to which she received an odd look from Leshawna. "Your boyfriend can be so cute sometimes."

"Yes, but sometimes I wonder where his head's at."

"He's a boy, we can take a few guesses."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - First guess... New Orleans?)**

** Leshawna** - "Harold's freaky at times, but never bad freaky. Still, freaky is hard to keep up with. Momma said dating a nerd could be difficult, but at least Harold can remember details like my birthday, favorite color, the stuff a good boyfriend should know. Still, something's missing..."

**Harold** - "Every relationship here has something that my luscious Leshawna and I do not have, sadly. I feel we're not intimate enough. I know people will think I'm just being a pervy teenage boy, but it's part of a relationship, right? And so far, it's only been light kisses. I want my Leshawna so much, but I still take it slow, for her sake."

**Bridgette** - "I've always liked Harold and Leshawna being a couple, they can be so sweet! It reminds me of what Geoff and I have... had. Oh why is he avoiding me? Between Geoff and Gwen, it seems all of my friends are keeping their distance! That's why I'm always around Harold and Leshawna, it's nice to be around a happy couple, if one can be on this show."

* * *

Anita was walking down between the tables, looking for Cody. She saw something else that caught her eye: Heather sitting alone. She walked over to her, and said, "Where's Ezekiel?"

"What's it to you?" the former queen bee grumbled.

"Look, I know you're upset with him," Anita said, "and I know it's partly my fault."

"What? I don't understand."

"News travels fast around here, and I heard right after I was done talking to Ezekiel, you were mad at him."

"Damn gossipers."

Anita, if she hadn't been trying to mend a bridge, would have pointed out that Heather used to be the queen of gossip spreading; however, the bombshell could remember her giving Ezekiel a kiss on the cheek last night, so she felt guilty. "Look, Heather, I just want to say, he's crazy about you."

"And what makes you want to say that?"

"Because he's the best thing that's happened to you, and if you're going to sulk and keep him away from you over something like this, you're out of your mind."

She walked off, leaving Heather stunned. The former queen bee was about to say something when she saw her boyfriend approach her.

"Hi," he said timidly, looking at her.

Heather smiled and pat the seat next to her. "Here. Ezekiel," she started to say, then sighed and finished with, "I'm sorry. I hate saying that, but I really am. I overreacted."

"It's okay, eh. I'll try to not be around the other girls so much-"

"No, don't take my angry words so seriously. I mean, of course I want to be with you most, but don't neglect friends either. Especially when they're rather clever."

Anita didn't overhear this, but she did hear Eva snapping at Cody. "Why don't you tell me who she is?" the fitness buff asked the tech geek. "C'mon, Cody! I'm not mad, but I'm gonna be if you won't just tell me!"

"I swear to you, I don't know any girl like that," Cody protested. "Why would I lie? Besides, why do you think I know her? She could know Courtney, or Crystal, or maybe even Colin... though I doubt he has friends."

"Darn right about that," Eva said, smiling for a second. "But seriously, who is she?"

"Who is who?" Anita asked, sitting down next to Cody's other side.

"There was this girl sneaking out of Cody's room last night after the challenge," Eva said, glaring at her rival.

"But Eva, I keep telling you, I don't know any girl like that! Not one with purple hair and tan skin-"

"Oh, that would be Sierra," Anita said. "She's an uber-fan of the show, and I think she got into the show somehow, but I don't know where. Her blogs are so awesome."

Eva raised an eyebrow. "Blogs? She does blogs on the show."

"Well, on everyone. I don't know how she gets some of her info, but she has all kinds of information on the contestants, and I loved reading them," Anita said. "Didn't you ever read them, Cody? There's a ton of info on you, she fancies you."

"No, I... still avoid the internet on the show," he admitted.

"But you should check her blogs," Crystal exclaimed, leaning over the other side of the table and startling the three. "Sierra and I would talk a lot on chats, and we both love fanon pairings! Who here loves Nizzy? Or LeDunca? Or Bridgold?"

Cody raised his hand. "I like Gwody!"

Eva elbowed him while Anita giggled.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Second guess... Cabot Cove, Maine?)**

** Cody** - "Yeah, I still don't like being on the internet about this show. I thought the remarks about the bear and being rejected by Gwen were bad enough first season, but second season of 'crying like a baby' and being rejected by Beth, from the remarks I've seen..." *He sighs, then cheers up.* "But hey, what negative things can they say about a guy who has two fine ladies wanting to go out with him?"

**Eva** - "I don't like blogs. Bunch of meaningless talk about stuff not important. I've found the most useful talk to be in the gym, people say things more meaningful when bench pressing!"

**Anita** - "I'm glad Heather and Ezekiel made up. I hate to say it, but being friends with a guy has caused his relationship with his girlfriend to crash and burn before..." *She sighs in frustration and crosses her arms.* "I hate saying that. It makes me feel bad... and like a total tramp. I gotta stop thinking about times like that."

**Crystal** - "Sometimes fanon makes me a fangirl just like Sierra. A chirpy bird twittering... on Twitter! Well, actually, I never use that, posh and nonsense. I'm more of a notepad person myself. See?"

*She pulls a small notepad from her pocket and shows it to the camera. It is a bunch of well-drawn hearts, with the word "XANSTAL" in the biggest one. Crystal glances at it, then realizes what she just revealed.* "Oh bloody hell!"

* * *

Courtney picked at her breakfast. She missed Duncan, she missed hanging out with Bridgette. Something was gnawing at her, something she rarely felt but when she felt it, it was like a gopher on power steroids chewing up a defenseless golf course. Guilt was her worst enemy.

The CIT kept thinking back to last challenge, how she lost her temper so bad. She wanted to apologize to Rodney, wanting to let him know he had done a good job as leader. She even wanted to apologize to Alfred, who was looking less chipper than normal, and was only making small talk with Mandy.

She had her pride to think about, though. And while she thought about what was more important, pride or conscious, her idly swinging feet kicked someone passing under the table.

"Ow, dude," Geoff's pained cry came out from under the table. He scrambled out, much to Courtney's surprise.

"What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

"Trying to avoid the others who might ask questions, Courtney dude."

"And you think I won't over you crawling under the table?"

"I... hope not?"

"Tell me!"

"No! And you cannot guilt me!"

A barking laugh from behind Courtney alerted their attention. Colin was standing there with a breakfast tray in his hand. "So, seems like you're creeping up Courtney, huh Geoff dude? Nice move, man, she's hot."

"Shut up," Courtney hissed as Geoff grinned sheepishly. "Why don't you get away from me, Colin?"

"What are you going to do, huh?" Colin mocked her as she faced away from him. "Your boyfriend isn't here, looks like he won't for a while. How's he gonna feel when he finds out when we're sleeping together?"

"I wish you'd stop telling that tasteless joke," she said, stabbing her eggs with her fork. "You're lucky Crystal and Cody and I even let you sleep in the room."

"You must feel so guilty about that, but I love being with you every night," he said, leaning in while she continued to look away. "I love girls riddled with guilt, makes them more frisky in-"

She backhanded him in the face, knocking him over and sending his breakfast spilling over him. Without looking, she added, "How can you even talk like that without feeling guilty, you horrible boy?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Third guess... Oz?)**

** Colin** - "Guilt is for losers!"

**Geoff** - *pulling his hat down* "Man, I cannot take this pressure! Pretty soon, Bridgette's going to be suspicious! Her friends might suspect too! Man, I don't..."

*There is a knocking at the door, and he freezes. Courtney is asking if anyone is in the closet, and he looks around in terror.*

**Courtney** - "I was certain I heard someone talking in here... but never mind! Look, yes, I am feeling a little... tiny... possibly guilty over the way I acted last challenge. I don't want to come out and apologize, I want to make sure they... well, Alfred, acknowledges his own faults too! I don't want people dumping everything on me at once!"

*Geoff loses his grip on the ceiling, and falls down on her, knocking them down. She screams out as he tries to get off her, demanding to know, "What were you even holding onto?"*

* * *

Noah sat alone. No one wanted to sit near him, most still mad or afraid from his outburst last night. The cynic was munching on cinnamon rolls when Rodney nervously approached.

"N-Noah," he stammered, fumbling with his tray. "Can... can I talk to you?"

"No," was the blunt reply.

"But I just wanted to-"

"No."

Rodney nodded sadly, and the bobbing helmet hit his glass of orange juice. The nutritious liquid spilt all over Noah's feet. The cynic looked down at this, then gave Rodney a very upset stare.

"Go now, unless you want to continue pouring your breakfast on my shoes," he said. "Would you like to smear cinnamon on my shirt? How about get eggs in my hair? You do love to rub it in, literally and figuratively, don't you kid?"

Rodney teared up and ran off. Chris Maclean almost tripped over the retreating kid, and then approached Noah. "Aw, did big bad Noah make little Noah cry again?"

The host laughed, loving to torment his least favorite contestant. His voice changed to baby talk as he rubbed Noah's head. "Now no wun wants to sit next to big bad Noahie! Poor widdle Noah's so mad and shad widout his widdle girlfriend! Is widdle Noah shad widout widdle, sweetie Katie-Watie to keep his big bad temper in check?"

"If widdle Chrissy-Wissy keeps on talking that way," Noah said, smiling mockingly back at Chris, "big bad Noahie is gonna kick in all his teeth, wight down his thwoat."

Chris blanched at this, thinking of his beautiful teeth, and beat a hasty retreat. As he did so, he passed by Sadie, and muttered, "Your BFFF's BF is a real S.O.B., Sadie!"

Zachary, sitting next to her, scratched his head. "S.O.B.A.D.?" he repeated the acronym he heard wrong. "What's that stand for?"

"I'm not sure, I'm not much of a texter," Sadie admitted. "Katie corrupted me into making sure I never use acronyms, since some people once told us the wrong definitions of some."

"Like what?"

"Did you know QQ doesn't stand for Quickly Quit? I was telling people in messages that I had to QQ because of family."

Zachary chuckled, then noticed Justin skulking nearby. "Something wrong, big guy?"

"I cannot find Beth," the model grumbled. "Not that you care."

He walked by, and Zachary scoffed. "Rude test tube dude."

"Nice rhyme," Sadie said with a giggle.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Fourth guess... Albuquerque?)**

** Noah** - "I'm tired of people always being on my back about these things. My siblings never stopped teasing me about my 'boyfriend' Cody; they would never acknowledge Katie in a positive manner. Not to mention these people here act like a lynch party when someone they like is mistreated, and a bodyguard service for those they want to keep."

*He scoffs, looking more upset by the minute.* "The gloves came off when they decided Katie wasn't 'special' enough, and the host had to shove her off before I could hear her say... no, never mind. I don't care anymore, I really don't." *He shoves his hand in front of the camera.*

**Rodney** - *He corrects the camera angle, and sighs as he mumbles out what he wants to say.* "All I want to do is give my condolences to Noah, and tell him I didn't vote for Katie. My sister Zoey was right, teenagers are so angstful!" *He sobs.* "I wish I knew what that meant!"

**Justin** - "Noah's incredibly cranky, making fun of my face wrap and cucumber eyelids. But I gotta admit, he's kind of witty when he's agitated. 'Do you have onions to go with your eyes? What giant bug hit your windshield of a face? Don't enter politics, your face is a smear tactic.' Heh, clever nerd."

**Sadie** - "I miss Katie so, so, _so_ much! But at least I have someone to keep me company during these trying times! Zachary's a lot of fun to talk to, I think Katie's wrong about him."

**Zachary** - "Boy, Sadie's dumb as a brick. Getting her into this alliance will be so easy. And when we're done, she'll be QQing!"

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena)**

The stadium was full of cheering, screaming fans, including one very enthusiastic Chinese girl who fainted upon seeing one of the contestants. While the contestants, for the most part, seemed to be content. They knew this would be a virtual reality battle, and since those involved no pain, nausea, and the good kind of interesting excitement, there was little to complain about.

Some were still upset. Noah was sulking, walking alone. Gwen was in her usual, frustrated attitude. Rodney was sad, Clive was his usual, and Ezekiel was worried.

"Where's Izzy?" the prairie boy asked, looking around. "I haven't seen her all morning, eh!"

Heather shrugged. "It means less chaos and less chance of destruction."

"I haven't seen a glance of red hair all day," Valerie said, "and that suits me just fine."

"Me too," DJ said.

"Jerks," Mandy grumbled. "I happen to like Izzy. Cthulhu will devour your rude souls."

"Oh?" Justin spoke up. "And what's he going to do for you?"

"He'll consume me last."

Ezekiel sighed. "I just want to make sure she's okay. That she's not hurt somewhere."

"What do you care?" Zachary remarked, raising an eyebrow at him. "Didn't she scare the crap out of you last season? You couldn't stand her."

"Things change, jerk," Heather snapped at Zachary. "So just mind your own-"

"Racist girl. You're just saying that because I'm not white."

"I'm asian!"

"Same thing."

Ezekiel had to wrap his arms around Heather's waist, to keep her from attacking Zachary. As the whiner laughed and walked away, the former queen bee panted in frustration. "Man," she complained, "I guess I can't take my own medicine of harsh words."

"Well, there is a good part to this, eh," Ezekiel said, smiling as his arms squeezed her, "yoo'r back in my arms a'geen."

Heather blushed. "You are the death of my former image."

"And I'm darn proo'd of it, eh."

Chris Maclean cleared his throat. "Okay kids, time to get serious."

"Okay then," Noah called out. "Guess that means you should leave, Chris."

"Hey," the host exclaimed. "Noah, that's not very nice."

"Just like your face!"

"I'm warning you, you're treading on thin ice!"

"That's cold, just like your heart."

"What's your deal, you sarcastic twerp? Are you trying to get thrown off the show?"

"The sarcasm is cranked into high gear," Noah exclaimed, pointing his finger accusingly at the host, "and now the child's gloves come off. I'd slap you across the face with one of them if I had them, and methinks it'd improve your looks."

"You know, Noah, you just might be next when your team in this challenge gets a disadvantage."

"There's no bigger disadvantage than your face could ever be."

Chris Maclean's eye was twitching, and said, "Okay, it's time for the challenge, and I'm gonna make sure that my biggest problem is taken care of!"

"You're gonna get a new face?"

"GAAAAAAAH! I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!"

Noah put up an expression of mock concern, and said, "Such a mature comeback. You're a man of wisdom and intellect."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Fifth guess... Newfoundland?)**

** Chris Maclean** - *His eye is twitching in frustration.* "I hate that kid! Why couldn't we have left out some of the old contestants? Like Noah! And... and well just Noah. Oh, and Ezekiel. And Gwen. Come to think of it, everyone except a few of them. Or just me. That's fair."

**Chef Hatchet** - "I'm sure Pretty Boy is wondering why Noah is so tough on him. Truth be told, I'm a little tired of Chris bending the rules to get people he doesn't like voted off, and costing me the bets. So to aggravate him, I told Noah he gets first dibs at the desserts ordered tonight if he makes it hard on Chris. Also, a few other... um, volunteers decided to... volunteer."

**Groucho the Duck** - *holding an RPG-7 missile launcher* "Operation Annoy Chris is in motion. Where's his dressing room?"

**Chico the Raccoon** - *standing on a full trash bag* "im in ur TV show, messing up yur pryvate quarters!"

**Billy the Intern** - *using up a bottle of hair gel* "I may get fired for this, but I'm sure Emily could get me a job at the airlines, should things go sour here."

* * *

Chris took a moment to collect himself, annoying the taunting laughs of the teenagers, and then cleared his throat. "Okay, you punch of bunks. I mean, tang deenagers! No, just, you people!"

" 'You people'?" Zachary asked, frowning.

"Don't start! Now look, I'm here to host a show, and damn it, that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna host the hell out of this show!"

"A little rearranging of those words," Noah said, "would work out so well."

"Why won't you kids shut up?" Chris hollered. "You're all as bad as Ezekiel."

The prairie boy refused to dignify this with an answer, and that suited the host just fine. "Now then," Chris exclaimed, "I'm gonna host like none other! I'll be all over host like butter on toast! I'm gonna-"

"Are you losing it, Chip?" Lindsay asked, looking concerned. "I've heard of celebrities having nervous breakdowns, I'm just worried about you."

Chris fell down to the floor, sobbing hysterically. Lindsay walked over, knelt down, and pat his shoulder. "There there," she said. "You'll be just fine after a good cry."

"On international television," Noah added.

This just made Chris cry harder. While most enjoyed Chris being frustrated to tears, there were a couple getting annoyed. "Could you stop bullying him?" Valerie exclaimed. "This is just going to make things more difficult for us!"

"Must we all try to make each other miserable?" Clive complained. "Can't we just let those sad be sad and those happy be happy?"

"We're never going to get to the challenge at this rate," Eva barked. "What are we facing? So far, everything has been an awesome competition! I want to know more!"

Chris Maclean tried to compose himself, wiping his tears away with a pink handkerchief Valerie had handed him. "If... I... may...," he whimpered each word before he took a deep breath, his nerves being soothed by Lindsay rubbing his back.

"There there, we don't want our host having a nervous breakdown," Lindsay said in her most comforting voice. "We'd have to get a new host."

"I'd pick Drew Carey," Harold suggested, grinning at the thought.

Finally able to fully gather his wits, Chris put on his best host smile, and placed his hands on his hips. "Okay, boys and girls and those not clearly defined, like _Noah_! We've got a challenge for you little monsters: big monsters!"

The crowd cheered and sounded like a wild mob for a few seconds. Chants of "Godzilla," "King Kong," and "Cloverfield" could be heard around the stadium. Mandy was the loudest of all the people there, roaring, "Cthulhu! Cthulhu! Cthulhu!"

"No, not Cthulhu," Chris said, "sorry my dear Mandy, but Old Gods aren't big monsters. They're the end of the world, while a big monster just destroys one city, like New York City."

"And I'd encourage that," Arthur exclaimed.

"That's mean," Sakaki squeaked.

"That's fun," Carol cheered. "I love those movies, they're like a wild video game!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Sixth guess... New York City, pre or post-ruination?)**

** Tyler** - "I love movies of giant monsters, even the really bad ones that no one has heard of! It may make me sound like a nerd, but I especially love Japanese monsters... Gamera!"

*Superimposed over the screen as he speaks saying "_WHO?_"* "There's also Gorgo ("_WHO?_"), Rodan ("_WHO?_"), and Reptar ("_WHO?_")! I always wondered what I would do if the city was under attack by a giant monster! Now it's time to find out!"

**DJ** - "I don't like the idea of making animals big and having them destroy cities. It just makes people fear animals more! Why can't we all be friends?"

**Mandy** - "True, the Old Gods aren't monsters, they're Old Gods. But hey, I'm sure a giant reptile or a monkey would run in terror from Nyarlathotep ("_WHO?_") or Ithaqua ("_WHO?_")."

**Lindsay** - "I once saw a movie about a giant woman. Rizzy ("_WHO?_"), or... Izzy, yeah, that's her name ("_Oh._"), she somehow got the part! I wonder how Izzy got the movie contracts after TDC, I thought I was a shoo-in for a lead role in movies! I could star next to Fredzilla!" **[2]**

**Yoshi** - *scratching at the makeshift bandana he has over his ruined hair* "I hate giant monster movies. They always portray Tokyo as fragile as an origami project, our armies useless, and our civilians as screaming ninnies."

* * *

"Now the rules for this one are a little complex, so listen up," Chris said, motioning to Vera as he talked. "You are being divided in half again, and each team will be split up around the city in your virtual world. It will be a collection of teams of three, and one team of two. You get to decide the teams inside the teams, so decide well.

"Once you get in that virtual city, you have three choices on what to do: escape, drive the monster out of the city, or kill it."

" 'Kill it'?" Tyler repeated. "How are we supposed to destroy a city-demolishing monster? We're just common civilians!"

"I agree," Xander said. "Common civilians cannot kill Godzilla."

"If you find a way, take it," Chris said. "As I said, you have one of those three options. Now, if you manage to escape the city, you have officially survived the scenario, but you cannot go back to help people. If you're in the city, you must drive the monster out or kill it."

"Can't you just hide until the monster's rampage is over?" Beth asked.

"No, there's a fail safe for that. You see, we don't want people hiding in a corner or a closet or the subway until he just wanders off. The monster would have to be incredibly fast and too powerful if he had to destroy every nook and cranny in less than a day."

The contestants looked around, all wanting to ask a question that had an unpleasant feel. Gwen braved it. "So what is the fail safe?"

"You see, we have many different monsters for this scenario, all with their own powers and traits. But each one has the fail safe attached, which is, once every major building has been destroyed or received considerable damage, the monster will incinerate the remains of the city."

Most swallowed nervously at the thought of a city engulfed in flames. Chris reveled in their horror. "Yes, every single corner, closet, nook, cranny, and fire place will be filled to the brim with flames from the giant monster's mouth. No one will survive that."

"So to recap," Courtney said, "we escape the city, or stay and fight the monster. How do we do that?"

"Not telling about how you'll combat them, every scenario is different. But for this giant monster challenge, every city is large and surrounded by water. Three major bridges will be your way out, as the boats will not be an option. The team with the most contestants alive at the end wins!"

Many of the contestants were excited now, and pumped their fists. Leshawna cracked her knuckles, and said, "So what are the teams?"

"This time, I created teams that were completely random and not based on any cheap trick like Noah always insists," Chris said, shooting a glare at the smirking cynic. "The teams are...

"Team Panicky Mob. It consists of, in alphabetical order: Anita, Belinda, Bridgette, Cody, Courtney, Crystal, Eva, Harold, Heather, Izzy, Justin, Leshawna, Noah, Sadie, Sakaki, Xander, and Zachary."

"And the other team is Team Hysteric Crowd. That consists of: Alfred, Arthur, Beth, Carol, Clive, Colin, DJ, Ezekiel, Geoff, Gwen, Lindsay, Mandy, Rodney, Sebastian, Tyler, and Valerie."

As the teammates organized, Chris was watching them, looking confused. "Now I'm very confused," the host said.

"On how you ever became famous?" Noah called out.

"Shut up, little man! No, my confusion is based off someone who should be hopping up and down for this contest. Where's Izzy?"

"We don't know," Alfred admitted, looking around. "Some of us are worried."

"Yeah, even if she isn't on our team," Mandy said.

"Well then, I have the great pleasure," Chris said, grinning, "of saying that since she has not shown up for an official challenge, that Izzy has been eliminated from Total Drama Battlegrounds."

"What? No," Ezekiel shouted. "That's not fair, eh!"

Chris rolled his eyes. "Shut up."

"You're a creep," added Heather.

"E tu, Heather?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Seventh guess... Rome?)**

** Heather** - "Ezekiel's parents once told me that power corrupts, which made me think of the days when I was a queen bee in high school; I couldn't go back to that life even if I tried. Chris is a whole new ball game, and how ironic I say that, because with a stadium named after Maclean, his ego is big enough to fill every seat."

...

**Sakaki and Sebastian** - **Sakaki** - "You and Noah seemed to really get the idea for the teams, Sebastian. Can you tell me? I think I know, but I want a hint."

** Sebastian** - "Panicky Mob consists of a normal group of our contests, or as normal as we teenagers could be."

**Sakaki** - *She giggles.* "Oh, I see! Everyone in Panicky Mob has _normal_ hair!"

**Sebastian** - "Exactly. In Hysteric Crowd, we have a plethora of people with headgear and wild hair. Alfred, DJ, Ezekiel, Geoff, and Rodney all wear hats..."

**Sakaki** - "Carol, Clive, Lindsay, Tyler, Valerie, and Yoshi all wear headbands or bandanas..."

**Sebastian** - "Arthur, Beth, Colin, and myself have interesting hair, with pointy styles and side ponytails and spikes and dreadlocks..."

**Sakaki and Sebastian** - *in unison* "And Gwen and Mandy have dyed hair!"

*They both laugh, and Sebastian pats her shoulder.*

**Sebastian** - "You sure can be cute when you're clever, Sakaki."

**Sakaki** - "C-c-cute?" *She swoons and faints, resulting in Sebastian having to catch her.*

* * *

Chris chuckled as Izzy's friends continued to protest her elimination, then he pointed at Noah. "Blame him, he's on the team that Izzy was going to be on, thus leaving you guys with a real problem."

"Yeah, they're all still stuck on the same show as you," Noah called out.

As the host sighed in frustration, he gestured towards Vera. "Will you all just get ready for the challenge? I want to see monsters stomp on you all."

"Don't we have to decide teams?" asked Courtney.

"Fine, fine, do that. Then get going on the teams-"

"WAIT!"

Izzy came barreling out of the corridor into the arena, waving her arms. She stopped, completely winded, almost falling over if Mandy hadn't caught her. "What... what team am I on?" the redhead asked.

"You're out of the contest."

"Aw c'mon, don't do that! I was just a little late, is all!"

Chris would've stood his ground normally, but his will had been broken once today, and his will wouldn't want a second wrecking. "Just go then," the host wailed with held-back sobs. "I cannot believe how infuriating this can be!"

"Oh no?" Noah commented. "You've never looked in a mirror?"

Chris' wail echoed around the stadium as Noah chalked up another point on his invisible score board.

* * *

**(Panicky Mob)**

"What's the matter with him?" Izzy asked, glancing at the sobbing host. "Hair gel crisis?"

"If only I had known it was that easy to annoy Chris," Courtney mused. "Would've made it more tolerable for the past couple seasons."

"He'd start eliminating people left and right when he was too annoying," Belinda said. "He just doesn't want to do that now because the longer this show is drawn out, the more he gets paid."

"You don't have to be clairvoyant to guess that," Heather said, shrugging. "So, what teams are we going to be making? Who gets to make the call?"

Izzy started leaping up and down, waving her arm. "Ooo! Ooo ooo ooo! Me me me!"

Most tried to ignore her, the fearful idea of Izzy leading daunting on them. They started looking among the others, asking around. "Noah?" Sadie asked.

"I'm not leading, I don't like anyone right now."

"ME! Meeeeeeee! Oh ho, _meeee_!"

"Belinda?"

"I don't particularly want to lead."

"Me! I dare you to pick me!"

"Courtney?"

"I've taken enough heat for that job, I want to sit back a little."

"Okay okay, I _triple_ dog dare you to pick me!"

"Anita?"

"Why not Izzy?"

Again, everyone looked horrified at the thought of Izzy leading, but the bombshell was smiling as she pat the redhead's shoulder. "Izzy was Nancy Archer in 'Attack of the 50 Foot Woman'! And I'm sure she knows a lot about giant monsters."

"I dated one too," Izzy added, beaming at Anita. Then she looked down at the bombshell's breasts, and whistled. "Wow, those _are_ real!"

Izzy squeezed one of Anita's breasts, and the bombshell yelped. "Don't do that!"

"Sorry, I couldn't resist. Just like this challenge, big things are really fun!"

"Indeed," Zachary said.

"Rather," Xander noted.

"Bazinga," Cody concluded.

Anita was blushing bright red and covering her chest with her arms as Izzy nodded enthusiastically. "Yes yes! Now let's talk about teams for the challenge! Anyone have any questions before we begin?"

"Yes," Justin said, raising his hand. "How on Earth did _you_ get into making movies?"

Izzy bounced on her feet. "I have acting talent! You're just jealous!"

"You're darn right I am! If anyone was to be making movies after TDC, it should have been me!"

"Personally, I find the idea of either of you being in movies to be nauseating," Noah said, shrugging. "Just get the teams started."

Izzy poked Noah's chest. "Stop it, rude cynic. Now, I'm gonna team you all up as romantically as possible."

"... What?"

"Love fells the beast, not guns," Izzy exclaimed, twirling around. "So I'm gonna pair you people up with love, romance, and lustful crushes with thrusting loins of passion!"

"Ooo la la," Bridgette said, smirking at her friend. "So, what will the teams be?"

"I nominate the first team to be our lovely love triangle: Anita, Eva, and Cody! Try to get along!

"Then we'll have Harold and Leshawna together, accompanied by your good friend Bridgette!

"Third group will be hopeful couple Zachary and Sadie, and our matchmaker Crystal!

"Our next thing is our lovely Heather, our not-so-lovely Justin ("Hey!"), and Xander!

"Izzy will be in the next group, with Courtney and Sakaki. And the final group will be Belinda and Noah! Sorry, Belinda."

Noah scoffed. "What-_ever_."

Izzy clapped. "Now that love is in the air, the beast will be slain."

Chris popped in and scoffed. "The amount of love you people infuse into the competition is so lame! You're here to compete, not love!"

The other team overheard this too, and scowled. Izzy shoved the host away, shouting, "I know kung fu from one of my movies, don't piss me off!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Eighth guess... South Korea?)**

** Beth** - "Chris' anti-love attitude is so wrong! I met the most handsome boyfriend ever because of this show, and it inspires me to keep driving forward in this contest! I'll be knocking down this monster if I have to!"

**Ezekiel** - "I was never in it to win it, or so the saying goes, eh. If I get voted off at any time, that's fine with me, I joo'st doo'nt want Heather to get hurt!"

**Arthur** - "I know I'm not going to get a girlfriend or some love in this contest, it's just competition for me. Some people just take things a little too personal, but hey, I'm not for stomping on love to win."

**Carol** - "Chris doesn't think love is good for this show? Fat chance! Do you know how much fanfiction about couples circulates on this show? Heck, I wrote one on Duncan and Courtney, and I got about a hundred reviews! And I didn't even have a plot!"

*She grins, then sighs and grumbles.* "I want a boyfriend! I don't want a pony, I want a stallion! That's how the saying goes, right?"

* * *

**(Hysteric Crowd)**

"I WANT A BOYFRIEND!"

"Carol, stop wailing," Valerie snapped, "we aren't doing this based on love like Izzy is."

"What's wrong with that?" DJ asked.

"You honestly want to follow the plan of that psycho hose-beast?"

"Not really," he replied, shrinking in fear.

Tyler looked around, confused. "Wait, who's leading our group? I don't remember appointing a leader, since Courtney and Heather aren't squawking for the position."

"Well, I do nominate myself," Valerie said, "but I don't know too much about giant monster movies. Does anyone here?" Alfred raised his hand, and she scoffed. "Except for the bad influence." Mandy raised her hand. "And not the second psycho host-beast."

Both of those rejected blew loud raspberries at Valerie, laughed and high-fived. Mandy, in her friskiness, slapped Alfred on the butt. He cried out in surprise, and then grinned. Valerie rolled her eyes, then was cut off when Arthur stepped in.

"Look, Lady In Pink, I think we're all a little tired of demanding leaders who lead things they know nothing about," he said. "So if you don't mind, I'll take full responsibility as leader this time around."

"You?" Valerie balked. "The loner? Why?"

"I happen to know a lot about giant monster movies and stuff, and since no one here is stepping up, I'll do it."

"I like that," Lindsay said, clapping her hands. "You can lead, Anthony! It'll be good for you, it'll really impress Sarah!"

"Who?" Arthur asked, then groaned. "Oh, you mean Sadie? Look, I know she's your good friend, but trust me, she's interested in Zachary."

Valerie shrugged. "Whatever, on all counts. Arthur, pick the teams."

Arthur looked around at the others, all eyes on him. "Okay then. First team, keep Mandy and Alfred together. Sebastian, make sure they don't do anything too wild.

"Geoff, you seem to get along with Colin. Go with...," he paused when he saw Valerie inching towards them. Confused but seeing the interest, he sighed and concluded, "Go with Valerie.

"Beth and Carol and Lindsay, together for girl power. Tyler and Rodney and DJ, together for boy power.

"I'll take Yoshi and Clive with me. Thus, we have Ezekiel and Gwen together. I assume everything is okay?"

There was silence. "None? Good! Now, let's kick an oversized ass!"

* * *

The contestants all sat down in their chairs of the large virtual reality machine. As the machine hummed as it powered up, Chris Maclean cackled and exclaimed, "Well, all of you are going to be stomped on nice and good! I cannot wait to see all of you as pancakes."

"Just as doughy as you," Noah exclaimed before he relaxed in his seat.

Chris squeaked in horror and looked down at his body, trying to see if he was gaining weight. When he didn't see any, he snarled at Noah's unconscious form, all hooked up inside the virtual world. "I'm gonna get that boy one day, I swear!"

* * *

**(The Hysteric Crowd)**

Everyone was teleported into the game, at random parts in a large city. They looked around, but could see no danger nearby. If the monster was attacking, none of them could hear or see anything. Civilians walked around on the streets, cars drove down the streets, and ice cream trucks handed out ice cream from the trucks.

HC Team 1 was on some random street, being passed by by passerbys. Alfred watched them go, licking an ice cream pop casually. He offered it to Mandy, who looked disgusted, until Alfred pointed out germs don't exist in virtual reality worlds. As Mandy accepted the ice cream and licked it up, Sebastian chuckled.

HC Team 2 found themselves inside a busy newspaper building, people shouting about all kinds of things that were considered news, but wouldn't be important once a monster stomped through the city. Valerie had to tear herself away from the celebrity gossip writer, Colin was knocking over things to be mean, and Geoff looked around confused.

HC Team 3 looked around the park, looking at the squirrels and birds and muggers. Beth was hiding behind Lindsay as Carol kicked the crap out of them (the muggers, not the squirrels and birds).

HC Team 4 was at the police station, being held in detention centers. Tyler hollered his innocence, Rodney sadly banged his helmet against the bars, and DJ asked for a phone call, a lawyer, and his mother (not in that order). A police officer told them no one was to get out unless they made bail or a big disaster was to happen.

HC Team 5 was at a concert, doing stage hand work behind the stage. Arthur and Yoshi were looking around, trying to find where they were and what they could do. Clive had stopped to listen to the band perform, he loved alternative music.

HC Team 6 felt so awkward being alone with each other that they barely recognized they were in a lighthouse. Gwen and Ezekiel exchanged glances as they looked out at the ocean. He remembered how she didn't like him much for being Heather's boyfriend, and she remembered that all too well too.

The goth girl and the prairie boy were casually watching the water, until Ezekiel finally asked the question that had been on his mind for the past couple minutes. "Why are we looking 'oot at the ocean, eh Gwen?"

"Because that's where some of the most fearsome of B-movie monsters come from," she replied, "and thus, we need to watch to see where it's going to come from."

"I doo'nt recall King Kong coming from the ocean, eh."

"He's a classic, not a B-movie monster."

"Touché."

They continued to watch, until the water began to churn unnaturally far away from them near the dock. The water broke, and a giant head rose from underneath the water, destroying part of the harbor. The rest of it was smashed by the monster's giant bill. It pulled itself out from the water, stomping on shipping crates like if they were leaves for the crunching. Webbed feet stomped on a couple boats, crushing them into numerous pieces.

A single talon on the hindquarters dug into the harbor floor, poison ejected from the tip and dissolving the steel. The creature bat its beady eyes, grabbed a shipping crate from the dock, and chucked it at a building. It let a wet, gargling roar as the building toppled over the incredible damage and impact.

Gwen blinked her shadowed eyes. Ezekiel widened his eyes. Both couldn't believe what had just risen from the ocean, over fifty meters tall.

"A platypus," Gwen stated, watching the monster knocking down a giant building. "There is a giant platypus destroying the harbor."

"He's so...," Ezekiel stammered, watching the destruction, "so... so... cute!"

Gwen stared at him, then at the giant platypus, then back at Ezekiel. "We should really be running right now."

"I've never seen such adorable destruction!"

* * *

As the giant platypus tore into the city, all of the civilians could feel the vibrations of buildings coming crashing down and the wet, garbled roars. Most of Hysteric Crowd was trying to avoid being trampled by a hysteric crowd, Team 4 was desperate to get out of their cell. Sure enough, the police let them out, and a screaming DJ, Tyler, and Rodney fled to... whatever direction people were fleeing in.

Team 2 had gone up to the top of the newspaper building, and saw the giant platypus tearing away at buildings near the shoreline. Colin burst into laughter at the sight of it, Valerie cooed, Geoff leaned over the edge and gaped in awe.

"Wow, so that's what a monster looks like," he exclaimed. "A giant, duck-like monster with brown fur and a poisonous talon! That's awesome!"

The building shook when another building, even though far off, collapsed. Geoff almost fell off, but just barely kept his balance.

"Geoff, I know it's fascinating," Valerie called out, "but please don't stand on the side! You might-"

Colin shoved Geoff off when the building rocked again. The bully cackled as Geoff plummeted to his virtual death. "I got him again," Colin shouted, clapping. "That was so cool! Oh man, that was priceless!"

Valerie just stared in exasperation. "Why did you do that?"

"Because it was funny! Why else?"

"We're now down a man!"

"Oh who cares? Besides, I know I can rely on you to bail me out, since you'll want my vote."

Valerie grumbled, and looked away from him. "_I always knew,_" she thought to herself, "_I'd regret having this creep in my alliance._"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Ninth guess... Tokyo?)**

**Valerie** - "Zachary got Colin on our side a few challenges back. I hate it, but it's nice to have someone who will vote for you whenever you need it. He's like a vicious, poorly-trained attack dog, and I don't feel comfortable just because I'm holding the leash."

**Gwen** - "I've seen movies with giant turtles, dragons, worms, praying manti, and birds that can fire lasers. A platypus is the weirdest monster I've ever seen. Ever. E-V-E-R. And yet... it's not the worst."

**Clive** - "The first time I saw that giant platypus, I was shocked, I had to say. Life may be very dreary, but I didn't think it would be that... goofy." *He smiles for a second, then brushes it off.*

**Alfred** - "Joel told me that this giant monster has over fifty types of animals and creatures, ranging from a dragon to a overly large badger. Hee hee! Badger badger badger."

* * *

**(The Panicky Mob)**

The other team had all ported into the game, and looked around. Like the other team, the monster was not attacking at the beginning, but the ice cream trucks were still handing out ice cream.

PM Team 1 was at a bus station, where sugar-loving Cody paid the ice cream truck for a ice cream pop. As he licked at it, Anita and Eva watched him. When he licked a smear of chocolate from his lips, Anita swooned. Eva was getting impatient, and started demanding for the monster to show up.

PM Team 2 was peering around the roof of a tall hotel. Bridgette looked out at the ocean, Leshawna across the city, and Harold tried to see the bridges. He couldn't see them, and then assured the ladies that he wouldn't let any harm come to them. Both smiled as they rolled their eyes.

PM Team 3 was getting bumped around in the subway. Zachary shouted at those pumping him, calling them racist. Sadie was trying to stay close to him, while Crystal tried to get directions to any of the bridges from the security there, but none of them had anything useful to say. ("Bloody NPCS," she cursed.)

PM Team 4 cursed their luck at being at the docks, because the idea of the monster rising from the ocean was the most likely scenario. Justin and Heather argued about which way to go, while Xander startled seagulls while we waited for them to stop fighting. ("Mine! Mine mine mine-aaaaah!")

PM Team 5 didn't even realize they were in the lobby of a hotel. Izzy was too busy exclaiming how excited she was, Courtney was trying to calm her down, and Sakaki was huddling up behind her shoulders and hands from the staring, virtual eyes. If someone were to say a monster was attacking the city, people around there would have guessed it was Izzy.

PM Team 6 was quiet was in café, both sitting at a table together. Belinda sipped a cup of tea, while Noah was reading the menu. The bookworm stared at it for a moment before he realized how silly it was to do that in a virtual reality world. He tossed the menu away.

"You always dine out like this, throwing stuff on the floor?" Belinda asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What-_ever_, it's a virtual reality world."

"Are you going to be like this for the rest of the game?"

"I never promised to be a nice boy, and when people decided to vote off Katie, who's never done anything, I now don't want to hold back."

"Even though the vast majority of people you're chewing out didn't vote for her?"

Noah was silent, then he slammed his forehead against the table. "Frooger nooger," he cursed. "I have overreacted, haven't I?"

"Quite possibly."

"Luckily, my dear," he said, muffled against the table, "I don't give a damn."

"And some of the people you're chewing out are Katie's friends."

Noah groaned, pounding his head against the table; however, the entire cafeteria right as he self-abused himself. Belinda sipped her tea, and said, "Your regret is rather overpowering."

Both felt the cafeteria shake violently, and then all hell broke loose in the street outside. A monstrous, worm-like creature burst from the road, throwing street all over the street. Many legs wriggled from its segmented body, and long mandibles were scissoring helpless civilians up like Nerds to a hungry kid on Halloween.

"Oh my, a giant centipede," Belinda commented, finishing her tea. Noah was hiding under the table. "My, that's one rather fearsome looking creature."

"Shouldn't we be fleeing for our lives and all that fun stuff?" Noah remarked from underneath the table. Terrified patrons ran out of the café, as if to illustrate the bookworm's point.

"That might not be the best of plans." The panicking civilians were gobbled up by the giant centipede. After a heavy bingeing, it crawled all the way out of the hole and down the street, many legs knocking over street lights and mailboxes and ice cream trucks.

Belinda wiped her lips with a napkin. Noah groaned as he banged his head against the center table leg. "Seems to be the day where I'm kicking myself many times."

"You're not thinking clearly, distracted by your girlfriend's departure, and lashing out. Must come from issues with your family."

"Your psycho analyzation is impressive, Miss Foresight."

"And I hope you haven't looked up my skirt while you were down there."

"What? ... Oh."

"Any sarcastic remarks about my panties before we begin our escape?"

"Nope. No no. I'm just gonna be quiet now, and hope you do not kill me."

* * *

As Belinda and Noah slipped out of the café and headed in the opposite direction the giant centipede was heading, Team 4 was watching. The centipede was tearing through the buildings, thrusting its head at windows and snatching people from them. After having a fill, it would use its slicing limbs or segmented body to crash into the building and knock it down.

"Woohoo, look at it go," Xander cheered. "Those badass creatures would make a good icon for a biker gang."

"People are dying over there," Justin balked.

"No, they're not, it's a virtual world."

Heather groaned, and glanced at the centipede. "Any ideas on how to kill that thing?"  
"No," admitted Justin.

"Napalm, bazookas, pesticide spray, and maybe," Xander quipped, crossing his arms and grinning, "a really big meerkat."

"Will you stop daydreaming," Heather barked, "and start moving before we're all eaten?"

* * *

The centipede was long enough that it was passing by both Team 2 and Team 5 of Panicky Mob. Harold was intrigued, Izzy was thrilled, while their lady teammates were scared out of their mind.

"Giant bug," Leshawna screamed.

"Actually, centipedes are arthropods, in the class of chilopoda," Harold said, watching the giant arthropod move about with fascination. "What a bright shade of orange! Must be a very healthy specimen."

Bridgette shivered and gripped Leshawna. "Harold, it's not safe to be near the edge. Please come back here with us."

"Don't worry, my lady friends, I'm just studying our opponent," Harold said, continuing to stare at the specimen "You know, I think I know of a perfect way to destroy this being."

"You tripping, Harold?" Leshawna exclaimed. "How can you kill something that big?"

"If my calculations are correct, every creature has a weakness, something that could destroy them. And according to pop culture and nature's course of action, I know how to kill it."

Bridgette looked surprised, then delighted. "How?"

Harold opened his mouth, and then the building shook when a few of the centipede's legs crashed into the side. The nerd waved his arms, trying to balance himself. Bridgette and Leshawna screamed in terror and rushed to grab him, but he went over the side.

"You need to get him," Harold hollered as he plummeted to his virtual death, "to chew at..."

That was the last the two girls could hear, and both sobbed. "Oh, that brave, brave, foolish boy," Leshawna cried out. "Why? Why must they always stand closet to danger when they know something? Why can't they stay safely back and tell us?"

Izzy was one of those people who wanted to be near danger, and had her face pressed up against the front doors. The glass was fogged up by her excited panting. "Oh wow, it's so big and heavy and munching down people! This is one of the most awesome challenges ever!"

"Will you get back here?" Courtney hollered, grabbing Izzy around the waist and pulling back.

"No no no, I want to see this arthropod of the chilopoda class pop peeps like popcorn!"

Sakaki was huddling in a corner, whimpering. "Everybody's yelling and panicking and getting all hysteric! Please, we need to get out of here!"

Izzy was holding onto the door handle as Courtney pulled on her legs, which had Izzy parallel to the ground in her struggle. "Wanna see more violence," the redhead hollered. "And you'd better not be looking up my skirt, Courtney."

"Let go of the door, Izzy," the CIT struggled to say, and then screamed as hard as she was struggling, "RIGHT NOW!"

Many could verify the power of Courtney's voice when she was furious, and now she created the proof. The centipede halted its rampage, and looked at the large hotel's doors.

"Oh crap," Izzy cursed happily, "it's spotted us! Run!"

Izzy used her athletic, crazy girl legs to sprint away, grab Sakaki, and hurry towards the back of the hotel. Courtney wasn't so lucky, and the last thing she saw was a giant centipede come crashing in through the doors...

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Last guess... the bottom of the ocean!)**

** Izzy** - "And then that giant centipede just snatched Courtney right out of the hotel, while I carried away the moe girl on my genki shoulders!" *She laughs, snorts, and slaps her knee.* "I love these games! It makes me talk wildly, and say things I don't even get! It's like fluffernutter between the toes!"

**Xander** - *pondering, stroking his facial scar* "A badass animal is a great symbol for a biker guy, I've seen it often. Now I like the eagle emblem on my belt buckle, I'm proud of that, but I wonder what a badass meerkat would look like, chewing up a centipede. Hehe, now that would be cool."

**Belinda** - *She bats at her earring, rocking it back and forth like a metronome. The clairvoyant stares off into space until she looks at the camera, as if seeing it for the first time.*

"So many things you viewers must be seeing, all kinds of interesting conversations and interactions. I'm still lost in many mysteries myself, but I'll give you the answer to one that I'm sure is on some of your minds: my panties are white."

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena)**

Courtney gasped as her mind was released from the virtual reality system. She shook her head as she stood up, groaning. "I really wish I could have run, but my God, what a horrible thing to see... last thing to see too."

"The maxilla of an arthropod are almost as scary as their mandibles," Harold said, trying to comfort her in his own way. "Crippling fear would be understandable."

"You died too? Already?" Courtney exclaimed. "If anyone was going to take out that giant bug, I thought it would be you."

"Centipedes are not-"

"Oh, I don't care," Courtney shouted, walking away. She stopped when she saw Geoff. "Oh no, you too?"

"Yeah, dudette, fell off a roof," Geoff replied with a shrug. "Bummer, but it was a hard tremor."

"You fell too?" Harold exclaimed in surprise. "Gosh, how funny is that?"

"Not funny at all," Courtney said. "I'm leaving, I'm gonna go take a shower or something, I don't want to watch a lot more of that centipede. Or a... platypus?"

She walked out of the arena, muttering, "A platypus. Seriously."

When she got to the corridor, she saw a soot-covered Groucho the Duck running by with an empty RPG-7, and a messy Chico the Raccoon dragging an empty trash bag behind him. Both were laughing as they carried on their merry way.

The CIT shook her head as she walked to the shower room. "What's wrong with this place, it's practically a madhou-OW!-OW!-OW!"

Someone had grabbed her ear and pulled her back. When she saw who it was, she gasped. Her assailant snarled, "So I finally caught you!"

"Katie?"

"Yes, who else looks like me?" Katie asked, scowling angrily. She was breathing hard, slick with sweat, and even her pigtails drooped from exhaustion.

"What's wrong with you? Did you run a marathon?"

"Izzy got us lost a couple times, and we had to run to get here before being disqualified. Now tell me, where's Noah?"

"He's... he's in the virtual reality game! He's still in it!"

"And you got defeated?"

"Yes, it was a big, nasty centipede! Giant monster challenge."

"Oh wow, those are, like, really nasty things, you're right! Arthropods can be such ugly things, especially ones of the chilopoda class. Noah told me all about this project he had to do-"

"Will you let go of my ear, already?"

Katie remembered that she still did have a grip on the CIT's ear, and let go. "Yes, but you and I are going to have a talk."

"A talk? About what? Is this about your elimination?"

"Look, I know competition is competition, but your attitude towards me is unwarranted. I want to talk to you, since I got time to kill while I wait for Noah to finish that challenge!"

"Well, he might be eliminated at any time-"

"Don't count on it. My boyfriend knows all about arthropods!"

* * *

...

...

...

**Which team is going to win: the Panicky Mob or the Hysteric Crowd? How will they deal with the giant centipede and the giant platypus?**

** What has Katie to say to Courtney? Will Geoff ever say what is bothering him to Bridgette? Will Noah ever mend those bridges he burnt?**

** And be honest, how many of you were curious about Belinda's panties' color? And maybe Izzy's (green)?**

** Also, as a bonus, Harold wears heart polka-dotted boxers ever since his traumatic experience in TDI.**

**

* * *

**

**Panicky Mob (vs. Giant Centipede):**

Team 1 - Anita, Eva, Cody.

Team 2 - Harold (_dead_), Leshawna, Bridgette.

Team 3 - Zachary, Sadie, Crystal.

Team 4 - Heather, Justin, Xander.

Team 5 - Izzy, Courtney (_dead_), Sakaki.

Team 6 - Belinda, Noah.

...

**Hysteric Crowd (vs. Giant Platypus):**

Team 1 - Alfred, Mandy, Sebastian.

Team 2 - Valerie, Colin, Geoff (_dead_).

Team 3 - Beth, Carol, Lindsay.

Team 4 - Tyler, Rodney, DJ.

Team 5 - Arthur, Yoshi, Clive.

Team 6 - Gwen, Ezekiel.

* * *

** Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date** - Back wall has Harold's love haikus to Leshawna decorated around it. All the walls have been redone and painted over to look brand-new.

...

**[1]** - Harold's opening theme is based off the awesome _Scott Pilgrim vs. The World_. If you don't know about the comic book series or the movie, it's about a nerdy boy who meets a girl and has to fight her seven evil ex'es to go out with her. It's chock-full of video game references, cartoonish violence, and hilarity. If we didn't know Harold's last name was McGrady, I'd say it was Pilgrim.

**[2]** - I stole the idea that Izzy became a movie star during the break between the second and third season. Much more on that later, but if you didn't know, Izzy is the star of _Attack of the 50-Foot Woman, King Kong, The Sound of Music,_ and _Kill Bill_. And possibly more, if any of you have any good ideas for what movie you think Izzy would be a great lead in. *wink, wink*

...

**Next Up** - Crashing Centipede, Plundering Platypus!


	38. Ch 11, Pt 2: King Wrong

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. If I find out you are trying these stunts at home, I will come over there and kick your butt.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - If you must know what caused the very long delay, I will tell you right now: I have no excuse. You can all point at me now and declare what a jerk I am. That is fair.

Also, new poll! But I'm sure that can wait for you, because we have a new chapter for you at long, long, excruciatingly long last! Huzzah!

...

* * *

**Chapter 38** - Monsters Bigger Than Chris' Ego! … Barely.

* * *

...

...

...

**(Maclean Stadium)**

"The very ground would tremble at the fury of the being. Disaster ravages the city, buildings crumble, glass spraying from shattered windows and busted lampposts. Trees either snap like twigs or are incinerated in a horrific image of life itself being extinguished during a cruel and violent era that could have been averted, but no! You had to draw the beast from its lair, and upset it to the point where it wouldn't stop until every person, every soul, has been crushed or roasted to the point of no recognition."

"… That's nice and everything, Katie, but if you wanted to keep the cherry for your ice cream, you have to only say so."

"Okay!"

Katie cheerfully plucked the fruit from her bowl of ice cream and ate it. Courtney looked down at her bowl, now without a cherry because she scarfed it down eagerly, looked back up at the sweet girl. "I cannot understand still, why you sounded ready to tear me apart when you snuck back in the stadium, but you're now peacefully serving me ice cream."

"Simple, ice cream makes everything better."

"What about the economy?"

"Buy more ice cream, there's a stimulus for you."

Courtney tapped her ice cream, then sighed again. "Look, are we going to talk about your issue with me, then?"

"It's not my issue with you, it's your issue with me," Katie said, narrowing her eyes. "And your desire to rip my soul from my heart with hate-tipped claws, your dastardly method of wrenching my boyfriend's emotions in a medieval torture rack-"

"Stop that!"

"Sorry. I used to rant a lot when upset, and ever since I started dating Noah, my vocabulary has become, like, real good."

The CIT raised an eyebrow. "Very well. So, what do you want me to say?"

"Why do you hate me so much? I don't recall doing anything to you."

"It's…," Courtney paused to taste some of her ice cream, "… complicated."

"I can cope with that."

Unable to resist this olive branch with ice cream, the CIT took a deep breath. "_I guess it cannot be too bad,_" she thought to herself, "_I'm sure there are a lot of places I'd rather not be, and people I wouldn't want to be talk to._"

* * *

**(Panicky Mob, Team 1 - Anita, Cody, Eva.)**

"And another thing, you saggy bimbo," Eva shouted at Anita, poking her in the chest, "I don't appreciate how you always are speaking out during the challenges! You're just trying to get attention to myself!"

"Oh, _I'm_ the one trying to get attention to myself?" Anita fired back. "Who roars and screams whenever she's upset? Do you always come on maximum volume?"

"You don't want to see me when I'm at maximum volume, bimbo."

"No one does, she-male."

" '_She-male'_?"

"Could we please not argue?" Cody whimpered, looking between the two. He nervously tapped his fingers together, and bit his bottom lip as he looked behind him. He could see and hear panicking civilians, and saw a car being thrown through the air and crash into a fifth floor window; of course, the annoying chirp of door locks could be heard, as it is almost obligated for cars to make annoying sounds.

"You're just lucky you cannot feel pain in this virtual reality simulator, skank," Eva shouted, poking Anita again. "Because since you can't, there's no point to me kicking your flabby butt!"

"Right, because that's your answer to everything, she-male! You're like a rabid boxer whose response to everything is a punch to the face!"

"Call me that one more time, and I'll be tempted."

"Try it, she-male!"

Cody gripped his head as he tried to shake away the headache. He wasn't feeling pain due to the simulation, just was feeling dizzy and confused. It didn't help that the car from the fifth floor had fallen out and crashed upside-down on the sidewalk, setting off its car alarm. Finally, the noise got to him.

"Will you both calm down?" he declared. "Jeez, we're trying to survive being eaten by a giant centipede here! Focus! Now, what were you arguing about?"

It took Eva and Anita a couple seconds to try and remember just what had set them off. The fitness buff remembered first, and said, "I think bimbo here wanted us to turn left."

"She-male wanted us to go right."

"Why can't we just go down the center, if we cannot agree?"

Anita nodded, "Yeah, that's a good idea," while Eva glared at her and snarled.

"Lousy kiss-up."

"Maybe if you once tried being a team player, you wouldn't get so ticked off at everything and everyone!"

"Why you!"

"I would!"

"Would you!"

Anita and Eva were up in each other's faces, and didn't see Cody leaping up and down near them, frantically waving his arms. He was trying to warn them about something with far too many legs for its own good approaching them, but he was too late. The giant centipede scarfed them up with incredible speed, and let out a satisfied belch. Panicking citizens paused to wave the smell away from their mouth, and then were eaten too (oh, the irony).

Outside of the virtual reality world, the three were disconnected. Anita let out a frustrated sigh, then shivered when she heard knuckles cracking.

"You're gonna pay for that, bimbo," Eva snarled.

"Oh sure, beat the hell out of me," Anita snapped. "That'll show everyone what a team player you are!"

"You have no room to talk! What have you ever done to help your team?"

"More than you, you-"

"Enough, both of you," Cody shouted, hands over his ears. "Can't you get along for five seconds? We just got eliminated, and we'd better hope our team pulls through! Just please, try to be nice!"

He walked off, sighing heavily. Anita and Eva exchanged glances, then sulked away from each other.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Fancy like your nostrils.)**

** Anita **- *_looks miserable_* "I really let my temper get the best of me there. I hate being catty, but people can really set me off when they push my buttons. Even I don't get myself, I don't know where 'she-male' came from, but all I know is that I blew things with Cody today."

**Eva** - "Didn't score any points there, with anyone. This whole day sucks. It is times like this I wish I could smack someone with a lead pipe…" *_She blinks and then taps her chin._* "Okay… maybe someone was right when they said I need to cool down a little… but don't tell her I said that, or I'll kill both of you."

**Cody** - "Okay, I lost my temper there, I'll admit it. But see, there's this thing about being in a love triangle that makes things… complicated… see, it's like this…"

*_He makes a bunch of weird hand gestures that I don't think any of you will get, because we don't either._*

"… And see, when things go around like that, it makes me tick, you know. Sometimes I wish if everything had been easier if I had just gone out with Gwen in the first place. But no, I guess Trent's the better man there, and I have to pick between a hot Olympian or a bombshell gamer; life can be so frustrating."

**Courtney** - *_She is eating ice cream from her bowl still._* "Oh, I'm sorry, I don't have anything to say. Just had to get away from Katie for a minute, because she's on another of her rants."

**Katie** - "… and when the heavens and hells crash against the Earth, bad stuff will happen! … Whoa, how'd I get here?" *_She looks at the bowl she has in her hands._* "Jeepers, my ice cream is gone, I must have ate it all! I'll have to hurry back to the cafeteria, talk to Courtney for real now."

* * *

**(Hysteric Crowd, Team 5 - Arthur, Clive, Yoshi.)**

"Darn it, darn it, darn it," Clive was shouting as they ran down the back alleys. "Bad word, very bad words!"

"What kind of swearing is that?" Arthur asked. "We're running from a _*censored*_, giant duck!"

"I think it was a platypus," Yoshi corrected.

"You an expert? Do they eat stuff like that in Japan?"

"… I'm going to ignore that."

Clive panted in desperation, and then almost ran into a wall. He looked up at the top, and noticed barb wire circled the top. "Oh very bad word," the emo shouted, "we're blocked off!"

Arthur turned away and started to head the other way, but stopped as well. "Damn it, the other alley is blocked too! Guess we'll have to wait until the giant duck passes by-"

The ground shook, and a large, wet roar echoed around the city. The vibrations of a building being destroyed by the rampaging not-duck-but-platypus could be felt where they were. Yoshi steadied himself first and noticed the fire escape ladder.

"Time to improvise," he said as he leapt from a trash can and grabbed the bottom rung to pull it down. "Let's get to the roofs, and leap from each to escape as far as we can!"

"You can really think on your feet," Arthur said. "Experience with Godzilla and all?"

"I'm going to ignore that too!"

Clive raised an eyebrow and looked over at Arthur. "He's rather generous. Shame there aren't more people like that on this pathetic planet."

"You mean hair-trigger, sword-carrying warriors?"

"Yep."

"I agree. Now, let's get going!"

The three climbed to the roof, and leapt to the next building. It was a working strategy until the platypus slowly turned towards them. Narrowing its beady but cute eyes, it started rampaging towards them, swatting buildings and trees out of its way.

"Oh, very _very_ bad word," Clive shouted. "The platypus of death is coming after us… for our deaths!"

"How could it possibly know we're the competitors among all the people?" Arthur shouted. "Darn hacks!"

"Time for deathly, dying in the most deathly manner!"

"Look, knock that off, emo boy!"

Yoshi skidded to a halt, and turned around. "Go on, you two! Climb down the fire escape on this building, I'll hold him back!"

"You're crazy! All you have is a sword!"

The warrior teen scoffed. "And do you have a better idea to stop a giant rampaging platypus from coming at you two? Get out of the city, I want our leader to survive this!"

Arthur paused, then pat Yoshi's shoulder. "Good luck, dude. I'll burn a candle on one of those floaty things for you, or whatever the tradition is."

"You know, you're very lucky I'm feeling noble today. Get out of here before I change my mind!"

"Come on, you foolish death-tempter," Clive shouted, grabbing Arthur's jacket and pulling him towards the fire escape.

Yoshi unsheathed his sword, and glared at the approaching mammal (yes they are, look it up). They stared at each other for a couple seconds, and then bowed respectively (no, they don't bow, don't look that up). Yoshi let out a battle cry, the giant platypus let out a battle quack (I don't know if they do or not, don't judge me), and then they attacked.

The warrior teen leapt off the building, swinging his sword. He cut into the giant beast's chest, while its first swing at the boy missed. As Yoshi slashed again, shouting, "For my homeland, for Japan," the beast missed its second swing. The third swing was actually a kick, smashing the warrior against the building and crushing it under the webbed foot. The building shook violently, which caused the two fleeing down the fire escape to be thrown off their feet.

Clive and Arthur both swore in their respective manner as the building was knocked over, and pitched over the side. The terrible crashing noise echoed across the city. The platypus gave a small salute in honor of its fallen opponent, and then trudged off to smash through more buildings.

Arthur recovered slowly, pulling himself up and coughing amid the dust. "Holy crap," he muttered, "that was awful… still alive though. Hey, emo boy? Emo! Clive, where are you?"

He looked around, trying to find where his lost teammate was. When the dust felt too thick for his lungs, he ran out, coughing and hacking, then crashed into someone.

"Well well, if it ain't our beloved leader," the someone said. "Are you losing already?"

"You look like hell, dude, did that building fall on you? Awesome stuff."

Arthur looked at who was holding him, and let out a groan. "Oh great, you two? Just peachy."

Valerie and Colin exchanged glances. "He doesn't seem happy to see us," Valerie said, "considering he's in a bad state."

"I'd be glad to be pushed against your rack, to be honest."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Cool like your earlobes.)**

** Valerie** - "There are times when I really, really want to kick Colin in the groin. But what's the point if there's no pain in a virtual game?"

**Clive** - "Deathly dying death is the only salivation we can get! Or… something, I dunno. Bad word, I'm so confused."

**Yoshi** - "Never thought my greatest challenge would be a fifty-foot platypus… egg-laying mammal with a quill or whatever. Signing up for this show has been quite weird, but unusually satisfying."

**Arthur** - "Yeah, I was kind of hard on Yoshi, but I figured he fights his best when annoyed; he does always seem to kick Zach's ass whenever they do fight."

* * *

**(Panicky Mob, Team 2 - Bridgette, Leshawna.)**

"Run, run, run! Run your skinny butt off, Bridgette!"

"I'm running, Leshawna! Hard to run anymore than I already am!"

The two girls were heading down the street, pushing their way through the terrified civilians; however, to be honest, Leshawna did most of the pushing. Bridgette wondered if she was like this at school if in a hurry for class too. After running for a short while, they hid behind a building and caught their breath.

"Never knew hiding could be so tiresome," Leshawna admitted. "If this were real, it'd almost be a good exercise, running from that bug!"

"Yeah, never did like those giant bugs… or arthropod, or whatever Harold called it. I don't think it was anthromorphic, was it arthropod?" Bridgette wiped her forehead, and then noticed Leshawna was looking at her. "Um, what? Everything okay?"

Leshawna smiled and crossed her arms as she caught her breath. "You like him, don't you?"

"What? No! I mean, yes! I mean," Bridgette stammered, shaking her head and waving her hands, almost like some poorly choreographed dance. "What I mean is… why have people been accusing me of liking Harold since this season started?"

"I dunno, guess we're all paranoid or something, sugar."

"But why? It's not like this show is ripe with cheaters…"

"Comes with the territory," she replied, smiling. "Reality show, competition-"

"You're one of my best friends, Leshawna!"

"And I haven't accused you of anything, sugar, why are you being so defensive?"

Bridgette stopped, and then scratched the back of her head. "I… have no idea, really."

"I just asked because I wanted you to do something for me-"

The ground shook horribly again, including the building they were leaning against. They felt the structure weaken, the moans of it collapsing, and started forward. Bridgette saw it start to lean towards them, and then very suddenly collapse in their direction. She used all her strength to shove Leshawna. The sister stumbled forward and hit the ground, out of range of the collapsing structure.

"Ow, son of a," she started to say, then looked around. "Bridgette! Girlfriend, where'd you go? Bridgette!"

She called out to her several times, and saw the rubble of the structure. As she headed for it, she saw an arm lifelessly sticking out from behind the debris, an arm wrapped in a blue hoodie's sleeve.

"Oh, Bridgie," Leshawna whimpered, covering her mouth. "Why? Why'd you end your virtual life to save my own digital existence? That chokes me up…"

Leshawna let out a heavy sigh, then saw a gigantic, ugly head of a centipede rise up at the side of the rubble. The head darted down to eat the civilians that weren't crushed, and then saw Leshawna. It made a hungry noise and nodded its head approvingly.

"Oh! Oh no, you didn't," Leshawna shouted in fury. "You did not just look at me and think of how big of a meal I'd be!" She rolled up her sleeves and shouted, "That's it, this may be my digital end, but I'm going down fighting!"

"RUN, LESHAWNA!"

Leshawna and the centipede looked to the side, only to see Xander come speeding by on a motorcycle. As he passed by the giant arthropod, he pulled out an uzi and let fire at the creature's face. It reeled back and shook off the pain, as Justin and Heather ran to Leshawna's side.

"We have to go," Justin said, "now! Big, bad, very un-handsome bug is going to eat us if we don't hurry!"

"Let me go, I'm giving it a piece of my mind! It killed Harold and Bridgette-"

"And you're next if you don't hurry," Heather snapped. "C'mon, we're using all the stuff we found to save you, let's go, sister!"

Leshawna winced, then heard a terrible scraping sound. The centipede attacked Xander, hitting him on the side and sending him flying. The motorcycle was impaled on its pincer, and it tried to shake it off. The rebel lay where he landed, barely moving. Leshawna shrugged off Justin and Heather, hurrying to Xander's side and lifting him up.

"C'mon, babe, I'm not losing you to that freak," she snapped at the dazed rebel. "I still owe you for getting us on that cruise reward!"

"U nufgr vw oluews qurg tiy," was his mumbling reply.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Nice like your pants.)**

** Bridgette** - "It's amazing how paranoid I've become. I mean, I think of Harold as a friend, only as that! Why is it that part of me doesn't even believe in… me?"

**Leshawna** - "I think we all just get a little suspicious whenever boy and girl interact, you know? I actually wanted to ask Bridgette something else, and she got all worried. Silly suspicious surfer girl, what's she got to worry about?"

**Harold** - *_He is reading something doodled on the wall._* "What's 'Bridgold'? And who wrote this?"

**Crystal** - *_She hums as she writes down some more of her favorite fanon pairings. When there is a knock on the door, she panics and sticks the post-it to the wall then runs out._* "Coming out, sorry! Just wanted to leave a note!"

**Xander** - *_He looks at a post-it note and sees X+C in a heart._* "Very cute, Crystal. I knew I could reach that cute British girl soon enough… but who's Bridgold?"

* * *

**(Hysteric Crowd, Team 3 - Beth, Carol, Lindsay.)**

"So where did Justin take you for your first date?" Lindsay asked Beth, clapping her hands anxiously.

"He actually visited me on our farm! He was nervous to be around pigs at first, but he really get into them!"

"Did he like Big Britney?"

"Big Bertha, Lindsay, and yes, he loved him!"

"That's great! Tyler liked my doggie, which really was a good sign, don't you think?"

They both were surprised when they heard a bitter scoff. Carol stared down at the ground and kicked some trash out of her way. "You two bragging about your boyfriends," she muttered. "It's like rubbing it in."

"We weren't mocking you, Christmas," Lindsay assured her.

"My name is Carol, Christmas is my last name."

"Your name is… Carol Christmas."

"Yes, and I don't suppose I'll ever change the last name. Or hyphenate it, whatever. Guess that'll make it easier when I'm fighting crooks on the street, won't have anyone worrying about me at home."

"You'll find someone," Beth tried to assure her. "I mean, there's someone for everyone!"

"I don't want someone who's for everyone," Carol cried out, gripping her headband and wailing. "That's too much to share!"

As the two girls tried to calm down the overreacting girl, they approached the bridge exiting the city. When they realized, those not depressed let out a cheer.

"We made it out, we're safe," Beth cheered.

"We won't be stomped on by a 'platy-fuss,'" Lindsay agreed, then stammered, "Um, or is it 'fatty-cuss?' Or 'blabber-tush'?"

"Oh, who cares?" Carol grumbled. "Running away, that's sure to impress people. This sucks, life sucks, I think I might join Clive in emo land."

Beth and Lindsay tried to persuade her not to do that (and Beth had to explain to Lindsay who Clive was), the three girls walked onto the bridge. Carol waved at a couple soldiers who were setting up equipment at the start of the bridge.

"Are those survivors?" one soldier asked the other.

"Yes. We should let them pass before we demolish this bridge."

"I have to ask why we're doing this?"

"Because we don't want the monster to escape the city. Therefore, we are cutting off its path to the mainland."

"But it's a freaking platypus, it can swim! This is a terrible random scenario generation!"

"Hey, don't look at me, I'm just a random NPC, setting up dynamite at the bridge!"

"Oh, thank you for breaking the forth wall," the soldier declared, face-palming. "Honestly, can't you just do the job without complaining? At least we're not the cannon-fodder known as the civilians, so let's just blow up the bridge!"

Carol overheard this, and glanced at the explosives set up around the edge of the bridge. She shrugged, and muttered, "Why would you use dynamite? This is the twentieth century, break out the C-4!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Interesting like your eyebrows.)**

** Lindsay** - "I think Singalong was overreacting and being kind of catty there, so upset over not having a boyfriend. Why, all I did was talk about how sweet Tyler was, how much attention he gives me, how he makes me feel so special and the luckiest girl in the world…"

*_She pauses, then bites her lip._* "Whoa… maybe I did overdo it."

**Beth** - "Justin really did like the pigs I live with on my farm! I thought he would hate them, because he likes beautiful things and most don't like pigs, but he did!"

**Justin** - "I know that Beth loves her pigs, and yeah, they're okay for fat animals. But hey, rolling in the mud does wonders on the pores, so if that's how she wants to spend her dates…" *_He wiggles his sexy eyebrows._*

** Carol** - *_sulking quite bitterly_* "Everyone has to find love except me…" *_She glances at the post-it note, and then wails loudly._* "Whoever X and C are, I know C isn't me! Argh! And who the hell is Bridgold!"

…

**Beth** - *_She enters to see Carol sobbing and pounding the wall of the janitor's closet. Taking sympathy for her, she rubs her shoulders._* "There there, Carol. If I can get a boyfriend, so can you!"

**Carol** - "Yeah, well, you're lucky, you're so tall!"

**Beth** - "What? Oh, yeah, I am taller than you, and I always thought I was the shortest girl I knew!" *_Carol lets out another sob, and Beth hugs her, apologizing profusely._*

* * *

**(Panicky Mob, Team 3 - Crystal, Sadie, Zachary.)**

"Bloody hell, down here," Crystal shouted. She pointed for the subway entrance, and grabbed Sadie's hand; however, it wasn't Sadie, just some random civilian. "Oh! Sorry, nameless NPC," she shouted as she shoved the random person away from her.

Zachary had already grabbed Sadie's hand and pulled her close to him. "Whatever happens, Sadie, don't leave my side!"

"Aw, you really care?"

"Well of course I care, why else would I hold your hand?"

As Sadie giggled and blushed, Crystal turned to look back at them. "Will you move? We're all brown bread if you lolly-gag!"

Both of them stared at her. "What?"

"We'll be dead!"

They headed down into the subway, where people were frantically pushing other people away to get ahead of people who were shoving other people to the side; needless to say, it was a rather pushy situation. Crystal was more gentle about it, as much as she could be. She was karate-chopping and kicking people in the way, shouting, "Sorry, digital person! My apologies, random NPC! Look, I know you guys aren't real, could you move for those who are trying not to be brown bread, you soulless gits?"

Zachary and Sadie exchanged glances, and she muttered, "See, this is why I don't take the subway. People can be so rude, and that's even when there isn't a giant monster tearing up the place."

"Not to mention all the racists."

"Oh yeah, people are racing all the time, it's very irritating."

As Zachary tried to explain himself, Crystal studied the map of the city that was provided. "According to this," she mused, "the subway arriving now will take us to a stop near one of the bridges! Bloody brilliant!"

"I'm talking about people who make unfair discriminations, Sadie."

"Oh, I know, like this one guy on my school bus, he'd give his seat for Katie but not me! What's up with that? I mean, Katie is the prettiest girl I know-"

"Are you two even listening?" Crystal barked, hands on her hips. "Our ride will be here very soon, and you're arguing about meaningless dribble!"

"Crystal, do you always have to be so British?" Zachary asked.

"Yeah, you're kind of overdoing it," Sadie added.

"I am not," she sulked, looking away. "And anyway, I was told it's not possible to overdo British, whatever that means."

Before they could say or complain or British anymore, the rumble of the approaching ride could be heard. Crystal waved for them to come up to the line, where she was already starting to beat down people clamoring to the edge.

"You're very brutal," Sadie pointed out.

"I learned karate for self-defense, of course; I never use it for stealing a place in line, but this is different."

"That's sweet and all, but I do like a girl who's soft and sweet," Zachary said, glancing at Sadie. She giggled and flushed again, while Crystal rolled her eyes.

"Just get ready to fight for a place at the front when the car arrives, and we'll be fine."

The three looked down the tunnel where the rumble was coming from. Crystal blinked as she heard some scraping, and then the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. "Oh golly Molly," she whimpered, then added at the top of her lungs, "BLOODY RUN!"

"What?" Zachary shouted back, looking back at her as she ran away. "Why are you saying that?"

He received his answer as the giant centipede came crawling out of the tunnel, and immediately besieged the crowd at the front of the line. Sadie screamed and pulled Zachary's hand, trying to get him to safety, as bloodcurdling shrieks deafened them all.

Crystal couldn't hear anything except hysteric shrieks that made her ears ring. She was now kicking, elbowing, and chopping people nonstop, shouting, "Sorry," "Excuse me, miss," and "Get the bleeding hell out of my way, you're only extras, yes I know that's rude to say but I'm in a bit of a sodding hurry here!"

She could hear the giant centipede munching down people nonstop behind her, and saw a few limbs fly over her head in the frenzy. The people running alongside her were disappearing one by one as the centipede reached out to snatch more people, and soon she was the only one running away to the exit. She dashed up the side, the giant centipede hitting the wall. The ground shook from the impact, throwing her off her pace but not enough to make her fall. Showered by bits of stone, she managed to get to the top.

Panting and whimpering, she looked back down the stairs to the subway, but the centipede had not followed her. Crystal didn't have time to sigh in relief, as she realized Zachary and Sadie were not with her. She cried out in horror, and crossed her fingers in hopes they had made it out all right.

"I was so selfish," she mumbled as she walked forward. "I hope they aren't too mad at me!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Handsome like your belly button.)**

** Zachary** - "Racist British romantic! And what the heck is with these notes?" *_He grabs one and rolls his eyes._* "Fans and their stupid shipping, honestly. Although… I could use this for Stupid… I mean Sadie!"

**Sadie** - *_She is glancing at the notes, and giggles when she reads one._* "Aw, it's a Zed and an S in a heart! That has to be Zachary! He's so sweet, and he left me several notes! … Heehee, he's such a romantic, I can tell! But who's Bridgold?"

…

**Beth and Crystal** - **Beth** - "I think these notes are confusing a lot of people. Lindsay wanted to make sure the L&T was her and Tyler, not Leshawna and Trent."

**Crystal** - "Oh my! I guess I should be more specific! I don't even ship Letrenta!"

**Beth** - "Hmm, I never gave much thought about that. By the way, who's Bridgold?"

**Crystal** - "Umm, heh heh… shouldn't that be obvious?"

**Beth** - *_obviously confused_* "Belinda and Cody?"

* * *

**(Hysteric Crowd, Team 6 - Ezekiel, Gwen.)**

Things were not looking good for the Hysteric Crowd, as they were trapped in the middle of a hysteric crowd.

"Stupid hysteric croo'd," Ezekiel cursed. "Honestly, they're moo'r dangerous than that platypus!"

"They're going to trample us at this rate," Gwen shouted. "Stay close to me, don't let them knock you over!"

The sound and rumble of approaching, giant, webbed feet was coming in their direction, so the panicking mob (no, not the other team) were in a state of primal fear. Ezekiel winced as people kept slamming against him, knocking him around; Gwen reached out and grabbed his wrist.

"Don't let go," she shouted. "Don't let the idiots push you around-"

She was hit in the back of her knee, knocking her off-balance. Her grip on Ezekiel weakened, and he was knocked from her grasp. When she managed to grab someone and pull herself up, she saw the prairie boy fall over. She cried out, but was pulled away as her teammate was trampled by the crowd.

The screaming mob was still pushing forward, and nearly swallowed up another team of the contestants. DJ shielded Rodney and Tyler, knocking away people heading for them. The gentle giant was shouting, "Excuse me," "Sorry, mister," and "Will you foolish people stop panicking? The platypus isn't head for us anymore-"

A building nearby was smashed from the other side, sending it crashing down on part of the anxious agitated. Gwen screamed out, and her raspy voice alerted her teammates.

"That's Gwen," Tyler shouted. "I recognize that scream anywhere!"

"That sounds wrong, dude," DJ hollered.

"What do you mean?" Rodney asked, confused and scared. "What's wrong? Do we need to save Gwen?"

DJ was already pushing his way forward, knocking away pointless peeps. "Gwen! Hurry! Get over here!"

The platypus roared again, shoving over another building. More of the crying crash of people were crushed under metal and debris. Gwen waved her pale arms about, calling out to DJ. Her large friend was carrying Rodney under one arm, Tyler right behind him.

"This is worse than the last major game I went to," Tyler said. "People were beating each other with cracker jacks and their empty drinks, trying to shove caps down peoples' throats, and it wasn't even halftime yet!"

DJ finally managed to reach Gwen, and cried out, "We gotta get out of here!"

Another build was smashed, right down towards them and the last section of the hysterical hooligans. DJ shrieked louder than any of them and held Rodney tight to him ("Wow, you can really yell, D-hurk!"), turning away from the falling building. Gwen froze in horror, and then someone tackled her, knocking her back and sliding her across the crowd.

The earth-shaking crash of the building against the ground, with the horrible silencing of many terrified civilians, would have been a terrible disaster, but since this is like an action movie, it's just fine and rather cool (we're all hypocrites, face it). Gwen was the first to recover, groaning out.

"Thank God there's no pain in this simulation," she muttered, then realized who was holding her. "Um, Tyler? You can let go of me now."

The jock let out a startled cry, and let go of her. "Um, I just want to say that I was just trying to save you, and was in no way trying to make an improper advance-"

"Shut up and accept my thanks," she snapped as she stood up and then helped him up too. She looked at the building remains, scattered all over the street with a huge dust cloud hovering over it. She started to rummage through it, but recoiled when she found DJ's lifeless body.

"No no no, not him too," she cried out. "Oh, damn that platypus! Damn him to hell!"

She shook her head, then heard a little moan from underneath the wreckage. She pulled some of it off, and Tyler tried to help, but ended up dropping a bar on his foot. Gwen groaned and lifted some more wreckage to find Rodney.

"Oh, my head," he whimpered. He rubbed said cranium underneath his helmet, which, judging from the large dents in it, had just saved his virtual life. "There's no pain, but I feel numb and dizzy."

"Just take it easy, sweetheart," she cautioned him. "We gotta get out of here, that platypus is destroying everything."

"Right, let's go," Tyler said, but when he tried to stand up, he fell down and grabbed his foot. "Gah, this stupid food is all numb and such, I cannot stand on it!"

"Maybe you broke it virtually?"

"Well, don't worry about me, you two have got to escape," Tyler said, swallowing as he decided his fate. "Go on!"

Gwen hesitated, and Rodney seized that to declare, "No! We won't leave someone behind! Because… well, I've forgotten all those really neat quotes people give in times like these, so… no! Just, no!"

He hauled Tyler up, and instructed Gwen to support his arm over her shoulders, then took his opposite hand and placed it on his helmet. "Use the dents for a handle, if you need to," he instructed. "Now come on, let's go!"

"We'll be traveling at three miles a day at this rate, Rodney," Gwen pointed out.

"I know… but I don't want Lindsay to worry. She was gushing about Tyler nonstop after she saw some notes in the closet!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Groovy like your kneecaps.)**

** Gwen** - "Okay, seriously, in all seriousness and no joke meant… can I adopt Rodney?"

**Tyler** - *_He is reading the notes on the closet wall._* "So these are the notes Lindsay wrote? Well, I surely hope it's not Trent writing them to her! … Or Leshawna, but I'm sure he'd know better, and he'd better not cheat on Gwen!"

**Rodney** - *_He is also reading the notes._* "Wow, I'll have to remember this… maybe I could do one… for…" *_He blushes and pulls his helmet down to cover his eyes._* "Um… I don't wanna say just yet!"

**Ezekiel** - "Ever since the zombie challenge, I've bin killed nonstop, eh. I knoo' I shoo'dent complain too much, but it is kind of a drag, I like fighting in these things! But then a'geen, I could always check the sights here!" *_He starts to read the notes, and blinks._* "Zed and S? That Zed isn't me, isn't it? Oh wait, no, that'd be E, I've bin called Zeke too often."

**DJ** - *_He also is reading the notes._* "So… should I do one of these too? I don't know… I think my mother would be a little bit disapproving of my writing notes on the wall. Should focus more on the game… oh, wait, I got eliminated. Man, what can one do?"

*_He frowns and crosses his arms in a sulk._* "There's gotta be something one can do if you cannot compete or write love notes to someone! Anything… hmm…"

**Geoff** - *_He is looking at a list that has been tapped on the opposite wall._* "Dishes… trash… make the bed… dude, who put up a list of chores in here?"

* * *

**(Panicky Mob, Team 5 - Izzy, Sakaki.)**

"Okay, I have this plan."

"No… that's okay."

"We get this catapult, or maybe a trebuchet!"

"I don't like where this is going…"

"And then you can load gunpowder or something even more dangerous, like popcorn kernels!"

"Please don't tell me anymore…"

"See, popcorn kernels get stuck in your mouth like a total bitch! I had this one at the back of my throat, and I was hacking up like a cat with a fur ball, but I couldn't get it out, and so when I, like, stuck my finger back there to pick it out, I accidentally induced-"

"That's it, I cannot take it anymore!"

Sakaki was frantically pushing the emergency button on the elevator, but like anything in a real emergency, it didn't work. Izzy raised one of her orange eyebrows. "You know, you're not supposed to panic in these situations."

"I cannot help it! So what if I'm a coward? Just let me outta here!"

"But you'll never get the fun of fighting a giant centipede with nothing but your wits and brains!"

"I'm scared witless and my brain's telling me to run!"

Izzy grabbed the moe's shoulders and shook her. "Listen you! Izzy has something important to tell you! You must live life! Izzy lives life, and she loves it!"

"I love it too, by living life in a way that doesn't threaten to end it."

"Silly, we're in a virtual reality world, you have nothing to fear."

"Except for a giant maw of a centipede coming at me that will undoubtably haunt my dreams."

"No, but see, you need courage! After all, there's a boy you're interested in, and you gotta show him you have courage!"

"H-h-how did you know that?"

"It's up in the janitor's closet, with all the other crushes and pairings. Heh, I was always a fan of Bridgold, and Alfizzy too!"

As Sakaki tried to make sense of this, the elevator dinged and opened up on the roof. Izzy immediately went to the supplies that had been carelessly left there by the workmen (who, in their virtual panic, tried to escape by leaping off the hotel roof and flapping their arms really fast). Izzy started to build, a flurry of hammering and tying and making inappropriate remarks at those passing by like a true construction worker.

Sakaki was beet red when Izzy was almost done with her trebuchet. "I do not have legs like a pin-up," she whimpered, hiding one leg behind the other. "And I… didn't get most of the others."

"Shame that. Well then, I'm ready!" Izzy posed next to her trebuchet and beamed like a proud mother. "What do you think?"

"How is this going to stop a giant centipede?"

"You gotta believe! Faith flings the fodder!"

The moe girl swallowed hard, and whimpered, "Okay, I'll trust you."

"Excellent! Now for fodder!"

Izzy ran around, looking for stuff to launch from the hotel roof. Sakaki watched her, and tried to give some advice. "No, I wouldn't try the tools, they aren't big enough. I doubt you can tear one of those metal vents from the frame, Izzy. … _Put me down, not me, not me_!"

"Fine, you big sissy," Izzy said as she placed the frightened moe on her feet. "I'll just use these conveniently placed cinder blocks!"

She loaded up the trebuchet with a bunch of cinder blocks, and watched as the giant centipede came crawling down the street, eating civilians and smashing buildings. "Okay, if my calculations are right, I should be able to hit him… now!"

She launched the trebuchet, and the cinder blocks were hurled into the air. Sure enough, they came crashing down on the centipede, bashing painfully; one of its legs was severed.

This only seemed to infuriate the giant monster, and it let out a roar of fury. Charging forward, it smashed its bulk into the hotel. The large building started to cave in on itself, then pitched forward.

"Oh, what a predicament," Izzy said calmly as Sakaki gripped onto her, trembling in terror as the building trembled too. As it started to fall forward, the redhead tapped her lips and said, "Well, with my side calculations, I can guess if we jump at my command, we should survive! … Ready, Sakaki?"

"… Mommy!"

"Ready then! … NOW!"

There was a terribly ghastly noise of a hotel smashing against the street. There was a terribly ghastly roar of an infuriated centipede, who was now smashing everything in sight. The dust cloud forming up made it impossible for anyone to see anything in the area…

Including you, you're in suspense now. Ha.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Wild like your widow's peak.)**

** Sakaki** - "Why must I be such a coward? I must stand up for myself… starting now, I will no longer overreact…"

*_She pauses when she sees the notes on the wall. Noticing the "Sebastian 3 Sakaki" note, she, in a flurry of embarrassment, waves her hands and accidentally knocks off all the notes from the wall._*

**Izzy** - *_She looks down at her foot, and then laughs._* "Hey everyone, check this out! I stomped all over DunCourt! Har har!"

…

**Crystal and Beth** - **Crystal** - "Thanks for helping me posting this again, sweetheart."

**Beth** - "No problem! I wonder who went stomping on all of these to begin with, anyway."

*_The door opens and a leg is extended into view_.*

**Izzy** - *_off-screen_* "Sorry, I think I still got NoCo stuck to my shoe."

* * *

**(Hysteric Crowd, Team 1 - Alfred, Mandy, Sebastian.)**

"So when do you plan on driving?" Alfred was asking Mandy as they walked. Their slow pace was due to catching their breath, running from destruction that the platypus.

"I was going to learn when I was eighteen, because I don't really need to drive around yet."

"What about going out to places?" Sebastian asked.

"Mortal pleasures have no excitement for me. I will eventually indulge, but right now, I prepare for the world's end."

"I'd gladly indulge in them with you," Alfred said, winking at the cultist girl. She felt her face hid up and looked away, growling in annoyance at her mortal obviousness. Sebastian chuckled at this and shrugged.

"Me, I took up driving to ensure I can get Chinese take-out when I want," the philosopher said.

"You like that stuff?"

Sebastian nodded and mimed using chop sticks. Mandy sighed and shook her head. "I could never get the hang of those things."

"And I cannot eat Chinese, goes right to my thighs," Alfred admitted.

The three turned a corner, and were startled to see a barricade being set up by the military. Alfred ran over, excited and eager, and called out, "Hey dudes of the army! How's it going?"

"Hello, random citizen," one of the soldiers said. "Are you in peril?"

"Giant, perilous, egg-laying mammal smashing through the city, seems like I am."

"Well, we have all kinds of weapons here to help you out."

The soldier handed Alfred a rifle, and he grinned. "This could be good," he said. "Though I don't know a little bullet will stop Platy-zilla! Got a rocket launcher?"

"RPG-7, that good enough?"

The soldier handed him the weapon, which almost knocked him over with the weight. He grinned and said, "May I test this out?"

"Sure, we've got tons of rockets!"

Another solider tapped the generous soldier's shoulder. "Um, are you sure we should let random citizens use RPG-7s?"

"Of course!"

Alfred pointed the RPG-7 at a little store, and fired. The entire front of the building was obliterated in an ear-blowing explosion, to which the gonzo cheered. "Hooray, I blew the hell out of that crappy shoe store!"

Mandy raised an eyebrow. "Well, that'll be fun for the giant platypus, but don't expect it to work on Cthulhu, mister."

"Sure thing! You wanna try?"

The cultist girl looked away again. "Um, I'm not sure if I should, the kickback might throw me back."

"Here, let me steady you!"

Alfred helped Mandy stand properly, hands on her hips. When the RPG-7 was loaded, he pat her head and she shot at the shoe store. The second wall was destroyed, shoes on fire shooting everywhere.

"Woohoo! This is fun," Mandy cheered. "Lemme have another!"

Sebastian watched them, fiddling with his dreadlocks. "You two realize we have an objective, right?"

"So do we," the second soldier declared. "And we haven't time to be blowing up shoe stores!"

Another rocket was launched, and hit the third wall of the shoe store. Alfred and Mandy cheered as the first soldier pumped his fists and handed them another rocket. His fellow soldier let out a cry of disgust. "No, not more random rocketing!"

"We have an infinite amount of ammo, dude, NPCs always do!"

There was yet another rocket launch, this time with Sebastian holding the RPG-7. Alfred and Mandy cheered as the rocket hit the last bastion of the building, as the second soldier angrily protested, "Stop breaking the fourth wall already!"

"Who's breaking the fourth wall?" Alfred asked.

"It's happened twice now, some dude guy on the other side of town did it."

"How'd you know about that?" Sebastian inquired.

"Because we're all NPCs, and thus know these things…"

The soldier trailed off, and then slapped his forehead. "You just made me break the fourth wall, didn't you?"

"Yep, but don't feel so bad. Now we have a giant platypus to slay, so how about we get ready?"

A building nearby was smashed into pieces, all the walls at once. The platypus peeked over the wreckage, and let out a wet growl. It stomped towards them, wriggling its forearms at them.

"Okay, platypus," Alfred said, holding up the RPG-7, "time to… umm…"

"What are you waiting for?" the second soldier asked. "Shoot it!"

"But I cannot think of a catchy phrase," Alfred whimpered. "You have to for these situations!"

"No, you don't!"

"Yes, you do," Mandy retaliated.

"No! You don't!"

"Yes," everyone else, even the other soldiers, shouted, "you do!"

The lone solider grumbled. "Fine, how about just say, 'Eat this'?"

"No, way too common," Alfred said. "How about 'Time to be platy-crushed'?"

"You're blowing it up," Mandy pointed out. "How about 'flatty-pus'?"

"Doesn't really work either," Sebastian said, shaking his head. "Why not just make up something not related to the platypus?"

"You mean like, 'My RPG-7 will send you to heaven'?"

"Sounds too nice," Mandy remarked.

The platypus was infuriated at being ignored, and reached down. Soldiers and contestants scattered as the giant mammal picked up a tank in each of its fore flippers. One was eaten, the other chucked at the remains of the shoe store. With a satisfied grunt, the platypus turned to eye the contestants.

"Okay, um," Alfred stammered as he positioned himself, "let me just go with… gonna make you into platy-mush!"

"That's terrible," Mandy protested as Alfred pulled the trigger. The launched rocket blazed towards the giant monster, who backhanded it, sending it sprawling out in the city and blowing up a random hot dog stand.

"See, this is why a good phrase is needed," Alfred whimpered.

"How is that even physically possible?" said Mandy. "You just cannot backhand a rocket!"

"There's something else that needs addressing now," said Sebastian. "As in right now."

"What's that?" both Mandy and Alfred asked.

"RUN!"

The three sprinted off, screaming in terror as the military fought against the platypus. Alas, unlike in war games or in real life, the military is about as affective at stopping a giant monster as Congress would be.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Foxy like your shoulder blades.)**

** Sebastian** - "Some say that if you focus too hard on something, you're unable to focus. But of course, if you don't focus, you cannot get the job done. So what is the limit on focusing? Many great people have debated over this, and to me, the limit is when you have to stop to think about a catchphrase. Still, nice try, Alfred."

**Alfred** - "I don't know much about platypi, my friend Keith is the real zoo-going guy. See this one time, my buddy Keith has been to the zoo, and I think he's fallen in every pen: the piranha, the lions, the gators, the elephants, even the flamingos gave him a ruffling when he fell in there! I've only fallen in one, but luckily, those tigers turned out to be real sweet."

**Mandy** - "I cannot believe Alfred was lucky enough to have fallen in with the tigers! I want that kind of luck before Cthulhu wipes zoos off the world, releasing animals into their natural habitat… and then devouring them all. Hehe, the irony!"

* * *

**(Panicky Mob, Team 6 - Belinda, Noah.)**

Belinda and Noah had not spoken much since their escape from the centipede. Noah seemed to have a fascination of the ground he was walking on, staring down the entire way. Belinda glanced at him from time to time, then spoke up.

"A million dollars for your thoughts?"

"What?"

"A penny seems really cheap, plus there is inflation."

"Cute, but I'm not the talking kind."

"You sure?"

"Positive, just leave me be to my thoughts."

Belinda shrugged. "Sorry, I just thought after our conversation at the café, you'd be more open."

"The conversation revolved mostly around your panties."

"Funny, I don't remember that."

"What?" Noah balked. "But… but… you brought it up!"

"Did I? Weren't you the one who just mentioned it?"

Noah seethed and looked away. "You're just trying get under my skin. I know your kind."

"My kind?"

"Yes, you act like you're reading people, like you have keen observational skills. Well, I'm not here to be a lab rat, you just will have to do without talking to me."

"Such a shame, I always believed you would be fine to talk to. You just really have been bitter since Katie was voted off, haven't you?"

"Must you insist on twisting the knife?"

"You're only doing that to yourself, Noah," she said. "When Katie left, you ostracized yourself from the others, people who could have been there for you."

The bookworm was silent again, a combination of sulk and seethe. Belinda didn't follow up on the conversation, just continued to walk as they avoided hysteric civilians, the occasional debris flying through the air, and cars racing down the street and sometimes the sidewalk.

"You know," Noah grumbled as he slid down the lamp pole he had shimmied up to avoid being struck by a car, "I really just want to get out of this city."

"Feeling's mutual, but we'll have to hope the others make it; if not enough of us get out, we're all screwed."

"I thought you were supposed to be clairvoyant, why must you insist on saying the very obvious?"

"Because sometimes," Belinda said, "the obvious is right in front of us, and we cannot see it."

"So now you're some philosopher too?"

"More interesting to talk about than my panties."

"See? See there you go, you're the one who keeps bringing up the underwear! I'm not interested in talking about girls' underwear."

"My my."

"You know what I meant…"

The bookworm fumed, and when he looked up to reply in some way he was sure would be witty enough, he saw what Belinda was observing. One of the bridges leading to outside the city was just around the corner, and a short walk would lead them to safety. The clairvoyant golf-clapped and smiled. "How marvelous."

"Yes, a bridge, lovely," Noah grumbled. "Just why a giant centipede cannot cross this thing is just fringe logic, makes my head hurt."

Belinda giggled, and then the entire world seemed to shake, from ground to sky. Ears rattled at a tremendous roar, people lost their balance and fell over, and many hot dog stands were disturbed. Noah managed to catch Belinda before she hit the ground.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine fine, but I think the city is in terrible trouble now," Belinda replied. "I believe the centipede is going berserk."

"Oh, you sensed it? What, did it complain that it cannot find shirts with enough sleeves or something?"

The world around them shook again from another fierce roar, and then the terrible crashing of buildings followed. This was not ordinary crashing of buildings (but then again when is it ever), but the sounds of destruction were nonstop. Noah could feel the ground tremble like a steady earthquake.

"I don't know much about arthropods, that's more Harold's field," Belinda admitted, "but I'm willing to believe that this monster has some sort of berserk. It must be a way to ensure it destroys as much as possible."

Noah was quiet, squatting down and drumming his fingers on his knuckles. She glanced down at him, and said, "If ever there was a time to leave the city, it's now."

"No."

He stood up and started to walk back into the city. "Like you said, the obvious is right in front of us. I got an idea what I need to do to slay this giant centipede."

"Even if we can escape?"

"You can if you want, but I owe some people an apology. And I think taking out this beast will be a good step along the way. See you later, Belinda, I have myself a rare achievement to earn."

He started forward, cracking his knuckles and chuckling. Noah was flexing his neck when he saw Belinda was walking alongside him. "Wait, you aren't leaving?" he asked.

"Sorry, Noah, but if you want to take out this giant centipede, you're going to have to have my help."

"Any particular reason why you're going to risk it all in helping me?"

"Because it's fun."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Sweet like your pancreas.)**

** Noah** - "I do resent having to apologize just because I may have lost my temper once. There are jerks out there who do far worse things, unprovoked, and people just sweep it under the rug; however, someone like me does something a little negative, and they _flip_. Oh, if only this was a perfect world, where I could have an Ignore feature in real life."

**Belinda** - "Noah sure has a lot of emotional issues, I guess that happens when you are the youngest of nine. I wouldn't know how to relate, but at the least, I can try to make him the gentleman when Katie's not here. T'would benefit us all, I think." *_She chuckles, and straightens some of the notes, then writes her own._* "Hehe, my own Notie note."

* * *

**(Hysteric Crowd, Team 2 - Arthur, Colin, Valerie.)**

"Move! Move your butt!"

"I'm moving, Valerie!"

"Move move move!"

"I _am_, damn it, I cannot possibly move any more than I already am! If you want me to move faster, just say so!"

"Quit being a wiseass and move!"

Buildings were being smashed behind them, civilians were being stomped, etc., all that jazz. The platypus was going berserk, quacking and grunting as it tore through the city. The three teenagers were moving away from it, in the most extreme sense of running like the devil was after them (if the devil had a bill, flippers, and a poisonous barb near its leg).

"Where is he?" Arthur shouted. "I don't want to turn a corner and see him there!"

Valerie looked around, and tripped. Arthur took the time to stop and help her up, and when he looked, Colin had already ran off without them. This did not constitute as a loss to him.

"We are so screwed," Valerie grumbled. "That stupid platypus is going to tear everything apart! It always seems to be chasing us."

"Yeah, tell me about it," Arthur said, shaking his head. With this motion, he saw something he had overlooked: a sign pointing in the direction of the bridge. Perking up, he led them to the bridge, where the soldiers were finishing setting up the explosives.

"What are you two doing?" the political girl asked, "You cannot blow up the bridge, we have to cross!"

"We can hold off until you get across," the soldier said. He held up the firing trigger, and smiled with a chuckle. "Now this little tool will be the destruction of that bridge, you can take it and press it when you get across."

"Why would we want to blow up the bridge at all?" Arthur balked. "I mean, that makes no logical sense! It would only prevent people from escaping, and the monster can swim!"

The soldier let out a victorious laugh, and pointed at his partner. "Told you! I knew it made no sense for us, it's like some poorly written B-movie!"

"Our city is under attack by a giant platypus," the other shouted, "what would you constitute that?"

Valerie rolled her eyes, and then saw, in the distance, the platypus was crawling onto the shore of the other side. Grunting as it pulled itself up, it stepped onto the bridge, stomping on cars along the way. The politician girl grinned and swiped the firing trigger from the solider.

"Perfect," she shouted. "Let's blow the platypus to mush!"

"That was lame," the soldier whined.

Arthur swallowed as he looked at the platypus walking towards them from the far end. Then he saw three figures running at them too, three familiar girls. He immediately grabbed Valerie's wrist, trying to pull the blasting trigger away. "No! Stop! Some of our teammates are on the bridge!"

"To hell with them," Valerie shouted back. "We can kill the monster!"

"Booby-traps like these never work on monsters, haven't you ever watched any?"

"Shut up, you closet nerd!"

She kneed him in the stomach and shoved him off, then pressed the trigger. The bridge was engulfed with fiery explosions, blasts that threw the soldiers and Valerie off their feet from the sheer force. Arthur gasped for air, trying to steady himself as he looked up and saw the bridge collapse and sink into the water.

Valerie sat up and chuckled. "Hey, closet nerd, wanna sing a song? How about London Bridge is Falling Do-"

"Oh shut up, that's not clever in the least!"

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena.)**

Almost everyone who had been eliminated was watching the contest by Vera's large screens. Katie and Courtney were mostly talking, but so quiet and to each other that no one could hear what they were saying, even those trying to listen in like a nervous Geoff.

"Seems like things are really heating up, eh?"

Geoff almost jumped out of his seat when Ezekiel sat down next to him and spoke. He stared at Ezekiel like if he couldn't understand how his actions, or even his existence, could be fathomed. This confused the prairie boy, who calmly asked, "So, where's Bridgette?"

"… What?"

"Well, she was eliminated early on, I thought you would want to sit next to her or something."

"Oh! Well, it's all cool and groovy, yeah. I mean, it's not like I'm avoiding her or anything-"

"Hi, Zeke!"

Ezekiel looked over to see Bridgette sit down next to him. "Sorry to see you got eliminated too."

"Oh yeah, darn crowds, eh. But doo'nt let me get in the way of talking to Geoff."

"What do you mean, where is he?"

Ezekiel gestured to the seat next to him, which, to his great shock, was empty now. He looked around and stammered, "Wh-what? He was just here!"

"If he was, I guess that means he's still avoiding me," she said with a heavy sigh. "I really wish I knew why."

"I cannot imagine why either."

Bridgette almost jumped as Harold sat down next to her. The nerd shrugged and said, "Maybe he's just trying to surprise you or something, and he doesn't want you catching on?"

Both of the boys were confused when Bridgette started fiddling with her ponytail, looking at Harold as if afraid he'd bite. "Well, it's just… surprise… I dunno… I just think… that… _look over there, a three-headed monkey!_"

Both boys looked to where she was pointing, though all they saw was Chef Hatchet fiddling with a rubber band ("He only has one head," Harold mused, "and that's more like a gorilla!"). When they looked back at her, Bridgette was gone, and there was the sound of someone scurrying under the chairs behind them.

"What is up with her, eh?" Ezekiel asked his friend.

"I don't know, I've never seen her like that," Harold admitted. "Sadly, I don't know exactly how to interpret it all."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Rocks like your socks.)**

**Heather** - *_She is engrossed in the notes on the wall until she realizes that the camera is still running._* "I wasn't reading those love notes! I was just… staring into space! Anyway, Ezekiel once asked me if I had any idea why some of the other contestants are acting weird and avoiding their friends. I wish I could answer him seriously… and the horrible irony is, I'm in the exact same position as they are."

**Colin** - *_He is tearing up the notes._* "Morons, you have only yourselves to blame for putting these up when you knew I was here, so *_censored_* your love and crushes!

*_He proceeds to rip up every single note, and Harold's haikus._* "Haha, I cannot wait to see the looks on their stupid faces! But anyway, about what I was going to say. When Valerie blew up that bridge, I gotta say, that was awesome. But what followed was even cooler…"

* * *

**(Hysteric Crowd, Team 2 - Arthur, Valerie.)**

"Did you have to do that right away?" Arthur was shouting at Valerie. "You could have waited for our teammates!"

"Why do you care, you closet nerd loner? You're just lucky I did the job you couldn't, oh glorious leader!"

The soldiers exchanged looks, and the more sensible one said, "Hey guys, don't fight! We should all be friends!"

"You cannot preach that," the other soldier declared, "we're the military in a war zone, you stupid moron idiot!"

"Be nice, we're not fighting each other!"

The pleas fell to deaf ears as Valerie and Arthur continued to shout at each other. "I just saved us from the monster," she declared, "I saved you and your stupid hair and stupid jacket and stupid… stupidness!"

"Then tell me, Pretty in Pink," Arthur said, poking her in the chest, "why is the game still running? Why are we still here if you killed the beast?"

The answer came when a giant flipper rose up from the side of the cliff that the military outpost was camped on. The giant platypus, burned and scarred but still very much alive, pulled itself up. It grunted and heaved, then raised its other flipper high in the air. The soldiers screamed and ran away, as did Valerie and Arthur, but they weren't as lucky. The giant's flipper came crashing down on the two teens, crushing them as the beast pulled itself up. With a sad and pained grunt, it plodded towards the city, wet and burnt and very intent on creating a roaring rampage of revenge.

The soldiers peeked out from their hiding place, and one whispered to the other, "Well, technically, it wasn't our fault, was it?"

"No, we just set it up, they pressed the trigger. Poor fellows, smeared into the street."

"That's not how I want to go. I want to go the best way an NPC can go: sacrificing myself to save a PC."

"Will you stop with breaking the fourth wall already? You cannot…"

The soldier trailed off when he heard someone coughing from the edge of where the bridge used to be, and saw a girl pulling herself up the side. Both of them went to help her, as she gasped for air on her hands and knees.

"You survived that?" one asked her. "That's awesome!"

"Was… kinda… my friends… didn't make it."

"Well hon, sorry to say, but the beast did."

"What?" she asked, looking up to see the tail of the platypus slipping around a corner, following with a wet roar and the smashing of a building. "Oh man… that's so unfair."

"Yeah, tell us about it," the soldier remarked. "But what can you do?"

"I'll tell you what I can do," she snarled as she picked herself up, steadying herself on her feet. "I can stop feeling sorry for myself! I let griping about not having a boyfriend get me distracted, and forgot what I was determined to become! I won't let some duck get the best of me!"

"You know Captain Groucho?" the soldier asked.

"Yes, a little," Carol said, wiping her mouth and spitting to the side. "But I won't let grief get the best of me anymore! I'm an enthusiast, so no more angst! No more wangst! I ain't no 'wangster'!"

"Double negatives don't help prove your point," the more grouchy of the two soldiers grumbled.

Carol punched him in the throat. "Shut up, little NPC! Nothing will deter me now! I'll do this for Lindsay, for Beth, and also, for me! I'm Carol Christmas, and I won't let a giant platypus stop on my city!

"You hear that, you big wet stupid beast?" she hollered as she charged forward, shaking her fist in the air, "Officer Christmas is coming to town, and she's going to put you down! Cha-aaaaaaaaaaarge!"

As she cha-aaaaaaaaaaarged forth, the more polite of the two soldiers saluted her from behind. "I like her," he said with a smile.

The other soldier, nursing his sore throat, grumbled, "Yeah, you would, she's crazy enough to change after a giant that's smashing skyscrapers and roaring for blood."

"What can I say? I've always loved Christmas time."

"Oh, when I recover, you are going to pay for that one!"

* * *

…

…

…

** How can Team Hysteric Crowd bring down the giant platypus? How can Team Panicky Mob defeat the giant centipede?**

** Will Noah redeem himself? Will Carol?**

** And seriously, what is Bridgold? It sounds like some forgotten element off the periodic table. We know we've heard it before, is it important?**

* * *

**Panicky Mob (vs. Giant Centipede):**

**Team 3** - Crystal.

**Team 4** - Heather, Justin, Xander, Leshawna.

**Team 6** - Belinda, Noah.

**Missing** - Sadie, Zachary, Izzy, Sakaki.

**Died** - Harold, Courtney, Anita, Eva, Cody, Bridgette.

...

**Hysteric Crowd (vs. Giant Platypus):**

**Team 1** - Alfred, Mandy, Sebastian.

**Team 2** - Colin.

**Team 3** - Carol.

**Team 4** - Tyler, Rodney, Gwen.

**Missing** - Clive.

**Died** - Geoff, Yoshi, Ezekiel, DJ, Beth, Lindsay, Valerie, Arthur.

* * *

**Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date** - A whole bunch of torn-up love notes and haikus scattered all over the floor, then stomped on by a certain *_bad word_*.

* * *

...

**Next Up** - Twas cutie that fell the beast!


	39. Ch 11, Pt 3: Olympus Mons

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of TDI. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TDI contains stunts performed by written teens. If I find out you are trying these stunts at home, I will come over there and kick your butt.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - I update fast, as a way of apologizing to all of you for the very long delay. I would also like to point out that, as of last chapter, Total Drama Battlegrounds has a higher word count than Total Drama Comeback. While I could brag about this, it seems silly to, considering I'd be bragging about beating myself.

I would also like to address rumors that I was bullied by Dragon Ball Z loving Atheists when I was young, causing me emotional stress and self-deprecation so much that I would get my revenge on the worst of them by naming him after the most despised character here so I could have him be hit, kicked in the face, and hated by all so that I could have late but satisfying, delightful revenge.

This is simply not true. I don't think they liked Dragon Ball Z.

...

* * *

**Chapter 39** - One Last Stomp on the Road

* * *

...

...

...

**(Hysteric Crowd, Team 1 - Alfred, Mandy, Sebastian.)**

Have you ever been stuck in a crowded place that's loud with noise no matter where you go? That's how a giant platypus would feel if it ever walked through a metropolis. That, and the annoying buildings that kept getting in the way so you had to tip them over. The platypus grumbled and groaned as it tried to make its way through the city, at least try to find a decent place for fly larvae, even a drive-thru.

Running from the beast on a rampage were a cultist who had had a different idea of a terror rising from the sea, a gonzo still carrying an RPG-7, and a philosopher who was contemplating if there was anything more silly than what he was running from ("No, not really"). Sebastian felt the platypus was like really bad luck with the radio: the bad stuff kept turning up, good parts were ending quickly, and one would pray it's not cut off far too soon.

"We are all gonna die," Mandy was shrieking. "And not the good way, this way doesn't assure any glorious afterlife or at least an interesting case on a murder mystery! One of the boring ones where you wonder if they have run out of ways to kill people, and I know of five hundred and twenty-seven ways to kill someone!"

"Then I guess I should hold him off," Alfred shouted, skidding to a halt and turning around, pointing the RPG-7 up at the approaching giant. "And if this baby doesn't do the trick, I will take a crowbar and unhinge his head from his neck! Rawr!"

"… Five hundred and twenty-eight. Never considered the crowbar-"

"Mandy," Alfred grabbed her wrist and said, "if I don't make through this, I want you to! So go, live, and all that jazz!" He kissed her forehead, then spun her around and smacked her butt. "Move!"

"Awk," the cultist with an obsession for death, destruction, and global annihilation was now blushing and giggling nervously as she ran away next to Sebastian; he, however, was now updating that this was now officially the silliest situation he had ever been in.

The two were almost all the way down the road when they heard the roar of the rocket over the shrieks of terrified civilians. The explosion was muffled out by the furious roar of the platypus, but even both eardrum-shattering noises could not drown out the furious cry of, "Aw, damn it, where's a crowbar when you need o-"

Another loud stomp of the monster cut off the rant, and Mandy cringed deep down. "Damn it," she whimpered, "why couldn't we get someone cool to finish his mortal life, like Cthulhu?"

"That's your answer to everything," Sebastian said, "quite literally."

"It's a damn good answer that no one can counter! Cthulhu's greater than Chuck Norris!"

"Blasphemy."

"Oh, what can one mortal man do about it? You Norris fans and your weird obsession for someone who is clearly just overpowered! I cannot wait until reality hits you noobs like a ton of bricks!"

The building nearby them almost exploded, bricks showering down as the platypus, who had taken a shortcut, punched through it. Civilians were crushed and brained by the falling bricks, Mandy included as a large portion of the wall came down on her. Sebastian managed to escape damage and ran off down an alley way, just barely hearing a frustrated whimper of, "Five hundred and twenty-nine… damn it…"

"Man, and I don't even like Chuck Norris jokes," Sebastian said. "Guess one should not question Chuck's ways, but I doubt they teach that at college classes!"

He leapt over some overturned garbage cans, dodged a couple muggers, climbed over a fence, and blitzed through a public ballpark. Panting for air, he sat underneath the bleachers. He looked up, and noticed an interesting detail.

"Wow, gum stuck under the bleachers, the VR really goes the extra distance in these scenarios," he mused. He took a deep breath and pondered just how much effort Joel put into making Vera, when the sun was blotted out by a giant flipper foot.

"Well," he said, fuming slightly as the giant foot descended, "paraphrasing a great philosopher: details of my death will be greatly comical."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Was that Socrates?)**

** Sebastian** - "I seem to have terrible luck in these games. Blown up by a grenade launcher, torn up by zombie dogs, sucked out into the cold void of space, and now stomped on a giant platypus. Some might call that racist, but now it's perfectly okay for minorities to die in horrendous ways in movies and such."

*_He raises a very dubious eyebrow._* "Funny how that works. I'll never get Hollywood."

**Alfred** - "I know I shouldn't say this, but I think losing these games is just as cool as surviving! I mean, c'mon, I got to go down fighting against a giant monster! Reminds me of how once Keith picked a fight with the quarterback at school; sure, he ended up with a minor concussion and a couple broken ribs, but the girls were all over while he recovered! Sometimes, you gotta appreciate losing, because you'll learn to approve and get sympathy."

**Mandy** - *_furious sputtering_* "And Cthulhu eats Chuck Norris for breakfast! That's right, he devours him, and then revives him to eat him tomorrow morning! How you like me now, you foolish mortals who think some cowboy will save your pathetic souls? _Roundhouse kicks will not save you from Azathoth, the destroyers of worlds! So you can go f-_"

* * *

**(Panicky Mob, Team 4 - Heather, Justin, Leshawna, Xander.)**

"Is it still following us?" Leshawna asked, looking around.

A nearby post office was obliterated as the giant centipede came crashing through. Justin and Heather screamed as its gaping maw snatched a semi that was trying to drive by, and shook it like a mad dog.

"What's it take to stop that thing?" Heather declared.

"Buildings don't stop it, explosions and cars hitting it don't phase it," Justin listed, "and I got a feeling this town doesn't have a pesticide factory handy."

"And you all mocked me when I suggested a great, big meerkat," Xander mumbled, nervously tracing his facial scar.

"Sugar, you watch too much of the nature channel or something?" Leshawna quipped, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Mostly thinking of Lion King, sister's a Disney fanatic."

"Yours too, eh?"

Heather grabbed their shoulders, and declared, "If you two are done flirting, have you forgotten that the giant centipede is still over yonder?"

Leshawna brushed off her hand. "Well, I'm open to any ideas you got, skinny."

The skinny, I mean Heather, rolled her eyes, and said, "I don't think we can kill it, let's just run!"

As she said this, the centipede flung the mauled semi from its mouth, throwing it down the street and colliding with several other cars. A massive fireball exploded amid the wreckage, quickly became flaming wreckage, and blocked the pathway up ahead. Heather blinked a great many times, then face-palmed.

"See that coming?" Xander asked Leshawna, grinning.

"Totally."

"Right on."

They exchanged a fist bump, while Justin grinned and golf-clapped. Heather seethed, and shouted, "We gotta get out of here! Why aren't any of you taking me seriously?"

"I think it comes from the fact that we know we're all about to die," Justin admitted. "Doesn't surprise me, I haven't survived one of these things yet."

"Then start surviving, and run!"

She blitzed to a large store, and ran in, ignoring the signs of sales on shoes (very hard for her to ignore, especially those cute pumps and the hot platforms that came in just her color). Leshawna and Xander were right behind her, and Justin bringing up the rear, until he was snatched by the centipede. A bloodcurdling scream from a handsome man alerted the three, and they winced as the monster swallowed loudly.

"Least he doesn't chew before he swallows," Xander grumbled. "Maybe we can make it choke to death."

"No fat jokes, buddy," Leshawna warned him.

"Wouldn't dream of it, especially since you could kick my ass."

"Will you two stop flirting?" Heather declared as they ran through the store. "My God, why is it that people cannot go through this game without making passes at each other?"

"We're talking," Xander retorted. "Just because you're a shipping maniac doesn't mean every interaction is canon, or however the expression goes!"

"What do you take for, scar face?"

"A proud supporter of Heathekiel."

"What the hell is that… oh."

Heather face-palmed and groaned in frustration, while Xander and Leshawna high-fived (if this scene looks familiar to you somehow, it is because it was an unintentional reenactment of any non-shipper dealing with shippers, or vice-versa; wars are started over this, but luckily, it's all over the internet, or at least we hope it is).

The three reached the door at the back of the store, and Heather stepped outside first. She glanced around, and nodded back at them. "Okay, we gotta find one of those bridges," she said as she walked down the stairs, "because once we do, we'll have three people who survived at le-"

Leshawna and Xander saw the blur of a large, metal object, possibly a car, fly right past them, taking Heather with it. A very audible smacking of the queen bee on the windshield was almost covered up by the audible screams of the two members of her team. Xander stumbled back and tripped on the stairs as the car with Heather's body soared past and slammed against a building. Leshawna glanced over to the side, to see that the giant centipede had crawled over the building down the street, now throwing cars and other vehicles around like a tantrum-terror toddler.

"Ya gotta be frontin' me," Leshawna declared. She lifted Xander up and pulled him back into the store with him, hiding from the glass doors. As more cars sailed by, she shook her head and said, "This sure has become a lot tougher than the other VR challenges."

"Yeah, this is becoming a real pain, avoiding the bug from hell," Xander said.

"They're not bugs, they're arthropods."

The two jumped but immediately relaxed when they saw it was Noah, with Belinda smiling and waving at them pleasantly. "Hey, rude string bean," Leshawna said, "come here to chew us out?"

"Are you going to begrudge me forever?" Noah replied. Belinda elbowed him, to which he winced and groaned. "I mean, sorry and all that."

"Your apology needs to go to someone else, and you know that."

"Well, he's not here, but we are, and I think that centipede out there is of more concern."

"I'm with string bean," Xander chimed in.

Belinda nodded. "Aye, we're all peas in his pod," she said as she pat Noah's back, smirking at his fuming face. "Now, calm down. He's just stressed because of something having to do with my panties."

"_You_ keep bringing that up," Noah shouted as Leshawna and Xander looked at him with wide grins. "I tried to drop the subject since you brought it up!"

"Fool," Xander said amid chuckles.

"You gotta lighten up, string bean," Leshawna added.

Noah was now painfully thinking of him annoying Chris to no end, and if this was karma… then he looked at Belinda, who beamed at him with all the innocence in the world. "Are you trying to show me…," he started, but stopped and cleared his throat. "Wait, no, never mind, I see your point. Lighten up, you want the cynic to stop being cynical? Well then, let's have some fun in bringing down a giant centipede down to its many, many knees."

"That's more like it, Noah," Xander cheered. "What's the plan, man?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Wait, who's making these comments?)**

**Noah** - "So Belinda was trying to teach me not to be mean… no, she wouldn't defend Chris…" *_He ponders it, then his eyes widen in realization._* "Oh… I think she was trying to tell me that my frustration and anger were making me as unreasonably angry as Chris… unholy hell, I kind of have been. I hate saying this, mostly because I dread what people are going to say as if they know me better than I do, but I owe Rodney an apology."

**Heather** - *_sulking_* "Why does everyone treat me like a softie now? They think because I'm dating Ezekiel, I'm not as crafty and smart as I used to be? I am just as strong as ever… I just was hit by a car, that's all. Though I really haven't been leading or anything… makes me wonder how much Ezekiel _has_ changed me."

**Justin** - *_He is studying himself in a hand mirror, and sighs._* "For the first time in my life, I worry that my looks aren't good enough over all. I never win these challenges, and I feel like a fool in front of the others; Beth is the only person who has faith in me, I should do better to do right by her."

**Chris Maclean** - *_He gags and shakes his head._* "Have you seen the confessionals these days? What's with these teens, it's like they want to mature and grow up! We don't want that, we want fights and drama and unnecessary aggression!"

*_Groucho the Duck leaps from his hiding place, and attacks Chris' head, pecking and pulling at his hair; the host freaks and thrashes around, then hits the wall and knocks himself out._*

**Groucho the Duck** - "Filthy communist sympathizer! Terrorist-supporting pacifist! You sack of… oh it's just Chris. Sorry."

* * *

**(Hysteric Crowd, Team 3 - Carol.)**

"And I'll take one of these, one of these… ooo, is that the latest kind of rifle, used by American forces? Groovy, I'll snag one of these!"

Carol was raiding the supplies of an army outpost, looking for some kind of support. So far, on her small body, she had four RPG-7s and an AK-47 strapped to her back, a rifle in her left hand and a shotgun strapped around her shoulder, grenades strapped all around her waistband, a combat knife strapped on each leg, and was now picking up an entrenching tool.

"Ma'am," one of the soldiers said, nervously approaching her, "what good is a shovel against a giant monster?"

"If it's good enough for the Green Berets, an E-Tool is good enough for me," she declared, holding it up and almost losing her balance. After regaining it, she took a soldier's camouflage paint and smeared it all over her face, though in her haste and by only using her fingertips, it looked liked a series of scratch-like marks. "All right, I have a giant, egg-laying, duck-like ass to kick!"

"But what hope do you really have against the monster?" the soldier asked.

"More to the point, why are we giving her all our weapons?" another soldier grumbled. "Seriously, we're trained soldiers and she's about four feet tall and insane."

Carol hit the rude soldier on the head with the E-Tool. "Shut up, pointless and futile resistance! Now, I'll just borrow your radio communicator," she said as she swiped the device from the unconscious man, "and now, I'm gonna rock!

"I'm gonna rock this platypus like a hurricane," she shouted as she ran off and towards a particularly tall hotel the monster had not yet destroyed. "I'm your worst nightmare! Yippie-ki-yay, platy-pussy!"

The soldiers watched in amazement as the short girl charged off with most of their weapons at an impressive land speed. The one she K. sat up groaning, muttering about wanting a Round 2. And just when their shock had gone, a trio of interesting people showed up. Gwen and Rodney, still helping Tyler walk, came trudging up to the base.

"Could I get a new helmet?" Rodney asked a six-foot soldier with the most impressive biceps. "This one got all bent up."

"D'aww, aren't you just the cutest little soldier?" the big man said. He plucked his own helmet off and placed it on Rodney's head, the size of the new headgear vastly bigger than the kid's head and shading his eyes.

Tyler got a long rifle as a crutch, since as the soldier put it, "Like hell we're gonna shoot the fifty foot monster to death." Gwen took a swig from a soldier's canteen, looking around the camp. "So… what happened here? You guys barely have any weapons?"

"Some little blond girl just took all our weapons," one of the soldiers said. "Just took 'em all and headed for that hotel over there."

"She was brutal," the injured soldier wailed. "She took the rocket launchers and rifles, the grenades and the shovel, and then she hit me!"

"Went totally Rambo," the first soldier commented.

Tyler and Gwen exchanged glances. "Carol?" she asked.

"Definitely Carol."

"Looks like she's got her mojo back, but she's not going to bring down that monster alone."

"I'm not up for letting her go and fight to her death. This might sound crazy, but want to go help her?"

Gwen grinned and nodded. "You got it, sporto. Besides, I'll be damned if I just run away in a giant monster movie, I'm going to fight to the bitter end!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Seriously, who's making these little remarks?)**

** Tyler** - "Little by little, I'm trying to get Gwen to open up to me. See, I know something is bothering her, something at home, and as someone who's gone through that, I'm determined to help her; I cannot imagine how bad things would be for me if someone hadn't helped me! I can do this, I'm not just some dumb jock!"

*_He pumps his fists in determination, and hits his elbow against a wall. Letting out a pained cry, he winces and rolls his eyes._* "That really doesn't prove anything, does it? Just an accident!"

**Carol** - *_still pumped_* "I am goddess of war! Lord of doom bring an end to the story, 'cause I hunt you down without mercy, back to the front you will die when I say, and through the fire and the flames I carry on! Take that, bitches!"

* * *

**(Panicky Mob, Team 4 - Belinda, Leshawna, Noah, Xander.)**

"Okay, we need the fastest on their feet to run out there," Noah was explaining to the others of his team, "to run out there, get it to chase her or him, then run over part of its body."

"And what, you're hoping that the creature will bite itself?" Leshawna asked. "What makes you think it's going to work?"

"You remember the game Centipede?"

"What, you mean that old game? What makes you think that's going to work?"

"Because that's the classic way to destroy a centipede! If it doesn't work, well, we tried everything else, and we must run."

"And whoever's bait is dead."

"True. Now, who wants to test my theory?"

Xander shrugged. "Sorry dude, I'm not the fastest runner. I don't know about sending either of these lovely ladies out to be bait."

"Sweet but also sexist," Leshawna pointed out.

"Just holding the door open for you, babe."

"Thanks, but I don't know, I think we should send someone who can run real fast and has faith in the plan."

Noah noticed the three were looking at him, and then he shook his head. "Oh no. I spend most of my life in front of my computer! There's no way I can run circles around the centipede!"

* * *

"'It's _your_ plan, Noah, you should do it,'" Noah grumbled as he stepped out of the store. "Guilt, you have deprived me of sanity yet again, thank you."

He walked out into the street, and saw the centipede tearing apart some tattoo parlor. Clearing his threat, he called out, "Hey! Legs! I wanna be eaten! Come dine!"

The centipede either didn't hear him or didn't care as it tore apart an electronic store. Noah was calling out more, and then started to get annoyed. "Hey! I'm trying to commit suicide here, and you're not helping me," he declared. He picked up a rock from some rubble and tossed it. "Hey, you… 'decipede'! That'd be witty if you know Roman numerals!

"Get over here, stupid centipede! You and your too many legs, and your lousy arthropod name! You're lucky this is Canada with your stupid metric name! Your mother was a millipede, and your father worked as a part-time dung beetle!"

That did it. The centipede turned around slowly and glared at Noah. Crawling around, it snarled as it started to come at him.

"Oh no," Noah whimpered, frozen in terror, "I think I just centipede my pants."

Then, with all the bravery and machoism Noah was known for, he screamed like a girl and ran away. The centipede chased after him, and almost caught him when it was struck in the noggin by a Molotov cocktail. It shook away the flames, and glared at the attacker.

"Want more, centipede?" Leshawna asked, taking a second bottle from Xander. She hurled it at the monster, and sprinted in the opposite direction with the beast after it.

"Run over it, Leshawna, over it," Noah called out.

"Too late," she called back as she sprinted away from the beast, veering towards the buildings. The monster reared its head back and dove at her, until a shotgun blast pelted it from the side.

Crystal stood in an alleyway, holding the smoking firearm and blowing away the smoke. "All right, you're brown bread now, chap," she snarled. "Because no one, and I mean no one, steps on my city, and you have vastly exceeded my limit!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - These comments have been around forever, who is doing them?)**

** Crystal** - "Lame catch phrase? Sorry, but I'm more known for romance and poetry, not bloodcurdling battle cries."

**Leshawna** - "Maybe there is still good in Noah. Maybe we can change him. Heh, Harold, your Star Wars love has infected me so."

**Xander** - "Between Crystal and her boomstick, Leshawna and her Molotovs, and Belinda with her panties, I've gotta say, I got the hottest team ever. Quite glad I signed up for this."

* * *

**(Hysteric Crowd, Team 4 - Gwen, Rodney, Tyler.)**

The elevator's music was quite boring, but the three weren't too concerned. Tyler steadied himself on his rifle crutch, Gwen drummed her fingers on her arms, and Rodney tried to balance his overly large helmet on his head. The pleasant ding of their arrival alerted their attention and they headed out, the prodigy accidentally walking into the door first and then stepping out.

Carol was already standing there, watching the platypus smashing some skyscrapers a few streets away. She glanced over at the others, and grinned. "Hey, how goes it, people? What are you doing here?"

"We're here to help you," Gwen said. "You got about four RPG-7s, you want to hand us one?"

"No need for that! I used the radio to call in an airstrike!"

"What? But… you're a civilian! And there are still people in the city! And they believed you when said a giant platypus was smashing the city?"

"B-movie rules, you should know that."

"Touché!"

Carol chuckled as she looked around in the sky. "Yes sir, I won't even have to use all the weapons! We won this, people!"

The roar of fighter planes could be heard in the distance, and Carol cheered, leaping in triumph. Tyler and Gwen cheered, while Rodney tried desperately to see what it was they were cheering about; all he could see, in the distance was the platypus smashing buildings.

As the fighter planes came into sight of our survivors, they launched their missiles at the platypus. Heat-seeking and lethal, they exploded upon impact against the beast's head and side. Fire engulfed the creature, and it's sudden quack of horror muffled out by explosion could be heard all over the city.

The three teenagers let out cheers of victory, Gwen hugging Carol. Rodney blinked, biting his bottom lip. "Wow… that was… sad."

"What?" Carol asked. "C'mon, kid, we won! That platypus is dead meat!"

The smoke and fire was still thick around where the creature was standing. Then a flipper stuck out, and waved some of it away. With a furious grunt, the platypus supported itself on two buildings, hacking and coughing, then angrily knocked over the buildings and roared in frustration.

The four stared at the platypus as it kicked over more buildings. Carol's jaw dropped, her eye twitched, and she hung her arms like a knuckle-dragging ape (one with enough firepower to conquer a third world, or New Jersey). After a minute, she let out a strangled whimper and then let out a wail that almost drowned out the roars of the platypus. "This is so unfair! What do I have to do, go Super Saiyan?"

"You gotta be kidding me," Gwen shouted. "Fighter planes cannot take this thing out? What hope do we have?"

"We're doomed," Tyler whimpered. "I'm sorry I slowed you all down, you should get out of the city while you can."

"It's already destroyed most of the city. This section we're in, it's perhaps the last part he hasn't crushed yet. We're screwed, so very dead."

"I failed again," Carol wailed, and then let out a hiccuping snarl. She pulled one of the RPG-7s from her back and cocked it on her shoulder. "I don't care if I die trying, I'm not going to let that thing win! Gwen, take the kid and run!"

"Poor Stingy," the kid said.

Gwen glanced at Rodney. The kid was staring out at the platypus, watching it thrash about as it tried to put out the small fire on its back. The goth girl watched him watching, and then asked, "What? Who's Stingy?"

"Oh, that's, um, what I thought to call him, because he needs a name. Everything does," he explained. "Based on the stinger that platypi have."

"Kid, you're sweet and all," Tyler said as he collapsed against the side of the roof's storage room, "but it's a rampaging monster."

"Still, I cannot help but feel sorry for him, a little," Rodney said. "He's the only of his kind, he's lost and confused, and he keeps getting attacked and hurt for reasons it cannot understand."

"It's stomping on the fricking city," Carol bellowed as she leveled the RPG-7 on her shoulder.

"It doesn't know what humans are, we're as small as fly larvae to him," Rodney said, shaking his head. "Poor Stingy, he's just a lost platypus without a friend in the world."

Gwen's face went from bewilderment to realization. "Wait… wait! Carol! Do _not_ fire that rocket!"

"But I have a good shot-"

"No! Don't do it! I have a plan!"

Gwen removed Rodney's oversized helmet, and looked the prodigy in the eye. "Kid, we need you more than ever. Are you willing to risk your virtual life to defeating this problem?"

"… Um, but I not good at fighting and I fail at these things," Rodney said, starting to tremble in fear, "and if I blow it, it'd be all my fault-"

"No! No, you're exactly what we need to defeat this platypus… I mean Stingy!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Are these like confessional subtitles?)**

** Gwen** - "One thing I've learned from all the giant movies is that you need some special weapon to kill them, something we could never have, and I thought we could use what we had. But then I remembered that Joel made these scenarios, and he loves bad movies. And there's one reoccurring theme in a certain giant monster movies that would be worth a shot…"

**Cody** - "Watching Gwen take charge then in the monster challenge, it's so inspiring! I just wish that I could get over the whole crush and such. It's best to move on…"

**Anita** - *_She is holding a bottle of green hair dye._* "Hmm… should I? Or shouldn't I?" *_She sighs._*

**Eva** - *_She is holding a skirt in her hands._* "… I really, _really_ don't want to wear this… is this what it takes? No! Will not do! Competition, Eva, remember! That's what you're here for, damn it! Why must I be so distracted?"

* * *

**(Panicky Mob - Belinda, Crystal, Leshawna, Noah, Xander.)**

"One of you has to run over its body," Noah was shouting. "Get its attention and run over its body!"

"I'm trying, trying as hard as I can," Belinda shouted as she run away from the monster. She headed for its body, but one of its legs knocked her over. The centipede reached in, but she dodged and it hit its face against the street.

"Dang it, why can't it just burn like any normal insect?" Xander shouted, lightning another Molotov cocktail.

"Arthropod," Noah corrected.

"Not important right now, string bean," Leshawna shouted.

The five were all trying to get the centipede's attention, but after some very bad luck and some of their lack of direction, they all ended up grouped together in front of the store where their assault began. Noah stood in front of them, arms spread in defense. He snatched the Molotov from Xander, and grumbled, "Well, this is gonna suck, but I might as well let it swallow me and then set this thing off in him. Maybe that'll work…"

"How you all doing? Is that tiny torch really all you need?"

Down the street, having just turned the corner, were Izzy and Sakaki. The two were covered in dust and scratches, but looked fine otherwise (Izzy did at the least, Sakaki was a nervous wreck).

"Izzy," Noah shouted, "oh man, I never ever thought I'd say this, but thank goodness you're here, crazy girl!"

"Thank you! What can I do?"

"Get it to come over you and then run across part of its body," he hollered, waving the flaming Molotov at the centipede like a torch, causing the large arthropod to back off from primal fear of fire. "You have to do it, now!"

"Ooo, but that calls for a proper distraction," Izzy called out. "Should I kiss Sakaki on the mouth?"

"It's an arthropod, not a yuri obsessed fanboy, you insane woman!"

"Oh, then we need a different distraction," she reasoned, then looked at Sakaki. The moe whimpered and barely managed to squeak out a "no" before Izzy picked her up and held her over her head.

"COME AND GET IT" she screamed out as loud and proud as she could. "Come and get your hot, fresh moe, Mr. Centipede!"

"Put me down," Sakaki wailed. "Oh, this was not the way I thought I would die, even fictionally!"

"Drat, he's not paying attention to us," Izzy snarled in frustration. "Sakaki, you're gonna have to do it, my salesman skills aren't good enough!"

"… What?"

"You have to convince the giant centipede you're delicious!"

Sakaki sobbed a little as she stared up at the sky, still being held up by the crazy girl. With a deep breath, she thought of everyone who mattered, like family and friends and a certain boy that might, as Izzy said, would be impressed by her contribution. "Hey, you… insect!"

"Arthropod!"

"Sorry! Arthropod! I'm delicious! I'm a rare delicacy! I'm… I'm Japanese cuisine!"

The centipede turned its large head at this, and Izzy sped forth. Making a yummy noise ("Mmmmmmrgh!"), the centipede leaned towards the crazy girl carrying out his fast food.

"You can have me for breakfast, lunch, and dinner," Sakaki continued to wail, covering her eyes. "And I go well with melted butter and sour cream!"

"Complete with Irish seasoning," Izzy added. "Now eat us!"

The centipede lunged at them with a hungry cry (which sounded a lot like, "Oh NOM NOM NOM!") and its mandibles snapped, but missed the speeding crazy girl carrying the meal begging to be eaten. Izzy leapt onto its segmented body and leapt off as it made another snap, and thus severed itself in perfect bisection.

Letting out a gargling death cry, it thrashed around as centipede organs and blood spewed from itself. Then it collapsed, twitched a couple times, and then lay completely still.

"Shall we check its pulse?" Belinda asked, raising an eyebrow.

The other survivors let out wild cries of victory. "You did it, crazy girl," Noah shouted.

"Bloody brilliant," Crystal added.

Izzy put Sakaki down on her feet, grinning proudly at her. "You did it, you delicious asian dish! You're our hero!" She kissed the moe all over her face, to which Sakaki whimpered and fainted into Izzy's arms. The crazy girl held her up and said, "Oh my, you'd think it was the first time a giant arthropod tried to scarf her down whole."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Are we sentient enough to make comments, are we doing this?)**

** Izzy and Sakaki** - **Izzy** - "See, that's the fun part of this game! How many other people get to carry a shy girl over their head and jump over an enormous centipede in the hopes it'll kill itself? And people call my stories crazy, I think I just proved that truth is stranger than… other truths! Yeah, that's the ticket!"

**Sakaki** - "Why oh why oh why? Why did I _ever_ sign up for this show? I could also be labeled for false advertisement, I'm sure I cannot be that tasty!"

**Izzy** - *_She licks her cheek_.* "Mmm… a little tangy. Not too good but nice."

**Sakaki** - "You know my family is watching this…"

**Izzy** - "So are mine, and that just makes things more exciting!"

**Sakaki** - "That my family is watching me get my face licked by another girl in a janitor's closet on international television?"

**Izzy** - "Exactly, my friend!" *_Sakaki faints and Izzy has to catch her._* "Oh my. Don't you remember that you did all this for Sebastian? I'm sure he's proud of you!"

…

**Sebastian** - "Poor Sakaki, going through so much under such strange circumstances. The fact that she keeps enduring is incredible, she has so much inner strength that I don't think she's aware of."

**Belinda** - *_smirks_* "The things we do for love and crushers, huh people?"

* * *

**(Hysteric Crowd - Carol, Gwen, Rodney, Tyler.)**

"This is a really bad idea," Carol whimpered, "but… but it just might work!"

"You all should get out of here in case it doesn't," Gwen said.

"Cannot run," Tyler said with a shrug.

"Not gonna do it, I'm sticking here to the end," Carol said.

Gwen nodded, and pat Rodney's shoulder. "Okay, kid, do it."

Rodney swallowed, and then shouted out as loud as he could, "Stingy! Mr. Platypus! Don't do anything bad!"

And then, to the amazement of everyone, the giant platypus that was smashing an apartment complex stopped thrashing. It turned in their general direction, and quacked in confusion.

"Stingy! Um, that's what I wanted to call you," Rodney called out. He was shaking, and Gwen held his shoulders in support. "Please don't do anything wrong! You're a good platypus! You are good and gentle!"

Stingy the Platypus blinked and started walking to them. Carol nervously held up one of her RPG-7s, to which Tyler waved frantically at her. She nodded, and started to take off her weapons, and considering how many she had on, it would take a while. That was in good timing though, because by the time Stingy was done plowing through buildings, stomping on cars, and squashing surviving civilians to get to them, Carol was disarmed.

"Stingy, listen to me," Rodney called up to the giant platypus that was now standing right in front of the building and looking at him. "Um… see… I want to be your friend! I never had a friend platypus before, and I think you're nice!"

Stingy blinked some more, and looked closer at Rodney. The kid whimpered and Gwen whispered in his ear, "You're doing fine, keep going!"

"Yes, Stingy, we could be good friends," Rodney happily declared. "We could go swimming together, and talk, and go on adventures! I'd like to be your friend, wouldn't you like to be mine?"

The giant platypus leaned in, placing its scarred flippers on the roof's edge, and then opened its bill; however, it wasn't a growl or quack or snarl. It was a word that came out. "Friend?"

"Friend," Rodney replied.

"It can talk?" Carol exclaimed.

"We can be friends, Stingy," Rodney continued. He reached out and touched the creature's bill. It shook at first and then calmed down as it let Rodney pat its bill.

"… You… friend?" Stingy asked.

"Rodney is Stingy's friend!"

Then a great big tear welled up in both of the platypus' eyes, and a single drop spilled from them. "Stingy always wanted to have friend!"

"And we can, Stingy!"

"But… Stingy has five o'clock appointment soon, gotta step on some other city. Rodney play with Stingy later?"

"Of course I will!"

"Thank you, Rodney. Your… friends come with you?"

"We will too," Gwen said as she squeezed Rodney's shoulders.

"You bet, big guy," Tyler exclaimed.

"We'd love to play with Stingy," Carol declared. "Like hanging out with a Navy SEAL!"

"Thank you… all of you," Stingy said with a happy sniffle.

"No problem, Stingy," the enthusiastic girl said. "Now, you don't want to be late for that appointment, do you?"

"True, that city's not going to stomp itself… good bye, Rodney!"

"Good bye, Stingy!"

The platypus waved, and then turned to leave, waving back at them every other street he walked by or whenever he stepped on some random citizen. When it reached the coast, it dove in, destroying the harbor and boats there with the crashing waves.

"What a nice guy," Rodney chirped.

"You did it, Rodney," Gwen exclaimed, hugging the prodigy child.

"No, it was your idea too," Tyler said, limping over to them and hugging them both. "You both did great!"

"Stingy would make a good special force," Carol said, watching the water recede.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - It's like having a roommate or something, always in the room next to you!)**

** Rodney** - "Wow, that worked really well! But now I want a platypus pet! I wonder where they sell fly larvae…"

**DJ** - "That had to have been one of the cutest monsters I've seen! The platypus, I wonder if they would get along with Bunny! Seriously, it would be incredible to have two cute lil' pets! I hope momma's not allergic to platypi!"

**Yoshi** - *_raises an eyebrow_* "Well… I still think I was in the right when I attacked it with my sword. Stingy was a worthy adversary."

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena.)**

Vera powered down and those still in the virtual reality world were released. They shook themselves off, and then joined their teams in celebration, while Chris looked on.

"Well, that was very interesting," he said after all the cheering from the contestants and the crowd died down. "Panicky Mob caused the giant centipede to kill itself, and Hysteric Crowd befriended the beast and sent it on its way before it destroyed the city. Very interesting!"

"Twas fun," Carol shouted. "I got my groove back!"

"And you did well, Sakaki," Sebastian said to the moe girl, which caused her to blush, then swoon and faint; luckily, Izzy was there to catch her.

Noah sighed amid the conversations, and saw Katie watching them. She waved at him, giggling at his shocked expression. He hurried over to her, embracing her in a hug. "Katie! How did you get here? I thought you weren't allowed back!"

"I hopped on a ride back! I just wanted to see me, and clear things up with Courtney!"

She gestured to the CIT, who sat down in a seat nearby. When Noah looked astonished, she shrugged and waved. "You mean you're okay with her?" he asked Katie.

"Oh, yeah! We talked about all kinds of things, like family and expectations and competition. I think I got through to her, we're cool; we'll be going out for dinner in a couple weeks, she knows this great Japanese restaurant, get some girl time, bring Sadie and you along, maybe Duncan if he behaves-"

"Hey, Katie!"

Chris Maclean stormed over. "How many times have I told you people who were voted off to stay out? You have to go now!"

"But I have no ride!"

"Give her a break, Maclean," Courtney grumbled. "She had a long day, running all the way here and all."

"No breaks! If you don't have a ride, tough!"

As if on cue, a motorcycle came roaring into the stadium, the rider waving as he shred the turf and made an impressive stop in front of the others. Taking off his helmet, Trent smiled at Chris Maclean and said, "Well then, mind if I do it?"

"Since when do you ride a motorcycle?" Chris snapped. "And I keep telling you-"

"Trent!"

Gwen almost knocked Trent over in an excited hug, glomping her boyfriend. "Hey, Gwen," he said after he recovered. "Managed to get my ride up here, decided to take it for a spin and see you. Sorry I missed the game."

"You missed it? You should have seen it! We befriended this giant platypus, and my plan worked! Rodney was so cool, you really should have seen it happen!"

Trent chuckled as he hugged his girlfriend back as Chris groaned. "You know, I haven't even announced the winners! Will you all let me do that, at least?"

"Yes, who won?" DJ asked. "I thought it was extremely close!"

"That just shows you what you know," Chris said, laughing. "If you'd have paid attention, when that centipede died, there were seven people around them!"

"And only four around when the platypus won," Yoshi groaned. "But weren't there more survivors out there?"

Chris checked the records on his electronic pad, and raised an eyebrow. "Yes, one: Colin."

Almost everyone groaned in disappointment, Alfred booing loudly. The spikey-haired teenager scoffed and shouted back, "You all can kiss my ass!"

"So then," Chris Maclean said, clapping his hands, "the winners of the giant monster VR challenge are Panicky Mob! Well done, well done indeed! And the winners of immunity for Hysteric Crowd are Colin, Gwen, Rodney, Tyler, and Carol. Want to guess who gets to pick the others immune?"

"Well, Rodney did the job of befriending the monster," Gwen said, "so he gets it, right?"

"Nope, you do," the host said, shoving the electronic pad in her hands. "Your plan, your choices. So you have to cruelly deny the kid this reward."

"But you just gave me the reward-"

"You're the cruel one, nyah nyah nyah!"

Gwen groaned and shook her head. Trent pat her shoulder, to which she smiled gratefully. They both looked over their choices, and she hummed in thought. "Hmm, only three choices. Hard to do… guess I'll just pick some of the saner ones."

She poked a couple, then mused for a few seconds, then sighed in defeat. "Rodney," she called out, "come help me pick the last person!"

"Now wait a minute," Chris said, "I just said you were cruelly denying him that-"

"Shove off, Chris," she spat, then squat down to show Rodney the electronic tablet. "Anyone you really like here?"

He nodded and pointed at one, to which she selected and handed the pad back to Chris. Fuming, he took it and said, "Okay, the following have immunity too: Sebastian, DJ, and Alfred!"

The crowd cheered, and Chris waved to them all before continuing. "That means that the following do not have immunity and can be voted for: Mandy, Clive, Geoff, Yoshi, Ezekiel, Beth, Lindsay, Valerie, and Arthur! See you all in a couple hours!"

The contestants started to shamble off to do their own things. Trent pulled Gwen close to her, and said, "Before I have to take Katie back to where us losers are stuck, want to take a spin on my motorcycle?"

"You know it, handsome."

Gwen sat behind Trent and began their joyride. Ezekiel watched them drive off, marveling the machine, then turning to Heather. "Hey there," he said, beaming at his girlfriend, "want to hang 'oot befur I have to vote?"

"Soo'ry… I mean, sorry, Zeke, I'm really worn out, I want to go take a shower," she admitted. "See you at the voting ceremony?"

"Okay, babe," he said, kissing her cheek. When she walked off, he sighed and glanced off to the side before someone nudged him.

"Hello, stranger," Beth said, smiling at her friend. "Long time, no speak!"

"Indeed, I've missed our morning conversations," Ezekiel said, smiling at her. "Come to discuss voting?"

"Yep yep, I have! C'mon, we have to talk! Justin's gone in a bit of a funk, so I have to do something while I wait for him to cheer up!"

Ezekiel and Beth walked off, talking like old times during Total Drama Comeback. Lindsay hugged Tyler, congratulating him on his victory. Yoshi sighed and looked around, wondering what he should do as he saw Bridgette walk by.

"Hey, Bridgette," he said, stepping up next to her, "can I ask you something?"

The surfer girl couldn't remember when she last had a word with Yoshi, but shrugged and said, "Sure, of course!"

"Is it possible to talk to your boyfriend? I just wanted to ask him for his help on something."

"I… I would," she said, looking around. "But… but I cannot find him anywhere; I haven't seen him most of today!"

"I'm sorry to hear that. Any idea where?"

"No," she admitted sadly. "I really wish I knew what was going on!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - I mean, we LIKE the comments, but still we wanna know.)**

** Geoff** - *_He is shaking as he pulls his hat down over his eyes._* "Man, I cannot take this! Why did I have to be up for voting again? I just know something bad is coming from this! This is so uncool and unfair and so not me, and I… I must hide!"

**Harold** - "Even though I was killed first, I was really glad that what I thought would work, did! And did you see Leshawna? She was incredible and brave and…"

*_He hears some muffled whimper from under a pile of rags. Confused, he throws the rags away and gasps_.* "Geoff! What are you doing? Gosh!"

**Geoff** - "Um… hiding!"

**Harold** - "Are you hiding from Bridgette again? How dare you hurt her feelings like this!" *_He hoists Geoff up to his feet and pushes him against the wall._* "Look, Geoff, you and I are friends, we live an hour away, remember? We went to parties together! So I will not have you hiding from Bridgette like this!"

**Geoff** - "I'm not hiding from Bridgette, dude!"

**Harold** - "Then what are you hiding from? Tell me!"

**Geoff** - "I… I can't!"

*_There is a knock on the door, and Geoff squirms out of Harold's grasp. He shouts how it's available now as he runs out of the janitor's closet, almost knocking over Sadie and Katie._*

**Sadie** - "Oh my gosh, what was that about?"

**Harold** - "I wish I knew."

**Katie** - "Poor guy. Well then, Harold, Sadie and I have some catching up to do, and we want to tell all our friends via confessional how we've been doing."

**Harold** - "But you've only been gone since last night!"

**Sadie** - "I know! It's been, like, _forever_!"

* * *

Beth stood outside the janitor's closet, tapping her foot impatiently. She glanced at Ezekiel and said, "They've been in there for over twenty minutes now!"

"All I hear is two high-pitched voices talking non-stop. How do they even knoo' what the other is saying, eh?"

"I'll never get that. C'mon, let's go discuss strategy elsewhere!"

They left, and a couple minutes later, Arthur approached the closet. He overheard Katie and Sadie inside, and sighed as he decided to wait his turn. Another twenty minutes later, he stormed off, grumbling angrily.

"I swear, it's like being back home and my sisters talking nonstop, hogging the bathroom!"

"Well, hello there, fearless leader!"

He flinched when he heard the voice, and groaned. "Speaking of annoying girls…"

"Did you think you could avoid me?" Valerie asked as she walked over to Arthur. "You really should hear me out."

"I have nothing to say to you."

"Really? You might want to, since you're responsible for us losing the competition."

"What? That's bull! You pressed the button to detonate the bridge too soon! You killed the girls on it, and us, and failed to kill the platypus."

"No, you did. You were our leader, you would do that, not me."

"You… you liar!"

"Who do you think people are going to believe? You, the loner who accepted responsibility for this challenge as leader, or me?"

She swished her hips and smiled seductively at him. He winced, then backed up as she approached him. His back hit the wall, and then her hand was on the wall as she leaned in, chuckling darkly. "I knew you were pure, pink evil," he growled.

"Save it, handsome. People like me, they don't like you. But I can save you, and I can keep you in this game by finding us a scapegoat."

"And I'll bet you want me in some alliance?"

"No, I want you to cooperate with me," she said as she lifted her fingers up and stroked his collarbone. "I want you to vote for…"

She whispered the name into his ear, and then, before he could react, she pressed her lips against his, deep and forceful. Arthur winced into it, part of him giving in and part resisting. She cooed when she parted, and then added in a whisper, "You're mine now."

"You… you won't get away with this."

"I think I have. Now vote my way, be a nice boy. That way, no one will blame you for this loss, they'll even forget you ever took responsibility."

She sashayed off, winking back at him. Arthur groaned and slid down the wall, staring at his knees.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Maybe it's a ghost? OooOOOooo!)**

*_Katie and Sadie are nonstop talking until they finally step out to use the ladies' room. As soon as they leave, Arthur barges in._*

** Arthur** - "Finally! Jeez, they've been in here forever! Pink shorts-wearing girls… I cannot stop being bothered by girls in pink! Stupid Twilight-loving, pink obsessed politician!" *_He licked his lips, then scoffed at himself._* "Man, what have I got myself into?"

**Valerie** - *_She laughs and smirks._* "It's all politics, people are so easy to manipulate. Arthur dug his own hole when he said he'd lead, and thus I knew he could be used if we lost. The kiss? That was just for fun!" *_She licks her lips and laughs again._* "I love this freedom, this scheming! I'm going to have such fun!"

**Zachary** - "Hehe, Valerie told me what she did. Isn't a girl that crafty hot? Makes me want her something fierce, I wonder if I can get her alone… and if I can rub it in Arthur's pasty face! Har!"

**Chef Hatchet** - *_cleaning up the rags and torn notes_* "If I didn't know better, I would say there's been some sinister dealings going on around here! Look at this, rags and paper all over my new, clean closet! Back in my days, we had clean closets, and we kept them that way, and we were thankful for them! Why also-"

*_We are thankful for being able to cut this rant short._*

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena, Voting Ceremony.)**

Chris Maclean held up a trophy in his hand, one which had the icon of a large reptile stomping on some buildings. The audience roared, some of the members quite literally. The contestants all eyed the trophy, then some just rolled their eyes.

"And here we go," Gwen said to Bridgette. "Chris is going to go through the whole deal about trophies, losing, build up suspense, and then do it, all the while complaining whenever we talk."

"Yeah, it's typical," Bridgette said, shrugging. She kept glancing at Geoff, which Gwen noticed and felt a little guilty.

"Oh… yeah, I should have picked your boyfriend, I'm sorry," she said. "I just… I haven't seen him around so much, I forgot… wait that sounds bad."

"But about right," Bridgette said. "Look at him now, he doesn't seem worried. He just seems… upset."

"What's up with him?" Gwen asked. "I mean, he's been avoiding you, he isn't his nice and cheerful self. I'm starting to get worried."

"Welcome to my world. I'd do anything to have him drive up with a smile like your boyfriend did."

"… And if you don't receive a trophy," Chris was saying, "you are out of the game! Forever! You're gone, gone gone, bang a gong! Haha! Who's worried?"

Courtney groaned and looked over at who she was sitting next to: Sadie. "Does he ever tire of this?" she mumbled. "Seriously, I just want to go to bed, I've had a long day."

"Did you and Katie argue a lot?" Sadie asked.

"No, we had a long talk, I told her that I was just so frustrated about losing that I unintentionally set the blame on her, and I was apolo… hey, wait, didn't you two talk in the confessional for about two hours?"

"Yes."

"And she didn't tell you any of this?"

"We were busy talking about other things, sorry."

As Courtney tried to wrap her mind around this, Chef Hatchet started to hand out trophies to all those immune. Eventually, it came down to the nine up for votes. They all glanced around, some sulking, some anxious.

"And here we go," Chris Maclean announced. "I can hear the pulses racing as I start to announce who isn't leaving tonight! Starting with…

…

…

…

"Yoshi!" The warrior caught his trophy, and considered keeping it as one of the few he hadn't destroyed.

"Mandy!" The cultist caught hers, clutching it and chuckling happily.

"Lindsay!" The blonde let out a cry of delight and hugged both Tyler and Beth.

"Valerie!" The politician cheered and raised hers high in the air.

"And Arthur!" The loner let out a groan as he caught his and hung his head in annoyance.

"Now we got the final four," Chris said, wiggling one of the three remaining trophies. "Who's not getting one? Hmm? Hmm? Well, I'll tell you who did get one right away then! Ezekiel and Geoff!"

Both boys caught theirs, and let out sighs of relief, but Ezekiel was smiling as Geoff glanced off to the side. Meanwhile, Beth was hugging Justin, who hugged her back, while Clive sat and stared forward indifferently.

"And now there's only two, and one trophy," the host said, chuckling. "Who's getting it? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm-"

"Just give it to Beth already," Clive shouted impatiently. "I want to leave, the sooner the better."

"Calm down, emo boy," Chris scolded him. "It might be you who gets it."

"Can't you just give it to her either way? I don't mind."

"Nope, and quit kill the suspense, it'll ruin the moment when you have to go!"

"So I did lose?"

"Not saying that for now, now let me finish or I'll force you to stay!"

"That's not fair," Justin shouted.

"Oh stop your emo'ing! The final trophy is going to…"

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

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"The emo!"

Clive let out an exasperated grunt and hung his head, which led him to miss seeing the trophy come at him and hit him in the noggin. With a whimper, he fell out of his chair. "Figures," he muttered on the floor.

Beth slumped in her seat, and Justin was protesting vehemently. "No no no, c'mon, man," he said, "the emo wants to go, just let him!"

"No, I won't have him sacrificing himself because he hates it here," Chris said, "and besides, we'd lose all the hilarity of him being emo around here!"

"Nice," grumbled Beth. She sighed and kissed Justin, then started walking to the departure zone. "Can I please say good-bye to my friends?"

"Haha, nope! I won't have this sappy, gooey nonsense hogging our time!"

"But the bus isn't even here yet!"

Chris looked over to where the bus should have been, and groaned. "Okay, fine! Say good-bye to your friends, Beth, but I'm editing it out when it goes to air!"

"I don't care, douche bag," she replied with a dismissive wave of her hand.

Beth then went to all her friends to say good-bye: Lindsay, Cody, Harold, Leshawna, her roommates, and Ezekiel. The prairie boy added, "Soo'ry our plan didn't work."

"Yeah, but you know, such is life," she said, managing a smile. When she started walking back to the departure area, Clive had managed to sit up.

"Oh, my frigging head," he moaned, rubbing the top of his noggin. "That really hurt."

Beth, overcome with emotion, hugged him. "Sorry you didn't get to leave like you wanted," she blubbered.

"Sorry you didn't get to stay like you wanted," he replied, patting her back.

"Do me a favor, okay? Just… try, all right? I think you really should, you might do well."

When she went back to Justin, both whispering sweet nothings and making him promise to do his best from here on, the bus finally arrived. "Sorry I'm late, we had a bit of engine trouble, and had to take it to a mechanic."

Beth shrugged and stepped onto the bus, waving good-bye to everyone. "Good-bye everyone! I had fun! I'll see you again soon, won't I?"

"Good question, Beth," Chris Maclean declared, "you get a cookie!"

He threw a cookie at her, and the audience gave her one last chair. Chris chuckled and said, "Well, little Beth, something tells me you'll see them all again soon. Now, see you later!"

Beth walked on the bus, the doors closed, and it pulled away. Justin let out a heavy sigh as he watched the bus goes. "Man, I don't know why people would vote for her… I should become sour like Noah."

"No, don't do that," Noah said to him. "I was a real jerkass, you don't want to look like that, Anti-Me."

Justin sighed, and muttered, "Thanks, Egghead."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Oh! Maybe it's the spirit of a proud commentator!)**

** Justin** - *_heavy sigh_* "Man, I really thought she was under the radar! I'm really going to miss her… someone once told me you don't know what you'll miss until its gone, and I thought that meant my looks or something. Well, I know now it's Beth, and right now, I'd have an ugly day… no, an ugly week, to have her back."

**Courtney** - "I don't get it! Why Beth? She's one of the few people I actually don't mind! I still feel a little guilty what happened to her last season… man, that talk with Katie sure has killed my competition drive… gimme a couple days."

**Bridgette** - *_looking very glum_* "Today has just been one depressing day, and now I lost one of my roommates, the nicest one. I just want today to be over, and get over this."

**Colin** - *_He is spray painting something foul on the wall._* "Ha! Look at this! I cannot wait to see who is offended by this first!"

*_Chef Hatchet walks in, and roars in outrage. Colin whimpers and tries to escape, but Chef grabs him and starts ordering him to clean up after himself, or else._*

* * *

**(Room 2 - Bridgette, Carol, Clive.)**

"Well, I feel good," Carol exclaimed, flexing before leaping into bed. "I got my mojo back, I had a fine day!"

"Good for you," Clive grumbled.

"You still bitter? Man, emo boy, one day you'll get your mojo back."

"I never had mojo to begin with."

"I command thee to lighten up! With Beth gone, this place is gonna be so gloomy if you don't cheer up some!"

"What about Bridgette?"

"Man, I thought she'd be cheerful, but she's down in the dumps of late. She's out with friends or something right now, so smile and heighten cheer."

"I don't feel like being cheerful under false pretenses-"

"SMILE, DAMN IT!"

She was over to Clive's bed in a second, trying to force Clive to smile by tickling at first, then trying to force a smile by her own hands. Needless to say, Clive did not enjoy this.

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Cafeteria.)**

Bridgette sighed as she sipped her glass of milk, trying to ponder over recent events. She was so lost in thought that she didn't hear someone else enter. Gwen, also dressed in her nightwear, entered the cafeteria. Seeing her friend, she walked over and sat down next to the surfer girl.

"Still upset?" Gwen asked.

"Yep. I cannot help it, I want to see Geoff again. Can you talk to him, you're his roommate."

"I don't know where he is, he hasn't been in our room for some time now."

Bridgette groaned and shook her head. After a couple minutes of quiet, she looked over at Gwen and said, "You're in a good mood now, that visit from Trent really help?"

"It was exactly what I needed. Trent's just so nice to be around, he calms me down during my worst."

"Yeah, he is," she agreed. "Gwen, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, shoot."

"Do you think I'm too close to Harold?"

"What? Where does that come from?"

"Nothing, never mind," she replied, shaking her head. "I'm talking crazy, I just miss Geoff."

* * *

**(Room 7 - Noah, Justin.)**

Right outside the room, Noah was talking to Rodney. "Look, I just want to say I'm sorry for last night. It was totally uncalled for, you wouldn't have rallied to get my girlfriend voted off."

"It's okay," Rodney said cheerfully. "I just am so happy you're okay."

"Yeah well… thanks, kid."

"Can I ask you something?" the prodigy asked before Noah could head into his room.

"What's that?"

"When you started dating Katie, how did you ask her out?"

"Um, I didn't, she came to me."

"Oh… but should I wait or go after a girl myself?"

"What, you got a cute prodigy back home?"

Rodney giggled and blushed. "No, it's… one of the girls here."

"What… but," Noah started to say, but he was too tired to argue this, so he just sighed. "Okay, well, yeah, go at her would be my suggestion. How long has this been going on?"

The prodigy bobbed on his feet, giggling more. "Oh, I've been admiring her from afar, but she's so busy, I have to wait to get a word with her. I think tomorrow, I'll approach her."

"Heh, I'd love to see that. See you tomorrow, and good luck!"

Noah waved as he went into his room and Rodney strolled off. The egghead started to head for his bed when he saw someone new in the top bunk.

"Hey, Noah dude," Geoff said, waving from up there.

"Um, hey 'Geoff dude,'" Noah replied. "What are you doing here?"

"The guy said he needed to crash here," Justin said to Noah.

"I gotta get away from my room, Noah dude," Geoff sputtered, sitting up and fiddling nervously, "my roommates are, like, best friends with Bridgette, and they want to ask me all these questions that I cannot cope with right now."

"Just like how I cannot cope with all this right now," Noah grumbled as he went over to his bed. "Now if you'll excuse me, I was nearly eaten alive by a very realistic looking, giant centipede, so I want to burn through that nightmare fuel as fast as possible."

* * *

**(Duncan's Bus of Losers)**

Beth nibbled on her cookie half-heartedly, staring out the window. Most of those voted off gave their condolences, but what surprised her most when Duncan stopped by her.

"Hey," he said, "sorry you got voted off there."

"Yeah, me too. I really thought I had a shot, considering how far I made it last season."

"Hey, I know that is, I sure thought that I would do better."

"Heh, maybe we would have been finalists together!"

Duncan laughed and shook his head. "You and me, finalists? That's crazy, cannot see that happening."

Beth shrugged, and nibbled her cookie, then broke off part and gave it to Duncan. "Here's to the ones we're dating having better luck than us."

"Amen."

* * *

**(Voting Confessionals)**

** Valerie** - "Of course it was necessary to get rid of Beth, because she's just so expendable. Do you really think she, of all people could get anywhere? Please, it's Beth! Now I've got total control of another person, someone who would never be of use to me is gone, and another happy couple separated to distract people! I just _love_ how well this is doing, it makes me so excited!"

**Arthur** - *_He is frowning bitterly, and only mutters, "Beth" before he storms out of the confessional._*

**Ezekiel** - "Beth and I discussed it, and we decided on Clive. I just hope that guy takes it well… I wish I knoo' why he signed up fur this in the first place, eh."

**Geoff** - "Man, I just got railroaded into another voting! I gotta vote for Beth, and she's Bridgette's roommate! This sucks… how can I show my face in front of the others now?"

**Mandy** - "I still have my suspicions on Geoff, and he might be a Chuck Norris cultist! I gotta vote for him!"

**Lindsay** - "Okay, I heard that 'Ezekiel' guy is still here! I was told he was a real pervert after the boat competition, so I'm going to, like, vote for him! I'm sure this is right, because my memory is, like, really good!"

**Yoshi** - "I'm going to vote for Clive, mostly because he doesn't even try. I don't hate the guy, but this needs to be done so I don't get partnered with him again."

**Clive** - "I don't care what I was told, I'm going to vote for myself! I don't want to vote off Beth when I can go-"

*_He is interrupted when Chris Maclean barges in. The host makes it clear that he is not allowed to vote himself off, and then leaves._* "Humph, fine. If I cannot commit elimination seppuku, I'll just have to vote for Beth like I was told. And this here, this is why I don't bother trying. Stupid railroad that is life."

**Beth** - "I know it sounds mean, but I think we should vote off Clive. I mean, he's so depressive, and he doesn't try that hard. Plus, he wants to go! I just hope, one way or another, he gets the cheering up he needs, like a new puppy… or a piggy! Who wouldn't want a new piggy?" *_She laughs and then snorts._*

* * *

…

…

…

Votes:

**Arthur** - Beth.

**Beth** - Clive.

**Clive** - Beth.

**Ezekiel** - Clive.

**Geoff** - Beth.

**Lindsay** - Ezekiel.

**Mandy** - Geoff.

**Valerie** - Beth.

**Yoshi** - Clive.

…

Beth - 4.

Clive - 3.

Ezekiel - 1.

Geoff - 1.

…

**Voted Off** - Sandra, Duncan, Jasmine, Daisy, Owen, Trent, Hannah, Howard, Joel, Katie, Beth.

…

**Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date** - Cleaned out, just like in Chef Hatchet's day.

…

**Next Up** - Zeppelin rules!


	40. Ch 12, Pt 1: Dead Zeppelin

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of Total Drama. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TD contains stunts performed by written teens. As the author writes this, remember that he's sacrificing his free time for this, and free time is expensive to sacrifice these days, almost as pricey as gasoline.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - This chapter was brought to you from an incredible writer's block on my novel. Seriously, it's like my brain is wrestling for whether to update this or my novel, and I know what should be best… I keep trying to get out, but you all keep pulling me back in!

Also, I've been asking everyone I can about breaking up couples, seeing how you all will react. Now I want to say that nothing is one hundred percent set in stone, but I do have plans… and also, just in case you're worried, I don't plan for all break-ups to be permanent. So keep reading, and I promise to be as gentle as possible.

And of course, new poll.

…

* * *

**Chapter 40** - Take a Good Hard Look at the Total Drama Blimp!

* * *

…

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**(Maclean Stadium)**

With a fourth of the contestants gone, the idea that this contest was starting to get more personal, serious, and all-around interesting, everyone was starting to feel it.

Room 1 was surprisingly oblivious to this, except for a fuming Arthur. Anita was busy putting on her required and much hated get-up, Belinda was still passively bemused, and Alfred was Alfred; he was getting his cap on and declaring for another awesome day.

Room 2 had Carol announcing the same thing, but with Bridgette being depressed over several issues and Clive being Clive, neither were in the mood, and chucked their pillows at her.

Room 3 had Courtney and Crystal getting ready for the day, while Cody checked himself in a small mirror. Colin had been thrown out of the room as per morning tradition, because he was Colin.

Room 4 consisted only of two individuals as different as could be. DJ was busy feeding Bunny his breakfast, and Eva was, trying to make absolute sure DJ couldn't see, correcting herself to look her best; she had never cared for this until there was a boy she could actually find a reason for acting like a girl before.

Room 5 seemed empty to Gwen, which was okay for her. Ezekiel had excused himself for a morning shower, and Geoff had never shown up. The goth girl worried a little about him (Geoff, not Ezekiel because she was relatively certain he could shower without injuring himself) but she had enough problems of her own.

Room 6 had Harold waking up to find both Heather and Izzy had already left. This suited him find, as he started to prepare himself, and was packing yo-yos, numchucks, and a Bo staff; he had a mission, a nerdy mission, but a mission nonetheless. He tied a headband around his head, smeared a little war paint under his eyes, and headed off.

Room 7 was busy with all of Justin's morning ritual of beautifying himself, but he wasn't really into it this morning. This suited Noah just fine, though he did sympathize for him over losing his girlfriend to voting elimination. Who he couldn't sympathize for was Geoff, who was poking his head out to peek into the hallway, reminding the brainiac of a meerkat.

Room 8 featured the classic kind of madness when you put a sister (Leshawna), a blonde (Lindsay), and a cultist (Mandy) in a room. Sure it would an interesting sitcom, but you ever seen three girls with completely different point of views try to get ready in the morning in one room? It is like something you don't want to compare to anything else, because girls everywhere would dare you apart for making a comedic comparison.

Room 9 was a lot more cheerful. Rodney was humming a cheerful tune as he prepared for the day, and soon Sadie and Sakaki were joining in. When they asked what he was so happy about, he said he was going to talk to a very special girl today. When both gals asked more, he blushed and admitted he wasn't ready to admit who he was crushing on.

Room 10 had Sebastian sitting up, looking at the absolute, incredible mess his room was, and vowing that sometime tomorrow, he would get to cleaning it up. Tyler was thinking the same, wondering if he could swear in a court of law that his room actually had a floor. Checking for anything sharp or pointy first, they intrepidly stepped out of bed.

Room 11 had four roommates who all seemed eager to get out of the room. Valerie wanted to seize the day with surge of freedom she still had, Zachary wanted to continue his own exploits, and Yoshi wanted to get away from Zachary. Xander was the only one who wasn't in a hurry, mostly because rebels get up at their own time.

The shower room was just as busy with the hustle and bustle of the morning. For those of you who don't know and even those who don't care, several shower rooms were located in the Maclean Stadium. The one closest to the contestants' rooms was, of course, used by them; even the craziest had no reason to travel a great distance to shower.

Divided by gender, both sides of the shower room were connected in the locker stall part of the room, where all the mirrors, lockers, and sinks were (isn't this fascinating?). The only reason we mention all this is because Heather, washed and wrapped in a couple towels (head and body) had just exited the girls' side the same time Ezekiel, wearing a towel as well, excited the boys' side. The two exchanged glances, realized that both were almost naked in front of each other, and then blushed. This moment of discomfort was quickly dispensed when the two approached each other.

"Moor'ning, beautiful," Ezekiel said, grinning at her.

"Morning to you too, handsome," Heather replied. She wrapped her arms around him, as he did with her, and they embraced in a long kiss. "How was your shower?"

"Refreshing, eh. Yours?"

"Fine, thank you. Miss me?"

"Mmm, are you tempting me to shoo'er with you, my dear Heather?"

"Maybe," she said with a teasing grin. "If this show wasn't full of crazy people, I just might invite you, but I know there would be peeping perverts."

"And how," one of the lockers declared, "this is hot!"

Heather and Ezekiel, who had been enjoying feeling frisky and having their hearts race in excitement, both screamed and jumped away from the locker. Izzy stepped out, still wearing her night wear. "Seriously, you two are so very hot together," she continued to gush, "if you shower together-"

"Izzy," Heather finally managed to spit out, "what are you _doing_?"

"Spying. Now Zekey," Izzy leaned in close to Ezekiel and asked in a very devious, interested tone, "have you two showered together yet?"

"How dare you spy on us," Heather exclaimed. "You… you pervert!"

"I wasn't spying on you specifically," she replied with a laugh. "I was just spying in general. There's a lot of handsome men in this show that I wouldn't mind seeing after a shower, you know?"

That's when Chef Hatchet entered, wearing a bright pink bathrobe, a shower cap over his chef hat, and carrying a disturbingly grungy back scratcher. He mumbled a "morning" to the three before heading in the boys' side.

"There's some nightmare fuel right there, eh," Ezekiel muttered.

"Wonder why he went in the boys' side," Izzy asked, also shaking off a shiver of horror.

"Now why are you spying?" Heather declared, getting the subject back on track. "You aren't lying when you say it wasn't for us?"

"Izzy," Ezekiel asked, a little more gentle than his girlfriend, "are you lonely or something?"

"Exactly, my dear Zekey! Izzy has gone on too long without someone to share fun times with, and she is determined to get herself some action!" She leaned in close to Ezekiel, and whispered long and slow, "Izzy has needs…"

"Then why are you spying in the shower room?" Heather grumbled. "Why don't you go out with that psycho boy who joined, Alfred?"

"He is courting my good friend, Mandy. I cannot ask him for affections any more."

Ezekiel scratched his wet head as he thought hard. "Wow, I hadn't thought of hoo' many boys were taken in the shoo' until now. Um… how about DJ?"

"He's afraid of me."

Heather looked away and muttered, "I wonder why…"

"What a'boot Cody, eh?"

"He's stuck in that love triangle, remember?"

"Oh, that's right. Well, what a'boot some of the new guys? Xander, Arthur, Sebastian?"

"You know, you are right, Zekey! I shall carry on my search! But first, Izzy needs to get changed, don't you think?"

Izzy gestured down at her night wear, giggled, and started to head out of the room. As she did so, Heather called out, "Hey, Izzy! You do know that not just guys use the shower room, but girls do too?"

This comment simply made Izzy grin her usual Izzy-grin, and reply, "Izzy is not picky."

As she shut the door behind her, Heather and Ezekiel exchanged long glances. "You knoo'," he said, "if a guy was trying that, he'd be in serious troo'ble, eh."

"After that last comment, I don't think the double standard stands anymore, Ezekiel dear."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Shower us with praise!)**

** Heather** - "I keep trying to remind myself that Izzy is one of Ezekiel's best friends, and that I need to be more respectful to her, but she sure makes it hard at times! She ruined a perfectly good, private moment between me and Zeke! Or at least, I thought it was private…" *_She blushes and looks away._*

**Izzy** - *_dressed normally now_* "Izzy does not _need_ a boy, she just _likes_ a boy! See, Izzy is a complex girl, who sometimes like to talk in third person! Heehee, I still don't know why I do that sometimes. But back to the subject, I aim for the pleasures in life, and goals that fill me with great delight! Getting a boy or some fun with a boy, but one of my biggest goals is to make my own Trope!"

**Ezekiel** - "Sometimes I wonder if Izzy needs to aim fur higher, eh. I mean, she's so content with doing simple yet crazy things, she doesn't seem to have a life plan ready; but then a'geen, hoo' can any of us on this shoo', eh?"

**Chef Hatchet** - *_still wearing his bathrobe and shower cap_* "And I'll keep wear this until I get my friggin' paycheck!"

*_He then takes his grungy back scratcher, lifts it up underneath the back of his bathrobe, and scratches. We are cutting it off here before we are scarred more._*

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium)**

Breakfast had been served, and everyone was busy eating, talking, or doing anything else that came to the mind of a teenager at breakfast (which was surprisingly a lot). By this time in the show, everyone had seats that they normally sat at, to be with friends and such, but of course, some were rebellious.

Xander was seated next to Crystal, chatting her up as she giggled and ate her oatmeal. Bridgette sat alone, looking like she had a lot on her mind. Leshawna was trying to get Gwen to talk to her, but was a little distracted with Rodney talking to her.

"Have you seen Harold?" Rodney asked, giving Leshawna a polite smile that made her feel like a jerk if she dismissed him.

"Sadly no sugar, haven't seen him this morning yet," she replied. "Funny, he usually is with me at breakfast."

"Well, there's something I really want to talk to him about, okay?" Rodney smiled and nodded. "Take care, Leshawna!"

"You too, cutie-pie."

As Rodney left, Leshawna looked at Gwen again. "Kid's got some business with Harold… I wonder what it could be?" Gwen shrugged and mumbled something about "not knowing anything," to which her friend tried to draw her out. "Now Gwen, you are my best friend and like my sister, but I'm gonna smack ya if ya keep on avoiding me, ya hear?"

The goth girl shrugged again, and glanced over at her, then her eyes widened and she pointed beyond her friend. Leshawna turned to see Harold, armed and dressed like some kind of war veteran and armed with ridiculous weapons, walking towards them.

"Harold, what has gotten into you?" she declared.

"I'm on a mission, my lovely Leshawna," he said, bowing politely to her. "I am hunting for Geoff."

"What business have you got with him?"

"He has been avoiding everyone, including Bridgette, and I am determined to get him to explain himself! He cannot ignore his friends and loved ones forever!"

Leshawna stood up and pushed him slightly back, away from Gwen. "Honey, couldn't you help me with Gwen instead?" she whispered to him, concern in her voice. "She's becoming so distant, even I'm having trouble reaching her; I cannot even get her to talk to me!"

Harold glanced over at Gwen, then back at his girlfriend and frowned sympathetically. "I understand, and I want to help you, I know you care for her a great deal. But I would not know how to help, Gwen and I have never been close; the only thing we've had in common is our love for you, Leshawna."

She sighed and scratched the back of her head. "Okay hon, but if you pick up anything, anything at all that might hint at what's bothering her, please tell me."

"Of course, m'lady."

"And try to get Bridgette to join us, she's been alone for too long."

"Ah, the trio," Harold said, smiling. "Leshawna, Gwen, and Bridgette together makes such a nice trio; you all should come up with a clever name or something for it."

"Crazy boy, we'll do that when we cure my girlfriends of their funk! Now go on, my Rambo."

"At your service, my lovely Leshawna."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Bathe us in the light!)**

** Leshawna** - "Harold sure can be nerdy at times, but his heart is always in the right place. I love that guy, but sometimes I don't follow him. At least he's doing all he can to help my friends… Heaven knows what's wrong with my girl, Gwen."

**Harold** - "Geoff shall not ignore Bridgette any more! I will hunt down my friend and make him confess what is bothering him to my friend Bridgette! Then I'll work on Gwen's problem, and Leshawna's friends will be friendly again!

"Or at least, as friendly as Gwen can get… she has a lot of fine points, but temper isn't one of them. Probably why I get along better with Bridgette… I mean, Leshawna! That's what I meant!"

**Chef Hatchet** - *_He is now using the scratcher to scratch inside his nose… oh dear God!_*

* * *

Rodney was busy talking to Izzy, or at least trying to get her attention as she scanned the cafeteria in her search of boys. The prodigy kept on trying, even as Izzy watched Alfred walk by.

"Hello there, cutie-patootie," he said as he sat down next to Mandy, who was reading a couple papers.

"Cthulhu's followers are not 'cutie-patooties,' mister."

"But you still are."

"I'm not even sure what a 'patootie' is," she said, looking away to hide a slight blush.

"Think it's the bottom. Now what is that you're reading?"

"Some new scripture from my favorite website, printed it out last night. Some moron wrote a short story, and it's really quite badly written."

"How so?"

"Well, it's like he doesn't double-check his work. See here, 'Kaida jumped on Kaida in her surprise.' That's just bad writing!"

"But it's possible."

"What? How?"

"Observe," Alfred said as he stood up. He then let out a startled yelp and jumped back, having his arms clasp around his head and landing one foot on top of the other. In this position, he grinned and said, "See this? Alfred jumped on Alfred, I just jumped on myself!"

Mandy blinked, then pouted. "You vex me so, mortal boy."

"Ah, but I am clever."

"Yes, I admit you are."

After he sat down next to her and resumed a normal (or as normal as they could get) conversation, Cody passed by them and sat next to Yoshi. The warrior teen looked up and asked, "What are you doing here?"

"Just wanted a change of place."

"But I thought you always sat with Eva and Anita."

"Meh, they're kind of crowding me, I wanted some time away from them."

Cody munched on his morning omelet until he heard Yoshi scoff and mutter, "Idiot." When the geek rounded on him, he replied, "I may be in this competition for the challenge, but even I wouldn't be upset about two girls trying for my attention!"

As the two boys argued this, Eva watched from afar and sighed in defeat, realizing Cody wasn't going to sit in his normal place. "Nice going, stupid, just lost him," she grumbled to herself and sat down, defeated.

DJ happened to be passing by when she said this, and was shocked. "What? Me?"

"Huh? No, not you, Deej," she said. Before he could walk away, she asked, "DJ, am I intimidating?" When he looked too nervous to answer, she groaned and muttered, "I'll take that as a yes."

"Well, you do have a temper, girl."

"I realize that," she muttered. "I've been working on it, but ever since this thing with Cody, it's really felt up and down and it's making me cranky in all."

"Well, keep up your efforts, we all can change over time," he assured her, patting her shoulder.

"Thanks. I know I'm not the easiest roommate to have, but I gotta say, I don't mind you being a softie at times."

"That's me," he said proudly, and then added, "Oh, and by the way, there are people who intimidate me more than you."

"Oh yeah? Like who?"

"Chef Hatchet."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Shower heading for trouble!)**

** Eva** - "The sucky thing about this whole romance is that I'm trying to be nicer, while competing and dealing with that Anita chick! It's like I'm being forced down two roads at once, and… and… sorry, I don't do metaphors. All I know is that I hope Cody isn't too ticked off at me, I'm not good at handling silent treatment."

**DJ** - "I know how it's like for Eva, I'm trying to be more brave and forthcoming! Momma said no girl wants a wimp, and thus, I'm determined to make myself so longer a wimp! I do it for you, ma! Oh, and the ladies, I guess I do it for them too."

**Chef Hatchet** - *_He is now using the scratcher to scratch his… OH DEAR GOD!_*

* * *

Anita sat down at her usual place, but alone now. She let out a miserable sigh as she looked over at Cody, who was still arguing with Yoshi, and stuck her fork into her omelet. As she glanced to the side, she missed DJ sitting down next to her.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Oh nothing," she lied, then shook her head and muttered, "No, everything is."

"Want to talk? I'm good at listening."

"I'll bet you are, Deej," she said, managing a smile for him for a moment, "but I don't think it'd be fair to whine to you."

"Why not?"

"Because it has to do with guys, and girl trouble, and all that stuff."

DJ shrugged and said, "Momma always said I was good at understanding such things. I am a guy, and I have dated before, you know."

"True, but," Anita stopped herself again, and sighed in defeat. "DJ, I cannot talk to you about this, because you are rooming with the girl I'm fighting over a boy for. You're on her side, I know it."

"I'd rather not take sides, I'm just as neutral as can be," he said with a wide grin. "Anything else bothering you?"

"Well, it's just that ever since I joined this show, I haven't really done anything except parade around in this revealing outfit," she said, gesturing down to her tube top and skirt. "I want to be more useful, you know, _do_ something!"

"I know that feeling. My suggestion, try to forget what everyone might be thinking of you, and do it. Otherwise, you'll chicken out because you're too worried what they all think."

Anita nodded, then smiled sincerely at him. "Thanks, Deej, you're such a nice guy."

Rodney walked by as Anita changed the subject to Bunny, and asked, "Have you thought of getting a bigger cage for him?" This really confused the prodigy, but he politely said hello to both of them. As he asked if they enjoyed breakfast, Carol leapt over the boy and let out a cry of joy.

"Today's the day," she declared, looking at the others, "I know it! I've got my mojo back, so it is time for me to kick some ass!"

"Do watch your language around him," Anita said, pointing at Rodney who looked quite surprised as he stared up at Carol.

"Oh, I'm sure he's taken anatomy!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Draining to the soul!)**

** Carol** - "See here, I'm determined to be the very best, and I'm gonna be a cop! Officer Carol Christmas at your service, ready to make your year a safe and merry one! I'm lightning in a can… even though I'm not sure how that works, but it's still a kick-ass phrase, and thus I'm gonna use it!"

**Cody** - "Yoshi thinks I'm a fool for avoiding Anita and Eva, but I think he's just not seeing the picture. I really just want some time to think it over, is that so much to ask for? Sometimes, a guy just needs his alone time." *_He smiles, then falters when he realizes how bad that could sound._*

**Yoshi** - "Every day I'm competing here, I miss Daisy more. She had brains, brawn, and beauty, I wish I had seen more of it before the accident that took her from the show. I feel like a fool, and thus I think Cody's being damn foolish for ignoring two smart and strong women vying for his attention. And yes, this is me romantic, at least as much as I'll show in front of a camera."

**Chef Hatchet** - *_Gaaah! Quick cutting to him, it's just getting worse! The horror… the horror…_*

* * *

"Where's Geoff?" Rodney asked Bridgette when he brought her a glass of milk. "Isn't he normally with you?"

Bridgette sighed and shook her head. "I don't know, sweetheart, I haven't seen him in so long."

The prodigy nodded sadly, and then caught a glimpse of a cowboy hat darting out of the cafeteria. "Wait, was that him?" he asked aloud, and then gave chase, running as fast as his little legs could carry. Bridgette watched him go, but didn't follow suit. She merely sipped her milk, and stared down at her breakfast.

"Love troubles?"

Bridgette was rather surprised to see Noah sit down next to her, eating his breakfast nonchalantly. "Um… yes… wait, no! I mean… what business of it is yours, Noah?"

"Just thought you might like to know," he said without looking over at her, "that your boyfriend spent the night in Room 7 with Justin and I, and he's still frantically hiding."

"What? But…," Bridgette stammered. "Why would he do that?"

"My guess is that he wanted to avoid his own room, where your goth and toque friends are. Call me crazy, but I think those two would do anything to get him to talk."

She stared at him, then sighed and looked away. "Somehow I doubt Gwen would do that, she's been incredibly distant."

"Goth girl being distant, that's new."

Bridgette frowned at this. "If you don't care, Noah, then why are you here?"

"Because it's my little way of apologizing, and even I, your resident cynic," he said as he popped a blueberry in his mouth, "don't like to see a happy couple unhappy. Seeing you mope is like seeing Katie when she's heartsick, and frankly, I start to feel like an actual jerk if I don't do something about it."

Speaking of jerks, Valerie was nearby the two, but not able to overhear the conversation. As she wondered if she could twist that, Arthur walked by her. "Oh hello there," she said, her voice sweet and deadly like poisoned honey, "how are you this morning, Arthur?"

"Get bent," he huffed as he walked by.

"Now that's not nice. Have you forgotten the favor I did for you?"

"Not listening, you poison in pink!"

She blew a kiss to him, and chuckled to herself.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - A close shave, that one!)**

** Valerie** - "It's just so delicious how much I can do with this freedom, and with all these simple-minded creeps around me! I thought it would suck and I would have to put on an act, but now I can enjoy myself when I'm not behaving like a politician for the public! Arthur's just another notch on my belt, so to speak, and I'm not done with him yet!" *_She grins wickedly and licks her lips, chuckling to herself._*

**Arthur** - "I cannot believe I got suckered into a scheme by that pink-wearing witch! Seriously, what is up with her, she's acting like some girl gone wild or whatever. Still don't get why she kissed me…" *_He licks his lips, and then sighs as he looks away._*

**Bridgette** - "I really, really don't want to whine, I don't like seeming like a complainer, but things are really hectic right now! Geoff has gone missing for the most part, Gwen is distant, Leshawna is busy trying to solve Gwen's issues, and everyone seems to think I'm falling for Harold! I need to get something done about all this, or I might just lose it."

**Noah** - *_pops the final blueberry from breakfast into his mouth and speaks after he's done eating_* "Yeah, I guess this is why the show is called Total Drama. The weird thing is though, I thought I'd have to watch over Sadie when Katie left, but she seems to be doing all right for herself. Just hope she doesn't have any soy beans like Katie did… still cannot get over that she'd do that!"

**Chef Hatchet** - *_And we cannot believe what he is doing NOW! Cut, cut, for the love of everything holy, CUT!_*

* * *

"Miss Courtney," Rodney said as he sat down next to her, "do you think if you have a crush on someone, you should let them know?"

"What?" she asked, "Why on Earth would you ask that?"

"Oh, I have this… friend," he said, looking to the side and unable to make eye contact with her, "who really likes this girl, but he hasn't really said anything to her yet. I'm wondering if he should just… come clean, you know?"

"That's one way of putting it," Courtney said, "but frankly, I think your friend should keep the crush to himself, and try to build on a relationship normally."

"Is that how you and Duncan built yours up?"

"Um, yes," she stammered slightly, looking to the side. "That's how it happened, more or less. Completely professional, don't think of it like some wild rebellion or whatever, Rodney."

"You two are still seeing each other, right?"

"Yes, I believe so."

"Because last time you two were together, you kind of kneed him in the groin."

"No! … Okay, yes, but he had it coming!"

Rodney looked to the side again, biting his lip. "Is that what I have to look forward to when I start dating?"

"What? Of course not! Don't let a girl hurt you, you're far too sweet to deserve that!"

"But what about Duncan?"

"He can be a jerk, it's fine then. Someone has to teach him manners, Rodney."

Now Rodney was completely and utterly confused. He excused himself and went to go talk to Sadie, who was waiting for Zachary. "Sadie," he asked, "when you start dating, do you have to hit a guy to get him to behave?"

"I sure hope not," Sadie exclaimed. "I'm, like, no good at physical violence! I can't even hit my pillow when I'm mad, because I'm worried, I'll, like, totally hurt the pillow!"

Rodney was starting to get dizzy from how confused he was. "Um, okay, thank you."

"No problem, sweetie!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - You know, we could make more shower room puns, but we're sick of it.)**

** Sadie** - "I truly thought I would be hopeless without Katie, but now I see so much that I can do! I can follow my crush on Zachary, I get to gal-pal with girls like Sakaki and Lindsay and Carol, and I get to help Rodney with all his problems. Katie, I miss you with all my heart and soul, and I hope that you're doing okay!"

**Courtney** - "Okay, I might have confused Rodney there, but it's perfectly understandable why I have to get physical with Duncan. I mean! I mean I have to punish him for acting badly! That's understandable, right?"

**Rodney** - *_He lets out a long sigh as he looks up, rocking on his feet._* "Well, I managed to talk to her once during breakfast, but it didn't really feel too satisfying. I only hope she liked my company! I am determined to show her how much I care!"

*_He giggles and nervously rubs his hands together._* "I just hope I'm doing this right. See, back home, I had this big crush on a girl called Gil. She was incredibly smart and clever and just so pretty… even though she did have a thing for crazy things like magic tricks that looked rather dangerous." *_He chuckles, then looks to the side._* "In retrospect, being a volunteer to be the man who gets sawed in half just to talk to her more wasn't a good idea, but I _did_ get to talk to her, and that's all that matters! Right?"

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena.)**

Chris Maclean was standing at the center of the area, basking in the cheers of the crowd. "Hey, campers," he said, "today I have decided to keep calling you that."

"Thrilling report," Arthur grumbled.

"I could have waited for Drudge Report to update that," Noah muttered.

The host simply chuckled, and said, "You cannot bother me today, because I am especially loving this next challenge! It's got some of the best elements from some of our best challenges!"

"You mean it's like a major VR game?" Leshawna asked. "What, like zombie vampire aliens that are giant?"

"The VR games aren't the best, silly camper! Why would you think that?"

"Because you're not in them!"

"Like I said, you grumpy bunch of grumps cannot ruin my good mood! No no, today we let our spirits soar, and the ratings will too! Now, to present the pre-challenge!"

He reached into his pocket, but after fishing there and searching his other pockets, he failed to produce anything but lint. Frustrated, he went to the table that stood at the raised platform, and began searching. "Where the heck is that remote?"

The host picked up a trophy, looked under it, and chucked it away in frustration. The shiny projectile sailed towards the contestants, and clonked Rodney on the head. Even with his helmet, he was rattled, and wobbled on his feet as several people rushed to his side.

"Did that hurt?" Courtney asked the prodigy.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" Lindsay asked. She had all her fingers up and was waving them wildly in his face, trying to be useful but failing miserably.

"You okay there, kid?" DJ asked.

"Hubba hubba zoot zoot," Rodney replied with a dizzy slur.

Chris was still frantically searching for the remote. "Now where is it? Chef! Did you move it?"

The large co-host, still wearing his pink bathrobe, walked onto to the platform. "I didn't take your remote, fool."

"Good Lord, why are you wearing that?"

"I ain't changing until I get my paycheck!"

"We'll see who cracks first. Now, where's the remote?"

"Haven't seen it."

"C'mon, you must have," Chris started to say, then stopped when his foot kicked a round object underneath the table. He lifted it up, an ordinary basketball, and muttered, "What's this doing here?" With a shrug, he tossed it behind his back like if he was trying to score a wonderful three-pointer.

This was rather unfortunate for Rodney, who had just recovered from the first blow for the basketball to bop him right on top of the head. His helmet cushioned the blow, but he still wobbled on his feet and moaned pitifully.

"Oh my, not again," Lindsay exclaimed. "Okay, _now_ how many fingers do I have up?"

"Deba uba zat zat," Rodney replied, falling backwards, "a-num num!"

"Chris, stop throwing things," Anita shouted.

The host lifted up a brick that he found in underneath the table as well. "Now this is just silly," he said to Chef, "who leaves a brick lying around?"

"Chris, don't you dare!" Courtney shouted.

"Don't I dare what?"

"You've already hit Rodney twice with flying objects," Gwen said, "stop throwing things around!"

"Twice, huh?" Chris said. He grinned as he lightly one-handed juggled the brick. "Well, you know the rule of funny! I have to clock him a third time for it to be really funny-"

The basketball was thrown back at Chris, hitting him in the temple. He wobbled on his feet, and muttered, "A-hoorepa hoorepa a-huh-hoorepa a-num num!" **[1]**

The contestants looked around to see who had done the deed, but it had happened so fast that most had missed it. The only one was Harold, who whispered to Gwen, "Nice shot."

In his dazed state, Chris dropped the brick on his feet. Wailing in pain, he hobbled around shouting, "My toes, my beautiful toes."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Was that a brick joke?)**

** Sebastian** - "Everyone, if ever you needed proof that such a thing as karma exists, there's your answer."

**Gwen **- "Seriously, how do people like Chris get to be so mean? You just want to punch 'em and punch 'em, and knock them down, and when they try to get back up, don't give them a second chance, and ram-" *_She pauses her rant and takes a deep breath._* "Okay, I'm good now."

* * *

While Chris was recovering, Zachary picked up the trophy that had been chucked. "Hey, this looks new," he said. "It's got a blimp on it too."

"A blimp?" Sadie asked, getting closer to look. "Oh wow, is that the new challenge?"

Noah cleared his throat. "Wasn't that some kind of hint?" He pointed up, and everyone looked up to see a large blimp hovering over the stadium.

"Whoa, how'd we miss that?" Sadie mused aloud.

"Kind of silly to miss something as big as that," Carol added.

"Where's the Goodyear?" Alfred asked. "There's supposed to be a Goodyear on those things!"

Chris cleared his throat in his personal bullhorn, causing a high-pitched whine from the device that made everyone wince. After he was done, he said, "Okay, campers, guess the cat's out of the bag. Our next challenge involves blimps! Now, who is ready for the pre-challenge challenge? No? Too bad, because it's starting now!"

He held up the remote, which Chef had found on some random chair, and pressed the button. Up above, a compartment on the blimp opened, and thousands upon thousands of party balloons floated down into the stadium. They covered the crowd and arena like a blanket of air-filled, multicolored delight.

"Now the rules are simple," Chris Maclean said as he bounced one of the balloons in his hand. He had to speak over the roar of the thrilled crowd, the contestants who were busy playing with balloons, and the frequent popping noise that filled the stadium. "You all are just going to pop balloons, but don't start just yet!"

As he talked and the others started to pay more attention, some noticed Anita was sprinting away as fast as she could, hands over her ears, whimpering in terror. "What's her deal?" Eva asked.

"Beats me," Geoff mumbled.

"In some of these balloons contains a leader pass," Chris was continuing to explain. "It's a little card that says, 'Leader.' Now there are many, but the first six to bring one to me because a leader for our next challenge! Is that all clear?"

He scanned the contestants amid the huge crowd of balloons, then he too noticed Anita was not among them. She was cowering in the pathway that led back to the rooms, staring out at the balloon-covered area as if it were laced with explosive. "Anita," he called out on his bullpen, "are you going to come out to play?"

"No way," she shrieked. "I'm not getting near those exploding demons!"

"Fine, your loss," Chris replied, then looked at the contestants. "On a side, fun note, just because someone found a card doesn't mean they've automatically won; they could, perchance, lose," he winked many times, "and whoever finds it then just has to take it to me to be a winner!"

"Is that permission to beat up people?" Colin asked, excited.

"That boy don't take subtlety very well, do he?" Chef Hatchet asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Thirty-two versus one if you try anything, Colin," Belinda commented. "Remember that?"

Chris held up an air horn. "Ready, campers? And three, two, one, POP!"

The air horn blew, and immediately the contestants started stomping on every balloon they could. Though the noise was quite loud, it couldn't cover up Anita's terrified shrieks.

"Is that chick afraid of balloons or something?" Colin asked as he held up a balloon and started to squeeze. "Seriously? She has a couple balloons in her top, how could she afraid of balloons?"

"Oh, like I'm sure she hasn't heard that one before," Mandy snapped at him. She was busy stabbing balloons with her sacrificial dagger, so Colin didn't feel like arguing with her; however, he saw Anita cowering, and an evil grin formed across his evil face.

"I think I'm gonna have some fun," he said, and darted over to where Anita was cowering. When she saw him, and the large balloon (which, due to her phobia, was like an oversized grenade), she whimpered and backed away.

"Aw, don't like balloons?" he taunted. "What loser fear is that? You stupid skank!"

"Just leave me alone," she cried, backing up against the wall. "Please!"

"Anita doesn't like balloons," he sang, bringing the balloon up in her face. "The bimbo with a couple balloons in her chest doesn't like balloons-"

The bombshell, backed against the wall, eventually couldn't stand the balloon in her face anymore, and she kicked him in the groin as hard as she could. This caused him to squeeze the balloon until it popped, and he sank to his knees as a card fluttered to the ground.

Anita panted in her terror, then saw the leader card on the ground. Looking at the bully clutching his groin in agony, she swallowed her fear, picked up the card, and ran screaming with her hands over her ears as she charged to the raised platform Chris was on. The host tried to take it from her, but her hands was clasped so tight over her ears that he had to get Chef to do it.

"Well, everyone, Anita is the leader of the first team," Chris announced, "and I saw it all! She kicked a boy in the crotch and stole his card from under him! I'm so proud of her!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Was that a balloon joke?)**

** Anita** - "I'm sure many people think it's _so _hilarious that I'm afraid of party balloons, but those things are pure evil! They're floating explosives, time bombs on random count-downs, portable gun shots! They're the most horrible things, grenades on strings!"

*_She takes a breather from her rant, and looks away from the camera._* "Well, you'd hate them too if people snuck up behind you and popped them right in your ear! Go ahead, laugh! When you're forced to face your own phobia, you won't be laughing then!" **[2]**

* * *

The teenagers continued to stomp on balloons in their hunt for leader cards, while Anita ran out of the arena screaming again. Rodney tried to jump on a balloon to pop it, but it was a rather strong balloon, and it was bounced into the air with a spring; he knocked over several of the contestants when he came crashing down.

Tyler was one of those people, landing face-first on a balloon. It popped and when he sat up, he coughed up bits of balloon and then a card. Quickly thinking, he snatched the card and dashed for the platform. He fumbled over the large amount of balloons still on the ground, and crashed again.

He dropped the card, which was snatched by Yoshi, who got tackled by Zachary. As the two fought, Courtney yanked the card from Yoshi's hand, and hurried until Leshawna grabbed her shoulders. The card flew out of the CIT's hand, and was caught by Clive.

The emo glanced at it, rolled his eyes, and threw it behind him, where it was promptly picked up by the original owner. Tyler managed to get to the raised platform, and practically shoved it into Chris's hand.

As this fighting went on, Xander managed to find one himself. It was expertly snatched from his hand by Izzy, who give him the big eye once over. She grinned and then pushed the card into the open patch of her top, deep into her cleavage. "I dare you to get it," she said, her sly grin spreading with the words.

Balloon popping and fighting continued, and it was starting to get indiscriminate. Bridgette was caught in the head with a flailing elbow, and stumbled around the field. With her natural clumsiness, she managed to trip over balloons and fall down. It wasn't until a hand extended to help her up that she got over the shock.

"Thank you… Geoff?"

She gaped at her boyfriend, who seemed to also realize the awkward position that was caused by him hurrying to his girlfriend's aid. Before she had time to ask a question, he lifted her up on her feet and bolted to escape. He didn't get far, as Harold jumped on his back.

"There you are," the nerd declared. "You get back there and explain yourself to Bridgette!"

"No, ow! Get off me, dude! What's wrong with you?"

"I'm your worst nightmare! Now stop being an idiot, and-"

Bridgette had run over to stop the fighting, but only ended up knocking them over. Harold was sent sprawling, while Geoff sprinted off, lost in the crowd of teenagers and balloons. The surfer girl would have went after him, but had to catch Rodney, who had gone airborne from another balloon-popping attempt.

Crystal was lost in the maze of balloons when she saw Xander with his hand down Izzy's top. "Cor blimey," she said, unsure whether to get mad or laugh, "what in blazes are you doing to Izzy?"

"She's got one of the cards down her top, and won't give it to me."

Izzy grinned and winked at Crystal, which made the romantic understand much more, and started to think of what to call this. "_Xizzy? No, that does not roll off the tongue… Xanzy?_" As she continued to ponder, Xander's face lit up in success.

"Got it," he declared, and retracted his hand. The card was in his hand, but so was something else. Izzy stared at her bra in his hand, down at herself, then let out a playful, indignant cry.

"That is not all you got," Crystal commented in a fit of giggles.

"Totally by accident, I assure you," Xander replied.

"One would think it comes natural with easy you made it," Izzy added, grinning slyly again.

As Xander hurried over to Chris, Harold was recovering from his fall, and used his Bo staff to lift himself up, popping a balloon that contained a leader card. Eva went after it, but when he twirled his weapon in her general direction, she had second thoughts. The nerd plucked up the card, and hurried over to Chris.

Xander made it there first, with Harold right behind him. To the surprise of many, Mandy was right behind them, with a leader card impaled on her sacrificial dagger. With five leaders picked, everyone knew it was go-time.

Most of the remaining contestants were struggling to pop balloons, fighting off over contestants, or just dodging a catapulted Rodney ("Okay, that's the last balloon I try to pop-aiyeeee!"). It finally came down to when Zachary managed to find him. While people rounded on him, his mind worked into overtime to avoid pain and score points in his scheme. With Sadie nearby, he pushed the card into her hands and said, "You can do this, Sadie, hurry now-" before he was tackled by Heather, DJ, and Gwen.

Sadie blitzed for the platform, and no one was able to stop her. With all the experience she had with Katie when she had to fight through crowds of screaming teenage girls like them at big events like pop star events and sales, this crowd was nothing. She got to the platform and handed the card to Chris.

"And we have our winners," said the host proudly. "From first to last, we have the following:

"Team 1: Dirigible, Anita! Team 2: Zeppelin, Tyler! Team 3: Blimp, Xander! Team 4: Airship, Harold! Team 5: Balloon, Mandy! And last but not least, Team 6: Floaty Thingy, Sadie!

"I did the rankings myself, depending on the performance of the teams. As you can see, Team 6 is really the most shameful, because they came in last."

"What?" Sadie said, looking upset. "But I got my card to you over twenty people!"

"Still last," Chris said with a laugh. "Now then, the teams!"

"Does Anita get to pick first?" Tyler asked as he looked around. "I think she's still hiding."

Chris shook his head. "Nope! Because your teammates, a.k.a. lackeys, are going to be chosen randomly!"

"What?" Harold balked. "Then what's the point of being leader?"

"Not to mention we got to pick in previous challenges," Xander pointed out.

The host cupped a hand around his ear, still grinning wickedly. "You all hear that? That's the sound of me _not_ taking any of that into consideration! Now, to randomly pick your teammates."

As Chris started to work on his electronic pad for the answer to this, the leaders all pouted and sulked. "He does love to make things difficult, doesn't he?" Tyler grumbled.

"First time I actually get to really do something," Sadie remarked, "and he, like, takes all the privileges!"

"Foolish mortal," Mandy said as she fiddled with the card impaled on her dagger. "Cthulhu will consume him, and then his ego."

A couple minutes later, Chris had the results. "I have the results," he resulted. "And those results are resulting into the following results ("We get it," Gwen shouted):

"Team Dirigible will consist of Anita, Zachary, DJ, Rodney, Clive, and Belinda.

"Team Zeppelin will consist of Tyler, Courtney, Ezekiel, Colin, Leshawna, and Noah.

"Team Blimp will consist of Xander, Geoff, Izzy, Arthur, Lindsay, and Sakaki.

"Team Airship will consist of Harold, Bridgette, Justin, Valerie, Heather, and a secret, sixth teammate!

"Team Balloon will consist of Mandy, Alfred, Cody, Sebastian, Carol, and another secret teammate!

"And Team Floaty Thing has Sadie, Eva, Yoshi, Gwen, Crystal, and our final, secret teammate!"

As the audience cheered and clapped, the contestants shuffled over to their new teams. Heather had one question, though. "Why are some of the teams getting a hidden member?"

"Because we wanted the teams to be balanced this time," Chris explained. "Now let me introduce the people joining your teams! Team 4, since you were first of the teams of five, get the best member: Alejandro!"

The crowd roared and shrieked in delight as Alejandro walked into the area, waving to the crowd's reactions. He blew kisses, bowed, and walked over to the teams, where almost all the girls were swooning at the sight of the handsome Latino.

"Wowee," Izzy gushed. "I wanna be on Team 4! Lemme on that airship!"

"He's so handsome," Leshawna said, grinning ear to ear.

"Oh wow," was all Bridgette could say.

Alejandro shook hands with Chris Maclean. "Thank you for letting me joining the show for this episode, Chris!"

"No problem, buddy! Just remember what you're supposed to do!"

"Will do," he said. They exchanged a wink that no one else really caught on, and then Alejandro walked over to Team 4, enjoying the audible swoons from girls. He approached Harold, and asked, "So you're my team leader?"

"Yes, though it doesn't really mean anything from Chris's decisions."

They shook hands and exchanged a smile as Alejandro said, "I'm sure you'll be a great leader for the challenge."

"Gosh, thanks!"

Alejandro then approached Bridgette, who was blushing bright pink. "And you are… Bridgette, no?"

"N-no. I mean! Yes! Yes, I meant, I mean that… um… I have a boyfriend!"

As Alejandro chuckled and continued to chat her up, Justin fumed and looked away. "They got another good looking guy?" he spat out. "That was supposed to be my key to this show! What am I without my looks or my girl? They've ripped me of everything that makes me me!"

"Want," Valerie's audible request as she stared at Alejandro, giggling too. Heather scoffed and elbowed her.

"You're openly drooling," she snapped.

"Yeah, well, you haven't stopped staring too," Valerie added. "I always figured someone with devilish good looks was your type."

Heather snarled and looked away.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Was that a blimp joke?)**

** Justin** - "Chris once told me I was to join this show to be gorgeous! Since then, they got a biker rebel, a bombshell woman, and now this co-host that's Latino gorgeousness in sculptured wonder! Beth keeps telling me to believe in myself and not my looks, but this is really bad, you know?"

**Colin** - *_fuming_* "I'm part Latino, why don't girls drool over me like that? Bunch of b-" *_He is cut off for sensibility reasons._*

**Heather** - "That Alejandro guy thinks he's so smooth, but I'm not falling for any of that! I'll bet he's up to something with Chris, and I'm going to get to the bottom of it! Everyone else thinks this guy is an angel already!"

* * *

"So you co-host the show?" Bridgette asked, still blushing and smiling as she talked to Alejandro. "Wow, so, you know, you are with all those voted off?"

"Indeed, and it is certainly a pleasure," Alejandro said. "But I'm glad to be on the official show, so I can be with you all without having to get voted off."

"And we're all happy to meet you," Alfred said, high-fiving him. "Seriously, this is cool!"

"Always nice to see a new face," Leshawna added. "And such a gentleman too."

"So where you originate from, Alejandro?" Harold asked. "Mexico? Spain? Puerto Rico?"

Chris cleared his throat. "Okay, I know all of you want to learn more about our gorgeous newbie, but we have more to go through. Now, joining Team 5 is the other co-host of the loser show, is Sierra!"

Most people saw a flash of purple, and then the thunderclap of an excited squeal. Cody was the most surprised as he was suddenly squeezed and clenched against a tall, ecstatic girl. "CODY," Sierra screamed in delight. "I finally get to meet you face-to-face! I'm _so_ happy!"

"His face is in your chest, not your face," Sebastian pointed out.

"Not in the first second, would I do that," Sierra admitted, then grinned and added, "Maybe in the first minute! Oh, I could just huggle you all day, Cody, this is the happiest day of my life!"

While most people were slightly bemused with this event, Eva was furiously clenching her fists and shooting daggers from her eyes. She kept wringing her hands in a strangling motion, which made her teammates a little nervous to be near her. Anita watched from a distance, still hiding from the balloons, and was crestfallen.

"I knew I should have been more forward before he eventually met her," Anita whined to herself and sank down to her knees.

"So, this is the uber-fan that I heard so many restraining orders about?" Noah asked Chris.

"Yep, isn't she something?"

"We're going to need jaws of life to get her off of Cody."

"Isn't that hilarious?"

Noah rolled his eyes, while Sierra voluntarily let go of Cody and started to say hello to the others, but she had, some would swear, a magnetic pull back to Cody, because eyes and body kept drifting back in the direction of him no matter how far she left. As she asked everyone questions, she had a few specific things to say.

"Trent says hi, and that he misses you," Sierra said to Gwen, patting the goth girl on the shoulder. "Just wanted to make sure you knew that!"

Sierra went to others to tell others had missed them, while Chris tried to cover this up because it was nice and touching. The uber-fan was undeterred as she delivered messages to Courtney (Duncan), Izzy (distraught Owen), Yoshi (Daisy), Leshawna (Jasmine), Sadie (Katie), and Justin (Beth). Finally the host calmed her down in a way that was not very conventional.

"When I asked for a paper bag," Sierra cried out, muffled as her head was now enveloped by a brown bag, "I didn't want it like this!"

"Be nice and I'll let you take it off," Chris said.

Sierra groaned and then felt around. "Can someone guide me to Cody so I can squeeze him while I'm blind?"

"No, that's okay," Cody insisted.

Lindsay was looking at Sierra closely, as the uber-fan followed the sound of Cody's voice. "Wait, if she's our biggest fan," she asked slowly, trying to make sure she had it all right, "is she, like, really cool?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Was that a blonde joke?)**

** Lindsay** - "I think I remember Sierra. Some girl broke into my daddy's mansion, and was looking for my room to get some stuff for a website. I think she made off with one of my swimsuits, and Dad was mad about that, because it meant his security system had been broken through. I miss that bikini."

**Cody** - "Okay, that girl Sierra, she's okay and all, a little forward." *_He chuckles, then looks to the side._* "Okay, a little too forward, I still have marks where she was clinging with me!" *_He shows them to the camera._*

**Alfred** - "That Sierra girl sure is a pistol, isn't she? Kind of reminds me of this one time my buddy Keith wanted to say hello to a celebrity and went to their house to say hello, but she thought Keith was this stalker, and she sent the dogs after him. He got totally mauled, but he did get an autograph as an apology, so it's all cool."

* * *

"Aren't there only two hosts for the Bus of Losers?" Sadie asked as she glanced at Alejandro and Sierra. "Who is going to join my team?"

Chris laughed, and clapped his hands. "Well, since you were the losing team-"

"I didn't lose, I beat over twenty-"

"Don't interrupt, losing team! Since you all lost and got last place, you will have to take the most useless person I could think of!"

"_Chef Hatchet?_" Eva thought.

"_You, Chris?_" Gwen thought.

"The raccoon!"

The contestants all watched as Chico the Raccoon came scampering out into the arena. "lolz," he shouted to the cheering crowd, "i am in yur contest, winnin yur furst pryzes! i iz totaly seelebreetee nowz! woot, pwned, i am gonna roxors yur boxors!"

"We're doomed," Sadie wailed.

"We're screwed," Eva shouted.

"Couldn't we have the duck instead?" Yoshi asked. "At least he can compete, and we can understand him!"

"Nope," Chris said, grinning evilly, "I wanted to give you losers a loser, so I got the animal that raids your trash can!"

Chico was still pumping his little fists in the air, shouting, "i am teh leet competeetore! leet, i tell yuz!" Groucho the Duck waddled up to him, and saluted him, getting a raccoon salute (it involves wiggling your fingers and bobbing your head like a nutter).

"Okay, Private Chico," Groucho said to him, putting his wings on the raccoon's shoulders, "you are going in there, and you are going to win! Get in that airship, and bomb the hell out of the enemy! Just like in World War I!"

"u meen bombs leik wit rude comments an trolling? lolz, that sunds leik fun!"

"On second thought, just listen to your team leader, and try not to get into trouble."

"okies, Growcho, i will be most epic leik u iz!"

With a departing salute, Chico scampered towards Sadie, while the duck wiped a proud tear away from his eye. "I'm so proud of that young recruit," he sobbed to himself, "he's growing up so fast!"

"can i has cheezburger?" the raccoon excitedly asked Sadie.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Was that a burger joke?)**

** Crystal** - "Sometimes I wonder how that cute lil' critter learned to speak like that. Maybe he was on the internet a lot?" *_She mimes little hands typing at the computer, and makes herself giggle_.*

**Rodney** - "That raccoon reminds me of Gil's possum, which was named Evil. Every time I was near Gil, it would bite me, a lot. Gil had to lock it in a cage or another room or outside for us to actually do stuff without it attacking me. Wanna see the scars?" *_He excitedly lifts up his leg and starts to roll down his sock when he loses his balance and crashes._*

**Belinda** - *_She is deep in thought, then glances at the camera and smiles._* "Can you all see coming what I can see coming?"

* * *

"Now that we have the teams ready," Chris said, "we shall get you all onto your blimps, and you each will start your own adventure!"

"Wait, 'blimps?'" DJ asked. "There's more than one blimp?"

"Of course! We got a blimp for each team!"

"Six blimps?" Leshawna balked. "That had to be expensive!"

"Yep, but the producers thought it was great, and we advertise at the same time!"

While this seemed fair to a good deal of them, some of them were rather bitter about this information. "Countries are suffering from starvation and disaster," Bridgette muttered, "and these producers go out and rent six blimps!"

"It takes insufferable ego to blow money like that," Yoshi grumbled.

"Why did they even make this stadium," Harold mused bitterly, "if we have to keep leaving it for more expensive contests?"

Chris laughed as he looked up at the blimp, and added, "So let's get going! Someone go get Anita, we're gonna need the little scaredy-cat for this challenge too!"

When they finally managed to coax Anita out of her hiding place, Chris was still going off on her. "Seriously, balloons?" he said with a laugh. "Are you going to be okay here?"

"They're blimps, not party balloons," Anita said, trying to ignore all the stares she was getting from the others.

"But they're big and inflated and huge!"

"And so's your ego, but I don't fear that popping, now do I?"

This earned a lot of laughs and a bitter sulk from Chris, who continued the evacuation of the stadium by loading the teenagers onto a bus (not the Loser Bus) and take them to where blimps go when they actually land. Six blimps, each with different advertisements, were ready, and the teams were loaded up. The only person who was having trouble was Izzy, clinging to Geoff and Arthur.

"Izzy hates flying, remember?" she screamed. "Gonna need a lot of man service to get through this! Argh, I hate flying, whether it's planes or helicopters or blimps!"

Despite this one hysterical contestant, everyone else got into their blimps, and they took off. The view was incredible for all brave enough to look out the window, and they walked around the cabin freely. Chris's voice appeared on the overhead, announcing the contest would begin in five minutes.

* * *

**(Team 1 - Dirigible - Anita (L), Belinda, Clive, DJ, Rodney, Zachary.)**

"There are cameras all over this thing," Anita observed. "Think it's like the train challenge, where we have to be interesting?"

"Or the fan service boat ride?" Zachary asked.

This earned a glare from their leader, who pointed at him and said, "If you try to pull my clothes off again, I swear I'll-"

"No sweat, balloon-hater, I've already got a girl in my mind these days," he said, waving his hands. "Either way, I'm sure Chris wouldn't do the same challenge again."

"What a lovely view," Rodney said, looking out the window. "You all like it?"

"Yes," DJ, very far away from the side, observed, "very nice."

Clive looked at the view, and mused aloud, "I wonder how far you would fall before you blacked out, thus sparing you the millisecond of agony when you hit the ground."

Rodney shuffled away from Clive and hid behind Anita. "He scares me sometimes," he admitted.

"Don't worry, he's just upset about things in general," she assured him.

Belinda stood next to Clive, and said, "Please do not exit the blimp via the window. If you have a ticket, it's just fine."

"I don't have a ticket."

"Then we have a problem," she said and then adopted a German accent, "Dok'tor Jones."

The intercom buzzed, and Chef Hatchet's voice followed. "Okay, people, we are starting your lil' challenge. Are you ready?"

Rodney clapped and glanced over at the others. "I'm really excited! I cannot wait to see what we have to do-"

A compartment in the ceiling, and a body dropped from it with a sickening splat. Rodney shrieked and hid behind DJ, who shrieked and hid behind Anita.

"What," was her reaction with wide eyes, "well… oh, that's… it's Chris."

"He's dead?" Clive asked, looking at the corpse. The skin was leaden gray, the clothes dirty, and Chris had a surprised look on his dead face with his tongue hanging out. "Why is it that the bad ones get rewarded with a quick death?"

"Pretty sure that's fake," Belinda mused. "Either that, or no ticket."

* * *

**(Team 2 - Zeppelin - Tyler (L), Colin, Courtney, Ezekiel, Leshawna, Noah.)**

"This has got to be a fake," Courtney exclaimed. "Chris is not dead, he just sent us off!"

"Let's check to see if he's dead," Colin announced, and then he kicked the corpse (say, that'd be a great name for a rock band).

"That's so gross," Ezekiel shouted, backing away from the kicked corpse. "Doo'nt do that!"

"It's not real, dork," Colin scoffed. "It's rubber."

"What?" Courtney exclaimed, then kicked the fake corpse too. "That jerk Chris scared the heck out of us with that thing falling from the ceiling!"

"You mean you did believe it was him?" Leshawna asked.

"And don't we all wish it was," Noah mused.

Tyler looked around his teammates, and cleared his throat. "Well, now that we've discovered that this is not a real body, what do we do?"

"Wait for more instructions," Courtney said, shrugging. "I mean, I would assume we should, because Chris decided _not_ to tell us what the challenge was beforehand just make things-" THUNK! "-worse!"

"Courtney, please stop kicking the corpse," Tyler pleaded. "It's starting to make me sick."

"Sorry," she said, straightening her hair as she tried to look professional. "Let's just wait then."

"I hate waiting," Colin grumbled. "Waiting is just what people do when they don't have the guts to do something."

"Maybe you could jump from a window," Noah suggested. "That's something."

"Don't make me pound your face, nerd!"

"Don't make me pound _your _face, jerk," Leshawna retaliated.

Ezekiel walked away and stood next to Courtney and Tyler. "If we're not careful, we'll have another corpse, eh."

* * *

**(Team 3 - Blimp - Xander (L), Arthur, Geoff, Izzy, Lindsay, Sakaki.)**

"So what are we supposed to do about dead Charlie?" Lindsay asked, glancing at the "corpse" before looking away in disgust.

Izzy shrugged, then approached Xander. "Well, big boy," she asked, walking two fingers across his shoulders, "what should we do? Ooo, you have nice shoulders."

"Thanks, Red," he said, giving her a handsome smile that made her giggle. "Well, I think Chef will tell us soon-"

The intercom buzzed again, and Chef's grumbling voice grumbled, "Okay, the package has been delivered on each blimp. Now, teens, your challenge is to discover who murdered our beloved host."

As all six members of Team 3 (and members of the other teams) laughed at the last part, Chef Hatchet continued after chuckling himself. "The truth is, one of you six murdered our host! And you are going to have to find out which one of you did it! You have seven challenges to receive clues as to who could have murdered our host! After you complete a challenge, you get a hint."

"Sounds easy enough," Sakaki said to Lindsay, who nodded. "I mean, we just have-"

Arthur was waving his hands wildly at Sakaki. "No, you fool, don't say those words!"

"W-wh-what words?"

" 'Easy enough'! We all know it becomes many times worse if someone says that!"

Chef Hatchet carried on to say, "None of these are going to be easy, and you cannot progress to the next challenge. Also, the hints are mixed around, so you might want to hold off on premature guessing. Speaking of which, look to the panel nearby where your corpse was delivered."

Geoff, the closest one, walked over to an electronic panel, and he glanced over it. "Wow, dudes, we're all on this! All six of us… hey, is this touch screen?"

"There's a touch screen pad where you can make your guess who the murderer is, but you only get three guesses," Chef said. "If you guess wrong a third time, your team automatically loses. I'd avoid guessing, because the first two teams to be eliminated, or the last two teams to solve their murder, will have to vote someone off here!"

Geoff's finger, hovering over Izzy, immediately pulled back. "Yikes, dude, glad he said that."

Izzy strutted over to him and wrapped her arms around him. "Think I'm the killer, handsome? How very sweet of you to think so!"

"Um, Izzy, I'm still seeing Bridgette!"

"Really?" she asked as she let go, staring curiously at him. "Sorry, I honestly had no idea, you couldn't tell from recent events."

Sakaki glanced at the corpse again, and said, "So that's all?" She continued, not seeing Arthur seethe and grab his head in frustration. "We get the clues, guess who it was, and if we're right, we win?"

* * *

**(Team 4 - Airship - Harold (L), Alejandro, Bridgette, Heather, Justin, Valerie.)**

"The first team to guess who their murderer is going to be rewarded with an evening cruise on one of these airship, with a romantic dinner and candlelight and all that jazz. The winners can all pick a date of their choice. Trust me, it'll be nice."

"That sounds wonderful," Harold gushed. "I would love to take Leshawna on a romantic airship ride!"

"I know," Bridgette said, nodding. "Oh, I know who I would take!"

Alejandro walked over next to her, and added, "I think I would too."

Bridgette blushed bright red at this, and dug her foot into the floor. "Oh, you're so sweet! But… but, I do have a boyfriend! I don't think he'd like that."

"You don't _think_ he'd like it?" Alejandro repeated with a smile. "Why, if I was dating you, I would be sure I wouldn't like that!"

As Bridgette giggled, Harold looked suspiciously at Alejandro. "Well," the nerd said, "Alejandro, do you know anything about this challenge, perchance?"

"Sorry, mi amigo, Chris made sure we were in the dark about this challenge when we signed up."

Valerie chuckled and walked over to Alejandro. "Well, you seem as clever as you are handsome, a murder mystery shouldn't be too hard."

"Yes, because after all," Heather said with fake gusto, "it's always the one you least suspect, and thus the nicest one it has to be!"

Alejandro chuckled. "You ladies flatter me."

Justin had found a chair and was sulking in, watching Alejandro with disgust. He pulled out a small hand mirror and stared into it, muttering, "Have I really lost it?"

Bridgette tried to shake off her infatuation and said, "Well, what should we do, Alejandro?"

"I'm not sure what you mean, my dear Bridgette," he said, his handsome smile charming her again. "Though I'm flattered you call upon me for guidance."

As the surfer girl giggled again, and Valerie and Heather tried to get Alejandro's attention for different reasons, Harold was glaring at Alejandro from behind. "_He really does seem like a cool guy,_" he thought as he watched, "_but there's something really suspicious about this guy. I cannot put my finger on it, but I don't think he's just harmlessly flirting…_"

* * *

**(Team 5 - Balloon - Mandy (L), Alfred, Carol, Cody, Sebastian, Sierra.)**

"So first they dump a corpse on us unceremoniously," Mandy was ranting, "and then they tell us we have to find the murderer? To thank him?"

"Sounds about right," Sierra said. "What do you think, Cody?"

"Mmmph mrrgh, mmmaah!"

Cody's voice was muffled by Sierra pulling him against her chest. Carol came to his assistance and pulled Sierra away, and the geek gasped for air. "Thanks, Carol. Well, I think that it sounds about right, but we need to wait for instructions on the challenges within this challenge."

"Oh, he's so clever," Sierra gushed. "Isn't he clever? See, that's why he always A's in school!"

"Impressive," Alfred said, patting Cody on the back.

"But you get A's too, Alfred, don't be so modest," she continued.

"Whoa, you already know that?"

"I did a bit of research on all the new contestants. But I'm still trying to find out if you really did have a girlfriend back in America…"

"Yes, I said I did," he declared. "Why doesn't anyone believe me?"

Sebastian was kneeling down next to the corpse, studying over the rim of his glasses. Sierra approached him and asked, "What are you doing, trying to find out how he died?"

"Could be useful, since Chef has suddenly clammed up."

"That's brilliant! I'm gonna go tell Cody it is brilliant, I want to hear him say 'brilliant,' he'll make it so cute."

As Sierra skipped off, Mandy rolled her eyes. "Fan girls," she grumbled. "They're all crazy."

"But you're a cultist," Carol pointed out. "You're like a fan girl of Cthulhu, right?"

"CTHULHUISTS ARE NOT FAN GIRLS," Mandy screamed, startling everyone in the blimp.

Alfred pat her shoulder and whispered in her ear, "Can Cthulhuists have fan boys?"

As Mandy blushed slightly, Sierra giggled and whispered to Cody, "This'll be so great for the trivia section on my website for couplings! I totally support Almandy, don't you, Cody?"

"Um, sure, yeah."

"How do you feel about other couples, like Sebaki or LeXander or… Codierra?"

* * *

**(Team 6 - Floaty Thingy - Sadie (L), Chico the Raccoon, Crystal, Eva, Gwen, Yoshi.)**

"oh wow lolz," Chico said as he examined the fake corpse, "i has gonna hab hard tyme dragin this bak to my nest!"

Yoshi shook his head and watched Chico poke and prod the fake body. Although it was really annoying to him to have a strange animal helping his team, at least he was doing something. Eva was looking at the electronic panel, observing the pictures of the six of them. Sadie and Crystal were engaged in small talk that he couldn't overhear, and Gwen was sitting down and enjoying the sight of a dead Chris.

"Can we actually do something?" Yoshi asked aloud.

"Like what?" asked Sadie, who turned away from Crystal.

"Well, aren't you our leader?"

"Oh, that's right, I am," she said, clapping her hands. "Okay! I declare that we… um, do something!"

Gwen stared blankly at her. "You gotta be more specific than that."

"Do something… um, to find out one of those challenges are!"

The intercom spat out a gob of static, spraying the electric interference around like some digital spit-take. Chef Hatchet's voice came after the gusher of disconnection, saying, "Oh, the instructions for your first challenge are in the vest pocket of Chris's corpse there. When you complete it, the next challenge will be unlocked."

Yoshi rolled his eyes and began to search through the corpse's pockets, stopping to glance at Eva. "You're not going to guess, are you?"

"Well, isn't it obvious it will be the raccoon?" Eva asked. "Chris always goes for that crazy stuff, it'll be the one who cannot possibly do it!"

"Are you really going to risk one of our guesses?"

"Are you our boss, mister?"

"No, Sadie is, ask her!"

As the two glared at each, Sadie nervously said, "Um, let's save the guesses for later, okay? We don't want to risk losing this!"

Yoshi nodded, then pulled a piece of paper folded up in Chris's vest pocket. He read it out loud: "_Murder Clue #1: You must observe the course, and determine the cause of death. Announce out loud what you think it was, and, from the observers on our cameras, you will be informed when you are right. You'll get your first clue from the console underneath the electronic pad where your suspects are displayed._"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Was that a bad joke?)**

**Alejandro** - "Hehe, it's all too easy. Chris asked me to help out in this challenge, and to also stir up the drama. He also hinted me that Bridgette and Geoff are having trouble, so it's time for a handsome, understanding man to come onto him, and cause her more drama and trouble. It's so much fun to manipulate nice people like her, they're so gullible." *_He laughs and wiggles his eyebrows._* "I can practically smell the bonus promised me when I pull this off."

**Geoff** - "Man, I just cannot get my head into this game! I need to… I need to tell Bridgette what happened! I cannot keep avoiding her, that sad look on her face is killing me! But if I tell her I voted off her stepbrother and several other nice people, she's gonna kill me!"

**Mandy** - *_sharpening her sacrificial dagger_* "Chris's fake corpse was lucky it was already dead, or I would've delighted in sacrificing him to the Old Ones. I despise manipulative people, and this show feels ripe with it!"

**Xander** - "Well, if I win that romantic airship cruise, I could ask Crystal. I wonder if she would accept, she's been so distant since the last cruise… maybe I'll give the prize to someone else, it feels like a jinx now."

**Zachary** - "So… why a murder mystery on an airship? Why not just race the things? I cannot see anything wrong with letting us pilot a bunch of zeppelins around! Zeppelins rule!"

* * *

The six teams were all put to the test at around the same time, and thus took part in what Belinda called CSI ("Crime Scene's Incredulous").

Team 2 completed first, with Noah's keen eye. He had watched enough murder mystery shows (and looked up how much they got wrong) to know these things, and discovered that the stab wounds in the fake corpse's chest were done with a dull knife, perhaps a butter knife from the kitchen. Team 4 was right behind them, as Harold had about the same kind of knowledge, and deduced that the bludgeon wound on the back of the corpse's head was done by something like a frying pan from the kitchen.

Team 5 came close up with Cody, who, like his fellow nerds, watched and read a lot of murder mysteries. Though he wasn't quite as good as them, Sierra was right next to him, and despite being closer and more groping than he was okay with, she was helpful in helping in deduce that fake, dead Chris had been bludgeoned and than hung.

Team 1 had some trouble, as they all did not want to get near the corpse, until Clive proved to be useful in that he didn't mind so much. He inspected the corpse's chest, and found a couple bullet entries.

Team 3 was a couple minutes behind, as Izzy, the only one brave enough to inspect a dead body (even if it was fake), and she was guessing all kinds of very interesting deaths that sounded like they were more from a violent video game ("And then the killer bisected him with a sword, then cut off his head, then cut his head in two! Or maybe the killer ripped off his arms and beat him to death with them, or turned into a dragon and bit of the top of his body!") It was only when she randomly guessed that the killer used poison because of the foam on his lips, that they were informed she was right.

Team 6 had the most trouble, as they had dissolved into a lot of fighting between Eva and Yoshi, with Gwen taking the warrior's side, and Sadie insisting she could lead and they shouldn't fight. Chico ran around, shouting, "teh host iz dead, long live teh host, though he iz dead and all, lolz!" Crystal was busy studying the body, trying to think of how fake Chris could be killed.

"I think I know," she declared, alerting the attention of her team. "Our dead chap was bludgeoned with a golf club to the temple, to which he fell on a vase and its fragments impaled in his chest, which made him step in a mousetrap, then fall down, and then he was burned to death by a Molotov cocktail!"

A bell rung, signaling they were right. Sadie got over her surprise first and congratulated her. "That was so smart and clever and… and cool! How did you know all that?"

Crystal handed Sadie a small paper. "This was clutched in his hand."

Sadie read it out loud, "_I was struck by a golf club, slammed against a vase, stepped on a mousetrap, and then burned to death with a Molotov cocktail. The killer was… blargh, I am dead now._"

On all the blimps, they received a paper from a machine underneath the Investigation Personal Under Suspect (the iPud, Chef had explained to all of them). Each of the papers only had one letter, most teams only getting "A," and thus all of them were still confused and in the dark.

"And now," a digital voice from the iPuds said to each team after they took the paper, "your second challenge awaits."

A door was electronically unlocked nearby, opening to reveal a small closet. Crystal approached it first, and said, "Oh. Well. Hmm. Blimey."

"What is it?" Yoshi asked.

Crystal pulled out a hanger. From it was a rather small tube top, colored to look like fur, with a bikini bottom with a long tail of matching color. A headband consisting cat ears of the same "fur" color was hanging around the middle of the hanger, as well as couple gloves that had fake claws at the fingertips.

"It's a cat girl costume, chaps," Crystal said, then held up a paper she found in the closet. "And apparently, from this note, our next challenge is that one of us… has to wear… this!"

"_DUN_ _DUN_ **_DUN_**," Chico exclaimed, waving his paws in the air. "lolz, i alwayz wanted 2 doo dats, epic winz!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - No cat girl costumes in here.)**

** Chico the Raccoon** - *clapping his paws and cheering* "i iz here in yur janyitor clawzet, makin mah confeshuns! an i wanna say, i luvers dis show! wootz!"

**Sierra** - "OMG, I absolute heart this show! I mean, I know I told you all this when I was on the bus, but it's more fulfilling to be on it! And to be near Cody is the best! But I promised myself I wouldn't lose control around him… have I?"

**Clive** - "Girls dressed like cats…" *_He looks to the side, lets out a deep sigh, then looks at the camera._* "Okay, even I'll admit, that's one reason to be alive, just to see that."

**Sakaki** - "I… like cats… I don't think I would like to dress as a cat…"

…

**Tyler and Rodney** - **Rodney** - "And there was one time when Gil and I were playing video games, and I pecked her on the cheek!"

**Tyler** - "Classy, dude! But man, the more I learn of this girl Gil, the more wild she sounds. Is your crush here Izzy?"

**Rodney** - *_He blushes and looks down_.* "Well, I don't want to say just yet…"

**Tyler** - "No worries, dude! Now I'm going to help you out, give you a little advice! After all, Lindsay and I were dating by the fourth challenge in TDI, I think I can help you catch the eye of a girl! Maybe even get Gil again?"

**Rodney** - "That wouldn't be bad, except I don't want to be lit on fire by acid rain again."

**Tyler** - "Um, what?"

**Rodney** - "It's really, really complicated, sorry. I'm still not sure how it worked, but thank goodness Gil threw me in the pool, or I might have been hurt!" **[3]**

**Tyler** - "Dude, you and I seem to have more in common than I thought."

…

**Chris Maclean** - *_frowning_* "Have people confused this show for a dating program? It's competition, darn it! Even that little kid is getting all mushy! I'm glad my dead bodies actually made people freak and fight like they should! And the cat costume? Oh, that'll get some real cat fights going! Haha! Now we're cooking with gas!"

**Chef Hatchet** - *_He enters the room._* "Hey, Chris, can you get out of here? I have some personal business to attend to."

**Chris** - "Oh, seriously, dude? Are you trying to get disgusting stuff on the air just to get your paycheck? What on Earth are you going to do?"

**Chef Hatchet** - *_He grins evilly, and holds up… no… no… NOOOOOO! IT'S THE BACK SCRATCHER AGAIN! RUN, RUN, CUT TO ANYTHING! ANYTHING!*_

* * *

…

…

…

**So who will be wearing the cat costume on each of the teams? Who will solve the murder mystery first? Who are the murderers?**

** Will Chef Hatchet ever get his paycheck? Will we have to censor out the confessionals until he stops? Will we be scarred for life?**

** Will Alejandro manipulate Bridgette and the others on his team for more drama? Will Sierra win over the affections of Cody and ruin the love triangle? And will Chico get some cheezburgers?**

** And are we asking too many questions?**

* * *

…

**Team 1 (Dirigible)** - Anita (L), Zachary, DJ, Rodney, Clive, Belinda. (_Clues: A._)

**Team 2 (Zeppelin) ** - Tyler (L), Courtney, Ezekiel, Colin, Leshawna, Noah. (_Clues: N._)

**Team 3 (Blimp)** - Xander (L), Geoff, Izzy, Arthur, Lindsay, Sakaki. (_Clues: A._)

**Team 4 (Airship)** - Harold (L), Bridgette, Justin, Valerie, Heather, Alejandro. (_Clues: R._)

**Team 5 (Balloon)** - Mandy (L), Alfred, Cody, Sebastian, Carol, Sierra. (_Clues: A._)

**Team 6 (Floaty Thingy)** - Sadie (L), Eva, Yoshi, Gwen, Crystal, Chico. (_Clues: A._)

* * *

…

**Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date** - Barren, except for the horrendous scars deep down of what it saw Chef Hatchet do.

…

** [1]** - Rodney and Chris's slurred ramblings upon being struck on the head are lyrics for a song called "Hubba Hubba Zoot Zoot" by Caramba. Seriously, I'm not making this up, you have to hear this song, it's the craziest thing you'll have ever heard!

** [2]** - Anita's phobia for party balloons might be the same as someone I know very well… and you make fun of it, I will punish you all by refusing to update this story! What do you think of that, huh? Don't make fun of people's phobias!

** [3]** - Rodney's crush from home is based off Cid-Vicious's character Gil. If you haven't heard of him, he does incredible artwork on Deviant Art, and he does my characters too, including a comic! After a couple comments exchanged, joking about Rodney going out with the young and also brilliant Gil, the very odd crossover pairing took off! Cid's just so awesome, I updated this chapter for him in honor of Gil! Now go review and favorite his awesome work!

…

**Next Up** - Cats go bonzai while stuffing their face for good or bad.


	41. Ch 12, Pt 2: Balloon Lampoon

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of Total Drama. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TD contains stunts performed by written teens. As the author writes this, remember that he's sacrificing his free time for this, and free time is expensive to sacrifice these days, almost as pricey as gasoline.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - I just want to say, I believe in fairness. If the TD show wants to make or break couples in TDWT, then I believe I should get to too. If they want to focus on their favorites, then so can I. If they want to aggrandize meanness, then I get to aggrandize niceness. So there, nyah nyah nyah!

New poll, involving Rodney's crush! Make your guess!

…

* * *

**Chapter 41** - Felines, Falling, Fluffer, Filthy Flavorings!

* * *

…

…

…

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena.)**

Vera was up and running, showing footage of the six teams competing as the crowd cheered on their favorites. Chris, Chef Hatchet, and Groucho the Duck were watching with close intent. When the first clues were discovered, Chris let out a laugh and then picked up his bullhorn.

"That's right, folks," he said, loud enough for the whole stadium to hear. "We have clues that are randomly given to our contestants! What could they mean? They are given randomly!"

"Fascinating," Groucho said, rubbing his chin with his wingtips. "It's like a puzzle. And the murderer is the person who is spelt out?"

"The duck speaks the truth," Chris announced. "This is, what I like to call, Total Drama Alphabet!"

"What an interesting but not entirely descriptive name," the duck added. "It makes me think we have twenty-six people at hand."

"Alfred to Zachary," Chef Hatchet said. "That works."

"Doesn't cover all the letters with us. We haven't anyone whose name starts with P. Or F too, do you suppose we know a Frank or a Percy?"

"Will you two shut up?" Chris snapped. "We're not here to talk about letters and people like Alistair from Zack, we're talking about the clues! Stop making my cool names uncool."

Groucho's eye twitched. "How about Paste, Maclean?" he shouted, and then pointed an RPG-7 at the host. "Wanna be made into that? Or Fiery Remains?"

Chris squeaked in terror and then ran, which the duck thought was very silly, considering the range on an RPG-7. Nevertheless, the host escaped with the duck delivering the painful payload. Chef Hatchet chuckled and clapped. "Nice job, soldier, you make an old soldier proud."

"Well, you're making this new soldier uncomfortable when you're dressed in a lady nurse's uniform."

"I'm not giving up until I get my paycheck!"

As Chef Hatchet grumbled and went back to watching the show on Vera, Groucho shook his head. "He really needs a girlfriend," he muttered to himself. "Maybe there's some nurse lady dressed like a man I can interest him? Florence Nightmare-Gale, that's what she'd have to be."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Mad crazy letterz happen here too!)**

**Chris Maclean** - *_panting and straightening his collar_* "Well, yeah, ahem. I'm gonna do something about that duck."

**Chef Hatchet** - "I'm serious about getting my paycheck!" *_He reveals his back scratcher._* "I'm not afraid to use this."

**Groucho the Duck** - "Someone has to keep those two in line, Chris more so. I won't have them overdoing it with those kids! They're good recruits, and going through enough! Thus, if anyone gives my kids a hard time…

*_He lifts up his RPG-7 again._* "I'll blow 'em to ***censored***, and don't think I won't do it!"

** Chris Maclean** - "Anyway! You all should know that the following will be brought to you in the sense of Team 1 through 6's interactions in the challenges, not the actual timeline. The reason for this is simple: we want you to be confused on who is winning! So sit back and enjoy them in team numerical order! Now, on with the cat girl costumes!"

* * *

**(Team 1 (Dirigible) - Anita (L), Zachary, DJ, Rodney, Clive, Belinda. (**_**Clues: A.**_**))**

The team was looking at the cat girl costume in the recently opened closet. DJ had just read the note, and now everyone was wondering the important question of who to wear it.

Anita was wincing at the thought of it. Though it was cute, it was highly revealing in that it was nothing but a stretchy tube top, a bikini bottom with a long tail attached, spandex gloves and socks with the kitty pattern, and the cat ears headband. The colors were white and black, all very nice looking but not nice to think about wearing.

That's exactly what Zachary was thinking. "Well, girl," he said, looking over at Anita, "it's all you."

"No," she said. "No way. I am _not_ wearing that!"

"Is this more of that crap that you're too good to do sexy stuff?" he shot back, scoffing at her. "Face it, you're on the show to look super hot, so when the show asks for someone to be sexy, that should be you."

"That's not who I am," Anita shouted back at him. "I am not some supermodel for your centerfold! So stop trying to get me to strip my clothes for you!"

"It's for the contest. Just do it, it's not like you're wearing that much to begin with."

Anita huffed and looked away, seeing DJ was watching them argue. She sighed and said, "What do you think, Deej?"

"Who, me?" DJ asked. "Oh, well, I don't know. If you don't want to, you shouldn't have to."

"Do you want to, man?" Zachary shouted. "Yeah, I'm sure you'd love to wear that skimpy thing!"

"Why don't you?" Anita snapped.

"Because I don't want to wear that little costume, you're crazy if you think I'd-"

"Then why am _I_ obligated to wear it, hmm?"

"You're only on the show for your looks, white girl, get used to it!"

"That's completely uncalled for," DJ protested.

"I'll say," Clive added with an eye roll.

"This is really not nice at all, stop being mean to Anita," Rodney cried out.

Zachary rounded on the boys, frowning. "If one of you wants to wear that cat skank uniform, go ahead! But we all know who really should."

"Is that so?"

They all looked around to see Belinda step out from behind the corner. She was wearing the cat girl costume and swinging the tail around in her hand. As she posed against the wall, she asked, "How do I look?"

"Wow," DJ remarked.

"Meow," Anita said with a smile.

"Aren't you cold?" Rodney asked. "That's so little fabric-"

"I believe that's the point, dear," Belinda said. "You'll find out when you're older why, sweetheart."

"No, I'm pretty sure I know why now," Rodney admitted, digging one of his feet into the ground. "It's pretty on you…"

As everyone laughed over the boy's comments, causing him to blush, Zachary shrugged and said, "Well, that ended nicely. Thanks for doing that since Anita wasn't going to, Belinda."

"It beat the hassle of forcing you to do it too," she said. She then licked her lips and added, "I'm thirsty, anyone got milk?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Cat Girl Belinda, meow!)**

** Belinda** - *_still wearing the cat costume_* "Funny how wearing what is just a stretchy cover for the boobs and a bikini bottom would make one think feel like you're exposed, but I actually feel more wild and free. Guess that's just the cat in me." *_She bats her paw at the camera, chuckling._*

**Anita** - "I really wish I wasn't so adamant about this… I feel like a prude. But you know, maybe if Zachary wasn't on my team telling me to take it off, I would be more willing!"

* * *

**(Team 2 (Zeppelin) - Tyler (L), Courtney, Ezekiel, Colin, Leshawna, Noah. (**_**Clues: N.**_**))**

The six contestants of Team 2 were looking at the cat costume, theirs colored orange and black. Colin was the only one who looked delighted. "Okay, which of the girls is putting that on?" he asked.

"Are you kidding?" Courtney snapped. "Why do one of us have to?"

"Because it's not meant for guys, stupid," he snapped at her. "You really want one of the guys to wear it? Maybe Noah should, I heard he's not a guy, if you know what I mean."

Noah responded with one of his fingers. When Colin started towards him with his fists, Tyler and Ezekiel grabbed him. "No fighting," Tyler exclaimed. "Colin, you calm down!"

"Hey, I'm just saying what we're all thinking," he snapped at them as he struggled to get free. "Do we want to wear that? No, the girls should! Courtney is just being difficult!"

"Oh, _I'm_ being difficult?" she spat out. "From what I've heard, you're nothing but trouble on every team you're on!"

"None of that makes any difference that you won't wear the cat costume!"

"Shut up already," Leshawna said. "I'll wear it."

"What?" was the reply from everyone else.

"Well, if Halle Berry can be a sexy cat woman," Leshawna said, smiling as she took the costume out of the hook and rounded a corner, "than so can I!"

The boys and Courtney exchanged glances, and then Colin scoffed. "Yeah, but Halle Berry isn't the size of a baby whale!"

Leshawna didn't reply to this, but she did smile from the very rough sounds of Colin being shoved around and hit by Tyler and Ezekiel. After a quick change, she stepped out in the skimpy outfit, dangling the tail over her shoulder.

"Well?" she asked as she struck a pose. "How do I look?"

"You look great," Tyler said, winking at her. "Looks good on you!"

"Fine, sister," Noah added.

"You do look quite sexy," Ezekiel said.

"Man," Colin groaned, "say hello to Garfield's fatter sister."

Before any of the boys or Leshawna could react, Courtney stomped over to Colin and slapped him across the face. "Shut the hell up," she shouted. "If you say one more thing like that, I'll make you regret every signing up for this show! Got that?"

Colin, intimidated by her shouting, nodded and then sulked off. Leshawna stared in surprise at Courtney and muttered, "Um, thanks, girl. But I thought you hated me?"

"I don't like to hate people," Courtney said, "except for maybe him. Anyway, you saved me the trouble of having to wear that."

"It's a bit tight across the chest."

"Well, still looks good on you."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Cat Girl Leshawna, rawr!)**

** Leshawna** - *_still in the cat costume_* "Yeah, I get people who talk smack about my weight, and I try to avoid smacking back literally. That's why I like Harold, he likes me for who I am. Then again, so did the other boys, makes ya get some faith in humanity again, it does."

**Noah** - "Leshawna kind of reminds me of my older sister, one of them I mean. She's big too and proud of it, so it's like having her around again. I guess that's why I cannot win an argument with her."

* * *

**(Team 3 (Blimp) - Xander (L), Geoff, Izzy, Arthur, Lindsay, Sakaki. (**_**Clues: A.**_**))**

"A cat girl costume?" Geoff asked. "Wow… that's… kind of like Chris, but not quite."

"Remind me to thank him later," Xander said. "So which of the girls is wearing it?"

Arthur shrugged. "Beats me, but I don't think Sakaki wants to."

Sakaki nodded, then smiled slightly. "Considering she already took it, I can't now."

"What? Who?"

Xander laughed at Arthur's expense. "You have to ask?"

He pointed to a corner where Lindsay was standing next to. The blonde was whining at someone around the corner, "C'mon, why do you get dibs, Bizzy? That blue and white fur pattern would have matched my eyes so well!"

Izzy didn't answer, she just leapt out. With the skimpy costume on her body, she squatted down on all fours and purred. With a playful meow, she pounced on Xander, and licked his face.

"Ack! Okay, haha, Izzy," the rebel said, waving his hands about but making no effort to get the almost-naked redhead off of him. "That's a good cat impression, very nice!"

"Makes me miss my cats," Sakaki admitted.

"I still think I should have worn it," Lindsay muttered, as Izzy finally got off of Xander and immediately pounced Geoff. "I think it would do well for my chances at a modeling career if they see me wear costumes."

"Aren't you worried about how much that costume exposes?"

"Not really, it's more covering than my favorite bikinis." She sighed, watching Izzy nuzzle Geoff's face until the party guy eventually pushed her off of him. "The tail is kind of silly, but I'm sure I could make it work."

"I could never wear that little," Sakaki admitted. "It'd make me feel so… exposed."

"It's just skin," Lindsay replied with a smile to the moe girl. Izzy had recovered and was now on Arthur. "Daddy says if you don't show the boys what you got, you won't get anything in return."

"I… don't think I like that saying."

"Ow! Ow ow, Izzy," Arthur was shouting. "No biting!"

"See, Sakaki, my dad says that I must make sure to get the boys' attention," Lindsay explained, "and I like it, but he tells me if I don't, I won't ever get a husband who'll take care of me."

Sakaki really wanted to debate that, but there were two problems. One was that she was too shy to debate a point with someone like that, and two was that Izzy was off Arthur and set her sights on her. Sakaki only had a second to hold up her hands and scream as Izzy pounced…

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Cat Girl Izzy, mew!)**

** Izzy** - *_She is still in the cat girl costume, now sitting down and licking her thigh in a quick cat bath._* "Believe it or not… this isn't the first time I've dressed like a cat. First time I actually got to pounce people without them threatening to call the police… or the pound."

**Lindsay** - "Sakaki seemed really confused about my dad's advice. See, I need to attract men, because he says, I'll need caring after I move out. When I asked about college, he laughed; I guess it's too expensive, even for him."

**Sakaki** - "I really miss my cats now. They don't pin me to the ground when they're happy to see me."

* * *

**(Team 4 (Airship) - Harold (L), Bridgette, Justin, Valerie, Heather, Alejandro. (**_**Clues: R.**_**))**

"If you think I'm putting that on, you're crazy," Valerie said.

"Ditto," Heather added.

"Oh, but it would be nice on you, considering how little you normally wear."

"I could say the same for you, but I don't think they come in your hip size."

"Or in your bust size!"

"Enough," Bridgette shouted, "Both of you!"

She glared between Valerie and Heather. "Stop being so… so…"

Harold chuckled and looked at her. "Catty?"

"Yeah, I was trying to avoid to use that word."

Alejandro chuckled too. "I see you're quite the peace keeper, Bridgette."

Bridgette felt herself blush again as the handsome, young man complimented her. "Well, I try!"

Harold glanced at Alejandro, and then said, "Well, what are we going to do?"

"We cannot force the ladies to wear what they do not want," Alejandro said. "We could not call ourselves gentlemen if we insisted."

"True," Harold said.

"Though I must say," he said as he faced Bridgette again, "seeing you in that costume would be overwhelming, I would think."

Bridgette giggled and blushed some more, trying to steady herself as she stammered out a thanks. Valerie raised her hand and said, "If it'll make you happy, handsome, I'll wear it!"

"So happy to shed your clothes for a man?" Heather remarked.

"You would know, you've done it more than me, I'll bet."

Harold stormed over to them. "Didn't Bridgette tell you to stop? Gosh!"

"Have her wear the darn costume," Valerie snapped. "I have a political career to think of."

"Bridgette can wear it, I say," Heather replied. "Or Justin."

"No way," Justin said. The male model was sitting in a chair away from the others, looking down and upset and all sorts of other not good moods. "I'm not interested."

"You're the model," Harold declared. "Can't you just put your handsome powers to the test?"

"Don't wanna, Harold."

Harold face-palmed, then looked at Bridgette. She looked very nervous but mentally debating if she should or not. When she glanced at Alejandro, who winked at her, she seemed to be coming to a decision real quickly. Thus Harold came to one really fast.

"Man," he said as he yanked the costume from the closet and hurried off. "I cannot believe I'm doing this!"

"Harold?" Alejandro called out. "Where are you going, leader?"

A minute after Harold held himself up in a small room, he came out wearing the costume. As well as the yellow and orange tube top around his chest and the bikini bottom with a cup (which was included in case a boy was gonna wear it), Harold was also sporting a very upset frown. "Don't say a word," he growled. "I know I look-"

He was cut off when everyone burst out laughing at him. Letting out a frustrated moan, he looked at Bridgette, who had her hand over her mouth and was trying very hard but failing not to giggle.

"E tu, Bridgette?" he asked.

"I… I cannot help it," she squeaked out. "You look so… so…"

"Go ahead, say it," Harold cried out. "You've seen me naked, dressed as a girl, and all sorts of other things, I can take whatever you call me!"

"… Cute!"

"There, feel better now?" Harold asked. "Now let's get back into the contest… wait, what?"

Alejandro narrowed his eyes at Harold, tapping his fingers on his hips.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Cat Boy Harold, purrs!)**

** Harold** - *_still wearing the cat costume_* "I'm comfortable enough with my body to not feel bad wearing this, I just expect people to make fun of me. Never been told I look cute before… gosh. She's so nice, Bridgette."

**Alejandro** - "Harold just blew my plans on getting Bridgette in that costume. If she wore that, she would have been putty in my hands. Well, maybe just a little more so, she still will be."

**Valerie** - "Have I mentioned how much I hate Heather? Stupid, former queen bee who thinks she's better because she had a change of heart."

**Heather** - "Have I mentioned how much I hate Valerie? Bratty, political-obsessed whacko who thinks she's better because she is supposedly independent."

* * *

**(Team 5 (Balloon) - Mandy (L), Alfred, Cody, Sebastian, Carol, Sierra. (**_**Clues: A.**_**))**

"So who gets to wear that crazy get-up?" Sebastian asked, jerking his thumb at the white and red costume.

"I'll wear it if Cody wants me too," Sierra said. "Cody, want me to wear it?"

"I think Cody," Mandy said, glaring at the fan girl, "would like very much if you let go of him."

"Silly Mandy, you obviously don't know Cody if you don't think he likes girls holding onto him."

"Yes, but enough to cut off circulation?"

Sierra blinked, then looked at Cody's face, which was turning blue. She let go, and he gasped for air. "Oh thank you, Mandy," he coughed and hacked, breathing hard to recover. "Thank you so much."

"Thank Cthulhu, though he'll still kill us all after you survived this."

"This is sweet and all," Carol said, "what with the hugging and suffocation, but who's wearing the outfit?"

"What outfit?" Cody asked.

Carol pointed at the closet. "That out… fit…"

The cat girl costume was gone, and everyone looked around to see where it had gone. Sierra then asked an equally important question, "Hey, where's Alfred?"

Then the door of a nearby room swung open, and Alfred leapt out, wearing the cat costume, the ears on top of his hat. "Meow meow meow," he declared, swinging his paw hands around. "It's time for the meow mix remix!"

"What _are_ you doing?" Sebastian declared. "You actually want to wear that?"

"It's fun!"

"I really thought a girl was gonna wear that," Cody muttered.

"Yeah, or Cody," Sierra said. "He would have made it look good!"

"And I don't? Mandy disagrees."

"What? How do you know that?"

Alfred pointed at Mandy, who was staring wide-eyed at Alfred, and covering her mouth and nose with her hands. An arousal nosebleed from the cultist stained her fingers, and she wiped them off on Cody's shirt. "Yes, well, just the shock, really," she said. "Not bad, that's all."

"Hands off my Cody," Sierra exclaimed as she grabbed Cody again. "Err, I mean, my friend. Yeah… don't wipe blood on him!"

Alfred chuckled. "Now let's get busy on the challenge, people!"

He thrust his hips, and Mandy had a sudden nosebleed spurt from watching the movement. "Gah," she cried out, grabbing her nose, "don't _do_ that, I didn't bring a handkerchief with me!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Cat Boy Alfred, mrwar!)**

** Alfred** - *_still in his costume, spinning the tail in his hands_* "I'm a very impulsive guy. If I think something would be fun to do, I do it! How many other guys can brag about being dressed in a skimpy cat costume on international TV? I'm proud to be different."

**Carol** - "Man, if Mandy doesn't want that man candy of manliness in kitty clothing, I'm gonna make him mine." *_She grins and licks her lips._*

**Sierra** - "Oh, that Alfred. That's gotta be the third time he's dressed skimpy around others. The first two were quite interesting, one even got in the news! I'd love to tell more, but you can see more in the blogs!"

* * *

**(Team 6 (Floaty Thingy) - Sadie (L), Eva, Yoshi, Gwen, Crystal, Chico. (**_**Clues: A.**_**))**

The members of the last team were all looking at the cat girl costume, colored black and red, and then exchanged glances.

"No," Gwen said.

"No way," Eva growled.

"Heck no," Sadie shouted.

"Don't bloody think so," Crystal muttered.

"Oh, I suppose you think you can make me wear it?" Yoshi snapped. "You've all got another think coming!"

"You'd be surprised," Eva said, approaching him, "what I can do to make people rethink."

"I don't fear you," he said. "And you think I'm going to wear that? No boy would or should ever wear that!"

"And so the girls have to?"

"I highly doubt Chris Maclean put a cat _girl_ costume in this challenge and expected the boys to wear it for the viewing millions!"

"He's got a point there," Crystal said, "I would expect some kind of male stripper outfit instead if he wanted that."

"Has anyone forgotten that we're all teenagers?" Gwen snapped. "I am not parading about in something that's as revealing as my underwear!"

"Neither am I," Eva said, and poked Yoshi in the chest. "So you're wearing it, sword boy."

"Why don't you _make_ me, Eva?" he shot back, clenching his fists.

"Oh please don't fight," Sadie pleaded.

Crystal swallowed nervously as she looked between Eva and Yoshi. "Looks unavoidable now, Sadie hon."

"hey u all, luke at mee!"

The humans turned to see that Chico had put the costume on himself or at least tried. The top was worn around his shoulder, one of the legs of the bottom was big enough for his torso, and was wearing the tattered remains of the gloves and socks on his limbs. The cat ears were barely able to stay balanced on his little head.

"i iz a lolcat," Chico cheered, waving his paws around. "rawr, gibbe cheezburger, wantz naptime! i hates googies, an feer teh basement kitteh!"

The humans all blinked, and then Yoshi chuckled. "Well," he said, "that solved itself nicely."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Cat Raccoon Chico, WTH?)**

** Chico** - *_barely wearing the costume, it's all tatters now_* "lolz, i will hav 2 keep theez clothez fur teh memoorees! i live en rum 10, an i keep all my stuff dere! i wundur if Seebass'shun an Tylur no dat."

**Gwen** - "I can honestly say that seeing that raccoon wear and shred that stupid, skimpy costume, it really made my day. Him and that duck, they're cool animals, more civilized than some of the contestants. And Chris, definitely him."

* * *

**(Team 1 (Dirigible) - Anita (L), Zachary, DJ, Rodney, Clive, **_**Belinda**_**. (**_**Clues: A, and a blank.**_**)**

"I'm telling you, it's blank," Clive said to Zachary, who yanked the paper from the emo's hand. "There's no clue on it."

"This is bull," Zachary shouted. "What's a blank paper? That's not a clue, that's a diss!"

"Maybe that's a way of them saying the name is shorter than seven letters?" Rodney suggested.

Zachary looked at the prodigy, then snapped his fingers. "Yeah, that's right! My name and Belinda is seven, and everyone else is less… but the only one with an A in their name is Anita! We have our murderer!"

"What?" Anita said, looking surprised. When Zachary walked towards the iPud, she called out, "Wait, we cannot guess just yet-"

Too late. Zachary pushed the portrait on the suspect list, and then hit Yes when an electronic message asked him if he were sure. A very loud buzzer went off, and red lights flashed. A recorded voice of Chris Maclean singing played. "Wrong wrong wrong wrong! Wrong wrong wrong wrong! You're wro-ooooong! You're wro-ooooong! You're wro-ooooong!"

"Way to go," Clive grumbled as Zachary looked rather upset. "We just lost one of our guesses."

"Hey, it was the kid's idea!"

"Huh?" Rodney said, then looked upset. "I… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Honey, do not apologize," Anita said, patting Rodney's head. "It's not your fault, you didn't make the choice to randomly guess."

"Well, what do you care, Clive?" Zachary shouted. "You're emo, you don't want to win-"

"Do you ever accept responsibility?" DJ asked, crossing his arms in frustration.

Before the argument could continue, Rodney had wandered off and noticed a metal box, one that was closed when first entered, was open now. He looked inside, and noticed a bunch of cords and a note was in the box.

"Hey everyone," he called out to them, waving the note. "The next challenge!"

"Oh? What is it, sweetie?" Anita asked him as they all approached. "What's that say?"

"It says, '_The third challenge for another clue is a Bungee Jump. A remote in this box will open the window above said box. There is a small platform out there, for you to jump off; after you have put on the harness with the bungee cord, ha ha. You are to have two -separate- members of your team jump from the blimp, and then when the bouncing stomps, haul him or her back in. After two people bungee, you will receive your next clue, and the next challenge._' Wow."

"Wow indeed," Belinda said, looking out the window. "That is quite a daring feat… and cats like heights, I might have to do this."

"Fine by me," Zachary said. "You ain't making a black man jump, that's just wrong."

"Oh shut up," Anita muttered. "Who wants to actually jump?"

"Me," Clive said, raising his hand. "I don't worry about falling to my death."

"You're going to put the harness on first, right?" Rodney asked.

"Oh yeah, I guess I will. Now who else will join me?"

"I will," DJ said, stepping up.

"Oh DJ, you don't have to," Anita said. "I know you don't like to do scary stuff-"

"I have to do this," DJ said. "To prove I'm brave, to prove myself to others! I swore I will not be a coward this season!"

"No one will think any ill of you if you don't want to, hon," Belinda said.

"Thanks, but I want to do this," DJ said. "I'll do it in the name of…"

* * *

"MOMMY-IIIIIEEEEAAAAAAYYYEEAAAAAAAAH!"

Those inside the blimp winced as DJ's scream of terror could be heard the whole way down, the whole way back up, down again, up again, and down and up in a really interesting scream of terror that sounded like, "YIIII-YEEE-YAAAA-WAAAH-HOOOWAH-BLAAA-GAAAH!"

"Gee, it wasn't that bad when I did it," Clive said, smoothing out his hair where the wind had whipped it out of place. "Maybe I should have gone twice."

"No, that was against the rules," Belinda said. "Poor Deej, I think he really needs to remember he doesn't have to prove anything."

"Yeah right, you all forced a brother to jump," Zachary scoffed. "Bunch of jerks."

"Well, why didn't _you_ jump?" Clive remarked.

"Because I didn't wanna."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Hey ma, look at Deej bungees!)**

** DJ** - *_shaking at the memory_* "And people do that for _fun_? Why? Man, I don't think I want to prove I'm brave anymore!"

**Clive** - "The bungee jumping felt like some kind of emotional stretching, something I've felt. Plummeting down in hopes of splattering, then being pulled back up, then shooting back down only to be hoisted back up again. It's quite poetic, but a little pathetic too."

* * *

**(Team 2 (Zeppelin) - Tyler (L), Courtney, Ezekiel, Colin, Leshawna, Noah. (**_**Clues: N, and a -.**_**))**

The paper that only consisted of a "-" confused all of the members of Team 2, but they carried on to the next challenge.

"Oh wow, bungee jumping?" Tyler said after Ezekiel read the note out loud. "I've always wanted to do that! Can I be one of the two?"

"Fine by me," Noah said. "Risk your life by having your head hit the ground like an overripe cantaloupe, if that's what thrills you."

"Yep, and it's awesome," he said, pumping his fist. "Zeke man, wanna jump me?"

"Soo'ry, but no," Ezekiel said with a shrug. "I doo'nt like stunts like this, they scare me, eh."

"I'm not going to do it, either," Courtney said. "I'm with Ezekiel, I don't like risking my life like that."

Noah shook his head, and said, "I want an open-casket at my funeral, thank you."

Leshawna opened her mouth, but Colin cut her off. "Why not let Leshawna jump?" he asked. "After all, cats land on their feet. But then again, with you, you'd probably land on your stomach!"

He laughed out loud, and then was seized by Tyler and Courtney. As Ezekiel opened the window, the two forcefully strapped the bully into the harness, and then threw him out the window. All of them smiled at hearing at his plummeting screams.

"Thank you, you guys," Leshawna said. "Saved me the trouble of having to do it."

"No problem," Tyler said, dusting his hands. "So far, this blimp ride has been nice. Chris Maclean is dead, we have a girl in a hot costume, and now I get to bungee jump. Are all blimp rides this fun?"

"Doubtful," Courtney said.

After the bungee cord stopped bouncing, they hauled Colin up, where he cursed and swore and was ignored entirely. Tyler then strapped himself in, then leapt out with a thrilled cry. Laughing as he plummeted and the cord stretched, he cheered as he came soaring back up.

However, he had jumped out at an unfortunate angle, and the recoil sent him straight up into the base of the zeppelin's cabin. Hitting the cabin's metal bottom with his head, he spent the rest of the ride in quiet. As they hauled him up, he was moaning and lolling his head.

"Tyler," Ezekiel cried out and shook his shoulders. He had freaked ever since he heard the painful-sounding thump against the floor. "Tyler! What happened? Are you okay?"

"I went falling down," Tyler said, his voice a goofy slur, "and den I went bouncing back up… and den I hit my widdle head and got a boo-boo!"

He burst out laughing. "Boo-boo on the noggin! My naw'gin! I ish Canadian, woot!"

"He sounds like the raccoon," Colin commented.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Hey ma, look at me head injury!)**

** Colin** - "It's always fun to see other people get hurt. HAW HAW HAW!"

**Tyler** - *_with bandages around his head_* "Man, I really wish that these things would stop happening to me. Sports aren't fun when you get hurt a lot… but then again, I guess that applies to everything."

* * *

**(Team 3 (Blimp) - Xander (L), Geoff, Izzy, Arthur, Lindsay, Sakaki. (**_**Clues: A, and zzy.**_**))**

" 'zzy'?" Geoff said when he looked at the clue that was printed out. "That's gotta be Izzy!"

"Me?" Izzy asked as she popped her hips from side to side, swinging her tail around as she shimmied in her skimpy cat costume. "Do I look like the kind of person who would kill someone?"

"Yes," they all replied at the same time.

"Well, we just lucked out," Geoff said with a laugh. "We got the one clue that tells us who it is."

"I doubt Chip McGleam would make it that obvious," Lindsay said. "I mean, Izzy would be rather obvious, wouldn't she?"

"I am a lover, not a killer," Izzy declared. "Watch!"

She grabbed Xander's face, and pulled him in for a long kiss. As the rebel struggled to stop it but was unable to push her away, Geoff's eye twitched. "Well, see, we just lucked out. Now no more kissing, we gotta… gotta…"

"Greg, are you okay?" Lindsay asked, approaching him. "Does kissing upset you? I thought you and Brenda kissed a lot-"

"Bridgette," Geoff exclaimed, startling them (and allowing Xander to stop the kiss with Izzy). "I cannot let her down! I gotta do this!"

Lindsay tried to stop Geoff, but he quickly entered the decision for Izzy in the iPud. The buzzer and red lights went off, and then Chris's message of, "Wrong wrong wrong wrong! Wrong wrong wrong wrong! You're wro-ooooong! You're wro-ooooong! You're wro-ooooong," echoed around the blimp.

"Well, that wasn't right, I'm guessing," Sakaki said nervously.

"Why?" Geoff wailed, clutching his hat. "Why can't I catch a break?"

"Poor baby," Izzy cooed. "Here, let Izzy make you feel better."

She tackled him and started kissing him, cooing things like, "There there, you'll get over the surfer girl!"

Arthur sighed as he watched. "Why not me instead?" he muttered.

"What was that, Argus?" Lindsay asked him.

"I said, um, what's the next challenge?"

Lindsay nodded, then noticed the box near the window open. She pulled out the note and read it out loud to the others, as Geoff managed to get Izzy off him.

"Bungee jumping from a blimp?" Sakaki asked aloud. "Is that safe?"

"I'm sure Chip wouldn't ask us to do it if it wasn't safe," Lindsay assured her.

"It's jumping from a blimp one way or another, Lindsay," Xander said. "Sorry, but there is some danger in it."

"Well, then, who should go?"

Xander pointed at the window. Izzy was already in the harness and leaping, cackling like a mad woman. He smiled and added, "Need you ask?"

"Gotta love that redhead when she's on your team," Arthur said. "She'll do everything you don't want to."

"I'm not sure I want to be on the same team as her," Sakaki muttered.

When the bungee was done, the team hauled Izzy back into the blimp, in which she cried out how much fun she had, and jumped again. The others all exchanged glances, and then Xander chuckled. "I'm after her, should we ever get her off it."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Hey ma, look at Izzy bungee easily!)**

** Geoff** - *_crying_* "Bridgette! Bridgette baby, I cannot take this! I pushed in a wrong answer for ya, baby! Please, why can't I just tell you what's been bothering me? Waaah-hah-haaaaa!"

**Xander** - "I needed to keep Izzy away from me during the game, because I'm still interested in Crystal, despite that she doesn't return much of the affection. The thing is… that Izzy girl is an awesome kisser. Man, I always did love blondes, didn't know redheads could be so red hot!"

* * *

**(Team 4 (Airship) - Harold (L), Bridgette, Justin, Valerie, Heather, Alejandro. (**_**Clues: R and I.**_**))**

"All we have so far is an R and an I," Bridgette said. "I don't think that's enough."

"That does limit it to two people," Heather said. "Valerie and Bridgette, only two names with I and R."

"But it could also be a message," Harold pointed out. "Like some kind of code, not the name in itself."

Valerie scoffed and looked away. "I'm not really going to take you seriously when you're dressed like that."

"It's only because most of you wouldn't, gosh!"

Harold almost tore the paper with the clue, until Bridgette pat his shoulder. "It's okay, we appreciate the effort, Harold. Now, let's get going on the challenge."

As they looked around to see where it could be, Alejandro approached Bridgette again. "I was right, you are a peacekeeper. That's very appealing!"

Bridgette laughed and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Well, thanks but… Alejandro, I should let you know, I, you know, kind of have a boyfriend."

"'Kind of'?" he repeated, smiling. "What, you mean you do, or is it just starting?"

"No, no! It's been going on for some time… it's just… I don't-"

Heather elbowed in the conversation. "Bridgette, they found the next challenge, and are looking for volunteers." She pointed at the box where all the others were gathered. "Might want to see if you will do it."

Bridgette sighed and headed over, but when Alejandro started to follow her, Heather grabbed him. "Now what are you up to?" she demanded.

"Pardon?"

"You've been flirting with her nonstop," Heather snapped. "You keep focusing on her! Are you up to something?"

"I'm just interested in the lady! What's the matter with that? Are you a little jealous?"

"As if!" She looked away and crossed her arms. "I'm not interested in men like you."

"From all I've heard about you, Heather, I would think you were more my type."

"You know nothing about me," she said, though a faint blush appeared on her face. "I'm not like what people say."

"I don't listen to people, I learn for myself. And trust me when I say, I think you and I have more in common than you think."

Heather growled as she glared at him, hunching up more as he continued to smile slyly at him. His handsome features, especially said smile, were very distracting, until Bridgette ran over to them.

"Guys, please, I need your help," she cried out. "Valerie and Justin refuse to do the bungee jump, so Harold said he would, and I cannot convince him otherwise!"

"Someone needs to do it," Heather said with a scoff.

"But he could hurt, and wearing that, he could get wind burns, or… or something."

"Calm down, señorita," Alejandro said, patting her shoulder. "Let us talk to him."

Harold was getting Valerie's help in putting on the harness when the others approached. He looked at them, and said, "Someone has to do it, I might as well."

"I really hope you don't lose that thong in the process," Heather said.

"Please Harold, you don't have to be the one to jump," Alejandro pleaded, walking towards the window. "Here, allow…"

He suddenly became dizzy, and fell back, caught by Valerie and Bridgette. "Oh my head," he moaned. "I… I guess my fear of heights just kicked in."

"You poor thing," Valerie cooed. "You must sit down, we couldn't ask you to do this."

Bridgette helped Alejandro sit down too, and then went back to Harold. "Wait," she called out. "I'll… I'll do it!" They all looked at her, and she added, "Sure, no problem. Nothing to be scared about, just a leap of faith off of a blimp with only a cord keeping me alive, no sweat. Not like I haven't done something like that before."

Harold stared at her for a second, then smiled. "But Bridgette, we need two people to bungee, and that just leaves you and me."

The surfer girl was silent as she realizes that too, then smiled and shrugged. "So be it, I guess."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Hey ma, look at me bungle bungee!)**

** Bridgette** - "That bungee experience was terrifying! But… kind of fun too. Okay, a lot of fun! Sometimes, I wonder if being a tomboy is going to make my lifespan half as long."

** Alejandro** - "Suckers. I just had to feign fainting, and they helped me sit down. Sympathy card, play that all the time to nice people like Bridgette, they eat it up." *_He laughs and claps._* "What chumps, they make this so much fun."

* * *

**(Team 5 (Balloon) - Mandy (L), Alfred, Cody, Sebastian, Carol, Sierra. (**_**Clues: A and E.**_**)**

"Well, we have two vowels now," Sebastian said as he looked at both clues. "A and E. Sounds like some kind of channel on TV, I don't watch cable that much. So, now we have to bungee jump to get the next clue, right?"

"Right," Sierra said.

"So who wants to do that-"

"BONZAI," Alfred replied.

Sebastian watched the gonzo, wearing the harness, leap from the blimp. He couldn't help but smile and say, "Should have seen that coming."

"Me next," Carol shouted, leaping up and down. "Me next! I so call dibs!"

Sierra chuckled and looked over at Sebastian. "Ever feel like the only sane man left?"

"Sometimes."

"Yeah, I feel that way too. Now I must cuddle my Cody as we wait for them to bungee jump more."

She immediately darted off to Cody and clung to him, snuggling and cuddling and all that stuff that would be cute if Cody had an okay time breathing. He wheezed and asked in a strained voice, "Carol, could I have your place instead?"

"No way," Carol and Sierra insisted.

Mandy rolled her eyes. "You foolish mortals are so… foolish in your foolishness. Quit waisting time on foolish things like trying to glomp your favorite star!"

Sierra scoffed and spared an arm to point at Mandy. "You know, I wouldn't say that if I were you. Everyone knows you have it bad for Alfred."

The cultist's face turned red, and she squeaked out, "Do not discuss that in the presence of others, mortal fan girl!"

"I so can! I'm a shipper! I ship everyone I want, and thus, I am going to let everyone know how much you two like each other! You both used to make out in the Janitor's Closet!"

Mandy was now cherry red, while Sierra chuckled victoriously. Carol and Sebastian looked quite amused, while Cody still looked half-strangled. The fan girl wasn't done with her ranting though. "And Sebastian, you've gotta be more forward with Sakaki, she's too shy to respond on her own! Carol, you need to find yourself a boy who loves active girls like you, and there's still a few available. Cody, forget Eva and Anita, and come with me to a magical place with ponies and rainbows!"

"What's this place now?"

Alfred, who had pulled himself up to the blimp, was now squatting on the platform, looking at the others. He grinned and tilted his hat up as he looked Sierra. "Is it Candy Land? Is that the next challenge or something, Mandy? Mandy, why you blushing? Did you tell them we've made out in the Janitor's Closet before?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Thanks for the shout-out, you guys! :) )**

** Sierra** - "Truth be told, I like Eva and Anita. They're both cool, and Eva is like a challenge for me, hard to find new info but wonderful to get it! Still, there's only one girl who's gonna get Cody, and it ain't not me!"

**Cody** - "Beth told me once that I had a lot of fan girls online, and since I never logged on about TD, I guess I never knew. Are they all like Sierra?" *_He shivers at the thought._*

**Mandy** - "Why did they have to bring up the whole 'making out in the closet' thing? That only happened once! … Well, twice… okay, three times! But that was it, and it's not something I'm going to do more, because I'm destined to be Cthulhu's leading agent! That's what I'm _here for_!"

*_She pauses, then sighs in defeat._* "Okay okay, four times."

* * *

**(Team 6 (Floaty Thingy) - Sadie (L), Eva, Yoshi, Gwen, Crystal, Chico. (**_**Clues: A, and x2.**_**))**

"What's this? A 'times two' sign?" Yoshi asked as he looked at the paper. "That doesn't make much sense."

"Maybe the name has two A's?" Gwen suggested. "No wait, none of our names do."

"I do love a challenging mystery," Crystal said. "So what is next?"

The team discovered the box with the harnesses, bungee cords, and the note. After Chico read the note out loud (and then Gwen took it and read it so people actually understood what it said), everyone exchanged looks.

"I'll do it," Eva said.

"I think I'll do it too," Yoshi said.

"Well, I'm first!"

"Like hell, move over!"

"Why you!"

As the two grabbed each other's clothes, Sadie wedged herself between them, shouting, "No fighting! I'm leader, and I decree no fighting!"

Her wedging in-between had knocked over Eva, who glared up at her for a second before sighing in defeat. "Well, if you insist."

"Shall I just go then?" Yoshi asked.

"Sure, and then," Sadie said as she helped hook up Yoshi, "I will go after you."

"What?" everyone else asked, caught off-guard by this.

"I need to do this, guys," Sadie exclaimed. "Everyone thinks I'm Katie's useless friend, that I cannot survive without her! Well, it's time for me to prove I can do stuff on my own, just like she did!"

As Yoshi jumped, the others talked to Sadie. "Are you sure?" Gwen asked. "Look, no one's going to think ill of you, Eva's perfectly willing."

"As leader, a member of the team," she replied with pride, "and as a girl on a mission, I will do it."

"can i comes 2?" Chico asked, raising his paw and waving it for attention.

"There's not really a way for me to take you, little one."

"aww, froofie! well, u haz best uf lucks!"

* * *

Sadie stood on the small platform, looking down at the ground that looked so, so far away. She clenched the harness on her, and then turned to look back at her teammates. "I've seriously *_censored_* changed my mind!"

"Just do it," Eva shouted.

"I had no idea she swore like that," Crystal said.

Sadie whimpered, turned back to look at the very, very, very long drop, and very quickly turned back. "I can't! … But I must! I won't… but I will! I shan't… but I-"

Eva pushed her off the side. Her screams were heard as she plummeted, and the fitness girl turned back to her team. "What?" she asked. "She never would have gone without that."

"I wasn't gonna say anything," Gwen said.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Hey ma, look at me… well, you know by now.)**

** Sadie** - "You know, I don't like being pushed from a blimp with only a bungee cord protecting me from plummeting to my death! Honestly… you'd think there's be a law against pushing people out of flying vehicles! Or… something! Anything! I'm still shaken, darn it!"

**Crystal** - "So, since when did Sadie swear? I guess when you have to bloody jump from a blimp with nothing but a cord to keep you in one piece, you start to use language that's a bit stronger than normal."

**Eva** - "There will always be a part of me that'll be a bit blunt. Okay, a little more than a bit. Lot more. Entirely. More so than others. On second thought, I think that's me in general. Got a problem with that?"

* * *

**(Team 1 (Dirigible) - Anita (L), Zachary, DJ, Rodney, Clive, Belinda. (**_**Clues: A, and two blanks. Two guesses left.**_**))**

"Another blank?" Clive asked as Anita showed him their latest clue. "Two blanks and an A. Starting to look more like Hangman than a name."

Anita shrugged. "Really beats me, hon. Maybe we just need to keep working on this, instead of try to take another stab at a guess."

She looked and glared at Zachary as she said this, to which he shrugged and muttered, "Hey, you're the one not being cooperative, girl."

The bombshell scoffed and looked away, then her eye caught something: a table that hadn't been there beforehand. It had come out from a secret panel in the wall, and on it were bags and bags of marshmallows, as well as a note.

Clive reached the table first, and read the note out loud. "_For your fourth challenge within the challenge, you are to stuff your mouth full of twenty marshmallows. You are on camera, and when you fit twenty in, you'll see one of the three green lights on the table light up. Thus, three people must twenty-stuff marshmallows at the same time, to get your next clue._"

"Screw that," Zachary declared. "There's no way I'm stuffing my mouth with that many!"

"It's big enough," Anita muttered, and she glared right back at him when scowled at her.

Belinda twirled her cat tail in her hand casually as she watched the argument. "Seems like Chris wants to keep marshmallows in the series one way or another. So, shall I?"

"You don't have that big of a mouth," Anita said. "Well, I'm willing to do it… Zachary, make one remark, and I'll shove those marshmallows down your throat.

He called her something that he calls everyone, to which she rolled her eyes. She looked down at DJ, who was curled up against the wall and shivering in fear. Rodney was sitting next to him, patting his knee in comfort. "How's he doing, Rodney?"

"Still not responsive. I'm trying to get him to talk, but he keeps asking for his mother."

"We shouldn't have let him do the bungee jump, poor guy. Well, that leaves myself, Zachary, and Clive."

"Me?" Clive asked, then looked at the others: little Rodney, petrified DJ, and cat girl Belinda. "Oh well, guess that makes sense."

"Yes, stuff your face with white treats, white boy," Zachary cracked. "Maybe then you'll actually be sweet-"

He was interrupted when Anita shoved a handful of marshmallows into Zachary's open, yapping mouth. He coughed but managed to keep them in, growling at her as she said, "That's six, fit fourteen more."

"Ah ooo uhrr hah tahwuntee?" Zachary asked.

"Yes, of course, it's really basic addition."

The three then continued to shove marshmallows into their mouth, Anita having the hardest time when she almost choked and spat out several, then had to shove saliva-coated marshmallows back in her mouth. Rodney let out a giggling "Ew," at this, and she pretended to shove some up her nose, making him howl in laughter.

Eventually, the three fit twenty in (sixty altogether, basic multiplication), and the three lights were lit. Three relieved, muffled sighs were heard, then three very loud spitting sounds. Clive wiped his mouth and said, "Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever wash away the shame of this show."

"Maybe, maybe not," Anita said, then popped a marshmallow in her mouth and chewed. "But hey, free marshmallows are always a nice thing."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - What treat do you find in the swamp? A marshmallow!)**

** Zachary** - "Gotta say, now I'm glad to get trophies instead of marshmallows. I still got the taste of those treats on my tonsils, or whatever that area in the back of your mouth is. The uvula? That always did sound dirty." *_He snorts and laughs._*

**Rodney** - "DJ is really set on being a better man, I think he's trying to impress someone. Wow, he might have a crush too! I just hope it's not the same girl, or we'd have to compete for her heart. I wonder what Gil would tell me to do?"

* * *

**(Team 2 (Zeppelin) - Tyler (L), Courtney, Ezekiel, Colin, Leshawna, Noah. (**_**Clues: N, and two -.**_**))**

"Two hyphens now," Noah said as he looked at the next clue. "Or is it a minus? Or maybe it's an underscore; hell, I wouldn't put it past Chris to give us a leet-speak clue."

"You're reading a lot into it, sugar," Leshawna said, glancing out the window of the blimp. "So, what's our next challenge?"

"Right here," Courtney said as the table came from the hidden panel. The team gather around as she read the instructions out loud. "Oh really now? Stuffing your face with marshmallows? Is that all?"

"Could be worse, Courtney, real worse," Leshawna said, swinging her tail around. "So, who wants to do it?"

Colin barked out laughing. "Oh please, like you don't want to? Go ahead and stuff your fat face, you fat-"

Leshawna seized him by the throat, her furry glove squeezing the Adam's apple. Before Colin could taste cider, she grabbed a handful of marshmallows and shoved them in. She continued to stuff Colin's stupid face until Courtney grabbed her shoulder, shouting, "Wait, wait, that's enough!"

"You think he doesn't deserve it? Every time he opens his mouth, something foul comes out!"

"No, I just mean he has over forty in his mouth now."

Colin's pained, muffled moan seemed to confirm this too, and Leshawna let go of him. "Okay then. Don't spit those out, or kitty will scratch you good. Got it, punk?" He gave a shallow nod, and she chuckled. "Good. Now who else shall do the marshmallow thing?"

Tyler was laying on the ground, staring up at the ceiling and giggling. "Why can't we shee da front of our eyes?" he asked stupidly, groping his face all over except for near his eyes. "I mean, it is like a shcreen or shome'theen, hee hee!"

"I think Tyler's still feeling under the weather from the bloo' to the head, eh," Ezekiel said.

"Don't look at me," Noah said, shaking his head. "My jaw refuses to open wide, which is why I'm cynical."

"What?" the prairie boy said, looking over at him. "That doesn't made sense."

Noah mumbled, "Maybe not to you…"

"What?"

"Cynics don't like opening their mouths much."

Leshawna and Courtney exchanged glances. "Why not just us?" Courtney asked, shrugging. "It's not so bad of a challenge."

"Sounds fine, hon."

They clinked a marshmallow together in toast, then began to stuff their face.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - What's a treat from outer space? A Martian-mallow!)**

** Courtney** - "Once I was talking to Bridgette, and asked her why people don't seem to like my leadership. She gave me a pretty honest answer that I have to do the challenges more often, because I tend to avoid them when I can. So I guess it's time to dive in… seems to be working so far. Who'd've thought mingling with people would make them like you?"

** Ezekiel** - "Courtney and Leshawna were getting along joo'st fine in the blimp challenge. That's nice, considering I thought they'd hate each other to the end of time, eh. It's like when two ladies of strength meet, you'd think they'd always fight, eh." *_He chuckles and then sighs._* "Oh, it's so funny hoo' different I see the wurld befur the shoo', and noo', eh."

* * *

**(Team 3 (Blimp) - Xander (L), Geoff, Izzy, Arthur, Lindsay, Sakaki. (**_**Clues: A, zzy, and "N I." Two guesses left.**_**))**

"I don't get this," Arthur said as he looked at their latest hint. "It's an N, a space, then an I. Doesn't make any sense."

"I agree," Izzy purred as she snuggled against him, smooching his ear and pawing his chest. "And confusion makes me a randy kitty… even I'm not sure why!"

"Izzy, it's very… ah!… hard to concentrate… when you're licking in my ear."

"Uhhf… shud Ah stawp?"

"Oh no, please continue."

Geoff took the hint from Arthur, and looked at it. "Okay, I think I got it," he said. "It's Lindsay! She has an I, N and A in her name! Chris just didn't capitalize them right because she gets names wrong all the time."

"That is so not true, Greg," Lindsay declared, stomping her foot. When Sakaki shook her head at her friend, Lindsay whimpered and asked, "Is it George? Jimmy? Jeffrey?"

"Close, but that doesn't matter," Geoff said. "The 'zzy' clue was a red fish, or whatever that is! It's Lindsay! Here, I'll go enter that in the iPud!"

"No," Xander shouted as Geoff headed over to the device. "Don't you dare, you don't know if-"

He was cut off when the buzzer went off again, and Chris's song of wrong played again. Everyone face-palmed as Geoff whimpered. "Um… whoops?"

"Yeah, good one, lover boy," Xander said, dragging Geoff away from the device. "Honestly, stop being so uncharacteristic because you're having problems with Bridgette. You two will get over it."

"If not, she's blond, handsome," Izzy called out to him. "That's your type, right?"

"I'm blond too," Lindsay said over Geoff's pained wail. "Does you want me too, Xerxes? That's so sweet, but I have a boyfriend."

"We're digressing here," Arthur said, pausing to bask in Izzy's continued snuggle. "What's the next challenge?"

When the table was revealed and the instructions read off, they all exchanged glances. "So," Xander said, "who is going to stuff their face with marshmallows?"

"Duh yuu uhun ee oo ahsk?" Izzy grunted through the mouthful of marshmallows. She tucked a marshmallow into her skimpy, stretchy, kitty top, and muttered, "Aav ath wun err eh'urr!"

"Ah'm oo'ing iss urr ooo, Bri'jit," Geoff sobbed as he continued to stuff his face. "Ah ish Ah culd tah'k ooo uuu a'hen!"

Arthur cleaned his ear as he said to Xander, "Ever wonder why people try to talk when their mouth is full?"

"I'm not sure, dude. Now, you or me for the marshmallows?"

"Ooo, marshmallows," Lindsay cooed. "I love marshmallows!"

She immediately began to stuff her mouth with the fluffy treats, and the boys exchanged surprised looks. "Gotta admire her spirit for the competition," the biker said.

"She's not doing it for the contest," Sakaki said to him, nervously tapping her fingers together. "She didn't listen when we read the rules, she's just putting them in her mouth and forgetting to chew."

Arthur blinked, and smirked. "Dibs on hugging her when she chokes. I mean, the Heimlich, of course."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - What's a calm treat? A marsh-**_**mellow**_**!)**

**Izzy** - "Izzy truly enjoys being a flirt and feeling up the boys! I think I can get away with it when I'm wearing a sexy cat girl outfit, but I don't know if I should when dressed normally. I will either need to quell my hormones, or make it a norm to wear cat girl uniforms in public!"

**Arthur** - "How do I love this show, let me count the ways: Izzy, Izzy's tongue, Izzy's hands, Izzy's lips, Lindsay's hips, Lindsay's stomach, Lindsay's grateful hug when you save her with the Heimlich, and thus Lindsay's boobs against my chest."

*_He grins wickedly and shrugs._* "What? I may be a cad, but I'm an honest cad. It's not like I'm the only guy that has a thing for girls even if they might be taken."

* * *

**(Team 4 (Airship) - Harold (L), Bridgette, Justin, Valerie, Heather, Alejandro. (**_**Clues: R, I, D.**_**))**

"R, I, and D, all in Bridgette's name and no one else's," Harold said to Alejandro, as the other four members of the team were all discussing if they should use one of their guesses. "What do you think?"

"I think it's likely, but I wouldn't put it past our host to trick us," Alejandro said, shrugging his shoulders. "We should carry on, if you're okay with that."

The handsome Hispanic rubbed his chin, and then smiled at Harold. "What do you think of Bridgette?"

"Oh, she's a good friend of mine," the nerd replied as he looked at the surfer girl. "She's the Bethany Hamilton of our show."

When Alejandro stared at him, Harold added, "You know, the soul surfer? The famous, one-armed surfer girl? There's a bunch of books and a movie about her!"

"Sorry, leader, I'm not following you," Alejandro admitted. "All I know is, she has stolen my heart."

Harold bristled a little. "Look, Alejandro, I know you're kind of new, but Bridgette's taken."

"Seems to me things aren't working out for her. And I know enough of the show to know you, of all people, go the distance for infatuation."

Harold blushed slightly, and nodded in defeat. Alejandro went to talk to Bridgette, but was snagged by Valerie and Heather, who wanted to chat him up more as they pretended to ask for his opinion on the third clue. Justin wasn't talking to anyone, so Harold went to talk to Bridgette. She immediately began giggling upon seeing him.

"I cannot help it," she apologized amid her laughter. "You just look so cute!"

"Normally, I'd take that compliment without pause, but-"

Bridgette laughed harder, and held up one of his hands, wearing the paw-like glove. "Paws," she added, and then laughed more.

Harold sighed, but couldn't help but smile at her laughter. When she calmed down a little, he said, "Look, in all serious, my dear Bridgette, I think you should watch out for Alejandro."

"What?" she asked, her laughter dying down. "What do you mean? He's so nice."

"Yes, but I don't think I trust him."

"I thought you liked him too, you were talking to him a lot at the start."

"That's true too, but," he stopped to sigh in frustration, and said, "I just don't think he has the best of intentions. Just watch yourself, okay?"

"Harold, you know I can take care of myself, and I'd never cheat on Geoff."

"I wouldn't think you would. I just think he should treat our Bethany Hamilton with more respect." When she looked at him, puzzled, he said, "She's the soul surfer! I thought you of all people would-"

"No no, I know who she is."

When Valerie called the team over to the newly arrived table with the marshmallows, Harold missed it when Bridgette put her hand over her heart with a big smile on her face. Alejandro was by her side in a second, and she was smiling at him again. Heather read the note for the new challenge out loud, and then looked over at her team.

"So who's going to do this disgusting challenge?"

"Seems fitting for you," Valerie said with fake sincerity. "After all, you do have a talent for opening your mouth."

"Coming from someone who could make a living at it."

"I bet you'd stuff your face full long before I could."

"You're on, Pink Politician!"

As Valerie and Heather began to aggressively stuff their face, the others exchanged glances. "Well, then," Bridgette said, "who else wants to?"

"Not me," Justin grumbled. The others looked at him annoyed, but he shrugged and walked away, saying, "Get Alejandro to do it, since he's just so much better."

Bridgette sighed, then looked at Alejandro and Harold. "Well, I did something like this with my friends back home," she admitted with a sly smile, "so I might as well try!"

She raised a marshmallow at them, and said, "To two of the most handsome men I've met aside from my boyfriend!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - How are a bunch of marshmallows and good romance novels alike? Just enough fluff!)**

** Bridgette** - "I love Geoff, and I mean it when I say I wouldn't cheat on him, even if he's being incredibly distant. Alejandro's a sweetheart, I'm pretty sure Harold's wrong…" *_She pauses and then swoons as she thinks back._* "The Bethany Hamilton of the show… that's probably one of the sweetest things anyone's ever said about me."

**Justin** - "What's the point of being on a stupid show if they bring in other man candy to replace you? I… need to take up something to get attention again! Maybe… juggling?"

**Chef Hatchet** - *_staring angrily at the floor_* "Why is there a bunch of broken eggs all over the floor here!"

**Justin** - *_crestfallen_* "Juggling ain't gonna work…"

* * *

**(Team 5 (Balloon) - Mandy (L), Alfred, Cody, Sebastian, Carol, Sierra. (**_**Clues: A, E, S.**_**))**

"I don't see why you all want to wait on the guessing," Mandy said, crossing her arms in a huff. "We have three letters, and those letters only appear in Sebastian's and Sierra's names. We guess twice, and even if we're wrong, we have one more guess!"

"Your argument would be more convincing in strength," Sebastian pointed out, "if you weren't distracted and watching Alfred."

Mandy flinched, but did not tear her eyes away from kitty costume-wearing Alfred. "He's more enticing than a mortal should be," she shouted in frustration, as Alfred laughed and did a little dance for her.

"Hehe, isn't love grand?" Sierra said, squeezing Cody in her arms and making him wince in pain from her strength. "It makes you just want to squeal!"

She let out a fan girl squeal, which hurt everyone's ears (and the ears of people on the other blimps, it was that loud). Carol was rubbing her ears when she said, "And this'll give me plenty of motivation not to get voted off, so I don't go deaf."

Sierra giggled and then asked, "What's the next challenge? I'm eager to prove my worth to Cody!"

"He might be more able to see if you stopped hugging him like a boa constrictor," Mandy said. "I may be distracted, but I can hear your arm muscles squeezing his poor sides!"

When the table and marshmallows were revealed, Sebastian read the instructions out loud to the others. Alfred was already stuff his face before Sebastian was done, and he offered Mandy one.

"Cthulhuists are not tempted by the sweets of mortals," she grumbled. "They do not revel in pleasures of flesh and food, as they know it is sin and greed… and… and… oh hells, gimme one."

Cody was also stuffing his face, giggling happily as he was enjoying a mouthful of sugary treats (and being away from Sierra, who couldn't hold him when he discovered there were marshmallows). His fan girl was watching in giggling delight, and she said to the others, "Cody does love his sugar!"

"I see that, yeah," Carol said. "Think that gives him a sweet kiss?"

"Ooo, I hadn't thought of that! Yay!"

"Don't encourage her," Cody shouted in desperation, accidentally spitting out the majority of marshmallows in his mouth. Before he could pick them up, Sierra was already collecting them.

"Yay, I can now shove the marshmallows that Cody has salivated on into my mouth," she declared. "Oh, bliss!"

"And just when you think the blimp ride cannot get any weirder," Mandy grumbled.

"Are you sure you're allowed to do that, Sierra?" Sebastian asked. "You are a guest, Chris might not approve of you doing the challenges."

"Oh don't worry, I don't mind helping my new friends," she replied as she gathered up all of Cody's marshmallows. "Besides, if Chris makes things difficult for you, I'll tell everyone he was in Fame Town."

"That flash-in-the-pan boy band?" Mandy exclaimed.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - What's a Chris Maclean treat? A hosted marshmallow!)**

** Mandy** - "BUA HA HA HAAAAA!"

**Carol** - "Hee hee ah ha ha ha hee hee!"

**Sebastian** - "My my. Looks like someone really wanted to be famous. Na na na-na-ni-nah… HA HA!"

**Chris Maclean** - *_His eye is twitching._* "I am gonna kill that girl."

**Sierra** - "Did I forget the cameras were watching the marshmallow stuff fest? Oopsie-daisy. Oh well, I'm sure Chris has fond memories of his past!" *_She puts up a copy of Fame Town's only CD on the shelf_.*

**Groucho the Duck** - *_sees the copy of the CD_* "GAH HA HA HAAAAAH! Loser!"

* * *

**(Team 6 (Floaty Thingy) - Sadie (L), Eva, Yoshi, Gwen, Crystal, Chico. (**_**Clues: A, N, and x2.**_**))**

"These clues sure aren't helpful," Eva muttered as she looked at the latest. "What we have is an N, along with the A and the x2. Doesn't even come close any of our names."

"Guess that's Chris's way of making the game take longer," Crystal said. "Though we're a bright bunch of birds."

Yoshi raised an eyebrow at her. "Oh, and a bloke. And a cutie-pie raccoon," she said as she scooped up Chico and hugged him. "Never knew you guys were so cuddly!"

"lolz i iz gettin hugz," Chico cheered. "i wuv dis blimp ryde!"

"That's sweet and all," Gwen said, "but let's get on with the next challenge, before the other teams solve the mystery of Chris's wonderful murder."

The table was revealed and the instructions read, but it didn't take long for Chico to start cramming them into his mouth. "dis iz nuttin," he said, his language not hindered by a mouthful of marshmallows, "i wunce bet Groucho i cud fit a couple baseballs en mah mouf!"

"Did you?" Gwen asked.

"yep! wun me a cuple buks, an wun of his favoreet rocket lawnchurs!"

"Oh dear. Please use it on something deserving, like Chris's car." The goth girl turned to the others and asked, "So, who else wants to stuff their face?"

Eva and Yoshi glared at each other, then the warrior shrugged and said, "Well, I can try. But I'm not exactly sure how much I can fit in my mouth."

"Wimp," Eva declared, and immediately began shoving the fluffy treats into her mouth. "See? Naw tho arr, ith ee?"

Yoshi raised an eyebrow, and said, "I hope Cody falls for Anita."

"Ah wuh kuh oo un ur eep!"

"Charming."

As Yoshi continued to taunt Eva, Sadie approached the table. "Okay, I know this is stereotypical, me being a little overweight and all," she said, "but I know I can do this."

"Don't have to if you don't want to, Sadie," Crystal pointed out.

"But I want to! I want our team to win! After all, if I'm going to be interesting enough to catch Zachary's attention, I have to get into the challenges more!"

As she pushed marshmallows into her mouth, Crystal and Gwen exchanged glances. "Do you think," Crystal asked her, "that Zachary is good enough?"

"That jerk keeps calls me 'white girl,' and not in a good way like Leshawna does when she's joking around. I swear he's making fun of me and trying to be a victim at the same time."

"Bloody hell. Think there's a nice guy deep down?"

"What, like with Duncan or him?" Gwen asked, pointing briefly at Yoshi. "Darned if I know, and I don't really care, to be honest."

"Sorry, love, but I'm a shipper, it's my business to find out."

Gwen chuckled and shook her head. "Well, I would normally make a wise crack, but since you've been so helpful with Trent, myself, and Leshawna, I guess I can forgive your intrusive romantics."

"I'm bloody incurable."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - What's a nutcase treat called? Fluffernutter!)**

** Yoshi** - "I don't mean to start feuds with people, things just happened with Eva… and Zachary… and Colin, and Chef Hatchet, and quite a few of people at school. Okay, so I have a bit of a temper, but I'm not violent normally. But I guess no one's going to believe me…"

*_He sees the Fame Town CD on the shelf, and recognizes Chris._* "Oh my… AH HA HA HA HA HAAAAAA!" *_He falls down laughing._* "That's priceless! For a clearance item! Har har ha ha ha haaa!"

**Chico the Raccoon** - "LOLZ! EPIC LOLZ! LOL LOL ROFL ROFLMAO!"

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena.)**

Chris Maclean was watching the contestants on Vera like everyone else, and the only one not amused since Sierra's announcement. "I'm gonna fire that girl, and get someone more professional! I sure hope Chef Hatchet is handling the calls all right, I think he met some of them during the auditions."

Chef was far away from Chris, talking in hushed, anxious tones. "No, trust me, Jessica, you don't want this job," he whispered quickly. "He's an awful boss and the pay, if you ever get it, sucks! It's worse than that stupid group at school that rejected you! Oh hang on, I got someone else on line two."

He pressed a button on his cell phone and immediately said, "Janet! Listen, you're way too nice for this show, and I don't want to see a blue hair on your head injured by this stupid man! The other day, this guy got stabbed with a prop that looked like a giant purple toothpick, and they gave him a couple band-aids! You can do better at the academy!" **[1]**

Chris glanced over at Chef, unable to hear what he was saying, but suspicious. "Well, whatever, everyone will forget it soon enough, I'm popular enough nowadays for people to not care about stuff that won't even make it on You Tube."

Chef managed to overhear this, and then went to line three on his phone. "Joe! Remember that coffee table book I have of the bustiest animé girls? It's yours if you do a little favor… remember that recording I smuggled to you for a laugh? If you upload that to You Tube, I will kiss your bald head!" **[2]**

The audience almost drowned out Chef's conversation as the teams finished up the marshmallow stuff one after the other, and received their next clue. If they were confused beforehand, they were really stumped now.

Team 1 received a paper that had "Arr" on it. As they tried to think of what that could mean, Rodney, Belinda, and Anita began doing pirate imitations.

Team 2 got yet another "-" and that was starting to worry Ezekiel. "What if they were supposed to put actual letters on those papers, and furgot to do that, eh?" he asked the others. "Maybe we should joo'st guess?"

Team 3 received a "x2" of their own. When Geoff went to try another name, Xander and Izzy had to tackle him; only Izzy stayed on Geoff until Sakaki had to pull her off and beg Izzy to calm down just a little, offering her milk (and then remembered she wasn't dealing with a real cat).

Team 4 were stumped when they saw the next letter was L. With R, I, and D, there was no longer anyone's whose name fit the four letters. Defeated for the time being, they pondered their next move as Heather and Valerie glared each other down.

Team 5 got another A, and thus they decided that Sebastian must be the killer, since his name only fit the letters. When Mandy went to enter the guess into the iPud, Alfred remembered something and tried to stop her, but she entered it in and received the "Wrong" buzzer. Alfred sighed and said Sebastian's name was too long for seven letters.

Team 6 received a C, adding to their confusion of who the heck was their killer. Eva and Yoshi began accusing the other of murdering fake Chris, and Yoshi pointed out that if he was the murderer, he would have sword wounds ("Duh!").

Each team learned from a note printed underneath the iPud on each of their blimps. Somewhere on each blimp was an intern standing next to a large pot of coffee. They were to drink four mugs of coffee, any or all members could complete the challenge; if they spat out too much coffee, their team could be immediately eliminated.

The problem with the coffee was that every pot of coffee was strained through one of Owen's used socks.

After everyone's heavy shivering, shuddering, and gagging, the six teams all decided to split up around their blimps. It seemed to be the only way to find the intern with the revolting pot of coffee in a timely fashion. We'll just show you the really interesting clips, as most people aren't so interesting when walking and thinking (and it's really hard for some, Lindsay bumped into a wall twice doing it).

* * *

**(Team 1 (Dirigible) - Anita (L), Zachary, DJ, Rodney, Clive, Belinda. (**_**Clues: A, Arr, and two blanks. Two guesses left.**_**))**

As the team was broken up, Rodney was walking with DJ, holding the big guy's hand as he was still in a terrified daze. When he finally snapped out of it, he flinched and looked around in a small panic. "What? Who? Where? Ground coming up to meet me… oh! Blimp, challenge, bungee jump… wait, where am I? Oh, hello Rodney."

"Feel better?"

DJ shook his head, and then sighed. "Oh yeah, feel much better now. I never want to jump from a blimp again; luckily, I don't think I'll have to. I doubt Chris would have blimps again."

After Rodney explained the next challenge, they carried on at a faster pace. DJ talked about his mom for a while, and then Rodney asked the kind of question that almost required a question in return.

"DJ, when you like a girl, how do you tell her?"

"Oh? Who is it?"

"Not telling yet!"

"Okay then, lover boy," DJ teased him. "But I don't know if I'm an expert on this."

"Well, I heard you had a girlfriend, so what should I do?"

"My advice? Just get into a conversation with her, and then tell her you like her, and would be interested in seeing more of her."

"Oh good! I cannot wait to try! I'll do it after this challenge!"

The two continued to talk until they came upon the intern with the coffee pot next to him. Then they both swallowed their fears and tried a bit of the coffee, strained through Owen's sock.

Anita was next to find the intern, and saw DJ and Rodney lying on the ground, moaning in sick discomfort. She bit her bottom lip, managed to down a mug before joining them in overpowered disgust. Eventually after some time, Zachary, Clive, and Belinda arrived, and all of them drank as much as they could.

"I could really use my mother right now," DJ muttered. "And a bunch of antacids, and mouthwash, and a comfortable bed to nap for a couple days afterwards."

"Hate Chris," Anita moaned, "hate Owen, hate coffee now. Please… kill me."

* * *

**(Team 2 (Zeppelin) ** - Tyler (L), Courtney, Ezekiel, Colin, Leshawna, Noah. (_Clues: N, and three -._))

"There's something I don't get," Courtney said to Leshawna. They had gone off together, with Ezekiel caring for dazed Tyler, and Colin and Noah alone.

"What's that, hon?"

"I thought for sure you hated me still."

"Thought the same about you."

"You haven't let off me since this season started, you tormented me on the train, and you also have been harsh on Duncan any time he's around. But today… you seem all right."

Leshawna sighed, trying to correct her cat costume without embarrassing herself. "Well, hon, it's mostly because I've decided to bury the hatchet. With all that's going on, I'm tired of arguing. If you can try not to argue with me or my friends, I think I can try not being so hard on you anymore."

Courtney looked quite surprised, then, to Leshawna's surprise, she smiled. "I really hope we can. I did think you were a great competitor in the first season, and… I'm… I'm… s… so…"

"Try a little harder, hon."

The CIT hissed in air, and exhaled out the word, "Sorry."

"Not bad. Sorry I was so cruel to you too."

As they rounded a corner, they spotted the intern with the coffee pot. Courtney, hoping to get away from the slightly awkward conversation, blitzed over and started guzzle down a mug. She spit-took it out, whimpered, and collapsed. Leshawna raised an eyebrow, and then sniffed the coffee; she nearly heaved just from the smell.

As much as she tried, she couldn't bring herself to do more than sip. Ezekiel, almost carrying Tyler, came along and managed to drink two mugs before he collapsed. Tyler drank the third when he saw his friend doing it ("Coffee, it'sh nature'sh liquid!"), and then fainted completely.

Noah and then finally Colin arrived. The egghead sniffed the coffee, exchanged glances with Leshawna, and then nodded. He held Colin, and Leshawna forced him to drink the fourth mug.

* * *

**(Team 3 (Blimp) - Xander (L), Geoff, Izzy, Arthur, Lindsay, Sakaki. (**_**Clues: A, zzy, x2, and "N I." One guesses left.**_**))**

"I… I like it," Izzy exclaimed, then guzzled down the rest of the mug. "Oh… it brings back memories… some happy, some sad… Owen was a nice guy… with many peculiar odors…"

She spat out a toe hair that had strained into the coffee, and continued, "But it was fun while it lasted! I hope he found some nice girl. Now back to the coffee… it's tangy but bitter! Sweet!"

She guzzled down the fourth mug necessary, and was starting to pour herself a fifth when Sakaki grasped her wrists. "No, please! Izzy, you're making the rest of us sick just watching you drink it!"

The redhead in a cat costume looked at her teammates, all lying down or slumped against the wall, nauseated from trying or just watching her. Izzy blinked, and then sighed in regret. "It's gonna be hard to persuade any of you to kiss me now, isn't it? C'mon, this coffee has put me in the mood even more!"

Geoff groaned and looked away. "Let me guess wrong again, just we don't have to do this any more!"

* * *

**(Team 4 (Airship) - Harold (L), Bridgette, Justin, Valerie, Heather, Alejandro. (**_**Clues: R, I, D, L.**_**))**

"Scum and caffeine, that what you take normally?"

"Filtered with Owen's sock, I think it represents how many feet you've kissed to get where you are."

"Better than how many butts you had to kiss!"

"Why don't you-"

"Enough, both of you," Harold exclaimed. "Heather, Valerie, just drink some coffee! It cannot possibly be more bitter than you two!"

As Heather and Valerie exchanged one more glare as they clinked their mugs together, Alejandro and Bridgette rounded the corner. Harold was rather upset to see how much Bridgette was blushing as she continued to talk to the handsome teen. He sighed, then turned to see the two bickering girls were now lying on the ground, moaning in agony.

"They finished a mug each," the intern told Harold, "before they both collapsed."

"It'll stop them from cat fighting like idiots," the nerd replied. "Honestly-"

He stopped when Bridgette batted his tail, and repeated, "Cat fighting, eh?"

Justin came by, and refused to drink any, worried about how his face would wrinkle up from the gag reflex. "Why don't you ask Alejandro to do it?"

"Sorry, my friends, but coffee does not agree with me at all," Alejandro admitted, regretfully frowning. "But we mustn't let our lovely Bridgette swallow such foul brew."

Harold nodded as Bridgette giggled, and he added, "Indeed. Now for my mad, coffee guzzling skills!"

He slammed down two mugs, one after the other, belched, and then fainted in-between Valerie and Heather. "Call an ambulance," he wailed, gripping his hair and his cat ears, "or… maybe… a vet."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Why hasn't anyone asked for cream yet?)**

** Alejandro** - *_sipping from a coffee mug_* "Such gullible losers. I just spared my tender stomach the pain, and let that scrawny nerd take the blow; he's so trying to watch over that girl. Chris Maclean, consider the affair a given, he's going to blow it bad. I love my work."

**Chris Maclean** - "I love Alejandro's work too! Don't you all just love a guy who makes drama from such expendable contestants?" *_He laughs, then scowls as a message is shown next to the camera._* "No, I don't care that Bridgette won last season! Don't contradict me… wait, I'm arguing with the camera! It's almost like I'm becoming one of _them_, the contestants! Argh!"

* * *

**(Team 5 (Balloon) - Mandy (L), Alfred, Cody, Sebastian, Carol, Sierra. (**_**Clues: Two A, E, S. Two guesses left.**_**))**

"Wish I hadn't guessed Sebastian back there," Mandy said to Alfred as they walked around the blimp. She was staring out the windows as they walked by. "Foolish mortal impulse of mine."

"We all get those," Alfred said, patting her shoulder.

"Thanks, I… wait, was that a come on?"

"Wasn't meant to be, but if you want to interpret it as such, you can."

"Why must you continue to tempt me, you mortal gonzo? I'm supposed to be an agent of the Old Ones, a contestant in a reality contest, and an independent woman who has no _need_ for a man!"

"My friend Keith used to say, you cannot always get what you need, so aim for what you want."

Mandy sighed heavily and covered her face with her hand, and she looked at Alfred between her fingers. "Do you really like me? I'm not just a conquest on your list, mortal player?"

"I'm not that kind of guy," he said, beaming at her. "I am interested in a girl who has creativity, intellect, and awesome t-"

He was interrupted when Mandy grabbed his shirt and pulled him in to kiss him heatedly. After a few seconds of hot making out, Alfred managed to pull away and say, "For the record, I was gonna say 'awesome talents,' real-"

She interrupted him and pulled him in for more kissing, which Cody and Sierra walked into. The fan girl giggled and squeezed Cody in her arms some more. "Isn't that exciting?" she asked him. "Making out on a blimp, what's more romantic than that?"

"Breathing, for one," Cody gasped out, prying himself away from her and then running. He almost knocked over Mandy and Alfred, who stopped kissing long enough to dodge Sierra chasing after him. When they went around the corner after him, they found the intern, someone very familiar to them, and the coffee pot.

"So it's really foul and gives you bad breath, making someone not force you into a kiss?" Cody was asking Billy.

"I think so, but why do you ask…"

Cody immediately began guzzling the coffee, and Sierra whispered to Mandy, "My, he's a good sport, doing so much for the team. Though he should do some kissing like you two were."

"What, with me?" Mandy asked, not quite getting it. "I may be in a romantic mood before of this foolish blimp, but I'm not _that_ randy! You might be thinking of Izzy-"

She was interrupted this time around by a loud gasp. Sebastian and Carol had come around the other way, and the latter had just seen who the intern was. Alfred and Mandy winced, and he whispered to her, "Think she's gonna lose it?"

"Mortals usually do, but yeah, I think so."

Carol went through a series of facial features: surprise, joy, anger, sorrow, surprise again, and then, oddly enough, hungry. She managed to shove all this aside, and ask, very neutrally, "Hello, Billy, how are you?"

"Oh, I'm… doing fine."

"How's Emily?"

"She's fine, thanks."

"Listen, I'm sorry I made such a fuss last time I saw you. I can be professional about this."

"It's okay, Carol, you're really nice and-"

"And I'm not gonna let my emotions get the best of me again," she exclaimed, startling everyone. "I won't let my awesome talents slip again! I'll guzzle the hell out of that coffee!"

She poured a mug full and began drinking it down, pumping her fist with her free hand.

"Wait, Carol," Cody said amid his pained gagging, "I already drank four mugs!"

"Not… gonna… slip… again," she gurgled, yucky coffee pouring down the sides of her mouth.

* * *

**(Team 6 (Floaty Thingy) - Sadie (L), Eva, Yoshi, Gwen, Crystal, Chico. (**_**Clues: A, N, C, x2.**_**))**

"You cannot make this poor thing drink coffee," Crystal shouted, holding Chico close to her. "That's cruelty to animals!"

"It lives and sleeps in trash," Eva shouted back. "I've seen it eating leftovers from the sink and trash in the stadium cafeteria! Why is it that he can't drink bad coffee?"

Chico looked around as he hugged close to Crystal, trying to find an excuse. Then he thought of something, and pretended to slump in Crystal's arms. "um, oh noes, i haz fainted! i kinnot drink teh coffee!"

"Nice try, Stripy," Eva snarled.

"Oh, don't be so mean! Look, if you do a mug, I'll do one!"

"Crystal, no offense, but why do I have to bargain for your favor?"

"Have you forgotten that I'm the bloody matchmaker on this show? And you might want my help?"

"ladiez, ladiez, no fightin', dere iz plentee of hugz an such 2 make thingz nysir!"

Eva took a deep breath, and shook her head. "Okay, but you owe me for this, Crystal." She grabbed a mug, filled it up, and then slammed it down in one go. The fitness buff, who once lifted a car over her head, gagged and whimpered, chucking the mug and shattering it as she spat and choked.

"Hey, careful with the mugs," the intern pleaded, "Mr. Maclean might make us pay for those!"

Crystal sniffed the coffee, and then coughed in disgust before managing half a mug. The others all showed up, and each tried to drink some. Sadie finished the half mug and then collapsed. Gwen drank a mug before running off to throw up. Yoshi managed to finish the deal with a fourth mug, then, after spitting and hacking for a minute, went to go find the groaning goth girl.

"Someone kill me," Gwen whined as Yoshi helped her walk back to the others. "You know, this… kind of feels like a real murder mystery."

"How's that, dear?" Crystal asked.

"Because the detective has to work hard, suffer, and take lumps, just to find out who was the one nice enough to murder the jerk ass who caused so much suffering."

"Especially ironic since our victim is the one who made this challenge."

"Indeed. Now where's the damn clue?"

The intern shrugged. "Sorry, not on me. It's probably being printed back at the iPud!"

"Oh, all that walking around for one stupid challenge," she spat out. "Fine! Let's get this over with!"

As they walked back to where the challenge started, Chico looked up and whispered, "does i haff 2 fayke faintin stillz?"

"No, not anymore, chap," Crystal whispered to him. "Now, let's catch us a killer!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Can coffee's caffeine crush Chico's cheezburgers?)**

** Chef Hatchet** - "Wimps. I actually had to brew that coffee. I swear, I puked part of my digestive track after that! And speaking of revolting, I don't have my paycheck yet…"

*_He reveals he has his back scratcher with him, and to add to this terror, he also holds up a razor._* "I'll start shaving my legs, then work my way up. Please, send your concerns to Chris Maclean, and GET ME MAH PAYCHECK, FOO'!"

* * *

…

…

…

**So what is the fifth clue for each of our teams? Will any of them be able to solve their mystery then?**

** Who will get first and get the blimp ride prize? Who will be the last two teams?**

** And seriously, get Chef Hatchet his paycheck, foo's. He will not rest, and either will we if he keeps up this nightmare fuel!**

* * *

…

** Team 1 (Dirigible) - **Anita (L), Zachary, DJ, Rodney, Clive, Belinda. (_Clues: A, Arr, and two blanks. Two guesses left._)

** Team 2 (Zeppelin) - **Tyler (L), Courtney, Ezekiel, Colin, Leshawna, Noah. (_Clues: N, and three -._)

** Team 3 (Blimp) - **Xander (L), Geoff, Izzy, Arthur, Lindsay, Sakaki. (_Clues: A, zzy, x2, and "N I." One guesses left._)

** Team 4 (Airship) - **Harold (L), Bridgette, Justin, Valerie, Heather, Alejandro. (_Clues: R, I, D, L._)

** Team 5 (Balloon) - **Mandy (L), Alfred, Cody, Sebastian, Carol, Sierra. (_Clues: Two A, E, S. Two guesses left._)

** Team 6 (Floaty Thingy) - **Sadie (L), Eva, Yoshi, Gwen, Crystal, Chico. (_Clues: A, N, C, x2._)

…

** Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date** - Fame Town's CD on the shelf.

…

** [1]** - Jessica and Janet are characters from Lord Akiyama's story of Total Drama Academy: Year One. Jessica manages the students/contestants, and Janet is one of the most popular and sweetest girls there is. Both might be interested in getting to co-host, unless they were warned. Go read Akiyama's stories!

** [2]** - Joe is a character from TDI Charlie Brown's story of Total Drama Madness, an artist who loves his busty models in his artwork. Now go read TDI CB's stories, you blockheads!

…

**Next Up** - Hate, love, drama, and lolz!


	42. Ch 12, Pt 3: Blimp Wimp

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of Total Drama. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TD contains stunts performed by written teens. As the author writes this, remember that he's sacrificing his free time for this, and free time is expensive to sacrifice these days, almost as pricey as gasoline.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - The last Harry Potter novel (Deathly Hollows) is just under two hundred thousand words; longest is Order of the Phoenix, which is about 250K words. TDC and TDB are both twice the length of the last HP novel, and TDB is not even half done; with this chapter (which is over twenty-thousand words), Total Drama Battlegrounds is approximately _one-fourth_ done, progress-wise.

I do it all for you, my readers, friends and/or fellow lunatics. I carry on, in spite of the fact that the show has already broken my heart with its careless decisions. *_sniff_* Pardon if I sound like a whiny fan boy, but I do have other, more profitable projects to work on. It's mostly because there is now a Wiki of TDC/TDB up now (link in my profile), that I feel the urge to continue this for you all; your generosity and encouragement for my work is like a dominating influence.

And new poll, as always! Please vote, your opinion matters!

…

* * *

**Chapter 42** - Lady and the Blimp (Also, How Many Roads Must a Man Walk Down?)

* * *

…

…

…

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena.)**

Chris Maclean drummed his fingers together and chuckled. "Soon, soon Alejandro will sway Bridgette to be unfaithful, and then the drama will begin! It really is nice to have someone who can play the game."

Groucho the Duck took a long drag from his bubblegum cigar, and muttered, "You and I have different definitions of that, for sure."

"I mean, seriously," Chris continued to say to Chef, ignoring the militant duck, "what could be more important than drama? What's better than cheating lovers and uncertain relationships? There is nothing greater than that!"

The duck scoffed and walked away, while Chef raised an eyebrow. Obviously, there was some dissent among the ranks, but in different flavors.

* * *

**(Team 1 (Dirigible) - Anita (L), Zachary, DJ, Rodney, Clive, Belinda. (**_**Clues: A, Arr, and three blanks. Two guesses left.**_**))**

"Another blank?" Zachary exclaimed. "Are you kidding me?"

"All we have is an A and an Arr," Anita said as she looked at the clues, "and now three blanks. You think this is to make sure we have to do all of the challenges?"

"Without a doubt," DJ commented. "So, what's our next challenge?"

Anita shuffled through the papers, and read the new challenge out loud. "_The sixth challenge is a Slap Fest. The iPud has a running microphone, and will pick up the sounds of a slap. What we want is a very loud, clear slap, and we have it programmed so that clapping will not work. So go on! Slap your teammates!_"

The six looked at each other. Rodney immediately tightened his helmet and whimpered, Belinda fiddled with her cat tail, and Anita began staring down Zachary. When he saw she was looking at him, he shouted, "Oh no, don't you dare! If you slap me, I will so call you out on your-"

"Yeah yeah, racism and all that," Anita grumbled. "I swear, you've groped me more than anyone I know, even the perverts back at school. You deserve it more than anyone I know."

"Please don't slap me instead," Rodney requested, looking pitifully up at Anita. She immediately went to comfort him and tell him there was absolutely no way she'd slap him when Clive stepped up.

"You can slap me," he said. "After all, I don't care about pain or humiliation. Do it as many times as you want."

"Now that's just silly," Belinda scolded him. "We don't want to slap you."

"I'll do it," Zachary exclaimed, and had to be restrained by DJ.

"Thanks, hon," Anita said to the gentle teen holding back the not-so-gentle other teen. "Well, we're not going to slap you either, Clive. So what do we do?"

Belinda chuckled and brushed Anita's face with her tail. "You can slap me, I've been a bad kitty; I shredded the drapes and ruined part of the couch."

"Belinda, I don't think any of us could work up the will to slap you."

"I could give you a good reason."

"What possible reason could," Anita started to say, and then something clicked in her from how Belinda was slyly grinning at her. With a sigh of defeat, she muttered, "Go ahead."

Belinda reached forward and squeezed one of Anita's breasts. Anita, almost instinctively, shouted, "Eeek!" and slapped Belinda across the face. A successful dinging came from the iPud, a sign they had won.

"I am _so_ sorry," Anita was saying over and over to Belinda, who gently rubbed the red mark on her face. "I really didn't mean to slap you that hard!"

"Oh, I'll live," Belinda said with a smile. "Stop apologizing, we won."

"Miss Belinda," Rodney asked, looking up at her. "When guys do something forward like that, I always hear them say 'it was worth it' afterwards. Is that true?"

"Well, do you want to be slapped?"

"No no no no!"

"Then there's your answer, pumpkin."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - I'd slap that.)**

** Zachary** - "Valerie once suggested that I try to win over Anita so she'll vote with us too. While she's certainly much better looking than Sadie, she's such an ice queen. All I want to do is grope her, is that so bad?"

**Belinda** - *_sniffs around like a kitty_* "Meow… smell that? That's chauvinism in the air."

**Anita** - "At school, boys are always trying to grope me or slap my bra, and it got so bad at one point that I was paranoid. At one point, I slapped the janitor when he poked my shoulder to warn me about a wet floor. Luckily, he's such a nice man and accepted my apology."

* * *

Zachary, finally let go by DJ, went over to iPud and looked at the new clue printed out. "You gotta be ***censored*** me!"

"Let me guess," Belinda said, "another blank?"

"I don't get it, four blanks?" Anita said. "So we only get three clues?"

"This is crazy," Rodney exclaimed. "I mean, I think I know who it is, but I don't want to dare try when we only have two guesses."

Anita was busy reading the next challenge. "_Your final challenge is the Kiss Fest. We want to see some kissing, and remember, we have cameras, so we want some good, long kisses, about five seconds long. We want four kisses between four different couples, so get going with the smooching if you want the last clue._"

The bombshell gal frowned as she threw the paper away. "First slapping and now kissing, this is absurd. Chris really wants all kinds of unnecessary drama, doesn't he? It's almost like he wants couples to have trouble…"

"Pucker up, Anita," Zachary exclaimed as he walked over to her. "We have a clue to get."

"Oh, _now_ you want to contribute, of course," she shot back as she stepped away, nearby DJ. "No way! I'm not kissing you, you cad!"

"C'mon, baby, you know you wanna."

"I know I don't wanna!"

"Come get some!"

"Don't want some!"

As they argued, DJ was busy psyching himself up. "_C'mon man,_" he thought to himself, "_you gotta do this, for the challenge! Everyone thinks you're a big wuss, but you have heart and bravery! If you kiss a girl here, you'll prove them all wrong! Do it… do it… do it! Do it! Do it NOW!_"

DJ whirled around to where Anita was standing, scooped her up in his arms, and kissed her. The only slight difference between that last sentence and reality is that she had moved and someone else was standing next to DJ.

"Mmmph," Clive squeaked out as DJ kissed him. After about five seconds, the gentle giant opened his eyes and then pulled away with a startled cry. Both boys looked quite startled by this.

"Um… sorry?" DJ whimpered.

"It's okay," Clive replied. "I'll live… could have been worse."

Zachary made gagging noises and both girls giggled, while Rodney just looked confused. After DJ and Clive managed to compose themselves (but not be able to look at each other), Zachary turned to Anita. "Okay, sweet cheeks, your turn with me."

"I cannot believe you'd call me that and expect me to comply," she growled back at him. "I'm not kissing you, got that?"

"Oh, I see how it is," Zachary shouted back, now mad too. "You won't kiss me because you're racist!"

"I am not racist, you're just a jerk."

"Racist! Racist ice queen, you hate brothers!"

"I'm so sick of you!"

Anita shoved Zachary, causing him to fall down on his butt. She pointed at him and declared, "I will never kiss you, got that? But you know who I will kiss?"

She marched over to DJ, who was still wiping his mouth with his hand, and cupped his face. She pulled him in for a long, sweet kiss before pulling back, her eyes fluttering slightly. "I only kiss," she said, her voice softer now, "nice guys."

"Wow," Belinda remarked, "wagging" her tail. "That was sweet. Here, allow me to contribute."

The clairvoyant wrapped her arms around Clive, who was completely not suspecting it, and she leaned in to kiss him. His eyes widened about as much as when DJ kissed him, but he wasn't squirming to get away from her. When she gently pulled back, she simply smiled at him and whispered, "Try kissing back next time, girls like that."

"That's three…," Anita said, counting on her fingers.

"Okay then, we need one more…," Belinda replied.

"I'm on it!"

Anita went over to Clive, and Belinda went over to DJ. Both girls seized the boys in their arms and kissed them full on the lips. After the kisses were over, the success bell on the iPud went off. The girls cheered while the boys were too distracted.

"This sucks so bad," Zachary, sitting on the floor, grumbled. "What a total and utter gyp."

"Oh, what are you so mad about?" Rodney responded, frowning at him. "I didn't get kissed either."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Feeling the love?)**

** Belinda** - "Oh, I knew that Anita was going to kiss Clive; I just wanted an excuse to kiss DJ. What can I say, I like rewarding nice boys, especially when there's a mean boy being mean, and I'll know he'll hate it."

**Rodney** - "I got to kiss Gil a couple times. I really liked it… truth be told, I don't know if I'm good at it, though. How do you tell if you are? No books I've read have told me such things…"

…

**DJ and Clive** - *_Both have big smiles_.* **DJ** - "Gotta say, seeing you smile is a real nice change…"

**Clive** - "Well, it's not every two nice girls like that kiss you."

**DJ** - "See, dude? That's why you shouldn't be so emo, there's lots to be happy about in life!"

**Clive** - "I don't know, dude. Probably tomorrow, I'll be depressed again. Though I have to admit, this sure has made me happy…"

**DJ** - "Then I shall go the length to make you happy more, dude!"

**Clive** - "You're… not going to kiss me again, are you?"

**DJ** - "Nope! I have something nicer!" *_He holds up Bunny and almost presses the cute rabbit in Clive's face._* "See how cute Bunny is? Feel the cuteness, feel the love!"

* * *

"Okay, here's the final clue," Anita said, a little breathless.

"Tell us what it says then," Zachary, picking himself up, said.

"Why."

"Because we want to know the clue."

"Why!"

"You stupid bimbo, we have a challenge to finish-"

"The clue is 'Why,' jerk," Anita shouted back. "W-H-Y, Why!"

"All we have then are A, Arr, and Why," DJ, finding his voice again, listed. "So what does that mean?"

"Rodney and I know," Belinda said. "It's very obvious."

"What is it?" Clive said.

"Zachary. The last letters of his name are A-R-Y. See the connection? We caught on by Arr, but didn't want to guess just yet."

As the others contemplated this, Zachary was furious. "You're accusing me of murder?" he shouted. "How _dare_ you! That's racist, because of course, only I could be the murderer! Racists!"

Belinda simply bat her eyes at him. "So because you're black, you cannot possibly be guilty of a fake murder? Who do you think it is?"

"It's not me, you pack of racists!"

"Then who? Maybe DJ?"

"Of course!"

Zachary stomped past them and entered DJ into the iPud's suspect list. As the Wrong Song played, Zachary crossed his arms in defiance. "That'll teach you all," he declared, "for saying a black man did it!"

DJ walked over and shoved Zachary out of the way. Earning smiles of appreciation from the others, he entered Zachary into the iPud's suspect list. After getting a warning it was their last guess, DJ continued and made his decision official.

Confetti fell from the ceiling, as well as balloons, and celebrating music played loudly. Anita screamed in panic as the balloons bounced around, until Belinda opened the window again, and all of the evil, helium-inflated orbs were sucked out of the blimp. The bombshell panted in relief, and approached Belinda.

"Oh thank you," she said. "You're so smart… thank you!"

She suddenly kissed Belinda on the mouth, but only for a couple seconds. She released her and then squeaked, "Oh, sorry! Just… so happy we won… and saved… I'm sorry!"

"I didn't mind."

"We didn't either," Zachary remarked. "But where's my kiss?"

* * *

**(Team 2 (Zeppelin) - Tyler (L), Courtney, Ezekiel, Colin, Leshawna, Noah. (**_**Clues: N, C, and three -.**_**))**

"It's a C," Courtney said, as she looked at the clue. "That makes it Colin and myself, but I'm not sure about the minuses."

"Probably you," Colin remarked. "You're definitely capable of murder."

"Oh, and you're not?"

"I could think of a few people on this blimp I'd love to kill, yeah."

Leshawna stormed over to him. "That was completely uncalled for, you lousy-"

"Quiet, guys," Noah said as he took the paper on Slap Fest out. "Look, the next challenge is here, we need to get this done!"

When he read the rules to the Slap Fest challenge, Leshawna and Courtney exchanged glances, then grinned wickedly. Courtney seized Colin from behind and held his arms back as Leshawna slapped him across the face. When the victory bell did not go off, Leshawna shrugged and continued to slap him.

"OW! You -*_slap!_*- stop -*_slap!_*- not -*_slap!_*- fair -*_slap!_*- I'll -*_slap!_*- tell -*_slap!_*- on -*_slap!_*- you!"

"Harder," Ezekiel declared, "he can still talk, eh!"

After about a minute of more slapping, Colin was unconscious. Courtney and Leshawna congratulated each other for completing the challenge, while Noah pointed out the victory bell had gone off over half a minute ago. When the next clue and the rules for the final challenge were printed, he fetched them.

"Okay, our clue is a Y… the letter, not the word. And our new challenge is," he read the rules for Kiss Fest, a frown spreading across his face. When he finished reading it all, he groaned and added, "Figures. On a team of people all taken except for the most loathsome of all contestants, he wants us to kiss."

"Kishsh?" Tyler slurped, looking excited in his dazed state. "I've done that before, heehee!"

"Ayup yep, you have, Tyler," Ezekiel assured him.

"Hey, you and I have kishshed, remember?" Tyler said, grinning stupidly. "Remember, huh? Remember?"

"I remember that too, eh."

"Gueshsh that meansh we have to do it again, heehee!"

Before Ezekiel could react to this comment, his best friend wrapped his arms around him and pulled him in to kiss. Ezekiel let out a squeak as it happened, then another when Tyler finally released him. The jock giggled and tried again, but Ezekiel said, "No no, one is good enough, eh."

"My girlfriend ish shtill a better kishsher than you, Shekey."

"I'm very happy to knoo' that, eh."

Noah raised an eyebrow at this while both Leshawna and Courtney were trying very hard not to laugh. "So," he said, "that's one kiss. Who else is going to kiss?"

Leshawna took a quick look around, and concluded, "Well, Colin's unconscious, and Tyler is… oh, he's asleep now, that makes things easier. Simple conclusion, if we're going to do this, Noah has to kiss both us girls, and then Ezekiel will have to."

"Katie's going to kill me," Noah muttered.

"Heather'll kill me more," Ezekiel protested.

"Duncan will kill me too," Courtney said.

"Oh I doubt that," Noah said, "you definitely would be the one killing him, as far as I see."

"Shut up!"

"Let's get this over with, then," Leshawna said. "Harold wouldn't kill me, but I just know Chris will show this to everyone."

She walked up to Noah and the two grudgingly kissed. About a couple seconds in, both felt really uncomfortable, and had to wait three more seconds before pulling away. "Oh man," she exclaimed as she spat and cough, "that was like kissing my little brother."

"That was like kissing my older sister," Noah responded, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. "Oh, mental scarring, why must you brand my brain so often on this show?"

"Charming," Courtney said, glaring at Noah. "Now your mouth is going to taste like that sweater vest of yours."

"I wash it all the time, stop complaining."

"You are the complainer!"

"Seriously, this coming from you? I wonder sometimes if CIT stands for Critic In Training-"

"Will you two stop," Leshawna shouted, "and suck face already? Sheesh, quit being such babies about it!"

Noah and Courtney rolled their eyes. Eventually, after moving inches very slowly as if swimming through molasses, they managed to get close enough to kiss. Leshawna grumbled how it had to be for five seconds, making them both wince, pull each other close, and kiss. After five seconds, they parted and groaned.

"Well, that was the longest five seconds of my life," Noah said.

"I can taste the complaining," Courtney responded. "So, is that it?"

"We got one more pairing to do, that was three," Leshawna pointed out. "Since Noah's kissed us both, I guess that leaves Ezekiel."

Ezekiel looked surprised, and then shrugged. "Um, sure, eh. But with who?"

"I'll do it," Courtney said. "Just… why don't the rest of you leave? I don't want an audience for this."

"Complainer," Noah added.

"Oh, shut up!"

Leshawna and Noah, dragging unconscious Colin and gurgling-in-his-sleep Tyler, left Courtney and Ezekiel alone. The prairie boy stared at her, confused. "Look, I knoo' this is strictly fur the contest, but-"

She put a finger to his lips, shushing him and looking around to make sure no one was spying. Ezekiel was starting to worry she was being rather paranoid, until she whispered to him. "Look, don't tell anyone," she spoke in such a hushed tone that it was hard for him to hear her, but she was determined not to let the cameras hear her, "don't tell anyone this, especially Duncan!"

"Boot it's going to be on camera, eh. He'll knoo'-"

"No no no," she hissed, waving her hands around. Ezekiel was concerned that she was losing it, then she held his shoulders. "I wanted to do this," she whispered, her voice extremely quiet again, "as… um, a way of saying thank you for what you did for me last season. If you hadn't, I would have lost everything."

She leaned in and kissed him, surprising Ezekiel with how much passion she put into it. When it was over, she parted and muttered, "So, um, yeah. Thanks and all that."

"Yoo'r… yoo'r welcome, eh."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Slap slap kiss!)**

** Ezekiel** - "I'll never fully understand girls, eh; guess there will always be something new to learn."

**Courtney** - *_She pouts and looks away._* "No, that was _not_ to get revenge on Duncan for things like hanging out with Gwen and telling the world what we've done in private and never calling me during the breaks in-between seasons. Don't judge me!"

**Tyler** - *_rubbing his head where the bandages are_* "Did I do something embarrassing on that blimp ride that I'm gonna regret?"

* * *

When Noah and Leshawna came back, they looked at the final clue, which was rather surprising.

"It says 'HATE' and that's it," Noah remarked. "It's official then! Chris hates us."

"Feeling is mutual, jerk," Leshawna said to a camera, then looked at her teammates. "So what do we have? C, Y, N, hate, and three dashes."

The four conscious teammates pondered this for a while, then Noah snapped his fingers. "I think I got it!"

He lined up the papers so that it read out "-C," "-Y," and "-N." "You see, the clues are to point out which letters aren't in the name!"

"I see," Courtney remarked. "And the HATE is to assure us it was someone who Chris hates. Or someone who hated him… but I guess if you murdered him, you would hate him."

"Which name doesn't have a C, Y, or N?" Ezekiel asked. He thought for a second, and then said, rather embarrassed, "Oh. Me, eh."

"That's all then," Leshawna said. "Ezekiel is our murderer!"

When they entered the code, the victory music played as confetti and balloons rained from the ceiling. Noah juggled a balloon in his hand, and said, "Elementary, my dear Maclean."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - The case is solved!)**

** Noah** - "Gotta admit, I always wanted to say that."

**Colin** - "Some people just cannot take criticism, you know? If you call someone a fat skank, they act like it's personal. I don't mean anything by it, I just am criticizing them. I'm not the problem, they're the problem!"

* * *

**(Team 3 (Blimp) - Xander (L), Geoff, Izzy, Arthur, Lindsay, Sakaki. (**_**Clues: A, zzy, x2, ot, and "N I." One guesses left.**_**))**

"So our clue is 'ot'," said Arthur as he looked at the paper. "Which… doesn't make a lot of sense."

"I think I know," Sakaki said. Very shyly, she took the clues from him and laid them out on the table. After a little bit of folding and condensing, she used "ot," "zzy," and "N I" to spell out, "Not Izzy."

"Well, that makes a lot of sense," Xander said. "Good work, cutie."

"C-cute?" Sakaki squeaked, then fainted and had to be caught by Lindsay. The blonde looked confused as she held up the moe.

"So, um, if not Rizzy, then who is it?" she asked.

"Someone with the letter A and a x2 in their name, if that's any help," Arthur commented.

Izzy giggled from behind Geoff. "See? I told you I wasn't a murderer. Today I am a lover!" "Izzy, please get off me," he whined.

"I just said I was a lover-"

"And that's why I want you to get off, I have a girlfriend!"

"If you all will stop talking," Arthur said, loud enough to get their attention, "the next challenge's rules are here! Let's get cracking!"

He read the rules of Slap Fest, and everyone looked rather concerned at the fact that there would have to be slapping to win. Nervously, they all glanced at Izzy in unison, to which she laughed and said, "Didn't you hear what I just said? I am a lover today, not a fighter."

"Then we're going to need someone to slap, and someone to be slapped," Xander said. "I nominate myself for neither."

"Oh hell, I'll be slapped," Arthur said. "Anything for the team."

"But none of us really want to slap," Izzy commented. "How are you going to provoke us?"

Arthur walked up to her, and said, "Izzy, you have nice breasts."

"Daw, how cute," she replied, and pat his cheek.

"Obviously not going to work here," Arthur said, then walked over to Lindsay. "Lindsay, you have beautiful breasts."

"You think so?" she said, then beamed at him and giggled. "Aw, thank you!"

"Still not working," Arthur grumbled, then he glanced at Sakaki, who was recovering from her slight faint. He strut over and said, "Hello, Sakaki. You have-"

"EEEK," she replied, swinging her hands around wildly and slapping him across the face in her horror. "Don't look at me, don't call me cute! I'm not cute, eeeeeeek!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - A difficult life, the one who gets slapped.)**

** Arthur** - *_He still looks a little messed up from the blimp ride._* "Yeah, when all else fails, rile the moe. That might be a phrase somewhere, and if not, I call copyrights!"

**Sakaki** - *_nervously tapping her fingers together_* "The thing is… well I… I don't… not sure if… kind of… ummm… " *_… and so on and so forth_*

**Lindsay** - "I do have beautiful breasts, don't I? I get told that a lot, it's the nicest compliment. Though I do put more energy into making my hair nice, don't get complimented as much about it as much as I'd like."

* * *

"Well, that takes care of that," Arthur said as he straightened his clothing, trying to look dignified after being moe-slapped. "What's the clue and the next challenge?"

Lindsay was looking at the paper, biting her lip in confusion. "I think it's a Greek symbol," she said. "Or maybe one of those Roman numerals, they never made sense to me."

Sakaki turned the paper right side up, and Lindsay gasped. "Oh! It's a K!"

"So what we have is K and A," Xander said. "Well, the only person here like that is Sakaki… but could she be a murderer?"

The moe squeaked and blushed dark red. "N-n-n-n-n-n-no!"

"I think it is, but we have to carry on," Arthur said. "After all, we're done to one guess thanks to Geoff, and we already had a bum lead in our clues."

"Okay," Lindsay said cheerfully, and then read the rules of Kiss Fest to everyone. While everyone looked more and more surprised by this, she just looked confused. "Um, okay, kissing? But where's Tyler?"

"This is what I was hoping for," Izzy cheered. "This challenge is for me! I'll start with Geoff!"

"What? No," Geoff wailed, and started to run before Izzy pounced on him. "No way, I have girlfriend! No no-"

"Man, shut up and let her kiss you," Xander shouted. "It's not the end of the world."

"You've already caused this team a lot of trouble," Arthur added. "So don't start with more drama!"

Geoff let out a whimpering sigh of defeat, and allowed Izzy to climb all over him, then cup his face and kiss him a good one. After she was finished, she cheered and shouted, "That's one! Now for you, handsome scars!"

She jumped on Xander, wrapping her legs around his torso before kissing him deeply. When she finished, she counted off, "Two," and then pushed off him and headed for Arthur. She knocked him down with her glomp, and snogged him on the floor. When snogging was done, she sat up and cheered, "Three! Who else? I cannot kiss myself, you know!"

She looked around and saw Lindsay and Sakaki. "Oh, just girls left? No problem!"

Both girls shouted, "Eeek," and ran in opposite directions to get away from the kissing crazy girl. Izzy chased after Sakaki while Lindsay accidentally ran into Xander. "Ooof," she grunted, then looked up at him. "Oh, you're not Tyler."

Izzy had caught up with Sakaki and was now kissing the squirming moe girl. When she was done, she leaned Sakaki over and pumped her fist in the air, shouting, "Hail the cat girl queen, baby!"

"Well done, Lizzy," Lindsay shouted, clapping excitedly. "We finished the challenge!"

"I know, right? Victory kiss!"

Lindsay blinked as Izzy walked toward her, and let out a terrified, "EEEEK-" when Izzy pounced, and was silenced by the redhead's lips.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Methinks Izzy enjoyed that challenge a mite too much.)**

** Sakaki** - *_still ruffled up_* "I… really don't think I like being on the same team as Izzy. She is rather… intimidating…"

** Lindsay** - *_She licks her lips and looks at the camera, worried._* "Um, yeah, Bizzy is not bad as a kisser… but I have a boyfriend, and I'm a girl, and she's a cat, and I don't know why she used tongue; that's for CPR! Silly Bizzy!"

**Izzy** - *_is wearing sunglasses and giving the camera a pouting look_* "Who's hot? I'm hot. I'm so hot… and I'm talented! Wanna see me put my leg behind my head?"

* * *

"Okay, that was hot and all," Arthur said, "but I think it's time we look at the final clue."

"Izzy's lips are almost numb from all that," Izzy admitted.

"That's hot and all, but our final clue is… S&I? Sounds like a clothing store."

"Ooo, do they have a sale going?" Lindsay asked. "I could do with a new shawl, shawls are coming back into style. Wait…"

The blonde took all the clues and laid them out on a table. "Ooo, it's like a puzzle! I love puzzles!"

"Lindsay, are you sure you can solve this?" Geoff asked.

"Of course I can. See, look!"

She was done arranging the papers, and then pointed out in them, "Look look! See? You have S&I, then the x2 next to the A and K. Then you have the name of my friend here, Sa-kack-eye! Sa-kack-eye is our murderer!"

Sa-kack-eye whimpered at being called this, and then fainted again, Lindsay catching her again. "Oh don't worry so much," Lindsay cooed, holding her friend. "I'm sure they'll give you a light sentence and all that."

"Sakaki is the murderer then," Geoff exclaimed, and bolted for the iPud. Before anyone could stop him, he entered it, and the victory music played. Confetti and balloons rained down on them, and Arthur gave Geoff a stern look.

"Dude, seriously. You were lucky you were right that time."

* * *

**(Team 4 (Airship) - Harold (L), Bridgette, Justin, Valerie, Heather, Alejandro. (**_**Clues: R, I, D, L, E.**_**))**

"I wonder if this someone's last name or a profession," Harold said as he looked at the E. "No one has all the letters we have in their name."

"Does Chris even pay attention to our last names?" Heather asked. "Seems to me he's more concerned with his hair than our well-being, why would he care about details that don't involve him?"

"Good point, chica," Alejandro said.

"Oh, shut up!"

"Hey, why are you being so mean to him?" Bridgette said to Heather. "He's been nothing but nice since this challenge started, and you've been nothing but awful since this trip started."

"I haven't said anything awful about you!"

"You've been arguing nonstop with Valerie!"

"Well, she starts it, the pink-wearing cow!"

Valerie scoffed. "I most certainly do not, you short-shorts wearing shrew."

"Pretty big talk coming from a political witch."

"Pretty big talk coming from a not-so-pretty bi-"

"Hey," Harold exclaimed. "You two, knock it off! Our next challenge, according to this paper, is Slap Fest. We have to slap each other until the noise is loud enough to register on the iPud-"

He was drowned out by the immediate sounds of slapping from Valerie and Heather. The other four teammates winced horribly, and Harold muttered to Bridgette and Alejandro, "Gosh. Should we stop them or something?"

"Maybe wait until they calm down," Alejandro commented, "wait until they're too tired to slap us."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Slap-happy!)**

** Valerie** - *_face is painfully swollen_* "I'll get Heather for that… ouch."

**Heather** - *_face is painfully swollen too_* "Reminds me of my days at school… ouch."

* * *

"Next letter is a T," Bridgette said after all the slapping was done. "Sorry, but nothing's coming to mind when I think of what we have… R-I-D-L-E-T… sounds familiar…"

"Well, it is very close to your own charming name, my dear Bridgette," Alejandro gushed, flipping one of her bangs. "Though I cannot imagine you hurting a fly."

Bridgette was all swoons and giggles again, and Heather groaned at this, but winced from her sore face injuries. Harold frowned at Alejandro and corrected his cat ears. When the rules for the last challenge printed, he seized the paper and turned back to the others.

"Ahem," he said, actually saying the word rather than clearing his throat. "Last challenge here, people! Let's get this done quick, we've lost a lot of time."

"Whatever," Justin muttered.

"Get on with it, nerd," Valerie grumbled, rubbing her sore face.

"Read the damn," Heather started to shout, then winced and cupped her jaw, "just… just read it."

Harold sighed and read the rules for Kiss Fest out loud, his eyes growing wider with every word, almost expanding past his glasses. Valerie gasped in surprise when he was done, and then grinned.

"Oh goody," she whispered. She seized Justin by his shoulders and kissed him. During the kiss, he struggled and she whimpered in pain, and when they parted, both were very annoyed.

"I have a girlfriend," Justin spat out.

"And I have a sore face, you didn't have to struggle," Valerie retorted. She groaned and looked around to see who else she could kiss. When she looked at Harold, she made a gagging sound loud enough for all to hear, and then headed to Alejandro. "Think you can kiss a lady properly?"

"If you insist, chica," he responded with a very handsome smile. Valerie was all giggled until he kissed her, and she wrapped her arms around him. Lasting longer than five seconds, he parted and she was grinning triumphantly.

"Now this is what I call a challenge," she exclaimed, then winced and nursed her jaw. "Owtch. Okay, Heather, your turn."

"What? No! I don't want to, I have a boyfriend!"

"If I have to, you have to!"

Alejandro was pushed over to her by Valerie, and after he recovered from the shove, he smiled at Heather and pat her shoulder. "Hey, Heather. Listen, I'm just here to help, so it really does mean nothing."

"Nothing my butt," she spat back, looking away from him. He leaned in and whispered to her, "I know what you really like."

"I'm taken," she snarled.

"Maybe, but you and I both know," he whispered to her, "just how much part of you misses the old you. And as much as you deny it, there will be part of you that cannot resist it. And if you doubt yourself, remember that you've been your normal self to keep your boyfriend safe."

Heather whirled around on him, her face unreadable with the amount of emotions. Alejandro smiled back at her, and pulled her closer to him. She winced, then kissed him; her cheeks puffed up unattractively as she did it, and then she pushed away after five seconds. "There, happy?" she said before stomping away.

Alejandro shrugged and looked over at the others. "All I said was we have to take one for the team," he said, pretending to look confused and concerned. "Now we need one more, don't we?"

"Yep," Valerie exclaimed, pointing at Bridgette. "And I think you might want to kiss her, right handsome?"

"Oh, indeed," Alejandro said, grinning at the surfer girl. "It would truly be an honor if she allowed me to bless her with one kiss."

Bridgette gasped, looking very nervous and excited and unsure all at once (which is how we get through life, actually). Before she could respond, Harold spoke up. "I don't want to complain," he said, "but you've already done a great deal of kissing, Alejandro. I mean, gosh, you didn't help with most of the other challenges."

"Oh, shut up, nerd," Valerie said. "What, you want to kiss someone? Who'd want a greasy nerd like you when there's a handsome young man like Alejandro?"

"I'll have you know I'm a great kisser," Harold said. "And furthermore…"

He stopped when Valerie burst out laughing, pointing at him mockingly. "Oh, that's rich," she exclaimed. "Now I see what you want! You want to go smooching other girls, and you're totally jealous they want Alejandro and not you!"

"Harold, dear leader," Alejandro said, smiling at him, "it is okay. You have a girlfriend, I can do this for your team."

He started to approach Bridgette, but the surfer girl was glaring at Valerie. "How dare you," she exclaimed at the politician. "There's absolutely no reason to be so mean!"

"What can I say? I just got in a fight," Valerie listed, "I have a handsome man backing me up, Justin's been so noncooperative, and this trip has not gone smoothly. Maybe if Harold's leadership had been a little better, we might have been more on track."

"Stop blaming him," Bridgette declared. She looked over at Harold, who was looking distraught over the fight going on. "Harold, you mustn't take all that to heart, we've done fine."

"The way you're talking about him, he's sounding like a tomcat," Valerie said with a cruel laugh, making Harold and Bridgette bristle indignantly. "Which is fitting, considering he's dressed in that dorky costume."

"He does not look dorky," the surfer fired back.

"Well, if you think he's so much the cat's meow, why don't _you_ kiss him, Bridgette?"

Bridgette scoffed at Valerie and looked away. As the politician laughed back at her, the surfer looked at Harold, who still looked upset but very cute in his cat costume. Bridgette tilted his chin up, whispered, "Hey," to get his attention. Both of them stared at each other for a moment, then leaned in at the exact same time.

The kiss was sweet, and longer than it was officially supposed to be. When it was over, they both stared at each other, and Valerie interrupted the moment by declaring, "Ha! I knew that would work!"

"You planned that, chica?" Alejandro asked.

"Sure did! I knew egging them on would get them to kiss," Valerie said. "And we won the last challenge! No hard feelings, right? Twas all in fun."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Twas all in kissing!)**

** Valerie** - "Between the nerd and the surfer bimbo, I cannot tell who I detest more. But hey, so long as they're ruining each other's chances at winning, I'm for it."

**Alejandro** - "I have to admire Valerie, the way she can be so crafty. But hey, that's what I'm doing to. Heather will fall to my spell, as will Bridgette; that'll cause drama with their boyfriends, who'll become angry ex's soon, and then… well, I hope Chris has me on again, I love doing this."

* * *

"Our last clue is a minus, or maybe a dash," Valerie said as she looked at the last clue. "That and the letters, what on earth have we got?"

She was met with silence. Bridgette and Harold were looking away from each other in embarrassment, Heather had stormed off, Justin didn't care, and Alejandro shrugged. Valerie groaned and scrunched up the paper in frustration. "C'mon, people, I'm not good at murder mysteries! I don't know what this damn minus sign stands for!"

Harold went from looking away nervously to inspired brilliance. "Wait, did you say a minus?"

"Sure, why-"

The nerd snatched the paper from her hand, and laid it out on the table. He looked at all the letters, and after a couple minutes, he snapped his fingers. "Bingo!"

"What, what you got?" Bridgette asked him.

"Look, the minus sign would apply to only one letter. Now we have R, I, D, L, E, and T. If we try to eliminate any letter, we would need the other five to fit into the person's name. It doesn't work with any other letter except L, because only Bridgette's name has all the letters except one. Our murderer has to be Bridgette!"

"Are you sure?" Valerie said with a scoff. "Because I don't think that-"

Bridgette had already gone over to the iPud and inputted herself in as the murderer. The victory music played, confetti and balloons rained, and the team celebrated. Valerie hugged Harold in her joy, which upset the nerd; Alejandro shook his hand, which he secretly grudgingly did not want to do.

Then Bridgette hugged him, and he gladly accepted. Then the two realized what they were doing, parted, and tried to ask very casual about it while being very worried.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Bridgette's a murderer? That's rather… OOC?)**

** Harold** - "Please oh please, Leshawna, don't break up with me over this!"

**Bridgette** - "Please oh please, Geoff, don't break up with me for that!"

**Alejandro** - "Please oh please, both of you two suffer so I get paid more!"

* * *

**(Team 5 (Balloon) - Mandy (L), Alfred, Cody, Sebastian, Carol, Sierra. (**_**Clues: Two A, E, S, R. Two guesses left.**_**))**

"Well, our latest letter is an R. Still makes me think of Sebastian," Alfred said, "but since we guessed him already, I have no idea. Sierra, is your name one of those spelt differently than all the others?"

"Nope, spelt how it sounds," she said. "Only one A, so I don't know if I can be your killer."

"Keep squeezing Cody like that," Sebastian said, "and you just might be."

Cody wriggled out of Sierra's arms and gasped for air. "Jeez, were you a surgeon's clamp in a previous life?"

"I know you love technology, so maybe," Sierra said, giggling. The geek shuddered and hid behind Sebastian, who was studying the rules for Slap Fest.

"Okay, ladies and gentlemen," he said out loud, tapping his glasses in thought. "To put the next challenge in a nutshell, we have to slap someone loud enough for the iPud to pick it up."

"Great, non-provoked abuse," Carol said. "Like being airport security! So, who should I slap?"

"I'm rather afraid of you slapping people," Sierra said. "I think you might be too good at it!"

"Damn right! One of my old teachers said to me, 'Carol, you don't pay much attention in class, but you do slap those asleep back to wake very well!'"

"That's a rather disturbing but still interesting fact," the fan girl admitted. "When was this?"

"First grade! Woot!"

As Sierra and Carol continued to talk, the others exchanged glances. "Well, I'm not a violent person," Sebastian said, "but I don't mind taking a slap for the team." He removed his glasses and said, "Okay, who's slapping me?"

Mandy raised her hand. "Oh! My first grade teacher told me I slap others really hard."

Alfred beamed at her. "Really? When she'd say that?"

"Before I got detention."

"Well, you go slap someone good then," Alfred said, and then he slapped her butt. As Mandy let out a startled cry, the victory buzzer went off on the iPud. The cultist girl looked between the iPud and Alfred, and then groaned. "Cthulhu does not approve of friendly butt slaps!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Closets never get friendly butt slaps.)**

** Mandy** - "Cthulhu doesn't approve of those cheeky slaps to the butt cheeks!" *_She fumes, then blushes and looks away and adds grudgingly._* "… But I do. Alfred keeps on tempting me, tempting the mortal inside of me! One day soon, I'll have to decide if I want to go out with him while I still have time. Why does he have to be nice as well as tempting?"

**Alfred** - "Mandy's so darn cute, and I love how feisty she gets. She's smart, talented, and awesome in so many ways. All I have to do is get through to her, and fight off the Cthulhu that seems to keep her apart from me. I just I knew what else she loved…"

…

**Mandy and Alfred** - *_They are making out passionately, groping each other, until he breaks apart._* **Alfred** - "Does this mean we're going out now?"

**Mandy** - "I cannot make up my mind just yet! Can you give me some more times, mortal cat boy?"

**Alfred** - *_He sighs and tweaks his cat ears._* "Aw, okay. Whacha wanna do then?"

**Mandy** - "This." *_She pounces them, knocking them to the ground with many kissing noises following._*

…

**Carol** - *_speaking over the kissing sounds_* "Yeah, I couldn't wait any longer. I just wanted to say that I support Alfred and Mandy as a couple, and if she doesn't hook up with him soon, I'm gonna make her!"

**Mandy** - *_from the floor_* "I'd like to see you try, mortal short girl!"

**Carol** - "Don't call me short, ya freak!"

* * *

"And now we get an 'Uh,' ain't that special," Alfred said, looking at the latest clue. "This makes me one angry kitty."

"Stop making bad cat jokes, mortal cat boy," Mandy remarked as she rubbed her butt. "But what's an Uh?"

"Uh, I dunno," Carol admitted.

"I, uh, am confused too," Sierra confessed.

"Uh, uh, um, uh," Cody stammered, "I'm, uh, not sure."

Sebastian raised an eyebrow at his team, and watched as the instructions for the final challenge were printed. "Okay then, we have the final challenge. And this one is… oh my. Kissing."

Now everyone's attention was fixed on Sebastian as he read the rules, and soon Sierra was squealing in joy. "Oh, I love Chris Maclean for this opportunity," she exclaimed. "Time for me to make some lip magic with the most handsome man in the world."

Normally, this would flatter Cody, but since the fan girl had nearly squeezed him to death multiple times in one day, he was horrified. "No no no," Cody responded, "I, uh… uh… have a canker sore!"

"Don't care! Pucker up, my Cody-kinny-winnies!"

"No! Help! Someone stop her-"

He was interrupted as Sierra squeezed him in her vice-grip arms again and smooched him full on the lips. As much as Cody tried to get away, the fan girl was determined to keep him there. She giggled when concluding the kiss, and said, "And now, my life is complete."

"That was lame," Carol shouted. "You call that kissing?"

"Yeah, I'm with Carol on this one," Mandy shouted. "You want to see how to kiss a geeky but cute boy? This is how you do it!"

She yanked Cody from Sierra's arms, something only a determined cultist would have the strength for against a love-stricken fan girl. Mandy kissed Cody, cupping his face as she did so. Alfred looked a little upset and ground his foot into the ground.

It could be noted that Cody looked a lot more satisfied after Mandy finished the kiss, and Sierra looked quite steamed. "How dare you kiss my Cody-Wody," she shouted. "That's for us to do now and on our wedding."

"Oh, forget about Cody, dear."

Sierra started to turn to look at who said that, but Alfred had already tilted her back in his arms. "Allow me to show you what a real kiss is like!"

He smooched Sierra, who squirmed and fought at first, then went into a dreamy state in his arms. When they finished, he asked, "Now, was that as good as Cody?"

"Cody who?" Sierra dreamily whispered.

"Why are you kissing her?" Mandy shouted at Alfred. "Do you kiss every girl you can?"

"No, I don't," Alfred retorted, dropping Sierra on the floor. "I just did it for the challenge, like I assume you did with Cody!"

"I don't follow rules of challenges, I do as I please!"

"What about Cody's love triangle?"

"Cthulhuists don't follow the rules of those either. All is fair in love, war, and global annihilation!"

"Must you always be so stubborn and obtuse?"

"Don't use fancy words with me, mortal cat boy!"

The two glared at each other for a few more seconds, and then started making out. Carol cheered and clapped her hands. "Aren't they romantic together? I wonder when they're going to go out!"

"It's gotta be the craziest courting I've seen," Sebastian remarked. "Never seen a couple make out that much when they weren't officially a couple."

"You wanna make out, Sebastian?"

"No, I'm good, thanks."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - We follow the rules, whatever they are.)**

** Sebastian** - "Alfred's turned out to be a pretty good friend of mine, and he asks me for advice on things, specifically on how to court Mandy. I always tell him to appeal to her heart, and he asks if I'll do the same with Sakaki. Call me old-fashioned, but I think if I want to ask out Sakaki, it might be a bit more different from how Alfred courts Mandy."

**Sierra** - "Chris told me when I join this team, to be my 'charming self' with Cody. I don't know if I've made the best of impressions on Cody just yet, might have scared him into thinking I'll be picky about things, like where we'll go for our honeymoon. I'm not a finicky girl!"

* * *

"So what's the last clue, Sebastian?" Sierra asked as she walked away from Alfred and Mandy, who were still kissing.

"Hmm? Oh sorry, it's an I. Twas a little distracted by our romantic couple."

Mandy made a protesting noise and parted from Alfred, saying, "Wait, that's not official yet!"

Sebastian tapped his lips, trying to concentrate over Alfred's sad protest of, "Aww, really?" He spread out the clues and looked at them in deep thought. It seemed he was the only one, as Alfred was trying to get Mandy's attention again, Sierra was trying to get near Cody, Cody was getting away from Sierra, and Carol was enjoying the chaos.

"Two A's, E, S, R, Uh, and I," he said out loud. "And it's not me… wait…"

He rearranged the letters and stammering phrase around on the table, until he snapped his fingers. "I think I got it."

Alfred managed to tear himself away from Mandy when he heard those words. "Oh, you got it, Seb? What's the answer?"

Sebastian gestured to the table. "See the two words? SEA and AIR."

"Uh-huh, uh-huh, but what do the elements have to do with our killer? And about the Uh?"

"It's our friendly guest's name," Sebastian said. "Sea-air-uh."

Sierra, having seized Cody in another tight hug, walked over to the table. "Oh, I see," she said. "That's brilliant! Well done, Sebastian!"

They entered Sierra as the murderer in the iPud, and sure enough, the victory music and celebratory confetti fell from the ceiling. As the team cheered and clapped, Sierra giggled and squeezed Cody. "Wow, I never thought of myself as a murderer," she admitted. "Mom's gonna be real upset when she hears I killed the man of her dreams."

"Fan girl'ism runs in the family, huh?" Carol said. "Funny, that doesn't surprise me."

* * *

**(Team 6 (Floaty Thingy) - Sadie (L), Eva, Yoshi, Gwen, Crystal, Chico. (**_**Clues: A, N, C, O, x2.**_**))**

"Look, I know we're all stressed, but we're doing a good job at this so far," Crystal said to the others as they looked at their latest hint: an O. "We've been making good time, I'm sure!"

"Yeah, well, we're still nowhere near guessing who our killer is," Eva said. "None of our names work in these stupid clues."

"What's the next challenge?" Yoshi asked. "I'd really like to get this murder mystery over with."

"Oh, like you've sacrificed so much," the fitness girl scoffed.

"Are you implying I don't pull my weight?" he fired back. "I am so sick of your attitude, you're just as bad as Zachary!"

"I'm nothing like that whiner, you stupid-"

"Will you two knock it off?" Gwen shouted at them. "We have the rules for the next challenge here, and… oh. On, second thought, keep it up."

"What?" Eva asked, understandably confused by this statement. "What you mean by that, goth girl?"

"What I mean, muscle girl, is that we have to slap each other until the slapping noise registers on the iPud."

Yoshi and Eva blinked at this, looked at each other, then grinned wickedly. Chico squeaked in terror and hid behind Crystal, while Sadie did about the same and hid behind Gwen. The goth girl and romantic girl both just had to wince at the very painful striking sounds that followed.

When it was over, Yoshi and Eva lay on the ground, completely dazed and painfully red in the face. Yoshi let out a small moan and said, "You got a fast hand there, Eva."

"You hit hard for a lefty," she replied.

"That's nice, you two," Gwen said, rolling her eyes, "except that you managed to win that challenge by the first slap. So ha ha, you beat yourselves up for nothing."

"Was worth it to restore my honor," Yoshi declared from the floor.

"Had to prove I wasn't a wuss," Eva said, muffled as she was lying face-down.

Gwen groaned and handed the clue to Crystal. "Our clue is another stupid x2. Guess that means we'll have to do the last challenge."

"What's that?" Eva asked as she stood up.

"We're gonna have to kiss each other," she replied, holding up the rules for the last challenge. "Four different couples, four different kisses."

"Seriously?" Yoshi said as he stood up and wiped a trickle of blood from his lip. "Well, I'm not doing that."

"You can't back out," Sadie cried out. "You're, like, the only guy!"

"heyz! wut am i?"

"Um, sorry, sweetie," she said as she pat Chico's head. "I mean the only human guy!"

"I refuse to kiss four other girls," Yoshi exclaimed, clenching his fists. "Daisy and I have not even kissed that much yet, and I won't let things go sour because I sucked face with you all before with her."

"Well, you're gonna," Eva shouted, shaking her fist at him, "because we're not all going to be kissing each other!"

Gwen raised an eyebrow. "Oh, kissing other girls isn't so bad. Bridgette's a fine kisser."

"I don't swing that way!"

"Neither do I, I'm just saying."

"Yoshi, as much as I hate it, is kissing all of us, and that's final," Eva shouted.

Sadie whimpered, and said, "But Zachary might be mad if I kissed the boy he's always fighting with."

"Eva," Gwen said, "will you calm the hell down?"

"I will not calm the hell down, you calm the hell down, you surfer girl kissing goth!"

"Okay, now I'm with Yoshi here, I want to slap you one!"

"Bring it on, you-"

"Will you all bloody stop your bickering!"

The four humans and one raccoon looked at Crystal, who was standing next to the table. "I've already figured out who our killer was that done in our host!"

"Really?" Sadie asked. "How did you manage that?"

"I'm British, darling," she responded with a chuckle. "We've got a little detective in all of us."

"You figured out our killer?" Yoshi said, looking at the clues. "I don't see anyone's names."

"Look how I arranged them, eh wot."

Yoshi looked at the order: A-C-x2-O-x2-N. "Wait, is this what I think it is?"

"If you're thinking _raccoon_ like me, then yes," Crystal said. "The x2 are supposed to symbolize there is two of a certain letter. I wasn't sure until we got a second one, then I knew it had to be our furry friend. I'm more than certain our last clue will be an R, so we can guess right now."

"i keeled Chris Maclean?" Chico asked, then he laughed and pumped his little fists in the air. "dat's ryght! i deed eet, an i'm pwoud! i deed eet fur teh lolz, the cheezburgers, and fur reevenge!"

Crystal entered the suspect into the iPud, and sure enough, the British romantic was right. The team cheered as victory music played, and Chico battered at the balloons.

"i regretz nuttin," he was continuing to say. "death 2 teh oppressor!"

Gwen picked up Chico and hugged him. "You are my hero now, slayer of Chris."

"yayz! i getz a final hugz befur dey take me 2 teh beeg howse!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Not exactly a big house.)**

** Chico the Raccoon** - "so i wuz teh one who beet Chris wit a gawlf klub, knocked him into a vayse, step en mowsetrap, an burn him 2 deth wid a Molotof cocktale? LOLZ! epic pwnage!"

**Crystal** - "I do enjoy a good mystery every now and then. Fits right in with love, because love can be such a mystery too!" *_She giggles and sighs happily, then looks to the side._* "Though it would have been nice to see more kissing… but I do want Yoshi and Daisy's relationship to take off."

**Yoshi** - "Thank God for Crystal's cleverness, I'd hate to have to kiss a bunch of girls when I'm still working on things with Daisy. Maybe I could have made Eva kiss the raccoon. Heh heh heh."

**Sadie** - "So… can I count that as a victory for myself? Or was it Crystal's? Aw, winning is hard!"

* * *

The six teams all eventually were delivered back at the air strip where they had taken off, where the (very much living) Chris Maclean was waiting for them, along with Chef and Groucho. They were all shuffled into rides back to the stadium, and the host ignored everyone's question of "Who won?"

When they arrived back at the stadium, everyone was kicked out of the vehicles in front of Vera, and Chris Maclean stood in front of them. "Well, everyone," he announced, "we had a lot of fun watching this one! There was spills, chills, kisses, near-misses, and much more fun! We all had a jolly good laugh, as Crystal would say."

"Um, thank you," she responded, blushing slightly from the attention.

"Why Crystal?" Xander asked, looking over at her. "Did she win?"

"No," Chris Maclean said, then he glanced at a piece of paper he was holding. "Except yes."

"We won?" Sadie cried out. "We got first place?"

"Indeed you did," Chris announced. "According to our viewings, Sadie's team completed the murder mystery before any other team did. This could be because you all avoided the kissing challenge, and skipped over all the awesome bickering the other teams did!"

"We won," Sadie repeated, and hugged Eva in delight. Yoshi and Gwen high-fived, and Crystal pumped her fists while Xander hugged her.

"Well done, my British bombshell," he said to her. "I knew there was a detective in you."

She blushed even more and stammered out, "Th-thanks! I do my best!"

"an i wuz teh wun who dun en teh bloke," Chico said in celebration.

"Wait, you were the murderer?" Groucho asked him. "You killed Chris Maclean?" He hugged his furry friend and blubbered through his tears of joy, "I'm _so_ proud of you!"

"Yes, and," Chris said, eyeing the raccoon, "you can take off the cat costume. In fact, you all can take those things off!"

Colin laughed at this, adding, "Yes, some of us don't want to see that fat cat anymore. And look at him," he declared, pointing at Harold, "that's gotta be the most revolting thing I've ever seen in my life-"

Leshawna hit him the back of the head, then painfully squeezed the nerve that made him black out. With a disgusted grunt and a kick to the unconscious boy, she looked up to see her boyfriend was in a cat costume too. Harold was looking at her with wonder and arousal, to which she smiled bashfully.

Someone elbowed her from behind. "Go on," Bridgette whispered to her friend, "go talk to him!"

Leshawna approached Harold, and, for lack of better words, chuckled and said, "Meow."

"Rawr," he replied.

"Purr," she added, then they laughed and embraced.

"Boy, does that look good on her," Gwen said to Bridgette. "Always knew she could be a cat woman!"

The other cat people were having admirers too. Arthur looked over Belinda and said with a chuckle, "Wow. If only Howard was here to see that!"

"Want," Izzy gushed when she Alfred in his cat costume. "Want want WANT!"

Alfred was very distracted by cat girl Izzy, but the cat boy managed to keep her from pouncing him. "No no no, wait! I'm trying to get Mandy to officially go out with me, and it's dangling on a wire now!"

"She was on a blimp ride with you when you were wearing that," Izzy exclaimed, "and she _still_ doesn't know? What's wrong with her?"

"Oh wow."

Izzy and Alfred turned to see Mandy staring at both of them, but she quickly looked away when she saw them look at her. "Nothing! I wasn't looking at you two in your cat costumes! Nothing, you're crazy!"

Chris sighed and pulled out his megaphone. "HEY," he shouted, startling them all. "I wasn't done yet! Don't you want to know who lost?"

"That would be nice," Noah responded, "when I get my hearing back, thank you!"

"Well then," Chris said, "the losing teams are…"

…

…

…

"Team 3 and 4!"

The members of those teams cried out in protest and angst, greatly upset. Harold parted from Leshawna and declared, "Did we really come in last?"

"I wouldn't lie," Chris said. "Well, actually, I would lie, but I'm not lying now. Team 4, you wasted so much time overall, I'm surprised you couldn't tell. Some people were just too busy flirting and protesting to get stuff done!"

Bridgette blushed bright red and hid her face, whimpering, "Sorry," so quietly that no one heard her. Chris continued, noting this discomfort and casting a very quick wink to Alejandro.

"I also have to say, Team 3, you blew a ton of time! What did you think was going to happen when you let Lindsay try to solve a mystery?"

"But I did," Lindsay wailed. "Was it really all my fault, Chip?"

"My name is Chris! And no, you could blame your whole team. Izzy distracting, Sakaki all moe, and Xander didn't exactly lead!"

Xander groaned and looked away, catching Harold's eye. The two leaders of the losing teams looked at each other, looked at their distraught teammates, and nodded. Something was formulating between the two.

"You all now have about a half-hour to get some business done before we have the voting ceremony," Chris said. "Winners, think of who you want to bring on your romantic blimp ride! Losers, vote for who really cost you the game! Others, do stuff! Go on!"

As everyone shuffled off, Sierra was still clinging to Cody. "So you want to sneak onto the blimp for a romantic blimp ride?" she asked. "You know, I never thought blimps could be romantic, but with you…"

She froze when she saw a very angry Eva standing in front of them. Sierra squeaked, muttered, "Running now," and dashed off, leaving Cody free.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - The losing commences, the winning continues!)**

** Sierra** - "Wow! Eva is every bit as scary in person as I thought she would be! Why did someone that tough have to fall for Cody? Why couldn't it have been someone who wouldn't put up a violent fight, like, oh, Noah?"

**Anita** - *_wails_* "Noooo-ho! Eva got the prize! She's gonna take Cody!"

**Eva** - "Hehe, perfect! I can take Cody! If I get Miss Squeezing Deathgrip away from him!"

**Cody** - "Thank goodness! I finally got away from Sierra! That girl is part octopus, I swear, she doesn't stop _clinging_ to me!"

**Groucho the Duck** - "My little recruit has grown so big! He's killing hosts and wearing cat girl costumes… well, that last one wasn't really that impressive, but he helped his team win! What a brave soldier!"

**Chris Maclean** - "While we let the voting commence, and Alejandro put the final nail in some couple's coffin, I have compiled a bunch of clips from the blimp rides. Hehe, I cannot wait to see how everyone reacts to seeing their loved ones smooching others. Lemme count off who's going to be pissed: Duncan, Heather, Ezekiel… naw! I don't need to, because this'll be great!"

* * *

Bridgette was walking down the hallway, trying to find Geoff. "_I know I saw him somewhere,_" she thought as she looked down a hallway. "_Oh, why is he still hiding? Does he know what happened?_"

"Hello, chica."

Bridgette froze and turned around to see the handsome Alejandro smiling handsomely at her. "Oh, h-hi," she stammered. "Listen, Alejandro, I just wanted to say that our team's loss wasn't your fault-"

"I do not mind if you blame me, my dear Bridgette."

He approached her, and she found herself backing up against a wall. His hand settled on the wall next to her head, and he leaned in. "Tell me," he said in a low, husky voice, "how can any boy resist someone as sweet as you? They should be like bees to the flower; fitting for someone with goldenrod hair."

Alejandro combed her hair with his other hand, and she shivered. Her heart was beating hard and her face flushed, and she barely managed to whisper back, "I… I don't know why Geoff is ignoring me."

"I have been quite taken by you, Bridgette. Would you permit me," he leaned down and gently kissed her neck, causing her to shiver in pleasure, "to express myself completely?"

"I… I…," she stammered more. Her body, her conscious, mind, and heart were all screaming different messages. She kept thinking about how good this felt with Alejandro, how Geoff was avoiding her, how much she still cared about Geoff… and then her mind started talking about someone else, someone she didn't think really belonged in the picture. Until now.

"W-wait," she suddenly blurted out, pushing gently on his strong chest. "I… I cannot do this! I'm still seeing someone, and… and… I have to make things right on something else."

"Oh?" Alejandro purred, nuzzling her blushing face and kissing her cheek. "Well, let me know after you've set this thing right. I'll be waiting for you after the voting ceremony."

"Hey!"

Both turned to see Justin standing at the hallway, looking disapprovingly at the two. "So this is why we lost?" he asked. "You were busy fooling around with the new boy? And I thought you were having it out with Harold!"

"No," Bridgette shouted. "No no, I didn't-"

"I really thought better of you," Justin spat. "I'm telling the other members of our team, maybe they'll know now why we lost it all."

"Justin," she called out, chasing after him as he stormed away. When she rounded a corner, she accidentally bumped into someone else, and knocked him over. "Ouch! Oh… sorry, Harold… Harold!"

"What's wrong, Bridgette?"

She didn't reply at first, she just sobbed. She finally managed to say, "Everything. And it's all my fault."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Maybe it was all our fault instead?)**

**Alejandro** - "Bridgette and Harold really made fools of themselves this contest; I also managed to make them lose by stalling and making up excuses not to help. It's time to start ruining her relationship, and get her kicked out of the season… I shall savor this, because things just worked out so perfectly for me. Wonder if Chris will give me a bonus?"

**Harold** - "I really don't trust that Alejandro! I'm gonna do something about this, you mark my words! I swear by Odin's beard, by the power of Greyskull, by everything good and holy, I will not let injustice carry out tonight!"

* * *

"No! No no, no way, I can't," Geoff pleaded. "Please don't make me do more voting! I cannot take it! I can't focus, I can't sleep right, I can't even party! I'm losing what makes me Geoff!"

"Calm down," said the mysterious person who had made Geoff involved in such deals in the first place. "I'm doing you a favor. I've heard from some sources that Bridgette might get the axe if you don't vote off who I want."

"What? No! Not my Bridge! I'll do whatever you say, but you have to save Bridgette!"

"I cannot assure her survival, but I do need to have your assistance. Got it?"

"I got it, I got it!"

Geoff darted off, almost knocking over Gwen, who was walking down the hallway. "Hey, will you watch it?" she snapped at the retreating party animal. "Jeez… wait, who was he talking to?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Who indeed?)**

** Gwen** - "Geoff hasn't been in our room in a long time, and I'm wondering if someone has influenced him in some way to make him like this. If Trent were like this, I'd be concerned, so of course that one of my best friend's boyfriend, and a friend of my own, is acting like a crazy man on the run from the law!"

* * *

Izzy was walking down the hallway, still dressed in her cat girl outfit, and humming something from Cats. As she strolled along the way, Valerie stepped in front of her quite suddenly.

"Hi there, Izzy," she said cheerfully.

"Hi, pink girl."

"Valerie," the politician responded with a slight eye twitch. "Listen, I need a favor from you. There's someone I'm thinking of voting off, and I really need this done as a favor to a friend of mine."

Izzy nodded a great many times. "I've also received a request from some people on who to vote for. What will you offer me in return?"

Valerie was quite startled by this, and thought of all the things that Izzy could want; most did not sound too good. "Um, well," she stammered, "I cannot think of anything right now… do you have any suggestions?"

"Indeed I do."

Izzy pounced on Valerie, pinned her against the wall, and immediately began kissing her with gusto.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - We're running low on comment ideas here!)**

** Valerie** - *_Her clothes and hair are awfully ruffled._* "Um… wow, yeah. The things I do for votes. It meant nothing! I just needed her vote for my plan to work!"

**Izzy** - *_She licks and smacks her lips._* "Hee hee hee! And the beauty of it is, I was already _going_ to vote for who she suggested me to! Am I one crafty cat or what?"

* * *

Bridgette was practically sprinting down the hallways, desperately trying to find one of the people she really needed to talk to, and it was growing to be such a long list: Leshawna, Geoff, Gwen, and-

She crashed into the last person about to be listed, sending both girls crashing down to the floor. "Oh, bloody heck," Crystal muttered as she sat up, "they weren't exaggerating when they said you could be a bit of a wrecking ball on foot, were they?"

"Crystal, thank goodness I found you," she said. "Look, you have to do me this huge favor! I need you to stop the rumors going on about me!"

"What rumors?"

"That I'm seeing other boys besides Geoff! That I love… I mean… that I'd go well with…," she stammered more, then cried out in frustration. "You know how you once said you liked the idea of Harold and I together?"

"Yes, that was some time ago-"

"It won't go away! People have been insinuating that I don't love Geoff anymore, and I'm with Harold! Or Alejandro! People won't believe me when I say I'm still with Geoff!"

"_Must… not… start fanon pairing,_" Crystal thought.

"Can you please do something about it?" Bridgette begged her. "I don't care what happens to me, I just don't want Geoff or Harold or Leshawna or anyone hurt by these! You have to stop this… this… Bridgold shipping!"

"Okay, Bridgette, okay," Crystal said, waving her hands. "I'll spread the word! But I have to talk to Geoff if I want to save your relationship."

"It doesn't need that, it… it… does, actually."

Crystal placed her hand on Bridgette's shoulder. "Look, Bridgette, love is a crazy roller coaster at times. You're going to have to learn to lean into the turns, or you'll end up sick."

"I'm… I'm trying."

"What are you two talking about?"

Leshawna was standing nearby, looking at the two. Bridgette gasped and approached her after quickly thanking Crystal. The British romantic left, but waited around a corner to hear what was being said.

"Girl, you look a mess," Leshawna said to Bridgette. "What's wrong?"

"Leshawna, you have to believe me when I say there's nothing going on between Harold and me," she said, almost frantic. "I know you two love each other, and I know there's problems with Geoff and I, but nothing is happening, I swear!"

Her friend stared at her as she continued. "I just don't want anything bad to happen between you two because of the rumors. You know we're just friends, and you two have had such a wonderful relationship. He's so nice to you and supportive, and he does look really cute in that cat costume, especially when you're in one too?"

Leshawna started to smirk at her. "You really dig him in those cat threads, don't you?"

"Leshawna, please," Bridgette wailed, gripping her own hair in frustration. "I don't want you two to lose what you have! Isn't everything okay?"

She sighed and looked to the side, worrying Bridgette. After a few seconds, Leshawna spoke her mind. "A couple days ago, I got a call from my parents. They were really glad to hear from me, but I got the distinct impression that they don't think I should be dating Harold any more."

"What? Why?"

"Quite a few reasons, sugar. They think he's too forward and such, they think we're too different… and I don't understand either, they've met him several times. I wonder what changed their minds."

Bridgette stared at Leshawna, completely blown away by this. She was hiding something, she could tell. "Leshawna, is that it?" she asked, her voice a fragile whimper. "Did… did they say anything else?"

"They did," Leshawna said with a heavy sigh. "They think he's too interested in you to be dating me."

The surfer girl's heart sank like a rock, and Leshawna held her shoulders. "Bridgette, I don't think you're doing anything with my boyfriend. I trust you with all my heart and soul, girl, but things between Harold and I aren't going that well. I've felt it myself, it's just that… I don't know, I'm not feeling the same about him these days."

"M-maybe that's just a phase?" Bridgette asked. "Just give it time, you might change your mind."

"I'll give it some time, don't worry," Leshawna said, "but I don't know what exactly I'm gonna do, hon, if my parents don't approve of our relationship."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - We always approved of it!)**

** Bridgette** - *_She is very quiet and still shaken, then she bursts into tears._* "I've ruined _everything_!"

**Chris Maclean** - "And that's going to make _everything_ so much more dramatic and better! This is gonna be good!"

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena, Voting Ceremony)**

As the crowd roared, Chris Maclean waved at them, as did the special guest stars Sierra and Alejandro. While many of the contestants waved back, some were just too distracted.

"Now this was one fun challenge," Chris was saying, "violence, cat people, suspense, drama, love, hate, and more drama! Isn't that grand?"

The contestants all made negative replies and grunts. The host simply shrugged and continued to speak. "I'd also like to thank our wonderful guest stars from the Bus of Losers! Our fan girl Sierra, and our wonderfully sweet and generous Alejandro!"

Both of them waved at the contestants, Sierra blowing a kiss at Cody, who shuddered and hid. Alejandro winked at Bridgette, who tried to manage a smile but was too distraught.

"And now, for some special highlights of the contest," Chris said, "and I know you all are going to love this! Chef, you got the recording ready?"

"Ready," Chef said, holding up a CD. As he put it in a tray to play on Vera, he grinned wickedly as he hit Play.

Vera's screens lit up, but instead of clips from the final challenge on the blimp like Chris thought it would be, it was the Janitor's Closet.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Secret cameo, woohoo!)**

**Alejandro** - "Chris asked me to help out in this challenge, and to also stir up the drama. He also hinted me that Bridgette and Geoff are having trouble, so it's time for a handsome, understanding man to come onto him, and cause her more drama and trouble. It's so much fun to manipulate nice people like her, they're so gullible."

**Alejandro** - "Suckers. I just had to feign fainting, and they helped me sit down. Sympathy card, play that all the time to nice people like Bridgette, they eat it up. What chumps, they make this so much fun."

** Alejandro** - "Such gullible losers. I just spared my tender stomach the pain, and let that scrawny nerd take the blow; he's so trying to watch over that girl. Chris Maclean, consider the affair a given, he's going to blow it bad. I love my work."

**Alejandro** - "Heather will fall to my spell, as will Bridgette; that'll cause drama with their boyfriends, who'll become angry ex's soon, and then… well, I hope Chris has me on again, I love doing this."

**Alejandro** - "Bridgette and Harold really made fools of themselves this contest; I also managed to make them lose by stalling and making up excuses not to help. It's time to start ruining her relationship, and get her kicked out of the season… I shall savor this, because things just worked out so perfectly for me. Wonder if Chris will give me a bonus?"

* * *

After the clips were done, the stadium was almost silent with shock, and the one to break the silence was Chris Maclean.

"What the hell," he shouted, then glared at Chef. "Chef buddy, what was that? You were supposed to play clips of the kissing part of the challenge!"

"Oops, sorry," Chef replied, grinning unkindly. "I guess I compiled the wrong bunch of clips."

"You… you… you just ruined all the plans I had!"

"That's a shame. Maybe I would be more sympathetic," he picked up Chris's megaphone and shouted right in the host's face, "IF I GOT MY FRIGGING PAYCHECK!"

Alejandro stormed over to Chef. "You just blew my cover," he snapped at the former cook, "you just sabotaged everything, you *_Spanish censored_*… and that goes for your mother too!"

"DON'T CARE," Chef Hatchet shouted in his face, blowing back the handsome teen's hair. When Alejandro grumbled and tried to correct his hair and clothes, someone grabbed him by the collar.

"I knew you were up to no good," Harold shouted, shaking him. "You tried to hurt my friends, my relationship with my lovely Leshawna! You… you… you… _idiot_! You _uber_-idiot!"

"Oh, get bent, nerd," Alejandro said as he shoved Harold away, his strength greatly out-matching the nerd's and knocking him on his back.

"I knew you were a schemer from the beginning," Heather shouted, shaking her fist at him. "You womanizing creep!"

"I ought to wring your neck," Leshawna snarled at him as she helped up Harold. "How dare you try to use people!"

"You've been trying to break up official couples by seduction?" Sierra shouted. "Is that why you keep provoking people on the bus? You scoundrel, you lying scum, you've been trying to ruin everything I've done to make things nicer on the bus, haven't you?"

Alejandro dismissed them all with a wave, but could not ignore when Bridgette walked up in front of him. "You used me," she hissed, emotion cracking her voice. "You were trying to hurt my friends by using me? How… how could you _do_ that?"

"It's nothing personal, chica."

"It was all personal!"

"You're nothing special, stop acting so hurt," Alejandro said. "You're an expendable, average girl on a show that should never have anyone as boring as you. And the funny thing, I proved the point that you were unfaithful to your boyfriend, involving the other stupid couple-"

His voice was caught in his throat when Bridgette grabbed his vest to pull him in when she drove her knee into his groin as hard as she could. As he sank to his knees, she shouted, "I did not cheat on Geoff! And my friends are not stupid, you big, fat, jerk!"

Alejandro groaned in intense pain as almost everyone cheered, and he walked off, cursing in Spanish. Chris watched him go, and then said, "You know, Bridgette, the producers don't take kindly to violence-"

"Why don't you shut up too?" she hollered at him; Chris quickly put his hands over his groin, even though she wasn't that close to him. "You were paying him to try and break up couples, to try and ruin things for us! How could you do that, you want to emotionally hurt us that much?"

"Dude, they've seriously pissed off Bridgette," Izzy whispered to Alfred and Mandy. "I didn't think that was possible!"

Chris hid behind the table the trophies were on, and said, "Okay, okay! I'm sorry, I won't do that any more!"

"You swear on that?" Groucho the Duck said, standing nearby with a magnum revolver in his wing.

"I swear, yeah, totally swear! I just feel terrible right now! Very, very, _very_ sorry," he exclaimed. Shooting a quick glare at Chef Hatchet and muttering, "I'll get you for this," he began to quickly pass out the trophies to everyone who had won immunity.

"You wanted drama, you got drama," Leshawna said to him as he passed by, making him flinch in terror. "You just made life hell for you here, Maclean."

Finally, it came down to the eleven who had lost the contest. They all looked a little nervous, but some just looked deflated after such an emotional ordeal.

"Okay, those of you who didn't get any votes…," Chris said, holding up the trophy with the blimp on it. "We have…

"Sakaki, Heather, Lindsay, Valerie, Arthur, Izzy, Harold, Xander, and Geoff! Good work, you all, it's really only down to two people."

Everyone was now looking at Justin and Bridgette, the only ones to not get a trophy. Bridgette was slumped in her chair, looking completely defeated and distraught. Justin glanced at her before looking back at Chris. "So who gets it? Our handsome man, or our surprisingly not-so-nice surfer girl?"

"Doo'nt you start, Chris," Ezekiel snapped.

"She just kneed someone in the groin and shouted me down."

"Considering what both of you were doing," Justin said, "I can't blame her."

"Fine, whatever, can I give the last trophy?"

"Go, little man," Groucho snarled.

"Eeek! Um, yeah, the last person to receive a trophy on this very, very, _very_ dramatic day… is…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

"Bridgette!"

The surfer girl looked quite surprised, and almost missed catching her trophy. She winced in pain as it hit her chest, but she looked more upset than hurt. She glanced over at Justin, and said, "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be, it was my fault you were on the line in the first place," he said as he stood up. "I fell for Alejandro's scheming too, but I guess I was wrong."

"You voted for Bridgette?" Izzy hollered, standing up on her chair and pointing accusingly at him. "You're gullible as well as evil, my sinister ex!"

"I am not any of those things! I am nothing like Alejandro," Justin shouted. "And for crying out loud, Izzy, we didn't go out, it was one date! Let it lie!"

"So you did go out with her?" DJ asked.

"One date! And it ended with the cops, the fire department, and an ambulance arriving at where we went out, so I don't think it counts. Now if you all will excuse me, I'd just like to go now!"

With a wave and a sigh, he walked onto the bus. Beth was already there to greet him. "Justin, honey," she said as he sat down in a huff, "why did you give up during the challenge? You could have done so much better!"

"No point. I didn't have any motivation, didn't have you, and got replaced by some other handsome guy."

"He turned out to be a real jerk, hon. And you know there's more to you than just your gorgeous face," she said as she cupped his chin and made him look over at her. "We're gonna have to work on that self-esteem, sweetie."

He managed to smile at her. "You're too nice. Wish I knew what I did to deserve you, Beth."

Duncan's Bus of Losers pulled away, driving and leaving a putrid cloud behind it. Chris Maclean coughed and looked at the contestants. "Okay then! Winners of Team 6, I hope you have your date ready!"

A limousine pulled up near the platform, much to the excitement of the winners. Sierra giggled and jumped from behind Cody, squeezing him. "Can I come too?"

"No, you're not invited," the host snapped. "Now, Sadie!"

"Um," Sadie stammered, then looked over at Zachary, "I pick Zachary! That okay?"

"Yes, it's fine. Jeez, you overly cautious teens…"

"Thanks, babe," Zachary said, grinning at Sadie. "This should be good!"

He glanced at Valerie, who faked a smile, then looked away in a sulk as Sadie and Zachary boarded the limousine; she corrected a strand of her hair that was still out of order since her "conversation" with Izzy.

"Next is Eva," Chris said. "Who do you want?"

"I want Cody, of course," Eva said. "Sierra, will you let go of her?"

Cody wriggled out of Sierra's grasp and darted to Eva, grasping her hand and shaking it appreciatively. "Oh thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Both Sierra and Anita looked very upset by this, but helpless to do anything. Even Chris looked upset, and grumbled, "And next is Yoshi."

"I want to go with Daisy."

"She'll be at the blimp, the bus is heading there now just in case. Next is Gwen… Trent, right?"

"Gee, how did you guess?"

"No need for sarcasm. Now, Crystal… are you going to actually take a real date this time?"

"Yes," the romantic said as she stood up. She looked over at Xander and said, "Hon, I think it's time we actually tried going out on a date. Just be a gent?"

"Of course, my dear," he said, smiling at her. "I wouldn't dare try anything, you know martial arts."

"Jolly good," she chirped, then took his hand and the two headed for the limousine. Chris watched them go, and raised an eyebrow.

"Not bad," he said, "but quite the odd couple in a sense. Hehe. So, who's left? … Oh. The raccoon."

"datz ryght," Chico exclaimed, trotting up to him and waving his paws in the air like jazz hands. "i wun, so i getz epic dayt 2?"

"I don't see why you can't go, but what date?" Chris asked. "Who could you possibly ask out?"

Chico grinned, and then trotted over to Bridgette and pointed up at her. "herz! i wantz dayt wid her!"

"What," Chris asked incredulously.

"What?" Bridgette asked as well, gaping at the critter.

"dunt u reememberz? u saved mah lyfe bak on teh eyeland," Chico said, grinning and clasping his little paws. "u iz mah heewo!"

"The island?" Bridgette repeated. She thought back, and the final challenge of TDC came to mind; she remembered saving a raccoon from a snare trap during the finals, and the same raccoon helped her get her flag back. "Oh! Yes, I remember you!"

"she reememberz me! YESH," Chico shouted in delight and pumped his paws in the air. "oh pweeze say u go on dayt wid me! i can do roh'mance!"

The raccoon pulled a top hat out from behind him and put it on, and then he produced, seemingly from thin air, an accordion. Loudly, he began to sing as candles he had set up earlier provided a romantic glow.

…

"_o theez iz teh ny-iiiiiight, eez ah beeyuteefull ny-iiiiiight!_

_ An we callz eet bella naughtte!_

_ Luk at teh skyze, dey haz starz een deir eyezzzz!_

_ On dis wuvwee bella naughtteeeeee!_

_ Syde bah syde wid ur wuved wun-_"

…**  
**

"SOMEONE STOP HIM," Chris shouted, hands over his ears. "That's the worst singing ever!" **[1]**

"I kind of like it," Izzy said, swaying to the song.

"You're not going to do a song while I'm here," the host continued to shout. "Bridgette, I beg of you, go with him so we don't have to listen to that awful noise anymore!"

Chico pouted at the host, then looked at Bridgette as she squatted down in front of him. "Look… Chico, right?" she said. She pat his head and scratched behind his ear as she continued to say, "I'm really sorry, but I've had a long day, and I have a boyfriend."

"eet ez just wun blimp ryde," Chico whined. "wud he mind dat much?"

"I think he would," she said as she stood up and looked behind her. "Would you, Geoff? Geoff?"

Bridgette looked around the other contestants, but couldn't see her boyfriend anymore; Geoff had bolted when Justin had been voted off, having seen her girlfriend apologize to him. The surfer girl was close to tears with how abandoned she felt, until Ezekiel was there by her.

"Look, we'll go have a talk with Geoff," he said to her, holding her shoulders for support. "You really deserve a break after what that Alejandro jerk put you throo', eh. Joo'st enjoy yoor'self, you deserve it."

"Yeah, sugar," Leshawna chimed in. "Go on, it'll be fun."

Bridgette glanced between the two, and then Harold spoke up. "You only live once, Bridgette," he said, smiling at her, "and how often do you get to do something as awesome as a blimp ride?"

She still looked uncertain, but smiled at her friends. "Oh… okay. I guess I will." She looked down at Chico and said, "You have yourself a date, Chico."

"YAYZ," Chico cheered with great gusto. "dis ez teh best day uf mah lyfe!"

"Yes yes, go go," Chris Maclean shouted, "and no singing! You hear that, raccoon?"

"gotcha, bowss man!"

Bridgette and Chico entered the limousine, and then it took off. The contestants all exchanged glances and started to talk when a loud honk could be heard.

Groucho the Duck was nearby, sobbing tears of joy and blowing his bill on a handkerchief. "My little recruit, winning challenges and fighting the good fight, now he's serenading a lady! I'm _so_ proud of him!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - So this is the night then?)**

** Groucho the Duck** - *_blows his nose again_* "Those young recruits… they become men so fast!"

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Cafeteria)**

Most of those not on the blimp ride were at the cafeteria, eating dinner. Some were still upset, some lost in thought, some were delighted even though they didn't get first place.

DJ and Clive in particular were in good moods, and clinked glasses of milk before digging into their meal. Sebastian was having a pleasant conversation with Sakaki, who managed to not faint. Alfred, dressed normally again, was talking to Rodney and giving some advice.

Sierra sat down at a table, looking at a cup of milk she had poured herself. "I cannot believe Duncan's Bus of Losers left before I could get on," she grumbled. "Now I'm stuck here until they come back tomorrow! And I lost my Cody too, this is like the worst day ever!

"If he doesn't fall for Eva that blimp ride, I might as well admit that Anita's got more of a chance. I blew it all," she wailed and pounded the table with her cup, splashing milk everywhere in the midst of her crying. "Lost my crush, lost my ride, spilt my milk…"

"Want to talk to someone who understands?"

Carol sat down next to her, patting her shoulder. "Let's talk, girl-to-girl, since we both know what it's like to lose a boy we dig."

Sierra smiled at her new friend, and the two started a conversation that was too fast-paced for most human beings to comprehend. A few tables away, Heather and Ezekiel were sitting down after a long and unproductive search for Geoff.

"So Courtney kissed you?" Heather asked. "Man, didn't see that coming."

"I certainly didn't see Alejandro becoming a royal jerk coming too, eh," he said. "Man, I'm glad you coo'd sense that befur he kissed you."

"You get a sixth sense a'boot these things," she said, half-meaning to imitate his accent. She grinned and whispered to him, "But I'll gladly kiss you many times over as an apology."

As Ezekiel blushed bright red and giggled anxiously, Harold sat down next to Leshawna. "No luck on finding Geoff at all," he said to her. When she didn't reply, he nervously tapped his fingers together. "Um, is everything all right?"

"Just got a lot on my mind, sugar," she said, not looking over at him. Leshawna felt guilty, distracted, and didn't know what to truly say to him. She finally sighed as she asked, "Harold baby, Bridgette was really upset after the challenge. Between her and Gwen, I don't know what I'm gonna do."

"Is there anything I can do to help now?" he asked. "Your friends are my friends."

She let out a small chuckle, and looked over at him. "You're just too sweet, sugar. But tell me, did you two kiss for the Kiss Fest challenge?"

Harold winced, and nodded very meekly. "Alejandro was putting the moves on her, and I was worried. A real gentleman would never let a lady lose her honor to such a cad! I couldn't allow it, so-"

"Okay, calm down, Harold. It's not that big a deal to me, I trust you. Besides, I kissed Noah."

"Eww."

"Yeah, tell me about it. Guy's okay, but can still be a turkey at times."

"Hey, Leshawna? I know things are still a little unsteady between us, and I want to mend that," he said, "so I got you a little something."

Leshawna looked over at him to see he was wearing the cat ears again. She couldn't help but giggle and pull him close. "Oh, you cute, cool cat you," she said before she kissed him.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Cool cat Harold! Wait, we already made those puns last chapter.)**

** Leshawna** - "It's hard to stay mad at Harold. Sure he rattles off on useless facts sometimes, or goes into long-winded rants about honor and code, but his heart is always in the right place. I've got to give more thought on where we stand, and if my parents aren't just overreacting a little; Harold's a little crazy, but there's a lot good about him."

**Sierra** - "I guess there are other boys in the ocean, even if Cody is the pearl of the sea! Darn… why couldn't I have been a contestant? Maybe if I had got to him sooner… I wonder if I can go through his things when he's not here, is that immoral?"

**Rodney** - "Okay, no more waiting! My crush is in the cafeteria now, and alone at last! It's time to ask her!"

* * *

Rodney walked over to his crush, who was sipping from a glass of milk. She had a lot on her mind, the challenge and other events had completely overwhelmed her, and now she was contemplating her next move, and what to do tomorrow.

"Hello," Rodney said as he walked up next to her.

"Oh, hello sweetheart," she said back, smiling at him. "Did you want something, Rodney?"

"Actually, yes," he said. He bounced on his feet, blushing bright red and stammering slightly. "So… like… oh wow, I should have rehearsed this."

"Whatever are you talking about?"

"You see, there's something I wanted to ask you. See, there's all these couples in the game already, and I know you're really interested in a boy too. But you see, I was just thinking… I'm in high school, just like you. And after spending so much time on the show, I can tell that people should really admit their true feelings."

The girl nodded, not sure where this was going but going along with it because Rodney being shy was incredibly adorable. "I see, I think," she admitted. "Today was pretty crazy, I had a wild ride. Wasn't all bad though…"

Rodney nodded, and then said, "Now see, I was just evaluating compatibility issues, and contemplating all other kinds of… things. I put some real thought in this, and I think we'd be really good together!"

Now she was really confused. "You kind of lost me there, hon. What are you trying to say?"

She lifted her glass of milk to her mouth as Rodney clasped his hands and asked, "Will you go out with me, Anita?"

Rodney wasn't sure whether to interpret her following, milky spit-take as a positive or negative. He waited until she was done coughing, handing her a napkin to clean up. As soon as she had steadied herself, she asked, "Come again?"

"Would you like to go out with me?" he asked again, holding his clasped hands up to his chin. "I'd really like to, I think we'd be very good together!"

"Honey-"

"See, you're really smart and nice and talented," he gushed, "and you're always so fun to be around! I always talking to you, and if you need a study partner, I could be your guy! We're around the same grade, so isn't it all okay?"

Anita stared him, and then stammered out, "But… but… I'm seventeen. And you're-"

"Age won't matter in the long run," he said, "my mom is about ten years younger than my dad, and that doesn't bother them! I really thought of this, and I thought since we have a good deal in common, it could work out. Wouldn't you like to go out?"

She was trying desperately to think of how to handle this, but his pleading eyes and earnest voice were not making it easy. Eventually, she sighed and took his hands. "Look, Rodney, you're the biggest sweetheart I know, but I don't think it really could. We do have more differences than you think, and I am interested in another boy right now. Otherwise, I would… but…"

"It is the age thing, isn't it?" Rodney asked, downcast now. His face had fallen, as had his voice and heart. "I asked Alfred about it, and he warned me it would be. He told me that would probably make you say no."

"Well, yes, that is it," Anita admitted. "Hon, the age difference isn't the same as your parents, it couldn't work out. You're still too young for me."

"I understand," he said. Guilt ate at Anita, until he managed to smile and ask, "But can we still be friends?"

"Of course, sweetheart."

She hugged him, and Rodney let out a small sigh of relief in this. "Alfred also said something about it being hard to get to first base with a girl when she has to kneel down for it. What's that mean?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - So that was who his crush was!)**

** Anita** - "I think I'm going to have a talk with Alfred after this. Well, I have to admit, of all the things I thought would happen, I didn't think lil' Rodney would ask me out! He's such a cutie-pie, isn't he? But wow… that's a first, that is."

*_She sighs and looks to the side._* "He sure had his heart into it… I hope when he gets older, he gets a very nice girlfriend. In fact, I'll insist by it. No mean girl will get her evil hooks into such a sweet boy!"

**Rodney** - "To be honest, Anita was all I said about her, being smart and nice and talented and really pretty, but there was something else. Anita kind of looks like Gil would in a few years, and I still have a thing for Gil… oh why must love be such a hard thing? It seemed to work out so well for so many others! Darn you, timing of my birth! A few years earlier, I might have had a chance with either of them."

*_He sighs and hangs his head, shaking it._* "Not my best of days… I hope no one else is having a worse day than this."

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Near an Exit)**

A few minutes later, rain poured down from the sky (almost mandatory when someone is in a bad mood). It seemed to fit the sad mood that fit most of the cast, but also was handy for making things more dramatic. This was fitting, especially since there was a heated argument going on.

"You owe me, Maclean," Alejandro exclaimed, poking the host. "I did everything you wanted, I made your drama! And then your stupid assistant exposed me!"

"That wasn't my fault, and this isn't my problem! Besides, you didn't break up anyone, that was the deal," Chris snapped back. "As far as things are going, Bridgette is still technically with Geoff, and Leshawna and Harold are still together. You failed."

"I only failed because of the interference! _Dios_, do I still get a bonus for interfering with the game like you asked me to do?"

"No, I need that money now," he replied with a bitter grumble. "I gotta actually pay Chef now, or he'll ruin more things for me."

"He's not even a real chef," Alejandro shouted indignantly, but the host ignored him and started to walk away. "You cannot deny me this, Chris! I still get to host the bus of losers!"

"Of course you do. But I doubt I'll call on you again, since you've been exposed and all. Sorry, Al."

"Don't call me that," he hollered. The handsome teen huffed in fury and punched the nearby exit door. "_Dios mio_, this is such-"

"Aww, ya mad?"

Alejandro whirled around to see who had approached him. The person responsible for the sinister votes, including todays, was standing there. "Ya mad, aren't ya?" the person repeated.

"What the hell do you want?"

"Oh, I just came to rub it in your face that you lost. You, Al, thought you were going to rule this contest and manipulate us contestants; however, seems your evil, ugly side has been exposed."

"I don't have an ugly side! And I'll get Chef Hatchet for exposing me, just you wait!"

"Heh, really? Because it wasn't just him, it was me."

"What?" Alejandro whipped around, his eyes widening in shock. "You… you helped him?"

"Of course I did. You see, he really wanted his paycheck, and I knew from the beginning you were on Chris's side. And Chris would have to give him his paycheck if Chef was going to ruin all his special plans to cause drama; so I gave Chef the idea to use the footage you so generously provided yourself instead of what Chris wanted."

"But… why'd you expose me? What did I do to you?"

"How cute, you're acting hurt; a great manipulator, upset that he was exposed by a better one."

"I don't have to listen to any more of your crap," Alejandro shouted, glaring down his exposer. "If you think you can best me, just you wait until you see what I am capable of-"

The exposer, fed up, punched Alejandro in the throat. As the evil teenager gasped for air, his attacker grabbed the back of his red vest and pulled him to the exit door. Outside, the muddy ground and the drizzling rain were a dramatic touch for a dramatic scene.

"Alejandro Burromuerto, you are relived of your duties as a manipulator," the exposer said, and then threw him face first into the mud. As Alejandro sputtered and gasped for air, his outer added, "Go back to the bus, and try whatever you can to patch yourself together; just know that I'm the manipulator of this show, not you."

The door slammed shut, leaving Alejandro alone in the mud and rain. Drenched, soiled, and still coughing for air, he glared at the door and sputtered out, "You… you haven't heard the last of me! I'll get you… I'll get all of you!"

He struggled to stand up and stumbled out into the street, where he was promptly hit by Duncan's Bus of Losers. Duncan stepped off the bus and looked down at the injured teen in front of his now-dented bus. "Oops," he said, then called back into the bus, "You were right, Hannah, we do need new wiper blades!"

"… Ouch," Alejandro whimpered. "I think you broke something."

"Yeah, sorry about that, Al, but you should get on the bus now. I gotta take some of these people to the blimp's air strip, and I got a little lost. That's why I had to double-back here; by the way, have you seen Sierra?"

"… Pain… agony…"

"Oh, walk it off, Al." **[2]**

* * *

**(Room 7 - Noah… ?)**

Noah looked around the lonely room, now devoid of all four of its original members. "Well, this is kind of depressing," he admitted aloud. "Jasmine, Joel, Justin, and Katie… all gone. Remind me to never use seven as a lottery number."

"Are you talking to yourself?"

He whirled around to see Courtney come into the room, carrying a bunch of suitcases with her. "What are you doing here?" he asked. "This is my room… in a sense!"

"I thought it was empty now that all the people here are gone," Courtney admitted. "Look, I'm moving my stuff in here, and I brought Crystal and Cody's stuff too. They lucked out by being on that overnight blimp cruise, and I am _not_ spending a night alone in the same room as Colin."

"Fair enough, I'll just keep a taser with me in case you try anything at night."

"Har-freaking-har."

"Thank you, I'll be here all week," Noah said, then watched as she dropped all the suitcases in a heap. "Look, not that I care, but Geoff bunks here too, and I don't want there to be drama-"

"Geoff?" Courtney declared. "He owes us an explanation! Where is he?"

"And there will be drama, huh? Figures."

* * *

**(Room 3 - Colin.)**

"Thanks for letting me crash here for the night, dude," Geoff said, nervously peeking out the door. "I was so lucky to see Courtney go to that room, I might have had to fess up!"

"Whatever, dude," Colin responded as he lay down in his bed. "Just looking out for ya, since you're helping us vote off losers and all."

Geoff didn't respond, he just collapsed on the other bed. Staring up at the top bunk, he became lost in thought, wondering what he could do to finally confess to Bridgette, if he actually could, what he would say, and if he had already lost her. Had he lost her? He felt miserable at the thought, even more so when he thought it could be another guy. Were the rumors true about her and Harold?

As he thought about all this, he wondered what Bridgette was doing, and what she was thinking right now.

* * *

**(Blimp Ride)**

Bridgette was sitting at a table, looking at the rain fall down outside of the blimp through the tinted windows. It looked beautiful in the moonlight, and the gleam from the light inside the cabin's diner, but she was busy thinking about Geoff.

The other couples looked happy, which was a welcome sight to Bridgette for such a miserable day. Daisy was seriously flirting up Yoshi, Gwen and Trent were all sweet too. Eva and Cody were talking, as were Crystal and Xander. Sadie and Zachary were also talking, but Bridgette didn't think that was truly a good couple.

Then the surfer girl was distracted when Chico stood on her table, lighting the candles. He produced his top hat and accordion again, and grinned at her. Bridgette couldn't help but smile at the cute critter, and motioned for him to carry on. Chico nodded at her, and began to sing again as she continued to think about Geoff, Leshawna, Harold, and everything else that had happened since the season had started.

…

"_u'll fynd enchantment herez_

_ teh nyght will weeve itz magik spell_

_ when teh wun u wuv iz neer_

_ o dis ez teh nyght, an teh heavins r ryght_

_ on dis wuuuuuv-weeeeeeee bellaaaaaaa naaaaaww-teeeeeeeee!_"

* * *

…

…

…

**(Voting Confessionals)**

** Xander** - "Harold asked me to get my team to vote for Justin, if I could; said something about Justin being a major slacker, but I'll bet it's also to save a certain blond surfer gal. Hey, personally, I don't want Bridgette to leave either, and after that Alejandro jackass, I think we've had enough pretty boys here, huh?"

**Geoff** - *_sobs_* "Justin, okay? Justin! Here's another uncool notch on the bummer belt I am tightening around the gut of my despair! Dudes… I cannot take this!"

**Izzy** - "Izzy have wonderful time! I kiss boys, I kiss girls, I have romance and love! I feel refreshed and full! Oh, and I vote for my evil ex, Justin, because that's what I wanted to do. Also, I promised Valerie too; maybe she senses his evilness too!"

**Arthur** - "Yeah, Xander said something about a request to vote for Justin? Funny thing is, Valerie came to me and tried to make me do the same thing! Just what's going on here? Anyway, voting for Justin."

**Sakaki** - "Um, I was requested to vote for Justin. I don't really know why, but I'd really rather not argue."

**Harold** - "I vote for Justin, because I won't have him slack off entirely and then try to vote off Bridgette! I have beseeched whom I can from both teams. No one votes off a friend of mine while I'm around!" *_He gets pumped, and displays his ninja moves, accidentally hitting the Fame Town CD and breaking it._* "Oops."

**Heather** - "I gotta agree with Harold on this one. Justin did nothing during the contest, so I'm voting for him. Sure, I'd love to vote for Valerie, but I think she'd survive it."

**Valerie** - "I talked to some people, and I got them to vote for Justin; what good is a hot boy when he doesn't do anything, huh? But personally, I'm voting for Bridgette. I'm gonna scare that surfing bimbo, and give her something else to think about besides her wrecked relationship with a boy too hot for her! Maybe when they finally call it, I'll get me some party animal…"

**Bridgette** - *_in tears and trying to compose herself_* "I… I cannot take this anymore! I'm voting for myself! Maybe… maybe I'll get some answers if I get out of this awful contest!"

**Justin** - "Bridgette's been fooling around with Harold, Alejandro, what more? I'm voting for her."

**Lindsay** - "I… I… um… I…"

*_She pauses, and then lets out a wail._* "I can't remember who anyone is! I got so many different requests from everyone, I don't remember any names! It's so hard to vote for people when there's so many names going around!"

…

Votes:

**Xander** - Justin.

**Geoff** - Justin.

**Izzy** - Justin.

**Arthur** - Justin.

**Sakaki** - Justin.

**Harold** - Justin.

**Heather** - Justin.

**Bridgette** - Bridgette.

**Valerie** - Bridgette.

**Justin** - Bridgette.

**Lindsay** - Abstained. (_Cannot remember anyone._)

…

**Justin** - 7.

**Bridgette** - 3.

_Abstained_ - 1.

* * *

** Voted Off** - Sandra, Duncan, Jasmine, Daisy, Owen, Trent, Hannah, Howard, Joel, Katie, Beth, Justin.

…

** Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date** - Broken _Fame Town_ CD on the shelf.

…

** [1]** - In case you cannot tell, Chico the Raccoon's love song is Bella Notte from _Lady and the Tramp_.

**[2]** - I'd really like to say to all of Alejandro's fans that I am sorry. But sadly, I cannot say that, because I freaking enjoyed it. *_evil grin_*

…

** Next Up** - This VR's going to be super.


	43. Ch 13, Pt 1: Simply Marvelous

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of Total Drama. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TD contains stunts performed by written teens. People who try these stunts at home will be promptly slapped with a fish.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - Again, I would like to point out that the Total Drama Comeback Wiki would like your help. Yes, it is ironic that I am asking for help on a Wiki that is about my stories, but as I am trying to balance this story and others, my real novel, and growing hours at work, I have found that working on the many, many areas is rather difficult; also, reading TDC makes me see all the errors I made, and that makes me sad.

New poll, as always, but a little different in that it covers one of your favorites among the characters. Now, enjoy the next chapter, and please don't ask for spoilers or when the next chapter is, because I'm not telling. I hoard such things to myself, and am selfish, greedy, and just an overall freak.

…

* * *

**Chapter 43** - Maclean vs. Chef Hatchet 3: Fate of Two Derps.

* * *

…

…

…

**(Maclean Stadium.)**

**(Room 1 - Alfred, Anita, Arthur, Belinda.)**

Anita looked at herself in the mirror that her roommates had set up. As usual, she was wearing her purple tube top and black mini-skirt, with her red thong underwear visible to all. She sighed as she put on her jacket, and looked at herself some more.

"No," she said to herself in despair, "the jacket makes me look even more like a streetwalker."

She took it off and threw it away, accidentally hitting Alfred with it. As she apologized, he shrugged it off, and said, "What's the problem, Anita-kun?"

"It's these stupid clothes," she said, shaking her head. "I hate wearing them so much."

"You could always take them off if you don't like them."

She stared at him for a second, then chuckled and said, "Oh, you funny boy."

Arthur rubbed sleep from his eyes, and asked, "Look, I have three younger sisters, Anita, and I can tell this was brought on by something big."

"You mean that Eva got to go on a romantic blimp ride with Cody, and I am having trouble getting his attention?"

"And you think the clothes are the problem?"

"It's a girl thing, hon," Anita said with a sigh. "But hey, you want to wear as little as I do?"

"No, no! I'm quite comfortable in normal clothes."

"Elegant," Belinda commented. "You're the only one who can say that, since Alfred and I wore about as much last contest."

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "Yes, I'm the only one decent here, apparently. Look, I'll distract Eva when they return, Anita, you aim for Cody."

* * *

**(Room 2 - Bridgette, Carol, Clive.)**

"_Oh Billy, what a pity, let me have my turn,_" Carol sang as she tied on her headband, "_you took me by the heart when I saw you intern…_"

She stopped singing as she looked at Clive, who was still lying down. "You seriously gonna stay in bed all morning?"

"I prefer it."

"No way, mister Clive! You're gonna enjoy it! C'mon, let's go have some fun!"

She grabbed Clive and lifted him up over her head, cackling wildly. "This gets the Carol Seal of Approval!"

"I'm perfectly capable of walking," Clive said from above her head.

"You like that Seal of Approval thing? I made it up just now! I do new things all of the time!"

"How about doing the new thing of putting me down?"

"No, you put yourself down enough. Now cheer up!"

Carol began to twirl Clive around, then set him down to dance. He was starting to wonder if she wanted to be a police officer or cheerleader, psycho version of either.

* * *

**(Room 3 - Colin, Geoff.)**

"Dude, cereal in here?" Colin asked Geoff, frowning at his roommate as he applied gel to hair spikes.

"Can't risk being seeing in the cafeteria. Gotta eat in here, then get to the arena without anyone noticing."

"People are going to think you're paranoid if you keep this up."

"Who said that?"

Colin rolled his eyes and prepared his hair more. If his new roommate was going crazy, no skin off his back.

* * *

**(Room 4 - DJ, Eva.)**

DJ fed Bunny some lettuce and seeds, which it gobbled up happily. Nuzzling his pet rabbit, he baby-talked it to the point where trying to write out what he was saying would just embarrass him.

He finally did talk normally to Bunny, which was still crazy because it was an animal (and it wasn't Groucho or Chico). "Well Bunny, today's another day, another challenge. Following the pattern, it'll probably a VR game. You know, with the zombies and vampires and other monsters that are really scary…"

He sighed and sat on the bed, stroking the creature's soft fur. "Why did I ever sign up for this show, Bunny? I'm terrible at competition, and this new stuff is scaring me. Can you imagine me fighting against monsters and such?"

Bunny made a squeaking noise and he sighed again. "Wish you could talk, little buddy. Seems most animals are doing it nowadays, the sweet lil' critters."

* * *

**(Room 5 - Ezekiel, Gwen.)**

"And that's when I whipped out my E-Tool, and I pounded that terrorist scum's face in!"

"That's lovely and everything, Groucho, but I doo'nt recall asking you a'boot such a violent ordeal."

Groucho the Duck shrugged as he waddled behind Ezekiel. "Just getting you pumped, soldier. Big challenge today, and you have a reputation to keep up. You're good at these VR challenges."

"They are more bearable than most, yes," Ezekiel said, "but how do you know?"

"I'm very good at intel, got me some tips on the next game. Want to hear?"

"No no, I'd rather not cheat," he admitted. "I just need to knoo' moo'r a'boot things like girls, eh.

"You're asking the wrong duck, my good sir."

* * *

**(Room 6 - Harold, Heather, Izzy.)**

"And that's when I broke out my satchel, and walloped that scoundrel's face!"

"That's nice and all, Heather, but I didn't ask."

Izzy and Harold chuckled as the former queen bee sulked. "You two are always going on about fighting others," she protested, "and when I actually have a story of some creep sneaking in the bathroom, you two aren't interested?"

"I am a lover, not a fighter," Harold said, "and I only fight in self-defense."

"Lover is right," Izzy said, grinning at him. "What's going on between you and Bridgette?"

Harold's face went bright red, his eyes widening behind those tinted panes of glass. "Wha… what? Nothing! We're friends! She's taken, I'm taken, happily taken!"

"Methinks he doth protest too much," Heather said as the girls chuckled.

"Why must you two torment me so?" he complained. "I am a decent man, I would never do anything to hurt Leshawna, or my friends' relationship."

"I guess it's more fun to tease you about it," Izzy admitted, "until something even more silly is to be found. And speaking of silly, did you know I found this purple bra in the room next to us?" She held up said undergarment. "I thought only boys were in Room 7!"

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena.)**

A couple limousines arrived at the arena, and all those who had been on the reward blimp, and still in the contest, ride leapt out from the vehicles. Chris Maclean stood there, smiling and looking Chris-like.

"Welcome back, all you lovely love birds. Hope you enjoyed your brief time from the cameras, but now you have to get ready. Change, shower, put on make-up, all that good stuff, and prepare for another challenge in a couple hours."

Cody was busy talking to Eva when Courtney showed up to tell him and Crystal where they were living now. Sadie and Zachary were having a long conversation that they ended when she got to her room. He said, "See you at the challenge," and waved good-bye. She giggled and went in her room.

* * *

**(Room 7 - Noah, Cody, Courtney, Crystal.)**

"Crystal, have you seen my purple bra?"

"Hon, I just got here."

"Well, I cannot find it anywhere, and I was really hoping to wear that today."

The two girls looked around the room as Noah lay face-down on his bed. The very annoyed bookworm muttered, "Are you two quite aware that I still live here?"

"We're not gonna dress in here," Courtney snapped, then added, "Pervert."

"Quit flattering yourself, I'm talking about how I have to deal with women's underwear scattered across my room."

"It's not gonna be that bad, chap," Crystal assured him. "We'll clean up! Besides, we'll have Cody living here soon enough, and that'll help things."

"That'll help the stupid rumors continue, it will."

"You still harp about that?" Courtney asked, shaking her head. "Seriously, get over it."

"I will when Crystal stops talking about NoCo!"

"I say, I don't do that! … Well, a little."

* * *

**(Room 8 - Leshawna, Lindsay, Mandy.)**

Mandy was alone in her room, feeding her rats and snake (which were kept in opposite cages for obvious reasons). She sighed as she fiddled with her terra twist ponytail, glancing at her cell phone. She had a picture of Alfred on there, posing for the camera in his normal way (goofy).

"What do you guys think?" she asked her pets, who were also of the non-speaking variety. "Should I consider dating a mortal? Is it worth it?"

Snowflake the Rat shrugged his little rat shoulders, and Mandy grumbled, "Yeah, well, one day you might meet a cute rat, and then who you gonna turn to for advice?"

* * *

**(Room 9 - Rodney, Sadie, Sakaki.)**

Sakaki and Rodney were talking about his little ordeal with Anita last night when Sadie burst in, singing happily. The cheerful girl picked up Rodney and danced, swinging him around like a streamer.

"Good date?" he managed to ask as she swirled around with him.

"One of the best I ever had," Sadie exclaimed. Sakaki watched the swinging in horror, covering her mouth and praying Sadie's grip would not falter. When she finally did put down Rodney, Sakaki barely managed to let out a sigh of relief before Sadie started dancing with her.

"Glad you had such a good date," Sakaki whimpered as she was forced to dance more with her energetic partner, "but seriously, I'm not much of a dancer!"

* * *

**(Room 10 - Sebastian, Tyler.)**

"wheeeeeee," was Chico's happy cheer as he ran into his room, jumping in the pile of garbage that had heaped in a corner. He threw pizza boxes and trophies around, shouting, "wut a wunderful dayt dat wus! u 2 shud haf seen eet!"

Sebastian and Tyler exchanged glances, then looked back at the raccoon. "Was your date really that good?" Sebastian asked. "Bridgette enjoyed herself? The blimp was a nice enough dating spot?"

"You live in here?" was all Tyler asked.

* * *

**(Room 11 - Valerie, Xander, Yoshi, Zachary.)**

Valerie hadn't seen any of the boys arrive, barely seeing Xander and Zachary. Yoshi did arrive in the room and was quickly going through his things.

"There a reason you're in such a rush?" she asked him.

"I want to get out of here before Zachary arrives."

"Are you two having another fight or something?"

"No, but I suspect one. Every time he looked over at Daisy and I during that trip, he got this really foul look on his face, and I don't want to put up with it right now."

"I see. You know what's up with Xander? I barely saw him arrive."

"Beats me, but I don't think his date went well."

Valerie shrugged as she grabbed her bathrobe and towel, heading out towards the shower room. She was surprised to see a long line of all girls waiting outside, including Leshawna, Lindsay, Bridgette, Crystal, Gwen, and Eva. "What's the hold-up?"

"Someone locked the door," Leshawna grumbled.

"I really need to shower," Lindsay wailed, feeling her hair. "If I don't shower soon, like, my hair starts to cry! I can hear it, it's around my ears!"

"I guess someone was just shy," Bridgette said.

"Who could blame a girl in this competition?" Gwen remarked. "Guys can be such perverts, and these are practically co-ed shower rooms."

"Seriously, boys are like that, aren't they?" Eva remarked. "Not like us girls. We don't act helpless just because there's someone attractive around."

"Too true, dear," Leshawna said. "But what can you do when you have a whole bunch of boys like that?"

The door to the shower room clicked and opened, and Xander stomped out. He was soaking wet, naked except for a towel around him. "Oh for crying out loud," he shouted, "Zachary! Did you lock the door on me? And where's all the hot water? How can we be out of hot water so soon?"

The handsome biker teen then noticed all the girls lined up outside, staring wide-eyed at his semi-naked, dripping wet body. Eva and Lindsay were suffering arousal nose bleeds, while Leshawna was trying hard not to stare and failing. The only girl he seemed interested in, Crystal, was looking away as if in shame.

"Sorry, ladies," he said quietly, and walked off, combing a hand through his hair and sighing. The girls all managed to recover, and Bridgette turned to Crystal.

"Did something happen?" she asked. "He seems to be in a bad mood."

Crystal slumped against the wall, and nodded slightly.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Finally making an appearance after all those rooms!)**

**Xander** - "Crystal admitted that she doesn't want to hook up with me on that blimp ride. Still wants to be friends, still wants to hook me up, but not wanting to date me." *_He sighs, then lets out a small chuckle._* "I've actually never been rejected before… time to take it like a man. But man, she was such a fine bird."

**Crystal** - "Oh bloody hell, have I made a mistake? I didn't want to hurt him, I really didn't! But I joined to help pair up people, and I cannot do that if I'm involved with a boy! Even one as nice and handsome as him… such is life."

...

**Chico the Raccoon** - "an den i sung 2 Breejit: _i dun wanna close mah eyes / i dun wanna fawl ahsleep / cuz i'll mees ya bayb / an i dun wanna mees a thang!_"

**Chris Maclean** - "In case you are wondering, and I know you were, we do not have any footage of the blimp reward. Sad for all you who wanted to see more, good for everyone who didn't want to listen to that critter's yowling!"

**Chico** - *_He pops up at Chris's feet, holding up the CD of Fame Town._* "HA! who iz teh yowling wun now, eh?"

**Chris** - "Give that back, you walking fur hat!" *_He and the raccoon wrestle for the CD._*

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Cafeteria.)**

Breakfast was the usual calamity, when you get thirty-one teenagers, one kid, a raccoon, and a duck in one place at the same time.

Xander was being comforted by Alfred and Anita, while he kept insisting he was fine. When Cody and Eva came into the cafeteria, Anita looked unsure until the biker nudged her and encouraged her to go after him.

Crystal was confessing her worries to Bridgette. Harold was heading towards Leshawna when he stopped at them, smiling as he asked, "I just have to ask you, Bridgette, what was the date with the raccoon like?"

Even though he and Crystal chuckled, the surfer girl looked nervous suddenly. "Um, it was… something," she said, glancing repeatedly at him, around the cafeteria, and anywhere else she could nervously glance at. "I… he… it… oh my! I just remembered! I forgot to put on my make-up!"

"But you don't wear make-up," Harold pointed out, but Bridgette had left, flustered and covering her blushing face. The nerd sighed and looked at Crystal. "Am I being too forward or something? Gosh."

"I wouldn't say that, chap, but she's got worried about her mate and all things considered, it might be a good idea to stick your distance from her," she suggested. "If you think your manly good looks are that avoidable, you used to say stuff like that all the time the last couple seasons."

"That was before I lost faith in my mad skills and such," he admitted, then sat down next to her and clasped his hands in a pleading stance. "Please! Tell me how I can make things better with Leshawna!"

As Crystal tried to calm him down, Courtney watched Gwen from afar, suspiciously spying. "So," she asked Yoshi, who had sat down next to her by coincidence, "did she and Trent get along all right during that trip?"

"Yes, perfectly," he replied, munching on his cereal.

"You didn't get the impression they were gonna break up at all, did you?"

"I was more interested in my date than the others, Courtney."

"Damn it, I need to know," she exclaimed, grasping his vest and shaking him. "I have to know once and for all if that goth girl is not into Trent any more and is into Duncan!"

Yoshi wrenched her hands off his clothes, and then replied snidely, "Why, you interested in Trent and want him?"

"That's not funny! How could you make such a joke?"

Sebastian, who was passing by, said in passing, "Calm down, Courtney, the whole cafeteria can hear you."

"If you were as upset as I am, you would be loud too!"

"Those loudest aren't necessarily the ones in the right."

Leaving with that choice bit of philosophy, Sebastian missed the look of surprised realization on Courtney's face as Yoshi added, "He's right, you know. Zachary's always shooting off his mouth, and he's wrong most of the time."

* * *

**(JANITOR'S CLOSET - LOUD IS WRONG?)**

**Sebastian** - "Seems that all the worry these days is over relationships and such. I never knew a reality TV could cause such strife in a relationship, but then again, I never thought reality TV was any good at making relationships; hard to be serious when you have a camera shoved in your face most of the time."

**Yoshi** - "I'm still one of those who are here to compete, why do people keep insisting on getting involved in romantic schemes? I can deal with things like Alfred asking me details for how things are going between Daisy and I, but I'm not going to scout others! Ask someone who's more subtle than the guy who carries a sword around him!"

**Cody** - "I gotta say, the date on the blimp was rather nice! Never thought a blimp ride could be so nice… come to think of it, I always thought the same about Eva, but turns out, she can carry a conversation quite well!"

**Eva** - "Yeah, I can talk to people. What makes you think I have a hard time at conversation?" *_She cracks her knuckles, the vibrations from each one making the camera shake._*

**Izzy** - "Random randomness randomly happens in randomization!" *_She juggles a bowling ball and a few bowling pins before she drops the bowling ball, and it halfway imbeds in the closet's floor._* "Random whoops."

**Chef Hatchet** - *_He stares at the bowling ball that's smashed into the floor, and wails._* "I _just_ tidied this closet! Can't you stupid teens keep a closet clean for five minutes?"

**Carol** - *_She is plucking petals from a rather large, petal-full flower, throwing them on the floor as she continues to sing._* "_So c'mon, give it to me, Billy, I can be your gal / any way you wanna, get my Seal of Approval / please baby please, don't make me yowl!_"

**Bridgette** - *_She is trying to apply eyeshadow, but pokes her eye and wails, throwing the brush away in frustration._* "I cannot take this! I've been such a burden to my friends and their relationships, I cannot find Geoff anywhere, and I cannot even put on make-up! What kind of freak am I?"

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena.)**

As the contestants poured out into the arena to the loud cheers of the audience, they all gathered up in front of Chris and an upset Chef Hatchet. The host was busy appealing to the audience with waves and blowing kisses, so it didn't start off at first. This gave Gwen time to notice her friend Bridgette rubbing her sore eye, and quickly headed over to her, using a handkerchief to wipe off all the make-up that she had badly put on.

"You could have just asked me," Gwen said. "You made yourself look pretty silly, Bridge."

"I didn't want to bother you, you seem like you have enough troubles," she admitted. "And I thought it wouldn't be so hard."

"Believe me, Bridge, eyeshadow is not something that's easy to put on; I would know, the first few times I tried, I looked like I was staring out of a charred log."

As Gwen finished cleaning up her friend, Chris barked out a laugh. "Campers, I have a couple surprises for you! First off, we have our own Wiki page!"

"Oh goodie," Noah groaned. "Complete strangers are going to update facts about us, and go pondering about things we'd rather let go for years."

"Wikis are like the ultimate trivia list," Harold said with a knowledgeable wheeze. "They would be good if you ever were quizzed on the subject."

"I used to update Wikis," Carol admitted, "until I learned the hard way that opinions from fans don't count as canon, especially when you go insulting the favorites.

Chris Maclean cleared his throat. "Um, as I was saying, we have our own Wiki site, so we need your help to update it!"

"You cannot ask some of these people to update a Wiki on us," Courtney exclaimed. "Some of them, like a certain goth girl, would degrade people and ruin their pages!"

"And some judgmental CITs," Gwen snapped back, "would become power Nazis with admin powers and run it like a dictatorship!"

Chris raised an eyebrow, and said, "Okay then. I guess we need you," he pointed at a camera and smiled, "to help us with the Total Drama Comeback Wiki! We'll be rewarding you in the same amount we reward our interns!"

"None at all," Billy the Intern hollered from afar.

"That's not true! Well, since we do charge them admission to be in the stadium that they are interning in, the paycheck comes out to about… nothing. But hey, think of the honor, and how cool you'll be at school, when people find out you help on the Total Drama Comeback Wiki."

"Someone sold their soul tonight," Noah grumbled, "and it smells like death. Death being resurrected through necromancy, only to sell the soul again. I cannot wait to hear the next surprise, I wonder if we're giving away t-shirts." **[1]**

"Thank you for bringing that up, cynical jerk," Chris said cheerfully. "We're gonna start what I call… Mind Reader VR!"

That did not sound good for anyone. Most teenagers knew if their minds were read, people would be disgusted. Gwen dropped the cloth she was using on Bridgette and exclaimed, "Wait a minute! What are you talking about?"

"See, Vera here," Chris said, gesturing to the giant VR machine, "has to get into your minds in order to put your minds into the VR. So, we've collected a bunch of memories from you all that stand out so wonderfully."

"That's an invasion of privacy," a great deal of the contestants shouted in unison.

"Go cry some more," the host said cheerfully. "You all owe me some drama after all the trouble and grief you've caused me, and it's all in your contracts. Super-duper extraordinary fine print!"

Gwen scooped up the rag and chucked it at him, though the flimsy cloth only managed to hit the back of Izzy's head. When Bridgette tried to comfort her, she walked off muttering, "Don't mind me, just pissed and busy and all."

Chris clapped his hands and said, "And so, we'll be playing, before each challenge, a good memory and a bad memory from you all! Isn't this exciting?"

"Only for you," many of them replied in frustration.

"I would think Joel," Noah grumbled, "would turn off such a feature if it had one."

"I turned it back on," Chris said cheerfully. "Any other questions? No? Good! Let's begin with our good memory!"

He held up a remote, pointed it at Vera, and pressed one of the many buttons. The screens lit up, a little static buzzed, and every contestant prayed it wasn't going to be them.

* * *

**(Vera - Good Memory)**

Two kids were playing video games inside a room full of text books and notepads. The girl was beating the boy, who looked to be Rodney about a year ago.

"Aw, you're too good at this game, Gil," Rodney complained as he jerked his controller around, wincing as his character got pummeled. His friend, who looked only a few years older, snickered and tossed her hair behind her shoulders.

"You're just not aggressive enough, my little friend," Gil said, smirking slyly as she finished the fight. Setting her controller down on her legs, she smiled triumphantly and said, "Ten wins in a row! How's being beaten by a girl feel?"

"Not bad," Rodney said. He was beaming at her, and shyly blushing for reasons known only currently to him. It became obvious enough when he leaned over and kissed her cheek, then pulled away and said softly, "There's your reward for kicking my butt so often!"

Gil looked quite surprised, rubbing the spot where he had pecked him. She then blushed on her own, grinned, and seized his face in her palms. He only had time to blink before she kissed him on the lips, a couple seconds long before releasing. "And that's your reward," she whispered, "for being a good sport about it!"

She giggled and turned back to the TV. "Now then, up for losing eleven times in a row? Rodney? Rod?" Gil glanced back at him, and saw he had swooned and fell on his back, staring blissfully up at the ceiling.

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena.)**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWW!"

The chorus of girls, and some boys, was practically deafening, especially from the contestants. Rodney's face, which had gone from pink to red to scarlet ever since the memory clip had started, was now taking all new shades of red. He pulled his helmet down over his eyes at first, but now was just using it cover his face instead of his head.

"Who was this Gil, hmm?" Sadie asked her roommate.

"You gotta tell us more," Leshawna gushed. "That was the cutest scene ever!"

"No wonder he has a crush on you," Alfred said to Anita, "you look a lot like that girl too… hey, do you have any pictures of you at seven? Maybe we'll know then!"

Chris Maclean chuckled, shaking his head. "Struck gold on that first one. Anything you want to say, lil' Romeo?"

"I think," Rodney squeaked from behind his helmet, "that I am going to die from embarrassment."

Carol picked him from behind and spun him around. "He's growing up so fast! So seriously, why'd you turn him down, Anita?"

Eva snickered, and glanced at Anita. "Yeah, he'd be a good fall back for you."

As the two girls glared each other down, Chris cleared his throat with the aid of a megaphone. "Now then," he said, "we got the good memory down, and since you girls have stopped gushing, we can go on to the bad memory."

"We're still gushing," Mandy exclaimed, waving her hands frantically.

"Yeah, yeah, still going on about the kid," DJ cried out. "No need to bring up bad memories!"

"Too late," Chris said, holding up the remote again and hitting another button.

* * *

**(Vera - Bad Memory.)**

The room was almost too dark to see in, save for the moonlight that shined in romantically (or spooky, depending on the movie genre you're used to). Peculiar, wet sounds were emanating from the room as well, including some human grunts and moans.

The answer to the question of what was going on was given when the door to the room swung open, light pouring in the room as a man entered, shouting, "Hey, do you two hear that noise-"

Heather and Ezekiel were caught in a compromising situation of cuddling on his bed. He had one hand cradling the back of her head, and one up her pajama top. She had one of her hands down the back of his pajama bottoms, and one wrapped around his back as she was cuddled up close to him. Both had frozen mid-kiss as Ezekiel's dad stared.

"Oh, _that's_ what that noise was, eh," he said, laughing and slapping his knee. "I thought the plumbing of the hoo's had gone awry!"

"What is it, eh?" Ezekiel's mom scooted past her husband, only to see her son and his girlfriend trying to get untangled from their compromising situation. "Oh my!"

"Heh heh, how a'boot that, huh Cynthia?" Ezekiel's dad said, nudging his surprised wife. "She's even wearing his hat! Ain't that cute or what, eh?"

"I'm just glad they're still wearing clothes in general, dear."

"Mom," Ezekiel sputtered out, bright red. "C'mon!"

"Sorry, dear. Let's get 'oot of your hair then, but you two better behave y'oorselves!"

"We… we will," Heather stammered, correcting her clothing.

"Hey, do you really do that French kissing stuff?" Ezekiel's dad asked. "I heard kids do it these days, but I doo'nt-AWK!"

Cynthia grabbed her husband's ear and pulled him away, saying, "And I'll make sure he behaves too, eh," before she closed the door.

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena.)**

"D'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWW," Izzy exclaimed, hugging the brightly blushing Ezekiel from behind. "Got a romantic moment spoiled by the parental units, eh? Haha, that's so cute!"

"It was not cute," Heather shouted, also blushing redder than anyone had ever seen her blush (if they could recall her blushing at all). "Chris Maclean, I am so going to sue you."

But Chris was too busy laughing his ass off to hear her. Ezekiel was being comforted by his friends as he pulled his his toque down over his eyes and most of his face. While some comforted Heather, her biggest supporter was Rodney, who offered his helmet so she could hide her face better.

When the humiliation had died down (or rather, when Chris was done laughing like a ninny), the host of the show cleared his throat again, but this time because he actually had to. "Now then, we've had a good laugh, we're all ready for the next challenge? It's a VR game!"

"Told ya," Groucho said to Ezekiel, patting the embarrassed teenager's foot in comfort.

"And today, are you all ready to be… SUPER?"

The audience went wild, and so did a good deal of the contestants. Harold and Cody led the cheers, while Arthur tried very hard not to look excited. Anita clapped excitedly and asked aloud, "So we're going to be superheroes?"

"Did I say 'hero'?" Chris said, flicking her nose. As she glared at him and rubbed her sniffer, Chris wagged his finger. "No no no! I did not say 'hero,' but some of you will be heroes! Because everyone knows, those super aren't always good!"

"Ohhhhh," Lindsay exclaimed, "I get it! Some of us are going to be _bad_, aren't we?"

"Yes," Chris grumbled, very bitter about being cut off again. "Yes you are. Because some of you," he pointed at the group of teenagers and shouted, "some of you are evil at heart! Sinister and vile, dark souls that dare not show your true colors to the world, tainting good people like yours truly and little children like Rodney!"

Snickers erupted among the contestants, which upset Rodney. "I'm not a good person?" he asked sadly, misidentifying the snickers for him. As several girls comforted him, Chris continued.

"We are going to be dividing you al into two groups: half of you with be super _heroes_ and the other half will be super _villains_. And thus, you will fight each other in a battle of super heroes and villains the likes of which certain comic book series that I cannot mention safely without worry of being sued, has never seen before!"

He pumped his fists and hooted in delight. "Now I have a lot to go through before we all step into the VR world, so if you interrupt me, there might be consequences, like I may not take questions later."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Haha, we technically just interrupted!)**

** Gwen** - "Like he ever took questions before! If I were a superhero, my first job would be to rid the world of the evil Chris Maclean!"

**Heather** - "Consequences? What could be more of a punishment than him just revealing one of the most embarrassing moments between Ezekiel and I _to the entire world_?"

**Ezekiel** - *_covering his eyes with his toque_* "Please God, take me noo', eh. I'm joo'st lucky I have amazing parents…"

**Rodney** - "I miss Gil. She was a superhero to me. I'm pretty sure she could kick Chris Maclean's butt… she knew martial arts, and I think that's when I started to wear my helmet, because I was afraid a practice punch would knock my brains out."

**Anita** - "Superheroes and heroines are the most awesome thing, men and women who kick butt, take names, and wear awesome costumes! My ex-boyfriend Leo, he thought they were kind of silly, but he did mention wanting to see me dressed as Wonder Woman. Hehe, he was so sly at times; wonder if Cody knows Wonder Woman." **[2]**

* * *

"Now, like I said, half of you will be heroes," Chris was re-explaining, "and the other half villains. We have a couple things to make sure you all actually compete just in case you are having to fight someone you like on the other side; we cannot have you all not punching in each other's faces over things like feelings.

"One of two ways we'll get you all going is that we are going to use Vera's controls to make you, in the VR, a little more aggressive than normal. It won't affect you in real life, which we truly want to avoid because of how volatile you all can be.

"The other is a fabulous prize we're offering! The winning team is going to be taken, via limousine, to the most fancy restaurant around here: the wonderful five-star Eat At Maclean's!"

The contestants all blinked, and Gwen asked what they were all thinking, "You're… not joking, are you?"

"With all the awesome publicity the Maclean Stadium has, we decided to branch off and continue the trend! The first Maclean's Restaurant is open and running, and has, I have to say, _deliciously-awesome_ food! I'm not exaggerating, this is where I eat while you all have the cafeteria!"

He laughed and rubbed his belly. "Ah, I'm hungry just thinking about Eat At Maclean's! And trust me when I say that all the stops will be pulled out for romance tonight! Romantic music, romantic trimmings, romantic upgrades! It makes me wanna kiss someone now!

"And no, before you ask, I will not have you taking anyone from the losing team as your date! You can have any of the losers voted off be your guest, but not the losing team! No exceptions, even if the person you're dating is on the opposite team! Tough luck!"

"Then what's the point of a romantic night out?" Alfred asked his nearby friends Yoshi and Sebastian. "Seriously, I hope the food is good."

Chris Maclean licked his lips and swooned over the thought of good food again. "Ah, that breakfast I had this morning, I treasure my new restaurant. And it's so easy to remember what it's called because of the catchy name!"

"Eat it, Maclean," Gwen shouted impatiently.

"Yes, exactly," the host said with a laugh, only half-listening. "Now then, the goal of this VR game is that there is a powerful relic known as the Gemstone of Power Amplification, and everyone wants it!"

"The GPA," Noah repeated.

"Indeed. Everyone wants a good GPA, because this baby will increase a super being's power a million times fold! Your goal is to find where the GPA is and claim it as your own! Thus, your GPA will be known throughout the world, and you'll win the game for your team!

"Now that's not going to be easy, seeing that the other side is looking for it too! If a hero gets it, the heroes win. If a villain gets it, the villains conquer the world with their GPA!"

"You can't," Izzy said with a proud smile, "I already tried that."

"Seeing that every good team of heroes and villains needs a leader, we will have one for each team. I will be leading the heroes, and before you all object," he said, shaking his finger at the objecting teenagers, "I have laid my cards on the table, and if I lose, I have to eat at your cafeteria tonight!

"Which of course, leads me to announce that Chef Hatchet will be leading the villains," he chuckled and raised an eyebrow. "But of course, I'm sure you all could see that coming!"

"I see them more as an evil tag team," Anita whispered to Cody, "Chef feels more like the powerful henchman."

"I see him as more of a number one," Cody replied, while Eva fumed and felt left out.

Chris pointed at Vera as he continued his explanation. "Now our beautiful machine here will, at the start, place all of you in random locations around the gigantic city we will all be starting it. Many different locations and places, I'm sure you all will want to wreck some havoc with your new powers, but remember your goal!

"And speaking of powers, you will all be given some time to mentally decide on your powers, costumes, and super names! Forget any notion that you can go God-mode with your powers, we're not having anyone who could one-hit Superman! In fact, we're not having a lot of Superman supers either, you cannot have incredible powers and one very rare weakness."

"Now, I'm pretty sure that's it! Am I forgetting anything?"

There was silence, and then he poked in the ankle by Groucho, who was glaring up at the host. The human glared back and said, "I don't care how much you want to lead, you're not in this game."

"Not that, maggot! Who are the heroes, and who are the villains?"

"Oh. That. Yeah, that's fairly important. Right, I was going to announce, the heroes and villains are going to be decided by the fair, unbiased…

…

…

…

"Me!"

As many protests were let out, the host tut-tutted them again. "Now look, I know I want to win, but I'm not doing this by means of who is the best and who is the worst. No no, I am being completely fair by choosing who would truly be a superhero, and who would be a super villain!"

The contestants all exchanged glances at this, wondering if this was for the best or worst.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Now a Super Hero!)**

** Leshawna** - "You couldn't trust Chris to be unbiased even if he was reporting the weather!"

**Groucho the Duck** - *_brushes off some of his loose feathers and grunts_* "I wonder if I could pay Maclean to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery."

* * *

"Shall we begin with the ladies?" Chris said. "Ladies first, of course! Now then, who's a hot heroine, and who is sexy evil?"

He glanced at the contestants, and grinned when he laid eyes on Lindsay. "You, Lindsay! You're definitely a hot blonde heroine, you're good!"

As Lindsay clapped and cheered, jumping up and down in excitement, Chris pointed at Anita, who was standing next to her. "And you're evil, Anita!"

"What?" she cried out in shock. "Why?"

"Because you've got the dark hair, and everyone knows that the evil women have dark hair."

"That is so not true."

"Oh, yeah? Name one dark haired heroine."

"Wonder Woman!"

Chris blinked, and then he got a very dreamy look on his face. "Wonder Woman… my Amazon Goddess… oh, the love of my life when growing up!

"I changed my mind! Anita, Lindsay, you're both good."

Anita let out a major sigh of relief, and smiled sheepishly at Cody. "I… didn't want to be villain."

"Hey, who does, huh?"

Eva snarled, which caught Chris's attention. "Oh, but you're evil, Eva."

"What? I have dark hair too!"

"Yeah, but you're not hot like Wonder Woman!"

* * *

**(Super Janitor's Closet - Up up and away!)**

** Chris Maclean** - *_He is hanging up a poster for Eat At Maclean's, which looks like a headshot of him, wearing a chef's hat (like Chef's hat) and grinning over several delicious-looking dishes._* "Pays to advertise, people!"

** Eva** - "'Not hot'? 'NOT HOT'? That's the reason that jerk puts me with the villains and that bimbo Anita with the heroes? I'll show him!" *_She sees the poster, with Chris's beaming face, and…_*

**Valerie** - *_She is looking at the poster, which has a fist-shaped hole where Chris's head was._* "Good grief… wonder who was the one who did that? Well, anyway, about me, I think I have to play nice. If I want to try get ahead, I have to start convincing people I'm a nice girl."

**Courtney** - "I know a lot of people think I'm an awful person, and I really want to let them know I'm not that bad! So I figured if I could persuade Chris to put me with the heroes, I might get to redo my image!"

* * *

"Now who do we have next?" Chris said, looking at the contestants. Valerie was giving him the biggest, most innocent smile he had ever seen, something she had perfected over the years of politicizing at school. "Wow, who could find a face and pink attire like that evil? Valerie's good."

"Pink not evil?" Arthur grumbled. "Ever seen Galactus?"

Chris then looked at Courtney, who was also giving Chris an innocent smile, and hugging Rodney. The prodigy looked a little confused, especially when Chris started chuckling. "Yeah, nice try, Courtney," the host said, "but you're definitely a villain."

"Oh come on," Courtney protested, but Chris waved his hand. As she sulked, Rodney pat her shoulder in comfort.

Chris tapped his lips as he continued to scan the girls in the group. "Leshawna, gotta say… you're a good one. Carol, you're a bad one."

"What?" Carol exclaimed. "I'm destined to be a cop! I'm a fighter for justice!"

"Yeah, well, short shrimps like you are always evil, shortie short short-stuff!"

As he laughed, Carol's eye twitched, her hands miming pulling a trigger. "I WILL TEAR OFF YOUR-"

For reasons we don't want to get into, we won't repeat what Carol shouted, nor what hand gestures she made as Izzy held her back. Chris, hiding behind Chef in terror, reaffirmed his decision.

"Okay, speaking of psycho girls," he squeaked from behind his henchman, "Izzy and Mandy! Definitely evil."

"Whatever," both girls said at the same time.

"Gwen, Heather, you two are also psycho girls who are undeniably evil."

"Shove it!"

"Eat it, Maclean!"

"I know you are hungry, Gwen, but you mustn't overdo the advertising," Chris said, chuckling. Bridgette went over to calm down her friend, and the host added, "Well, I gotta admit, you're such a goody two-shoes, Bridgette, that I have to make you a hero.

"Also heroes because I really cannot see you two being evil are Sakaki and Crystal. Moe girls and romantics do not make good villains!"

He then looked at the remaining girls: Belinda and Sadie. "Need one more hero and one more villain. Sadie, you seem to be interested in our bad boy Zachary, so I'm gonna make you evil and Belinda good."

"How nice you are the guider of the moral compass," Belinda said as Sadie mopped.

"Yes, yes, very nice, psychic girl, but I'm done with the girls now. Time for the boys to be judged!"

Chris immediately pointed at two boys. "Cody, you're good. Colin, you're evil."

"Thank you," both said at the same time. Anita pumped her fists in delight as Eva growled and looked away.

"Noah," Chris started to say, but aforementioned cut him off.

"Let me make a wild guess. Evil?"

"You said it, not me, you back-talking little punk jerk."

"How etiquette."

"Stuff it, evil boy. You too, Ezekiel," the host shouted, pointing at the startled prairie boy. "You're evil, you plan-ruining sexist!"

Ezekiel merely rolled his eyes and hugged his girlfriend. "Hey, we're on the same team, eh," he said, smiling. "I'm happy a'boot that."

"You're not evil," she said softly.

"And neither are you, I spent a whole season proving that, eh."

Chris shook his head as he groaned over the romance, and looked over the contestants of male gender again. "Rodney, DJ, there's no doubt you both are good. So you two are heroes.

"And then there's," he spotted Harold, and grinned. A side bet he had going with Chef Hatchet involved breaking up couples, and thus he declared, "I think our cheating nerd Harold definitely qualifies as a villain, while our poor cuckold Geoff is a hero!"

This stirred up a lot of anger, mostly from Leshawna. "You take that back," she shouted, storming at Chris while her friends head her back. Bridgette looked close to breaking into tears while Harold looked devastated. "You take that back right now," she continued, "or I swear, I'll shove my superhero foot up your ass, Chris!"

"My my, such a temper for a heroine," Chris said. "Well, I'm not changing my mind. Harold's a villain, and Geoff is a hero, because of the affair going on. Right, Geoff? Geoff?"

Chris looked around, but couldn't see where the party animal was. He called out several times, but wherever Geoff was hiding, he was not coming out now that he was in the limelight. Bridgette and his friends also looked around, but couldn't find him. Chris finally lost his patience.

"Okay, I changed my mind! Geoff, since you're not cooperating, you're the villain and Harold's the hero! Yeah… that's better, because now your girlfriend is on the same team as the cheater! You like that-"

He was cut off when a shoe thrown from the group hit him on the head. Rubbing the sore part, he demanded to know who did it, but couldn't see who had one shoe on, and all the major suspects (Leshawna, Bridgette, Harold) had both shoes. With a defeated sigh, he said, "Okay, let's just move on, shall we?"

The host, nursing the developing bruise, pointed around. "Alfred, I'm pretty sure you'd be a good guy," he announced, ("Darn," Mandy and Izzy cursed) and then he added, "And Arthur, you scream villain to me."

Arthur's furious but quiet protest was ignored by the host, who looked over at Yoshi, who was scratching his head underneath the handkerchief he still wore over his destroyed hair. "Yoshi, yeah, sorry, but I'm gonna make you a villain too."

Yoshi also silently objected with a furious scowl, which darkened when Zachary burst out laughing. "Yeah, take that, white boy," he shouted. "See, you people really are villains!"

As the warrior tightened his grip on his sword's handle, Chris cleared his throat. "Um, Zachary, I'm making you a villain too."

"What? No, you can't do that! That's racist!"

"I just made Yoshi a villain, and-"

"He don't matter, you're making a brother a villain! You racist, I'll boycott your restaurant!"

Chris, fearing a boycott, looked around nervously and spotted an escape. "Oh really? If I were racist, would I make Sebastian a hero? He's a hero, you're a villain, there, we're even!"

Zachary continued to grumble more as Sebastian corrected his glasses, hiding the smile behind his hand.

* * *

**(Super Janitor's Closet - Not a bird, nor a plane, but a closet!)**

** Sadie** - "Zachary's temper really does get the best of him at times. But hey, we all do get upset during this contest, so it's excusable, right?"

**Zachary** - "Man, being on the same team as that dumb asian guy is almost as bad as pretending to like that dumb asian girl. Valerie better reward me for all this effort I'm putting into the alliance!"

**Noah** - "I'm getting awfully tired of Zachary calling anyone who disagrees with him a racist. He's that aggressive and bitter, and he's surprised about being a villain? Did his mom not hug him enough or something?"

**Colin** - "Man, I'm so glad I'm a villain. Heroes are pansies!"

**Arthur** - "I wish I had been a hero, they have the more awesome superpowers, and let's face it, the hotter gals are heroines the majority of the time. Heroes get Wonder Woman, 'nuff said. Villains get Harley Quinn, who looks like a mime mixed with a court jester who tells bad puns."

**Carol** - *_scribbling all over the rest of the Eat At Maclean's poster with a pen_* "Make me a villain, will ya? I outta become a crumb cop and shut down your business, arrogant punk!"

**Geoff** - "Man… I had to hide behind Vera when Chris mentioned me, I didn't want to be in the limelight! But I don't know what he's talking about, Harold's not only my buddy but he digs Leshawna! No way he'd fool around with my Bridgette, right?"

**Crystal** - *_leans back and forth unevenly, wiggling the toes on her shoe-less foot_* "I wonder if throwing shoes could be a super power, eh wot."

* * *

Chris looked at the remaining boys as Zachary continued to mutter more about racism and stuff like that. "Well, I'm gonna have to say that Tyler and Xander, you guys strike me as heroes. Xander an antihero maybe, but still a hero. And that leaves Clive, our last and least, to finish it all up and be the final villain."

"It's not worth protesting," Clive muttered as he shrugged and looked down at the ground. "I knew you'd do that to make me feel bad."

"Glad to oblige, hate to be predictable," the host said with a grin. "Okay, that means the teams are set! Heroes are going on the west side of Vera, villains on the east! When you are defeated in the game, you are allowed to watch, but we have security to prevent you from reentering the game!"

He gestured at the security team standing nearby him. Billy looked slightly surprised and looked over his clipboard at the contestants in confusion. Chico the Raccoon held up a whiffle ball and let out what he thought was a scary growl ("rawrz!"). Groucho the Duck stood at attention, and propped his grenade launcher on his shoulder.

"Okay, people! Let's get in the world of super people, and find the Gemstone of Power Amplification!"

The two teams, saying good-bye and good luck to friends and those close who were on the other side, separated to seat where Chris instructed them. The host himself and the co-host seated themselves next to the contestants, and settled in as Vera's gadgets lowered around their heads and eased them into entering the virtual world. The crowd was treated with what looked like a character creation screen that kept jumping between all the contestants.

As the teams created their hero and villain alter-egos, Groucho the Duck was fiddling with one of the consoles for Vera. Chico and Billy watched him in interest.

"What are you doing?" Billy asked the question first.

"I'm deciding who starts off with who," the duck replied, tapping the touch screen and dragging the names of contestants to each other to pair them up.

"o, wuz dat wut we wur supposed 2 do?" Chico asked. "diddant Kris ask 4 sum speshel pairingz?"

"I'm ignoring them, I'm not interested in continuing that man's fantasies."

* * *

**(VR World, Hero's Side.)**

A gigantic metropolis spanned as far as the eye could see, filled with skyscrapers, towers, giant statues, and other things that super metropolis normally do. It was known as Classroom City, famous for the teenaged heroes and villains that occupied it, built it, and fought in it. In the heart of Classroom City was a gigantic stadium, known as The Desk.

Chris Maclean stood in the center, waving to a wildly cheering audience. His superhero costume looked remarkably like a certain super man, but with a large C in the center of his very muscular chest.

"Thank you, citizens of Classroom City," he shouted to everyone, his voice super-powerful enough to be heard throughout the stadium without the need of a megaphone. He flexed his muscles and continued, "I will find the gemstone inside our city, as hard as it is to find a good GPA in our Classroom!"

He laughed, and then flew out of the stadium. "So says I," he exclaimed as he left, "Chris Maclean, the Greatest Hero and Man Ever!"

…

Lindsay stood on the field of a high school, looking around to see if there were any opponents or cute jocks. There was one, her one boyfriend, and both looked the part of their stereotype.

Lindsay was wearing a cheerleader's outfit that had a little bit more cleavage than normal, and was holding large, fluffy pompoms. The uniform and the pompoms were colored in the same colors as her normal clothes, red and baby blue with an orange skirt. She giggled and let out a cheer, doing about four flips before landing on her feet.

Tyler was wearing a baseball uniform and helmet, with number 01 and Sporto across the back. He held a baseball bat in one hand and a cricket bat in the other. Letting out a cheer like Lindsay, he lifted his weapons in excitement, only to accidentally hit her on the side of the head.

"Oh my gosh! Sorry, Head Cheerleader!"

"No problem, Super Sporty!"

She let out another cheer and posed, and with a flash of light and a small burst of confetti around her, her wound shimmered and disappeared. Tyler grinned sheepishly and made his weapons vanish, only to create a lacrosse stick in his hands. "It's actually Super Sporto, my Head Cheerleader. Now, let's win this for the home team!"

"Win, win, we're the winners / beat the villains for special dinner!"

…

Cody and Anita stood in front of comic book store, where the store owner and customers gushed how super-cool and awesome it would be (and one dissident who was saying how overrated it was, there's always one).

The geek sure had a fine suit, but not one for dinner. Cody had a mechanical suit that wrapped around his legs, torso, and arms, with mechanical limbs and other gizmos coming from a backpack. His hands were clad in wizard's gloves, amplifying his magic powers. He was Techno-Wizard, the blend of science-fiction and fantasy to be feared by evil and loved by good (and nerds).

Cody would have marveled over how cool he looked, had it not been for Anita. As she adjusted her headband that had the emblem of a bomb in the center, she glanced down at her outfit. It wasn't much different than her required sexy clothes, though she didn't seem to mind. It was a shiny, vinyl tube top with gold trimming, with a bikini bottom and flaps delicately draped on the sides of her legs, in front and behind. Her knee-high boots were also a shiny black with gold trimming, complete with the icon of bullets on the ankles, while her gloves were styled the same but what looked like a magnum's barrel around the wrists.

She chuckled as she looked herself over and said, "Wow, not bad. A little revealing, but I think it's okay when you're a comic book gal, right?"

Cody was too busy not trying to openly stare and drool, while she marveled his costume. "I love your idea, which I had thought of something like that. I decided to go with irony, called myself the Bombshell Babe, but I'm kind of regretting it now. You know how you feel frustrated with something and try to go with it, but then you wonder if it was such a good idea?"

He continued to stare, until she waved her hand in front of his face. Finally, she decided to go with the direct method of conjuring a bomb and tossing it to the side. The explosion snapped Cody out of his trance, and he shouted, "Bombs! I mean, yeah?"

"Let's go, we have to find out where the enemy is!"

"_And I have to find out once and for all_," she thought to herself, "_if I can actually of interest to you, if you look through his costume, or if I am just in this show for looks_."

…

Harold stood in front of a grocery store, patting one of the katana blade handles he had on his back. Then he checked the yo-yos in their holsters, the rocket boots on his shoes, and the computer scanner on his glasses. He was Uber-Nerd, a jack of all trades and an expert in all things that were considered nerdy by judgmental jerks at school and real life.

However, he was not ready to kick some butt like he normally would be, and his partner sensed it, something easy for her. Belinda hovered in front of the door of the store, then planted herself on her feet. Her cloak fluttered and shimmered to nothing, just a slight flux of psionic energy. Her costume, from her knee-high boots, pants, belt, long-sleeve spandex top, gloves, and the mask around her eyes, was all glowing faintly and shimmering. She was Starvoyant, the psionic mistress as bright and expansive as the stars in the skies.

Thus, she could sense her partner's sorrow, and placed her hand on his shoulder. "Are you still upset over what Chris said to you?" she asked. "That people will think what he says is true?"

"Are you reading my mind?"

"No, I don't do that with friends," she said. "Look, Harold, this is something you should be into, thus I will tell you something a great superhero was once told. You've always prided yourself in your charm and skills, but now you worry that they're failing you and thus you are failing yourself.

"Remember, with great power comes great responsibility. You have the power to be charming, to be a friend, and to let people know your true potential. Now harness that, and people will see the truth as well as the ability with you."

He managed a smile, and said, "Thank you, Starvoyant. Now, you ready to pwn some noobs?"

"Baby, I was born to pwn noobs. I beat them down with my mind."

…

Sebastian looked at Sakaki, who was hiding behind a fire hydrant. "You're going to have to fight sometime, Sakaki. Just remember that I'll need your help."

"You… you look very capable on your own."

Sebastian looked down at himself, wearing a sleeveless and green tank top, tight jeans, and bulky shoes. He fiddled with the gold collar that had St. George engraved in it, and shrugged. **[3] **"I admit, Dreadlock Kick sounds a little intimidating, but the costume isn't so good."

Sakaki mewed in disagreement. She was wearing a normal, long-sleeve shirt and pants, but her hands and feet were furry like a cat's. Her human ears were gone, replaced with little kitty ears on her head. The moe girl extended her claws, which came out at a couple feet long. "I feel silly, but I wanted something cat-themed; I really had to struggle to make me look decent… I don't know how girls like Anita and Lindsay do it, I'd die if I wore anything revealing."

Sebastian chuckled and tapped his toes on the ground, his superhero thinking habit. "You're wonderful the way you are, Sakaki. Everyone has their own ways of living, and you shouldn't be ashamed just because you cannot match others."

She blushed, flustered, and hid her face behind her paws. It took a while for Dreadlock Kick to get Scaredy Cat from behind the hydrant, but eventually, they bolted off to look for the GPA.

…

Leshawna stood on top of a hill in the park, looking over the terrain. She twirled the lance in her hand, which was quite amazing considering it was quite the giant weapon. It crackled with electricity as she stabbed the blade into the ground, and continued to survey.

She was quite the sight to behold, with black spandex trimmed with white, displaying her cleavage and her legs, while her gloves and boots were decorated with the images of rain and lightning running down them. Her headband and crest on her chest had a lance shaped like a lightning bolt, and when she clapped, a small thunder clap could be heard.

"Okay, baby," she exclaimed. "Wind's fine, cannot sense any evil! It's time for me to do justice to her sister Storm (thank you Harold, for introducing me to that cool character), and shock them all! You can come out now, DJ!"

DJ stepped out from behind a tree, looking relieved. He was wearing what looked like a track suit, with the emblem of a waving white flag on the chest. When he held up his hands, the words "PLEASE" and "STOP" were on his hands, and he had "Have mercy!" written out on the back of his suit.

As he scratched his head, Leshawna looked at him in disgust. "Dude, seriously? You're a pacifist superhero?"

"Yep!"

"Seriously…"

"The way it works is, see, I have this kind of aura around me that keeps people from wanting to hurt me. It gets stronger as time goes by."

"That may be true, because I was gonna smack some sense in ya, but now I don't feel like doing it. Now, let's go, bro, we got ass to kick!"

With a whimper, The Pacifist followed the Lightning Lancer, who lifted her lance in the air and shouted, "Bring it on, evil-doers!"

…

Xander pulled up on his motorcycle in front of the club, spinning around to a halt. As he stepped off his bike, it vanished in a puff of black mist. He brushed off his thick gloves, the chains around his leather clothes rattling. He looked like a more dark and fire-decal decorated version of himself, with a couple guns strapped to his hip and a shotgun on his back.

"Crystal, you there?" he called out.

The British girl stepped out the bar, giggling. "Sorry, love, had to pair up this cute couple in there. Seriously, you haven't seen a cuter couple of VR people before them!"

Xander sighed in regret as he looked her over. She was dressed like a Valentine's Day card, with a bright red top that had a heart decal on the chest, white gloves and boots, a long pink skirt, and a tiara with a heart-shaped ruby in the center. All of it was trimmed with white lace, and it flowed around her magnificently.

"Yeah, I guess I'll take your word for that, cute couple and all," he said.

She was saddened by his upset look, and said, "Look, Xander, I don't want things to be bad between us. You are awfully sweet-"

"Babe, you're killing my image."

"I know you're a sweetheart, despite all the leather and rebel look and tough guy deal," she said, smiling at him. "Let me assure you, Darkcycle, that I will pair you up before the contest is over. You don't want me, anyway, I'm always dealing with other people's romance, I'm too girly for you."

"You were just fine, Matchmaker."

She blushed a little, but shook it off. "I'm flattered, but I just want to be your friend and partner… in this game, I mean!"

"I know what you meant, but hey," he said with a handsome smile and a shrug, "haven't we always fought well together in these contests? Let's go, babe!"

"Jolly good! Let us sally forth!"

…

Bridgette was swimming in a public pool when the game first started, and looked to have transformed into a mermaid. Her legs had been replaced by a sleek, gray fin of a dolphin, but when she leapt out of the pool, the fin transformed into her legs. The water dripped off her body like if it was made of a water-resistant material. She was clad in what looked like a wetsuit, but there was no part around her stomach, and it was colored dolphin-gray. She wore sea green shoes and gloves, and had her hair up in an elegant bun, locked with a seashell-covered hair pin.

Clapping alerted her attention, and she looked over to see Rodney was the guilty party. The boy was still wearing his army helmet, but all his clothes were camo-styled. He looked like a US Navy SEAL, but with much more gear, as he had guns, army knives, an E-Tool, and a rifle on his person, all made for his size. He even had a block of C4 in his pocket.

"Nice jump," he said, giggling. "You really are a great swimmer, Bridgette."

"Ever the charmer," she said, smiling at him as she squat down to talk to him. He blushed, which really didn't fit his hardcore soldier look. She giggled and pat his helmet, which also really killed any tough guy look he was going for. "So tell me, is it true you tried to ask Anita out?"

"Yeah, but she said I was too young," he admitted, looking a little sad. "Shame… she's a lot like girls I like… adventurous, smart, tough… Alfred told me there were other reasons, which I thought meant that all girls have so much about them, but I'm a little confused still."

"It's okay, sweetie, you'll learn more as time goes. Just remember that Anita and us girls will be your friend, my little soldier."

"Aw, shucks. Can I ask you something, Bridgette?"

"Anything."

He bit his bottom lip and looked a little ashamed as he asked, "I'm really confused about what's going on with you and Geoff, and Harold. Is what Chris says true? Because I don't believe him, he can be a little mean at times."

"Chris is more than that, and it's not true. But it's way too complicated for, like, right now, hon," she admitted. "We have villains to defeat, so we should get going; I'll tell you more later, I promise!"

"Okay!"

Thus the Soldier Kid and Dolphin Woman headed out as well.

…

"Who's going down? THEY'RE going down! Oh yeah, we'll get them! We'll stomp them all!"

"Jeez, will you calm down?"

Alfred blew a raspberry at Valerie as he twirled a crowbar in his hand. The two were at City Hall, but neither looked the part. Valerie wore bright pink spandex that covered her shoulders and upper legs modestly, donning a cape, an eye mask, and gloves; she definitely did not look like a politician, but if there was an alternate-universe where they do, we wanna vote there more often.

Alfred did not look like a politician, but maybe a disgruntled civilian hellbent on unrest. His clothes were the exact same as his normal duds, but were scratched up and stained with dried blood. He wore on his back pack which seemed full of weapons and a first aid kit, carried a crowbar and a fire axe, and had a molotov cocktail (unlit, of course) on his side.

He grinned wickedly at her, and said, "Listen, dudette, I've just come from an alternate universe where I had to fight every day against the living dead, and I'm gonna-"

"What on Earth are you saying?"

"That's my character's backstory."

'Oh honestly. What is with you and zombies?"

As the Pink Politician walked away shaking her head, the Zombie Survivalist followed her, asking her why she couldn't lighten up for just one minute, but the politician wasn't listening to the beleaguered civilian (just like real life, *rimshot*).

* * *

**(Super Janitor's Closet - It's the Closet Signal! Let's head out!)**

** Alfred** - "I decided to mix in what I know with my powers, and also because it gives me the ability to use almost anything as a weapon! Seriously, why hasn't anyone ever thought of this before? My buddy Keith, he once tried to use a chair as a weapon, but when he swung it, the leg broke off against the floor and hit him in the crotch; I guess that's why he never moves a chair out for a girl to sit down on."

**Lindsay** - "Cheerleaders are the best / we will put them to the test! We are awesome with our rhymes / we get them right every day!"

**Sakaki** - "I like cats… but I didn't want to go with the cat girl option, because that involved fur all over my body. I thought it would be embarrassing… if I… shed around Sebastian."

**DJ** - "I guess it's kind of silly of me to be a superhero that doesn't want to fight. But I knew even with the increased aggression in this game, I couldn't bring myself to really hurt someone, even if I'm not actually hurting them…" *_He sighs and shakes his head._* "Man, maybe Leshawna's right, maybe I am crazy."

* * *

**(VR World, Villain's Side.)**

In a grimy kitchen of a grungy cafeteria, Chef Hatchet, super villain named Chef Hatchet, chopped up some meat with his extra-large cleaver. He threw the chunks into a vat of green sludge, where it boiled and hissed and gurgled. Chef conjured fire from his hands to heat up the sludge, which made it change colors as it seemed to almost explode from the heat, shooting disgusting hot sludge around.

When he finished, he picked up his cleaver and heaved in on his shoulder, heading out of the cafeteria and punching a customer in spite. "Don't like the food, you still pay," he said to the unconscious guest.

He stepped outside onto the dirty streets of Classroom City, the part of town that was thick with crime and grime and rime (it was really cold there). Chef growled as he watched a raccoon run across the street, chasing a grimy newspaper.

"Look at this place," he grumbled. "Filthy. Disgusting. Dark and pathetic. Every corner is coated in filth, every nook and cranny a revolting display.

"And when I get the GPA," he said, grinning evilly now, "I'll make the whole world like it."

…

At a discotheque, Carol was beating a guy who had become too frisky with her. She was dressed like a cop, but her uniform was dark crimson, a scarlet B on her lapel (for Bad cop). She had a nightstick in her hand, a holstered gun, and a taser. After she was done with the pervert, Bad Cop threw him through a wall and walked to Geoff. Her grim attitude lightened when she saw him, giving away the fact that she wasn't really a villain at heart.

Geoff was dressed like his normal self, but his hat was shiny and reflecting light, looking like someone shaped a disco ball into a cowboy hat and put it on his head. He had disco pants on, and gloves that also reflected light around. He was Party Bash, complete with powers that were all about disorienting people and having a wild time, but he certainly didn't look like a wild maniac right now.

"Hey buddy, what's wrong?" she asked as she sat down next to him.

"It's too personal to say," he admitted. "But I'm screwing up everything."

"Want to talk? I'm a good listener."

"What about the challenge? Don't you want to win?"

"Dude, I could care less about competing as a villain. That ain't me."

She pulled out her gun and shot at some guy who was approaching the bar, three bullet holes forming in the wall behind him. "No drinking under 21, twerp," she hollered as he ran away in terror. She then turned back to Geoff and said, "Look, Geoff, you've always been a wild guy, and it's concerning me that you're not yourself. C'mon, I'm new to the game, but I can be your friend. Talk?"

Geoff shook his head. "You wouldn't understand. It's one of those things guys get that girls don't because girls don't get what guys get, even though there are things girls get that guys don't get. Got it?"

Carol blinked a few times. "Well, at least your confusing dialogue is back. Gonna tell me I shoot a gun like a guy?"

"You kind of do."

Bad Cop shook her head, tilting her officer's hat up as she said, "Look, let's just head out there and try to win this. Maybe action will get you going again?"

"Why are you being so nice? We're villains."

"No, we're not. We're misunderstood," she said as she pulled him up off his feet and lifted him over her head, carrying him out as she added, "Now c'mon, we got heroes to bust!"

…

Mandy overlooked the city from the window in the building she had virtually arrived in. The room was set up like a large, evil alter, with skulls and creepy candles and tapestries of demonic-looking beings decorating the place. She herself was done up in a flowing, dark purple dress that displayed her cleavage, which had a skull-shaped necklace dipped inside it. Her eyes glowed with shadow magic, a purple-black hue that seemed to suck the very light from the room. She held a wicked dagger in her hand, which she twirled around as she walked across the room, her boots clicking on the floor.

She stopped when she saw her partner, Colin. He was wearing a tight-fitting shirt that featured a voodoo doll being stabbed, as well as torn jeans, heavy boots, and bracelets and a belt heavily adorned with spikes. He wore gloves that looked like he had brass knuckles on underneath, and evil magic crackled around them like some short-circuiting power outlet.

Mandy was not thrilled to be his partner. She was even less thrilled when she realized what his super villain name was.

"The Hurter," she repeated, her voice echoing mysteriously. "That's your name? I knew you were uncreative, but sheesh, you really do take the cake here!"

"Shut up," he snarled, "or I'll hurt you!"

"The uncreative continues, as well as stupidity for threatening to hurt me in a virtual game. Really, it's a wonder why the Old Gods paired me, Cultist Chick, with you."

He fired a blast of hateful energy at her, which she dodged. It hit one of the skulls and it exploded in a cloud of dust and skull shards. She raised one of her dark eyebrows and said, "Better now?"

"Not really, I want to hurt someone."

"Let's get you out there and do something then, and hope your aim improves; sadly, the same cannot be said about your brain."

…

Leshawna and DJ were at one end of the large park, and two others from the other team had started on the other, two much more suited for the outdoors.

Ezekiel stepped out from behind some bushes, keeping an arrow in his dark wood bow at the ready. His face was painted with dark colors, black around his eyes and green smudges on his cheeks. He wore a ranger's jacket, shirt, and pants, and his boots were strong hiking boots.

Looking around for enemies, he nodded to his partner as he stepped into the clearing. Heather, an aggressive sight, stepped out behind him, rolling her eyes. "Is the caution necessary this early in, Zeke?"

"I caught the crackle of electricity in the air, and there's no cloo'ds above us," he said, gazing into the park. "There's someone else in the park, and I'm guessing they're not friendly, eh."

"Neither are us," Heather pointed out, extending the claws from her hand to look at them. Her clothes looked like she had treated them to the claws, as there were large scratches in her shirt, shorts, and even her catty shoes and gloves. She breathed some fire on the claws and watched them glow. "If they are heroes, I'll take care of them."

"Hey, what do you think I'm here fur, eh?" he asked, smirking at her.

"Tracking down my prey. Let's go, dear."

The Eviserator and Dark Arrow headed off into the park, him alert and her bored.

…

Zachary chuckled as he looked into the street from the back alley he had spawned in. The teenager cracked his knuckles, then tugged on the chains that were wrapped around his arms. They glowed as he activated his fire powers, and they looked like shiny gold at the temperature degree they were at. He was wearing black clothing trimmed with gold, steel, and red spikes.

"Damn right I'm gonna take care of business," he said to himself. "I'm going show the world just how awesome I am, that I don't need to be a so-called hero to do so! Now, where is my partner?"

Hot Metal Gangsta turned around and saw her, and his face fell into incredulous disbelief. Sadie was wearing gray fur-lined clothing, her hands and feet covered with fur-covered gloves and boots. She had a long tail, black and gray in color, that swished around her playfully as if it had a mind of its own. She had pointy, furry ears that replaced her human ears, and had a black mask around her eyes. She also looked close to tears.

"The Lemur?" Zachary exclaimed. "That's what you decided to be?"

She sobbed aloud and admitted, "I panicked!"

…

The next two villains appeared on the outskirts of Classroom City, on a hill that gave them a nice view. Neither was interested in the view, they wanted to go in and take care of business. The two exchanged a look, but no words.

Gwen was wearing a black robe that wrapped around her arms, chest, and waist, a long slit up the side to expose her leg which was clad in stockings that looked like barbed ivy and screaming faces. She wore knee-high heel boots, black as night, as was the handle and blade of the giant scythe she was carrying. Her eyes were inverted in color, black where they should be white and pupils a pale glow.

If it was possible to look darker and more deathly that Gwen's grim reaper get-up, it was Yoshi. His skin was such a dark red that it looked black, almost glowing with a red power that flickered around her skin like some thin line of fire. His hair was the same light-absorbing darkness, but his pupils, nails, and armor was a blood red. The layered chest armor and pants he wore seemed to glow from an invisible fire. His katana looked like fire encased inside steel, light flickering up and down the black blade at all times.

Yoshi and Gwen spoke not one word as they walked to the city. The Grim Reapette and The Soulless Blade were only interested in winning this contest, and destroying anyone in their way.

After all, these two incredibly dark and spooky villains wanted to take out a certain musician and a lacrosse player to dinner, but it didn't sound so threatening when you explained those inspirations aloud.

…

Clive was similar to Yoshi, in that he had that fire-resembling energy flickering around him, but it was black instead of red. He wore a black jacket with a hood up, and a ghastly glow came from where his eyes were, hidden in the shadow under the hood. All his clothes were black, bound together in parts with duct tape where that black energy flickered from under as if trying to escape. He was Doom 'n Gloom, an emo gone horribly wrong.

Though angst and sorrow weren't on his mind, as he looked around the gym for his opponent. He received quite a start when the ground burst in front of him, knocking him back as Eva leapt up from the busted floor. Dirt from below the building's floor spilled all over the gym's floor as Eva landed, shaking the earth.

The fitness buff had what looked like chitinous armor, the segments of a bug wrapped around her chest, head, legs and hands. Her antenna bobbed around in an almost comical manner, and she stomped her foot, the armored boot leaving a mark in the ground. Her black armor gleamed in the gym's light as she faced her partner.

"I'm with you?" she grunted in disgust. "Figures that this day cannot get any worse."

"How nice to see you too," Clive grumbled. "And you wonder why Cody still contemplates between you and Anita."

"What do you mean by that, runt?" she shouted, grabbing the lapels of his hoodie and lifted him up. "I outta…"

Clive's super power went into overdrive, and Eva was suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of despair. She let go of him and feel to her knees, sobbing without tears. "You're right," she whimpered, _very_ unlike her. "I'm so aggressive and mean… I gotta stop being like that, or he won't want to go out with me! I thought I was getting better… but…"

She stopped when Clive's depression aura let down on the angst, and she was snapped back to normal. Growling in frustration, she muttered, "Look, emo boy, just don't do that ever again to me, and I won't insult you. Fair?"

"You won't beat me outside the game too?"

"I don't do that anymore; I'm not a bully, damn it, I'm just very aggressive in competition."

"If I may ask, why the bug look? Are you an ant?"

"Ants are very strong insects," she explained. "They lift, like, I dunno, many many times their own weight. Plus the tunneling powers are nice, and I thought Cody would be impressed by how I know things are science-like like he likes and… wait, why am I discussing this?

"Why am I even talking to you?" she shouted, then ran out of the gym, grabbing the back of his hood as she dashed out at an incredible speed, him whipping around like a flag behind her. "We've got heroes to defeat!"

…

A skyscraper, one of the many, loomed over the city as the tallest of them all. At the top floor of Evil Enterprises (a name that surprisingly no one found suspicious, even with C.E.O. being Noah Evil), the leader of the corporation chuckled from behind his desk. He pushed a button on the console, activating the speaker phone with his secretary.

"Alicia," Noah said, "please summon my minions to my office."

"Affirmative, Mr. Evil."

"And find out what exactly we make here."

"Regard that officially executed, Mr. Evil." **[4]**

Noah chuckled as he leaned back in his chair. He was dressed in dark red clothes, almost a business suit except for the metal circlet he wore around his head, which gleamed a platinum-silver color whenever he thought hard. As he contemplated his next move, a great deal of very wicked looking mercenaries and assassins arrived in his room.

"I've called you all today for an important reason," he said. "I want all of you to fan out and find the GPA for me. Look, do not draw attention to yourself, and for sake of everything evil and unholy, do not provoke fights with the heroes. They'll kill you, so leave that to my best minion. Explosivo?"

Izzy perked up at her name being said, clapping and jumping up and down. One of the minions spat on her, staining the ash and burn covered clothing she wore, which looked like a experienced soldier's uniform. She tilted her hat down in front of her eyes, then shoved a bomb in the guy's hand. The sticky glue she had applied to it made it impossible for him to remove it from his hands in time.

There was a ghastly noise. There was a high-spirited laugh. There was a buzz from the intercom buzzer.

"Alicia, get the janitor up here. Explosivo killed another minion."

"How infelicitous, she indubitably is aggressive as well as efficient."

"One of my rules, always have your best minions go out first, not your worst and work your way up," Noah said. He glanced at one of the minions, and said, "Hear that, Steve? I'm talking about you."

"Can I go now?" Izzy asked.

"Sure, whatever. Just don't expect me, Evil Overlord, to head out there unless necessary. I suspect I will have to, though. Alicia, cancel my eight o'clock appointment."

"The conventional way, or the professional way, Mr. Evil?"

"For crying out loud, I had one group dropped in my pool of alligators, and they were representatives from Eat At Maclean's, quit acting like I do it all the time!"

…

Arthur and Courtney exchanged glances at each other when they started off in an office building. This proved to be hilarious for him, as he fell on his back, pointing at her and laughing.

"Shut up," Courtney shouted. "I thought this would be appropriate for a villain, because those bugs keep me up at night!"

Courtney was The Human Cricket, dressed from shoulder to foot in black spandex. She had antenna sticking out from her head and special feelers on her legs, but looked human in every other way. She especially looked herself as she glared at her partner and crossed her arms in frustration. "It's not like you're all that original."

Arthur stopped laughing as he stood up and wiped his tear of amusement away with his clawed hand. The steel-like claws on his hands and feet stuck out through the tips of his boots and gloves. His skin was like scales, his hair bright red and sticking up in his normal hairstyle. Even his eyes were more reptilian, and he hissed at Courtney. "Raptors are a lot more cool than crickets, Courtney."

She snarled back and struck her legs together, making a horrendous noise that made everyone on that floor and the next two above and below it wince in pain and cover their ears. The windows all shattered, and one man was knocked out of the building by the shockwave it had created, following with a pathetic scream.

"No," Courtney declared, "not Chad from Accounting!"

"Oh-ho, you killed Chad from Accounting," Arthur declared in joy. "That is awesome!"

"It's not awesome, you jerk! And… hey!" She cried out as Arthur used his incredible speed to dash towards another unfortunate worker of the company and toss him out of the building too, screaming like a doomed NPC. "No, that was Wilkins from Finance!"

"I think I could get the hang of this, being a villain and all."

"We don't have to act like villains!"

"Yeah yeah, keep up that attitude, Courtney, and we won't win you a date with your boyfriend."

"Duncan is not," she started to shout, but stopped herself and glared at him. "You know what? I don't care if we started together, I'm going my own way."

"Fine by me, I much rather act alone."

The Human Cricket leapt from the building with her incredible agility, landing perfectly. As she started to walk away, she heard the screams of more employees that Arthur was tossing from the building in his frustration (and working himself up to be a villain).

"No," Courtney cried out as she watched all fall. "Prunella from Management! Cuthbert from Human Resources! Bob the Janitor! Oh, you mean half-human, half-dinosaur man!"

* * *

**(Super Janitor's Closet - You wanna know how I got these marks?)**

** Clive** - "Being a villain seems fitting, as it always seems that people will believe you let them down and never let go of that ever. I just didn't like depressing others, no one deserves to feel as miserable as I do."

**Mandy** - "I don't understand why people think I would be a villain. All I want is for the Old Gods to enter our world, wipe out all living beings across the globe, and thus we start anew on a clean, albeit bloodstained, slate!"

**Tyler** - "I'm pretty glad I wasn't made a villain. I mean, I know a lot of people think of jocks as jerks, but I like to think I get along with everyone. Even the really out there ones here, I'm down with them!"

* * *

**(VR World - Classroom City.)**

As Ezekiel and Heather walked through the park, both were almost zapped by lightning from Leshawna. DJ cowered behind her as the two super villains took battle positions and Leshawna lifted her lance. Thunder rage, arrows were notched, claws were bared, and a pathetic whimper echoed across the park.

Cody and Anita polished off one of Noah's lesser minions, and narrowly dodged an explosion as Izzy came in for the attack. She and Anita exchanged gun fire, missing but coming close, as Cody used his magic for defense.

Gwen and Yoshi saw Xander and Crystal driving by motorcycle down the street, and attacked with shadow magic, destroying the road in front of them. The rebel hero managed to pull them off the bike and leap to safety as his vehicle vanished, and the two super villains advanced.

Geoff, being carried by Carol, was knocked out of her arms by Tyler's attack with a lacrosse stick. As the Bad Cop unholstered her weapon and began firing, Super Sporto parried the bullets with his weapon. She snarled and pulled out her nightstick to do melee battle, and when Lindsay tried to interfere by helping Tyler, she was blinded by flashing lights and flying confetti from Geoff.

Zachary glared at Alfred and Valerie from afar, feeling jealousy in his gangsta heart. Sadie was confused, and even more so when he bolted towards the two, yelling and swinging his gangsta chains. She bounded after him, singing a song that really annoyed anyone that heard it, also known as the Lemur Song (as a hint to how annoying it was, it's even worse than Friday, as impossible as that sounds).

Harold and Belinda were walking down the street, asking civilians for help, when Courtney leapt at them, kicking at Harold with her powerful legs. He parried with his martial arts, an equal match. As Belinda started to focus her powers, she was distracted when she sensed Arthur leaping at her too, claws bared. Her psionic powers managed to cushion the blow of the unavoidable impact that knocked them down into the subway, separating the two teams.

* * *

**(Super Janitor's Closet - It's closeting time!)**

** Harold** - "Gotta say, being a superhero felt awesome! Fighting evil, having super powers! It was like… awesome! I wish I could have made that choice in a career, I'd be good at it."

**Belinda** - "I believe he would be. Nice to see he's gotten over the ugly rumors Chris is spreading to get back to his charming, nerdy self. Because when you have super powers to kick butt with, it's important to stay focused and in the game, a steady flow of action and powerful dialogue."

*_She chuckles and looks around the messy closet_.* "Which is why I think Chris will cut to commercial now."

* * *

…

…

…

**Who will win this battle of the super people: the heroes or the villains?**

** What is more important in general: the romantic subplots or the actual contest itself?**

** And seriously, there's NO way any song could be worse than Friday. Seriously. No way. Our eardrums would throttle our brains to death if we forced them to listen to that song!**

* * *

…

**Villains** - Chef Hatchet, Arthur, Carol, Clive, Colin, Courtney, Eva, Ezekiel, Gwen, Heather, Izzy, Geoff, Noah, Mandy, Sadie, Yoshi, Zachary.

**Heroes** - Chris Maclean, Alfred, Anita, Belinda, Bridgette, Cody, Crystal, DJ, Harold, Leshawna, Lindsay, Rodney, Sakaki, Sebastian, Tyler, Valerie, Xander.

**Security** - Groucho the Duck, Chico the Raccoon, Billy the Intern.

…

Villains

• Leader - **Chef Hatchet** - _Chef Hatchet_. Giant cooking tools, evil food, and fire magic.

• **Mandy** - _Cultist Chick_. Shadow and fire magic, summoning.

• **Colin** - _The Hurter_. Magic of "pain" and numbness, weapons of pain, strength.

• **Noah** - _Evil Overlord_. Wicked genius, many minions, psionic.

• **Izzy** - _Explosivo_. All kinds of explosions, guns, and martial arts.

• **Heather** - _Eviserator_. Shredding claws, fire breath, speed, cunning.

• **Ezekiel** - _Dark Arrow_. Marksmanship, hunting skills, hunting gear.

• **Geoff** - _Party Bash_. Noise, lights, distractions, explosions, disco ball bash.

• **Carol** - _Bad Cop_. Strength, guns, SWAT and cop gear.

• **Yoshi** - _The Soulless Blade_. Swordsman, magic, abilities of varying power.

• **Gwen** - _Grim Reapette_. Shadow and death powers, giant scythe, magic flight.

• **Zachary** - _Hot Metal Gangsta_. Summonable chains and guns, strength, fire powers.

• **Sadie** - _The Lemur_. Speed, agility, powerful tail, and an annoying song.

• **Eva** - _Ant Woman_. Incredible strength, speed, tunneling and bashing skills.

• **Clive** - _Doom 'n Gloom_. Shadow powers, emotional depression aura.

• **Courtney** - _The Human Cricket_. Agility, noise, martial arts, detection.

• **Arthur** - _Raptor_. Long claws, regeneration, speed, feral savagery.

…

Heroes

• Leader - **Chris** - _The Greatest Hero and Man Ever_! Super strength, laser eyes, frost breath, flight.

• **Cody** - _Techno-Wizard_. Mechanical suit with gadgets, magic abilities.

• **Anita** - _Bombshell Babe_. Explosives, guns, cannons, and missiles.

• **Bridgette** - _Dolphin Woman_. Aquatic powers, control of marine life, flight, part dolphin form.

• **Rodney** - _Soldier Kid_. Weapons and skills of special forces, unlimited ammo.

• **Leshawna** - _Lightning Lancer_. Electric powers, speed, summoned lances.

• **DJ** - _The Pacifist_. Cannot attack, makes opponents not want to hurt him.

• **Alfred** - _Zombie Survivalist_. Various weapons, shivs, guns, and explosives.

• **Valerie** - _Pink Politician_. Energy projection, magic flight, lights.

• **Sebastian** - _Dreadlock Kick_. Incredible martial arts, indestructible hair.

• **Sakaki** - _Scaredy Cat_. Speed, agility, long extendable claws.

• **Tyler** - _Super Sporto_. Athletic perfection, summoned sports equipment.

• **Lindsay** - _The Head Cheerleader_. Agility, restoration, and strength.

• **Xander** - _Darkcycle_. Summonable motorcycle, strength, guns and chains.

• **Crystal** - _The Matchmaker_. Energy projection, magic flight, emotional control.

• **Harold** - _Uber-Nerd_. All the nerdy powers and weapons one could ask for.

• **Belinda** - _Starvoyant_. Psionic, magic flight.

…

**Dead** - Wilkins from Finance, Prunella from Management, Bob the Janitor, Cuthbert from Human Resources, and _especially_ Chad from Accounting.

* * *

…

** Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date** - Eat At Maclean's Poster (Chris's head punched through, scribbles all over the remaining parts) on back wall. Bowling ball halfway embedded into floor, with feathers, flower petals, and a discarded eyeliner brush scattered around. _Fame Town_ CD on the shelf.

…

**[1]** - Seriously, I cannot stress this enough for anyone willing to edit the Total Drama Comeback Wiki. The link is in my profile. I can only do so much, being a lazy bastard (seriously, how long do I take between updates?).

** [2]** - Leo is another of Cid-Vicious's characters that he has paired up with one of mine (Anita). Due to the very steamy drawings he has done that are oh-so-awesome, they're now like a celebrity couple, but more interesting and with real personalities.

** [3]** - Sebastian's new collar has to do with Cid's drawing of him, where he explains it more. Go look at his stuff already, darn it!

** [4]** - Alicia is one of TDI Charlie Brown's characters in his own third season (Total Drama Madness), and her being brainy and having a high IQ has gained the interest of Noah. Don't tell Katie.

…

**Next Up** - City of Super Battles!


	44. Ch 13, Pt 2: Destructive Characters

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of Total Drama. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TD contains stunts performed by written teens. People who try these stunts at home will be promptly slapped with a fish.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - The TDC/B wiki now has fancy badges for all those willing to contribute. It is like achievements! Oh, and new poll, but if you don't read these notes, it'd be kind of ironic to find out here. Also, seems most of you agree that Noah is best-suited as Cynic. Cool, that'll give me the excuse to spam that word.

…

* * *

**Chapter 44** - Lots of Stuff Blows Up, It's Fun

* * *

…

…

…

**(VR - Classroom City.)**

The virtual citizens of Classroom City were walking around, minding their own virtual business. They ate virtual hot dogs from virtual stands. They went into virtual coffee stores and sipped their virtual half-caf, nonfat, no foam, sugar free caramel macchiato (even virtual people are super picky about their coffee).

An explosion from the park startled them all, causing virtual spit takes of caramel macchiato. They wondered what it could be, then louder explosions and thunder claps followed, scaring them out of their virtual socks.

Leshawna was firing burst after burst of lightning at Ezekiel and Heather, the former deflecting them with his hunting kukri and the latter using her instincts and speed to dodge. Trees were splintered, ground was charred, and ugly park states were demolished with the lightning charges. Leshawna dodged a slashing attack from Heather and leapt back.

"You're faster on your feet than normal, lard butt," Heather snarled. "Too bad your super powers cannot help that in real life!"

"Oh! Oh, you asked for it, skinny cat freak," Leshawna hollered back. She twirled her lightning lance over her head, generating a great deal of static electricity, and it shot out in wild directions. Ezekiel barely managed to deflect one with his kukri, and his hat had a hole burnt through from another. Heather suffered several shocks that knocked her back. A trash can was obliterated, a park bench was zapped to pieces, and a tree was burnt from several hot sparks.

Behind the tree, DJ hid and cried out in terror. The violence was too much for him, and he was really wanting a bunny to hold. The tree stood firm, even when it was delivered more shocks, a slash from Heather's claws when she missed Leshawna, and a major singe from Eviserator's fire breath. The activity, for a few seconds, seemed to die down when the explosions died down, and when the Pacifist peeked, an arrow from Dark Arrow impaled just a couple inches above his head.

This set off DJ and he screamed in terror as his super powers went into overdrive. A shockwave of pacifism energy burst from him and washed over the entire park. Leshawna, Ezekiel, and Heather were all hit, and felt so nonviolent that even the notion of standing seemed like a threatening stance. They all collapsed on the ground, staring up at the virtual sky.

"So… tranquil…," Heather muttered.

"At… peace…," Ezekiel murmured.

"DJ…," Leshawna said, "this… is… not… proper superhero style."

DJ was staring down her, looking concerned. "Um, can I get you something? Glass of water? Pillow since you're lying down?"

"Can you take care of the two villains over there, perchance?"

"Heavens no, mom would kill me if she saw me killing people!"

"Then, my dear man, you must get us out of here before they rise."

Soothed by Leshawna's calm response, DJ nodded and started to lift her. He quickly learned that she was an awkward person to carry, and he wasn't strong in this virtual world. After several embarrassing attempts, Leshawna lay on the ground with an annoyed grunt. "Not… one… remark."

"I wouldn't go there, Leshawna, you know that."

"Well then, get out of here. Don't worry I can take care of myself."

DJ was out of there before she started the second sentence, and she would have been annoyed if she didn't feel so tranquil. After he fled off a great distance, the supernatural pacifism wore off gradually on the three collapsed super people. Leshawna used her powers to, in a flash of light, transport herself away when she found the strength. Heather and Ezekiel tried to follow, but the pacifism that was preventing Leshawna from coming back to strike kept them nonviolent too. Eventually she pulled him up to his feet completely and hissed, "We… gotta head after them!"

"No, I think we should joo'st look fur the GPA," he suggested. "They're separated, we're together, we'll be able to take care of one if they come back, and we need that gem, eh!"

"I suppose you're right… but that pacifism is still affecting me, I don't like hunting and searching right now!"

"I knoo'… wanna go fur a paddle boat ride?"

"That sounds lovely!"

* * *

**(Super Closet - I'm not done yet, mate. Not by a **_**long**_** shot.)**

** Heather** - "Listen, I'm not a nerd, I don't get into that comic book nonsense! It was just… just the game, making me that into it! Honest! Ezekiel and I are perfectly normal, not-nerdy people."

**Ezekiel** - "And then I was all like, 'Black Arrow's Precision Shot,' and then Leshawna slashed it from the air with her lance, eh! Oh boy, that was fun! I gotta get back into my archery, I'll have to give it a name, maybe The Huntsman, eh!"

**DJ** - "That first fight I got myself into… oh man! It was like thunder, horrific lightning! The way they fought was frightening! Thank goodness I never get that aggressive, knock on wood. Sometimes I think I shouldn't have signed up for this show, there's gotta be better ways to try and earn five million dollars!"

*_He pauses and looks around._* "Nothing… comes to mind right now though. Except stealing a dollar from five million places, but that'd be incredibly dishonest."

* * *

**(VR - Elsewhere in Classroom City.)**

Anita was busy checking her hand cannon, pushing a few buttons as she cycled through her choices. "Okay, I have spikey bombs, ice bombs, fragmentation rounds, flash bangs, and one that I think does electric damage but I'm not sure how that works."

Cody, leaning against the side of a building with her, peeked around the side. "I think we lost Izzy, but I cannot be too certain. She's a wily one."

"Indeed she is," Anita said as she pulled a thin roll from inside her glove. She unrolled it to reveal a map of Classroom City. "Okay, I think we need to take a left here, and that should get us to Evil Enterprises."

"Why do we want to go there?"

"I figured if anyone knows where the GPA is, the most diabolical villain would have the resources to find it."

"Surprising no one suspected anything with a name like that."

"I'll say. Okay, so we take a left here-"

"No, Anita, I think that's a river, not a road."

"Oh then, if we go around there…"

Anita turned to go around the building and resulted in walking into it. As she rubbed her nose and glanced down at the map, she muttered, "I don't remember that building being on this map."

Cody couldn't help but laugh. "You have a really bad sense of direction, don't you?"

"Not really," Anita said as she rotated the map around in her hands, trying to figure out which way she was facing. When she turned around to try and get some sense out of it, she became quite dizzy from the overwhelming sense of direction and collapsed. Cody raced over to help her up as she muttered, "Okay, yeah, I get lost in the mall."

A massive explosion sent both of them sprawling, as part of the building was obliterated by the impact. Izzy peeked through the destroyed walls and crooned, "He-lo-ohhhh! It's your friendly neighborhood _destroyer_! And I am going to… oh my!"

Explosivo stared down at the sight of Techno-Wizard lying on top of Bombshell Babe, him trying to get but still dizzy from the blast. Eventually they managed to stand up, all the while Izzy watching with impish enthusiasm.

"Explosivo approves of comical and sexy accidents," she declared, then grinned as she pulled a grenade launcher from her jacket and pointed it at them. "So suck on this!"

She shot a grenade at them, to which Cody created a force field that reflected the bomb. Izzy leapt out of the way and then noticed Anita was pointing her hand cannon at her. She braced herself, but it wasn't necessary, because Anita fired too soon, and the electric grenade bounced off the inside of the force field right back at the firer. Cody and Anita had a few milliseconds to glance down at the bomb before it exploded, shocking them both.

Anita fanned the smoke off her body and tried to smooth down the pillar of ebony that her crackling hair had become. "Oh, I always did have a nervous trigger finger," she whimpered. "Sorry, sorry! Gah! Even my eyebrows are standing up on end."

"It's o… k…," Cody was saying before he saw Izzy standing near them, holding a rather large sword in her hand; the blade had slight chips and charred parts, just like all of her clothing.

"I must say, this turn of events," Izzy said as she raised the sword, "has been rather sho-"

A laser beam fired from the sky knocked the blade right her hands, also melting the steel like a popsicle at the business end of a flamethrower. Izzy snarled and pulled out a flamethrower, but another laser shot from the sky hit the flamethrower, melting it like another popsicle.

"Damn these wretched lasers from the sky," Izzy exclaimed, and jumped back as a third laser shot almost hit her. She dashed off, pointing a new type of explosive launcher behind her, firing them as she retreated. The sticky bombs latched onto the ground and walls of the buildings, and she hid behind a nearby building. "Now, when that laser-firing twerp falls down, Explosivo will blow him back sky-high!"

She waited, and heard a whoosh of air, plus the temperature seemed to drop. She peeked again to see ice had formed all around the area she had laid sticky bombs. Chris, The Greatest Hero and Man Ever!, launched in the middle of the ice, shattering all of it and obliterating her sticky bombs. Snarling in frustration, she sprinted off, using an explosive vocabulary.

Cody and Anita looked over at Chris, The Greatest Hero and Man Ever!, who posed heroically. "How did that look," the host asked, his words a little muffled from the cheesy grin he was using.

"That was cool and all," Cody admitted, "and thanks for saving us!"

"It was nothing, tiny super heroes. You two are busy making out or something, that why the freak caught you off-guard?"

Techno-Wizard blushed at this comment and scratched the back of his head, and while Bombshell Babe was blushing too, she was more annoyed with the host. "You seem like a giant ripoff," she declared, looking at Chris's blue costume with a "C" inside a triangle logo on his massive chest. "Laser eyes, icy breath, flight, strength… is there anything separating you from him?"

"Of course there is! My major weakness is not kryptonite."

"Well, I suppose that's fair-"

"It's bad hair gel! If I am near some cheap knock-off, I start to become faint all over."

Anita pursed her lips as she glared at the copycat host.

* * *

**(Super Closet - They're going to have to glue you back together… in hell!)**

** Anita** - "I suppose I could have been grateful, but to be saved by Chris Maclean is like… well, it's hard to say what is worse than owing that egomaniac a favor. It's still hard to imagine him as a superhero."

**Chris Maclean** - *_He blows on his knuckles and grins._* "I'm just so good, aren't I? Seriously, why have I not been approached by one of those comic book series? I've got the looks and star presence for that nerdy crap! Haha!"

**Izzy** - "What makes Izzy a good Explosivo? Well, to all ya fine dandies so proud, so cock-sure, prancing about with your heads full of eyeballs! Come and get Izzy, Izzy say! I'll be waiting on you with a whiff of the old boom-boom brimstone!" *_She laughs hysterically and pulls out some dynamite of her own, tossing it behind her as she leaves the closet._*

* * *

Chris, The Greatest Hero and Man Ever!, was striking many poses as Anita continued to stare at him disapprovingly. She glanced over at Cody and whispered, "Should we go now, look for the GPA?"

"Maybe if we stay with Chris, he could defend us!"

"Do you really want to stay near Chris?"

Cody glanced over at the host, who was still flexing and kissing his arms ("Oh yes, what beautiful weapons, that's beautiful right there! And there!"). The geek winced and nodded at Anita. "You're right, we could probably handle ourselves."

"Okay, I promise I won't blow it anymore."

Anita giggled, her face flushed nervously. Before Cody could say something comforting, a blast of energy hit Chris from behind as he was flexing his butt cheeks. His gluteus was unharmed, as most of the blast hit his head and slightly frizzed his hair. He shrieked as if in terrible pain and tried to pat it down. "Gah! The horror! My hair, my beautiful hair! Must find me some awesome hair gel!"

He took off into the air, despite Cody and Anita calling out for him to come back for help, and was gone in a couple eye blinks. As the two heroes fumed over their leader ditching them, both were nearly hit by another blast of dark, crackling energy.

"Nice shot, loser," Mandy scolded Colin as the two walked towards the two startled heroes. "Try actually hitting them, that actually hurts them."

"Shut up, or I'll hurt you!"

"Will you stop saying that," the villainess declared, shaking her dagger at him. "Not only is it uncalled for, but it's lame!"

"Shut up, or I'll hurt you!"

Mandy groaned, and looked over at Cody and Anita. "Well then, mortal fools, come and get us, if you can!"

Anita nodded and tossed a salute to the cultist, then took a combat stance with her hand on her arm cannon. Power began to charge around a bomb that was at the tip now, making it glow brighter with every passing second. Cody was using all of his technology and magic to block Colin's pain spells and Mandy's dark arts.

The growing bomb of power that Anita was forming made Mandy start to panic, and thus cast her spell, "_Hold Mortal!_" Demonic, transparent hands reached up from the ground around Cody, grabbing at him. Cody managed to swat them away with his mechno-arms for a few seconds, then they grabbed him, holding him in place.' "Now," Colin shouted as he charged an incredible amount of agony energy, as Mandy conjured an orb of shadow and darkness, "taste some pain!"

Both fired at the same time, just as Anita fired her bomb. As the spells and weapons raced at each other, Anita jumped towards Cody, grabbing him and putting herself between him and the attacks. She attempted to jump and pull him out of the grasp of the monsters, but all the attacks collided before she could.

As the eruption of energy and bomb ripped the area apart, sending debris flying around, Colin was sent flying through the air, screaming, "Ohhhh wow… I'm flying! Wheee," before he crash-landed on a nearby building's roof. Mandy was also thrown off her feet, sent sailing down an alleyway until she skidded to a stop. Anita and Cody were thrown down another alley way.

The Cultist Chick shook her head as she sat up. She tried calling out to him, but couldn't even hear her own voice with how bad her ears were ringing. Shaking her head in disgust, she thought to herself, "_Bah, I don't need that jerk anyway, I'll find the gemstone myself!_"

Cody and Anita were far, far away from where the two villains were catapulted to. He was on top of her, groaning as he shook his head, trying to get the ringing out of his head. It was stuck, like an add-on he couldn't fully remove from his phone. "Man, that was one heck of a blast," he muttered. "But I'm all right… you, Anita? Anita?"

As he pulled himself off of her, he noticed she wasn't moving. The Bombshell Babe was barely breathing, the impact of the major explosion hitting her back and the painful, blackened effects spreading around her sides and limbs. "Ouch," she said. "Good thing I cannot feel pain, because I'm sure… this mortal wound would really hurt."

"Anita, don't worry," Cody said, fumbling with his gloves. "I… I think I have some healing spells! Oh wait… no, I traded that in for a reduction of damage from dark magic! Stupid, I'm so stupid!"

"No," she muttered as she glanced up at him, "you have far more potential than you know. I know… you doubt yourself a lot… but trust me when I say… you're a wonderful guy. Just… believe in yourself…"

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, now virtual dead. Techno-Wizard placed his hand over his heart, then bowed and walked away. "Rest in peace, Bombshell Babe."

* * *

**(Super Closet - Let's go practice medicine?)**

*_The janitor's closet has been hit with an explosion, and almost everything in there is destroyed. When the door opens, the ash flutters around and Cody walks around. He gapes at the destruction, then notices the Fame Town CD is untouched. He straightens it and smiles, then faces the camera._*

** Cody** - "Poor Anita, she really seemed to like the Super VR challenge, shame she died so soon into it. But then again, to die saving someone, to go out with a speech like that… that was awesome! She's a fine gal, despite having a nervous trigger finger and a bad sense of direction!"

**Colin** - "I think that should be my new catchphrase! 'Shut up, or I'll hurt you!' Hehe, I'll try it on the next person I hear!" *_Someone knocks on the door._* "Shut up, or I'll hurt you!"

*_The door slightly opens and a grenade rolls in. He screams like a little girl and bolts out, and Groucho the Duck walks in._*

**Groucho the Duck** - "Stupid civilian, it was a dummy grenade, with the pin still in. No one, and I mean no one, gets in the way of my closet confessional time!"

* * *

**(VR - Another place in Classroom City.)**

Xander brushed his bangs away from his facial scar, staring down at Yoshi and Gwen down the road. "Looks like our two living nightmares are hellbent on killing us."

The Soulless Blade shouted, "Energy Blade Slice," and swung his sword, an energy arc slicing through the ground and chewing through it like a hot knife through butter. Crystal used her powerful magic to summon a giant heart in front of them, stopping the attack and causing it to dissipate. The magic heart then burst into a million tiny hearts and then popped into nothing.

Gwen floated towards the two heroes, holding her scythe up for a downward slice. When she swung, Xander leapt back and grabbed a metal lamp post. He ripped it up from the sidewalk, twirling it around his head. Scythe and lamp post slices and sweeps ensued as the two parried and swung their weapons, neither one getting the edge.

Yoshi was swinging his sword at Crystal, growling as he attempted to lay a blow. "Heart Stab," he exclaimed as he thrust his katana forward. Crystal flew backwards and avoided his attack. He shouted, "Eye Piercing! Organ Gouge! Stab!"

All of the attacks were easily dodged by Crystal, who used her powers and flight to avoid attacks. She wondered how someone who seemed so goo with sword combat in real life would be this slow in the game. The problem was, her ability to change to emotions in people and the distraction dust were not working on the supposedly soulless villain.

Yoshi leapt back, staring at Crystal with those emotionless eyes of his. The swordsman held his katana up in a defensive stance and uttered, as the blade started to burn with dark red energy, "Destructive Violent Heartbreaking Death Blow!"

He slashed out at her as she conjured another shielding heart, and the dark red slash shattered the shield. Crystal was knocked back, falling down as she suffered a numbing on her stomach that implied injury.

Gwen had managed to slice through Xander's lamp post, and attacked with a blast of death magic. The rebel conjured his motorcycle and hopped on. With a loud revving, he sped towards her. Gwen powered up a blast of death energy and fired, as Xander leapt off his bike and pulled a couple magnum revolvers from his jacket. The death magic hit the motorcycle as Darkcycle opened fire on the Grim Reapette.

The large bullets stun the villainess of death, knocking her back. Xander would have fired more, but then he noticed Crystal struggling to stand up. As he raced over to help her, he saw Yoshi standing in position again, the dark red energy forming around him. He was chanting in a voice growing in volume, "Aggressive… Annihilating… Horrific… Dragon Blood…"

Darkcycle lifted the Matchmaker to her feet, and she declared, "Xander, it's his words! It's like a manga, the longer the title of the attack, the more powerful it is!"

"Really? That's kind of weird but cool," he said, pulling his magnums out again.

"Well, it fits him. You should get out of here!"

"No way, my British romantic, I'm taking them down!" He pointed his magnums at Yoshi and shouted, "Eat lead, swordsman!"

"Gorilla Fist… Hell's Fire…"

He fired, but Gwen was in front of him, creating a black hole in front of him. The bullets were all absorbed into the nothing. Crystal shot magical hearts and the fires of passion, but it all was absorbed too. Xander snarled and conjured his motorcycle again, getting on and speeding at them. He raced over to the side of the road, ripping another lamp post from the sidewalk. When he raced at them, he leapt off his motorcycle and swung the lamp post down.

Gwen's black hole sucked in the motorcycle, which consumed the rest of its energy. Yoshi finished his chant with, "Vengeful… SOUL SLICE!" He swung as Gwen vanished in a puff of black smoke.

The blade's energy projection, dark red and crackling violently with energy, sliced through Xander and his lamp post, scorching him from the inside. The super attack also blazed to Crystal, and she threw up a large heart shield, but the shield and herself were slashed through by the attack.

Yoshi's Soul Slice obliterated a small building at the end of the road and finally dissipated. Xander and Crystal both fell on the ground, both utterly defeated. Gwen appeared behind Yoshi with a puff of black smoke, twirling his scythe around as it glowed from the energy of having claimed two souls nearby.

Without saying a word between them, Yoshi and Gwen continued to walk down the street, which looked like a dragon had made it its scratching toy due to the Soulless Blade's abilities, leaving Darkcycle and Matchmaker's bodies behind.

* * *

**(Super Closet - Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.)**

** Xander** - "Man, I'm really off my game. I have to admit, being told by a girl that she doesn't want to go out with me is rather off-putting. I feel… off. Like riding a poorly paved road, I just have to drive until I get off it. But it's sure making me irritable."

**Crystal** - *_She pokes her fingers together and then riffles through her notes._* "I know I hurt Xander, but I can sure pair him up with someone who'd be good with! Let's see… Carol? Mandy? Gwen, Bridgette, Leshawna? Oh wait, they're taken. Man, it's hard to do pairings when so many people are paired already!"

*_She giggles and claps._* "I can be such a pairing nerd! I sometimes go with what's not natural, like Trentney! Or Chris-23! Oh, but none of you would get that, I think." **[1]**

**Yoshi** - "Being soulless has its perks, makes it easier to have a real fight where you're not shouting smack talk. Also prevents one from making bad jokes like they do all the time in comics."

* * *

**(VR - Random location in Classroom City.)**

"This is MY world," Carol shouted as she opened fire on Tyler and Lindsay with her riot shotgun. "You are _not_ welcome in MY world, bimbo!"

Tyler and Lindsay ducked behind the side of a large dumpster. Super Sporto nodded at the Head Cheerleader, and she nodded back. Just like they rehearsed, Tyler jumped out and started tossing javelins at Carol and Geoff, shouting, "Don't you call my girlfriend a bimbo!"

"I didn't mean her," Carol admitted as she reloaded and jumped away from a javelin tossed at her. "I more so meant yo-YIKES!"

Lindsay had picked up the large dumpster, her super strength made it looking so light. She chucked it, and Carol leapt out of the way in time. Geoff conjured a disco ball in front of him, and when the dumpster hit it, the street and alleyway seemed to explode with flashing lights and loud disco music. The heroes and villains, sans Geoff, were covering their ears and eyes.

Party Bash was now ready to bash some heads, and conjured a whole bunch of records in his hands. He began flinging them at Tyler and Lindsay, the former taking a couple of them slicing him with their razor edge while the other ducked a phone booth. When one of the records sliced off the top of the phone booth, Lindsay squeaked in terror and threw her pompom at Geoff. This did nothing except make Geoff blink in confusion; the Head Cheerleader had forgotten that her pompoms were not part of her super powers.

Lindsay used her super agility to deliver a kick to Geoff, sending him sprawling out on the street. She also knocked Carol's shotgun from her hand, and begun fist-fighting the cop on the street. Carol snarled and let loose a flurry of kicks that Lindsay matched on her own.

"I'll defeat you yet, Cammy," Lindsay shouted.

"My name's Carol, Dumb-Li," Carol retorted.

Eventually, Bad Cop pulled out her taser and blasted the cheerleader with it, sending her sprawling back into the alleyway. As Carol recovered from the blows she had received, Lindsay used her healing powers to rejuvenate herself and Tyler, who was still suffering from records imbedded in his chest and leg.

Super Sporto and Party Bash recovered at the same time, and stared each other down. They produced records and discus in their hands, and become playing what could really be called Extreme Ultimate Frisbee. As they chucked deadly projectiles at each other, Carol noticed and got a little carried away; she pulled out her shotgun and shouted, "PULL," blowing some of the discs and records out of the air. Lindsay cheered on Tyler, jumping around like the cheerleader she was.

The fight was suddenly stopped when a bus drove by the fight at full speed, and Geoff's clothing become hooked on it. Screaming as he was pulled off, flapping like a kite in the wind, he managed to let out the message, "Keep partying, dudes!"

Carol gnashed her teeth, then stood in the middle of the road. When a car hit the brakes in front of her, she ran over to the driver's side, dodging a baseball thrown by Tyler with enough force to imbed into a brick wall on the other side of the road. The Bad Cop punched through the driver's window, yanked him out shouting, "I'll need this, citizen, and you don't deserve it, you don't use your blinker," and then hopped in the car. She sped off with Tyler and Lindsay chasing after her with their incredible athletic speed.

As they raced by the park, Ezekiel and Heather were already running out of it, and Carol couldn't stop on the brakes fast enough. Ezekiel had no time to react before he was hit, rolling up over the windshield and on the top of the car, finally landing in a wreck behind the car.

Carol jumped out at the car as Heather approached her boyfriend's side, and he, despite the awful state he was in, muttered, "Oh, the hunter has become roadkill, what are the odds?"

"Carol, you idiot," Heather shrieked, "watch where you're driving!"

"Hey, I was, you two came barreling out! Jaywalking too, that's illegal!"

"We're villains!"

"Doesn't mean we cannot have some respect. I suppose you litter on the highways too!"

Heather was about to retaliate when a foot connected with her head, sending her skidding across the street. Ezekiel and Carol looked to see Lindsay clenching her fists and Tyler rushing up to her side. Super Sporto looked down at Black Arrow, and cringed at what he realized needed to be done.

"Sorry dude, I really am," he said to Ezekiel, who was struggling to stand up, "but I really want to take Lindsay out to that special dinner if we win!"

"And I want to take Heather 'oot too," the hunter home schooled said. He lifted his bow, but saw it had been broken in the car accident. Tossing it aside, he lifted his kukri and cast a salute to Tyler. "So let's do our best for our ladies, eh!"

"Of course," Tyler said as he conjured a metal bat for combat.

The two fought with massive swings and cleaves. Ezekiel was badly injured, but his ability to parry was keeping Tyler's strength and bat at bay. Carol pulled out her night stick to fight, but Lindsay was again kicking at her, and she had to use her weapon to defend.

"Have I mentioned how much I hate cheerleaders?" Carol snarled.

"Really? You seem like you would be really good at it!"

"Really?" Bad Cop asked, stopping the fighting for a second. "You think I'd be good?"

"Yeah, of course," Lindsay insisted, smiling at her opponent. "You have the agility and spirit, and you'd be great for the pyramids and stacks, since you're so light!"

"I never thought of it that way! Maybe I'll-"

They were cut off when Heather slashed at Lindsay, making horrid scratches across the cheerleader's side. "Stop talking to her," Eviserator shouted, "and kill her!"

Carol nodded and pulled out her pistol, firing at Lindsay who leapt away while healing herself. One shot almost hit Heather, and she parried with her claws. "Watch it, you moron!"

"Don't call me a moron, you're the criminal, those claws are concealed weapons! And what's more-"

Lindsay delivered a somersault kick to Heather, dazing her. Carol flinched as she quickly tried to reload, while Head Cheerleader grabbed the car Carol had hijacked by its bumper. Lifting it up, she slammed it down on Heather, crushing her underneath.

"Now _that's_ spirit," Lindsay declared, pumping her fists. She looked over at Tyler, who had knocked Ezekiel's weapon from his hand and finished him with a blow to the noggin. The two exchanged a grin of victory before turning to the final villain. Or more realistically, where she was last standing.

"Gangway," Carol shouted as she sprinted away from the two heroes, wading into a crowd of people and pushing through to get away. "Coming through! Geronimo! Banzai! Err… go about your business, nothing to see here!"

"Should we chase Cammy?" Lindsay asked Tyler.

"No, too many innocent people could get hurt, and not worth the time. Let's look around for the GPA some more."

* * *

**(Super Closet - Last one alive, lock the door!)**

** Geoff** - "Funny how a fight gets me out of my funk, when I'm not a violent guy at all! Carol's been really helpful, I was glad to be her partner. That is, until a bus took me for a ride that I didn't pay for… I always wanted to try that, it was pretty fun!"

**Carol** - "That was an amazing killing spree there… _by the other team!_ Drat, I gotta pick up my A-game! But it's impossible to be a villain when I want to make everyone obey the law! I knew I should have been a hero, I'm just too good to be a villain!"

**Lindsay** - "Being a cheerleader is a wonderful thing, really! When I practice my routines, Tyler does nothing but look at me! I must have some incredible skills for him to watch me nonstop!"

**Tyler** - "I find it hard to believe I hit my best friend with a baseball bat to get a special date for my girlfriend. But hey, she deserves it after that wonderful cheer she showed me the other side." *_He clicks his tongue and gives a sly, winning smile to the camera._* "Awww, yeah."

* * *

**(VR - One place or another in Classroom City.)**

Zachary swung his chains around, them glowing from heat. He swung them in lashing cleaves at Alfred, but the gonzo was parrying with his fire axe. Hot Metal Gangsta and Zombie Survivalist were slashing, whipping, and taunting each other with exclamations like, "Loser," "Waste of flesh," "Pansy white boy," and "Dorky dork!"

Valerie shot lasers and beams at Sadie, but the Lemur was too fast, leaping and bounding around. Soon, the Pink Politician lost her temper and shouted, "Try fighting me instead of leaping around like a ninny!"

"I'm not a ninny, I am a lemur," Sadie corrected, wagging her tail as a taunt. "C'mon, I'm a friendly furry fan! Lemurs are awesome!"

"What makes you the expert?" Valerie shouted. "If I get into office, I am banning lemurs as a pet!"

"They're not kept as pets either way!"

"Doesn't matter, I'm doing it anyway!"

"You're not nice for a hero!"

"The little, stupid people don't understand true politics, which is why I have to resort to some methods to get the job done! Like this!"

She shot an energy projection at Sadie, who dodged it. The blast ricocheted against a glass window and went wild, hitting one of Zachary's chains. The heated, swinging chain reflected it too, and it hit one of the legs of a water tower. It shook but didn't tilt; that is, until Sadie left on it.

"Missed me, missed me, now you gotta kiss me," Sadie sang, spinning on the damaged leg with her tail. Valerie snarled, building up a large blast of energy that glowed bright pink, and fired. The Lemur leapt out of the way, and the energy obliterated the leg.

As Zachary and Alfred swung their weapons and met face to face, snarling viciously at each other in their fury, both were startled to hear some loud grinding of metal. Both glanced over to see the water tower start to collapse, falling down towards them.

"This is bad," Zachary whimpered.

"I'll say," Alfred added. "Water towers collapsing are getting so cliché…"

The four supers were not hit by the tower, but the sudden gallons of water hit all four like a tidal wave. The water washed them down the street, until it hit a fork in the road. Three were washed down one way, one the other.

Zachary was the other, and he crashed into a bus stop. Using his chains, he managed to keep himself from being washed away further, pulling himself up to the seat. "Oh wow," he groaned. "That was one sick flood! Now Sadie… Sadie?"

He looked around, then groaned. "Should have known that fat chick would have just sunk!"

Sadie had not sunk, but she was soaking wet and her fur felt heavy with such water logging. She shook her head out, bonking the side of her noggin to knock water out of her ear. She heard a groan and saw Alfred picking himself up, spitting out water. "Oh, what a wild ride," he said.

"I know, right?" Sadie said in agreement, nodding.

They exchanged a smile, then realized their place. Alfred took his crowbar and swung it at Sadie, and she yelped in terror, bounding away. Coughing and hacking, the Zombie Survivalist recovered and stood to his feet, then he saw Valerie struggling to get up. He also noticed that her clothes were clinging around her form, and he had to remind himself that he was a hero, not a pervert. When he helped lift her up, she almost threw herself at him.

"Oh, thank you," she said, cooing happily. "You're so kind!"

"_Sucker will fall for a girl like this any time,_" she thought as she snuggled him. "_Still… nice snuggly chest!_"

Alfred eventually managed to pull her off him, and she beamed up at him. Before she could do anything more, the buildings shook from a tremendous impact, and both flinched. Not wanting to deal with another fight, both hurried off away from the source of the attacks.

Courtney kicked Harold again, sending him crashing into a building. The Uber-Nerd grit his teeth as he pulled himself away from the wrecked hole in the building. She followed up with a leaping kick, but he parried with the blunt end of his katana blade. When he slashed at her, she kicked it out of his hands.

"This is pointless," Courtney shouted at him as he prepared a couple yo-yo weapons. "You know I'm a better combatant, and my powers match yours!"

"I don't believe in giving up," Harold said, smirking as he started to twirl the yo-yos around. "You should know better than anyone that I never quit."

"I can respect that, Uber-Nerd, but I chose something that has all kinds of abilities," she shouted as she made a sweeping kick, and the feelers on her leg slashed the cords of the yo-yos. Harold blinked at his destroyed weapons, and then snarled.

"Time to bring out a very big, nerd weapon!"

"Bring it on!"

Harold pulled a hilt from his scabbard, a hilt with no blade. He pushed a button on the hilt, and then a sword that was taller than him and wider than his waist. When he swung it down, it cut into the street like… well, you've heard it before.

Courtney was really beginning to wish she hadn't dared Harold to bring it on, and then she went on the evasive, trying to avoid his very large strikes. As the chase game continued, they ran by the entrance down to the subway, where another battle was taking place.

Belinda and Arthur were fighting along the subway, as the cars raced by both ways from time to time. Civilians were standing behind the red line, trying hard to ignore the very violent fight; however, it wasn't easy if Arthur would grab one and hold it in front of him as a shield, as Belinda wouldn't use psionic blasts if it would hurt an innocent.

"Why are you sssssso lawful?" Arthur hissed, twitching his large toe talon as he eyed her. "They're virtual people, not real. You could kill them all and nothing bad would come of it."

"It's just the feeling of being a hero, you don't want to do it," Belinda said. "Shame you weren't a hero, you would understand."

"I wanted to be a hero! But no, because I was ugly to them, they made me a villain! Is that right?"

"Nope, but it's not my call to make," Belinda said. She then concentrated her psychic powers on a random civilian, and chucked him at Raptor. Arthur chuckled as he dodged, watching the man hit the people on the other side.

"I thought you just said you didn't want to kill civilians!"

"I didn't kill him, he's fine over there. And I didn't like him, he cheated on his wife and wouldn't flush at public bathrooms."

She used her psionics to hurl a woman at Arthur, and he barely managed to duck in time, but his velociraptor reflexes were handy for such a projectile. Starvoyant merely smirked and said, "She wore awful perfume that'd irritate people, and rose hell at coffee shops over minor details."

Raptor growled and lunged at Starvoyant, and she hovered away from his attack. He clawed and snapped at her, and she hurled more people at him, listing awful characteristics as excuses to still be a hero. The villain was struck by a couple briefcases, and one umbrella stabbed into his side. He managed to pull it out, and his regeneration kicked in to heal his wound. With another lunge, he hurled himself at her, and she not only dodged but used her powers to carry him further than he meant to, and he slammed into the wall.

Without him being able to resist due to his dazed state, Belinda threw him on the rails of the subway cars. Arthur recovered and looked up to see a car come speeding at him. The psychic heroine couldn't sense his presence after the car sped by, but couldn't tell if it was death or escape. The people were now swarming around the subway, just like panicking citizens usually do in the case of a super fight.

Above on the service, the Human Cricket was using her kicks to parry Uber-Nerd's ginormous sword. Finally, she managed to kick the sword from his hands, but he was close enough to use his martial arts and deliver a blow to her chest that knocked her back. She struck the feelers on her legs together, and the supersonic sound caused glass to shatter all around, including Harold's glasses. The nerd was practically blinded.

Harold had another pair in his case and quickly fished them out, but Courtney knocked him down. Her left leg on his legs, right foot on the arm that had the glasses case clutched in his hand, and her left hand holding down his other arm, she now had him pinned down. "I am going to finish you off now," she snarled, balling up her fist. "Or I just might snicker-snag on you, nerd!"

"Oh, how mature, gosh!"

Courtney swung down at his face with her super fist, but it stopped inches before striking. Harold wondered if she had a change of heart, but saw the glow of a psychic grip around her fist. Then it spread around the Human Cricket and lifted her up in the air.

"No one," Belinda said, as she raised her hand and held Courtney in place to finish her statement, "snicker-snags on my nerd friend."

She flung Courtney into a building, through it, and then through another building. By that distance, she couldn't detect her anymore, so she was either too far away to sense or defeated. Starvoyant took a deep breath as the effort of using psionic powers to hold a powerful villain like the Human Cricket was quite a strain; however, she still had the strength to help Uber-Nerd back up on his feet.

"Thank you, m'lady," he said, bowing politely to her.

"You're welcome. Now, we have to actually find the gemstone, let's go hunting."

* * *

**(Super Closet - Oh my gosh, who touched my gun?)**

** Harold** - "I could have won that fight if I wanted to. But I still don't feel right about hitting a woman so much, you know? So I only gave it about ninety percent effort, and if I had used that extra ten percent, Courtney wouldn't have stood a chance! That's how important ten percent can be… look at milk, two percent is too much for some people!"

**Courtney** - "I still cannot believe I was made a villain! I'm a good girl, I do good things! Like this!" *_She shoves a push broom and starts to sweep, but the ash in the room makes her sneeze and hack; frustrated, she breaks the broom over her leg._*

**Arthur** - *_trips over the broken broom_* "Who left this here? Sheesh! Well, I just wanted to make it clear that I wouldn't normally harm civilians, that was just the aggressive state the game put us in. I wouldn't harm random people, even Chad from Accounting."

**Zachary** - "I really preferred it when I was away from Sadie. She talks too much and is so annoying… I hope Valerie doesn't make me pretend to like her much longer, I cannot stand her!"

**Sadie** - "I have to admit, I love lemurs! I may be a lemur person at heart. I…" *_She sniffs and wipes away a tear._* "I want to pet all the lemurs! I know you can't pet all the lemurs but…" *_She sobs more, crying until she manages to collect herself._*

"I'm… I'm sorry! Now…" *_She wipes away a tear._* "Lemurs… hehe! Now about the Super VR-" *_She stops suddenly, and then burst into tears._* "Lemurs! Oh boo hoo hoo, they're so cute!"

* * *

**(VR - Area of certain Longitude and Latitude in Classroom City.)**

Eva and Clive were walking down the street, getting funny looks from everyone they refused to greet. Those they did greet and asked if they knew where the GPA might be ran in terror from Eva. Clive also tried to ask, but being around normal civilians would cause them to fall down sobbing, saying, "What's the point?", "What's it all worth?" and "I cannot believe you're going out with that insect girl-AWK!" (the last comment was Eva hitting them for insisting upon that).

Sebastian and Sakaki were also asking people. Well, he was, Sakaki hid behind him and peeped over his shoulder. This was so adorable to the people they asked that they cooed more so than answered his questions.

Then both teams rounded the corner, and Eva and Sebastian started talking.

"Excuse me, do you know anything about the GPA?" Ant Woman asked.

"Sure, study hard, you might have a very successful one," said Dreadlock Kick.

"Haha! Well played! But seriously, do you know where it is?"

"Nope, sad to say."

"Shame. Well, we must be going. Oh, and one more thing?"

"Oh, what's that?"

"DIE!"

Eva swung at Sebastian, who leapt back and countered follow-up punches with his powerful kicks. She managed to grip his hair and tried to yank on the dreadlocks, but they were indestructible, even with her incredible strength. Clive, horrified by this sudden fight, let his emotional powers let loose. Random citizens fell down crying, Sakaki clung to a wall sobbing, "I'm feeling _so_ depressed," but the two fighting carried on throwing kicks and punches with tears rolling down their eyes.

"I'm gonna *_sob_* rip you apart," Eva sob-roared as she swung at him with a lamp post. "You and your *_sniffle_* stupid hair!"

"I won't let *_sob_* you do such a thing," Sebastian choke-taunted as he parried with a kick, breaking the metal lamp post in half. "You villains *_hiccup_* will never get the GPA!"

"This is getting out of control," Clive exclaimed. "All this crying is starting to get me down, more so than normal!"

"Oh woe," Sakaki blubbered. "Oh horror! Oh sad and depressing life! Boo hoo hoo! Waaaaah! Ugh… *_sniff_* … lemurs!"

As Doom 'n Gloom and Scaredy Cat were too distracted by emotion and trauma to deal with fighting, Ant Woman and Dreadlock Kick eventually got over their sorrow and fought full-force. Eva ripped out two lamp posts and was swinging them around like a furious berserker in a fantasy game. Sebastian was countering the rather odd but dangerous weapons rather well with his kicks.

Both were rather surprised when a grenade rolled between them, and both only had a second to try and leap back, but the explosion sent them flying back more so. Sakaki and Clive were flung around as well.

"Haha," Izzy shouted from a rooftop, holding two grenades in each hand, pulling all the pins. "Explosivo make boom-boom! BOOM-BOOM! ALL OVER!"

She threw them down at Sebastian and Sakaki, but it's hard to throw four grenades at once (not that we've tried, only Izzy would try that). Eva used her burrowing powers to go underground, shouting, "You're on your own, Emo Boy!"

"Doom 'n Gloom," Clive corrected, and then used his shadow magic to turn into black smoke and glide away.

"Run, Sakaki," Sebastian shouted as he kicked one of the grenades back at Izzy. "Get out of here!"

Sakaki was too scared and sad to reply, but she nodded and bolted with her incredible cat speed. The explosions were far behind her when she was off in full-sprint, and she prayed Sebastian would survive his encounter with Explosivo.

* * *

**(Super Closet - Oh dear, I've made quite a mess.)**

** Sakaki** - "Izzy's really nice deep down, but when she's eccentric, she gets really unpredictable and wild. Which is the majority of the time, actually… you think under all that wild, there's a little girl who likes it quiet, like me?"

**Izzy** - "Pop rocks and soda fountain for your viewing pleasure!" *_She dumps three packs of pop rocks into her mouth as she holds her head back, and pours in a whole can of soda. It comes out in a fountain as she says, with crackling frenzy, then she gags and spit takes all over the wall._* "Ooo, that spit take looks like a…"

**Sadie** - *_looking at the spit take image on the wall_* "A… a lemur!" *_She bursts into tears again, gasps, and then wipes her eyes._* "Well, I… I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed this challenge and…" *_She sobs again, and carries on crying._*

**Sebastian** - *_glances at the wall_* "Interesting. Now then, I have to say, being a super hero was fun. … That's all I really have to say."

**Eva** - "What's the deal with lemurs, anyway? I mean, they have a cute face… look, I don't gush over cute animals, I'm not a girly girl! Is that wrong?"

**Clive** - *_staring at the spit take of a lemur_* "Cute…"

…

…

…

"I'm marveling at a splatter of saliva and sugar forming what could look like a furry animal. What's wrong with me?"

* * *

**(VR - A lemur-less part of Classroom City.)**

"You are all weak," Carol was shouting as she fired her pistol at Valerie and Alfred. "You are all bleeders! I'll make you do time for sure!"

"That," Alfred said as the two heroes hid behind a building, "is one bad cop!"

"I heard that! Come out here and say it to my face!"

"Yes, go out there," Valerie said to Alfred, nodding encouragingly. "Show her up!"

Before Alfred could, an explosion nearby sent someone flying over several buildings and flying down in the middle of the street, hitting Carol and sending her crashing away. Sebastian stood up and shook his head, looking around for Izzy. "Where'd she go?" he asked aloud.

"Hey buddy," Alfred said, heading out from his hiding place. "Glad to have you along! Let's get that bad cop!"

Bad Cop was standing up and trying to aim her gun, but a blast from Valerie's energy shot knocked the firearm from her hand. Carol stepped backwards, eyeing the three heroes approaching her.

Then she suddenly wasn't alone. A puff of black smoke, and Gwen was standing next to her. Yoshi walked from behind a corner, then eyed the heroes with his soulless eyes. He started walking towards them, sword raised for combat.

"Oh dear," Valerie muttered. "We're in trouble!"

Izzy walked up to the edge of the top of a building, looking down at the three heroes and three villains. She cackled and pulled another grenade out from her pocket, and pulled the pin. "Hey, Sebastian! I got one more of those babies for you!"

The explosion-obsessed girl chucked the grenade down at the heroes, and Sebastian kicked it away, sending it careening towards the three villains. Carol jumped in front, brandishing her night stick and shouting, "I got it, I got it!"

"Evil… Cleaving… Beheading…," Yoshi was chanting as he approached the heroes, deflecting Valerie's energy shots with his glowing sword.

"Take this," Carol shouted as she hit the grenade with her nightstick and it went flying to the side, rolling under a gasoline truck. Time seemed to stop as Carol whimpered, "Oh whoo-"

She didn't finish it before a massive explosion ripped apart the whole street, buildings caving in, and splashing everything around with burning gasoline. Izzy was sent flying high into the air, laughing with wonder and amazement.

Carol and Gwen were thrown back as the Grim Reapette used her powers to absorb some of the explosion. Valerie made a forcefield to protect herself and her allies, but was sent sailing back, crashing into a mattress store for a soft landing.

When everyone's ears stopped ringing, they tried to get their whereabouts. Sebastian sat up on a very soft and nice mattress, one that he made a mental note to get for his home. Valerie and Alfred were on the same mattress, and she purred affectionately as she hugged him in celebration of being alive in one piece, while he tried to push her off in fear Mandy was watching.

Carol and Gwen were shaking their heads, the former swearing nonstop and the latter wordlessly shaking the soot from her hair and cloak. When the Grim Reapette fully recovered, she saw the body of her partner, the Soulless Blade, lying nearby. He faded out fast when she approached his side, saluting his departure. Then she used her powers to absorb his soul, increasing her own potential.

"Sorry about that, warrior boy," Carol said. "Well, we must get going, right Gweneth?"

Gwen's cold eyes twitched as she was called that, and gave Bad Cop such a glare that she realized following alongside Gwen would be a bad idea. Without a word from the Grim Reapette, she hovered away from her fellow villain, who walked away in another direction.

* * *

**(Super Closet - If you were from where I'm from, you'd be dead!)**

** Valerie** - "Boys are so easy to manipulate at this age. That's how I got elected as student president at my high school. And when I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat! AND I'll go into people's houses at night, and _wreck up the place_! MWAHAHAHAHA-… ha… oops."

*_She clears her throat and glances to the side._* "That, um, was a joke. Just a joke, I promise you."

**Alfred** - "Look, I don't want to sound arrogant, but I'm very good at girls. So that's why at first, I thought Valerie was interested in me, but she comes on too strong, I think."

*_His eyes light up as he thinks of something from his past._* "My buddy Keith, he once had this girl coming onto him so she could get his notes for chemistry, and he was so enthralled that he was gonna do it, but when he was stapling the notes together for her, he stapled his fingers together, and then he couldn't give her the notes because they were attached to his hand. Took forever to get those out of his digits, but he still brags about it, that he got to read off his hand for the test."

**Gwen** - "Being a grim reaper in action felt really unusual. It's like those God-awful Final Destination movies, or as I like to call them… ***HEAVILY CENSORED*** piles of ***ALSO CENSORED***. Those movies can suck it, no one tells me when I have to die! Death is not a picky bitch! Just like I wish I wasn't at times…"

* * *

**(VR - Evil Inc., Classroom City.)**

Noah was busy filing his nails, using his psychic powers instead of his hand to move the nail file around. He was really getting bored while waiting for his minions, and supposed this was how his character turned evil. As he waited, his intercom buzzed to life.

"Mr. Evil?"

"Go ahead, Alicia, and try to use smaller words than normal, I'm feeling impatient."

"A member of your employees has discovered the location of the GPA!"

"Fantastic! Put me through!"

He picked up the phone and listened to all the details that his faithful servant gave him. "Uh-huh, uh-huh, good," Noah concluded with his minion. The Evil Overlord laughed and said, "Well done, you get a gold star, and four hours off. You'll be paid in full, thank you!"

Noah pushed the receiver button and said, "Give Minion #27 a bonus, Alicia."

"But as an evil overlord, shouldn't you be cruel and-"

"It's one of my rules, don't lose necessary minions. Treat them well, they won't help the hero, they won't ditch you, and there's no harm in paying them extra if you're going to rule the world."

He grabbed a helmet on his desk, one with glowing antennas, and put it on. Fine tuning the gauges on the side, he used his specially crafted helmet to be able to broadcast a telepathic message to all the villains of Classroom City, one eavesdropper, and a paranoid guy with a powerful ham radio in his basement (there's always one).

"_Hey, all of you fellow villains, stop your wild killing and prowling, and listen up, all of you alive that is,_" Evil Overlord thought to the thirteen other super villains. "_I have discovered the location of the GPA, so avoid those blasted heroes and follow these directions…_

"_Go to the Classroom City's major bookstore and get in the elevator. There's a button that says twenty-seven, and it transports you down to the area where the GPA is kept. If you're wondering why it would be hidden there of all places, well, I personally think it's fitting that the GPA would be under all those books. Now get going, we have us a fancy dinner to win!_"

As he thought-spoke, there was a reconnaissance hovering right outside his office window thirty-five stories up, featuring one of the eavesdroppers. Belinda, the only non-villain to overhear the projected conversation, and Harold, using a spy agent's jet pack, were right outside the window, trying to get in. He was using his katana to cut open a hole in the glass, and she was using her powers to muffle to sound.

Noah chucked as he started to take off the helmet, he could sense two people outside his window. Since Evil Inc. used minor psychics to scrub the windows and no scaffolds, he knew it couldn't be any good. Sure enough, Harold leapt into the room with his katana brandished. The Evil Overlord threw a metal vase at him with telepathy, and the katana slice was blocked.

Belinda hovered into the office and shot blazing bursts of psi at Noah, but he matched them perfectly with dark psionic bursts (something he called Impure Thoughts). Harold was deflecting the psychic shots with his katana, and charged at Noah with his jet pack giving him more thrust. The corporate CEO used a quick blast that sent Harold hurtling back as his katana was wrenched from his hand, slamming him against the wall and making his jet pack fall off.

The fight raged on, and Noah's office was destroyed, his desk obliterated in the process. Belinda was throwing pieces of it at Noah when he delivered a blast of psychic energy to her head, scrambling her mind and powers. Dazed and dizzy, she slumped on one knee and tried hard not to faint.

Evil Overlord approached her, picking up Harold's katana as he walked to her. "I would give a lecture and a speech," he said as he lifted up the deadly blade, "but a good Evil Overlord doesn't waste time before he kills-"

"NINJA!"

Harold leapt on Noah's back before the villain could slash down on Belinda. For all his martial arts training, Harold was limited to bonking the villain on the head. Much thrashing and yelling ensued ("Fool!" "Noob!" "Insect!" "Insects are actually very amazing, the ant can lift-" "Oh shut up, mouth breather!")

Belinda slowly recovered, and used her powers to throw the largest thing at Noah: Harold's jet pack. The flying instrument slammed against Noah's chest, and Uber-Nerd fastened it around his waist. Telekinesis finally threw Harold off Noah's back, and he stomped on his chest, preparing the katana.

"Death by your own sword," Evil Overlord said as he lifted up the katana. "What a way for a samurai-wannabe to go!"

He thrust down, but only hit thin air. This was because Belinda had used her powers to turn the jet pack on, and Noah was sent rocketing up into the ceiling. After he bashed his head against the roof, the jet pack sent him bouncing around the room, until he crashed through the window. The jet pack ran out of power, and he was sent plummeting thirty-five stories. Too dizzy, banged up, and having received concussions from the wild ride, Noah couldn't focus his psychic abilities as he fell. Only one thought of, "_Note to self: don't explain I won't lecture, just don't do it,_" before the rather messy conclusion.

Belinda was helped up to her feet by Harold, and she took the helmet that Noah had used. "Shall we let our friends know?" she asked rhetorically, smiling at him.

"That we overthrew Evil Inc.'s CEO, or we know where the GPA is?"

"Why not both, my clever friend?"

* * *

**(Super VR - Sentry down!)**

** Noah** - "The problem with being an evil overlord is that you are trying to prove how you're different from the other moronic overlords, and thus talk too much. Now I know why James Bond villains rant so much to Mr. 007."

**Belinda** - "Mind over matter in that case. But for poor Noah, it was mind all-a splatter." *_She mimes a rimshot and chuckles._* "Oh, I'm a bad girl."

* * *

**(VR - All around Classroom City.)**

Both good and bad heard the messages of Belinda and Noah, and were now racing around the city, trying to find the bookstore. Heroes would implore to innocent civilians, villains would interrogate them.

They kept running into each other, but most fights were avoided. Carol was one of the most eccentric, shooting at everyone who were blitzing across the street. Her anti-jaywalking attitude almost put a hole in Clive's head.

"It's not enough you have to rattle my brain in the morning with your shouting," the emo villain exclaimed, waving his hands around in a call to desist, "but now you're trying to blow it out altogether."

"Sorry, my sad friend," she said cheerfully as she embraced him in a hug. "Now, shall we find that bookstore?"

"Wait for me!"

Sadie came bounding over to them, and clapped her hands in excitement. "I found some new partners, this is going to be, like, so great!"

Carol nodded as Clive moaned, and the three started to walk off together. Then Sadie erupted into the Lemur Song.

"_They're Lemurs, Lemurs / kicking it down with mankind_

_ Lemurs, Lemurs / they really do shine!_

_ Lemurs in the front seat / lemurs in the back seat_

_ Lemurs are so great!_"

Carol was holding her taser up and seriously contemplating jamming in her own ear to stop the sounds from getting in. When she realized she still had one, she had her mace up and tried to psych herself up to do it. Clive wanted to outright kill himself, more so than usual.

They walked along a bridge, where Bridgette and Rodney were underneath hiding to avoid confrontation. The mermaid heroine was covering the boy soldier's ears to prevent him from being scarred for life.

"ARE THEY GONE?" Rodney shouted after a couple minutes, and Bridgette shushed him.

"Yes, they're gone," she assured him. "Now, we need to find that bookstore."

"I'm sure I can do that! I love books so much, I have a bit of a radar," he said cheerfully, then he tapped his wrist. "Oh, and I have a radar around my wrist, can program it like a GPS!"

"Excellent," Bridgette said as she stood up. "C'mon, let's get from underneath this bridge, and-"

She was cut off as Izzy's head popped down from the side, grinning wickedly on her soot-covered face. "Hello, heroes," she cackled, then procured a stick of dynamite, lit, and grinned. "Wanna play?"

"Run!"

Bridgette and Rodney retreated as Izzy chucked the dynamite at them, the explosion knocking Rodney into the water. Dolphin Woman stopped running immediately and jumped in after him. She transformed into a mermaid with a dolphin fin as soon as she hit the water, giving her great speed and agility down where it was wetter. She grabbed Rodney and started to swim to the surface when Izzy splashed in, holding a block of C4.

"Waterproof," the villainess said, though it was muffled by a bunch of bubbles. She chucked it at them and then pulled out a trigger device, waving good-bye at them. Bridgette lashed out with her tail, sending the explosives back at Izzy, but they exploded right in-between them. The surfer heroine covered Rodney from the blast as she was blasted through the water, a dizzying ride that dashed her off the side of the river.

Rodney was knocked out of her arms and splashed on the shore line. He gasped as he pulled himself up, looking around to see where Bridgette was, and instead saw Izzy getting out of the water, holding a shotgun in each hand, cackling.

"Boom sticks go boom boom," she exclaimed, pointing them at Rodney. Soldier Kid swallowed in terror and left behind some boulders as the shotguns blasted at the side of his natural protection. He pulled a fragmentation grenade from his belt, pulled the pin with his teeth, and chucked it in her general direction. After the explosion, he heard her laugh and shout, "What are you trying, widdle baby kid? I'm the explosion expert!"

She approached the rock, reloading both shotguns. "Explosivo will eliminate you, tiny soldier man! Death to all heroes, because they get in the way of my explosive hobby!" She started to walk around the boulder, holding both shotguns up.

Bridgette leapt at Izzy, in mid-air transforming into a mermaid and slapping her upside the head with her fin. Izzy dropped her weapons, startled but still cackling, and spun around at her other opponent. Returning to full human when she landed, Bridgette conjured water in her hands and shot water in Izzy's face. Izzy blocked the blast with her hands, and then charged at the heroine, knocking her down. The two wrestled as the villainess clawed and slapped her around, then pulled out a firework from her jacket.

"Always like to have fun with pretty booms with the destructive booms," she explained as she lit the fuse with a lighter, despite Bridgette trying to make her stop. Dolphin Woman and Explosivo wrestled and tried to get it to point at the other; however, when the fuse burned into the firework, it exploded instead of rocketed. Both girls were flew back, burnt by the powerful but colorful burst. Izzy recovered unsteadily and saw Bridgette lying by the riverside. She, wobbling from how dizzy she was feeling, grabbed one of her shotguns and walked up, preparing to finish the heroine for good.

There was a painful-sounding clang, but not from one of Izzy's weapons. Rodney had leapt from the boulder and brought his E-tool down on her head. Explosivo made a funny gurgling noise and then collapsed on the ground, unconscious and defeated. Rodney let out a relieved sigh, and then saw Bridgette, not moving. He rushed over to her side, shaking her and pleading for her to get up.

"Medic! Oh, we're alone… Bridgette, Bridgette, please get up!"

* * *

**(Super VR - Medic! Medic! MEEEEEEEDIIIIIIIIIIC!)**

** Rodney** - "I hate to say this, but now I want my own entrenching tool! They feel really nice, I wouldn't even mind digging in our lawn with one of those! My dad once said kids my age are usually more interested in digging holes in the backyard, but I didn't really get that."

** Bridgette** - "I have to say, I never thought I would get so physical, nor Rodney. That improved aggression they put in the VR made all us a lot more violent! Well, maybe not Izzy."

**Izzy** - "I'm a grim bloody fable, with an unhappy bloody ending! MWAHAHAHAAAAA!"

*_She grins and bounces on her feet in front of the camera, then she suddenly frowns, and bursts into tears, crying intensively. She wipes her wet, bloodshot eyes, shaking, and then looks up at the camera._* "Sorry… I was… thinking about lemurs!"

* * *

**(VR - Not near the bookstore of Classroom City, but close to near.)**

Chef Hatchet looked around the neighborhood, noticing people staring at him as he walked down the middle of the street. Sometimes, he would get annoyed with the stares and throw revolting food at them. They screamed and fled, to which he would chuckle darkly.

"Bookstore, bookstore," he muttered to himself. "Heh, suppose I could pick up a cookbook or two, learn how to ruin a new recipe. When I find that GPA, I'll use my powers to make all food taste like crap! The same crap I have to deal with every day! They all deserve it, maggots! Worms! Great rolling thunder!"

He was not cursing for the last one, just declaring what he was seeing approach him. The ball of lightning (Chef was wrong, thunder is heard and not seen) slammed down into him, knocking him down the road. Leshawna materialized in front of him, lifting her lightning lance. "Not so fast, sugar," she declared. "The bookstore is right nearby here, and I'm not letting you get the GPA!"

"I'm the leader of all the villains," Chef Hatchet declared, pulling out a meat cleaver big enough to be a battle axe, "what makes you can stop me, ya filthy maggot-worm!"

"This is gonna be revenge for all the crap you cooked for us two seasons ago," Leshawna declared, walking towards him. "Don't think you can tango with me, babe, I'm a force of nature!"

"I chop up nature and make it my dinner! Just like I did with Mr. Coconut!"

"Then this is for Mr. Coconut, you gorilla in an apron!"

She shot lightning from her lance at him, but he deflected it with his grimy cleaver. Charging and bellowing, Chef Hatchet slashed out at her, cleaving the lance in two but not harming her due to her reflexes. She ducked from a horizontal slice as she charged electricity in her fists, and slammed her palms into her chest, resulting in an explosive impact; however, the blow didn't phase Chef in the least.

"Special plastic apron," he explained. "Better than kevlar, fireproof, and doesn't conduct!"

He swung his fist, hitting Leshawna in the temple. A head bash from him knocked her down, but she kicked him when he approached, right in the main dish (if you know what I mean). "Too bad you don't have anything there," she remarked, and kicked again.

"Oh, right in the chef's specials," Hatchet declared, and pulled a hatchet from underneath his apron. He chucked it at Leshawna, and she blasted it away with her electricity. On her feet in the blink of an eye, she charged herself and rammed him against a building. "Ain't no one putting little Leshawna down," she declared. "You cooked your last meal, Chef!"

"And you're the delusional one, thinking you're little, giant feast," he shouted. As she twitched in rage, the main villain pulled out his most lethal weapon: a cast-iron frying pan. He chuckled darkly as the instrument began to glow, then wicked flames licked around it. "Flambé dish, maggot! Get ready to perish!"

He lifted it and began to swing, and Leshawna zapped it with a ray of electricity. Naturally, the pan conducted electricity and shook Chef Hatchet wild, seeing his skeleton a few times as he blubbered from the stream of shocks. When Lightning Lancer stopped, the villain stood there, smoking and groaning.

"Even you yourself smell bad when you cook yourself," Leshawna scoffed. "You seriously cannot do anything right, can you? Shame you don't have any non-metal cooking instruments!"

"Au contraire," Chef said, developing a bad French accent, and then revealed a wooden tenderizer that looked more like a sledge hammer. "Prepare to be mashed potatoes!"

"No one messes with Shawnie's potatoes," she shot back, then paused and muttered, "whichever part of the body that is I'm remarking on and-GAH!"

She leapt from an incredible overhand swung of Chef, who smashed the road like a wrecking ball, scattering street all over the street. A mighty wide swing from Chef almost took off Leshawna's head, but her super speed was fast enough to help her dodge it. She tried to blast the instrument, but it was so grimy from grease and other unrecognizable stains that it couldn't even catch fire.

He continued to swing until he accidentally hit a fire hydrant, water gushing up like a wild fountain from the sidewalk. Leshawna conjured another lance, and then used the bladed end to spray water all over Chef. He spluttered and then winced in terror as Leshawna swung the lance, generating electricity and shot another ray of electricity.

The blast practically fried the main villain, sending him catapulting back and slamming into a small donut store. Groaning, he grabbed a donut and chowed down on it before he stomped out. Now brandishing a gigantic, plastic spatula, he bellowed, "I'm gonna squash you like the electric eel that you are! Now where are you?"

He looked around, and missed the burst of static that was made when Leshawna moved quickly. Her voice hovered around her as she said, "Do you know what happened to a bad cook who gets hit by lightning?"

Then he felt her hand grab the back of his head, crushing his little hat in her grasp as the electricity held him in place until she was done charging. Leshawna chuckled and said, "He gets fri-erd!"

A booming thunder clap echoed around the city, and Chef's charred husk of a body was sent flying through the air until he crash-landed in a green waste bin, covered in melon rinds, rotted meat, and eggshells among other revolting products; he had virtually died as he lived in real life.

Leshawna chuckled and spun her lance around. "I've created quite a storm. All the sizzling ladies, all the sizzling ladies!" She laughed to herself as she walked up the street, and almost walked into her fellow super heroes.

"Ororo," Lindsay said in celebration, hugging Leshawna. Tyler and Sakaki were also nearby, Scaredy Cat having met the sporty duo earlier.

"Not even close on the name, sista, but good to see you," Lightning Lancer said, hugging back. "Look, we have to hurry, Belinda warned us that the villains had already been notified of the GPA, we need to find that bookstore."

"We already did, Sakaki found it," Tyler explained. "It's just over yonder, but we were startled by the thunder."

"Then let's hurry! The villains might already be down there!"

* * *

**(Super Closet - Next time, pick on someone your own tiny-baby size!)**

** Leshawna** - "And that is how you do it! I tell you, that felt good… maybe I enjoyed it a little too much. Harold is right, the life of a super hero is amazing!"

**Chef Hatchet** - *_grumbling very bitterly to himself_* "Eliminated at the halfway mark… beaten by that pushy girl… and the closet is a mess again. I am NOT cleaning this up, fools, no way!"

**Chico the Raccoon** - *_blowing around a half-burnt feather_* "lolz, dis cud be mah new playce 2 leeve en!"

* * *

**(VR - Bookstore, Classroom City.)**

Someone, like Leshawna had surmised, had already made it in the bookstore. Carol, Clive, and Sadie, who had moved the quickest because the first two wanted that song to end as soon as possible, had made it there very quickly after the message had been broadcasted. Mandy was also there, due to the fact that she had been very close to the bookstore ever since she split up with Colin. The four villains walked into the bookstore, entered the elevator, and hit the floor button for twenty-seven.

The elevator headed down, and as it went there, the floor number changed from numbers to a small message. "_Only someone_," it said, "_who focuses on removing the GPA can achieve this feat!_"

"Is that important?" Mandy scoffed.

"I guess it just means," Carol said, "that you have to concentrate to get the GPA, and thus cannot let anyone be attacking you."

"That sounds lame."

"You're lame."

"No, you're lame!"

As the two girls fought and Sadie kept them from attacking each other, Clive was the first one to step out of the elevator when it opened up. The room looked like a giant cavern mixed with a giant ribcage. What looked like a ribcage spanned down the rounded room, completely circling the room. At the back was an altar that was decorated with many books, candles, skulls, and iron-cast instruments.

"Cool," Mandy said as she shoved past Carol and made a beeline for the instruments. "These could really help out my magic powers!"

As the villains all stepped off, the elevator dinged and headed back up, though they didn't may much attention to it. Mandy was fishing through all the items, tucking more and more into her robes, as the other three looked around for the GPA.

"I don't understand something," Clive said out loud as he peered into a skull. "The GPA is supposed to be a neutral device. Why is it in this obviously evil area?"

"Because it was an evil being that helped create it," Mandy explained as she looked through a conveniently placed book. "It was something like one of my Old Gods, a being that was hellbent on destroying on Earth, but those heroes up there stopped him, and his body sank into the ground from the force of the final blow. And this GPA, it gave him the incredible power he had to almost wipe out the Earth. What a wannabe."

"A wannabe who is still keeping it hidden from us," Carol said, then started throwing everything around, breaking the demonic decorations until Mandy tackled her to get her to stop. As Carol and Mandy slapped at each other, Sadie saw something glowing behind a bookcase. She pushed it away, and imbedded in the wall was a red skull. Hovering inside the skull's mouth was a glowing gemstone, glimmering every color known to the human eye.

"Wow, that's pretty," Clive said as Sadie clapped joyfully.

"I know, right? I like, so wanna sing the lemur song again in celebration!"

"That's not pretty. Let's just take it and win this contest, shall we?"

Sadie nodded, then started to reach at the skull, but retracted her hand. "I don't wanna stick my hand in there! In a skull's mouth? That's icky!"

"I'll do it," Clive said, glancing over at Mandy and Carol wrestling around, "because I obviously am the only one who cares to."

As he reached in and wrapped his hand around the GPA, he tried to pull it out but it stayed in placed, and he stared in amazement. "There's… some kind of force holding it in there."

"You think that's what the elevator meant?" Sadie asked. "That you have to focus hard and pull on it."

"I suppose that's to keep someone from just snatching it and winning in a heartbeat. Give me a minute, I'll focus and pull it out."

"Are you sure you can focus when you're, you know, emo?" she asked, cocking her head as she looked at him. "Not that that's bad, I mean, you be who you are, even though I think you would look a lot cuter if you didn't put effort into making yourself look so gloomy-icky…"

"I think I could focus a lot more," he said, his pale face blushing under his hood, "if you would stop embarrassing me."

The elevator at the other end of the large room dinged, and the doors opened. Leshawna, Tyler, Sakaki, and Lindsay stepped out, looking around the room then at the villains.

"Oh crap," Sadie squeaked. Carol and Mandy stopped fighting and looked over as well.

"Hell's bells," Mandy grumbled.

Carol clicked her tongue as she reloaded her gun and muttered, "Son of a-"

"Emo boy is getting the GPA," Lindsay shouted. "One of you stop him quick!"

Tyler and Leshawna reacted fast, throwing a fast ball and shooting a burst of lightning at Clive. He let go of the GPA and used his shadow magic to absorb the hits. Lindsay let out a cheer, as did Sakaki but from behind the cheerleader.

"This is so not good," Carol muttered. The elevator dinged and started to head up. "And that's worse. More are coming!"

"There's no way someone can get the gemstone as long as they are all here," Clive said. "We're gonna have to fight them, and get rid of them quickly."

"We won't have to," Mandy said. "I'll summon a bunch of minions to do the job!"

With a swish of her hand, components in her robe vaporized as she created shadowy zombies, gargoyles, and succubi. She cackled as the demonic beings charged at the heroes, and cringed as Tyler, Lindsay, and Leshawna swatted them aside with their super powers.

"Nice going, Satan skank," Carol snarled. "You succeeded in mildly distracting them."

"First off, I am not Satan's skank, I hate that devil," Mandy hollered as she clasped her hands. "Second off, I am going to summon something so powerful, none of them will be able to fight it!"

All of the components Cultist Chick had on her and around her vanished as she chanted a spell. Leshawna and Tyler shot more projectiles at her, but Clive blocked them all. "Do it fast, Mandy," he shouted back at her. "They'll swarm us!"

"Oh, there's one more thing about this spell I should mention," she admitted.

"Just do it!"

"It requires I sacrifice three allies to summon him."

"Fine then, just… wait, what?"

Clive stopped when he felt something creeping up his leg. Shadowy mist was surrounding Mandy, and it was spreading towards him, Carol, and Sadie. Carol and Sadie both screamed, Clive swallowed and said, "Oh well, worse ways to have gone." Then, as if a puddle was underneath the mist, the tendrils and hands of mist grabbed Doom 'n Gloom, Bad Cop, and the Lemur, and pulled them down into nothingness.

"That's…," Lindsay whimpered, really creepy.

Mandy only chuckled as her eyes were now shining bright red, and the mist surrounded her. Then a large, squid-like creature started to rise from the mist. The being's eyes were cold, a dark gray that seemed to radiate hate and evil. Tendrils ran down from its head and it spread its bat-like wings. It stood up straight on clawed feet, extending its claw-like hands. Mandy stepped out from behind the being and cackled.

"I have summoned… Cthulhu Jr.!"

"Junior?" Leshawna exclaimed, staring up at the monster, which was about twenty feet tall.

"Of course, Cthulhu is far larger than this, he is practically the size of a skyscraper! This is just a miniature version of him in all his glory. The real Cthulhu would take sacrificing the whole city and then some, and I only escaped sacrifice because of all the components I had.

"But it matters not. This is a being of incredible power and wonder, and it is totally under my control," Mandy exclaimed, rubbing her hands together. "Cthulhu Jr., use Tackle!"

"Cthulhu," the demonic being cried out, and began to charge at the heroes. Tyler scoffed, leaned down in a racer's starting position, and charged at the approaching enemy.

"I've got the speed of an Olympic sprinter," he declared as he ran at Cthulhu Junior, "and the crushing power of the best quarterback! I'm gonna make sushi out of this freak!"

The two forces of good and evil collided, and the heroes had to duck as Tyler was sent flying back at them, slamming and practically imbedding the wall. He fall out of the Tyler-shaped imprint, completely defeated.

Mandy cackled as she saw the looks of horror on the other heroes' faces. "I am now an Old Gods master, and for the little people, well, I've gotta kill 'em all!"

"CTHULHU," her summoned demon bellowed as it eyed the three heroes and charged again for another attack.

* * *

**(Super Closet - You just got dominated, Bulbo Buttons!)**

** Mandy** - *_grinning wickedly_* "That's right, that's just a preview of what's going to happen when I summon Cthulhu and take over the world! It will all be mine! Every nook and cranny!"

*_Something falls from one of the shelf's crannies, and she leaps back and yelps. Chico peeks his head out and waves, giggling as he prepares his little bed up there._*

**Mandy** - "This is one crazy closet… when I control the world, all closets will be this crazy! It amuses me! That way, it'll always feel like a party when I come out of the closet!"

* * *

…

…

…

**Will Mandy and the villains claim the GPA for themselves? Or will the heroes manage to fight through and take it for themselves?**

** Who will be voted off at the upcoming voting ceremony? Will it be dramatic or hilarious?**

** And what other attacks does Cthulhu Junior know? Water Gun? Thunderbolt? Apocalypse Ending With the Death of All Earthlings?**

* * *

**Heroes Alive** - Chris Maclean, Lindsay, Leshawna, Sakaki, Cody, Belinda, Harold, DJ, Rodney, Valerie, Alfred.

**Heroes in Peril** - Sebastian, Bridgette.

…

**Villains Alive** - Mandy, Gwen, Geoff, Colin, Zachary, Eva, Cthulhu Junior.

**Villains in Peril** - Courtney, Arthur.

…

• Heroes

Leader - **Chris** - The Greatest Hero and Man Ever! Basically, a rip-off of Superman.

**Cody** - Techno-Wizard. Mechanical suit with electric and fire attacks.

**Rodney** - Soldier Kid. Weapons and skills of special forces, unlimited ammo.

**DJ** - The Pacifist. Cannot attack, makes opponents not want to hurt him.

**Harold** - Uber-Nerd. All the nerdy powers and flight, but has a jet pack because it's cool.

**Alfred** - Zombie Survivalist. The weapons, ammo, and stamina of a zombie survivalist.

**Bridgette** - Dolphin Woman. Aqua powers, communication and control of marine life, flight, mermaid form.

**Lindsay** - The Head Cheerleader. Agility, restoration, and strength.

**Valerie** - Pink Politician. Energy projection, flight, lights.

**Leshawna** - Lightning Lancer. Electric powers, speed, summoned lances.

**Sakaki** - Scaredy Cat. Speed, agility, long extendable claws.

**Belinda** - Starvoyant. Psionics, flight.

**Sebastian** - Dreadlock Kick. Incredible martial arts, indestructible hair.

…

• Villains

**Colin** - The Hurter. Causes pain and numbness, weapons of pain, strength.

**Geoff** - Party Bash. Noise, lights, distractions, explosions, disco ball bash.

**Arthur** - Raptor. Long claws, regeneration, speed, intelligence.

**Zachary** - Hot Metal Gangsta. Chains, strength, fire powers.

**Courtney** - The Human Cricket. Agility, noise, martial arts, detection.

**Gwen** - Grim Reapette. Shadow powers, giant scythe, flight.

**Eva** - Ant Woman. Incredible strength, speed, tunneling and bashing skills.

**Mandy** - Cultist Chick. Shadow and fire magic, summoning.

**Cthulhu Junior** - C-Jun to his friends (though he has none). Inhuman strength, flight, aqua powers, under Mandy's control.

* * *

…

…

…

** Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date** - Explosion residue and char on the walls and floor, bits of the items scattered around, pink spit take in the form of a lemur on the wall. The _Fame Town_ CD is still on the shelf, next to Chico's paw-made bed.

…

**[1]** - Trentney is the Trent/Courtney couple, and Chris-23 is the pairing of Chris Redfield and X-23 in the -awesome- game Marvel Vs. Capcom 3. And both have been done by the wonderful _NayaaseBeleguii_ on DeviantArt. Go look at his work, just like I demand you all to go see _Cid-Vicious_ and many others! They deserve it!

…

**Next Up** - Good vs. Evil, with more twists than a winding stairwell!


	45. Ch 13, Pt 3: Deadpool's Super Cameo!

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of Total Drama. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TD contains stunts performed by written teens. People who try these stunts at home will be promptly slapped with a fish.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - Taking a break from my writer's block over my novel, I decided to update this story so that you all would get a little treat. Maybe then I'll be able to write my novel in peace, knowing I gave you all something nice.

And about my other stories, maybe one day I will update them. It all depends on how things go here in real life. I still stand by my stance of that reading good fanfiction encourages me to write this more.

And of course, new poll and all that fun stuff. Vote!

* * *

**Chapter 45** - Have You Ever Noticed the Chapter Title in the Story Does Not Match The Chapter Title in the Selection Bar Above? What's Up With That?

* * *

…

…

…

**(VR - Classroom City, The Hidden Antechamber.)**

Monstrous crashing could be felt by the random civilians of Classroom City, way up on the streets. Some of the reverberations made it all the way up to the top, breaking the street. If they only knew that the offspring of Cthulhu, one of the Old Gods, was crushing superheroes as a cultist super villain cheered her on.

Sakaki lay crumpled and defeated nearby, having been smashed against the walls and floor. Lindsay was unconscious on the other side, a terrible blow from the Old God offspring had been enough to finish her off despite her strength and healing powers. Only Leshawna was standing and fighting, but was in terrible shape.

The Lightning Lancer was panting from exhaustion, but still managing to stay far enough away from Cthulhu Junior to be struck. Countless lightning bolts had only resulted in singes and slight burns; it only seemed to anger the son (daughter? child thing?) of Cthulhu.

It didn't help that Mandy was cackling like a hyena on laughing gas. "Foolish spark shooter," she exclaimed. "You really think your fireworks display is enough to amuse me, mortal fool, but you'll never defeat Cthulhu Junior with lightning!"

"You gonna just let the beast do all your work for you?" Leshawna asked, leaping to the side as Cthulhu Junior charged at her again.

"Good villains always let their servants do all the work," Mandy said. "Izzy told me that one. But does it matter to you? If I joined in, you'd be overwhelmed in an instant."

The elevator at the back of the cavern-like room dinged, and the lights above it showed that someone was coming down. Leshawna chuckled and said, "You might want to reconsider that, those might be my friends."

"And they might be mine," Mandy said. "Still, I guess I should help."

She began shooting bursts of shadow energy at Leshawna, who deflected them with her spear. Cthulhu Junior managed to seize the Lightning Lancer in one of his large hands. "Cthulhu," it barked as it squeezed her, making her feel so much more restrained.

"_Thank goodness there's no pain in this simulation,_" Leshawna thought. She was feeling dizzy as the elevator pinged, and the doors slid open. Cthulhu Junior glanced at who was entering, and grunted ("Cthu!") in annoyance.

"Aw, how annoying," Mandy grumbled, "more heroes."

Rodney and Bridgette, the latter looking exhausted but carrying on, entered the cavern-room. Mandy twirled her dagger in her hand, and shook her head. Rodney squeaked in terror and pointed at Cthulhu Junior, shouting, "What is that?"

"That is Cthulhu Junior," Mandy explained, "son of Cthulhu, born in the deepest of oceans, destroyer of worlds!"

"Cthulhu," the monstrosity said proudly.

Bridgette and Rodney gaped at it, and then noticed Leshawna, who still squirmed in Cthulhu Jr.'s grasp. "Guys, you gotta hurry and defeat these two," she cried out, "before more villains show up!"

She charged a blast of electricity and blasted the squid-beast in the side of its face, burning half of its eyes. Cthulhu Junior let out a wail of pain ("Cthulhu!") and then chucked Leshawna with all its might at the elevator. Rodney and Bridgette managed to jump out of the way just in time, and their friend slammed into the doors, bending them into the shaft. The two winced in terror as Leshawna fell down and did not get back up.

"Rodney," Bridgette said, giving her fallen friend one more glance, "take care of Mandy. I'll handle Cthulhu Junior."

"What? No, he's so strong, and you're not at full strength."

"Trust me, I know what I'm doing. Take care of Mandy, make sure she doesn't attack me."

Rodney swallowed and fastened the strap on his helmet. Running around Cthulhu Junior's newly created blind side, the Soldier Kid pulled out his automatic rifle and began firing. Mandy was hit multiple times, but in video game fashion, there were just "POW POW POW" sounds and her flinching to imply damage.

"Ow," Mandy raged, "I hate being shot, it's so annoying. Eat some real power, trigger-happy midget!"

She let loose a series of fast-paced blasts of shadow magic, some hitting Rodney and some reflecting off his helmet. The Soldier Kid pulled out a shotgun and attacked, shells countering blasts of magic. Cultist Chick pulled out her dagger and leapt at him, to which he pulled out his combat knife and parried. They clashed blades, snarling at each other, trying to sneak in a blast of dark energy or a bullet from a sidearm pistol to throw the other off.

The room was vibrating with all the thrashing Cthulhu Junior was doing, throwing both Rodney and Mandy off when the cavern shook with incredible might. As the boy soldier and the cultist girl were about to break out the big guns (literally for Rodney), the shaking stopped.

Mandy looked over at Cthulhu Junior, who was standing perfectly still. She smirked in triumph and said, "Looks like my special beast consumed your friend. It's over for you, hon."

Rodney was distracted when he looked over, only to be blasted off his feet by her powerful magic. He slammed into the wall and pulled himself up, panting from fatigue and desperation. He was greatly surprised, as was Mandy, when Bridgette walked around Cthulhu Junior. The giant beast didn't move or follow her, still looking frozen in place.

"What… what?" Mandy stammered. "How did…"

"You said Cthulhu Junior was born in the ocean," Bridgette said, flicking her ponytail behind her as she glanced at the monster. "I have control over sea beasts. It took a little while, but I managed to paralyze this monster."

"That's," the cultist sputtered, her red eyes twitching, "that's _cheating_!"

"No, it's not, that's within my powers," Bridgette said, "and so is this."

Dolphin Woman leapt high into the air next to Cthulhu Junior, her bottom half turning into a mermaid fin. She landed a strong blow upside the beast's head, something that normally wouldn't be enough to hurt the beast; however, now it was paralyzed and submissive. Bridgette's blow knocked it onto its side, and upon hitting the floor, the giant beast dissolved. Evil hissing emitted from its disintegrating body as it melted into a puddle of evil goo, letting out one last cry ("Cthu… lhu…") before it was fully goo, then dissolved into the ground.

"And that," Bridgette said calmly, hovering over a stupefied Mandy and applauding Rodney, "is how one takes care of an evil being from the ocean. Keep your ocean clean, people, by disposing of trash in proper containers, and never allowing Cthulhu's offspring to spawn in them."

She grinned and gave a thumbs-up to an invisible camera, ending her public servant announcement. Mandy, meanwhile, was having a public announcement over her servant's end.

"I call shenanigans," she bellowed. "Lying cheating shenanigans! I want a recount! Do-over! Time out! You foolishly foolish fools foolishly fooled the foolish referee-"

She was struck over the head with Bridgette's mermaid tail, silencing the cultist with the blow. The cult let out a groan, her eyes rolled into the back of her head, and she fainted. Bridgette dusted her hands and looked at Rodney. "Well then, now that they're out of the picture, shall we get the GPA?"

"You were awesome," Rodney exclaimed. "And yes, let's get it before more show up-"

The sound of the elevator dinging was too quiet to be heard from the other side of the cavern-room, but the doors being blown off with a mighty explosion was impossible to ignore. Both flinched and they looked over to where the smoke was clearing.

Out stepped Arthur, Courtney, Eva, Geoff, Zachary, and Colin. They looked around, noting the bodies of fallen heroes and villains, then the two standing. Courtney sighed in remorse at what she was going to have to do.

"How fortunate we all met up before we headed down," Arthur said, clicking his tongue in amusement, "how nice when such coincidences happen."

"I just found you and Courtney in a jam and helped you out," Eva grumbled, "then I picked up the moping party animal, Zachary, and quite unfortunately, Colin."

"Shut up or I'll hurt you," Colin snarled. "Just like how I hurt that elevator door."

"Yes, I'm sure the door felt such pain," Courtney muttered.

"Shut up, or I'll hurt you too!"

As the villains bickered, Rodney tugged Bridgette's tail and whispered, "Get the GPA, I'll distract them! Go now!"

Bridgette had barely time to blink as Rodney pulled four grenades from his belt, two in each hand. He pulled the pins on all of them, and then chucked them at the half dozen villains. Solider Kid charged them, combat shotgun in hand.

Courtney, pulling herself away from the argument, used her martial arts to kick one away. Eva stomped down on one, sending it burrowing deep into the earth. Geoff caught one and bounced it away with the heel of his shoe, and Zachary whipped one away with his burning chain. All four grenades exploded far away from their target, only causing noisy distractions.

Rodney's shotgun burst hit Arthur, sending the velociraptor villain sprawling. As he recovered and snarled at the hero, he was surprised when the Solider Kid was seized by painful-looking, evil energy. Colin cackled as he held Rodney in the air with his wicked magic, and then caused it to erupt.

The Solider Kid's scream echoed around the cavern-room, as Colin grinned in sadistic triumph. The boy's body was thrown away like a rag doll, and the Hurter cackled. "Yes, yes! I love hurting children," he shouted, "their screams are so much more delightful!"

"No! Rodney," Bridgette exclaimed, having seen it all and not been able to look away. "How could you do that?"

"It's easy," Colin declared. "I will do it again too, it's such a shame he cannot feel the real agony of my powers-"

"Shut up," Courtney snapped. "We have to take care of her now… and I don't want you to do it."

Bridgette's eyes darted between the six villains, finally resting on Geoff. She took several steps back, nervously panting, and she called out, "Geoff, don't let them do this!"

"He cannot help you," Eva pointed out. "He's on our side."

The party animal nodded somberly. Normally, given the circumstances, Bridgette would understand why he wouldn't betray his team for her; however, his attitude over the past few days made it hurt. She let out a defeated whimper that made Geoff's heart wrench in agony. Colin enjoyed every second of it, and began powering up another attack.

"It's time to end this," he shouted.

"No, I said," Courtney declared. "You won't do it, you'll enjoy it too much!"

The ceiling shook, dust and dirt sprinkling down on them. They all looked up in confusion, then the roof seemed to explode with a shower of earth. They all flinched, and then gaped when they saw Chris hovering in the air in front of them.

"Thought I would just…," Chris said, flicking his perfect hair as he grinned and said, "… drop in."

"Lame," Arthur grumbled.

"We're in trouble now," Zachary said.

"Don't think so, there's six of us and two of them," Courtney said, taking a fighting stance.

"Your numbers are a little off," Chris said with a sly smirk.

Arthur, who secretly read enough comics to know that was a saying used right before someone would be eliminated, went into a defensive stance. He, and the others, were not expecting Chris to look over at Bridgette and then fire lasers from his eyes at her; she was expecting it the least, and managed to jump out of the way at the last second.

"What are you doing?" she shouted, avoiding the area that was left smoldering by the laser shots. "I'm on your side!"

"Aha, that's where you are wrong, Dolphin Girl," Chris said. "Because I am actually… a villain!"

"Le gasp," Arthur exclaimed.

"What a twist," Eva said, and added, "but somehow, not that surprising."

"What are you talking about?" Courtney asked. "You cannot be a villain, you bet on the heroes winning!"

Chris cackled, flexing his fingers evilly like he thought evil people did. "You all thought I did. But in all actuality, I placed my bet on the villains. I put more money on the villains than Chef did, as well as my little bet on the heroes, and thus waited for the perfect moment to reveal my intentions.

"And since there's one hero here and many villains, I know that I must side with the villains to win my money," he finished explaining, hovering towards Bridgette. "Sorry, nothing personal, but I just have to think about my future."

"This is lame," Arthur remarked.

"So long as he's helping us take care of the mermaid hero," Zachary said, speaking over the ding of the elevator, "it is fine with me, dawg."

Bridgette whimpered as she backed away from Chris, glancing at who arrived and praying it was a hero. It was not, it was in fact Gwen. The dark villainess looked around the room silently, and then gathered the souls of the fallen, her power increasing tremendously, especially from the soul of Cthulhu Junior.

"And now, my lowly, hero wannabe," Chris said as Bridgette backed against the wall, "it's time for you to fall from the most handsome turncoat ever. Thank you for being an easy target."

He swung forward with his super powerful fist, but a blast of deathly magic knocked him off-balance. Chris looked to see who attacked him, only for a goth boot to the face sending him sprawling. Gwen stood above him, a malicious grin on her face.

"Wait a minute, Gwen," Chris exclaimed, "I'm on your side!"

Her reply was a swift swing of her scythe, carving for some incredible damage with her death magic. Normally, a superhero like Chris would not be hurt by Gwen's attacks, but with all the powerful souls she had absorbed, the Grim Reapette was burning enough deathly energy to deal damage to him. It was like she had smeared bad hair gel on her scythe.

The Grim Reapette swung at Chris more, dealing killer blow after blow. The turncoat was blasted down to the floor by her intense death magic, and then she arced her scythe downward into his chest. The Greatest Hero (and Actually a Villain) and Man Ever let out a gurgle of defeat before she pulled the weapon from him.

Gwen looked down at the defeated body of Chris, her grin still on her face as she pulled her hood back to have it broadcasted to all of how happy she was. She opened her mouth and spoke for the first time this challenge. "Man, did that feel _good_! I've wanted to do that since Day 1 of TDI!"

"Gwen," Courtney exclaimed, the first to collect herself, "Chris was on our side!"

"No he wasn't, he was a hero."

"He just told you that he was on our side!"

"Did he?" Gwen asked, looking down at the body of the host. "I must have missed that. Oh well."

Arthur shook off the grin on his face, and asked, "Well then, what is next?"

"I suppose we have to finish off Bridgette now," Courtney said. "Sorry, Bridgette, it was inevitable."

"I'll do that," Colin exclaimed.

"No," both Courtney and Gwen shouted, the latter adding, "I'll hold her down, you all get the GPA."

The Grim Reapette grabbed Dolphin Woman and pushed her against the wall. She snarled and leaned in, whispering, "If you're still alive when the challenge is over, you'll get immunity, so don't fight me back."

Bridgette gave a shadow of a nod, swallowing nervously. She watched as the villains started to head to the GPA, lamenting their defeat. Colin stopped walking to the GPA to look at her, then held up his fist, painful energy sparkling.

"Are you trying to ensure your friend gets immunity?" he asked. "I'm not going to allow that!"

Gwen growled and muttered under her breath, "When did he become clever?"

"Move, goth skank," Colin shouted, powering up his energy, "or I'll hurt you too!"

"Why don't you shove off, you stupid-"

A whistling noise from the hole in the ceiling that Chris had come barreling down, distracting Gwen and then all the others. The Grim Reapette was suddenly kicked away from Bridgette, slamming into Colin and knocking the bully villain over. Gwen shook her head and saw who was standing in front of Bridgette, defending her now.

"No one," Harold shouted as he left his combat stance and pulled a katana out of its scabbard, "hurts my friend!" The nerd snarled as he eyed all the villains, then looked back at Bridgette. "You okay, Bridge?"

"Y-yes," she stammered. "You came just in time! But it's still not looking good, Harold!"

Arthur scoffed and said, "Darn flying nerd. You're still outnumbered."

The flying nerd grinned at him, looking over his katana as he surveyed all the villains. "You don't think I came alone, did you? Oh, I've wanted to say that for so long."

The Raptor scoffed, then felt the familiar hum of powerful psionic energy make the scales on the back of his neck stand up. Belinda came hovering down the hole in the ceiling too, using her telekinesis to help lower Alfred and Sebastian. The three landed just as Cody and Valerie flew down the elevator shaft and into the room.

"Sorry to interrupt," Cody said, flicking his brunet bangs, "but we thought we might just… dro-"

"That's been done," Eva called out.

"Oh, sorry."

Belinda's quaint chuckling broke the tension, and said, "Seven heroes and seven villains. Seems we are at a stalemate, unless we begin fighting."

"Shall we then?" Sebastian said, raising an eyebrow.

"We shall indeed," Arthur retorted.

Utter chaos followed the daring words. Classroom City above thought tremors were shaking their city, or maybe it was just another super face-off (they were quite used to them, Classroom City has a lot of outdoor restaurants to watch such spectacles). The GPA glimmered and shone, almost fluctuating due to all the energy in the air.

Bridgette chased after Geoff, who was retreating from her as much as he could. This proved difficult when she jumped on his back, gripping his shoulders and shaking him, making him fire off confetti, party fog, random party noises, and lights as he tried to shake her with all this party powers. "Why are you avoiding me?" she shouted. "Why don't you _talk_ to me? Stop running for me and explain yourself, darn it!"

Alfred and Arthur were swinging at each other, crowbar to raptor talons. Eventually, Raptor wrenched the crowbar from Zombie Survivalist's hands. A wooden baseball bat was seized by the villain's powerful jaws and snapped in two. Even a katana wasn't enough to slice through the villain's scales, and Arthur was laughing and asking Alfred if that was the best he could do. Thus Alfred pulled out a couple molotovs with burning rags and chased after Arthur, hurling them at the villain and making fiery, splashing explosions. "Doh," Arthur shouted as he pat out the fires on his body as he ran from his opponent, "I should have known not to say that!"

Cody snarled at Colin as the villain powered up his agonizing energy. "This is for Anita," he shouted as he powered up a ball of fire in his hands.

"Hah! What makes you think you can do anything about avenging that b-"

Cody launched his conjured fireball at Colin, who fired his painful energy burst in a panicked response. Cody's was stronger, and scorched the Hurter. Techno-Wizard followed up by swinging the mech-arms of his backpack at the villain, smacking him around and sending him sprawling. Colin recovered and tried to recover, but Cody was relentless.

Harold and Courtney stared each other down as he muttered, "Round two… fight!" Courtney immediately began to kick at him with her incredible speed, but he managed to parry with his katana. She was clever enough to not let her foot get hit by the sharp side of his katana, but he was making it very difficult. The Human Cricket tried to use her legs to cause unsettling noise, but Harold put in his headphones from his iPhone that had many many apps (doesn't get any nerdier than that), and listened to a nerdy song to drown out her noise. The fight commenced, adding in him humming the nerdy songs.

Belinda and Gwen were busy in wordless combat, using psionic projectiles and death magic to counter the other. The Grim Reapette still had some power from all the souls she had gathered, but Starvoyant was giving her a run for her money. Gwen moved in for the kill with her death scythe, but Belinda formed a saber out of psionic energy and parried. The two stared into each other's eyes before swinging violently, parrying and countering each other with aggressive swings. The air around them was thick with deathly magic and mind-warping telekinesis powers around them.

Valerie was being chased by Eva around the room. The Pink Politician was firing energy blasts back at her, but the Ant Woman would swat them away or let them reflect off her carapace armor. When she swung at Valerie and strike the floor or walls, a shower of dirt would spray the super heroine. Eva burrowed underground and then burst up right below Valerie, knocking her into the air. A follow-up uppercut knocked the Pink Politician into the ceiling, and then ricocheting into the ground. As the heroine landing on the floor and pulled herself up, Eva lunged. Valerie used her powers to shine bright light in Eva's eyes, temporarily blinding the Ant Woman and giving her opponent enough time to back up for much-needed recovery.

There was a clang echoing around the room as a powerful leg countered a punch from a chain-wrapped fist. Sebastian and Zachary stared each other down as they struggled to overpower the other, and leapt back from the other. Zachary activated his fire ability, making his chains white-and-gold hot. Sebastian spun around on his foot, causing it to become super hot in return, and they clashed again, hot chain on hot foot, neither with the upper hand (or foot). They continued to clash, sparks shooting out with each strike.

The fighting was unrelenting and wild (you'll just have to take our word for it, it really is awesome, but we're running out of adjectives). Neither hero nor villain was giving up or relenting, and it seemed every fight was in a stalemate. Sparks and magic and lights and fire splashed all over the large cavern-room, like if a party was exploding in the worst possible way. Sadly, no one was shouting corny one-liners or having conversations like they always seem to in comic books. Everyone was too focused on their current fight and earning the edge over their opponent.

Which was why no one noticed when the elevator dinged one more time and DJ stepped out. The cowardly hero looked around the very violent room, swallowed hard, and ran into the fray. He darted past the fights, covering his head and whimpering, "Oh please don't hit me, please oh please!"

The villains did eventually notice DJ, especially when he was near the GPA; however, his pacifism powers were making them all feel rather dismissive about attacking him. Even when he grabbed the GPA and started to pull it out, the stress was causing DJ's powers to go into overdrive, and none of the villains could find it in them to attack him.

The Pacifist yanked the GPA out of the container in the wall, and held it up triumphantly. His powers amplified to an unbelievable amount, pacifism spread around the entire world. Peace was as common as the very air, cats and dogs were best friends, politicians agreed in harmony, even sports fans and shipping wars were quelled with good sportsmanship and pleasant debate.

The entire world was at peace.

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, The Arena)**

The arena was exploding with cheers and clapping as Vera powered down. Those surviving to the very end were greeted by this tremendous jubilation, as well as Groucho the Duck shouting in the megaphone.

"Heroes win," he quacked in triumph. "Heroes win it all!"

"DJ," Anita declared, embracing him. "You did it! You won the day!"

"You sure proved me wrong, teddy bear," Leshawna cheered.

"Let's hear it for DJ," Alfred exclaimed.

The heroes all burst into loud cheers for DJ, who was almost overcome with modest embarrassment. He scratched the back of his head and chuckled, trying to say it was a team effort. The heroes lifted him up and let him bask in the glory of the victory, and he did feel king of the world for those wonderful moments.

The villains were all sulking, shaking their heads as they tried to comprehend the amount of their defeat: no special dinner, possible vote-off, and the agony of letting down villains everywhere. Actually, the last one only upset very few of them.

Chris was the most upset, and became even more grumpy when Chef walked over, chuckling. "So, you bet for the villains, and we lost anyway," he said, laughing. "So how much money did you lose when putting money on both teams, and having to pay me?"

"_Enough that I might have to consider ordering only one lobster for dinner_," Chris thought as he turned away from Chef and snatched the megaphone from Groucho. "_Or maybe I'll have to settle for even less, I am so not dipping into my hair gel account to cover for this._"

"All right," the host said into the megaphone, cranking the volume up so loud that it startled everyone; the heroes dropped DJ in the process of covering their ears. "You heroes won, and that means we're all going to Eat At Maclean's!"

"You aren't going," Gwen shouted defiantly, "you backstabbed the heroes! You don't deserve a winner's dinner!"

"It's my restaurant," Chris responded. "Unless you want me to yank the whole prize, I'm going!"

While most of the heroes were pretty ticked off that someone who planned to betray them was being rewarded, most were just upset that Chris was coming to the party too. Gwen just shook her head and wished she had her villainess scythe.

Chris made a quick call, and then the limousines arrived. The host shouted at the interns to put all of the winners into the cars, and the low-paid, low-morale, disgruntled employees of Maclean were rather forceful in shoving all the winners into the limousines. As they were man-handled and shoved into the cars, most felt like they were the losers or being punished for something with this kind of treatment. Though their frustration and poor service was its own reward, as Xander socked one in the face and Leshawna elbowed another in the gut in response to their rude treatment.

As all but one limousine pulled out, Chris turned to Chef and said, "Well, you're the big loser, so you have to do the rest of the episode. I'm off to dine like a king, and you have to eat your own crap. Later, losers!"

Chef growled in frustration as Chris jumped into the last limo and it sped off. Then the co-host realized he was going to have to announce the rest of the show, stammered until Chico pat his shoulder and pointed at the remaining contestants.

"Okay, maggots," he barked, startling all of them. "You all failed miserably, but I'm a better man than Pretty Boy, so I'll say that yes, I failed too."

"At least you tried," Sadie said.

"Yes, yes I did. But now we have to get to the bad stuff."

"Nitty-gritty," Clive muttered, "more's the pity."

"Exactly, Ghost Face, and I count sixteen of you maggots. Thus, we will have eight immune, and eight voting someone out of this contest. Now who survived again?"

Groucho the Duck tapped a console pad, which had the details of the challenge on it. Chef began tapping it and almost wiped all the data in five seconds before the duck swat his hands away and pointed out the necessary facts.

"Okay then. We have surviving among us losers: Arthur, Colin, Courtney, Eva, Geoff, Gwen, and Zachary. So we need to pick one more for immunity."

"I should get to pick," Colin exclaimed. "I got the most kills!"

"No, I did," Gwen countered.

"Kills don't matter," Courtney shouted, "it's leadership!"

"You didn't lead," Zachary snapped. "We were all doing our own thing!"

"Maybe you did your own thing, but I was-"

Chef pushed the electronic pad against Courtney's chest, almost knocking her over. He grumbled, "Here, take it, make your pick, and shut up."

"What? I don't-"

"I just want this over with, pick one!"

His bellowing voice made her hair whip as if in a wind tunnel, and she shook off the ringing in her ears. Sighing in defeat, she glanced over the available losers, and chose the only one she deemed worthy. "Ezekiel," she said, handing the pad back to Chef.

"Oh, thank you, eh," the prairie boy said.

"No problem, just didn't think anyone else really deserved it."

"Explosivo takes massive umbrage to your bombastic comments," Izzy roared, throwing her fists in the air. "I did my best and fought well."

"Well, we all would have done better," Carol muttered, glaring at Mandy, "if someone hadn't sacrificed her teammates to get a stupid monster!"

"My summoning was just fine, you shrimpy, donut gorging shrimp," Mandy retorted. "Maybe if you could hit actually hit the enemy instead of your teammates!"

"How dare you call me shrimpy, you midget freak who worships fake gods!"

"THAT'S IT! I'LL END YOU, MORTAL WENCH!"

"COME AT ME, BRO!"

Izzy managed to wedge between her two friends, keeping them from hitting and clawing at each other. The redhead tried desperately to calm down the two, telling them that both were pretty and height didn't matter. As the two girls shrieked at each other, all the other losers quickly getting out there.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - World First: World Peace!)**

** Arthur** - "Being a villain wasn't so bad, I admit; it was fun to fight with no mercy. I could get used to that, hehe."

**Courtney** - "I don't know why Chef gave me the immunity choice, but I was fine with it. After all, I was the only one to pick the sane one of that bunch. Seriously, what is wrong with some of the girls in this show?"

**Eva** - "Man… Anita gets to have dinner with Cody! Is that going to trump our blimp ride? The only thing more frustrating than wondering about this is realizing I'm worried about this! Argh!"

**Zachary** - "I really wish I could persuade people to vote Yoshi, who I'm sure didn't do anything the whole game, but sadly, I doubt any of those freaks would listen to me over their arguments."

**Gwen** - "So what if I lost? I don't want to eat at Chris Maclean's restaurant, with Chris! That's worse than sitting next to the haughty cheerleaders at school lunch when they serve meatloaf! Bleah!"

**Colin** - "You know, we would have won if it wasn't for those morons who play with a conscience. Reminds me of my little sister, how can anyone try to be nice? Bunch of loser idiots."

**Noah** - "Morale of story is that someone like DJ can win the day. How ironic, but still, I gotta applaud the guy. Only he could win the day by creating world peace and not make it cheesy."

* * *

**(Eat At Maclean's.)**

The restaurant was nicely decorated, if one liked a picture of Chris Maclean on every wall. Chris was framed in many different styles and outfits, including his usual attire, in a tuxedo, in a bathrobe, dressed like a sleek spy, dressed like a movie star, and more and more. It was enough to make everyone except Chris and his biggest fans lose their appetite, which wasn't a good thing for a restaurant.

Chris had left the contestants to go to his private booth, and to make himself feel better, he gave the waiters and cooks hell over his order. He sent it back five times, gleefully giving guff over details that didn't exist, until eventually the chef came out and smacked the meal he slaved over into Chris's face; this royally ticked off Chris, but luckily for the cook, he didn't get a good enough look before the meal was shoved into the host's face.

The sixteen heroes were all very much enjoying themselves, having pushed together some tables so they could all eat and talk together. Valerie had started off the cheer by toasting DJ, and everyone joined in to give one more cheer to the very bashful guy. All of them were talking about their favorite superheroes, movies, comic books, and more, complete nerd extravaganza.

Anita was very much enjoying her time with Cody, chatting him up and gushing over how well he performed. Cody enjoyed talking to her about all the geeky stuff he never had a chance to talk to with girls over. It was very relaxing for him, and she was in heaven.

Lindsay and Tyler were sharing a meal between each other, a big plate of spaghetti that they kept ending up kissing because it seemed to be some incredible luck that they kept picking up the same strand. Sakaki and Sebastian were talking about more normal subjects than the others, mostly because she didn't know much about superheroes.

Xander was trying to chat up Crystal, but the romantic was distracted by Leshawna and Harold, with Bridgette sitting nearby but looking so alone. Harold was gushing about superheroes nonstop, with Leshawna smiling and nodding like many girlfriends have to do. Eventually, Harold could tell she was bored, and was going to change the subject before he noticed Bridgette.

"Gosh," he muttered, looking over at his friend, "she looks upset."

Leshawna noted Bridgette, and said, "Yeah, she's the only person here not enjoying herself, the poor baby doll. Must be about Geoff."

Crystal hummed a little, catching their attention. "They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but the opposite can happen. Bridgette is losing Geoff slowly but surely, and she's losing her friends too."

"She's not losing her friends," Leshawna protested.

"She sure looks it, though."

"I'm gonna be changing that then!"

Leshawna stood up and walked over to Bridgette, who seem startled her friend was approaching her. "Oh! Leshawna, um, if this is about… um…"

"Stop being so sad and join in with us, girl, I can't stand seeing you sulking here miserable."

"It's just that… I don't want to…"

"Sorry, but I'm makin' ya."

Leshawna grabbed Bridgette's chair and dragged the surfer girl over to sit right next to Harold, then sat down on her boyfriend's other side. "Now then," she said as she looked at the two, "I want this awkwardness done, ya hear me? I shall swat the next person who puts on a sad face!"

Bridgette and Harold exchanged glances, the former blushing slightly and the latter nodding wistfully. "She means it," Harold said, smiling at her.

The surfer girl looked around, trying to see if there was an escape to this, but conceded defeat and sighed. "Well then," she said, "I never got to say thank you for saving my hide, Harold."

"All in a day's work for a superhero."

Leshawna snickered. "My, how modest, sugar."

Bridgette chuckled as well, then looked down at her vegetarian meal. "Oh, do you guys want to try some of this salad?" she asked. "It's delicious!"

"No thanks, Bridgette, rabbit food ain't for me."

"I'll try some," Harold volunteered.

"Oh good, because I ordered way too much; I think I'll have to take the rest to DJ's rabbit at this rate."

As Bridgette shared her meal with Harold, and finally opened up and talked with her friends normally, Crystal let out a small, silent cheer of delight and hugged Xander. "I may still have my matchmaking powers yet!"

"Um, I don't get it," Xander admitted, hating how dumb he sounded.

* * *

**(The Janitor's Closet at Eat At Maclean's - Cleaner than the Stadium's.)**

** Xander** - "I gotta admit, I still rather like Crystal, but she seems to love pairing other people up more. She spent most of the dinner talking to Lindsay and Tyler, then Sebastian and Sakaki, and then oddly enough, Alfred and Valerie. I didn't get that at first, but she gave up after a couple minutes."

**Crystal** - "I got this wonky vibe from Alfred and Valerie, that both were gonzo and loved to dive into things. But something is telling me that Valerie doesn't want to admit that… shame, they could be really cute."

**Valerie** - "Crystal's lucky I was in such a good mood that I didn't snap at her for daring to try and suggest I was romantically involved with Alfred. Affair rumors can destroy a politician, and if she accidentally ruins the reputation I've worked so hard to make, I'll ruin her worse! And me and Alfred? Please, I don't care for boys like that, they're shallow dipsticks!"

**Alfred** - "I appreciate Crystal trying to hook me up, but I am content with trying to court Mandy. Underneath that cultist chick exterior lurks a sensitive and sweet girl who cares for the souls of the innocent, a wonderful and beautiful girl who loves what she does with a passion. Passion that echoes mine in what I do, the sweet beauty of having a sense of being and destiny! Plus, Mandy's boobs are nicer than Valerie's."

**Bridgette** - *_sighs_* "I know I keep being silly over Harold and Leshawna, but I'm desperate to make sure I don't ruin anything between them. They keep being so nice to me, but whenever I get to talk to Harold, I get this unsettling feeling that I cannot understand! If only Geoff would talk to me, then maybe I could make sense of it all!"

**Leshawna** - "Do I think Bridgette is getting too close to my boyfriend? Kids, let me tell you something, I trust that girl as much as I trust the sun to set at night. How could either of them, being so sweet that they probably be sweatin' sugar, so trust me when I say I feel comfortable with what is going on."

**Harold** - "With great power comes great responsibility, as a wise man once said. I take this to heart, and thus I stake my reputation as a nerd, as a hero, as a man, to do no harm to any of my friends in these intrepid times of wallowing in drama that Chris Maclean stirs. Leshawna is my Chocolate Goddess, the Storm to my… wait, who was Storm romantically linked to again? Oh crud, my nerdy powers are failing me!"

* * *

**(Back at Maclean Stadium.)**

"You really gotta calm down, my friend," Izzy said to Mandy, rubbing her shoulders. "Carol isn't that big a deal, we have bigger fish to try."

"As far as I see it, that minnow is the biggest problem in the pond," Mandy grumbled. "How do you put up with someone loud and wild and unpredictable like that?"

"I dunno, it's hard to judge myself even when I look in the mirror."

As Mandy stammered an apology, Izzy merely laughed it off and continued to console her. "Now, what we need to do is get you to talk to Alfred. I gave up courting and making out with him so that you, my friend, would have a chance!"

"You… you really think he's interested in me?"

"Heck, if he ain't, then I wouldn't be interested in him, because he's dense! So I'll tell you this, if you survive tonight's elimination, you'll talk to him when he gets back!"

"Um, okay."

"And if it doesn't work, you can always go out with me."

Izzy giggled and kissed Mandy's neck, making the cultist girl squeak in surprise. "Oh for the love of Ithaqua, Izzy, why do you keep teasing me on that? You know I'm not that way!"

"Because it's so much fun!"

"Everyone still thinks I'm gay even though I'm obviously not!"

"That so?" Noah said as he walked by. "Welcome to my world."

Someone overheard the entire conversation between Izzy and Mandy, and chuckled over the part of surviving this night's elimination. As the two crazy girls continued to talk, Yoshi was asking Chef Hatchet something important.

"What do you mean that the winners won't be back for the voting ceremony?"

"Sorry, Samurai, but they're out the entire night. Chris's orders, he doesn't want to have to deal with the voting ceremony tonight, said you all get too emotional and take it personal when someone wants to vote off someone to hurt someone else."

Normally, Yoshi would have agreed with Chris over the fact that it was just a show and not life-and-death, but he had been softened by his friends. "The way people are talking, something terrible could happen tonight, and I need to prevent that."

"No using that sword of yours, boy."

"I'm not gonna threaten anyone, darn it! I just need to make sure that this time, someone specific doesn't get voted off." He tied his hair bandana over his head as he muttered to himself, "I owe that to my friend."

"Yeah, yeah, just no killing anyone!"

"Why does everyone think I'm a psychopath just because I carry a sword? Have I hurt anyone with it? Sheesh, such judgement!"

As Yoshi sulked, Zachary listened in and cackled. "I think I know who you want to save, white boy," he said to himself, "and lemme tell you, you're gonna fail to save that crazy woman."

* * *

**(Back at Eat At Maclean's.)**

"You know, if you had just been given one more minute," Anita said to Cody, "you would have had Colin."

"Aw, thanks but he was really dangerous, I was lucky to remain standing."

"You put yourself down too much, I was really rooting for you, Codemiester."

"We all were," Belinda added in. "We all hate that awful creep, I wanted to hold him down while you hit him."

Cody chuckled at the thought, and then Anita offered him the chip basket. He started gobbling them down, but made sure to save Anita some. Belinda looked at the empty basket after they were finished, and shook the crumbs onto her plate. "Gee thanks. Why didn't I have the foresight to ask the waiter for more than one basket on this side?"

Anita and Cody continued to talk animatedly about the challenge, while Belinda glanced over and chuckled from time to time. She then noticed DJ and Rodney talking enthusiastically.

"Wouldn't it be great if we had that kind of peace in the contest?" Rodney asked rhetorically. "I mean, if everyone was peaceful, the contest was run so much smoothly."

"I am sure that the voting ceremonies would be easier to tolerate," DJ said. "I mean, as lovely as this dinner has been, the voting ceremony tonight will probably make everything sour."

"We're not going to be back for the voting ceremony," Belinda said aloud.

"We're not going to see the voting ceremony?" DJ and Rodney exclaimed in unison, alerting the whole table.

"We're not?" most of the others replied.

Belinda pointed back at Chris, who was now threatening to fire every cook in the restaurant. "Do you think he wants to deal with more drama at him? We'll be here until the voting ceremony is over."

"I guess that means everyone who won immunity is gonna be safe," Xander remarked.

"But Mandy doesn't have immunity then," Alfred said, biting his nails in worry. "Or Izzy!"

"Thank God," Valerie muttered to herself.

"Zeke doesn't have immunity too," Tyler exclaimed. "Oh man, my friend could get voted off and I wouldn't get to say good-bye!"

"And then," Lindsay said in equal worry, "you wouldn't get to kiss him farewell!"

As everyone but the couple burst into laughter, Tyler looked bitterly at Lindsay, who was rather confused. "What?" she asked. "You've kissed him twice, I thought it was just something you two did as friends."

When the laughter died down, the worry set in again, all those wondering their friends were going to be safe. The mood started to drop down to a miserable low when Sebastian spoke up. "Everyone, I know you feel this is bad news, but it is also a blessing. We have been greatly upset whenever we had to watch the voting ceremony, perhaps this way, we will be spared the drama that it creates.

"And furthermore," he added, raising an amused eyebrow, "when has anyone on this show who's been voted off restrained themselves from not visiting?"

"I know I haven't," Duncan shouted from a nearby table, which he had propped his feet on and chowed down on his chips before Owen, his dinner date so to speak, was going to eat every last one.

The hero team all relaxed, but Alfred was still worried. Sebastian pat his friend on the shoulder and continued to console him, while Sakaki watched the philosopher with fond eyes.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - So Duncan and Owen eat at Eat At Maclean's when they're not on the bus?)**

**Sakaki** - "Sebastian is such a kind soul… he really cares about people's feelings, and he's sensitive too. Most guys don't like to share their feelings… which is a little ironic, since I have such trouble too." *_She blushes and looks away, wiggling her shoulders bashfully._* "I guess boys and girls aren't so different at times…"

**Tyler and Lindsay** - *_They are making out passionately. Lindsay gasps for air, her face flushed._*

**Lindsay **- "Um, Thor, how much longer do we have to make out in here?"

**Tyler** - "I just need to make sure everyone knows I'm not into Ezekiel, babe!"

**Lindsay** - "Why would they think that? It's not like you're Nathan, where I'm still wondering if he-" *_She is cut off by Tyler kissing her again._*

**Anita** - "I loved talking to Cody so much! He gets so cute when he gets geeky, and we have so much to talk about! It's not like one of those relationships where the two can only communicate via texts. Yes, I know some couples like that, is it wrong that I find that sad?"

**Cody** - "As much fun as I had with Anita, I'm not feeling completely sure about where I stand between her and Eva. But I think I'll have to make a choice soon, and I'll be a big enough boy to do so."

**DJ** - "I gotta say, being the hero of the day feels really nice. As much as I hate being on this show, moments like these are worth it, I guess." *_He is petting Bunny and feeding him some lettuce, which it gobbles it up._*

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Voting Ceremony Platform)**

Chef Hatchet was having trouble calming down the audience, waving at all of them. "Okay, shut up now, ya maggots," he declared. "Seriously, I mean it! Shut up, I'm trying to do a show, and I cannot if you all don't stop cheering!"

The losers were all seated, waiting patiently for it to start. Some of them were more worried than others, whistling innocent tunes to try and calm the eldritch abominations (the last part was just Mandy, obviously).

Tension was high, even with Chef Hatchet losing it with the crowd, yelling, "Quiet, you… you bunch of boo-boo heads! You boo-boo heads just be quiet! If you don't be quiet, I'm going to be very naughty!"

It came to the point where Groucho the Duck had to pull out his combat shotgun and let off a couple booming shots into the ground to have the crowd quiet down. "I just don't want to have to see you cry," he said to Chef, shaking his little head.

"Now then," Chef shouted, drying his eyes, "first we have to give trophies to all those that officially have them. Duck, raccoon, intern, I need you three to take the trophies to the rooms of the maggots who won."

"Will do, Captain Crybaby," Groucho the Duck muttered.

"lolz dey can has trofies," Chico the Raccoon chirped.

"Okay then," Billy the Intern said. The three headed off, carrying sixteen trophies among them. Chef Hatchet handed trophies out to the eight losers who automatically had immunity.

"So now we're down to eight," he said. The crowd burst into loud cheering, and he threw a fit, shouting over and over, "Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up! I'm trying to host, you boo-boo heads!"

The eight waiting to see if they had been eliminated or not were also starting to lose their patience. Izzy's eye was twitching and considering using her explosives (forgetting she only had those in the VR game). Yoshi was crossing his arms as he resisted the temptation to start swinging his sword, reminding himself that he was trying to disprove the belief he was a psychopath. Sadie was also losing patience, but thought of baby puppies and kitties to calm herself down.

After the crowd calmed down because they were tired of Chef Hatchet pitching a fit, the cook-cohost steadied himself and picked up one of the seven trophies left. "Okay, I'm good, I'm calm," he said, "after this, I am gonna need a long bubble bath, give myself a pedicure, watch my soaps in my underwear while eating from ice cream from the carton-"

"If you are done mentally scarring us," Noah shouted, "will you please give us the trophies so I can go bleach my brain?"

Chef huffed. "Fine. These trophies are for those that received no votes…"

"Noah!" The cynic caught his trophy, refusing to look at Chef without fear of picturing him in a bubble bath.

"Izzy!" The redhead cheered as she caught her trophy and licked it in triumph.

"Yoshi!" The warrior caught his trophy, but seemed to not be satisfied quite yet.

"Heather!" The former queen bee was surprised at first, but then satisfied, especially when Ezekiel kissed her in jubilation.

"Sadie!" The best friend giggled as she caught her trophy, and accidentally hit Yoshi on the side of the head when she lifted it in victory.

"Now for you three," Chef Hatchet said, eyeing Clive, Carol, and Mandy, "it's time to see which of you will be going."

"Can I go?" Clive asked.

"No, pale maggot."

"I don't mind…"

"Take your damn trophy, emo!"

Chef slammed the trophy into Clive's chest, knocking him back in his seat. He looked between Mandy and Carol, shouting, "Anyone else want to ask being voted off, maggots?"

"If we do, do we get a trophy like he did?" Carol asked.

"NO!"

"Stupid question," Mandy grumbled.

"Stupid you," was Carol's response.

"Stop fighting," Chef Hatchet exclaimed. "It's time to announce who goes! … So how long do I keep you all waiting?"

Courtney was the loudest to protest. "Stop stalling for time," she cried out. "No one likes it!"

"Just give one of them the trophy," Yoshi said, keeping his fingers crossed for luck.

"Come on, man," Geoff pleaded. "I'm dying here, I need to know who got voted off!"

Chef Hatchet groaned and said, "Well, I'm gonna hesitate for dramatic effect, then say the name! … Um… so…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

"Mandy!"

There was silence, except for Mandy gasping in delight; however, confusion flooded her mind. "Wait, you mean I get the trophy," she asked, "or I was voted off?"

"What?" Chef Hatchet asked, just as confused. He glanced at his notes and said, "Oh, you stay, the other short girl goes."

"Goody!"

Mandy snatched the last trophy and held it up in victory. "Haha, I am still here, bee-yotches! Woohoo!"

"Elegant," Courtney grumbled.

"Thank goodness," Yoshi said in a sigh of relief.

"Aw, c'mon, no," Geoff exclaimed. "Not Carol, she's cool!"

Chef Hatchet approached said cool girl, who had frozen up with an expression of utter shock. "Well, little girl, it's time to go-"

And then Carol let out a scream that sounded like this:

"_**AAAAAAAAAUGGHAAAAAAAAWAAAA**_!"

Chef Hatchet shook from taking the force of the scream head-on and fainted. Everyone present covered their ears, some passed out. The audience writhed around as they too covered their ears, the scream reverberating around the stadium. Outside the stadium, and many, many miles away from the stadium, it could be heard all over. And I do mean all over.

* * *

Nikki tapped the side of her headphones, frowning in concern as she fiddled with them and ruffled her purple hair. "I think these are busted," she grumbled to her friends at their seat near the giant lemon. "They are making a horrible screeching sound… or did you all hear that too?"

* * *

"What the heck was that?" Emma asked Fin as the two drifted on their surfboards, waiting for the next wave. "Jeez, did a seagull get a bullhorn or something?"

"Beats me, maybe Reef stubbed a toe again or something."

* * *

Snoopy's ears perked up as he lay on the top of his doghouse, then he let out a howl to match the scream. He donned an opera star's wig and pulled on a cloak, harmonizing his howls to match the pitch of the howls. Charlie Brown winced and muttered, "Oh, why can't I have a dog that howls like everyone else's?"

* * *

Laura Kinney and Chris Redfield stopped making out long enough to pay attention to the wailing scream. "Think that was Galactus?" Chris asked her. "Or maybe Nemesis?"

"Naw, I'm sure we're safe. C'mere you!"

The two went back to making out, while Deadpool ran around screaming, "It's the end of the world! We're being invaded by the shrieking maidens from planet Banshee Wail! And the worst part of it is, no one's going to get any of our little cameo, the author just wants to make shout-outs to stuff he likes! Favoritism!

"Oh, and hi mom!"

* * *

Up in the Satellite of Love, hovering around the Earth, Crow and Tom Servo exchanged glances. "I thought in space," Servo mused aloud, "no one could hear you scream."

"I think that's an urban legend, like how if you eat pop rocks and drink soda, your eyeballs will explode."

"True, true. Say, what do you think caused that scream down on Earth? Did a good show get cancelled?"

"That's probably it, only the good shows ever get cancelled."

* * *

The patrons of Eat At Maclean's looked around, trying to figure out what was making that noise. Sakaki clung to Sebastian in horror, and Rodney tightened his chin strap.

"That didn't sound like Mandy," Alfred said cheerfully. "Yay!"

* * *

**(The Janitor's Closet at Eat At Maclean's - That was like a Total Drama Universal Tour!)**

** Sebastian** - "Okay, just what exactly was that? Should I be considered?"

**Rodney** - "It's times like these that I wish I had superpowers. I'd be a little less afraid if I had the ability to fight disembodied screams of anguish!"

**Belinda** - *_She sighs and tsk-tsks, shaking her head._* "Poor Carol."

* * *

**(Finally back at Maclean Stadium)**

"_**… AUUUUWAAAAGUAHAAHAAAAAAAAAA**_-okay, I feel better now."

Carol heaved like an exhausted marathon runner, her eyes wide and twitching. "So… mad…," she managed to strain out the words. "… Lungs… hurt… ow…"

"Wow, I can see why she wants to be a cop," Zachary muttered. "She screams like a siren."

Carol's maniacally upset look glanced over at him, and he sprinted out of there, as did several other of the contestants. Geoff was one of the few that stayed, and gingerly approached her.

"Look Carol babe," he said, keeping his voice mellow, "I know you're upset, but… this isn't the end of the world."

"It's not?" she screamed, then wheezed horribly. Coughing and spitting, she muttered, "I just lost the freaking contest! I lost everything, I didn't get anything from this whole experience! Nothing! NOTHING!"

"Whoa girl, come on," Geoff exclaimed, grabbing her shoulders. "You're exploding like a firecracker gone wrong! You didn't get nothing, you got something from this all. You got some fame, you got some friends-"

"Friends?" Carol repeated the word as if it was foreign. "They chose the freaky cultist chick who wants to sacrifice them all over me!"

"I didn't! Well, I didn't vote, bra, but come on, we're friends, right?"

Carol's bottom lip quivered and repeated, "Friend?"

"You got me back into the game during that challenge," Geoff said. "Come on, your enthusiasm was infectious, we would have won if you were at the end!"

The enthusiast's lip quivered more, then she burst into tears and bawled into Geoff's chest. He pat her head as he tried to comfort her, then she flinched as she looked behind him.

"Oh crap, those friends of yours are coming at you, run!"

Geoff looked behind him to see Courtney and Gwen coming at him. He winced, muttered a sorry and bye to Carol, then dashed off. Far too fast for them, the two girls stood on the edge of the platform.

"If you have time to comfort Carol," Courtney shouted at him, "you could have time to talk to Bridgette, darn it!"

"Geoff, this isn't like you," Gwen hollered at him too. "I know you're a nice guy, you can't behave like this!"

"Stop agreeing with me, Gwen!"

"Courtney, why don't you just shut the-"

"NO SHOUTING IN THE HALLS," Carol bellowed, startling both girls and everyone in the whole stadium; Groucho cocked his shotgun and insisted that some drug cartel was must be bombing the place until Chico calmed him down. The short enthusiast panted as she felt herself float into her hall monitor days for self-preservation of not crying more and letting the whole world see. "Where's the damn, damn bus that's damned not here, damn it?"

At that moment, the Bus of Losers pulled up to the side of the platform. The bus doors opened to show Duncan sitting at the wheel. "Sorry, we would have been here sooner, but Owen ordered four servings at Eat At Macle-"

"Oh NO," Carol shouted, stomping her foot (accidentally on the unconscious Chef). "No no no, no NO! Nuuuu! I am NOT going to let the criminal drive me off! I've had enough of being a bad cop, I'm not letting this slide by!

"Good bye, people," she cried as she walked to the bus. "Bye, Sadie, good luck with getting a boyfriend! Bye, Clive! Tell Bridgette and Harold and especially Geoff I said good-bye!"

Carol stormed into the bus and immediately started to wrestle Duncan for the wheel. "Gimme the wheel, ya mohawked punk!"

"Let go, you crazy cop-wannabe! Get the midget off of me!"

This continued for a couple more seconds, then Carol decided to try the ultimate distraction technique that she always wanted to try. She grabbed Duncan's face and planted a big kiss right on his lips.

His eyes went wide, as did Courtney's. The CIT gaped for a few seconds, and then realized that Duncan wasn't really fighting back. She started stammering, trying to form the words but not able to say it out loud, for someone to stop kissing her boyfriend. It didn't help that Gwen and several others were laughing at the event unfolding before her eyes.

Eventually, Duncan was distracted enough for Carol to shove him right out of the seat. With a loud whoop of success, she closed the bus doors, and the bus sped forward, leaving the platform in a cloud of exhaust.

Courtney and the others stepped off, coughing horribly, as Yoshi dragged the unconscious Chef away from the smog. As the CIT fumed more than the bus, Yoshi dusted himself and chuckled. "Well," he said as he watched Mandy walk off with Izzy, "that turned out nicely."

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Cafeteria)**

Sadie sighed miserably as she poured herself a cup of tea and sat down at a table. "I'm going to miss Carol so much."

"She was loud and out of control," Eva muttered.

"Yeah, but she was my friend. We got along well, and it's not easy for me when I don't get to see Katie."

Eva grunted, sipping some soup that the losers had prepared for everyone there. She stared off into thought, and muttered, "I wish Anita had gone instead."

"That would have been anticlimactic," Sadie said, "for your love triangle deal. You have to admit, it would be best if Cody made the choice."

"I guess so. Guess I should be glad it was just someone random, but maybe it would have been better if that other psycho girl had gone instead."

Eva's timing couldn't have been worse, as Mandy and Izzy were walking nearby and overheard that. The allegedly psycho girl shouted, "How dare you, muscle head! I will take you small intestines and wrap them around my head! I will…," she continued to threaten until Izzy dragged her away. Eva merely raised an eyebrow and chuckled at this, then asked Sadie to stop hiding behind her.

Izzy struggled to seat Mandy, and then sat down next to her. "Now listen you," she said, "let's put aside the slaughtering and such for other happy times. We gotta talk about you and Alfred."

"Oh, what's there to talk about?" Mandy grumbled. "I'm not cut out for the dating scheme."

"Neither is Izzy, but Izzy does it anyway! I used to have such on-off relationships, but then this show came around, and I see it in myself to have a real relationship. I had one with Owen for a while, and I could have another one."

"With who? Maybe you should just take Alfred if you think you'll do okay together…"

"Nope! While we would, there are many boys I can see myself with! Xander, DJ, Noah, Clive, Arthur, Tyler, Ezekiel…"

"Aren't most of them taken?"

"That stuff changes! Well, maybe except for Ezekiel, that's one fish that got away. If only I hadn't shot him in the butt with an arrow on accident, we might be snogging right now."

"You trust Heather, eh?"

"Of course I do! She's a sweet girl now, and…"

Izzy drifted off when she looked around to point out Heather, and couldn't see her anywhere among the losers having soup. "That's funny, where'd she go?"

"Ezekiel's not here either."

Izzy's confused frown slowly turned into a wicked grin; Mandy was certain they sharpened predatorily. Cackling, the redhead wrapped her arm around her friend and said, "See? This is why we need to hook you up, my dear Mandy!"

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Shower Room)**

"I don't understand why you wanted me to wear my bathing suit," Heather grumbled as Ezekiel led her into the shower room. "I get even less why you're leading me in here."

"Well, I knoo' you're disappointed in that you didn't get to go 'oot fur dinner, eh."

Heather nodded, trying not to look sad about it as that would show weakness, even in front of her boyfriend. "I haven't been 'oot… out to eat at a restaurant in a long time. I literally cannot remember when."

"Same here, Heather, I doo'nt knoo' when I ever have, eh."

"You trying to one-up me, Zekey?"

"Nope, I'm treating you tonight, eh," he said, shedding his clothes down to his bathing trunks. He turned on one of the showers and cranked it up, grinning back at her. "You remember hoo' we were reminded of the time my parents caught us making 'oot, eh?"

"You mean the memory that was broadcasted for the whole world to see?"

"Yep, but instead of sulking a'boot it, I thought we woo'd enjoy oor'selves, eh."

He pulled her into the hot water, and began kissing her neck. She gasped, cooed, then growled as she let out the last of her frustration by saying, "Must you keep trying to soften me up? Can't I just sulk and be bitter like I used to?"

"Yes, and then no, eh. Besides, you're soft enough, see?"

He continued to kiss her neck, and she let herself sink into the sweet kisses and spray of warm water.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Shout-out to our restaurant cousin, yo!)**

** Ezekiel** - *_grinning in complete satisfaction, still in his bathing suit_* "Oh… I love being alive, eh. I love Heather, I love this shoo', I love everything! Heehee!"

**Heather** - *_also still in her bathing suit, grinning bashfully despite herself_* "I gotta say, Ezekiel gets so adorable when we are… well, none of your business. He just gets so happy over… it. Gah, I gotta remember who might be watching this!"

**Geoff** - "Gah! This is getting so bad! I tried to take a shower to cool off but the door was locked! I need to figure out what I'm gonna do… before things get worse. … Wait, I shouldn't have said that, that's a jinx! Oh dudes… dudes… this is beyond uncool, it's… it's… anti-cool! Bridgette… why must I forsake you? Carol, why did you have to go when you were helping? Oh boo hoo hoo!"

* * *

**(The Bus of Losers)**

"Can someone help me up here?"

Carol's hollering at the front of the bus was worrying to most, especially since the bus was driving wildly ever since it left the stadium. Duncan was sulking too much to care, so Hannah was the one to go up there. "What's wrong, hon?"

"Um, hehe, don't tell anyone," the enthusiast said bashfully, "but I think my legs are a little too short for this bus. I'm having trouble hitting the brakes and then the gas and then back, you know?"

"Sure does explain why every time we stop, we are almost flung from our seats. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone, just let me drive."

Carol gleefully left the driver's seat. This turned out to be terrifying to Hannah, as the bus was still moving, and she had to very quickly seat herself and steady the bus. Sighing in relief, Joel sat by near her and said, "Sometimes I worry about that girl."

"I was worrying a little more about meeting my savior when she ditched driving the bus so suddenly."

As the two talked about the slight near-death experience, Carol plopped down in a seat near the back. It was only after she heard a deep sigh that she realized she was sitting next to Owen. "Oh, hey big guy."

"Oh, hey small girl."

Carol groaned in annoyance and looked away, despite knowing Owen didn't mean to insult her. She noted Justin and Beth seated together, smiling, whispering sweet nothings together, and kissing sweet little pecks on the other's lips, cheek, and neck. The giggling was musical, and Carol found herself watching, then angst swelled up in her heart.

"I really wanted to meet a nice boy during this contest," she muttered.

"I really wish I still had my nice girl," Owen mused aloud.

"Being single really sucks when everyone around you is taken."

"It's a hard life, I know," he agreed, shaking his big head.

"I actually met this really nice guy, but nothing came of it… even though I would have really like it to…"

"I had a wonderful woman, how could I lose her?"

They exchanged a glance, and then burst into wailing sobs. The entire bus shook in reverberation, making everyone cover their ears and wince in pain. Hannah couldn't do this, but lifted her shoulders up so far that her chin was squished against her chest. "Oh, someone please stop them," she pleaded.

"It's not so bad," Joel said, the only one unfazed because his life of tinkering and accidental explosions had strengthened his ears. "The traffic in front of us is clearing up, they think it's a siren."

And so the Bus of Losers rolled along, the siren-like wailing giving them a clear path back to the hotel. This was only interrupted when Owen hugged Carol, and almost crushed the little officer in his grasp.

* * *

…

…

…

**(Voting Confessionals)**

** Yoshi** - "Alfred helped me hook up with Daisy, he gave up the chance to go out with her so I could. I never had a friend like that, so I feel I save the girl he's interested in. I'll try to get everyone to vote for Carol instead of Mandy, maybe they'll forgive the sacrifice thing."

**Sadie** - "I haven't forgotten the sacrifice thing! I'm voting for Mandy!"

**Noah** - "I'll vote for Mandy, mostly because I may be able to move back into my own room if I know that psycho worshipper of Lovecraft's imagination is no longer going to be there."

**Clive** - "Carol's an awful roommate, I think I have been harassed every day I've been here. So when Yoshi suggested I voted for her, it seemed only natural; I did think of voting myself off, now that Chris isn't here, but I guess I should give the show a little bit more of a try."

**Heather** - "Yoshi asked me to vote for Carol, and frankly, I don't mind so much having that loud girl voted off. Maybe I'll just remind Yoshi that he owes me one… but I don't feel like doing that. I've been in a good mood since Ezekiel and I showered." *_She chuckles, then her eyes grow wide when she realizes how that sounded._*

**Carol** - "Psychopathic cultist witch! I won't have her sacrificing teammates like that without punishment! Why, if I was a cop, I would arrest her for her flagrant… um… human sacrificing!"

**Mandy** - "Short puny crumb cob! She killed more of our teammates than I did, at least Cthulhu Junior took out heroes! This is why we need the Old Gods, they'll purge the useless from the lands! I'm sure my friends will make it, though, no one could keep Izzy and Alfred down… especially Alfred." *_She blushes slightly._*

**Izzy** - "Okay, I'm voting for Clive. He's mopey and sad, we cannot have that infect our good contestants! Via la cheer!" *_She pulls some fireworks out and lights them, laughing cheerfully as they go off in the closet._*

**Chef Hatchet** - *_The big man wakes up in Chico's paw-made bed where Yoshi put him. He looks around the now very scorched janitor's closet. A giggling and soot-covered Izzy, with tips of her hair still on fire, leaves the closet as he realizes what exactly this could mean._* "GAAAH! No! No no no, I will _not_ clean this up! You darn boo-boo head contestants! Why? Why? BOO HOO HOO!"

*_He pulls out a handkerchief and blows into it, sobbing until eventually the editor mercifully lets him have some cry time alone._*

* * *

**Votes**:

**Izzy** - Clive.

**Mandy** - Carol.

**Carol** - Mandy.

**Heather** - Carol.

**Sadie** - Mandy.

**Noah** - Mandy.

**Yoshi** - Carol.

**Clive** - Carol.

**Deadpool** - Squirrel Girl.

…

Carol - 4.

Mandy - 3.

Clive - 1.

All votes for Squirrel Girl were thrown out, as the voting parties (Deadpool, and just him), were discarded for not actually being contestants in this contest, or even in this story.

…

**Voted Off** - Sandra, Duncan, Jasmine, Daisy, Owen, Trent, Hannah, Howard, Joel, Katie, Beth, Justin, Carol.

* * *

…

…

…

** Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date** - Firework scorching covers the walls, floor, and mostly the ceiling. A wet handkerchief lays on Chico's paw-made bed. The _Fame Town_ CD, broken and burnt but still there, is on its shelf.

…

** Next Up** - WARNING! The following spoilers are only to be read if you are Australian, where they get somehow get to know everything that happens in these shows before anyone else gets to. Read if you are Aussie, and then spoil it for everyone and give us no reason to want to see it.

Harold clears his throat, and reads a haiku for the readers.

_A choice will be made._

_ The race in RVs is on._

_ There will be drama._


	46. Ch 14, Pt 1: RV is Ruined Vacation

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of Total Drama. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TD contains stunts performed by written teens. Those of you who don't pay attention to common sense will be on Santa's Naughty List.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - This was a long time coming, eh? I had to do it before the new year at least! Well, like I said, I am working much more on my novel than this, but I haven't forgot you all!

Also, please don't message me about Total Drama Revenge, I know too much already. Trust me, I am capable of finding things out for myself. EXCEPT HOW TO FIX MY CAPS LOCK BUTTON. ALSO, NEW POLL!

…

* * *

**Chapter 46** - RV is Just an Abbreviation for ReVenge! We're Not Sure Why, It Just Is.

* * *

…

…

…

**(Maclean Stadium.)**

It was the night before Challenge 14, the one all spoiled for you…

The contestants were sleeping, someone gassed the rooms at 2…

Interns carried them out onto the field, grasping hands like an eagle…

Tell me, how on Earth is all of this not illegal?

Gwen was the first to wake up, sitting up with a start when she realized where she was. The arena of the stadium, in her nightie, with all her fellow contestants around her in different variations of sleep and night wear. At first, she thought, it was a dream, but her head and lungs hurt, from the sleeping gas that had been poured into her room.

The antidote gas was being sprayed over all of them by Chef Hatchet and Billy, while Groucho and Chico stood nearby, watching over their human friends anxiously. Chris Maclean stood nearby, impatiently waiting for everyone to wake up. All of them were wearing gas masks, which seemed especially concerning to Gwen.

"What's the big idea?" she shouted as she stood up, waking a great many of the others with her yelling. "Did you gas our rooms and then drag us out here? How do you get away with this?"

"Calm down, Gwen," Chris said as he removed his gas mask.

"Oh, keep it down," Noah mumbled, half-asleep. "I have to humiliate myself early morning."

"I am not going to calm down," Gwen continued to holler. "I'm sick of this, I really am! You cannot do whatever you want with us just because you feel like it!"

She advanced on the host, nails out and fury like a raging goth girl, and she only stopped because Leshawna and Bridgette managed to wake up enough to restrain her from giving Chris the mauling he deserved.

"Will someone calm down the weird goth girl?" Heather shouted as she rose. "Some of us have got work in the morning!"

"I left a wake-up call for 7 AM," Lindsay mumbled as she rubbed her eyes. "I need extra time to prepare my make-up, you know?"

Chris sighed as everyone rose, and then put on his greatest grin. "Good to see you all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed! Are we ready to begin now?"

"Not really," Alfred said, pointing down at Belinda. The clairvoyant was still snuggled up on the ground, blissfully asleep.

"What's the meaning of this?" Gwen cried out as Bridgette and Leshawna held her back. "You woke us up in the middle of the night for a challenge? We need to sleep, damn it, why don't you give one night, one freaking night, to just sleep?"

"Gwen sweetie," Leshawna said over her ranting, "you're not going to convince him of anything like this!"

"You're not solving anything," Bridgette exclaimed, "you're just making him happier that you're mad."

"I just want to yell," Gwen admitted, sinking in her friends' arms. "I haven't had one good night's sleep since I got here, why do you think I'm so cranky?"

Chris shrugged and smiled unkindly. "That time of the month? Hard to tell with you."

As Gwen once again tried to blitz towards Chris and claw his face off (Leshawna and Bridgette didn't know why at this point they were holding her back), the host walked onto the platform, waving to all of them. "So, once we wake up Belinda, we can start our challenge: the Midnight Pillow Fight!"

"I haven't done one of those in ages," Sadie exclaimed joyfully, looking over at Zachary. "Have you ever had a sleep-over with a huge pillow fight."

"Can't… say that I have," Zachary admitted.

Most of the girls began to share stories of their big sleep-overs and subsequent pillow fights late at night, while the boys stood around awkwardly or listening intensively (Alfred was hoping some of the pillow fights had dissolved into make-out sessions, but that was all in his fantasies).

"I didn't have pillow fights and sleep-overs," Courtney said to no one in particular. "I led a much more mature life style than that."

"Ugh, that's so girly, it makes me retch," Eva said. "I've only been in real fights!"

"Zzz," Belinda snoozed.

Chef Hatchet and Billy were in charge of waking her up, but something about her kept her in dream land. Shaking her shoulders, air horn, calling her name, and splashing cold water in her face did nothing, not a thing, so Chris just ruled her out of the contest.

"Now Chef Hatchet and intern are going to show you how this contest goes," Chris said, "because you should all know, the top winners are going to be captains in the next challenge, and also take first pick at some special guest stars we are going to have!"

This intrigued a great deal of the contestants, but those most skeptical (Gwen, Courtney, Noah, Harold, even sleeping Belinda) all didn't believe Chris was being fully honest. Past events taught them that such a thing was as rare as a four-leaf clover, and nowhere near as fulfilling to experience.

"Chef, intern, if you please."

"My name is Billy," Billy grumbled as he and Chef Hatchet approached each other. The two had discarded their gas masks, and were now holding large, pink pillows.

"These two have what I like to call Sleepy Time pillows," Chris explained to the contestants. "These pillows are all over the arena, and they have been covered with a dusty substance much like the gas that knocked you all out when you were asleep so we could drag your heavy butts out here!"

"I don't know how this isn't illegal," Gwen muttered again.

"The goal here," Chris said, "is that you all are going to try to grab some pillows, and smack anyone you can in the face! Like this, if you would, Chef!"

Chef Hatchet nodded, and smacked Billy in the face with a pillow. Pink dust seemed to explode from the pillow, and the intern was knocked back. He yawned deeply, looking sleepy-eyed already. Chef followed up by bopping him on the head with a pillow, and the sleepy dust knocked out Billy, who snored loudly on the arena floor.

"That simple," Chris finished. "Any questions?"

"Yeah, I got one," Gwen shouted.

"Any questions besides from the weird goth girl?"

Once again, Leshawna and Bridgette were holding back Gwen as the others all raised their hands. Only Heather got her question answered. "You just woke us all up, this contest will be over in a few seconds! Why do it this way most of us are dead on our feet?"

"That's a very good question, and I have a plan for that! Chef, the hose!"

"No," most of the contestants shrieked as Chef started to pull a hose from the wall of the arena. "Not cold water!" They all bolted in different directions.

Chef shook his head as everyone was too far away for him to spray. "I think they're awake enough!"

"Fine, bunch of cowards!" Chris exclaimed. "Let the contest begi-"

He was interrupted by a pillow to the face, and not a very gentle one. Chris only had time to blink to see a pale, angry goth girl hammering one of those Sleepy Time pillows in his face. After one very strong swing, Gwen knocked Chris off the platform, crashing head-first on the arena floor and asleep before impact. She heaved as she shook her head, and muttered, "Oh, that felt so good."

"Nice shot, soldier," Groucho the Duck called out to her.

"2 poynts, lolz," Chico the Raccoon added.

Chef Hatchet chuckled as he stepped onto the platform. "Not bad, girl. Now git outta here before I knock you off!"

The Sleepy Time pillow war was in full rampage already, teenagers scrambling to get those special cushions of the bed before others could, then chasing after others with incredible fury and bravery in their hearts. Though trying to bash someone with a pillow like if you were William Wallace first on the battlefield seemed rather bonkers, it wasn't the strangest thing most of them had done.

Zachary and Yoshi were dueling with pillows, shouting insults at each other. Heather was battling Valerie, Ezekiel watching in terror as his girlfriend looked ready to draw blood with a pillow (he didn't know how, he just felt she could). Courtney went after Gwen, shrieking a battle cry as the goth girl was determined to continue her rampage.

While a great deal of them were chasing or fighting, some of them were content with running from the shrieking pillow fighters. DJ was huddled up in a corner until Xander mercifully puffed a pillow over him until he fell asleep. Rodney was running from Izzy, gripping his helmet in terror. Sakaki was hiding behind Sebastian in utter horror, but when she clenched a pillow close to her chest, she breathed in the sleep dust and went unconscious.

Sebastian tried to get her comfortable, as he couldn't bear the thought that she would wake up cramped, when he was slammed in the face rather harshly with a pillow. Colin, laughing like a madman, smacked him again, knocking off his glasses. Almost blind, drowsy, and dazed, Sebastian stood no chance and was promptly knocked asleep.

Colin was about to stomp on Sebastian's glasses when Anita drove him away, trying to stop him him from attacking those asleep. She managed to chase him down until Eva stood in the way.

"Hey, bimbo," Eva shouted, pointing at her, "we have a score to settle!"

"Fine by me, she-male," Anita hollered back, holding up her pillow. "I'm sick to death of you attacking me all the time, it's time I stood up to you."

"Let's see if you can back yourself up!"

"I'm not afraid of you!"

The two swung at each other, hard and fast, until a big pink cloud of sleep dust appeared around them. Rodney and Izzy ran through it, the former more so underneath the cloud. When it settled, there was Anita, Eva, and Izzy all in a pile, fast asleep. Alfred looked over at this, and his fantasies went into overdrive again.

"Inspiration," he shouted for reasons only known to him. He charged around the battlefield, and nailed Noah in the face with his pillow. The cynic wobbled as Alfred went after the person he had been dueling, Crystal, and walloped her too.

"Oh, bloody heck," the British romantic cried as she fell back. "I was just trying to help Noah with his relationship with… *yawn*… Katie!"

"That's something I wanted to ask you too," Alfred said as Noah fell down behind him, fast asleep. "Mandy seems interested in me, but I am afraid I may be pushing it too hard. Would now be a good time to give some space?"

"I don't think so, you should continue pursuit, or she'll think you gave up at this point."

"Aw, thank you, you're so nice!"

"No problem, sweetie."

Alfred used her own pillow to knock her out, and then went on the rampage again.

Bridgette was chasing after Geoff, shouting, "Please talk to me! I cannot stand this! You cannot avoid me forever!"

She was suddenly stopped when Colin tripped. Landing painfully, she struggled to get up, but Colin stepped on her. "Haha, get a clue, you stupid surfer," he said with a snort. "He doesn't want you anymore!"

"You don't know anything!"

"I know that someone like you is about as interesting as spit," Colin said with a cruel laugh. With an idea in his head, he started to hock up, but was knocked off of her by someone.

"Get away from her," Harold shouted in his gruffest (and rather silly) voice, pointing his pillow at the bully.

"Oh, you think you're a big guy, dork?" Colin said back with a sneer. "I am going to snap you in half."

"Bridgette, get out of here, I'll take care of him."

Bridgette barely managed to say thank you to Harold, wanting to but he was in his warrior mode, in which nothing mattered anymore but his opponent. She'd thank him later, and started to hurry off. She was stopped when Arthur slapped his pillow in her face a few yards away, knocking her out.

"Sorry about that," he said, then turned to face the one approaching him, Leshawna. She was mad at him for knocking out Bridgette, and came at him in full-force.

"How could you do that to her?" Leshawna shouted, swinging a pillow at him like a sledgehammer.

"Jeez, it's part of the game, it's not like I hurt her!"

As he fought for his life, they passed by Courtney and Gwen, who were starting to becoming exhausted as well as tired. Gwen parried a blow and tried to thrust her pillow in Courtney's face, but the CIT managed to go underhand and hit the goth girl in the chin with her pillow. Gwen took a deep whiff of the sleeping gas, and fell asleep.

"Now stay away from my boyfriend," Courtney snapped at her sleeping opponent. "He's coming over to visit tomorrow, I don't want to see you around when he is!"

"Seems better," Rodney said as he approached Courtney, "to tell her something before you knock her out, Miss Courtney."

"I couldn't tell her when we were fighting, it would have thrown me off!"

"But then, how is she going to know-"

He was cut off as Geoff, still running from what he thought was Bridgette chasing him, but it was really Sadie, coming at them. The party animal rammed into Courtney accidentally, sending her on Rodney. Geoff stumbled, and took a pillow to the face by Sadie.

"Oh yeah," Sadie exclaimed. "I am the mistress of pillow fighting! This one's for you, Katie!"

She continued to swat Geoff's face with her pillow, while Courtney struggled to get off Rodney. She had accidentally pushed her pillow against the prodigy's face, and he was asleep by the time she stood up. The CIT was horrified at what she had accidentally done, and whirled on Sadie, who was finishing Geoff.

"How dare you," she shouted at Sadie.

"Aha, another challenger for the pillow mistress," Sadie bellowed as Geoff fell down and snoozed away. "I will vanquish thee!"

"You are _way_ too into this!"

Sadie and Courtney came to blows, while more chaos erupted around them. Tyler and Mandy were fighting each other, shouting all kinds of weird expressions at each other ("I swear by Abhoth, I will destroy you!" "I'm gonna beat you like a glove punching another gloved hand!" "May Tsathoggua take you!").

Lindsay was scared to fight, and was swinging a pillow in front of her while not able to look. Clive had taken the challenge, and was now half-hearted swinging his pillow at hers, making pathetic little impacts.

Heather and Valerie were exhausted and barely able to swing their pillows, glaring each other down. As they both raised their weapons for one final blow, Alfred whizzed by and smacked them both in the face with his pillow, knocking them both out at long last. Ezekiel was upset by this and chased after Alfred, but couldn't keep up.

Xander and Cody were attacking each other, but Cody was a little more than just distracted. "Dude," he said, "you know a lot about girls, right?"

"I like to think I do."

"Did you ever have to choose between two girls?"

"Oh, once."

"Really? What did you do?"

Xander stopped swinging, and placed his hand on Cody's shoulder. "Dude, you're a cool guy, and I like you. I can tell you're trying to make a choice, you even ditched that Code-miester attitude you had. So I think when we wake up later today, you should give it some good, long thought."

"You think I should make this choice tomorrow? Or, really, later today?"

"This really cannot drag out any longer, Eva and Anita are both very strong women who are struggling to keep their own pride. You shouldn't put them through this any longer."

Cody took a deep breath, and exhaled as he pondered this out. "You know what? You're right, dude. Thank you so much."

"No problem, man."

They shook hands, and went back to fighting with pillows. This continued until Cody managed to disarm Xander with a lucky blow, and then knock him out with a couple more swings. "Oh yeah, I still got it," Cody congratulated himself.

Yoshi had finished off Zachary, with the whiner whining the whole way. The warrior went off and attacked Tyler from behind, apologizing for the lack of honor as the jock passed out. Mandy, already very woozy, was taken down with a simple pressing of the pillow to her face.

Ezekiel, still trying to chase down Alfred, collided into Leshawna from behind accidentally. As he struggled to stand up, Arthur stood over both of them and swung down his pillow. "Sorry about this," he said as he took out Leshawna. "Sorry about that," he added as he finished Ezekiel.

Alfred at the time was racing by Lindsay and Clive, and clotheslined the emo with his pillow, knocking him off his feet and sending him skidding several feet. "Oh wow," Clive muttered as he saw dust-sprinkling stars. "And to think I was worried this show would take my dignity… no no, it had to fully rob it from me… not that I had much to begin life. Stupid life."

As he passed out, Yoshi advanced on Cody, and easily defeated the geek with a good swipe of his pillow at his face. A deep inhale knocked out Cody, and Yoshi took a moment to recover. Arthur hit him in the back of the head with a pillow, knocking him out.

"_Oh well_," Yoshi thought before he drifted off, "_I deserve this, for attacking others from behind!_"

Chef Hatchet looked around the battle field, counting all those still standing. When Courtney managed to hit Sadie in the face with her pillow, making her drowsy and then asleep after a few more strikes, he chuckled. Holding up a bullhorn, he exclaimed, "Okay, only six of you little brats left! That means you all are going to be leaders, but we need placing! Get going!"

Colin was literally going, running from Harold who was swinging around two pillows in his arms like some kind of numchuck attack. The bully fled in a rush, knocking over Courtney and Arthur in the process. He stopped in front of Lindsay, who was still fretting over what she was going to do.

"Hey," he said, laughing as he pointed at her chest, "do me a favor and hit me with your own pillows, blonde!"

Lindsay blanched at what he was implying; she may be slow and not the brightest, but she could catch direct innuendos about her breasts. With a shriek of, "Ew," she swung her pillow underhanded, knocking Colin off his feet and sending him soaring into the air, crashing in the stands. More specifically, inside a trash can full of discarded and now sour food from last night.

"Nice shot, m'lady," Harold said, awed and respecting.

"Aw, thank you," she cooed, grinning at him. "I don't care who someone is, they don't get to disrespect my pillows! … I mean chest."

Courtney, woozy from the brushing knock-down, stood up; however, a pillow hit her in the face, knocking her back and then out when it was pushed against her face. Arthur pulled it away when she was deep in dream land, muttering, "Sorry about that."

He turned to Harold and Lindsay, and held up his pillow. "All right, who is next?" he asked menacingly, holding up that awkward weapon. "I apologize in the future for-"

Harold threw one of his pillows at him, and Arthur was too busy thinking of a badass speech to dodge it. With a pink cloud of sleepy dust going "POOF" in his face, he only had time to blink and mutter, "Nice shot," before collapsing.

Lindsay marveled at Harold, then realized he was now alone with her, and she was in no way able this incredibly skilled nerd. She dropped her pillow in worry, and tried hard to think, which really wasn't one of Lindsay's subjects.

However, something in her mind reminded her of something Harold liked a lot, even more than victory itself. It would cost her some pride, it would cost her some dignity, but she figured since everyone else was asleep, it was better than being ninja-samurai-kung fu knocked down by a pillow-wielding nerd.

Lindsay rushed towards Harold, who was caught off-guard by the unarmed blonde heading for him. She grabbed his head and pulled his face into her cleavage, keeping him there.

"I hope that creepy Cobra guy was right," she muttered as she held the struggling Harold, "maybe my chest have sleepy powers."

This was the first time Harold had ever been this close to a girl before, and for someone who fantasized as much as any other nerd would about being wedged in an attractive girl's bosom, this was about as good as it got. Harold, overwhelmed, swooned and collapsed in Lindsay's arms, until she let go. He had the happiest look on his blushing face, and dream land was a rather joyful place to be right now.

"That actually worked?" Lindsay exclaimed. "Holy cheeseburgers, I might be onto something! My boobs really do have special powers!"

"Wow…"

She turned to see Alfred, jaw dropped and nose bleeding from arousal. The gonzo wiped away the crimson trickle with his sleeve, and then grinned. "I knew it! I knew if I fantasized hard enough, something like this would happen!"

"No, no I cannot do it again!" Lindsay exclaimed, backing away. "It's only because I know Harry-"

"Harold, I think it is."

"Harold, that's right! And he's a really nice guy! But I have a boyfriend, he has a girlfriend, and I cannot resort to shoving all my problems in my cleavage!"

"Aw, just one more time?"

"No!"

Alfred sulked. "Man, nerds get all the good stuff! It's been so long since my last girlfriend let me get shoved in her cleavage!"

"You had a girlfriend?"

"Why doesn't anyone believe me on that?"

As Lindsay continued to stare at him incredulously, Alfred pouted and decided to end it. He held up his Sleepy Time pillow, and she shrieked and ran. About twenty minutes of screaming, shouting, fleeing, and chasing followed, temporarily stopped when they held a five minute break to catch their breath and talk.

"I like it when boys look at me, but I also want respect, you know?"

"Oh, I know!"

"It just doesn't seem right, to be gawked at like that at times."

"Oh, I know."

"Still, it is fun to do those stunts, and I am kind of known for it, being Alfred the Gonzo."

"Oh, I know!"

Eventually, Alfred was chasing Lindsay when he tackled her, knocking her down and then pushing his Sleepy Time pillow to her face. She passed out, snoozing adorably.

Alfred leapt up into the air, swinging his pillow around and cheering loudly. "I did it! Out of thirty-one people, I beat them all! Haha, I rule! I totally rule!"

"Congrats, maggot," Chef Hatchet said. "Now we're gonna have to cart these snoring punks back their rooms, so you need to be asleep too. So if you could-"

He was answered by a pillow to his face, thrown by the gonzo. Chef Hatchet wobbled and then fell off the stage, landing headfirst. A pained cry signaled his knock-out more so than the Sleepy Time pillow. Alfred winced at having caused that, hoping the large man would forget it was him who had done that.

"Well, that could have gone a little better," he said to himself. He looked out to all the sleeping people, and let out another small cheer. "I am so the man! I'm heading to the cafeteria, anyone want anything?"

"I will go with you, my fine recruit," Groucho the Duck said, waddling over to him.

"ooo, i can has cheezburger?" Chico the Raccoon asked.

"Certainly," Belinda said as she sat up.

The two animals and one gonzo balked at her as she soothed out her hair, and smiled at them. "What? I knew I wouldn't win, and I didn't see any point in humiliating myself."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Don't sleep, just dance!)**

** Belinda **- "It was a calculated risk to pretend being asleep, but I knew that Chris wouldn't bother with me when he had thirty other victims who react better. Sadly for him, Gwen is tolerating his crap less and less. It's really going to come down to what will resolve first: Gwen's issues or Chris's ego.

"Sadly, there is little to damper Chris's ego, so long as he is treated like an A-list celebrity on the basis of making things harder on us."

**Eva** - "Okay, that pillow fight was kind of fun, I wish we could do it again… but only for the sake of fighting! I'm sick of being so girly, I have a reputation to keep! And…" *_She sulks and looks away from the camera._* "And I don't know if I will like myself if I become too girly… this season has really made a wuss out of me!"

**Anita** - "I don't know exactly what's going to happen with Cody, Eva, and myself. What's worse is that I don't know how I can continue to be like this, I'm not normally like this! I'm a nice girl, I get along with others, but ever since I joined this show, it's just been a war with Eva! I don't know how much longer I can cope with it…"

**Crystal** - *_She taps her chin, then grins at the camera._* "Methinks it is time to resolve this love triangle once and for all, don't you, old chaps?"

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Cafeteria)**

About six hours later, everyone was rudely woken up by a loud buzzer that went off in all their rooms. Like zombies that had been reincarnated, the contestants shambled to the cafeteria, only to see Alfred having a small party with Groucho and Chico.

"SODA POP, YAY!" the three exclaimed, dancing around in a circle on the table. Chico was waving a half-eaten cheeseburger, Groucho was wearing a lampshade on his head, and Alfred was air guitar jamming. He waved at all the approaching contestants, who glared at him for having the audacity to be this cheery after their second rude awakening.

"Oh, I love R&R," Groucho said as he pulled off his lampshade. He put his helmet back on, and said, "I'm going to retire for a nap, wake me in 0900 hours."

Chico blinked, did a little math, and asked incredulously, "so en, leik, 36 days?"

Alfred laughed as he sat down next to Sebastian and Yoshi, his two best friends, and poured them a glass of soda pop. As the two thanked him, Alfred laughed it off, then promptly fell asleep in his breakfast.

Anita and Eva saw each other heading in the same direction, both glaring at each other. When they arrived at Cody's usual place, they were surprised to see Crystal sitting there. The British romantic motioned for them to give her and Cody a couple more minutes, then she approached the two.

"I have to humbly request you two," she said, "to give Cody some space. He is going to think long and hard, and decide tonight who he wants to start dating, because he doesn't want to put you two through any more stress and hardship."

Eva and Anita exchanged glances, and to the fitness buff's surprise, the bombshell sighed in relief. "Thank goodness," she said, admitting, "the whole competition thing is starting to kill me."

"Yeah, I am so losing track of my focus and what not," Eva grumbled. "Well, you heard her, let's give him some space!"

"I can if you can," Anita retorted. She looked over at Crystal, and asked, "Is this going to be public knowledge?"

"No, no one else needs to know Cody will make his final decision tonight."

Sadie was walking by right then, and, very discreetly, repeated, "CODY'S GOING TO MAKE HIS CHOICE ON EVA AND ANITA TONIGHT?"

The whole cafeteria seemed to freeze, all eyes over at the table. Eva and Cody face-palmed, Anita sighed and looked up at the ceiling asking, "Why?" and Crystal bopped Sadie on the head. This didn't daunt the BFF girl, who immediately grabbed Eva's arm. The fitness buff lost her breakfast tray as Sadie pulled her away, saying, "C'mon, we gotta get you ready!"

Anita watched this, making her way to a table alone as she tried to focus on her eating to calm her nerves. She managed to wave at Cody, but was more distracted by all the attention Eva was getting from the others. Her heart was sinking every contestant who was swarming around Eva and hustling her out of the room.

"_Sadie, Bridgette, Izzy,_" she thought glumly, watching her favorite TDI contestants leaving with Eva, "_Leshawna, Courtney… even Heather, Mandy, and Lindsay! Man, if all of them want to see Cody with her, what chance do I have?_"

She felt despair slip up on her, and hid her face. That's when someone pat her shoulder and said, "What's got you so d'oon, eh?" Anita looked up to see Ezekiel looking down at her, curiously studying her face. "It's the news you've bin waiting fur, right?"

"Everyone's on Eva's side," she moped. "All the girls who I was hoping to be friends with this season… they all want Eva to win this! I've been so distracted by Cody and this love triangle, I didn't even make friends with the other contestants! I'm such a fool…"

"What are you talking a'boot? You've made friends with me," Ezekiel said, then winked at her and jerked his thumb to the side, "and a few other guys who have appreciated all you've said about nerds."

Anita looked over to see Harold, Noah, Rodney, and even Tyler standing there. "You've been really nice to us throughout the series so far," Harold said, "and gosh, we want you to be happy too!"

"Indeed we do, Miss Anita," Rodney chirped.

"I'm here because they apparently think I'm a nerd," Noah said, glancing to the side, "just because I have more headshot kills than any of them in Team Fortress 2."

"But…," Anita stammered, touched but worried, "but all your girlfriends are supporting Eva! Aren't you worried they will be angry?"

"We're ready to take that chance," Tyler said, pounding his chest with his fist. After he was done coughing after that, he added, "You've been too nice to us, and though we're okay with Eva, we think someone as cool as you should get a fellow cool… fellow like Cody!"

"Elegant," Noah said. "Look, are we going to have a nerd make-up montage or something?"

"Indeed we are," Harold exclaimed proudly. "I even have the fitting music for it!"

He held up a tape player, and hit the PLAY button. "She Blinded Me (With Science)" started to play, and he grinned with enthusiasm. "Okay, Anita, are you ready to get geeked up for your geek?"

"I'm ready," she exclaimed, pumping her fists into the air. She and the boys left the cafeteria, leaving it almost empty.

"I really don't get these love triangles," Yoshi muttered, shaking his head as he helped Alfred not drown in his pancake syrup. "Seem to cause a lot of deviation from the focus on the show."

"That's life, dude," Sebastian said. "A man can study a field all his life, but he'll still be a novice the moment he steps into another one."

Sakaki had watched all the girls go, but was far too shy to join them. She sat alone until DJ sat next to her to give her someone to talk to. Zachary, Colin, and Valerie watched all the commotion from afar, thinking all of it was stupid; Colin was also slightly jealous, and grew some burning hatred for Cody.

"_What's he got that I don't_?" he thought as he watched Cody talking with Crystal and Xander. "_I'm far better looking, I'm not a twerp or a geek, and I'm a bad boy! Girls are supposed to love that crap… man, I hate that stupid Cody!_"

Arthur nommed on his eggs, glancing out the door the nerds and Anita left. "Hmm, if he doesn't pick her," he said to himself, "I wonder if I have a shot with that super-hottie."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Don't hate, just dance!)**

** DJ** - "If it is time for Cody to make his decision, I am all for it. Eva is a strong, clever, and confident young lady who really has a lot of strong sides, just needs to work on her attitude. Anita is beautiful both inside and out, and she is charming in her own ways too, just has some self-esteem issues to deal with. I hope both of them will be happy in the long run… I just wish we could all be happy, isn't that possible?"

**Clive** - "… Life _sucks_."

**Xander** - "It's kind of fun, working alongside Crystal in helping get this love triangle done. Maybe when it is settled, she'll be able to focus on herself again. … Oh, who am I kidding? She's never going to look my way that way again." *_He sighs and looks to the side._*

"Man, this rejection isn't going well for me. You know, if Eva was blonde, I wouldn't mind a shot at her if Cody picks Anita." *_He taps his chin as he thinks of a blond Eva._*

* * *

**(Some bathroom somewhere in Maclean Stadium.)**

"I REFUSE TO WEAR MAKE-UP! I HATE IT! I HATE IT WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL! YOU WILL NEVER, EVER GET ME TO WEAR THAT CRAP IN ALL MY LIFE!"

The bellowing echoed around the bathroom, outside into the hallway, and all the way down the corridors. After the awkward silence that followed, only Bridgette had the courage to speak up.

"That's nice, Izzy, but we're asking Eva."

"Oh! Okay."

"Look, Bridgette," Eva said, holding her hands up in defense, "I feel the same way, all right?"

"Okay, hon, and you know, I'm the same way too! I never wear make-up."

"Then what are we here for?" Gwen asked. "I mean, what do we do if we cannot help her get ready to get Cody's attention?"

"You would know best of anyone how to get Cody's attention," Eva said. "Why don't you tell me?"

Gwen blushed just a little, then shook it off. "Look, I don't know. He's the kind of boy who likes something in women and really goes after that. Like with Beth and myself!"

"I suggest we pump that up then," Mandy exclaimed. "Make her look like the ideal sacrifice!"

"Date," Sadie corrected.

"That too, kind of the same thing, when you think about it."

"I so do not want to think of how you thought of it that way," Courtney snapped. "We just need to get Eva to look more… appealing!"

"Don't think I didn't notice that pause," Eva grumbled. "But what am I going to do? I don't want to wear make-up, I'm not wearing skimpy clothes, what else is there?"

"There's plenty more!" Heather said as she walked up. "Look, this, right here!"

She pointed at Eva's unibrow, and tsk-tsked it. "Seriously, you look like a gorilla."

"Hey!"

"It's true, Eva," Courtney added. "You really need to shave it."

"I like how I look!"

"And you should take some pride in that," Leshawna chimed in. "Come on, girl, Duncan has a unibrow, you want to look like Duncan?"

"You called?"

Duncan was in the doorway, grinning at all the girls. "Oh, hi Courtney," he said, "Yoshi told me you would be here, and-"

"OUT!" the girls shouted, pushing him out. "OUT! OUT! OUT!"

"So, Eva," Bridgette said after the commotion, "you really need to think of yourself more as a woman, not an athlete."

"But… I don't want to lose myself."

"Eva, look at me," the surfer girl said, patting her shoulder. "You are yourself. Everyone changes over time. I changed, Leshawna changed-"

"I changed!" Izzy exclaimed. "And hey, if I can change, you can!"

"How did _you_ change?" Eva grumbled.

"Focus, Eva," Bridgette snapped. "Now tell me, why do you like Cody?"

Eva sighed, not appreciating all the other girls staring at her. When she started talking, she was so quiet only Bridgette could understand her at first. "He likes me. He likes me for who I am, he appreciates my skills and doesn't think I am a freak like other boys. He… recognizes that there is more to me than just muscles, he has told me how nice I look and how clever I am.

"I've never had a boy be so nice to me," she said, loud enough for everyone to hear now. "I don't want to lose that."

After all the "aw"ing and "ooo"ing was done, Bridgette approached Eva with a razor. "Come on, hon," she said to her friend. "You don't need to change yourself entirely, but take a little more pride in how you look."

Eva looked at the razor, felt her hairy unibrow, and sighed. "Well… I really don't want to look like Duncan."

"Allow me," Heather said, taking the razor from Bridgette and stepping up to Eva. "Trust me, I am very good at this. I know how to do this very well, and give you some sexy eyebrows."

"Sexy eyebrows sounds fun," Izzy exclaimed. "It also would make a good name for a punk rock band! If we ever make a band, you wanna call it that, Heather?"

"I'll let you know," Heather said, laughing as she started to trim Eva's eyebrows. She couldn't believe how happy she was, this was something she had always wanted to do: go crazy over looks with other girls and help trim them up.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Don't shave, just dance!)**

** Bridgette** - "It's utterly amazing how much Heather has changed when she's been dating Ezekiel. I have to say, I rather like her now. She jokes around, she isn't abrasive, she is kind of… sweet!" *_She smiles, then sighs and hangs her head._* "Now why couldn't my life become more simple like hers has?"

**Izzy** - "Heather is an awesome gal pal now! I totally approve of her dating Ezekiel, and here she is giving Eva sexy eyebrows! Ladies and gentlemen, presenting: Sexy Eyebrows!" *_She starts to mime a drum solo._*

**Heather** - *_She starts to speak, then sees a poster for Sexy Eyebrows, opening the following day, covering the firework scorch on the wall._* "Wow. Didn't think she was so serious about that. Well, either way, it's nice to be nice, I gotta say. … I still cannot believe I said that, but you know, I kind of like it!"

* * *

**(In another bathroom of Maclean Stadium)**

"First things first," Harold exclaimed as he positioned Anita in front of the mirror. "We need to give you a sexy wardrobe! Those clothes you are wearing, they don't give a good impression!"

"But Harold, I'm not allowed to change them," Anita said. "I have to wear them, it's kind of in my contract."

"Why on Earth did they request that?" Tyler asked. "We didn't get one like that."

"You don't have a movie star body, doofus," Noah commented.

Rodney tapped his chin, and then he suggested, "What if you wore your clothes over those? Technically, you're still wearing those clothes."

"Brilliant," Harold exclaimed. "You can wear all that under your new clothes!"

"I hadn't thought of that," she admitted. "Thank you! But what am I wearing?"

Harold held up a t-shirt that had written across the chest, "I am a Zombie-Killing Master!" He wiggled his eyebrows, and said, "I thought it was fitting, since you helped him survive the Zombie VR!"

"These pants would be a good match!" Tyler said, lifting a pair of jeans with ripped knees. "I mean, it fits the zombie killing motive!"

"I found this hat at the gift store," Ezekiel said, lifting up a cap that had a logo "I Heart Glasses" in symbols. "I think it is supposed to be 'I love nerds,' so that fits, eh."

"My God," Noah muttered, rubbing his forehead, "if it gets any more metro in here, I am changing this show's name to Nerd Eye for the Geek Girl!"

"Well, what are you doing here then, Noah?" Anita asked playfully. "To snark at me?"

"Au contraire, my dear Anita," he said, shaking his finger. "I'm here to tell you how to deal with Cody. And I'm gonna say subtlety does not work on that walking hormone machine."

"Studies do show most teenage boys respond better to direct approaches, as they tend to be single-minded," Rodney added.

"Lil' show-off."

"Huh?"

Anita chuckled as she looked at her suggested clothes. "Should I wear my hair long like Tifa Lockhart, or in a ponytail like Samus Aran?"

"Oh, be still, my heart," Harold feinted swooning and fainting, to be caught by Ezekiel.

"I would go with keeping it long," Ezekiel suggested. "As Eva already has her hair in a ponytail."

"How about pigtails?" she asked as she lifted her hair up in two large pigtails. The boys all burst out laughing, and she joined them.

"Look, Anita," Noah said after the laughter died down, "in all seriousness, you have to realize you are dealing with a boy who when he likes a girl, he won't stop until he gets a clear signal it's okay to go ahead, or there's no chance. You need to realize that if he is leaning to Eva, you have to get his attention to you, and let him know that you are a better match."

"Why do you like him so much, Miss Anita?" Rodney asked. "I mean, I always wondered what he had that I didn't."

Noah face-palmed, and said, "About nine years of age."

Anita chuckled and pat Rodney's head. "I like Cody because he's passionate. He enjoys doing what he loves doing, and he is very open about that. He wears his heart on his sleeve, and he is very honorable."

"You mean like when he asked Gwen for a bra?" Noah asked.

"I mean, that when he realized Gwen liked another boy, he helped her get along with him," she responded. "How many boys do that? He is a sweetheart, a clever geek, and just overall someone that you know, deep down, would do anything to make a girl feel special.

"I would like to be that girl. I would also like to be the girl that makes him feel like the happiest boy in the world, because after all he has been through, and how sweet he is, he deserves that.

Tyler burst into tears, and Harold handed him a handkerchief after he was done dabbing his eyes. "You jocks are so emotional," the nerd said with a choked-up voice.

Rodney nodded, and said, "Well, Miss Anita, you think you can get Cody's attention, and let him know you can be that girl?"

"The fact that he hasn't noticed him over Iron Woman is still a wonder to me," Noah said.

"Would it kill you," Ezekiel grumbled, "to compliment someone for once, dude?"

"That was a compliment… kind of. Okay, here's a compliment. Anita, I am more than certain that your knees are going to look good in those pants."

"You funny know-it-all," Anita said, slugging Noah's shoulder playfully.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Don't slug, just dance!)**

** Noah** - "Seriously, what is wrong with you, Cody? You have a choice between Eva, the temperamental hulk, and Anita, the supermodel-lookalike who digs geeks? She is a fantasy come true, and you are debating this? Seriously, when Katie said she was interested in me to my face, did I hesitate?

"Why am _I_ the one who keeps being mistaken for gay? Sheesh!"

**Tyler** - *_looking at the Sexy Eyebrows poster_* "Never heard of that band… I hope they are good! Well, I think Anita has a really good shot at this. I mean, I know all the girls are banking on Eva to win Cody's heart, but seriously, there's something really sweet about a girl who just wants to be the one for a boy! It's so romantic…" *_He bursts into tears again and wipes his eyes_.*

**Harold** - "The key to good romance is to compromise, I say. Me, I have compromised to be with my dear Leshawna, and I am happy with that. It takes time, but one day if we have children, I hope she can compromise on letting me pick the names!"

*_He chuckles, then blanches and starts panicking_.* "Please nobody tell her that Lindsay stuck my face in her cleavage! Her soft, warm cleavage… but don't tell anyone, or Leshawna and all her friends would kill me! But wait, isn't Lindsay one of her friends?"

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena)**

The crowd roared as the contestants walked onto the field. Most of them waved, some blew kisses, some tried to moon them (but Ezekiel managed to persuade Izzy not to).

As Chris looked over the contestants, he said, "Okay, I know some of you are missing. Where are they?"

"Give us a minute, Chris," Heather said. "The girls and I were putting the final touches on Eva."

"Whoa, what?" Cody asked aloud, astonished. "You didn't manage to make her wear make-up, did you?"

"MAKE-UP?" Izzy roared. "HOW DARE YOU MENTION THAT EVIL SUBSTANCE? I WILL SLAY YOU, I WILL SLAY YOU ALL-"

"That's nice, Izzy," he said as Ezekiel desperately tried to restrain her from thrashing around. "But seriously, she didn't have to do that, I like her the way she is."

"That's sweet, but she just wanted a little help," Leshawna assured him. "Oh, here she is now!"

Eva, with Bridgette walking alongside her, entered the arena. She had her hair brushed very neatly, put into a fashionable ponytail rather than just a stuff-in-the-scrunchie style that Eva normally did. She now had eyebrows instead of a unibrow, and her clothes were more tidy and flattering to her form.

"It's amazing how a few little things," Sadie said with a giggle, "can make all the difference!"

Cody looked at Eva, then smiled. "You look very nice," he said. "I, um, like the change with your eyebrows, they look really nice."

Eva muttered a thanks, looking away she stroked the now bare skin between her eyebrows. It felt a little weird to her, but Cody was staring at her affectionately, and she could get used to that.

"Wait, wait!"

The nerds, Tyler, and Anita were blitzing out onto the arena, all gasping for air as they had run a great distance. She was now all dressed up in her nerd gear, which oddly enough really consisted with a shirt, jacket, jeans, and a hat. "Sorry we are late," she apologized. "We got to talking about Star Trek, and lost track of time."

"Kirk," Harold grumbled towards Noah.

"Picard," Noah snapped back, collapsing on the ground as he heaved for air.

Cody was truly marveling Anita in this look. It looked completely natural to wear nerdy, funny clothing like that. She saw him looking and blushed slightly, realizing she had scored some points with this.

That was ruined with Chris, who loudly protested. "No no no, Anita," he exclaimed. "You are not allowed to do that! You have to wear the clothing we provided for you to wear!"

"I _am_ wearing it," she responded, hiking up her shirt to reveal her tube top underneath. "I have my skirt and leggings on underneath these pants, so I am, technically, not in any violation!"

"Haha, clever," Chris said, smiling and nodding his head. "Very clever indeed! I see what you did there. Oh, and also? No chance."

"What? Why not?"

"Because I said so. Now go get out of those stupid clothes and into your sexy gear!"

"The boys worked so hard to get me these clothes, this isn't right…"

"Go now, or penalties!"

Anita sulked off, hiding her face under her hat. The four boys suddenly found themselves under the angry glares of a lot of females. "You were helping Anita?" Izzy declared.

"They made me do it," Noah shouted, pointing up at the other boys. Tyler winced, Ezekiel swallowed nervously, Rodney hid behind Harold, and Harold shrugged.

"I see it more as a case of helping a fellow nerd," he said to the crowd of contestants, especially the upset girls. "I credit her as a nerd, she knows more about Lost than I do, and thus I help my fellow nerd out!"

"Harold," Leshawna said, shaking her head, "you're so crazy."

"Thank you, my love!"

Valerie scoffed and muttered, "I don't think that's a compliment anymore. When is he going to take a hint? When has he ever?"

"Yeah, this is all ridiculous," Zachary said, loud enough for everyone to hear him. "Those nerds are just helping her because she has large boobs."

"I'm not a nerd," Tyler protested.

"Her what now?" Rodney asked.

"Boobs?" Lindsay shouted in horror. "Who said anything about boobs? No reason to bring up boobs, boobs have nothing to do anything with anyone in this contest, certainly not me and Harold!"

Everyone stared at her as she nervously giggled. Noah chuckled and glanced over at Harold, "The first time she really gets your name right, has to be then, huh?"

Tyler was frowning at Harold, tapping his fingers on his sides. "So what exactly is she talking about?"

Before any questions could be answered, Anita walked back into the arena, dressed only in her sexy clothes again. She sighed in misery as she declared, "Okay, I'm back! Shall we begin the contest?"

"Certainly," Chris declared. "We'll let the problems of you hormonal teens get solved later! For now, we have a challenge to start up! Are you ready?"

The crowd roared in excitement, while ironically, only a few of the contestants cheered for the contest. Chris smiled at all the enthusiasm, and said, "Well campers, it looks like we are ready to begin!"

"About time too," Duncan said, nudging Courtney. "Maybe I can sneak aboard whatever vehicle you are going to be on this time!"

"Duncan, quiet down," she whispered to him. "You're not supposed to be here, remember? You're going to get me in trouble."

"Ha, for Duncan," Valerie said nearby, catching their eyes as she smiled at them, mostly him, approvingly, "anything is worth trouble."

Gwen chuckled at this, and received a harsh glare from Courtney, who gave one to Valerie. The CIT was so vexed, she missed part of what Chris was saying.

"… and that makes this the most dangerous challenge you all will be doing to date," he concluded. "Yes, this beats the thousand foot drop, Chef's cooking, _and_ even airport security put together!"

"Well, what is it?" Sebastian asked, correcting his glasses. He was starting to feel quite uncomfortable, but that could have been from Sakaki squeezing his arm so hard.

Chris chuckled and pulled out a walkie-talkie from his pocket. "Okay, you may trigger it now!"

The contestants all winced as they waited for something really bad to happen. They continued to wait… and wait… and wait… but nothing really sinister was happening. That actually made them worry more, until they saw Chris's look of confusion.

"Where's the kaboom?" Chris asked aloud. "There's supposed to be a stadium-shaking kaboom? Seriously!"

He picked up his megaphone and shouted, "Hey! Intern! Get out here!"

"He's not here today," Chef Hatchet said. "It's Billy's day off, you kind of violated his contract by making him work this early in the morning."

"Yeah right, you cannot violate an intern," the host scoffed. "What about that other intern, the one we hired?"

"She should be over where the kaboom was going to be," Chef said, point at a wall of the arena where a singular door could be seen. "I think she's in there, that leads in a direct line to where we had everything set up."

"Thanks," Chris said, then bellowed into the megaphone. "OTHER INTERN! GET OUT HERE!"

The door swung open, and a teenaged girl the same age as the contestants entered the arena. "Coming~," she called out in a sing-song, syrupy sweet voice. She walked in a gliding fashion, her long blond hair flowing behind her as she straightened out her green sweater. When she walked over to the contestants, she smiled and waved at them; she had the kind of eyes and smile that made most of them want to run over there and hug her.

"Intern," Chris called out to her, "did you get the surprise ready?"

She wasn't listening to him. She had been distracted by Chico the Raccoon, who had been attracted to the girl's animal magnetism. He let her pick him up and hug her.

"INTERN!"

"Yes~?" she asked, smiling casually at the host. "Oh hi, Chris!"

"Did you get that thing done that I wanted?"

"I believe I did," she responded as she gently scratched Chico's chin.

"Then what happened to the kaboom?"

The intern was distracted again, as if Chris wasn't in existence anymore. Her bright blue eyes wandered around the contestants, stopping on Sebastian and gasping in delight. She took one of his dreadlocks and rolled it between her soft fingertips. "Such a powerful aura coming from you, child of the universe," she cooed, beaming at his hair. "It really is quite impressive~!"

"I might have to stop you from doing that in about an hour or so," Sebastian said.

"INTERN!"

"Oh hi, Chris~," she said happily again. The intern let go of Sebastian's hair and focused on scratching Chico. "How are you today?"

"Look you… seriously, what's your name?" Chris asked.

"We all go by many names. It makes this universe so much more interesting, under many titles and-"

"Name! The one your parents gave you!"

"That would be Dawn," Chef Hatchet said, as Dawn was a little too busy watching the clouds, staring with entranced, bright blue eyes at the bright blue sky.

Chris groaned, and said aloud, "I am rather confused why we hired someone like this!"

"She came in from high school on an exchange pass, the only way we could hire someone with the little you'll allow the interns to be paid and treated after Billy," Chef explained, then added, "And by the way, thanks for finally paying me!"

"No problem, though it did cut back on my own expenses, so I guess, yes. It _was _a problem," Chris grumbled, then turned his attention back to Dawn. "Okay, intern! Will you go start up the challenge already?"

A beep from Dawn's watch alerted her, and she gently put Chico down before checking the time. "Oh! It's time for my meditation~!"

"You didn't tell me you had pills to take!"

But Chris had heard wrong, as Dawn sat down on the ground, curling her legs and holding her hands up in an odd, pinching but calm gesture. "Meditation, my dear Chris~; it helps us become one with nature, as all of us are God's creatures, and I have my meditation times instated in my agreement to working on this show."

"You know, I'm really beginning to like her," Bridgette said to her friends.

Chris face-palmed and groaned loudly. "Look, Dawn, meditate or whatever, just get the show started, will you?"

"Well, I tried," she said, opening one eye to look up at Chris, "but I was having such trouble putting the nitroglycerin in the vehicles that I had to step away from it for a while."

"I officially," Noah shouted, "disqualify myself from this challenge!"

"Me too, me too," Cody agreed. "This sounds beyond dangerous!"

"Oh come on, you couple chickens," Izzy said with a laugh. "A little nitroglycerin never hurt anyone!"

Duncan cleared his throat. "Oh, you mean that explosive stuff that we were asked to help get ready? Yeah, after I parked the bus in front of the stadium, I left Beth and a couple others to handle it. They weren't doing anything, so I thought that-"

There was a stadium-shaking kaboom then, with a cloud of smoke pouring from behind the stadium. Then everyone saw and heard three figures flying through the air, coming crashing down on the arena floor. After they were done coughing, they stood up and checked their surroundings.

"You told me that was safe," Beth hollered at Duncan, shaking her soot-covered fist at him while dusting the soot off of the rest of her. "You also promised me a cookie if I did it for you! Jerk!"

"Oh, my aching head," Sierra moaned as she shook herself off. "I think I landed on it!"

"Oh, my aching everything," Alejandro groaned, picking himself up even slower, steadying his arm that he had in a sling. He adjusted his head bandage as he moaned in pain, saw where he was, and groaned even louder. "Oh no, not here!"

"Can't we do something about those not allowed entering the stadium?" Chris shouted. "Intern! Escort them out, will you?"

Dawn was far too busy meditating to listen to such an odd request. Chris snarled in frustration, and exclaimed, "Never mind then! Just get those vehicles out here and… wait, was that explosion the vehicles?"

"Sure were," Sierra said cheerfully. "Kaboom! All gone."

"Aw hell, nothing is working out for me today," Chris muttered. "Well, get the back-up vehicles!"

Chef shrugged, and talked into a cell phone for a couple minutes. After waiting a few more minutes, six RVs were driven into the arena and left there, while the host gestured to them.

"Now these explosive-free RVs," he said, "given to us by a very generous company for advertisement purposes, are going to be your vehicles for today's challenge!"

"Yuck," Lindsay gagged at the sight of them.

"Eww," Sadie squealed in disgust.

"Don't knock them just yet," Xander said to the girls. "They don't have explosives, that's something."

Chris chuckled and said, "Yes, sadly enough, they are free of explosives."

"Hey," Beth exclaimed, waving her arm in the air, "I was told I get a cookie for working on the explosive vehicles! Don't I get a cookie?"

"That's a very good question, Beth," the host said. "You get a cookie!"

As Beth caught the cookie thrown to her and chomped down happily, Valerie was looking over Alejandro. "What happened to you, handsome?"

"Duncan hit me with the bus," he muttered, glaring over at the punk.

"Serves you right," Harold grumbled.

Alejandro scoffed at this. "Oh come on! What did I ever do to deserve being run into by a bus?"

"You lied, you cheated, and you used my friends for your own selfish purposes."

"Yeah, but tell me who I did it to that didn't deserve it, nerd."

Bridgette huffed but refused to acknowledge him. Leshawna and Gwen were by her side for comfort, and also if they had to keep her from giving the villain the punch-out he so truly deserved.

"Back to the contest," Chris exclaimed, "we have some special guest stars for you to ride alongside in the teams that will be decided next! Will you please welcome…"

He gestured to the side of the platform, where a lady was walking up onto in a graceful but swift stride. The contestants didn't know who she was, even those very good with pop culture, but Chris did. "Oh! Um, hello! This is our producer, everyone!"

"Hello," the producer said, dusting off some soot that drifted from the three arrivals, and had gathered on her blouse. "Look, Chris, I tried to call you, but your cell phone wasn't answering."

"Oh that," Chris said, trembling a little. "Well, Miss Producer, I turned it off because I didn't want interruptions during this challenge."

"I hate how you do that, and even more that I have a name."

"Sorry, Miss Producer!"

"You've forgotten it again, haven't you?" she muttered. She looked over at the contestants, then smiled warmly and waved. "Hello, darlings!"

Most of them waved back, but Mandy was whispering to Izzy, "Wasn't it the producer who voted off Joel to get rid of Hannah?"

"I think so… but isn't there…"

The two continued whispering secretly to each other, while the producer addressed Dawn. "Oh dear, are you being treated all right? We know this must be a little hard for you, since you're still seventeen like our contestants here."

"I am fine~," Dawn said happily, still meditating.

"That's good to hear," she said, then turned to Chris. "Now about those celebrity appearances-"

"Oh, are they going to be a little late? That's cool, I can always-"

"They're not coming. At all."

"But… but why?"

"Well, our banks took a bit of a hit when we finally had to pay Mr. Hatchet his paycheck up to Day 1 of TDI," she said, glaring at him. "Not to mention the hazard pay we had to give him too, and also Mr. Overbeck's salary-"

"Who?"

"Our intern," she snapped.

"Oh, I wasn't aware interns could have last names. Isn't that illegal, like impersonating a human being?"

He laughed but no one joined him. The producer was looking quite angry by now, and she added, "Plus, we have to pay Dawn as well!"

"Money is of no importance to me," the meditating intern called out. "I told you, forward my paycheck for this job to a nature-preserving group~!"

"Wow," Bridgette gushed, looking over at Dawn, "I really like this girl!"

"Why don't you marry her?" Gwen joked.

The producer was carrying on with other payments, concluding with, "And thus everything was paid at once thanks to you, and the checks bounced on the celebrities! So none of them are coming!"

"But… what am I supposed to do about celebrity appearances?"

"That's your problem, Maclean, not mine," she muttered, shaking her head and muttering about needing a smoke. "Either way, I have to get going now."

She smiled and waved at the contestants. "Good day, dears, I wish you all the best of luck! Take care, okay?"

"Thank you, bye," most of them responded, while Izzy and Mandy talked to each other more. Chris looked over at the contestants, and cleared his throat. "Okay, I need the six who won last night to step forward! … Who won last night?"

Chef pointed them out as they stepped forward. Most of the contestants balked when Colin stood as the sixth leader, and began to hope he didn't pick them.

"Okay, we have Alfred, Lindsay, Harold, Arthur, Courtney, and Colin," Chris said. "Not bad, not bad at all! Now Alfred, you must pick someone of the opposite gender!"

"Mandy," he exclaimed, waving at his crush. The cultist excused herself from Izzy, and walked over to him.

"Are you still pursuing me, mortal boy?" she asked. "You know, even Shudde M'ell hasn't your persistence."

"Nice to know I have better persistence than an Old God," he said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Don't persist, just dance!)**

** Mandy** - "What is it about this mortal boy that makes me feel like a squealing fan girl deep down? It's bending me so out of shape, I don't feel straight anymore! The Old Gods demand devotion, not someone who is heading the other way! Curse my mortal hormones!"

**Rodney** - "That producer lady seemed really nice! I remember meeting her in agreement for joining the show! I wonder why people think she's mean… is she really the same person who had Joel voted off?"

**Geoff** - "It's not fair! Bridgette's already bonding with that new intern chick! How am I ever going to reach her? … If I ever get the courage to talk to her again." *_He sighs miserably._*

…

**Dawn and Bridgette** - *_Both are meditating peacefully back-to-back. Bridgette sighs a little._*

**Bridgette** - "This is the most relaxation I've had in weeks."

**Dawn** - "Yes~, it is… but I wish we had somewhere more natural than a janitor's closet. The vibes here are hostile, and it looks like a war zone."

**Bridgette** - "You get used to it after a while on the show, dear."

**Dawn** - *_looking at the wall_* "Who are Sexy Eyebrows?"

* * *

"Lindsay, you pick next," Chris instructed, "but you have to pick someone of the same gender!"

The blonde nodded, and started to look around at her friends. As she looked at Leshawna, she smiled and said, "I'll pick Le… oh… oh!" She was suddenly remembering what she had done during the pillow challenge, and began to lose her nerve. "No, I can't! I mean… I won't! No… I cannot do this… nooooooo!"

She fainted dead away, and while Chico poked her with a stick to try and wake her up, Chris raised an eyebrow and then sighed. "Guess we'll have to do it at random. Um, Anita, you be on her team!"

As Anita squatted down next to Lindsay and tried to revive her as well, Harold asked, "Same gender or opposite, Chris?"

"Opposite."

"I pick Leshawna, of course!"

Leshawna walked over to Harold and gave him a little hug as Chris said to Arthur, "Opposite gender for you, dude."

"Oh, heck if I know who I'm going to pick," Arthur admitted. "Um, some girl… I guess I'll pick Sadie."

"Now Courtney, you pick someone of the same gender!"

"I will pick Eva, because after all the work we did," she said, "I want to give her some advice too!"

"Lucky me!" Eva grumbled as she walked over to Courtney.

"And last but not least, Colin," Chris said, "pick someone of the opposite gender!"

Colin grinned and pointed at Crystal. "I want her!"

"Ugh, no," Crystal exclaimed. "I don't want to be on his team!"

"Oh come on, you know you want me!"

"Like bloody buggar I do!"

"Stop fretting, Crystal," Chris said, "and get over on this softy's team. Can't you see he wants you?"

"Don't make me bloody yack," she muttered as she stood near Colin, out of arm's reach.

The teams were allowed to pick again, but this time in the opposite way. Alfred had to pick a boy, and chose his friend Sebastian. Lindsay was still unconscious when she had to pick a boy, so Chris randomly chose Geoff. Harold picked Xander for his next teammate, and Arthur selected Zachary from Sadie's pleading.

Courtney chose Noah for "strategic reasons," and then it was Colin's turn. Everyone was shocked when he picked Cody. "What?" he said to everyone's gasps. "I just want to make sure this love triangle goes by fairly!"

"Like hell," came the response from several people in unison.

Third round started off about the same. Alfred picked Sakaki, Chris picking for Lindsay picked Gwen; however, when Harold was about to pick another girl for his team, Chris stopped him.

"I want to change the rules every now and then," he said, grinning. "It makes the game more interesting!"

"For you," Gwen muttered.

Harold sighed, hoping to have picked Bridgette and solved the issues between her, himself, and Leshawna. Instead, he picked Rodney for his team. Arthur was allowed to randomly choose, and picked Ezekiel. Courtney chose Bridgette, and Colin picked Clive for his team.

The last pickings went off a rocky start, when Alfred tried to pick Belinda, but Chris claimed to have called dibs on her for Lindsay's team. Unable to argue with the host, Alfred picked Tyler. Harold chose Yoshi, Arthur picked Heather since the former queen bee was glaring at him to do so since he had picked her boyfriend, and Courtney picked Valerie.

Colin looked between DJ and Izzy, muttering, "Aw great, the psycho chick or the wimp. Do I really have to pick?"

"Tell you what, Colin," Chris said, "because you are such a good sport at having to pick last, you can have them both!"

Several people started to argue with this logic, but stopped when they realized trying to debate Chris's logic was foolhardy. Izzy and DJ walked over to Colin's team, not exactly thrilled to be on his team.

"So what are we going to do about the celebrity guests?" Chef Hatchet asked Chris. "Seriously, dude, people were expecting them! Maybe we could get this band called Sexy Eyebrows, I've heard a lot of good about them!"

"No, we couldn't afford a real rock band like that," Chris said, shaking his head. "Um… well, about the celebrity guest stars…"

He looked around the contestants, and some great, slightly sleazy ideas came to mind. There was Duncan flirting with Courtney, and patting her butt, making her yelp and hit his arm. Beth was still eating the cookie, Sierra was trying to correct Alejandro's bandages as he argued with Leshawna over what he had done. Dawn was meditating, and Chico was trying to awaken Lindsay still.

"I have it," he exclaimed. "Team 1, you are going to be blessed to have our newest celebrity, our young Dawn!"

"What?" Alfred said, then cheered. "Oh awesome! I'd love to have her on our team!"

"What?" Mandy shouted. "You want that moon child on our team? What good is she?"

"Serenity~," Dawn said, walking up behind Mandy and massaging her shoulders. "You must be one with your chi, my dear."

"My chi is just fine for the Old Gods when the time comes… oh… oh yeah right there," the cultist purred, relaxing into the massage.

"She's rather talented, isn't she?" Sebastian said to the others, who all smiled and nodded, except Sakaki. She hung her head sadly, glancing over at Sebastian, trying to decide if she should fiddle with his hair too but had no nerve to do so.

"Team 2 will have our co-host from the bus," Chris continued, "Sierra!"

"But I want to be on Cody's team-"

"No! Get on Team 2, you… big-time celebrity you!"

Sierra fumed, then sulked over to Team 2, and also joined in trying to revive Lindsay. She mentioned a rare toe polish color, and suddenly the blonde was wide awake again.

"Team 3 will have our famous, ex-contestant Beth!"

"Really?" Beth said as she finished her cookie! "Oh how nice!"

"Team 4 will have our other co-host, the much more handsome Alejandro!"

"Ugh, no," Heather, who was on Team 4, protested. "No no no! I don't want the lying snake on my team!"

"It ain't your team," Alejandro snapped at her. "And I'm not so thrilled being on this team," he glared at every member, "at all!"

As Arthur tried to calm his riled team down, Chris went on, "And because I am such a nice guy, Courtney gets Duncan!"

"Like it should be," the punk said, patting her butt again.

"Stop doing that," she shouted, shoving him angrily. "You are totally embarrassing me."

"Lighten up, Princess!"

"Yeah, I gotta say the same thing," Eva said. "I don't want a team with an arguing couple!"

"Seriously, lighten up," Valerie suggested. "We're on an RV, it's not exactly a trendy club!"

"And finally," Chris said, pointing at Team 6, "umm… you get the raccoon!"

"I get a filthy rat as a celebrity?" Colin shouted.

Crystal barked out a laugh. "I could say you resemble that comment, but I don't want to insult the raccoon!"

Izzy cackled as Colin fumed, and she nudged DJ. "Well, we have an animal for you, you big Pocahontas! That should make you happy!"

"So long as there are no snakes, I'm fine."

"Well, either way, we're gonna make the best of this contest, and talk to Cody about love! Since we're such experts!"

"But we've both broken up with those we were dating and are single now!"

Clive almost laughed, but it came out as a big scoff. "Perfect, this is just what Cody wants for romantic advice: two recently singled people, a bully, an emo, and a raccoon. I seriously hope you can work against this disadvantage, Crystal."

"Honey, I never let anything prevent me from helping others find love," she said, winking at him. She giggled musically, and the emo felt his face flush. Colin glared at the emo for getting the attention, and then at Cody, who the others were all talk to now.

"_You'll pay for this, Cody_," he thought to himself. "_You are all everything these chicks talk about! I'm gonna show them I'm the biggest thing here!_"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Don't talk, just dance!)**

** Colin** - "Seriously, I will show them all! I'm gonna be all the girls talk about! Hey, all they ever talk about is Duncan and Cody, some of them are still looking at Alejandro all gooey-like! It's time I get me some, baby!"

**Courtney** - "I would just like to say, here and now, that I am not that excited to have Duncan on my team. I am going at this in a professional manner, and I will win this so my team can win. Having Duncan on my team…" *_She suddenly giggles all girly-like, then corrects herself._* "… Is just an added, um, plus, you could say."

**Arthur** - "Alejandro on my team is a real drag. The guy is a villain, a jerk, a real loser. Zachary seems to think he's okay, and Sadie wants to give him another chance, but she's always like that, trying to give people second chances. How do you get a girl to be like, so… nice? Sheesh."

**Harold** - "Leshawna is on my team at long last! I am just so happy! My girl, a samurai, a biker rebel, and a prodigy for my team! Oh, and Beth, she's cool too. This is gonna be awesome!"

**Lindsay** - *_shaking her head_* "Well, I think I got through that all right, and no one should suspect a thing! I'm kind of sad Tyler cannot come with me, but maybe he'll forgot everything by the time the challenge is done. He's such a nice boyfriend, I cannot bear the fact of hurting him!"

…

**Alfred and Dawn** - *_Both are meditating back-to-back. It ends very quickly when Dawn hears him snore._*

**Dawn **- "Wake up, dear."

**Alfred** - "Zzz… snrk! Oh sorry, didn't get a lot of sleep last night!"

**Dawn** - "Focus your inner chi~. You will need to find yourself if you wish to win the heart of Mandy."

**Alfred** - "I am so happy to have you on my team, you know that?"

* * *

**(Maclean Stadium, Arena and Exit)**

The six teams lined up in front of the black RVs, looking them over. Chris and Chef followed them, informing them of the features.

"All of them have a good supply of water, comes with a sink, shower, toilet, stove, coffee maker, automatic driver, and about four beds."

"Four beds?" Courtney exclaimed. "But there are six of us on these teams! Please tell me this is a one-day trip!"

"Yes, if you change the word 'day' with the word 'week.'"

"A WEEK?" most of the contestants and guest stars shouted incredulously.

"Indeed! You see, the makers of this show and yours truly have decided this stadium needs some more money, so we are holding a rock concert during the time you all are going, and only a week will do for such a grand event!"

Chris chuckled as he thought about it, then he elbowed Chef Hatchet. "Oh, see if you can contact Sexy Eyebrows and get them into the gig, we could use a little more star power."

"Will do."

"A whole week on the road," Leshawna said, shaking her head, "oh Lord, this is going to be a pain real fast, I can see it."

"Dude, how are we going to be that exciting for a whole week?" Tyler asked. "Is this another fan service challenge?"

"No, of course not," Chris said. "If it was, we would have had cameras in the showers."

"Pervert," Anita shouted at him.

"Seriously, I worry about being on this show at times," DJ admitted to his teammates. "I mean, this is going to get cramped, all of us in an RV for a road trip!"

"Hey, Deej, lighten up," Bridgette said, patting his shoulder. "I mean, it can be fun to be with friends, not to mention you're still a hero from last challenge; they'll probably be nice to you!"

"That reminds me," Zachary said to his teammates, "I call dibs on the shower first, don't you pack of white kids think you can push me out of it."

"I'm Latin," Alejandro pointed out.

"We're asian," Heather said, pointing at herself and Sadie.

"And I'm actually a radioactive hamster from a planet near Mars," Arthur quipped, making "scary hands" as he rolled his eyes. "Zachary, shouldn't you let one of the girls have the shower first?"

Zachary looked over at Sadie, and forced himself to smile pleasantly at her. "You know, you're right. I call dibs on the shower for Sadie, since she deserves it so much!"

"Aw, you are such a sweetie-pie," she cooed, hugging him in thanks. Zachary returned it, but inside he was retching; so was Arthur, but he kept his retching to himself.

"If you are all done complaining," Chris said, "I swear, every single challenge, nothing but complaints! Anyway, here are the road maps you will need to get through this very long road trip!"

He threw a road map to each of the leaders, who unfolded them to take a good long look. All of them were surprised to see a rather long route planned out, with all the RV stops and gas stations pointed out, including ones that would involve a little detour and the ways back onto the road.

"This is all very interesting," Courtney said, "but is this it? I mean, I understand the gas stations and RV stops, but aren't there side challenges or checkpoints?"

"Nope, don't need them," Chris said. "You all have a GPS installed in your RVs, and while you are allowed to deviate a little from the plotted course, no major exceptions involved. You are going to follow the main road planned all the way around, or face elimination."

"This doesn't sound too bad, really," Eva said. "I mean, it's not a wild and physical challenge like I prefer, but you know, I don't mind a little rest. I'm not just a physical fitness buff, you know!"

She said the last part a little louder than she meant to, thus everyone, including Cody who she was hoping heard instead of all others, heard. Anita scoffed to herself, then added, "Well, I just hope there's a video game console in there for my team, I'd love to do some gaming!"

"Nope," Chris said. "Who wants to watch people play video games?"

"That's about a quarter of You Tube now," Cody remarked. "Bless those walkthroughs, they really save me some time and money from having to buy strategy guides!"

Chris chuckled and said, "Oh, you nerds. Now, I'll give you all a few minutes to converse with your friends before you leave. Any questions?"

"What are the rules for this contest, eh?" Ezekiel asked.

"Rules?" Chris repeated, then burst out laughing. He walked away to have a few words with Cody, while Ezekiel sulked over this rather upsetting bit of news. He instead went to say good-bye to his friends Tyler and Bridgette.

"Don't worry about me," Tyler said, patting his shoulder. "I'm gonna be just fine, though I will miss Lindsay for a week."

"I'll be fine too, but I'll miss Geoff," Bridgette said, sighing. "That is, if I had actually seen him in the last week to match the upcoming one."

Both of the boys hugged her, and Ezekiel said, "Don't woo'ry, Gwen is on your team, as are Anita and Belinda. They'll straighten him 'oot, eh."

Gwen was talking to Leshawna then, saying, "Look, I know you don't like being told what to do, Leshawna, but try to have a good time with Harold? I think you two have a shot together still, I'd hate to see you break up."

"Girlfriend, don't worry about me," Leshawna said, hugging her best friend close to her. "And don't worry about the two of us either, I'm sure things will happen the way they were meant to. Still, I don't think I should break up with him, where I'm standing now."

"Don't let these turkeys get you down, dude," Zachary was saying to Alejandro. "Just because you tried to make a rift in that surfer girl's love life doesn't mean you suck, you were just doing what Chris asked you to do. Don't worry, you're welcome in this group!"

"I don't think so, amigo," Alejandro responded. "But if I have an ally in you, I'll take it."

"can i dryv?" Chico asked Colin, looking at the keys.

"Fat chance! I'm driving this!"

"But do you have a license?" DJ asked.

"Yes!"

"Currently?"

Colin looked to the side, avoiding the question. With a defeated sigh, he muttered, "No, all right? Not right now, I lost it when I was on the sidewalk for a couple seconds. Just five seconds, I wasn't really going to hit my teacher, I just wanted to scare him!"

"That's all I really need to know," DJ said, snatching the keys from him. "Who wants to drive?"

"I'll do it," Cody said. "Driving is almost therapeutic, gives me time to think. Plus, I wanna check out all the cool features this baby has!"

Colin snarled angrily as Cody was handed the keys. The tech-geek didn't notice, he was too busy thinking about all the fun he could have, and if this meant he finally had full control over the radio. He snickered at the thought, it was delicious to have that kind of power that he never had before.

"_Focus, Cody_," he thought to himself as he tapped his chin. "_You swore you would come to a decision, and you totally lucked out by getting a whole week to think about it! Now if you really are a man, you will come to that decision before we come back here! Be a man, Cody!_"

"Could I get some help here?"

Alfred was struggling with the road map, trying to fold it back up, but ending up only making it stretch and fold in the wrong way, eventually unfolding entirely on top of his head. As he sulked, Dawn covered her mouth in astonishment, and sighed.

"Of all the beings in this great, big universe of ours," she said, "I have yet to meet someone who can fold a road map properly. I actually doubt there is one who can."

"The challenge is relatively simple," Chris explained over the fussing, "the last two teams to get back, or not at all, have to vote someone out among the two. Is everyone ready?"

The contestants all returned to their groups, and struggled to fold up their road maps; Duncan was the least helpful, as he tried to use his pocket knife to carve the map directions out before Courtney stopped him.

"Chris, I have a question," Beth exclaimed. "What do we do in case of emergency?"

"Good question, Beth, you get a cookie!"

As Chris threw another cookie at Beth, who promptly shared it with all her teammates, he explained, "If your RV breaks down, there is an emergency phone number on your dash board. Call that number to have someone tow your RV to the next stop, but I must warn you, the drivers have been instructed to take their time, and then there are the repairs."

"We have to pay for the repairs?" Beth asked, wondering how much that would cost.

"Another good question, you get another cookie," the host handed her the cookie as he explained. "You all will find an envelope inside your glove compartment, they contain a few cash cards. All have the same amount, but they only work at the gas stations and RV stops."

"Wait, what?" Yoshi said. "But what about-"

He was stopped as Beth tapped his shoulder, then pointed at herself. He shrugged and gave it to her. "But what," Beth asked, "about hotels and restaurants? Where are we supposed to eat and sleep for the week this trip will be?"

"Very good question! You get a third cookie!"

He gave another treat to the farm girl, and as she shared it, he said, "That's exactly why you are traveling in RVs, those are your rest accommodations! Also, RV stops allow you to stay overnight, so that's your hotel!"

"Four beds," Courtney exclaimed, "six teammates! Not cool!"

"Find something to accommodate yourself, accommodate away," Chris said, loving the big word he was using. "As far as eating, you're going to have to deal with eating what is at gas stations and RV stops. I hear the food is nice there!"

"It's all junk food and short-order meals," Xander said. "Trust me, I know, but at least it's not Chef's cooking."

"Well said," Leshawna and Beth said, high-fiving him (Beth had to jump).

"I have one more question," Izzy exclaimed. "But I'll let Beth ask it so she gets a cookie."

"But I don't know what you are going to ask!"

"Oh… well then, I'll ask! Are we all following the same routes?"

"Good question!"

"… Where's my cookie?"

"You don't get a cookie."

"NO COOKIE?" Izzy roared, and DJ, Cody, and Clive had to restrain her as she tried to attack Chris. "I'LL KILL YOU! I WILL KILL YOU, YOU COOKIE-HOGGING, UGLY TWERP! I'LL KILL ALL YOU!"

"That's nice, Izzy," Chris said dismissively. "Now the routes you are taking are different, but they all link to the same RV stops and gas stations, so you could run into each other many times. Of course, there are no rules, but I'd avoid messing with the team Izzy is on."

"Izzy's not so bad," Sierra said. "She's the one who cleans up the room she's in, and her own room at home is squeaky clean!"

"How do you know that?" Gwen asked her.

"Oh, she told me. Izzy gives me a little gossip now and then on you all for my blogs in exchange for me trying to make Owen happy on the bus. He's sad these days, but I know what his favorite treats are."

"How touching but sad at the same time," Chris muttered. "Now then! I think we are ready to go!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Don't gossip, just dance!)**

** Zachary** - "Alejandro seems a little off on our team, but I like the guy. He is a clever brother, and maybe I could get him to help me some… being clever in these reality contests is hard, I don't like the idea of having to, in the future, _kiss_ Sadie. Ugh!"

**Yoshi** - "The last long-distance drive I was on, the girl I like broke her foot. I don't want that to happen again, I actually like everyone on my team. Each of them is tough, some hidden but still there, even the little tyke. It's nice to not want to beat your teammates as much as your opponents, but we'll see how I feel after a few days."

**Sebastian **- "Dawn is a real sweet girl, and she is in tune with auras. It's so rare to meet a girl like that, I am quite happy she is on our team. This should be a good week, I really like our team altogether."

**Gwen** - "Great, just great is my luck on this team! The vapid blonde, the part of the love triangle I am not supporting, my friend's frantic and paranoid boyfriend, and the freaky fangirl who wants our dental records! At least Belinda is sane, and quiet too."

**Ezekiel** - "At least I am with my girlfriend a'geen, eh. I love being with her, even if I'm going to be on the same team as that Alejandro creep she hates. I'll be sure to stay by her side so he doesn't bother her, eh."

* * *

**(Day 1 of RV Race.)**

The contestants piled into their RVs, waiting for Chris to let them go off towards their week-long trip. For some of them, the sooner it was over, the better.

Team 1 went first, and Dawn had asked if she could drive. As no one saw any harm in that, and Alfred couldn't argue with those blue eyes of hers, he allowed her to drive first. At the least, it meant he would be able to start chatting up Mandy right away. Their team started off at a leisurely pace, which was fine for all of them chilling in the back.

Team 2 started off shortly after with Geoff driving. He just wanted to avoid talking to people, and said he had to focus when driving. Gwen sighed in defeat, shaking her head as she wondered if she was going to be able to communicate with him at all on this trek. The others all began to talk as they started driving off.

Team 3 debated who would drive, and Harold wanted time with Leshawna. With Rodney and Beth being too short, Xander not caring to drive something completely different from a motorcycle, Yoshi was the one to drive. After a couple bad jokes about driving on the "right" side of the road to Yoshi, the team set off.

Team 4 almost got in a fight over who drove. Zachary and Heather started shouting at each other, Alejandro protested either of them driving, and Sadie was crying out for everyone to calm down. Arthur saying he was leading and would drive didn't calm them down, and finally it came down to Ezekiel having to drive. Heather sat up next to him, sulking. All the prairie boy could think of when they pulled out was, "_This is not going to go well at all._"

Team 5 also had an argument, between Duncan and Courtney about who should drive. Just when everyone else thought it was going nowhere, it did just that when the two started making out. Eva sighed in frustration and dragged the smooching couple into the RV as Bridgette took the wheel and drove off.

Team 6, the last to go and already settled, was content with Cody driving; however, they weren't expecting Izzy to open the hatch at the top and pop out as they were leaving. "Good-bye, Chris Maclean," she called to him, waving. "I hate your guts, and the rest of you is just as loathsome! Good riddance, a week away from you is heaven!"

Before she went too far, Clive grabbed her legs and pulled her down, trying very hard to avoid looking up her skirt (but he accidentally did). Izzy collapsed on top of him, giggling impishly and saying, "Well, this will be a fun trip, don't you all think?"

* * *

**(Team 1 - Alfred, Mandy, Sakaki, Sebastian, Tyler, Dawn.)**

"So, what are you up to, Mandy?"

"Just using the app on my phone to make a small pentagram and sacrifice to Glaaki, in hoping he absorbs this whole world while impaling it in the process."

"Heavy stuff," Alfred said, chuckling as he sat down next to her. "But how are you going to sacrifice with it's on your phone?"

"Like this," she said. She dragged a figure from the side that was a wriggling human, then used a pin to impale it in a bloody mess on the pentagram. "Buahaha! I love it how they writhe about as if they have a chance! Watch this, I'm gonna let the next one try to run away!" **[1]**

Sakaki shivered as she huddled up next to Sebastian, and he wrapped an arm around her in comfort. "Why does she like violence so much?" she whimpered.

"Why does anyone like violence?" he responded. "I mean, why do we pay money to see movies where people die horribly, when the same thing in real life would horrify us?"

"Mysteries of life," Tyler said. "But I think those things are a little deep for us to comprehend."

"On the contrary, Tyler, I think they are," Sebastian said. "I am a firm believer that there is no limit to the human mind. Whatever we imagine is a possibility, and with such inquiring minds, the deep parts of mankind can be figured out."

"Aw, dude, you're making me feeling stupid."

"No, I am merely trying to get you to increase your ability to accept and ponder. Every human being is a unique individual, including you."

"I know that," Sakaki whispered, trying to summon her courage to say what she wanted to, "and I also think… that if everyone was a little more open about our feelings, we wouldn't have so many problems… but there's emotions blocking our way."

"Indeed," Sebastian said. "We all have our demons to battle."

"Demons that try to eat away at our very soul," Dawn said, sitting down next to Sebastian and sitting in her meditation stance. "It is through our own chi and grace that we combat these evils that dwell in all of us~."

"But does evil really settle in all of us?" Tyler asked. "I mean, what is evil? Is it doing wrong, or doing wrong without caring that it is?"

"I always defined evil as doing bad things to others without feeling any sort of emotion towards them," Alfred said.

"Evil to me," Sakaki said, "is really simply doing something that considered wrong by most and not considering it to be wrong."

"Those are such fine points," Dawn said, clapping happily at them. "I am so glad to be on a team of such deep, fine people~!"

"Yeah yeah," Mandy grumbled, "Cthulhu will consume all your happy thoughts and what not. Ooo, impaled that one in the head, haha!"

"Don't mind her," Alfred said, pointing at Mandy. "She gets like this when she plays this app."

"To each their own~," Dawn said, smiling and tilting her head in a way that charmed all the boys. Tyler managed to shake off this attraction, and cleared his throat.

"Hey, Dawn?"

"Yes… Tyler, was it?"

"Yeah, that's me. I have to ask you something important."

"Is it about chi, meditation? Oh, do you want me to give you a tarot reading? I also do tea leaves~!"

"No no, it's not that. Just that… if you're back here, who's driving?"

"I have it on automatic pilot. That's enough, right?"

There was a few seconds of silence, then five horrified screams filled the RV. Sebastian bolted to the front and grabbed the wheel, keeping the vehicle from going off the road. All of them heaved sighs of relief, while Dawn looked very confused.

"I'm sorry, but I thought that's what automatic pilots do," she admitted, sitting down next to Sebastian. "My apologies for causing you all such fear."

"We'll all live, Dawn," Sebastian said, managing a smile after said fear had set. "Just let me drive for a while, okay?"

"You are a good person~," Dawn stated, smiling right back at him. "And your aura is as strong as ever. Have I told you how much I admire that?"

"I think you have, but thank you again."

"What do you do control and soothe it so, may I inquire~?"

As Dawn and Sebastian talked about auras, Sakaki watched sadly as they discussed, deeply too, something she had nothing to relate to. She sighed and went to the back of the RV to be alone, letting Mandy and Alfred play with her sacrifice app, and Tyler to practice his yo-yo skills.

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Don't sacrifice, just dance!)**

** Sakaki** - "I knew something like this would happen eventually. I meet such a nice boy, but I don't find the courage inside of me to actually tell him I like him back. He's done so much for me… but that new girl, Dawn, she's his type!"

*_She covers her face and shakes her head miserably._* "I have no one to blame but myself. Just… just don't film anymore!" *_She tries to put her hand in front of the camera, but accidentally knocks it off and breaks it._*

* * *

**(Team 2 - Lindsay, Anita, Belinda, Geoff, Gwen, Sierra.)**

"Did you know Chris's monthly salary," Sierra was telling the others, "could feed a third-world country for a year? That's a fact, I did the research."

"Yet another reason to hate the man," Gwen said, though she smiled at this.

She, like the others, had been worried about being on the same team as Sierra, whose knowledge of them all rather disturbed them; however, when she was giving them fun facts about Chris Maclean, facts that would be blackmail if it wasn't public knowledge, they were okay with it.

"Ever wonder what he would do if he wasn't host of the show?" Anita asked them.

"Janitor," Gwen suggested.

"Hair dresser," Lindsay said.

"I have a sneaking suspicion," Belinda said, quirking an eyebrow, "that if he was going to lose this job, he might end up as a circus freak."

"What makes you think that?" Gwen asked her.

"Hair gel removal, among other things."

"I like it! And you're the psychic one!"

They all shared a laugh, while Geoff drove at the front, feeling miserable again. "_Man, they're having a small party back there, all of them,_" he said, shaking his head. "_And I'm stuck up here at the front driving… five hot girls in one place, and I'm trying to avoid them._

"_I never should have let myself get into this alliance,_" he thought bitterly. "_I really have no one to blame but myself._"

* * *

**(Team 3 - Harold, Leshawna, Rodney, Xander, Yoshi, Beth.)**

"So what is the game plan as far as living conditions?" Xander asked his teammates. "I mean, the sleeping arrangements are not ideal."

"I was thinking of that," Harold said, drumming his fingers on his palm. "See, the way I see it, we could always have a midnight watch. Two people stay awake, one person to make sure the driver fall asleep."

"But isn't it a bad idea to have the engine running for a long period of time?" Rodney asked. "I mean, we cannot just drive, drive, drive."

"Our little munchkin's got a point," Leshawna said.

"Aha, but my dear Leshawna, I have thought this out too," Harold said, rubbing his hands together. "See, at the RV stops, we shall take a break. And I know Xander knows a little bit about engines and such, you should know how long we can wait."

"Indeed I do, you can count on me."

"Really, sugar?" Leshawna said. "I'm impressed, guess there's more to you than a pretty face."

Xander chuckled, then rubbed his facial scar. "Nope, sorry, much more than that, and either way, I wouldn't say my face is that pretty."

"Manly animé scars are manly," Harold exclaimed. "I wanted a manly facial scar when I was young! Sadly, jumping on a rake doesn't result in that."

Rodney winced. "I hope that didn't break your glasses when it happened."

"I'm told it's why I ended up wearing glasses."

"Nothing wrong with glasses though," Beth said, tapping the side of hers. "Justin tells me they amplify my eyes… no one's really said to me, he's such a sweetheart."

Yoshi laughed from up at the driver's seat. "All the pretty boys are so much deeper than one would think on this show! Sometimes I wonder what weird, cartoon universe I stepped into."

"I'd say more like a video game," Harold said. "Good looking hero with mad skills, you know?"

"Something like Deadpool?" Rodney asked. "My brother loves him."

"No no, that's a comic book character, and he's horribly scarred. See, Deadpool has-"

"Sweetheart," Leshawna said, patting Harold's back, "don't confuse our poor munchkin."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Don't confuse, just dance.)**

**Leshawna** - "Look, I love Harold, and he has converted me to liking a few things I never thought I would. But our lifestyles are quite different, and I'm worried not so much for my sake, but his. Would he really fit in my lifestyle, my home, my community? I keep talking about this, and I am wondering if I do ponder it this much, is the answer no?"

*_She sighs and shakes her head._* "It's my own damn fault, you know? I got swept away over the fact that he liked me so much, I didn't consider it then if it would work out. Leshawna girl, you gotta figure this thing out."

* * *

**(Team 4 - Arthur, Ezekiel, Heather, Sadie, Zachary, Alejandro.)**

Ezekiel was very glad he was driving, and he was quite content on watching the road. He even felt like it was a blessing in the skies to be watching the skies right now, instead of being back in the RV's main compartment. Because right now, absolute hell was raised.

Heather, Zachary, and Sadie were all having a competition on who could shout the loudest, and Alejandro was competing too but so much Spanish (which Ezekiel knew, and thought that Al should really be ashamed of himself for what he was saying) was not qualifying in the loud contest.

"Why don't you just stop with the 'white girl' remarks?" Heather shouted. "I'm asian! I'm sick to death of you trying to turn this into an all versus you blame game!"

"Oh, that's easy for you to say, coming from a rich family! You think because you're more privileged than me, you can boss me around?"

"Heather, will you stop yelling at Zachary?" Sadie yelled. "You're the one who started this argument!"

"And that's another thing, you keep defending him," Heather snapped at Sadie. "It doesn't matter what he does, you keep backing him up!"

"I wish you all would stop yelling at each other like a bunch of," Alejandro continued in Spanish, and again Ezekiel cringed. "Seriously, it's like an endless whine-fest! Just silence yourselves! _Silencio_!"

"You don't get to talk, cheater," Heather shouted at him. "You look like a model for the Sleaze corporation catalogue!"

"Why don't you leave him alone, Heather?" Sadie declared. "I mean, you're mostly just bitter because he was just more clever than you!"

"He tried to use Bridgette!"

Zachary scoffed. "That was just to obey Chris. If you were paid as much as he pays for the good stuff, you'd do some crazy things, white girl."

"Stop calling me that!"

Arthur was trying desperately to block out all the noise, crossing his arms and hunching his shoulders up. All this shouting and stupidity and arguing reminded him of whenever one of his sisters would watch Jersey Shore at what he was sure was the highest volume the television allowed. He was reaching his breaking point, the shouting starting to physically hurt him deep down.

"You're just a dirty hamster, Heather," Alejandro declared, "who has forgotten who you truly are! And if your boyfriend was really a man, he'd come back here and tell me what for-"

"Oh, _shut up_!" Arthur bellowed. "Shut up, Al!"

Alejandro flinched, and sat down, grumbling in Spanish. Heather pushed her way past Sadie and Zachary to go and sit with her boyfriend in the passenger seat. Arthur went to take a shower, anything to wash away the invisible dirt that thinking about Jersey Shore that long would make you feel was all over you.

Zachary and Sadie sat down together, and she looked up at him. "You know, Heather's just really abrasive, don't mind her. I guess she'll always be a queen bee deep down."

"Bah, it's no problem, I've dealt with tougher chicks than her in my life time."

"You're a really tough guy, Zachie," Sadie said cheerfully, hugging him again. "Hmm, comfy too!"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Don't hug, just dance!)**

** Zachary** - *_shudders_* "Zachie?"

**Arthur** - "BUAHAHAHAAAAA! Zachie! AHAHAHAA!" *_falls down laughing_*

**Alejandro **- *_glaring at the camera_* "These Total Drama Dorks are all going down. Seriously, I'll make them pay for what they did to me! No one messes with Alejandro Burromuerto and gets away with it!"

**Sadie** - "It's kind of silly how much arguing went down on the first day. Katie always did tell me I was the argumentative type. It's true, I think I start every fight we've ever had… all five of them!"

*_She sighs and shakes her head._* "It's my fault you know, in a… way that I haven't really figured out yet, but I'm sure it's my fault? After all, Zachary's a good guy, he didn't mean for an argument to start!"

**Zachary** - "Valerie, how much longer do I have to like this fat chick?"

* * *

**(Team 5 - Courtney, Bridgette, Eva, Noah, Valerie, Duncan.)**

"Indefinitely," Valerie said matter-of-factly. "Probably forever."

"Oh drat," Courtney muttered. "I really do want him to get rid of that carving habit."

The CIT looked at the C+D heart that Duncan had made in the wall before he had gone to take a shower. She sighed and muttered, "That'll hurt us, if we didn't have the security deposit."

"What do you mean?" Noah asked. "The show owns them, not us."

"Oh yes, of course," Courtney said. "Sorry, sometimes I forget these things. I guess the one blessing in the skies is that we don't have to pay for whatever we break on this show."

"Your boyfriend would owe a great deal of money in the end," Bridgette joked. "He'd have to win to make up for the damages."

"Yeah, that's really nice," Valerie said, waving at Bridgette. "Make fun of Duncan while he's not here."

"He's big enough to take it," the surfer girl said, glaring at Valerie. "And you know what? Why don't you try to be nice this time around?"

"Bridgette," Courtney said in astonishment.

"You weren't there for the blimp race challenge! She was incredibly rude to everyone there, especially Harold."

"Why is Harold so important to you, huh?" Valerie asked.

"He's my friend, and-"

"You do bring him up a lot, Bridgette," Courtney pointed out. "Are you sure there isn't something going on there?"

"Seriously, it's all I hear," Noah said. "Harold this, Harold that, Leshawna, Leshawna, Geoff, Geoff, you're like a soap opera of your own, Bridgette."

Bridgette, frustrated and upset by the three teaming on her, stormed off to the front to sit next to Eva and talk to her. Duncan stepped out of the small shower room, a towel wrapped around his waist as he used another towel to dry out his hair.

"Did surfer girl have a fit over her love life again?" he asked.

"She's just a little touchy," Courtney said. "Please try to be nice to her. You too, Valerie. Valerie?"

The pink politician was far too busy staring at Duncan's gleaming chest, with water running down his skin. She shuddered in delight, then looked away, smiling to herself.

Courtney hurried Duncan back into the bathroom to change, scolding him for walking out like that. "It's like coming out in your underwear, for crying out loud! Have you no shame?"

"No, Princess, not a bit."

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Don't be ashamed, just dance!)**

**Duncan** - "Seriously, Princess has got to lighten up. I'm gonna have to take a couple steps to get her to be the Courtney I know is there!"

** Valerie** - "Oh, that body that punk has. Ooo, what I wouldn't give to snuggle myself up against that beautiful chest and that firm waist…"

*_She realizes what she is saying, and clears her throat._* "Um, yes, well, anyway! I am going to have a little fun with Duncan, and Courtney cannot do a darn thing about it. Because by the end of this challenge, she is going to need me as much as I need the sway she still has."

**Eva** - "Poor Bridgette was talking to me for some time about the troubles she was having. Man, I thought this love triangle thing was complex, but she's got a real rough spot! I only have to watch for an answer from Cody, she's gotta deal with her boyfriend, her friend, his girlfriend, and everyone badgering her."

*_She cracks her knuckles, and smirks._* "And you know what? I may have become a little soft to become more like a girl rather than an athlete, but I'm still Eva Garren. And if anyone messes with the best friend I ever had, the first person to truly stand up to me, I'm gonna show them just how feminine I can be when I punch their lights out!"

* * *

**(Team 6 - Colin, Cody, Clive, Crystal, DJ, Izzy, Chico the Raccoon.)**

"wuts dis do?"

"That controls the CD player."

"wuts dis do?"

"That controls the windshield wipers and the blinkers."

"wuts dis do?"

"That's the seat controls, please stop lowering my seat."

"wuts dis do?"

"That's my nose, it is used for sniffing, sneezing, and occasionally collecting boogers."

"BOOGURS," Chico burst into laughter, rolling around in the passenger seat and swinging his paws around in amusement. Cody smiled at him, then focused on driving again.

In the back, the others were making small talk… no, that's a lie, they were deliberately avoiding talking to each other. Izzy didn't want to set off DJ in a fit of fear like she knew she could accidentally do, DJ didn't want to set off Izzy, Crystal didn't want Colin to say a word to her, and Colin was a little worried what would happen if he angered any of these people.

Finally, the silence was broke when Izzy couldn't take holding in her big question anymore. "So, Crystal," she asked, smiling her Izzy smile, "now that I'm single, I was wondering who you could hook me up with?"

"What are you look for?"

"A wild friend who is willing to go car hopping with me when I'm in the mood to do so!"

"Car hopping? You mean like traveling around town and hitching rides?"

"No, car hopping as in leaping from car to car in the street; it's fun, and I've only fallen off once!"

"Sheesh, you don't want a boyfriend," Colin remarked, "you want some kind of indestructible crash-test dummy!"

"Izzy, you might want to consider lowering your standards," Crystal recommended. "I mean, not many boys like to risk their lives for simple fun. That's something you'll have to consider when you date."

"But shouldn't a boy be interested in what I like? Why does Izzy have to change all for them?"

"You don't have to completely change, hon. You just can't expect many boys to like having fun like that. I mean, take DJ for example-"

She stopped when DJ shook his head, flapping his arms in desperate, silent plea to not include him in that manner. Crystal stammered and recovered, saying, "Well, Cody up there! Do you think he wants to go car hopping?"

"How does one know one wouldn't like it unless one doesn't try it once?"

"Because one," Colin snapped, "is not psycho!"

"Oh shush," Izzy said, waving at him. "You're just jealous because Cody stands a better chance with Izzy than you!"

"That's nothing to do with it," the bully retorted, though truth be told, he was jealous of that. "I'd rather go out with this here sexy Australian chick."

Crystal frowned as he pointed at her. "I'm British."

"Same thing."

"It's not the same bloody thing, they're practically on the opposite sides of the world!"

"Both islands, funny accents and weird food, sounds similar to me!"

"He's got a point," Izzy said. "I don't like him much, but that is a point."

"Look, this conversation is meaningless," Crystal said, glaring at Colin. "The point is, I will never go out with someone as rude as you."

"Now come on, even Izzy thinks never is too long! Why not have a little dance to make peace?" Izzy said, running up to the front of the car, setting the CD player to play mostly in the back, and put on a dance song. "Let's have a little boogaloo to solve this! DJ, dance with me! Colin, Crystal, have some fun!"

"I don't want to bloody touch this git-"

"C'mon, babe," Colin said. "It's the first day of a week, do we really want to start off this thing badly?"

Crystal took a long, heaving sigh, and muttered, "One dance, but behave yourself!"

As Crystal and Colin, and DJ and Izzy danced, Cody continued to make small talk with Chico the Raccoon. It's hard to make small talk with a raccoon, even one (albeit broken) that speaks your language. Eventually, he had a better speaking partner when DJ was spun into the front with him, and Izzy snatched up Chico to dance with him.

"a dancin partnur," the raccoon cheered as he and Izzy boogied, "i has eet!"

DJ sat down in the passenger seat, glancing over at Cody. "Man, I know Izzy's a nice girl deep down, but man, she's one crazy gal!"

"I know," Cody said, nodding. "I rather like her, especially after last season, but I'm determined to pick between Anita and Eva. They're all I think about these days."

"What about that Sierra gal? She seems to like you."

"Well, if she let me breathe from those suffocating hugs she was giving me last time she met me," Cody shuddered, shaking his head. "No dude… what do you think?"

"I'm sorry, buddy, but I cannot give you any advice. I'm friends with both Anita and Eva, and I think both would be very nice to have as girlfriends. You have to choose from your heart, dude."

"That's fair enough, but man," he managed to smile as he looked over at DJ, "I never thought I would be stuck in this kind of situation. It's something guys dream about, but in reality, it's not so fun."

"Just like reality itself."

The two shared a laugh, then a shrieked startled them both, followed by an impact sound and a pained squeak. Both looked back to see Crystal standing over Colin, his hands on his crotch as he winced in agony, and the matchmaker looking furious.

"You just can't keep your bleeding hands to yourself, can you?" Crystal shouted. "Don't you mess with me, you pervert, because I know martial arts, and you'll be brown bread next time you try to grab my arse!"

"Oh, what's this now?" Izzy asked, shaking her head. "Can't we just have a dance like any other RV road trip?"

* * *

**(Janitor's Closet - Don't dance, just… wait no. We should have chosen one of the other verbs, we just ruined our own joke.)**

** Cody** - "Mark my words, I will make a choice by the end of the challenge."

*_He pumps his fist and grins_.* "See, I've learned a lot from my time on Total Drama. I've been through some great times, I've been through hell, but all of this has just been a sign that I am strong enough to endure anything life throws at me. And thus, I can handle a relationship with maturity!

"I've always thought that I could treat a girl like a real princess, and now… now I just have to make this choice. It's not going to be easy, but heck, nothing ever is!"

*_He lets out a proud cry, and kicks in excitement, knocking the camera off the door and wrecking it._*

**Chef Hatchet** - *_He installs a new camera on the door, grumbling as he does so._* "Third camera in one day, these darn kids need to be more careful! Thank goodness we're getting rid of them for a week, I'd never get this place up to code before the rock festival!"

**Dawn** - *_She is meditating peacefully, before opening an eye and smiling at the camera._* "Remember to focus your chi for a healthy life style, children of the universe~!"

* * *

…

…

…

**Who will win the RV race? Is there even a first prize? Who will lose?**

** Who is Cody going to choose: Eva or Anita? Whose side are you on?**

** And what are you doing sitting down there? Just dance! *boogies***

…

* * *

**Team 1** - Alfred, Tyler, Sebastian, Mandy, Sakaki, Dawn.

**Team 2** - Lindsay, Anita, Geoff, Gwen, Belinda, Sierra.

**Team 3** - Harold, Rodney, Leshawna, Yoshi, Xander, Beth.

**Team 4** - Arthur, Ezekiel, Sadie, Heather, Zachary, Alejandro.

**Team 5** - Courtney, Noah, Eva, Valerie, Bridgette, Duncan.

**Team 6** - Colin, Izzy, DJ, Cody, Crystal, Clive, Chico.

…

** Janitor Closet's Decorations to Date** - Firework scorching covers the walls, floor, and mostly the ceiling. A poster for the band Sexy Eyebrows is up on the wall. A handkerchief lays on Chico's paw-made bed. The _Fame Town_ CD, broken and burnt but still there, is on its shelf.

…

**[1]** - Mandy's sacrificial app is not, as far as I know, real. Please don't tell me if there's something like it, I don't want it.

…

**Next Up** - RVs trek on, and everything goes by normally and without drama. Or maybe the opposite of that last part, because if you believe that, then you haven't been reading this story that long, have you


	47. Ch 14, Pt 2: Keep Calm and RV On

**Disclaimer** - All rights belong to Teletoon, Cartoon Network, and the creators of Total Drama. No profit is being made in the making of the fanfiction. This alternate-universe episode of TD contains stunts performed by written teens. Please do not sue, or send Cease-And-Desist notices; we don't need more of those around.

**The Kobold Necromancer's Notes** - Yes, it has been a while. If you've been paying attention to my Deviant Art journal, you would know why I haven't posted in so very long. I'm going to come out and say this here and now: the feedback I receive for this is going to be crucial to if I continue it.

Let me know if this chapter is as good as you remember the story, and be honest. Be brutal. And stay thirsty, my friends.

…

* * *

**Chapter 47** - Station Personal Are Really Krazy Lazy Employees

* * *

…

…

…

* * *

**(Day 1 of the RV Race.)**

**(Team 1 - Alfred, Mandy, Sakaki, Sebastian, Tyler, Dawn.)**

"Are we there yet?" Mandy whined. "It feels like we've been driving for months!"

"Mandy, we've been driving for an hour," Tyler assured her, gesturing towards the window. "It's still daylight outside."

"It feels like it has been months. So many months since we've been anywhere."

"Look, you can see the city that Maclean Stadium is in from the back-"

"MONTHS, I TELL YOU!"

Dawn hummed a little as she glanced over the book she was reading. "Her aura is most troubled, the poor thing."

"Dawn, there's something about Mandy you should know," Tyler said to the moon child intern.

"Oh, and what is that~?"

"She is a cultist who wants the Old Gods to rise up and wipe out all life on the planet, every last human, animal, and plant. Everything."

"…"

"Yeah, she's troubled."

"I'll say~, that's not very nice."

"You have a way with understatements."

Dawn stared out the window for a few seconds, watching the clouds roll by, forgetting the book she had been reading. She twiddled her fingers, then asked, "Sebastian, what is the general plan for this journey?"

"Hmm?" Sebastian grunted, glancing back from driving. "Why's it my call?"

"You are obviously the best to lead this group~. You have the skills and responsibility to lead us forward."

Mandy scoffed loudly at this. "Whaddabout me?!"

"You have a general desire to rebel against any form of establishment, you personally liked being guided, and have a tendency to say things in a way that can be interpreted wrong."

"Oh, I ain't hearing that! I'll come over there and grind you up, hippie chick! I grind you so hard," Mandy flustered to think of a proper hand gesture, so she banged her fists together as she spoke, "you'll be screaming up at your precious sky for mercy!"

"My point exactly~."

"Ub, suh wha duh yoo wand, Seb?" Alfred, trying hard to control the nose bleed he had from the mental pictures he had formed unintentionally, asked their newly appointed leader.

"Hmm, well, Sakaki?" Sebastian asked his passenger seat partner. "Could you get the map out?"

Sakaki, who had shrunk into her seat since she had placed herself there, nodded a twitch and unfolded the map. "Um, well, if you want to keep driving… you could keep driving down this freeway for a while."

"As opposed to?" Tyler asked, confused.

"Um, stopping."

"For?"

"I don't know… stuff?"

Tyler sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Okay, this is kind of silly. Of course we're going to keep driving, but we have to stop somewhere for dinner, and then somewhere for the night. Unless we want to drive through the night?"

"I like your thinking, Tyler," Dawn complimented. "You've become a lot more assertive and thorough since Total Drama Comeback! It is impressive, seeing how mature you want to be for your friends and girlfriend~!"

Tyler loosened his shirt collar as he tried to hide his blushing face. He normally didn't like having his feelings discussed publicly, but it was hard to become mad at the friendly moon child. "Um, right, Dawn. So, where you all want to stop for dinner? Any preferences?"

"Any place with red meat," Mandy exclaimed.

"I prefer not to eat meat," Dawn stated.

"I'll cook up your red meat, ya blond hippie!"

"I am a vegetarian, but I am sure there are salads at many places we can go~."

"Are you ignoring me?" the cultist chick continue to cry incredulously at the clearly calm moon child. "What, can you not handle the meat?!"

"Is sea food okay with you all?" Sebastian asked as he glanced at the map. "A far distance from here is a nice sea food chain I like. Dawn, you okay with fish?"

"Not normally, but I could make an exception, Sebastian~!"

"Um, I'm okay with sea food," Sakaki said, so quiet that Sebastian barely heard her. "If that's okay?"

"Oh, you want sea food now?" Mandy roared indignantly. "What, you want clams?"

"Clams are fine," Dawn admitted, twirling her hair in her finger as she watched the clouds again.

"Clams aren't okay with me, hippie! I'll grab a small mouth bass and smack your meal away if you cross me! My small mouth against your clams, let's have at it!"

"MANDY," Alfred shouted, pinching his nose desperately to stop the nose bleed. "Stop! Talking! Before you KILL me!"

* * *

**(RV Confessional Booth - Personally, we like lobster.)**

** Alfred** - *_adjusting to the confessional room in the RV, sticking a couple tissues in his nose_* "I don't know why Mandy's on Dawn's case, and even if it is kind of hot to see her riled up, I wish she wasn't so mean to our new friend. I think she's a little jealous because Dawn is special like her, but most people are taking a shine to her."

**Mandy** - "I ain't jealous of that hippie girl with the perfect alabaster skin, those wavy locks of goldenrod hair, those eyes you could easily get lost in for hours…"

**Tyler** - "Someone needs to teach Mandy a little bit of restraint, we could hear her ranting about Dawn outside of this room! … It was kind of hot, when you take it out of context."

**Mandy** - "Those legs with that cute skirt, that baby girl voice that you could listen to reading from the dictionary and not lose interest…"

**Sakaki** - *_sadly staring down at her feet_* "Ever since the challenge started, Sebastian has been getting along so well with Dawn… I really thought he was interested in me, but I guess not. I don't blame him… who'd be interested in me, I cannot even speak up for myself."

**Sebastian** - "I knew Sakaki would be okay with sea food, I've seen her eat it before. I just wonder why she's so glum, is she not enjoying this challenge? Maybe it's Mandy."

**Mandy** - "And I'm sure she has that soft, velvety texture to those stupidly perfect breasts she has trapped under that sweater of hers…"

**Dawn** - *_She peeks down her own sweater, then smiles back up at the camera._* "Well, I'm only a B-cup, but thank you, Mandy dear!"

** Mandy** - "And don't go taking what I say out of context, you pack of perverts! For this entire trip, I'm going to be slamming into her nonstop, and I don't need you all on my ass when it's happening!"

**Tyler** - *_face palming_* "Ugh… okay, this is just day one, and already this trip is obscene. I wonder if the others are having as hard of a time?"

* * *

**(Day 1 of the RV Race.)**

**(Team 2 - Lindsay, Geoff, Gwen, Belinda, Anita, Sierra.)**

"And he has the most adorable pair of green underpants that you've ever seen! Now I haven't seen him wear them, but man, they are cute! It's like, they match his brown hair perfectly, and I know that doesn't make a lot of sense…"

"Um, yes, that's nice, but really-"

"And I think he's really ticklish underneath his arms, but I haven't kissed him there yet. I'm thinking one day, I'm gonna surprise and give him a tickle there!"

"Alright, yes, fine! More than enough information!"

"And I still haven't figured out if he likes tongue in kissing or not…"

"Stop it, Lindsay," Sierra exclaimed, "this is seriously not what I meant when I asked about your dating life with Tyler!"

Lindsay blinked a great deal, and asked, "What? But I thought you wanted the juicy details. Are you asking what kind of fruit we prefer?"

"Never mind."

The fan girl interviewer leaned back in her seat and stared at the window. Sure, she was rather excited to be with the Total Drama cast, new and old, but she was more concerned with Anita, who was a possible candidate for a girlfriend for her beloved Cody.

Anita, however, was distracted with Geoff, who hadn't said anything in all the time the challenge started. He was staring at the floor of the RV, as if trying to find a hole in it to crawl into. Since Anita had always been a fan of Geoff's friendly nature, it disturbed her to see him like this.

Geoff, of course, was busy thinking about what was going to happen when everything came out in the open. If not during the show, then afterwards; he couldn't stop them from watching the show after it was done, right? Maybe… just maybe, he could buy every single copy of Total Drama Battlegrounds on DVD! Yes, he could do that if he won the five million dollars! That way, Gwen could never find out he had participated in voting off Trent!

Gwen was thinking hard about Lindsay, instead of her friend's mopey boyfriend. The goth girl wanted to ask Lindsay to ask Tyler to stop bothering her about her problems back at the stadium, but she couldn't think of how to ask that without sounding weird. Gwen hated sounding weird, she only liked looking it (in a relative sense, weird is a very ambiguous word; on one hand, Weird Goth Girl was an insult to her, but "Weird Al" Yankovic had even her approval).

Lindsay was busy thinking not about her boyfriend, though she had been gushing about him to Sierra. She was thinking about Belinda on their team, and what she was thinking of her. Lindsay worried if the allegedly clairvoyant could really read her mind, and someone would know that, deep down, she actually liked that Rick Roll song! She would just die if someone knew she had that on her iPod!

Belinda was thinking about pie. She was hungry.

"You know," she said to Gwen, who was driving, "there is a café/gas station on the route we are taking. If we stop there, we could fuel up early, eat, and give the vehicle a break."

"Sounds good," Anita said. She smiled over at Geoff, and asked, "What do you think, Geoff?"

Geoff flinched as if struck physically by the question. "But then there's the internet," he exclaimed, "and I cannot hide all the spoilers!"

"No one can," Belinda muttered. "It's on my bucket list to hunt down and kill whoever started the 'Snape kills Dumbledore' spam."

"Snape kills who?!" Lindsay exclaimed in horror.

"You mean you don't know?" Sierra asked, staring at the blond girl. "Seriously, the movies and the books have been out for years. It's like telling you Bella and Edward hook up."

"They _did_?! I was Team Jacob! No-ooooooooooo!"

After Lindsay's howl, Belinda glanced over at Gwen. "Let's go to the café, Lindsay's gonna need to drown her sorrows from our spoiler-rific ways."

So Team 2 pulled into the café/gas station. As Geoff volunteered to pump up the RV and park it, the girls went inside the café to get seats. A couple TVs played at the bar, some kind of rock concert going on.

"Oh, I like this band," Sierra said. "This one time, I stalked outside their trailers for a week to get some good photos for a magazine!"

"Were they worth much?" Lindsay asked in curiosity.

"Dunno, I didn't sell them!"

Gwen mumbled something about Sierra being freaky under her breath, then glanced at the TV as they all sat down. "Yeah, they're okay, but they'll play anywhere, seriously."

"You mean like at a stadium for a reality TV show?" Belinda asked as she stared at her menu, without looking at the screens once.

"Possibly. Why… oh no."

* * *

**(Day 1 of the RV Race.)**

**(Maclean Stadium, Rocking Arena.)**

The crowd roared in approval as the band finished up their latest song, and footage of the race played on the big screens alongside the band's cameras. Some rather interesting events were taking place at the same time of the rock band's next song.

Duncan had taken control of the RV, and was driving like mad. Noah, who had been up on the RV's roof to loosen something, was holding onto the bars on the top for dear life as he whipped around like a kite, screamed for Duncan to stop, as well as other things he would do to the punk when they stopped.

Courtney stepped out the shower demanding to know what was going on, but Bridgette pushed her back in before she accidentally dropped the towel she had on. Valerie was in the passenger seat whooping in excitement, as Eva tried to climb up on the RV through one of the windows to retrieve Noah.

It was pure chaos, fitting for a rock song.

This song ended with a rather large explosion, and the band cheered with the audience over the special effects; however, Chef Hatchet hurrying on the stage with a fire extinguisher was a sure sign the explosion wasn't planned (or prepared properly, it's hard to tell on Total Drama).

Groucho the Duck stepped out of the smoke, dodging the spray from the fire extinguisher. "Where," he quacked in fury as he held up his RPG-7 launcher, "ARE MY RECRUITS!?"

"That's awesome, dude," one of the band members exclaimed. "I want a duck like that!"

"Keep your feathers on," Chef Hatchet barked at Groucho. "They're on a trip!"

"Nobody feathering told me, you quack-face! I wake up from a nap to find everyone, including my second-in-command, to be gone! Now get your head out of your tail feathers and tell me where they went!"

Chef Hatchet pointed up at the giant screens as the band changed to the next one. This band was a semi-old boy band known as Fame Town, who had been personally invited by Chris Maclean (mostly because he still received royalties when they performed, even if he wasn't a member).

As the band started to sing, Groucho the Duck screamed and covered his ears. "No! I hate this song! I used it to interrogate terrorists!"

"Suck it up, Chris played it in his trailer during the first season all the time," Chef Hatchet grumbled as he finished putting out the fire. "I hear it in my nightmares."

"Why were you in his quarters?"

"Because shut up!"

As the bad members (*ahem* band members, sorry) continued to sing, Groucho and Chef Hatchet stared each other down. Chris Maclean clicked his tongue in excitement as he watched in front of the stage, cheering with the audience, hoping for a fight.

"You want to start something with me?" Chef Hatchet roared at the duck.

"Bring it on, you tiny man! You want to battle?"

"YES!"

Chef Hatchet put on his meanest face, then it quickly turned into one of extreme regret as Groucho the Duck started to place another round on his RPG-7 launcher. "No! No no no, you misunderstood! I didn't mean an actual fight battle!"

"What other kind is there?"

"Um… rap battles?"

"That is so racist, Chef Hatchet! Not all ducks are known for their rapping skills!"

"You want to rap, or not?"

"Bring it on!"

Fame Town ditched their song and started a beat for the two, and the audience started to chant for who they wanted most to win.

* * *

**YEP! WE'RE REALLY DOING THIS!**

**IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT… TOUGH!**

**EPIC RAP BATTLES OF TDBG!**

**CHEF HATCHET!**

**VS.**

**GROUCHO THE DUCK!**

**BEGIN!**

* * *

**Chef Hatchet** - "You think you're going to serve me, the chef of TDBG?

I'm going to serve you up, quacker, with orange or cherries

They call me Hatchet cuz I'm deadly, I'm lethal, I am a killer

I'll out-rap you, out-blast you, out-dance you like it's Thriller

"You're a dinky soldier who doesn't deserve to wear that uniform, or hold that gun

I'm going to send that bill back to wherever you migrate from

I'm the co-host of the show, all you do is yell, quack, and suck!

You think I'm intimidated by you? Well, I don't really give a DUCK!"

…

*_Groucho the Duck face-wings. Chef Hatchet murmurs, "_What? There are kids watching, you know._"_*

…

**Groucho the Duck** - "You wanna talk about suck? Let's name one thing you do right:

Co-host? Cooking? Challenges? Chef, you can't even fight!

You're a poor man's Samuel L. Jackson, all yell with an ugly shell

You think that you're the devil soldier's on Earth? Not a chance in hell

"But let's, in all fairness, put that away, put it to rest

What's left but you wearing a woman's dress?

Tell me, was that the reason you were kicked out of the army?

I hear you crying in the confessional that you never got a pony!"

…

**Chef Hatchet** - "Your second-in-command is a rodent who digs through trash

And you're just jealous you'll never fly as well as Rainbow Dash!

You're a rip-off of other characters out there that never were that interesting from the start

I'm going to making some delicious duck soup, you wannabe goose, after I serve up your heart!"

…

**Groucho the Duck** - "You're a lie from the start! CHEF Hatchet? What a phony!

I cannot believe I'm rap battling against the world's ugliest Brony!

You think you're going to make me into duck soup?

Well, let me bury the hatchet, Hatchet, right into YOU!"

…

**Chef Hatchet** - "Ya flat-footed fowl, I'm gonna make you howl

Even if water flows off your back, you had better throw in the towel!"

**Groucho the Duck** - "You snarl and scowl, but your rhymes I did plow

Without further adieu now, here comes the band, loud and proud! Here they are, it's Sexy Eyebrows!"

* * *

**(RV Confessional Booth - Who won? Who's next?)**

**Belinda** - "It may be racially profiling, but that duck sure can rap."

**Gwen** - *_She glances around the room, concerned over something._* "Okay… um, this just hit me. When exactly did animals rapping, let alone talking, be commonplace?!"

**Geoff** - "I'm gonna go with Groucho on this one, and next I am gonna request-"

*_We'd hate to cut him off, but we have our own requests to make, like-_*

* * *

**(Day 1 of the RV Race.)**

**(Team 6 - Colin, Izzy, DJ, Cody, Crystal, Clive, Chico.)**

The team was watching the rap battle on their TV screen in the RV, OK with it for the most part.

"Well, Chef came off stronger," Cody said, "but Groucho had the better lyrics, I feel."

"Personally, I think it was a good performance on both parts," DJ commented, "and much better than Fame Town."

"Meh," Colin muttered, "I'll just say it was the worst rap battle ever, and that they haven't done any good ones for a while now."

DJ stared at him, bewildered. "What? But that was their first one!"

"Doesn't stop me from being right that it was the worst one ever."

Crystal sighed, then glanced at Cody. "So, chap, have you come to a conclusion?"

"Not really, but I'm still thinking, you know," he admitted, sighing as he sat back in his seat. "Kind of a tough decision to make… even though I've had time enough, ya know?"

"ROFL, dat iz, leik, a bummur," Chico said, patting Cody's knee. "butt u wil mayk de wright call, i am sur"

"Yes, we all know that our studly geek will get to make the choice some time soon," Izzy cheered. "It's amazing all we girls haven't thrown ourselves at you!" As everyone in the RV laughed over this, Colin scowled at them, specifically Cody.

* * *

**(RV Confessional Booth - Even we are attracted to Cody, and we're a booth!)**

** Colin** - "The more people talk about Cody, the more I hate him. I resent him for others liking him, and that is perfectly reasonable! If I have to put up with that any more, I'm gonna… do something about it!"

**DJ** - "You gotta respect Cody. I mean, it gives guys like me hope that girls can still be interested in us. I just need to find a girl who likes bunnies and cute critters… jeepers, saying it out loud makes me wonder if I'm masculine enough for a girlfriend."

* * *

Before anyone could say anything else in the sixth RV, or in any of the other RVs, the intercom installed on each of them crackled to life.

"Hello, campers," came the charismatic voice of Chris Maclean. "I came to contact you that we forgot to do something before you all left."

"Egads," Izzy exclaimed. "I forgot my speargun collection! Turn the RV around now, we need that in case we get attacked by another Cthulhu or flying, mutated piranha!"

"You keep a bunch of spearguns around for that?" Clive murmured. "Seriously?"

"This isn't," Chris Maclean said over the intercom, "about any of your crazy items, Izzy. Or yours, Mandy. Or yours, Dawn, we aren't halting this competition so you can get your meditation candles, or whatever you hippie chicks use when you do hippie chick stuff.

"We didn't do our Mind Reader VR, and we all know you all miss that!"

"Aw cripes, I was hoping we could avoid that," Crystal grumbled. "He wouldn't do anything like first loves, would he?"

"Does he have control over that kind of stuff?" Cody asked. "I mean, does he choose?" "Let's make it random, shall we?" Chris asked, laughing impishly. "First off, let's do the bad one!"

The TVs in the RVs clicked OV (on verily), and soon the static that started up with them turned into an image of a cruel high school.

* * *

**(Mind Reader VR - Bad Memory.)**

"Hey, geek! You like your girls dark? How about your MILK?"

A carton of chocolate milk hit Cody, splashing the brown liquid all over him and his meal. The cafeteria burst into laughter, the kind that sounds like it was engineered purely to be cruel. The laughter of nightmares, and it was all directed at Cody.

The geek sighed as he wiped chocolate milk from his eyes. This was the status quo of lunch for him, someone was going to throw some kind of food or drink at him, everyone would laugh. Sometimes they would make remarks about his bear injuries. Sometimes they'd mime Gwen slapping him. Ha ha, always fun.

"_I hate this place,_" he grumbled to himself mentally. "_Seriously, am I at the only school in Canada that has mean students?_"

"I hear you don't like bear claws," another student shouted. "So here, have one!"

A glazed donut grazed his face, and splattered on his lunch tray. Another round of laughter that sounded biologically engineered to destroy hearts filled the cafeteria, as Cody tried to ignore it. Before he could take the free donut, the owner picked it up and walked off, laughing as loud as he could in Cody's ear as he walked by.

"Okay," Cody muttered to himself, "you can get through this lunch. Find your happy place, find your happy place…"

Cody's happy place was fond memories of Total Drama Battlegrounds, specially during a challenge when two cabins were adrift at sea, being attacked by a oceanic, ancient beast. Memories that involved a certain redhead who dressed up like an ancient warrior to battle a worthy adversary.

And thus, across the RV TVs, the arena's screen'as, and to the viewing world's, Izzy's toplessness was exposed.

* * *

"…"

"Blimey," Crystal muttered, covering her mouth in astonishment.

"Oh good gravy," DJ agreed, wincing.

"rofls, it iz the boobies," Chico cheered.

"So that's what my girls look like from the front," Izzy said with pride, patting her chest. "Not bad, not bad."

"Izzy," Cody exclaimed, "you just got exposed to the entire viewing world! Everyone just saw you…"

"Hmm," said the crazy girl with a bemused grin. "And yet, it was from your bad memories of donut-throwing classmates. You have me on your mind, how sweet!"

"What is it with you and girls?" Colin shouted in frustration. "They are practically throwing themselves at you!"

"Dude," DJ got down on his knees to a very embarrassed Cody, "_teach_ me!"

"an me!" Chico implored. "i want 2 b ladies' raccoon!"

Chris, who sounded like he was trying to fend off a very angry producer, laughed nervously. "Um, well, uh, nice flashback to embarrassing times, Cody! Boy, you sure go to a mean school! Making fun of your injuries sure ain't a nice thing… but you gotta admit, that bear claw moment was hilarious!"

"Yeah, to you, man," Cody grumbled. "You weren't putting up with it every day. I swear, Total Drama has been a holiday compared to school."

"This show?" Clive asked. "Seriously? Really? _This_ show is nicer than school? What reality do you live in?"

"Wait, if you feel like this show is so awful," Crystal asked, turning to the emo, "why did you sign up?"

"I like to blend into situations that fit my mood. Misery begets misery, you know."

Before Crystal could continue on, Chris was done arguing with the producer about guidelines and morals and psycho hose-beasts exposing themselves on international television. "Right! Um, let's bring up someone's good memory, shall we?"

"That wasn't a good memory?" DJ asked incredulously. "Oh yeah… the school bullying. Sorry, Cody."

"Bah, I'm with friends now. I don't have reason to be upset."

"Now then," Chris's frantic words were almost covered up by all the wolf-whistling at the stadium (and the noise of all the faces of boys being slapped by girls). "I think we want happy time, shall we? Let's find a happy place!"

"Yes," a lot of boys declared.

"No," a lot of girls declared.

"Oh boy," Izzy cheered, "my boobs are peoples' happy place! That's awesome! One off the bucket list for me!"

* * *

**(Mind Reader VR - Good Memory.)**

"Now you have a good time at camp, you here me?" The younger girl hugged her big brother, who returned it just as happily. "Hey now, I have to go, stop squeezing me so tight!"

"But that way, you cannot go!"

The girl giggled as she finally released her brother. The young man's peach colored skin was a little flushed in the face right now, and he pushed away his brown bangs. Nervously fidgeting with his small ponytail, he said, "How do I look?"

"You look fine, dear," his mother said, patting his shoulder. "Now look, I want you to enjoy yourself."

"It's been my dream to be going to a camp like this," the young man said, laughing happily. "It's hard to say good-bye, but I'm so excited!"

His little sister laughed again. "It'll be so lonely around the house with you! I'll miss your smile the most."

A bus came to a stop in front of them, and the young man climbed aboard. He stopped for a bit to wave back at his family, "You all take care, you hear me? I'll text you when I get there."

"Bye," his little sister called out. "Good-bye, Clive!"

* * *

"CLIVE?" Everyone in Team 6's RV exclaimed incredulously. "THAT WAS YOU?"

The emo flinched at all the yelling, then frowned and muttered, "Okay, seriously, I don't want to talk about this."

"You had normal skin," Izzy pointed out. "Your hair was light brown!"

"You had a ponytail," Crystal said, "a cute, man's ponytail."

"You didn't look like a freak," Colin remarked. "Well, wait, you always do, but less. A _little_ less. Naw, never mind, you always looked stupid."

"Dude," DJ spoke up, ignoring the bully, "Cody was the one with bad memories shown, and you don't want to talk about good times?

The emo grunted and looked away. "Like I said, don't want to talk about it. You all are way too interested in my private life."

"Private no more," Colin remarked.

* * *

**(RV Confessional Booths - Emo in an Emo Land.)**

** Clive** - "Why is it that everyone tries to get into my being a sad person? People don't try to pull apart happy people to see what makes them happy. Can't I just be how I feel without being interrogated?

"Crystal of all people gets way too much into my personal life. It's rather irritating… even if there is a touching side to it."

**Cody** - "It's rather tricky, when you have someone that depressed nearby you at all times. I mean, I think I got problems, then I deal with someone who looks like their world got crushed. Dude, who cares about donut-pelting jerks when I got someone like that nearby? No more complaining!"

**Crystal** - "That's it! No more stalling! I will find someone for Clive to be with! I swear upon my skills as a matchmaker, I will have him find happiness and love! There you are… Bob's your uncle and all that!"

*_She sighs and stares upwards as she considers this rather daunting challenge._*

"I just hope that this kind of love, this kind of hope and optimism, spreads to the others. It'd be nice to see someone being positive for a change."

**Izzy** - *_She is wearing oversized shades, a feather boa, and sipping from a martini glass filled with lemon-lime soda._* "Yeah, I'm hot, I'm so super hot. I actually have all the makings of a reality star now, got me a dirty video leaked without my intention. I'm a champ in the making, a natural hot piece!"

*_She downs her entire glass in one go, then belches loudly._* "Yep, so very hot."

* * *

**(Day 1 of the RV Race.)**

**(Team 3 - Harold, Leshawna, Yoshi, Xander, Rodney, Beth.)**

Yoshi yawned as he sharpened his katana blade. "Well then," he said to his teammates, "are we going to plan our route for this challenge?"

"Dude, seriously?" Leshawna exclaimed. "You just saw a girl topless and saw what our emo friend looks like without his freaky make-up, and you don't care?"

"Yeah, I have the internet, it's not like I cannot see that any day. No internet here, no Google Maps or Mapquest, so what are we going to do?"

Xander clicked his tongue. "Well, I'm going to take a shower to help me stop thinking about that sweet image. You all can plan the way, I trust you all."

Beth let out a small sigh, saying, "And there's a sweet image for all the girls." Harold, who was driving and had her sitting next to him, glanced at her with a little confusion. "Oh, um, nothing!"

"Our biker rebel sure seems to be a charmer," Harold commented. "But hey, I guess our team could use more than one."

"Who's the other one?" Rodney asked innocently. "Mr. Yoshiki?"

"Um, no-"

The prodigy scratched his head under his helmet. "Um… Miss Leshawna is a charmer, right?" "Well, yes, but-"

"You mean Beth, right?"

Harold decided to stop the awkward conversation by loudly exclaiming, "Hey, let's get gas now so we don't run the risk of running low at a bad moment."

"What are the odds of that happening, sweetheart?" Leshawna asked.

"I've been on this show long enough to know that that is any time, actually. So come on, let's get a little food, a drink, stretch our legs?"

When they stopped, Xander, wearing a towel and wringing his hair, stepped out and asked them why they stopped so early. Distraught by this girlfriend staring at the near-naked biker, he left to enter the gas station.

The attendant was busy on his cell phone, trying to catapult seemingly flightless, aviation feather-brains at legless, unusually tinted bacon-providing mammals who were being protected by shoddily constructed buildings that lacked nails or mortar. The efforts were being repeated with slightly different timing points to earn a total of five-pointed, luminous, gold-tinted sky illuminators.

Harold was not entirely concerned about a total stranger shirking his daily duties for the sake of earning gold-tinted, distant suns. He approached the gas station attendant, and cleared his throat loudly.

"Yeah?" the attendant murmured.

"We want gas."

"Beans are in the fifth aisle."

Harold pursed his lips, then said, "If you're going to tell that joke, you might want to put some effort in that, _gosh_!"

"If I wanted to make people laugh, I wouldn't tell that joke."

"If even you are sick of it, why are you telling it?"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

The gas station attendant threw himself over the counter, embracing Harold as he sobbed bitterly. The nerd, feeling rather awkward, pat the poor guy's back.

* * *

**(RV Confessional Booth - Do beans really give gas? Or is that an urban legend?)**

** Harold** - *_shaking his head sadly_* "Oh, retail. When will you stop destroying peoples' very souls?"

**Xander** - *_still wearing a towel, but deep in thought_* "You know, I think I'm doing this 'coming out of the shower not wearing much' thing more times than is normal. Is that weird? I'm starting to feel self-conscious about that… I think maybe I've been around Harold too much."

**Harold** - "Gas stations are like gold mines disguised like outhouses. They look poor, they cost rich, but they have treasure in them like you wouldn't believe. There is an art to them, like spelunking or achievement hunting. You gotta know what to do… and luckily, I, Harold, am an expert at this.

"This challenge will be so easy with me on the case."

* * *

"Yes, I'm sure your mother loved you," Harold comforted the distraught attendant. "But really, I need to get some supplies. We're on a reality show where we have to take a weeklong RV trek while our host has bands and rap contests between an angry ex-army chef and a talking duck with an affinity for RPG-7s."

"Of course you are, that's what the last customer told me."

"I'm not lying!"

"No, seriously, the last customer here told me they were on the contest too. They seemed pretty cool too, but then had to drive off in a hurry, left the snarky one flapping like a kite on the top."

"Enough with the confusing banter, my NPC friend," Harold said, slightly slipping into an fantasy game setting for his basis on reality. (Yes, nerds do this, non-nerds will never understand.)

"I need gas for our vehicle, healthy but edible snacks, energy drinks for our drivers, a biker magazine with scantily-clad women for our biker dude, a expert-level sudoku puzzle book for the child in our group so he doesn't start asking about the magazine, and gummi-elephants for my friend Beth. But NOT gummi-slugs, you got that?"

"Got it," the cashier said, typing on the keyboard of his register. "Anything else?"

"Hm, what else have you got?"

The cashier tapped his chin, then bent down and pulled an unusual handle of a blade-less sword. Harold picked it up, pushed the button near the top, and laser energy came forth like a saber.

"A laser sword?" the nerd exclaimed in shock and wonder.

"Yeah, we sell those in our gas station chains, but not often."

"How could you not sell more _laser swords_?"

"No one ever asks. Surprisingly little amount of people come into a gas station and ask to purchase a laser sword."

* * *

**(RV Confessional Booth - Laser saber? Light slicer? Blade hummer?)**

** Leshawna** - *_holding the laser sword, turning it around in her hand_* "What Harold purchases on impulse is crazy! This cost us quite a penny, and I cannot think of where we're gonna need this for… poor baby, let his pastimes get ahead of his senses… still it is kind of cool."

**Rodney** - *_sulking_* "They're not letting me try out that laser sword… or see that magazine that Mr. Harold got Mr. Xander. Why don't they trust me? I'm not going to do anything clumsy with it."

**Yoshi** - *_holding the laser sword in one hand, and his katana in the other_* "Yeah… this is weird. I honestly don't know what to make of this… but I'll be damned if I wasn't interested in learning how to dual-wield."

**Beth** - *_her turn holding the laser sword_* "Yippee! Back on the show again, doing all kinds of fun things! Look at this awesome thing that I get to try! Woohoo!"

*_She enthusiastically spins around, and manages to slice the camera in half. Thus confessionals aren't going to be around for Team 3 until their next stop at a gas station, where they buy a new camera._*

* * *

**(Day 1 of the RV Race.)**

**(Team 2 - Anita, Geoff, Gwen, Belinda, Lindsay, Sierra.)**

On the other side of the street, Team 2 was having trouble with their cashier. Or rather, Lindsay was having trouble with him, and thus causing trouble for all of them.

The cashier had recognized them, and had asked Lindsay for an autograph; however, Lindsay, still paranoid that people were suspicious about her using her breasts for an advantage, had thought the cashier wanted to sign her chest, a la rock star style.

It hadn't dawned on the poor blond that the cashier was asking _for_ an autograph, not to give one. Cashiers very rarely are the ones giving autographs, but this wasn't settling in Lindsay's mind.

So the argument about boobs, signatures, and other random things that would come up when Lindsay, Gwen, Sierra, and a random gas station attendant started shouting at each other. It became pretty heated, as Belinda watched while snacking on some popcorn. Geoff eventually stepped outside, while Anita followed him.

"Are you okay?" the bombshell asked the sullen party animal.

"Sure bra, whatev's," Geoff answered.

"Geoff, there are three girls fighting and shouting about boobs in there," she pointed out, forcing a laugh out in hopes of encouraging him to. "Don't you want to watch that?"

"Not really, bra. I don't like arguments that much."

"But… this is different! Isn't this something that you, the party man, love to watch?"

"Meh."

Geoff headed into the RV, Anita staring at him in utter perplexity. She scratched the back of her head, trying to think of what to make of this.

* * *

**(RV Confessional Booth - No one ever signs our chest. Wait…)**

**Anita** - *_casually using a marker to sign 'Anita was here' on the wall as a joke_* "You know, I really liked Geoff when watching the show. He was funny, he was nice, and he was forgiving. But here he is, on a team full of girls, and he's… depressed?

"This is not the Geoff I know… this is not the Geoff anyone knows! I know that everyone's expecting me to be all anxious because Cody might pick me to be his girlfriend…" *_She takes a moment to swoon at the thought._* "But I am not going to let a friend suffer. So I'll make it my job to cheer Geoff up on this trip!"

**Geoff** - *_reading the wall_* "Anita was here? Wow, who'd've thunk that? Here, of all places! … Oh, she's on this team, right? Man, my head is elsewhere!"

* * *

"Okay, look, we've talked about this subject far longer than I am humanly comfortable with," Gwen shouted in the gas station. "Can we all agree that no one will be signing Lindsay's chest, and we can get our damn supplies, and get the hell out of here?"

"You're a tad cranky," Sierra pointed out, "more so than usual, Gwen. I mean, I know that's your modus operandi, but-"

"Save it, you magenta-topped stalker."

"Ones with green highlights shouldn't be making fun of others' hair!"

"I personally think both your hairs are hot," the cashier interjected, before the girls glared at him. Lindsay whimpered at all the fighting, while Belinda finished her popcorn.

"Alright, you've all had your fun venting," the clairvoyant said. "But right now, we need to get our gasoline and get driving."

"That's what I've been saying," Gwen argued. "Listen, cashier boy, try to keep your eyes at my eyes as I ask you for gasoline, and not at anyone's chest. That way, you might get out of here with all your vital body parts intact."

"I work at a gas station, I worry every day about that. But sure thing, Gwen," the cashier said cheerfully. "Would you like a pony with that?"

"A… what?"

"We're giving pony key chains out to everyone who buys gasoline. You want one?"

"Man, those things are everywhere," Gwen complained. "Seriously? Complimentary pony key chains at out-of-the-way gas stations?"

"I'll take some," Lindsay gleefully exclaimed. "They're so cute!" She took the first one offered to her by the attendant, and let out a happy squee. "Adorable! I miss having adorable things in my life! All we see these days are zombies and vampires and aliens and other undead things."

"Okay, one, aliens aren't undead, Lindsay," Gwen pointed out. "Two, this pony craze is getting way, way out of hand." As she spoke, Lindsay held the pony key chain up to the goth girl's face. "And three, that is a show for _little_ girls, and oh God, I cannot look away from its adorable eyes, I'm hooked, aren't I?"

"Yep," Lindsay bragged with as much sadistic glee as a girly blonde could.

"… Are there any black ponies? Gothic ones?"

"Here, let's find you a Luna," the gas station attendant said, shuffling through the box of key chains.

* * *

**(RV Confessional Booth - Now with definite proof Anita was here.)**

** Sierra** - *_admiring her own little pony key chain_* "Well, it's not Cody, but it is cute and I don't mind keeping it in my pocket. Though I wouldn't want to keep Cody in my pocket… no matter how much I want him in my pants!" *_She giggles impishly._* "No no, I want to cuddle him! All day!"

**Lindsay** - *_She is looking at her own pony keychain, and is baby-talking the heck out of it._*

**Gwen** - *_She is also baby-talking her new pony key chain, until she realizes that the camera is on her, and stops._* "Man, why do I keep forgetting that this place isn't as private as it feels!

"… And I'm never going to live this down, am I?"

* * *

**(Day 1 of the RV Race.)**

**(Team 4 - Sadie, Heather, Zachary, Ezekiel, Arthur, Alejandro.)**

"INFERIOR MORTALS! YOU WILL PERISH IN THE FLAMES OF THE HOT DOG OVEN!"

"I got the snacks, Sadie, just get the breath mints!"

"Did you get the diet versions of soda? I'm trying to lose some weight, even if Katie says I look good regardless!"

"INFIDELS! WHY YOU NO TIP?!"

"Will you all run faster, damn it? He's gaining, oh God he's gaining!"

"Dios mio! Why must gas station attendants be filled with such colorful but obscure character types!?"

"Stopping yapping, white boy, and run faster!"

"Not only am I not white, thank you, but I do have my arm in a sling!"

"Do you see me give a darn as I run for my life? Run, Pedro, run!"

Team 4 was escaping the gas station they had just made their purchase from. The cashier had been a very handsome, intelligent, and sophisticated gentleman, but he did have something of a berserk button when Sadie had asked if they could use debit instead of credit.

Some places are just rather sensitive about this. And now, they were running to their RV, desperately trying to get it started.

"Why is the engine stalling?" Arthur screamed in terror, frantically waving his arms around as he watched Heather try to start the vehicle. "That only happens in crappy horror movies when the monster is chasing the scantily-clad woman!"

"Well, the gas station attendant is after us, and I am wearing hot pants," Heather shot back. "You want to jinx it more, buddy? How about, the cynical one always dies first?"

"You get this RV going, I refuse to die in a psycho's deep-fryer!"

"YOU CANNOT ESCAPE ME," the attendant was hollering from inside the station, still chasing Sadie, Alejandro, and Zachary around the building. "I AM THE LORD OF AKHI GAS STATIONS! AND OUR RIVALS, JUST ACROSS THE STREET, THE YAHMA STATIONS-"

"Excuse me for interrupting your rant, mister lord," Sadie chimed in, "but do you happen to have any fruit flavored breath mints, or just mint?"

"THE NON-MINT MINTS ARE AT THE FRONT OF THE STORE!"

"Oh thank you."

"NO PROBLEM! NOW, BOW BEFORE THE LORD OF AHK AND EYAHAM STATIONS!"

Ezekiel whistled cheerfully as he continued fueling up the RV. His girlfriend stared at him bizarrely through the window as he waved. "I tend to let these kind of things slide off my back, eh. After all, seen enough weird things in my life."

"I thought the same thing when I heard you two were officially dating," Arthur remarked.

As Heather elbowed the loner, the others inside were finishing their supply run. Sadie quickly used an ATM to receive cash, hoping that would calm the cashier, but it didn't so much.

"I WILL BURY YOU ALL! BURY YOU AND THUS BEGIN THE PROCESS OF NATURAL PETROLEUM! OH, AND THANK YOU FOR PAYING IN EXACT CASH, VERY KIND OF YOU!"

"No problem, mister," Sadie called out. "Have a nice day!"

"THANK YOU FOR STOPPING HERE, INFIDELS! BUT YOU HAVEN'T LEFT YET, HAVE YOU?"

Zachary grabbed a handful of candies before making it out, mentally deciding that this rather unpleasant experience justified his minor shoplifting. Sadie was quick to sprint out, with him right behind her. But when Alejandro was heading through the door, Lord Akhi and Yahma grabbed his shirt collar and pulled him back.

"The _diablos_ has got me," he screamed in terror, grabbing the door frame as he was pulled back in. "Help! Amigos! Please!"

Another scream pierced the atmosphere as he was yanked back into the gas station. Pummeling sounds followed, as Alejandro shrieked, "He's got an oversized lump of beef jerky! Ouch! Help! Dios mio, not the face! Not the face!"

"Should we go back and help him?" Zachary asked the others as they dropped the supplies off in their RV.

"What, go back and retrieve oo'r teammate, Alejandro?" Ezekiel asked, trying to be cunningly sarcastic but not quite mastering it. "I see absolutely no reason why we should, do we actually, like, need him?"

"Plus, he knew what he was getting into when we started this," the whiner agreed. "Maybe we should just go on without him."

Alejandro's pained cries echoed from the gas station. "Not the pork rinds! Ouch! They are surprisingly painful to be struck by! Amigos! Assistance! He's using pork rinds!"

"Oh now, we have to save him," Sadie pleaded. "He is handsome, and he is a member of the team. We do need him for the end of the challenge."

"Do we?" Heather asked, glancing towards the station. "I mean, Chris didn't make it clear, did he?"

"I woo'dent put anything past Chris, eh," Ezekiel commented. "I mean, he'd probably have us lose irregardless or something; sadly, we cannot vote off that lying creep if we do lose."

"He's not even a real contestant, he's someone Chris tagged on as cannon fodder," Heather scoffed. "He's expendable."

"Then again, we might want him in case we have more psychotic cashiers," Zachary said.

"Ayieeee! He has rock candy now! He's beating me with rock candy! Somebody save me!"

"Oh for the love of something or other," Arthur sulked as he left the RV, "I'll go get Al."

* * *

**(RV Confessional Booth - Htoob Lanoissesnoc VR, in the mirror.)**

** Alejandro** - *_all beaten and scratched up, rock candy stuck in his handsome hair_* "I hate this show, and everyone on it."

**Sadie** - "Arthur was really brave, going back in there to retrieve Alejandro. He fended off the cashier with a small bag of chocolate coins! Or did he just bribe the cashier? Can you bribe someone with food from their own store? I gotta remember that!"

**Zachary** - "All this makes me worry if something like what happened to Al could happen to me and Val. Alejandro caught a real bad break when Chef revealed his confessionals. Makes me a little wary of what I say in here from now on, but Chef would never betray a brother, would he?"

**Arthur** - *_holding a glass in his hand, tapping his chin_* "Yeah, I'd be more worried about your teammates, Zachary. One of these days, I'm gonna overhear you talking trash about Sadie, and then blow your stupid cover. You and Valerie!"

"… Holy cow, I'm sounding like a desperate spy! … Cool."

**Ezekiel** - "I've actually come across a lot of crazy cashiers whenever I have to go into too'n fur stuff, and of course even crazier fellow shoppers. You got to learn hoo' to 'swim' with the crazy, lest you let it make you lose all hope fur humanity."

* * *

**(Day 2 of the RV Race.)**

The first day of the race went relatively well, for most of the groups. Though whether you think that the fact that the majority of contestants didn't want to kill each other yet is surprisingly good news or morbidly predictable is up to you.

Most of the teams manage to plan a good place to stay the night, at a cheap hotel or an RV camp. Team 1, full of daredevil nature (minus Sakaki, of course), took a bright idea from Dawn and camped out in the wild to save a little money.

Maclean Stadium was packed again the following day, as Chris had managed to book some rather big-named bands. Chef Hatchet was still fuming, trying to get some passive-aggressive revenge against Groucho by preparing chicken for the producer; that is, the one that had greeted the contestants on the first day and chewed out Chris for showing Cody's bad memory without checking it first.

The producer was keeping a closer eye on Chris, not wanting to cause any more politically incorrect hysteria. She was wondering why none of them had come to call yet (truthfully, they were a little too afraid to offend Groucho).

Now on the road for the second day, let's see how the contestants are doing.

* * *

**(Team 5 - Bridgette, Valerie, Noah, Eva, Courtney, Duncan.)**

"And that's when you twist their arms behind their back. See, this causes excruciating pain, but you can easily control it so you don't disconnect the shoulder or break any bones. Though I have done both, the former more so than the latter-"

"Eva, please," Bridgette implored, turning a little green, "I really don't want to know details."

"Listen, I just thought you might want to know, in case you run another jerk like Alejandro."

"But why would I need to wrestle him?"

"I dunno. Maybe you need to be more physical for a challenge. We all know Chris is bound to do a wrestling challenge sooner or later."

Bridgette cocked an eyebrow at this, and thus her friend explained, "You really think he's going to pass up the chance to have all the girls dress in leotards and wrestle around with each other? With how most of the girls here, it'd more so be a squirming match."

"Please stop putting the mental images in my head," Noah said, pinching his nose shut to avoid nosebleeds. "I am only as human as the next guy! And besides, you are forgetting something."

"What would that be, string bean?" Eva asked.

"It's Chris, he's probably more interested in seeing the boys in leotards."

"Are you seriously going by that rumor?" Bridgette asked, not sure if she should be amused or insulted. "What, you think Chris is into Chef or something?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Chef could do so much better."

Courtney cleared her throat loudly to interrupt, trying to focus on driving at the same time. "Look, I know this is fascinating to you all, but some of us don't like to imagine Chris's love life, no matter which way he goes."

"Yeah, babe," Duncan agreed, snaking his arm over towards her shoulder and playing with her hair. "Much more interesting love lives to discuss."

"Gerroff, I'm driving!"

"Come on, it's an RV, it practically drives itself, princess."

"One, I told you not to call me that around others, and two, that doesn't make any sense!"

As Duncan kept trying to feel up his girlfriend, who would unfortunately jolt the RV around when trying to avoid his playful grasp, the others felt like they were more or less on a roller coaster with unpredictable turns.

"Hey, what the hell," Valerie shouted, peeking out of the shower. "Are you trying to kill me in here? I feel like I'm gripping the handlebars for life here!"

"Duncan keeps bothering me," Courtney whined.

"He's your boyfriend, tell him to paw you some other time, damn it!"

"Bah, you like it and you know it," Duncan teased his flustered girlfriend. Courtney looked a little miffed at this, but that might have been because he was taking an extra long look at Valerie, still soaked from the shower and wearing a towel.

* * *

**(RV Confessional Booth - She drives like crazy! Ooo-oo! Because of Duncan! Ooo-oo! She drives like crazy, RV's now a battering ram!)**

** Valerie** - *_still dressed in a towel and glistening wet_* "Hmm, maybe it's not the best thing to make Courtney jealous of me by capturing her boyfriend's attention… especially since he's not in the game anymore. Still, hard to resist that bad boy appeal, and having an ally on the outside might be useful in the long run."

**Bridgette** - *_sardonically_* "Okay, I don't get it. I'm just going to say it. What does Courtney see in Duncan? Seriously, what? I'm glad he got voted off so soon, I would have snapped at him if he continued to bother Court like that."

**Duncan** - "Yeah, I know that surfer girl has it in for me. Big deal, guys never get along with their girlfriends' friends; true fact, guys, remember that. Why can't Courtney have hot friends I can get along with, like that Valerie chick?"

* * *

When Team 5 stopped at a gas station for more supplies, Courtney was setting a new record for slapping her boyfriend's hands, and none of them over trying to grope her. She was determined to prevent him from shoplifting, though he seemed to try harder to the more she stopped him.

"We might be disqualified if one of our teammates gets arrested," she tried to argue with him. "Just stop it already! Why would you want to risk that for something at a gas station, of all places?" "Want me to steal you some diamonds then, princess?"

"How many times do I have to tell you…"

As the lovely couple argued more, Bridgette and Eva were doing some more progressive shopping. The fitness buff found some of the surfer gal's favorite snack, and handed them to her friend. As they continued, both tried to ignore the love birds' antics, but it wasn't easy.

"You know," Bridgette grumbled, "I think I will take up wrestling from you, just so I can pin Duncan down."

"Glad to hear that," Eva said. "And hey, maybe that way you can get your boyfriend to explain why he's avoiding you."

Bridgette winced at this, and sadly glanced away. Eva, who had very little experience apologizing (most of her apologies were to the previously referenced beings with shoulder dislocations thanks to her), didn't quite know what to say. A few months back, she never would have imagined her saying the words, "I'm sorry, that was uncalled for," out loud, but that's what one happens when they are friends with Bridgette.

"It's okay," Bridgette replied. "I mean, it wasn't that bad, I just… still don't know what is wrong. I might actually agree with you, it's that frustrating."

"Want to talk about something else?"

"… Um, well, maybe," the surfer gal grinned at her friend, "just maybe, you want to practice wrestling for if Cody picks you?"

For one of the very few times in her life, Eva blushed. Noah noticed this, and immediately hurried over to the electronics section of the gas station's shopping area to find a camera.

"You really think he'll pick me?" Eva asked.

"I think you have much just as much chance as Cody, Eva."

"I wish I had your confidence. Feh, listen to me, not confident. This show has warped me."

"Oh, it's a good warping," Bridgette assured her friend and hugged her. They both were startled by the click of a camera, but couldn't find the source.

Noah hid behind the register, desperate to evade detection, as the cashier glanced at him. Shrugging and dismissing it as not the oddest thing on her shift, the employee continued to play her phone game involving an ancient Japanese stealth assassin attempting to eviscerate juicy, culinary edibles with his slender blade.

"A bit unusual for one of the cast members," she noted aloud to the hiding Noah, "to be playing paparazzi."

"Yeah, you laugh now, but that crazy Sierra chick pays fifty bucks for good photos for her blog, and I plan on having a healthy bank account for college, sister."

"Don't you plan on winning the show?"

"Chris hates me, I think I've assuredly lost."

"That's a shame. Want anything while you're down there? Kneepads?"

"Har har, funny girl. You should be a stand-up comedian rather than an attendant here."

"You're not the only one who needs money for college, buddy."

* * *

**(RV Confessional Booth - Fifty bucks? Seriously, Sierra? How'd you get so loaded?)**

**Noah** - *_checking his new camera, then glancing at the recording one in the booth_* "Okay, yeah, I know it seems hypocritical, but being a reality star on a show when you're not winning the prize money isn't exactly lucrative. And I have games to pay for, people. Sometimes, pride needs to be swallowed, and I have experience with that in this show."

**Courtney** - "Duncan's being really… physical with me these days. I think he feels more daring because he's sneaking on the show. Even though, yeah, he was invited on this one… think that makes him want to be more frisky. What _am_ I going to do with him? It'll damage my future career if all people remember me for on this show is how much I let him grope me?"

**Eva** - "Watching Duncan grope Courtney makes me wonder what Cody will be like if he does somehow choose me. Then again, I think he knows pretty well that I won't tolerate that. … Much. Is groping me a way of appreciating my muscles and form, or just bad?"

**Noah** - *_writing something on the wall, then glances at the camera_* "Okay, yeah, now I'm just being a jerk here… but I don't care, I'm feeling rebellious."

**Courtney** - *_reading the wall_* "Duncan Hearts Courtney's B… DUNCAN!"

*_She storms out of the booth, following Duncan insisting he didn't write that!_*

* * *

**(Day 2 of the RV Race, Night Time)**

The second day of the race didn't end as smoothly for the teams as the first one did, for the most part. Only Team 1 was fine, camping outside again. Dawn led a small meditation circle, and Sakaki watched with shy jealousy as Sebastian took part.

Team 5, already tense, ended up going horribly off-track when Duncan refused to believe the GPS. Noah, the only other male on the team, implored that he didn't have to out-macho a machine, but the punk had his suspicions that the cynic had written that booth message. Thus, the team became lost, painfully restless, and into day three before they found a place to stay.

Team 6 also became lost, but mostly because Chico had taken the GPS and played with it, thinking it was a really obscure version of Angry Birds. He was pelting Ontario with New York City when the others managed to retrieve it.

Teams 2 and 3 had tried to do overnight driving, but this turned out to be much more difficult than they had anticipated. They had to throw in the towel and manage their way to a hotel each.

Team 4 had their problems, but mostly because the group was full of people who wanted to take the lead and make the calls. Only Ezekiel and Sadie were not interested, and had to wait for the former's girlfriend, the latter's love interest, the spiky-haired loner, and the two-faced eel to make a call on the destination.

On one of the multiple stops the stressed group made, Alejandro had managed some alone time with Heather. The queen bee hated to admit it, but even when scratched, bruised, and wearing bandages and a sling, the manipulative Latino still managed to look handsome.

"_How's he do that?_" she bitterly thought as she watched him approach. "_Seriously, I don't know any human being who manages to still look hot when so banged up._"

"Chica," he said when he walked up to her, "I must say, you don't seem to be too repelled by me." "Mostly because I know you're a snake with no fangs," she curtly replied. "Everyone knows you for who you are."

"Sounds similar to how you are," he responded, smirking. That devilish smile of his was eerily charming to her, though the shivers it sent up her spine were half arousal, half disgusted; that wasn't a good pair.

"After all," he continued, "everyone knew who you were at the beginning of season two, and now they know you for what you are: Ezekiel's simpering pet."

"You're asking for another knee to your balls, pal."

"You know it's true, chica. You loathe this lifestyle, I am more your type. Just let yourself sit on that, chica, and realize how passive you have become; you're not even leading this group."

Heather snarled at him, but said nothing. He left her to stew over this, smirking to himself.

* * *

**(RV Confessional Booth - Snake, eel… not very flattering comparisons for Al, eh?)**

** Heather** - *_frowning_* "Look, I'm happy where I am now, I truly am! Yes, there are certain… aspects of my former life I miss. But why would I want to go back to that? I'm happier now… I am!"

**Alejandro** - *_snickering as he curls the fingers on his non-injured hand_* "Okay, so I failed with Bridgette, but that was because I was cheated. I think I'll aim for the grand prize here, and that's the girl that everyone is slowly believing to be reformed.

"If I work my magic on her, I just might get in standing with Chris. Time to work my magic, this time uninterrupted."

* * *

**(Day 3 of the RV Race.)**

**(Team 6 - Izzy, DJ, Crystal, Colin, Cody, Clive, and GPS-snatching Chico.)**

"luk, i am de sorriez i use GeePeeEs as mah play toy, but dose i really 2 b monitored?" Chico asked, as Crystal held him in her in lap, stroking him behind the ears. He purred before adding, "i iz gud raccoon, i can has ear scratchinz!"

"Yes, you are a good boy, but we just want to make sure," Cody assured him. "Though I gotta admit, first time I ever saw a high score on a GPS."

"pheer mah leet skillz!"

Colin rolled his eyes, kicking his feet up on the dashboard in the passenger seat. "We almost there, big guy? I'm getting cramped, and this RV is starting to smell like raccoon."

"Almost," DJ said, watching the GPS for their next destination, a gas station. All of them were a little hesitant, as attendants had been rather hit or miss, and they were running a bit low on money on their card.

The main reason for this was Izzy. Realizing very soon into the race that the crazy redhead would get stir crazy within minutes of being cooped up in an RV, they had to find a distraction for her. The solution was an expensive one suggested by Colin, which was several seasons of the show 24.

The bully had mostly suggested it so that he could have the DVDs when they were done, but it was now obvious Izzy wasn't going to part with them. And in the forty-eight hours of watching 24, she had been rather calm all things considered.

When the team reached the gas station, Colin volunteered to stay with the RV for the time being. He had planned on stealing it for a joy ride, but thought better with DJ also nearby; he knew the big guy was a chicken, but not so much when dealing with something he could actually handle.

"Where's Izzy?" Colin asked out of sheer curiosity. "She here with us?"

"She went in the gas station with Cody and Clive," Crystal replied to Colin, continuing to stroke Chico's furry head. (And is it just me, or are too many of these characters' names starting with C?)

"Whoa, wait, seriously?" the bully actually seemed worried, mostly because he was. "You let Izzy outside?" "She's not a dog, man," DJ muttered.

"With the amount of times I've seen her scratch behind her ears with her leg, I wouldn't scratch that off my suspicions." COlin snickered at the thought of referring to a girl as a dog before he let his worry return. "Look, guys, she's been watching 24 for quite some time now, and you're letting her go into a gas station?"

"I don't watch the show, but I'm fairly certain," Crystal commented, "Jack Bauer doesn't locate nuclear bombs and such at gas stations."

"Yeah, but he fights lunatic fanatics, and what has every gas station attendant been with us so far?" DJ and Crystal thought for a moment, then their eyes widened in horror.

* * *

"WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!"

Izzy was standing on the cashier counter, gripping the employee's lapels, and shaking them rather aggressively. Cody and Clive were trying to make themselves scarce, really not wanting to get in the middle of this.

"Err, my manager's name is Joe…"

"That's the wrong answer, mister! I know that the terrorists aren't working for Joe! You want to make this difficult for yourself, buddy?"

"Not especially…"

Izzy banged the cash register, opening it up and fishing out some of the money. "You got about five rolls of coins here. You want to see how many of them I can make you involuntarily swallow?"

"N-no!"

"That's right, you don't wanna know how many coins I'll make you swallow! There will be no change in sight when I'm done! Buahaha! That was a good one! But seriously, WHO DO YOU WORK FOR?!"

This carried on until DJ came in to stop her, restraining Izzy as best as he could; the gas station attendant nervously put the rolls of coins back in the register, then asked, "So, you need regular or leaded, by the way?"

Crystal and Colin made their way in, the former to find her friends, the latter to see if any violence was taking place. The British romantic checked up on Clive first, ensuring the emo wasn't too shaken by Izzy's anti-terrorist fit.

"The duck that's been hanging around us has been like this, carrying around bigger weapons than Izzy," Clive mentioned. "I think-"

He stopped when he saw Izzy pulling an RPG-7 out from her cleavage… somehow… and yelling about taking the whole damn place down if she didn't get the information she wanted NOW, DAMN IT!

"Forget that," Clive corrected himself, choosing to hike outside and spend the rest of their time in the RV. Crystal nervously approached Cody, and assured the equally freaked geek that Izzy was not actually going to blow the gas station up.

"Well, if it's all the same with you, I'm gonna go in the back and see what else they have," he said with a nervous giggle. "This is a big place, and they might have something I like… away from the blast radius."

"Going to get a present for the girl you choose to be your girlfriend?" Crystal cooed, giggling and batting her eyes. "Aw, how sweet, you should do that!"

Cody laughed nervously as he head to the back part of the gas station, all the while Colin watching with venomous eyes.

* * *

**(RV Confessional Booth - Joe the Manager sounds like a reasonable figure to work for.)**

** Colin** - "I'm getting more and more sick of Cody getting all this precious attention! Seriously, it's enough to make my stomach churn, because there is nothing likable about that twerp. I swear, this keeps up, I might not be able to keep my patience…"

**Izzy** - "Okay, okay, maybe I overreacted with the gas station attendant, but can you blame me? He was super suspicious! But then again, after watching a spy show for several days, everyone looks extremely suspicious! Except for the talking duck that let me borrow an RPG-7, or the pony that's been following the RV for a day now."

**Dawn** - "It would appear that a blessed creature of the world has been following Team 6. It must be drawn to their auras, there is something about all of them… one of them bad, some of them very good~! Maybe it is drawn to its fellow animal, maybe-"

*_knocking on the door_* **Clive** - "Dawn? What are you doing in our RV? Aren't you on Team 1?"

**Dawn** - "Forgive me, Clive, but we stopped at this gas station too, and I prefer yours to ours~; Mandy has taken to carving ritualistic markings of the Old Gods in our booth, and that is most unsettling for my senses."

**Chico the Raccoon** - *_playing with the GPS again_* "okies, i has u now, egg-steelin peeg! haha, got ya! cmon dat iz totally wurth three starz!"

* * *

DJ and Izzy were outside now, the former trying to calm the latter down. Dawn followed after them, humming a pleasant little song to herself that somehow lured butterflies around her.

"Don't you think that's kind of terroristic like?" Izzy whispered to DJ, "with her able to have butterflies hover around her?"

"Izzy girl, that's the last thing I think of when I think of terrorists!"

"That's what makes it so suspicious… buffing flutter flies! Terroristic insects, probably have suicide packs strapped to their antenna!"

DJ simply rolled his eyes as she ranted on. He almost missed the rustling in the bushes nearby them, but the thought of a scary animal made him freeze. Dawn approached them from behind, still humming peacefully.

"It seems your friendly stalker has decided to show herself~," the moon child said, a smile on her face. "You should prepare yourself."

As the little creature jumped from the bushes, DJ did prepare himself in the way he was most used to: jumping in the air while shrieking in fear. Izzy managed to catch him, and held him up in her arms as she glanced down at the creature.

It was a little pony, about roughly the size of Chico the Raccoon. With big, curious eyes, it stared up at the three humans, tilting its head to the side and batting its rather lengthy lashes (for a pony, that is). It had a blue-green coat and a reddish-blond mane, which fluttered in the light breeze.

"Really?" Izzy chastised DJ, who was still shivering in her arms. "You freaked over that little thing?"

"Hello, blessed creature of the world~," Dawn cooed as she approached the little pony. "My, you've kept yourself in good shape while keeping up with this group~! How are you?"

She pat the creature's hat, as it grinned blissfully at her. Dawn almost hurt herself on the horn that was practically hidden around its poofy mane, but managed to avoid injury. The pony squeaked in delight at being touched affectionately.

"Aw, what a little cutie," DJ asked as he climbed out of Izzy's arms, approaching the new creature. "What's your name, pal?" "It's a pony, it doesn't talk," Izzy snapped.

"Half the animals I've seen these days do," the gentle giant pointed out to her. He too pet the small pony, asking for its name.

In response, the pony pulled out a horn from seemingly nowhere, and let out a loud "HONK!" in response to the question.

"Your name is Honk?" DJ asked.

"HORNK," said the pony's horn negatively.

"Guessing by horn sounds is going to take a while, dear creature~," Dawn said.

"BLONK!"

"True, but sometimes life doesn't need guessing games to be enjoyable, my little pony~!"

"Honk-honk!"

Izzy rolled her eyes. "C'mon, I am a crime-fighting super agent with the agility that rivals superheroes, I am not risking my reputation just because this thing has ridiculously adorable eyes."

"Honk?"

"Yes, I think yellow is an under-appreciated tint for eyes, but that's not important right now!"

"Hey guys," Colin said as he approached them, "we're going to be leaving soon, as soon as what's-her-name finished paying for gas!" "Seriously?" Izzy growled at him. "You harass her every day, and you don't recall her name?"

"Psycho girl, the only part of that sentence I could understand was 'her ass'. Now then-"

He stopped when he saw the blue-green pony staring up at them, waving its hoof excitedly. The bully said something that rhymed very well with, "Lore bucking ridding glee."

"Meet our new friend," DJ said cheerfully.

"*_Bad word indeed_* no, we're not bringing around that girly thing, that somehow has a tattoo of a harp on its ass, with us!" Colin exclaimed. He leaned in at the pony, and snarled, "What do you have to say about that?"

The harp-flanked pony, in response without ever losing her grin, pulled a long cane with a horn at the end and pointed the funnel end in Colin's face. A loud, "BLONK!" followed, and the bully looked like he had just stood in a very powerful wind tunnel. He wandered off, dazed and deafened, asking for the name of the hurricane that had hit him.

"We'll keep her," Izzy cheered, embracing the blue-green unicorn. "Hee hee, you gotta hook me up with that horn cane, new little buddy!"

"You already have an RPG-7~," Dawn pointed out. "Do you really need more weapons?"

"Hey girls, as much as I love animals and such," DJ mused, "shouldn't we be a little concerned about how Chico is going to react when there's a new animal on board?"

"lolz, cud u all halp mae?" Chico the Raccoon said as he waddled up to the group. "i iz havin troubells wid dis levul, nut abul 2 git three stars, an…"

He stopped when he saw the pony standing with his human friends, dropped the GPS, and squealed in joy. "NEW FREND, LOL LOL LOL!"

"HONKS!"

The pony and raccoon leapt at each other, playfully rolling around and wrestling. As the humans watched Chico scratch the newcomer's hindquarters, making her kick her hoof excitedly, Dawn giggled.

"It appears that Harpo has joined her brothers~!"

* * *

**(RV Confessional Booth - Keep your Marxist ways, it's only just a phase!)**

** Colin** - *_trying to get his spiky hair back to normal_* "Stupid pony, stupid raccoon, stupid redheaded RPG-7 carrying hose-beast, stupid blond nature chick, stupid everything! This trip is seriously pissing me off!"

**Dawn** - "My work here is done~!"

*_knocking on the door_* **Clive** - "Dawn, I think your team left without you!"

**Dawn** - "It's okay, I saw in my tea leaves that we'll stop at the next place you all do, and they can pick me up then~."

**Izzy** - "Just goes to show you, you can always like something, despite the demography setting placed upon by the usual trend-setters! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to clean my rocket launcher."

…

**Chico the Raccoon** - "i can has new frend! yayz! best day eva!"

**Harpo the Pony** - *_Honk! Honk hornk honk hink honk!_*

**Chico**- "yah, dese confesshunals r silly, but we roll wid it fur de humans"

**Harpo** - *_Honk honk?_*

**Chico** - "yah, humans r funny, dey hav weeurd taystes!"

* * *

**(Day 3 of the RV Race.)**

**(Maclean Stadium, Stage Center.)**

"I FINALLY GOT A PONY! This is the greatest day of my life!"

"Oh shut up, Chef," Chris grumbled. "I don't want a pony on this show, this is a masculine show with die-hard challenges and rip-roaring danger!"

"Mr. Maclean?" Billy said, poking the host's shoulder. "Your bubble bath is ready, and we made sure that there's exactly three rubber duckies."

"Quiet you, get off the stage!"

As the host shooed away the intern, Chef cleared the tears from his eyes, while Groucho the Duck pat his shoulder. "There you go, dreams from your childhood have come to fruition. And you know what? You're crying like a five year old girl too, how fitting."

"Say whatever you want, you cherry or orange sauce covered meal, but you cannot take this wonderful moment away from me."

"You think you're happy? I apparently have a sister now. Wonder how good she is with weapons."

"She's a unicorn, she might know magic."

Groucho scratched the underside of his bill with his wingtip. "That could be handy for levitating artillery. Might be calling her my lethal pony!"

"Duck, do not ruin my childhood."

"How can I, it was already scarred horribly, judging by your encyclopedia-sized amount of issues."

As Chef continued to blubber happily, Chris went back out onto the stage, addressing the audience. "Well, three and a half days in, we're half done with this awesome challenge, everyone!"

The crowd roared with enthusiasm, and he continued. "So you may be asking yourselves…"

"**Just what else is going to happen on this crazy RV ride with our contestants?**

"**Who else can we get to perform at our stadium to rock the side details?**

"**And seriously, does anyone know who the Marx Brothers are? No fair looking up on Wikipedia!**

"These answers have a seventy-five percent chance of being answered when we come back to TOTAL! DRAMA! BATTLEGROUNDS!"

The crowd bellowed its gusto and excitement, and Chris drank it all in. That is, until a large cinnamon bun hit him in the face, the sticky sugar dripping down his handsome features.

"Boo, you're not funny," screamed a pink-haired member of the audience. "Go back to Sexy Eyebrows!"

"You little punk…"

"And what's the deal with no cupcakes being served in the stadium? I find your lack of pastries disturbing!"

* * *

…

…

…

**Team 1** - Alfred, Tyler, Sebastian, Mandy, Sakaki, Dawn.

**Team 2** - Lindsay, Anita, Geoff, Gwen, Belinda, Sierra.

**Team 3** - Harold, Rodney, Leshawna, Yoshi, Xander, Beth.

**Team 4** - Arthur, Ezekiel, Sadie, Heather, Zachary, Alejandro.

**Team 5** - Courtney, Noah, Eva, Valerie, Bridgette, Duncan.

**Team 6** - Colin, Izzy, DJ, Cody, Crystal, Clive, Chico, Harpo.

* * *

** Janitor's Closet Decorations to Date** - Firework scorches on the walls, floor, and the ceiling. Chico's paw-made bed lies in the corner. A Fame Town CD, broken and burnt, is perched on the shelf. A poster for the band Sex Eyebrows, signed by the members of the band, is proudly displayed on the wall.

* * *

**Next Up** - *_Honk hornk honkity honk HONK! Honk? Honks!_*

Oh, and um, the conclusion to the RV Race. And! The very fate of TDBG… rests in _your_ hands! Or hooves, or wings, or paws, or whatever.


End file.
